#but let's just say it's always awkward when you go to someone's blog to follow them and you can't cause they blocked you 💀

[clarisinne]

wait... you have haters??

I sure do!

[thereoncewasagirlnamedjane]

small worlds.

✩ read on ao3 ✩ masterlist ✩ forget-me-not creative campaign ✩ library blog

PAIRING — 1940s!steve rogers x f!reader

CONTENTS — one-shot, hurt/comfort, somewhere between fluff and angst, mild sexual content, established relationship

SUMMARY — all he ever wanted to do was the right thing. it never occurred to him that doing the right thing could possibly hurt someone he loves.

W/C — 1.5k

NOTES — this is my submission for my own creative campaign lmao 😅 i just got inspired looking at those prompts again, okay? and these are my missing pre-serum!steve hours 😭 and after the week i’ve had, i need some comfort~

prompts used: ✩ geranium = returning joy ✩ plumeria = “well, this is new.” ✩ zinnia = mourning your absence

Bucky had been wrong. 

His best friend predicted that you would be thrilled to see the new him. After all, the girls at the SSR couldn’t seem to stay away, nor could the flight nurses out on the frontlines, no matter how many times he told them he had a girl back home and just wasn’t interested. 

Howard was the only one who knew well enough to warn him; given how Steve had left things with you before he took off on his tour across the country, he shouldn’t expect everything to be sunshine and rainbows when he got back. 

The two of you had fought, the biggest one in the history of your relationship, and hadn’t spoken to each other in days before he had to leave. His efforts to lie his way into the army was always a source of friction between you, and this, being selected as the subject for Project Rebirth, was just another straw on the camel’s back. 

Steve knew you were just afraid for him, as anyone who mattered to him would be, but it was something he knew he had to do. Unfortunately he couldn’t be convinced, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t also terrified of facing the consequences. 

“Be prepared to grovel, Rogers, like you’ve never done before,” Howard warned, giving him a grave look before waving him off. “Hell hath no fury.” 

So, he showed up at your door only days before he had to leave for Italy, holding a bouquet of flowers and shuffling nervously on his feet as he waited. Steve didn’t know what to say when you opened the door, feeling a little awkward himself at nearly two feet taller and about a hundred fifty pounds heavier. 

You stared at him for a moment, almost as if you didn’t recognize him. 

“Hi,” he said sheepishly, giving you a hesitant but hopeful smile. You looked like you might reel back and punch him, no doubt still angry about the way things went down and how he’d returned to you looking like an entirely different man, but then your face crumpled. 

There were downsides to the serum, he realized, as he could smell the salt of your tears before they even reached your lashes. He leaned down, bending at the waist, something he never had to do before, letting you wrap your arms around his widened shoulders. He could taste the relief in your tears as he kissed them away. 

In the hours that followed, however, you remained distant. He caught you staring thoughtfully at him from across the kitchen, only to quickly avert your eyes when he looked up from the hearty dinner you made him. 

You pulled away subtly when he reached for your hand or the soft dip of your waist, flinch when he moved to kiss your cheek, and returned all his dumb jokes with tight smiles. 

“Well, this is new,” he grinned softly as he stepped behind you, his chest firm against your back, grabbing a jar on a high shelf that you were struggling to reach. 

It took you a few moments too long to turn towards him, your lips curving upwards ever so slightly but it never quite touching the rest of your features. 

Even when he lay next to you that night, it felt like you were miles away. He was leaving soon, all the way to Italy and then to god knows where else, and he didn’t want to leave things this way. He didn’t want to go yet, not while he was uncertain about whether you’d welcome him back next time. 

But as always, it’s like you hear the thoughts in his head without him ever needing to speak them. It’s why this works; he broods and you see through him, as though you have a map directly to his heart. 

“It feels strange,” you confess in hushed tones, the two of you lying in the darkness of your bedroom. When the two of you touch, it feels foreign. You feel guilty, as though you were somehow being unfaithful to a version of him that would never come back. 

“I know,” he says, reaching for you. His heart sinks when you pull away. He lays there in silence, his enhanced vision capturing you so clearly in the dark, staring up at the ceiling as your bottom lip quivers. 

“You took him from me,” you whisper, eyes shining so brightly with anguish in the moonlight. It takes a moment for him to realize what you mean. He can hear the tears sliding down your temples and dripping onto the pillow. 

All he ever wanted to do was the right thing. It never occurred to him that doing the right thing could possibly hurt someone he loves. 

“I’m still me,” he murmurs, his fingers desperate to wipe them away, his arms itching to find their place around you once again. 

“To everyone else, even to you, he was always just that scrappy little nobody from Brooklyn. But to me?” You are weeping now, your voice thick with grief even though he’s right next to you. “To me, he was everything. I don’t want Captain America. I want Steve. My Steve.” 

Steve swallows hard. You always were the only one who did. 

“He’s still here,” he pulls you close and this time, you don’t fight him. You fold yourself against him, crying harder when you are met with the hard sharp planes of his new body, instead of his usual soft edges that always seemed to embrace you right back. “I’m right here.” 

He lets you cry into his chest until, after what seems like hours, you finally drift off into an uneasy sleep, the front of his shirt still damp with your despair. 

But it doesn’t take much longer to find a new normal. 

He still smiles at you the same way as the day you met, a little sheepish and a little shy even after all this time. 

He still does that thing where he intertwines his fingers with yours, his touch a little evasive, teasing you a bit before finally pressing your palms together. 

He still holds you for as long as you need, always letting you be the first one to pull away. 

He still quietly fills the pages of sketchbooks that he hides on your bookshelf. 

He still eats so slowly, taking his time at your dining table because even a slightly bigger portion than normal used to make him sick. 

He still looks at the most terrible parts of humanity and decides that the world is worth saving. 

You slowly get used to the fact that he can reach the higher cabinets in your kitchen now, that he no longer falls ill at each turn of the season, and that while you will never get to see your Steve again—even though you think of him often—this Steve is right: he never really left. 

And when you’ve forgiven him, because there really was no question about it, when you’re ready to give yourself to him again, you’re both a bit nervous and awkward. 

It takes a little bit of dancing to get used to each other’s bodies again; you’re much smaller compared to him now, and he’s afraid he’ll forget his newfound strength and inadvertently hurt you somehow. 

But, much like you did before when he was small and inexperienced, he guides you and you eagerly follow. He lets you come to him, allows you to set the pace and boundaries of how far you’re willing to go, and he always looks at you the same. He even says it again—

“I can’t believe you’re here with me,” he croaks, so close you can smell his aftershave. 

It’s moments like these when you fully realize that while the serum changed him on the outside, it never touched what was inside. As always, he handles you with the utmost care, pulling you cautiously onto his lap, his hands gently cradling either side of your face as he drinks you in, eyes darting back and forth across your face before he finally leans in to kiss you. 

His eyes never once leave yours, even as you abandon your dress and undergarments on the bedroom floor. His fingertips slide down your sternum in a featherlight touch, down the valley between your breasts, before turning his hand over to brush his knuckles lightly over your rib cage, raising goosebumps in his wake. 

You stare into his familiar eyes, the ones that fill your vision with the clearest blue—as if you’re looking into a cloudless summer sky, just like the day you met the boy with a heart ten sizes too big for his chest—and you sigh in relief. 

“There you are,” you purr against his lips. 

His lips stretch into a smile, coaxing yours into doing the same. He remembers a promise he’d made to someone else not that long ago, and he promises it again—to you this time. 

That you will stay who you are. 

That he will never lose your Steve. 

fin.

© 2024 by thereoncewasagirlnamedjane

[dross-the-fish]

A follower tagged me on a post that was talking about how Edward isn't actually a bad guy but rather he's misunderstood and I'm not going to reply to that post because I don't want to start drama on someone else's blog but I've seen the sentiment brought up a few times so I'm going to make a blanket post about the topic rather than single anyone out. The post I was tagged in mentions the trampling of the child and seems to frame it like an accident so I'll start there and I'll let Henry himself tell you how he views that incident. "An act of cruelty to a child aroused against me the anger of a passer by," He outright says it, it's an act of cruelty. He doesn't deny that. And that's what I hate about fanon Hyde. A lot of interps seem to forget that Hyde is a middle aged man struggling with a repressed sadistic streak and not a social awkward teenager. I think the most concrete evidence we have of Jekyll/Hyde's nature is in Jekyll's letter and how he describes himself and his relationship to Hyde. “To cast in my lot with Jekyll, was to die to those appetites which I had long secretly indulged and had of late begun to pamper. To cast it in with Hyde, was to die to a thousand interests and aspirations, and to become, at a blow and forever, despised and friendless. The bargain might appear unequal; but there was still another consideration in the scales; for while Jekyll would suffer smartingly in the fires of abstinence, Hyde would be not even conscious of all that he had lost.” As afraid as he is of losing the life he's built for himself there's so much LONGING to be Hyde despite the evils Hyde has done. He wants to indulge in his appetites and he knows if he embraces Edward he won't even grieve his losses. I find it interesting that he notes that becoming Edward would cost him his "aspirations and interests," because he would be losing everything to his vice, choosing pleasure and indulgence over his own goals and ambitions. "If I am the chief of sinners, I am the chief of sufferers also," Henry Jekyll is a complex and repressed but also very selfish man and here's where the interpretation of Edward as a metaphor for addiction comes most strongly into play. Jekyll shows textbook signs of a drug user: experimentation, denial or minimization of the harmful effects, attempts to quit, withdrawal when he goes too long without being Edward and eventually he develops a dependency and falls into a spiral. The fact that he's taking a potion just drives the imagery that much harder. Even the description of the effects of the potion itself mirror drug use. "something indescribably new and, from its very novelty, incredibly sweet. I felt younger, lighter, happier in body ; within I was conscious of a heady recklessness, a current of disordered sensual images running like a mill race in my fancy, a solution of the bonds of obligation, an unknown but not an innocent freedom of the soul. I knew myself, at the first breath of this new life, to be more wicked, tenfold more wicked" It's agony at first but once the "high" hits and he becomes Edward he feels good and his inhibitions are gone. He can indulge every depraved and twisted act his heart desires without having to take the hit to his reputation or the responsibility. “since then I had been obliged on more than one occasion to double, and once, with infinite risk of death, to treble the amount” - Jekyll risks an overdose because he keeps taking more of the serum. This illustrates his dependency on Hyde and his inability to quit. One thing I've noticed about Hyde interps that favor the lighter, softer, readings of the character is that they almost always neglect the characterization of Henry Jekyll. Either depicting Jekyll as the good half or all but erasing them from their fanon version of Hyde and that's something you can't really do because it misses the point of Jekyll and Hyde. Which is about Henry Jekyll and his repression and his eventual turn to a destructive outlet.

"The pleasures which I made haste to seek in my disguise were, as I have said, undignified; I would scarce use a harder term. But in the hands of Edward Hyde, they soon began to turn towards the monstrous. When I would come back from these excursions, I was often plunged into a kind of wonder at my vicarious depravity. This familiar that I called out of my own soul, and sent forth alone to do his good pleasure, was a being inherently malign and villainous; his every act and thought centered on self; drinking pleasure with bestial avidity from any degree of torture to another, relentless like a man of stone. Henry Jekyll stood at times aghast before the acts of Edward Hyde." once the leash is off Jekyll is shocked by what he's capable of, what Hyde is capable of. The words used by Stevenson paint a lurid picture, Depravity, bestial, torture, villainous. He can't outright say what Hyde is doing but it's pretty clear he has a sadistic streak. He also lets slip at one point by using "My" instead of referring to Edward as separate. "My vicarious depravity." He's aware, he is complicit and he enjoys himself. You cannot separate Jekyll from Hyde therefore any interpretation of Hyde as being soft, innocent, unaware or merely mischievous is not only incorrect but it directly contradicts the purpose of the story and strips Jekyll of his complexity. If you can't like this character as he is written then you don't like this character. There are some things you can leave up to interpretation but Hyde's sadism and Jekyll's addiction to Hyde are both very clear cut and Jekyll's confession spells everything out in a way that you'd have to reach pretty far to claim that Edward is being misrepresented by Utterson throughout the bulk of the novel.

[writer-freak]

Lucifer's appreciation | Lucifer x Gn reader

Summary: Lucifer has a hard time accepting his feelings about you, but when he finally accepts them he really wants to show you how much he likes you.

Warnings: MDNI, first time writing smut, smut comes after the ribbons୨୧, tried my best to make it gender neutral and no genitals are mentioned, misunderstandings at the start, reader receiving oral, smut is pretty short, english isn't my first language

A/n: This is my first time writing smut so really I have no idea what I'm doing my friend helped a lot with writing the smut part. Smut will probably not be a regular occurrence on my blog because I really found it hard and needed quite a bit of help from her so you will notice her influence there.

Comments, likes and reblogs are always appreciated and really motivate me to write more <3

Lucifer who avoids you like the plaque, because it's the first time since Lilith left that he felt attracted to someone. And he doesn't really know what to do with himself, he is divorced so he doesn't owe loyalty to anyone. But still, he can't really let go of the feeling that he betray's his thousand-long-year marriage if he accepts his attraction for you.

And you who doesn't know what you did wrong, you thought about every interaction you two had, but couldn't come up with a reason why he avoids. You didn't like the weird energy between you two and the others also noticed the weird energy between you two. 

So you decided that you would follow what Charlie taught you and confront him about it (nicely of course).

Lucifer who doesn't know what to do when you suddenly corner him in front of his suite. He and you both know that he could easily get away from you but Lucifer couldn't move, you two were never this close, and right at this moment he could smell you, hear your breathing and your face was so close to his. His heart was beating out of his chest so it took him a second to register that you were saying something. "Wait what did you say?" Lucifer asked not having paid attention. 

With a sigh you took a step away before repeating yourself, "I asked if I did something to offend you?" 

This question left Lucifer completely confused, he couldn't understand where this question was coming from and it seems that this was also obvious on his face as you then added. 

"You avoid me like the plague, every time I go into a room you're in you leave. Really if there was something that I did wrong let me fix it, I don't want to make things weird around the hotel for everyone."

This made a light up in Lucifer's head and he let out a sigh, his usually confident demeanor faltering for a moment as he struggled to find the right words. "You haven't done anything wrong, really, trust me," he began, his eyes meeting yours. "I hadn't thought about how my behavior could make others uncomfortable."

You nodded, relief washing over you as you realized it wasn't something personal. "I'm glad to hear that," you replied softly, taking a step closer to him again. "I was worried there was something I did to upset you."

Lucifer hesitated, his gaze flickering between your eyes and your lips.

"No, nothing like that," he murmured, his voice dropping to a husky tone. "In fact, quite the opposite."

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, your own feelings jumping around at the change in mood. "What do you mean?"

A small, almost unnoticeable smirk formed on Lucifer's lips as he leaned in closer. "I've been avoiding you because I couldn't handle just how much I'm attracted to you," he admitted his voice low and filled with raw honesty. His confession left you with surprise but you also could feel your face heating up.

You two stood there an awkward silence between you two, after Lucifer took everything to confess to you it only felt right for you to take the next step. "I have something to confess too" you admitted, your voice mostly steady despite the butterflies in your stomach.

Lucifer's curiosity was piqued, his eyes locked on yours, waiting for your words.

"I've been drawn to you since the moment we met," you confessed, your cheeks heating up even more. "Your charm, your confidence, just everything about you... it's irresistible."

A small smile tugged at the corners of Lucifer's lips, a flicker of something deeper passing through his eyes. "Perhaps we should continue this conversation in a more... private setting."

୨୧୨୧୨୧୨୧୨୧୨୧୨୧

His lips trailed down your neck, kissing and sucking on it, making pleasant shivers go down your spine. Lucifer left from where he was currently sucking a hickey into your neck and almost nervously asked, "Is this okay?" He nuzzled your cheek to soothe your nerves. You couldn't find the words to answer, so you pulled him in for another kiss. Lucifer made a surprised sound before pulling away. "I just really want to make sure that you don't regret this later."

You smiled reassuringly, finding it endearing how much he cares about you. "Lucifer, I want this, please," you drew out the last word, showing Lucifer just how desperate you were for this. Lucifer leaned in for a chaste kiss on your lips. "If you're sure then please, let me take care of you."

He went back in, kissing your neck, but this time he trailed down. He let his lips wander around your chest while his hands were on your waist. No part of your skin was left untouched by his lips. You were left feeling impatient as Lucifer took his time appreciating you. He slowly continued down until he reached the waistline of your pants. He stroked the bare skin of your waist before opening your pant button. He slowly pulled down your pants, kissing the skin of your legs that were slowly exposed. After pulling your pants completely off, he kissed his way up. But he never put his mouth where you actually needed him.

"Lucifer, stop teasing, please." you pleaded the neediness obvious in your voice.

Lucifer chuckled, looking up at you from between your thighs. "Can't you let me appreciate you?"

"Well maybe if you weren't working me up so much I could appreciate you appreciating me." you said with a huff.

He just chuckled again and nipped at your thighs while looking directly into your eyes. The eye contact made you throb, and you think Lucifer knows exactly what kind of effect this has on you. Lucifer started sucking more hickey into your thighs, which had you squirming and moaning with need. And while you wanted to tell him to hurry up, you knew that would just make him want to draw out the teasing.

He teased you for a bit longer before your breath hitched when Lucifer hooked his hands into the waistband of your underwear, pulling them down your legs and off your feet. The cold air sent a chill down your body and made goosebumps rise on your skin.

This time he didn't waste time wrapping his lips around where you wanted him this whole time. He took one of your hands, burying it in his hair, encouraging you to tug at it while he started sucking. You tightened your grip on his hair when you started feeling the familiar pleasure. He alternated between licking and sucking, somehow knowing exactly where you were most sensitive.

This was exactly what you were craving the entire time. You couldn't deny that Lucifer seemed to be an expert, and you felt a familiar coil twisting embarrassingly quickly in your stomach. You moaned and panted as Lucifer seemingly just doubled his effort the closer you got to your release. You began to move along to help you reach your orgasm. All the while, Lucifer couldn't take his eyes off of you, completely stunned by the sight of you getting pleasure just by using his mouth.

It filled him with pride seeing you enjoying yourself, and Lucifer let out a moan that sent hot white pleasure through your entire body. Your mouth opened in a silent moan as you rode out your high. Lucifer didn't stop until you started trying to pull him away from you because of the overstimulation.

He kissed around your thighs again as you caught your breath again. When it seemed like you calmed down enough to think again, he moved up from between your legs to kiss you again. "So I take it that you enjoyed yourself." he said with a proud smirk on his face.

You rolled your eyes, lightly pushing at his shoulder before answering sarcastically, "I don't know where you would get that idea."

Lucifer's smirk only widened at your sarcastic response. "Oh, I don't know, maybe it was the way you were practically pulling me in for more." he teased, his tone full of amusement.

You scoffed, but the slight smirk on your face betrayed your bluff. "You wish." you retorted while crossing your arms.

He leaned in closer, his lips brushing against yours in a teasing way. "I don't need to wish when I can see the truth written all over your face." he remarked, his voice husky again.

You tried to maintain your composure, but his closeness and the remnants of what you did just now made it difficult. "Fine, maybe I enjoyed myself a little." you admitted, a teasing glint in your eyes.

Lucifer's grin turned into a smug expression, his confidence radiating off him. "A little? My dear, I'd say you were thoroughly enjoying yourself." he remarked, his arrogance only adding to the playful banter.

You rolled your eyes again, but this time there was a genuine smile on your face. "Well okay, I suppose you weren't bad. But I think I should now show you how it's really done." you teased back, pulling him in for a deep kiss.

Lucifer broke free from the kiss and with a chuckle added, "I can't wait to see what you have planned."

Divider by: @thecutestgrotto

Mdni divider by : @cafekitsune

[mikathemonster]

"scholars and skillets"

author's note: here I am after so long, with yet another THAUC pic to bring you all, thanks to @fellowshipofthefics ! it's definitely shorter than last year's, but I love it all the same. my partner (@AnnArtThing on instagram) also made an insanely gorgeous art piece for this, which i will feature below!! we truly hope you enjoy this collaboration!

Pairing: Kíli / Gender-Neutral Human Reader

Word Count: 5596

summary: when you're tasked with helping prepare a certain dwarven prince for his brother's accession to the throne, you're quick to discover he is not at all how you envisioned he would be…

content warnings: fluff :)

DO NOT REPOST OR COPY. MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT.

You sneezed from the sheer amount of dust in the library. Between the cobwebs, ash and grime that littered the shelves and texts before you, your trusty duster truly had its work cut out for it. Covering your face with your sleeve this time, you continued your job of cleaning the recently excavated room. It would take some time, but you were determined to have this place spotless by the end of the month.

“We found some more books we need organized,” a voice called, and your attention was snapped away from your cleaning.

“Hm?” You asked, seeing it was Balin and Ori, arms full of heavy scripts. “Oh, place them over there and I’ll see to it myself.”

The dwarves did as you instructed and made their way to the nearby table, albeit with a few hefty grunts from Ori. The moment they set the books down, dust scattered everywhere, ensuing a fit of sneezing and coughing from all three of you.

“It’s never ending!” Ori complained.

You covered your mouth as you let out a rather dusty cough. “Trust a dragon to leave such a mess!”

“Aye, and a dead one at that.” Balin sighed. “I’ll get some more help for this room by tomorrow.”

“That would certainly be much appreciated,” you said.

“If it meant there would be this much work, I would have never found this room.” Ori groaned, wiping down a chair before sitting in it.

“There’s always work to be done, Ori,” Balin chided. “And moping about won’t get it done.”

“Still, I’m grateful that you did find it,” you chimed in. “It’s a lot to do, but these are some of the oldest recorded texts of Erebor. We’re standing in a room of nothing but history!”

“Well it’s rather dusty history for now,” Ori frowned.

“Well, laddie, if you won’t help, why don’t you go find someone who will? Hm?” Balin raised a brow as he ushered Ori out, who begrudgingly left.

You watched the younger dwarf leave with a frown on his face, now standing alone with Balin in a certainly awkward silence.

“Is he alright?” You asked with a concerned tone. 

“He’s still just a boy,” Balin sighed, leaning on the table. “But I suppose it doesn’t help that he’s been Thorin’s scribe all week.”

“Is that not your job?”

“It usually is,” he nodded. “But it’s high time he began learning the more difficult parts of the trade. Following the King around is no easy task.”

“But why not you? I have my belief in Ori, sure, but to have him take on this role at such a time as this?” 

“I suggested it.” Balin smiled. “He’ll have to learn hands-on somehow, with the ascension coming up with the next moon. We’ve only thirty days from now.”

“But I worry about him,” you frowned. “It’s a much heavier workload than he’s used to. Surely he could’ve started learning after the Crown Prince takes his title?”

Balin sat down in Ori’s chair, motioning for you to join him. Abandoning your duster with a sigh, you reluctantly took a seat.

“I remember when you first arrived,” Balin said. “You were so young–”

“I recall being entirely grown,” you interrupted.

Balin waved you off. “When you’ve lived a life such as mine, everyone is young.”

You let out a soft chuckle, leaning back in your chair.

“As I was saying,” he began again. “You could barely manage on your own. Being under my wing certainly helped, of course, but you were a fickle thing. You’re no dwarf, either; you couldn’t even speak our language when we first met.”

Unaware of where he was going with this, you tried to defend yourself, feeling belittled. “I was well enough to lend a helping hand. This library wouldn’t even be complete if it hadn’t been for me. And my khuzdul is much better than it used to be!”

“Aye, and if it hadn’t been for those texts you found in the ruins of Dale, I doubt we would’ve ever met.” He drew in a breath. “What I’m trying to say is that we all start somewhere.” 

He put a hand on your shoulder, giving a warm smile. “For you, it was those books. For Ori, it was the journey that got us here. And now that we’re finally picking ourselves back up from the wreckage, it’s time that both of you fill into your roles.”

“And what have we been doing this entire time?” You said.

“Well, just a wee bit of practice, I suppose.” He teased. “Now it’s time for the real work. The royal work.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call dusting ‘royal’, but–”

“That’s not what I mean, dear.” He interrupted.

“I don’t understand–”

“I’m having you help prepare one of the princes for the ascension ceremony.”

You gave a double take, now at a loss for words. This was entirely out of your realm. You were just a scribe, a scholar. You were certainly no royal advisor, let alone for dwarven royalty.

“Balin, I’m not even a dwarf.” You started.

“I’m sure he won’t hold that against you,” Balin chuckled. “And, don’t worry, I’ve already gone through the proper channels to get you this job.”

“With the King? Thorin Oakenshield is aware of this?”

“Aye, even he,” Balin nodded. “It took some convincing, but there’s no other I would ask for such a thing. Other than his mother, but Dís has got her hands full already.”

“No other? Balin, we’ve only known each other for a few years now!”

“And in that time, you’ve proven yourself time and time again that you’re someone I can trust.”

You took a breath, settling yourself with this new information. You had only been working under Balin for a little under three years after helping restore some dwarven texts. Without Ori or Balin, you always felt out of your depth. Sure, you did your best to manage on your own, but growing up in Lake-Town, Erebor and its culture and customs had fallen to story and legend before you had become a scholar in their studies. 

“What exactly will I be doing?”

“Thorin’s nephews are finally ready to take their places in the royal court. But while Fíli is preparing to be announced as Crown Prince, there’s a certain amount of duties that get passed along to Kíli.” Balin explained. “It’ll be your job to assist me in discussing and preparing him for those duties.”

“And what would those duties be?”

“I’m getting there, aren’t I?” Balin frowned.

You bit your tongue, now giving him the floor instead of asking him more questions. 

Balin sighed, seeing the anxiety written all over you. “Are you afraid?”

“It’s just… I don’t know if I… That’s a lot of pressure, don’t you think? I just don’t believe I’m qualified.”

Balin rose from his seat, now standing in front of you with both hands on your shoulders. You looked at your mentor with worried eyes as he did his best to reassure you with his own warm gaze. The candle on the dusty table flickered, the light reflecting in his dark eyes, full of kindness.

“Y/N, you’ve proven yourself to be one of my fastest learners. I see the way you work to restore this library as if it were your own. You know our history, you’ve read it yourself.” 

“Only for the last few years-”

“And nobody will hold it against you. I will be there to help, of course. You won’t be entirely on your own, and I’ll teach you everything.” 

What Balin had chosen to omit was that Thorin Oakenshield wouldn’t have allowed you to be Kíli’s only advisor. You may have been a scholar, but you were no dwarf. But Balin knew better than to mention that.

“I have no doubt that you’re the perfect candidate for the job.”

You still didn’t know if you believed him, but you knew you believed in him. And for now, that would have to be enough. You gave him a small nod and smile as a sign that you were listening.

“Aye, there they are,” he smiled. “Come, I’ll show you everything you’ll need to do before you start tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” You rose out of your seat. “But what about the library?”

“There’s always someone we can put to work. Besides, it doesn’t take much to clean a dusty shelf.”

“Easy for you to say; I’ve been at it all morning!”

Balin began walking away, waving an arm as he expected you to follow him. Reluctantly, you finally gave in. It seemed today was going to be a long one.

Long was an incredible understatement. You hadn’t been a coffee-drinker before this, but suddenly you were three cups deep without any sleep as you stood next to Balin outside of the prince’s door. All you could think about were the copious amounts of notes you had taken overnight.

“It’s all been a bit bureaucratic lately, with the salvaging process,” Balin had said last night while handing you three enormously thick books. “But the old ways are all written down in here. For now, it’s best to study what you can before you meet the prince.”

You had been under the impression he would teach you all of this, but he had insisted you read some of it first. You had taken vigorous notes, doing your best to commit as much of it to memory as you could, but even now your brain felt like a soupy muddled mess as Balin knocked three times on the oaken door in front of you.

It was still early in the morning, a time Balin had insisted on, and the halls of Erebor were only just beginning to sound with their typical business and hustle.

You felt utterly spent and still completely unprepared. It was like cramming for a class you had never taken. You still weren’t even convinced you were the right person for the job. Even though Balin had explained you would be taking more of an assistant’s role to him, you felt wildly out of your league. 

A sigh escaped you as you watched Balin knock on the door again.

He gave you a once-over followed by a frown. “Y/N, I told you that you needed rest.”

“I wanted to be prepared, I’ll be fine.” You shook your head.

“Prepared is one thing, but it’s only your first day. You look miserable.” He knocked on the door again, casting a worried look to you. “Why don’t you go get yourself something to eat? I can take care of this for a little while before you join us.”

“This is important, I don’t want to miss anything,” you frowned.

“You’ll miss more if you don’t take care of yourself.”

“Balin, I promise I’ll be alright.” You insisted on staying, much to Balin’s dismay.

He let out a sigh, knowing you were just as stubborn as his brother. 

“Alright, I trust you. But I’m a little concerned.” He turned back to the door, now annoyed as he knocked for the third time. “Kíli, wake up before I go in there myself.”

A loud groan sounded through the wooden door followed by silence before it eventually opened, revealing a very tired dark-haired prince. His hair was mussed and tangled and some of it was stuck to his mouth. His eyes could barely stay open as he was still coming to life. And to top it all of, he was still in his sleepwear, which was oversized and hanging off of his shoulder as he leaned against the door.

“Balin, I thought we said we’d do this in the afternoon,” he groaned, still groggy with sleep.

Balin frowned, unamused. “I told you we would be here at sunrise. You said you’d be awake.”

“I lied,” he shot a lazy grin before looking over at you. “And who’s this?”

“This is Y/N, they’re helping me with preparing-”

“Oh, so you’re the librarian!” Kíli smiled, seemingly remembering who you were. Which was strange, because you two had never met. And you certainly wouldn’t call yourself a librarian.

“I’m sorry?” You raised a brow.

“Ori told me about you, he said you tend to that room he found?”

“Oh, right. Yes, I have been in charge of that…” You nodded. He wasn’t technically wrong, but you tended to align yourself more with the term of scholar rather than librarian. 

“Listen, Kíli,” Balin interjected. “Get yourself settled, we’re on a busy schedule for today.”

Kíli groaned again and you came to realize that he was not matching the image of him you had conjured up in your head. It was hard to believe that this lazy dwarf was the same Prince who had joined Balin on his journey to Erebor.

“Alright, alright. Give me a few minutes, I’ll get dressed.” He shut the door on both of you and you couldn’t hide the frown on your face.

“Is he usually like this?” You asked Balin, keeping as delicate a tone as possible.

“He sleeps like a mountain now that he has a soft bed every night,” Balin sighed. “But he’s never been a morning person. In any case, now we can get started.”

You nodded in response, choosing to withhold any opinions you currently had about the younger Prince of Erebor. First impressions could always change, after all. Surely it would serve you better to erase the idea of his lazy behavior from your mind. You didn’t know him personally; perhaps he simply just wasn’t a morning person.

Suddenly the door was open again, this time with a much more well-kept Prince behind it. You had to stop yourself from doing a double take; he looked like an entirely different person to you now.

His brown hair was now smoother and brushed and slightly swept out of his face, save for his bangs. Fine dwarven fabric hung from his shoulders as he stepped outside of his room and you had to stop yourself from staring. His brown eyes seemed much more full of life now that he was finally dressed and his face was clean. Altogether, he suddenly looked a lot more royal than before.

“Well, that took you long enough,” Balin commented.

“Beauty can do that, yes,” Kíli retorted with a rather cheeky smirk. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“Well, time waits on no one, much less beauty,” Balin sighed, adjusting his belt as he began trailing away. “Come along now, there’s much to do.”

A few hours passed by and the day quickly became more and more draining, each minute feeling longer than the last. You felt like you were melting into a puddle of exhausted slop with each step you took, your feet sore after how much walking you three had done. Honestly, you were sure you had walked at least seven or eight miles by now. And while it may have been nothing to the likes of Balin or even Kíli, it was truly starting to wear you down. 

It was your own fault, really. You should have taken Balin’s earlier offer to run off and get yourself some food. Or perhaps have gotten a good night’s rest the previous night. You were all out of sorts and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t disappointed in yourself. You had been so focused on studying that you had forgotten to take care of yourself, and look where it had gotten you. Balin was right.

By now, Balin had taken the two of you on a tour of sorts, bringing Kíli to important halls and rooms of Erebor while explaining and delegating what new tasks would fall to him once his brother took his role as the Crown Prince. From the throne room to the forges, there was always something new for Kíli to learn or expound upon. Many of his new tasks weren’t all that unfamiliar to him, as his mother had been helping prepare him for this. But as much as you wanted to be present and fully soak up all of this knowledge as Balin’s assistant, you were utterly spent. Your feet felt stiff like bricks as you trudged along behind Kíli and Balin and the dark circles under your eyes were becoming more apparent with each passing hour. Neither of them had noticed your condition until you three were finally alone. 

There you were, in an empty hall of the library while Balin was explaining to Kíli what would be expected of him at the ascension ceremony itself, arms full of a script with pictures depicting a ceremony long past, when your stomach suddenly let out an embarrassingly loud grumble. Your eyes widened and you clutched your stomach in a panic, as if it would somehow muffle the noise. But itt didn’t. 

You were horrified. Speechless, even. Balin sighed, leaving Kíli confused as to why something as trivial as this would even warrant a reaction.

“Y/N…” Balin said. “If you need to eat, I’m sure I can handle him myself.”

Kíli scoffed, slightly offended at his words. “Well, you’re the one who’s been going nonstop without any break. I would be hungry too!”

“And are you?” Balin raised an unamused brow.

All eyes were on Kíli as he looked down, almost embarrassed to admit defeat.

“...Yes.”

Balin set the book down on the table beside him, running a hand to his temple. You frowned, not liking his annoyed demeanor, but in truth it was all directed at Kíli.

“Well then, I suppose we can take a short break. I’ll be up in the Archives for now. Return in an hour after you properly feed yourselves.”

“An hour? What’s the rush?” Kíli’s jaw dropped, appalled at the idea of a quick meal.

“I won’t give you any royal treatment, Kíli,” Balin countered. “We’re far past formalities.”

“Aw, come on, even a normal person would want more time. I might be technically royal but–”

“Aye, and a royal pain at that,” Balin sighed. “Two hours. And then I want you both back and ready to get to work.”

You nodded eagerly, grateful even for the first hour. “And we will, of course. Thank you.”

“We’ll be back before you know it!” Kíli chimed in.

Balin rolled his eyes, waving you two off as he began his own journey up to the Archives of the library. You watched him go before turning to exit, planning on going to your room to cook when suddenly a hand tapped your shoulder; you turned to see Kíli now throwing you a grin.

“Come on, let’s go,” He motioned to the exit with his head.

“I was going–” You tried to explain but were quickly cut off.

“To eat by yourself?”

“Well I have–”

“Come on; we’ve only got so much time and we haven’t had any to get to know each other.”

You pursed your lip, not feeling too keen to have your plans derailed. But it didn’t feel right to decline a royal, even one as childish as him.

“I wanted to cook at home.”

“Even better! Home-cooked meals are the best!”

You sighed. He would not give in.

“I don’t know if I have enough in my pantry to share…” You tried your best to give one last excuse, but he was quicker.

“How about I grab some of my own food and meet you at your house? We can combine the ingredients and make something delicious.”

For a silent moment, you could only look at his stupid grin while you weighed your options. But you weren’t averse to more food being offered and he clearly didn’t seem to take any negative answer.

“Fine.” You caved. “But please be quick about it. I don’t want to waste this time waiting on you and I mean that as politely as possible.”

He chuckled at your politely rude comment, leaving the library first to what you assumed was his own home.

One hurried walk later, you had finally gotten home and begun preparing your meal. All you had left were some vegetables from your weekly visit to the market and some rice. Rather good options to be stuck with, if you thought about it. It seemed a delicious stir fry would be your meal today.

Quickly, you got to work on cleaning your vegetables, a mixture of squash and greens, before chopping them up in your kitchen. A heavy knock sounded at your door and you set your cutting knife down to go answer it. 

You swung the door open and soon reality hit you. Kíli, one of Erebor’s Princes, was standing outside your front door holding a clothed bundle of something and you had no idea how he had gotten here. 

“I don’t recall telling you where I live,” you said aloud, but softly as though it was supposed to only be heard by your ears. 

“Ori told me,” Kíli explained. “And that’s not usually how you answer the door, if I remember.”

His wit snapped you out of your reverie and you quickly allowed him inside. But you weren’t exactly thrilled at his news. 

“And why did Ori tell you where I live, if I may ask?”

“You may.” He chuckled at that comment. You didn’t find it funny. He quickly realized that. 

“It came up when we were discussing Balin’s newest pupil. Ori mentioned how you had been living here for quite some time when I said how far the traveling was from here to Dale.” 

You sighed, nodding. “You thought I was from Dale.”

It made sense, after all. You weren’t a dwarf. 

“A stupid comment on my behalf, truly,” he tried to save the conversation, finally revealing what he had in his hands. “I hope these will add to whatever you’re already preparing.”

You looked down to see thick cut bacon and a sealed bottle of ale. The good stuff too, this was definitely higher quality than you were used to. You could already feel your mouth salivating at the idea of such a tasty meat in your stir fry. A small bit of ale would also enhance the flavor and even add some new ones. 

“These are actually very promising,” you said, once again aloud but more so to yourself. Still, he heard you. 

“That’s what I was hoping for.” He smiled up at you. “So what are we making?”

You walked past him, now making your way back to your kitchen. He followed suit, albeit after removing his shoes. That seemed to be one of his few redeeming qualities. 

“I have the rice cooking now, but I need to finish cutting the vegetables and get the bacon cooking so it’s ready to be added by the time the rice is done.”

“Sounds great! How can I help?”

You froze for a moment, now realizing there was another living being in your kitchen. This wasn’t exactly a common situation for you. In fact, you liked your cooking how you liked your work in the library: alone. 

But who would you be to tell a Prince that? And especially a Prince who had brought over such fine ingredients… You were caught between a rock and a hard place, and it was time to make a choice. 

Gingerly, you stepped farther from the chopping block and closer to your hearth. You only had two hours to eat; it only made sense to let him help. 

“You can cut everything and I will cook it.” You nodded as you spoke, as if you were still trying to get yourself on board with the idea. You honestly couldn’t recognize if it was working or not, but Kíli was happy to lend a helping hand. And quite ready to get started too, as his hunger was starting to get to him. 

“Great, then let’s get started.” He eagerly grabbed the knife, chopping your squash in such an indelicate way that you could do nothing other than watch with eyes wide open, mouth ajar. None of these pieces of squash were the same size. Or even the same shape, for that matter! It was like he was chopping them all willy-nilly without any air of culinary prowess. 

Something inside of you snapped and you knew you had to say something. You couldn’t help it! 

“What on earth do you think you’re doing?” You spoke slowly, still processing the horror in front of you. 

Kíli wasn’t exactly thrilled about your attitude, either, but he did his best to dismiss it. “I’m helping… I’m cutting this squash.”

“But you’re not even dicing it—“

“I didn’t know that’s what you wanted.”

“It’s going with rice, I feel as though you should want to cut it smaller.”

“Does it matter? It’s all going to end up being eaten, isn’t it?” His tone was sterner, now getting more upset.

“But it needs to be small enough to blend with the rice,” you countered. “Otherwise it’s rice with squash on the side.”

“These pieces aren’t that big—“

“They’re chunks! They’re chunky, look at them!”

“I’m the one cutting, I’m sure I can clearly see that’s they’re perfectly fine pieces—“

“Have you ever even used a kitchen knife?”

“Have you ever tried letting someone do so before you critique their cutting abilities?!”

And suddenly, a loud grumble rang out from your stomach, effectively shutting the both of you up. You let out a breath, rationalizing with yourself as you realized there was no reason to be this upset at such a tiny thing. You weren’t someone who typically enjoyed sharing your space with a stranger all that much. Being practically starving wasn’t doing you any favors, either. But it was certainly embarrassing. Demeaning, even. Truly, you were hangry. 

You looked away from the Prince in your kitchen, staring blankly at the boiling rice in front of you. A sigh left your lips before you turned back to face him. 

“I’m sorry,” you nodded. “Let’s just work on getting this cooked.”

Kíli nodded, having realized the same thing as you; both of you were hangry and yelling at each other for no reason. 

“I’ll cut them smaller,” he said quietly, referencing the squash. 

You let out a small nod, returning to your pot of boiling rice that you stirred. “Thank you.”

For a while, you two coexisted in the kitchen in silence; Kíli cut the vegetables and the bacon while you added it to a wok for cooking, the sizzle of the ingredients hitting the pan filling the quiet of the room. Without needing to be told, Kíli uncorked the ale, handing it over to you as you tossed a splash into the pan. Steam rose and the smell hit your nostrils with a cozy aroma as the meat and veggies cooked in the pan.

Finally, after adding in the rice and seasoning it to your liking, the dish was done. With a soft smile, you plated the food into two wooden bowls, offering one to Kíli.

“It looks amazing,” he commented. It seemed you had both calmed down some since your argument. “Do you have anything to drink?”

“I just fetched some water yesterday,” you answered. “The cups are in the cupboard.”

He picked up the bottle of ale, still quite full. “There’s also this, if we wanted. What do you say?”

You frowned. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. We have to be back in a little more than an hour.”

“Suit yourself,” he said. “But I doubt one glass will hurt anyone.”

You watched as he poured himself a cup before leaving to go sit at your dining table. A part of you would’ve been tempted to have some yourself, but Balin and your empty stomach would disapprove. You would be satisfied with just this; your body needed it.

Kíli joined you at the table with a smile, quite excited to eat. You watched him as he sat down, taking notice of his beauty as he tucked his hair behind his ears. He was very pretty, even by your standards. You wondered how you hadn’t seen it before. But then again, you had been distracted by his laziness and childish mannerisms, not to mention the previous argument.

You two began to eat in silence, sharing a meal in a comfortable quiet that was occasionally broken whenever Kíli would gulp down his ale. For his sake, you hoped he wasn’t a lightweight.

“How much longer do we have?” He asked in between bites.

“An hour, I think?” You shrugged. “It’s probably smart to leave once we’re done.”

“In a rush?”

“I don’t like to keep Balin waiting. I respect him too much for that.”

“I see. You’ve been working with him for a while now, haven’t you?”

You looked up at him, realizing he was actually making conversation. A part of you was surprised, but you didn’t know why.

“It’s been a few years now,” you answered. 

“Do you like it? Working with him, I mean.” Kíli smiled at you, his warm eyes catching the light of the candles on your table. 

It was alluring.

“I do,” you admitted, smiling at the thought. “He’s very kind. And funny, in his old way. He’s taken care of me for a while.”

“Has he?”

“He’s always looking out for me, but he also doesn’t let me shy away from chances where I could grow.” You sighed, looking at your food. “I look up to him a lot.”

“Well,” Kíli took another swig of his drink. “You certainly sound a lot more grateful than Ori does.”

“That can’t be true,” you chuckled. “What does Ori say?”

“It would be easier to list what he doesn’t say,” he joked. “He’s always going on about his workload being too much. He’s either cleaning the library or running around on Balin’s orders.”

You rolled your eyes with a smile. “He’s just ranting, I’m sure. He can get frustrated rather quickly but we all know he loves his work.”

“He does, it’s true.” Kíli laughed to himself. “He loves working with you, from what I hear.”

“Does he?” You raised a brow, your interest now piqued as you took another bite of food. 

He nodded, chewing his own mouthful before continuing. “Nowadays he’s always talking about how helpful you are to him; he thinks you know the library better than him now. I remember him mentioning you when you two first met, my brother and I could’ve swore he had a crush on you.”

“A crush?” You choked on your food, hitting your chest to clear up before trying to eat again. 

Kíli held back his laughter, bearing a smile so wide it captured the light around you. “Yes, he must have!”

“I highly doubt–”

“He would go on and on about how pretty you were, how you dressed, or you smelled. One time we couldn’t get him to stop talking about ‘the librarian’s hair’ as if he were some star-struck child!”

Your cheeks were feeling warm by now and you were sure it wasn’t due to the hot food in front of you. 

“I don’t know how to feel about that,” you admitted. “He’s sweet, but I’ve never realized–”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s passed by now,” he said quickly in an attempt to reassure you. “He really just doesn’t get out much. None of us do, really. We’re all so busy trying to keep this place running and back to its former glory.”

“I see,” you nodded, now feeling a little relieved. Things would feel so awkward if Ori actually did have a crush on you. You certainly were fond of him, but not in that way.

“He wasn’t wrong, though,” Kíli said softly, snapping you out of your thoughts as you met his gaze.

“I’m sorry?”

“I just…” He trailed off, looking back down at his food. It seemed like he wasn’t expecting you to hear him as his face started turning red.

You in turn looked down at your own food, confused by his behavior. You gave him one last look, seeing his eyes meet your own.

“He wasn’t wrong. You’re beautiful.”

You froze, the room completely silent save for the crackling of the candles. Here you were sharing a meal with a Prince who had just told you he found you beautiful. Admittedly, it was all a bit much.

You gave a nervous laugh, fixing your posture in your seat as you shoved another forkful of food into your mouth. You chewed and swallowed, nodding as you tried to horse down the rest of your meal.

“Balin should be expecting us soon. We should hurry up,” you said, refusing to make eye contact as you ate.

Kíli smiled, his gaze lingering on you for a moment before returning to his own food.

“Right, we wouldn’t want to keep him waiting.” 

You two managed to make it back in time, arriving to see Balin’s nose stuffed in one of the thickest books you had ever had the fortune of seeing. The rest of the day was long as the tour continued, but you had caught Kíli stealing a few choice glances your way whenever Balin wasn’t looking. You were caught off guard, sure, but you weren’t entirely averse to the attention. It was something new. Nice, even, and it made you think that perhaps this dwarf wasn’t entirely as ridiculous as you thought.

Of course, what you didn’t know was that he was almost certainly even more ridiculous than you took him for. But that certainly wouldn’t dissuade him from trying his best to capture your attention.

[pinkyjulien]

It's been rotating in my head all morning and since I have to wait a few hours to get my day started, might as well throw my two cents in a proper post

We really should talk about Kerry Eurodyne

Now before you run off, I think it's important to point something out; As a fandom veteran who been here since early 2021, I think others will agree when I say that the discourse surrounding Kerry has always been a hot topic that comes back around every few weeks- but why does it keep coming back?

I'm well placed to know that ignoring a problem and not talking about it publicly doesn't solve anything; everyone is quick to throw assumption and accusations, to make "callout" post, to blow things out of proportions, to take someones's squick as personal attack, and the mob mentality does the rest; everyone follow whoever is going to be the loudest about an ongoing "fandom drama"

This isn't an attempt to show anyone that they're "wrong" or "right"; there is no right or wrong in this recurring discourse. This post is an attempt at opening an healthy and mature conversation! I come in peace gfhgfh

Prefacing this by saying that I'm not a Kerry fan, and I'm not bisexual. So why the hell do I care? Well to be frank, I don't particularly care, I have my own opinions on the character, but I do care (to an extent) about this "community" and I hate seeing what happened to me happen to others, especially new commers who never meant anything wrong. Nobody deserves to be bullied out of a fandom for sharing their opinions on their own blog/space!

Alright this intro was long but let's get on it- buckle up cause this is going to be a looooot of rambling

━

Through the years/months, I've noticed something rather sad; this isn't a debate between bisexual people vs biphobic people, as a lot of people might think and assume; this has always been queer people sharing, sometimes in a really awkward and hurtful way, their interpretation of a character (don't block me yet, please hear me out)

Those who know me knows that I personally care a lot about the canon and writers's visions, so first I want to share some posts about Kerry made by his literal "parents"

Mateusz Tomaszkiewicz, Narrative Designer at CDPR, shared informations on the different romance interest back in December 2020, on the game's release day

When asked about a MLM relationship option, here what he states:

(don't leave just yet)

On a now-deleted comment, RTalsorianGames, original creator of the Cyberpunk tabletop game and by definition original creator of Kerry Eurodyne, stated the following:

Please note that CDPR did in fact consult with Mike himself about Kerry being a MLM exclusive romance!

(Also this isn't a debate about if Kerry cares about V or not, let's not derail this conversation, remember that everyone is allowed to interpret a character and a relationship as they wish)

I wanted to share these tweets to point something really important; there is no "right" or "wrong" label for Kerry, and it all boils down to interpretation < key word

Kerry have multiple states; we HAVE to remember Kerry exist in some kind of cyberpunk multiverse!

We have his 2020 and 2023 self that are confirmed to be bisexual; this is the Kerry Mike and RTalsorian created, the Kerry they have full control and say over; the same young Kerry we see in Johnny's flashback

And then comes his 2077 self, which we see confirmed above as labeled as Homosexual (which again as been approved by Mike himself)

I personally think it's important to start with what his different creators have to say; Kerry is both Mike's and CDPR's character; Kerry is both labeled as being Bisexual and Homosexual

There is a lot of reasons why this change / evolution was made, even tho we all know the main reason; they needed a MLM romance in the game to complete the LI roster. But why take an already established character, a Bi character even, for the Gay romance?

I've seen a lot of people saying that CDPR erased his bisexuality, I understand why it might feel like this, but I don't think it's true or fair! Again, remember that Mike gave his OK for this; he could've at any moment said no, Kerry is HIS baby first and foremost

In game, we learn about Kerry's ex wife and kids; this is something CDPR could've not included at all (and THIS would've been erasing his bisexuality imo) it's not even something that is said out loud, but something to be found by dedicated fans; it's here on purpose, to give depth to the character and to his personal life!

We also see a couple of feminine clothes around his villa; let's not assume anything here, clothes have no genders especially in the 2077 setting, but it can also well point at one-night stand with women and/or multi-gender orgies for example

But, this won't be anything new or controversial, Kerry pushes femV advances in game- this is simply a fact! Like it or not, that's how CDPR's writers, RTAL and Mike decided to evolve Kerry's character for the game; everyone was ok with this

━

Now comes the root of the debate; Is it homophobic to mod Kerry to be romanceable by a femV? and is it biphobic to not be comfortable with this?

No, and no - (don't leave just yet, please read a bit more)

Remember that I'm "just" a gay man, I've had discussion with friends of all gender and orientation about this topic and it's been enlightning to hear the different opinions on the matter!

As previously mentioned, it all boils down to Interpretation.

The discourse recently came back because someone shared their uncomfortableness regarding mods that change Kerry's preferences; in the post tags, OP made sure to say that everyone was free to do anything, to ship anything, and that this was just their opinion; but obviously the fandom didn't read that part and started to throw accusation around, and here we are (I shouldn't have to remind people that we all are free to share whatever on our respective blogs, if it hurts you just block the person, don't jump them)

OP is a Bisexual Man; a lot of other Bisexual Men related to this post and rebloged it, sharing their thoughts in the tags (I also rebloged it, I know it caused a few people to back off and block me as a result, which I respect totally)

Going to pick up my questions back up to hopefully state my opinions and "analyses" of the situation as clear as possible

Is it homophobic to mod Kerry to be romanceable by a femV?

No, it's not

Kerry is bisexual, he was married to a women, and potentially still have sex with women and fem individuals, these infos are all canon in game.

Kerry pushes femV flirts away; but since he experience attraction to women, who is to say that in someone's own canon, their fem OC isn't a V, and doesn't have Johnny involved, changing how Kerry and their OC meet drastically; Kerry could fall in love with her! He could; he's bisexual after all.

Is it biphobic to not be comfortable with this?

No, it's not

Kerry has a clear preference for men; CDPR choose to show this multiple time in the game, during Johnny's flashback we can see him make out with a masc fan, we can see him being vulnerable with Johnny (imo, his lil crush is showing hard)

I personally haven't seen it/heard it in game, but I've been told that after learning about Kerry's ex-wife, Johnny has a vocal, surprised reaction, has if imagining Kerry with a woman is strange to him

However, there is a lot of biphobic things being said in the discourse, and not in the way you might think of

I thankfully never see the full extent of it; I don't see the obviously biphobic takes, stating that Kerry SHOULD NEVER be with a femV, people being nasty and ATTACKING femV/Kerry shippers; this is never ok, these have been blocked for a long time now

But I sadly see the other takes, which always icked me a bit; the takes that say, "you bisexuality isn't worth of respect if it isn't a 50/50 attraction at all time", takes that are sadly biphobic in nature (making it clear that I'm not pointing finger at anyone, nor am I accusing anyone of being biphobic)

This is what it boils down to, I think, this is the root of the problem

As mentioned before, a lot of Bisexual Men expressed their uncomfort when it comes to femV/Kerry mods; it invalidated Kerry's preference. But this isn't about Kerry, he's fictional, he CANT be hurt by anything, by mods or art or whatever; It invalidate Bisexual Men that share the same preference in Men, Bisexual men that related to Kerry for X or Y.

Bisexuality is a spectrum, queer people has been fighting against Bi erasure for years, but also against Bi stereotypes; and I think this is one of them? (Please correct me if I'm wrong)

Bisexuality isn't a strict 50/50 split preference- it can be! But 60/40, 20/80 and even 99/1 attractions are still Bisexual attractions. I've met a lot of queer people who, despite being bisexual by definition, choose not to label as such (prefering to label as straight or gay depending on their preferences) just because of this "bisexual police" imposing a strict 50/50; "How can you be bisexual, you've only dated men/women" etc

This is what is being imposed in the fandom, this is how it might looks like to people; when you attack a Bisexual Man sharing his uncomfort in seeing people not respecting a Bisexual character's preference, you're telling them "Hey, your bisexuality isn't valid if you have a preference". You're telling them "Your bisexuality isn't correct". You're showing them that you "fixed" a "flawed" bisexual character "that got erased as gay for having a preference" by "modding his bisexuality back"

Kerry being written as MLM exclusive in Cyberpunk 2077 isn't bi erasure; he's still Bisexual, he simply has a strong preference for Men. A preference that he always had, but that can also be amplified after his divorce with his ex wife, for multiple reasons; I also don't have to point out how many queer people in real life explored their homosexuality after being in a hetero-marriage for most of their lives! And that's ok, queer love is an ever evolving spectrum, and I think it's awesome we get more fleshed out characters that explore this in depth

I've seen people compare Kerry to Johnny, and I don't think it's fair; for the simple reason that Kerry is a romance option and Johnny is not.

Johnny express a clear preference for women; however he replies to V (and flirt, in some case) the same way regardless of gender! Kerry on the other end, as previously said, pushed femV's advanced away. Something Johnny can't do since he's not a romance option; tho if he was, and if he was pushing mascV advances away, it would be the exact same situation and same problematic!

Another character that is canonly bisexual is Goro; he replies to V's flirt through text messages the exact same way, he doesn't seem to express any preferences (and no, his "obligation in japan" isn't necessarily a wife, this is heteronormative and another problem all together, not the subject here)

People can express being uncomfortable seeing Johnny with a given gender, or Goro with a given gender; but there isn't any """reason""" to it outside of personal preferences

Kerry situation is problematic because it lies in his clearly, canonly stated preference, how people decide to interpret it, and how it can come off to other queer people who might share sexuality and/or preference with the character

━

Everyone is free to ship whoever however they want

But please; remember that everyone is different. People being uncomfortable with a character bisexuality preference being ""fixed"" shouldn't be too surprising; and if it is, please re-read my post/ You have to be ok with this fact, it's OK to make content that might be uncomfortable for others; this is fiction!

There isn't any Right or Wrong way to be bisexual, to be queer Kerry's bisexuality is perfectly fine; unmodded or modded Everyone is Different; Every Queer experiences is different People relate to characters in different way

Nobody is being misoginist; there isn't any double standard at play

Bisexual people sharing their opinions on their own blogs on how a fandom handle a character's bisexuality isn't biphobic, or an attack to anyone who interpret the character differently!

I promise you nobody is attacking anyone, and a lot of things being said accidently comes off as biphobic on both sides of this eternal "debate"

It all comes down to respecting others interpretations, and agreeing to disagree! Tumblr's filtering system work great, you can easily filter and block tags, or even people if needed

I might've said things awkwardly, and for this I apologise; but don't put words I didn't say into my mouth! If you don't agree, that's fine, and you're more than welcome to filter/block me if needed; but please do not paint me as biphobic or misoginist, same goes to everyone who shared their thoughts on the matter, these are serious accusation and can wrongfully hurt a lot of people

Ship and let Ship, take care of yourselves and remember to curate your space 🙏

[subskz]

do you have any tips on writing? i wanna start my own blog and start writing, but im not sure where to start and how to make it sound good.

ofc! i do wanna preface by saying i’m by no means an expert, and when it comes to writing (or any form of creative expression) a lot of it is very subjective, so there’s not really any set standard for your writing to be considered “good” outside of basic writing/grammar rules! that being said, here are some things i do!

first just a few basic rules:

1.) start a new paragraph each time someone different is speaking

e.g. “What’s that?” she asked, tilting her head in the direction of the other room.

He squinted, taking a moment to listen carefully before another dull thud echoed through the door. “Not sure,” he replied. “Let’s check it out.”

2.) when seperating dialogue, don’t capitalize dialogue tags, treat the text in quotations and outside of quotations as if they’re the same sentence. this is one i didn’t learn until quite recently actually…😭

e.g. “Oh my God,” she muttered. “Why are you so difficult?”

The exception to this would be if the dialogue is seperated by a different sentence!

e.g. “Oh my God.” She was clearly fed up, running a hand down her face with a huff. “Why are you so difficult?”

3.) when a character is quoting something within their dialogue, don’t use quotation marks (“”), use apostrophes (‘’)

e.g. “He told me “do what you want”, so I will.” (this is wrong)

“He told me ‘do what you want’, so I will.” (this is right!)

as for writing tips, these are just some things that i personally do when i write! they’re not necessarily the right way to go abt it, so only follow the advice you want! i also talked a bit abt motivation here

include actions w dialogue! this can keep things from getting monotonous (like a constant back and forth of “he said” “she said” with little in between) and can also emphasize what the characters are saying! for example, instead of writing “he replied dismissively” you could say “he replied, giving a dismissive wave of his hand” or instead of “she said in exasperation” you could say “she rolled her eyes as she spoke” just little things like that to enhance the dialogue. ofc, keeping it simple is necessary sometimes so don’t overdo this!

that brings me to another point, adverbs aren’t bad (i use them a lot!) but sometimes what ur trying to say could be better expressed with just one word. it can get a bit repetitive if things are always described like “said awkwardly” “laughed loudly” “touched softly” etc. you might be able to find a word that gets the point across better. for example, “said irritably” could be “huffed”, “walked casually” could be “sauntered”, “smiled brightly” could be “beamed” and so on. but there are plenty of cases where adverbs are super useful so definitely don’t avoid them altogether!! i just try to make sure i dont use a bunch in a row

simple dialogue tags like “said” “asked” “replied” are your friend!! don’t avoid using them just bc they might seem generic hehe esp if you’re substituting them w verbs that are less appropriate simply for the sake of not using “said”

sometimes, you’re better off not including dialogue at all! like the whole premise of “show, don’t tell”, spelling out every last thing for the reader can sometimes work against you. body language and cultivating an atmosphere is key here! if it’s an awkward situation, you could bring up someone averting their eyes, shifting from side to side, playing with their fingers etc. if it’s a serious situation, you could mention their tensed shoulders/facial expression, their jaw clenching, them pulling away when someone tries to touch them etc. that in itself tells a story! but once again, it’s just abt using methods like these at the right times. sometimes, exposition is necessary

if ur writing abt skz, or any muse really, i think including mentions of their features/habits makes it more fun to read! it can help immerse the reader if u bring up traits that capture the character’s essence, or speech patterns that capture their voice. it’s all fictional ofc and just based off our perception of them, but i like to write skz in a way that’s at least somewhat believable in accordance w their personalities! even little things like the way jisung talks through breathy giggles, binnie’s nose scrunches, how minho looks up when he’s thinking, or how jeongin ends his sentences with a cute nod sometimes. and ofc there’s physical details as well like binnie’s chin scar, chan’s dimples, hannie’s cheek mole etc

this one is probably obvious but paragraph breaks are very important!! both to prevent overwhelming the reader with a huge block of words, and for organizing events/building tension! a paragraph never strictly has to be multiple sentences, you can have a single isolated line of text if you want. timing paragraph breaks can be very effective for creating the right vibe! if something intense is happening, putting a break right after a serious action or putting a single line of dialogue on its own can make them stand out and really add to the drama of it all hehe

don’t worry too much abt using the same word multiple times!! it might feel a lil annoying when you have to repeat a word several times in a paragraph but sometimes that’s the only option there is. if you try to replace it w 10 different synonyms instead of just referring to a book as a book, then it might end up sounding even goofier haha…so try not to stress when you feel like you’re overusing a word!

if you want your writing to be more immersive, take all senses into account!! describe more than just the character’s actions—describe sights, smells, sounds, touch, how the characters are feeling, etc!

arguably the biggest piece of advice i could give!! having varied sentence structure/length is one of the most challenging parts of writing in my opinion but so so important. when smth sounds off in your writing, it could very often be bc of the way a sentence is structured, or bc several sentences back to back are similar in length/format, which makes it flow awkwardly. i think making sure ur sentences range from long, detailed ones w several clauses, commas, semicolons, em dashes etc. to short, direct ones keeps the writing engaging! sometimes combining 2 short sentences can make the flow sound better, and sometimes breaking down a long one does the same! it also makes it a lot more effective when you have a sudden short sentence amidst several longer ones, bc there’s a clear shift in tone! generally just try to avoid having an entire paragraph of sentences that go “she did this and then this. then she did this and then this. then she did this and said that.” the variety will work wonders for how it all connects together!

ofc there are some situations where you might be going for a certain feeling or tone w your writing, in which case it can actually be a useful tactic to have repetitive sentence length/structure. maybe you want a scene to feel overwhelming w several long, complex sentences or you want to really drive in an idea by using blunt, disjointed ones. it’s all abt what you hope to achieve w your writing and your personal preference!

i hope this helps!! once again this isn’t the be all end all, so please only follow what you see fit! if you have any other questions let me know, i’m wishing you the best of luck! ^_^

[alkasden]

Respond to the following prompts out of character, then tag others you'd like to get to know a little bit better.

Roleplayer name: Nine

Roleplayer pronouns: She/Her

Muse name(s): Alkas & Imp Nine (TBA) / Rosie (In another blog)

▼ More under the cut cause this is a bit long.

Preferred communication: Tumblr. Unless we plot some stuff together and I’m comfortable with you then I’d move to discord but often I won’t initiate on friend requests cause I’m shy. You'll likely have to be the one to send it or bring it up.

Experience: Been on and off RPing since I was able to type on a PC, so a bit over 20+ years ranging from chatrooms to paragraph forums to MMOs to Discord to Tumblr and even some VR thrown in there. Though I’ve helped run a lot of writing groups, I led one for several years that I retired from which was aimed at helping newer RPers learn the ropes based out of an MMO. My reasoning for retiring was simply a lot of pressure as it was around 500+ members at the time and my interest in the MMO was dying out. Though I’ve recently returned to Tumblr, before the nsfw purge I ran fanfiction and headcanon blogs for various fandoms and some light RPing. So I have a lot of scattered experience in fandoms and OC works.

Preferred roleplay type: I’m very flexible honestly as I’ll mirror who I’m vibing with whether it be just dialogue back and forth or paragraphs or even novellas! I don’t mind mixing up genres either as they are welcome to respond to me at their preferred type even if I’m not matching though I’ll often try to match to not pressure them.

Pet peeves & dealbreakers: Honestly, after leading a group of teaching beginners in writing there is not a lot that bothers me. I think a pet peeve I could say that really irks me is metagaming in the sense of not letting me play my character at all and basically writing out all my character’s actions for me unless discussed upon ooc for that scene.

Deal breakers for me are pretty common ones found in roleplaying. I will not tolerate someone claiming exclusivity over me as an RP partner and not allowing me to RP with others. I also tend to play combative or villain characters so someone forcing me to change them just so they can interact is really not something I can do with the exception of censoring certain topics or content for the sake of ooc comfort!

Loose example: I will not make my character nicer just so you can bang them (this one comes from the experience of being asked this more than once in past experiences before Alkas). Gotta earn that development if you want it. Otherwise, I’m all for toxic dynamics and bad endings.~

Other than that, making sure there’s a clear line between IC and OOC is a must. I am not my character and I will dip into themes I do not always see as okay morally.

Best time to write: I work as a 24/7 in-home caregiver, so honestly anytime is good for me. I have to occasionally leave my PC unexpectedly as I’m always on call and I also am awake at odd hours that shift everyday, so I cannot predict a schedule.

Are you like your muse? Personality wise? Heck no, Alkas is almost my polar opposite which is partially the intention. She’s very rude and abrasive and combative to the point she’s unreasonable and aggressively insecure. I think I would cry if I ever acted like she does to another person.

Of course, there are some parts of myself I have in her personality like we’re both Aromantic (though she’s Hypersexual on top of that and I’m Asexual (sex-positive). We both tend to be really awkward when it comes to actual friendships and keeping up with them, too. I also did put her living life close to mine since it was a RL reference just to make it easier on myself in her birthplace and ethnicity. Though I don’t know a lot about motorcycles, I certainly am going to be getting one soon and of course, I love greasers.

Physical wise? I shamefully admit her human form (and body type) is greatly based on myself. You never see it though, so it’s fineee.

For my imp, she's the gremlin that lives in my head based on intrusive and impulsive thoughts. For Rosie, I just try to stick to canon, so kinda in the kind motherly vibe cause people sometimes say I'm like that I guess?

Tagged by: @the-delightful-temptation (Thankies for the tag!)

Tagging: ANYONE THAT SEES THIS cause I’m too shy to tag anyone aaa!! -hides-

[darkwicks-unpaid-intern]

"Sheesh, it's like you guys can't do anything around here without me."

This is an rp blog for my TKDB original character/mc, Ryan Barette run by @scrimmification.

I also run an Alan Mido account, @alan-mido. This is a side blog off my main, so any likes or follows will come from there. I also have a TKDB specific blog @lesbianmido.

NSFW interactions will be tagged, but in general this is an 18+ space

Mod's timezone is EST. Replies may be slow due to school and work. Please don't rush me!

I reserve the right to ignore any asks or messages that I feel uncomfortable responding to

I ship with chem, but please clear any intent on shipping with me privately in advance

All art featured is my own unless stated otherwise

General content warning for potential themes of depression, suicide, and all the weird fucked up shit that already happens in this game anyway.

Please be nice to me

Character info under the cut!

Ryan "The Inspector" Barette

Foreigner (American) - They/Them - early 20's - Transfer Student

A civilian from overseas who wound up entangled in Darkwick's seedy underbelly by freak accident. Now they've been tasked with watching over the schools' colorful cast of ghouls - aided by the mysterious enhancement ability of their ring. They're cursed to turn into an anomaly in one years time. Ryan is a generally soft-spoken and socially awkward person, almost constantly forced out of their comfort zone. They generally try to give everyone around them the benefit of the doubt. However, the current countdown clock on their lifespan has taken the form of a kind of 'fuck it, we ball' attitude on life. Now they're open to trying pretty much anything once. Eating an anomaly? Sure. Getting injected with dubious chemicals? Why not. Picking fights with people twice their size? Eh, I'm dying anyway. Who cares. They're polite, not a pushover. You know what they say - a cornered animal will do anything it has to to escape.

Misc notes:

The mark of the curse takes the form of a sleeve tattoo on their left forearm. It gradually spreads across their body the longer the curse goes uncured.

They have a nervous laughter tick and are prone to making jokes in awkward or dangerous situations in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Before coming to Darkwick, they were an unemployed artist going through a personal slump. When asked, however, they tend to lie about their past life to sound less pathetic.

They're good with their hands and have experience with welding and woodworking. They often borrow tools from Vagastrom in an attempt to patch the broken holes in their dorm room. Sometimes they fix personal items the ghouls break during missions.

Ryan's past, besides some small details, is mostly a mystery to the other ghouls. They tend to describe themself as a 'not particularly interesting' person before attending the academy. They also are prone to deflecting personal questions. Before the events of Darkwick, they were professionally diagnosed with suicidal depression. If not for the concern of the people around them, they would have probably just let the curse kill them naturally.

THAT BEING SAID THE BANDAIDS AREN'T SELF HARM SCARS! They're prone to injuring themself in weird and stupid ways pretty much constantly. Zero sense of self preservation. They always have at least 4 of these stuck to them at all times.

Basically imagine like... if the MC wasn't nearly as much of a pushover. Like if they were kind of a pushover but every day they are gradually getting closer to their limit. One day they will snap and bite someone for real.

(Wheel is just to show how they will likely interact with other canon characters. Relationships between muses are likely to change naturally or can be planned out in advance otherwise. Don't feel obligated play off Ryan in a certain way just because of the chart)

[loominggaia]

(me disculpo de antemano si incómoda la pregunta) ¿Cómo serían los fgg en la cama? (En ese sentido)

(Translated via Google Translator)

(I apologize in advance if the question is uncomfortable) What would fggs be like in bed? (In that sense)

-----

Trust me, no question is too uncomfortable for this blog! (Seriously, we get some doozies 'round here lmao)

But the following text will probably be NSFW, so I'll place it below a cut:

Evan: Apparently slops the D like a ⭐CHAMP⭐. He will act awkward, slobber and sweat all over you, and say weird shit that totally kills the mood, but he does care about his lovers and tries his best to make them happy, even if it means doing things he's not comfortable with. 6/10

Lukas: His emotional hangups make him detached and dispassionate. His list of "won't do" is longer than his list of "will do", really picky about the types of sex he'll engage with. Decent technique, but no romance. 4/10

Glenvar: 50/50 chance he's drunk and can't get it up. Regardless, he's determined to have a good time any way he can! Not very romantic, but lots of laughter and teasing, probably some kinky shit, and he's up for damn near anything you can throw at him. Maybe he's not packing the biggest sausage in the meat department, but he's good at working with what he has. 7/10

Alaine: Literally a professional sex-haver. Likes it rowdy and prefers to be on top. Her techniques are impeccable. She will do things to you that you've never even heard of. Listen, they call her Wet 'n Wild for a reason! 8/10

Jeimos: Totally cringe and fail at seduction, but once they get down to business they apparently got the magic touch. Jeimos' main problem is their uncontrollable pyromancy, which flares up whenever their emotions are high. Lust is a strong emotion, so any lover who isn't flame-resistant is getting fried. 5/10

Isaac: Isn't interested in sex, is actually quite uncomfortable with it. Does not know what to do with himself. Just wants to get it over with and go play with bugs or whatever. If it's someone he really cares about then he'll make an honest effort, but bro's got no game to work with. 2/10

Linde: Slightly kinky. Demands to be worshipped. A bit selfish in bed. If you're the submissive type then she's your queen, otherwise meh. Has a high libido and usually dtf whenever. 5/10

Balthazaar: Leaves his socks on, never heard of foreplay, couldn't find the clit if his life depended on it, probably hasn't showered in a while...He's a ten-pump chump and then he's out like a light. 0/10

Skel: He's a germaphobe, so bathing before or during is a requirement. Won't kiss, won't lick, won't do anything with his mouth except make noise. Can achieve some fun positions with telekinesis. May or may not poke his lover in the eye with his nose. 3/10

Javaan: Knows how to treat his lovers right. Willing to do whatever, wherever, with whoever. Fun, sexy, romantic, more game than a sports arena. Incredibly well-endowed (you know, being a centaur and all...) and has an insatiable libido. 10/10

Elska: Repulsed by sex. If you touch her, she will reach down your throat and pull you inside-out by your asshole. 11/10

Mr. Ocean: Can barely put his sandals on the right feet, yet he's apparently some kind of legendary fuckmaster. Telepathy allows him to feel what his lovers feel. Who needs genitals when you have 6 perfectly good tentacles? His ugliness is off-putting to most people, but hey, if they don't like it they can always close their eyes. 8/10

Zeffer: Vampires have bad circulation, so Zeffer probably can't get it up half the time. His skin is as cold as a corpse. Tons of stamina though, and no one can call him selfish. If he really loves someone, there is nothing he won't do for them...Just don't let him nibble your neck. 5/10

Zacry: Cold robot hands. 2/10

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

Read the Series

[asaichiban]

This is a response to that 🎀 anon ask but it's a long ask and a long response so I'm gonna put it under a read more

I literally just saw you in passing because after reading the manga I searched it up on Tumblr, not really expecting to see anyone post about it and especially not about my fav lil guy who's so 🤏🤏 grabs him and shakes him

Omg someone new!!!! You just read it?? How exciting :0 If you haven't seen all the adjacent stuff (I made a list of it here, I'd especially recommend the audio drama because I personally think Asaichi's voice actor is perfect for him) let me know and I will hook you up with some links 🫡

And then I discovered your blog and it's like Asaichi heaven (Haven't liked any of your posts yet, but I have some of Asaichi posts of yours in drafts cause my blog is basically empty and I felt like it'd be weird to randomly start reblogging posts to a blog that doesn't even look like it has anything to do with Asaichi)

Lmao that's awesome!! I'm happy you found my blog, I regularly check the tag for Yoru&Asa but almost no one else puts anything in there, it's like 90% my posts, especially if you sort by recent 😭

Also, I was worried about spamming my followers on my main blog with Asaichi posts so I made a separate yaoi blog, which is what you're on now, lmao. If you feel awkward about reblogging to a seemingly random blog, you could totally do that! It's kind of like having a safe, separate place to put everything you like via reblogs. You can make it private if you don't want other people to see it, too.

I'll likely stay on anon until I build courage to properly approach (if I ever accidentally send ask off anon, shh no I didn't, pretend you've never seen it, that ain't me)

No worries! 🤐

Wait, forgot to add since you wrote about the moment that made you like him. For me, while I already started off liking him from moment I saw him, my impression first was "oh, he's kinda annoying, but actually I love that about him 💖 go, bleached blond boy, go! Yell "SHIBUYA!!" over and over again and talk about getting all the girls!". Then that one scene,, "I like black haired girls too", yeah, yeah, and what about black haired guys? (Them too apparently lmao) Also, his face on that one page before he told Yoru to cut hair, Yoru was just like "?" while Asaichi was all red? So adorable, he's just so cute there

This part?

He's soooo cute. I love when he's embarrassed, which is like all the time because he's always doing the most embarrassing things 😭😭😭 It cracks me up when his friends make fun of him too. I think they also think he's cute when he's embarrassed.

But oh man, for tsundere male char fans, the scene when he tells Yoru to suck his dick, obviously not actually expecting for Yoru to follow through, only to not only finish but see Yoru swallow afterwards?? chef's kiss Delicious, wonderful, the way he immediately starts calling Yoru an idiot and throws insults (Thank you for the meal, Harada 🙏) that's where I really, really started to like him.

God, yes!! A lot to love about that scene. Yoru following through, because he is the biggest freak. Asaichi shocked and flustered that Yoru is following through. Asaichi coming immediately when Yoru says he likes and admires him. Asaichi calling him a fag and a freak and kicking him, like I don't like mean semes but I like semes being mean, ykwim? I thought it was hot. I still didn't like Asaichi because I read it as more abusive than tsundere at the time, but I for sure see where you're coming from. Like, he's being mean because he doesn't like how much he liked it 😭

Then afterwards when he's with Shiori, and is like "cute girls are the best", only to think of Yoru (I know what you are, Asaichi 👁️👁️), and then go "they're way better than that idiot" (wow, tsun again) and then remembering Yoru, again, and getting all flustered and hiding his face aughh he's so,,, i ilvoe him somuchaaa

Poor man cannot hide the gay thoughts. The stutter on "th-they don't smell like sweat" ("汗の、汗のにおいとか、しない") is what makes it, lmao.

Personally one of my favorite panels is right before then, the "I'm not gay…" / "俺、ホモじゃねえ…" in a wobbly text bubble, while blushing and hiding in bed… He looks so stressed out fr… For me it is amongst his cutest moments in this volume 😭

✨So that's about what made me like Asaichi✨

You are so valid, anon. He was kawaii even before the tears, even though I didn't see it at first.

Anyway, feel free to come by any time :)

[mireilol]

Sufferer.

Hey guys it's mirei and I'm laying in my bed as I write this

It's cold AF but I kinda like that sometimes...

I'm snuggled in the sheets,holding hello kitty close to me and decided its about time I make another comeback here on my blog

I've been wanting to write about more of my struggles and strengths so here we are

Initially I'd like photos that go well with a blog but today I will be using some of my recent hot pink selfie's I took not too long ago...

Geez,where do I begin....

Happy merry Christmas new years to you guys

It's amazing how fast these years go and it's always a crazy balance of good and bad stuff happening in mine and my families life.

Right at this moment December 30th at 1:30 am I am feeling very d3pressed and very lonley two things that have stuck with me my whole life and I feel blessed to have found the answer to this

The reason why I go through these emotions isn't just from my autism but because of my career choices,skipping events I could have gone too and even refusing to speak to people when they are clearly within arms length from me

I always talk about wanting to have Alot of friends and go on Alot of dates but I know all of that stuff isn't as easy as it sounds and probably not as fun It sounds either

I purposely decided to stay home rather than go meet people just because of my last experiences meeting real people

I feel so awkward around others and I can just feel when they aren't really interested

They just want to see if you're gonna do what they do

And I always ask God why does he always introduce me to the drugHeads and the liars

Because I freaking dislike those people so freaking much...

Friends

So having friends is supposed to be one of those things in life that's supposed to make life worth living

But I have to disagree because friends can hurt you so much that you don't want toLive anymore

These are people who see a deeper emotional side to you and once exposed they can manipulate you into what they want to see out of you and hear from you

Unfortunately I am a sufferer

A person who is very sensitive and is usually on the edge

Meaning I let things eff me up real bad

Not many people in the world care about sufferers like me so knowing that I've got to make myself feel better often times

Because at the end of my days it is up to me to smile or change my mind

I still have a warm invite inside of me to let people in my heart

And I recognize that I shouldn't keep this hidden

I can still try and I'm happy I still have hope

Lovers

Lovers feel like what I ultimately need most times my heart aches

Because I know I want to love someone but I also have be very careful about my mental illness

Alot of men love vulnerable women and bad people love emotionally damaged people

They will pray on me if I am not careful

And I do think I am because often times I kick these kinds of people out of my life

They are surprised like they didn't think I was going to have BallsBut I do

And it does still make me suffer Alot saying goodbye but it's something I have to do and I have to continue to cut toxic men and bad people in general out of my life

My heart is still strong enough to love someone and treat someone good

So because of this I will still try and show that man that I am a serious woman 🎀

I'm mature enough to know that adults have types of relationships they want to be in

I personally feel like I'd accept most forms

Just not ones that invite others in our relationship for an example

And a temporary relationship isn't ideal but I'd love to explore that some day too because even a lover like myself needs someone on certain occasions ⭐

I am twenty nine now and I still have hope even after the damage and crying nights ... The little fire in me reminds me to keep trying and do better for me,my family and my followers 💕

[jelka-jan]

The story of how Jelka tried to find a boyfriend

ATTENTION!!! WITH THIS POST I DO NOT WANT TO INSULT, OR OFFEND ANYON!!

Well, spring came, and from March to mid-April I started trying to build a romantic relationship with someone. To do this, I signed up for one of the dating apps available to me. And... I haven’t seen such a theater of the absurd for a long time, despite my experience working with people. Let me briefly mention the type of perverts who directly declare that they have forgotten here. But something else struck me: very, very many “grooms” who want to find their soul mate put forward the following requirements for girls (hereinafter - a somewhat exaggerated collective list):

“Your height should be between 150 and 165 centimeters. No more! Weighing STRICTLY no more than 50 kilograms. STRICTLY blond/brunette/red, only long hair/hair no lower than shoulders, brown/blue/gray-brown-raspberry eyes. You should have clear skin, no moles or scars / having unusual moles in an interesting place will be an advantage...”

Question: do you guys really want to meet a girl or are you still choosing a purebred dog or horse? That you wouldn’t be ashamed to appear in public, and you managed to grab a medal at the exhibition.

And I understand perfectly well that no matter how much they say that appearance does not matter, we still take it into account. However (it’s true, please forgive me if I say something out of the ordinary), it’s very awkward and even disgusting for me to see when guys who put forward such strict demands on girls in terms of appearance, judging by the photo, do not burden themselves with basic take care of themselves, do not have to deal with a razor and a comb, and are unlikely to exhaust themselves with sports and diets.

Okay, let's move on:

“You should always have a fresh manicure-pedicure, makeup and hairstyle. You must be able to cook, you must have a constant income, and in bed you must be a lioness-tiger, ready to experiment.

and at the same time, the “groom” is not going to write anything about himself in the questionnaire, putting forward the condition that he will tell everything about himself during a personal meeting...

I'm sorry, but is this ok? Maybe you want me to give you the key to the apartment where the money is?

No, of course, I also found normal, quite adequate guys there, I went on dates with several of them, but alas, I didn’t date anyone more than twice and, to be honest, I didn’t want to. Somehow I just didn’t feel like seeing each other again, that’s all. Perhaps I’m already accustomed to loneliness, or I have a subconscious fear of meeting new people due to negative experiences... I can’t give an exact answer to this. And to be honest, almost every date I felt awkward, sometimes I didn’t know what to talk about with my interlocutor, and from frequent stories about myself I began to feel like a parrot.

In general, it’s a tiresome and even stressful (for me personally) business of going on dates and looking for your soulmate. Sometimes thoughts creep into my mind that apparently the time has not yet come for me and I need not to rush things, but enjoy freedom, go to dance classes, go to dance parties, blog the way I want, draw whenever I want, do makeup and get dressed, and not worry that my partner won’t like it. As they say, if you want halva, eat it, if you want gingerbread.

[brooklynislandgirl]

SHIPPING INFO // Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

REPOST. Don’t reblog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

I will have to go with Jo's answer here and say every ship I have has something about it that makes it my OTP, something unique to us and our partner/their muse. And I don't want anyone to feel excluded or unloved or less loved than anyone else. I do think because she was literally created side by side with @morgansmornings that they share a deep bond that is both familial and the deepest sort of friendship. They are family. They are transcendent.

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Platonic, familial, and romantic are all on the table with discussion ooc, time, and development. I will do pre-established on the first two but Beth is demisexual/quoiromantic, with a leaning toward sapioromantic. Meaning it takes bonding with someone before she even feels anything 'below the belt' so to speak, and doesn't really understand/distinguish the difference between romantic/platonic feelings, treating them both in the same way, but she does have a very slight preference toward people who can engage her mentally, and seduce her with their awkward intelligence. Toxic ships can be a thing with huge boundaries. The boundary is how comfortable with you as a friend, ooc, regardless of what we are writing. Currently I will be willing to do toxic with: Mischa/Larry { @thebiggestlies }, My Dear Prince and Ionaka {and potentially Na Baron Feyd Rautha @nightmarefuele }, Shades of Ben { @kylo-wrecked }. And I live for the hate-ship of Lorcan and Beth with @macdiari, whose mun is totally one of my bffs which makes it funnier. We can have meetings about the rest. Dubcon/non-con, etc...has to be plotted to within an inch of its life, I don't care what Beth says.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable? Age is not a really a thing with Beth when it comes to her significant other as long as they are a little over 'of age' {18-21}. She has literally one ship where this isn't the case and her paramour is 15 and she's 25...and it isn't what many people would assume, both of them are broken hearted. This a unique situation with @macdiari. Beth does have a penchant for older partners. Let the 'daddy issue' jokes commence.

Are you selective when shipping?

I would say yes. I only ship with chemistry. And by that I mean myself and the mun as much as the muses. Shipping requires a delicate balance between interest, trust, compatibility, goals... writing something fictional that isn't just pwp is not unlike building a real-life relationship. I want to get to know the other mun. I want us to have in-jokes, I want for us to be comfortable talking about everything and anything even if we might not always agree. I want us to be friends, first.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

I guess I follow the TV guidelines. We can write up to a certain point but once there's body parts that you wouldn't see on network television, it should probably get a tag. I don't care if there's a read more {I will occasionally do that for terminally long posts}, if my partner is more comfortable with one, great. If they prefer it on a different blog, awesome. If you want to write it on discord? Go ahead and add me, fren. I try to faithfully tag certain things because Beth is just...wrong and a lot of her hobbies and interests tend to be really morally questionable at best.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

Beth tends to be drawn to people who are neurologically divergent, biologically divergent, other-worldly, empowered, and the like. She is drawn to those who are lonely, othered, or unusual because there is so much in them she sees in herself. And if Beth happens to fall in love, she is neither likely to mention it, nor does she expect for the feeling to be returned. For Beth, love is love. So if you see someone on my dash, unless it's brand new just met you, know that they are cared for, and will always be someone important. As I consider every mutual mun and their muse{s} as some kind of relationship {platonic, familial, romantic, or enemy...I can't really list *every* blog. Sorry.}

Does one have to ask to ship with you?,

I mean it's nice to be asked, so at least I know in broad-strokes what sort of relationship you, the other person, might like but also the fiction can often dictate the course of how things go :)

How often do you like to ship?

I am not gonna lie. I love watching and writing how Beth interacts with people. How she slowly starts to unfold around them and what leads her to becoming involved with other folk.

Are you multiship?

Yes. And multiverse, too. One of the best things is when you have a multi-verse partner and get to see how your ships and theirs change from friends to other things, depending what verse your in, and how everyone can make a community with that information.

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

Ship more or less. I love it as much as the next person but that's not the sole purpose of my blog.

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

I am still waiting for Olivia and Elliot to get married. IYKTYK.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Let me know what you want? Be patient. We'll talk boundaries, desires, needs, and build it/grow it as it goes.

Tagged by: my darling @betwitchingbaker

Tagging: Heave ho, thieves and beggars....

[misc-obeyme]

Hey, CC Sorry if this is a weird question but how do you deal with weird anons? Generally, the asks/requests I get are very nice and sweet but every once in a while, I get an ask where I'm just thinking... what?

Sometimes it's NSFW where it's pretty easy to just say "Sorry I'm not comfortable with that" but other times it'll be talking in a cutesy/baby language or something.

I don't want to be rude/impolite or ignore them but I genuinely do not know how to reply to some of them. Once again sorry but you get a lot of asks so I was hoping you might have some wisdom to share!

Thank you and have a nice day. <3

Hi there, anon! Don't you worry, this is not a weird question lol. I've been told multiple times before that I'm incredibly patient/chill about weird anons.

Let me start by saying that you are never under any obligation to answer asks you're uncomfortable with. You're putting yourself out there by running your blog, but anons have nothing to lose by coming into your ask box.

That being said, here's how I approach asks!

I assume everybody is genuine and that we're all here to have fun. It's all very lighthearted to me, so I don't worry too much about things in general.

If I get an ask where I don't know what to say, I say that. This almost never happens because I always have plenty to say lol. But I'll usually say stuff like "I'm not sure about this" or "I don't know anything about this" because sometimes I just don't!

If it seems like the ask is not about anything relevant, I answer with jokes. Like the time someone asked me about Mayor McCheese being a dom or a sub. Or the time someone just left a paragraph of meows in my ask box. This is an Obey Me blog so I might respond with Obey Me related jokes, but in general I just say something silly and move on.

When an ask is kind of hard to understand because of the way it's written, I focus on the question/point they're trying to make. This can lead to misinterpretation on my part, but I do my best so I don't feel bad about it. They can always clarify with a follow up anon if they want.

Just be yourself! A lot of times I respond with my initial reaction, whatever that may be. When people send me asks, I assume it's because they want to interact with me and that's inevitably going to include the times when I don't understand what they're asking.

Also it's important to keep in mind that unless it's an established anon with a sign off, you have no relationship or prior understanding of that person at all. It's like a complete stranger stopping you on the street and asking you a question in baby language. That would be extremely weird. You might feel like you're in danger, even. The difference is that the internet separates you from that person physically and it keeps that veil of anonymity in place, at least for them. It's still an awkward situation, but the stakes are lower, especially for the anon.

This is why I always assume good intentions and respond that way. Because even if the intentions were bad, I get to choose how I respond and I prefer positive interactions to negative ones, generally speaking. It's like a way to take care of myself, you know? But also, people with bad intentions are often surprised by kind and genuine responses. I can't know that person's history. Maybe they never had anyone take them seriously so they leaned into it. Maybe they genuinely just enjoy messing with people. Impossible to say! So I just respond the way that makes me feel like I'm being true to myself. And for me personally, that includes an almost complete lack of judgement.

I hope some of that helps! We're all different and what works for me might not work for you. So I think it's important to remember that your blog is your online space. And you shouldn't feel like you're being rude if you set some boundaries with anons. That might include deleting asks that make you uncomfortable or turning off anon altogether. It's a two way street and people should be able to respect that.

[platonically-loving-alastor]

Hazbin Top 5

I was going to make a top 10 character list, but realized after the first 5 I didn't know where to place anyone- But in case you're curious, some contenders for the remaining 6-10, in no specific order, were Angel Dust, Charlie, Emily, Niffty, and Sir Pentious. Now here's my top 5 with reasonings and appreciation for them all!

5. Lucifer

Obviously bro is relatable, not only for his awkwardness and hyperfixations, but he also happens to be the same height as I am at about 5'2" (according to the sources I've seen). Being the same height as Lucifer is my biggest flex lmao- I still have no idea why his hatred of Alastor seemed so instant. Like yeah, Alastor was trying to annoy him by being a better dad to Charlie, but the whole 'fuck you' moment happened before any of that started. Did he just sense the bad vibes off of him or what? Anyway, his awkwardness and desperation to connect with his daughter make for probably my favorite lines of the episode, such as the "Hey bitch!" and the whole "You like girls? So do I!" situation followed by him being so distracted he called Vaggie by the wrong name. Perfect comedy

4. Lute

I love her an insane amount for someone who shows up so relatively little with so few lines, but here we are. I've already made an entire post about her, here it is if you want it, so I'll keep this short (Spoiler alert: I failed). I actually don't think I mentioned just how attractive this woman is, so let's get that out there right now. I know I'm not the only one who thinks this, about half the people I've seen react to Episode 6 have seen Lute without her mask, took a pause of recognition, and we all knew what they were thinking before the pressed play. Istg my taste in women (and sometimes even men, thanks Vox) is just "Can they murder me without a second thought? Yes? That's hot". My favorite line of hers is when she's hyping up the army with Adam and says "Rip Vaggie's cunt mouth out her ass!" and even Adam has to be like "damn girl chill what the hell-" She's so feral I love her so much

3. Rosie

Everyone needs a Rosie in their lives. I don't just mean a regular therapist, I mean a person in your life, friend or family member, who will talk you out of your downward spiral and gently call you out on why those paranoid thoughts are actually pretty unrealistic (the other side of the same coin would be Husk, he's just more blunt about it). I'm also still completely convinced she has some interesting and sad backstory based on how she was talking to Charlie and I need to know about it so bad. "It can be difficult to admit to things you're not proud of, especially if those things hurt the ones you love" Ma'am what did you do? I find it hard to believe it's just about the cannibalism. I don't know if in this instance, she's the one who hurt someone or someone else hurt her and she was the one who failed to forgive them, but either way I need answers.

2. Vox

Y'all know I love this man in more ways than one, he one the hottest Hazbin character poll for a reason. But I swear everything about this man makes me love him as a character more. First, I always love a technology based character, his electricity powers and literal screen head are the coolest thing in the world to me. He's voiced by Christian Borle, which was a fantastic choice, along with the glitched effect his voice gets when he's mad, I love to see it. Apparently it's also canon he can fly (with rocket shoes)?? He just keeps getting the best character design choices possible, this can't possibly be fair- The fact his first introduction was being done with Val, telling him to call tf down, and treating him like a child ("Now that's why they pay you the big bucks!") was a pretty good first impression for me lol, made even funnier when it was followed by him losing all sense of rationalism when Alastor entered his line of sight.

1. Alastor

The character my blog is named after, this should not be a surprise. Shockingly enough, despite my obsession for him and acknowledgement of his charming nature and generally attractive design, I' do not simp for him in the slightest'm not personally attracted to him in the slightest. I simp for a TV and yet apparently deer man with permanent smile is where I draw the line idk- The most I want from him is to be as good of a friend to him as Rosie is (well that and to touch his ears but that's a given). But this is another character I love literally everything about. Who would've thought the concepts of 'radio host', 'serial killer', and 'literal deer' would work so well together to create this dapper yet terrifying fucking cryptid. Not only can he be either incredibly scary or a silly guy, he can and has done both at once. Example: Episode 3 when he's just casually eating a deer carcass in his room (in which he summoned a whole ass bayou). I was genuinely so glad when the 'this face was made for radio' thing happened in episode 1, confirming that they were still gonna lean into his creepy-as-fuck distortion and general vibe he had in the pilot. He's horrifying and evil and I love that about him. Meanwhile he also says shit like "Now he's pissy, that's the tea" (definitely taught to him by Rosie) and kicks his legs on the bed like a schoolgirl as if he hasn't committed countless atrocities. My favorite character, everyone-

Wow I wrote more than I meant to for this, sorry about the essay-