#but its scary so Lexa tries to pretend they arent there because it feels like a betrayal to costia

[lexa-griffins]

Still on that amnesia au i can't write

Clarke knows this woman Lexa thinks she is right now but also doesn't. Clarke met this closed off to feelings Lexa, yes, but she also met her at a turning point in her life. She met a Lexa who had finally started therapy, who was healing and who, after a while, decided to give love another chance with Clarke. It's been nearly a decade since then, long gone where the days when Lexa would wake up crying for another woman's name or have periods where she would question if Clarke deserved to have someone as broken as she was. They got married, and they were building a life together. They have a baby on the way! A baby that Clarke now can't feel because she doesn't want to impose on Lexa's personal space, but every time Lexa groans about a kick she has to hold on to something to avoid the reflex of simply reaching out and touching Lexa's belly. Both Clarke and the baby are strangers to Lexa, and while the baby is no stranger to Clarke, she can not get to them without having to touch Lexa and she hates how she can't touch her wife anymore, sleeping next to her in bed - at least they are still sleeping in the same bed - without having so much as a hand touching is making Clarke feel like she's drowning.

Lexa is still here but she isn't. She doesn't smile, doesn't laugh. She doesnt squeal everytime she feels the baby move but looks uncomfortable with it like she wants it out, doesn't scrunch her face when Clarke makes a stupid joke but stare at her like she's stupid for saying something she finds dumb. And it's so heartbreakin because Lexa was on her way to an appointment, Clarke was gonna meet her there. The baby has been hiding lately and they were hoping to be able to see their face this time. And then a car hit Lexa and re relief Clarke felt when they told her Lexa and the baby were alright was completely washed away when Lexa looked at her with zero recognition and the baby they tried so hard to have and that Lexa was so in love with now more like an alien to Lexa.