#but it’s not a decsivion I can make alone
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man. I already know how this is gonna end. Or at least I think so. I don’t wanna manifest it
#I gave up my mom for this already#I’m trying so hard to be okay with it but I’m not#I’m never gonna ask anyone else to give up on something because I know it hurts#but I don’t#I don’t know what lennie wants#I assume itbhurtsball the same#but they love their sister and they want them to be happy#letting everyone else sacrifice their relationships is the easy way out right#what I have to do is mud h harder#it’s about doing the right thing#but it’s not a decsivion I can make alone#I really don’t want to#last time#I let go of one of the things I wanted the most#one of the things I begged and pleaded for everyday since I was a child#and despite it hurting I never regretted my desicions#I still don’t#idk why it feels like my responsibility#but everybody knows the problem is me#I love her so much. i sometimes feel like my life actually started the moment I met her#but#that’s not unique to me#it’s not just my life. it’s not just my decision#it feels like I have to just. sacrifice but I don’t want to#I know if lennie did it and made up their mind without talkin to me it would hurt so much#but. I don’t want them to have to even think about making the desicion#or maybe I’m selfish and don’t want to see what happens if they have to choose#did it hurt when I didn’t choose him? does he know I still miss him#this isn’t just about me. I don’t want lennie or rob to feel like they have to do something they don’t want#and shit I might not have a choice this time
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