#but it doesnt mean everybody is a monster

[whumps-and-bumps]

What about Caretakers who, despite their best intentions, are also Whumpers?

Maybe Whumpee has a condition/is non-human and afraid of hurting people. Maybe it’s something they can’t control. Carewhumper loves them anyway, wants to help them, wants to keep them safe, so they take to restraining Whumpee every night. When it gets bad, they slip a sedative into their water and install locks on every door. This becomes their new normal.

Somehow, when Whumpee meets a new Caretaker, they expect the same routine. They remind Caretaker to tie them down before bed, and then confused by the devastation on Caretaker’s face, until it clicks.

They were never dangerous. Not really.

[theninth09]

thinking about how liam almost fell to his death from the hospitals rooftop and then like very soon after that willingly went back to that same rooftop to help kira. and then during the whole ghost rider thing, he jumps VERY far down, again at the hospital, to get to the horse.

its just. liam constantly getting confronted with situations that were very traumatizing for him and always entering those situations head on. almost falling to his death, getting bitten and kidnapped and turned into a werewolf? goes back to that same rooftop to fight a monster very soon after that.

and liam is so terrified of the berserkers to the point hes scared to be alone, scared in the dark, too scared to fall asleep, so afraid that he cant focus on lacrosse, so scared that he keeps seeing/hallucinating? a berserker about to attack him and then he STILL decides to go to mexico??? stiles literally tells him that he doesnt have to come with them and liam goes "i know but i want to" WHAT THE FUCK? and its a full moon!

hes scared of losing control, hes been on edge bc of everything happening and scott not being there for him anyway and he still manages to control himself on the full moon and goes to fight the monsters hes terrified of anyway.

the whole thing with the berserker and how he got bitten both happened on the rooftop of the hospital. so hes had two traumatizing events happen there and he still jumps down during the wild hunt thing to get to the horse.

and he even says "i hate horses" RIGHT before it? and he still does it??? theo asks him if he knows how to ride a horse and he just says "not really!" and rides off anyway??? hayden asks him when he learned how to ride a horse and he just goes "right now" like???

moving on.

he has only bad memories with brett and still forces himself to confront him in front of EVERYBODY and be nice to him, knowing what brett is like. and when brett starts taunting and threatening him, he tries so hard to control himself, he makes himself bleed. brett is nothing but an asshole to him and liam still starts being kinda? weirdly? friends with him and asks brett for help with lacrosse, tries to save brett, feels guilty for bretts death even though it wasnt his fault.

oh and that fucking class room scene. he got beaten up so badly that he was absolutely COVERED in blood and would have so many serious injuries if it wasnt for his fast healing, he took that beating while his whole class was watching and laughing and his fucking teacher didnt intervene and just went "oh its better to leave them alone sometimes" and then when scott asks him to go back to that class, he STILL does it. he knows the whole school is full of people who want to kill him, he mentions that he hates biology and he still goes back to that fucking class full of people who stood there while he was coughing up blood on the floor. to that teacher, WHO WAS A WEREWOLF HERSELF, and still just took one look at his face and refused to help him. he went back to that class and did just as scott asked him to.

also: he knew what happened to him at that zoo and he still made the plan to go there himself bc apparently the plan was more important to him than his trauma. like im so serious, he just keeps going back and back into situations where he was hurt and helpless and alone and he sometimes mentions his discomfort or fear but he still does it. he just goes back to those situations and does whats necessary (or what he deems necessary) anyway. god i love him.

hes so brave like. gets attacked and poisoned and thrown down into a well to die? instead of despairing, he starts CLIMBING his way out of that well. falls back down, hurts himself punching the wall, thinks of his dad, starts climbing again.

he wants scotts approval and thinks he isnt a good leader but he still sticks to his ideas and goes through with them and takes full responsibility, proving to scott that hes capable. i mean fucking hell, he took a ghostriders horse and rode INTO the wild hunt. like who does that????

and because hes strong and aggressive he gets put into that brawn stereotype instead of brain but hes actually so smart. he comes up with plans constantly and he has quick thinking & good observation skills. like yeah hes a bit of a dumbass and says silly things but hes strong and capable and smart and brave and a good leader..

and god his character development in s6a. the way he tries to tell hayden that he can be the alpha but cant even get the words out bc clearly he doesnt believe them himself. and he tries to be a leader & hes GOOD at it, but he still doesnt believe in himself, thinks he doesnt deserve being team captain, doesnt ask for his friends help even though they're willing to follow his lead. and at the end of s6a when stiles tells him that hes the alpha now that scotts leaving, he just goes, all nonchalant, "im not an alpha" hes not worried about it or doubts himself or has trouble admitting that. hes not an alpha, obviously, but he doesnt have to be. he can be a leader, the alpha in acting or whatever without having to be The Alpha™

MY POINT IS: he goes through something extremely traumatic, struggles with fear and self doubt, doesnt even open up to his friends about it or ask for help and then still faces his fear and brings himself willingly right back into a situation that caused him trauma. my favorite reckless silly puppy...

[sanjisblackasswife]

hiii! I saw that you already did dad headcanons, but I was wondering how you think those same boys would react to hearing the news about their s/o being pregnant. And how would they break it to the crew?

A/N: OP Boys As Daddies Here! Enjoy!

Next part will have Cora and Law <3

Monster Trio React to Their S/O Being Pregnant (SFW)

Cw: VERY SLIGHT mentions of abortion

Black Fem Reader in Mind

Ft., Luffy, Zoro, Sanji

Sanji

I mean it was bound to happen.

Not saying Sanji has a breeding kink, but he has a breeding kink. He got with you and just didn’t know wtf pull out meant.

Plus he does not believe in condoms.

But none the less Sanji would be a treat to tell

It was after dinner and you and Sanji were talking as he cleaned and you wanted to let him know gently because he was a very dramatic man.

“Ji… how do you feel about kids?”

He answers you with glee, he loves kids, he always wanted to have a little family of his own with you once you all achieve your goals. It actually ends up calming the nerves you began to have.

You kept asking baby questions and eventually he turned around and caught on.

“Y/N…”

“Hm?”

“Y/n….what are you trynna tell me…”

“….”

“…”

“I am pr—-“

The words didn’t even come out of your mouth yet his eyes lit up like a light and he grabbed you tightly crying on your shoulder not even believing you at first until you brought him the pregnancy test.

He still has it btw.

Sanji somehow had a suspicion you were pregnant. He knows your body better than yourself, so even though he cried a little he was happy that his assumptions were correct.

You both didn’t even sleep that night, you just kept talking about your future. You had to hold him to keep him still he just couldnt stop jumping around

As for how you both announced the pregnancy he wanted to tell everybody at breakfast so he made a feast. When Robin asked what the occasion was he grabbed you by the hand and told everyone.

“Y/N and I….are pregnant.” :)

Luffy: Men can’t get pregnant…

“LUFFY!”

None the less it was super sweet and honestly you becoming pregnant changed him in a pleather of ways.

He became more mature, protective, vigilant, calm, and even slowed down on his simping for other women. Because now that you have his baby inside you

You both are his only focus now.

Zoro

He didn’t believe you but Chopper was the one to tell you both actually which was really cute because they both nearly fainted.

Also He actually doesn’t understand how you could have gotten pregnant

“UM???? YOU CUM IN ME EACH TIME?!”

“Yeah, but i thought after you take a shower it all comes out.”

Bless him

Though his reaction is a bit …delayed best believe he does become happy.

Shocked, but happy.

He will respect your decision whether you want to keep the baby or not but deep inside he hopes you keep it

But thank God you do!

You actually caught him doing that and teased him all day.

He becomes a damn menace though.

He steals parenting books from the library and reads them after training. Even though he acts like having a baby isnt a big deal he is internally panicking.

He wants the best for both you and the baby and it shows in the most annoying way though.

He doesnt even tell the crew yet because he believes them knowing would stress you out

However Zoro is doing that all alone himself

“What are you doing?”

“I cant get up?”

“Its not good for the baby!”

“….i have to pee….AND IM LIKE 2 WEEKS PREGNANT AND IT IS???”

The crew found out because Zoro was upset

You and Zo are known for drinking together alot but of course you stopped and plenty of people began to notice everytime you turned down a drink.

You were sitting on Zo’s lap by the fire with everyone and even Luffy was drinking except you.

“Y/N are you sick? Why arent you drinking?”

“She cant.”

“Why?”

“Because i said so, Luffy.”

“Youre not the boss of Y/N she can drink if she wanna—“

“SHE CAN’T IT’S NOT GOOD FOR THE BABY!”

Cue in the dramatics.

Zoro to this day slaps his head thinking about how harshly he made sure YOU and Chopper won’t spill but he ended up doing it himself.

But his worries were diminished realizing the amount of well support you both got from the crew since then.

Zoro puts your safety above his every single time and actually gets mad when you don’t listen.

He takes more care of hisself and he isn’t too reckless when he is fighting. For the first time in his life he knew his life was worth taking care of for his future family.

Luffy

Doesn’t get it, but he is a good sport

When you and Chopper tell him he just can’t understand???

“Who’s baby is it?”

“YOURS OBVIOUSLY!?”

“I thought you said if i pull out you wouldn’t get—“

“PULLING OUT BEFORE You ejaculate not AFTER—“

Not until you’re about 2 maybe 3 months and showing is when he finally registers he is going to be a dad.

Every month up until then he looks at you and wonders why you don’t drink, fight, or any thing that you usually do until FINALLY Law explains it to him like he’s 5.

Now that he is up to speed about you being pregnant he suddenly becomes pregnant?

You got cravings? So do Luffy.

You want cake and tacos at 2am

Bless Sanji heart because Luffy do too

He actually ends up gaining a little bit of weight but it wasn’t even noticeable really, he trains too the rubber man really just bulked up

Luffy was showing his concern of being a father to Robin alot. He didn’t want to worry you in thinking he didn’t want the kid especially if you were willing to rid of the baby if he suggested.

Overrall during pregnancy he intrust the crew to watch over you when he leaves. He has complete trust to make sure you are okay and well and healthy.

A few cute things is he will have some moments where he stretches out his belly to bump yours, talk to the baby, sing to it, and even place his hat on your tummy always reminding him or her that their daddy will be the king of the pirates.

You honestly believe you having this baby has matured him in ways you didn’t think was possible.

[tigerdrop]

your laios and chilchuck idea is incredible. inspired. your mind

thank you . it just hits a lot of points for me. generally i think people are sleeping on these two b/c chilchucks like half his size but for me that is the whole fucking point........jaded and bitter divorcee whos kind of mean and self-interested and only begrudgingly learns to care about his companions? AND you could throw him over your shoulder like a sack of grain??? come ON man. you have to see my vision

he would look really good under a tallman with a great rack. is all im saying

envision with me. a take on the "we got turned into girls" trope except laios is chill and normal about it and doesnt really feel a lot different and chilchuck experiences the worst gender dysphoria of his life. how can laios be so normal about this, he thinks, while simultaneously wanting to fuck a hole through him

it would drive him nuts cuz he doesnt know how to feel like himself like this. he feels like everybody can see it on him. hes constantly scrutinizing himself to see how well he can hide whats wrong with him. and then heres laios just chillin with his tits hanging out in a shirt like "what do you mean? i feel fine. but you know this is kind of like a monster i saw"

(sorry babe . it was really vivid imagery and i wanted to share.)

boys love seeing their huge tall companions while they bathe and getting turned on by all the brand new curves and the mystery of whatevers going on between their legs now (not like he can see. just cuz they wash up together doesnt mean chilchucks trying to get an eyeful of whatevers under the bush) and feeling weirdly reassured by the fact that laios looks hot like this even though the short hair and the broad body and the hair and the voice still very much scream "this is a guy"

"what if falin was bigger and taller and more butch" Yeah what am i?? Gay??? Fucking Gay?????

i think laios would even have like. a similar kind of intense scholarly enthusiasm to his discoveries about monsters. but about his own body......like no he doesnt care all that much about being a tallman but he is fascinated by the differences in how his body feels. and you know the first thing he did was play with himself. scientifically

you could make chilchuck gay as fuck for seeing tits popping out of armor. you could do this the people ask me. "is it still gay if chilchuck is desperately clinging to heterosexuality". and to that i say yes b/c hes just stone LMAO......hes letting himself stare like a fucking idiot in a way he wouldnt stare at any girl hes ever met in his life. Its different bc laios is a guy too. Its more mystifying

its like locker room camaraderie. its like "boys bathe at the same time in the dungeon" but somehow even more erotic. its seeing a weird hot guy cup his tits like hes surprised to see them, like he wasnt aware that that was why his armor was so tight after the pollen incident

laios, oblivious to chilchucks trains of thoughts fighting each other, cupping his tits thoughtfully and asking him "are yours like… sensitive? kinda sore?"

anyway. transsexual chilchuck elbow-deep in tallman pussy. Happy new year

[an-excellent-choice]

I was recently gushing at a friend about bg3 but didn't want to spoil her in the romance and the characters backstory.

So, I started comparing everybody with Dragon Age companions to give her an idea on everybody's personality.

Now I need to complete this list just for the sake of it.

Astarion: Zevran, Isabela, Morrigan

I know a lot of people compare Astarion and Fenris but honestly, I personally don't see them being similar enough( yes even with the slavery and white hair) they are just two different flavors especially in personality. They are similar in broad strokes but in the details not really.

Now with Zevran and Isabela, I can see. These two very sexual characters both use their sexualities and their daggers to manipulate those around them.

They both cope with their trauma with putting a mask of light heartedness and sexual freedom. The main difference of between Zevran and Isabela to Astarion is that Astarion is more upfront with his trauma.

The Morrigan aspect is his pragmatism. Astarion's killed or killed is similar to Morrigan. They both hate helping people as they don't see anything beneficial it. They are so used to the absence of kindness that any they see from the protag is seen as naivety or even fakeness because if there truly kindness in the world why did they never experienced themselves.

Gale: Anders, Merril, Solas

So the common trait I established from these characters that I see in Gale is them being blinded by their goals. These 3 all kind and mean well but they think their way is the only way to fix things. All these three are self serving to their selfish desires to the point it overwrites any kindness they have. They want to do something drastic to help others. Solas with elves, Merril her missing friends and Anders with mages but in the price of themselves.

Personality wise,Merril is also similar to Gale with her akwardness and naivety. Gale has a tendency to do akward moments in his enthusiasm and lackk experience in socializing. While the Solas is love information and informing others, he's very welcoming in sharing experiences.

Now, Anders. Specifically Anders dao and da2 Act 1-2 because Gale would never justify the means justifies the end mentality in act3 of da2. The basics commonalities: cat dad, mage, time bomb but the most damning similarity is that both Gale and Anders thought that they know better even though they were already warned. Gale with the piece of weave and Anders with Justice. They both essentially shot themselves in the foot by ignoring the warning signs.

(I'm not including Merril in the shooting of foot because her ritual was tampered she knew her risks and had actually prepared a kill switch just in case)

Wyll: Cassandra, Merril, Varric

The main thing I focused on this trio is responsibility. All these 3 has certain responsibility or expectations set upon them with a main conflict of whether they should just follow expectations or do their own will even at the price of losing support or their people

Wyll has heavy expectations on him and he himself always tries to put the well being of others before him even at the price of his soul.

Now personality-wise, Cassandra is an old romantic. Just like Wyll they both enjoy poetry and wooing. They both live for the romance even though they try hard to focus on only their duty they cant hide their soft squishy hearts.

Merril is kind and is always torn with her abandoning her duty to do what she thinks is needed to be done. She loves her people so much she will bear being seen as a monster to try to help them. *cough* wyll is the same*cough

Varric is charming as fuck but he also is kindaa running away from his responsibility until finally he was forced to take a stand. He accidentally helped start aspects of the mess but he will be damned if he doesnt try to help.

Okay, I'm running out of steam now. I'll do a part 2 for the ladies as this is also too long now.

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 33

welcome to the thirty-third fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. Rose-Colored Boy by melancholymango

“I missed you, you know.”

“Yeah?” Lance sighed, warm and giddy, clearly not absorbing how serious the words truly were. Keith nodded his head for a few seconds, not trusting himself to speak around the size of his emotions. He was suddenly brought back to the years alone on the whale, when all he’d had to keep him going was memories of his friends, of Lance.

“Yeah.” Keith said, more certainty in his voice now. He reached down, hesitantly threading his fingers through Lance’s and giving his hand a squeeze. Lance tensed next to him. “I still do.”

“I mean, I’m right here.”

“Are you? You still seem pretty far away.”

again i know im not really big on those fics that make the team out to be deliberately cruel, but sometimes its cathartic tbh. sometimes you remember canon and ur just like yeah what if he got angry. what if someone got angry for him. what then. and mango gives us that

2. Swamp of Sorrows by SwissArmyKnife

Pike gets exposed to acidic ooze, which leads Block (& Keith) to make a few discoveries about their party’s rogue.

“We can't leave them like this,” Meklavar said of Valayun and Pike, who’d been laid beside the fire. "Look at how bad those welts are." She came up with a bottle of oil and a cake of soap. "I can smell water nearby. We can get them washed and roll them in a blanket to sleep off the spore. What do you think?"

"I think it's our only choice," Takashi said.

monsters and mana fic!!!!! everybody say YES to righteous anger on pike’s behalf. and also say yes to pike bc i love him. this fic is interesting bc its a little tense and awkward bc this ragtag team of misfits doesnt quite trust each other yet but they also cant quite stop themselves from caring about each other. so even though they dont all agree on eveyrthing and dont agree about all, they do agree that pike needs more care than he got. also unrelated but the fact that shiro’s m&m name is fucking takashi kills me every time like man just wants to be himself 💀

3. Beneath the Champagne Sea by SwissArmyKnife

The paladins make a diplomatic visit to a planet with sexual dimorphism roughly opposite that of Earth. Women are larger and more powerful, while men are leaner and smaller. Cue their horror at gaunt, sickly Pidge and mild disgust with the ’womanly’ Shiro. Lance hits the sweet spot. He's got the build and features to draw the eyes and the charm to keep them. Their hosts are quite taken with him, in particular the daughter of the queen, whose forwardness is a comic reversal of Lance’s usual dynamic with women. Lance likes the attention and finds her intriguing, but eventually things take a discomforting turn.

Lance tried to step around her, wanting to walk away from a conversation that seemed less and less likely to end well, but Leh’n seized his wrist before he could. Her grip was tight, and freeing himself would require an act of aggression, which he still wanted to avoid. ‘Think of the mission, of how important it is to get the castle up and running again,’ he coached himself.

Still, that did nothing to stop his blood pressure from skyrocketing as Leh’n leaned closer and said. “I am not accustomed to reluctance.”

i swear to god that ive recced this before, but i couldnt find it in my records so here it is!! this fic is endlessly fascinating. the exploration of gender roles is super interesting, considering who is impacted in this fic and how. the discussion about beauty standards, power imbalances, the alien wrench in things was so cool! and i think lance, who is very much someone who rides that gender lines in terms of presentation of hobbies and even chracter traits, makes sense as the main character here. interesting think piece. 

4. you had me at merlot by @ryomakun

“Oh my God,” Lance says as he covers his face. Keith’s tinny voice blares from his laptop speakers: “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.” See, this joke might have been funny if someone charismatic and charming had said it, but Keith’s flat voice and even flatter expression effectively kidnaps, tortures, and then decapitates any chance of it being remotely humorous.

--

Keith accidentally starts a YouTube channel. Lance, of course, refuses to be left out. It goes about as well as you'd expect. (Ft. copious amounts of wine and a truly shameless number of references to MyDrunkKitchen, DailyGrace, and general pop culture)

this fic is HILARIOUS. its one of the firsts i ever screenshotted for the scrapbook i have of fics that made me laugh out loud. i offer you this one part that really made me giggle: 

““It tastes good,” Keith says petulantly as he glares at the accusing finger Hunk has pointed at him. “No offense Hunk but that stuff you gave me for my twenty-first tasted like feet and antiseptic.”

“That was a merlot,” Hunk wails. “The good kind, too!”

Ignoring them, Lance stands in front of the rum selection. This is why he didn’t want to bring anyone. They might call him loud and embarrassing, but at least he doesn’t yell inside WalMart about the virtues of a “real red wine.” An elderly couple passes through, eying the bickering three. Lance resolutely pretends he is here shopping by himself.“

the way they are so ridiculous that LANCE of all people is embarrassed of them...cinema. also this fic is peak bc it has klance as enemies to lovers and childhood friends to lovers at the same time. iconique

5. Flayed by @admiralcanthackett

Lance gets hit with a face full of spores and it leaves him wracked with pain. Touch is the only relief he can find.

yes i know i tag this author all the time but in my defense there was a point in my life where i was OBSESSED with faer fics. truly. anyways this one has unexpectedly protective keith, like to a very high degree, and im loving the heavy themes of trust and emotional as well as physical vulnerability 

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[mixxmoon]

ok omg so I really want to make this post but don’t wanna spoil my friends if they possibly read sosf so I will drop this here since I think you’re literally the only person that cares on tumblr???

listen listen listen Evelyn and Dom are actually both such crucial characters in both sosf and doo because they are both fairly present in the story but not enough to truly direct it. in a sense they cause the story itself but it isn’t about them, more than anything they haunt it. both directly parallel Percy - going from a loved person who valued their family to someone consumed by their flaws - which is why Athena’s comparison of her to Percy to Zeus as the hidden child is so harrowing. part I making the characters believe they are fallen gods forces them to grapple with redemption and if redemption is even attainable for them if they are gods. and all that happens before the crescendo of part 2, 3, and especially 4 where they all make.. Decisions. it’s like if the narrative kept screaming at literally everybody “THIS IS YOUR FUTURE” before the events forcing this future to be inevitable occurred. Evelyn haunts the narrative because she’s quite literally a monster, even though deep down she’s just a person. Dom haunts it because he’s a person, even though deep down he’s really a god. by the time both are mainly absent from the plot, everybody else has become a blurred mix between all three.

+ it’s the making Dom looks like his father for me. because Dom did become his father just like Percy has become everything he hated. it’s the using Evelyn as justification for making Vera beg on her knees. its the ultimate callback for me ough.

Omggg this is so true!!! I love how they both haunt the narrative and that we’re shown how they impact the actions of the others while not even directly influencing them. Because we’re seeing this all through the eyes of an outsider, someone who can acknowledge them but not truly understand how theyre impacting people who were once close to Evelyn and Dom. There are people constantly doing things as a consequence of the actions of Evelyn, Dom, and especiallyyyy Percy!! This whole thing was kickstarted by Evelyn with Dom/Zeus actually starting it and Percy picking it up and worsening the whole situation. Majority of the bad decisions were caused because of Percy 🙂‍↔️ But I do love the parallels of the three and how connected they are ❤️❤️ The three have all suffered with Percy having a blend of what both Evelyn and Dom have gone through yet that doesnt them from causing pain to others because theyre too stuck on their beliefs. Thankfully Evelyn was able to get some sense in her after she saw the resemblance that Heracules had with her. I have a feeling Dom is getting to see what hes caused and finally becoming better but Percy… Hes gonna take a long while if he doesnt get help immediately. What is it with these three just becoming everything they hate 😒 Athenas comparison was just sooooo It really shows how power can get to your head to the point where you forget your roots

Everything else you wrote though… I AM SHAKING YOU VIOLENTLY I would love to add more to what you said but you summed it up so perfectly I cant find anything to say 😭I just want everyone to get a happy ending 😢 When I say everyone I mean EVERYONEEEEE I do fear that Percy is far too gone and seeing that Trials of Zeus takes about 8 years in the future… Percys going to get worse before he gets better 😬

[calledbyflowers]

i see how u could like fink that kirby is a pokemon like i can notice hte objective similarities btwn their designs and like how u could oribky assemble kirby out of pokemon parts eyes from sudowoodo and body from jilggpypuff or smthn but like its interesring cuz i can def see how u would think that kirby is a pokemon looking at them side by side but also like it feels wrong to me now as i fink abt it further. liike idk kirby seems too alive to be a pokemon. he has a soul. he stares back at you. he challenges ur gaze in a way a pokemon just doesnt. pokemon r so clearly passive things made to be owned. kirby has an interiority. he is playful curious brave angry hungry sleepy dumb glad to be alive. he wants things. hungry! and ik that objectively pokemon do all these things too but they dont do it in the same spirit. kirby is hungry. the pokemone can only perform hunger for you. a pokemon is just essentially a slave and nothing that it is or does is for itself as an autonomous subjectivity but rather for you. a pokemon is a whimpering disgusting persistent thing that is nothing without you which begs w you pleads w u performs 4 u so fucking obedient theyll die for u without a seocnd through since withotu you there is no them ot begin w. the pokemon stop existing when oyu turn off the game when you deletre the save file. kirby is slepeing and eating and flying and cooking and having misadventures no matter what. kirby is more alive than a pokemon. to make a pokemon like kirby would be to unmake pokemon. what is a pokemon but a "pcoket monster" a monster that is defined entirely in relation to how you can store them and breed them and make them fight each other for your amusement. im not saying pokemon trainers cant b nice im not saying theyre evil for doing this to the pokemon (ik pokemon dont rlly die). aa trianer can be v kiund and considerate and lovely to their pokemon and give them lots of treats and so on. and yet in all this it wil lremain true that as hermann cohen said abt the poor and impoverished of the world in trying to solve the problem of evil without becoming a based gnostic like me the pokemon whines and complains and needs attention and lvove from you so that you may play the role of the savior. a pokemon suffers so that you may save it. everything that a pokem,on is it is for you. kirby meanwhile exists purely and entirely in and with hhimself a self-contained unity of being gradually sucking the outside in as a kind of light-hearted play without malice or forethought. the beings that eat worlds r generally dumb and stupid and happy. the devourers of worlds r bimbos and himbos and thembos one and all and may God strike me down if we will not be saved by them as we once scourged by them in a great revaluation of values what one might call a third way revaluation btwn the one proposed by nietzsche and what he supposed to be the initial revaluations of nietzsche and by third way i mean everybody fink abt urself try tio look hot and pretty and dumb capitalism is the only possible economic system baka no thoguths. head empty. just vibes. nudge theory. tax rebates. cultural pluralism. computers r the future. id cards. id cards. id cards. id cards. id cards. id cards. modern art is a concept btwn space and time

[jadebread64]

time for me to post my bullshit ramblings on the new doctor who episode in no particular order like a maniac lol

(SPOILERS AHOY, DONT CLICK ON THE READMORE IF YOU HAVENT SEEN THE EPISODE)

obviously seeing tennant and tate back in their roles is so cool, they feel exactly as they should, it doesnt even feel like 15 years have passed when you watch them its great

DONNA CANONICALLY HAS A NONBINARY DAUGHTER AND IM SO FUCKING HAPPY ABOUT THAT

NOT ONLY THAT BUT HER ALSO BEING PART OF THE METACRISIS TIME LORD SHIT IS SUPER COOL

lmao im not even joking when i first saw the meep™ i literally thought "aww it's so cute i hope it doesnt end up being evil" and LO AND BEHOLD

OH MY GOD DAVID TENNANT JUST SUDDENLY PUTTING ON A FUCKING JUDGE WIG AND DOING A COURTROOM SCENE WITH THE MEEP AND THE WRARTH WHILE DONNA AND HER CONCERNED FAMILY JUST OBSERVE

also i think the wrarth voices are so funny cause in the trailers they're like *auurhghghg scary monster sounds!!1!* but in the episode they just sound british like every doctor who space alien should

i think the new TARDIS looks really cartoony and i think it's kinda fun, idk if ncuti is gonna end up with this TARDIS set (i'd imagine the bbc doesnt have the budget to make a whole TARDIS set for 4 episodes then just make a new one lol) but i think it looks kinda plain at the moment? idk if they added some chairs and bookshelves n shit like the capaldi one and make it look more lived in overtime it might be one of my favourites just for the whole classic who vibe it has. either way it's perfect for david he gets to run around like a little kid in there and thats all that matters lol

also tennants new suit looks so fucking good and honestly wish he just had that in series 2-4 instead of the brown suit

i think it's so funny how literally not even 5 minutes after entering the TARDIS donna just fucking spills her coffee on the console and the whole thing just explodes and goes to shit immediately lmao

ALSO WE'RE GETTING A FULL ON TENNANT/TATE ADVENTURE NEXT WEEK???? AM I IN 2008 OR 2023 I CANNOT TELL ANYMORE TIME HAS NO MEANING

im really hoping we get to see whoever the fuck neil patrick harris' character is in the next episode, im 99% sure it's gonna be the celestial toymaker but only because the doctor who youtube account kept posting celestial toymaker clips and i think they're being cheeky bastards lol (/positive)

(/sarcasm) i cant wait to see all the queerphobic assholes shitting on this episode for having the few pronouns/binary lines in it and going "dOcTor wHo iS wOkE nOw yUcK" even though doctor who has been progressive since literally 1963 with the daleks (which got a fancy new colourization that i need to check out still but thats a whole OTHER THING LOL)

oh yeah and david's acting is really fucking good in this, like when he thinks wilf has died and he just sorrowfully says "i loved that man." like MY HEART CANT TAKE THIS

plus when he thinks he has to sacrifice donna to save everybody, holy shit his perfomance is incredible

this is just a me thing but seeing a doctor who episode live as its broadcasting is so cool, i've been watching this show for like 8 years (i think??) and i usually just ended up finding it on dailymotion or some shit like a day or two after the episode aired so i'd always be late for it lol (btw for the people coming after me i dont pay for disney+ at all lol) so watching it the at the same time as everyone else was very cool especially since i nearly slept in through it lmao

anyways i think thats all if i remember any more things i'll add em in lol

plus some bonus ramblings before the episode aired

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 160

sniblings

i was gonna summarize their backstory in the tags but even the summary literally got too long so TRAGIC BACKSTORY UNDER THE CUT

nobody likes Szelseis (manlet on the left). everybody likes Szuna (snake bod on the right). even their mom! this is due to circumstances outside of szelseis's control (ie Snerson Societal Hierarchy)

their mom, for reference, is genuinely a fucking monster. but shes nice to her daughter at least. Szuna feels... Some affection for her, for this reason. She's seen mom's "softer side." Szelseis wants their mother dead.

Szuna tries very hard to relate to her little brother but really does very little to actually improve his circumstances because well. she doesnt want to be treated the way people treat him. and standing up for him might get her tossed to the bottom of the social hierarchy alongside him.

but she wants to be there for him emotionally. and he trusts her more than anyone else for sure. she is the closest thing he has to a friend in this world.

so Szelseis vents to her about wanting revenge on their entire community. Szuna listens to him and offers sympathy but like. She doesn't take him literally when he expresses a desire to "leave town and burn the place to the ground behind them." shes just like haha yeah we should anyway good night

of course he immediately decides that he is old enough to make it on his own in the world ESPECIALLY if his older sister is backing him up, and then attempts to burn the town to the ground. (He's like, maybe 15 at the time.) he does a pretty good job of it, too! he starts of course with their mom's place in an attempt to kill her, but also makes sure the fire is set to spread.

by the time Szuna realizes what's going on, it's too late to stop him. so she confronts him and tries to at LEAST get him to help fight the fires but he's just mad that she lied about agreeing with him on this. has she ALWAYS been on their mom's side??

and she wants to be like "no i just don't condone mass murder like really this is an ENTIRE TOWN theres like KIDS AND STUFF not LITERALLY EVERYONE has been SO mean to you that they deserve to burn to death what the fuck are you DOING" but the fire is spreading and if he's not going to help then she will get to him LATER. bigger priorities right now.

While she's busy firefighting, Szelseis flees town and basically goes "FUCK everybody the world is terrible everyone is out to get me TRUST NO BITCH i am going to have to Treat My Self from here on out." so he becomes a shitty solipsistic little thief, trying to build up enough of a fortune to live in luxury for the rest of his life.

Szuna, meanwhile, manages to save their mom from the fire, and the first thing she asks her daughter to do is hunt down Szelseis and bring him back, dead or alive, she no longer gives a shit.

Szuna of course has mixed feelings about this. But she does what shes told anyway and sets off, figuring she can just.... Decide what to do about Szelseis when she finds him.

Maybe they'll fight, maybe they'll hug, maybe they'll run away from their shitty mom together, maybe they'll straight up kill each other.

WHO KNOWS!!! thats main story territory babey this is just the backstory

[swordofsuns]

Dnd arc 4: FINALE! (part 1 ig)

And so our party departs into the tunnels connecting the former city of Axum on the surface to the City of Mirrors in the underdark. The path down is long and winding, and takes us several fairly uneventful days to reach the bottom. along the way we run into some people travelers heading up who fill us in on whats going on in the underdark while we inform them that Axum doesnt exactly exist anymore. As we learn from them, aparently after Ira ran away, her sister, Adhera took the throne from their aging mother, who had stepped down. Adhera made a deal with the Flesh Prince of mutual protection and started a few wars to conquer neighboring territories. Do to this, she ended up getting pretty unpopular with everybody, from nobles to commoners alike, and there is a small rebellion group called The Sparrows who are trying to overthrow her and replace her with Ira. Ira is not thrilled about the prospect of becoming queen, but we agree that we should probably try and get some support from The Sparrows against a common enemy, but maybe try to make sure Ira doesnt have to become queen, as it would mean giving up her art and witchcraft. Later that night Ira has a dream where she meets the Bird who informs her that after Paro died last time, they wont be revived until Ira does something for her in the City of Mirrors, probably relating to the sparrows though this is communicated entirely through charades and interpretive dance so its kinda unclear.

When we arrive at the city, we do some exploring and eventualy run into some of the Sparrows. They are mostly members of the aristocracy who use magic masks to hide their identities and voice from each other, and all have bird codenames (ie Lady Hummingbird, Lord Crow). The two people in charge of the opperation are Lady Nightingale and Lord Hawk. Nightingale is in charge of PR basicaly, and how they convince the people that Ira is the better choice by "crafting a story", while Hawk is a powerful sorcerer (who we deduct is the court mage) who supplies all the magic and technical planning.

They inform us that the only way to get Adhera off of the throne, which we would need to get access to the Well of Creation and save some more of our kidnapped friends, would be to challenge Adhera for the throne in a traditional duel. In addition, it can only be done by an heir to the throne, and the only person in the line of succession at the moment is Ira. Ira very reluctantly agrees, but decides that after becoming queen she can find some way to step down or get rid of the crown, first she just has to take down Adhera.

In the end in the middle of a parade with Adhera in the rear, we all show up on top of a bridge, and challenge her to a duel, and, as we are in puplic, she is forced to agree. also Val notices that the mount that she is riding is a wierd demon monster who probably used to be his sibling.

We all meet up in the main castle, and the fight begins between Ira and Adhera. Though Ira has both her Broom of Flight and literaly Excalibur (I dont think I mentioned that actualy)(Ira found excalibur way back in the fey arc)(it was broken though but Prometheus fixed it on the way down here), she is honestly not really a physical match for Adhera, and is about to lose when suddenly Ira and Adheras mother walks into the room. Adhera, for seemingly no reason (back before Ira left her mother and her sister got along well) begins going balistic, throwing a javelin at her unarmed, unarmored mother, though misses, before collapsing on the ground and begining to froth at the mouth from poison, and screaming about how "SHE DID IT TO ME AND SHELL DO IT TO YOU TOO! SHE WILL DO IT TO YOU TOO!"

Max manages to stop the poison from killing her, but significant mental damage was caused by the poison and adhera is seemingly incoherant. from what Max can tell the poison was a slow acting poison that had probably been fed to her at breakfast. Ira wins the duel by default, and immediately as her first order as queen arrests Lady Nightshade (her mother) for poisoning Adhera, as well as the fact that Ira had deducted that Lady Nightshade was also Lady Nightingale, and thats treason. Lord Hawk/ the court magician is arested as well.

Also Actaeon is getting really old by now, and, when Max does a check up on him he notices that his blood is made of ice and that there seems to be something wrong with his heart.

Also while the fight was going on Val found that their sibling had been turned into a full demon monster, and was being kept as a pet by Adhera, and snuck away to free them, and in return their sibling gave them their parents severed but still beating heart before flying away.

We all go down to the dungeons and try to interogate Lady Nightshade, who admits to having poisoned her own daughter, but what we realize quickly is that she was queen for so long that at this point the only thing she cares about is her kingdom, and how she will do anything to make her people and her kingdom prosper, no matter the cost. When she realized that Adhera was taking the kingdom in a bad direction she led a coup to replace her, but knowing that Adhera would probably beat Ira she poisoned and attempted to kill Adhera so that Ira would be garenteed victory. altogether she is pretty abusive towards Ira the entire conversation. also Ira refuses to wear the crown and instead has it looped on her belt. We try to ask her about the Well of Creation but she refuses to answer other than to say that it will be the death of us. We do discover that she was romanticaly involved with the court mage though

We try interogating the court mage next, who at first refuses to answer any of our questions about the well of creation, but eventualy makes us a deal that if we promise to let Lady Nighshade out of the dungeon and simply banish her forever he'll tell us what we need to know. we dont like letting Nightshade go free but admit that she wont really be an issue if shes banished so we accept, and sent her off with a bodygaurd with orders to keep her safe but also ensure she never returns. After this the court mage agrees to tell us how to get to the Well of Creation, but immeadiately begins laughing because its impossible. first of all, though there is a path to the well of creation beneath the castle, the location of the path is not known to him, and it is locked with the only key being a secret known only to Lady Nightingale, who we cant ask as she is gone now. the only clue we have is that she claimed that it was something only the queen would have access to. Even more than that, though, once we got to the end of the tunnel, the Well of Creation is locked behind a massive set of stone doors that no matter how many adventuring crews they sent, could not be opened. To make things worse, before you get past the door, inscribed in the stone is a poem, and all those who read it were changed forever, simply walking away, selling all their things, and charting a boat off of the continent (oh btw quick worldbuilding thing: there is only one known continent, surrounded by a massive ocean, with only the parts near land charted. nobody knows whats out there of if there is other land masses. Any ships who travel out there either never return, or the people return... different, never speaking about what they saw). Red punches him in the face. Ira also punches him in the face.

Also it turns out that that night as we are discussing our options 1) actaeon begins hearing the drums of the Wild Hunt, calling him towards a battle, though he resists the call, 2) All the priest in the local church of the gravetender suddenly begin screaming about how they were being called for a final battle against an ancient evil and all sudenly and inexplicably turned into moss covered statues, and 3) fires could be seen all over the city as well as screams and sounds of violence.

we realize that were a out of time, and begin arguing over whether to help the Beast end this world in hopes of creating a better one, or help the Gods of the Tower (the current gods) preserve the world in fear of the new one being worse. Red is basicaly the only one on team "dont start the apocalypse" mainly because she is terrified of what would happen if the Leech got any semblance of power, though everybody else is team "whoo yay apocalypse" reasoning that their gods are pretty chill and this world sucks and has been terrible to them. Actaeon also supports the apocalypse because he believes it will allow Red to get her happy ending back. A full on physical fight breaks out between Red and the rest of the party for a bit as she tries to restrain them from ending the world, arguing that we should avoid the Well at all costs. In the end, Ira sneaks off to pay her respects to her dead lover who betrayed her years ago, but is contacted by the Bird, who leads her to a spring in the middle of the couryard, and implied that by dropping the crown in she will lose her title of queen and Paro will be returned. She holds the crown out to the water, feels the weight of her sister, her mother, her ancestors and her expectations, and drops it into the clear water. It drifts down a ways, before the water is filled with a jet black ink, and a the largest bird Ira has ever seen emerges. It is still Paro, though no longer a tiny mockingbird, but a 6 food jet black bird, with 6 eyes and 4 wings. it lands on her shoulder, colosal in size yet light as a feather. She sees the ink of the water drain away, and the liquid dries away, revealing a hidden path deep below to the Well of Creation.

Eventualy, Max convinces Red that even if we dont have to do anything in the well of creation, its probably best to head down there, just to look inside. Red reluctantly agrees and we all head down. At the bottom, we find the massive stone doors we were promissed, and we read the writing on it, though we are not driven mad. I forget how the writing went but it was something like "This is not a place of honor...(insert like 4 stanzas on the existential nature of reality here)...Come follow me into eternity". The poem implies that it was writen by the Drifter (god of peace and safe travel who disapeered 1000 years ago), and seems to be almost a suicide note of him losing faith in reality and deciding to jump into the well in order to stop existing.

Also at the bottom we find the two headed snake man from all the way back in that one random side session after the fae arc (I told you he would be important). turns out hes just been chilling down here for a while and fills us in on some more exposition: inside the door is the well of creation and the pillars of reality. using the pillars of reality we can determine who will win in the coming battle between the Tower(term for the human/modern gods) and the Wyrm(term for the beasts/old gods). also in order to open the door you need the power of each of the 5 elements. together Red, Snake boi, Braxton, Ira, and Kit all manage to push open the door using their respective powers, revealing the room inside. the second we step in, however, the door slams shut and we are locked inside. We start debating on whether or not we should end the world again, though Max is distracted by a message in his and bennys shared message book: "unclamp the eye on the front cover"(the book has a eye in the front). when he does, the eye suddenly open up, revealing a silver pocketwatch inside, which floats up above the well, and begins forming bone and flesh and monocrome suit and goat horns, until standing in the center of the room, fully in the flesh, stands benny. He smiles at us, and thanks us for doing the 1 part of his plan he couldn't do himself: smuggling his phylactery into the Well of Creation.

and this is actualy getting kinda long and im not even halfway done so im pull a hunger games and split the finale into 2 parts. (also all of this and the second part was 1 session. it took 11 hours)

ONE SESSION???????

ELEVEN HOURS????

[marklikely]

sw-fties are like. fighting for their lives like "noo ugh its about infantilizing beauty standards that women are forced in to i can't believe you people don't get it its so deep" and like . yeah. we know what she meant but that doesnt mean we can't also think "everybody is a sexy baby and im a monster" is a bad lyric.

[sanjisblackasswife]

what about getting into an argument with the monster trio </33 craving angst rn

A/N: Hope u don’t mind me taking it a step further with the angst

Also I’m going to separate these because they’re long af.

Zoro Version

Sanji Version

Luffy Version

Breaking up With the Monster Trio (Angst)

Word Count: 6.2k (bruh)

Black Fem Reader in Mind

Ft. Luffy, Zoro, Sanji

CW: Lots of yelling,Implied Cheating, Reader is a Bit Toxic Herself, Cursing, Angst, No Happy Ending, Crying, It is a bit of WCI Spoiler but I tried not to put in too much so I added some situations that wasn’t canon if that makes sense lmao

Zoro

You guys actually are known for arguing in your relationship

You both argue at least once a day over something petty and everybody on the Sunny has come accustomed to it

“YOU CAN’T BRING A SWORD TO A GUN FIGHT ARE YOU INSANE?!”

“DOESNT MATTER I CAN KICK YOU AND ANY OTHER GUNSLINGERS ASS IF I NEEDED TO!”

“SHOCHU IS NOT BETTER THAN SAKE ARE YOU INSANE?!”

“UHHHH YES IT IS?!”

“WHY DO YOU ALWAYS FEEL THE NEED TO RAGE THE HELL OUT WHEN I SPEAK TO SANJI!”

“BECAUSE TWO PERVERTS SHOULDN’T BE IN A ROOM ALONE TOGETHER.”

“KISS MY ASS”

However one day you believe your argument may have turned for the worse.

You and Zoro have been actually having less interactions since you all met back up .

Zoro taken his role as the swordsman of the crew way more seriously and though you respect it and even admire it, it’s just you barely even communicate anymore. Not even petty arguments.

When you do start to try it he just breathes out his nose and finishes what he was doing as if he didn’t care to retort back

It just wasn’t the same between you and Zoro

And you even questioned If you and him were still together

Granted you both didn’t have much time to settle where your relationship was before separating, but you still wanted to at least talk about it, but you both never had time to do so

Intimacy has been long gone. When you seen him again he didn’t even hug you back he just patted your head

He doesn’t sleep in your room anymore. If he does it’s when you’re not in there and busy on watch

It started to get to you.

You wanted to wait and give it time but it’s been weeks now and it’s almost as if he subconsciously just broke up with you over the two years

You tried getting your mind off of it seeing as now there are bigger fish to fry and stronger enemies to defeat

Eventually you and the crew meet Law again and surprisingly you two hit it off better than him and anyone else on the crew.

He didn’t find you annoying—you were level headed and relatively nice to talk to so you managed to keep him company sometimes when he wanted to separate from all of the Strawhats

The attention he gave you was platonic but it was nice none the less—-you even managed to crack a smile out of him a few times

“Y/N-ya. Come help me with this, yeah?”

You both have amazing combat skills together too and it bought you some brownie points with him

Zoro However began to notice this friendship develop immediately

But he didn’t have time to ask you about it he needed to train more

Today though, he had some time

Zoro being Zoro was lost in the forest again but managed to somehow find you and Law sitting across from each other talking. You were laughing with him not even noticing the green haired swordsman approach you from the side.

“Lost again?” Law shot at Zoro still giving you eye contact.

Zoro Just grumbled, “NO! I just happened to find you both…we’re leaving this place soon so you both should wrap up your little date.” You frowned a bit at his tone. Date?

“Date?” You got up to follow him with Law a nice distance behind you both. “We were talking.”

“Yeah you two love doing that—“

“The hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t mean shit. Keep walking.”

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t a tiny bit happy seeing that Zoro at least noticed and felt jealous about you and Law’s closeness. In reality though you actually didn’t do that to get back at Zoro you enjoyed Law’s company and was refreshing to be around.

You and Zoro bickered a bit walking around the forest not even realizing you three were walking in circles because ZORO was guiding y’all.

“So if you see me talking to another woman what you’re ganna think I’m gay now?!”

“Go ahead and be gay for all I give a fuck—“

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT IM TRYING TO MAKE—“

“Room.”

You both appeared in front of the Sunny not even realizing it still arguing.

“HEY!” Law yelled getting both of your attention walking in between you both, “We’re back. Come find me when you’re done, Y/N-ya.”

“We’re done Talking actually.” Zoro Shot back heading to the training room.

“Says who?! I ain’t finish asshole the hell is all this passive aggressiveness towards me?!”

“Oh, Shut the fuck up!”

“NO YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ALL FUCKING MONTH I BEEN TRYING TO TALK TO YOU BUT YOU BEING THE DICK THAT YOU ARE JUST BEEN IGNORING ME AND THE FIRST TIME WE DO YOU WANNA FUCKING ARGUE SO FUCK YOU!”

It got awkwardly quiet on the ship. Sanji, and Nami gasped, Robin covered Chopper’s ears, Luffy and Usopp stopped playing, and Franky & Brook just paused.

Zoro looked like the vein in his head was about to explode. He was irritated beyond belief and the patience he barely had was already ran out.

“Go the fuck up the ladder now.”

You squinted your eyes at him. His teeth was gritted at yours and he began to breath a little harder. If he were to hit you you honestly wouldn’t be surprised at this point. You felt the rage coming from his body, he never got this angry with you and you never got this angry with him.

“If we aren’t ganna resolve our issues then I’m not going no where with you.”

“Resolve what exactly? The fact that you can’t be alone? Or the fact that you got bigger tits and you wanna flaunt them around to every guy you see because you crave male attention —-“

“Ain’t this a bitch— THAT’S what you think I’m doing?! You think I’m being some kind of slut or something?! I don’t need nobody’s mothafuckin’ attention if anything I’d like yours but it seems like your swords have all of it!—“

“Y/N..” Nami whispered, and walked over behind you to grab your arm since you started to approach Zoro as if your were ganna hit him.

She and Robin seen the hurt in your face for a while now when Zoro ignores you, they haven’t said anything about it but they had a feeling a fight like this was bound to happen.

“At least my swords don’t go around cheating.”

“Ch—-YOU THINK IM CHEATING ON YOU?”

“IM NOT FUCKING STUPID Y/N IVE SEEN HOW CLOSE YOUVE GOTTEN WITH THAT TRA-GUY—“

“IM ONLY CLOSE WITH HIM BECAUSE WE HAVE GOOD CONVERSATION. WE. COMMUNICATE. UNLIKE. YOU. AND I.” You pointed your finger back and fourth looking as if you were ready to shoot Zoro right then and there so Nami ran over out of worry and held you back by your arm and Usopp and Brook ran over to hold Zoro back because he had the same angry look in his eyes.

“IF YOU KNEW HOW TO SPEAK I WOULDN’T HAVE TO GO TO TALK TO OTHER MEN. Ever thought about that? Roronoa Zoro?”

Zoro stopped moving and just sighed pulling away from the two and walked the opposite way.

“Then keep communicating with him because we’re through. He can have you.”

It was almost as if none of your points were being heard. Your stomach dropped to your ass hearing him wanting to be done with you.

You scoffed.

Sanji was about to go and beat Zoro possibly to death for how he was speaking to you but you stopped him. It didn’t matter it wasn’t going to change anything.

“NO, ITS NOT OKAY YOU PIECE OF SHIT YOU DON’T TALK TO A WOMAN LIKE THAT—!”

“Sanji!” You Held him back fighting any slick of tear to fall down the rim of your waterline. “It’s fine….leave him.”

-

Weeks have past since the argument, the entire energy of the crew has changed. You and Zoro stayed Your distances and never even spoke a syllable to each other once. You don’t eat with the crew anymore no matter how many times Sanji tries to kick Zoro out, but you just try to avoid the trouble.

The girls tried making you feel better, even Luffy tried by doing stupid faces but you haven’t cracked a smile in you don’t know how long. Your face is deadpanned now but your eyes constantly look sad.

You don’t talk much at all either and it hurts, a literal pain in your chest. You’ve been having headaches and a bit of sickness as well. Usually when you feel bad Zoro pokes fun at you for not having his immune system and holds you all day making Sanji bring you soups and teas. But that’s in the long past and now you’re alone in your room. Eyes were puffy, hair was wrapped in a tight scarf, and you had on nothing but a loose shirt and shorts as everybody except you, Franky, and Chopper were out on some new land. Nothing but the sounds of the crashing water and your subtle sniffles fill the room. You wasn’t sure if it was sniffs from being sick or sad but you didn’t care to figure out which

You sat up and decided to just read a book until you fell asleep again. You rummage through your stuff and found a picture. From two years ago. It was the first time you kissed Zoro and Luffy managed to sneak a lot of pictures, from when you both were caught, to Sanji looking pissed, to Zoro chasing Luffy and Sanji chasing Zoro. It was the first night Zoro confessed, how much you meant to him, how much he loved you, but didn’t “like” you, how much you drove him crazy—

And how much he wanted to be with you even after you both achieved your goals.

All the wonderful memories of you and Zoro pulled out some tears blurring your vision, you laughed at yourself with your cheeks now being stained, how stupid could you be to fall for him so hard?

Your chest hurts again. More than it did before it nearly felt like you couldn’t breathe, you hit the back of the wall and slid down crying in ache and pain in silence. Even moreso because now when you see Zoro from the times you mindlessly glanced at him, he looks happier to be without you than with you.

Is this what a heart break felt like?

-

Sanji

Sometimes you believe Sanji is just a womanizer. And you hate it because it’s actually not true.

You both have been dating for a year and you’ve noticed his simp like attitude for most women haven’t really let up.

You knew he would never touch a woman like how he touches you but sometimes when you want his full attention he can’t seem to focus it if another young woman is calling out his name

You didn’t mind it at first but it’s seems like it has gotten worse.

Granted you both never had time to have sex. It’s been back to back with fighting enemies and a bunch of new people joining on board momentarily.

But today was probably the last straw of his obsession with women

“He’s doing what?!”

“No! It’s not like that he got lured !”

“How the fuck do you get lured to a damn brothel, Franky?! He knows better!”

You stormed out of the ship disregarding your watch durty after hearing the unfortunate news. There is no possible way Sanji could be doing what you think he could.

“You messing with me right?”

Seeing Zoro and Sanji rush out of the worn building fixing up each other’s clothing. You really couldn’t believe your eyes if you were quite honest, your heart and stomach sank all at once. Sure, Sanji was a Flirt, and there were a few times early in your relationship you and Sanji talked about the boundaries you both set for when people hit on either of you, he swore up and down he’d work on doing so and you believed him, but you truly wouldn’t have guessed he’d ACTUALLY cheat on you.

Sanji’s hair was disheveled, tie was slightly undone, and he was flustered. It didn’t take too long to understand what happened.

Sanji However was mortified. He tried to get out of there as quick as he could, but he needed to be helped by Zoro and Luffy to escape.

“WAIT NO Y/N IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE—!”

You scoffed at the typical statement turning the opposite way back to the ship. You were more broken than mad. You held your mouth to conceal your quivering lips trying not to cry in front of anybody and picked up your pace to run as far away from Sanji as you could.

“Dumbass. I told you she’d find out.” Zoro muttered shoulder bumping him.

“Y/N I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!”

“Didnt do anything?!” You cried, stopping in your tracks almost causing Sanji to bump into you from how fast he was running towards you, “Sanji…”

You grabbed his cheek with force, squeezing it causing him to flinch, seeing the small lipstick kisses on his cheek so close to the corner of his lips. You immediately imagined him laying with how ever many women, touching, him and to add insult to injury; him enjoying it.

You looked up at the sky, forcing your tears not to escape, but you failed horribly and Sanji’s eyes widened in fear. You drop your hand down and walk away. You didn’t want to hear anything else he had to say because you’d just end up crying even more and that’s one thing you refused to do in front of him or anybody .

You felt so stupid, you knew you shouldn’t have let him in, you were warned by almost everyone to NOT date Sanji, but you seen past that. You didn’t wanna believe the warnings. How stupid could you be? Sanji? Faithful? Doesn’t even make sense unless you put “is not” in between the words.

“Damn it! I never—!” Sanji groaned in frustration running back after you, he knew he messed up BADLY. It wasn’t his intention to go into that brothel! He was actually tricked into going, Zoro warned him not to follow that lady that “needed help”, and the moment he realized where he really was he tried to leave, but women swarmed him trying to get him to stay. The whole story was too good to be true and he knew you wouldn’t buy it.

The moment you arrived back on the ship you felt your blood get hot. The entire walk back you thought about Sanji and those women and the longer your thoughts stayed on that the angrier you became. You had to get a level head though, as much as you wanted to lash out, You knew if you took any action you’d end up regretting it.

“Y/N? You okay?” Robin and Nami seen you nearly sprinting to your room, you didn’t want them to know about the incident so you avoided their gaze.

“I’m—“ you cleared your croaky throat to mask how much you’ve been crying “I’m okay….just need to—to um…”

Nami quickly walked over to you, you got very nasty when you cried. You kept shaking your hands trying to find the words, but the closer the girls approached you the harder it was to conceal any pain you felt. It wasn’t until Robin touched your shoulder that you broke down in their arms about what you seen. You felt so stupid.

Sanji came running back out of breath and he seen you across the ship being held by Robin, your eyes were pink and puffy from rubbing them so harshly out of anger. Nami turned her furious eyes over to the cook ready to kill the man so she stormed over to him.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU SANJI?!”

Nami Tore Sanji a new one yelling and hitting him for the pain he caused you after hearing what happened. Honestly, Nami Just began to enjoy watching you and Sanji as a couple. She never thought you guys would last so long considering how he was, but she just started to believe he learned to behave.

You thought the same too.

Robin took you back to her room to calm you down and step away from the commotion, “Are you sure Sanji was really cheating?”

“I know what I saw Robin. He was coming out of the building, putting back on his jacket with lip stains.”

Robin patted your head, she refused to believe Sanji would ever hurt you like that especially from what he told her weeks prior:

“You shouldn’t worry, Sanji you already know what’s she’s going to say..”

“I don’t know…what if—“

“There’s no what if’s. I see the way she looks at you. How much you’ve changed her. She’ll say yes.”

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU, SANJI?! AFTER ALL YOU BOTH BEEN THROUGH? WAS Y/N NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?!”

Sanji was on his knees taking every hit Nami had on his head, not even trying to defend hisself she was furious than anything else. She noticed how happier you were with him. How sweet he was to you, and even though she had her doubts she believed in what Robin said.

About 30 minutes past and Robin managed to get you to sleep off your tears. It was needed. She left you in the room to sleep and headed back out to where Sanji was in the kitchen and everybody was getting ready to head back on the not to set sail.

“Sanji…” Robin leaned on the kitchen door, his back was facing hers hunched over a little. She didn’t have to look at his face to know he was sulking. “What really happened back there?”

….

A few hours have pasted and you woke up to a warm presence beside you rubbing your arm, you cracked your eyes open to see Sanji’s blurred figure, but when you pounced up it was nobody.

“Good..” You thought rubbing your eyes. The room was dark hinting it was now later in the night and though you could argue that was the best sleep you’ve had in a while you wish someone would have woke you.

You make up Robin’s bed and head to your own room for the night, not wanting to see anybody else still a bit of anger lingering in your head, however this is the Thousand Sunny where 11 other people live. There is no alone time.

“Get out Sanji…” Was all you groaned rubbing your eyes, seeing him sparked back up that annoyance and seeing his pink eyes really meant nothing right now.

“No. I have to explain—“

“There’s nothing to explain. You wanted to be with those other women…and you did. I’m over it.”

“But thats not what I wanted it was a trick I would never do that! Baby—“

“Don’t ‘Baby’ me if I was your baby you wouldn’t have been in that fucking brothel.— You know what—…”

You wipe your face in frustration and sigh, the last thing you wanted was to just completely scream at him off bat, considering how he reacts to you doing it.

“I can’t keep doing this with you, Sanji. I know I’m not the ideal woman. I’m not as gorgeous as Nami or Robin. I’m not as girly as them. I don’t always dress the best. I have many flaws, but you don’t know the exhaustion I get when I see you give so many women this attention that I want. You don’t understand how it feels to have a partner that is very attractive and can also ATTRACT whatever he wants it’s damn near sickening now because I feel like it’s gotten worse with you and when I seen you with that lipstick I damn near lost my mind…”

Your voice began to crack and tears manages to slowly escape your eyes.

“I knew what I was getting into when you asked me out but I don’t know…sometimes I feel like…you settled…and…it sucks because I never felt that way with you…and..”

You couldn’t even finish. You just wanted to pour your heart out because you hated keeping in your feelings, but it was all too overwhelming and you just broke down. Sanji immediately grabbed you to hold you and in that moment he was whispering small apologizes and it did… it did feel good to be held by him,

But it was wrong. Because he does this same routine to apologize.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N…please…I made a mistake I’d never…” His lips right over yours as your face was in his neck leaning in closer, “Please know Id never hurt you..” His mouth began to inch closer to yours, but you pushed back harshly nearly making him fall.

“No! You don’t get to touch me! You always do that Sanji when I get upset with you and it just leads to me forgiving you again and us having sex I don’t want that! I’m tired! I’m tired of being hurt! IT’S THE SAME BULLSHIT ROUTINE WITH YOU AND THESE WOMEN SANJI—- DO YOU KNOW HOW I FELT BACK WHEN I FOUND OUT YOU WERE MARRYING THAT GIRL?! YOU NEVER EVEN ASKED ME IF I WAS OKAY WHEN YOU CAME BACK YOU JUST ASSUMED EVERYTHING WAS FINE AND DANDY?! I STILL THINK AND WONDER IF MAYBE YOU REALLY DID WANTED TO MARRY HER AND IT WASNT BECAUSE YOU WERE ‘FORCED’…”

“Y/N I DID IT TO PROTECT YOU! I WANT TO BE WITH YOU I ONLY THOUGHT OF YOU I’D NEVER EVER PURPOSELY TRIED TO HURT YOU EVER THEY WERE ALL MISTAKES! THEY WERE ALL SITUATIONS I COULDN’T GET OUT OF, BUT YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT IF I COULD CHANGE MY DECISION I WOULD AND YOU KNOW THIS!”

The arguing continued. Neither of you were willing to hear out the other without cutting each other’s sentences. This was probably the first argument you and Sanji ever had where he was actually upset and not willing to back down.

“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME AND BELIEVE ME—“

“I DON’T HAVE TO BELIEVE SHIT SAN—you know…” you pull your faces with your palms groaning until it transitions into a frustrated scream, you were over it. You had a headache and just wanted to sleep. “Just get out Sanji. I don’t wanna hear your voice right now.”

If the room was quiet with no background noises of the sea you could have actually heart break. You didn’t change your face, you were exhausted, but a small part of you felt immediate guilt seeing his shocked and saddened reaction, but you were stubborn.

“….does this mean we’re through?”

You could hear the cracks in his voice, eyes already threatening to water, you immediately avoided his sorrowed face and paused for a moment leaving the awkward quiet tension in the air so thick you can cut it with a knife.

You nodded.

Sanji couldn’t contain his tears, they flooded his cheeks, mouth parted he fell to the ground on his knees reaching up to your leg to hold them. He couldn’t believe it he didn’t want this to be true.

“Please…please no please don’t leave me….I can’t lose you I’m so sorry. Please.” Sanji couldn’t even make coherent words he sobbed on your legs, it shattered you immensely.

Your hands hesitantly touch his head but retracted it and instead pull him off. “You have to get out, Sanji…”

“I’m not leaving until we talk this out—“

“Get the fuck out before I make you get out.”

Your voice was cold like ice sounding as if you didn’t want to be in his presence, but Sanji couldn’t be fooled that easily. You couldn’t even speak to his face, you were fighting back tears yoursef, lips quivering and words were shaky. It was your anger talking and you knew this, but you didn’t care to just look at him to listen, to hear him, to understand, and fix the relationship. Instead. You wanted to just run away.

Sanji got off his knees, head low like a puppy wiping his eyes, his body felt weighed down, he was defeated, but he didn’t want to take the loss.

“I’m not letting you go, Y/N…ever….so..don’t think—“

“JUST LEAVE SANJI!”

You back was faced to him right before he shut the door and in a quick motion you sat on your bed and screamed your heart out in a pillow. Sanji heard, chest in pain, he leaned on your door crying as well.

Words couldn’t express this pain, it was as if your entire life came crashing. This wasn’t supposed to happen between you both.

This wasn’t supposed to end.

-

Luffy

How dense Luffy can be can really be exhausting

He was too trusting for his own good and though you once admired you now have grown to be annoyed with it

Maybe it was your fault

Maybe you were over reacting, but really? He couldn’t even take your side ?

But IT WAS BOA. You hated her! And Luffy knew this.

Luffy was also very emotionally intelligent, it was impressive how quick he can notice how you can feel, but that didn’t mask how dense he can be handling your emotions.

Boa was once again back and with Luffy, they were on the furthest part of the deck speaking. It’s been a week and for some reason she was still here. She claims it was to “check up on Luffy”, but for what? Y’all JUST reunited a few weeks ago and Boa has been back and fourth coming and going on the ship as she pleases and it began to irk you.

Everybody knew about her obsession with your captain except your own damn captain. The way her touched lingered, the way she blushed when talking to him, the way she would do pretty much anything for him.

It. Irked. You.

She was aware of your relationship with Luffy, which was why you both have had a few heated arguments before. The last one resulting in you nearly drawing your gun at her. It was embarrassing on your end because you never was the type to fight over a man, but this man in particular doesn’t understand when a woman that isn’t his is blatantly flirting and touching all on him and how much it eats up at you.

And everybody is aware of this. So much so that everybody purposely tries to occupy you from seeing the two today to keep things cordial.

“Are you tryna distract me?” Your tone slightly above a tease crossing your arms at Sanji Would was being more than overbearing to keep you in the kitchen with him.

“What?! No I could never! Just keep reading in here, Y/N-San!” He had a cold sweat immediately seeing Boa and Luffy now outside the door giggling and eating together. She brought him a bunch of food as another one of her “gifts” and at that very moment Luffy was tone deaf to everything in sight. Sanji noticed the beautiful woman inch closer and closer their shirtless captain and an instant chill ran down his spine on the possibility of what you’d do.

You shrugged, somewhat naive to what’s happening, you continued to finish your book, giving Sanji a sigh of relief back to his stove. The background noise of the kitchen eventually became tuned out while diving deep into your book. All was well until—-

“OH LUFFY I LOVE YOU!”

It felt like time froze, hearing that unbearable voice, you knew exactly who it was.

“SHE’S HERE AGAIN!?”

You slam your book on the table leaving it behind as you storm out. When you came outside your eyes were met with the same bullshit sight that always led you and Bo to fight

Her breasts smothering Luffy’s face and him not paying any kind to it.

“Oh Luffy! I— oh. MMPH.” Once again . Boa was being too touchy for your liking and it made your eye twitch. Her snarky attitude towards you and you only made you unreasonably upset. The way she’d sometimes purposely touch and cope a feel of Luffy in front of you just for Luffy to laugh at the situation and think you both actually don’t have beef with each other .

“Oh hey Y/N!” Luffy pulled from Boa’s grip to run over to you with his typical Happy Hour lucky smile. He didn’t a care in the world seeing you looking so upset but the tall woman now behind him did.

“Oh Luffy it was so amazing seeing you again! I’m so glad you—-“

Boa’s compliments and heart eyes went through one eye and out the other with you considering you kept getting irritated the longer she lingered on the ship. You wasn’t in the mood to argue with her, but that didn’t stop you from pulling Luffy away as she inches closer by reflex as if you were a child not wanting to share your toy.

Boa noticed this and immediately grumbled in irritation.You clearly don’t understand how angry you make this woman. Your boyfriend just pulled into your touch closer as he ate which in turned made her heart sting, but before she had another dramatic fit an idea came to mind.

“Before I go Luffy I just wanted to let you know that if you need anything just send me a call okay? …and my offer still stands with you about our…little agreement. Remember?”

Luffy furrowed his eyebrows a bit humming in thought trying to remember what “agreement” she was offering. She has made so damn many to him involving getting married who knows what this would be?

“Uh…”

“Oh you don’t remember? Before you left your training we had such an unforgettable night and—“

“OOOOOH! Oh yeah no thanks!” Luffy laughs scaring his head, “Yeah no I’m fine I have Y/N for that!”

It was like Boa nearly turned into stone herself , her face was dumbfounded and her heart was stung, as much as she wanted to cry and plead for Luffy to take her up on her “offer” she had to go but promised to be back soon. The moment she left it was almost as if everybody could breathe again and went back to their devices, but you however dwelled in the whole “offer” situation and how Luffy stated he had you for that.

After lunch Luffy and you were on the Sunny doing your daily fishing routine you both typically started doing when you both began dating. It was peaceful and sweet feeling Luffy happily hun and lean on your shoulder, but you just couldn’t relax until your curiosity subsided.

“Lu?”

“Hm? You caught a fish?!” He sat up ready to help pull your fishing rod, but you grab his wrist.

“No! No not that! I just…Um…okay what did Boa mean by ‘offer’?”

“Huh?”

“When she said you guys had an unforgettable night and—“

“Ohh! Oh That!” Luffy laughs and pats your head. “So before I left she accidentally kissed me and th—“

“She what?” You felt your stomach turn a little, sunk really.

“She kissed me! But she apologized so it was an accident ..anyways she said that we should have one night of uh…” Luffy scratched his head trying to think of the word she used. “What’s that word Sanji uses a lot? Starts with a P?”

Your eyes widen in horror on the possible answer he may say,

“PASSION THATS THE WORD!” Luffy chuckles pointing his finger upwards, “a night of passion, I didn’t know what she meant until she said ‘made love’. At the time I still didn’t understand but I remember that’s what you call what we do sometimes so I said no.”

“Luffy i thought you said I was your first kiss.”

“You were!”

“No.” You stood up crossing your arms, “I wasn’t if that stupid bitch kissed you.”

“Woaaahh!” Luffy laughs a little making your eye twitch in annoyance as he gets up, “you mad?”

“No I’m not mad.”

“Yes you are? You only curse when you’re mad.”

“I’m not fucking mad I’m irritated!”

“Same thing.”

“IT’S NOT LUFFY! Why does she keep coming back we don’t need her help anymore we are GOOD!”

Once again you began to Nager and complain about Boa and her presence which always made Luffy Just roll his eyes playfully. He never understood why you were always so mad when she was around but after learning that they both had the opportunity to have sex AND she kissed him you now had a better reason to explain.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is y/n it’s just a kiss. Besides we weren’t dating and I wasn’t thinking about you when it happened.” Luffy shrugged it off taking away your rod to finish fishing, “what?”

“Don’t what me?! You let her kiss you?!”

“I wouldn’t say let..she just did it, who cares?”

“I do, Luffy! You said I was your first kiss! When I asked you about you and Boa you said nothing happened you don’t remember?!”

“It’s not a big deal, y/n calm down and sit with me!” he reached out for you to sit on his lap with a bright smile but all you could do was sit there with a gaped mouth.

Your captain wasn’t the best with words, but damn he could have worded it better. The mere thought of Luffy and Boa being so close made your head spin. And you knew. You knew Boa said it Just to get a rise out of you, and she succeeded because you completely ignored Luffy and headed to your room for the rest of the vending leaving him confused for a moment.

You were quiet all dinner. Not even sitting next to Luffy like you usually do and he seemed not to noticed which piled on to the anger you already had.

He was acting as if he didn’t know you were mad at him and it made you mad.

Were you overreacting possibly?

Even if you were you don’t care to listen to reason right now you’re pissed and want to be alone.

“There you are!” Luffy laughs busting in your room in the late evening to see you buried like burritos in your blankets back facing him. “I thought we were ganna take a bath together.”

“Take it yourself.” Your words are mumbled by the covers. Luffy tilts his head confused at your cold tone, he once again shrugs it off to get in the bed with you to hold you but you wiggle out of his grasp making him whine at your attitude.

“Y/NNNN COMMONNNN IM COLD!” He snatches the blanket off , your warm body now shivering in the cold.

“Luffy for fucks sake—“

“You cussed again. You’re mad—“

“I’m not fucking mad Luffy can’t you ever just read the room?! I had other blankets you could use!”

In your mind your really didn’t want to curse Luffy out. He obviously didn’t deserve it but you’ve been alone in your room all day replaying scene with him and Boa in your head and you just could NOT think about it.

Luffy tries to pull your arm to sleep back with him but you instead pull away to put one some sweats.

“Where are you going?! You don’t have watch duty!”

“I’ll be back Luffy.”

“You always walk away when you’re mad .”

“What?!”

“You do. It’s kinda annoying honestly . Just lay back in bed with me—“

“I said I’ll be back Luffy!” You tried to hide the annoyance in your voice but failed miserably. Was he wrong though? You run away from any issues you tend to have with Luffy and he always calls you out on it. It almost felt like you wanted to cry right on the deck out of frustration. You ended up not sleeping I with him that night. He didn’t seem to mind or ask.

Then one night turned into two.

Then three.

Then a month.

It almost became like you both drifted away. Luffy stopped coming in your room to bother you, you both don’t hang out as much, Luffy seemed normal, you also seemed okay, but every once in a while you felt almost as if you both subconsciously broke up.

He watched you from a distance dancing and laughing with Nami and his cheeks warmed ever so slightly. You have been quieter around him, he didn’t seemed to mind it, but maybe he was over thinking.

But he wasn’t, it’s been 4 months and even though you were still with the Strawhats it was almost as if your relationship has diminished. It was no longer the same between you both, no more fun exchanges, no more inside jokes, no more late night food runs. It was all just

Gone.

And you both ignored how it made you both really feel.

[automaticbananaskeletoncrea-blog]

login day 1 sunday 8/10/22

I’m 28

In the past I have lost my mind

Almost killed myself by an impulse while drunk

survived to live a life of awful diagnosis

guilt linked to the fact it was from my own hands

entourage treating me like i was possessed, bringing me alcohol in hospital and envying the 2 bucks I have when I’m clearly not flexing and disabled

they still envied the shit out of me

they dont understand that what drove me to despair was the fact I had no one

instead they punish me

isolate me

denigrate me

treat me like, like what exactly EVEN IF THEY KNOW EVERYTHING THAT DOESNT GIVE THEM NO RIGHT TO SEE ME SMALLER

mother litterally is about to tell me everything is my fault for the rest of time

i could never be her bestie her persona carries the stankiest of auras, she’s degrading and mean and inconsiderate and only cares about everybody else’s business

she actually already mentionned that if i had problems “linked to my lifestyle” i would be on my own

i am on my own now

i bought a computer that’s not a mcbook for a price higher than a macbook

i had no choice since i cant pay up 900 for a good one while paying rent

my father couldnt wait to have me home to pay rent while he works all week and goes out all night

my parents will never separate and i still got caught up in their BS this year and got insulted so many new times: i couldnt speak because i dont have a degree, my character is worse than them, my relationships were mocked as if i was a monster

it’s her fault i’m this bitter

it’s the active poison she injects into my daily life

no more

i’m done giving my time and effort

destroyed my ankle to be treated like someone who f8CK to eat dinner

i’m done with that wh2re of a horrible woman

DONE WITH ABUSIVE WOMEN

WEAK A5S INSECURE A5S B7TCH

THEY COULDNT EVEN JUST SAY CONGRATULATIONS

CANT EVEN SAY IT IDC IF SHE DOESNT FEEL LIKE ITS REAL

IM DONE TRYING TO PROVE HER ANYTHING

COULDNT EVEN BE PROUD OF MY WEIGHTLOSS OR MAKE ONE GENUINE COMPLIMENT!!!!! AFTER ALL IVE BEEN THRU THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEA IM A BIG EVERYTHING STAY MAD YOU HATER

HOW I FEEL:  NEGLECTED 

DROVEN CRAZY BY THE FACT THEY TOLD ME THEY USED TO BE SOOO DIFFERENT WHEN THE SITUATION KEEPS BLEEDING ME OUT WORSE EVERY YEAR

LIKE I DONT HAVE ANY OF MY PROBLEMS

THAT I HANDLE VERY GRACEFULLY

HOW I FEEL: DISAPPOINTED IN LINA WHO TREATS THE CHAT LIKE A DUMP AND I HATE IT I HATE HER IM DONE ENTERTAINING THIS BS RELATIONSHIP SHE CANT EVEN ACT FAKE SAD WHEN I BREAK

TOO BUSY THINKING SHES BETTER THAN ME

I WISH THEY FEEL HOW I FEEL RN

HOW I FEEL: sad unfortunately this experience leaves me once again feeling empty and helpless and desperate and i just have to carry along because shit could be worse

[dysfunctionallygrey]

Please spread the word this is the most groundbreaking thing i have ever done

Get on your PC or laptop or whatever can handle having multiple tabs open at once. Make a playlist . Put anything in it, and i mean anything rock? breakcore? country? showtunes? weezer? fansongs? doesnt matter. just put it in.

The more the merrier, make sure theres a lot of variety.

Im talking Chappel Roan next to Kermit's rainbow connection. No mercy by the living tombstone next to the Car show from Pitch Perfect 2 soundtrack and liquid smooth by mitski. THIS PART IS IMPORTANT!!! You can even put several versions of the same song(I have 5 versions of Tondemo Wonderz, its like a slot machine, try to get as many versions haha) , THE MORE THE MERRIER. I reccomend youtube because thats where you'll find all the good stuff, ads add extra flavour too.

I reccomend 150+ plus at least, more the merrier of course.

Now take your abomination of a playlist and duplicate the fck out of those tabs. 5 is enough but you can go for less if you dont want too many tabs (which id fine to each their own just make sure you have multiple) Choose random songs, make them as random as possible, let the playlists play.

My brain has never felt emptier hearing this sweet cacophony of noise. (All in from Alien Stage, Brutus - The Buttress, Miku's Little dark age - Astrophysics and casual by Chappel Roan)

This is actually the tamer combinations, as once I had Pink triangle, Divine Damsel of Devastation, Harpy Hare, and Two Faced lovers come on. I almost cried out of sheer joy.

And the best part, after 3 ish minutes or so, you get a totally different hell in your headphones.

As of typing it has changed to everybody Likes you - Lemon Demon, Oh No! - MARINA, Bohemian Rhaphsody sung by Teto and After Ever After the Disney Parody by Paint.

My friends are concerned and I have finished the last of whatever sleeping supplements my parents gave me but HOLY HELL i have no words on how this feels.

My brain is turned off without the help of WolfeyVGC. I feel like i can talk to my psychologist without crying.

I am never looking back normal playlists be damned.

Combination as of writing:

Bohemian Rhaphsody - Queen

All-in from Alien Stage

Gales of song (English) - Belle

Monster High Fright song I am making a sculpture whilst doing it, please hope the aluminum foil properly squishes into whatever shape it is for me <3

[flavorous-tea84]

Future Fanfics (By Me)

Basically: some ideas ive had on the backburner for quite a while now, and I'd like some motivating words or feedback if you'd be interested in reading them. please let me know the general consensus for these or they might never get up off the ground.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - please dont steal these ideas they mean so much to me🥲 and also pls dont leave any nasty or hateful comments. this is a safe space so move on if you dont like the content.

Fandoms: AOT, Haikyu!!, Raya and The Last Dragon, Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (just hear me out)

In Memory of You - Bokuto Kotaro x Akaashi Keiji

→ blurb: Akaashis anxiety-ridden mind is the only thing that ever truly breaks him. And it knows how to in the most excrutiating ways

OR

Akaashi dreams of a life without Bokuto and loses himself along the way

→ basically: A Christmas Carol theme (i.e. past, present, future,) of their relationship in Akaashis dream. Post Time-Skip

→ featuring: Fukurodani team members, established kuroken, established relationship, smut, fluff, personal headcannons, bo being the best husband forever <3, mentions and implications of mental illness, panic/anxiety attacks, minor character death, homophobia, coming out, implied sex as minors, domesticism, cheating, etc.

→ excerpt:

"We're sorry, the number you have dialed--"

Akaashi exhales, finally realizing he was holding his breath in the first place.

And he doesnt know why, but he cannot inhale. His hand comes to his chest, roaming, finding the clog in his throat, reaching for the reason he cannot breathe. But he cannot find any. 

He shuts his tired eyes crushingly while his hand travels over his collar bones, his chest, wishing they were Bokutos. And then, the phone in his other hand begins to vibrate.

He can breathe again.

Until you Came Along - Ushijima Wakatoshi x Tendou Satori

→ blurb: Tendou, or "The Heartless Monster", has never been afraid to do what he wants; damn the consequences. Hes never known fear.

But when a tall, sensical (and very good looking) man shows up on his door step, the unfamiliar feelings he had buried long ago claw into the deepest parts of him until hes being torn apart from the inside out.

→ basically: "guess monster" tendou is now "heartless monster" with zero emotional intelligence until Ushijima moves in next door and rearranges his entire view on life. everybodys 3rd years.

→ featuring: pretty much everyone in Haikyuu but in one school, Bullying, violence, eccentric and flamboyant tendou, canon Ushijima (mostly), emotional unavailability/ignorance, trauma, cheating, parental abuse, drug use, theft, etc.

→ excerpt:

"But it hurts.” he smiled like a mad man, his face wet with tears. “...I don’t want to lose him, Semi. I can’t lose him. God, I’m so scared.” He practically breathed the words out, his voice barely rising over a whisper. But despite the low tone, anyone could hear from a mile away how scared Tendou was.

Take Me Back (and keep me there) - Sakusa Kiyoomi x Atsumu Miya

→ Blurb: "I wish we never met." Sakusa gritted out.

It were those words spoken without thinking that ultimately turned Sakusas entire life around--he had no idea that when he woke up the next morning, it would be to an unfamilar life... with Atsumus existence forgotten to the world, living only in his memory.

OR

be careful what you wish for.

→ featuring: Fantasy elements, Osamu, Alternate Universe, Emotional abuse, toxicity, established relationship, getting together, Sakusas a huge dick but grows and learns from his mistakes, Atsumu haunts the narrative, violence, confusion (lots of it), etc. more TBD

→ excerpt:

Atsumu lifted accusing hands to his chest. “I could have lost my job, Omi! What the fuck were you thinking!?”

“Sorry for trying to make you feel better!”

“You did that all for yourself, don’t lie to me! Because you can't handle not being in control of everything, you selfish bastard!”

Opposites Attract (but for all the wrong reasons) - Tsukishima Kei x Yamagucci Tadashi

→ blurb: ...undetermined.

→ featuring: canon universe, established Kagehina, karasuno team, friends with benefits, situationship, Tsukkiyamas third year, oikawa/yamagucci, nsfw, punkyama (iykyk), hurt/comfort, emotional abuse, psychological games/torment, mutual pining, etc.

→ excerpt (implied smut):

They contrasted each other. Like hot water on frozen hands. Like cold fingers across warm cheeks. Tsukki’s fingers stayed cold against his hips and his neck, his thighs, even when they traced tiny patterns on his spine and hips to drive any coherent thoughts from his brain. He remained cold throughout it all.

TITLE TBD - Bokuto Kotaro x Akaashi Keiji

→ blurb: Akaashi reminicses on a time when he and Bokuto were truly in love - before the countless acts of infidelity and abuse.

→ basically: god! au (giggling and kicking my feet) where bokuto is zeus and akaashi is hera

→ featuring: hurt no fucking comfort, sad and happy memories, getting together, infidelity, self harm, violence, gods :), perhaps kagehina, kuroken, and other ships, parenting, etc.

→ no excerpt yet :(

TITLE TBD - Raya x Namaari

→ blurb: After reuniting all of Kumandra, life becomes what Rayas young self had once only dreamed of. But that little girl turned to stone along with her Ba after years of solitude and mistrust. Can she find a way to let go of her fears, once and for all, in an unassuming friend turned foe turned...ally? Neither Namaari nor Raya know the answer until it is too late for them both.

→ featuring: forced proximity, mutual pining, trust issues, metaphors upon metaphors ("thank you Ba," we all say in unison), enemies to lovers (duh), trauma, PTSD, homosexual thoughts, first kiss, etc.

→ excerpt:

"Now, what am I missing between you and Miss Namaari?” He implies, looking into the direction of the kitchen doors leading out into the large dining area. Raya looks behind her, in the direction of her fathers eyes, and is instead met with another pair that quickly avert themselves. Namaari had been staring at her.

Raya turns back around, suddenly feeling feverish, and begins, “Um. I—We…” Raya, suddenly lost for words, wonders what exactly did happen between them.

TITLE TBD - Puss in Boots x Death

(please just bare with me)

→ blurb: Puss has had many adventures since his last encounter with Death, but now his time is up. As promised, Death is there to catch him when he falls and deliver him between worlds and into Deaths realm. But what they didn't expect was an understanding to form between them without hostility. Puss and Death spend a minute and a lifetime together as they travel through Puss’ past and into his future, and when he has a decision to make—reincarnate or stay a lost soul—he decides he doesn't hate the inbetween option: staying by Death's side.

→ featuring: established kitty/puss, fairytails, headcannons of future puss adventures, canon personalities, headcannons on Deaths backstory, vulnerablity, friendship, etc. idk yet man.

→ excerpt:

But at the top of that hill, under that shade, in that breeze, El Lobo explains that there wasn't a childhood to have. He was born death, and he would die death. “How… does that work, anyway? How does death… die?”

The Weight of a Thousand Words (i will never be able to say out loud) - Erwin Smith x Levi Ackerman

→ blurb: The minute details of Levis life after Erwins Death, basically.

→ featuring: depression, sleep deprivation, suicidal thoughts, ackerbond, hange <3, eren, armin, whoever else idk, hurt/little comfort, regrets, violence, etc.

→ excerpt:

Oh, the hopelessness of watching a parent cry. Hange feels this hopelessness now as tears stain her shoulder. Levi is silent all the while. The silence speaks a thousand unspoken words she wishes he would just scream.

On the Winning Side - Erwin x Levi (<3)

→ blurb: In the midst of a national conflict, Commander Erwin Smith of Marley and Captain Levi Ackerman of Paradis Island find themselves on opposite sides of a bitter war, each determined to lead their nation to victory. But when fate intervenes and their paths unexpectedly cross, sparks fly in ways neither could have imagined. As they navigate the treacherous waters of love amidst duty and honor, they must confront whether their newfound bond can survive the brutal realities of war. Will their love conquer all, or will the ravages of battle leave them both brusied and bloody beyond repair?

→ featuring: violence, gore, politics, cultural references(?), smut, vulgar language and description, romeo-and-juliet-esque, enemies to lovers on an entire diff level, betrayal, etc. more tbd.

→ no excerpt yet...

thats it. PLEASEEE let me know what you think, itll drive me to finish and post these (on ao3/wattpad)

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