#but kept going until i started crying p mucj

[snnumntik]

idk there's something so fucked up about how anyone regardless of age treats your disability if you're fat. like when I was a varsity athlete I was just barely overweight, and I kept pushing myself SO much harder than my peers because I kept seeing they could do things I couldn't. and they kept making fun of me relentlessly and accusing my pain of being made up, fake.

I was dislocating my bones as I was running. specifically at my hip. my patella kept moving in places it shouldn't have moved. my wrists kept sliding out of place when I had to lift the heavy equipment. but all these kids calling me fake, all these adults rolling their eyes at me, simply because I had a larger figure than all of them, it made me push myself so much harder than I needed to. I pushed myself twice as hard to be half as good as my peers.

it was to the point that physically I felt SO MUCH BETTER when I graduated high school and dropped the sport. people kept raving on about how the exercise would make me lose weight and make me feel on top of the world but I didn't lose the weight and felt awful all the time.

when I got my diagnosis and the doctor explained things to me, it was like that little kid was being seen for the first time regardless of their weight. it's a case where being skinny and being relentlessly active is NOT a sign of being healthy whatsoever. I just wanna shake my younger self by the shoulders and tell them that.