#but it's also tiresome how much the men cheat on their wives

[salt-blog]

Substance abuse was definitely normalized in the past and still is in many contexts. It's only because of fairly recent social changes like anti-smoking campaigns and indoor smoking bans that "a smoker" is considered a type of person that can't blend in now (in some places!). People just got used to the smell of cigarettes—ask anyone that grew up in the 70s.

This post just makes me think of Mad Men. Like yeah It's a TV show I know, but the characters really are just smoking and drinking all day, sometimes simultaneously. To be fair it's set in a time and context where functional alcoholism is normalized, but you can see that the characters are absolutely hollowed out—physically and mentally—by their substance abuse. Invisibly to them, and it's only when someone dies or displays a "problematic" behaviour that they face consequences—like in the episode when Freddy Rumsen gets fired for pissing himself and fainting in the office.

It's really just like now. The people who can work in and around hostile environments get rewarded, and the people who burn out are discarded. I don't think that this is a fundamentally new problem, but developing and implementing the approaches to curb widespread heavy smoking and drinking (which are still very prevalent worldwide, btw!) took a very, very long time.

figuring out how to get rid of screen addiction is like trying to figure out how to stop a nicotine addiction while also having a job centered around smoking cigarettes and having half your social life be in smoke breaks

[its-negans-lucille]

The Silent One - Part Twenty-Nine

THIS IS A REUPLOAD

You can find the other parts of this story and my Masterlist HERE!

Synopsis: Negan attempts to comprehend what you had told him and tries to get you to talk to him. Ships: Negan x Reader Words: 1,012 Warnings: Curses, lots of personal headcannons Category: Revelation, Angst

*** Negan’s POV ***

Negan was pacing the dining / living room, repeatedly running a leather clad hand through his hair as he went. He was trying to think of a way he could fix this, how he could rectify this situation that he had gotten himself into. He kept on getting side tracked by the thought that you were going to choose him, were being the key word.

All thoughts of him being pathetic for wanting one woman had been forgotten in that instant when you had told him that you had chosen him. It kept blindsiding him each time he would remember, his heart would jump each time he would remember and he would be overrun with joy.

Negan would constantly pace and occasionally stand outside of the door, his hand hovering just above the wooden surface before he would think better of it and continue his pacing. He dammed himself for not possessing a fraction of patience, of not having faith in you.

Negan finally stopped, once again, just before your door. He bounced, idly on the balls of his feet at an internal battled waged inside his head. He was trying to justify his need to make sure that you were okay and to try and regain your trust and affection that he had so very nearly been rewarded after these months of tiresome waiting.

Negan rapped on the door twice and waited. He knew full well that if you didn’t want to talk with him that you wouldn’t. He knew that if you wanted to stay in your room and make him think about what he’d done, you would, for you were quite as stubborn as he was; that was a reason that he enjoyed you and your company.

It was silence for a few moments, the only noises were the moans and groans from the dead that were chained up outside, their constant presence now seemed reassuring. Negan waited with baited breath and was about to walk away when he heard a shuffling from inside your room, then he heard the pad of soft footsteps.

The door opened with a small click. You had opened the door only but a fraction so that Negan could see half of your face as you studied him questioningly. Negan could still see the underlining betrayal in your gaze.

“What do you want?” You asked him in a short voice, one hand was braced against the threshold.

“I’ve come to apologize.” Negan said swiftly. Though Negan towered over you it was him, that in the moment, felt small.

“That’d be a first.” You replied in an exasperated tone, though you opened the door a little more. “Go on. I expect grovelling and a good explanation.” You continued, an eyebrow cocked in his anticipation.

Negan ran a hand through his hair, wondering whether he should finally, after all this time, disclose some information about himself that he hadn’t disclosed to anyone but his late wife Lucille. Negan studied your face, questioning whether you were worth it. Negan had always wanted to be perceived as the alpha male, remember that.

“I don’t have all day.” You continued as you tapped an imaginary watch on your wrist. “Tick tock.”

Negan made his decision. “Can you come and sit down, please?” Negan asked in a quiet, almost tentative voice.

You cocked your head, much like a dog when confronted with something new, but continued and followed him into the sitting area. The chair screeched against the tiled floor when you moved it. Negan took a seat and for once did not look although he was completely and utterly at ease.

Negan waited until you were comfortable before he began his story. “Me and my late wife, Lucille, we got together young. We were young and fucking stupid and desperate for affection. I think that’s why we got together in the end. We had been friends for a few years, well, to be precise we were fuck buddies. But we were happy. It was another year before we decided to make the final leap and get into a relationship. It was rocky, but we didn’t have any experience in these things so we just assumed it was always rocky. We got married a few months after that.” Negan started in a solemn voice and Negan had the impression that you were surprised at his lack of curse words. “I knew that I definitely felt something for her, it was purely raw and physical. Our personalities didn’t mix as well. We would fight a lot. It wasn’t the most functional of marriages but at least we were happy? I was, at least.” Negan continued, not meeting your gaze. “I found out about a year in that she had been cheating on me with our neighbour, our damn neighbour,” Negan chuckled in a harsh tone. “I didn’t take it well.” Negan continued, all laugher gone. “Seemed to take it as a hit on my pride.” “Ah, I see.” You answered, thoroughly interested in the story though you couldn’t find the excuse about why he had gone and seen one of his wives. “I went off and slept with as many women as I could, as a way to try and get back at my wife who made one mistake. It became a habit – a habit that I found it hard to break.” Negan continued, running a hand through his limp hair, a few stray hairs framed his face. “I still haven’t fuckin’ broken it.” Negan said in a weak voice, placing his head in his hands.

“I could hardly break it when Lucille… when Lucille…” His voice trailed off.

“Don’t worry.” You said after a minute of silence. “It’s going to be a habit that we have to take a break.” You continued, taking one of Negan’s hands and placing a small kiss to his hand. “And that is to last you for at least another few days because I’m still mad at you.” You said in an accusing tone, looking at him pointedly.

“Yeah. I know.” Negan whispered. “But I hope that this,” He gestured between you both. “Will last also.”

You smiled and nodded. A silent affirmation in his words.

*** Negan POV ***

It’ll last. Negan's brain whispered. It has too. His heart pleaded.

***

Thank you all so much for reading and have a great day! Also no proof reading because and exhausted and when we post we post like real men. (or women, or nonbinary pals)

Have a great day!

@negans-network

[soyraktajino]

Something is going on with Tom Paris. And it isn’t solely due to the fact that an alien is currently inhabiting his body. Chakotay, B’Elanna, and even Captain Janeway are all referencing his behavior over a far greater period of time. 

On the surface of this episode it would appear as though he actually isn’t -- he’s just really invested in rebuilding this 1969 Chevy Camaro. But by the end of the episode he does at least admit that it’s been a way to avoid letting people in.  

Tom has made a lot of progress over the years and to see him slide backwards is concerning for a lot of people. It’s really important that Chakotay was the one to say that he’d grown a lot and that he’d hate to see Tom revert to old habits, because Chakotay and Tom hated each other at the start of the series. 

As mentioned I think this episode tells a lot about Tom’s character, and specifically I think there’s a lot of evidence to support a personal headcanon that Tom Paris is a trans man. All of this evidence separately can be interpreted otherwise, but I think together it adds to the theory. 

For one thing, Tom is avoiding the Doctor. 

Now, this isn’t out of character. And there’s even a joke made about that -- 

Tom: Since when is not wanting to spend time with the Doctor a capital offence? You’d have to throw the whole crew in the brig for that one. 

but Chakotay sees through it. 

Chakotay: Maybe. I was just wondering if there’s something on your mind. You’re showing up for your duty shifts, you do what’s required, but your heart doesn’t seem to be in it. You seem preoccupied. 

When the Doctor himself goes over it with Tom (who isn’t Tom at this point, he’s Steth wearing Tom’s body) his reasoning for why Tom is avoiding him is also made to be a joke, in that the Doctor is a little full of himself. (The Doctor is the butt of like, half the jokes in the series. It gets tiresome). 

But these are things Tom has been doing, these are rational conclusions to a series of behaviors he has been exhibiting. Chakotay said it as well, in the passage I put above -- he’s going through the motions. 

There’s something emotional there that’s affecting his work and his relationships.

But something I think is really interesting is that when confronted, Chakotay and B’Elanna both don’t try and make a guess at what’s happening. They’re both concerned, but they expect him to tell them what it is that’s bothering him. 

The two who make guesses are the Doctor, and Captain Janeway. 

It isn’t out of the ordinary in Star Trek for captains to assume that crewmen who are experiencing problems in their daily performance are ill in some way. It’s probably a good habit to keep -- something routine like a bout of insomnia would show up on scans, and more often than not it seems to be some kind of plot-important alien virus anyway, so I can’t blame Captain Janeway for wanting Paris to get checked out. 

But it isn’t a logical leap for her to have connected his behavior to his transition, nor is it a leap for her to suggest seeing the doctor if she suspects something about his transition is bothering him. Fluctuations in hormones are well known to alter behavior. I think that Captain Janeway thinks this is about his testosterone. 

And the way to check that would be through the blood. 

The first tests the doctor conducted were neurological scans and blood analysis. Neurological makes sense, because it’s regarding his behavior -- blood does too, as sort of a wider-ranged diagnostic tool. But the Doctor says that he’s still working on the results for the rest of the tests, so these are what he (or the Captain) decided to place the most importance on. 

Now, Tom’s stealth. That means he’s living as a man full time, doesn’t tell people he’s trans, doesn’t talk about it unless absolutely necessary, keeps it under wraps. It makes sense for someone who’s been living as male full-time for 5+ years, and it makes sense regarding his reluctance to let B’Elanna ‘in’ to all aspects of his life. (For the record, I do think that she knows by this point). The only people that would absolutely have to know that Tom is transgender would be the Doctor, and maybe the Captain. 

I don’t think Doc and Captain Janeway jumped to the conclusion, but since they know and since they care about him, it’s something they have to take into consideration. Of course, they found out that there’s something more important at play. (IE the evidence of another fragment of DNA in his blood stream, which turns out to be the alien that’s inhabiting his body). 

Speaking of! Steth is the most important character in this episode -- besides Tom himself, of course -- because he’s a representation of who Tom Paris used to be.

I think it’s also important to address, at this point, that this character is incredibly queer-coded. The fact alone that a major episode about Tom Paris and his character development centers around a queer-coded alien, whose shtick is that their original gender is unknown but their previous body is that of a woman who is hiding in a man’s body, who eventually hides in Tom Paris’ body is like. Wow. Surface-level stuff and vaguely problematic, but it’s the 90s, what do you expect.

Steth’s mannerisms are flirtatious in much of his interactions with the crew, and even his acts of violence are sexualized - he backs Tom against a wall as if they were in a tango and gets incredibly close to him before choking him, and in the transporter room he grabs B’Elanna’s arms as though he was going to pull her toward him and kiss her and then cups her face before pushing her away. There’s also the two images above -- the second goes without explanation as to queer coding but the first requires some backstory if you aren’t familiar with queer cinematography or how gay men have been presented in media... but it boils down to the idea that closeted gay men are compelled to cheat on their wives (”escap[ing] the shackles for a while” -- the phrase is almost identical to one used in Brokeback Mountain wherein another married-but-closeted gay man suggests he and Jack “escape for a little while” to his cabin in the mountains).

Beyond the obvious queercoding (which I have more screenshots of, seriously, it’s everywhere, but I felt that was evidence enough) of the character and the continual insistence that he is the mirror image of a former Tom Paris -- 

Steth delivers the most compelling dialogue of the entire episode at the very end, when the doctor is able to return them all to their bodies. 

Steth: Doctor, I can’t thank you enough. You’ve given me my life back. There were times when I thought I would be stuck in that body forever. 

... and Tom Paris enters into the shot at the end of the delivery of that line. Just as Steth says that he thought he “would be stuck in that body forever”. A woman’s body, mind you. The real Steth was stuck in the body of the thief's last identify victim. A woman. Steth, who through the whole episode was made to be a representation of Tom Paris, and his growth. 

Interpret all this as you will. 

Personally? I believed Tom Paris was a trans man from small segments of other episodes through the seasons, and I’ll continue to catalog them in my “#trans tom paris” tag. I’ve never had any doubt. 

But this episode confirms it beyond my wildest dreams. 

[its-negans-lucille]

The Silent One - Part Twenty-Nine

You can find the other parts of this story and my Masterlist HERE!

Synopsis: Negan attempts to comprehend what you had told him and tries to get you to talk to him.

Ships: Negan x Reader Words: 1,012 Warnings: Curses, lots of personal headcannons Category: Revelation, Angst

***

Negan’s POV

***

Negan was pacing the dining / living room, repeatedly running a leather clad hand through his hair as he went. He was trying to think of a way he could fix this, how he could rectify this situation that he had gotten himself into. He kept on getting side tracked by the thought that you were going to choose him, were being the key word.

All thoughts of him being pathetic for wanting one woman had been forgotten in that instant when you had told him that you had chosen him. It kept blindsiding him each time he would remember, his heart would jump each time he would remember and he would be overrun with joy.

Negan would constantly pace and occasionally stand outside of the door, his hand hovering just above the wooden surface before he would think better of it and continue his pacing. He dammed himself for not possessing a fraction of patience, of not having faith in you.

Negan finally stopped, once again, just before your door. He bounced, idly on the balls of his feet at an internal battled waged inside his head. He was trying to justify his need to make sure that you were okay and to try and regain your trust and affection that he had so very nearly been rewarded after these months of tiresome waiting.

Negan rapped on the door twice and waited. He knew full well that if you didn’t want to talk with him that you wouldn’t. He knew that if you wanted to stay in your room and make him think about what he’d done, you would, for you were quite as stubborn as he was; that was a reason that he enjoyed you and your company.

It was silence for a few moments, the only noises were the moans and groans from the dead that were chained up outside, their constant presence now seemed reassuring. Negan waited with baited breath and was about to walk away when he heard a shuffling from inside your room, then he heard the pad of soft footsteps.

The door opened with a small click. You had opened the door only but a fraction so that Negan could see half of your face as you studied him questioningly. Negan could still see the underlining betrayal in your gaze.

“What do you want?” You asked him in a short voice, one hand was braced against the threshold.

“I’ve come to apologize.” Negan said swiftly. Though Negan towered over you it was him, that in the moment, felt small.

“That’d be a first.” You replied in an exasperated tone, though you opened the door a little more. “Go on. I expect grovelling and a good explanation.” You continued, an eyebrow cocked in his anticipation.

Negan ran a hand through his hair, wondering whether he should finally, after all this time, disclose some information about himself that he hadn’t disclosed to anyone but his late wife Lucille. Negan studied your face, questioning whether you were worth it. Negan had always wanted to be perceived as the alpha male, remember that.

“I don’t have all day.” You continued as you tapped an imaginary watch on your wrist. “Tick tock.”

Negan made his decision. “Can you come and sit down, please?” Negan asked in a quiet, almost tentative voice.

You cocked your head, much like a dog when confronted with something new, but continued and followed him into the sitting area. The chair screeched against the tiled floor when you moved it. Negan took a seat and for once did not look although he was completely and utterly at ease.

Negan waited until you were comfortable before he began his story. “Me and my late wife, Lucille, we got together young. We were young and fucking stupid and desperate for affection. I think that’s why we got together in the end. We had been friends for a few years, well, to be precise we were fuck buddies. But we were happy. It was another year before we decided to make the final leap and get into a relationship. It was rocky, but we didn’t have any experience in these things so we just assumed it was always rocky. We got married a few months after that.” Negan started in a solemn voice and Negan had the impression that you were surprised at his lack of curse words.

“I knew that I definitely felt something for her, it was purely raw and physical. Our personalities didn’t mix as well. We would fight a lot. It wasn’t the most functional of marriages but at least we were happy? I was, at least.” Negan continued, not meeting your gaze.

“I found out about a year in that she had been cheating on me with our neighbour, our damn neighbour,” Negan chuckled in a harsh tone. “I didn’t take it well.” Negan continued, all laugher gone. “Seemed to take it as a hit on my pride.”

“Ah, I see.” You answered, thoroughly interested in the story though you couldn’t find the excuse about why he had gone and seen one of his wives.

“I went off and slept with as many women as I could, as a way to try and get back at my wife who made one mistake. It became a habit – a habit that I found it hard to break.” Negan continued, running a hand through his limp hair, a few stray hairs framed his face. “I still haven’t fuckin’ broken it.” Negan said in a weak voice, placing his head in his hands.

“I could hardly break it when Lucille. . . when Lucille. . .” His voice trailed off.

“Don’t worry.” You said after a minute of silence. “It’s going to be a habit that we have to break.” You continued, taking one of Negan’s hands and placing a small kiss to his hand. “And that is to last you for at least another few days because I’m still mad at you.” You said in an accusing tone, looking at him pointedly.

“It’ll last.” It has too.

***

Thank you all so much for reading and have a great day! Also no proof reading because and exhausted and when we post we post like real men. (or women, or nonbinary pals)

Have a great day!

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