#but it was fuzzier and hidden by the friend-dynamic and friendship+rivalry mechanism emphasised in the game

[divinekangaroo]

As I've plugged along through DAII microexploring Kirkwall (and meeting all Hawke's 'year of servitude' colleagues/connections that they very clearly fostered carefully), and listening to the Layers in Leandra, Carver etc, what strikes me is that it's less a Peaky-DAII fusion-AU verse that compels me, but rather a DAII verse which applies some of that very striking Peaky lens, particularly to the crime-rise of Hawke, the class dynamic, the family dynamic, to the conscious articulation of those barriers and the nature of passing through. (Not forgetting the Veil/Fade becomes another passing-through.) The over-the-desk 'they will never let us [back] in' that Leandra struggles so viciously to swallow. The guilt for the precipitating event that she carries, sees, in Hawke's 'so like your father' face. Yes, cascades, environmental conditions, class/sociological conditions, all that contributions to choice limitations etc etc etc but Leandra *never* had to leave: she chose, she is not to blame, but she was the precipitator. Orsino's 'they should have killed us at birth'/why do they even bother letting us live - cannot help but wonder if on the dark nights Hawke ever sat and stared at their sleeping mother and thought some unthinkable things.

Because I've been letting the kidlet choose the dialogue, he's not being consistent about one kind of Hawke, either, so I'm hearing things that I don't necessarily remember from the first batch of playing those years ago. What strikes me is that any version of mage!Hawke is unspeakably pragmatic about their position in society. Gamlan is pragmatic. Carver is pragmatic (if angry). But Leandra is fascinatingly not and so fascinatingly unselfaware compared to the self-awareness imbued in her children.

Anyway: the anger in Hawke. I want the anger in Hawke and I want it in a manner I have yet to find in any DAII fanfic. I want a Hawke where rage demons bow and fawn, lapping at their feet. I want Hawke standing in the stairs of their regained Amell mansion staring at Anders mouthing off about blood magic or something and just losing their fucking shit. I want Hawke viciously and repetitively using blood magic because they've realised it distances the Fade: blood magic kills the dreams; the dreams are nightmares irrespective of literal or subconscious demons; blood magic is a better/worse high than lyrium with more lasting effects.