#but it was a good time and i’m glad to have been there

[maxinesgun]

i'll keep you warm ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

pairing: jackson!abby x fem!reader

summary: you're in jackson with the salt lake crew, and tensions are high. losing herself in you on a cold night is the perfect way for abby to ease her pent-up worry and agitation.

cw: nsfw, porn with plot, soft dom!abby, tribbing, fingering (r!receiving), boob touching/licking, tense and stressed abby, established relationship, semi-public (?), dirty talk, pet names (baby, good girl), fluff then smut, reader comforting abby. 3.1k

a/n: there's something about jackson abby... mmm. this is somehow both fluffy and smutty at the same time, which i didn't fully intend, but i think my adoration for her just slipped in lmao. also the longest and possibly filthiest thing i've written so far, soo do with that what you will. enjoy!!

The world outside was a snow globe, a swath of white blanketing towering pines. Dark had fallen, and the wind had started up again, blowing the thick flakes every which way and making it hard even to see the forest beyond. It looked frigid, and you wrapped your arms tighter around yourself, grateful to be back inside. You were still tired from the journey over here, and it felt like the chill had settled deep into your bones, making everything ache dully. You wanted to be back in Seattle, back where it was familiar. Not this cold, lonely-feeling place—but you knew you were here for a reason.

And the sooner it was over and done with, the better.

You turned from the window when you heard the faint creak of the floorboards, and Abby rounded the corner, exhaustion written across her features. She was tense, had been ever since you’d left home; you could see it in the stiff way she moved, in the way she seemed distracted, often lost in thought. Her mind was clearly elsewhere, and you could guess precisely where that was.

“You’re still up,” she said, slightly out of breath from coming in from outside. There was a light dusting of snow on her coat and hat, and her face was flushed from the cold. You thought she looked like an angel.

“Couldn’t sleep.” You watched her pull off her hat and begin shucking off her coat as she moved further into the room, eyes scanning you briefly as if to make sure you were okay. She was always doing that—always looking out for you even when there was nothing to worry about. It made your chest flicker with warmth. “It looks pretty bad out there.”

“Awful,” Abby confirmed. She ambled over to join you at the window. “Scoped out the area, though. The plan is to head down into the valley. I’m hoping it’ll get us somewhere, at least.”

“We’ll find him,” you said firmly, reassuringly, your voice hushed in the quiet of the room. Everyone else had gone to bed, and it was almost like it was just the two of you out here, in this lonely cabin. It felt intimate. You closed the remaining distance between you, resting a hand on her arm and rubbing it lightly. “We’ve come so far already. Try not to worry about it anymore until tomorrow, ‘kay?”

She puffed a small sigh, and after a pause she nodded, looking back at you. “Yeah,” she murmured. A soft look came into her eyes as she stared at your face for a long moment, gaze lingering over your features in a way that made you want to look away, unexpectedly shy. She brought a hand up to tuck a piece of your hair back behind your ear, her fingers brushing lightly against your cheek as she did.

You felt heat bloom across your face under her attention, at the tenderness of the touch. You breathed a quiet laugh. “What?”

“Just… glad you’re here.” Abby’s thumb skated across your cheekbone once more before slowly drawing back. She looked like she wanted to say more, but you felt all the meaning of the words, heart swelling in your chest. Before you could say anything, a shiver rippled through you, and her gaze dipped down to where you were clutching your sweater tightly around you. “Are you cold? I’ll get the fire going.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to—” you started, but she was already halfway across the room, striding to the fireplace. She tossed a few logs in and then crouched down in front of it, using a piece of flint and steel to spark a flame. Truly, what had you done to deserve her?

Slowly, you made your way over to the old mattress you’d stationed before the hearth, where your sleeping bags were spread out. You sat, quietly watching her nurse the flames into a steadily blazing fire that filled the room with warmth. Immediately, you felt a bit better as the chill in your bones dissipated.

Your eyes traced over Abby as she worked, a somewhat faraway expression on her face as she stared into the flames. You made no effort to hide the way your gaze lingered indulgently on the veins in her hand as it gripped the fire poker, the flex of her biceps beneath her shirt. It wasn’t something you could help; your admiration for her never lessened, and you still felt a flush of awe each time you stopped to really look at her—which was, needless to say, often.

Still, though, seeing how high her nerves were sent a stab of worry and protectiveness in your gut. You knew how much this meant to her, avenging her father. It had been the sole thing driving her since his death, and now that she was finally so close, the tension and impatience radiating off of her was palpable. You wished you could take it away, carry the burden of it yourself—or, at the very least, ease it for awhile.

Abby set the poker aside and sat beside you on the mattress, grunting a bit with exhaustion as she lowered herself down beside you. She began unlacing her boots, glancing sidelong at you as she did. “Better now?”

You nodded, a soft smile ghosting across your lips. “Much better. Thank you,” you said quietly. When she had kicked her boots off, you closed the space between you, swinging a leg over her to settle in her lap. Your arms laced around her neck, and her hands came up to rest on your thighs instinctively, squeezing them lightly.

“I should be the one asking you if you need anything. You’ve had a long day.” You gave her a light, chaste kiss, and brushed the pad of your thumb over her soft bottom lip. “Are you hungry? I’ll go heat something up for you.”

“I’m fine. I had something before I left,” she told you, her hands rubbing against your thighs languidly. “Don’t worry about me.” She leaned forward to capture your lips in another kiss; this one was deeper, tinged with yearning. You sighed into it, feeling her tongue run along your lip before dipping into your mouth to brush against yours.

When you pulled away, you looked at her earnestly. She was always downplaying her own needs, always insisted on being the one to cater to you. You loved it, of course, but you felt the need to take care of her, too, especially right now. “Let me make you some tea, then.” You made to get up, but her grip on your thighs tightened a bit, pulling you back down against her lap.

Wordlessly, she drew you into another kiss, tongue stroking into your mouth in a hungry way that made you groan. The pure need in it caught you off-guard, stirring the desire in the pit of your stomach so suddenly it was almost startling. “I don’t want tea,” she murmured against your lips when you broke apart for breath. The implications of the words were clear—it was something else that she wanted.

She kissed along your jaw before moving down to your neck, lightly sucking and biting at the sensitive skin. You sucked in a breath as your head tilted a bit to the side, giving her easier access. It was your favourite spot to be kissed, instantly made you dissolve into putty, and she knew it.

Her hands trailed up your thighs and under your shirt, leaving a trail of fire in their wake as they slid over your bare skin. They were calloused and warm, her touch firm as it roamed higher, stopping just under your breasts. Then she tugged lightly at the hem of your shirt. “Take this off,” she ordered, voice firm but still achingly soft, her breath warm against your neck.

You complied almost instantly, the heat pooling south in your abdomen not making you inclined to oppose her. Reaching down, you pulled your sweater up and over your head in one smooth motion, leaving your torso bare but for the lacy lilac bra that Abby loved so much on you. The heat of the crackling fire behind you warmed your exposed skin, keeping the chill from fully getting to you.

Abby pulled back to look at you, her gaze drinking you in as her hands wasted no time moving to undo the clasp of your bra. You could tell she was impatient for this, her eyes dark with lust, her breathing growing heavier as she unhooked your bra and slipped it down your arms a bit clumsily. It sent a sharp stab of desire through you, and suddenly you needed her hands on you, needed to feel them everywhere.

The bra came off, revealing your bare chest, nipples already hard and perky both from the chill and arousal. Abby’s big hands reached to cup them, squeezing them lightly, her thumbs rubbing over your sensitive buds. “So pretty, baby,” she breathed as she scattered kisses along the column of your throat, your shoulders, your collarbone. They trailed down to your chest, and then she took one of your nipples into her mouth, tongue licking and circling over the perky bud. You sucked in a sharp breath, your body arching into her.

“Abby,” you sighed, clutching at her shoulders as she continued nipping and sucking at your chest. The ache of need in your core was growing with every passing second. Even as you glanced nervously toward the dark hallway, your hips shifted against her thighs, seeking stimulation. “We shouldn’t. What if someone…?”

“They’re all asleep by now,” she said, her voice a breathy whisper as she pulled back to look at you. It was only a second before her hands were back on your tits, kneading them—it was safe to say that she couldn’t get enough of them. “But you’re gonna have to keep quiet, yeah? Think you can do that for me?”

You smirked a little at the teasing note in her tone. “I can manage,” you said, a bit shakily. It was clear, from the way you were squirming in her lap and on the verge of panting, that you needed this just as badly as she did. At this point, you were so aroused that you couldn’t even bring yourself to care much about the fact that you weren’t alone here, that your friends were just in the other room. Fuck it—you would just have to hope that nobody walked in.

Abby’s lips quirked up slightly, amused, as she fumbled to undo the button of your pants. She held your gaze as her hand slid past your waistband and between your thighs. You released a shaky breath as she cupped your heat through the soaked-through fabric of your panties.

“Fuck, look at you,” she groaned lowly as she slowly dragged her fingers over you through the thin fabric. “So wet for me already.”

You bit your lip, a soft moan escaping you as your hips rocked into her touch, desperate for more. You were already aching for her, and her voice, silky and breathless in a way that betrayed her own arousal, certainly wasn’t helping.

She began a slow rhythm, stroking you firmly in a way that had the pleasure climbing steadily. Her hand was angled just right, the heel of her palm pressing right into your clit, and you were fighting back whimpers as it sent shocks of heat through you. As she worked you, her lips found your neck once again, biting and sucking soft skin that would surely bruise tomorrow. You always pretended to be exasperated at having to hide the hickeys she gave you, but in truth, it sent a little thrill through you whenever you caught someone eyeing your neck, the proof that she’d been all over you.

Your head was bent against her shoulder, your faltering breaths and tiny sounds of pleasure muffled against her shirt as you angled your hips to grind your clit harder into her palm. It was getting harder to keep control of yourself, and as you felt the wave of heat begin to rise, your grip on Abby’s arm tightened. Her bicep was solid and muscled beneath your grip.

“Mmph—Abby,” you panted, eyes squeezed shut in barely contained pleasure. “M’not gonna last much longer.”

With those words, it was like her last bit of restraint snapped. Suddenly she was hoisting you up by your thighs, shifting you from her lap to the mattress and pushing you down beneath her with more force than you were expecting, a little “oof” puffing from your lips. She leaned over you and began tugging your pants and underwear down your legs eagerly, making quick work of them. You lifted your hips a bit to help her, and watched with hazy, half-lidded eyes as she got them off and tossed them aside before immediately starting on her own, shoving them down her hips.

It was nothing like the way things usually went between you; nothing like the times she would tease you, drawing out your need until you were practically begging her to fuck you, all while murmuring encouraging words in your ear. This was different—this was pure, carnal lust, itching desperation, and your entire body was burning with arousal at the rough way she was handling you.

You were whimpering with anticipation, your thighs almost trembling with it, in the few moments it took for Abby to get her own pants off. You were completely naked as you lay splayed out across the sleeping bags, but no longer felt the least bit cold, not when Abby covered your body with her own, those big arms braced on either side of your head and her weight pressing you into the mattress below.

She grasped one of your legs and hiked it up sharply as she straddled you, slotting your thighs together perfectly. When you came together, her slick heat sliding wetly against your own, you couldn’t hold back the moan that rasped from your throat as the pleasure slammed into you all at once. Abby muttered a curse in your ear, only pausing for a second to breathe heavily before beginning to move. She gave a firm rock of her hips, and then another, grinding her throbbing pussy against yours and wrenching more sweet moans out of you.

“Shhh,” Abby hushed softly after you uttered a particularly dirty sound that bordered on too loud, her breath warm against the side of your face. Her own breaths were faltering as she kept up her rhythm, not stopping for a second. “Gotta be—mph—quiet, baby. Said you would, remember?”

You bit your lip hard, making a controlled effort to reign in the sounds of pleasure that were threatening to escape at the feel of her rubbing up against your aching clit. The slick sounds of your bodies moving together and your combined panting was all that you could hear in the quiet of the room. Every so often, a low, strangled groan would rumble from Abby’s throat when she wasn’t able to stifle it, her jaw clenched, the space between her eyebrows scrunching in pleasure.

Each movement sent a fresh wave of heat pulsing through you, and Abby’s pace was relentless. She let out a growl, her grip on your thigh tightening as she angled her hips to grind into you even harder. Her hips pushed you into the mattress, now thrusting into you with abandon.

“That’s it, fuck—so good for me, baby.” Her breaths were coming hard and fast, her face hovering close to yours as her eyes roved over you, taking in your blissed-out expression. Your eyes were dropped shut, your fingers clutching the fabric of her shirt so tightly your knuckles were white. You were rocking up into her weakly, but you could hardly do much with all of Abby’s strength on top of you, controlling the movement.

“So pretty when I fuck you like this,” she huffed. “You like it, yeah? Like it when I fuck this pretty pussy? Fuck.”

You just managed a weak nod in response, unable to even grasp the thoughts to form words in the midst of what you were feeling. The tug of heat in your abdomen was pulsing stronger and stronger; you could feel yourself unraveling. Whimpers had started to spill out of you, your body tensing as you neared release.

“Gonna come? Gonna show me how fuckin’ good it feels, huh?” she panted roughly, moving faster as she saw that you were right on the precipice, mouth hung agape, eyes clenched shut, head thrown back. “C’mon, give it to me.”

When you came, your orgasm crashed into you so hard that Abby had to quickly cover your mouth with a hand to muffle the cry you let out as your body jerked underneath her. She moaned, seeing the intensity of your pleasure clearly driving her closer to the edge as well. “That’s my—haah—s’my good girl.” She uncovered your mouth again and watched it wash over you, the aftershocks rolling through you at Abby’s continued thrusts. A few moments later she grunted, and you felt her reach her own peak, her pussy clenching against you, her hips stuttering as she came.

Together, you came down from your high. Abby dropped your leg as she slowed to a stop, her body slumping forward slightly into you for a few moments as she panted into the crook of your neck. You tilted your head to rest your cheek against the side of her face, the sound of your heavy breaths mingling with hers. A small grin tugged at your lips as a wonderfully light and floaty feeling washed over you, and you ran your hands languidly over her muscled back, the slope of her shoulders.

Abby pressed a soft kiss to your skin before rolling off you and onto the mattress beside you, relaxing into it with a sigh. She was still catching her breath, her eyes closed, and you just stared at her for a few beats, glad to see the serene expression on her pretty face. You wished it could stay that way.

After getting up and slowly pulling your clothes back on, you settled beside her again. She looked at you, raising her arm up expectantly in a gesture that invited you to come closer.

“C’mere,” she murmured, and you did, nestling against her and resting your head on her chest. You breathed in the familiar scent of the pine soap she used, listened to the beating of her heart next to your ear. It was utterly quiet now, peaceful, and you began to give in to the call of sleep. You felt Abby’s light touch rubbing soothing circles against your torso, lulling your eyes closed.

“Love you." Her voice was a hushed whisper in the dark.

“Love you, Abs.”

[firelightmlpoc]

This is Pansear (if you want proof, look at my pinned blog; I'm well aware that there are a lot of imposters out there). I wish to say thank you for being open minded while also acknowledging that- yes- I did fuck up at times. I didn't treat Azriel the best. I was selfish towards the MAP collaborators. I wasn't a particularly great person in general- all that I admit, and I have my own separate posts for those. Overall, I'm sorry.

The harassment was too much and the screenshots were obviously fake. It wasn't fair to me. It wasn't fair to anyone either including those who believed were fake too, even to future potential victims of allegations and former victims of harassment campaigns. I left not in admittance of guilt, but to everything else that has boiled over (again, I detailed this in a post).

I know there's people beaming to know that I'm alive and well (and of course, people who are angry that I'm not). I just want to say that I'm sorry for having to leave everyone in the dark for so long, and that I was basically a POS back then.

It saddens me as well that this whole situation not only affected me- it has affected most of the fandom. It has affected the other artists, who no longer feel safe and comfortable. It has affected my friends, who missed me and feel lost in the dark. It has affected my fans, who worry about me and feel so conflicted about everything. It has affected friend groups who are distanced in their conflicts.

Even for the things I didn't do, I still felt horrible. There were no winners in the end, and any winner I could describe are those vile people hiding behind anons who have hurt the most.

People can already predict that I will never return and that is definitely the case. Not just for the sake of my well-being, but I believe it's for the best for everyone in general. It's been far too long that I danced through the harsh weathers- some strange fucked up game of ping pong, and it's time to put it to rest. I don't care if people will hate me still, all I care about is everyones' safety and for those who have been hurt to heal from this.

I have no real say on the Emily side of things. Indeed what she did to Azriel was irresponsible, but she doesn't deserve the harm and harassment she's got and been getting. Nobody does. Not even my calloutters and my harassers. Looking at their responses and posts just makes me feel bad. I can't help but feel sorry for them.

I hope you yourself are doing well. To all others reading this, I hope you all are too. The fandom isn't the same but I know love can persist somewhere. I am leaving it all up to you to make this place so much better, and that one day everyone can laugh again.

For now, I'm hoping things can rest.

I’m glad to hear you’re doing alright. And as you’ve said: Yes, you have done things wrong, but the actions taken against you were far beyond the pale for what you actually did.

An apology backed by action towards self-betterment is a good apology, & is what you’ve shown to be doing, though I truly wish that the cost you’ve had to pay for this all wasn’t so steep. I hope that you’re still able to find enjoyment in your art still, & hope that you’re able to heal from all of this, even if it takes a good bit of time to do so.

May the path you walk no longer hurt to stand on, & may you find yourself at peace with all of it some day.

[beloveds-embrace]

noona. noon. any angsty thoughts to share for the duke au? 👁️ (i’m craving angst sorry)

Original post

I DO!! Angst version of the au would be if you weren’t welcomed at all. Sure, no one is being flat out rude to you, no one is actively sabotaging you and John doesn’t hit or force you into anything.

But it’s lonely.

The maids barely touch you, as if disgusted they have to help and tend to the woman their Duke needed to and not wanted to marry, and the butlers are the same. Especially the head butler Garrick. You still don’t know his first name and he doesn’t seem inclined to tell you.

During the dinner… nights with John, you’ve started noticing that your food isn’t quite as well done as his? Less decorated, occasionally burnt or not cooked well, but you don’t want to cause any trouble so you remain silent and John never asks why you seem to eat so little.

You do also meet Duke Riley, the man that John is said to have an incredibly close friendship with, something born during his time servicing the kingdom. You’ve heard so much about him, from bad to good, and you wonder how he actually is.

In the end, you wish you hadn’t met him, too. The humiliation of being flat-out ignored in your own home while he speaks amicably with John…

So yes. Life as Duchess Price isn’t a happy one, but you are just glad you aren’t physically hurting.

But you do find solace in the only kindness your parents had bothered to show you before they gave you away; your personal knight, König. He is the only one to not treat you as such. He is the only one you can confide in, feel just a little bit of happiness and friendship with even if you haven’t even seen his face yet.

“I’m so tired,” you whisper to him one night, under the blanket of the night sky. You’d thrown a simple shawl over your shoulders, and hadn’t questioned it when he fell in steps behind you, always a protective shadow. Today had been hard. You had also decided to no longer dine with John, not too excited about the lackluster food and the stilted conversations. Cold maids, lonely night… you ached for something more.

You take in a shuddering breath, wrapping the shawl tighter around yourself. Konig stands right beside the bench you are sitting on, a familiar and comforting sight and presence. But tonight, it’s not enough. “I’m so tired, König.” You repeat, your voice cracking.

König simply stares at you for a while; you are used to it, used to everything about him. The mask, the accent, the unyielding body that is always keeping you safe. The quiet congestions you have had, during the days you lock yourself away in your office to ignore the loneliness and sadness plaguing you.

You aren’t used to seeing König bend down in front of you, holding his hands out until you place them in his. Familiar pale eyes peer up at you. Proper etiquette doesn’t matter to you in this moment; who will chastise you for the lack of it when this entire duchy holds only the most basic form of respect for you?

Even if they did, you would not let go of König, your confidant. Your knight.

“…What do you need, mylady?”

After a silent moment, you take in a deep breath and look back at him. “…I want… someone who loves me enough to be kind towards me. I want someone who loves me.”

König nods his head. With bated breath, you watch silently as he brings your hands forward, under his mask, to kiss each knuckle on your hands.

“I am your knight, mylady. I am your sword, and your shield. I, too, can be your lover if that is what you want, mylady. Whatever you desire, it is my duty to provide.” König breathes out against your skin, eyes not once flicking away, words not once breaking. He is fully devoted in his decision. “Will you allow me, mylady? The decision is your, always has been. I cannot take you away from this horrible place-“ not yet. “-but I can give you my love and devotion, just as I’ve always done. Will you allow me, mylady?”

And after everything you’ve been through, all the pain and loneliness and exclusion- you can’t say no.

“…Yes, König.”

(By the time John begins to realize that he may have misjudged you, once you find out the truth, it is already far too late for mending any bridges. There is no particular feeling when you look at him, or any of his men. You only ask that no one bothers your time alone with your shadow, your knight. It’s far too late for anything.)

[realprissygirl]

a few things i’ve been obsessed with lately

1. body glitter. literally i can’t leave the house lately without making sure my chest, legs and hands shimmer. my fav choice will be my in the stars and into the night glowtions along with my diamond shimmer mists from b&bw. also love that new shimmer pure seduction shimmer body mist from vs.

2. mixed metals. stacking my sterling silver and gold charm bracelets and layering different colored necklaces feels so luxurious to me.

3. champagne gold. refer back to #2. i have a skin tone that looks good with gold and sterling silver. so when recently shopping and trying on tops i fell in love with the shade “gilver”.

4. black satin. buying new sheets and i bought some new black satin pillow cases to compliment my bedroom scheme and it’s such a classy and minimal touch.

5. hyper feminine music videos by black artists. been loving watching mariah carey and toni braxton videos. not to mention lyssithadoll’s check on it by beyonce costume #devoured

6. girly youtube. been binging youtube lately. not just for fun but for inspo. i have a list posted of my fav youtube girlies. been loving maintenance day vlogs and can’t wait to record some.

7. scripting. affirming and listening to subs while writing out my manifestations has been so fun and i’m an actual master manifestor sooo

8. my natural curly hair. sometimes i don’t feel like doing my hair to run out and check off errands. my hair has been in such a beautiful healthy state i literally don’t need any styling products, conditioner, nothing. just edge control and water and i’m out the door.

9. stylist videos. been watching a lot of hair stylists do hair on youtube (about to get a vixen sew in) the art of cosmetology is so prissy and will always be a worthwhile career choice.

10. gratitude and thought reframing. in the past i spent a lot of time complaining and being sad about everything that wasn’t going right for me when i’m literally so fucking blessed. like i have so much to be happy for. also affirming negative thoughts does nothing but make them more valid. i’m glad ive stopped

[whatifitis]

♡ I See You - LN 4 ♡

Summary: Lando is under immense stress due to his career and he can't drag down his love with him. Will their relationship survive a horror movie?

Author's Note: This was requested and as soon as I saw it, I was excited to start it and I had so many ideas for this so I hope y'all enjoy it!

WC: 6k+ with some instagram posts

CW: poor mental health, a bit of angst, a kiss here and there, happy ending

-=+=-

479,271 likes

f1 Just one lap could’ve made all the difference for Lando’s race 😣

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User32 Lando needs to stop thinking he ‘should’ve won’ it’s starting to seem a little entitled.. The two ahead of him have 165 wins between them

User33 They completely ruined Oscar’s race

User34 the only thing he brings to McLaren and F1 is shame

User35 Geez people in the comments are so quick to say hateful things but don’t think about how their words hurt, lando is pressuring himself into doing good and yall just wanna hate on him at any chance you get

-=+=-

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f1gossip sources close to the couple are saying that Lando Norris and Y/n L/n have split after just 7 months together

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User22 she was just one of the girls he’ll date for like a summer then leave when he’s bored. Can’t wait to see who the next slut is

User67 she lost color in her face since she’s been with him, glad she finally knows her worth

User54 she looked so bored recently, and i mean it’s her right since he practically love bombed her

-=+=-

“I can’t break you when I’m breaking.” - was all you heard before everything went silent. 

You and Lando had been together for about 7 months, not all of which was rainbows and daisies. 

When you first met, it was like stepping into the sun again after having spent so long in the dark. You had your fair share of heartaches before Lando. It was hard for you to give in to him at first, but after a few weeks, you gave in and you’re grateful for giving not only him, but yourself a chance. 

You knew what you were getting into when you started dating him. You knew he was a driver in F1 and that his fanbase could be quite protective of him. You also were aware of his crazy schedule with the races and meetings and training. Lando also told you about how he and his ex had to break up due to the invasion of privacy that was experienced, and how his ex simply couldn’t do it anymore, which is more than understandable. But even with every warning he gave you, you still stayed. 

These past few weeks have been chaotic though. Lando is a strong contender for the WDC this year against Max and there’s pressure and eyes all around him. You’ve watched as the media berated him for weeks and weeks, never letting up. Everyone has high expectations of him and it’s slowly destroying him, even if he can’t see it yet. 

You won’t lie, it has indeed had an impact on your guys’ relationship. Not only is distance and time difference straining you two, but the constant analysis and comments from the media have taken a toll. 

It was obvious to you that Lando would be gone for most weeks out of the year, but now, even when he is home, he’s not fully there. It’s like he’s a ghost in his own home, his own body. 

“You’re not breaking me” - you tell him. But you both know you’re lying. As much as you may love him, his distance has been something that has destroyed you. You started to wonder what you were doing wrong, how could you fix this? 

“I am, and it’s hurting me so much that I’m doing this to you when you don’t deserve all this shit. You deserve so much more. You deserve all the good things in life, like seeing your partner for more than a week, going to the grocery store without being stalked by fans, having someone who can be there for you, someone who won’t drag you down.” he says, tears streaming down his face. His hands are shaking at the thought of losing you, but he knows he loves you too much to let you down. He’s completely broken now. His heart aches and sinks every time he thinks about how you’re being treated. He doesn’t want to be the person who takes your sparkle, who makes you feel less of a person. 

“You’re not. I’m fine. We’re fine, love. I can handle it, all the shit that’s getting thrown at us. We can survive this horror movie.” you try to convince him… convince yourself, as tears are now streaming down your face as well. 

“We can’t. I’m not the way I was, I’m not the same person I was when we met.” you watch as he takes a shaky breath in, trying to compose himself, “All I ever wanted was to drive and race in Formula 1. But now that I have it, it doesn’t feel enough. As soon as I joined, so much pressure was put on me to be the best. When I started, the car was shit, so I helped make it better, and I did. I feel like all I’m doing is trying and trying to please everyone and to be who they want me to be, but it’s so hard. And this isn’t what I wanted. I just wanted to race and have fun, not drive myself to the point of destruction. I don’t want to be the machine that the team, media, and fans want me, and expect me to be. I feel like I’m giving my all to the team and to the sport but it’s not enough and it’ll never be enough. I feel like I’m stuck and I can’t get out no matter what I do. The one thing I wanted all my life, and now it’s mine. But it feels like I’m theirs.” he lets out an ironic laugh. 

You slowly walk to him, moving to hold his hands in yours. Without missing a beat, one of your hands gently lifts his chin, making his eyes connect with yours. 

“They’re feeding you to the wolves and it’s unfair. They cheer your name until the lights go out, then they throw you to the side and disregard you till the next time they need you. They’re not fair to you and it’s draining you. You have a look that I can’t recognize. You used to love this sport with all your heart but now it’s the thing that’s killing you.”

“But I need to keep going. I need to prove that I can be what they want. I need to prove that I’m not just some spoiled, ignorant kid who paid his way to this place. I need to show that I earned my right to be here and to have this seat.” he tries to explain. 

“I understand that, Lan. But we need to find a better way to handle all this. It’s clearly taking a toll on you and your health. It’s been a long year. You’re constantly watched and analyzed, with people documenting your every move to create sickening plots for their stories of you, of us. They expect so much, so you’re expected to follow, but that’s not how it’s supposed to work.” He pulls back from you, removing his hands from yours and taking steps back. You watch as he begins to pace the room, shaking his head as he speaks. 

“To know me is to hate me, and to hate what I’ve become. It’s to watch me fail over and over again, and I can’t keep doing this to you. I can’t let you hold my hand in yours anymore.” he says as he stops in front of you, trying his best to refrain from spilling more tears but it’s merely impossible. His biggest fear is coming into fruition, he’s losing you. He’s letting you go. He wanted to let you out of this mess before it was too far gone for you to come back to life. You gave him all of your best self and your endless empathy. 

“What are you saying, Lan?” you barely let out as a whisper, afraid of the answer. 

“I’m letting you go. I know I’m gonna sound like an asshole but I have to do this. All this shit is just gonna hurt you more. You can’t do this to yourself. It’s killing me to know I’m just bringing you down with me.” he practically pleads. 

“I stay because I want to, not because I feel forced to or like I have to. I do it because I love you.” your voice cracks with the last bit. 

“I’m sorry for all this. I care about you a lot and I hope everything goes well. I hope you get everything you could ever want. I’m sorry for all the mess.”

“Don’t be sorry. You are worth all of the shit. But can you please let me stay?” you beg through tears.

His lips are quivering, tear stains paint his face as he breaks himself in two. Cause truthfully, you will always hold a part of him. Through all the obstacles and shit, you stuck by him. 

“Goodbye, y/n.” is all he says before he turns his back on you, walking out the door. 

He didn’t even wait for your response, leaving as soon as he could because he knew if he stayed any longer, he wouldn’t have followed through with the breakup. 

You weren’t sure how long you stood there, in the middle of your living room. You had to watch the person you thought you would marry, walk out the door. You thought he was your forever. You shared your dreams with each other, planned out the house you two would grow old in. The house where you would have rocking chairs on the front porch where the two of you would watch the neighborhood kids run by, yelling at them to stay off the lawn. What dreams those were, dreams that would remain just that, dreams. 

For a while after the breakup, all you did was lie in bed either sleeping the days away or doom scrolling on social media. It got so bad that your roommate/best friend had to physically drag you out of bed after a week of letting you rot in it.

The first day of what your best friend liked to call “post breakup, glow up”, you guys decided to just have a self care day where you took it easy and ordered in food and did face masks while coloring in some books. 

It was fun and a nice distraction until your phone dinged. The look on your face scared your best friend so she looked over your shoulder to see who it was. Lando’s name was displayed along with a message, “Hey, how you been?”. 

Was this how exes interacted after a breakup? Typically after the breakups you’ve experienced, there was no contact. What’s Lando up to? You knew he didn’t keep in contact with any of his exes after their break ups, so why was he texting you? 

When you snap back to reality, your friend is giving you a concerned look, wanting to know what was going through your head so she could help in the best way possible. 

“Should I text him back?” You asked.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, babe. He still hurt you towards the end of the relationship, although not intentionally, but it still fucked you up a bit. I don’t want you to lose the progress you’ve made.”

“Yeah, I understand. I won’t text him back then.” You tell her as you turn off your phone and throw it to the side, picking up your marker and starting coloring again. 

You lied. You ended up texting him back later that night once you were back in bed, ready to end the night with what hopefully would be a decent sleep. 

You and Lando exchanged a few texts, mainly just catching up and seeing how the other was. You weren’t gonna lie, it felt nice to talk to him again. But what was this gonna lead to? Hopefully getting back together, but what are the odds? 

The occasional text conversations took place over the course of a few weeks. Lando knew he shouldn’t have been texting you, but he couldn’t help himself. The weeks following the break up, he went back and forth on whether he regretted it or not. He wondered if it was the best thing to do. 

Every day, he saw you in everything he saw or did. When he goes to get coffee, he swears he can still hear you laughing at the mustache of foam that would appear on his face after his first sip of coffee. 

When he’s outside in the park for a run, he’s reminded of you when he sees the rabbits hiding in the bushes. You always used to squeal out of joy and cuteness from the rabbits, even if you’d already seen them about 20 times prior. 

Every song, every film, every color reminded him of you. He thought about you every single day, wondering what you were doing and how you were. He even went as far as stalking your Spotify profile. He knew you made playlists for everything and he would watch your listening activity to see what mood you were in. 

He wasn’t surprised when he saw you listening to Taylor Swift and Gracie Abrams for hours on end. Those two were your go to sad girls. But he was surprised when none of the songs were about how shit the guy was. All the songs you were listening to were about regretting breakups and just missing someone. 

The night he texted you for the first time since the breakup, he had been gaming with Max and a few of his other friends, trying to take his mind off things. 

He didn't know what he texted you, he just did. He didn’t even have a plan for what he wanted to say. It turned out all right in the end though. You guys had a peaceful conversation and shared a laugh or two, for which he was grateful. 

Maybe you guys could remain friends? 

-=+=-

Liked by alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris, and others

y/n_l/n i’m on my knees at the altar, baby

Asking God to wash you from my soul

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User4 he’s a waste of running mascara, you’re on to greater things 

alexandrasaintmeux the most beautiful girl in the world

User97 ummm, what’s lando doing in the likes?! Didn’t they break up…

User23 she was a fool for thinking she could be enough for him

User10 lando leave the poor girl alone, you’ve done enough damage 

-=+=-

Everytime he texted you, you came back. He’d ask to try again and you’d say yes. You’d come back to his place and spend nights there, only for him to break things off again. He keeps saying he can fix it and do better. But then he sends you on your own again. He keeps telling you how much he loves you, only to tell you he’s not good enough for you and that you should break up, again. 

For two months, the two of you went back and forth. You would break up one week then get back together the next. It felt like a game that you kept losing and you were tired of it. 

It felt like you were always taking one step forward and two steps back. Now you know, none of this is fair to you. You keep trying to give him your all, trying to be there for him when he needs it but he still doesn’t change. 

You know you’re not falling out of love for him. But you think you have to fully let him go now. Do what he did to you to protect you, but actually block him out after. Instead of stringing him along like he did to you. 

It’s a week before the Belgium GP so it’s now or never. 

You asked Lando to meet you in your shared hotel room as the Hungarian GP just ended earlier. He’d gotten P2 which is amazing. But he still wasn’t entirely happy with his performance as he thinks he could’ve done better. The team thinks he should’ve gotten P1 and that it would’ve helped gain more points for the championship. 

You would’ve preferred to pick a better time to do this, but there is no other time, at least anytime soon. But you don’t want to be stuck here forever, in this loop of false hope. 

When Lando gets back to your shared room, he finds you sitting on the edge of the bed, picking at the skin on your fingers. 

“Hey, stop doing that. It’s not good for you.” He gives you a smile as he takes off his shoes and meets you in the bed. As he sits next to you, he lands a kiss on the top of your head and then a kiss on your cheek before finally connecting your lips with his in a sweet, warm kiss. 

“You said you wanted to talk to me about something? What’s up? Everything alright?” He asks, a bit of concern laces his words. 

You take a deep breath and sit up straight, trying to gain the courage to follow through with your plan.

“I can’t do this anymore.” You say. Lando’s heart drops at your words. 

“What’d you mean?” He stutters a bit.

It takes everything in you to look him in the eye as you say “I’m breaking up with you, for good.”

“Oh.” Is all that comes out of his mouth. He’s turned his body forward, staring blankly at the wall as he processes this.

“I’m sorry, Lando. But it’s not fair to either of us. We keep stringing each other along. Hoping for something that’ll never happen. I’m tired. It feels like I’m the only one fighting for us.” 

Lando suddenly sucks in a breath of air, furrowing his eyebrows and turning his body to you before telling you “no”

“No? Lando, what do you mean no?”

“No, we’re not breaking up again.”

“You can’t just say no. I’m- I’m making this decision for the both of us. For our best interest, we have to break up.”

“No, I’m not having it. I’m not doing it. It’s you and me til the end.”

“Lando, please can we ju-“

“Nope.”

You sit there dumbfounded at what’s happening. Is he refusing a breakup like it’s a piece of fish? 

You sit there and stare at him for a hot minute before crossing your arms and asking “why?”

“Cause”, is all he says before he stands up and goes to take a shower. 

Ain’t no way. 

You’re so confused and amazed at what just happened. He really just denied a breakup. 

As Lando took his shower, you took this time to process what happened and how to go about this conversation again once he comes back. 

After about 15 minutes, Lando leaves the bathroom in fresh clothes and stands in front of you, “what’d you want for dinner?” 

“Did you disregard my breakup speech?” You stand and ask.

“Yes. Now, where’s the room service menu?” He asks as he pads around the room, genuinely looking for the room service menu. 

You bring your hands to your face and roughly rub your eyes to try and approach this correctly. 

“Lando, stop thinking about the menu for 5 seconds and look at me.”

He’s stopped dead in his tracks and looks at you innocently. 

This guy. 

His bottom lip begins to quiver and his eyes become glossed with tears. 

With a bit of rasp in his voice he tells you “We’re not breaking up. I can’t lose you again, I won’t do it. You’re the best thing I’ve ever had and pushing you away was awful. I missed your laugh, I missed your jokes, I missed your loose hairs all around the flat, I missed your snoring when I tried to sleep, I missed you. Please don’t go again.” 

Tears are streaming down his face as he begs you to stay. 

“Lando, we can’t keep doing the same shit over and over again. We break up one week then get back together the next. You tell me you’ll do better and you’ll fix things but nothing changes. You’re still under immense stress and letting people walk all over you. I don’t know how we can survive this anymore if you don’t try to change that.” 

You start to wonder if breaking up really is the best solution. You would still be sad about losing him and you would still constantly worry about him. He would still be stuck in this toxic place where everyone puts all their expectations on him. Everyone would still harass him and analyze his every move. What would breaking up really fix? 

“Please. I’m standing here trying to be honest. We’re a thousand miles away from the day that we started, and I’m still in love with you. I just wanna forget everything that’s come and gone cause I hate not being with you. The stars don’t shine as bright when you’re not here.”

Slowly, you walk up to him, reaching for the sides of his face and using your thumbs to wipe away some of his tears. He instinctively moves his hands to your hips, holding you as tight as he can, as if you’re water in his hands. You look him in the eyes and realize you love him too much to let him go. You two love each other too much to leave it like this. 

“Hey,” you say softly, “why don’t we do this? The Belgian GP is next week, right? You’ll go do that and I’ll go home for a bit. After the Belgian GP, I’ll meet you in Glastonbury, yeah? We’ll spend your break there and we’ll try and sort out whatever’s going on up here?” You ask as you gently tap the side of his head. 

All he can do is smile, grateful for you and your patience with his shit. He nods his head yes before pulling you closer and holding you tight, burying his face into your neck. 

With a deep breath, you feel Lando relax in your arms. 

“Thank you.” He whispers in your neck. He can’t believe he’s able to keep someone as special as you in his life, even with the war in his head. 

“We’ll be alright. We’re okay”, you don’t say anything else, just holding him closer, knowing it’s enough for him right now. Maybe you two could try to go back where you started. 

Lando booked a flight from Belgium to go back to his hometown almost immediately after the race. He just couldn’t bear being away from you for so long, especially after all the shit you guys have been through, especially after all the shit he put you through. 

You decided that since he’ll be landing quite late, the two of you would spend the night watching movies and eating some home cooked food. The beginning of the healing journey could start tomorrow. 

When he landed at the airport, he was greeted by you with a massive sign that said “Lando Norris - STD clinic emergency shuttle”. 

The amount of laughs that the sign got was a joy to you. Especially the laugh Lando had let out upon reading the sign. He knew you were gonna pull some shit like this, although he was surprised you didn’t wear scrubs to add to the bit. 

With a big warm hug, Lando finally felt like he could start to relax and let go, at least until the next race. 

The two of you made your way to your car, then headed back to a secluded airbnb that you had rented for the next few weeks. Although the two of you were more than welcome to stay with Lando’s family, the pair of you thought it would be best if Lando had a place with some real peace and quiet to be able to sort through his mind. 

During the drive to the airbnb, you put on a playlist that you had made for drives with Lando at the beginning of your relationship. It had been a while since you’d played it, so it was a pleasant surprise for him when he realized what playlist was playing after a few songs. 

“I forgot about this playlist. Missed it." He gives a soft smile. The one he used to have before all the chaos had been inflicted. You can tell this little break will definitely bring back at least a small piece of your Lando. 

“I did too. Found it the other day when I was clearing my playlists. I added a few more songs as well. I know we usually pick the songs for this playlist together but I thought it’d be nice. Hope you don’t mind.” you tell him, wondering if maybe he’d be upset that you messed with the playlist without him. 

“Nah. I like it. Like a bit of a surprise for me.” he says as he shrugs his shoulders. You smile as you look at him for a moment. Your boy is coming back to you, slowly but surely. 

“Oh, don’t speed here. There’s always this one fucking guy sitting in a corner, ready to give anyone and everyone a ticket.” he tells you as you turn onto a certain street. 

“You know every road in this county, don't you?” you tease, watching as he gets a bit shy. 

“Yeah, let’s just say he may or may not love to see me coming. He used to catch me speeding all the time and he gave me too many fucking tickets.” 

You just sit there and laugh at him. Of course the Formula 1 driver always gets caught speeding. 

Once you pull into the driveway for the airbnb, Lando is smiling, already getting out of the car and closing his eyes, breathing in the fresh air and taking it all in. He’s excited and grateful for this break from the races. As much as he does enjoy the actual racing, all the other factors were pushing him to his breaking point. The sun was collapsing but he didn’t realize until everything came crashing down all at once. 

He’s pulled out of his thoughts when you close the car door. He starts moving to the trunk of the car to pull out his luggage. You wait by the front of the car, watching him roll his way to you and taking your hand in his as he leads you to the door of the house. 

The second you unlocked the door and opened it, Lando ran in like a kid and immediately dropped all his belongings before flopping onto the couch. 

Yup, that’s my man. 

“You like it? Out of all the rentals available, I thought this one was the best. It’s a bit far from everything and there’s a hiking trail not far.” you tell him, walking to the kitchen to prepare dinner. 

Lando is rolling on the couch as if he were a dog trying to get into a comfortable position. His head pops over the back of the couch to look at you, “Yeah, seems quite cozy. Thanks for this, darling. I know I don’t really deserve you but I’m really grateful that you’ve given me so many chances.”

“Don’t thank me, love. I love you and I want you to be okay,” his cheeks blush at your words. It’s been a while since you’ve called him ‘love’, “Put something on the tv and lie down for a bit while I prepare dinner, yeah?” 

“You sure I can’t help you? I can peel a potato or something… okay maybe nothing as advanced as peeling a potato but I can boil noodles or something.” he chuckles a bit. 

“Gorgeous, last time you tried to boil noodles, you burnt the water. I still don’t know how you managed that.” you couldn’t contain your laugh at the memory. It was one of your first dates with Lan and he’d wanted to make you a home cooked meal. Take out ended up being delivered. 

“Yeah, alright. We’re watching Hannah Montana.” he said as he flopped his back against the couch. 

When dinner was cooked, you and Lando plated the food before moving to sit on the floor in the living area, using the coffee table to eat off. 

The two of you continued watching Hannah Montana until the episode where Blue Jeans became ill. Lan immediately changed the show to play the movie rather than the tv series.

“Lan, you do know Blue Jeans recovers at the end of the episode, right?” 

“Yeah but he still has to go through the traumatic experience of being bitten by that snake and I just can’t. We’re gonna watch the Hannah Montana movie now and slow dance to ‘Crazier', cry to ‘Butterfly Fly Away’, and dance to ‘You Can Always Find Your Way Back Home’.” he tells you sternly. He's made up his mind and nothings gonna change that. So that’s just what you do. 

When Taylor Swift appears on the screen and starts singing ‘Crazier’, Lando jumps up off the floor and leans his body towards you, holding his hand out for you to take. Once you place your hand in his, he pulls you swiftly off the floor, pulling your body close to his. You wrap your arms around his neck while his hands are secured on your waist. The two of you swing your bodies slowly and effortlessly to the melody that’s playing in the background. 

When the lyric “you lift my feet off the ground.” Lando does exactly that. He’s gripped your waist and lifted you in the air, bringing a squeal out of you as you were not expecting that. He keeps you above him as you let out a fit of giggles. Once your feet land back on the ground, you fall into Lando, trying to catch your breath. You listen to his heartbeat and hold him tight. He really is your favorite person. 

In true Lando fashion, he knows all the words to this song. As he should since he decided it was one of your songs a while ago. You watch as he sings the words to you, and you realize just how truly in love you are with the person in front of you. You would wait forever for him. He’s the closest to heaven you’ll ever be. 

Once the song ends, the two of you sit back down and continue watching the movie. You were cuddled up to Lando, wrapping yourself around his arm as he rested his head on yours, occasionally leaving soft kisses. 

The beginning chords of ‘Butterfly Fly Away’ play and Lando is already in tears. He’s already buried his head into your shoulder as he sobs about how emotional the song is. “He was always there for her. He tucked her in and turned out the light. He had to do it all alone!” 

All you could do to comfort him was hold him close to you and rub his back. You hummed along to the song, Lando loved it when you did that. You never sang in front of him, but when you did, it was like God's greatest gift to him.  

The end of the movie was near as the opening chords of ‘You’ll Always Find Your Way Back Home’. The two of you were already on your feet, ready to dance and sing along. Lando had even pushed some of the furniture out so that there was more room for dancing. 

With some crazy moves and a whole lot of jumping around, you and your love had the time of your lives. 

Lando is pointing at you when he sings the lines “‘Cause, when I’m feeling down, and I’m all alone, whoa, oh. I’ve always got a place where I can go.” singing completely off key but who cares, he’s having fun, and so are you. 

When the song comes to an end, you’re in Lando’s arms, trying to catch your breath again. But it feels impossible when everytime you look at him, he takes your breath away. The most beautiful man ever is yours? Crazy, really. 

You stay in his arms for a moment, looking into those eyes that looked like sunlight was filtering through leaves. 

“Home.” he breaks the silence, smiling down at you wholeheartedly. He cocks his head to the side before continuing, “You’re my home.” 

It took everything in you not to break down into a puddle of tears at that moment. 

Instead, you bring your lips to his, connecting them in a sweet, soft exchange. 

After putting the furniture back in place and cleaning the dishes from dinner, you lead Lando to the room you’ll be sharing during this little vacation. 

After a quick shower, Lando meets you on the bed, almost collapsing onto it due to the exhaustion he’s been in. 

There’s no need to exchange any words at this moment. You just pull Lando into you, watching as he rests his head on your chest and wraps his arm around your waist. You scratch the back of his neck, messing with his curls a bit as your other hand draws patterns on his bare back. 

After a minute, you feel Lan relax into you, watching as his breathing becomes shallow and steady. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep and you're thankful. He truly does need sleep, especially for the talk you two will have in the morning. 

You follow suit with Lando and fall asleep soon after him. It was the best sleep you’d had in ages. 

The sun shines through the thin, cotton curtains that cover the windows. Lando’s chest is warm against your back, his arm wrapped around your torso, keeping you close to him. The steady breathing lets you know he’s still sound asleep. You check the time, reading 7:24 am. It’s still a bit early so you decide to get some breakfast prepared for when Lando wakes up. 

You slowly and quietly move out of his arms, careful not to wake him as you know he won’t stay in bed if he knows you aren’t next to him. Once you’re out of bed, you brush your teeth and 

make your way to the kitchen. 

Breakfast is kept simple, just some overnight oats with some fruit and honey. After a few minutes of washing and cutting some fruit, you watch as Lando emerges from the bedroom, sleep lacing his features. 

“I didn’t hear you leave the bed.” he frowns at you. 

“Sorry, darling. I knew you were tired and I didn’t want to wake you so soon. But your timing is perfect! I've just finished preparing breakfast.” you smile gleefully, presenting him with a beautiful bowl of fruits and oats. 

The smile on his face is enough to brighten the whole room. “Thanks, baby. Looks amazing, as always.”, he walks around the kitchen counter to kiss you. 

Once he’s sat down and begun eating, you tell him your plan for the day, or his plan. 

“I was thinking we could go on that hiking trail I told you about. Getting some fresh air and some sun could be good for you. We could also talk a bit? About everything?”

You can tell he’s a bit uncomfortable from the way he stiffens when you mention wanting to talk. He was never really one for talking about himself and the things he’s struggling with. He much prefers listening but he knows he has to let you in a bit. 

Without looking up at you, he responds, “Yeah. Sounds good.” continuing to stuff his face with his oats. 

Once you two had finished breakfast, you put on your shoes and made your way to the hiking trail. 

During the beginning of your walk, you decided it would be best to get Lando to feel comfortable before jumping into the whole discussion of him and his mental health. So you begin by asking, “So, Tarkov, how have you been doing in it?”

He looks at you with genuine surprise, wondering why the fuck you’re asking about Tarkov when he knows it’s not your type of game. But, he answers anyway, “Erm, it’s turned into more shit and giggles if anything. A lot of messing with Max and them. Oh, the other day I stabbed Max’s character in the leg cause he stabbed my foot. And then I stabbed him again but his game was glitching so he couldn’t heal. He was actively dying and couldn’t stop it so I shot his guy. Let’s just say he wasn’t exactly joyful about that. But in my defense, he would’ve died anyway. It was a mercy kill.” he laughs to himself. 

After almost 45 minutes of walking, you guys stumbled upon a nice lake that was surrounded by trees. There was a shore with some large boulders so you led Lando there for a bit of a break from walking. 

You two sat there for a moment before you broke the silence to try and talk to him. 

“You know I love you right?” you ask him, watching him look down at his hands and start to fiddle them. 

“Yeah.” he responds quietly. 

“I want you to be okay, Lan. I can see you being torn apart by everyone and everything. I don’t want to watch you fall because you don’t deserve that.” “It’s hard, being me. I know I should be happy for everything that I have. I mean, I have money, a house, so many fucking cars that I don’t need, a loving family, and the most amazing and beautiful girlfriend. But, it feels like I’m drowning in everything with racing.” - he confesses, his tone is low, matching the way his reality makes him feel so small.

You scooch closer to him, taking his hand in yours, “I know it’s been hard. And you have the right to feel the way you do. You’re the person who gets the most shit right now with the media. They’re all twisting shit to fit their narrative. But you need to keep pushing back, don’t let them walk over you anymore.” “My mind is complicated. But when you’re here, next to me, it quiets a bit. I know that when I’m with you, everything is easy, like a million things can be thrown at me, but at the end of the day, if you’re here, I’ll be okay. I know I sort of broke you, someone I love so much. It’s all me, in my head. I burned us down and I’m sorry I did that to you. I don’t wanna lose you.” “You’ll never lose me, Lan. I’ll keep your hand in mine, until we’re food for the worms to eat, til our fingers decompose. This love of ours isn’t temporary. So I’m not gonna give up on us, on you.” - your hand touches the side of his face, bringing him to meet your eyes before you continue, “I’m still yours, even when you lose your mind and try breaking up with me a million times. None of this is your fault. You’re all I want.”

Tears begin to stream down his face as he leans his forehead against yours, “I just want you to know who I am, outside of the racing and the drama. I don’t want them to see me, just you, cause you’re the only one who understands me.”

You lift his chin so he can look in your eyes again as you say, “I know who you are. You’re the best thing that’s ever been mine, and I’m never letting you go again.”

-=+=-

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Tagged: y/n_l/n

landonorris baby, you showed me what living is for and i dont wanna hide anymore

Thank you for everything, my love. I wouldn’t be where I am without you 🧡

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User23 now wait a min ✋ how many chapters did i miss?

User54 i told y’all they were fine! No way a couple as in love as them would ever break up

User75 alexa, play ‘that should be me’ by justin bieber 🫠 User13 omg, and the taylor lyrics 😭 she loves taylor swift and he dedicated it to her 😭😭😭😭😭

[lucygraysboy]

“thanks, lucy gray.” he doesn’t deserve this kindness, but it means the world to him to know that she believes he can still be a good man. a good brother. “it’ll take time, but i’ll make things right between joe and i. we’ll be brothers again.” smiling softly at lucy gray, he can’t help but admire the way she looks in this light. the little deer on her sweater only adds on to her overall charm. he’s tempted to reach out and twirl one of these shiny ringlets around his fingertip, but refrains. “how’s your headache? are you feelin’ better now?” he asks, suddenly reminded of her terrible hangover. “oh, that’s huge! i’m so happy for her, glad she ran that disgusting man off and is a business woman now.” a girlboss. that’s how his friend, tom, would put it. “do you have any pictures of the stuff she makes? next time i’m home, i’m definitely stoppin’ by her shop.” and buying something for his apartment, of course. “please, i still have the sweater she made for me when i was sixteen.” it’s a little tight around the shoulders now and the sleeves constantly ride up his forearms, but it’s got too much sentimental value and he refuses to throw it away. “which one? wait, are you seriously tellin’ me that one of our babies is a mom now? i refuse to believe that.” but he laughs, there’s nothing but happiness in his eyes as he listens to lucy gray’s sweet voice. “a food fight? maude ivory? that little angel?” he shakes his head in amusement, trying to picture that. “about me? hm, let’s see… oh, i bought a motorcycle last summer.” because the traffic in new york city is just insane. “charlie, my ex-roommate,” does she remember him from those pictures he’d shown her all those years ago? “and his girlfriend are having a baby.” the shower’s in two weeks and he almost asks her if she’d like to go with him, but reminds himself that he has to take things slow. besides, blair will probably be there, too. it might be rude and awkward if he comes with a friend. “what else?” he smiles, blues meeting these pretty fawn eyes that never fail to make his heart melt. “not much, really. i’ve been busy with that TV show. you’d love that set and the costumes and horses…”

“well… you could say that. but the fact you’re sayin’ that means you are bein’ a good older brother now.” lucy gray softly points out, if he’s thinking like this— that means he feels guilty and if he’s guilty, he has a conscience and a heart after all. deciding to say this because she feels bad for him, even though he’s brought it all on himself and hurt each of them. “hmm… lemme think on it.” she replies, smiling gently as she continues to look at the city passing them by before the smile starts to widen brighter, “mama opened her own sewin’ shop. it’s goin’ real great and she’s enjoyin’ it. she makes quilts, shirts and all sorts of things— course she did that before, but now she’s makin’ money at it. one of the horses had a baby. and maude ivory almost got detention for startin’ an almost food fight at her school.” lucy gray chuckles as amusement starts to etch across her face, thinking all of that is pretty new information he probably doesn’t know anything about. “what about you?” she wonders, turning her attention back on him, fawn eyes flickering up on his face.

[sarahreesbrennan]

I remember reading in one of your blog entries (years ago??) that in the new book you were writing, the main character's *sister* had cancer. Does that mean that Alice was originally the main character of Long Live Evil? Was she going to go into the book to save Rae, instead of Rae going in to save herself?

How extremely kind of you to remember!

No, that was actually a YA murder mystery that I wrote while ill, revised while recovering, and sent out into the world where it died on submission. (Which means we sent it out to about 12 editors and the editor either said no, or said yes and took it to acquisitions - a group of people at the publisher including sales and marketing - and acquisitions said no.)

One editor told me she really wanted and really tried to buy it. Another person who worked in publishing (and has since changed jobs, or I wouldn’t share this) said the response at her acquisitions was - if you like this writer, find the next her (implications about health and youth were made).

I was terrified my agent was going to ditch me too, but she said ‘We’ll sell that one day, for now let’s write the next thing.’

I remember another writer telling me she missed my work that wasn’t a tie-in, and I felt ashamed to tell her it wasn’t that I wasn’t writing other things - it was that I couldn’t publish them.

The tie-ins meanwhile were paying the bills (they still are tbh!) and I was and remain so grateful for them. But I also really loved writing them - especially my Sabrina tie-ins, you don’t forget the first, and it reminded me I want to write horror and poly one day - and how they got me to love and sympathise with so many fandoms.

I see the burnout of caregivers all around me, and I wanted to write the story of one. But maybe I also wanted to take a step back from cancer. I didn’t think I did, at the time. I had a whole lot of things I tried writing before Long Live Evil, and I think some of them were really good. One of my critique partners gave me a lipstick with the same name as someone in the murder mystery. There was a romance novel another critique partner said was her favourite thing I’d ever written. But none had someone with cancer at the heart of the story.

And even though Rae isn’t much like me, maybe I had to start there. You can’t make real magic using someone else’s liver. Maybe I had to wait to be brave enough to use my own liver.

I do get requests for advice on how to cope with rejection of your writing, and I always worried I didn’t have anything else to say, but I suppose my example says - if you can, (and I know it’s hard, you feel so terrible at writing and so useless) (and you love the work you’ve done so much and you don’t see a way forward to loving the next thing) (but still, if you possibly can) write the next thing.

Even if the first thing sells, you’ll want the next thing one day. Writing the next thing is more writing practise, so it’ll make you better. Write the next thing.

Ultimately I’m really glad Long Live Evil was my comeback book. I think it needed to be. It took the time it took.

But maybe it was a shade of that past book (where the heroine’s sister with cancer was six, so not much like any of the Time of Iron characters) that made me think of the YA version of this book, which I always had in my mind as something I was intentionally hewing away from - a more straightforward book, a book that might have sold better - in which shy reader Alice was the hero. She’s the one with the suggestive hero name - Alice through the looking glass - the heroine looks, and the more projectable-upon personality. She’d get called annoying less often (though still some, because she’s a girl), partly because she is (with love, Rae knows I’m right) a genuinely less annoying person. Much kinder, much sweeter, and much better at in-depth reading! Her sister being in trouble would’ve been a backstory, a catalyst point, and - you’re totally right - a great motivation for her to get the Flower. Saving a family member is a much more sympathetic and heroic motivation than saving yourself and one I do love (the Hunger Games, Labyrinth, Mahy’s the Changeover, and I write it a lot!). I think Snarky While Tragically Dying Rae would’ve been a pretty popular side character, too. I think it would’ve been a good book! Just not mine.

I love your question because I love thinking about POV, and all the decisions that are the building blocks of a story. To me, the Alice centric Time of Iron is a version that exists. As are several versions of the Lia centric Time of Iron. And versions centring other characters exist to me, too. (Eric, absolutely.)

Speaking of POV musing, I think Rahela the wicked stepsister featured more in the musical than the book. If the Time of Iron series ever became a TV show (and at this point in time I think I’d rather a movie because it wouldn’t… get cancelled…) and I got to write it (don’t know why I would…) I would start with the beginnings for three characters about to go on a journey to somewhere strange to them: Key in the Cauldron, Rae in the hospital, and Vasilisa in the icelands. There are so many possibilities! And I really wanted the sense that there were so many possibilities, too.

But I wanted the chronically ill one to be the centre of the story, and for it to be her villain origin story, and to ask a lot of questions (hence a lot of villains!) about who gets villainised and why. And I thought hers, to my mind, would be the most fun of all the possible stories.

So that’s the one I made. But Long Live Evil has a lot of origins. Thank you for remembering one of them! I don’t think I would’ve dared tell the story, if things hadn’t worked out for me (so far, fingers crossed).

And I also tell it to be clear my publisher was taking a RISK with me and Long Live Evil, and I really appreciate that, and I’m so happy it’s worked out for them (again so far, early days, fingers crossed, etc).

I hope some writers - whether in the process of submission, rejection or making the choices that are the building blocks of story - find this helpful, and some readers find it interesting.

Let this be one of the universes in which your story is told.

[breannasfluff]

“Hello?” Jazz’s greeting is hurried, but Danny lets his eyes fall closed. His core thrums at the sound of her voice. “Who is this?”

“Hey, Prof.”

“Da–uh–uh–you!” Smooth, Jazz. Really smooth. “Don’t call me that.” There’s no bite in the admonishment. “Can you…talk?”

Are you safe? “I’m at a payphone, but no one is around.” Nothing too incriminating over the phone, please.

“How are you doing?”

It’s good to hear her voice. “I’m pretty good. Working, making friends. Looking into…things.”

Jazz growls on the other end of the line, code for I want to bother you about that but I can’t. Danny is fluent in Jazz-speak. 

“Yeah, yeah, keep your pants on. Nothing to worry about. My friends are watching out for me.” It might be stretching Pam’s involvement slightly, but Jazz doesn’t need to worry about things she can’t fix. “I wanted to–talk.” 

I miss you. He’s too nervous to say it over the phone, just in case. What if the phone call is tracked? What if the GIW are moving toward him already? He didn’t have as much time to fly as he did last time he called, but he’s still in a different direction from Gotham. Even if they head this way, they still won’t find him.

“I’m glad you called,” Jazz says, voice going soft. I miss you, too. “Things are okay here. Summer is going to be over soon. Do you know what you’re going to do then?”

“Not yet. I’ll probably give it a few more weeks, see how work is going.” If the GIW finally back down, Danny will be fine to go home. Just as long as the arrival of one Danny Fenton doesn’t coincide with ghost attacks again. Sure, his enemies don’t attack nearly as often now, or are in the tenuous frenemies category, but Fenton luck is terrible. 

The conversation continues; inane things like what Jazz has been doing for the summer and small, heavily edited stories from Danny. I got a plant, I made new friends, I’ve taken up biking. A nugget of truth in each of them, but not the whole story. The secrecy chafes at him. 

Danny might be nearly 17, but he’s still a teenager. He shouldn’t have to be juggling secret identities, covert phone calls, and government organizations. He certainly shouldn’t be trying to subtly take down villains of a town he doesn’t even belong to. 

Read the rest here

[babygirlwritessmut]

♡︎ part7. hospitals and police reports

・❥・pairing: vi (arcane) x fem!reader

・❥・ summary: while Vi is in the hospital your dad reveals an unpleasant news

・❥・ genre: smut + kinda friends to lovers

・❥・ word count: 1.5k

✎ warnings: hospital, blood, swearing, mention of violence

WHEN I NEEDED YOU masterlist

the following hours were a blur. you remember your screams, the headlights of your dad's car, your mom holding you, the ambulance speeding, Vi's hand, which you held tightly all the way to the hospital, and so many doctors. you spent that night at the hospital, barely getting any sleep or having any strength left.

when the doctor finally came out to see you, the world stood still; you wanted to know what would happen to Vi, but at the same time, the news could be anything, which was terrifying.

“she's a fighter; that's something I can tell you for sure,” the doctor said, holding Vi's medical folder. “she’ll be staying here for a few days - I want to ensure there are no further risks to her health.”

“but she's okay, right?” you couldn’t hold back your worry.

“she’s already doing better; she's weak, but as I said, she’s a fighter,” the doctor said with steady calmness.

“could I see her, please?” you asked, looking her straight in the eye. the doctor hesitated a little, but seeing your concern, she gave a slight smile and nodded. you started thanking her and, for the first time in a while, you smiled.

“sweetie, we’ll wait for you here,” your mom said softly as you entered the room.

you promised yourself you wouldn’t cry. you needed to be strong for her - everything would be fine, and your composure would reassure her. worry and tears wouldn’t do her any good, so you gathered your courage and approached her bed. her body looked weak, and all the monitors around her seemed intimidating. her clothes, too, were unsettling to see, but you kept your reaction in check. the worst part was her face - you had thought it couldn’t be worse than when it was covered in blood, but no. the bruises, the stitched lip, and all the scrapes made it look like a waking nightmare.

“hi, Vi,” you said softly, taking her hand and sitting beside her. “how are you feeling?”

her head turned towards you, and a warm smile appeared on her face. “you look so beautiful, cupcake”

her words caught you off guard; Vi had just gone through one of the most traumatic nights of her life, and the first thing she did was compliment you. “thank you,” you murmured, a bit uncertainly. “but seriously, how are you?”

“like I've been beaten up,” she replied with a small grin, but she stopped immediately to avoid reopening her stitches.

after a pause, you both laughed again. “are you always this funny?” you squeezed her hand tighter. “no matter how bad the joke, I’m glad you still have the energy for it”

you talked for about fifteen minutes until the doctor returned to let you know it was time to go. you didn’t want to let go of her hand, but you had to, so with all the gentleness and care, you kissed her softly on the lips and said goodbye, promising to be back in the morning.

your parents were already waiting for you, and you walked to the car together. the ride was silent; your thoughts were still with Vi in the hospital. all you wanted was to sleep and make the morning come faster so you could see her again.

as the car approached home, your dad spoke up. “I know it’s been a hard night, but I’d like to talk to you”

“alright, daddy, I’ll change and come down to you.”

you quickly took a shower and put on your pajamas, carefully folding your jacket and giving it a kiss, as if Vi could somehow feel it. you felt partly responsible for what had happened today, but you brushed those thoughts aside and headed downstairs.

your dad was already waiting for you on the couch, and your mom stood by the window - she always did when she was anxious, so you knew something was wrong.

“please, take a seat, sweetheart,” your dad gestured to the spot beside him.

“what’s going on? did the doctors say something?” your heart was pounding. “please tell me Vi is okay”

“Vi’s fine; this isn’t about her health right now,” your dad reassured you, glancing at your mom as if he wanted her to continue, but she only nodded.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through this, sweetie. I still can’t believe Troy could do something like that,” your dad said, and you cringed at the mention of his name. you realized you hadn’t even thought about him until now; the last thing you remembered was him lying somewhere on the ground, whining in pain.

“I know what I’m about to tell you won’t be easy to take in, but I need you to stay calm” your dad took your hand, and your face must have shown utter confusion.

“so, Troy’s father has filed a police report,” your eyebrows shot up. “he claims that Vi lured him to the parking lot and assaulted him. I won’t go into details, but the gist is that you cheated on him with Vi, and when Troy wanted to confront you, he got beaten up instead” your dad explained, but there was a ringing in your ears.

“what the hell is that? that’s a complete load of shit!” you shouted, barely registering the words coming out of your mouth.

“sweetheart, that’s not exactly what I meant by ‘stay calm,’” your dad said, clearly displeased with your choice of words, but you didn’t care.

finally, your mom joined the conversation. “your father and I won’t let Troy slander your name, so I want you to tell us everything from the beginning. start with Troy’s party,” she said. when it came to family, your mom never joked. it was one of the reasons you trusted them so much; you knew you were safe.

you talked for another hour, recounting every detail, even the small ones. your dad never took his eyes off you and listened intently. you noticed his jaw clench when you described how Troy had shoved you. when you finished, the room was completely silent, and sadness crept over you, like reliving it all over again.

“daddy, thank you for getting there so quickly. I know I didn’t get a chance to say this earlier, but…” you started crying. “but I was so scared. I’ve never seen anything like that in my life. I’m so lucky to have you” you threw yourself into your father’s arms and felt like a little girl again. no matter how old you get, you always feel like a child with them.

“my precious daughter, you’re the most important thing we have, and I’ll never let anyone hurt you. I promise you, Troy and his father will regret this,” he said, hugging you tighter, and you exhaled deeply.

the next three days passed in the same routine: mornings at the hospital with Vi, then college, and back to the hospital. you spent a lot of time with her, and the doctors said she was recovering well and might go home tomorrow, which had you over the moon with happiness.

in the morning, you woke up, and your dad insisted you pick Vi up together. you hadn’t planned on introducing them under these circumstances, but it was how things turned out. when you arrived, Vi had already packed her things, and the doctor was giving her final instructions. after the doctor left, wishing Vi a speedy recovery, you hugged her, causing Vi to yelp in pain, and you quickly pulled back.

“sorry, I’m just so happy to see you… well...” you hesitated over the words.

“alive?” she laughed, and you rolled your eyes.

finally, your dad approached Vi and said, “glad to see you’re doing better”

“yes, thank you for helping me. I wish we could’ve met under different circumstances,” Vi smiled warmly at him.

“I couldn’t agree more,” your dad nodded. “I’m grateful to you, too, Vi. thank you for protecting my girl when I couldn’t be there. thank you for being there when she needed you." he said this sincerely, and they shook hands.

“I’m sure you’re aware that Troy’s father has pressed charges,” your dad continued, and Vi simply nodded. “I want to assure you that I’m handling this situation personally. I can see how much you mean to my daughter, and this is my way of thanking you, Vi” he smiled, and you felt tears of joy welling up. seeing the most important people in your life stand up for the one you fell in love with was an incredible feeling.

[ghostly-groves]

dsmp finale full transcript

<TommyInnit> H- Hello?

<JackManifoldTV> hey

<TommyInnit> Wh…

<TommyInnit> Where have you fucking been?

<JackManifoldTV> casino

<JackManifoldTV> been here years mate

<JackManifoldTV> made loads

<JackManifoldTV> let me bless you boy

<JackManifoldTV> it’s been too long

<TommyInnit> Jack. Seriously.

<TommyInnit> What happened?

<JackManifoldTV> Wdym?

<JackManifoldTV> I just been here

<JackManifoldTV> Playing roulette

<JackManifoldTV> Actually i have an issue rn

<JackManifoldTV> come with me

<JackManifoldTV> come on!!

<JackManifoldTV> i placed this block over the payment slot and now i can’t place bets

<JackManifoldTV> put that back

<TommyInnit> Wanna know where I’ve been?

<JackManifoldTV> mine the block of diamond pls

<TommyInnit> oh, okay

<TommyInnit> Come with me

<JackManifoldTV> wait hold on can’t end on a loss

<JackManifoldTV> BIG WIN

<TommyInnit> Come with me.

<TommyInnit> I’m on the road.

<TommyInnit> It’s good to see you

<JackManifoldTV> you too man

<TommyInnit> I’ve been here.

<JackManifoldTV> here?

<JackManifoldTV> in the bridge?

<TommyInnit> Far out in the distance

<TommyInnit> That way

<TommyInnit> I have a house

<TommyInnit> It’s nice.

<TommyInnit> I haven’t seen anyone for a loooong, long time.

<TommyInnit> Well, maybe Tubbo now and again.

<JackManifoldTV> me neither casino been empty

<JackManifoldTV> honestly i just steal money from the safes to gamble with

<JackManifoldTV> i could take it all if i wanted but the thrill keeps me there

<JackManifoldTV> gamblers ambition they call is

<JackManifoldTV> one day i’ll win big

<JackManifoldTV> 99% of people quit before then

<JackManifoldTV> not me

<JackManifoldTV> i’ll make it

<JackManifoldTV> it’s been years but it’s coming

<TommyInnit> …

<TommyInnit> You’re not good at catching up, are you?

<JackManifoldTV> just telling you my story man

<TommyInnit> Never thought I’d be around these parts again

<JackManifoldTV> me neither

<TommyInnit> I moved far from here. Get away from it.

<TommyInnit> Brings back too much

<TommyInnit> Joy, Fun, Sadness, Pain. Too much of it all.

<TommyInnit> but it’s nice to see a familiar face

<JackManifoldTV> hey you too man :)

<TommyInnit> even if you did blow up my fucking hotel

<TommyInnit> I don’t live around here.

<JackManifoldTV> oh

<JackManifoldTV> thought that was where we were going??

<TommyInnit> No, oh, god no.

<TommyInnit> Do you know how long it took for me to get back here?

<TommyInnit> I come here a lot though

<JackManifoldTV> coupa hours?

<TommyInnit> Well, more than the other places

<JackManifoldTV> cool

<JackManifoldTV> quaint

<JackManifoldTV> i like it

<JackManifoldTV> maybe i’ll buy this place when I win big!

<TommyInnit> This is Technoblade’s house

<JackManifoldTV> maybe I won’t do that

<JackManifoldTV> o7

<JackManifoldTV> how long do you sit here like this usually?

<TommyInnit> As long as I need to.

<TommyInnit> Sometimes a few minutes. Sometimes hours.

<TommyInnit> Mind if I ask you something?

<JackManifoldTV> sure

<JackManifoldTV> hit me

<TommyInnit> Do you ever…

<TommyInnit> Well, like, despite all the war, and the fighting, and the.. well… the mess. How much it sent ME a fucking mess.

<TommyInnit> You ever miss those days? The people? Or, well, the way they were? The way it all was?

<JackManifoldTV> sure

<JackManifoldTV> it was all a bit much at times

<JackManifoldTV> and i’m not sure i’d want to do it again

<JackManifoldTV> but I miss it sometimes

<JackManifoldTV> it was fun really

<TommyInnit> Yeah, I wouldn’t do it again either. haha

<TommyInnit> But…

<TommyInnit> I don’t know… I’ve tried to move on. my little cottage far away. My humble paradise. But that little thought trails into my mind…

<JackManifoldTV> i think it probably trails into all our minds, wherever we all are

<TommyInnit> Okay, phew.

<JackManifoldTV> but we all have to move on and find our own destiny some time

<TommyInnit> I’m glad it’s not just me

<JackManifoldTV> and chasing the win keeps me happy

<JackManifoldTV> i like who i am now!

<JackManifoldTV> probably more than who I was

<JackManifoldTV> but that doesn’t mean he was bad

<TommyInnit> You like being a gambler? Over an incompetent fight loser?

<TommyInnit> Well, I guess they’re not great options, are they

<TommyInnit> Sorry, that was harsh. I don’t see many people

<TommyInnit> Also, hey, you blew up my hotel

<TommyInnit> And me

<JackManifoldTV> one of them means I may win some day. i was never gonna win back then

<JackManifoldTV> oh yeah i did

<JackManifoldTV> i think i blew up everything actually

<JackManifoldTV> my fault

<TommyInnit> Luckily that wasn’t canon

<JackManifoldTV> Well no i’d say it was

<TommyInnit> I’ve still got my one life

<JackManifoldTV> I mean no one else is here anymore are they

<TommyInnit> And i intend to use it the best way I can

<JackManifoldTV> wdym??

<TommyInnit> Well, 1 canon life

<TommyInnit> I was left with 1 when everyone went away

<JackManifoldTV> yh yh yh but how do you wanna use it

<TommyInnit> You know…

<TommyInnit> I’ve got not a clue

<TommyInnit> But I’ll figure that out later

<JackManifoldTV> okay

<JackManifoldTV> you could come gamble with me

<TommyInnit> For now. I’ve got my cottage. My new pet! Awh, she’s adorable. Mareep. She’s a little sheep I caught.

<JackManifoldTV> I hear a big win is just around the corner

<TommyInnit> I don’t want to gamble Jack

<JackManifoldTV> oh

<JackManifoldTV> okay

<JackManifoldTV> more for me!!

<TommyInnit> Yep

<TommyInnit> But yeah you know… things are OK for me, Tubbo and his fucking bees I’ll see too every now and then

<JackManifoldTV> well this was nice

<TommyInnit> He’s doing pretty well for himself

<TommyInnit> Selling all that fucking honey

<JackManifoldTV> that’s good

<JackManifoldTV> i thought he exploded when i blew everything up

<TommyInnit> I guess being the president of L’Manberg teaches you a few logistical things, ey?

<JackManifoldTV> i can’t actually die i don’t think so i never know whether these things are bad for everyone else or not

<TommyInnit> Not that either of us would know anything about that

<TommyInnit> Well…

<JackManifoldTV> well..

<TommyInnit> But I haven’t seen anyone else, besides Tubbo

<TommyInnit> I think I like it that way for now.

<TommyInnit> The quiet life.

<JackManifoldTV> yeah you two are hard to seperate

<TommyInnit> TELL ME ABOUT IT

<JackManifoldTV> quiet is nice

<TommyInnit> It’s nice to see an old face though

<JackManifoldTV> this is nice

<TommyInnit> I know I said that before

<TommyInnit> but it really is

<TommyInnit> Well, look, I can’t stay too long. I need to feed Mareep.

<JackManifoldTV> yeah i got some places to see now i’m out

<TommyInnit> It’ll be off soon

<TommyInnit> Anything else you want to ask me?

<TommyInnit> I have no questions for you

<JackManifoldTV> haven’t left in a while should probably go check on some things

<JackManifoldTV> are you happy?

<JackManifoldTV> i guess that’s all i’d care to know.

<TommyInnit> Getting there.

<JackManifoldTV> nice

<TommyInnit> Good to see you, jack.

<JackManifoldTV> i’m glad for you

<TommyInnit> Hope you get the big win.

<JackManifoldTV> good to see you too tommy

<TommyInnit> Oh and hey

<JackManifoldTV> i will

<TommyInnit> Don’t let anyone buy this house

<JackManifoldTV> i won’t

<JackManifoldTV> when i win big there’ll be no money left HAHAHAHA

<TommyInnit> I might not see you again

<JackManifoldTV> that’s okay

<TommyInnit> But I hope I hear about it if you win big

<TommyInnit> So long J money

<JackManifoldTV> i can deal with that knowing you’re happy :)

<JackManifoldTV> bye bye big T

TommyInnit left the game

[dira333]

Flowers are for boys too - Tamaki Amajiki x Reader

Meet-Cute and Confession for @marti-mp4 for the Milestone Event Week 1

“Sorry to interrupt, but there’s another flower delivery. Could you take this one?”  Your secretary Kimiko asks.

You snort but nod before stepping out of your office.

Her ex-boyfriend is pretty darn adamant.

The poor delivery guy doesn’t know what’s going on.

“I’m supposed to hand this to Hattori Kimiko.”

“And I’m her supervisor and I’m telling you she doesn’t want them. Last time he brought them himself, he’s gotten clever it seems. Can’t you take them back?”

“No.” The guy shakes his head. “B-But you can keep them? If they ask I’ll say it was delivered to the office.”

“Thanks. If he gives you any troubles, send them my way. I can deal with him just fine.”

He leaves with a curt nod and you look down at the bouquet in your hands. It’s not ugly, a dozen long stemmed red roses are a classic.

But you can’t take them upstairs and you don’t want to throw them away.

“Excuse me?”

The guy flinches away. He’s tall and dark-haired and you think he looks somewhat familiar. His ears are the cutest though, thin and long, reminding you of an elf. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you. Do you want a rose? The whole bouquet maybe?”

“I-” His lip quivers. 

“You don’t have to take it,” you ensure him. “Flowers are usually more of a girls thing but you looked…” You hesitate. “You looked like you could use some cheering up, so… what do you say?”

He still looks unsure as he takes them into his arms, peers down at them like he can’t really believe what’s happening.

“I do need to get back up though,” you apologize immediately. “I’m supposed to meet a client soon. Is it okay if I leave them with you? It’s a gift, so don’t worry about anything.”

“What’s your name?” He asks, voice a little rough around the edges. His eyes, a deep midnight blue similar to his hair, lock onto the sign attached to your blazer. He looks surprised but you don’t have time for that.

“Have a good day,” you tell him as you turn around, back to the elevator that will take you back to your office.

“You too,” he mumbles and you think that for what’s probably a once in a lifetime conversation, you didn’t say much to each other.

Maybe that’s why you’re still single.

-

The door to your office opens slowly fifteen minutes later.

You’ve used the time to prepare for your meeting, though now you’re frozen midway to the door at the sight of him.

He doesn’t have the roses with him, but he looks just as awkward as he did downstairs. 

“I-I’m Tamaki Amajiki,” he explains with a slight stutter. “I do have a meeting here.”

“Oh, sure, yes.” You wave him inside. “I should have expected that, shouldn’t I? I’m so sorry I practically ran away from you, I didn’t know you’d be my meeting.”

“The roses are outside,” he explains. “I left them with your secretary.”

“Oh,” you hesitate. “Did you tell her how you got them?”

“Should I have?”

“No, it’s better this way.” You let out a sigh of relief, trying to explain the situation as quickly as possible when he looks curious.

“Anyway,” you clear your throat. “I’m glad you could make the time for me. Picking a PR Agent is a tough decision and I’m sure you have many questions-”

“Are you single?”

His face flushes a vibrant red before your brain fully manages to understand.

“I shouldn’t have asked!” Tamaki apologizes immediately, curling into an awkward ball in his chair.

“It’s okay,” you tell him, trying to calm him down with the limited knowledge you have. “After that whole ex-boyfriend story I can only assume that question is somewhat warranted. I am single. Are you?”

“Yes,” he mutters into his knees. “Sorry again.”

-

If that first accidental question had given you any hopes, the rest of your conversation does nothing to fan those flames. 

Tamaki is shy, yes, but he’s also polite. 

So polite that you can only tell yourself that his mind must have been on autopilot for a second, still frazzled by the flowers he’d been gifted or the story you had told.

-

“I’ll see you next week then?” You ask as you lead him to the door. “To talk through our strategy? And don’t forget to tell me who you’re going to bring with you to the Gala next month.”

“Can I bring you?” Tamaki asks, towering over you in the doorway. His cheeks are still flushed and the red suits him well. “My friend always brings his PR Agent. He cannot get a date.”

You laugh.

“Of course I can accompany you. But feel free to invite someone else if you want to. I won’t be hurt if you don’t take me.”

Tamaki nods before taking the roses from Kimiko, sending you one last look before the elevator takes him down and out of your sight.

“He’s cute,” Kimiko comments. “And those roses? I told him whoever gave them to him must have a major crush on him. He almost wouldn’t believe me but I can be very convincing if I want to be.”

You sigh. “Yes. I know.”

- - - 

- The night of the Gala - 

“Tamaki?” You call out, hoping your voice will travel through his door. “It’s me. Are you ready?”

There’s shuffling to be heard before the door creaks open just a smidge.

“I don’t wanna go,” Tamaki admits quietly and your heart goes out to him.

You’ve been working with him for a month now and while he’s not made any move or comment that could be interpreted as him having an interest in you, your heart didn’t get the memo. It beats uncomfortably in your throat at the thought of him so close, yet far away.

“I’m sorry,” you tell him softly. “I know there will be a lot of people. I wish I could tell you that you don’t have to go-”

“I have to, right?”

“Yeah,” you swallow a sigh. It’s one born from empathy, but you don’t want him to think you’re annoyed or exasperated by his anxiety.

“Look,” you tell him. “I know it’s not much, but I… I got you flowers again.”

“Why?”

You swallow thickly as you consider this. The truth is awkward to confess, but how could you lie? And to him of all people?

“I knew tonight was going to be hard for you and I don’t know, flowers always cheer me up. And I… I really like getting things for you, I don’t know.”

The door opens a little further. He’s dressed in a black suit with a tie matching his hair. 

“I got flowers for you too,” he confesses quietly, before shuffling away, leaving the door open.

You take it as a sign to step inside and close the door behind you, the bouquet for him heavy in your hands.

Tamaki presents them to you with shaking hands and they’re beautiful, roses in all different colors mixed into a rainbow of fragrance and petals.

You swallow harshly before you present him with his own bouquet, all flowers set in the same shade of blueish purple that reminds you of his hair.

Tamaki smiles and although it’s gone just as quickly as it came, it lights up a fire in your heart.

“I wanna-” He hesitates. “I want to tell you something.”

“Okay.”

“We’re not going to be late, right?”

“No, we have plenty of time. I didn’t want you to get stressed with that so I came here extra early.”

He chuckles. “That’s… one of the reasons why I like you. You take good care of me.”

The words “That’s my job.” rest on your tongue but you swallow them. It wouldn’t be the full truth anyway. 

“A-and I don’t want to go to that Gala and have everyone think that we’re something when we haven’t… talked about this yet.”

“Oh.”

His lip quivers. His arms shake. But he continues. You can only imagine how much strength this is taking him right now.

“I really like you and I want you to go out with me, please!”

His eyes are clenched shut as if he’s waiting for a rejection but your hands curl around his, squeezing tight.

“I’d love to.”

Tamaki’s eyes snap open again. “Really?”

“Really really. What a great coincidence that we’re already wearing evening wear. Now we can have a proper date.”

“A date,” he echoes like he can’t really believe it yet. “Wait. Tonight?”

“Why not?” You smile up at him. “No one has to know but us. Might take your mind of all the people around.”

His smile is back now and his hand squeeze back.

“If you want. It’s worth a try.”

-

“Suneater! Here!” A woman about your age pushes forward and blinks up at him. 

“I’m Bando Misaki with the Musutafu News. How do you feel about tonights Hero Ranking. Will you make it into the Top 10?”

“What?” Tamaki blinks at her a little dumbfounded. She blinks back just as confused.

You step a little closer in case anything goes wrong.

“After all the good work he’s done in the last few months I wouldn’t be surprised to see him rise into the Top 10,” you explain when he’s still not opened his mouth. “But Tamaki’s a humble hero, he doesn’t predict his own greatness.”

“Oh,” he lights up next to you with understanding, repeating your answer in his own words so that they can use it as sound bites. He’s learned well . 

“What are you excited for tonight then?” Misaki cuts in right after, not letting him off easy.

“My date,” Tamaki answers truthfully, his brain registering the words a little too late. He blushes a furious red and turns to leave, so you follow him, enjoying the dumbfounded look on Misaki’s pretty face a little too much.

[moni-logues]

Reciprocity

Pairing: Yoongi x afab reader (Kintsugi couple) feat. A Fine Line Couple

Genre: established relationship

Word count: 5.8k

Summary: A couples' holiday with Suri and Namjoon highlights a particular problem between you and Yoongi.

Content: one reference to self-harm (cutting) but discussion of scars, oral sex (f. receiving), discussions of sex life stuff?, i guess some poor communication, overheard sex

A/N: yes, it's me once again with my favourite characters no apologies. i have been thinking about this since maybe even before i finished the series??? and i'm glad to have it finally out of my head. this is unedited and unbeta'd, written by me in the course of this one single day and well, here we are. This is set in the summer, somewhere a few months after the ending of the series.

* * *

“It’ll be fun!” 

Yoongi just nodded and continued carefully folding clothes and packing them in a bag.  

“You don’t want to come,” you continued, heart sinking a little. 

“Of course I do.” 

“Tell your face.” 

He smiled then but didn’t want you to see it, turned around to fetch underwear from a drawer. When he turned back, his face was schooled into something a little more neutral, polite. 

“I’m not saying it’s my first choice of holiday,” he explained, “but I want to go.” 

“Good, because you’re coming whether you like it or not!” 

You hopped off the bed, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and then moved into the kitchen to prepare snacks for the road. At the advice of your therapist, you were taking Yoongi at his word: if he said he wanted to come, you would believe him and it was not your responsibility if he was lying. Even though it felt like it was.  

A week in the sun had been your initial suggestion. Somewhere where the heat wasn’t a curse, but a blessing. Clear blue skies and cool water. Peace. Unbridled joy where the real world couldn’t touch you. Even you weren’t entirely sure when it turned into a couples’ holiday, but it was an idea that neither Suri nor Yoongi would ever come up with, and you weren’t sure about Namjoon so it must have been yours. Sounded like the sort of thing you would say. Yoongi had said yes and let you do the research, find somewhere not too far away, easy to get to but far enough to feel new, to feel fresh.  

He had been fairly tight-lipped about it since then. Got a little quiet when you brought it up, when you showed him tourism websites with activities laid out. He insisted he wanted to come but never quite managed to muster up the level of enthusiasm you’d hoped for. In a way, that was just Yoongi being Yoongi, but there was anxiety in you, too, and it was making you sensitive. You could see everyone hating the idea, hating the trip, having the worst time. The awkward silences, arguments about what to do or who should clean what. Namjoon had joked that he would have to force Suri to come and he had said it with a laugh but you knew it was true.  

You turned your head and looked out of the car window at the increasingly green scenes around you and bit your lip. It felt incongruous somehow to not be happy and peaceful when the environment was so lush and bright with life. With ease. With a natural kind of solidity that had stood for hundreds or thousands of years and was still standing. You felt small and silly to be worried about this but it didn’t stop you worrying. Yoongi’s hand found yours and, like it always did, made a warmth start in your heart. You closed your eyes for a second of intense gratitude and then turned to him. 

“It’ll be fun,” he said.  

And it sounded like he meant it. 

* 

You and Yoongi arrived first, took the back bedroom overlooking the lake at Yoongi’s insistence because it was the better view. You had stopped on the way for groceries and you stocked the fridge, took out food to cook for dinner, since it would be about that time when Namjoon and Suri arrived.  

The cabin was wooden and new, so new it still smelt literally pine-fresh. The sun was just starting to dip, dripping golden light over everything, spreading a thousand tiny diamonds on the surface of the lake. It couldn’t have been more picturesque. It made you want to send a postcard for the first time since you were a child.  You settled for texting photos to Taehyung who told you to stop messaging him. Your ripples of anxiety were peaking, anticipating Namjoon and Suri’s arrival and what sort of dynamic it would bring, how it might disturb the peace of this place.  

Yoongi tore you from the window and asked you to start peeling vegetables. You were glad of the task. 

“-t I don’t want to be here, it’s just going to be weird.” 

Suri’s voice came from the hallway and you froze. So did Yoongi. 

“I don’t know why you keep saying that-” Namjoon - “it’s not as if we’ve never spent time with them. You like them.” 

Suri’s hum in response sounded unconvinced.  

You heard the kicking off of shoes, could follow their footsteps into the living room, around the corner from the kitchen where the two of you were hidden. Yoongi put down his knife and moved to go, intercept them before they said something you didn’t want to hear, but you put a hand out to stop him. Your stomach was sick but you had to hear it. Whatever it might be.  

“She’s jus-” 

And they rounded the corner into the kitchen, stopped in their tracks when they saw you. 

“Hey!” Namjoon was the first to recover. “We didn’t know you guys had arrived already! Where have you parked?” 

“’Round the back,” Yoongi answered. 

He was looking at Suri and you were looking anywhere but. Face burning with shame—that this was your idea, that it was all your fault, that you should’ve made you presence known earlier, that no one except you wanted to do this—you swallowed and smiled as brightly as you could. 

“You made it!”  

Your cheer sounded forced to you; maybe Namjoon and Suri wouldn’t hear it. Maybe they would believe you. 

“Public transport is a fucking nightmare,” Suri said with feeling.  

“I told you we could’ve rented a car,” Namjoon replied as if they had had this argument already. 

“I’m not driving in these hills! You should do it. Right?” 

You flinched when she turned to you and realised you had to answer. 

“Uh-” 

“Yoongi drove, right? Literally what are men good for if not chauffeuring you around?” 

It was a lifeline for her, really, but you took it readily, gladly, anything to drive over the awkwardness and shame you were feeling. 

“She has a point, Joon,” you said, grinning at him. “You could at least get a licence.”  

Namjoon rolled his eyes indulgently, let you and Suri rib him a little more, smoothing things over at his own expense. You were deeply grateful.  

“Come and help us do dinner,” you said, ferreting out more chopping boards from the cupboard, handing over knives and ingredients.  

It would be fine, you told yourself as you diligently and with great focus, chopped an onion. It would be fine. It would not be weird. It would be fine. It would be fine.  

* 

It was fine. Dinner was cooked and eaten and cleaned up after. Drinks were taken on to the back porch, overlooking the lake, the heat lingering long into the darkness. It was not dissimilar to the other dinners you had had as a foursome. As long as you could forget what Suri might have been about to say, you were sure you could have a good time.  

* 

You woke the next morning, sun streaming sharply through a gap in the curtains. You rolled over, tucked yourself into Yoongi’s side even though you were already hot and sticky. You were willing yourself to fall back to sleep, even if just for a few minutes, and then you were sitting, eyes wide, ears trained.  

There was no mistaking the sound of other people having sex. You grimaced, settled back down in bed and pulled the covers over your head. 

“What?” Yoongi mumbled, not so much a word as a sound. 

“Can’t you hear them?” you asked in a stage whisper. 

Another grunt from Yoongi. Then you felt his body tense, followed by a sigh and a sleepy chuckle. 

“You’re the one who wanted to come on holiday with another couple.” 

You whined, prodded him sharply in the chest. 

“Not because I was anticipating this! Do they have to be so loud?” 

“This place is not exactly well sound-proofed.” 

“I so don’t want to hear this.” 

“Go back to sleep,” Yoongi said and he sounded like he was already halfway there himself.  

“I don’t know how you can sleep now that you can hear that.” 

Merely a hum in response. 

You lay for a few minutes, desperately trying not to hear the only noise in the house, and then you gave up. Threw back the covers and went into the bathroom to shower. The rush of the shower might not exactly cover it but it would give you something to do.  

* 

“Hey,” Yoongi greeted the other couple when they came out to join the two of you on the back porch, where you were sitting with coffee and fruit. “Just a quick request: could you please have louder sex? I’ve been getting a little too much sleep recently.” 

You and Suri both froze and you saw the blood swarm in her cheeks, red and hot. Namjoon just laughed.  

“I’ll see what we can do.” 

Suri swatted him harshly on the arm and he barely noticed, slung said arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, kissed her on the top of her head. If he felt embarrassed or awkward about it, it wasn’t showing. What was it like to be so self-assured, confident, relaxed about everything? Even with Suri’s face still pink, her mouth pulled into a scowl, furiously glowering at her boyfriend, he looked easy, his smile gentle and eyes bright. You envied him. You still felt silly and embarrassed about the previous evening, and embarrassed about hearing them have sex; he didn’t seem embarrassed at all to be heard.  

* 

Yoongi had insisted on washing up after breakfast. Didn’t let anyone else so much as carry a bowl back to the kitchen. He was taking his time on it, deliberately, carefully, putting off what he knew could not be avoided.  

He was rarely unaware of his own body. Vigilant at all times about its exposure. He had suffered years of summers under long sleeves and trousers, would suffer higher temperatures, more humidity if he had to. He regretted everything he had done to himself, but not in a way that prevented him doing it again. No amount of shame or embarrassment would stop him, it seemed. Not that it happened much these days, but the possibility was always there.  

Even when he was with you, he couldn’t let go. Even though you were sweet and kind and loving. Even though he knew there was a part of you that understood. Even though he could kiss your thighs where you had cut them and love you so much that it hurt, love your skin, love your scars (hate that you had them). Even though you kissed him, all over, generous and unsparing, even though you said you loved him, all the parts, every bit of him. He knew what he was and he found that breaking the habit of hiding himself was harder than the hiding had been in the first place. 

With his task finished, and all the others he had made up for himself (cleaning counters, fluffing cushions, clearing the dryer of lint even though they hadn’t used it), he had come to the point he could no longer avoid. He moved slowly up the stairs, towards the bedroom you and he were sharing; he stopped halfway up. He could see you through the door, left ajar.  

Your bikini was floral, cutesy, every bit you. The smile formed on his mouth before he had registered the sight. Then it was wiped away because he saw your face: your worried eyebrows, lip caught between your teeth. Your fingers ran over the scars on your thighs; your face turned towards the window, from which point Yoongi knew you could see Namjoon and Suri, already out, lounging. He could see cogs turning in your head, first this way then that.  

And then it wasn’t just the scars. You fussed with the top, fussed with the bottom, turned in the mirror to check yourself from the side, twisted your head around to catch yourself from the back. You ran a hand over your face. You picked up a slip of fabric—some kind of cover-up, a dress?—and held it up against yourself. 

He knew he shouldn’t be spying like this. He wanted to leap the remaining stairs and take you into bed where he would show you exactly what he thought of your body: your perfect, desirable, soft, body that he loved and loved to love. He wanted, briefly, to throw Suri in the lake and hope there were eels because he knew you were still thinking about it: last night.  

He knew that it didn’t matter much what he did because it wasn’t that easy. It wasn’t as easy as being told you were fine. He knew because you told him all the time but he still felt like there was something wrong with him.  

He carried on up the stairs and knocked on the door as he entered. Your face was immediately bright, free from clouds, as clear as the sky outside.  

“Coming outside?” you asked as he moved in closer, couldn’t stop himself kissing you just once, putting all his love into it, however brief, however small. 

“Yeah, just coming. You go ahead.” 

You nodded and skipped out and there was a deep tug in his chest. There was a pit of snakes in his stomach but, fuck it, he’d been bitten before. Everyone out there beside the lake knew him, knew what he was if not in full, lurid detail. He took a deep breath and fished around in the bottom of his bag for the pair of swimming shorts he had bought in a moment of madness and packed because he wanted to make the effort for you. He hadn’t expected to wear them—they were still fully tagged and pristine, ready for refunding—but here he was.  

He hadn’t anticipated the difficulty. He sat for ten minutes at the dining table in the kitchen, willing himself to get up and go outside. His legs weren’t all that bad, not the lower half. No one would care. You’d seen them before anyway. It wasn’t a big deal. He was telling himself all the right things but he couldn’t make himself move because he was thinking about all the people who’d seen him in his grossest state. Thought of the things some of them had said. Thought about their reactions. Thought about yours. Tried to focus on that. Reminded himself that it was you out there and his best friend. Suri was still a question mark but he also thought that she could go fuck herself if she had a problem with it because he was still prepared to fight her for potentially upsetting you. 

“I don’t know. I’ll go and see where he is.” 

Your voice floated over to him and that was it, the alarm call, the deadline reached. He stood from the chair and made himself move with he didn’t know what power.  

“Hey!” you cried, arms outstretched to welcome him as he approached the group. “I was just coming to look for you—thought you might have got lost.” 

He smiled, let you kiss him on the cheek, direct him into a sun lounger, sit down with him on it, not quite in his lap but almost.  

Suri raised a hand in way of a greeting; she was flat on her back, sunglasses on, straps of her bikini tucked away, her tiny body sizzling in the sun. Namjoon sat next to her, under the shade of a parasol, dug out of the cabin’s garage, book in hand. He nodded at Yoongi and kept reading. 

“I’m going to go in the lake,” you said, one hand resting on his calf. “Do you want to come?” 

He was putting all his energy into not looking where you were touching him, not noticing, pretending that this wasn’t the first time for he couldn’t remember how many years that he’d not been fully covered in front of people. He wasn’t sure what his face said, if his mouth said anything at all, but you were standing and holding out your hands for him so he must have said yes, let you lead him to the edge of the water and then jump in.  

The water was colder than he’d expected. He gasped and swallowed a lungful, came up spluttering. He wiped the water from his face and pushed his hair back. He blinked the water from his eyes and each frame brought you closer, until your arms were around his neck and your lips on his.  

“I love you, you know that?” 

He nodded. 

“I love you, too.” 

“I know.” 

Did you? Did you really know the full depth and breadth of it? The way he loved you was desperate and whole. He had loved desperately before, loved anxiously, a long time ago when he still thought it was possible he could be loved. There were times when it terrified him. You terrified him because you loved him and it was impossible. Panic seized him and he wanted to run, run anywhere, get as far away as possible until you and your enormous heart were nowhere to be seen. Then you would call him or you would touch him and the panic disappeared, a low-grade anxiety in its place.  

He hadn’t realised he had given up on it. Before you let him kiss you, before you kissed him back and said things he never believed he would hear, he had retired the idea of being loved. It wasn’t for everyone and it wasn’t for him. He took what he could get and accepted that his lot in life was nothing more. But he met you and it hit him square in the face: that he’d stopped expecting joy. That he was fine because he never expected what he deeply and desperately wanted: to be loved. 

And that’s why you were terrifying. Because he was getting used to you. Getting used to being wanted. Getting used to the idea that he could be wanted. Sometimes he thought he was expecting it. Expecting you to let him in your arms, in your life. He had to remind himself that he wasn’t owed anything, didn’t deserve anything. It was the other way around: he was in debt for everything he had been given by you, for being given you at all. 

* 

They say if you can’t beat them, join them. It was an expression Yoongi was apparently taking very seriously, as he slid his tongue down your torso, fingers already slipping through your lips, sinking deep into your soft, wet hole.  

You were less keen to join Namjoon and Suri in being overheard so you pressed a pillow to your face and moaned into it, still louder than you’d wanted to be. You bit down hard on your lip as your back arched from the bed. Every time, it was an aria performed like a concerto, Yoongi doing the work of a full orchestra suite at once. It was lethal and moving the ease with which he played you and it was somehow never the same twice. Never had anyone spent as much time with his face between your legs and it showed: he had learnt, with apparent ease, seemingly everything about what got you off: had learnt how to do it in a rush, how to take his time, how to make you squirt (a surprise more to you than him), how to edge you until you wanted to die, how to make you come and somehow keep coming. He had, on one unfortunately memorable occasion, given you a charley horse and a third orgasm simultaneously.  

You were approaching your second now, with sweat seeping into the bedsheets, and Yoongi’s tongue laving at your clit, his fingers rocking inside you. It was suffocating with the pillow smothering you, your hot breath making it damp, your breathing thick and swampy so it made you light-headed. You couldn’t have kept any quieter even if you’d be able to try; all your attention and energy fell on the mouth at the apex of your legs and the fingers inside you. An experience so in-body, it almost pushed you all the way out again, like your consciousness was hovering outside your skin, alert and alive, an electrical wire in a puddle of water.  

You came hard and gasped for breath when you pulled the pillow from your face. Yoongi kissed his way back up to you, sticky marks all over your sweat-wet skin. He was damp, too, tiny curls of hair stuck to his forehead, the T-shirt he slept in stuck to his back. You peeled it back, ran your hands over him, were reaching for the waistband of his boxers when he pulled away.  

“I’ll wash up and then make breakfast, sound good?” he asked, climbing out of bed and reaching for trousers. 

The words died in your mouth. You could see that he was hard, see the discomfort in the way he adjusted himself as he dressed; you wished you could see into his brain. It wasn’t the first time, not even the second or third and you didn’t want to have the same conversation again, with another couple in the house, with company. Knew it wouldn’t get you anywhere if you did. Knew he would not fuck you nor would he give you a real reason why not. You rolled onto your side, away from the door and pulled the covers around you, despite the heat, despite the sweat. You lay and you stewed and you wondered just what exactly you were doing wrong. 

* 

You tried to forget about it and it had been easy until you glanced over to see Namjoon swat Suri’s backside with his book, saw her retaliate by squirting water on him from her bottle, saw him pull her down in a tumble that was entirely playful until she kissed him. You turned away because you’d already heard enough, you didn’t need to see their foreplay.  

* 

“Did you guys buy ice-cream?” Suri asked later that evening. 

“No,” you answered. “Do you want some?” 

Suri nodded. 

“Yeah, there’s a shop down the road; I’ll go and get some. Anyone else want any?” 

“I’ll come, too!” 

Suri looked surprised, her mouth open (to put you off), then she shut it and shrugged. 

“Ok.” 

It was quiet, initially, just the soft rush of wind in the tops of the trees and the slight crunch of the gravel track under your feet. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

The rhythm of Suri’s feet faltered and then started smoothly again. Her answer was slow to arrive. 

“Yeah, I guess.” 

Embarrassment was worming through you, on its way to stifle you, to choke you so the words wouldn’t come out. 

“You and Namjoon have good sex, right?” 

Suri didn’t just falter but stopped completely. She looked at you guardedly, suspicious. You could feel her attempting to put distance between you, even as her feet kept still. 

“Is that... ar-, we’re trying to be quiet,” she answered eventually. 

You laughed not because it was funny but because you were nervous. 

“No, it’s not about that. It's... I mean, you do, right?” 

“Yes.” 

You were stuttering over your next question, not having planned this conversation, not really knowing what you wanted out of it. 

“Don’t you and Yoongi?” Suri asked, beating you to it. 

“We do. Kind of. Yes, but also...” 

Your face was flaming, hot pricks of sweat beading in your scalp at the embarrassment of this, at having to ask someone about your sex life—someone that wasn’t Taehyung anyway—someone who definitely did not want to be having this conversation either. 

“The thing is,” you persevered, “he goes down on me, like a lot. Or not a lot but sometimes, well, often, he...”  

Your fists clenched and unclenched at your sides. 

“He goes down on me and then we don’t have sex and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong or why he doesn’t want to fuck me.” 

You let it out in a rush, looking somewhere over Suri’s left shoulder because you couldn’t bear to look at her directly, to see her face reacting. She was quiet for a moment or two and you stewed, boiling in your self-consciousness, steaming with shame.  

“Have you asked him?” 

“Yes, of course! He just says he doesn’t want to or ‘it’s ok’ or that I don’t have to reciprocate or that he’s fine. But I'm not fine! I’m clearly shit at sex! And blowjobs because he doesn’t want those either!” 

And it was the embarrassment, mostly, but you felt tears burn in your eyes, felt your bottom lip wobble and as much as you did not want to have this conversation, you certainly didn’t want to cry during it. 

“Does Namjoon ever...” and you couldn’t finish the question because you knew the answer and didn’t want to hear it. 

“Nah, if he’s even the slightest bit turned on, he’s doing something about it. Well, I'm doing something about it, you know what I mean.” 

You cursed softly, tried to kick at the gravel in your flipflops.  

“I just wish he would tell me what I’m doing wrong so I can fix it.” 

Your embarrassment, bright enough to have burnt away now, had left you sad, miserable in fact, that you couldn’t please your boyfriend and he was being too nice to tell you so. Sad because you couldn’t give him what you wanted to, what he gave you. Miserable that you were failing where you wanted to succeed. 

“Do you ask him directly at the time?” 

“Huh?” 

“I mean, look, I’m the last person who should be giving anyone relationship advice of any kind, ok? I really don’t know how to do anything but are you asking him why he doesn’t want to have sex right now, or have you talked about it at a completely unsexy time? Because Namjoon is barely sapient when his dick is hard; his brain is entirely in his crotch.  

“Literally the only thing I have learnt over the last year is that, as horrible as it is, you have to talk about stuff, especially when you don’t want to talk about it. So maybe just talk to him again but- oh, I don’t know! I’m not good at this. But if he’s not given you a proper answer, make him give you one. You should at least know what the problem is, if there even is one, right?” 

You thought about it. Thought about how quickly you let the subject drop, let Yoongi brush you off because you didn’t really want to have the conversation at all, didn’t want to know the answer—or rather you didn’t want to hear Yoongi say it.  

You nodded, thanked her quietly for her help and you walked the rest of the way to the shop in silence. You picked an ice-cream at random and a random one for Yoongi, too, then you walked back. Suri tried to make conversation with you and you were grateful for it, for her. You didn’t know if she liked you, found her impossible to read, and often got the impression that she’d rather be anywhere else, but she was making an effort and it meant something to you. 

* 

“Can I ask you something?” you started timidly as you settled in bed that night. 

“Yeah.” 

You were quiet for a moment and Yoongi frowned, trying to work out what had upset you. You had been quieter than usual all evening and he wondered if Suri had said something to you; you had come back from the shop with two melona ice-creams, which you hated.  

“Am I bad in bed?”  

He blanched. Didn’t really understand the question because you weren't. Not in the slightest. The sex he had with you was as close to perfect as sex could be. He sometimes felt deranged in how much he wanted you, felt dirty for it even, like it somehow besmirched your honour for him to think about you when he touched himself. Like he would contaminate you with his need to have you. It often took all he had in him not to fuck you. 

“What do you mean?” 

Your mouth was pouty and your eyebrows drawn close. You didn’t look angry for which he was grateful, but you were sad and frustrated for which he was not. 

“You go down on me all the time and then we don’t have sex after! You don’t let me reciprocate! I can’t do it better if you don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong in the first place!” 

It was like static was fuzzing up his brain. He knew the words but couldn’t understand them coming out of your mouth. He had thought he was doing the right thing. Giving not taking. Or taking only sometimes, but keeping the balance firmly tipped towards you. You always offered because of course you did: you were wonderful and kind and, for reasons he could rarely fathom, you cared about him.  

“Yoongi!” 

In a tone he almost never heard, genuinely annoyed, if also pleading and anxious.  

He blinked, tried to find an answer. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” 

“Of course you do! It happened this morning! It happens at least half the time! I don’t understand why you don’t want it.” 

And his heart was suddenly hammering because he could see that he had got it wrong but he wasn’t quite sure how. Colour drained from his face because you were upset, really, genuinely upset and it was his fault and if he could have squashed himself like a bug under his own shoe, he would have.  

He tried to see what he had not seen, what he had missed, what maybe he had ignored. Could only see instead the times before, with other partners, when he’d try to initiate and be rebuffed, when he never asked for anything because he knew he wouldn’t get it anyway and, besides, it was ugly to ask, to want, to demand for something someone else didn’t want to give. He had spent so much time and effort learning his partners’ bodies, trying to make up for everything he lacked. He knew he was good at it. Knew it, was sure of it. Wasn’t he? Was it not enough? Was he still missing something? 

“I do,” he said, voice hushed as though it hurt to say. “I do want it.” 

“Then why do you always brush me off?” 

He felt stripped like old paint. Had to look at you, though the embarrassment was excruciating. 

“I didn’t think you really wanted it.” 

And it sounded stupid when he said it out loud, really stupid, but it was the truth. 

“What?!” 

You really needed to hear him say it again. That he didn’t think you wanted it, even though you had explicitly asked. Even though you had sometimes tried, feebly, to insist.  

“I...” 

But he didn’t say it again, looked as though he couldn’t. Looked as desperate as you felt.  

“Why do you think I would ask, I would offer, if I didn’t want to actually do it?” 

“Because you give. You’re... You’re nice to me.” 

“Oh, fuck.” 

And you took a deep breath, tried to blink away the tears, sent them rolling down your cheeks instead.  

“Yoongi, what the fuck?” 

You saw him move, inch away just slightly, and you remembered who you were dealing with. Because he was Yoongi, your Yoongi, and he was warm and soft and sweet and funny and smart and you loved him so much that you forgot sometimes he still hated himself. Saw his denial now not of you but of his own desires. Remembered how long he had spent silently loving you without asking you to so much as hear a confession. Remembered how close you had both come to absolutely nothing at all, his disbelief overpowering his belief and his heart and his hope.  

You could see it from his side. See what he was trying to do, even if it was madness. Even if it was wrong. You could feel him retreat even now, tucking himself back inside his tortoise shell.  

“I’m so-” 

You didn’t let him finish, would not let him apologise. You kissed him, tasted the salt of your own tears between you, leant into him, let your arms wrap around him and pressed your lips to his, to his cheek, to his hairline, to his jaw. 

“Yoongi, I love you.” 

“I know,” he replied, but you weren’t sure if he really did. 

“I’m glad you think I'm such a nice person and everything, but I promise, I’m not offering out of the goodness of my heart. I’m asking because I actually want to. Like, really want to. Like, really enjoy myself and want you to enjoy yourself and want us to both enjoy ourselves together, y’know?” 

He nodded, couldn’t quite hold your gaze.  

“I’m serious. You need to know that I want to fuck you, ok?” 

And you laughed, though you were trying not to, even if it did feel a little ridiculous, having to convince your boyfriend that you wanted to have sex. 

He nodded again. 

“You promise I’m not a bad lay?” 

And you watched his face flick through shock and outrage and a kind of disbelief that become laughter.  

“You are not a bad lay, I promise.” 

“And what about blowjobs?”  

“Also good.”  

“You promise?” 

And you sat yourself in his lap, legs straddling his hips, sinking yourself low, pressing against him. 

“I promise.” 

“What if I say you have to prove it?” 

His head cocked to the side, playful, squinting at you, and you didn’t think that it was over, that he was suddenly convinced now, but with the burden of Being Terrible at Sex lifted off you, you felt not only lighter, but the deep, heavy, familiar drag of desire raise its head. 

“Prove it?” 

You shifted your hips again, deniably but definitely, and put your lips to his ear. 

“Prove that you like it when I suck your cock.” 

His hands gripped you tightly; you felt the bob in his throat when he swallowed as you pressed kisses down his neck and a stirring in his boxers that you sank even lower to press yourself against. 

“I’ll prove it if you prove that you like it when I fuck you.” 

“Deal.” 

* 

You were late up that next morning and Namjoon greeted you both from the back porch. 

“Hey, a little request: could you maybe be louder when you fuck? Suri and I are actually sleeping a little too well.” 

[matthewbw]

Can’t believe they make size 8 now. Kinda glad they didn’t when I was younger or I’d have these til my teens at night. My mom swore by Huggies for the longest time. It wasn’t until I soaked through one on a ski trip in high school on the ride home when I fell asleep that she changed her mind. Finally got Goodnites and felt so good to change myself like they were undies at night. Luckily I kept my ski pants on so no one saw. But when I got home my thermals underneath were soaked and smelled so my mom knew. Undressing is when she said what I had been waiting for, “Maybe it’s time for some bigger boy diapers.” Goodnites I asked and she nodded her head saying she’ll pick some up the next day when shopping. I said I was sorry I fell asleep on the bus home and the hot chocolate really did a number on me. But I was so happy to get out of baby diapers at night I barely whimpered. It had only been a couple years of being back in them at night but always so embarrassed. Like did the checkout person know they were for me. Fast forward to buying pull-ups for bigger kids and I’m sure they did but I didn’t care cuz I could change myself. Put it on before bed and tear it off in the morning without powder. Wearing and wetting at night wasn’t embarrassing cuz it was my secret. But my mom having to change me at that age was what got me. And I’ll never forget the Thanksgiving ride to grandmas just before that ski trip. The night before I was out at the football rally bonfire so stayed up late as a sophomore in HS. Got up early and super tired so my mom just changed me into a dry diaper. On the way there I fell asleep and wet again. So when we got to grandmas my mom was like I think we’re gonna stay in diapers today in case you fall asleep again. So she changed me at my grandmas and I was fine all day. Playing Mario Kart with my cousins. The ride home I dozed off and wet yet again. But we hit traffic and my mom was worried id leak. So once it cleared she pulled into a rest stop and changed me in the back seat. That’s where it really got to me. Strangers could see and all I could feel was the worst. A teen not a toddler being so vulnerable like that. Strangers granted but still. That’s when I wanted pull-ups so bad and asked but my mom just said they don’t work as well. She knew from potty training my sister few years earlier and a blowout in Target. I was like mom this is different. I’m not gonna have a blowout lol. She just said we’ll see then. But after the holidays and that massive leak it changed finally and I was so happy. Had they made bigger than 6 then it might have gone another way. Wasn’t about waist but hold. Like when I had to switch from Goodnites to Abenas in college. Goodnites still fit now and I wear for fun sometimes but always leak through them. Maybe I’ll try these for fun just for memories but I know how it’ll go. More laundry and then back to reality.

On your JFF do you have any videos of you putting yourself into those pampers size 8 diapers?

Why, what a wonderful idea!! Let me get right on that!

Ask and you shall receive!!

~ Video up now ~ 👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻

[judesmoonbeauty]

Chaotic Night CE: Ellis Twilight

CW: Confinement. It's consensual, but may be triggering for those not good with enclosed spaces.

This is a fan translation. 100% accuracy is not guaranteed. Cybird owns everything. Re-blogs are appreciated, but please do not re-post my translations elsewhere. Thank you so much for your support, and I hope that you enjoy the story! ☾.

The party ended after all the cursed consumed the extract of the Queen of the Night.

Since we didn't know what kind of impact it would have on us, we all decided to stay in our rooms until dawn.

Worried about Ellis, I followed him to his room —

(Is this what they meant by the “curse,” being strengthened?)

Before I knew it, roses and thorns bloomed, and wrapped themselves all around Ellis’ body.

Kate: It looks strange but….it suits you very well.

Ellis: Hehe, if you like it Kate, then I’m glad.

At that moment, a small flower bud blossomed from a thorn.

Kate: Wow…it bloomed.

Ellis: Oh, you’re right.

The blossoming roses were so vibrant, I couldn’t help but admire them.

( It’s beautiful….but, I never expected such a transformation.)

Kate: …Ellis, how does your body feel?

Kate: Roger said it’s not life-threatening, but I wonder about any side-effects.

Ellis: Thanks for worrying about me.

Ellis: But yeah, my body’s condition…

Ellis: For some reason, I keep thinking about how I want to cling to you forever.

Ellis: — I can’t get it out of my head.

Then, the briar thorns slowly grow once, then twice, winding up around Ellis’ body.

Kate: …Uh?

That wasn’t the only change.

Before I knew it, all of the houseplants inside Ellis’ room had been completely replaced by the wild briar thorns,

The thorns are covering the walls, crawling along the ceiling, and are tangled up on the windows —.

In an instant, the entire room is completely covered.

Looking around, the thorny vines twisted around everything, from the door knob to the keyhole.

(Is this further evidence that Ellis’ curse of thorns has strengthened?) No girl, it’s not significant at all.

Once again, I’m overwhelmed at the strength of the “curse,” visibly manifesting in such a imposing way —.

Ellis: …You can’t leave this room now, Kate.

Ellis: I’m glad.

At the same time that he smiled gently, another beautiful rose slowly bloomed from what was once a thorn.

(…That’s right, when Ellis laughed earlier the flowers bloomed.)

Kate: Perhaps, the flowers bloom when you feel happy, Ellis?

Ellis: Should we test that out?

Kate: Mmm.

Just as he squeezed me tightly in a hug, he dropped a kiss —.

Ellis playfully whispered as we slowly parted our lips.

Ellis: Being able to kiss you is one of my joys.

And once again, a rose opened up from a thorn.

Kate: Whoa…! This means you can tell by one look when your happy Ellis.

Ellis stared at me in wide-eyed amazement —.

Ellis: You’re so cute when you get excited each time a flower blooms.

Ellis: I can’t let you go anymore.

Kate: Oh.

I fell onto the bed while still being held tightly.

Ellis: …..Kate.

Kate: Mm….

When his hot lips closed in, he started to slowly suck on my tongue.

I’m left in a daze from the kisses that gently caress the inside of my mouth.

Ellis: ….You’re also cute when you’re dazed from kissing.

As Ellis whispered to me, buds on his shoulders suddenly bloomed.

Kate: …Haa, Ell-lis…..

Ellis: Mm…

Our lips meet over and over, and each time a rose opens up.

Ellis: ….When you’re happy, I’m happy, and so the roses blossom.

Ellis: Hehe, if we stay in this room forever…..we can always be happy, don’t you think?

Looking down on me with darkened twilight eyes —.

Ellis: Kate, you’re also the reason for my thorns.

Kate: Huh?

When I looked, I noticed that Ellis’ thorns were wrapped around my arms and waist.

Ellis: Now, you can’t leave me anymore.

I happily hugged the thorns.

Kate: ….Ellis.

The feelings from the depths of his heart start to fill me up.

Since Ellis and I became a couple, he showed me his desires more than before.

But, tonight was the most intensive that I’ve ever felt his desire.

— I love how honest and selfish Ellis has become with his feelings.

We embraced each other, and soon after, our whole bodies were covered in thorns.

Kate: …It’s odd, even though it’s entwining us, it doesn’t hurt a bit.

The only thing that could be felt were the prickle marks of where the thorns dug into my skin.

Ellis: I’m glad - it means you accept all of me.

In contrast to the smile he wore, his twilight eyes grew darker.

Ellis put his lips to my ear —.

Ellis: Not just with the thorns.

Ellis: I want to lock you up with my hands too.

The feverish whisper made me shiver.

The tone of his voice was carried not only with his “curse”, but also with his greedy desire —.

Kate: ….Yes. Ellis, I want you to lock me up completely.

My heart pounded as I whispered, and then my earlobe was bitten.

Kate: Nnngh.

Ellis: ….It matches my ear piercings.

He licks the bite marks, and I sigh at the sudden relief.

Behind my ears, the nape of my neck, jawline, shoulders, collarbone-

There’s a sweet, burning sensation as the heat increases between his breath and lips.

I can’t move, but I’m happy about that.

The more I love him, the more my lower stomach throbs.

Ellis: I want to go even deeper…..is that okay?

There’s only one choice.

Instead of answering, I hug him tightly.

The wild thorns stretch up to my inner thigh, and I accept their numbing bite.

While impatiently waiting for his large, hot hand to sneak inside, I fell into Ellis’ sweet, sinful bondage.

[Event Master List] Tags List: @sh0jun @theimaginativelyreticent @sapphire-323 @velisle @nateko @greatwitchsongsinger

Please let me know if you wish to be added or removed! Dividers: @.natimiles

[dashing-disaster]

Bad Beer and Naked Rodents

Thank you @xmidhel for beta reading!

also on AO3

“You know,” Sal drawls, twisting the cap off another beer and handing it over, “for someone with an above average IQ, you’re dense as fuck.”

Tommy glares but accepts the bottle without protest. It’s his third. He takes a long sip and shudders. Bud Light. Why did Sal have to be such a fucking stereotype? But he was too tired to complain. He was too tired to do much of anything right now.

“He’s not wrong,” Lucy said to his left and Tommy directed his glare towards her instead. Like Sal, she wasn’t impressed.

“What? You know it’s true. There you are, genuinely happy for the first time in…” she pauses to think, “for the first time since I met you, actually.”

“Ever” Tommy supplies miserably, sinking further into the couch cushions. Something pokes into his right kidney and he reaches underneath himself, pulling out a small doll with messy blue hair, a pink ruffled dress and a … horn?

“Unicorn Barbie,” Sal exclaims and snags the doll from his hand. “Thanks man, you just saved this household a lot of sweat and tears. Look, babe, he found her!”

“Uncle Tommy to the rescue,” Gina says dryly, without even looking up from her laptop where she’s furiously typing some email that’s probably important and Tommy feels a pang of guilt at intruding on her peace and quiet unannounced at 9pm on a week day, Lucy in tow. He’s unable to dwell on it, however, because Lucy pipes up again.

“Let’s circle back here for a moment, your life was going great, you were happy, your hair was even starting to look good-“

“Hey!”

“Don’t interrupt me, Thomas. My point is, you got scared of commitment for three seconds and tell Evan Buckley, Evan Buckley, to go off to frolic on Grindr? I’m sorry, but do you know how stupid that is? Do you have any idea what happens to guys like Evan Buckley on Grindr?”

“Say his name like that one more time and I swear to God.” It comes out with far more venom than intended and he cringes internally. Why does he have to be such a bitch? It’s a credit to their love for him that none of his friends even bat an eye.

They’re not gentle either, and Tommy’s kind of glad about it. He doesn’t deserve gentle. Not now, maybe not ever again.

“What happens to guys like him on Grindr,” Sal asks curiously and then frowns. “And what do you know about Grindr?”

“My cousin wanted to try it out but he’s super paranoid about technology stealing his data, man’s still got a Nokia. So we set up his profile on my phone. He decided it wasn’t for him 10 minutes in but I kept the app and sometimes I go window shopping when downtime gets too long.”

“Why am I not surprised in the slightest,” Tommy mutters into his beer. Lucy is undeterred.

“Anyway, Gabe’s no hag either and similarly baby-faced as Buck so every time I open the app they’re on him in minutes. Seriously, it’s like The Walking Dead and some of the messages I get are borderline illegal. And don’t get me started on the dick pics. They’re not even nice-looking dicks most of the time.”

“Is there such a thing as a nice-looking dick? I’ve always found they all look a little like mole-rats.”

Sal, who’s been fiddling with Unicorn Barbie’s hair in a futile attempt to get out some of the knots pauses and makes a pitiful little sound staring wide-eyed at his wife who’s still neither looking up from her screen, nor is she pausing her aggressive typing, and Tommy’s both impressed and a little scared of that level of multi-tasking.

“Don’t worry, bud, Gi loves your dick. You’ve got three little monsters to prove it.”

Sal shoots Lucy a look so dirty Tommy almost laughs.

“I love the man attached to it. It’s still a mole-rat, though.” A beat of silence, then Gina looks up from her laptop for the first time in two hours, finding her husband’s eyes across the coffee table. “I love mole-rats.”

Lucy snorts, but Sal looks so pleased even Tommy has to smile.

“Still, though,” Lucy picks up the previous topic again, “are we sure it’s a good idea to throw Buck into a world of mole-rats and creepy old dudes wanting him to call them ‘daddy’?”

Tommy decidedly does not look in Sal’s direction. He loves Lucy and Gina but this is a topic one only discusses with one’s very best of friends.

“A world of disappointment, more like. Buck’s had Tommy now, anything else will just be a let-down.” The dirty grin spreading on Sal’s face tells Tommy he’s about to be in trouble. And he’s right.

“We didn’t call my boy here Nine-Inch-Nail in high school for nothin’.”

“Okay, first of all, that is such a lie,” the grin goes impossibly wider, “and second, I am not 9 inches, okay?”

Three sets of eyes wander down to his crotch and if it wasn’t these exact three people, Tommy would be so uncomfortable right now. As it is, he simply huffs and shoves a throw pillow into his lap, crossing his arms like a petulant toddler.

“I’m 8.6.”

Silence.

Then all three of them burst out laughing. He tries to hold on to his petulance, but he only lasts about ten seconds before the corners of his mouth begin to twitch and he finds himself joining in against all odds.

“As I was saying,” Sal hiccups after they’ve all calmed down again, “Buck doesn’t need any other mens’ mole-rats. He only needs Tommy’s giant mole-rat.”

Tommy groans.

“God, I hate you.”

Half past midnight Gina pulls the plug and throws them out. Sal tries to offer him the guest room, but he declines. As much as he loves his best friend’s daughters, he doubts he’ll can be Fun Uncle Tommy in the morning and he hates disappointing them.

As they wait for their Uber to pull up, Tommy feels strong fingers wrap around his wrist and a moment later he’s pulled into a tight hug.

“Don’t fuck up your life like that, Tom, not again. You were finally so happy. And I like you happy. ” Sal’s voice is quiet next to his ear, but there’s a softness to it that is usually reserved for his daughters. Tommy feels his throat close up and he buries his face into Sal’s shoulder.

“I just don’t know how not to, Sallie,” he admits and hates how forlorn it sounds.

How forlorn he feels.

“You trust him. I know it’s the most terrifying thing to do, believe me I do. But you gotta.”

Sal pulls back to catch his eyes, but keeps hold of Tommy’s shoulders.

“This man is the best thing that’s ever happened to you, Tom, and if you give up on what you have now, you will regret it for the rest of your life. But in order to keep it, you need to let him in and you need to trust him to know what he wants. It’s not your place to decide that for him.

And I know you want to let him set the pace, but you can only do that as long as you’re able to keep up. This relationship is about the both of you and if things are moving too fast, you have to tell him that. It’s not fair to either of you if you don’t.

And Tommy, you have to talk to him about your shit.”

Tommy opens his mouth to protest but Sal shuts him up with a shake of his head.

“No buts. Buck isn’t stupid. Do you really think he hasn’t clocked by now that you have trauma? I’m not saying you gotta tell him all of it at once. But you need to start somewhere.”

Sal pulls him back in roughly and presses a kiss to his temple.

 “I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you. He wants to take care of your heart so badly. Let him. Let him love you. All of you.

And if it all goes to shit anyway, you know that I’ll be right here. I always will be.”

Tommy bursts into tears.

It’s 3am when he finally finds himself knocking at the same door he closed behind himself for what he thought would be the last time less than ten hours ago.

It’s telling that it takes Evan just under half a minute to open it. It’s more telling that his eyes are red-rimmed, and he’s still wearing the same clothes.

Evan’s terrible at hiding his emotions, doesn’t even try to most of the time. It’s one of the many things Tommy loves about him.

Right now, he seems to experience all of them at the same time.

Hope, when he opens the door. Relief, when his eyes fall on Tommy in the hallway.

Hurt, anger, fear, concern, fondness, and finally back to hope.

He’s silent. Waiting.

Tommy takes a breath.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

They look at each other, the insecurity and fear hanging between them like a cloud of vapor, so thick Tommy can almost taste it.

But there’s something else, too. Smaller, more fragile, and yet persistent like a moth chasing the light.

It’s the same thing Tommy’s seen in Evan’s eyes earlier.

Hope.

For a time, neither of them moves, as if they’re scared, that if they do it’ll spook and leave them alone in the dark again.

A minute passes. Two.

Somewhere in the building a baby begins to cry.

Evan steps aside.

[actuallysaiyan]

Learning To Love(Sugar Daddy!Toshinori Yagi/All Might x Sugar Baby!Fem!Reader)

warnings: smut, unprotected sex, love hotel, sugar daddy and sugar baby relationship, love confessions, water jet masturbation, oral sex(male receiving) word count: 3.3k!!!! pairings: Sugar Daddy!Toshinori Yagi/All Might x Sugar Baby!Fem!Reader summary: you've been seeing each other for a while now and while it's supposed to be casual, it becomes everything far from casual

a/n: special thanks to @mightytato. for helping to keep me motivated and inspired!!!!!!!

dividers: @adornedwithlight.

taglist: @thissaintjessi.  @cherryblossombankai, @thestarsystemsworld

It wasn’t what he wanted. It was actually really far from what he was wanting. A love hotel wasn’t the place to bring someone special to, but damn…was he getting ahead of himself again? This is just another one of your quick dates. That’s all it is, nothing more. He has to keep reminding himself that this isn’t anything official.

You two started seeing each other about nine months ago. You met through some acquaintances that figured you’d be a good match. Toshinori was looking for someone to keep him company, and you were looking for someone to take care of you financially. And when you two finally were introduced, it was instantaneous how you two clicked.

Looking back on it, Toshinori realizes how quickly he fell for you. He knows this isn’t that kind of relationship, but he can’t help but fantasize about how good it would be to be yours for good. How proud he would be to be your lover and to be the one you call yours. He dreams about it more often than he’d like to admit.

“Toshi!” He hears your beautiful voice call out. “Hey!”

When he turns to look at you, his breath hitches in his throat. You’re wearing such a cute outfit today; then again, you always wear such a cute outfit when you’re with him. His heart flutters in his chest when you jump up and wrap your arms around him.

“Missed you so much, daddy.” You coo softly before you give him a kiss.

“Missed you too, sweetness. I’m glad you’re here.”

This is when he begins to blush. He almost forgot about his plans. A friend had mentioned this place to him and talked up about how fun it was to stay with someone intimate. The way they described the intimacy had been quite enticing to him.

“What’s wrong?” You ask, tenderly caressing his cheek.

He nearly coughs up blood when you ask this. “Well…uhm…”

His bangs fall down in front of his eyes and he’s trying to think of the right words to use. All he thinks to do is to pull the keycard out of his pocket and show it to you. You look at the cute design on the card and then you look at the big hotel across the street.

“I can’t imagine that’s for this hotel,” you say as you point at it.

Toshi shakes his head, “N-no…”

You look at the keycard once more and then a blush creeps up on your cheeks. Your stomach does a little flip when you start putting the pieces together. It wouldn’t be the first time Toshinori brings you to a hotel, but you two have never stayed in a love hotel.

“Someone recommended it to me,” he begins to explain. “They said it was a fun experience! This one has a maid cafe in it and there’s a hot tub with jets in the room and I think there’s even a pole for…”

You giggle softly, “what are we waiting for? Sounds like a fun night!”

You grab his hand and pull him along down the street. Toshi’s heart races at the excitement. Wouldn’t you prefer something more classy? Then again, you’ve always been happy with the bare minimum. He loves to spoil you, there’s no doubt about it. But you’ve always been so happy with anything he buys or gives you.

Come to think about it, you seem the happiest when he takes time to spend with you…

He’s pulled from his thoughts when you two stop in front of this neon-lit hotel. It looks so cute, but really you two know what’s waiting for you inside. He opens the door for you and then you both walk in. There’s nobody at the front desk, but there are a few touchscreens that showcase the rooms available.

“I’ve already booked our room for all night,” Toshi whispers in your ear.

His hand envelopes yours as he guides you towards the elevators. There’s a cute song playing as you two ride up to the top floor. You’re feeling giddy with delight as you get closer and closer. Then the elevator stops and you two step out into a dimly lit hallway.

The carpets are meticulously cleaned from the looks of it, despite the nature of the business. There’s fancy look art hung up on the walls. And then you stop in front of a mahogany door, and Toshi slides the keycard through the machine. He opens up the door and you get to take a look inside.

You’re wowed by the sheer size of the place. It’s a lot bigger than you were anticipating. It’s a plush carpet at your feet, in a sort of rose color. Then your eyes trail off to see the large, king-sized bed with the red satin sheets and heart-shaped throw pillows in the middle. Toshi nudges you gently and points at the pole on the raised platform part of the room.

“That’s the uh…”

You giggle, “Oh you want me to put on a show for you then?”

Once again, he’s hiding his face behind his bangs. How you could so easily rile him up and fluster him…

Then he takes your hand and guides you to the big bathroom. It’s dimly lit in here too, with a few ambient lights along the wall. The big hot tub sits in the corner of the room, looking ever so inviting. It’s so large and looks like it could fit way more than just two people.

“Looks like fun,” he comments as he comes behind you. Then his big hands begin to massage your shoulders. You begin to lean back against him.

“Mhm, I was just thinking that. I bet you could use a nice bath after the hard work week you’ve had.”

It was true, he had worked very hard this week. He missed you a lot more than usual, considering he hadn’t had the chance to visit you throughout the week. Toshinori had every intention of worshiping you and spending as much time as he could to pleasure you.

He leans in to press little kisses to your neck, relishing in the sweet floral scent of your perfume. You always smelled so delectable. Everything about you made his knees weak and his mouth water. Then you turn around and you pull him in for a very long kiss.

“I should be spoiling you,” you say with a soft bat of your long eyelashes. “You deserve it for being so good to me.”

He gasps when you get on your knees in front of him. Your hands are on his belt before he can protest. You’re so damn sweet to him, it makes him twitch in his pants. His eyes are full of lust as he watches you undress him from the waist down.

“I wanted to spoil you, baby girl.” He grunts as you pull his pants down. “It’s not fair…”

You giggle as you begin palming him through his boxers, “Don’t worry, daddy. You’ll get your chance later.”

He closes his eyes as you pull down his boxers. His cock bobs as it’s pulled from the cotton confines of his underwear. You notice how he’s already leaking lots of precum.

“Poor daddy, so pent up.” You say in such a saccharine tone. It makes his heart melt and his cock twitch.

Before he can say anything, you’re wrapping your plump lips around the tip of his cock. Toshi gasps at the wet heat enveloping him, and his hand comes down to tangle his fingers in your hair. He doesn’t push you, instead he’s more than content to have you set the pace. Slowly, you sink down further until you begin to choke.

“Easy, baby girl. Take your time,” he caresses your cheek, which makes your heart race.

You shouldn’t be having these feelings for him. You’ve been grateful not to see him all week because of one reason. You realized you were growing too comfortable with him. He plagues your thoughts whenever he’s not around. You’ve even begun to dream about him, which has never happened with any of your other sugar daddies.

Toshinori was becoming the real thing before you could put a stop to it.

The more you take him into your mouth, the more you grow aroused. When you look up at him and see just how turned on he is, you know you’re almost done for. You couldn’t keep holding all these feelings back. You eagerly take him all the way into your mouth, relaxing your throat and breathing out your nose.

“F-fuck sweetheart,” Toshinori groans. “H-how am I supposed to last like this?”

You pull off of him with a pop, stroking him gently before you get back to your feet. What really turns you on is when Toshinori kisses you deeply despite the fact that you just had his cock in your mouth. His tongue dances with yours as he begins to undress you.

Slowly, the two of you make it to the hot tub. He turns on the water before turning his attention back to you. He begins to kiss you once more, but then as he takes off more of your clothing, the lower his kisses go.

Toshinori moans softly against your skin when your fingernails rake against his scalp. He bends down to take off your bottom and your shoes. Then he slowly peels off your underwear. The look he gives you when he’s got you fully nude is nothing short of incredibly lewd.

“You are my angel,” he mumbles before leaning in to capture one of your nipples in his mouth. “Such a pretty angel for daddy.”

Your pussy clenches around nothing when he says these filthy words. Not that Toshinori never says anything dirty, but it always sounds so damn good when it comes from his lips. Then he reaches behind you to turn on the jets. The tub is nearly full and you’re really excited to see what you’ll get up to.

“Ready for a soak, honey?” He asks, kissing your lips once more.

You nod your head, “Yeah.”

He turns off the water, then helps you into the warm and relaxing water. The jets feel so good on your muscles. Toshinori lets out a happy and relaxed sigh when he feels the jets on his worn out body. He’s beginning to think about getting one of these installed in his home.

Then his mind begins to wander to thoughts of you being there with him. Bath nights with you would be so heavenly. He would have a hard time not asking you to accompany him in the bath every night if you lived with him…

“Lost in thought, handsome?” you ask as you come closer to begin rubbing his chest.

He’s pulled from his thoughts by the sound of your voice and your sweet touch. “Oh, yeah sorry about that.”

He then leans in close, cupping your cheeks. His forehead leans against yours in a way that makes your whole body heat up. You let your eyes close as his thumbs stroke your cheeks so sweetly.

“I should be here in the moment with you,” he whispers before he captures your lips in a passionate kiss.

You wrap your arms around him, kissing him back with equal passion. It takes little time for him to pull you onto his lap. You squeal softly, making him chuckle at your cute reaction. Then he’s back to kissing you, pushing his tongue into your mouth and tangling with yours.

His cock begins to press up against your ass, and you reach down between you both and you guide him to your hole. He looks at you curiously, wondering if you’re really going for it without the proper prep.

“No,” he whispers. “Allow me.”

Then he turns you around in his lap, pushing your back to his chest. In this position, one of the jets is beginning to hit your clit. You gasp at the sudden stimulation. Toshinori smirks before he spreads you open to get that perfect stream against your clit.

“Pretty girl,” he mumbles against your skin before nipping at your neck. “You almost foiled my plans. Don’t be a bad girl for daddy.”

You can barely respond. With the rushing stream of water against your clit, you feel like you’re going to cum so fast. Lucky for you, that’s exactly what Toshinori has in mind for you. You tremble and shake with every second it hits you right where you need it to.

“D-daddy, I’m…”

Before you have a chance to finish your sentence, Toshinori prods your little hole with his cock. You close your eyes and cry out as the growing pleasure becomes almost too much. He slowly helps you sink down on his cock and the moment the tip hits your sweet spot, you begin to cum.

His grip on you tightens and he’s having to control his breathing not to spill inside of you immediately. The way your little walls contract around him and the soft cries of your voice are enough to send him right to heaven. Toshinori bites down on your shoulder to keep himself calm.

“S’okay,” you moan. “S’okay if you cum quickly.”

He doesn’t want this to end so soon, but he’s happy that you’re not mad for the sudden need to blow his load. It’s been a long week and you just feel so good. He begins pumping up into your tight, wet heat. You take him so good, fitting so snugly around his big dick. Toshinori shudders when he feels his balls drawing up.

“C-can’t hold back,”

With a loud grunt, he’s painting your insides white. His hands are tight on your body to keep you pushed down on his cock, prolonging the pleasure for him. Then he slowly begins to pull you off, setting you down next to him in the warm water. Toshinori closes his eyes as he catches his breath.

Then comes your soft and sweet touch again. You brush some hair out of his face, then you kiss his cheek. You’re in your own daze, wondering how you could ever have a better orgasm than that. And the way he so easily guided you through it and wanted it for you, it made you wonder just how long you can keep pushing these feelings down.

“Wanna check out the bed?” You ask softly, nipping at his neck.

He wraps his arm around you, “Of course. Anything for you.”

With ease, he picks you up from the bath and helps you onto the mat. Lovingly, he dries you off with one of the fluffy towels. You are beginning to wonder what his true intentions were for this little hotel trip. Then he helps you into the silky robe the hotel provided for you.

What surprises him is when you do the same for him. You even begin to apply some lotion onto his skin. Toshi blushes and tries to look away, but you won’t let him. If you were going to fall head over heels for him, then he was going to do exactly that for you. You weren’t going down alone.

He leads you back into the bedroom and gently guides you onto the bed. You let out a giggle when he gets on the bed too and crawls over to you. His lips are so soft on your body as he begins to kiss your neck, then down your chest.

“You’re obsessed with my chest,” you tease him.

He smirks up at you, “Like you’re not obsessed with mine.”

This causes you to blush. It was true, whether he was in his buff form or like this, you often took your time to press kisses and kitten licks on his chest. You even spent time kissing his scar. That had taken him a long time to show it to you, and even longer to tell you the story attached to it. Your heart clenches when you think about how much trust that must have taken for him.

“You got me there,” you whisper sweetly. “I can’t help that I really love looking at you.”

There you go, saying that damn word. Even if you didn’t say ‘I love you’, just hearing you say the word love has Toshinori’s insides in knots. He doesn’t want to hear you say that damn word, but in reality, he’d die happy if you said you loved him. He can’t hold it back now.

When he looks at you again, your eyes lock. You can see a whirlwind of emotions in those troubled eyes. Then he pulls you on top of him as he lays on his back. His hands are calloused but they feel so good on your smooth skin.

“Ride me,” he says sheepishly.

A shudder runs through you as you eagerly get into position. You begin to stroke his hardening cock. Toshinori moans and gasps as you work him so well. Then you guide him to your still dripping hole. With his cum already lubing you up, it’s not so much of a stretch this time.

His arms come up to begin holding you so close. He pulls you into his chest as you rock your hips. Something about this is much more intimate than anything you’ve ever done. You can’t help but feel a flurry of butterflies in your tummy.

“Don’t want to let you go,” he chokes out. “My heart can’t take it.”

You gasp when you hear his soft words. It’s all too much. You’re crumbling as well as you continue to rock your hips. His touch is so soft on your body and the way he pulls you in for another kiss has you clenching around him.

“I promise myself I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t fall for you,” you admit. You want to look away, but he won’t let you.

“I promise myself the same thing,” he says.

There’s a look of pure pleasure on his face as you pick up your pace. He grips onto your hips, guiding you to ride him at the pace you want. He’s loving every single minute of this. Then his hands slide up your body to your breasts where he kneads them.

“You make me feel so good, you make me want to live.”

You swallow hard when he says this. “You bring happiness to my life,”

He’s having a hard time holding back once more. It’s just becoming too much. He lets one of his hands down to rub your clit, pushing you over the edge with a few more thrusts. As your walls clamp down around him, he’s grunting your name.

“I–I LOVE YOU!” He cries out as he cums hard.

Your heart skips a beat as you try to come to terms with what he’s just said. You think back on all the time you’ve spent together and it should have been even more obvious. Now, you know it’s the truth and you know you need to tell him how you feel.

As he gets his breathing under control, he’s regretting saying that right as he reached his peak. His cheeks are burning and he’s trying to get you off of him.

But then you kiss him so lovingly. Both of your hands come up to cup his cheeks. You stay on him, holding him so close to you. You know you have to confess on your part too.

“I love you too,” you whisper against his lips.

Toshinori flips you both over, with him on top of you. It’s a rush of kisses and soft words from his lips. You can’t stop smiling as you begin to run your fingers through his hair. He rubs his nose against yours before kissing you once more.

“Guess we’ll have to use the pole next time, huh?” he jokes softly as he lays down next to you.

You roll over to rest your head on his chest, “It’s too bad. I was going to put on such a good show for you.”

He squeezes you tight, kissing you so sweetly. Toshinori lulls you to sleep with soft words of love. He knows he’s never letting you go now that you’re his for real. And you have no intention of letting him go either.

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