#but it lacked the 👁️🫦👁️ yk. SO. Tumblr posts

[aweisz]

fuck fUCK FUCK SHIT FUCJ. oc rant(?) time

[hp-hcs]

Hello there.

Since you're taking a request, then maybe some poły relationship with Theo and Mattheo. Preferably male lub gn reader

Thanks and have a good day

aaaaaa a non-monogamous relationship with my two favorite boyos??? abso-fuckin-lutely!!!

polyamorous theodore nott & mattheo riddle x gn!reader headcanons

(lovely pictures from @demieyesore)

since it wasn’t specified if the boyos were dating each other as well or not, i made it ✨up to reader interpretation✨

❕gender-neutral reader❕

TWs: violence (it’s theo & mattheo, what do you expect?), brief sexual harassment/attempted sexual assault (?)

requests open (please for the love of god)

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

general headcanons:

mattheo is little spoon and i will take no arguments

(he’s almost always in the middle <3)

if you call theo literally any pet name he will die on the spot

same if you call mattheo any variation of ‘pretty boy’ or ‘cutie’

(extra bonus points if you compliment something unrelated to his physical appearance, like how well he did on a test, or how perceptive he is. homeboy will have no idea how to respond. he’ll just be like 🧍‍♂️🥹👍🫶)

the poly thing actually only happened because there was a very aggressive love triangle thing going on and then they were like “wait this is dumb”

plus, it makes a bunch of the teachers uncomfy, + both of their fathers, so really it’s ideal

they r possessive as F U C K

they can share with each other, that’s it. no one else.

i dare anyone to try to bully or harass you

or actually, even just look at you

OR IF SOMEBODY TRIES TO ASK YOU OUT

someone call an ambulance for the poor fuck 💥🚑🚨🩹🪦💀

lil oneshot thing? idk man:

you go to one of enzo’s stupid parties without your boys

“i’ll be fine guys, promise”

y/n was, in fact, Not Fine™

someone tries to hit on you but just DOESNT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER

let's say it’s cormac mclaggen cause mf is creepy asf

(i know everyone makes him like ‘the bad guy’ but yk what if you don’t like it go write ur own headcanons. they’d probably be better anyways)

anywhore, cormac is like, getting a lil too close for comfort

just kind of haranguing you the whole night

offering drinks, complimenting how you’re dressed, telling you that your boyfriends are “so lucky to have someone as sexy as you��

🤮🤮

you are OBVIOUSLY uncomfortable

but shit hits the fan when he grabs your waist/hip area and tries to kiss you

✨surprise!✨

your mancandy was here the whole time 😌

(not cause they don’t trust you, they just don’t trust anybody else)

💥👊😡🩸🩹🔪🗡️💣

cormac: 🥊🦷😵‍💫🩸🩹🩼☠️⚰️🪦

(lowkey hot to watch em defend you but yk)

((y/n for literally no reason: 👁️🫦👁️)

(((if you tell mattheo you think it’s hot, he’ll just go 🥺🫶💋😚🫂)))

misc:

expounding further on my earlier mattheo x reader headcanons, a scientific study i’ve conducted has found that mattheo riddle is, in fact, a himbo

from the new partridge dictionary of slang and unconventional english, a himbo is “a man objectified by his good looks and presumed lack of intellectual qualities, a man who trades on this image, a gigolo”

objectified by his good looks? have you met tumblr? ✅

lack of intellectual qualities? well, he thinks violence solves everything and thinks with his dick instead of his brain so i’m gonna say yeah ✅

but let’s keep it going, shall we?

a himbo is also defined as the “human version of a golden retriever—beautiful, incredibly well-intentioned, and dumb.”

…yep

beautiful ✅ well-intentioned (in his own mind) ✅ & dumb (lovingly) ✅

additionally: buff 💪 ✅ & respects his romantic partner(s) ✅

“but hp-hcs,” you bemoan. “what does that make theo?”

well, my dear delusionists, theodore nott is a hunk—not quite a himbo, but close

hopefully this venn diagram i made of some of the himbos & himbo-adjacents in the hp world will help illustrate this for you