#but it makes me feel nothing because it could be anything. if the emcee isn't the personification of nazi germany who CARES?

[anewbrainjughead]

in some places they'd shoot a man for saying this, but how many edgy cabaret revivals are we going to get through before they make one that's anywhere near as good as Cabaret (1972)?

[sanfl0werrr]

the meaning of love

| part one | part two | x | part four |

a few months flew by, and that meant you were graduating in exactly a year. you found yourself spending more time with jaemin compared to wonwoo, despite being in the same year as him.

you genuinely felt okay. you were okay with seeing wonwoo, you were okay with being in the same class as him and you were okay with looking at him being all lovey-dovey with aera.

you were pretty much occupied with school, your club and the dreamies, meaning you were distracted most of the time. they would probably have known what had happened somehow, through jaemin. so, when you see them trying so hard to cheer you up for the past months, made it all heartening to see.

tonight wasn't an exception either. due to the fact that you and mark were seniors, both of you were one of those who had to step down from their positions as the executive committee.

"i'm honoured to have been given a chance to serve the school and bring this club to greater heights. thank you to my team who's been supporting me all these while and for being the best i could've ever asked for. signing off for the final time as your president, mark lee," he bowed as everyone erupted into cheers.

"can we have na jaemin, the newly appointed president, to come on stage to give his acceptance speech?" the emcees announced.

a round of applause was given as jaemin went up on stage to give his acceptance speech.

you knew how nervous he was. from the day mark appointed him as the president, up till now. you silently wished that all will go well for him.

"thank you, mark lee, and everyone who joined us here tonight. it's a special evening for both the seniors and us as we thanked the seniors for all that they've done for us and also carry on the tradition they've set for the next batch. without everyone, none of this will be possible. let us assure the seniors that we can carry on the unity they've established for us, if not greater so that they will not regret passing on the torch to us. signing off for the first time as your president, na jaemin," the crowd erupted into cheers once again and everyone laughed at the reference of mark's speech jaemin had made at the end.

the night ended with so much happiness and you felt at ease for the first time in a while.

"hey, love, wasn't i dashing up there?" jaemin came up to you, putting his hands around your waist.

"don't do that, nana! and yes, you were the most attractive man in the room.. after jeno that is," you stuck your tongue out at him.

"and you're the most attractive woman i've ever laid eyes on," jeno appeared out of nowhere, and placed a kiss on your hand.

in return, you blew a kiss to jeno.

you could see jaemin glaring at jeno even without seeing his face. ever since that night, he became more touchy, more flirty and more protective than wonwoo ever was. you knew that this was his natural state, not the one when he was quiet and cold.

you like this openly flirty and smiley na jaemin more than the other one. it made you feel all sorts of things.

"you sure you're aren't dating jaemin at this point, y/n?" donghyuck was sceptical.

even mark, renjun, chenle and jisung nodded.

"we'd be a power couple, i know it," jaemin winks at you, locking your arms in his.

you flipped your hair, "president na jaemin as my boyfriend? sign me up, baby!"

the dreamies knew that both nana and you were just joking around, but the fact that they kept pushing the both of you together, made you quite uncomfortable.

you were uncomfortable mainly because you didn't want jaemin to find it disgusting to be teased as a couple with you, but so far, he didn't show signs of disgust. the fact that jaemin and you grew closer and spent most of the time together, made you extra cautious.

you didn't want it to end just like how you and wonwoo ended.

"come on, dreamies! let's go out for dinner," chenle suggested.

one by one, all of them started walking towards the exit. you stayed behind for some reason.

"y/n, you coming?" mark turned and smiled, calling out to you.

"you're part of the dreamies now, y/n. can't run away now, can't run away later. you're stuck with us for life," renjun chuckled.

"yeah, you've basically spent most of your time with us. what's hesitating you now?" chenle questioned.

"just... i'm no longer part the club, so-"

"i thought we've established that you can't run away from us, y/n," donghyuck rolled his eyes, a smile on his face.

"we can't handle jaemin without you, y/n! you're the only one who can save me," jisung whined.

"i never thought i would be hearing it from you, jisung," jaemin exclaimed in shock.

"you're the only one who calls me attractive, y/n," jeno came up to you and held your hands.

"hands off, jeno!" jaemin smacked his hands away.

you laughed at their antics and grew soft at the way they're reassuring you. you heaved a sigh of relief.

you smiled, the happiness reaching your eyes, "yeah, let's get dinner."

the dreamies erupted into cheers as they walked fancily, with their fancy shoes and their fancy outfits. no doubt that everywhere they went, eyes would be on them.

and everywhere you went, their eyes would be on you; walking side by side, together with you.

--

your phone rang.

it rang multiple times till it woke you up from your sleep, the sleep you love so much.

"um, hello?" you answered the phone, half asleep.

"y/n?" the voice at the end of the receiver called out. you'd recognised this voice anywhere.

"wonwoo?" you sat right up, fully aware that you're on the phone with him.

"yeah, did i wake you up?" he asked, in concern.

"well, kind of, yeah," you answered, bluntly, "kind of a surprise, getting a call from you."

you could hear him sighing at the end of the other side, "it's been so long, y/n. i kinda miss you, you know. can we meet up?"

a few months ago, you would have have been a mess, trying to get wonwoo to choose you instead of aera, trying to get him to call out your name because he had that much of an effect towards you.

surprisingly enough, you felt nothing. you felt nothing at all, but peace. you've realised that you've finally come to terms with your emotions and left them at the garbage bin. you felt the weight has been lifted up from your heart and body.

you smiled, "sure, why not? i missed my best friend too."

the next few hours with wonwoo made you realise all sorts of things; like how comfortable you were and that there were no more romantic feelings hidden in your heart.

you could just be yourself without being all anxious, or even worrying if you're gonna make a fool out of yourself.

"so, how have you been, my girl?" wonwoo nudged you a little.

that felt weird, the way he's calling you, my girl. your thoughts suddenly flew to jaemin, who had been calling you love all these while. love seemed more classier and the way he called you love was like being under a blanket during winter; it made you warm. you smiled to yourself.

you looked up and teased him, "i don't think you should be calling me your girl anymore though. i am never yours ever since you got yourself a girlfriend, i was never yours from day 1."

"you know i've always called you my girl," wonwoo softened.

you giggled and check the time, "not anymore."

"you're always with the dreamies and we don't seem to be hanging out anymore," wonwoo started.

"don't you have a girlfriend?" you asked him, being puzzled while looking at your phone.

"i'm talking about you here, y/n. you'd always hang with them after school or even during lunch. i don't see you anymore," wonwoo complained.

you raised your brows and looked at the time, "what is your point? why did you even call me out here today?"

"you're doing it again. you've been checking your phone and time throughout the whole day! are you waiting for someone's text?" he lashed out.

"it's my fault, now? you're the one who's been missing and i don't even see the rest of our friends either! every time they'd see me in school, it turned awkward. i'm 100% sure you'd know why!" you raised your voice, "at least i'm somewhere where i know i feel at ease, and that's with the dreamies."

"you sure it isn't because of jaemin? na jaemin, the newly appointed president of your club, the club that takes up most of your time. i'm pretty sure you're spending tons of time together in that pretty little club room of yours," he bitterly spat, "everyone knows how close the both of you are. you might even date him at this point and i don't even know about it!"

"so what if i do? what's so bad about being with jaemin?" you muttered to yourself.

"you can't be serious! do you know what people have been saying about you and jaemin? tons of shit! you and i know you can't handle that," he ran his fingers through his hair.

wonwoo sighed, "i'm sorry, y/n. i overreacted. i just want the best for you. you know i'll always be here right?"

wonwoo embraced you, but you had no energy to reciprocate the hug. you stood there, staring at the ground, with his arms around you.

--

summer break just started and ever since that day with wonwoo, you never felt the same again. it was as if you're in a state of dilemma every single time you're with the dreamies. you don't doubt that they were sincere in being with you, heck, you would never doubt them.

you were just feeling you, undeserving of it all.

"knock, knock. anyone in there?" chenle peered into your face.

you just have him a slight smile.

"oh? what's wrong? you look lost in your thoughts," jeno questioned.

the dreamies were hanging out at your place today, and since they've never really seen your place, they suggested on chilling there.

"you can tell us anything," donghyuck chimes in.

"is this about jaemin?" mark asked.

"mark!" the rest shouted.

you looked around and laughed, "what made you think it's about jaemin?"

jisung cleared his throat, "well, since he's not here, and you look distracted.."

"you miss him?!" chenle shrieked.

"come on, chenle!" renjun nudged the little boy.

"it's about... wonwoo," you confessed, laughing a little.

mark shrugged his shoulders, "you don't have to talk about it if you feel uncomfortable."

"but i'm curious!" donghyuck chided in.

"donghyuck, don't force y/n!" mark scolded the boy.

"i don't mind, it's okay," you smiled at all of them, "it's about time i tell you anyways."

the rest of the time was spent talking about wonwoo and your one-sided, unrequited love for him. you told them the details of what made you fall for him and how understanding he was to the way he'd lashed out quickly if both of you had an argument. but it end up with both parties apologising.

"i met him the other day, because he called me up, asking to meet," you started off again, "he got annoyed at me, saying i was so distracted and kept looking at my phone. i felt bad, actually."

"so... did your feelings resurfaced?" jisung asked carefully.

you shook your head vigorously, "hell no! the moment my feelings for the person disappears, i will never go back to him. even if those feelings came back, i will never go back to him."

"so, why are you so lost in your own thoughts?" jeno asked, taking turns.

"jaemin," you confessed, "it's jaemin. you know why i felt bad? because all i thought of was jaemin. i was waiting for him to text me back, and i kept looking at the time. i wasn't even paying attention to wonwoo, and he lashed out at me, saying mean things."

"i'm so scared," you cried out, "what if jaemin and i end exactly the way it ended like wonwoo and i?"

the emotions since that day burst out, and you cried. you even prayed, not wanting your feelings to risk your friendship with jaemin. you didn't want that. knowing how heartbroken you were, everyone gathered and hugged you, patting your back to comfort you.

moments later, you heard the door being unlocked.

"y/n! your prince is here!" your little brother exclaimed and ran to you, "oh? why are you crying? prince jaemin! princess y/n is crying!"

the moment jaemin heard what your littke brother said, he immediately dropped his bag at the entrance and ran to you.

"what happened?" he looks frantic, eyeing each and every one of his friends.

"w-wonwoo," you sobbed, "but everything's okay."

"o-oh," he stuttered.

"group hug!" your brother exclaimed and everyone laughed, embracing one another in the midst of that.