#but like IT MADE ME LAUGH BC EX FULLY SAID NOTHING THE ENTIRE DAY ABOUT IT

[la-cocotte-de-paris]

Still laughing at the time I met up with my now-ex and she refused to compliment how I looked meanwhile random New Yorkers were coming up to me telling me how amazing and fabulous I looked

[jeongvision]

unconditional love

synopsis. if you were to ask yourself, ‘when did you realize that you were in love with lee jeno?’, you wouldn’t know how to respond. in fact, there was never a moment where you weren’t in love with him. but what happens when he asks you the same question? you might have to take a rain check, literally.

pairing. best friend! lee jeno ✗ fem! reader

genre. fluff, humor, childhood friends au, friends to lovers au

word count. 1.6k

warnings. none! but highkey though this made me fall in love with jeno :(

song. walking in the rain by chancellor & younha

author’s note. happy birthday @sehunniepotwrites​!​ not sure if this is fluffy enough for you but hope you enjoy this lil blurb! cheers to another one of your milestones and many more in life!

ps. there are two lines in this fic that are from a poem written by e.e. cummings! not going to say which ones or the title of the poem bc it might spoil future plans i have oop

You were one of the few fortunate people on the planet to still be friends with someone from your childhood. To have so many worthwhile memories shared with someone must be cherished at all cost. And many times were you afraid that Jeno might get tired of being friends with you, but being the ethereal person he is, he casted all your worries away and assured you that he had no plans on leaving you any time soon.

And perhaps somewhere down the line, the love you had for him went far beyond what people would label as ‘friendship,’ and dared enough to say, you were in love with him. If a stranger were to describe how you looked whenever you were with him, many would describe you to be enamored.

And if you happened to be enamored for your childhood friend, then so be it.

You fear no fate, for he is your fate, your sweet.

“Can I ask you something, y/n?”

Currently, you two are sat outside of a café near your home: 7 Dreams. It was a beautiful day out, the sun warming the air around you, flutters of clouds scattered throughout the blue sky. You expressed your desires to Jeno earlier that you wanted to sit out on the tables they placed outside their shop. It has been a little chilly from the past few days with occasional rain showers here and there, and you want nothing more than to relish in the warm weather after days of being forced into the solitude of your home.

“Sure. What is it?”

But before you could take a sip of your green tea latte, you’re thrown off by his question.

“When did you first fall in love with me?”

Your fingers stilled at the ceramic handle of your mug. You didn’t know what brought that question to the latter’s mind. Granted, you two have had your fair shares of flirtations and courtship, but never acted beyond past it. It was all done with jest, as you two would put it. You could easily lie to him, saying that you only saw him as a friend, but never to yourself; your heart betrays you with palpitations and inclinations for your best friend from just the mere thought of him.

You forced a stoic expression on your face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He huffs out a breath from your response.

“Y/n, there’s no point in trying to hide it. I’ve known you for almost my whole life, so I know when you’re lying to me. The look you give me is different from how you looked at Johnny when you two were together.”

A snort escapes from your lips.

“And what does my ex have to do with this?” You could see a teasing grin poke through his demeanor, prompting an eye roll from you.

“So you admit that you do look at me differently then.”

“No, Jeno, I am not admitting to anything. And even if I did look at you differently, how would you know if I was in love with you?”

“Because you would’ve denied it by now. And right now, you’re just stepping around the question.”

You squint your eyes a little, to which Jeno does the same back.

“Oh, so I’m the bad guy now? How about when I asked you for the name of the person you liked a couple years back?”

And so, his eyebrows rise a little at your bold question, head tilted a little to the side.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he counters.

You couldn’t help but let out an incredulous laugh, your head shaking from disbelief.

“Oh, don’t fake naivety, Jeno. Senior prom, when we were each other’s date because you ‘didn’t receive any prom-posals from anyone’, when I knew fully well that you received many of them from both guys AND girls. You just denied them all.”

You could clearly play the memory out in the back of your head, a movie projector showcasing your youthful-self slow dancing with a bashful Jeno in the middle of the dance floor, your arms wrapped his neck and his hands on your waist. Both of your feet moved in sync with one another, eyes searching within the depths of each other’s soul, oblivious of the whispers and stares around you that spoke nothing short but envy for the sight that laid before them is one worth capturing.

“We were dancing to Hearts Don’t Break Around Here. You know, the one by Ed Sheeran?” you followed.

His smile grows fond at the memory of it.

“Oh, we’re in love, aren’t we?”

“Jeno!” You give a light slap on his forearm and he laughs at your response. “Now is not the time to start saying song lyrics!”

It’s a wonder how you managed to last this long from professing your feelings out to him. You two did almost everything together and experienced many firsts together. First road trip together, first beach date together - you even experienced your first pet purchase together. So what’s stopping you from confessing to him?

“Look, what I’m trying to say is that I have a feeling that you’re in love with me,” you said.

There’s a glint in his eyes filled with mirth.

“And how can you be so sure?”

“Because of the way you look at me?”

“And it’s the same way as how you look at me?”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure.”

“So you admit that you’re in love with me.”

Before you could continue on with your playful banter, you stopped yourself short. You take a moment to process his words in. Wait, did he just? Your words get caught in your throat. Did he just admit that he feels the same way towards me?

He notices your shock and uses this moment to his advantage to continue on, each word laced with certainty.

“If you’re saying that the way you look at me is the same as how I look at you, then that means that you are in love with me, because I don’t know how else to say that I am very much in love with you, y/n.”

Heat resonates all throughout your body. Your heart beats erratically and you’re at loss of words. Flustered you are, but who wouldn’t be? For years, you’ve pinned after your best friend, hoping for the day to come where he reciprocates your feelings. You had an inkling that he had some sort of romantic feelings for you as he always seemed to reject everyone’s relationship proposal, justifying his reasoning to be that there’s already someone he likes.

“Who is it?”

“An angel.”

“What’s their name?”

“Something pretty.”

“Jeno.”

“Y/n.”

And you just drop the conversation like that, frustrated by his vague answers. But nevertheless, you could never get tired of him. Something about him gravitates you towards him, the feelings you’ve harbored in secrecy burning brighter than ever whenever you’re by his side. He’s not perfect, but to you, he’s the best thing to appear in your life. From the crinkling of his eyes to the sweet smiles of his lips to the red tint of his neck and ears.

You want no world, for he is your entire world, your true.

“Look, it’s raining.”

Breaking out of your reverie, you look up to Jeno to see him peering out on the streets. You follow suit to see raindrops falling onto the pavement. It slowly gains momentum, growing heavier and louder with each passing second. Fortunately, you two are shielded from the rain with the veranda attached to the cafe. The sun peaks through the crevices of the clouds, still lighting the world around you with a subtle rainbow blossoming up into the spring sky.

You hear Jeno let out a laugh, bringing your attention back to him. There’s a wistful smile on his face when he asks you, “Remember when we were little, we would always run out in the rain on the concrete and just jump around? Pretend that we were in some kind of movie?”

You mirror his expression, your mind replaying a distant memory you shared with him.

“Our parents would always yell at us for that, saying we’ll get sick if we don’t stop.”

Your gaze trails back out onto the pavements. Then, you felt an itch in your fingers, an itch in your feet. Not literally, but you have this sudden urge to move. To dance. To celebrate. To relive those moments once more.

It’s almost as if the stars were aligned at that moment and heard your wishes, because you see Jeno get up from his seat and take a step forward and immerse himself out into the rain. His entire figure instantly gets drenched from the falling raindrops, not caring for a single second that he might catch a cold from his actions. Before you could call out to him, he looks back at you with a grin, and perhaps it might be your most favorite accessory he wears on himself.

He offers his hand out to you.

“May I have this dance, ma chérie?”

You’re taken back to the same distant memory again. Every single time, without fail, young Jeno would always ask for your hand to dance with him under the rain, to which you would always oblige with, “Well, of course mon cher.” But this time, you decide to switch it up a little.

You stand up from your seat and step closer to your best friend, a push away from falling victim to the rain with him. Your pupil flourishes with adoration for the man that stands before you.

“Only if you hold onto my hand, mon cher.”

He raises an eyebrow at your proposition. Amused he is, for there is a sliver of smirk adorned on his lips.

“Is that a threat, ma chérie?”

If Jeno were to ask you again when you first fell in love with him...

“It’s an invitation, mon cher.”

… you would say that you were always in love with him.

“If it’s like that, then I’d never let you go.”

[imaginedcreaderinsert]

Instead — Jason Todd x Reader (x Ex!Dick)

  SUMMARY: She talks about Dick Grayson like he is the sun, and she is the moon, starred-crossed lovers; her eyes light up whenever he is brought in a conversation, and she talks fondly of him (“Why? He broke your heart, dumbass” he asks one night, a little bit drunk on his couch. She is dancing all on her own, gorgeous like never before bathed by the moon. “Because I treasure him”, you answer, simplistic and yet raw, full of feeling). And if someone dares bad mouth him? She is the first one to stand up for him, say he is not like that, not like everyone thinks he is; she knows him better than anyone, and that no one can fight her about. They have history, and someone should make a study on them, because there’s chemistry whenever they go.     

   WORD COUNT: 3661.

  TW: Angsty with smut. I’m sorry ¿?¿?

  A/N: I tried writing something else, but this week has been particularly hard due to personal circumstances and this is all that came out. It started out as angst, and I was planning to take it to someplace even darker, but then the smut came along and-I’m a sucker for coming to love baby Jason. I don’t know if it should have a second part or not (maybe angst bc she goes back to dick or a fluffy and smutty one where they spend christmas together, idk). ENJOY!

 “You can come still.” Dick timidly almost adds, amidst the reigning silence of the living room.

           Everything has stopped moving. Jason was playfully sparring with Damian, Tim and you trying to help separate them in the chaos that was now the sofa. It was normal, familiar, a habit. But the moment the Thanksgiving lunch was mentioned, everyone stopped moving since it is the first year Dick and you are not together for the festivity. Everyone lowkey knew about it, but they tried to avoid it as much as possible. Specially the little birds, who you knew were fonder of you than they would ever admit. Not long before Dick and you had started going out, Jason and you became close (you were the two cynics, dark-humored and quick on the feet), so it was given that you were friends. The problem was now how to deal with your second favorite holiday of the year with the Wayne’s. The first always being Christmas, of course.

           “Oh, are you-are you sure?”. You are very confident, but this is something that you are very unsure about. Your voice trembles a bit at its end, but you cough like it’s because of the weather. It had always been special, since your family lived far from Gotham; you weren’t planning on visiting them, since they live across the ocean and the holiday wasn’t as popular in Europe.

           “You are part of this family, (Y/N); of course you can come.”

           “Good, because otherwise we were planning on moving lunch to hers.”  Jason interrupts, smirking almost, making Damian scoff, almost.

           “But she’s a mess in the kitchen!”

           “Well that’s what the catering service is for, you big-!“

           Everything goes back to how it was before, like nothing has happened; except that it totally doesn’t. Dick smiles, like everything is fine and that hurts you more than ever, because you know why he is okay with it, maybe as much as Jason. You getting back in the Manor had been a complicated task, but neither Jason nor Damian had given up, with simple excuses, white lies and “mandatory Netflix and chill sessions” (Jason, Tim and you had been laughing all evening when Damian had proposed so without actually knowing the meaning behind of it. He was so adorable with little things like that).  It’s not like you were still hurt because of the breakup, after all, it was quite mutual (even when it had terribly hurt once more, you were kind of hoping it anyways. This was the fourth time, after all). The thing was that there were one too many memories in the walls of Manor, as well as its rooms and dark corners. Sometimes, when you went alone to the guest bathroom, you could still feel his sneaky and cold hands in your waist, making you shriek – and his quick hand to your mouth, to shut you up, closing the door of the place as he trapped you against it.

           But what were you expecting really? This was the fourth time you had broken up. You had been at it since he confessed his real identity (the cause of your first breakup when he had not confided in you. With time, understanding came, and you tried again), and at this point, Jason, Tim and Damian just hoped it wouldn’t bring more “awkward” scenes like those whenever you saw each other at the Manor after the breakup. Dick tended to take refuge in Blüdhaven the first week, but then he always came back.

           And that always bothered Jason. It was like he wanted to see her, he needed to encounter her and still talk to her, as awkward as it could be. There was always probably there will always be, some kind of love in their eyes whenever they talked. And that he envied. (Y/N) had never looked at him like that, except with lust and with too many shots on.

           But this time it seemed different. (Y/N) seemed too uncomfortable and she could never quite look at him, which Jason didn’t understand. She had been so bold, so daring with him always; it as like he transformed into an entirely new person when he was with him. He hated it. Except this time, as well, he quickly understood why she was so sheepish: Barbara had entered the frame. He discovered it almost by accident, when you both were going for some drinks: you liked getting wasted in a famous bar in Gotham, maybe being hit up by different men, just as he was by different women. People used to think they were together until one of them started giving back attention to said person. Those were nights of whoring out, unless previously accorded that no one would leave the bar with someone else. Sometimes they liked having small chats in less frequented bars (Jason definitively did) and-and you had left the phone unlocked, staggering almost to the toilet. When he saw Dick’s last text, two weeks after you had broken up, he couldn’t resist: and yes, they had keep in contact, with shorter texts… Of course, to the exception of one. One fucking long one from Golden Boy himself explaining to her that he and Babs had given each other a go after some time… Followed by a sweet “I’m just giving her a chance. I still think of you at nights. Wanna call like yesterday?”.

           So of course, she feared the day, because that meant he was bringing Babs on. Between you and her honestly, he’d rather have you a thousand time more than her. She followed the rules too much and had little to no confidence in her own missions and action plans. She was too much of a follower and Jason resented her because of it: it was something personal, seeing as Timbers seemed to like her a bit more, given her ability to execute whatever actions were needed. But it wasn’t after all something he could decide on his own, and thus they were now both stuck with that knowledge.

           Dick had some girl problems of his own, but he had managed to keep them down for long enough. It was the first time, actually (that he knew of) that these both were going to encounter each other. And it was something Jason, personally, wasn’t looking forward to. He treasured his only ally in the house; since Roy and him had parted ways, (Y/N) had been the only one for him. And he had been trying really hard, seeing as he thought feelings would get in the way: but he has kind of come to accept that it’s never going to be that way with him.

           She talks about Dick Grayson like he is the sun, and she is the moon, starred-crossed lovers; her lights light up whenever he is brought in a conversation, and she talks fondly of him (“Why? He broke your heart, dumbass” he asks one night, a little bit drunk in his couch. She is dancing all on her own, gorgeous like never before bathed by the moon. “Because I treasure him”, you answer, simplistic and yet raw, full of feeling). And if someone dares bad mouth him? She is the first one to stand up for him, say he is not like that, not like everyone thinks he is; she knows him better than anyone, and that no one can fight her about. They have history, and someone should make a study on them, because there’s chemistry whenever they go. Everyone always thinks they are flirting, and they are just as surprised to find out that they are no longer together (Such a pity! They look so good, Jason once heard Kane murmur under her breath).

           But this time is different, she is left behind.

***

           “I mean, the worst is over.”

           “I know, just take me far, Jay. I want to go.” And nothing else needs to be said once lunch is done and everyone is settling down on the sofa. They are not staying, and they made so apparent by taking a red helmet; not for him, of course.

           Dick presses his lips into a fine line.

***

           “No, what I’m saying is…! What-What if I never find anyone like him, Jay? What if he IS the One?”

           “You know the concept of “The one” is just made up so that girls-“

           “Yes, Jason Peter Todd, I know very well the patriarchal concept of it, it’s just-! They look so good together. And Dick was so calm, they were so chill. They were not bothered, like it had been happening so long… I know Dick would never cheat, but we’ve never had that.”

           “Babs has always been really close to the family. Their breakup was horrible, that’s why you two never cross paths but before she used to spend Thanksgiving with us as well. Then she met someone else and-you know” He makes a simple motion with his hands, like all is said and done, but it’s not enough for her it seems. “I’m just saying that she was a wreck as well her first year, but we are family. Vigilante stuff and everything.”

           Yeah, the one thing she has always been kind of resentful about. Not because she wanted to be one, but because she never belonged to that interior and private group. Even Jason, as close as they were, kept her at an arms distance from details. He was not fully incorporated into the troupe, but he had been patrolling on their side for some time now. It made her really happy.

           “Yeah, yeah. It’s just that, and I know that you don’t believe in it, but what if Dick is the one for me but I’m not the one for him? You’ve seen me, I was… Wrecked the first time we broke up. And the second and third, hell. This last one I… I knew it was going to happen, eventually. I just didn’t know it would still hurt as much.” She clicks her tongue, both hands up quite quickly, like in a peace sign. “Okay, yeah, maybe not as much, but it definitively stung. And I know he hasn’t been with Barbara since before me but…”

           “Well-“

           There’s a silence, a beat. Jason’s heart drops. What is he doing? It’s like a babble, and he feels mean. He wants to hurt, he wants her to know. What good will it do now? Still, the words come out before she can mutter a thing, too in shock or maybe waiting for him to talk.

           “I mean, there was just THIS ONE time where I saw her early at dawn. I think it was your second time, I-“

           “Oh, fuck, I KNEW IT!”.

***

           “I’m sorry. I’m very sorry.” She mutters, drunk, maybe too drunk. Who gets drunk on Thanksgiving? They are both splayed on the floor of his apartment, instead of the carpet, mere inches from their bodies. But moving takes too much movement, and they are not going to do that. “I’m always talking about him, I must sound like a broken record, it’s just that it helps.”

           “What helps?”. He asks, sluggish.

           “You. You always help.”

           She turns around, lazy and with difficulty like a seal, until her cheeks are against the coldness of the apartment. He imitates her, looking at her closely, both faces separated just by centimeters.

           “You help me without hesitation. I know you, I see you, Jason Todd.” She confidently says, even when he can swear some of her words are gibberish after that. He thinks she might be listing the times he has helped. “… And most importantly, I love you. I love you a lot.”

           There’s silence in the apartment. They are not particularly fond of hugs or cute things; (Y/N) has had a childhood where she was not given much affection, and Jason as much as he loved her mother, can understand that. They are not used to caring, sweet or strong words like that. But he surprises himself as he says it back like it’s natural, and he repeats it. Again and again, like it’s a prayer, something that must be said. And she corresponds.

           They lock lips and he knows it’s over.

           Whatever thing they might have it’s over, because the only way this is ending is with a broken heart. He is not the one with good things, beautiful things that stay; he is not the golden boy or the understanding one (like Dick, with whom (Y/N) had a dream a couple of days ago. They were still together, happy). He is not the calm and logical, collected (like Tim, who he came to slowly understand, admire, as much resent as he had once for him. (Y/N) always goes for him for “practical” solutions). He is not like Damian in the least, particular and much more mature than he was at his age. So why would she choose him, if not by pity, being the closest one?

           Jason is twenty, and she is twenty-two. It is thrilling in a way, while he takes off her clothes with a regained force, almost desperation in her movements (what if she is sober again and stops moaning like that, offering him her neck like a female to mate?). He loves to unravel her, discover the timid place in her thighs which he almost has to open by force; he never quite imagined her shy, not in his wildest fantasies, but red is an adorable shade in her cheeks, and he only gets turned on by the slight resistance of her thighs, the way she is on her back, legs opened and trying to cover herself, her core. Her fingers are small, like everything else in her body, but they manage to hide his precious Eden from him, which he doesn’t appreciate.

           If it’s going to be a night followed by an awkward distancing, he is going to fucking get it.

           Pushing her legs back to her chest almost, slightly, trying to see resistance, her core gets discovered by the surprise, and he launches onto it like a hungry man: he laps, tongues it inside and discovering it. It is tight, drenched and slightly salty: he discovers to his own surprise that the more he seems to eat, the wetter it gets, until it’s absurd almost. She is covered in her own lubricant, and he is amazed by the taste, the wiggling, the moans and the pulsing of his own cock, strained in his pants.

           She is completely naked, and almost mewls for him to do the same, to which he teasingly obeys. He makes a slow striptease, and her hands are all over him, clearly making him know that he wants it as badly – he could cum alone from the sound she makes as his fingers open her, on fours on the floor with her legs as far as they can go so he has space to discover, touch.

           “Jay, Jason!”. She pants, almost too gone from that alone, his fingers rediscovering places he thinks she might not have reached before. Or even Dick. He is quite proud of that, seeing her state against the floor, moving her hips towards him and struggling almost to breathe. “Jason please! I’m so horny, I want you so bad!”

           Her forehead sticks to the ground, moaning against the floor: he thinks his neighbors will forgive him in due time. It’s been long since he brought someone else home, and thus, he can’t be as dedicated as he would like to. More so when her own lubricant is dripping from her thighs and her back arches perfectly against him. They fit, like a perfect puzzle, as he on his knees grabs her by the hips and presses his own hardness to her wet entrance. It almost slips inside at times, almost making her completely bent over. She needs something to grip onto, and after a couple of times giving up on the air and floor, Jason takes her by the neck, not leaving an inch between their bodies as he slides inside. And then she feels it and her arms, like flowers to the sun, wrap themselves around his neck.

           They kiss like they have been doing it for ten years, but they fuck with the desperation of a one-night stand, swearing and sweating together, body against body, and moaning each other names from time to time. Profanities, skin slapping sounds, wet drips – all that’s heard until one of them comes. They change positions and again they go, until one of them crumbles to the floor just so that they don’t have to force their own knees as much. She gets dragged onto his mattress, and they keep at it until they can’t anymore. There’s a blue glow in the city outside, and they are both panting, still slowly rutting against each other: he is inside her, too sensitive to move, almost keeping it warm. His hand slowly grabs her thigh, the fat on it, caressing it like it’s art. She kisses him slowly, tensing up as he gets out and lets it all spill onto the bed. They fall asleep like that, looking at each other’s eyes, like they are in love. But the night is done, and the first warm ray enters the room. It’s time to wake up.

***

           It doesn’t stop there. There are no rules, no limits. They are having breakfast and she is taken again against the cold marble counter, nipples hard and leaving her own underwear wet, uncomfortable. He fingers her until they can’t anymore, and they forget to eat, too much of a secondary task. She takes him in the shower, entering and against the wall, water covering both of them (It gets risky, but they are both very much into it, gasping and clenching on each other like they are the last people on Earth, they will vanish. She thinks she might as she cums with him inside, relentless and making her squirt. He has never been more turned on.)

           They say goodbye with a sweet kiss, like they are finishing it – but three days later, at the Manor, they silently fuck in the sofa, which is in direct view with the entrance if one is to open the door. They don’t close it at all and she cums three times (once laid on the floor as he drinks her, and another on top of him, completely nude and bracing him, looking the door directly, too nervous and too excited at the same time. The third is brutal, and is when they think they hear keys, too involved in their pleasure, too far gone from rationality. Like they want to be caught.) They promise each other that is it in public spaces, but then they fall right into it as they are having an improv dinner on the roof one of Gotham’s highest buildings. It’s exhilarating, and it’s been a guilty habit of hers since she discovered their identities. She loved tall buildings, looking down and feeling the adrenaline in the tips of her toes as she leans over the border (Jason has always been the one to let her go as far as she pleased. Dick always grabbed her by the waist). They fuck against one of the corners, lights underneath them alive, bright, just as his eyes as he looks at her. She feels safe in his arms. Nothing will happen.

           Until they do get caught by none other than Tim Drake himself.

           It really isn’t something big or scandalous, as naked as they feel they are (her in a satin pajama, him in some grey cotton sweatpants); they are just making out in another sofa, almost near the entrance, too lazy to go up the stairs; the angle is different, and instead of the entrance, it goes directly to the kitchen. The only thing on is the fire, and it’s almost romantic if not because of his hard-on and your obscene moans – that is until two blue eyes catch her. She has to cover her own mouth to stop herself from screaming.

           “F-!”. It’s the only thing that leaves her, his body instantly acting as a blanket from the world, pinning her against the sofa. If they were naked, that would have do it. “Fuck, fuck fuck!”. She repeats herself over and over in a low voice, as Jason looks over the sofa and locks eyes. You will never know what look Jason gives Drake, but it seems to scare him off.

           “I’m not going to say anything to anyone!”. She is too embarrassed to look over the sofa, but the way his voice trembles doesn’t escape her. “But fuck, you should tell Grayson. He’s not-oh, fuck, he’s not going to be happy. And please, please tell me you haven’t-haven’t-you know, the sofa-“

           “Just go, voyeur!”

           ***

           You should, you know you should but not talking about it with Jason and just murmuring into each other lips “I love you” works; it makes you happy, less anxious and relaxed like never before. You fuck, you have small dates and everything is simple with him. You laugh into his neck, and his big arms make you feel protected at night when he stays (he isn’t going on patrol as much, and that makes you incredibly happy). He is sweet and caring; you spent nights with your legs intertwined under the duvet reading different books, but reading out loud your favorite quotes, or something you find funny. You are drugged on the feeling of happiness he gives you, but are you really giving it back to him? Do you love him like he does? Because you know he does, when he looks at you with his gorgeous eyes, when he grows anxious in big crowds and immediately grips your hand like it’s home.

           You turn around in bed.

           “Hey Jaybird?”

           “Hm, what?”

           “I have to tell you something.”

[gaylotusthatexists]

For the Bad Things Bingo: damaged wing(s)? Either an Angel, Fallen Angel, or Demon AU (or a combination of you want) of Remus and Logan (or another ship if you don’t want to write them) where maybe Roman had something to do with Remus getting hurt and Logan helps him? Also mayhaps Remus has one of those “I don’t need your pity!” moments

fallen

fandom: sanders sides

pairing: intrulogical 

prompt: damaged wings

trigger warnings: sympathetic remus, unsympathetic roman, religion, blood, injuries, drowning, needles

word count: 2237

a/n: this is written for the @badthingshappenbingo! ngl i saw this request and immediately got excited so. yeah. this was a lot of fun for me thank you. anyway this was lowkey inspired by good omens bc that’s just what happens when I try to write about angels and demons apparently. hope y’all enjoy~

ao3

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

There had been a fight. Screaming. Shouting. He'd been pushed around and insulted and told that he was evil over and over and it made no sense, because he'd done nothing. Only dared to think a little differently, to question everything that they'd been told. What was wrong with questioning things? What was wrong with wanting more out of life? For wanting more for them?

Then there'd been blood. It was difficult to tell if it had been his own blood or his brother's, but it was there nonetheless. He didn't even know that angels could bleed. Sure, he'd seen the humans bleed, seen how they'd fight one another, hurt one another, kill one another, just because they dared to think differently. He supposed the same had happened to him. He should have just accepted things, like everyone else did. He shouldn't have tried to talk to his brother about it all.

And then there was the fall. That was perhaps the worst bit. Falling through the air, wind crashing against his cheeks, his heartbeat pounding in his ears, the pain he felt upon colliding with the ground, an intense shock sent through his entire body. He didn't even know that angels were capable of feeling pain - he'd certainly never felt pain before. Pain was supposed to be reserved for the humans.

And now every time he moved, he felt that pain again, like torture. He supposed this was torture. A punishment, for going against what was intended. He was on a rock, a sharp, hard, cold rock, and could hear the sound of the ocean near him, occasionally feel a splash of salt water land on his skin. That made the pain slightly more bearable - he certainly didn't get this back in Heaven, and it was... nice, in a way. Peaceful.

Until he tried to move again and that peace was immediately disturbed. He pushed himself up to his feet, at first stumbling and almost fall back down again until he regained his balance, leaning back against a cliff behind him. He breathed in and out, staring down into the ocean below. It... It was a lot less peaceful when he actually looked at it, saw the waves crashing against the rocks, threatening to pull him in.

He was pretty sure that he couldn't die - at least, not in the way that humans did - so falling into the ocean shouldn't have been so scary for him. But then again, earlier that day he thought it wasn't possible for him to feel pain, or be expelled from Heaven, yet here he was, all alone in Earth, nowhere to go.

At the very least, though, he figured he could try to get away from the water. It was unlikely that he would die, but... just in case, he wanted to get away. He spread out his wings, ignoring the jolt of pain up his back as he did so, and took off, a smile emerging across his face as he soared through the air, until-

Everything was dark, and quiet, and he couldn't breathe anymore - he hadn't breathed back there, but now he needed to breath apparently, and it wasn't working. His lungs ached, his wings felt heavy and useless, and no matter how hard he tried to move it wouldn't work.

Well. Maybe he could die in the ocean. He supposed he didn't have anything to lose, anyway.

But then he felt something grab him, pulling him away, just as he blacked out.

He woke up again on the shore, coughing and spluttering, the sand coarse against his skin. He sat up and glanced around, cringing again as he moved. There was... There was someone else on the beach now, a human, standing a little away from him. The human was also dripping wet, but didn't seem to care as much as the angel did - well, not exactly angel anymore, he wasn't entirely sure what he was anymore.

The human stared at him, curiously, and the not-quite-angel stared back, before deciding to ignore the human and continue attempting to get away from here. Perhaps flying over the ocean wasn't a good idea - he didn't particularly want to experience whatever that was again. Drowning, he guessed? Was that what drowning was? He suddenly felt terrible for all the times the angels had inflicted that upon humans, even if they were humans that had been deemed 'bad'.

But he only got a few metres into the sky before he came crashing down again, this time a slightly softer landing on the sand but still hurting like hell, considering he wasn't used to so much pain. He glanced back at his wings, beginning to think that maybe something was wrong, and his theories proved to be correct. His previously white wings had turned black, with green highlights here and there, and it probably didn't help that there was a massive tear right down the centre of his left wing. Upon seeing the tear, tears began forming in his eyes, as the pain and the suffering and the complete helplessness of his situation finally fully caught up.

He sat in the sand, head buried in his knees and arms wrapped around his legs, his wings curling in over his body. This was it, wasn't it? He was stuck here. He couldn't escape, he couldn't return back home, he couldn't even fly.

He felt someone standing behind him, and raised his head slightly, glancing through the hole in his wings. It was the human. Oh. He turned back to his sulking position, once again ignoring the humans presence.

"Um, sorry to interrupt your... uh, whatever this is," the human said, moving around him so he was now in front of him, "but I just wanted to check if you're okay? If you perhaps need of any help?"

The ex-angel looked up, glaring at the human in an attempt to scare him away, but it didn't work. Instead, the human sat down with him, his eyes will filled with curiosity.

"I'm Logan," the human said. "I, uh, don't know if that's any use for you, but I figured you may trust me a little more if you knew who I was."

Here he paused, as if he was expecting the ex-angel to offer up his own name, but the ex-angel refused to respond.

"Are these wings real?" Logan continued, reaching out a hand to touch the wings. The ex-angel jerked his wings back, and shuffled a little away from Logan, not wanting to hurt himself any further. "Sorry." Logan's hands landed in his lap. "I, uh..."

"Why are you talking to me?" the ex-angel snapped.

Logan blinked, but other than that didn't show any signs of alarm upon the ex-angels outburst. "I helped you out the water," he said, "and, well, I notice you're having a little trouble, so..."

"I'm not 'having a little trouble'." He wings fell to his side, now displaying his full body to Logan. His torn clothes, the cuts and bruises all over his skin, the sand sticking to his wet arms. "And, quite frankly, I don't particularly want you to be 'helping' me right now."

For a moment, Logan didn't reply, but it didn't seem like he was going to move. The ex-angel looked back down to the floor, silently praying that the human would just leave him alone. Ha, as if praying would do him any good. Everyone up there hated him now, they weren't gonna do anything. He was almost as pathetic as the humans, possibly even more pathetic.

"I'm really sorry, about whatever happened-"

"I don't need your pity," he spat, trying to stand up and move away but finding his legs incapable of moving. God, his entire body ached - his limbs felt heavy and refused to do their jobs.

Logan breathed in. "Well, at least let me help you fix your wings," he offered.

The ex-angel glanced up at Logan, frowning a little. The human still wasn't leaving. He seemed determined to help him. And that didn't make much sense. The human would get nothing out of it, apart from maybe secure himself a place in Hell for fraternising with... a demon. Is that what he was now? He definitely wasn't an angel anymore, so...

Logan seemed to take his silence as permission to fix his wings, and the demon didn't protest. He felt the human's hand stroking his feathers, sending a chill up his spine - an unfamiliar chill, one that he'd never experienced or even wanted to experience before, but certainly not an unwelcome one. The demon was shaking, against his own will, but couldn't seem to get himself to stop. It didn't seem to faze the human, either.

Logan hummed. "Stay here," he said, before standing up and running away from the beach. Oh, great, his help had left him. So much for that. The demon desperately wanted the human to touch him again, he wanted to feel that... nice pain, in his heart. But it seemed like the human had abandoned him too. He supposed that is what he had wanted.

He looked out across the ocean, watching the sunset over the horizon, reds and oranges reflecting on the water. He glanced up, watching the clouds pass by in the sky above. He imagined that everyone who used to be his friend was watching him now, laughing at him, condemning him. A part of him told himself that he deserved it, but...

Logan came back. The demon frowned. That... He hadn't been expecting that.

The demon breathed in and out as Logan got to work on his wings, flinching a little whenever Logan stuck a needle into his wing but figuring that, over the past few hours, he'd felt much greater pain than that. He tried his very best not to shake, to make it a little easier for Logan, but couldn't help himself. Logan didn't seem to care much.

"I'm Remus," the demon found himself saying. He didn't know why he suddenly felt like opening up to Logan, but... Logan was helping him, so he couldn't be bad, right?

"Remus," Logan muttered, under his breath. "And, what, you just fell from the sky?"

"Yeah, basically," Remus said, relaxing a little. The sunset was calming, and the feel of Logan's fingers over Remus' wings was soothing, and for a moment Remus thought that maybe this was better than Heaven. Up there, it was only really his brother who had truly cared for him, for everyone else he was just a pawn to be played with in their sick little game. Now, even his brother hated him, and since he refused to play God's game the other angels had no use for him. So he was cast away. Banished. Abandoned.

"That sounds awful," Logan said. Oh. Remus hadn't realised that he'd been saying all of that out loud.

"It's my brother who did this," Remus said. "We were fighting and God intervened and threw me out."

Logan hummed. "Did He not throw your brother out, too?"

Remus scoffed. "Roman can do no wrong. He's... a higher rank than me, anyway. And he'll play God's game. I... I was in the wrong, not him."

"It seems to me like they're all missing out," Logan mused. "There's nothing wrong with change."

"That's what I tried to tell them! I thought that maybe we'd be able to make the world a better place, but... they won't listen."

Logan snipped off the thread and stepped back. Remus lifted his hand up to his wing, where there had previously been a hole, and found a piece of fabric holding it together. Oh. Logan had... fixed it. He lifted his wings, then stood up, ignoring the ache in his bones as he flapped his wings again. For a few minutes, he hovered in the air, grinning before he landed again, gently.

"Thank you," he breathed, smiling at Logan.

Logan nodded. "It's no problem, really. Where will you be heading now?"

Remus' face fell. "I... hadn't thought of that." He didn't really have anywhere to go. Heaven wouldn't want him back, and he supposed that the next option would be Hell, but... he didn't particularly want to go there, either. Switching teams wouldn't mean that he could stop playing the game.

Logan considered him for a moment, looking him up and down, before holding out a hand. "Come with me."

Remus frowned. "I..."

"You can stay with me, as long as you need," Logan offered. "I, uh, don't have much, but it might be nice to have some company. And maybe I can help you figure out your next move."

"You... do realise that I'm a demon, right?" Remus checked.

Logan shrugged. "Being a demon doesn't necessarily mean that you're evil."

Remus blinked. "Uh. That's. Kind of the definition of a demon, actually."

"Honestly, it sounds to me as though it's the angels who are the evil ones," Logan said. "You just strived to make a difference. I respect you, for that."

Huh. No one had ever... respected him, before. He'd always just been in the background, a tool for other people's gain, most of the angels had hated him even before he went off.

Remus took Logan's hand and followed him home. Maybe he could make a new life here. Not as an angel, not as a demon, but as a human.

[khaotungsfirst]

Yeah I agree, the storylines Amy and Rory got weren't great. But honestly, I think the cast helped bring life to the characters which is why I like them so much anyway 😊 And yes to Martha! She's so awesome, I actually rewatched her seasons a few months back and found I loved them more than I remembered? I don't really watch current DW now (fell off following it not long after the 50th), but I still like revising the old episodes from time to time. They make me smile 😊 - CC 🦊

We'll find some way to watch tgcf, worry not! If the Funimation route doesn't work I'll see if I can ask around and find something else. I'm so used to looking to sites like Crunchyroll when it comes to non-western animation that I forget the site doesn't list a lot of stuff that isn't just anime 😂CC reveal is in a few days so I'll send you the Funi link for the first episode then and you can see if it works for you too 😊- CC 🦊

Aww, I'm glad you had a good Christmas though ❤️ Where I live decorations aren't too overboard either. A lot of people either put lights outside or on outdoor trees, and a few houses might do a window display. I have seen some videos on YouTube this year though of streets that are purposely decorated extravagantly for people to go and visit, but it's mostly America I've seen those. They look so pretty and a ton of fun though! - CC 🦊

I love your Christmas gift ideas for some of the characters. And lol, omg, you made me laugh with 'wwx not being allowed to give lwj a massage it'll just turn nsfw' because yeah ... yeah it would with them 🤣Matching hair pieces for them though that act like an engagement ring is such a cute idea 🥺I think I'd give jc a puppy, but only if he promises to not upset his brother's phobia with it! He just needs a good pup - - CC 🦊

I'd give lwj a lotus root soup recipe so he could make it for wwx, or if jy is able prod her into the idea of doing so if she hadn't already. wwx can have some new black robes - i'm sure lwj is spoiling him with more luxurious ones, but the boy needs a bigger wardrobe! sizhui and the boys can have an expenses paid meal at their favourite restaurant, with plenty of chicken for jingyi 🤣- CC 🦊

I think this might be my last question time for you before reveal! I'll try and make it a special one 😊 Do you have any favourite memories from this past year? Can be related to something that's happened in fandom or through mdzs, or can just be something that's made you happy or smile. I know 2020 hasn't been the easiest year, but there's been pockets of sunshine between all the crazy! ☀️ - CC 🦊

Talking to you about dw really made me want to rewatch some of the old episodes. I also fell off pretty soon after the 50th, though I did return to watch all of 12′s episodes and I would watch the new ones as well but they’re simply not easily available to me atm 😩

Aaaaahh I can’t wait to start our lil tgcf buddy watch!! It’s gonna be great cause if we love it we can scream abt it together and if we don’t like it we can roast it together 😂 (but I think we’re gonna love it)

Oh yeah, I’ve also seen some crazy american christmas decorations on youtube where the entire street is lit up. I would love to see that irl some day!

I thought abt giving jc a puppy, too but... wwx... 😅 though maybe wwx should get therapy sessions for christmas so he can work through his trauma and then maybe one day not be afraid of dogs anymore or at least not of jc’s dog 😅and aaaahhhh yes!! jyl introducing lwj to her cooking and especially the lotus root and ribs soup and lwj would be so diligent in learning how to do it perfectly bc he loves wwx so much!!! 🥺yes more robes for wwx!!! and maybe also some colourful ones (like not bright colours but maybe jewel toned?? like a really dark blue or red? 👀 he’d look like a snacc) 

and that’s such a sweet question! i’m not going to lie i had to think abt it for a moment cause as you said, 2020 really wasn’t the best of years for any of us, but i have a few: 

buying my first car!!! whooo a bitch is free to go wherever she wants whenever she wants!! (if covid would let me 😩)

finding an apartment and looking forward to living by myself (i CANNOT wait to decorate my apartment he way i want it to look!!)

the realisation that i’m fully and truly over my ex and that i’m actually quite content with being single (do i still want love? yeah sure but i’m not desperately craving it anymore and it feels so liberating)

the new lady gaga album giving me life

discovering the untamed and and just LOVING something so much and wholeheartedly again. i’ve missed being so wrapped up in one piece of media cause i haven’t had that in quite some time and it feels so nice!

joining the mdzs fandom who have been the nicest and most welcoming ppl ever! i’ve been on this website for almost a decade and never have i felt like i belong somewhere or like i had mutuals who are my friends until now. i have met so many amazing ppl in the past few months since i joined the fandom and it makes me so happy!! i love all of you, including you, dear CC! you all have made me life so much brighter! ❤️(also going along with that: returning to gifmaking and just having a creative outlet again is SO MUCH FUN)

this is related to the previous point but it stuck with me: one night when i went to bed, i was smiling so much and i felt so indescribably happy simply because ppl on here were being nice to me and my gifsets were doing well and we were all having a laugh at something fandom-related and i just... it sounds so stupid but i went to sleep with a smile on my face and i don’t remember the last time that happened

getting passionate about learning a new language which is chinese! i don’t know for how long that will last but atm i’m enjoying it so much and i hope i’ll get to at least a semi-fluent level! it’s a language that’s completely different from the other languages i’ve learned so far and i loooove the characters!! also it makes me feel productive during these boring times.

asakdjfgjdfdkgf so many of these are related to mdzs but i truly feel like it saved me from spiralling into a dark seasonal depression. maybe not the healthiest way to cope but better than nothing... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Dear CC, I want to thank you for keeping me company and asking me so many fun questions this past month! 💕 I can’t wait to find out who you are and start watching tgcf with you. I hope you had just as much fun with your personal CC as I had with you. See you on NYE! 😘

[artificialqueens]

Open Up When (Shalaska) Chapter 1 - Kayden

an: im back back back again nearly a month later with the first chapter WHOOPS tbh chapter length might drop bc like???? i wanna please the people ANYWAY here yall go

The letter felt heavy between the blonde’s fingers. Even though she had only opened the envelope a few seconds beforehand, it seemed as if she had been curled up in that position for years. Just reading Sharon’s handwriting. By reading Sharon’s handwriting, Alaska meant that she had only read the “Dear Alaska”. Her eyes traced over each stroke of the letters. She could imagine Sharon hunched over a desk, chewing her pen before falling back in her desk chair and groaning loudly. That was what Sharon would do. There she was, scratching her way back into Alaska’s thoughts. The girl let out a sigh. It was too late now to back out. She traced one slim finger down the edge of the paper and began reading.

“Dear Alaska,

You’ve opened this because you’re sad and I’m not there. Obviously.”

“Ah fuck.” She muttered. She’d forgotten what was on the front of the envelope. The part that would reveal what the letter would contain. The most important past of the damn thing. She was so interested in the contents that she immediately turned it over and used one acrylic nail to rip it open. Man, she really was a psycho ex girlfriend. Whatever, it was open now.

“I’m so sorry I can’t be there to comfort you baby. I really am. You know it makes me sad when you’re sad. I hope I can return to you soon with all of your favourite foods and make you feel better again.”

The words felt bitter on the blonde’s tongue. Alaska wanted her favourite foods. She wanted to cuddle up on the couch and watch shitty daytime television. She wanted- No, she needed Sharon to comfort her. She could’ve if she wasn’t the one destroying Alaska’s heart and mind. Alaska shook off the thought and continued reading.

“Since I can’t let you cry into my shoulder and pull my hair into styles I can’t pronounce the names of, I decided to list some of my favourite memories and I’m praying to some non-existent god that they cheer you up. I swear I’ll be there for you soon”

Alaska let out a small chuckle. Well, at least it seemed like one. She enjoyed Sharon’s twisted sense of humour. She missed it.  Her fingers wiped away a tear that was threatening to escape. The blonde was going to try not to cry millions of tears by the end of the letter.

“Firstly, remember the first time I said I loved you back? The time we nearly got kicked out of a department store? I still can’t believe you did it. You broke down my walls.”

Of course Alaska remembered. It was the first time that Sharon actually said those words to her. She leaned back against the end of her bed as she recalled that eventful day.

May 12th, 12.04pm

Alaska pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail as she glanced through what to wear on her date with Sharon. Even though they had been going out for four and a half months already, they hadn’t done two things. One, they hadn’t come out as dating. It was obvious as to why. If Alaska, co-head cheerleader and part of the popular group, came out as gay, she would be horrendously bullied. If she was exposed as being gay AND dating the punk rule breaker Sharon?  Her name would be plastered over every bathroom stall. Sharon was used to it but she couldn’t bear to see Alaska’s reputation destroyed. The other thing was that they both hadn’t said ‘I love you" yet. The blonde had, multiple times. Whether it was a playful side comment while they were laughing over cups of tea or the more serious times, those words always seemed to be uttered by Alaska. Was she slightly disappointed? Yes. However she was fully aware that Sharon wasn’t as trusting in relationships and that it was hard for her to open up.  She needed to respect that.

The blonde pulled out a pleated skirt. It was a pastel pink and came to a little bit above the knee on the cheerleaders long lanky legs. It was perfect for any date. That reminded her, where was Sharon even taking her? She pulled out her phone and began typing out a quick message.

To: Noodles❤️:

can i at least have a hint as to where you’re taking me ??? >:(

From: Noodles❤️:

No, you may not.

A frown crossed the girl’s face. She had never liked surprises. Her mother had thrown her a surprise party for her 12th birthday and she had a horrible panic attack. The girl let out a small prayer that history wouldn’t repeat itself. She couldn’t let Sharon know about her anxiety. Sharon already opened up to Alaska about her past and how it fucked her up. Alaska needed to be the strong one in the relationship.

She slid her skirt up her thighs and adjusted it, turning to look in the mirror. The skirt was cute, but not with her oversized top that she wore to sleep. She took another look in her closet. After a few seconds of searching, She found a basic black singlet top that she could wear her favourite sweater on top of. She changed her clothing, tossing her pyjama shirt in the laundry basket and struck a pose in the mirror. Man, this outfit was adorable. She blew herself a kiss and pulled her hair out of the ponytail it was in. Light blonde locks fell over her back. Using her slim fingers, she shook it a little to let the hair fall more naturally before moving over to her drawers to find a hair brush. Something was off however. She was scrambling to find the brush in silence. After putting on some love song playlist, she continued to look.

When her quest for the hairbrush was over, she let the bristle slip through her sun kissed locks, letting it untangle every knot. After allowing her brush to do its main purpose, she began to use it as a microphone, badly screaming the lyrics to some bad quality 90’s ballad. She twirled around her room, the edges of her skirt lifting upwards to expose more of her lightly tanned thighs. Her lips parted to reveal a toothy smile as she sat down in front of her vanity, still singing the song, this time quieter and with more of a melody than her earlier screaming. She pulled open a drawer to reveal palettes upon palettes of makeup. After going through all her drawers and picking out the makeup she would wear, she decided to send Sharon another text.

To: Noodles❤️:

just starting my makeup now xx how are you going ??

No response just yet. She expected that from Sharon. With her it was respond anywhere from three seconds to three weeks later. She placed her phone down and began to apply her foundation. It was a small while later that her phone vibrated, when she had just begun to apply eyeshadow. The blonde jumped, nearly ruining the entire look.

From: Noodles❤️:

Haven’t left bed yet. x

The blonde let out an eye roll and a small chuckle. She was still so confused as to how her girlfriend always looked stunning whenever she saw her even when she was wearing the same clothes that she had for the past week and her hair was a complete mess. Alaska finished up her eyeliner, the small flicks at the end not being completely straight, but then again, neither was she. After finishing up her full look with a touch of mascara, she headed downstairs to put on some sneakers and to deal with her mother.

As she tied her laces, her mother came into the room. Alaska’s mom wasn’t much shorter than her, and had aged well. Her hair was dry from re-bleaching it all these years. She wore clothing that was vaguely bohemian but still had a very strong ‘mom’ feel to it. She took a step closer to her daughter and began to speak.

“When am I going to meet this boyfriend of yours? He seems like such a sweetheart, taking you on all these dates and things. Much more romantic than your father. Will I be meeting him soon? How about I walk you out and come meet him?” She smiled. The younger blonde put her hands up.

“That won’t be necessary, okay? You’ll meet them eventually.” She put her bag over one shoulder and headed out, giving a small wave to her mother before slamming the door.

To: Noodles❤️:

hey im at the end of the drive waiting

To: Noodles❤️:

just had more questions from my mother

To: Noodles❤️:

she wants to meet u badly yikes

Alaska sighed into the cool air, letting the wind realign where her hair sat on her shoulders. She lightly rubbed one arm and leaned out in time to see Sharon’s car turn the corner. The entire car looked like it was going to fall apart any minute. The pain was chipping and dents decorated every side. On the contrary, Sharon was looking like a million dollars. Perhaps it was the bias that Alaska had due to her being absolutely head over heels in love with the goth. She grinned and waved as the girl pulled up on the curb and rolled down her window.

“Babe, if I knew you were going to dress up this well, I would’ve planned something fancier.” Sharon chuckled.

Alaska rolled her eyes and got into the car, closing the door behind her. “This is really nothing, I swear. Where are you taking me anyways?” The blonde fastened her seatbelt and leaned over to plant a quick kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek. Sharon awkwardly smiled. “C'mon, it won’t be that bad, will it?” Alaska pouted slightly and placed one hand onto the shorter girl’s thigh. “Will it?”

Sharon nervously laughed. She had been shocked by how gorgeous Alaska had looked and suddenly felt guilty about not taking her girlfriend on the trip she deserved. Her eyes became fixated on Alaska’s facial features. She became so focused on all the tiny details that made the blonde look like a goddess that she didn’t realise that she had been asked a question.

“Hm? I’m sorry I just-” Sharon shook her head and rubbed her eyes slightly, “got a little distracted. What was it you were saying?”  She attempted to laugh and shrug it off that she just got lost in Alaska’s beauty but she could tell by the blonde’s sudden outburst of giggling that it hadn’t worked.

tags- open up when, kayden, shalaska, sharon needles, alaska,

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll find out the answers soon” She managed to get out through laughter.

The first half of the car ride was smooth, filled with small talk and large periods where Alaska would just admire her girlfriend. Around the middle of the car ride is when the anxiety started. What if the reason Sharon hadn’t said she loved Alaska yet was because she didn’t? What if she was going to leave Alaska in the middle of the woods? What if Sharon was only dating her to get rid of her? The blonde could feel her breathing get quicker and she fiddled with the folds in her skirt. What was it that her councillor told her to do? Alaska racked her mind for the answer.

It came to her after about a minute of quietly panicking. Best scenario, Worst scenario, Most likely scenario. Best scenario? Sharon took her down to the dock and married her right then and there. They’d both escape to New York and raise two cats. Alaska grinned at the idea of it. Worst? Sharon ditched her in a forest and tied her up to a tree and let her be eaten by woodland creatures. Why wouldn’t have Sharon done it earlier in the relationship though? Realising that it was unrealistic, Alaska could feel her heartbeat settle as well as her breathing. What would most likely happen? They’d go on a date like they had done for the past couple months. Now calmer, Alaska began to drift off in her car seat.

May 12th, 1:47pm

As they pulled into the parking lot, Alaska woke up, batting her eyelashes and stretching as much as possible given the confined space she was in. Her eyes still plagued with sleep, she looked out the window to see where her date would take place. The image that laid in front of her was… Kmart. She turned quickly around and gave Sharon a questioning look, not sure if this was the final destination or not.

“Sorry it’s not quite what you expected” Sharon rubbed the back of her neck and averted eye contact, assuming she had let down her date.

Alaska ran a hand over Sharon’s thigh, her fingers meeting skin where the rips in her jeans were. “It’s absolutely perfect”

They walked across the parking lot, fingers interlocked. As they reached the door, Sharon pulled her hand away. Alaska frowned slightly but knew it was for protection. If someone they knew was there, it would be easier for Sharon to duck away if Alaska wasn’t touching her. Or  if homophobes approached they could claim to be just friends. Overall, safety was more important right now.

They made their way into the store. It was much smaller than Alaska remembered but the last time she had gone she was much younger. She wanted to see how it had changed so she grasped onto Sharon’s hand (after checking for any people who would possibly see) and began searching.

Alaska ran down through the aisles, dragging her girlfriend behind her. Even though Sharon was about to completely fall over onto her face, she was happy. Alaska turned slightly to check on her girlfriend every now and then to make sure she was keeping up. They had made it to around halfway when Alaska came to a quick halt, causing the slightly shorter girl to completely fall over due to not gaining balance back quickly enough. Sharon laughed whilst the cheerleader desperately tried to check if she was injured.

“Angel, I’m fine” she reassured the vaguely panicked girl.

“Are you sure? I’m used to falls like that because of cheerleading but you won’t be so you might be really badly injured and I know first aid!” She rambled before realising that people were looking over very concerned. “She’s fine! She’s ok! I’m just overreacting!” She nervously giggled and tried to use her hair to hide her now blushing face. Sharon chuckled as she looked at the woman who had come over, worried about them. She looked to be in her 50’s and wore clothing that made her seem like she was much older. The woman smiled at the blonde and turned her head to look at the girl on the ground. Her brow furrowed and the corners of her lips turned downwards.

“You there, in the black. You look like a faggot dressing like that!” She pointed at Sharon. Alaska balled her fist and prepared for a fight but relaxed when she made eye contact with Sharon and realised she had it under control.

Sharon finally got off the ground after the slur was shouted and stood there calmly, giving a small nod to her girlfriend when she realised that she was about to throw some hands.

“You know what?” She began, taking a small step towards the woman and saw Alaska step behind her out of her peripheral view.

“I dress like this because I am a faggot. I’m a major flaming homosexual. I love holding hands with girls, I love taking girls on dates and I absolutely love eating girls out. Especially good girls. You think they’re all nice and pretty and will never stray away from faith and you’re wrong. They quiver under my fingertips. I pleasure girls way better than your husband has ever pleasured you. You hear that? I’m a goddess in the sheets. A fucking goddess. Don’t try and tell me I’m going to hell. I know I am. However, telling by your age, you’re going to get there before me. So be a darling and save me a seat, won’t you?”

Alaska wanted to go over and kiss her right then and there but didn’t. She didn’t know why she decided against it, but she did. After the woman had stormed off, she ran into Sharon’s arms, draping her own arms around her girlfriend’s neck. “That was… fucking amazing” She leaned closer in, resting her head on Sharon’s collarbone.

“Yeah it was,” Sharon paused “But we should leave before we get thrown out, don’t want to damage my little angels reputation.”

Alaska pulled away from the hug, rolling her eyes.

“You know I’d ruin it for you.”

May 12th, 2:28pm

After purchasing drinks, the girls decided to wander around the parking lot for a little while. The day had quietened slightly and the two girls walked side by side. Alaska appreciated the fact that most of the bustling people had stopped. Now only two noises lingered in Alaska’s mind; Sharon’s footsteps and the breaths that escaped both of them. She turned her head to smile at her girlfriend and discovered that Sharon had been looking at her the whole time they had been walking.

“What’cha thinking about?” Alaska let the words bounce off her tongue and escape through cherry coated lips.

“How much I love yo- Oh fuck.” Sharon began to splutter and panic, “I didn’t mean it, I mean I do but” She was shut up by the feeling of a finger pressing against her lips.

“It’s ok, I understand.” Alaska pulled her slim hand back towards her. The shorter girl shook her head.

“You really don’t understand. You don’t understand at all. Whenever I look at you the entire world and all the stars realign. Whenever you smile all colour comes back to my world. Whenever we kiss I can taste happiness and I haven’t tasted that since… forever ago. Everyday I wake up wondering how you’ve stayed with a freak like me. When you said yes to me asking you out, I went home and woke up the next day wanting to get out of bed. You’ve made me want to live again. So you really don’t understand how much I love you. I really do love you. I used to be so afraid of saying that. I thought you would hate me or that I’d end up being wrong about it. I know now that I’m desperately head over heels for you. You make me so fucking happy. God, if there even is one, I’m so fucking in love with you.”

That’s when Alaska realised. She, head cheerleader and one of the popular girls, had fallen completely for Sharon. The same Sharon who skipped class to smoke and played the bass guitar and flipped off teachers and had absolutely gorgeous hair and eyes and- Oh fuck. She really did love Sharon didn’t she?

The blonde grabbed her girlfriend’s hand and raced back to Sharon’s run down piece of metal she called a car. They both jumped in, this time to the back seat. No longer caring who saw them, the girls both became entangled. If a passerby were to look in, they wouldn’t be able to tell where Alaska stopped and Sharon began. When their lips weren’t touching, they were intensely staring at each other.

That’s when it all faded back to black

Present Day

Alaska moved one her hands from the paper to her face. Hot and wet. She wiped some of her tears away. Reading the entire letter would take forever if she continued to have full blown flashbacks like this. She needed to figure out why Sharon had left her and she needed to know soon. But I mean, it wouldn’t be THAT harmful to finish that letter first before moving onto the letters that she knew would make her upset at everything. Alaska stood up and looked out the window. It was dark. Really dark. She knew she couldn’t continue reading right now, she needed rest.

Alaska changed into a new shirt for the first time in a week, glad that she had finally cleaned up the closet. She lay down and decided to check her phone to see if anyone had messaged her. Turns out there were three messages.

From: Willam the Pig:

cant wait to see ur ass tomorrow u missed so much holy fuck

From: Courtney 🐨:

Looking forward to finally catching up tomorrow!!! I’ve missed you so much!!! : )

From: Russian Doll:

If ur not coming tomorrow im gonna eat ur son and also u

The blonde let out a huge sigh, realising she had to go back tomorrow and see everyone. All the teachers already hated her for talking during class but she’d have to do a whole lot more talking tomorrow to find out everything that happened. Knowing her school, the drama would be intense. Last time she was away for a week she came back to Alyssa starting drama with everyone and she meant everyone.

Most importantly, Sharon would be there. Does she remember the letters? Does she care? Should she get her clothes back tomorrow? Would she show up to cheerleading practice? What about science class?

Alaska would have to think it all over in the morning.

[birlcholtz]

for the better

read it on Ao3 (part of the Zimbits Airport AU-verse) (I would recommend reading this on Ao3, actually, because of the formatting, but it’s here too for convenience) (also let me know if the link doesn’t work? bc i’m not 100% sure about it)

Jack’s been planning this day for a long time now. He even made a Twitter account for it, two months ago, and tweeted occasionally to build up a following (it was easier once he got that little check mark thing next to his handle). He has a few thousand followers, which is enough to get the message out, and he even has his tweet drafted.

The first draft of it was ‘hello everyone, I just wanted you to know that I am bisexual.’ Tater had taken one look at that and vetoed it. With every extra revision Jack suggested (adding an exclamation point, saying ‘you all’ instead of ‘you,’ et cetera, et cetera, et cetera), Tater had still shaken his head. So Jack took it to Georgia.

“I mean... it’s okay,” George had said, furrowing her brow at the screen. “It’s a little terse, though.”

“But I don’t need to say anything else to get the point across, do I?”

“Well, no. But it’s still very detached.”

Still, after a lot of reworking (and, okay, George does scrap that entire thing and make him start from scratch), they come up with something acceptable. Something that Jack might even say is good.

And then it all gets ruined at the last moment.

Monday morning at around ten o’clock (he’s been given the day off from practice to sort everything out), Jack opens up his Twitter account, intending to post the string of tweets that he and George have planned out, but the first thing he sees is a tweet from Kent.

Kent V. Parson @kparse

tired of all the marriage proposals from women, so i’m just gonna say it: i am both gay af and not taking offers of marriage at this time

Kent V. Parson @kparse

#sorrynotsorry for stealing ur thunder @jlzimmermann

Jack sighs and texts Georgia before composing a tweet as well.

Jack Zimmermann @jlzimmermann

disappointed in @kparse for ruining my announcement

Jack Zimmermann @jlzimmermann

he *did* already know i was going to come out as bi today, so this is quite rude

And then he leaves it like that and texts Georgia that he’s already gone ahead with the plan. She still hasn’t replied to the first one, so she’s probably either working out or so exasperated with him that she’s just decided not to reply. He also silences his phone, then texts Bitty, who’s back at Samwell.

Jack: I did it.

Bitty: congratulations!! <3 on twitter?

Jack: Yeah.

Bitty: you seem kind of put out?

Jack: Kent Parson came out before I did.

Bitty: hold on i’m going on twitter rn

Jack waits for a little while, long enough for Bitty to plausibly have read both Kent’s and his tweets, and then sends a text back.

Jack: Very rude of him. Now I can’t even be the first out player in the NHL.

Jack: That’s probably why he did it, to be honest. He likes being first.

Bitty: it might also work well for u, though

Bitty: take away some of the backlash maybe?

Jack: That’s true, but it doesn’t mean I can’t still be annoyed at him.

Bitty: yeah ofc, i would be too

Bitty: anyway i gtg to class so i’ll ttyl, take care of urself today ok?

Jack: Yeah.

Bitty: text me if u need anything, have a good day <3

Jack: You too <3

Bitty: :)

Georgia calls him about half an hour later and outlines the steps that the Falconers’ management are going to take, then promises to text him when they’ve released their statement and makes him promise to take care of himself today, just like Bitty. She also requests that he leave the apartment as little as possible, preferably not at all, so reporters don’t try to corner him in public. No sooner has she said goodbye and hung up than Jack hears knocking on his door. A glance through the peephole reveals it to be Snowy, Tater, and a case of beer, and he opens the door.

“Good job today, Zimmboni,” Tater says as soon as the door opens, shoving the beer into Snowy’s hands so that he can hug Jack. “Poots said to tell you he is proud. He is with trainer, pinched nerve. He will be here soon.”

“Everyone else is scrimmaging, or at least they were when we left,” Snowy adds as Tater releases Jack and steps past him into the apartment. “I don’t know if they saw us leaving and decided to let it go or genuinely didn’t notice.”

“They’re welcome to come over too once practice is over,” Jack says, stepping back to let Snowy in and then shutting the door. “But not before they’ve showered. Also, they should bring their own beer. I don’t have enough.”

Snowy nods. “I’ll text them.” He pulls out his phone and texts the rest of the Falconers, but then checks on something else and bursts out laughing.

“What?”

“Parson started a hashtag.”

“A hashtag?”

“Yup. A fucking hashtag.” Snowy shows Jack his phone screen.

Kent V. Parson @kparse

@jlzimmermann It had to be done. #StealJacksThunder

“Great,” Jack sighs.

“But that’s not all.”

“There’s more?”

Tater pokes his head out of the kitchen. “You are talking about hashtag, yes? Many people are using it.”

“Like who?” Jack asks. “And what are they doing with it?”

“Rob Jeffries from the Schooners did,” Snowy says before Tater can answer. “Jack, just check Twitter for yourself. There’s way too many of these for me to tell you all of them.”

Jack does.

“Holy shit,” he mumbles.

Rob Jeffries @rjeffriesnhl

@jlzimmermann Sorry, man. I’m bi too #StealJacksThunder

Las Vegas Aces @lasvegasaces

Proud of @kparse for starting his own hashtag. The Aces organization supports players no matter their orientation #StealJacksThunder

Aleks Olsen @aleksolsen

maybe not first out LGBTQ+ NHL player in league, but am first on Oilers & officially first out aro/ace NHL player #StealJacksThunder

Providence Falconers @pvdfalconers

The Falconers organization stands with & supports our LGBTQ+ players. Congrats @jlzimmermann for starting this whole thing

Las Vegas Aces @lasvegasaces

@pvdfalconers Excuse you, @kparse came out first

Providence Falconers @pvdfalconers

@lasvegasaces Excuse *you*, it was @jlzimmermann ‘s idea. Don’t try to #StealJacksThunder on our watch!

Besides the team Twitter accounts bickering with each other, it just goes on and on and on— NHL players deciding, on the spur of the moment, to come out on Twitter, and all of them using that same hashtag. The one that makes Jack almost drop his phone, though, is a string of tweets from someone he knows very well.

Bob Zimmermann @mrbadbob

Extremely proud of my son @jlzimmermann for having the courage to show the world who he is. Cannot fully express how happy I am for him

Bob Zimmermann @mrbadbob

There were LGBTQ+ players when I was in the NHL, there always have & always will be & now we are free to be ourselves

Bob Zimmermann @mrbadbob

& say what you like @kparse but @jlzimmermann started this, u just made a hashtag :P

Bob Zimmermann @mrbadbob

I’m almost done I just have one more thing to say, and that is: sorry, son, I’m pansexual #StealJacksThunder

Jack looks up slowly, aware that both Snowy and Tater are staring at him. “My dad just came out as pan on Twitter. And he used the goddamn hashtag.”

“I love your dad,” Snowy says as Tater howls with laughter. “Oh, that reminds me.” He taps at his phone, and when he turns it off and puts it back in his pocket Jack checks his own— sure enough, Snowy has mentioned him in a tweet.

Aiden Snow @asnowynhl

@jlzimmermann im gay #StealJacksThunder #sorryjack

“God damn it, Snowy.” Jack doesn’t mention that as far as he knew, Snowy wasn’t out to anyone— him included— before just now. Maybe saying it through a screen is easier for him.

“At least I apologized in the tweet,” Snowy says. “Let’s open that beer, I suddenly have a need for one.”

They do pretty much nothing for the rest of the late morning and afternoon. Poots arrives about an hour after Snowy and Tater did, and the rest of the team barrels in through the door at around four, which is before practice was supposed to end. Jack doesn’t ask. They have, in fact, showered and brought their own alcohol. Jack turns on the TV and somehow finds his way to a TV show about hunting sasquatches, which works well as background noise, and every so often someone pulls out their phone and announces the latest NHL or ex-NHL player to have come out via Twitter. It’s an impressive list.

When there’s another knock on the door a little after six-thirty, Jack looks around, confused. Practically the entire roster is here, except Socks, who’s got a mild concussion and is staying home. Regardless, he gets up to answer it.

“Jack!” Bitty cries once the door opens, practically glomming onto him like a koala and wrapping his arms around Jack’s neck. “I saw the hashtag, and all the players, and your dad— how are you doing?”

“Okay, considering,” Jack says, holding Bitty up with one hand while he closes the door with the other. “I’ve only been looking at the hashtag, haven’t checked any of my mentions.”

“That’s probably smart,” Bitty says. “You can put me down.”

“Do you want me to put you down?”

Bitty considers. “Not really, but my arms are going to start hurting if I keep dangling off of you like this.”

Jack swings Bitty’s legs up so he’s in bridal style. “Better?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Fine, Zimmboni,” Tater shouts from the living room.

“How do you know I’m committing a fineable offense?” Jack yells back.

“Is obvious. Bitty is here.”

“Fair enough.”

Just then, a sasquatch-y howl emits from the other room— probably the TV. Bitty raises one eyebrow. “What on earth was that?”

“We’re watching a TV show on locating Bigfoot,” Jack says by way of explanation. “It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense and the reenactments are awful but it’s a pretty good distraction.”

“We? How many people do you— don’t tell me, the entire Falconers roster.”

“Yeah. Except Socks— Sokolov. He’s staying home because of a concussion.”

“I must say I never took you for a partier, Mr. Zimmermann,” Bitty says, smiling up at him. “We’re just learning more and more about each other every day, aren’t we?”

“Oh, yeah. Friday evening I learned your deepest, darkest secrets, Saturday I learned how good of a baker you are, Sunday I learned your favorite color, and here we are now. Seems to me we’re doing things in reverse order.”

“Who said there had to be an order?”

“That’s true.”

Bitty nods towards the living room. “Let’s go that way. I want to see this sasquatch-hunting TV show.”

“As you wish.”