#but its past midnight and i havent have a proper sleep in a week and half

[divkazkdovikde]

it’s so funny that five/six/seven years ago (idk how long i have this blog), when i was new on tumbrl and then the few years after, my posts were so dramatic and this blog was basically my diary and then look at my blog now

and honestly, me back then? i was as if from that tiktok sound, yk the one “you don’t have to. i can fucking feel it” yeah, that was me until like three or so years ago, and then me nowadays, looking at those old posts is like “oh she needs a fucking exorcism”

and it’s absolutely hillarious to me, because even tho i’m still as depressed and miserable as i was back then, if not more, now my blog turned mainly into fangirling over marauders

but i have to hand down to my teenage self, that some of the posts were really deep and i can’t believe i was able to put words together like that, when i was like fucking fifteen years old. because looking at it now, drowning in all this shit i’m not-so-dealing with, it really wasn’t that deep back then for the posts to be on that level.

i sometimes feel like i was more mature back then. or maybe maturing is realising it’s easier to just give up crying and being pathetic about it, cuz that’s not gonna help. (lol i still cry and am pathetic but like in a different way yk, in more mature way.)also i’m not gonna lie, marauders fandom really saved my life, so i’m glad i’m where i am. because even though, it’s really shit sometimes, now i’m enjoying the good days and moments as much as i hate those bad ones, and i’m not wallowing in self pity that much now, and i’m learning how to ask for help. it’s as much better now as it’s worse. does that make sense? it does to me.

anyway live love laugh dead gay wizzards.

and let’s leave my old self burried in history, i like this older version of myself better.

(also i kinda pity my old followers, those who started to follow me because of those deep posts, because i bet now when you see some of my fanart and stuff reblogs you sure as fuck are like “where the hell did that came from” yeah, from me, girl grew up a little, she found out that happiness from fictional characters is better than to be that much dramatic. don’t worry, i still can be dramatic, but i use it for freaking out over fanfictions and fanarts now, i think that has to be at least a little bit more healthy, no?)

[ratanslily]

Home

pairing: ayna seth x kennedy monroe (enby fa mc)

summary: kennedy drops by ayna's place for a midnight chat. fluff, nothing else.

a/n: i was inspired by @maellowy 's sketch of ayna and mc!! i was in the process of thinking of a fic for them but this sketch gave me a proper direction.

tagging @choicesficwriterscreations .

the doorbell rang frantically in the middle of the night and ayna shut her book in frustration.

"now who is it at this ungodly hour?", she cursed underneath her breath.

she opened the door to find a very tired Kennedy.

"Kennedy??"

"may i come in?"

"s-sure"

Ayna panicked as she tidied the room a bit to make space for Kennedy to sit.

"hey, its okay. I've seen worse, and by worse i mean. my room. its a mess, yours is nothing in comparison to what I've made my room like."

the tension in the atmosphere shifted as they both let out a hearty chuckle.

"how'd you even sneak past the security all across the campus?"

"I have my ways.."

Ayna smiled at the mischief playing in their eyes.

"you know, you look nice.. with your hair down. you should try this look more often."

ayna's eyes widened in realisation as she hurried to make her hair into a bun

"Oh no, wait I'll-"

"its okay. i love it either way."

"alright, flatterer. What's the reason you're lounging in my room at midnight?"

Kennedy's eyes turned somber real quick as they explained,

"I havent been able to sleep tonight.. y'know. with this project taking a toll on my sleep and, well. nevermind.."

"and..?"

Kennedy shook their head, embarassed.

"its silly.."

"try me."

"no, its just, its just- gahh i can't do this.."

"hey, look at me. I'm more than just your TA, you know."

Kennedy's eyebrow quirked at the implication.

"a friend. im a friend to you. yeah. a friend. you can confide in me."

she gave them her most comforting smile which encouraged them to open up

"Ayna, I miss being home. not the state of luxury mansion which i call my house. i miss the feeling of residing in a home, an area of pure love and affection. Have had this feeling ever since mom chose politics over me and it only multiplied tenfold when i arrived here.."

"until i met you."

Ayna tried hiding her surprise by offering them coffee to change the topic, but kennedy was persistent.

"would you like coffee?"

"nah. coffee makes me sleep. and i dont wanna sleep just yet. I want to talk to you."

"you make me feel.. comfortable. there's this certain vibe about you which makes me feel.. happy. and safe. You remind me of home, Ayna."

Ayna nervously tucked her hair behind her ears as her heart thumped loudly in her chest.

"I- that's a big honour to take.. Kennedy I don't know how to respond- um.."

"it's alright, you dont have to feel it too-"

"wait, I miss being home too, and im glad we can provide each other the feeling of home away from home"

"we?"

"I feel the same way about you too, mx. monroe."

"that's music to my ears"

the rest of the night was spent in them exchanging past memories and stories with each other as they felt alive at the dead of the night. Ayna was taken aback by surprise at the amount of comfort she felt around them, unlike any of the friends she's ever made before.

the night raged on and Kennedy tried to stifle a yawn as they grew dizzy.

"i.. dont.. wanna sleep just.. yet.."

"Here, lay down on the sofa"

she offered her lap as a pillow for their head as they rested comfortably.

"You're.. my home.. Ayna", Kennedy mumbled in their sleep.

she couldn't help but smile at the sheer innocence of the statement and deep down, wished it were true. wished they didn't just speak that just cause they were asleep but spoke just because they mean it.

-----

as the first bird chirped outside her window, she woke up to see Kennedy still on her lap, fast asleep, as if they havent slept in weeks.

she brushed their hair away from their face as gentle as a lover's caress and couldn't help but admire the sunlight illuminating their beautiful face, sleeping peacefully. their whole body curled up into a ball and their slight dishevelled hair only added to their beauty.

Smiling at them, she whispered,

"you're my home, too."

a/n: is this the first ayna x mc fic?? dont tell me. also i wrote this under 30 minutes lol i wish i was a good writer. pls if you see this ilyyy because i dont expect anyone to read it (Ayna stans are so less </3)