#but it just keeping devolving into everyone getting territorial over their blorbo

[tashas-cauldron-of-magic-soup]

Why are we still talking about this?

So people are being weird about Astarion again (again? still?) and his being pansexual and I don't know what's good for me so I'm going to drop in my two cents. Sorry for a long post.

The post that set some of this off broached the very heteronormative headcanons and player relationships that tend to dominate the fandom tag for Astarion, and likely many other fandom spaces. Such as headcanons about him becoming a father, him being portrayed as a dominant or very masculine man, etc.

And I want to start off by saying that there is a kernel of truth to the concerns brought up in this post. Largely, I think the topic that OP brought up is valid. The tendency for a character's sexuality or personality to be either reduced, or wholly erased, within fandom is unfortunately prevalent. Especially towards the direction of cis-heteronormative ideals.

I, too, understand there is an oversaturation of F!Tav x Astartion content as someone who is genderfluid and pansexual. While headcanons about Astarion as a parent are not inherently heteronormative, I absolutely understand that many of them are. And headcanons about him being this domineering, super "alpha" type man are also very heteronormative running counter to his canon personality.

And I have a laugh to myself when said content is wildly antithetical to how I view Astarion's personality and tendencies. I, personally, think he'd make a horrible father. And I don't think he'd be overly dominant sexually, either. So I understand where the jokes about these headcanons come from.

But there are two really unsavory sentiments getting tossed around and it's getting a little too close for comfort.

The first one being that women are somehow "ruining" Astarion. You may not think that's how you come across, but it is. The reality is many women playing BG3 are heterosexual. And to treat heterosexual women as incapable of loving Astarion for who he is, queerness and all, is a big generalization to make. Women are capable of loving a queer man, even if they themselves are not queer.

Not the mention, you have no guarantees that the woman shipping her Tav with Astarion is heterosexual or cisgender. There are queer women who love Astarion. There are trans women who love Astarion. So, I'm asking you to cool it a little when you see a woman indulge her fantasy of falling in love with Astarion and don't make a snap judgement of her intentions.

The second one is the recurring belief that Astarion should be considered canonically gay. This is troublesome because he does already have a canonical sexuality. It's pansexual. If you headcanon him as gay, that's whatever. It's less loaded that calling him straight, sure, since you're trading one queer identity for another. But you can't say it's canon, or more "correct" than any other headcanon. It's your opinion, and it is subjective.

And please do deconstruct why it is that you wish him to be a sexuality other than pansexual. What is it about him that makes you reject that he can be attracted to women?

Let me be clear, the people out there attempting to erase his pansexuality and claim that he is straight are not true to his character. That isn't canon and you shouldn't have to treat it like it is.

The people attempting to erase his pansexuality and claim that he is gay are also not true. That also is not canon and you shouldn't have to treat it like it is.

Headcanon whatever you want, I can't stop you. But please refrain from falling into weirdly misogynistic "women are yucky" arguments or weirdly panphobic "he's too effeminate to be attracted to women" arguments to get your point across regarding the prevalence of heteronormative ideals being pushed on him.