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thinking-through-some-things · 24 days ago

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Curious about your EPIC rework because I was also disappointed by it

like i mentioned in my other post here (before i gave up), this definitely isn't the only possibility; you could focus the musical around something else. for my version, though...

as i said, i would build the musical around the idea of duty vs desire, and tie that into mercy vs ruthlessness. i think it would focus less on odysseus's guilt overall, which seems to be the real focus of the musical, and focus it more in this direction. still plenty of angst, but a little more pointed.

a lot of my changes probably take the musical further away from the odyssey. i'm actually not too concerned about trying to faithfully follow the source material; i think it's more important to actually tell a coherent story, and when you're abridging the material, you need to cut stuff. just be clear that's what you're doing.

(also i'm not going to cover everything i think needs to be fixed. mostly just elements to support my theme.)

i think it's a given that the saga format doesn't work for the final draft of a musical. no shade, it was a really smart way to gradually release the musical. ultimately though, it limits the story because then they were blocked into sticking with a theme, and you end up with too many epic finale songs... but i'll stick with it to help organize here. i'm just not sticking with a "theme". mostly because i'm getting rid of the wisdom saga to better distribute its songs.

unsurprisingly, i've written far too much and it's poorly organized, so this is just act one. i'll reblog with act two.

act one

overall, i would say act one is by far the stronger of the two. i'm probably going to cut at least 30% of the current act two, but act one mostly just needs editing. some songs might need more work, but mostly they still get to stay in the same place. add some spoken dialogue and you've got a pretty decent start.

the troy saga:

most of the troy stuff is fine. i think it helps to set up this idea of ruthlessness, and shows the peacekeeping side of odysseus. could it be stronger? yeah. but i like it setting this whole thing up. i have 2 main changes here.

1) every time odysseus mentions penelope and telemacus, he needs to mention anticlea. the musical has a bad habit of not introducing characters/elements until they're relevant, and i think it suffers for that. including odysseus's mother in the list of people he wants to get home to makes her death more impactful. i was so confused when she showed up the first time; she needs to be in here from the start.

2) to go with my theme, i would do this: the reason odysseus needs to kill the baby is because the baby would grow up to kill him; however, that doesn't necessarily mean ithaca would suffer. zeus can word it really carefully - i don't think that distinction needs to be immediately clear to the audience, but after you know how the story ends you can go back and realize that when you re-listen to it. this doesn't require much tweaking, but it helps to really set up the idea of making decisions for the greater good vs for selfish reasons (maybe he could have raised the kid? and only he would have died in the end? i want the audience to question this!)

moving into the second half of the saga, i think we need to introduce odysseus's men earlier. maybe a scene of him commanding them in troy? since i'm talking about a full musical instead of the current format, this might just be dialogue, not a song. but i think we definitely need a little more of polites before he dies. i don't really like having odysseus start out untrusting and jumpy, which is how he comes across to me in open arms. it doesn't make sense for this to be a lesson he needs to learn now, after being king of ithaca for well over a decade. originally i was just going to cut him, but my fiance persuaded me to let him stay. plus his death to polyphemus is a very brutal turning point.

instead, i would have a song/scene where we set up eurylochus and polites as odysseus's two advisors, two different sides of his leadership. you could rewrite open arms to fit here. polites argues for presuming peace, and eurylochus views things with suspicion and wants to attack first to keep the men safe. this really helps set up mercy vs ruthlessness. it shows odysseus is already a leader who balances peace and action, and it makes polites's death all the more tragic, because he represents the death of odysseus's inclination towards peace.

finally, i find athena's introduction and focus on being ruthless in this and the next saga confusing. she's mad at him for not being less emotional and more ruthless, but i don't see what that has to do with him being a "warrior of the mind". instead, i would make it clear that she thinks he isn't being cautious enough. she's mad because she thinks he isn't being shrewd, not because he's being nice.

athena and eurylochus should be coming from the same place: we need to be overly cautious and strike first, because that's how you stay safe. and rather than having a jumpy odysseus being taught to trust people by his soft bestie, i think he should be a general, exhausted from fighting for 10 years, jumping on the idea of relying on trust so he can relax and not feel so jumpy. his duty is to balance these two ideas, mercy vs ruthlessness, but because he chooses only mercy without remaining vigilant, polites dies and now he only has eurylochus to give him advice, meaning no one else is trying to suggest mercy. (i don't think eurylochus is bad - actually, he clearly prioritizes the crew and is always suggesting whatever is best for them. but often what is best for you isn't the best for those you come across, which is why it's the leader's job to balance those two things - again, the theme i'm going with in this version.)

anyways, athena needs to focus on pushing odysseus to be more suspicious and calculating, not more ruthless. she scolds him at all the same points, but now it actually makes sense. i don't love their flashback, but i don't have suggestions to fix it, so we'll leave it alone for now.

the cyclops saga

not too many notes here. getting to see the crew more gives it a little more weight (the stage production needs a tiny dialogue scene where you get quips and comments from nobodies so they're a little more recognizable when they die! make people even sadder!), but this is a really chilling series. the exposition bits need rewording (and again, a stage production has the benefit of 1) spoken word, and 2) stage directions so you can just show things happening).

odysseus's convo with athena needs work. as is, this doesn't seem like a good place for "what good would killing do when mercy is a skill more of this world could learn to use." this is supposed to be the stance athena takes at the end of the musical, but this particular act of mercy seems to lead to the death of most of his men in the very next act - which really makes it weird that athena apparently agrees with that sentiment.

i don't hate everything about this line, especially if we actually see athena ruminating over the line over the next 10 years. but it needs to be clear that it is not mercy but pride that leads to the death of his men. or, if we want to make it about mercy instead of pride, it shouldn't be as the sort of threatening brag that it currently is; instead, frame it as "even now, when we've beaten you, we're still choosing to let you live. because i, odysseus, king of ithaca, have chosen to show you mercy." obviously yes it's still his pride, but then when everyone blames his "mercy" for getting his men killed it makes more sense.

(coming back to really hone in on the idea that mercy isn't the problem here - maybe eurylochus notices something is off before polyphemus starts singing, tries to point it out, and gets brushed off as being too suspicious and bloodthirsty? yet again, i find the musical's stance on mercy confusing. is it good? they seem to want it to be - that's definitely what open arms implies, especially since it gets repeated so often. except the musical stresses that mercy is *why* everything went south here, and it rarely actually shows mercy working. it's confusing. i think this whole thing should feel more like odysseus was reckless, the only thing athena calls him that actually makes sense, and that's why this didn't work. the characters don't need to say it directly, but the musical needs to better frame it that way.)

(an aside, but they still grab sheep on their way out? obviously they're still starving but like. i'm side-eyeing the way everyone (in the musical) acts like he was so "merciful" for leaving polyphemus alive, but even after he learns the sheep are polyphemus's friends and their deaths are what drive him to violence, he still makes a point of stealing and killing them... this isn't a serious criticism i'm just poking fun at it. but hypocritical much?)

athena's anger in my goodbye makes no sense to me - not that she's not justified, but that her reasons make no sense. she calls him "sentimental" and "soft", but that's absolutely not the problem here. she should yell at him for being prideful and cocky. accuse him of sparing polyphemus just to feed his own ego, or of being short-sighted - she mentioned the danger of leaving him alive in the last song, why not bring that up again? why doesn't she scold him for foolishly giving up his name? it's really weird that she keeps harping on the idea that he's "emotional".

odysseus's retort is good, but also a bunch of people just died so it's weird that he's so confident about how right he is. "my friend is dead, our foe is blind. the blood we shed, it never dries" from the last song, and "unlike you, every time someone dies I'm left to deal with the strain" in my goodbye are really good lines. more of his position needs to come from his exhaustion, because odysseus is smart. he's a brilliant general. this does a better job of explaining why he's making so many mistakes early on, and why he's pushing back against athena so hard despite the fact that he just fucked up real bad. he was wrong. he should have acted faster like she warned him to. but making him a man, exhausted from a decade of fighting, desperately trying to grant mercy where he can? his pushback makes more sense.

also, him jabbing at her for wanting "to be known" and being alone? really weird. the musical frames athena as this loser whose only friend was odysseus. i don't get it. especially when you're calling her a goddess who doesn't understand feelings right before that? which is she, a powerful goddess or a lonely girl? stick with him accusing her of not understanding human emotions and interactions. it still gives her a reason to stick around - she can be offended by the insinuation that there's something she doesn't understand, and it gives her a reason to dwell on his comments and eventually change.

the ocean saga

eurylochus needs to call odysseus out; if he'd listened to him, if they'd acted faster against polyphemus, they might not have lost those men, including polites. obviously that might not be true, but it feels like that's what his position should be. it's really weird that they're nervous about the wind god because "your luck might run out" rather than "you did just make a bad call that got people killed". especially when odysseus says "i took 600 men to war and not one of them died there." sure, not there, but you just lost a couple to a cyclops. this more deliberate questioning makes the sidebar with "i can't have you planting seeds of doubt" a little more serious. it's not just "what if you're not lucky," but also "what if you're not as sharp? what if you're making mistakes and bad calls?" the luck thing works for the rest of the crew, but eurylochus's role in this musical is to question odysseus and challenge him as a leader, to make sure odysseus is doing what will keep the men safe.

eurylochus questioning odysseus more pointedly makes the betrayal in the next song make more sense. we should already have the sense that he's starting to doubt odysseus's judgement. his "luck running out" doesn't really explain why you're doubting him with the wind bag; but if you think he's hiding things or making bad decisions, suddenly it makes a lot more sense. i think the implication in the show is that it's just curiosity, and we don't even hear eurylochus asking about it. now, if we have already established eurylochus is already questioning odysseus's judgement, it's a little less weird when we learn he's the one who opened it.

again, we need a mention of anticlea, and she should sing with penelope and telemacus.

honestly? basic take here but i like ruthlessness. i'm fine with not changing my theme to use a better word because this one is a banger. and the one animatic with him as a creepy horse? more horse poseidon imagery, please.

i think poseidon needs to call out specifically how hypocritical odysseus is more. lean into that "false righteousness". the problem is that he isn't being "nice" or "merciful", at least not in those moments, not in how he's currently behaving. most of this interpretation is already there; honestly, just changing the delivery of some of the lines would go a long way. "you are far too nice" needs to have the last word almost spat out - poseidon doesn't actually think odysseus is nice; nice is just a word odysseus is hiding behind to justify his actions. i'm sure it could use more work, but at a glance i really like this one.

it goes without saying that the ending sucks ass though.

i can't imagine anyone thinks that was a good ending. idk how to fix it because the current one is so bad it's hard to think of any way to have something good there. you just can't have the jaunty "open this bag" music in there at all. i know they like to mix in motifs and call back to other songs, but it fucking kills all the momentum in what is otherwise a very dramatic song - and we need to be able to take this song seriously, because it's what the entire rest of the musical is based on. i'm open to a completely different ending, but if you want it to stay relatively close to the current staging: poseidon and odysseus stare each other down. poseidon asks "any last words?" and you think odysseus is about to say something dramatic and instead... he yells "eurylochus!" poseidon is confused, but eurylochus responds with "captain!" and, understanding what he's asking for, throws odysseus the wind bag (he helped odysseus close it, so maybe he got it then, or at some other point, idk). and then odysseus opens the bag in poseidon's face. then everything poseidon does is the same, the effect is the same, you just don't get the musical equivalent of a wet pool noodle slapped across your face.

the circe saga

first! an addition! the musical wants athena to be a foil to odysseus, but they do such a poor job of exploring her character or logic at all, it just doesn't work. her character revolves way too much around odysseus. she says goodbye, and then we see her 4 sagas later (half the musical) where, apparently, she's decided odysseus was right because... maybe if she'd agreed with him they would still be friends. and then she defends everything he's done... look, i'm getting rid of god games, so i won't go into that now. yeah, odysseus is still what prompts her to change her mind in my version, but he's just the start of that journey. she's going to have other reasons. i want to add in a couple songs throughout the musical, just to show the transition a bit. additionally, they can help show time passing in odysseus's story by breaking it up a bit.

this first song is a small one. it's just telling us what athena is thinking and what she's going to do. it's basically her mopey and angry that odysseus insulted her. but she's a goddess of wisdom and intellect, so she's kind of intrigued - maybe there is something to learn about leading with kindness. i haven't decided how she ends up back in ithaca, but she's decided to investigate this. i know the popular (not academic, more fandom-related) interpretation of greek gods is that they're all stubborn and that's the whole point, but for the sake of this story and the theme (and also the character), i think athena should take the stand that if there is wisdom to be gained, it is her duty to learn it. again, this one is pretty short - a verse of angry, and then she talks herself down, and then she's setting out to investigate - a little bit to learn something new, maybe a little bit to prove odysseus wrong.

the athena song can also go at the end of the circe arc. i was going to put another one in there, but the pacing and time line don't match well, and monster is definitely the finale to act one. i wanted to fit something along the lines of the start of the wisdom saga in here, but i think i'm going to put it at the beginning of act two, so. only one extra song for now.

onto the actual saga: i think it's done pretty well. some of the phrasing is awkwardly fit into songs, but that might just be me, and it's overall not egregious. i will confess that "she had us in just two words" "come inside" "damn" does make me giggle every time like a 12-year-old boy. i didn't mention it in my post on the musical's women because i don't think the text directly addresses it, but there's a definite implication that circe is as harsh as she is to protect her nymphs from sexual assault, which they might have faced before. removing the undertones of that from her relationship with odysseus was the right call - i don't think that's a conversation this musical actually wants to have, and it muddles her justification for how she handles the men.

circe is also gives us someone to compare odysseus's leadership to; she's basically the only other leader of a cohesive group that we see. her harsh policy stands in direct contrast to odysseus's earlier choice to start with unchecked "mercy". in turn, her nymphs are safe. we see her later learn that there are times where you can extend mercy and trust, so she even has character growth. (you could make a very interesting comparison between circe & her nymphs and the sirens, but that's a discussion for outside of the musical, so i'll leave it for now.) i wouldn't be surprised if other people have criticisms, i just haven't been able to find basically any critical discussion of the musical, so.

you could mostly leave this saga alone, but i'm inclined to take my red pen and make some bigger changes. i'm just not sure how to. i really don't like hermes and the flower being inserted here - again, i think there's too much bloat in the musical of "oh here's a thing that's in this specific bit, clearly just because that's what happens in the odyssey, and then we won't talk about it again." hermes does appear in two songs, but actually, does he need to? i'm of the opinion that the musical needs fewer characters so that it can better focus on developing the ones that actually need to be in here. the only problem is that odysseus needs the flower from hermes to explain why he has magic in the next song. okay, so what if no magic is used, and he just uses his wit to convince her? except that's basically what the plot of the next song is. so at this point i've basically gotten rid of two songs and completely changed the third, and that doesn't really work. or need to happen.

i stand by wanting to remove hermes. i think you can just give odysseus some line to eurylochus about having heard about a plant on these islands that makes one immune to being transformed by magic for a time. i don't think it's important - it's literally a small, one-time detail just to explain why circe doesn't immediately turn him into a pig. he doesn't need magic in done for - he can just fight with a sword while circe is slinging spells at him. and then you can still go into there are other ways.

the one change that i think does need to be made is that odysseus needs to spend a year on the island. he needs to be stuck here. it does mean you have to basically cut the song in half, but that just means the second part, where circe decides to help odysseus, needs to be a reprise. i think you have circe trying to seduce odysseus, and then she's shocked when he rejects her. the difference is that he doesn't fully win her over; instead, she decides to give him and the rest of his crew one year. for one year, his remaining crew recovers on the island and rebuild the ship, helping the nymphs with whatever tasks they ask and basically proving "not all men" are terrible. finally, odysseus shows that there's payoff to being a merciful leader! he saves all of his men! as they're finally preparing to leave, penelope shows up, we get the reprise, and she sends them to the underworld. all is well!

the underworld saga

or, all is not well.

this is where i spell out my theme: while a good leader is merciful, mercy takes time. and that extra time can be detrimental to personal goals.

this is why it's important to mention anticlea earlier, and why the crew spends an extra year on circe's island trying to save the rest of the men. taking a year to save his men makes odysseus a good leader, yes, but it might have cost him a chance to see his mother before she died. it doesn't matter when she actually died in the odyssey - what matters is that this is really what makes odysseus question the cost of mercy. this is where he starts to put his own desires over the safety of the crew, because the cost of taking too long is suddenly real - as is the cost of taking time to be merciful.

i actually don't have too much to add. some edits might need to be made to fit with other changes, but overall it's fine.

okay, there's act one! this is definitely long enough, so i'll reblog with act two. suggestions and conversation are welcome; again, my fiance already changed my mind on one part. i haven't actually see any discussion on changes yet, so i'm happy to consider other changes, or for mine to be challenged (by something other than "actually this is perfect").

#epic the musical critical #anti epic the musical #probably wont finish act two until sometime tomorrow #thank you for asking me though! because this is really what i wanted to talk about #i made the mistake of trying to start a conversation with my friends on potential changes and couldn't get past #'the theme was actually really clear and done super well'#and 'actually the gr threat in hold them down is realistic and really well done'#i really want to enjoy it but if no one is going to question and critique it. i just can't #no work is perfect. i can enjoy flawed/slightly problematic things. but only if we recognize and point out those elements

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lemonsrosesandlavender · 1 month ago

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2024 Reflections

Thanks for the tag, @redroomroaving . I was literally reading Lia’s version of this at that exact moment, thinking that I might pinch the format without a tag - and then lo and behold, you pop up in my notifications ;) I'll tag the usual suspects, @forget-me-maybe @dutifullylazybread and @darkurgetrash <3

What's been your biggest learning point this past year?

I've learnt a lot of things about writing.

I can push through a writers' block. Sprints are the answer, and I may go in several wrong directions until I get through, but I will get there. And when it starts flowing again, it will ALL be worth it.

No amount of sprints can make me exceed a certain writing speed, or stop editing as I go completely. I've practised, and I've got better at just writing [synonym for hot] or whatever in brackets when I can't pin down the exact word I'm after - but writing stuff I'm really annoyed by will throw me off my rhythm and I just have to exorcise the issue. 500-600 "good" words in an hour is a pretty decent top speed, and I'm happy with what I'm writing, so I've learnt to accept the slower pace I work at than some people I know in fandom!

Relatedly, I'll never have time to write everything I'd like to, and I have to accept that and prioritise accordingly. Early in the year, I happily offered to take SFW prompts, did a few, and realised that although I liked what I'd written, my heart was not truly in it and therefore it wasn't sustainable. NSFW ones I find more easy to do; it's a fun and filthy way of giving back to my followers, which is one of the main reasons I like doing it. (And also there's been some DELICIOUS ideas that I wouldn't have come up with on my own!). But I've let myself be more judicious about it, picking ones that really inspire me to write whole ficlets/fics for, and trying not to stress about the pile.

I also found a process for my own fic ideas that I love and desperately want to write, but don't think I have time for: I make notes, discuss eagerly with @krawwan ... and then leave it to sit. The germs of the story are safely written down, and the idea will either grow roots or disappear. If it grows, I'll probably open my computer at some point and find I have one of those top-speed writing sessions, and win-win, it's a WIP now. If not, that's alright! There's always a chance it'll sprout in the future, but for now it's clearly not captivating enough to spend time on.

How has your writing developed this past year?

I've got better at layering subplots. I think, anyway. I've got better at outlining, that's for damned sure! I've also had fun trying out small tweaks to style/voice.

Finally, I've tackled heavier subjects. That isn't to say all writing should - but I feel like whilst Sharp Teeth and its follow ups took a pretty light touch, Planar Tears has given me the space to explore. Depression, guilt, grief and racism/oppression (via Rolan's story) all come up at various times, and we're going to run face-first into Lorroakan all too soon.

(That's not to say a light touch isn't good too; fantasy adventure stories tend to err on the light side as a genre, and I'm writing in a world full of conniving hags and tentacle-waving baddies. I don't think Sharp Teeth would have benefited from anything more "difficult"; sometimes you don't need to dwell on a theme in detail for it to be evident, and I've been a bit worried that some of Planar Tear's more intense discussions have been too heavy in tone. But that's all part of developing as a writer, or so I keep telling myself; you have to experiment to find out).

Bad writing habits?

Writing too late at night.

Convincing myself that THIS is the time I've really gone and lost my writing skills for good when I've got writers' block.

Yapping every three sentences about my writing when I should just be writing.

Mmmm... I wouldn't say it's "bad" per se, but sometimes I realise that either I make an interesting decision, that requires time and thought and research, or I make a simple, easy one, and get something finished. (It's hard to point to exact examples, because I often forget them afterwards, but it's definitely a feeling I've had several times). I think many writers find themselves trying to nail their own personal equilibrium between "good" and "finished", and sometimes I think I let the lure of the posting button summon me a little early.

Favorite thing you wrote?

Every time I say Planar Tears, lol. But honestly, I'm proud of everything I've got up on AO3; I've re-read and enjoyed them all.

Biggest win?

More than having written a lot (and of consistent quality)? Finding a (small in the scale of the BG3 fandom) audience who enjoy my writing. I love seeing returning commenters and kudos-ers across my different works and Rolan pairings. On the occasion I've got comments like "I was supposed to go to bed and then I got THIS EMAIL", I've felt both very happy and very lucky. It's one thing for someone to stumble over my fics and enjoy it enough to kudos it once; it's another for them to like it so much they sign up for emails and chew through all the stuff I've written. That's amazing and inspiring and wonderful.

(It's also very motivating in terms of knowing that if I post, someone's probably going to crack it open pretty soon and take a good look!)

Goals for the new year?

Be a little more balanced about writing. Balance is not a thing I am good at; I'm an obsessive person, an all-or-nothing person, forever burning the candle at both ends. My real life job is also a lot of mental work, and between that and writing I went hard this year. The job is a non-negotiable, and very important to me - so whilst I've got through this year, I've got to be more sensible. (Don't worry, my job is fine - but taking care of myself fell by the wayside a bit)

OOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN THE OTHER HAND, it is so easy to feel guilty about writing fanfiction for a hobby, especially smut. It's easy to put down every cold to some karmic punishment for having stayed up too late writing the perfect orgasm - when plenty of people are cutting into their sleep with more regular hobbies like Netflix or early morning runs or whatever. Naturally, I think I suck more than all of these people.

So I'd like to pry apart the twisted braids of "genuinely having so much creative energy that I want to expend on stuff I love", "needing to post constantly because I love being productive to a pathological degree", "cleaning out the vestiges of shame and general societal opinion about my hobby" and "literally just go the fuck to bed please". We'll see how well I do!

(Oh yes, and finish Planar Tears!)

Your favorite words of the year, aka the words you check each chapter for, making sure you didn't repeat them 788 times?

Rolan has an allotted amount of scowling, and Catrin only SO many lip twitches, that they're allowed to do in each installment of Planar Tears. Calm it down, kids.

I also love a filthy smut noise, and have to do the moaned/groaned/gasped/whimpered comb-through to check I haven't repeated them in close succession. Rolan will do all four basically every time though, I've got no shame about that.

What are you excited for in the new year?

Finishing WIPs! I've got three oneshots 50-70% drafted, and I know they'll be so satisfying to finish. I'd like to clear the decks before I crack open my NEXT bunch of short fic ideas.

Returning to give Fae Bindings and In Service of Magic new chapters. I love these fics, and I'm very grateful for the readers who care about them despite the updates being on the slow side. (I do think it's less urgent in very smut-oriented fics, because although I care too much about the plot of both of them, you don't need to be following it particularly closely to get horny about it... is my attempt to reassure myself anyway lmao).

Life stuff. I'm going on a short holiday soon to meet a beloved tumblr friend, and that's very exciting. My work is also going to be a big focus of this year, and I'm feeling very positive about what I might be able to accomplish.

In short - exciting things <3

#cabbage answers #cabbage writes

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qulizalfos · 16 days ago

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liza i have an inquiry regarding your beautiful contrapuntal poem from earlier...how on earth did you format it so both pieces fit together like that? i've been wanting to write one of those poems myself but cannot for the fucking life of me figure out how to get it to Align like that 😭 also ily 🥹❤️

BEEEEE my beloved you are so kind thank you sm oh my godddd🥹🥹💛💛 to be really honest i wasn't sure what i was doing for most of it LMAOO which has just sort of become a fact of life for me in drawing and writing so i'm assuming it's the same with poetry for me <33

also this got SOO fuckign long so i'll put it under a cut :]

🫶🫶🫶👋👋👋

generally, usual poetry rules apply, which is to say as far as i'm concerned there are none bar what you personally like to use/what u find helpful/writing with the style you're using in mind/etc !!!!

at first i wrote it linearly, i was used to that approach with prose anyway + i found it easier to keep the endings consistent that way, but as i went on it was helpful to go back and put in elaborations or other extra lines that would make sense in certain parts <33 just having the main bit fleshed out beforehand was nice though

conjunction words and articles are a GODSENDDDD yay!!!! and the this but My Favs Forever Fr

i had a couple ways of actually Organizing the lines themselves and i kind of mashed both together in an amalgamation LMAO.

first i just used a few lines as normal! because i have a Lot of random snippets in my never ending cache of random thoughts i wanna write about some day😭so i'd take a line like "warble your pretty need to be rid of this death wish" which is on its own longer than i'd use in other poetry formats and kind of clunky to say all at once, and split it where i thought it made sense (@ pretty/need) and then just brought death wish under the left line. to be honest i did that a lot, just rearranging on a whim (fun as hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

i wrote with the gap between them and titles there the whole time, it doesn't have to be formatted neatly while you're still writing it, but it helps to visualize i think<3333

then at that point i'd improvise💛yk, take a look at both ends and think of a logical continuation for them. i thought "while you're still alive to do it" worked so i ended the line there, stuff like that. laying it out now it sounds pretty orderly but it took a lot of tweaking in terms of phrasing

just now remembering i changed this whole thing into the first person around draft 291032189859. if i say you then just assume i mean i/me etc 💛💛💛OKKK dhjsbvhjdjhfdsj. onward<3

honestly, for the most part i repeated that process--- take a line, chop it up and fill in the blanks until it ends, then go back and add on lines u think work and adjust phrasing here and there!!

there's lots of points where u reach an opportunity to go in a different direction with a statement; absolutely lean into this!!!!!!!!!! i used this for after "the truth i know already:" and a couple other places, it's something you don't usually get a chance to experiment with most forms of verse and is SO cool <3333333

Editing. So Much Editing😭😭😭😭just saying lines in your head or out loud in the 3 different ways, trying to improve the flow, taking out things that make it awkward or that you think would belong better if they had a different word at the end or even another line before it. i am in fact STILL EDITINGGG lmao. i put in "for you," before "i'm sure i could have been". this poem will never end maybe. laughing at my phone. ANYWAYSSS

HJFGJDKNSVFJVBFHJVJHF. i hope that helps💛💛💛💛💛ILYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. let me know if u have any more questions abt any of this, i love talking about things i write YAY FOREVER mwah mwah mwah

#bee tag #HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO ilysmmm #lizaasks #lizapoetry

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danses-with-dogmeat · 2 years ago

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2K Event -- Writing Prompt Layout

Alrighty, so I just wanted to post these details prior to the first one coming out. So here's the plan, this event will be a series of prompts (one for each character who won first place) and will have a few parameters that I put up for myself, since this event (for me) was really about stepping out, trying something new and creating something a little more challenging.

So, first step was a dialogue prompt (so this was kinda nothing new 😅), but from a selection that I curated for myself (which I'll be posting separately, if anyone wants to use it!) and chosen completely at random for each character.

Second, I had a word association that I needed to adhere to, also from a list that I had (sort of randomly) assembled for myself prior to the voting being completed.

And lastly, I randomly selected the category/rating for each prompt, just to keep them more of a wildcard that I had to work with. (just a quick note, if I wasn't quite comfortable with the rating/character/dialogue matchup, I did make a few tweaks, but for the most part, I kept it as randomized as I could.)

One more little bonus challenge too, was to start each prompt with its corresponding letter!

So that's it! That's all the specifics, and while it's similar to what I've been doing recently with the other challenges, I've really been enjoying the dialogue prompt format and wanted to stick with it, but again, with a few more specifics to challenge myself and stick to the alphabet theme that I had going 😁

If you have any questions/comments about anything at all, please let me know!

But without further ado, let's get this thing going! (finally, lol)

#fallout event poll #secret event #2k event #2k followers #2k celebration #fallout #fallout 4 #fallout new vegas #fallout 3 #fallout fanfic

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gontagokuhara · 1 year ago

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Omg I just noticed that you responded to my ask earlier thank you so much!! 😭😭😭 also im like way overdue for commenting on ao3 so it's all good 😭 ANYWHO I was just thinking about one of the chapter rewrites and wanted to ask about it! When one of the soldiers asks Kaede about her name, is there a reason why it was changed from Maizono to Akamatsu? 🤔 also I guess I'll ask why Nagito doesn't say shit anymore for shits and giggles since I commented about it before😭😭😭😭

hi hi!! first off omg there is never any pressure to review, theyre like the cherry on top but Never something that should be an obligation <3

also apologies for formatting as i answer your questions LOL i am on mobile on a lil roadtrip i will TRY my best to make this not obscene to have show up on the tl so. pointy objects discussions beneath the cut! (hopefully) (please tumblr mobile)

side note but i really like how its not *just* me that’s caught all the QoL changes i made a while back! and they bring up good questions which im happy to answer, even if some of them are less interesting than they appear!

like the kaede question! initially, i had her introduce herself as ‘maizono’ but as i was going back and editing a few months back, in the midst of rereading i felt her identifying herself as ‘akamatsu’ made more sense for a few reasons. one: her legal name is kaede akamatsu, and she has just never identified with the maizono name and what it represents to her personally.

and two (and more importantly): in this instance she’s introducing herself to novoselic soldiers, working at the direction of sonia nevermind — a goddess, automatically giving them better knowledge of the gods than the average human. at that point the situation amongst the gods was very hectic; makoto and byakuya’s child has been stolen by monsters and is presumed dead. the entire underworld has been cut off. junko was agitating amongst the gods and jeering at her confessed role in rantarou’s death because of her claim shuuichi has her spear. war is threatening to break out at the hands of no less than 3 of the Big Five gods, not to mention all the ones getting involved in order to keep their kids safe. and then seven more kids go missing, out from under the noses of nagito and hajime, with absolutely nobody knowing what the fuck is going on. sonia, given her conviction especially for keeping kiibo safe after her previous child was killed at camp, was genuinely under the impression kiibo would never go willingly with the holder of the spear, so her assumption was that the other demigods forced their hand. all of THAT to say: kaede introducing herself with the last name of a goddess would have put suspicion on the group much sooner than said suspicion actually appeared.

so not only did i feel it was more in-line with kaede’s character to make the change, but i also thought it made more sense.

and then for the other query, about me taking away nagito’s rights to say bad words 💔 ive been replaying sdr2 and, more relevant, been spending a TON of free time writing nagito (+ the other sdr2 characters) for my own personal project, and i felt my updates to his (and gundham’s, for that matter) dialogue felt more in line with his in-game characterization. i also think nagito deserves to let his freak flag fly a little, but he really doesn’t curse much in canon (a “what the hell” or a “damn it” here or there, as i recall) and since i love nagito so much i made some tweaks to his dialogue to hopefully make him feel more…him. same with gundham in chapter 4!

this was very fun to answer, thank you! 🫶 as always if any further questions arise that i’m able to answer, i’m happy to! im kind of rattling around my own cage with this fic bc none of my friends are into danganronpa LOLLL so getting to explain my thought process is fun!

#ask #bittercideristaken #pointy objects

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sarah-sandwich-writes · 2 months ago

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You cannot let me off the hook of answering right away because I will just straight up forget for weeks 😅

It's been illuminating! There are a lot of small but crucial details to keep in mind while preparing both ebook and print manuscripts that I think most authors won't run into, but because of one little section in one of my books it's become a huge hurdle.

I mentioned in my tags that I have two books I'll be publishing early next year and they're in the same series. Which I mention because I'm determined to make sure the formatting matches between the two. Book 1 is Red. This one has been easy peasy because there's nothing weird about it. It's just text broken up into chapters and D2D's auto-formatter knows exactly how to handle that. It can scan my manuscript and turn it into ebook, pdf, epub, mobi, and print without any issues. It can auto-generate a table of contents, copyright page, title page, dedication, and end matter. The only thing I had issues with at first was that it wouldn't recognize my section breaks between scenes. I eventually found out my html was using an outdated scene break (which came from either Scrivener or LibraWriter--I haven't looked that deep into it tbh) but after I replaced it with one D2D recognized we were gravy.

Then Blue. My second book. Blue has a section in it that is all epistolary. A couple letters, a post card, some phone calls, but mostly text messages. So I really really really need my formatting to stick to that section otherwise it's a jumbled unreadable mess, BUT I want D2D's formatting for the rest of it so it matches Red. There are also emojis in these texts. So I had to consider how those would work in ebooks. Will the ereader recognize these emojis? What if it's an older reader? What if it's apple and I'm using android emojis? And what if my reader uses a screen reader? How is it going to read aloud these aloud? Is it going to be an incomprehensible, frustrating mess? At chapter 12 of 16? Is my reader going to throw it into the ocean in a fit of rage?

And then print had its own considerations because D2D doesn't print in color and I needed to get the text size and margins exactly right because I was uploading a pdf that D2D wasn't going to format for me but it needs to be sized right and it needs to match Red which did go through the D2D formatter and UGH

It's been a whole thing. But! I think I'm mostly through it. I have D2D preparing print copies for both right now. Once those are ready, they'll mail me a proof copy of each so I can check them over. Then I get one shot to get any changes made exactly right, otherwise I have to wait six months or pay for a change token to make more changes.

ebooks are easier because there isn't a constraint on making changes (which makes sense because they're not being sent to a printer who would not appreciate it if I make twenty changes in a week and they have to try to keep up with that), but there's also the technology aspect that has been tricky to handle. I'm still nailing down how the screen reader thing will work out, but I have time to keep tweaking things while the print manuscripts go the snail mail route so I'm not worried. It's just a lot to learn and a lot to keep on top of. Again, if not for the epistolary period in Blue, it would all be smooth sailing. I think Draft2Digital is a great tool for self publishing authors. Unfortunately, I cause all of my own problems and am unwilling to compromise my artistic vision in order to avoid them lmao

Writing Progress check-in!

It's nearing the month of December and it's starting to get a bit quieter, or all the more busy as we are approaching Christmas. Has it been what you were expecting, or is it's gone a lot better or worse than you anticipated?

Send a word, a thought or a note and let me know.

#sarah self pubs #red like my bleeding heart in your hand #blue like don't forget about me

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365footballorg-blog · 7 years ago

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Armchair Analyst: With US out, here's how I'll watch the 2018 World Cup

June 13, 20189:00AM EDT

It is finally here, the long summer of our discontent made glorious autumn – soon enough, anyway – by the fall of teams I will be rooting against with all my heart.

That is one of my two planks for this 2018 World Cup. Please understand that the US failure to qualify has devastated me, but also freed me. It means that I can go into this tournament unshackled from the soul-crushing worry over “my” team; the impotent fury at coaching malpractice; the utter despair at in-the-moment, on-field mistakes; the numb resignation when it all inevitably comes crashing down and breathes its last.

I don’t think I’ll miss that. I think I’ll enjoy watching a World Cup without a mental countdown clock tracking the hours, minutes and seconds between now and “When do we play next and oh, God what if we lose?”

Now I get to think about what other teams do when they lose. I like that more.

And that leads me to plank No. 2: misery leads to innovation. Fear of failure leads to innovation. Desperation leads to innovation. I’m trying to get through this paragraph without typing “necessity is the mother of invention” but I’m just not gonna be able to do it, so there we are.

Amongst the things I love most about our game are the tactical tweaks – some big, some little – teams and coaches make from game-to-game, and sometimes in the run of play itself. The way we think about soccer is always evolving, so it makes sense that the way the game’s played is always evolving, and that keeps the sport fresh and new pretty much no matter who’s playing.

Of course, the best tactical tweaks and inventions are ones born of a solid, fundamental and consistent structure in the first place. If you have that underlying, thoroughly understood identity then you’re positioned to make meaningful (if incremental) progress, and that’s the type of thing that wins.

If you don’t…

JCO’s Wild Ride

Juan Carlos Osorio guided a good New York Red Bulls team to an appearance in the 2008 MLS Cup final, doing so with a relatively young and promising squad. As most coaches would do he … actually no, as very few coaches would do, he didn’t build on that. Osorio blew it all up in 2009 and went back to his tinkering ways. The same RBNY team that had made MLS Cup in 2008 went 2-16-4 in 2009, he was fired, and they went 3-3-2 down the stretch with an interim coach. They have not missed the playoffs since his departure.

Osorio’s predecessor and successor had better records with RBNY than he did. His predecessor and successor had better records at Puebla than he did, at Atletico Nacional than he did, and at Sao Paolo than he did, and it’s because he can not stop tinkering. His motto appears to be “If it ain’t broke, take it apart and find out why not.”

Osorio is currently doing the same thing to Mexico. Ask 100 El Tri fans what the team’s best lineup is and you will get 100 different answers, and chances are that actual lineup will have gotten some playing time together.

“Great!” you think, “That’s a manager who’s willing to try new things!”

“Yes,” I reply, “but the one truly new thing he needs to try is building cohesion and team chemistry, which he’s not done.”

Osorio no termina por entender que estos ya no son días para experimentar en la cancha… no contra #Dinamarca, mucho menos, a una semana de enfrentar a #Alemania #ElTri

— Pedro Dorantes (@PedroDorantes98) June 9, 2018

For non-Spanish speakers out there, the translation of that tweet is “Oh, my god, we’re going to get killed by Germany if this man does not pick a lineup that works together and then stick with it.”

And Mexico fans know what’s up because they got slaughtered 4-1 by Germany in last year’s Confederations Cup. And they got worked by Chile, 7-0, in the previous summer’s Copa America. Osorio’s overall record with El Tri is 31-9-8, but in three tournaments there’ve been three colossally disappointing showings. Here’s what I wrote about his tenure heading into last summer’s Concacaf Gold Cup (which indeed goes down as one of those colossally disappointing showings):

Mexico are probably a top 8-ish team in the entire world in terms of their raw talent, which is why they win most of their games. But they have continually struggled against top-tier competition (7-0 vs. Chile, 4-1 vs. Germany, a draw and a loss vs. a Portuguese team that is a cut below those two) because they are constantly, bafflingly, rotating players and lineups and formations and roles and responsibilities.

And so you get a team that gets bounced from the Copa America because they have no idea how to handle a simple cross-field switch, or how to stop a breakaway. And then you have the same team bounced from the Confederations Cup 12 months later for the exact same reasons. Juan Carlos Osorio just does not believe in the power of reps.

…I do wonder if Mexico will stop being a pieced-together Frankenstein’s Monster and start looking like a contiguous whole that’s greater than the sum of its parts.

One way or another this is the end for JCO with Mexico. Over the next couple of weeks, we’ll get to see whether his experiments were meant to culminate in something, or if they were just an endless, pointless excuse for more experiments.

Choose Your Underdog

Or, actually, don’t. I understand why people were charmed by the likes of Iceland in the 2016 Euros and how great it is for the country of Panama to be making their debuts. I hope all the players play well and get paid, because careers are short and World Cup glory is long. I wish none of them any ill.

But I’m not going to root for them. They play ugly, destructive soccer – against, not with the ball – and honestly, no thanks.

Know what I’m charmed by? Passing. Those little moments of magic where two or three or four or all 11 players are working in sync to disorient and destroy the opposition, to create angles and channels and goals.

If you’re gonna root for someone, don’t choose David. Choose Goliath.

Ride or Die

To that end, I will be supporting (such as it was) Lionel Messi and Argentina. Messi is the greatest soccer player who’s ever lived – he is impossible – and I would appreciate the cosmic justice of him finally being on the right side of the scoreline in a final for his country.

He doesn’t and shouldn’t need that to cement his status as the GOAT. Just look at this:

[embedded content]

I’ll also admit that I still love the 4-4-2 diamond and am pleased that Argentina are playing a version of it (though Jorge Sampaoli insists it’s a 2-3-3-2). Yes, I’m rooting for a formation.

The Next 5-4-1

Let’s stay on the topic of formations. Costa Rica are a particularly miserable team to play against because 1) they’re talented; 2) usually well-coached; and 3) utterly aware of their strengths and weaknesses. And their strength boils down to thinking along these lines: “When we play compact, we are almost impossible to break down, and that means our opponent will get frustrated, and that means we can hit them on the counter.”

That’s how the Ticos got to the quarterfinals of the 2014 World Cup.

But the surprise factor of the 5-4-1 was part of it as well. It’s a formation few had seen much of, globally, to that point, but one that’s come into vogue and has been a favorite of underdogs worldwide ever since. Each weekend you can see a handful of MLS teams attempting it (the Colorado Rapids tried and failed in Houston on Saturday), and while a formation is not tactics, formations and tactics work hand-in-hand.

Four years ago, Costa Rica’s formation worked to flummox Uruguay, Italy and England. Now it’s gone global.

Will something similar happen this tournament? I kind of hope so, though I’d rather see an aggressive, attacking formation steal the spotlight. (How about a 3-3-4 with a No. 9 who drops in off the frontline to turn and play runners through?)

Time To Shop

The Secondary Transfer Window opens July 10, and runs through August 8, providing a time of renewed hope and great expectations. MLS teams have more money than they’ve ever had before. You do the math.

Here’s a few players I hope coaches here are watching:

Gaston Silva, LB/LCB, Uruguay/Independiente (24 years old)

Ismael Diaz, FW/W, Panama/Deportivo B (20 years old)

William Troost-Ekong, CB, Nigeria/Bursaspor (24 years old)

Miguel Borja, FW, Colombia/Palmeiras (25 years old)

Let me know who you’re keeping an eye on, too.

Series:

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Armchair Analyst: With US out, here's how I'll watch the 2018 World Cup was originally published on 365 Football

#2018 #Analyst #Armchair #Here&039s #I&039ll #watch #world

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