#but lets not pretend it isnt a giant commercial

[musicalrecs]

I've already got (and love) the Some Like It Hot soundtrack, guess I gotta grab Kimberly Akimbo now.

Anyone else get any new recs from the Tonys? :D

[beowulfs-booty-call]

SG Headcanons? SG Headcanons: Beowulf Edition™

Beowulf is stated to be very patriotic in his voice lines and Parasoul references his work “with” them, before rudely telling him to retire if she wins against him. This means that she also knew about the plan with the Medici Mafia to fight a drugged Grendel and win against him for the sake of the war against foreigners / the Skullgirls. However, this may also mean Beowulf participated in the war or had some sort of encounter with the royal family, if not being the entertainment for them in some manner. I personally think King Renoir oversaw his match against Grendel and made sure to work the deal so as to work up the favor for the canopy kingdom.

Beowulf also likes to drink Chamomile tea after first killing Grendel, it was offered to him as a way to sleep, and as such, it helped get over the restless nights where all he could sometimes do was realize… He may have actually killed a friend. I wanna think that there is some idea that he’s killed Grendel, but he’s repressed it into the psyche he plays off as Beowulf™

There’s been times Beowulf sits on the couch just to hope he can relax, but all he does is sit in his robe, boxers and tank top and just idles. His mind runs a whole bunch and he’s distracted with the idea of “What’s his purpose? What’s his use? What really is Beowulf?”

I actually project myself through Beowulf, lot like other characters such as Terra Branford or Eriko Kirishima, but I like to believe that Beowulf actually took his name up instead of being born with it. If not, he went with “Just Beowulf” instead because he’s a simple guy. That’s all he needs.

He’s also a really hard worker, but, he’s prone to sometimes over doing it AKA training every day with his weights or the gym because it’s been mentally drilled into him. If he wanted to be the best, he HAD to be the best. It’s one of the reasons he drinks Chamomile tea often: to relax and let things take place. At 37 years old, he was prone to feeling like he wouldn’t be able to finish every goal he wanted until he was “old”. He understands a bit better now that his accomplishments will last at the end of his storyline.

In the TV show Annie and Beowulf run, Beowulf is the superhero to the kids of New Meridian, while also taking on many new opponents in the ringside. He’s much more a WWE styled wrestler in that he’s back to being a celeb now, but still has his humble beginnings. He also has dated on and off again, but, even in the show he makes empty compliments / receives them from both genders. “What a strong man…” “Ah, thank you sir! Wulfman eats 8 dozen eggs every mornin’ just for trainin’!” “Oh… If only that amazing, handsome Captain Wulf was here…!” “Never fear, the Wulf is here! And… He’s free any time on Friday 8pm at Yu-Wan’s!”

Every morning he wakes up and does 125 squats, 200 pec decks, 225 crunches…

COMFORT CLOTHES EVERY DAY THIS MAN ONLY WEARS HIS BOXERS AND TANK TOPS OR SWEATS HE’S STILL A COLLEGE STUDENT.

When “incognito”, he just wears sunglasses and a baseball cap. Smooth.

Beowulf has also been a little on the chubby side as a kid, but mainly from eating well from backhome. I like to think he was born in the Canopian kingdom, but just has blood in other places he just hasn’t known or seen yet. It would make sense to the Geatish Trepak or Norse / Viking inspired moves to the original Beowulf anyhow. He came to the Canopy Kingdom fresh out the humble life and immediately found himself attracted to the rough and tumble before being let into the wrestling federation to prove his skills.

I like to think either he got his pelt from a Wolf he grew up with that later died peacefully, or, he hunted when he was younger before seeing a wolf die at the end of the hunt. No use for wolf meat where he came from, and in anger at the loss of life, he skinned the wolf for its pelt and vowed to take its place instead. He’s vehement of animal rights, but also tries his best to be open to nature despite hunting as his ideology is to live off the land with just what he needs.

I wanna also say that where Beo grew up in may have a cultural practice where the people take the pelts of animals they use to represent themselves. Bears for patriarchs/matriarchs, weasels / rats for children, otters for teens, and so on so forth. The wolf pelt was taboo and he later used it in rebellion to what he saw in it. Another idea is that the wrestling federation also has animal gimmicks as a way of bringing in the crowd Ala “The man from outta nowhere / Down under.”

Actually has a secret pen name and writes critiques about Operas / musicals and has an appreciation for Jazz as well as the late Contiello  family. He has been known to show up, decked out, and seat himself in the best seat, only to scream at the singers / actors with critiques. “JEEZ, MARIA, CAN YOU SING ANY LOWER? I CAN’T HEAR YOU FROM THE BALCONY.” “HEY SKULLBETH, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND BREAK A LEG WITH THAT CLASS ACT.” “YOU CALL THAT AN ARIA, I CALL THAT DIAR–” Of course no one expects this, so, the surprise comes in the form of a well made, thought out essay based on the finer points of the actions and tribulations the actors did or sang. He’s also a stickler for analysis!

The Hurting was actually a parting gift from the local wrestling federation: Just like Hrunting was given to him by Unferth, The Hurting was given to Beowulf by his old sleazy manager where ironically, hasn’t proven unuseful to this day

Immediately and utterly distracted by dogs, he can’t help it. He’s consumed with love over them and would postpone a battle just to pet one.

Unlike the public opinion, he has a master’s degree in English as well as Sociology, though, he’s not one to flex the brain muscles because he has to maintain the psyche of a warrior half the time. This is why he always whispers when fighting with people, while also pretending wrestling is “real” and “isnt”, he’s more focused on maintaining character

Grendel can in fact hear everything Beowulf is saying pre-Marie death, however, all he hears is Beowulf’s fighting quotes: “RUNNIN’ WILD, ALL’S CHAIR, TAKE A LOAD OFF!” (I have a comic planned for this lol)

Grendel’s arm is partially sentient, though he can hear and act, he still gets where his “friend” is coming from time to time. 

The Hurting gets reupholstered time to time, lots of fashion choices to be really honest, too little time to decide.

Unironically, Beowulf actually digs wearing skimpy clothes / speedos when weather permitting / in the mood, however… He doesn’t understand the social aspects of one, so, one he ran into the ring in a regular wrestling speedo and well… Let’s just say there’s a reason the beta drew that ONLY.

Went to college with Adam Kapowski, though, he mainly spoke to him over complaining about his physical education courses / wrestling club “Look, man, I got this cute professor but like, he doesn’t know jack shit over suplexing. Why? BECAUSE EVEN VICTORIA CAN SUPLEX ME BETTER THAN HE CAN”

Has once met Ms. Victoria during his offseason time when retired and she thought he was a villain when he applied to be a librarian, however, when she shows up as D. Violet, and scopes him out “closing” up, she finds him… Bench pressing book cases before she hurries back, still very concerned over the fact that she has to share her students with a supposed gigan wrestler.

Children flock to him for advice and training, and he loves it. When working as a librarian, he would help tutoring or cheer on students, as well as the whacky prank of stealing the janitor’s mop and mobile and would ride it down the halls with the kids. 

When time came to retire out of retirement, the kids came together and made him a botched card thanking him for all he did. Later, he would return to the ring and dedicate his first match to those very kids, and Ms. Victoria, who all sat in the front seats to the match, each with free Wulf™ merch.

Victoria respects him after this, though, she believes he may just be the silliest warrior to show up. D.Violet though has an unrequited crush on him. I’m tickled to fathom they maybe get married, but Beo isn’t one for really being tied down as he is now.

I’m biased to saying he marries me, but hey, that’s not what this post is about: Relationship wise, Beo is fine with no ring, but he’s not much for the ball and chain. He likes to build things up slow and steady, and extremely affectionate due to not receiving that love as much before.

Despite his exterior, his chest hair is like, soft af. Arm hair though isn’t easy and lemme tell you, dude is hairy everywhere. So, he makes it a point to not care and just trim the beard here and there. Also made a very bad commercial about hair loss and body hair despite the fact he doesn’t have those issues.

His hair is super curly so he just brushes it to the side. That’s it. That’s the goddamn cowlick hair cut we all love

Is the only one to know Annie’s true self, but pretends not to for the sake of being another “dumb mortal”. He implies he knows Annie isn’t the same Annie as “before”, but only to draw her ire. At the end of the story line, though, Annie and him grow closer enough that he admits his knowledge and Annie becomes his wingman and bro. 

And I mean bro as in, homegirl screens all would be dates / gf / bf and also manages to make time to meet at their favorite local diner. She hates the amount of hate he gets time to time for being “basic” but she herself is your run of the mill “anime magical girl”. Annie chalks it up to the fact no one cares about talent anymore, but Beowulf still believes Annie has some talent left in her, despite her not seeing it. It’s one of those key reasons she’s very big on his wellbeing: He trusts and believes in her when not many people do. They just believe in the girl of the stars, not Annie.

Annie likes to WHUMP her face on him when embarrassed, and many a time people have walked into his chest or abs because he’s 6′7″ HE’S A FUCKING GIANT. He doesn’t mind it, in fact, he’s flattered by it on the inside ‘cuz he’s a smug Wulf.

Annie, after about 2 weeks being his best friend, cracks many raunchy jokes with him, though, he also brags about certain things he knows she probably won’t experience to her dismay. “Man, Annie, I would have really taken you out to the bar, but oh, I forgot, they don’t serve children!” “Wulf, you’re lucky a 12 year old can’t stab a middle aged man.” “Excuse me princess, would you like another helping of Dinosaur nuggets and fries?”

Tired Wulf Boi Curls Up and Sleps

Cried because he saw those ASPCA commercials

Would fuck a werewolf. Would fuck a monster for the ride of his life. Would also have the gas running and the car ready in case you need the body hid. He’s a ride or die sort of dude, he makes it known when you wake him up too early without context.

“Oh, gosh, golly, gee” is something he copies from Annie time to time

Struggles also, not to curse around her. Dick-tionary, Ass-ets, Douche-Nozzler the gobbledygook. All Annie™ words.

Broke a laptop just by touching it, can now hold a toaster in his hands.

Would not get the reality of wearing a collar. “Wow, you must have a nice do–”

Is still waking up each morning ready to find and craft his purpose in life. He’s used to it not knowing, but he’s clearing his head so far

[nihil-a-nusquam]

I know the WWE tried something similar but i was thinking, the only way to get me to actually watch football is if we threw out the physical contact rulebook and dressed everyone up like thor and let them UFC fight their way to a goal. See this is why i was thinking this, football, to me, is worthless boring hyped up waste of time to watch (for me, for you football might be god, i dont care what you do.). Sure the imact shots are cool but what are you doing really, bumping into eachother, running from large men that want to put you on the ground, and throwing balls around. That might be your definition of manly, but ive seen videos of jihadists showing their dedication to allah by striking themselves on their own backs with sharp ass swords effectively splitting their backs wide open til you can see their shoulder blades and muscles and tendons and idfk why anyone would EVER do that to themselves but when compared to dudes that need to dress up in as much armor as master chief to bump into eachother, football is not my definition of "manly". So, Lets compromise cause self sword slashing is fucking insane. UFC, Boxing, id add professional wrestling in there but my image of a man isnt accompained by a script. (Again, wwe may be god to you, and i dont care what you do, but it bores me.) Now these are contact sports where people get some seriously knarley fuckin injuries. You could die. You could fucking die. Fighters go in the ring, knowing that they can die. Even people have died in the wwe. You are engaging in life risking behavior. But its not sword slashing insane. Now. I have a really good rationale for this, hear me out before your allergy for reading takes hold and you TL:DR me because you dont respect me as a person and would rather fill your time out by reading something kanye west said in an interview about how much he's godlike. So, first of all, football requires its safty equipment because rugby scares the shit out of people that prefer to make millions of dollars and continue looking like they fell from mt. Olympus. And i think that that is unacceptable. You are making millions of dollars to appease us, you only exist because we want to watch you put your body through extreme bouts of training and display your success in the form of competition. You belong to us. Back in the biblical days we would take giant men and make them fight to the death for entertainment, now we pay them an unforgivably unporportionate amount of compensation, and they have the fucking nerve to ask for safty pads? Now i know what youre thinking, maybe football players dont want to wear pads and the soccer moms forced pads on them because they're afraid that their kids will imitate what their fathers are throwing steel toed boots around when their team loses for, and get hurt. (On that note, prioirities people, fans screaming and jumping up and down and threatening the safty of their family because the giants lost the ball somehow is acceptable but doing sports without pads isnt. Please check your fuckin prioirities ). And all of this is okay, i get it, totally, you don't want your top stars to catch a case of broken neck and lose your team millions of dollars but if it gets permitted to run rampant we'll be playing football by sitting down at a very large oval table and discussing what they plan on doing to the other team and voting on who has the best probability to win. Or table top roleplay, which, i assure you that roast is brewing too. And essentially nobody wants to make sports that boring. Cause a broken ankle is okay so long as beer is being sold and every january we get some cool commercials. But dont you dare risk taking that player away from us. No. Fuck that. Police are spraying down people with mace that have done nothing more than standing in a place and commanding they demand change. We send drones with bombs to third world countries and indiscriminately explode the fuck out of whoever is in the way. The worldwide highest grossing movie of current times displays a cancer scarred man riddled in digusting scars using everything from guns to his own broken bones to mame and murder dozens of henchmen to get to the guy who made him ugly. Don't pretend that violence isnt the most important thing to entertaining americans and don't you dare pretend that youve never stated "if i see a clown in the woods i'm going to beat the fuck out of him and kill him for being scary, cause something that is scary is also synonymous with life threatening and i must murder it." fuck you. Youre in love with violence. I am, you are, that girl masturbating to tentacle monsters is. Just stop lying. Youre ready for this. Okay. UFNFL Ultimate Fighting National Football League. No pads. No restriction on contact (besides serious shit like eye gouging, intentional murder, weapons, i mean is it inconcievable to adopt boxing and ufc and apply those rules as safty restrictions? I think we can do this) No limit to beginning or ending a fight (hire 50 refs to run out and try to separate the fighters, but lets say if the red colored team guy gets the blue colored team guy to tap out, the blue team guy has to sit in the box of shame until the game is over.)(and when the blue team runs out of players they have to forfiet, so they get plenty of backup players but are limited to, lets say 50 men? We don't want each match going on for eternity, id rather slash my back with a sword then dedicate more than 16 hours to a specific event. ) Anyway, in this vision, the game is still football, but now theres brawling, now theres people fucking other people up, and not only are they proving to us that they are worth the money that they're getting paid, but we are loving watching them reap carnage, just like the nature of our soul demands. So you will have penalties too. Any additional fighters on the field fighting more than a one on one scenario, congratulations you have 10 seconds to remember whos fucking slaves you are and get off the dude youre flat out murder punching in the valor of fairness or esle you are indefinitely banned from this sport, go back to college guest visits and inspirational commercials because you are fucking banned. And now, NOW and only NOW would it be FUCKING excusable to give every player a fucking participation trophy. *drops mic*