#but it's still REALLY eating at me that i haven't been able to crank out anything else that quick since | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

keefwho · 1 year ago

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September 28 - 2023 Thursday

10:40pm

I didn't journal last night because I was up late chatting with Daisy.

This morning I had a hard time decided breakfast but I picked my last sausage pattie in a hamburger bun with a side of rice. My diet has been pretty non-varied lately so I'm trying to remember to eat something as different as possible every meal aside from my usual chicken dinner but even that might get changed up.

Stream didn't go so well. I just couldn't figure out what to work on. I'm sort of idea burnt out right now. In the past I would have been tired of the process but I feel like I can draw forever. Its just coming up with interesting ideas I actually want to do and not just the same poses and scenarios over and over. I ended stream very early, only about 30 minutes in. I also had to use the bathroom pretty bad. I felt bad about ending but also I knew that I honestly needed a break. I still do I think. I've been so focused on creating ideas that I haven't been taking in any information. I'm reverbing in my own brain. I need some fresh content to go off of.

After stream I honestly can't remember what I did. I somehow managed to kill a couple hours by doing actually nothing. Maybe watching a Twitch stream, maybe working a little bit on my room scan, and trying to find something to clean. Eventually I decided to fellate myself but I probably shouldn't have, I ended up not being very into it and because of that it took about 40 minutes.

Lunch was a few chicken fries, fish stick, and a macaroni cup. I had been looking forward to working on something while watching a stream on the side. Instead I had joined Eggs server and she showed up along with a couple of her friends. It was a nice call for the most part. Some of it was her friends nonstop narrating their OSU gameplay which rotted my brain but that stopped. For a bit it was just me and her and we share mutual feelings about being glad we bumped into each other for similar reasons. She was sort of isolating after a friend group break up and I also have very few social connections. I had been working on a halloween pic of Adora for Daisy in this call. Egg and her friend were watching and complimented me a lot which was nice, they really like my coloring brush. When I was done with the pic I left.

I felt terrible for Daisy today because of her finding out her insurance doesn't cover mental visits and also she had a bad day at work. Thats part of the reason I did the halloween pic. I didn't mean to get the whole thing done today but I thought it would make her feel at least a little better. I don't think I play myself up enough because that pic only took 2 hours. I think a lot of artist wish they could draw something so complete in that time. At this point its normal for me so it doesn't feel like anything special but I should take pride in being able to crank something out like this when it's needed.

After a little stream watching Daisy and I played Zelda together for just a little bit before her mom got home. When she hopped off my friend Will messaged and reminded me that we had planned to hang out in VRchat tonight so we did that for a bit. It was cool catching up with him even though I forgot about the plans and didn't quite feel up to socializing with someone I hadn't talked to in a decade. It was worth it though. We got him an avatar and showed him my cabin before getting crashed at a Black Cat.

Daisy and I chatted before bed as usual while I'm been Twitch gambling. I'm running another room scan alignment tonight and hoping it goes better with new settings. I dont want to settle for a lame result.

Its nearly time I try to figure out a new plan to self therapy. I've just stopped for a bit to regroup because everything kinda stopped working. I got too focused on certain things and at the same time not focused enough on others. I wasn't very coordinated in general, so much so I can't even describe exactly what the problem was. Just that I was so scattered. Whatever I try next will be more structured and focused.

I've naturally been better about feeling secure in my relationships. It might only be temporary but I've been aware of how miserable and harmful it is to not trust in my close bonds. Especially when I'm given so much reassurance. Sure I have legitimate reasons I end up feeling like this but it's still so goofy. Sometimes I just say fuck past experiences and so called trauma. I want to be happy and at least sometimes I can be.

#journal #diary

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theshinobiway · 5 years ago

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When you have the time and inspiration, will you please write all of Team Gai with the physical touch numbers 6 or 9 (sorry if you've already done them, I haven't seen them) as scenarios (or head canons, up to you ^^)? I really enjoy your writing style btw!

Since I’m trying to push through these requests, I went ahead and did HCs for these since I can crank those out pretty fast. These were fun to do, it’s been a while since I did some fluffy headcanons for these babies! Also foot things feel SO weird to write and I don’t know why? It’s just…feet. I think the internet is to blame.

Also, you are so sweet! Thank you so much for the compliments on my style, I’m so happy you enjoy it! Thanks as always for contributing to the blog!

FAQ // Mobile Masterlist

Team Gai Headcanons – Piggyback Rides & Footsie

Might Gai

Piggyback

Ø Trying to give this man a piggyback will be simultaneously be the most adorable and the funniest experiences ever.

Ø Gai will totally let you do it. The only issue is if you can actually pick him up. If you can, he’s like a little kid. He keeps cheering for you to go faster and to push yourself to go longer. He’s so proud of his S/O’s strength and he’s going to make sure the entire village knows about it as he (loudly) demands (encourages) the passers-by to offer you praise as well. Oh Gai, never change.

Ø Gai will challenge you to carry him around the village for 200 laps. Will you do it? Will you not? Only you know. Be not wary, Gai is your biggest supporter regardless of your limits.

Ø Remember that challenge to carry Gai around the village? It’s his turn. It’ll happen either after you do yours or when you politely decline.

Ø Gai carries people as a part of training. It’s his thing. As either his close friend, student, or his S/O, you’re roped into it—whether you like it or begrudgingly accept it. Tenten is on Tuesdays, Rock Lee is on Wednesdays, Neji has his own block in the schedule for being chased down (ahem, Gai considers it scheduled cardio with a potential block of sparring) followed by a scheduled piggyback ride. You personally can decide how much of his time you’ll take up, but you can’t delay the inevitable. Nobody escapes from a Gai piggyback ride.

Ø As an S/O, Picking you up and carrying you around is Gai’s way of spoiling, protecting, and loving you all at once. Training aside, he wants you to feel that you’re his most precious person and he wants to take the weight from your day, even if it’s just for a little while. If that means something as simple as letting you rest your head on his shoulder while you walk home after a long day, he’ll do it.

Ø Gai loves giving piggyback rides. He does it whenever, wherever he can. He loves picking you up and carrying you around for two reasons: One, it’s great training. Two—Gai is naturally so affectionate that he’ll spoil you with any kind of physical contact. There’s a variation where he’ll walk around on his hands and carry you on his feet, but he does that mostly when he wants you to feel “on top of the world.”

Ø You should definitely tell him you do. And then tell him it’s because Gai is your whole world. He’ll have to stop and embrace you because he’s bawling tears of joy and love.

Ø Gai’s muscles are unreal. It doesn’t matter if you’re not his S/O and you wind up (accidentally) death-gripping his solid biceps while attempting to hold on for dear life as he races through the village with you on his back. Gai will burst out laughing at your shocked expression and go on about the power of youthful living and how it keeps him in shape.

Ø If you decide to ever have children, you can bet he’ll be carrying them all around the village on crazy adventures. If you have multiple children, Gai’s carrying them all at once and zooming around the village, and the kids are having the time of their lives. (If you follow the epilogue, you can bet Metal’s in the bunch too and Gai has them all on his wheelchair while he zooms around the village like a little wheelchair-bound racecar.)

Footsie

Ø Say goodbye to leg presses, hello to Might Gai footsie leg presses where you’ll be using your feet in a battle of the fittest.

Ø What, did you think Gai wouldn’t turn this into training? You fool. ANYTHING IS TRAINING.

Ø If there were ever a time where Gai would need to chill out, it would be when it comes to footsie. He’ll try really, really hard to not start exercising, but that will be training exercise in and of itself. You’’ll see him straining in the most comical way and proclaiming loudly that he must “cement his will and train his impulses!” Gai’s sweating, his fists clenched, and grunting while you try to prod his feet with yours. He’s sitting still and playing footsie just fine, but the compulsion is just too strong.

Ø Once you’re done, he’s bound to explode with energy. Gai will have you sit on his calves while he does leg raises. It’s honestly impressive how effortlessly he can do them for the first twenty sets.

Ø He’ll let you play a little bit of footsie under the table, but that can turn into Gai raising you up with his feet real quick. And the table, and your chair.

Ø The only real time you’ll be able to accomplish this feat is if you’re lying on bed together and Gai is falling asleep. He’ll relax just enough to play a little bit of footsie while he’s dozing off, but you get maybe 10 minutes tops before he’s KO’d

Ø Gai is actually really sweet when he’s tried enough to play footsie. He has a habit of doing little caressing motions with his hands when he’s falling asleep with you and that can extend to the rest of his body. He likes to know you’re there and show his appreciation for you in little ways.

Ø You could try to caress his thigh with your leg, but that means you’re locked in for a few hours of special Might Guy training. What’s the special training you ask? Well, you brazen pervert, if you must know…

Ø It’s time for thigh presses. Saddle up and get to work, you’ve got 500 ahead of you.

Ø RIP your legs.

Rock Lee

Piggyback

Ø Lee is…not sure how to process that you want to give him a piggyback ride? He prefers to be giver rather than receiver (in more ways than one, wink wonk!) He’ll do it in earnest and he’ll have fun with you, but given the opportunity he prefers to have you on his back.

Ø Gai is really the only person he’ll hop on (literally) for a piggyback ride, but that’s because they both do it as a part of training. If that’s what you’re aiming for, then by all means! Lee is always willing to do anything he can to help someone improve themselves!

Ø But, of course, you’ll be propositioned for a ride if you’re around while he’s training [and Gai is carrying Kakashi around, or whoever was on his schedule that day.] Even if you have reservations, it’s so hard to say no to that face. Lee doesn’t mean to be pushy, but it might come off that way if you’re the shy type. Still, he does it in such an eager and non-confrontational way so you can turn him down if you need to. He won’t take it too hard.

Ø As for giving piggyback rides, Lee may not have the solid steel that Gai does, but his muscles are firm. The spandex makes it pretty easy to tell, even without being in close physical contact. If you compliment his physique, Lee will burst out blushing and stuttering and is oh-so-flattered and flustered. He isn’t used to getting compliments.

Ø If you fall asleep on his back while he’s carrying you around for any reason, he’ll die of happiness. Especially if you’re his longtime crush—He’ll resolve to keep walking around until you wake up, not wanting to disturb you. Hey, it means more time with you and the chance to stay close like this for just a little longer. Oh, and training. He’ll say it was good training, but Lee really can’t keep a secret—neither can the giant blush on his face.

Ø If you’re romantically involved, Lee will never turn down an opportunity to carry you around. He’s such a romantic at heart and he loves the feeling of your arms wrapped around him and your heartbeat against his back. Lee really does give his all for his spouse, and he’s so gentle with them.

Ø You should definitely lean forward and give him occasional cheek kisses while he carries you around. It never fails to make Lee blush and laugh. It’s the kind of laugh that comes from the heart, it’s warm and genuine and always makes you smile—just like him.

Footsie

Ø Chances are you’re Lee’s first S/O and Lee is always willing to try any sort of loving gesture. If you initiate it, he’s fully on board from the get-go.

Ø Oh, and he latches on pretty quick. If you end up doing this once, be prepared. Every time you sit across from one another from then on your feet will immediately tangle together under the table. It’s like holding hands. Lee loves physical contact and seeks it out every chance he gets.

Ø At home, Lee loves cuddling with you in any way possible. Tangled limbs and sweet kisses are a constant with him. While cuddling, he’ll gently rub his feet against yours while his hands caress your hair and back, pressing gentle kisses to your forehead, cheek, nose, anywhere in reach.

Ø Even if you’re simply eating dinner at home, he’ll nudge you with his foot and tell you just how much he loves dinner and appreciates how you took the time to make it, and of course he knows your cooking is the best. You’ll get a little bit of footsie under the table while he gives you a big grin and rests his head on his hand, admiring you with that little sparkle in his eye.

Ø If you’re sitting across from one another, Lee loves it when you swing your feet and he can catch them with his. He makes cute little kung-fu sound effects when he catches it because he knows it makes you smile and laugh.

Ø If you try to catch his feet with yours and demand that he’s “captured,” he’s right on board to play along with it. He’ll go over the top with his acting too. “Uwoooaaah! I’m caught, I’m caught! You’re too strong for me! Please (y/n), have mercy! I’ll do anything! Let me bargain for my freedom! I’ll give you all the massages and kisses you want! I’ll even do the dishes!”

Ø (Lee would/already does do that anyway, just so we’re clear.)

Ø Lee will always go out of his way to make sure he’s gentle with you and doesn’t hurt you, especially with his leg weights off. He has such a great management of his own strength and knows that if he’s reckless the strength in his feet could spell out an unwilling injury.

Ø Once or twice you got a chance to (carefully) stand on his feet and he put his arms around you. He stepped side to side, dancing and humming a made-up tune while he spun you around, balancing you on his feet. Resting his chin on your head, Lee makes sure that this is one memory he’ll never forget.

Tenten

Piggyback

Ø Tenten is down to both give and receive piggyback rides. Tbh let her give you one at least once, you know she’s absolutely ripped and seeing her flex while she picks things up with little to no effort (especially you) should be considered its own sexuality.

Ø Tenten will pick you up for fun if you’re joking around and feel free to openly swoooon at buff girl Tenten’s lovely biceps. It’s a huge confidence boost for her, and it’s so nice to have someone that doesn’t play the “but you’re a girl!/strong for a girl!” card when she displays her impressive physical strength. Well duh she’s strong, she’s a taijutsu specialist. It’s nice to be appreciated, though.

Ø If she’s older she’s developed far more Gai/Lee traits. She was probably roped into the team Gai special “piggyback training” at least once and you were the only poor blessed soul around to receive a ride from this goddess. You may not be going as fast as the other two, but for some reason you feel far more assured in your safety.

Ø Unless it’s out of necessity, Tenten won’t really initiate physical contact—although she isn’t contact avoidant like Neji. But she’ll be the first to volunteer to carry an injured teammate and likewise won’t be too upset if you need to carry her. She’ll apologize profusely for giving you trouble if it’s the latter and she could use some reassurance. If you tell her that you know she’d do the same for you, she’ll feel much better.

Ø Carrying her crush around is something she never thought would happen; Tenten thought she would never have a crush. You’re different. As she feels you close to her back, the unbelievable happens—her face gets hot. She feels her heart pounding more than normal—can you feel it, too? She doesn’t…want to put you down? This is so nice. And when you both are having a casual conversation, the nervousness subsides. This is comfortable. This feels natural. She wants this. She really, really wants to have something like this. She wants this with you.

Ø If you carry her around, she has time to sit there and think about what you mean to her. She doesn’t get this way around anyone. It’s not all heart-pounding and blushing and nervousness when she finally likes someone. That was never what she wanted anyway; it was about the ease, the comfort, the way you just “fall together.” She grips you a little tighter and buries her face in your shoulder, unabashedly memorizing your scent. It’s not as simple as a crush to her. To her, you feel like home.

Ø As an S/O, Tenten loves to snuggle up to your back when you’re carrying her home. When you’re walking home in the setting sun she loves you all over again. You respect and love her for being strong and you show her in so many ways that you cherish her. It’s so nice to have someone as openly affectionate as you.

Ø Alternatively, if she’s carrying you around and you snuggle up, she might just melt at the thought. She’s already decided that you’re going to cuddle a lot more when you get home.

Footsie

Ø As Tenten gets older she becomes openly playful like her green-clad teammates, this kind of lighthearted affection is right up her alley.

Ø Tenten is prepared—she’s probably the only member of her team who is. She catches on right away, shooting you the cheesiest grin from across the table. She immediately attacks pushes back, locking your foot between her ankles as your eyes meet. Suddenly, there’s a dangerous glint in her eyes and you can’t tell if that smile was meant to be intimidating or suggestive.

Ø Both. It’s definitely both.

Ø Oh no, OH NO she took it as a challenge. You’ve initated war. Calm down Tenten, it’s just a leg.

Ø Once she latches on, she playfully tugs at you—not so gently—almost pulling you under the table until you admit defeat (to her made-up war.) And how can you not? She’s so gosh darn cute when she’s about to floor you using her legs. Those thick thighs save end lives.

Ø Okay, so now she’s being sweet. She’s gentle enough to play footsie without too much thought, but if you try to tickle her feet be prepared to forfeit your life.

Ø She’ll probably initiate it more often than you unless you really have a habit of it because Tenten isn’t shy with physical affection when she really gets invested in a relationship. It’s nice because this is something she can do almost anytime or anywhere and she doesn’t have to worry about “appropriate” affection in public when your feet are conveniently hidden under the table and out of sight.

Ø It happens the most often when she’s falling asleep. Tenten overheats easily and doesn’t like to cuddle during sleepytime, but she still likes to feel your presence near her. She’ll gladly lock her feet with yours to have the minimal (but still meaningful) affection while she dozes off.

Ø When you try to caress the side of her thigh in public or private, she isn’t even perturbed. Tenten rests her head on her hand, tilting her head in coy suggestion with a mischievous grin spreading across her lips. She immediately takes it a step further and reciprocates, making sure your face turns red enough for her liking. One devious look from those half-lidded eyes and you’ll be begging the waiter for the check.

Neji Hyuga

Piggyback

Ø Rock Lee is the only man alive to ever have given Neji a piggyback (by force.) He won’t even entertain the thought of being carried, it’s just his way. The only way you can carry him is if he’s knocked out, otherwise just spare his dignity.

Ø Neji will platonically give piggyback rides to injured teammates, but don’t try to jump on his back. The kind of unwarranted grabby-ness that academy/genin Ino and Sakura pulled with Sasuke would never fly with Neji. In fact, you’ll be the one sent flying if you get handsy without his permission.

Ø So, say you just injured your leg and need to get to the clinic from the training field and he doesn’t have feelings for you. Not a problem, he’ll either have your arm over his shoulder or carry you if need be. He did it for Lee when Lee’s leg was injured, so it’s not an issue.

Ø Now if you’re his crush things get interesting: don’t let his cool confidence fool you. Neji has no idea how to handle physical affection (at first) and gets put out of his comfort zone immediately. Being outside of his comfort zone is a big no-no for Neji. If he has a crush on you then he’ll do the most counterintuitive thing: he’ll try to get anyone else possible to take you, claiming earnestly that he needs to “continue training and doesn’t have the time.” He has a reputation, after all, and being nervous is certainly not a part of it.

Ø Given that his style of fighting is the “Gentle Fist” and he doesn’t seem to be a “hard” Taijutsu specialist like Rock Lee or Gai, you might not expect Neji to have the same sort of effortless physical strength when picking you up—but he does. You can just barely make out the firm muscle in his arms and abdomen when you cling on to him. Yeah, feel free to swoon a little right now—he’s too distracted by the sudden warmth of your body to notice.

Ø He’ll be quieter than normal—is that possible?—when carrying you to your destination, but you can feel a small tremble in his hands. It stands out because his other movements are smooth and disciplined. He’s trying to act as natural as possible and focus on where he’s going. He keeps his eyes locked forward, pretending not to notice the way your arms are around him or the fact that your head is -almost- resting on his shoulder.

Ø The rest of the walk passes without incident unless you make a move yourself. Say something sweet to him coupled with a reassuring squeeze and you’ll never hear such a stuttering, flustered response in your life. Somewhere it ends with “stop saying such direct things..” but he really doesn’t want you to. It only happens for a moment, but the point was made—you made his heart skip a few beats.

Ø If Neji can tell you want him there then he’ll be carrying you home, too. You don’t even need to ask. “I’m here already and it isn’t safe with your injury…Don’t worry about it. I’ll take you home.”

Ø As an S/O, piggybacks aren’t really a regular thing with Neji. He prefers to hold your hand. If you end up having kids, though, he’ll love carrying them around the same way his father did with him when he was young.

Footsie

Ø Neji has had very little exposure to physical affection in the past and had never paid much attention to couples around him. Little things like this go way over his head. He probably thinks you’re trying to kick him or stomp on his foot.

Ø Neji scrunches his face up in this adorable little way when you try to play footsie with him under the table. He probably thinks that it was an accident, so if you keep trying he’ll move his feet, thinking you need more room. (Or that you’re being rude, but he’ll shoot you a look and bite his tongue for now.)

Ø If he sees your pouting face after he moves his feet, he’ll take his time to process what in the world you’re up to. This boy has no idea what you want. Attention? You want attention? Either suck it up and tell him or resolve to live a footsie-less life.

Ø Neji’s face is completely blank as you try to explain the concept to him. Internally he’s gauging how invested you are in this, because you’re about to put him way out of his comfort zone if he acquiesces. It’ll take a few moments for him to respond, during which you get an uncomfortable silence followed by a subtle ‘hm.’

Ø Once you get over the initial blank stare, Neji will cautiously move his foot back towards yours and gently nudge. He has no idea what he’s doing and he feels silly. If you can subtly ease him into it he’ll relent and try to relax. Oh, it’s just like holding hands but…feet. He’s not sure if he likes it.

Ø He’ll seem like he’s pouting about it, but the observant will notice the small, quiet look of adoration from the corner of his eye. Alright, he’ll let the cuteness ensue this time. He can appreciate that this would possibly be a way to show affection in public away from prying eyes. He has a much stronger preference for holding hands, but this will do. Especially if he knows you like it.

Ø Once he can tell you’re satisfied (and you’re pretty cute about the whole thing, but he’ll keep that to himself) he’ll go back to what he was doing, letting this continue for a while…or at least until his leg gets tired.

Ø If you decide to use your foot to say, stroke his leg, then the reaction will entirely depend on if you’re in public. Of course, Neji isn’t one at all for PDA—and he expects you to know that. He’ll immediately sputter and choke on whatever he’s drinking and stare at you wide-eyed. You can tease him a little to enjoy his flustered reaction, but that look means you had better watch it. Also, good luck getting him to ever play footsie in public ever again. You lost your privileges.

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