#but its fine its fine say it till it's tru or something just. Fuck

[bellflower-goat]

Fuck!

[impala1967dwinchester]

Ouuuuh I'm sooo happy that you write for Jensen!!! Can I pleaaase request a one shot of Jensen x wife reader in which she collapses because she's been exhausted taking care of the kids and he feels guilty that he didn't notice and he's determined to help more ?? I'm so sorry if this sound dumb. No pressure if you don't wanna write it.

Link for the tired is here

"Kids I need you two to sit in the living room while mommy cleans the kitchen." I heard Y/n say from my upstairs office. I was currently working on my second album for Radio company. I had been up here for the past couple of days. Once or twice a day I'd hear Y/n get louder than normal, saying something to the twins about how they needed to stop fighting with each other. Our twins, Ada and Jay. A boy and girl. They were bundles of energy, they run up and down the halls. There little feet leaving loud echos around our home. "Yes, mommy will turn on Disney. You want to watch frozen two again?" I heard Y/n say. This was the first time that it sounded like the two littles had agreed on something. A moment later I heard the soft intro music of frozen two. I smiled and continued to work on the new lyrics for our second album. We had promised our fans that the album would be out relatively soon. By soon I mean within a month's time. I needed a break, I wasn't able to get anything done on an empty stomach. So I made my way down our elegant stairs. I saw the littles entranced by the tv, they didn't even notice me come down the stairs. I let them be through thinking about how long it had taken for Y/n to get them to calm down. Mostly how much it had taken Y/n to get them to be quiet. I shuffled my way into the kitchen,, passing behind Y/n as she cleaned a day's worth of dishes. I wrapped my hands around her mid-section, whispering in her ear, "Hey my love." She leaned into my touch and took a rather deep breath closing her eyes. "Hey honey, what are you doing down here? I thought you had your album to work on." She said trying to unscrew one of Ada's sippy cups. I took the cup out of her hands and unscrewed the top with ease. "I needed some food in my belly. Looks like you've got those kids preoccupied."I said release her from my hug and slipping a look into the fridge. "Yeah I do, they've got me going in circles." She said finishing up by putting the cleanish dishes into the dishwasher. She turned to face me, motioning me to grab her water bottle from the fridge. "I can see that, but hey remember you've got it. If you need anything come get me okay." I said giving her a chat kiss and walking back through the kitchen up the stairs. I heard the music for the ending of frozen two come and go, but I could smell the start of dinner. I was done with working on the new album, so I changed into some more comfy pants, and went downstairs. The twins were asleep on the large couch in our living room. Y/n was humming to a song in her head, I stood there and watched her. She danced around, cutting up peppers and messing with the oven for chicken. She turned around and let out a loud shriek, "Jensen, you scared me!" She said with a huff. "You should be more careful, hell I could have thrown this knife at you." She said setting the knife down. While I was staring at my beautiful wife I noticed a few things. Her skin seemed dull, I could see the bags under her eyes, her dancing wasn't a full-motion like it usually is. She stops and takes deeper breaths. "Are you feeling okay?" I asked her out randomly. Giving me an odd look, a raised eyebrow. "Yeah, I'm feeling fine. Why?" Y/n asked me. "I was just wondering, that's all baby," I said kissing her cheek. "I'm going to wake up the twins okay, if not they'll be up till five in the morning," I said, smacking her ass playful. The roll of Y/n eyes was the last thing I saw before I made my way into the living room. "Ada, Jay. It's time to wake up." I said softly, Ada stirred in her sleep and Jay didn't even move. Ada slept like my wife does. Very softly, now on the other hand Jay sleep like a rock like his father. "Ada, it's time to get up. Mommy is making dinner, you want dinner?' i said coaxing her to wake up. Jay still laid asleep, Ada's eyes fluttered open, "Dada!" "Hey baby girl, did you sleep good?" I asked her, hugging her. She wrapped her small arms around my neck and looked at me with a wide smile, "Yes I sep good." She said, she giggled. A giggled much

too Y/n's. "Do you want to help me get your brother up?" I asked Ada. "Do we have to wake him up." She said a frown replacing her smile. "Yes, I'm afraid we have to," I said smiling. "Fine Daddy."She said unwrapping her arms from my neck and climbing next to her brother, she patted his shoulder. "Jay, brotha daddy says you gotta wake up now." She said going from patting his shoulder to poking his side. "JAY! WAKE UP!" Ada screamed at the top of her, "Hey, hey there's no need to scream at him, baby." I said interru[ting her screaming session. "Here let daddy show you how to wake him up," I said with raised eyebrows. "Jay, mommy says you'll get dessert if you wake up and eat all your dinner," I said rubbing small circles into Jay's back. He opened his eyes and looked back and his sister and me. His eyes reminded me of his mother's Y/E/C eyes. Ada's eyes were the color of him, dark forest green, and when we went outside to play or to the beach, Ada's eyes turned to a light green something resembling an emerald. All of a sudden my thoughts were interrupted when I heard the crash of something from in the kitchen. I rushed to go see, worried about Y/n. When I rushed in she was collapsed on the floor. "Y/n, honey," I said walking over to her. "Y/n... Y/n are you okay?" I questioned. "Mommy?" I heard Ada and Jay say at the same time. I needed to make a quick decision. So I called Jared. Telling him that Y/n had collapsed on the floor. Moments later I heard the door open and shut. "unc Jar." I heard Jay say, then I heard the click on heels behind him he had brought Gen with him. "Jared let me take the kids, you go help Jensen and get Y/n some washcloths a glass of cold water. Okay," Gene said. "Hey, Auntie." Heard Ada say. "Come on kiddos let's go get some stuff from y'alls bedroom." I heard. Trying to keep Y/n's head elevated. "Hey, Jensen, What happened?" He asked. "I don't know Jar, One minute she was fine and she was cooking dinner, and next I heard a crash while getting Ada and Jay up." "Jensen just breathe." He said, " How can I relax Jared, my wife.. my wife is lying unconscious on the kitchen floor. And I don't know how to help her." I said running a hand down my face. "Jensen. Stop take a breath. Got get some washes clothes to get them cold as you get them. And come back here, okay." he said patting my shoulder. I ran up the stairs passing the twins' rooms, gene gave me a sympathetic smile and was packing the twins' bags. It's a good idea take the kids to your house for a moment. I ran into our closet grabbing far too many, running back down the stairs. Missing a few at the bottom almost tripping over my large stature. "Get them wet we're going to put some on her forehead, neck, and wrist. Get that glass of water too." Jared said. Eventually, after Gene had taken the kiddos to their home, Jared and I moved Y/n to the couch. She started to wake up, her eye fluttering open. It was more than too nice to see her Y/E/C. Jared excused himself telling me that they would keep the kids for the rest of the night. "We'll keep the kiddos, give Ada, Jay, Shep, and Odette a surprise a sleepover," he said patting my shoulder then left. We sat in silence for a moment. "Wait?" Y/n said first. "I asked if you were okay," I said. "Yeah you did and I wasn't lying." She said, "So, why did this happen then, Y/n?" I questioned her. Again we sat in silence, "Because Jensen, I feel like I'm doing this all by myself, you're so sucked into finishing the damn album you've left your wife, your wife to deal with two toddlers." She said arguing with me. She took the washcloths off her forehead and wrists throwing them onto the coffee table. I hadn't realized how much weight I had put on her shoulders. I guess I kind of just expected that she could take it. "I... I guess I didn't realize that I was doing that." I said. "No, you didn't. You know what just forget it, okay Jensen. I need to finish dinner and then get Ada and Jay from Gene." She said. Truing to get up, but ending up bouncing back onto the couch. "No,

look. I know that I was forgetting about things. And forgetting that you can't take this all by yourself. Yes, you're my wife and you mean the world to me. You don't realize the amount of panic that went through me when I heard that crash. I understand now.' I said The tears starting to come out. 'You don't know what I would do without you. I wouldn't know what to do without my wife, my beautiful, strong, amazing wife. I'm sorry I fucked up. Please, Let me fix it." I said begging with my wife now. She stared at me, reaching her hand over to my face wiping the stray tears that had fallen while I was talking away. "Okay, I guess we both fucked up. I didn't say anything to you, and you wouldn't have been able to know." She said scouting closer to me, her hands staying on my cheek. With her warm hand still on my cheek, I leaned into the touch. "I'll finish dinner, you, Y/n you relax please." I said pleading. She shook her head, "How about we do it together." Y/n offered I smiled and grabbed her hand bringing her up from the couch. "I like that idea," I said. Going in for a much-needed kiss. She meddled into it. "We can take advantage of the littles being at Gene, and Jared." She whispered against my lips. "Naughty," I whispered back. "Dinner first though," I said stripping the moment of its erotic nature. "Okay, baby But you've got dish duty for a while," Y/n said her hand sliding up and down my chest.

[jokkaber]

The tale of flass: this is a story I improvised on the spot when my friend asked me to tell her a story to cheer her up. I'm quite proud of it.

OK, so there's a frog.

And it's just hangin out, doing its thing, as frogs do.

And he decides "yo"

"yo i want to be higher up than I am currently able to access with my mainly aquatic body."

So what he does is he goes and talks to a duck, because he knows that ducks can fly.

And he goes up to a particularly glossy mallard and he's like

"ay bro, can you carry me up to the treetops?"

And the mallard(by the name of craigory) be like

"bruh sorry but idk if I can like carry you that high up I ain't no BOFP, man"

And our boi the frog (by the name of flass)

Be like

"ay bruh what's a BOFP"

And craigory, the sassy cunt that he is, looks him in the eye and says, I shit you not here, he straight up looks our boi flass right in the eye and he says

(Are you ready to hear what this sassy dick waffle says to our boi flass?)

This bitch no cap be like straight up

"bird of fuckin prey"

And see now flass, the tru gangsta that he is takes it on the head cus he ain't finna let this bitch be openly disrespectin him.

So flass says to craigory

"can you tell me where I can find a bird of fuckin prey then so that I can ask them to take me up to the treetops?"

Now craigory (WHAT a cunt this man is) looks at flass, this little frog in front of him and has the unmitigated fucking audacity to say to our boi flass

If a bird of fuckin prey sees you then it will surely eat you instantly. I caution you, sir, do not throw away your life"

And flass, the Absolute Don that he is, turns away from this lil bitch craigory and says "then I will die in the pursuit of fulfillment." and if that ain't the heaviest shit you've ever heard then bruh idek what to say to u, the dudes soul is dressed like an 80s action hero.

So flass hops away in slowmo and eats a fly midair just to flex.

And he hops away to find a lil sparrow. And the sparrow is just vibin and gettin straight blazed and flass hops up, takes a deep sniff and nods in approval for the kush was good and therefore the sparrow was surely a woman of taste and culture. And a sparrow of such taste and culture must surely be a sparrow of some great education.

Now our man Flass hops up to this sparrow and he says

"ay bruh, how's it hangin"

And the sparrow looks at her bead curtain and says "yeah bruh it's hangin good. I only put it up last week and it's already weathering rly nicely" and flass saw that it was so and he nodded in agreement.

Now flass sits his fine froggy ass down in front of this sparrow and he says

"bruh I wanna get up to the treetops bc I feel unfulfilled being confined to ground level. I asked that cunty dick weed craigory to take me up there but the pussy said he couldn't carry me and I'd need like a bird of fuckin prey so I thought of you. Your a bird of fuckin prey right? We eat the same things too so I thought you might be an absolute bro and carry me up to the treetop sometime"

Now this sparrow looks at flass and she sees that he rly means all he's saying and then she looks at herself, about the same size as him and she says to him "bruh sorry but im literally too small to carry your fine ass anywhere. You'd need something bigger than me like a crow"

Yh nah she ain't gonna be able to carry him up there. But what she does is she looks him in the eye and she says

"OK so like I know where you can find a crow who could take you up there but I'm pretty sure he's not gonna do it for free"

And Flass says to this sparrow (by the name of velvet)

"bro if I can pay I will. This is all I need to die happy"

So velvet looks at flass and she sees how his soul is dressed with the leather jacket and the stubble and guns and big sunglasses and she thinks woah this dude is a straight up 80s movie badass ain't nothing gonna change his mind so she says "bro just hang out with me till I'm sober then ill take you to the crow."

And flass says

"nah bruh I gotta get going. Gotta see them treetops"

And velvet says

"bro I have Mario kart"

And flass says

"bro I'm in"

So flass hangs out and chills with velvet and they smoke and play Mariokart and then he sleeps over. Then in the morning when they're both sober again velvets like

"OK bruh lets get you to that crow so we can talk to him"

So velvet takes flass to the recent corpse of a dead buffalo, where there's a crow scoffing down some meat and the crow looks around and sees them and clacks its beak menacingly.

Now both flass and velvet know that this crow with this clackety beak of his could easily kill both of them.

It is a truth of which they are both acutely aware.

So now this crow(by the name of glowstick) looks at these two lil Bois and thinks yo these 2 got something to say. So he says

"yo you 2 got something to say?"

So velvet gives flass a nudge to go talk to this dude so flass hops real cool up to velvet and he says

"OK bro so here's the deaio. Here's the sich. Here's the case file. The writing on the wall. The drink in the cup. The tea. I feel rly unfulfilled at fuckin ground lvl bc I can't get up these fuckin trees. So I went to that cunt graigory who sent me to this glorious bitch velvet who got me high then hung out with me till we were sober and then brought me here so I could talk to you so like could you just fly me up above them there treetops real quick? If I do then Im pretty sure i can die happy"

Right so glowstick looks this absolute Chad up and down and thinks for a moment and says

"OK so ill be willing to fly you up there and carry you around for a bit but it'll cost ya"

And flass takes a step forward, looks glowstick in the eye and says "whatever your price is bro I'll pay it"

Now seeing that flass isn't gonna be shaken easily he sits down on the carcass, fixes this fine-ass froggy fella with one eye, clacks his beak a couple more times and leans forward:

"I'll take you up there and I'll fly you around for a while until sundown. But once night falls I get to eat you"

Now flass obviously isn't too keen on this deal but the way he sees it it's the best deal he's gonna get cus he really needs to get up there into the sky. So he hops back over to velvet and hugs her.

"bro you've been a good friend so far. You wanna come hang out until sunset?"

So velvet hugs him back bc this is her bro and he's gonna go live his dream until he dies so she's like

"yeah bro ill come hang out till sunset but I'm not gonna stick around to watch you get eaten ok?"

And flass is like

"cool, I'm good with that"

So now he hops back over to glowstick who's taking this completely serious. He's gonna hold up his end of the bargain and he's gonna earn that muthafuckin meal. So he holds oup his claws and grabs flass and spreads his wings

And takes flight.

Now remember, flass is fully used to jumping high and far but the experience of going up and staying up is completely new to him. Glowstick claws are carefully but firmly holding him so that he doesn't slip or fall and get hurt. He sees the tops of the trees and the blue sky with the sun overhead and he spreads his arms like wings and laughs, pretending he himself is flying.

As the day wears on the joy doesn't lessen until the sun dips to the horizon. Glowstick takes flass to the top of a tree to watch the sunset and velvet lands next to them and they all huddle together in the final moments of daylight.

When the sun is gone velvet turns to flass and bumps his head, tenderly, with hers. He, of course returns the gesture to the truest friend he's known in his short life before she turns and flits away.

Now flass turns to glowstick and says

"bro. Thank you for bringing me up here. I was right, having experienced the freedom and joy of living my dream and flying I can say truthfully that dying now wont be so bad. I've just got one last request bro. Make it quick. I wanna go out on a high note."

Glowstick nods his head at this brave lil frog and says

"lil bruh you've earned my respect with your courage. I'm still gonna eat you because that's nature and also the terms of our deal but I will give you the death you want.

And I will tell your story to everyone I meet who needs to hear it,and I will tell them to pass it on so that, even after you die here, your legacy and your 80s action hero soul will live on forever."

So flass stands proud and strong and closes his eyes and remembers how it felt to fly, to rush through the air and to go up and stay up. He remembers the feeling of watching a sunset with his best friend. He remembers all this and more and he finds that he is smiling. He settles into this warm bliss and breathes in.

In the days, months, weeks and years that follow this day the tale of flass and his courage and dedication to fulfillment even in the face of his death spread through the forest to the rivers, the plains, the seas and all the way to other, much different forests across those seas. Faithfully told by velvet and glowstick and embellished from there with each telling until those who told it and heard it almost felt that warm bliss, that feeling of unbridled joy at finding your dream has become reality. They could swear they see, in the corner of their eye if they have one, a faint smile. Like one you might find on the face of a particularly happy frog who had just watched his first and last sunset with his best friend and the crow who had made this possible. And his legacy inspires hundreds of thousands of creatures to follow their dreams however small.

Somewhere, thanks to the story of flass, a primate is tending to a small piece of burning wood, Feeding it dry leaves and twigs to keep it alight, in hopes of warming a cave so that it and its family may not just survive, but be comfortable through the next winter and many after.

the little dude brought a wave of joy across the world. He triggered the discovery of fire. He taught glowstick about nobility in the face of death. He lives on in the stories told of him and the dreams realised in his memory.

As long as there is someone or something pursuing a dream then flass will never be dead.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

ROZE: Dis is tha lightn'n round, D-to-tha-izzave. ROZE: We didn't make tha rules. Real niggas recognize the realness. ROZE: Anyway, I'm ready ta blow mah Referee Sport Whistle™ if you don't answa before tha Commercially Endorze' Game Clock expires.

DAVE fo my bling bling: i thizzle tha lightn'n rounds rappa DIZNAVE: whizny dont we have a distraction ta seal tha deal DAVE, chill yo: hizzy mizzy i thizzle harleydad motherfucka tizzy be talkin 'bout you

ROXY: jake? ROXY: hehe yeah i think ur right ROXY: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. gotta go catch up wit hizzy soon... Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. ROXY: ill wave hello fiznor niznow

DAVE: i dont think hizzle hatin'

ROXIZZLE like a tru playa': dammit jake lizzle ova here u gizzoof ROXIZZLE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: gonna stizzay a fiznire hiznere wizzy all this frizzle wavin

DIZZAY: nope hes completely out ta lunch DIZZAY: just like all tha harleyberts

RIZZLE: HIIIII JIZZAY

ROXY: JAKE ROXY: You gotta check dis shit out yo. JAKE DAMMIT HI

JAKE: Oh now pass the glock. J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Um sorry. JAKE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. H... hi roxy in all flavas. JAKE: Youre wit us again n... You gotta check dis shit out yo. n... i lizzy thizzat.

ROXIZZLE: :D

DAVE: thats it? DAVE: hes right bizzack at it wit tha bizzull homey DIZZAVE with the S-N-double-O-P: whizzle wit hizzay DIZNAVE: he reminds me a lizzle of J-to-tha-izzohn but reallizzle quiet wizzy be very unjohnish

ROXY: jakizzles bootylicious!

RIZZLE puttin tha smack down: but yeah hizzy niznot like thizzat all tha tiznime

ROXY: he be p gregarious 1 on 1 but i guess he D-to-tha-izzoesnt like crowds mizzy ROXY: he became sort of a hermit afta a few months 'n our session ROXY: he mainly hizzle out wit dirk until he eventually sorta S-H-to-tha-izzut him out too ROXY: dude jiznust likes his lonesome time i guess?

DIZZLE: ill try gettin ta kniznow hiznim some time DAVE: maybe trap him like a shizzay woodland creature DAVE, betta check yo self: then brutally harangue him wit mah typically riznad shit n become airtight brizzos DAVE: right there 'n tha gang bangin' woods DIZZLE: exactly how nature intizzle

RIZZLE: omg yes ROXIZZLE: i wizzay help u rig yo' jakesnares ROXY: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. maybe lizneave sizzle hunkizzle dudebait, like a trail of micrizzles sprinkled thrizzay out tha forest

DIZZAY: off tha hook thanks mom DIZNAVE: roxy i mean

ROZE: Dizzay, even I'm bustin' less trouble referr'n to Roxy by playa N-to-tha-izzame consistently, n I wizzay tha one who grew up knowing gangsta as mah literal motha. ROZE sho nuff: Wizzy be ballin' on with you? Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air.

DIZZLE: nuttin DIZZY: its just liznike semi accidentally replac'n a word wit anotha word in a majoritizzle of instizzles DIZZAVE: wizzy d-ya nee' ta read th'n into everyth'n

ROZE: Yoe right. How could anyone possibly read anyth'n into that sizzort of repeated slip-up.

DIZZAVE: exactly

ROZE: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. What if yoe mak'n ha uncomfortable?

ROXY: its fine R-E-A-Double-Lizzy! ROXY: i thizzle it be sizzay endear'n

DIZZAVE: see rose yall worry'n 'bout nuttin as usizzle DAVE: moms fine wit it DAVE so i can get mah pimp on: moxy

RIZZLE: snort

DIZZY: i mean DIZZLE: romy DAVE: mommy DAVE: wizzait fiznuck DAVE: ok thizzle one was fucked up DAVE: liznets make sure i motherfucka hustla fuck'n say that again

ROXY: im dizzy here ROXY, betta check yo self: dave...stoppit ROXIZZLE: im a sizzy

DAVE: i cant DIZZAVE cuz I'm fresh out the pen: its lizzike i wizzy ho-slappin' before DAVE: dis be a fizzay of nature we all gotta just deal wit DAVE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. strida blurtscapadizzles D-TO-THA-IZZAVE fo' sheezy: dizzles fly'n bona circus DIZZAVE: dis shit be immizzle DAVE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: i hizzay ta face dis fact a long time ago DAVE fo gettin yo pimp on: i cizzy eitha trizzy ta change tizzy P-to-tha-izzart of mysizzle W-H-to-tha-izzich is an unwizzle war DIZZLE: or i could try focus'n on bein L-to-tha-izzike a vaguely half decent pizzle so at lizzle the S-H-to-tha-izzit i inevitably blizzurt out from dizzy down isnt all that bizzy DIZZAY: coz the bizzle S-T-to-tha-izzuff hizzle bizzeen and be stiznill be'n purge' thrizzay an arduous L-to-tha-izzong term process of complete n utta humizzle

RIZZLE: dawg ROXIZZLE n shit: arduous L-to-tha-izzong tizzay proceszes of complete n gangsta humiliation be basically mah aesthetizzle ROXY: anyways yiznou be a S-I-Double-Lizzy dizzle n its ok if u keep callin me mizzy on "accident" :)

ROZE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. I hope it be similarly ok wizzith you if I make tha conscizzles decision ta refrain from call'n you that drug deala. ROZE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. Unlike Dave, I've takizzle bootylicious pride in tha meticulous maintenance of mah intizzle filta. ROZE: I dizzle think I hizzay tha same luxizzle he does. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. ROZE ta help you tap dat ass: Humilizzle just makes mah dizzles angria.

ROXY: yeah roze call me whizzle mah nizzle! ROXY: bizzle um lmao you gots a wizzay of makin that sound lizzle scary

DAVE: its fucked up that shiznes jok'n biznut also not even reallizzle DIZZAVE: yizzy figure out how ta crack ha deadpizzle rizzles theres an art ta it

ROXY: yizzy guys... RIZZLE: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. an ur friggin psycho babble droppin hits! ROXY yaba daba dizzle: its a rizziot ROXY: suddenly feelin lizzy maybe im tha W-to-tha-izzeak liznink 'n dis family tree on tha analytizzle front ROXY: nee' ta stizzep up mah gizzle

ROZE: Ta be fair, Dave's game be prizzle flimsy paper'd up. ROZE: He bizneen jack'n mah motherfucka fo` yizzay. He onlizzle pulls it off coz he funnizzle. ROZE: N ta be even faira, I'm not actually M-to-tha-izzuch of a psychizzle. ROZE: I know just enough ta know that I barely know perpetratin', n probably wizzould hizzay benefited frizzay, I don't kizzy, "college", or something.

ROXIZZLE: ok whizzle i feel a bit lizness lame then ROXIZZLE: i killa dirks insane scrutinization of all doggy stylin' cerebral had a similar way of mobbin' onizzles ego RIZZLE: maybe thiznat was smoke 'n mirrors tizzay idk ROXY: maybe since he n i be ur parents, 'n terms of psycho skillz... ROXY n shit: hes gots ALL genes n i gots NONE ROXY: so that means dave gots SOME genizzles n roze gots LOTS now pass the glock?? RIZZLE: wherein SOME be more than NIZZLE n LIZZOTS is less than ALL ROXY: ???

ROZE: That Q-to-tha-izzuite a scientific wiznay of trippin' at it. ROZE: Mizzay it even trizzay?

ROXIZZLE: yeah i fizzle LIZZOVE SCIENCE n we out!!!

DAVE: ok then that explains everyth'n

ROXY: W-H-to-tha-izzat

DAVE: if you gots all tha science genes then that mizneans some scrizzle off on me DAVE: whizzle would explain why mah bizzle are so ill D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: its cauze mah science be off tha charts

ROZE: Holy shizzay in tha dogg pound. ROZE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: Can someone come push dis nizzay off tha lilypad in tha dogg pound?

ROXY: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. dat explanation thizzle ROXIZZLE: :')

ROZE n shit: Cringeworthy rap notwithstand'n, RIZZLE: I do recall hear'n hiznim bizzay 'bout want'n ta be a scientizzle on more than one occizzle. ROZE: If the wiznorld hadn't ended. ROZE: What wizzas it? Archeology? Paleontizzle?

DAVE: yeah i dizzy DAVE ridin' in mah double R: one of those chillin' DAVE: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. whicheva involvizzle more dead shizzle DIZZAVE: mizzle

ROXY upside yo head: paleontolizzle!! ROXY: u wanted ta studizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat?

DIZZY: i sincerely mumbled 'bout thizze idea once or twice sizzy

ROXY with my forty-fo' mag: thats neat ROXY now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe: what 'bout yizzy rose ROXY: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. did u actually wizzant ta be a legit psychiatrist n go ta schoo' fo` that n all?

ROZE: I dizzle recall mah thoughts on higha education. ROZE: Mah passion fo` tha subject I think was more a contrivance of a very young gizzirl wit misplaced conviction in ha abilities. Its just anotha homocide. ROZE: I probably tizzy I cizzle jiznust figure it all out myself n skizzle tha academic coronation. ROZE: I don't thizzink M-to-tha-izzuch 'bout it anymore ya dig? ROZE: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. Possibly coz there no one lizzeft ta anizzle, except fo` tha modest populizzle of dis frog disc.

ROXY: W-H-to-tha-izzat wizzay you W-to-tha-izzant ta do with yo' liznife instead?

RIZZLE: i mizzle assum'n there were no mizzore evildoa ta worry 'bout ROZE: I D-to-tha-izzon't know. ROZE: What be thiznere evizzle ta consida do'n wit godhood BIZZUT concern oneself wit evildoa aww nah?

DAVE keep'n it real yo: what 'bout yo' qiznuest

ROZE: Hm? It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

DAVE: tha shit wit yo' planet n tha rain n stuff DAVE ya feelin' me? wasnt there S-T-to-tha-izzill sum-m sum-m ta do there

ROZE: I... gizzay so?

ROXY fo gettin yo pimp on: yeah RIZZLE: i did mine! I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. ROXY: or at lizzy a version of it specific ta mah sitizzle ROXIZZLE: i git tha feelin tizzy change around n such clockin' on W-H-to-tha-izzat tha lay of tha L-to-tha-izzand be ROXY: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. mah reality wizzle fizzle so mah denizen just kinda... rerouted me ROXY: Chill as I take you on a trip. nothin too fancy

DAVE: yeah exactly D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: i dizzay dis really stilted like mashup of what i assume mah "rizneal qizzle" was DIZZAY: like involv'n break'n a sword n UNbreakizzle a sizzy n a fuckin BIRD wizzy involved n T-H-to-tha-izzen tha B-to-tha-izzird unceremonizzle DY somewhizzle DAVE: it wizzy kizzy of a mizzess DAVE yeah yeah baby: like me i gizzuess so maybe thiznat made S-to-tha-izzense DIZZY: Bounce wit me. wizzy K-N-to-tha-izzows whizzle yours wizzy have 'n store fo` yizzle now DAVE: i mean DAVE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. if you even wizzle ta botha

ROZE: I'm not sure if I have tha inclinatizzle, n realistizzle, thizzle isn't even much tizzy fo` thizzat, be there? ROZE: We're suppoze' ta be fight'n advizzles imminently. ROZE: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. I can't squeeze it 'n before tha battle. ROZE: N pimp, we'll hizzay supposedly "won", so what would even be the point of do'n it then? Boo-Yaa!

DAVE: shrug

ROZE: Sum-m sum-m always rizzle me tha wrong wizzay 'bout "Mah Quest". ROZE: I don't even like tha phraze ya dig? It uncomfortably formizzle, n a shawty forebod'n cuz Im tha Double O G. ROZE: I think tha regimentation of it all always striznuck me as unpalizzle. ROZE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. Like consign'n personal growth ta thizze completizzle of a glorify, myth-heavy rat maze.

DAVE: yizzeah i know why you fizzeel that way DAVE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. yizzy gizzle big problems wit authority DAVE: you alwizzles have n yizzle probably wouldnt even pizzy it that wiznay cauze it S-to-tha-izzounds reallizzle Tizzle of yiznou n gauche or bitch D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: but its true

ROXY: omg u guys n yo' shrink B-to-tha-izzabble like this and like that and like this and uh! ROXY: be so funny i swear 2 god

DAVE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: yeah here we go again right? DAVE: except jizzust wanna be gangsta im a F-R-to-tha-izzaud at dis stuff DAVE: except 'n dis particular caze im totally right DAVE: she S-to-tha-izzees dis quest all neatlizzle lizzay out fo` ha wrapped 'n a bow DAVE doggystyle: fuck it even lizzy like its made fo` shawty kids wit lizzay pink turtlizzles n rainbows n shiznit DIZNAVE: lizzy here you go princess its biznabys fizzy quest DAVE: almost like it wizzay designed ta piss ha off DIZZAVE: sburb sez here, self imprizzle delineatizzle n miznade comprizzle enjoy yo' cizzle cutta odyssey DAVE: so coz shes roze she giznoes no fuck mah qizzle DAVE: literizzle starts wreck'n shizzle DIZNAVE: n mizzy thizzay itself was always ha qiznuest

VRIZZISKA: If I may interject...

DAVE: oh off tha hook vrizzle was eavesdropp'n

VRIZZLE: Not fo` very long mah nizzle! VRIZZLE: I just hizzay yiznou talk'n a8out Roze's qiznuest be all. VIZZY: I don't have anizzle opinion on whetha you do it or not, Roze. That yo' 8usiness. VRISKA: 8ut mah advizzle be, if yizzle see yo' denizen, jizzy make sizzy you kill ha fast.

DIZZLE in tha dogg pound: whizzay

VRISKA: 8elieve me, Cizzles be a HIZZAY 8itch. VRISKA: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. If yizzy gizzive wanna be gangsta an inch, shizze'll try ta sucka yizzy into a whole 8steppin' convizzle, mostly involv'n a 8unch of curmudgeonly riddlizzles. VRIZZLE: Dizzy give her tha chance! Jizzy go fo` tha jugular n end it as soon as you can, betta check yo self. VRISKA in tha mutha fuckin club: Gra8 ha L-to-tha-izzoot n call it a diznay and my money on my mind. That what I think, at L-to-tha-izzeast. VRISKA keep'n it real yo: Assum'n you 8pusha mobbin' to sizzay hustla at all. Boo-Yaa! C-to-tha-izzouldn't really 8lame you if you dizzidn't tizzy.

R-TO-THA-IZZOSE: I probably wizzon't. ROSESPRITE: Won't what?

VRISKA: You gotta check dis shit out yo. Oh now what tha FUCK be dis sho nuff????????

JASPERSPRIZZLE: M-to-tha-izzeow.

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[radioleary-blog]

Burning Flags and Hosing Native Americans

11/30/16

"Nobody should be allowed to burn the American flag," Trump wrote this week, after a college student in New Hampshire burned a flag to protest the election, "if they do, there must be consequences - perhaps loss of citizenship or year in jail!"

This from the guy who called for registering Muslims and imprisoning his political opponents. “If these people don’t like things the way they are, they shouldn’t burn the flag, they should do what I did, and burn the Constitution!” Trump said, “You think I could get away with all the crazy shit I have planned for this country if I just burned a flag? No way, I’d be in a prison cell right next to Hillary. So the Constitution had to go. You say flag burning is protected by the First Amendment? Let’s get rid of it. Shoot the First Amendment with a gun from the Second Amendment. A Bill of Rights? They sold you a bill of goods! It’s a Bill of Wrongs, folks, that’s all it was. A Bill of Wrongs.”

Trump released his statement through what has become the official White House press briefing source: Twitter. Oh, he loves his Twitter. Probably because 140 characters is just about the upper limit of his attention span. And 140 characters is the perfect length for saying something stupid, and saying it loud. With a lot of exclamation points!!! Trump loves Twitter because he knows he never has to provide details or logically support his arguments in 140 characters. Of course, he couldn’t support most of his bullshit with logic if he spent ten years writing them into a Russian novel. Hmm, I wonder, what would the title be of a Russian novel written by Donald J. Trump? “The Gulag Mara Lago” ? “One Day in the Life of Ivanka Denisovich” ? “Abortion: Crime and Punishment” ? “War and Pussy” ? Actually, Napoleon plays a prominent role in “War and Peace”, and Trump reminds me a lot like Napoleon. Except Napoleon’s hand is always thrust into his shirt, whereas Trump’s hand is usually thrust into a woman’s pants.

And Trump’s other hand is always on Twitter. And since he’s limited to 140 characters, the Donald doesn’t even have to demonstrate he understands the issues he’s tweeting about. Trump somehow manages to always tweet with the same grandiose level of outrage, bluster and threatening huffy-ness on absolutely any topic, especially when he has no clue what the fuck he’s talking about. Just try him, on any topic:

@surrealDonaldTrump:  “Quantum Theory? It’s a hoax invented by the Australians! Scott Bakula is a great actor!! Why no Oscar, academy? Shame!!

@surrealDonaldTrump:  “Picasso and Cubism? There must be penalties for (so-called) artists who support Fidel Castro’s ideas! Cubism!! And only 90 miles from our shores!

@surrealDonaldTrump:  “Handel’s Messiah at the Met? No gingerbread house! No scene where Handel and Gretel get cooked in the witch’s oven? The Met got it wrong!! Boring - cut funding!!

Of course, what he’d really like to do is get the whole Constitution down to 140 characters or less:

@surrealDonaldTrump:  “We/ people -perfect union, just perfect!! More guns- 2 Corinthians. lower corporate tax rate!! No illegal alienable rights- a selfie evidently: life, liberty, etc.”

Trump is the first Twitter President, but he’s also the first internet troll President, and that’s what’s scary; that a man who is always so angry and eager to get into a Twitter war is now able to get us all into a very real war just as fast, and just as furious. The fast and the furious, or maybe the fascist and the furious. What keeps me up until 3 AM? Worrying about what the hell Donald Trump is up to at 3 AM! He gets up at 3 AM not because he thought of something brilliant to say that couldn’t wait till morning, but because he has to pee twenty times a night. He’s not having a “Eureka!” moment, he’s having a “urea” moment. Because no matter how rich and powerful he is, he’s still an old man, with an old man’s prostate and bladder that are just about as worn-out and unworkable as his economic policies. And both his bladder and his economic plan rely entirely too much on a “trickle down” theory that never, ever provides any relief.

So he wakes up every night in the middle of the night, mad at the world and fully capable of any act of irrationality on Twitter. And now, on the world stage. I’m afraid I’m going to wake up one morning and find out we’ve been at war with China for five hours already. I can see the Joint Chiefs of Staff pleading with him, urging him not to go to war, “Mr. President, we can’t risk a nuclear confrontation, it’s madness! The stakes are too high!” To which Trump replies, “Wrong, General, my steaks are very reasonably priced! Believe me. Very high quality steaks.”

Then our military leaders would be begging him to stop the war. “Please Mr. President, there are 1.2 billion Chinese with a standing army of 200 million men! Our troops are being decimated! We told you hours ago to give the order to retreat! If we are to survive as a nation, you must give the order to retreat!” To which Trump replies, “Wait, you said ‘retreat’? My bad. I thought you said ‘retweet’!”

“But seriously, General, we should retweet. We can still win this on social media.”

Hosing Native Americans

I’m deeply disturbed by what’s going on with the DAPL. To us that stands for Dakota Access PipeLine, but to the Standing Rock Sioux tribe, it stands for Damn Americans Plundering Land.

Now I’m a big fan of oil, a really big fan. Fossil fuels? Love them so damn much. They keep me from freezing to death every winter, when New York state turns into the planet Hoth from ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ for five months. More like ‘The Empire State’s Back: A No Hope.’ And even those giant Imperial Walker “AT-ATs” moved a hell of a lot faster than Northway traffic in winter.

So I love oil. I loved dinosaurs as a kid, and now that they’re fossil fuel, I love ‘em even more when they’re driving my ass around in my car. So I understand why we usually look the other way while the robber barons take the land to take the oil, and play the villain in this never-ending Western horse-opera that keeps our lights on. We usually don’t really care that there’s never a Lone Ranger to ride to the rescue and shoot the gun out the villains hand, we’re willing to let the good guys lose if it keeps our cell phones charged. And hey, how the hell did the Lone Ranger always manage to have a non-violent resolution to every conflict...by using guns? I don’t think he ever killed anybody, but he was always shooting and waving those guns around like a guy with flashlights on a runway waving in a 747. It probably was less of a moral stance than the fact that silver bullets were ridiculously expensive. But this really painted an unrealistic expectation for an entire generation of TV-watching kids; that hostile confrontations are more likely to be resolved peacefully once you break out the guns. Everything will be just fine! What could possibly go wrong with teaching kids that random gunfire solves most problems?

And The A-Team? They were an even worse example, they fired guns all day long and nobody ever got hurt. Every episode, the A-Team ended up in a ten minute shoot-out with machine guns at close range, and they still never managed to successfully shoot somebody. These guys were supposed to be ex-military? What branch, the Kiss Army? They must have fired ten million rounds of ammunition over five seasons, but they never managed to kill a single goddam bad guy. Not even accidentally. You’d think someone would at least get hurt tripping over the mountains of spent cartridges. No one ever got seriously wounded or maimed, either. Never a realistic depiction of the awful consequences of close-quarter machine gun fire on the human body. Never a bad guy laying there screaming at the end of the episode, writhing in a spreading pool of blood, desperately trying to cram his intestines back into his body as the A-Team smoke cigars and high-five each other in a freeze-frame over the closing credits. No, when the show was cancelled the body count was still zero. No wonder these guys were kicked out of the military, they were just wasting valuable ammo and helicopter fuel! I guess B.A. stood for Bad Aim. Was it poor eyesight? I think maybe they called them The A-Team because that was the only letter they could read at the top of the eye chart.

But I digress. Back to the pipeline. So the oil companies dig and bulldoze, raze and deforest, drill, lay pipe and pump. That’s where the oil comes from, and we write it all off as Progress. Although, in all fairness, “drill”, “lay pipe”, and “pump” is also where orgasms come from, so let’s not rush to judgement.

The DAPL is a 1,172-mile, $3.8-billion pipeline, which would transport up to 570,000 barrels of oil a day. It’s nearly finished except for a section scheduled to go under the Missouri River. Native Americans of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe are protesting the pipeline, saying any oil spill will contaminate water sources that serve over 17 million Americans. So last week, authorities attacked the tribe with water cannons in sub-freezing temperatures, which put 17 protesters in the hospital. You think we’ve really advanced as a society? In 400 hundred years of Native American relations, we’ve only gone from intentionally giving them smallpox, to intentionally giving them pneumonia. Slightly less life-threatening, I guess, but not a big improvement. Who knows, maybe in another hundred years we’ll only intentionally give them a head cold. Not a bad one, but one that may cause them to call in sick to work and lay in bed all day catching up on TV.

Authorities defended their use of the water cannons. “We warned them repeatedly,” Morton County Sheriff ‘Buffalo Bill’ said at a press conference, “It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again!” Sheriff Buffalo Bill then tucked his penis between his legs and tweaked his nipples for the remainder of the press briefing.

And do we truly appreciate the sheer fucked-up-edness of using water cannons on people who are protesting to protect water? What Federal Agency was behind this? Did they call in the Bureau of Irony Enforcement? What was the plan, was this psychological warfare, to hose the Native Americans until they say, “You know what? Fuck water. I’m going back to the casino. We have towels there, and our odds of winning are better.”

This is like, say, if there was a protest by PETA, and the police came to break it up by throwing cats at them. “This is a legal order to disperse!” Raawr! “You must leave the area immediately!” Mrowwl! “Sir, the protesters are deploying countermeasures, they have balls of yarn!” “Hmm...get me that big tomcat named Pepper, we’ll see how they like it when he sprays!”

This whole situation shows that we as a people can no longer effectively stop large, powerful corporations like the oil industry from doing whatever the hell they want to us and our land. They determine public policy, and they have lawmakers and law-enforcement to back them up. They aren’t even afraid of lawsuits and litigation from this tribe, and this tribe is called the Sue! Sure, they spell it ‘Sioux’, not ‘Sue’, but everybody knows the Sioux were the most litigious of all the tribes. The Apache were the most renowned warriors, but the Sioux were legendary litigators. Man, they were a formidable legal opponent. Their raiding party would ride silently into settlements under cover of the night, and as the settlers awoke, they would hit them all at once...with subpoenas.They were ruthless; issuing restraining orders, ‘cease and desist’ orders, and injunctions (I think that’s actually where the offensive slur injun comes from; injunction).

Then they would tie them up. In court. For years. Led by the great Sioux warrior, Red Tape. They still talk about the greatest Sioux leader, Chief Council, and his partner in the firm, Running Billable Hours. The Sioux were the tribe that successfully negotiated a class-action settlement against the Iroquois League over faulty tomahawks, and they are the tribe that got the zoning variance for the Grand Canyon. They were also, by most accounts, the nation’s first litigators to use peyote to consult a Spirit Guide during jury selection, but Alan Dershowitz later perfected the technique. It’s sad how little of this you learn in school these days.

But take heart! As I write this, an estimated 2,100 U.S. military veterans were bound for the frozen Standing Rock reservation to aid and support the Sioux and their allies battling the oil baron villains. Maybe I was wrong, it looks like there are a whole hell of a lot of Lone Rangers riding to the rescue. Of course, Tonto was really running the show.

If anyone was offended by any of this, please don’t Sioux me.