#but it's also generally um. white as hell. and has a tendency to include a plantation house or smth

[rotisseries]

Like tbh as a black fan I have been mildly uncomfortable w some of ethel cains imagery and I know some Jewish people had issues with her forehead tattoo but her posts on women have never been a problem 😭 She's just speaking the truth, terfs just jump on whatever they can

anon asks that make you go look at a picture of ethel's forehead tats

[sugar-petals]

can you give us more thoughts about domestic yoongles? the taemin's one (wich I love) just made me miss the cat boy so much ;o;

i have a phd in househusband yoongi so let me fire out some ideas for ya.

myg at home headcanon

🐱 word count. 1.9k | fluff, slice of life, slight nsfw mentions, x reader, bullet points

The doorbell sound is a recording of Yoongi imitating a doorbell. He’s such a meme. Ceci n'est pas une pipe.

Seemingly, he teaches himself a new recipe every week. To perfection. Yoongi is very particular about sticking to the recipe and wielding his kitchen tools in the right way. He collects knives, olive oil, and still hates cutting onions.

He separates sleep time, work time, and couple time as the holy trinity. For each, he switches his mood.

Blushes easily no matter for how long you’ve been together.

Establishes his own radio show where he DJs at one point.

Yoongi keeps an extreme track on the garbage schedule. He knows exactly what is due when. Separating the trash is a must. That includes sorting out fake friends trying to get between your relationship. Your social circle as a couple is extremely deliberate.

Yoongi deems himself a terrible host for guests. Unless Hoseok is there to drag him out, it's true he rather stays in the kitchen or at the barbecue preparing the menu courses rather than making small talk. He leaves the hospitality bits to you, however you want to go about it.

What he lacks in conversing with guests, he makes up in bed, God is absolutely fair.

He sings and hums pretty often and has his own vernacular of extraterrestrial uwu noises. It's an alphabet that you have to yet decipher but it's incredibly cute.

Self-made paintings everywhere around his house. 

Yoongi hasn't gone clubbing since grammar school. The most he does is going to a restaurant at lunch with very close friends. And always in a work context. His private life is so secluded from everything else and paparazzi just don't spot him anywhere, Dispatch thinks he must live abroad.

Very well, he does consider his big ole house a separate country. It's a living organism with a studio, gym, trophy room, small-size basketball court, and vastly equipped kitchen. A home theater as well, he likes American movies (like Inception) and Korean action genres, and you can stream whatever you fancy in there whenever you like. 

Yes, he has underwear with cute little bears on.

There's even a little pond in the backyard. Yoongi, Pisces he is, likes fishes after all. Sometimes he sits at the edge of the 'Little Ole Min Lake (LOML)' and stares into the water for literal hours with his chin parked on his palm.

His fridge is so high-tech and futuristic, even Yoongi is rendered clueless by its AI sometimes. The washing machine, too.

Yoongi watches RuPaul’s drag race. What did you expect? He finds it so humorous.

Owns lord knows how many comic collections.

Favorite holiday destination: New York.

Christmas is basically 50% you unveiling new music equipment to him in the garage and Yoongi almost fainting at the sexiness of it. The other 50% is spent holding hands and orgasm after orgasm until the new year since you loose track of time.

Goes on long rants why he’d marry you again every weekend.

Making you presents is his specialty. Always accompanied with a hand-written note. He writes a lot of things by hand for you in general. Texting, basically never. Always on paper.

No sex without a blanket and socks on. Yoongi gets cold very very easily and just doesn’t like showing skin. You buy him a heated blanket for his birthday, he even uses it in his studio chair.

Chronically addicted to making out.

Matching black outfits and glasses.

Laughs at even your worst jokes or phrases you didn’t expect you even uttered.

Yoongi owns the phoniest, most secretive-looking black car ever and nobody knows about it. Even he forgets he owns it, in fact he genuinely acts like it just doesn’t exist. Hilarious. And that guy has a level 1 Korean driver's license. Which allows him to drive trailers and busses and fucking trucks, and construction machines, let that sink in.

It's really a genius curse. Yoongi being put to the test will always deliver but he won't choose to execute his full skillset if he doesn't have to. Well, pragmatic. He's not as phony as he thinks he is, which is even more hilarious.

He uses that behemoth of a car so scarcely because he'd rather have things delivered to his doorstep and he's stingy with gas. Also, he doesn't like traffic and driving because of the traumatic shoulder accident and his tendency to space out. Translation: You drive that thing... that monster... it really is an impressive, fast, and scary machine. 

If someone devious ever even remotely manages to invade his privacy and get past the doubly-installed security system, he has enough money to deal with it no matter what.

If it concerns your privacy, he's a red belt. And owns Jin's number if a taekwondo master is required. Jimin's if it needs someone with kendo skills.

If Yoongi needs someone to go on a complete rampage, Jungkook lives just down the block. He can sprint to Yoongi's bunker I mean mansion within 45 seconds. 30 if it's very urgent. 20 if the reward is an instant ramen splurge with Yoongi's black card.

He has a sexy, glamorous sword collection hanging on the living room wall anyways, so. Who the hell is dumb enough to mess with him and his expensive lawyer in the first place.

But just in case, who knows... Yoongi settles matters shruggingly, anonymously, and with cash and he's too exhausted for violence, but don't underestimate his deter-min-ation and network for emergencies. Also, he is Agust D after all.

He will bonk a naughty burglar or kidnapper across the head with a wooden cooking spoon or take him down by throwing a basketball if the situation requires it. Damn, his reflexes are so fast, a feral cat in motion. So, lean back and sip on your drink of choice. Things are cared for.

If Yoongi is the one being kidnapped or a highly skilled stalker invades the property at night when he's fast asleep (nothing can wake this man during certain hours, strong REM right here): Don't forget that honeyboy is a Dodgers fan. There are signed baseball bats everywhere in this damn house.

In that sense, your parents visiting you here for the first time thought you were an undercover thug couple. Not to worry mom and dad, you both just like sports very much okay.

Yoongi walks around in all black clothes and the rooms are all seemingly dark. Even if you live together, you don't know his skin care routine. It's clear to you he's some sort of vampire.

Since Yoongi always forgets to remove his makeup, you made it a habit to wipe it down when he's about to pass out. He won't lie, he enjoys that kind of affection.

Holly is your resident child. You're essentially a family.

He insists to tackle this by himself, Yoongi sees his therapist monthly. Not shifting responsibility is something he's stubborn about and he pours his emotions into writing. You will do conversation about deeper stuff, but he says it's mostly up to him and his own mind. He dislikes burdening you or opening up too much and it's something to respect rather than force him about. If he wants to share a thought, he will. It doesn’t mean he can’t trust you or sucks at communicating (we know that he’s direct). Yoongi simply can’t put that much pain in such few words nor should you alleviate it for him.

Calls from the manager faze Yoongi as much as Jimin is bothered by gravity. If he’s busy kissing your body slow mo, who the hell dares to disturb his worship. 

This man had so many let-downs and interpersonal catastrophes in his life, he's super discerning with people. Because he rolls that way, during their first meeting Yoongi uses his psychology certificate on your friends. You see him squint at them, he listens very closely. After they pass the vibe check aka meow radar, he befriends them, too.

Yoongi doodles Grammy trophies everywhere to manifest them.

Yoongi shaves his legs.

All the sex toys he’s ever bought are black. Gotta vibe in style.

He spends ridiculous amounts of time in the studio but he's yours for the remainder of the night, breakfast, and he makes a lavish lunch and dinner.

Um, consider his head parked between your legs. The Hongkong line was not a joke.

Doesn’t mind you squishing his cheeks whenever and for how long you like. 

Every other weekend he gets flowers, vouchers, and gifts — not because of fans, they don’t know where his house is, but because he donates so much.

Namjoon often drops by and cleanses the area with his crystals.

Yoongi is a photography major so you can ask him to take professional, ceiling-high black and white shots of you.

Feeding each other food lovingly. Man, this guy got lips.

He set up a library just for you, in the exact historical aesthetic you like the most. Send him the link to any book you want, it's basically in the online shopping cart already. As I said, he wants to make you presents like every week.

Sometimes he sits on the other end studying English videos and vocab while you read. And yes, he's already 95% fluent but pretends being merely intermediate. He knows technical terms even native speakers have never heard of.

He collects pajamas and earrings.

Swears on the phone.

Namjoon being the horniest member is a cover-up story. Yoongi masturbates almost unreasonable amounts of times, by himself and in your arms when going to bed. Not gonna lie, it’s a sight to see his hands at work. He’s almost equally obsessed with fingering you once you ask him.

Yoongi was the one asking you to move in and almost had a nervous meltdown before meeting up with you to tell you just that. 

He’s the little spoon and of course a sleeping burrito to hold tight.

Finds you equally attractive in any state or styling. Yoongi practices what he preaches, he always reacts the same and says the same. 

Jams out to outrageous beats Namjoon sends him by dancing in the studio. You walk in on him every time. Was embarrassed at first, now you dance along.

Has bought you a life-sized Yoongi pillow and customized you a giant Shooky to hug when he’s not at home over night.

Owned a wine cellar until he quit drinking. Turned it into a piano room instead.

Only you know Yoongi has a serpent and dagger tattoo.

Scrubs the bathroom religiously.

The house smells like restaurant food and his extravagant perfumes half of the time.

Sometimes he has to remind himself he’s married to you and not his coffee machine. He shall be forgiven. You can’t complain that he doesn’t love you enough, nor is he ever not adorable when drinking his latte.

Never wears short sleeves. It can be scorching and he’ll wear a jacket. 

Tell him and the cap stays on during sex.

He grows his hair out and puts it in a low bun. The bangs remain.

Yoongi has installed the most fire-proof building in the entire city it seems. That he wanted to be a firefighter when he was young definitely shows. Figures the house has to be protected from heat: His blasting studio music and Yoongi himself are just way too sizzling.

Still melts into a puddle when you kiss his nose.

Couple sunrise watching. 

© submissive-bangtan 2017-2021. all rights reserved. do not repost or translate. all depictions fictional.

[idontgiveaflyinggrayson69]

Anatomy Class

Author: Nat / @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69

Requested: Yes – @real-sunshine  

Tagging: @phoenix-fire-fangirl @thisismysecrethappyplace

Fandom: Avengers

Relationship: Established; Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: Peter helps the Reader study for her biology exam by giving her an anatomy lesson.

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: References to sex.

Disclaimer: I do not study anatomy.

Peter was, without a doubt, the smartest person you knew. He was your best friend for most of high school; but, in your senior year he asked you to prom and the two of you had been together, as like dating, ever since.

You harbored a crush on Peter early on. He was smart and funny and caring and sweet, really he was the ideal guy and he was cute, which was a bonus. And you got to watch as your cute best friend got hot throughout tenth and eleventh grade, which escalated your feelings towards Peter.

Peter told you midway through eleventh grade that he was Spider-Man, or, more accurately, you found out midway through eleventh grade that Peter was Spider-Man. You went over to his house to study for a math test and he wasn’t home, so you were just lounging in his room waiting for him to come home when he came home through the window dressed as Spider-Man. Peter was kinda forced to confess at that point.

You were a little upset in the beginning that Peter, your best friend, hid such a big secret from you for so long, but you could never stay mad at Peter for long, so the two of you made up quite quickly. After that, you thought it was pretty cool that your best friend was a super hero, though it did increase your stress levels.

Your stress levels increased a lot more when you realized you loved him. And as Peter got older, the villains he faced got stronger, and the number of times Peter crawled through your window in the middle of the night injured increase too, which scared the living hell out of you.

Maybe it was all of those nights that Peter crawled through your window bleeding, in need of stitches, with broken bones and collapsed lungs, you name it, that pushed you into the medical field, who knows. But, nursing was what you ended up pursuing in College. And nursing meant biology.

You were near the top of your class in high school, but Peter wasthe top of your class. You did good in biology and math and English, but Peter did better. So when College exams rolled around, you looked to your brilliant minded boyfriend to help you study for your biology exam, and Peter was more than willing to help you.

“Okay, let’s start it off easy,” Peter said, leaning back on your bed holding a deck of flash cards. You were seated on your spinning office chair at your desk. “What is the circulatory system?”

“Easy,” you replied. “The circulatory system is also called the cardiovascular system or the vascular system, and it is an organ system that allows blood to circulate and transport nutrients such as amino acids and electrolytes, oxygen, carbon dioxide, hormones, and blood cells to and from the cells in the body to provide nourishment and help fight disease, stabilize temperature and pH, and maintain homeostasis. The circulatory system also includes the lymphatic system, which circulates lymph. The passage of lymph takes much longer than blood.”

“Very good.” Peter replied with a smile. “And what is homeostasis?”

“Um, homeostasis is an organism’s tendency toward a relatively stable equilibrium between interdependent elements?” You answered, but your answer sounded more like a question than a solid answer.

“Are you sure?” Peter asked you. You bit your lip and nodded.

Peter smiled and nodded. “You’re right. You need to have more confidence in yourself, babe.”

You laughed a bit at your boyfriend before gesturing for Peter to continue.

“What is blood exactly? And don’t tell me it’s ‘the red stuff in our bodies.’” Peter said with a laugh.

You joined Peter in laughing before answering. “Blood is a fluid consisting of plasma, red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets that is circulated by the heart through the vertebrate vascular system, carrying oxygen and nutrients to and waste materials away from all body tissues.”

Peter smiled and nodded. “Yes, you are correct. What is Lymph?”

“Lymph is essentially recycled excess blood plasma after it has been filtered from the interstitial fluid and returned to the lymphatic system.” You replied easily.

Peter nodded as you answered. “That’s right again.” Peter flipped through your flashcards before looking back up to you. “(Y/N/N), you know all of this stuff, I know you do, so what do you really need help studying. Is there anything that you find more challenging that you need to go over?”

You bit your lip as you thought. “I guess general anatomy I have more trouble with. Like, I know where the heart, lungs, liver and all the important stuff is, like your brain and spine, but I have more trouble with remembering the smaller bones and weirdly named muscles…”

Peter nodded and placed an elastic over the flashcards to keep them together. “Okay, then let’s go over anatomy.”

You nodded, “okay.” You turned around and fished through your desk for a minute before pulling out another stack of flashcards. “These are the anatomy ones, but they weren’t helping me. They tell me the muscle name on one side and its placement on the other, but ‘in the thigh’ or ‘it’s the hip bone’ don’t help me remember…” You trailed off before throwing the flashcards at Peter, which he effortlessly caught.

“Hey…” Peter said, placing the flashcards on the bed before standing up and walking over to you. “Don’t worry, I’ll help. We’ll get through this and you’re going to rock the exam, okay?”

You nodded and Peter gestured towards your bed. You stood up and followed Peter to your bed, sitting down at the foot of the bed. Peter took his place back at the head of the bed.

“Okay,” Peter said opening the flashcards. “What is the deltoid?”

You moved your hand to your shoulder. “That’s this one, right? The one just above your biceps and triceps?”

Peter nodded. “Yes it is. Which means your biceps and triceps are where?”

You moved your hand down a bit. “This is my bicep and this is my triceps.”

Peter nodded with a smile. “Yes it is, good job. Three out of three so far!”

You rolled your eyes at your boyfriend, but you couldn’t help but smile.

“Okay, what is the muscle in your chest,” Peter gestured to his chest, “called?”

“Those are your pecs.” You answered with a laugh.

Peter nodded his head. “And the real name is…?”

“Your pectoral muscles.” You answered.

“Pectoralis major.” Peter correct causing you to shake your head, muttering a ‘fuck’ under your breath.

“You were close. You’ll get there eventually.” Peter reassured. “Okay, where is the latissimus dorsi?”

You blinked back at Peter for a moment. “I have no idea.”

“None?” Peter asked.

“None.” You replied.

Peter nodded. “Okay, the latissimus dorsi is in your side, here.” Peter said, moving his hand to his side.

You squinted your eyes at him. “I don’t know where your gesturing to.”

Peter looked down at himself and laughed. He was wearing a big bagging t-shirt with a plaid shirt over top, there was no way you would know where he was pointing at.

“My bad…” Peter said with a small laugh and put the flash cards down before shrugging off his plaid shirt and taking his t-shirt off too.

“What are you…” You trailed off as Peter pointed to his side.

“This,” Peter said stepping off the bed to walk closer to you, standing just a few inches from you, “is my latissimus dorsi.”

You never got tired of seeing Peter without his clothes. He had amazing muscles and you loved to see and touch them. Peter took your hand and placed it on his muscle, “latissimus dorsi.”

“Latissimus dorsi.” You replied, feeling the muscle.

Peter smiled at you and nodded. “See, you’re getting it.”

“I’m getting something…” You muttered.

Peter nodded his head to the flashcards on the bed. “Can you pass them to me?”

You nodded and reached over to grab them, handing them to your shirtless boyfriend standing before you.

“Where are my serratus anteriors?” Peter asked you.

“Anterior means… Okay, they’re here?” You asked, pointing to the middle off Peter’s stomach.

Peter shook his head and moved your hand back towards his latissimus dorsi. “The serratus anterior is next to the latissimus dorsi.”

You nodded and stroked Peter’s muscle once more. “Serratus anterior.”

“What is this muscle called?” Peter asked, moving your hand to his abs.

You laughed and ran your hand down his hard, sculpted abs. “Those are your abs, Pete.”

Peter laughed and nodded. “They are, but what are they officially?”

“Abdominal muscles?” You tried and Peter gave you a pointed look. “No? Okay, are they abdominis intersections?”

Peter gave you a cringing smile. “You’re close.” Peter moved your hand back to where he first put it, his upper abs. “This is my tendinous intersections, and these,” Peter moved your hand down to his lower abs, “are my rectus abdominis. So, you were like half right.”

You laughed and Peter went to ask you the next question. “What is—“

But, Peter never got the opportunity to ask you the next question because you undid his jeans, pushing them down a bit.

“What are you doing?” Peter asked you softly.

“This,” you said, lightly running your finger over the top of his hip bone, “is your iliac, right?”

Peter swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, that’s the iliac. The back,” Peter said, moving your hand to the back of his hip, “is called the iliac crest.”

You nodded and moved your hand down to Peter’s ass. “And this one is the gluteus maximus?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, that would be my gluteus maximus…”

You smiled at Peter and moved your hand back to the front of his pants. “This is your penis. A penis is also called a cock and it can be used for reproduction.”

“I’m here to help you study…” Peter whispered, stepping back.

You smiled at him. “The reproductive organs are part of anatomy, Peter.”

Peter smiled at you before leaning down to press his lips to yours. His lips were warm and soft against yours and Peter leaned into you further, pressing you into the bed.

“I guess you do have a point.” Peter whispered against your lips.

[heatherly84]

Ben’s Ultimate Movie Playlist

When he gave this to Zane and Xur, I have no idea. Maybe after they watched Star Wars, I dunno. But watching Star Wars was why. For him, it was actually really fun and exciting to be part of shaping how aliens see his planet. And also he just loves sharing the movies he likes generally.

It was those two goals that drove what ended up in this collection and what didn’t.

So. The list. Alphabetically:

Aladdin (1992)

This is actually Ben’s favorite Disney movie. That started for a typical seven-year-old reason (it was one of the only feature length animated Disney films that wasn’t about a girl), but frequent rewatching and the passage of time has just turned it into pure, unadulterated nostalgia. 

And The Band Played On (1993)

(Author’s note: Did not realize that alphabetizing the list would put the biggest downer on it so close to the top. Whoops. /o\)

This movie made the list, even though Ben has almost no other serious ones on it, because trying to explain the whole gay thing to Ziz and Zia was a nightmare for them as a family (obviously more Nat and Zach, but- Ben cared) and he thought of this movie as the ultimate one that shows what human society has historically thought about it. And maybe that’s something Zane might want to talk to the kids about, with some context to put it in. Essentially: this is Ben trying to help Zane parent. ...that the movie he chose is so depressing says something about how Ben feels about the idea of parenting.

Clue (1985)

Ben doesn’t watch a whole lot of mysteries, but when he was told that Xur liked them, he really tried to squeeze one he really loved out of his memory. This was the first result he got. Sure, it’s not exactly a mystery in the classical sense, but it has one and it’s also really funny. He especially loves that it has three endings (his favorite is the one where Miss Scarlet did it).

Fiddler on the Roof (1971)

Secretly, Ben likes musicals. He blames Disney on general principle. This one is one of his favorites, even though it does edge too close to more serious than he’d like, because he kinda identifies with Tevye. He’s a dreamer and a joker who resolves an incredibly serious issue at one point by just making up bullshit. Yeah, Ben relates.

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

This one ended up on it because of the tendency people have to refer to Zane as Space Hitler. Yeah, Ben thought he’d give him a movie about plotting to kill Hitler when people call him Space Hitler and that seemed totally appropriate. Because Zane’s trying not to be Space Hitler anymore, and that goal is one Ben really wants him to succeed at. So he’s trying to show Zane the lens through which other people see him. He knows it’s something Zane already knows, but he wants it to be something Zane feels. Part of the magic of movies is that they can give people feelings in a way that history lessons and witness statements cannot. (Though he is genuinely anxious that when Zane watches the legendary scene of Hans Landa intimidating a dude into giving up the Jews he’s hiding in the floor, Zane’s going to relate more to Landa than to Shoshanna, the girl in the floor.)

Juno (2007)

The “find him a movie about it” school of teaching people things is an ideal that Ben comes by honestly because it’s how he was raised. If Squirrel didn’t know how to explain something to him, she’d find a movie, a TV show, or a book that did. This was part of a series on sexual responsibility that his mother put him through. She chose it because it got across very nicely “sometimes people get pregnant, and giving the baby up for adoption is a choice available to them- but that can be very hard, even if you’re very sure.” 

For Ben, this is a formative movie that he has a lot of feelings about because of that, but also? It’s funny. And sweet. And has a romance that gave him a lot of feelings as a kid who was bad at socializing, because Paulie Bleaker should not remotely have been able to get a girlfriend like Juno with how awkward he is, but that happens and in context, it even makes sense. Plus, the soundtrack is fucking rad.

Kill Bill - Vol. 1 (2003)

This is just straight-up a fun action movie, with awesome sword fights and insane karate. This edges out most other action movies for Ben because- well, he likes Quentin Tarantino. (He’s the only director represented on the list four times.) And on a somewhat tactless level, he hopes that Zane will identify with someone on a revenge quest for their child, and the twist that the child is actually alive, complete with happy ending. (I suspect that’s not going to be as cool for Zane as Ben is hoping.)

Kill Bill - Vol. 2 (2004)

Well, you can’t rec the first one without the second one! The second one is the one that has the happy ending!

Moana (2016)

The first movie to make it as part of Ben’s Intro To Human Religion series. Ben’s not a particularly religious person, but he recognizes how much of that informs human culture- and also that Zane’s kind of going through a crisis of faith right about now. So here’s a story about what humans think gods are like, what other gods are out there, and what kind of relationship some humans have with them. (Yeah, Moana and Maui have a relationship that’s between god and man. Weird to think of that way, huh? *g*)

Also, it’s just plain got a good story with cool characters and a good soundtrack. ...this is the second time that observation has been part of a movie’s selection for the list. It will not be the last.

Mulan (1998)

Ben’s second favorite Disney movie. (His feelings on Classic Disney, like Snow White and Sleeping Beauty is that yeah, they’re prettier, but he doesn’t like the stories or music as much.) This is very much his Weep A Lot Over My Daddy Issues movie, which is not really a secret. Mulan goes on the quest as part of her search for independent self-identity, sure (and he figures Zane can relate to that), but at the heart of it all, she did everything for her father. 

Ben doesn’t know what it’s like to have a father, but he likes to imagine it involves loving and being loved that much.

Plus: LET’S! GET DOWN! TO BUSINESS!

Newsies (1992)

Part of Ben’s secret love for musicals. This is a favorite- although he’s seen this five hundred times and actually still can’t describe the plot to anybody beyond, “Um. Strike, strike, strike, strike! ...?” But he remembers the songs and the dances. Holy fuck, does he remember the songs and the dances. If he wasn’t tall enough now to hit his head on the ceiling, he would probably still sometimes jump on his bed singing “King of New York.” 

Other than that, he’s also hoping to teach Zane to root for the underdog. Which is a pretty important component to human movies in general, actually.

Prince of Egypt (1998)

Another part of Intro to Human Religion. Ben finds the actual Bible very tedious, but discovered in films that a lot of the stories in it are fucking amazing. This is a good one for that because from the very beginning, the stakes feel tremendously high: it starts with Moses’ mother, a slave, trying to hide her baby from Pharaoh’s soldiers so that he isn’t killed. That is a strong as hell opening, and the movie is very good at keeping you on the edge and very invested in what’s going to happen.

As ways to introduce Zane to the most popular theology on Earth goes, he figures this movie is better than most.

Psycho (1960)

Another that made the list because Ben wanted to have more mysteries for Xur and this was the closest he could think of. This DVD case actually has the plot summary on the back removed with a note stuck in its place that says, “Report back. I wanna know when you cracked the twist.”

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Another Tarantino. This one was chosen because it has more pop culture jammed into its first fifteen minutes than most of the other movies on this list combined. If you wanted to condense everything you needed to know but were afraid to ask about late 20th/early 21st century humans into one movie, it would probably be this one. 

Plus, how fucking legendary is Samuel L. Jackson doing that fake Bible verse?

Plus plus, also a great soundtrack!

Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

Ben realized at some point he had got this far without having even a single horror movie on the list. He’s not a huge fan of horror, but at the same time, he felt like he should make an effort to include one. Just for the sake of exposing them to the idea. ...also, this one’s scary as hell, even though there’s almost no violence and only one special effect in the whole damn thing. That’s actually a majorly impressive achievement.

It cemented its place when he realized that its plot is kind of also a mystery. (The next time he sees Xur, he is going to apologize for how many of his choices are only “sort of” a mystery or “also has a mystery,” nothing is straight-up procedural. He just doesn’t really watch them.)

Saved! (2004)

Continuing Intro To Human Religion, but also borrowing again from his mom’s series on sexual responsibility. (”Keeping the baby is a choice you can make, too.”) This one’s a comedy that’s also a great look at Evangelical Christianity (...it’s very critical of it). He thought it was probably a more helpful choice than Prince of Egypt was, since that one’s about the mythology that inspires people to believe, but this one is about how people who believe actually live. 

He did tape a note to the cover to watch Prince of Egypt first, though. The scene where Mary tries to get G-d to smite her really only makes sense if you already have the context that G-d smites people occasionally.

Se7en (1995)

“Finally, a mystery that’s pretty unambiguously a mystery! Shows police work and research! Excitement! \o/

...okay, yeah, it’s also a gruesome horror movie with a horrifying twist ending, but I’m doing my best here, okay?”

Does not count as Intro to Human Religion, but Ben did consider that some of the movies that are will probably give helpful context to this one.

The Shining (1980)

Also part of his “crap, I should add some horror movies” selection, although like Rosemary’s Baby, it made the list because it’s good and it’s scary, even without a lot of violence or special effects, just something that builds tension and builds it and builds it and builds it until the protagonist snaps and it’s almost a relief that you’re not just waiting for when he’s finally gonna do that anymore.

As human movies go, it’s a fucking great one.

Sound of Music (1965)

This movie appeals to Ben on several levels. One, it’s a musical, and it’s probably one of the best ones, at that. Two, Ben had a desperate hunger as a child for brothers and sisters, and this movie is about seven of them. Just watching them all together was the kind of thing that could suck him into a movie for no other good reason as a kid. Three, they’re siblings in a band. Fuck. Yes.

Oh, and there’s some cool historical drama stuff unfolding.

But mostly that siblings in a band thing.

West Side Story (1961)

Just one more musical! Just one! This actually isn’t one of his favorites (did they not have Latinos in the sixties? Were we invented by a mad scientist in 1985?), but he recognizes that its influence on how musicals would be made afterwards is important and worth acknowledging. Also, they managed to make Romeo and Juliet without suicide, that’s pretty cool.

And who among us could ever resist singing “I Feel Pretty” in the shower after hearing it for the first time?

Yours, Mine, and Ours (1968)

This movie is basically sibling porn* for people who used to fervently wish they had siblings. Ben grew up enraptured by the relationship between Mike and Philip as they go from stepbrothers to brothers. He also still falls over laughing over the line, “My sister’s locked herself in the bathroom and she can’t get out and I can’t get in and it’s my turn!” “Which sister?” “I don’t know her name yet, but she’s stuck for sure!”

It’s also basically “being a military family” porn for people who might be into that. Like, for instance, Xur or Zane.