#but it's seriously demotivating as a translator to work so hard on something and just see people completely miss the point of the work and

[gu6chan]

Just realised

February 2022 - Drakengard 1.3

February 2023 - Drakengard "Magnitude Negative"

February 2024 -

I'm free :')

[deeranger]

Fic Writer Questions!

@oddsocksandstuff tagged me in this, thank you so much, sweetie!  ❤️

 1) How many works do you have on AO3? I’ve got 40 so far (of which 25 are SPN fics). There’s more to come! 

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 486,667, apparently. That tells me each of my fics has an average wordcount of 12,166.675… Seems about right. I was never any good at keeping things short.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Uhh… On AO3 I’ve written for Supernatural, Supernatural RPF, X-men (Cherik) and McFassy (James McAvoy/Michael Fassbender). But I’ve written a lot when I was younger that has never made it online, including NCIS, Pirates of the Caribbean, and lots of weird one-shorts starring everyone from Michael J. Fox to Kevin Sorbo from “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys”. 🤨  

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos? “A Lesson to be Taught” – an SPN Wincest pwp fic where a dominant Dean fucks (and spanks) Sam and they discover that Dean apparently has a daddy!kink. Comes with a photo manipulation too! There be dick.    

“Taking Game” – a semi-dark medieval Cherik (Charles Xavier/Erik Lehnsherr from X-men) AU. Basically, Charles is a poacher hunting on king Erik’s land to his great dismay. And so, he’s captured and gets the choice between losing his life or serving the king for a bit… Dubcon and smut ensues.   “Only Like This” – a little SPN Wincest dub-con fic about hopelessly pining Dean doping Sam just so he can touch and kiss his oblivious little brother. It’s okay. Sam won’t remember when he comes to.   “It’s Only Carnal” – A dark SPN Wincest noncon fic where soulless!Sam needs to blow off some steam. And when it comes to carnal activities his brother isn’t exactly a novice – so why not use Dean’s body to make them both feel good?   “Demonized” – a long and dark af SPN noncon fic written in collaboration with the awesome @palishere. Sam is captured by some nasty demons who use him to lure in his brother. At first it seems the demonic scumbags are just really perverted and have a weakness for sexual torture, but they turn out to have ulterior motives…  

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Yes, always. I think it can be a bit demotivating for a reader to leave a comment and get zero response – and so, they might not bother to comment on the next fic. At least, that’s how I feel personally. And besides, I really want to let readers know that I appreciate them taking the time and effort to actually tell me what they think.  

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Oufff… Seriously? How can I possibly pick just one when 99.8 percent of my fics are not only dark af but have gut-wrenching ambiguous endings as well? I, err… I’m gonna have to think really hard about this one, hold on… *Insert buzzing cicada sound*… Uhh… Well, I guess it might be… “Play or Pay” – a dark female!reader-insert Wincest fic where demon!Dean has you and Sam trapped somewhere underground. Sam ends up being on the receiving end of the demon’s cruelty when he tries to save you. Using Dean’s body the demon ends up raping Sam while the reader tries to escape to get help... There’s a little twist in the end. Loads of dead dove here, including death (not Dean or Sam).     “The Orange Hour” – where undercover inmate!Dean has to rape CO!Sam in order to save both of their lives and get them out of the jail in one piece. It doesn’t go completely as planned. (Comes with an nsfw photo manipulation).  “Demonized” – loads of bottom!Sam torture, full of hurt and absolutely no comfort... It’s just… I dunno, I think I and @palishere had a collective meltdown in the noncon and angst department. Sorrynotsorry.      

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written? Nope, I’ve never in my life written a crossover. Usually, I’m too laser-focused on 1 obsession at a time. I can’t multitask, okay?   

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic? Yes, the fandom purity police has visited me on AO3. The usual self-proclaimed know-it-alls vomiting their bullshit all over the comment section about how “problematic” noncon is and how “sick” I must be. I thought about moderating comments for a while, actually – but I just deleted their follow-up comments until they left me alone. 😤

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind? Yes!! Gimme! Usually, I write noncon smut or just good ol’ pwps that feature some sort of dominance. That’s it. That’s my jam. In general, the only smut I don’t write is the cute, fluffy, feel-good, cuddly stuff… My smut’s usually pretty rough and/or some sort of dub/noncon.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes. Someone stole “It’s Only Carnal” and posted it as her own on some Portuguese fanfiction site. She even replied to comments, answered questions and talked about how much she loved writing it, etc… Luckily a sweet mutual on Tumblr let me know about it and I reported her for plagiarism. The stolen fic was taken down shortly after and the account deleted. Goddamn thief. 😡  

12) Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes. Honestly, I can’t remember which fic(s). But people have contacted me on AO3 and asked for permission to translate my stuff into Chinese. I have - of course - happily allowed them to. It’s such an awesome compliment to get, I think!  

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, 2. “Demonized” and the fluffy Ficfacers prompt fic “The Masks We Wear” starring Sam and Dean taking their pranks a step too far. Basically, the brothers get angry with each other and they need to talk it out… No smut in this one, can you believe it?!! But that was kinda the prompt we received. The prompt was literally: “Sam and fluff”. Anyways, both fics are co-written with the lovely @palishere. You can find her AO3 here. 😊

14) What’s your all time favorite ship? Wincest!!! Definitely. Gimme all the brotherfucking, please. No contest. And coming in on second place I guess there’s Samifer – never paired consensually, though. I just love Lucifer messing with Sam’s head and torturing him in all kinds of cruel ways.    

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Oh, that’s a mean question… I have a noncon WIP where Sam and Dean are in prison. I wrote a whole story outline, gathered my own little dictionary of prison slang, etc… But I never made it past page 10 or something. Sam was supposed to get jumped by a gang of inmates and then Dean was supposed to helplessly watch from the sideline, offering to trade places if they’d just leave his little brother alone… And after that it’s all about a mix of healing and vengeance… But the story has been lying on the shelf for more than a year and I doubt I’ll ever continue it. Oh, wait! I almost forgot – I have a long Cherik WIP sequel to “To Have and to Hold”! Just checked, its wordcount is 18,729! Holy crap…. What a waste, huh? But I honestly don’t think I’ll ever finish it, because I’m not into Cherik anymore. That ship has kinda sunk for me…. So, now I’m hyperfixating on Supernatural, yeah?     

16) What are your writing strengths? Description, I think. I just love details and setting the mood. I like to think I’m pretty good at writing in English too even though it isn’t my native language… I wish to be better and expand my vocabulary but I’m doing okay nonetheless.

17) What are your writing weaknesses? Description, I think. Yes, you read correctly. I often describe things TOO much. Sometimes to the extent where the pacing gets so slowed down that I feel like the scene loses its ‘feel’. I don’t know if it’s just in my head, but that’s my major concern about my writing. That and my signature ambiguous endings, lol.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Love it. It can be difficult to pull off, but if you get it right it can be magical. Just don’t overdo it and make sure that the reader can follow. I don’t think I have any fics online where I do it, but I’m not a complete stranger to it either.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for? Ack, my poor brain trying to go back to when I was friggin’ 13… You know how many years ago that was?! 25!!! Okay!? *Huffs*…. Anyway, I THINK it might’ve been Keanu Reeves’ character in “Johnny Mnemonic”. Or maybe David James Elliott’s character as Harmon Rabb in the early seasons of “JAG”. I dunno. Either way this question makes me feel really old and I don’t appreciate it. Don’t @ me. 😅   

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? That’s probably a tie between “The Orange Hour” and “It’s Only Carnal”. They’ve both got nice pacing and that’s my biggest challenge, I think. Also, I love the whole Morse code thing in “The Orange Hour”. I don’t even know what happened or how I came up with it, but hey, I can surprise myself if I want to, I guess! And of course there’s the smutty noncon and all of the hurt… So, those two fics are my personal faves. 😏  

I’ll tag @jackandthesoulmates, @pinkoptics, @palishere, @wrenseroticlibrary, @decadent-prince, @negans-lucille-tblr, @juinae and @impala-dreamer and everyone else who feels like doing it! Feel free to ignore, of course. 

[shorkbrian]

ASKS

Hello again, asks are compiled under the cut. Please block the tag #shorkbrian answers a lot of asks# If you’d prefer not to see these types of posts from me. If I haven’t answered your ask, it’s because I’m saving it for a thirst, drabble, or fic.

I don’t ignore asks, but sometimes getting around to them overwhelms me lol. pls accept my apologies lol k here we go

I am very glad, I legit was so scared that it was too long and that it’d be disappointing bc the smut wasn’t super IN YOUR FACE yknow? But man am I glad to hear that.

I’m looking directly @ you

Someone noticed omg!!!  A lot of times I just put whatever song I played on repeat while writing that fit, but I have a *yandere* playlist that I listen to and it gets me going. Ty for noticing!!!

I’ve considered opening them permanently but I just... idek. I’d have to start deleting or ignoring the requests I don’t vibe with and Idk how to handle that lol. But thanks for the well wishes, hope your next few months treat you well friend!

Watermelon sugar why

Srsly you’re sweet but just wait until I start to really get going with all my nasty kinks okay, then you’ll be rethinking this strategy hunty lol!

I literally stalk @.vermiliren and @.kazooli and @.seita lol. Maybe when I get my blog more cleaned up, I’ll create a list of creators that I enjoy, along with fic recs. For now, here’s a link to my AO3 bookmarks which I read one like almost every single night bc I’m a horny gremlin.

I am the shark king. Sharks are my thing bro u don’t even know. I love them so much, they're dumb and big and beautiful and yeah I wish I was a mermaid who got to swim with them. Also I changed it bc I’m trying to make my blog more *professional* and all that so I can start being taken seriously askjakjdf

Compliments suck, if I'm being down and out honest. This does not bother me at all, I’m just unsure how to respond. I think I would prefer no comments, but I’m trying really really hard to just say “thank you!” and move on before I get uncomfortable. Having to fight with someone about how I perceive my self worth is exhausting, and especially so for the poor person that was just trying to say something nice and be nice to me. 

They do make me quite uncomfortable my dear lad/lassie/lasso. Say what you wish in the tags tho ! I don’t really reply to those, so there’s no pressure on me to have to say something back. I do however, see all the tags ppl use and some of them make me laugh so hard cause they’re so spot on, and it makes my day. like “Mark me down as scared AND horny” and “Bakugou better be able to bench 165 cause imma throw my fatass in his mf lap” and it kills me.

I SCEREAMED AKDHGSYDGASJSD this is the only format I'll be taking asks in now, no compliments just a yes/no answer to if my works help u cum god bless

you used the /gen!!!!! IDK what these are called but the /S and /gen and /J save my life!!!!

Frick you’ve figured me out, I do try to put like a nail-in-the-coffin sentence at the end. A lot of times it never works right, but I cannot for the life of my figure out how to end a single post ever. If anyone knows hmu pls ty

(Also ps I checked out ur blog cause yans are my jam and it is very much Not garbage!!)

That’s very kind of you, but pls don’t stay up past midnight it’s bad for ur Brian you’ll make bad decisions bro trust me all of my stuff is written after midnight

You will lafff..... but I will tell anyways..... I was prescribed a “life coach” after I got out of the hospital, which was really just a poorly disguised softcore “make sure u don’t yeet urself” type of thing. He had me write down things I liked about myself, and when I returned the sheet of paper still blank, he wrote stuff down for me. Like five sentences of “My hair and skin are unique and special” “I like animals and enjoy being kind to them” “I am worthy of respect” etc etc. and I had to look in a mirror twice a day and say those sentences to help “boost my self worth”. It sucked so bad dude, and I like got upset about it every time it came up, until finally my therapist was like “... this aint doin this sad bitch no good” and my parents got designated for yeet watch instead.

I know, logically, that (the majority of) people are not purposefully taking time out of their day to make me feel bad. They're trying to be encouraging and loving, and I appreciate it so much. But like... what do I say? If I say thanks, it’s almost like acknowledging what they're saying as true, and I can’t live with myself thinking I’m more than I am. I’m sorry you’ve had experiences that make compliments difficult for you also, I understand bro and I hope that your future holds healing and peace for you. 

Hopefully I won’t vent as much anymore lol, I’ll try to do that on my sideblog where I reblog really trigger-y memes akjdafhkjf. But thank you for your kind words bro, they’re appreciated and put in a nice lil jar.

Ah dw! This doesn’t sound like a jab. I think all of us r so sad n depressed and feel unworthy of love, so the fantasy of a Yan coming and forcing it on us and not leaving even when we lash out is just..... so attractive my heads gonna explode

me, thinking about kiri at any given moment like:

I have the next Hybrid! Kiri fic like lined up, but I’m so demotivated be I was SO CLOSE to finishing, and then wiped my computer like an IDITO

Waso, I’m taking horseback riding lessons bc my mom went:

and my grandpa told me that one of his horses was named Awaso and I immediately thot of u fun fact. But you’re so very kind, and I enjoy seeing you in my inbox. I’m never tired of u homie. You are loved and important, and it’s not an illusion. Even random strangers on the internet can feel soft towards you bro, and dats me, I’m the random stranger that likes u.

So I took Russian for a year, my dear friend, because I wanted to see if the language myth of “Russian is the hardest, Korean is the easiest” was true. I would say yes. So instead of like translating this and typing out a coherent response, I’ve resorted to google translate I’m so sorry but Виктор мог плюнуть мне в глаз, и я бы поблагодарил его. Also, the way Vitya is written in cryllic makes my heart swell it looks so cozy idek what I mean by that but it does? I treasure you man, hope to see you around in the new year and maybe??? we be good friends

Can any year be good when Kirishima Eijirou doesn’t exist?

cryface;;sad.jpg

I just imagine anyone who comes across my stuff, sitting at their computer shocked and slightly horrified, maybe turned on like

Daddy Aizawa makes me

Wait!! I have something to aid your troubles!!

ur welcome now u can be horny whenever you’d like 

pls every time we talk about Kirishima I have to act surprised like 

LISTEN BBYGORL I have had therapist Suga in the works since *checks notes* November. I am excited for it yeahhhhhh but sadly, I don’t think I will be continuing piano teacher Suga. The story is petered out in my mind, idk where it would go. Therapist sugarbird tho? We have some thots about this. Coming soon to theaters near you

[bokuranofandom]

A few words about online manga readers...

Okay folks, I have something to say.

Please don’t read scanlations online on websites, that are stealing them and delete/edit credits and even more, if they ask you to pay to read.

I’m uploading Bokura no Kiseki chapters on one website: MangaDex

It’s ad-free, neat, high-quality. There’s tons of comments and I can read your responses and it really motivates me to do more. I can also re-upload chapter if I notice any errors or anything.

Then, if you see Bokura no Scanlations chapter uploaded on other manga aggregates, it means someone copied it from here and posted over there. I don’t really mind that at all, as long as they do it with credits. Yes, I saw some websites stealing my work and DELETING whole credits page. I saw some websites censoring credits page because they didn’t like I recommended MangaDex here. What the heck?! It’s like a slap in my face. I worked so hard so you can read it and someone just discredited all my work and put it there anonymously or low-key suggesting that they did it. 

When I saw it, I seriously was demotivated. I felt like dropping the project altogether. No more chapters, aside from sharing them with my friends. Because I hated the fact that I spend hours and hours on translating this hard as fuck manga, editing it, spending my money on scans... only for someone else steal my hard work.

So some info:

- each new chapter is posted on Fridays on MangaDex; the chapter uploaded initially is low quality so the other sites will copy it and then after few days, I reupload it in the highest quality. You can download high quality in the direct download link I post here on tumblr with each release.

- I used to upload raws too; I won’t do it anymore because I realized it might affect Kumeta-sensei as Japanese people instead of buying their own copy will just read it online for free. From now on I will upload raws 1-2 months after the original release. If you are my Ko-fi benefactor it means you help me buying copies and supporting Kumeta-sensei so you can ask me in private message to share raws with you anytime.

To sum up: if you read Bokura no Kiseki on any online manga and you see that there is no credits page OR it’s editted... please stop supporting those websites and reading it there.

!! Blacklist: MangaFreak

[theworldsmosthatedakacr7]

Cristiano’s interview with France Football

I translated this from penamadridista.hu, from their translation of the original interview. If there is any mistake, I’m sorry, you know English isn’t my first language. I know this is going to raise attention (the only thing I believe), so I say it now, in the Hungarian translation they refer to Gio as Cristiano’s fiance. I have not seen the original interview so if someone read the French version, feel free to tell me if it’s a mistranslation of the middle person.

The five times Ballon d'Or winner doesn't plan to lay back and do nothing while admiring his collection of trophies. Besides already concentrating on 2018, he brings back the memories of the recipe of his success.

The date is Monday, 4th December, the location is the training center in Valdebebas. The shining sun and the light blue colour of the sky gives a special brightness to the place. The training is over. Raphael Varane who is on his way to his invidual lesson with an English teacher welcomes us, just like Karim Benzema. In the lobby, staff of Real Madrid is decorating the Christmas tree, that later gets white and purple decors, and they put packages under the tree. It's 13:10 when Cristiano Ronaldo finally arrives. He wears black shirt and black jacket that give him a prince like elegancy, he's company is his old time friend, Ricardo. The rest only takes 40 minutes in a room that gives perfect view to the training pitches. During this time the five time Ballon d'Or winner never looks at his watch, just takes a few sips from the water bottle placed on the arm of the sofa, stopping the interview only for a couple of moments. In previous years, when we asked him, when we've made interviews with him, he's never talked to us this way never had an interview like this with him but the readers shall decide themselves.

You're about to receive your 5th Ballon d'Or. Do you feel like this award became somewhat too ferial, plain for you?

Ferial? No, never. When I started my career, I didn't dream about more than to win one Ballon d'Or. With signing to Manchester, I believed my career got to a turning point and it wasn't impossible anymore to reach this aim. I felt that I got a chance to make my dreams come true, I made up my mind that it was realistic to win. As the years have passed, my opinion changed, and I knew one Ballon d'Or wasn't enough. Simply because too many has had the same recognition and I'm telling this with the utmost respect, most weren't on the same level with me. There's a huge difference between those who only one the Ballon d'Or one time and those who were able to win it twice, three or four times. I didn't want to belong to the group who only won it one time. Considering the potential I have, the talent and my hard work, I knew I'd be able to succeed again.

Which moment was this year when you said “Alright, I won the award.”?

I knew if I won the Champions League, I'd get one step closer to the 5th Ballon d'Or. In the end we won the series and I ended up as the top goal scorer of Europe most prestigious competition again. Besides, I scored twice in the final. I think, this was that moment.

5 years ago Messi was five Ballon d'Ors ahead. Did you think back then that you'd be able to achieve the same?

Funny story, isn't it? I didn't think I'd be able to catch up with him because after I won the first, he won four in a row. I'm not going to deny, I was angry and sad. I attended the award shows but never won anything. I was demotivated. I didn't want to go to just get my photo taken. And then step by step, thanks to the help of those around me, I told myself, everything has a beginning and an end. And in football, it's the end result that matters, not the beginning. I remained calm, kept on working, and won new Ballon d'Ors. Today, I won the 5th that makes me want to fight further, and stops me from thinking about my age. Who was the eldest player who won a Ballon d'Or? Cannavaro?

Stanley Matthew was 42 years old when he was given the award for being the best, in 1956...

(His eyes go wide.) 42? Did he play alone or what? But seriously, nowadays that would be unimaginable. There's no way to play football for that long. When I see 24-25 years old players getting injured frequently, I remind myself how lucky I am to be in this physical condition at 32.

When you received your first Ballon d'Or in 2008, did you hope you'd overcome Zidane, Ronaldo Nazarió, Platini, Van Basten or Cruyff?

I always believed that I'd only be able to win one. Two? Why not! Five... I'd have never believed it. As they say: Much will have more.

Are you aware what position you have in the history of Ballon d'Or?

If I think about it calm, I believe so, yes. No player has as many individual awards as me. And I'm not talking about the Ballon d'Or. All of this must mean something, right? This is not simply about the work done in the gym as people often like to think. There are many other factors. Exceptional people like Floyd Mayweather or LeBron James also didn't get where they are by mere chance. Everything has it's significance. In order to get to the top and be able to stay there you need way more talent than others.

Five Ballon d'Ors. We can say regarding this award, this is the first time that no one is ahead of you.

You know well that I respect other's opinion but right now I don't see anyone being better than me. And I've always thought this way. There is no football player who would be capable of anything that I couldn't do as well. Meanwhile, I see that I'm able to do things that others aren't capable to do. There is no more complex player than me. I play well with both of my feet, I'm fast and strong, I'm great with my head, I score goals and hand them out as well. People have a right to prefer Neymar or Messi. But I'm convinced that there is no more complex player than me. I'm sure everyone is going to say I'm an egoistical dick... But when you are on the top, it's natural to get criticized. As a journalist, I'm sure it happens with you as well.

Do you think you are the best player in the history?

Yes! I'm the best player of history, both with my greatest and worst moments. As Zidane said today during training: We have to face difficulties in order to be able to value the success later. The bad moments push us to work harder. It's normal to be angry and frustrated because you weren't able to score. If that didn't happen, it'd mean you don't even care. So yes, if I don't play well or the training doesn't go as I want, I end up angry with myself. However, when I leave the training pitch or the stadium, I also leave whatever happened behind and my life goes on in a normal rhythm.

You have some great expectations towards yourself... Isn't this too much?

One time the fitness coach of Real Madrid, Antonio Pintus said laughing that I was a real psycho. He's never met anyone like me before, someone who works as hard as I do. When I step into the gym, I don't talk to anyone, I only concentrate on the work to be done. I admit, I put more pressure on myself many times than it'd be necessary. But I'm not regretting being like this. Maybe it'd be better if I got a bit more laid back and relax but that isn't how I live my life. I have no intention to change anything 15 years into my career. I wouldn't have won so many things if I hadn't been unsatisfied all the time.

How much chance do you see for a 6th Ballon d'Or?

I couldn't tell in this moment. We're still in many competitions with Real Madrid next year and we'll go to the World Cup with Portugal. I think next year's World Cup is going to be crucial in the race for Ballon d'Or. Imagine that we win the Champions League where I'm the top scorer at the moment with Real Madrid and I have a not so good World Cup behind me. Or reversed. In 2018 there will be many deciding factors but I don't think Champions League is going to be one of those. The bar is definitely going to be raised.

Close to 33 how are you able to remain at the top?

It's all in the head. The key to everything is motivation, and the most important for that is the decision to be made. If you lack that, things get more difficult. Personally, I'm a positive man. I love football, I love extra practices at trainings. The real problem appears when we don't have enough motivation. Because this (points at his head) commands this (points at his right leg). There's no exception. If you are not alright in the head, you can't feel good in your own skin either.

A year ago, more or less at the same time you said you weren't the player as you were before. Is this true today? Is the body still at the level of the mind?

I think my body is in a better condition than it was one or two years ago. I feel fine, and I feel stronger.

What is it that really bothers you?

If I don't feel the support of the club or the fans. People have a very short memory. The other day at the airport about 5 meters from us a guy recorded us with his phone when I was with Carvajal and Ramos. And then he tells us “Hey, maybe you should wake up, you fuck everything up.” I thought to myself: “Hey, only 3 months ago we won the European and the Spanish Super Cup.” See, I don't know what to do with such horrible things. This type of amnesia bothers me a lot. Football works in cycles. When things don't go well, people should support us, the fans should stood by the players. In four years we won 3 Champions League trophy what – from that point of view – can seem to be easy but Real Madrid had to wait 12 years to win the La Decima. I know how hard I work and still sometimes things just don't work out the way I want them to. It happens that the ball bounces off the goal or the keeper stops the ball. I only ask everyone to trust us.

Could you tell me what do you do in order to keep up your physical level?

I do the same for years now. Maybe more thoughtfully than before. A couple of years ago I spent 40 minutes in the gym, now I only do 20 but with more special practices.

Do you think this work invisible to others is the secret of your success?

This is all very important but only just one part. What is even more important is talent. I can give you the book of my daily routine, the recipe of my success. I can tell you about my eating habits, how I train, everything that helped me to get where I am now. Then we'll see if you'll be able to win 5 Ballon d'Ors. I will tell you: without talent you can forget about it. Give the recipe for success to a 15 years old kid and in 10 years we'll see if they deserve the recognition. Do you get what I mean?

Carlo Ancelotti told us one time that he'd never in his life met a player before who would have an ice bath 2:30 in the middle of the night after a Champions League game. Why was that necessary?

That's a crucial part of my routine. Because of the 2-3 hours long plane trips, and the changing pressure, legs swell up. Cold water is a natural painkiller, and I enjoy it. Sometimes I also sit into hot water. These are small things that make me feel better and make the difference. I'm aware that after a cold bath, I sleep better. Do you know why after games some players have restless nights? Because they don't have a release. There's still adrenalyn in their system. I'm looking for ways that help me to come down. 95% of times I sleep perfectly at night, and the rest is also good. People aren't aware how important sleeping is. I am. The same is true about working and eating. These details make me better step by step.

Do the success by winning the Ballon d'Or help to forget about previous years?

Success is always a bonus for the mind, a psychological one. You know that you worked for something. And this pays very well. If you worked hard through the year and in the end you achieve nothing, that can be very frustrating. I feel lucky that year upon year sometimes more, sometimes less but I always win something. This gives motivation to work even more and win even more.

You have four children in your home now, does that change getting prepaired in any way?

My routine hasn't changed at all though, unquestionably, the presence of my four children has an affect on my life. Regardless, I do my job without interruption, and I spend enough time to rest. It doesn't matter whether there is one or four children. The only difference now is that my attention is divided more. I give all my generousity to my children but I pay attention to do my job professionally.

Can Cristiano, the father, the head of the family replace Cristiano, the footballer?

No. Whilst my three children who bornt recently means more responsibility, my professional life has changed nothing. As I said before, I always dreamt about having a big family and I'm doing everything I can to have that. Family is the most beautiful thing in the world. After the experiences and joy that I've had as the father of Cristiano Junior, I wanted to have more children. And so now I'm very happy. My children fill me with pride. And I'd like more kids in the future.

Are you so keen on having moments alone as well?

Being alone... I don't really have a need for that. Sometimes I am alone at home, even with so many children, I have my personal space. Fortunately, my home is big enough. (smiles) There are enough places where I can go away if I want to or need to be alone. This isn't a problem. I'm also alright when my partner (girlfriend) goes to classes or my kids go for a walk. But I don't need long hours alone.

Do you get up at night to feed the children?

I'll be honest: no. If I had to, I would, without complaining. I love my kids and I make sure they aware of this, for example every single time when I get home from training. However, I have a partner (girlfriend) and two other people who help to take care of the little ones. I need to rest during the night. And of course, it doesn't mean I don't love them, it merely means that I'm responsible for my family, I'm responsible for my job that demands a lot of me. Afterall, who is the breadwinner in the family? I try my best to give everything for my children, to ensure they have a dream life and they get everything they need. Everyone has their job in our family. Mine is to be generous with them and to educate them. The night is saint and not to be disturbed though. Next day I have to go and run and I have to do my job well.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

The same as today. I'd like to play as long as possible but I can't guarantee that I'll be mentally alright. No one knows what tomorrow holds. We shouldn't think too much about the past or wonder too much about plans for the future. We have to live the here and now because this moment is beautiful and sweet. I'm happy because I win titles because I'm healthy and my family and friends are alright. You have to draw from this and enjoy it. If I don't feel well anymore, my career might end in 5 years. This is exactly why I put effort into other projects as well. I have sponsores, hotels, gyms and a fashion company... I won't have existential problems.

Is there a chance you'll be a manager one day?

At the moment no. Honestly, I'd like to spend more time with educating myself, studying. I'm thinking about acting for example...

Acting?

Yes, I'd like to give it a shot. Year by year, they offer me the chance to participate in films but besides football I have no time for it. You know, it's almost certain, I'll struggle terribly when finally I put the boots down. Football is going to remain my passion forever. Of course, I'm also certain that I'll live my life as a happy man.

[tumblunni]

Man i cant stop thinking about that ‘tappy talk’ app post now... I know I’m able to talk but still I feel like using something like that would be incredibly helpful to me. I dunno if this is common to all autistic people but I kinda think in pictures and have to like.. translate my thoughts into english before I write them down? Its why i have a lot of trouble being coherant when I speak out loud as opposed to writing, its hard to mentally edit stuff without like... pausing for ages and getting stressed out that everyone thinks you’re dumb. And man like I dont even get the idea of an ‘inner voice’, the only ‘inner voice’ I have is how I sorta read my own dialogue out loud in my head to try and understand what i just said and convert it back to proper thoughts, to make sure I ‘translated’ correctly. I dont hear my own voice in my head unless I’m actually speaking or writing to somebody else. And god its just SO HARD sometimes to remember what the words are for a concept, or untangle a big abstract picture or emotion or sound or smell into a word that can explain it... But the problem is really that if I actually tried communicating with pictures then it’d be intuitive to *ME* but I dont think anyone else would understand it! It’d be like a code they’d have to puzzle out, and I guess at least they’d understand how english looks to me, lol. God, the idea of learning a second language is so impossible when ive spent my entire life ravenously reading and writing 90% of every day forever and I STILL stumble over speaking english! And dont even get me started on SPELLING and READING CURSIVE, gahhhhhh! I think maybe its even why I get attatched to characters that talk uniquely in videogames or books, cos i spend more time decoding their english and thus i focus more on them than the others? And pulling off a joke that relies on uncommon grammar rules is like MAGIC to me, I laugh SO MUCH when I finally get it, even if its something ridiculously minor like an egotistical character trying to hide their greedy plots through silly euphemisms. or, at least, thats the best excuse I have for why evil characters talking uniquely is even better? maybe just cos evil characters are more likely to have smart sassy jokes. And its SO FUN to try and write fanfics for them cos I have an excuse to practise learning to write in that unique speech style, which helps me figure out the rules and learn stuff that can improve my comprehension of regular english too! And GAHHH this is also why I love drawing but why its so easy for me to get demotivated and unconfident with drawing. I have very vivid pictures in my head of what I want to make, and then i get way too worked up when i lack the skill to recreate it on paper. And I suck at putting it in words so I can find reference images or tutorials. And it especially sucks when im trying to express an emotion that I cant express in words, cos i also suck at reading people’s faces thus i suck at DRAWING them! But maybe thats encouragement to be more creative, cos I like to find ways to express emotion through metaphor and actions rather than faces. Maybe its why i ended up gravitating towards games instead of comics? You can express so much through animation or through the choices you give a player! its a way to make someone get inside my head and finally hear the stuff I suck at saying!! also im sorry i always make super long posts, i think this is part of it too I suck at explaining what im trying to say, and i overcompensate by overexplaining, and my grasp of writing is bad so i cant tell when ive said the same thing twice with synonyms or if my grammar is hard to read GAHHHH basically i am just SORRY and also the guy who made that app is amazing and i hope it helps a lot of kids live happier lives and i think it could be very useful for people with anxiety problems or other cognitive difficulties even if they arent completely nonverbal it might be cool if it could expand into a full series of different variations geared towards different disabilities, maybe with some sort of customizeable functions to help crowdsource suggestions to add to the dictionary? (or just to customize it because not all pictures are universally understood the same in all cultures) MANNNN it makes me think so much about how powerful games can be in helping people with disabilities!! so many stuff on my dashboard all about this!! im so proud of indie developers using their power for good and just seriously i wish i could try this app, cos just seeing how it translates pictures to words might be able to help me learn better at some of the pitfalls i still have in grasping the english language even after 24 years of speaking it. And man if there was some sort of app that could teach me all the spelling variations that’d be awesome too, there’s a huge gap in my vocab where I can grasp a lot of unusual pronounciations and then it IMMEDIATELY stops as soon as we get to the stuff that wasnt given to us as a game or worksheet in school. and lol i can remember the grammar rules for the extra letters of the welsh alphabet even though i cant speak any more words of welsh and its totally useless in english! You’d think that “dydd is pronounced deeve” would be more difficult than figuring out if its thier or their! (I STILL CANNOT GET THAT RIGHT) (...also when im supposed to put the apostrophe in its) ... ANYWAY SORRY LONG POST