#but ive tasted the sunsine and joy

[a-wild-things-rambles]

so long, my love

violence and love would do something to easy my burning heart and help these broken bones shift into their new shape, but the chances of us beating the shit out of each other then going somewhere quiet and talking bout the things we never tell no-one cause no-one knows how to be broken like each other have changed drastically in these past few years

hes got plaster in his cracks now and we both grew up, these broken girls becoming broken boys. our lives have changed to much, that understanding is there, sad and nostalgic, a hidden past and self only we knew. liars know liars. but life's dealt us different hands and now were just a reminder of what we used to be, and we have always hated mirrors to the past.

i still love you with an ache and tears in my eyes, a bruise on my heart and blood on my knees. with whispers in the dark, and truths laid bare in lies. in fragile paintbrushes and delicate pencils, contrasting against our scarred and bloody hands.

but we made it, we grew up. we're alive, as hard to believe as that is, and we're learning to be comfortable in ourselves, to find a place in this world divorced from violence. divorced from who we used to be.

i think ill always love you, don't think i know how to not. but our love was all fire and fear and rage. the fires burnt out now, the things we fear aint as big now, and the rage is on a leash, and we shouldn't try and go back on that road of broken glass, shouldn't try and stoke the fire. ill carry the embers with me, my love. reminders of the wildfires we once were. a warning, a weight. ill carry those embers and pray i never burn anything to ash again. a reminder of the hurt that came with strength.

ill carry that love in my heart for a long time my friend. i dont know if i will ever love someone like i loved you, i pray i dont. i wish i would.

your the person who got the closest to knowing all of me, and i'd like to think im the same for you. its why conversations now are awkward, years of history and miles of limping steps, gallons of blood and oceans of tears. how can you acknowledge it all?

i love you. i cry at night sometimes, praying that your life will be good and sweet and full of love. a life i don't think i can enter anymore and keep so.

certain people represent certain eras of the self i find, and when they return outside of that era, well. i now understand the old lover coming back when you've moved on, and the emotional conflict it brings.

i think i knew it was over when i turned to my friend and said that you looked happier in yourself. when you said you had new friends and life was going pretty good.

we have no place in each others lives when our hearts are filled with joy.

but i will always remember the place you used to have, i will always wish for you to be well. for once im not selfish enough to wish we were both still in the fire together.

may the road rise up to meet you, may the wind always be at your back, may the sun shine warm upon your face, the rain fall soft upon your fields, and as we may never meet again, may god hold you in the palm of his hand

i love you with all my heart and wish you well with all the grace i have. i thank you for how you shaped my life, and am glad of our time together. i wish you joy and sunshine and understanding, all the things you helped give me.

so long,

its been good to know ya.