#but it's harder to pinpoint which is the best overall episode

[fictionadventurer]

Top 5 Arthur episodes?

D.W. Goes to Washington: It's a very close race between this one and #2, but I gave the edge to this one because almost every line here is classic. It's full of hilarious Imagine Spots and great D.W. zingers.

The Rat Who Came to Dinner: Another episode that's full of great jokes. The dynamic between Ratburn and Arthur's family is comedy gold.

The Contest: The pastiches of different animation styles alone puts this one in the top five, but it's also in service of some wonderfully absurd mini-stories with classic jokes. ("My brain was on cruise control" is the Arthur quote that gets the most use in daily life).

Buster Hits the Books: The pastiches of the different books are hilarious.

Arthur's Almost Boring Day: I had a very tough time choosing the fifth episode. I went with this one because the fighting between Arthur and D.W. reaches a hilarious fever pitch that goes beyond any other episode.

[marciego]

Top 5 favourite and least favourite SL characers this far (since you haven't finished the show) and why

im doing a tiny break in the drabble thing to answer some top 5 questions i have left! sorry for the late reply and thank you for the ask <3

so i gotta say, it was pretty easy to decide which characters i like, but the least favorite top is a bit harder because i mostly don't feel anything for everyone outside of the characters i like, so this is more a "top 5 characters that annoy me at times" than a least favorite/most disliked characters you know

5. nina

i'm sorry for this one, i don't know how to explain. i've tried, i've really tried, and there ARE scenes where i think she's cute and all, but i have such a hard time with nina and i don't know why. her vibes are just off to me idk, i don't...like her, and i can't pinpoint why

4. ricardo

listen he's not a bad guy but he annoys me a lot. also i really liked tamara and she started becoming super annoying when she started dating him, and now there's this weird thing with mora and i love mora and i'm afraid ricardo is gonna do the same thing to her so i'm definitely blaming him. i wish his scenes were shorter because i honestly don't enjoy him

3. matteo

he's a dick, plain and simple. sometimes he's funny so that's why he's not higher, i enjoy his scenes with gaston and sometimes simon. i wish i could stop him from interacting with women

2. tino/cato

if you skipped every single one of their scenes the episodes would be 15min shorter without changing anything to the plot. they're not funny, they're annoying and their attitude is often borderline disrecpectful, both towards amanda, miguel and monica, or even luna and it's just annoying. the only thing i like about them is that they actually care about luna, i think it's cute, but that doesn't save them

1. daniela

i know i don't have to explain this one but i will! legit hate her ass because she has no goddamn point. she's so bad. like you know sharon for exemple, she's a bad person but she's such a GOOD antagonist and she's genuinely one of my favorite soy luna characters because i love me some fucked up but interesting women. she's abusive and manipulative, she's the worst, but she has goals, she has a personality, she girlbosses gatekeeps gaslights and i LOVE watching her do this, even when it's towards ambar and it breaks my heart.

but daniela? she has none of that, she's just a genuinely awful person and an awful character, everything about her arc was so bad, she had...no point. like bringing lumon together i guess but the way they did it was genuinely so bad. bad writing overall, i hated her arc so much i HAD to spoil myself, and thank god she was only there for a few episodes because if this arc was longer than that i would have seriously considered dropping the show because of how unbearable she was to me

favorite:

5. ambar

i cannot tell you how excited i am for her character arc, i enjoy how complex she is, how many layers her character has. so far she's not a fav fav but i feel for her a lot and i know my enjoyment of her will only grow

4. luna

she's a very cute mc!! i think she's overall such an endearing character, she has flaws but it just makes her more interesting in my eyes, and the writers could tone down the main character syndrome a bit but i expected it so she's a really good surprise so far, i like her

3. simon

best boy!!! i really like him! he's cute and wholesome and while there are things i wish he would have done differently regarding his feelings for luna, it was such a nice surprise to see him not fall into the nice guy trap. it'd be so easy for him to do it so when i see he mostly avoids it very well it's !! finally a decent man in a telenovela. outside of that i think he's super cute and i really like him

2. delfi

i couldn't tell you why i like her so much but i DO. she has such an interesting character arc too, it's one of the most natural in the show imo. she's changed a lot since the beginning of the season, but i adore everything i saw about her. i love that she's kind and caring with those she loves but still is very bitchy, she's super cute and interesting and just!! i love her!!

1. ramiro

ok so ramiro was THE surprise in this show for me. i watched the first ep and saw him interact for one second with jim and yam and sighed out loud, expecting him to be unbearable. and here we are now, at the first place of this top 5. i LOVE his personality, i feel like he brings such a distinctive light to every scene he's in, i love his arrogance and his charisma and how down to earth he is at the same time. he reminds me a lot of s1 leon in the way that his character development is never shoved in your face, it's never the focus of anything but it's probably one of the most important ones. his development is so natural and interesting, i LOVE his relationships with everyone else and he just makes me smile a lot. like watching sl is sometimes a bit taxing to me, because i'm not that attached to a lot of characters, but then there's a scene with ramiro and it's such a breath of fresh air. i love him, i can't wait to see what's next for him in s2 and 3.

[leonawriter]

Okay so there’s this thing that’s kind of... not quite “bugged” me for a long time, but has been difficult to pinpoint. As a lot of things with Dazai are. 

(I still remember thinking that during the fight against Kyouka, Akutagawa was talking about Dazai - which in retrospect doesn’t make sense with the added context the anime gives, because of course he wouldn’t assume to know what Dazai was feeling or thinking. That’s not how Akutagawa works. But I needed that extra context to be sure.)

In this case, the thing is that there’s a marked difference in the way Dazai acts here, in Ango’s car and right before the collision, and the two times just before and afterwards, in the parking lot (where he outright threatened Ango, albeit with a gun he knew had a high chance of being unloaded) and later on in the hospital, when Ango asks him if he had been the one to mess with the airbags and ensure [Ango] needed medical treatment.

Also, for extra reference, the same scene, same moment, but in the manga:

So, the assumption from these faces (two, really, since it’s such a split second) is that Dazai was very concerned, very worried. 

In fact, with the addition of what the narration gives us in Mayoi’s visual novel-style retelling of the episodes, I’m pretty sure that’s confirmed! “But Dazai’s eyes widen. Ango’s words don’t seem to reach him.” That suggests that even for Dazai, who is always paying attention to everything and is always having his mind track several different ideas at once, he’s unable to focus on anything other than a single thing right now - and that’s what’s coming, and that he can see and Ango can’t. The oncoming collision.

Now, the thing is? This kind of flies in the face of what happens later. Because later, we get...

This, when Ango asks about the seatbelts. 

A face that screams “wouldn't you like to know” and “so what if I did?”, and it’s easy to assume that this is what’s going through his head, and the truth of the matter. That we were, just like Ango, misled. That Dazai shows one face to the ADA, and another face to the people he still sees as his enemies.

However... I feel that this is giving too much credit to Dazai’s ability to mask.

And, yeah, I do mean that in the way of “to put on a mask, to play a part.” Because that worry at the collision isn’t faked. It’s real! We see it in the narration, we sent it in his eyes - there are times when a small-yet-clear eye means just as much danger as a dark one in this series, but this ain’t it.

I’d say that it was probably far harder to decipher this before the Dark Era novel/episodes came out, and no one had any idea what Ango meant to Dazai, what he’d not forgiven him for, and so on. You’d only have their present day interactions to go by, which don’t lend to a positive slant at all.

But with the knowledge that, despite how things ended and how things still are, Ango used to be Dazai’s friend... that slight pause before Dazai turns around in that mini connecting panel above is far more important - as is the very real worry.

We don’t know what sort of face Dazai was making before he turned around. We are specifically not shown. Dazai is meant to remain partially a mystery, and one you can only decipher if you choose not to take his word for things.

My personal take is that up until the collision, Dazai had been angry enough still with Ango to honestly attempt to threaten his (former) friend’s life, to run that thought through his head. Even if he knew he wouldn't be capable of following through - more because that would damage his own standing than anything - it was a decision that he’d probably been planning for as long as it took Ango to arrive. In fact, Dazai was likely in a sour mood all the while during that car ride. Took the time to tamper with things. It wasn't as if he didn’t want Ango to suffer, after all. Ango had made him suffer, so why not turn it around?

But, as soon as the Guild’s vehicle is in sight and he knows what’s about to happen? Dazai starts... I won’t even call it “panicking.” He just goes to his unhappy place. He likely knows that there’s no getting out of this - or if there is, he’s unable to think quickly enough or to react fast enough for it. He hesitates, he stares in the face of uncertain doom for both him and Ango, who had just been telling him to take his colleagues and run, and to be honest... I think it’s one of those times when everything slows down, like you’re watching it all happen to someone else. The world probably sped back up to normal afterwards, which is when this happens-

It seems clear from this image, despite it being apparently from Ango’s point of view, that Dazai’s either shouting, or talking loudly. His mouth is open wide for louder sounds, and although we can’t see his eyes (and thus, we can’t see his state of mind) he overall seems vaguely disheveled. It’s just conjecture, but given how Ango looks - a bleeding head injury for sure isn’t a good thing, and given Dazai’s past head bandages he’d know that - Dazai was likely talking to him to keep him awake until the ambulance arrived.

I’ll also add that from here on, Dazai’s interactions with Ango are on a much more even footing, and especially in later arcs becomes closer to a friendship which has trust, rather than Dazai needing to twist Ango’s arm to get what he wants.

So, that said, I think it’s incredibly likely that it’s this very moment in the car, right from when Dazai sees the oncoming car about to crash into them to the time when he’s ensuring that Ango stays awake after the crash, that he comes to a realisation - that he, Dazai Osamu, does not actually want Ango dead. That he may not have forgiven Ango, and maybe he never will, but that Ango dying - or suffering like that - brings him no joy.

In a sense, he slipped back into his mafia ways for a while here. Twist someone’s arm. Make them suffer. Hurt them. As he says at the end of the incident with Q at the rail track, “Even I can’t afford to play nice anymore.” In this case, “playing dirty” means he likely knew he’d have to go to severe lengths to ensure the Special Ability Division’s cooperation to this level. In a way, we could say that he’s showing how, no matter how much he hates Mori, the man was right in saying that they’re similar, because this connects very closely to the Mafia Boss’ “as long as it profits the organisation, I will commit any atrocity” creed, although Dazai stops short, and therein lies the difference between them.

So Dazai has his realisation. Both about Ango, and about himself. And yet he still looks at Ango like that, because - Ango expects to see him unrepentant. He might as well live up to that expectation.

But... I think that this also plays into what he later says to Kyouka over the comm system. “What do we do when what we want to do, isn’t what we’re best at?” - what Dazai does best isn’t just “killing people,” but also manipulating people with no care to how they feel, or the pain he puts them through. By experiencing this with Ango, I’d say that’s another step he’s taking in the direction of not just redemption, which yes, is still ongoing for him, but also atonement. Because it’s impossible to attain either unless you are put in similar situations, and then you actively choose something different from what you originally would have. And this here has him recognise that he can’t just rely on dirty tactics like he used to, not just because Odasaku (someone else) tells him not to, but because he himself isn’t comfortable with those methods, or with using them on someone he still has trouble thinking of as a friend.

As much as he may try and put across a scary face that says “hate me, be disdainful of me and expect the worst, I will only live down to your expectations,” that’s just as much a mask as his super-comedic “clowning” mask he puts up when he doesn’t want to address something and laughs it off instead.

Not being able to read what is a mask and what isn’t, and the difference between one mask and another, is what makes Akutagawa see him as unreadable, and barely human.

Accepting that he does have masks, just like the real life Dazai Osamu and the protagonist of No Longer Human, Yozo, did - that’s when you start to understand that Dazai is human. Can worry and be scared and can love like one, too.

[malachi-walker]

Some Really Heavy Thoughts on the Relationship Between Scorpia and Catra

Fair warning, guys: I'm gonna get into some deeply personal stuff involving abuse recovery and past mistakes here. I will not be making excuses for Catra or her treatment of Scorpia, but well... Let's just say there's a reason why their relationship has always me wince. Because it touches on some stuff that is likely relevant to a lot of ex-abuse victims.

This entire meta stems from an epiphany I had while discussing with @johannas-motivational-insults how I have a really hard time writing Scorpia, and me trying to pinpoint what exactly makes me so uncomfortable working with her or looking at her relationship with Catra in detail.

Let me back up a bit. We all love Scorpia. She's a big cuddly sweetheart without a mean bone in her body. She's fantastic, a bright point in the overall suckage that is the Horde, and she gives GREAT hugs. So why does their relationship bother me so much?

Well... It's because I've been there once before in my own life. And it's one of my deepest regrets, so seeing that play out on screen and instinctively knowing where this is going fucking sucks.

Personal stuff under the cut.

We've already covered Scorpia being a good kid. That said, I feel like a lot of people just flanderize her into being this perfect wonderful friend who wholly accepts Catra (and conversely either woobify Catra or make her a horrible monster who doesn't appreciate a good thing) but... the truth is a lot more nuanced than that.

Scorpia doesn't wholly accept Catra because in order to truly accept someone you have to see them for who they really are, warts and all, and Scorpia doesn't. She idealizes Catra and either ignores or downplays her very real flaws and problems, and tries to excuse any actions she commits that don't live up to that constructed image, which is of course what she confronts in s4 (and I’m proud of her for that.) It's not done with any ill intent, but it's still not a good thing in any relationship; romantic, platonic, familial, any kind.

Here's where things get real personal. Also, I wanna specify that I am not forcing myself to talk about this, even though it still hurts in a lot of ways. Though I am probably gonna bring this up with my therapist when I next see her.

I've mentioned before in previous meta that I am an ex-child abuse victim who followed a very similar trajectory to Catra once I got out of that situation. I was angry, I was hurt, and I was ADAMANT that nobody get close to me again and fully prepared to lash out as much as I needed in order to make that happen. Occasionally people would slip through my guard anyway, but on the whole I was very successful at that goal and torpedoed a lot of bridges back in those days.

And as much as it kills me to admit it... I had my own Scorpia too.

Her name was Amy, and I met her in my freshman year of high school after I ended up in a private school for the “gifted and talented” (which ended up being its own mistake, but that's a story for another day.)

To put this entire situation into perspective: at the time I was struggling to process and cope with my abuse, I had just been misdiagnosed with major depression after an entire year of contemplating suicide, and I had been put on a ridiculously high dosage of the antidepressant Wellbutrin--literally the highest dosage they could legally give an adolescent without the risk of seizures--which cranked my rage up to a constant underlying simmer and also gave me horrific fucking nightmares, to the point that for about a year and a half I was consistently only getting two hours of sleep because I was waking up screaming nearly every night. This is not me making excuses for being such a dick, but I do try to keep in mind that younger me was dealing with an absolute shitshow when passing judgment on myself. I was trying to survive a situation that absolutely no one was equipped to handle at all of 14 years old.

And then here comes Amy.

Amy was one of those people who was relentlessly optimistic to an almost suspicious degree (more on that later.) The kind of person who will reply to any statement of "I'm having a bad [x]" with generic look-on-the-bright-side platitudes and a big smile without actually addressing anything you said. She was also one of those people who was aggressively Christian, not in a mean way, but in an "it was her answer for literally everything" way, which given that I was struggling with my own faith at the time was practically a recipe for disaster.

But for whatever reason, this girl latched onto me, no matter how much I tried to get her to do otherwise.

I wanna note that I wasn't wholly devoid of friends at the time; my best friend, Michael (who is still my best friend/bro to this day) had also gotten into the school along with me, but the rest of our friend group hadn't and those relationships drifted apart in the ensuing years, which only served to compound the underlying issues. And I will always be thankful that the guy was able to roll with the punches and stick by me even through my absolute worst, but it was also pretty irritating having to switch between my bro who understands me even if he didn’t always agree to my much tenser interactions with Amy. So back to her.

Basically, this girl just kinda inserts herself into my life, refuses to take a hint or back off, and any time I try to talk about my issues or get her to understand a little and make an actual connection, I'm met with the overwhelming feeling of "You're not really seeing me. You're not listening." So I responded by being a fucking bitch. I would ignore her, make fun of her, treat her like a third wheel, etc. In hindsight, it was a dick move, but at the time it made sense to me. I genuinely felt like it was her fault for never listening to me in the first place, so I justified it by telling myself I was just paying her back in kind.

I lost touch with Amy after I was kicked out of school at the tail end of freshman year due to a Wellbutrin-induced rage episode (nobody got hurt, but my attitude at the time was so consistently extreme that the school administration literally had an inch thick dossier on my behavior and what the other kids thought of me, so that incident was just what they needed to justify kicking me out.) Afterwards, my parents made the decision to relocate to another town since my expulsion meant I would be banned from going back into school for a full year unless we changed systems--and even then I was required to go into a continuation school to prove I had been rehabilitated, but I digress. Point is that I was uprooted from that environment and I didn't bother keeping in touch.

I actually found out years later from a friend who went to that same high school--though we didn't actually become friends until after my expulsion--that the reason why Amy was the way she was is that in the year prior to meeting me, her mother had committed suicide and she had been the one to discover her body. So in hindsight, her entire deal made sense: she was trying to survive in the only way she knew how and cope with a situation no one should ever have to, same as me.

But that didn't mean we were able to connect. The great tragedy of that situation, and the thing I regret the most about it, is that we were just two horribly damaged kids that were utterly incapable of actually seeing each other as we were at the time. And it ultimately wasn't anybody's fault, which ironically makes it even harder to accept.

I regret the way I treated her. I wish I could have made her life a little better, and I still hope and pray she got the help she needed elsewhere.

That's what makes Scorptra so incredibly tragic to me as well. Scorpia is a good-hearted person who does genuinely care for Catra, but she also willfully blinds herself to the things Catra is dealing with and her relentless optimism often just ends up rubbing salt in the wounds. Catra is wrong to treat Scorpia so badly, but I also fully understand those feelings of resentment and anger you develop towards someone when they consistently refuse to see you as you are, because I've been there. And that's also why I've always had a hard time with Scorptra romantically (though if you ship it, good for you! I honestly wish I could), because those issues have always been present in their relationship and made it unsustainable from the very beginning.

Something was always destined to break between them. And that's what makes it so damn hard for me to write Scorpia as a character, because in many ways she reminds me of one of the things I regret the most in my life: how I treated someone else who had the best intentions horribly when I was at my absolute worst. These days I try to be kind to my past self as part of the healing process, but when I think of my actions in that year it is really fucking hard. I don't like to think about it, even though I know I feel like I need to (which is also why this meta exists.)

Neither Scorpia or Catra were at fault for the fact that they couldn't see each other properly: it was just a really bad case of wrong place, wrong time. And that's what makes it hurt.

Also, if you made it this far, I'm sorry this was so depressing. Please have a happy cat and scorpion to hopefully feel a little better. Also huge shoutout to @yesbpdcatra for encouraging me to get this out there. You're the best, fam.

[jordm]

Heartland 13x10 - The Passing of the Torch review

Remi for MVP. She may be just a dog but that also makes it a hell of a lot harder to “act” or contain how the dog acts within scenes, even if Remi is a seasoned actor being around for 13 seasons. I can’t help but notice that some of the “acting” after Remi was healed, like Remi approaching Amy when she was with Ty was not acting.

Also how about the promo pics clearly misleading that only Amy got hurt when really Ty did too but none of us caught it because he got shot in the abdomen and all promo pics showed him sitting down? Clever, clever.

Also, where was Katie this episode?! Was Katie not there to support her mom? Or did I totally just miss her in the scenes because even Peter was there... so if she wasn’t with her fam (WHO WAS ALL AT MAGGIES) where the heck was she?!?!!?

Looking at the credits, I think I just totally missed Katie because she’s credited sooo um oooops lmao

Amy/Ty

Spartan seems to have found a bound with wild horse (I don’t know the horses name okay), so Amy decides to try to tame the wild horse. She’s especially high strung because she’s still emotional about Spartan getting old and his recent injury and the look on Amy’s face when wild horse accidentally kicks Spartan in the leg is pure distress. A look of “What did I do?!? I was doing this for Spartan not to hurt him.”

Amy’s genuine sadness about Spartan, even though - as Ty says, his ligament is completely healed and they’re going to treat his arthritis (which is completely normal for older horses too per Amber’s post on IG) is also completely understandable because it is her last living link, besides the family home and her family - to her mother, especially since her mother died saving Spartan. 

After a heartfelt conversation with Ty, and all seems well (Ty is even cleaning up the new house?!), things come crashing down and Amy and Ty get shot by sniper guy while aiming for the wolf. Luckily, they’re going to be okay (I mean... obviously?) and Ty was able to catch the license plate but this could have ended a lot worse. But this is Heartland.. did we really think either would die?

In the end, Amy is able to complete a join up with wild horse and Spartan and her family is there to watch it and it’s really just a wonderful way to end the season/episode. More Marion flashbacks about her younger life please! I loved the flashback to her first Spartan join up from S1X01. It was like Spartan was given Amy his blessing to ride a new horse so that he can rest his legs.

Can I also add, how cute was Lyndy when Ty pointed out that wild horse was coming and she turned her head and said horsey? What a scene stealer!

Georgie & Quinn

So, the real reason Georgie quit was because she missed Quinn? I guess thats somewhat realistic but, like where is the joy she had for jumping and competing before she met Quinn? It wasn’t as if she suddenly started loving jumping because of Quinn when she went to Europe. Why does she suddenly correlate being with Quinn to loving jumping when she had a passion for it pre-Quinn?

Narys the point though, because she goes to Kelowna to confess her love to Quinn and he just doesn’t know what to say, even if he’s been wanting to hear it for awhile. Do I blame him? No - it’s a lot to handle and not everyone responds to an ‘I love you’ in the same way. Anyone remember Gilmore Girls and how Rory and Dean broke up because she didn’t say i love you back how Dean expected? However... could he have responded better? Yes. He just seemed to walk away to collect his ribbon even though he acknowledges he’s been waiting to hear those three words, eight letters for oh so long. At the same time, she could have stuck around till after to have a full conversation - not one that is going to be interrupted by him having to go collect his ribbon and in the middle of the competition.

I mean, I get leaving because she felt that Quinn didn’t care any more but to me, it seemed fairly obvious that Quinn and the girl were just friends; however, Georgie was probably in a heightened emotional state so I don’t particularly blame her for thinking the worst. Although, perhaps if she had stuck around and waited, they could have talked and she wouldn’t have come home crying.

“Give me a reason to stay and I will” - Quinn

And just like that, Quinn is staying (funny how this always just works out eh?). He took a coaching job (which I suppose he realized is his calling) at a stable in Hudson, gets a snazzy nickname Golden Boy from Tim (who appears to not have a problem with Quinn since he doesn’t dote on the fact that he caught his granddaughter kissing another guy) and looks like he’s going to be here for the long term. 

Perhaps he’s even going to be Georgie’s coach?! That was definitely the first thing I thought when I heard that Quinn was going to be coaching. I will say, i do like them together and they do fit better than her past boyfriends, but I don’t think i’ve seen enough of them to make a solid judgement until next season at least. Here’s to their relationship being more stable than Lou and Mitch’s!

Lou

How ironic; just as Tim says asks where Mitch, Lou’s supposed boyfriend (okay, he actually is her boyfriend but not the point) is to support her during the campaign, PETER shows up to support her. Irony at its’ best. And I suppose, ideally, Mitch is at their summer-turned-business home taking care of the herd but if Tim’s infer that Mitch hasn’t been around at all, yet Peter found the time to come from BC and help hand out posters and go door to door, then it’s a valid question.

Peter’s advice to not start up a shit storm with JD Worth when she hears about the snares is... probably correct but Lou’s assertion that JD is behind the snares is also 100% correct. 

It’s probably correct to infer that sniper guy was trying to shoot the wolf but how STUPID is he to shoot at a wolf if he doesn’t have a clear shot and there are people around? How do you miss seeing two humans in the same shot? Luckily, Lou is able to pinpoint that the same truck sped out of there is the one JD Worth went to talk too after their chat AND Ty is able to grab the license plate. And she knows she has JD almost in a corner by the smile on her face.

In the end, Lou wins (not due to sniper guy ratting out JD but a win is a win I suppose) to no ones shock whose seen the promo pictures; even JD is indicted in his role in this mess! However... she does lose her boyfriend, who seems to think that Peter is winning Lou’s affection. I understand why he thinks that but Lou and Peter have worked hard to become friends after a messy separation, Peter is... uh dating Jen?, and he will have to live with the fact that they will always have a bond a a relationship. Look how far Caleb/Ty/Amy have gotten!

What about Lou defining herself as ex-wife... who defines herself as an ex-wife? On gravestones, you say ‘loving wife, mother, sister, daughter...’ etc but no one defines themselves as an ex-wife? That was just strange. What’s even stranger is that Mitch seemed to think the tipping point of their relationship was when Lou didn’t mention she was a girlfriend too... and while i suppose in the context that she mentioned ex-wife but not girlfriend, it makes sense but in the grand scheme of things, no one really defines themselves as a girlfriend. Plus, if they were really stable, this wouldn’t be an issue, but from what it sounds like, Mitch has been away a lot due to his new business and they haven’t been seeing much of each other. Even if this truly was an oversight, the fact that she remembered Peter before Mitch does say something.

On a whole, what’s going to happen with that vacation-turned-work property they bought? And seriously, will they ever get their shit together and be together together, because if they aren’t then I sure hope they don’t ever get back together again because this isn’t healthy. How do they decide to buy a house together to deciding that they aren’t fully committed to each other? Be together, or don’t be together y’all.

Jack

Jack feels that he ‘dug his heels in a little too much’ when Mitch kept on asking about expanding the herd and I can’t tell if this is brought on by wanting to make Lou’s life easier or because he feels bad or because he really wants to expand the herd. The idea to invite Mitch back into the partnership is a nice utopia but at the end of the day, Tim is right. Mitch isn’t family (by marriage of blood), but more family “family friend because he’s been around the farm so much” relationship and should Lou/Mitch breakup it would easily complicate things even further.. and given how unstable they’ve been keeping separate may not be a bad idea.

*LOL i wrote the above before Lou and Mitch officially broke up so I guess I saw the future. Perhaps it was a good thing they didn’t get back in business considering how on-off these two are!

OVERALL

This season was good - there was no Mongolia and more family storylines. I enjoyed Amy’s arc with Spartan, Ty not jetting off to Mongolia and being their for their fam, seeing Lisa and Fairfield(!) - even the election wasn’t a bad storyline and I enjoyed Quinn’s character. All the throwbacks to the past with the painting and the flashbacks to Jack’s life were also great to see and learn about.

I didn’t enjoy Casey’s one-episode arc nor the Lou/Mitch storyline (just decide to be together or not!!). And even thought it brought “drama”, the whole Wes “bad review” story line felt a little contrived and forced but in the grand scheme of things, besides some plot points which seemed out of character or continuation issues, the season picked up by near the end.

I mean, no one went to Mongolia and almost died - why would you when you can get shot in your own backyard? (jokes)

Songs in this Episode @heartlandians​

Call to Arms - Evan Olson

I’m Boring - Jacob John

I’ll be There For You - Philip Larue

[theblankest123]

Ok, so I know it's not the smartest for me to post stuff about Steven universe when most of my followers don't really watch it but here's this thing. So, as I was re-watching The Answer, I couldn't help but notice the gems in the background. I decided to screenshot them and then decided to give them at least some sort of an identity (along with horrible nicknames). I'll probably be doing more of them and I want to draw how they could look like. Now, about the gems. 1. Droplet. I can't really decide what gem she could be, but I find her kinda adorable to be honest. She could be a quartz soldier, she could be an agate (tho she seems too small for that...), she could be a pearl (tho she seems to have more muscle mass than pearls tend to have.) 2. Neckie This gem looks nice and friendly in my opinion. She is definitely calm and maybe somewhat quiet. Now, people seem to think that she lost her calmness once Ruby and Sapphire fused, but I don't really think that's the case. She says ''Unbelievable'', which indicates that she's suprised, not discusted. She then becomes angry once Blue diamond says to Ruby that she (Ruby) will be broken for fusing. It's also hard to say what gem she is, but she might be a blue Kyanite. She could also be a moonstone, although I have my doubts... 3.Light indigo. This gem seems to be smaller than most of the other gems, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't have any authority. Personally, even though I don't have the same opinion as her on fusion (she finds it outright discusting), I do like her style of clothing and hair... (Definetly looks like me to be honest) It's harder to pinpoint what her gem type exactly is due to her gem not being shown, but color wise Blue moonstone and Tanzanite fits. 4. Pink Zircon. Now here's a gem that I can exactly pin point what gem type she is. My reasoning for why I think she's a Zircon is that: -her hair is similar to Blue Zircon -she's quite tall and somewhat shinny -she's pink and her gem is on her navel, which resembles her diamond the same way Yellow and Blue zircons do. -he gem is rectangular in shape. Now on to her personality. She seems to be quite though, determined, but easely angered. These might not be the best traits for a lawyer, but she most likely somehow gets away with them. Definetly an angry lawyer. 5. Side Buns. This gem is most likely an agate. She looks somewhat terrifying, she has similar hair to Holly's and seems to be strong overall. It's hard to say what type of agate she is, but she could be a blue lace? Maybe? Not much to say about her. 6. Blue diamond's guards. The only times we could see these two is when they were standing in front of Blue's palanquin and when they tried to stop Pearl. Their gems are on their right eyes. They seem to have some strength, so they might be some kind of a quartz (their hair and body type also point to that.) They can even be Cat's eye quartzes. 7. Pointy. And last, but not least is this gem. It's hard to exactly say what gem she is, but I think that she could be an agate. She might not seem as though as Side buns (5.), but she seems to have at least some authority. Weirdly enough, in one picture, because of her pointy hair, she kind of resembles a cat, so she might be a some kind of cat's eye gem (tho this seems to be a bit of a stretch.) She looks strict, but somewhat nice? In the episode, she says ''This is unheard of!'' which makes sence I guess. I don't have anything else about her. That's all I have for now. I might do more of these later, since there are more gems in the answer.

[survivortongatapu]

Episode #2: I Never Learned How To Fuckin’ Read | Carson Chapman

Honestly Ryan. I expected this scavenger hunt to be a bit harder. No self humiliation or stripping? No needing to go to grocery stores to find things that are clearly not there, but you make us look for and ask employees anyways? Or going up to random people asking them to put on nametags that say Ryan or some other bizarre name? Drew would not be proud.

The Conor vote was an easy thing to get done. It is a blessing to have such an easy vote early on. I need to start being more active and social with the members of my tribe, though. Or else I might be the next boot. I've already set a foundation with Tim, Stephen, and Kaci. I just need to further extend my reach without being too suspicious. I might use Jordan as a number since he has come forward with being one to me. Plus a Pines shield is a nice one to have since he never dies. Everyone always wants him out, so he would be something to hide behind.

"I once shunned Samuel L Jackson." CHARLOTTE HOW ARE WE SUPPOSE TO PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED IF WE KEEP TELLING PEOPLE. AND to be fair, it was for a good cause, Alan Rickman was close by. Rickman > Jackson. (watch me have the sign backwards or some shit)

hi my name is charlotte and my entire tribe never learned how to fucking read

YOU'VE ALL BEEN IN THE COMMUNITY FOREVER HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS?? NOT TO CALL ANYONE OUT BUT CMON Y'ALL KNOW BETTER.

Anyway, now that I've yelled, I guess it's time to do a review of everyone on my tribe. Chrissa - Honestly we haven't talked much before this game or in this game. I think we actually got into a fight in the VL once. I used to think Chrissa was just the shipname for Chris and his wife and didn't realize that Chrissa was a real person. Fun fact! Adrian - We were in a BB game together but that's about it. It wasn't very memorable so I doubt they remember me. I should probably talk more to people on this tribe I don't know but we're so early in, it just doesn't seem worth it. Carson - I've played with him before so we have a pretty good relationship even if he spent half of CB calling me weird lmao. I think he would be a good person to ally with but I can never fully trust him because when I did that last time? He had a secret #1 ally the whole time. Lesson learned! Jay - I've known Jay for awhile but we've never really played together so I'm hoping we can in this game. I think it'll be interesting to see if we mesh in a game scenario so - I'm excited. Owen - I'm glad Owen is on my tribe because he seems good at challenges?? Or at least historically he has been. Whew! Antoine - THEY ARE CANADIAN!! honestly I always want to work with the canadians thats my kink. Pocket - I've talked to them a bit and they seem cool?? They at least know how to read a damn post so that puts the +1 above some of the others. Bryan - We've played games together before so they seem like a good bean but again, I don't really know them that well. I NEED to start talking to people more god this is ugly. We love a flop. Andrew - I don't know him but LA says that he's a good bean, he hosted her in Solomon Islands and again in whatever game she just died in. I need to talk to him more. Willow - I love Willow!! She's so sweet and it's kind of hard to talk strategy with her sometimes but ima try anyway!! 

Purposely sabotaging my social game to be more UTR and pretend I'm not around much anymore? Perfectly working in my new Tumblr Survivor strategy wooooooo

Honestly, I just get bored and don't entirely want to talk to some of these people that much, so I just sit here and cry when I have to talk to the likes of Tim and Stephen. I know they're really really cool people, and I like them a lot, but by having never heard of them before, it means that there's this preconceived notion, in my head, that I have to talk to them more, so instead I just dismiss them so they don't see me as a threat, and they can just have the impression that they've 99% got my vote. I'm fine being people's number. Someone just tell me how to vote and I'm more than likely to do it for the first 75% of this game, if I make it to that point. My new strategy is the best of all time. You can't beat it.... Except going off in the main chat about the challenge may not have been my SMARTEST idea, but that's because the challenge was stupid, the new scavenger hunt rules were dumb, and next time I invest four hours into something, and you tell me it doesn't count, don't expect that same motivation level to come out of my body for at least another 3-4 rounds out of shear stubbornness.

Everybody is doing their best to win the challenge and I feel a little bit bad that I'm doing something cause I'm sitting out. Hopefully, it doesn't put a target on my back if we do lose. Right now, I trying to get to know these people more and figure who I want to work with.

I guess I should make a real confessional now. I mean.... We all voted out Conor last round, which was cool. I feel I should initiate a tribe call tonight, with hopefully a win. I don't want to initiate it if we lose tonight's challenge, because then that'd be bad. I'm trying to really think of ways to keep my social game stepped up, and the fact of the matter is that I don't really think I need to do much more, it's such an overthink at this point. I know if my name comes out, I'm going to be able to outtalk a lot of people, and on top of that, I know that LA, Tim, Kaci, Jordan and Carson feel a pretty good relationship with me, and i'd kinda like to think that Stephen does too because I've just been overall active in the main chat, and talking to him a bit on the side. I'm struggling with how to connect to Raffy and JD, and kinda Rob, but not really because Rob seems to be very talkative on my end. I am going back to the thought of Jordan mentioning wanting the strong players to work together, and from the group he listed, that leaves out Kaci, Tim and Stephen, which is interesting because I like them, but they'll also have to go. I'm hoping that Jordan Pines can be the real kicker of strategic talk on this tribe, and we can see what happens. I know whenever I pinpoint targets, I make it my mission to send them out the door, and I know it's dumb to do because some people don't want it to happen, but in a tribe this big, if I talk about it with enough people, then it just happens.... Same thing kinda happened with Ruthie in Japan, where I just saw her as a long term threat, and wanted her gone............................ I'm feeling this way with Raffy. I know it's early, and I know going after him probably isn't the smartest move, but I thought he was just a nutjob from seeing him a little bit of me hosting him in Kuang Si and watching his antics in JP, and all his VL Confessionals of REALLY hustling, it's hard to want to work with him if he's actually that smart, but at the same time, reminds me of a player that is going to do himself in at some point so hmph. We'll see. I still intend on sitting back for now and playing nice, even though I want to give all these people a slow and painful death We'll see what happens after the challenge. If I were to bet, i'd bet that Kaci is going to be in trouble, but I don't wnat her to go, but also.... effort ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

The sacrifice was successful. Conor may be gone but we won the next round so yay. But still Kaci didn’t contribute so next tribal she might be in trouble. While we don’t go to tribal I’ll still maintain some social play, but will back off a tad to not seem too eager.

we lost. thanks adrian for telling Ryan you could be excused but not saying a word to our tribe! it takes 10 seconds to take apicture and i dont believe he doesnt own at least a towel. so now im stuck going to tribal and having to strategize. which.. is nice. i get to see how people play/strategize/all that and it thrusts us into strategy mode where we can FINALLY really talk game. i want adrian because its easy tbh! ------------------------------------------- [6:53:09 PM] jay: Yeah same [6:53:14 PM] jay: big andrew fan [6:53:27 PM] carson: and I trust everyone else vaguely bc like.. I haven't gotten into [6:53:33 PM] carson: deep strategy talk yet with anyone bc we haven't had tribal [6:53:44 PM] jay: we can trust chrissa tbh [6:53:59 PM] jay: and probably charlotte right? [6:54:24 PM] carson: I agree with that for sure [6:54:30 PM] carson: theyre trustable ppl just in general sdjsd [6:54:33 PM] carson: like loyal [6:54:45 PM] jay: whomst the fuck is antoine [6:56:28 PM] carson: wait no [6:56:30 PM] carson: Quebecois [6:56:45 PM] jay: pocket is hard to talk to idk i dont GET THIS who literally plays based on people they know god. LIKE ANTOINE HAS GIVEN SO MUCH MORE TO ME THAN JAY and put in way more effort? like Antoine's such a nice guy and just because he doesnt know him.. SAME WITH POCKET. POCKET IS THE EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO ON THIS WHOLE TRIBE AND SO TALKATIVE??? LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. pocket is so fun and..  idk. jay when you read this i still love you but bitchwhat the fuck not sure whats gonna happen. gonna probably push for Adrian to go and get that easy vote out of the way. Pocket + Andrew offerened an alliance to me but havent said anything about it since soo.... also bryan told me to "remember to stay low" and im like ????? thats not good for my paranoia at all.like at ALl at all so now im kinda freaking out. hopefully we can make this tribal easy.. but if not theres outcast island but im not taking my chances with that.

So in typical Johnny fashion, I can't just let us win immunity and not do anything with the time we have that we can utilize to make more connections, do things to advance my game, so I go to Stephen, and pull my typical Johnny move: [1/12/18, 11:03:22 PM] ~~Johnny~~: And I know we haven’t spoken much, and you may have spoken to people a lot more than me, but I get a really good vibe from you, and in each game I play, I just pick one person that I’m like “this is my dude, and regardless, I’m going to make it happen with THIS GUY, and if they turn on me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ” and I’ve kinda wanted to ask you if you… gets down on one knee Stephen, will you be my ride or die? ;) [1/12/18, 11:03:54 PM] ~~Johnny~~: like tbh, I think you’re smart af, I can tell that you’re here to play, and I think I’m here to play too, and you always gotta survey the field before you make a leap like that, but I feel confident that you and I can really do some damage here [1/12/18, 11:04:41 PM] Stephen: haha, id be honoured [1/12/18, 11:04:47 PM] ~~Johnny~~: (party) [1/12/18, 11:04:49 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Honestly [1/12/18, 11:05:02 PM] Stephen: I do feel like you are smart too, and sane enough not to wig out early on [1/12/18, 11:05:17 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Having one connection with someone, where you know they won’t spill what you’re thinking, and you can tell an actual person who RESPONDS (fuck you RTP), is great So now I've got this relationship with Stephen, that I think is really going to blossom my game and make it grow. I am continuing to lay low, and I am going to continue to just build social bonds and not even talk game with anyone that isn't Stephen. I know he MIGHT be moderately sketched out by what I just proposed, simply because we haven't spoken nearly as much as I'm sure he's spoken to other people, but I've got faith that my relationship with Stephen is going to carry me a long way in this game, and jesus take the wheel if I can make this go well, I think I'm in a great spot. I've gotta just keep up tabs again during this 24 hour period. I didn't find anything during the idol search, which sucks. I really really really REALLY want SOMETHING, even if it's a disadvantage in the game, I'm willing to take the risk to continue on with an idol search every time because I know people are finding things and I'm not. That's my biggest motherfucking motivation to win a damn immunity challenge, but we'll see. Praying someone I don't know on that other tribe ends up going home because I need my friends to stick around. Chrissa going home before I get to her, or maybe even Owen or or Charlotte, just since they're strong players who I've either been hosted by, or hosted, and I'm just not sure about the reactions once I make my way to a tribe with either of them. Yea... Sorry for my long confessionals, but that's me, and also all you'll get for right now, but I'm sure something very minor will happen later tonight and I'll write another 8 page long confessional LMAO

So Ryan reminded everyone about alliance chats and I am *shook*. I’ve been trying to play slow but how slow is too slow? I need to calm down and remind myself that suddenly making alliances is no way to reacting to being excluded for alliances. In this scenario social game trumps strategic game. And so far its working, maybe, Johnny came to me and proposed a f2-but-not-f2 alliance and i was like sure. But he might be lying, I do doubt it though considering we won immunity. Now I just have to decide if I’m going to tell Tim. He’s my mate and I love the guy but I have to decide if I really want to tie my game 100% with his, or keep options he doesn’t know about. Then again talking to him could expose if this is a lie. hmm

So Ryans brief comment about alliance chats has sparked a ton of debate. Ive been approached by Johnny, as I said before. But we have talked about literally everyone else on the tribe, and Ive talked about a few people have JD. Johnny has a lot of knowledge and experience which scares me. But if I can use him to bring myself further then thats good, I can easily paint a target on him when i need to. Still solid with Tim, but Ive decided if people get concerned about our history Im not above voting him out.

AND I THOUGHT TONIGHT WOULD BE QUIET. Honestly, I normally write what happened, and then my thoughts about it, but I'm going to summarize because I just don't have it in me to write 85 million words for you tonight RTP - LA and JD want a four person alliance with Stephen and I, which I find funny because LA wanted this to happen right as I made my ride or die deal with him - Tim told me he thought I was cool, and tried to develop more of a relationship with me - Stephen and I went in depth with the people on our tribe, and we haven't really picked out who we do/don't want to work with, but we're laying as low as we can for as long as we can, and no one is going to know it Yea. that's cool. not as intense as I thought, but making a f2 and being in my first alliance of the season is kind of a big deal I suppose. I gotta REALLY work on my functioning relationship with Carson, because I really really really need Andrew to trust me this game, and I'm not super sure if he will. He knows how I play better than anyone in this cast (besides maybe Willow and Pocket), so I've gotta really maneuver myself carefully there.

.i feel bad now because Adrian's having an emergency ofsome kind and I'm pushing his fucking name. I'm gonna talk to him tomorrow and see his thoughts. Hope he's ok. but other than that... im playing so aggressive what the fuck. i NEVERRR play like this and i literally said I wanted to play UTR because this is Ausvivor and the merge is in like... 8 years, but I'm playing hard! Literally had basically my first REAL conversation with Owen today and it was pretty much ALL Strategy. Antoine wants out Jay. Jay wants out Pocket/Antoine probably because he said no to Adrian. Ideally, Charlotte or Adrian would go, but the push of "newbies" vs Jay is bad because it's people I could potentially trust. Also because im actually saying names is like... im super paranoid that people will be like "oh he's overplaying let's get him out." and just vote me out ughhh. Outcast Island is there though and if I did get voted out, Katie is there and I trust Katie to work with me so IDK, but I don't want to be out. Hopefully strategy will pick up steam tomorrow, and alliances etc will be formed and I can get in a good, longlasting position.

So we won the immunity challenge and I am ecstatic! We don't have to go to tribal and that's amazing. But that doesn't mean that the game stops. We got to go to reward where I and Stephen found absolutely nothing! I started bonding more with Johnny who is a very intimidating player. I'd love to work with him but I'm hesitant that If I do I'll get played. Apparently he has done his research on our tribe members and has his own assessments of each of us. To him I'm naive and doesn't know much but boy is he wrong! I may be new but I've got plenty of game to play, votes to survive, challenges to win, and strategy to form. /// Also JD thinks I'm "social". I dont know what that means but it frightens me! Does that make me a threat? does that make me an ally? Am I gonna go home for being "social"? Who knows? But at this point I'm gonna try and lay low. Until next round? (PS: I have yet to be put in an alliance chat >.>)

JD and I set up and alliance with Jordan. And we're planning to do something with Johnny and Stephen, maybe Tim as well so we'll have majority. But we'll see how this all works out. Thankfully, we won though so we don't have to worry about a vote. 

i went to outcast island for fun but these two really suck

fun suck

What up nerds. This game is lit, im a cute alliance, im putting in minimum effort getting maximum reward right now. I will start doing things later but for now.... nah

I lowkey feel that I don't connect with anyone. There's no like Eddie or something. It's just talking because we have to. We won and that's good because we took all of those advantages and such in the previous challenge. I feel that Kaci might have gone but I like her way more than LA and JD right now. However, they stepped up and I don't think they would leave tbh. Whatever

Listen! If you want confessionals you should never have casted JP and you should have cases Emily... Just saying O.O

So right now, it seems like it could be an unanimous vote for Adrian since he didn't really participate in the immunity challenge. And i'm like, really? It wouldn't have change anything. I don't think an unanimous vote is the best thing for my game right now. It would just narrow down the number without me really knowing where people's head at. I'm gonna try to make this a little more complicated for people. I'm taking risks but i'm not here to be a sheep following orders.

Hey everyone! It’s me again. Here with another confessional. Ok so like. There’s too many people on this tribe tbh. I would give my opinion on all of them but I wouldn’t be able to remember all of their names. But anyways. We lost the challenge because the other tribe took more advantages than us in the last challenge so that sucks. But it seems to look like Adrian is going. It’s too bad that he had personal stuff, but he still hasn’t really talked to anyone. There would’ve been a chance of someone else going if there wasn’t the outcast island. No one wants to cut throats cuz it could come back to bite them in the ass. I just. Gotta lay low and stay there for awhile. I’ve got some good connections on this tribe and that’s enough. I’m chill with willow, Antoine, Charlotte, Carson. Probably more. But I can’t remember them. O wait pocket too. Anyways. Until next time fellow followers!! 

So apparently I'm the name on the chopping block for tonight's Nukuleka tribe. Which is fine, but like half of these people have not interacted with me at all and they want to say that I'm a weak link? Hello, we have fucking Chrissa who really can't do shit other than apply for games and be super shady... like look down the road. We lost because I couldn't take pictures, and that most of them kept a medium-sized advantage for them and gave us large disadvantages. Pathetic really. 

We lost the challenge bc of the advantages lmao but!!! I made an alliance with andrew jay Chrissa Carson and pocket oop jdjdjd and since Adrian abstained I think he’s gonna be the vote. If it’s me then oh well grrrr. I didn’t want to work with pocket bc his hair and beard scare me but both andrew and Carson mentioned him ugh. I also like bryan and Charlotte a lot and willow tbh so like.....yeah. There’s one person I’m missing? Oh the guy that sat out he can go. JD It I guess on a more game related post. I'm excited about the group that I wanna work with. I've touched based and talked with most of them... Or LA has.. we've talked to the people anyway. We only have a chat with JP because... Well it should have happened before anyway. But we'll see how she goes! I think that our group is going to end up having me, LA, JP, Stephen, Johnny, and Tim

Made an alliance with Owen, Jay, Carson, Chrissa, and Pocket. Tryna kill Adrian. That's the tea with Andrew G! Also I'm tryna lay low on this tribe while keeping up connections with everyone. Social queen uwu

I’m glad we won immunity. I don’t think I have the social standing to avoid the target. However, the reward was interesting. I hope no one found anything immediately. That would suck immensely. 

adrian's the vote and THANJK GOD. i like adrian, he's okay, but this is SUCH a much better move for me than Jay or Antoine going. adrian isnt reall with anyone, but Jay is with all his friends from pregame, and Antoine is with Pocket/Bryan/Andrew. so this means, i cut out someone who leaves me with 2 people who still trust me.

Also, Owen added me/Pocket/Andrew/Chrissa/Jay/him to an alliance and i'm so happy? my goal for this round was to get in an alliance, and I have close alliances with Pocket and Andrew, mini-duos with pretty much everyone minus Adrian, and now a bigger alliance to help me get through. Willow not being in the alliance is gross though! Hopefully this vote goes well even though I'm stressin a bit.

It should be Adrian going tonight rip 

So i heard today that Adrian was trying to target me. We had a talk the other day and i said i wouldnt vote him. But he shouldn't take me for a fool. Im voting him and so is my new alliance of Owen, Andrew, Chrissa, Carson, and Pocket. As well as Charlotte anf Bryan. Don't try me (:

Our tribe was SUCH A MESS during this challenge JDKDKD We pulled through tho and that’s what matters. Now it’s time to begin my witch hunt for who the fuck too the tickets

I thought I did this earlier but I guess not!! Maybe I forgot to submit but anyways this round is easy we have no tribal

[top10listsak47]

Top 10 Albums

This kind of list is always going to be contentious, as it is easy influenced by your favorite genre and the age you grew up in. That being said, several of these albums outdate my existence by a decade or two. Most are critically acclaimed with a couple that aren’t as well-known. And, aside from number 1, I don’t attach a specific order.

On to the list!

#1: Rubber Soul- The Beatles (1965)

What? You may be asking. Not because I have a Beatles album at #1, but that it’s not Sgt. Pepper’s or the White album. Rubber Soul is the transition album, from the poppy A Hard Day’s Night and Help that preceded it, followed up by the highly psychedelic Revolver. (Seriously, from my own experience, I’m not sure how enjoyable Revolver would be to someone who has never done LSD). Rubber Soul is home to my two favorite Beatles songs in their entire collection (Norwegian Wood and In My Life). It’s a nearly perfect album cover to cover from one of the best bands ever. It would also inspire Brian Wilson to release Pet Sounds. The easy #1 choice.

#2: Rumors- Fleetwood Mac (1977)

The perfect post-break up album. Which makes sense, given the behind the scenes stuff happening during the recording of this album. A highly personal reason I love this album- Stevie Nicks’ contralto vocal range is perfect for me to sing along to. I have no soprano range in my voice and my mom used to make fun of how badly I sung along to poppy hits of the 1990’s. Stevie’s rough lower range matches my vocals in a way I feel completely comfortable singing along, which is rare for female artists. Also Fleetwood Mac’s most critically acclaimed album, so I’m not in solo company here.

#3: American Idiot- Green Day (2004)

Now for something more modern, Green Day’s rock opera/concept album about the coming of age during the early 2000’s of the album’s “main character”, the Jesus of Suburbia. First, I love concept albums (see lower down the list) and second, it resonates with me as it came out when I was 17. Listening to it takes me back to the summer of 2005, one of the best times of my life. I could really relate to the Jesus of Suburbia character at that age and as I got older, the album’s ending, (lines like, “the rage and love, the story of my life. The Jesus of Suburbia, is a lie”) were an accurate reflection of how I see my younger self. Also a well received, critically acclaimed album with 5 singles released (as much as I love this album, I do not miss working at the grocery store and hearing Boulevard of Broken Dreams every hour).

#4: Marshall Mathers LP- Eminem (2000)

This is probably the biggest deviation from my usual “taste” (no other rap albums make this list). I got this album as a gift for my 13th birthday from my best friend and despite not relating to Slim Shady as I did with the Jesus of Suburbia from the previous entry, it didn’t matter. Eminem is too good on this 10/10 album (bigger fans of his than myself tend to agree with me that this is his best album of his career). It’s harder for me to explain why I like this album so much than the others that mostly fit into the rock genre. Em’s lyrical abilities are on point, the beats are catchy. It’s just a great album even if you’re not into rap.

#5: Bridge Over Troubled Water- Simon & Garfunkel (1970)

Well, this is a far departure from the last entry, but this list wouldn’t be complete without an album from my all-time favorite artist, Paul Simon. The melodies, the calming vocals, it’s just a beautiful album, cover to cover. I saw Paul Simon in concert with Sting a few years ago and they did a wonderful rendition of the song Bridge Over Troubled Water. I’m in love with this album and it would probably be the closest rival to Rubber Soul on this list.

#6: Spiritual Machines- Our Lady Peace (2000)

This is a bit of an oddball in this group in terms of mass appeal and acclaim. OLP was hugely successful in Canada during the 1990’s, and while they are probably one of the more internationally successful Canadian rock bands, not being American/British probably hurts their overall recognition. This album is a concept album (of which I noted my love of earlier) based off of futurist writer Ray Kurzweil’s ‘The Age of Spiritual Machines’ which is an intreging read. This is also the last album of OLP’s “golden years” (listen to their follow up album, 2002’s Gravity, and the style departure is obvious). Most OLP fans would probably rank Clumsy over Spiritual Machines, but for me, this is their best.

#7: Beautiful Midnight- Matthew Good Band (1999)

Keeping in theme of “great Canadian rock albums”, MGB didn’t break through beyond Canada the same way OLP did and thus is probably this list’s most obscure album. A great deal of their lack of publicity comes from front artist Matt Good’s loathing of fame and recognition (still actively recording as a solo artist, he is very open about his struggles with mental health issues, namely bipolar disorder). A “soft” concept album, I still own the hard copy CD I bought almost 20 years ago. A great album to listen to while writing.

#8: Pet Sounds- The Beach Boys (1966)

As this isn’t a strict numerical listing, this album really should be higher (ranked #2 on Rolling Stones’ Greatest 500 Rock Albums, a list most of the albums I’ve listed are featured on). As I alluded to in the #1 post, this album was the result of lead singer Brian Wilson hearing Rubber Soul and creating a response. Its musical complexity makes it difficult to pinpoint exactly why it’s so good. It just is.

#9: Bob Dylan- Blood On the Tracks (1974)

This was a difficult selection, picking one Dylan album. The deciding factor for me is the inclusion of Tangled Up in Blue, my favorite of his songs. I’m not really sure how to analyze a Bob Dylan and, as I said, there’s strong arguments to have a different album in this spot (Blonde on Blonde, Highway 61 Revisited come to mind).

#10: Honorable Mentions

I gave this a lot of thought, and I’m not quite sure what album should be in the final spot. Some of my favorite artists like Neil Young and David Bowie aren’t here, nor groundbreaking albums from artists I don’t favor as much. So, honorable mentions include Who’s Next- The Who, Thriller- Michael Jackson, The Wall- Pink Floyd, Moondance- Van Morrison, The Stranger- Billy Joel…and I could continue on.

Thoughts? Disagreements? In any case, it was fun writing up my first top ten list. Next up- top 10 Simpsons episodes (spolier- they’re all from the Golden Era)

[ihopeyourewell-blog]

Dear 25,

Dear 25,

My first vivid birthday memory is my 7th birthday party. I didn’t really have “friends” when I was 7, but I did have the girls in Mrs. Hudak’s 1st grade class. Mrs. Hudak was the meanest person I have ever met in my life. She would walk around the classroom and check to see if the inside of our desks were messy, and if your desk wasn’t tidy enough, she would flip it over in front of the entire class, throwing your books and belongings all over the floor. One time a boy’s desk was so messy, she flipped it over on top of him. He was 6 years old. Holy shit that was so fucked up!!! Luckily, she got knocked up and had to leave halfway through the year and was replaced by a straight up angel named Mrs. Hamski.

Even though I wouldn’t have considered any of the girls in 1C my friends (No one under the age of 12 has actual "friends", there are just people you play with. Friendship, much like the Real World, starts when people stop being polite and start getting real.), the trauma of Mrs. Hudak bonded us enough for me to invite all of them to a slumber party celebrating my 7th birthday. I was the first person to host a big sleepover in our grade, which, looking back on it, is insane because I wasn’t really cool enough to make such a bold social decision. I made the invitations on my family’s Gateway computer in some program that had invitation and greeting card templates (it would be so cool if I could remember the name of the program, but I friggin DON’T!). I would run home from the bus stop every day (the bus stop was literally outside of my house, so it wasn’t a far run. I don’t want you to overestimate the work I was putting in. I did have to run up my hilly driveway so there was a bit of effort, but not like a TON of effort. Ya feel?) to check to see if there were any messages on our answering machine from the mothers of my “friends” RSVPing to my party. Ugh I miss the days of telephone RSVPs. An answering machine RSVP was fun, but when it was a live action, directly speaking to someone’s mom on the phone RSVP, I felt like I was goddamn Miles Davis. It was truly a thrilling experience to check “yes” or “no” on the chart my mom had made for the party. Most of the girls had responded yes and I was very excited to show them my basement. My siblings and our Au Pair, Julia from Germany, had been working for months on drawing flags from every country and hanging them on the wall above one of the couches. I can’t imagine anything more exciting to a group of 6 and 7 year old girls than a wall of poorly drawn international flags.

I carefully picked out my outfit. I wanted to be cool and casual because I was in my own home, but I also wanted to look like the lost Olsen triplet. I think that's what every girl in the 90s was striving for. I decided on a long sleeve white shirt and velvet maroon overalls with a matching bucket hat. No shoes, just socks. I was ready to party!! Guests started arriving and it was the first time in my life I ever really felt cool. I am somewhat obsessed with being cool now, or just being perceived as cool, and I guess I can pinpoint it to that moment, that first taste of my own coolness. People thought my house was nice, and that my mom had ordered the right pizza and bought the right juices, and don’t forget I was wearing a velvet bucket hat INDOORS! I was a sleepover goddess giving these bitches the night of their freaking LIVES! We watched movies and played games that my mom and German Julia had organized. My brother and sister left us the FUCK ALONE and I wondered what shrine the girls in my class would make to honor the evening this sleepover made them all women.

On my perfectly designed invitation there were 2 options; you could come and be picked up at 9:30pm or you could spend the night (I guess there were 3 options, the 3rd being sucking ass and not coming at all). My mom figured that giving the option of leaving early would boost attendance for my party for the girls who weren’t comfortable sleeping over. I feel like I should mention that my mom got an almost perfect score on the SATs and is straight up brilliant, so of course she figured out how to maximize attendance at a 7 year old’s birthday party. Viva la my mom. At 9:30 half of the party left and the remaining warriors changed into our PJs. I wore a worn-in, white night gown covered in teddy bears, that I am pretty sure you could see my nipples through. I thought it made me look skinny (KNOCK, KNOCK! SOCIETY? You home? That is fucked up that a freshly 7 year old girl thought about how her body looked in pajamas in front of a group of girls. And this was BEFORE social media! Fix yourself please). A lot of girls asked my mom to use our house phone to call their parents to say goodnight. I remember the first time I slept at someone else’s house, I called my mom to do the same and she flat out said “why are you calling?” Damn. We watched a movie and then an episode of the Disney Channel Original Series So Weird. So Weird was kind of a spooky show and a lot of girls got freaked out, and 2 of them ended up calling their moms and going home. Up until this point, I had been so confident about how the party was going, but I began to worry everyone was going to go home. Luckily after the episode of So Weird finished, Christina Aguliera’s music video for “Reflection” from Mulan played on the Disney Channel, and everyone sang along, and I knew the party was still a hit.

The following Monday I went back to school and a few girls mentioned how much fun they had, but I kinda just went back to being the not so cool me. There was no first sleepover shrine built in my honor. Boys didn’t immediately start having crushes on me. No one asked if they could turn any of my replica flags into t-shirts. But it was an awesome birthday.

I’ve had a lot of incredible birthdays. My parents were amazing and threw me parties throughout my entire childhood. For my 9th birthday I had a party at an ice skating rink, and I made everyone watch me skate alone for an entire song. In 2005 my mom threw me a surprise 13th birthday at a kid’s dance club called Beat Street, and she threw the EXACT same surprise 13th birthday for my brother in 2003 and my sister in 2006. For my 14th birthday my mom took me to New York City to see Rent. For my 15th birthday my mom, once again, took me to New York City to see Rent. I had a massive country club Sweet 16 filled with mozzarella sticks and grinding. My 18th birthday was celebrated with a Jersey Shore themed keger in my basement (the wall of flags had sadly been removed by that point). I celebrated my 19th-23rd birthdays with some of my best friends in Chicago at the same restaurant year after year. For my 24th birthday I invited some of my closest gal pals to my apartment for a breakfast for dinner party and made everyone come dressed as me. I have been so lucky to have such incredible celebrations of my life, and even luckier for the people I’ve celebrated with.

I was so excited to turn 24. My birthday is January 24th, so turning 24 on the 24th meant it was to be my Golden Year. I had always thought "everything would happen” for me when I turned 24. I don’t know what I meant by everything, and I don’t know exactly what I thought would happen but looking back on my year everything and nothing simultaneously happened. It was a great year. Even my bad years have been great years.

25, I realize I have never thought about turning you. I’ve never really thought past turning 24. Like I said, I looked forward to turning 24 for my entire life because it was my Golden Year, but I’m realizing now that I never looked past that. I’ve thought about my life after the age of 24, but I didn’t think about turning another age. 25 sounds so much older than 24 to me. I know that sounds so silly, because 25 is still so young, but it’s a bit monumental, don’t you think? A quarter century! It feels steep and kind of weird. I am one of those people who gets a bit weird around their birthday. It’s funny, I love New Year’s Eve because I think the passing of time is so beautiful, but birthdays, specifically my birthday, scare me a bit. I guess I am okay with the world getting older, but not myself. For the week or so around my birthday, I almost mourn the loss of me at that current age. I will never be 24 again. 24 year old me is done. I had 366 days (hey, leap year!) to be 24, a full year to say “Oh, I’m 24”, and now I’m just not anymore. I don’t know why that makes me sad. I have a hard time saying goodbye to things. I have a harder time saying goodbye to people. I have to say goodbye to me at 24 and I’ll miss 24 year old me. And I know I’ll still be the same me at 25, but i just won’t be 24 anymore. This all makes so much sense to me and you’re probably just like “bitch, shut up and blow out your candles”.

This year I will turn 25 just four days after Satan officially becomes president. This year I will turn 25 on a cruise ship, the floating buffet I currently live on. This year I will turn 25 without any of my best friends to hug me or parents to throw me a party. This year I will turn 25 and have, quite possibly, my last year of good healthcare, because at 26 that shit is going bye-bye and who knows what the hell is going to happen. This year I will turn 25 and in 365 days I will mourn the loss of 25 year old me.

I never thought about turning you, 25, but it’s happening, just like every other age I have turned (and also all other humans and animals and trees and every fucking living thing has a birthday every year, even though I sound like an unreal narcissistic, whiney bitch making it seem like I am the only person  who has ever gotten older). It’s a little hard to be excited when our world is in such turmoil. So much is up in the air, and I’m kind of surprised that Mrs. Hudak wasn’t appointed to Trump’s cabinet to go around flipping desks on children throughout America. But even with all of the crap that is currently happening in the world, I am constantly in awe of the goodness within the people I love and admire, and I enter you (that sounds freaky and naughty) with confidence that 25 will be as good as every other year has been.

I hope you’re well.

Xoxo,

Jacqueline Felker