#but it becomes so clear that they haven’t understood a single fucking thing about the character/dynamic they are posting about

[hail-the-underdogs]

.

[onceupona-chaos]

Why keep an open mind about Elain

(And why her book will slap hard)

When I was writing this one-shot right here, I read a few posts about Elain as a spy, some of them liked the idea, others didn't. Which is totally ok, if you don't, of course. I also reread a lot of scenes from the books to understand better how this could play out.

But I came across some comments about how Elain being a spy would make her "lose her characterization" or be "out of character". So I wanted to talk a little about it. This post will be discussing those comments specifically and why you should keep an open mind about Elain.

NOTE: As usual, sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language. I really hope I made myself clear. If you have any comments, I would love to hear them. Be kind!

1. Elain as a character

The first reason I don't believe that argument is because ACOSF made it clear that we know very little about Elain. So how can we say it would be something out of character for her when we barely know her as a character?

So far, we only have other characters points of view on Elain: a person who has a sweet temper. But ACOSF came to tell us that there is another side of her. Nesta expected Elain to cry because of Graysen. She didn't. Elain didn't back down from her fight with Nesta, she didn't hesitate when it came to the Trove or the Hewn City, she laughed when Nesta told her to fuck off. In every single of those moment, Elain's behavior is emphasized by one reaction of the others: surprise.

"You think I’m to blame for his death?” Challenge filled each word. Challenge—from Elain, of all people.

"Elain showed some teeth," I observed. "I wasn't expecting that."

And this is nothing new. Look at what we have in ACOFAS:

and Elain—Elain—had taken up Azriel’s dagger and killed the King of Hybern instead.

The last two books highlight that 1) we don't know everything about her and 2) we expect one behavior from her.

But most importantly: she often doesn't correspond to what it is expected of her, especially in ACOSF.

And then we have this:

With time and safety, perhaps we'll see a different side of her emerge.

But I also think we haven't yet seen all she has to offer.

And before this makes someone think Elain will not get a book because we don't have much on her character, this is exactly what books are for. To develop a character. Before ACOSF, Nesta didn't have much development either. We had seen ACOFAS lay the background for her, the same way ACOSF laid the background for Elain's story.

Elain will surprise us. Sarah is practically screaming that at this point. So before judge something as out of character, we need to have in mind that Elain will have her arc and by the end of it, she will be different, she will grow. Which leads me to:

2. In order to be developed, characters need to change

Before ACOSF came out, lots of people said Nesta would never be a warrior, especially because of this line:

And why must I train at all? I am no warrior nor do I desire to be. (ACOWAR)

And I understand. I really do. But we went from that to Nesta not only becoming a Valkyrie, but also thinking about starting a small unit of females. Yes, that line is back in ACOWAR. However, in ACOSF Gwyn and Emerie said the exactly same thing:

Gwyn gestured to Nesta's fighting leathers, the overlapping scales. "I'm not a warrior".

Emerie's face yielded nothing, as blattle-hardened as Azriel's. "I'm not interested in a warrior's training".

There's a difference between developing a character and doing something out of character.

Elain already is passing through an internal change, which means SJM is preparing her for her arc. So we have to keep in mind that Elain will pass through challenges, changes in her journey, where she will learn new lessons, abilities. She will face and deal with her traumas and flaws, because she will be developed as a character. Of course, her essence will still be there, but in order to grow, she needs to change as well.

At this point lots of things happened to her, now we will see Elain making things happen. Changes like that are inevitable, necessary, but not out of character.

Now, if Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie became warriors, why would it be so out of character for Elain to become a spy?

Personally, I think if Elain became a warrior, that could be considered out of character, because Sarah already told us that her strength comes from a different place:

Elain had always been gentle and sweet—and I had considered it a different sort of strength. A better strength. To look at the hardness of the world and choose, over and over, to love, to be kind. She had been always so full of light.

Of course, this is Feyre's Pov, but is also SJM talking about Elain's nature.

We have to understand the difference between characters' point of view and what SJM is trying to tell us. For example, Nesta in ACOSF had one perception of Elain ("she is like a dog"), but SJM emphasized Nesta's perception as not correspondent to Elain's behavior. How? Using that scene where Elain talks about Nesta's dancing. in that moment, Cassian and the readers realized Nesta's point of view was biased, non correspondent to what Elain was showing us in that scene.

I'm saying that because there's a difference between narrator and author. But this is another discussion entirely.

But I truly believe from what we have seen so far, Elain isn't the warrior type. And despite the fact that we had just read ACOSF, therefore another book about warriors training doesn't sound so appealing, from what we had seen until now, Elain's has potencial (build up) to go to another direction, one that we haven't seen yet.

3. Elain already has what it takes

I want to look at this:

I wondered if Rhys’s spymaster often got his information through stone-cold manners as much as stealth and shadow.

My sister Elain can convince anyone to do anything with a few smiles.

For the record, Feyre said this in ACOWAR and these both scenes are very close to each other.

Spying is not all about shadows and stealth. Azriel works from the shadows, but if Elain can be so lovely and convincing that anyone would do anything for her, she could be a different kind of spy. And with her Seer powers, she could be a valuable one. As much or even more than the Night Court spymaster. Look at this:

Shadowsingers are rare—coveted by courts and territories across the world for their stealth and predisposition to hear and feel things others can’t.

We know Elain can be almost as stealthy as Azriel. And she is a Seer, which means she can See and hear things others can't, too. Not to mention we already have seen that she is observant and knows how to keep a secret.

Elain pushed, “We keep it secret—we send the servants away [...] No one will know.”

“I think she’s got you beat for secret-keeping.”

Elain saw every single thing Nesta had done, and understood why.

Not only she is observant, but also knows how to read people, to understand them. Look at these scenes where Nesta said basically the same thing, but Feyre didn't understand her. Elain on the other hand...

With Feyre:

“Father would want you to—”

“Don’t you finish that sentence.” Despite the sound shield around us, there was nothing to block the view of my sister baring her teeth. The view of her fingers curling into invisible claws. A scene. This was about to become a scene in the worst way. (ACOFAS)

With Elain:

"[...] if Father were here—”

“Don’t ever mention him.” Nesta bared her teeth, but kept her voice low. "Never fucking mention him again.”

Pain slowly washed over Elain’s face. And understanding. “Is that what this is all about? Father?” Silver lined Elain’s eyes, but her voice remained steady, sure. “There was nothing that could have been done to save him, Nesta." (ACOSF)

Elain understood exactly what was going on with Nesta.

Nothing is more telling to me than this, and I highly doubt SJM didn't want to show us not only Nesta's internal issues, but how Elain can understand and read very others very easily as well.

Elain also understood when Feyre wasn't sure about buying gifts. And not get me started on Azriel's bonus chapter, where it's emphasized repeatedly that they can read and comprehend each other without necessarily saying what they meant. This shows a connection between them, yes, but also a skill.

Just imagine how valuable and rare she would be for the Night Court.

And the best part is it wouldn't be out of character, because she already presented those features. Besides, Elain can be lovely, delicate and be a bad ass spy (or whatever she wishes to, tbh) . Even better: she can use those characteristics in her favor.

Do not forget what Rhysand said: Elain is sweet and she is not afraid of get her hands dirty. We just haven't seen that yet, because SJM will show us that in her book. Simple as that.

4. Elain being a spy attends SJM's pattern

In every book (or series) so far we had a female character learning something new. Feyre learned how to control her powers (and to read), Nesta learned how to be a warrior. I think it's safe to say that Elain will learn something in order to be developed as a character.

You could argue she could learn anything, which is fair. But in ACOSF we learned that Elain can be stealthy as well. SJM emphasized it again and again, and there is no way in hell she did that just for fun. It's safe to say by now that even if she doesn't become a spy, this ability will play a role in her book.

A few examples that we all know too well by now:

Elain spoke from the doorway, having appeared so silently that they all twisted toward her, “Using me.”

"You came,” Elain said behind her, and Nesta started, not having heard her sister approach. She scanned Elain from head to toe, wondering if she’d been taking lessons in stealth either from Azriel or the two half-wraiths she called friends.

She'd leave her gift amongst his other, opened presents, subtle and unnoticed.

What is curious is that stealth is associated with Azriel, but also with Nuala and Cerridwen, Elain's friends. (Here, I highly recommend this amazing post for more on this friendship and what it means to Elain’s future).

I don't have a doubt the next book is about Elain, it will be her book. So you can't tell me the fact that her friends and love interest are spies is just a coincidence or that won't mean anything. Not when Elain herself has already started to show that she can be just as stealthy and subtle as any of them.

In this scenario, we have:

Elain learning how to be a spy with Azriel, whilst they work together to find the Trove and help each other to heal from their issues.

A female main character learning something new with the help from her love interest whilst they work together to solve a problem connected to the main plot and help each oher to heal from their issues.

I PRESENT YOU THE SJM'S PATTERN.

I know some people like or don't like this theory because that would mean Elain would have a connection to Azriel or because they don't like her becoming "similar to Azriel".

But the thing is: they already share a connection, they know each other for almost two years now and most of their interactions happened "off-screen", so they don't need her to become a spy to want to be together. They already do.

And mostly important, she wouldn't become similar to Azriel, because Elain already has the required features. We don't know much about her, but so far what we do know is: she is stealthy and a good secret keeper. She knows how to read and understand people. She can hear and see things others can't, because she is a Seer, and she can be convincing af.

Most of those were emphasized again in ACOSF concomitantly with Elain's another side. (Tell me again the next book isn't about her).

And again: a female character learning something with her love interest is SJM's pattern. We've just read a book that follows this exactly structure. Are we going to say Nesta or Feyre lost their characterization because they learned and now share the same abilities as Cassian and Rhys?

SJM already answered that for us in ACOSF:

“Does it undermine my image as a warrior to be with you?”

“No. Does it undermine Feyre’s when she’s seen with Rhys?”

This is so telling, I literally stopped my reading at this. We tend to put this passage aside because of what comes next (Cassian being very discreet and screaming he's Nesta's mate to every single soul in Velaris to hear), which is totally fair. But right there, SJM is telling us that female characters sharing abilities with their love interests is no reason to undermine them. On the contrary, in her books this is a way for them to heal togheter.

Knowing SJM, Elain being a spy along with Azriel, Nuala and Cerridwen wouldn't be nothing new. We have seen this story over and over again.

We have so much build up for this, I could go on and on and on. And before someone says this won't work because Azriel has to stay away from her, just take a second to think about how much tension we would get if they are forced to work together in order to find the Trove (or any other reason that SJM will come up with). We'll have a story full of secrets, tension, drama, angst, passion, desire, love. Things too easy don't make a good story.

But at the end, even if she does not become a spy, I just think we have many possibilities for Elain and an amazing story ahead of us. I really want people to keep an open mind about her and her book and not judge too harsh amazing possibilities as out of character. If Nesta hadn't became a warrior, we wouldn't have known the Valkyries. So maybe, when you judge a possibility like that, you are closing yourself to an amazing journey.

And also, Nesta was once judged and hated. A lot of people ended up changing their minds, which is great because she is awesome. So I think we already learned that lesson.

We will see another side of Elain emerge and she will surprise us. That's not me, that's SJM. She already told us that. Repeatedly.

All of this just to say: keep an open mind about Elain. She has what it takes and will surprise us - and I can't wait to see her becoming a badass.

[sirensmojo]

"Depth Over Distance" Hubby! Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warnings: Angst & Fluff.

Summary: Tommy remembers the time he fell in love with you when he realizes that you are falling out of love with him.

A/N: It's Tommy's point of view all along. [it was supposed to be out yesterday but I fell asleep WAY TOO SOON and on my computer....]

PS: Inspired by "Keep your Head up" by Ben Howard.

*Masterlist*

*Arrow House*

The clock was ticking, it was the only sound that could be heard in the office, along with the smoke Tommy exhaled. His eyes were blankly staring at the void forward him, his vision blurred by his thoughts.

She was standing in the chair right in front of him but she wasn’t saying anything, she probably didn’t even notice he was standing near her.

She wouldn’t even look at him in the eyes anymore or even throw a single glance his way. He used to say he’ll not eat with Y/N when just coming home from the House Of Commons, but for several months she wasn’t even expecting him at all. When he would arrive late for dinner, he would rush to the dining room but found it empty.

No plates on the table, and no Y/N waiting for him. It was maids that would welcome him and tell him his wife took supper earlier before going to bed, using the excuse that “she had to wake up early”.

What was she doing early in the morning anyway?

Why was she out all day long? But most of all, why wasn't she looking at him anymore?

Y/N and Tom met during the war, she was a nurse in his department. Being a tunneler meant you weren’t going out often, but when you did, it was solely to put out the bodies of the dead or reach for help for those who were deeply wounded.

He remembers she used to always come to him to take care of his scars when he refused to let anyone touch him until all his soldiers would be taken care of.

She wasn’t saying anything when he would do so, but her eyes… Tommy remembers vividly the way she was looking at him, the aggressive burning fire that was animating her eyes and her stern look contrasting with the way her lids softly fluttered whenever he would catch her looking at him.

She used to panic a little before understanding it was his way to tell her she could take care of his wounds and scars.

Her touches were so soft and sweet, her skin was always smooth and cold. Not in a bad way, it was easing his own that was burning like hot coals.

Being under the ground in very tiny tunnels with all his soldiers, Tommy had to take on his shoulders an amount of pressure no one could ever even imagine, he had to give them orders and lead them to death from time to time. No errors would be acceptable, so he had to calculate everything for everyone.

The air down there was toxic, hot and tense. That’s why he loved Y/N’s skin being cold, it would remind him about the life above the ground, what fresh air felt like, and even if at the time he hadn’t had much space to think about that, she was bringing him hope.

A hope that would be killed as soon as he was back in the tunnels, but still. He could taste hope somehow, so it was better than nothing.

When returning home, he forgot about her for some time, but soon enough, the universe, destiny, or whatever, sent his angel back in the streets of small heath.

She was working in a bakery, and soon, Thomas was bringing bread everywhere he would go. Even in family meetings or the betting shop. Every occasion was an invitation to visit the woman that didn’t seem to recognize him… Or so he thought.

“Y/N! Give your Sergent Major what he needs and close the shop! We need you at the back!”

Her cheeks reddened.

“I’m coming!” Y/N responded by turning her head to the back door before slowly facing Tommy again. She was keeping her head down, but when she met the icy blue staring-eyes of the man she once knew in another time, she cleared her throat and gained composure again.

“So what do you want?”

“Huh?” He responded, aghast.

“What bread this time?” She answered back and he raised his brows.

“You remember me?” He will not order anything, but he wanted the truth.

“Who can forget what happened there.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement and the bitter tone of her voice alarmed him. Did he do something to her personally or was that tone about the war itself? Tom was confused.

He frowned and was staring at the woman in front of him.

“You heard my boss, I gotta close.” She let out before she walked around the counter to join him. She seemed to be aware he was going there only to see her, that’s why she didn’t wait any longer to put him out of the bakery shop.

Tommy, that was now out, under the rain, turned back to look at her through the windows, confusion filling his eyes.

She was aware of his scheme and she indeed kicked him out the shop.

Her attitude made him forget he was a peaky blinder and that he should be served like a fucking Prince. With her, he only felt like a simple man. Not that it was a bad thing, but since he returned his business was the only thing he could think about until he saw her again.

Now she became the key to this other dimension where Tommy Shelby was just Tommy Shelby, not the leader of a backstreet gang, not the head of the Shelby family, no. None of those things mattered or even existed in that dimension. It was just him, her, and the way she was looking at him.

Tom maybe didn’t know what to say that day, but he eventually came back the next day with only one purpose: She will not kick him out this time. This wasn’t too ambitious, or was it?

Because last time she made no effort to kick him out. Her Y/C/E eyes were enough for Tommy to be unable to say anything back.

But he wanted to believe this time will be different.

He pushed the heavy glass door and entered, no clients. He quickly glanced behind the counter but he was surprised to see a blonde girl. It wasn’t Y/N.

“Mr Shelby!” The woman began, a huge smile on her face, she surely knew about his position in this town. “What brings you here? Can I help you?”

But he glimpsed a form, in the tiny room at the back of the shop, and here she was, lifting huge bags of flour from the ground.

He turned back to the girl that was speaking to him and cleared his throat, “Give me my everyday order.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand… It’s my first time serving clients, I do not know what you usually take…” She seemed sorry and scared. So, she heard about what happened when the peaky blinders didn’t have what they wanted.

He got out a cig, lightening it up slowly before puffing on it and lifted his eyes back on the woman, “Well, bring someone who knows.” Was all he said.

“Y/N, please come!” The blondie girl ran to the back door.

“Is it something you do often, to frighten people?” Y/N asked, outright, when nearing the counter.

“Give me my everyday order.” He was looking deep into her eyes, and he could swear he saw her gritted her teeth as the muscle of her jaw tensed.

She grabbed a couple of pieces and wrapped them in fabric, shaking her head.

“Is it something you want to tell me?” He raised his brows, still smoking.

She handed him his order and exhaled, “I don’t understand why you chose that path. Haven’t you got enough with the killings?” She looked at him straight in the eyes, and he would swear she was looking into his soul.

Tommy didn’t say anything for a moment, his body stiffened. It was when his cigarettes burnt his knuckles that he blinked, grunting. He frowned and looked at the burning on his pale skin as the cigarette fell on the ground.

How did she do that? It was as if she understood him better than he did. And her words made him feel like he was cheating on himself.

She grabbed his hand in both of hers, which startled the man that looked up to her face.

It had been forever he hadn't seen her that close, her hair falling perfectly on each side of her face, framing her judging look. “Now you act like you don’t remember who you are, huh? Or maybe you truly forgot.”

Her words echoed in his mind but he was still desperately searching for their meaning. What was she saying?

“So, you hate me.” He concluded, not because that was what he thought but because it was his way of knowing what he truly wanted to know without directly asking her a question. He didn’t need her to think he cared what she thought, even if that was the case.

She put his knuckle in her mouth while frowning at him,” No, I don’t hate you, of course, no.” She was taken aback by his remark. As if it was the dumbest thing she'd ever heard.

“So, what is it? You always be looking at me with those eyes,” he pointed to her with his free hand. That’s when he realized his finger in her mouth, making him flutter his lids a couple times out of confusion, “like I did something wrong.” He concluded while staring at her mouth.

Y/N scoffed, “Stop speaking in the name of my eyes. It’s not my fault if you see your own conscience in them.” She said as letting go of his finger.

She pulled his arm, leading him in the tiny room at the back of the bakery shop. “Sit.” She motioned a dusty table and two chairs while she went away.

Tommy obeyed, patiently waiting for her.

He rewinds the time and hears her voice again, “It’s not my fault if you see your own conscience in them”, well. Maybe she was right. Maybe all of the things he thought he saw in her was in imagination, but here he was, about to have a full conversation with the woman that saw the real him.

“Give me your finger,” she let out while sitting right next to him. “I never hated you, Tommy. It’s who you become that I can’t stand. I thought you discovered your true self there, I guess I was wrong.”

“Don’t speak in my name. It’s not my fault if you see a version of me you want to see and not who I am.”

She lifted her gaze to his, “I saw you looking at your soldiers there. You felt powerless in front of their distress, and it seemed to burn you from the inside. I’m not lying.” She said, putting some kind of liquid on his burn.

“That’s why I become who I’m becoming.” He snapped back, staring at her movements, wincing of pain.

“To never be powerless…” She muttered utterly to herself, but he heard her, and noticed her nodding to herself, she was genuinely trying to understand him.

“And I saw you.” She tied a piece of tissue around his knuckle before exhaling deeply.

“Back then, yea” He completed before she could add anything as if to let her know he wasn’t the same anymore.

“It’s so depressing how you want everything out of life but not the life itself.” She smiled at him faintly, raising a hand to his cheek.

She fondled his skin and shamelessly brought her lips to his, kissing him softly.

Tommy was surprised but in a good way. Now he was sure about what he felt between them since the war.

He put a hand at the back of her head, pulling her closer as he deepened the kiss, his other hand she took care of cupped one of her cheeks, tenderly.

He couldn’t believe it was the same Y/N in his vivid memories that was ignoring him right now.

He wanted to say something, but the words refused to form in his mind, and his voice was tied in his throat.

He knew she never approved his business even if she never said anything, and he was pretty sure this was the reason he was forced to watch the spaces grow between them.

A heaviness settled on his chest, making him cough even harder than usual. He abruptly crushed his cigarette in the ashtray and clenched his jaw as he grabbed the paper Y/N was reading.

He wanted her attention, he wanted her to look at him the way she used to. He wanted to see his own conscience in her eyes, he needed his wife. And she wasn’t there anymore, or maybe it was him who wasn't there?

Maybe the fact he entered politics was the last straw that broke the camel’s back? It was love or business and he made a decision.

That last thought made sense and would explain why she didn’t even look at him after he grabbed the paper and just left the office without saying anything.

(...)

In the morning, as he just entered the Shelby Brother Company Limited’s office, he saw his wife, sitting in one of the two armchairs in front of his desk.

“Y/N.” His voice was full of expectations.

When he saw the suitcase near her legs, he realized what was bound to happen.

“Sit.” She spoke with a low voice. And that’s when he realized...

It was him who changed. She was still as calm as usual, her hair still perfectly framing her face by falling at each side of her head.

Her Y/C/E eyes that, for the first time in months, met his blue ones were still animated by the same burning fire that when he found her in the bakery shop.

She was the same.

He came and sat at his desk, taking advantage of the fact she didn’t refuse to look at him, to stare at her face, printing as many details as he could before she would vanish, because that’s what she’ll do. He knows it.

“You had been away.” He succeeded saying. He didn’t want her to go silent again or to ignore him, so he made a step towards her, hoping she would do the same.

Tommy didn’t speak the first words coming to his mind, he meant something while saying this.

He wasn’t talking about distance here, no. He was talking about depth, she had been far too in-depth for him to reach for her.

She seemed to understand the depth he meant because she quickly looked away, fleeing the judgment in his icy stern eyes.

“Keep your mind set in your ways. It’s who you are now.” She mutters, giving him a faint smile.

He knew a ‘but’ would be coming at some point, he was patiently waiting for the sentence to drop on his head, so she could finish him off as if her ignoring him didn’t already do enough damage.

“It’s the time we go separate ways, Tom. But it’s okay, cause I’ll always remember you the same….” She tilted her head to the side, closing her eyes abruptly. A couple of tears racing at the corners of her eyes, “Eyes like wildflowers… with your demons of change.”

So that was it, he was right, he was the one who let her down, the one who changed.

“May you find happiness there… May all our hopes all turn out right.” She concluded, finally opening back her eyes.

He closed his eyes at each of her sentences, they were like bullets to him. One hitting him deeper than the previous.

No tears were to be found in her eyes anymore, it was his Y/N right here, right there. The one that once saw him, but couldn’t see him now.

[wherethewordsare]

Birds of a Feather

For @notsafeformurphy who was having a day of it the other day and we got to talking and.... oops this happened. This honestly started out as a nature docu au and ended up a coffee shop au? Idk man.... Anyway, Shay I hope you enjoy this! 

Also tagging @herostag since it was requested. and @jaskierswolf cause I think they’re gonna start yelling at me if i keep forgetting. Going to try to get my tag list back together if anyone is interested. <3 <3 <3 Hope yall enjoy Jaskier huffed as he flopped over again, his body refusing to just relax down into his mattress and let him sleep. It had been a stressful day and to make matters worse, it had been the third night in a row where he was simply unable to sleep. 

Giving up, he reached for his phone, scrolling through youtube for a moment, looking for something that he could just zone out to for a little while. Usually he would put on music or white noise but even that didn’t seem like it would be helpful. He had to find something extremely dull and maybe a bit pretty. 

He scrolled past a thumbnail of three large men in park uniforms. Two of them looked like they were at least somewhat interested in being there while one tall man with near white hair simply scowled at the camera. 

Wild Wednesdays with the Rivia Nature Reserve the title read. 

“Okay, I’ll bite,” Jaskier huffed as he rolled onto his stomach. He pulled the kickstand of his phone case out and set it up before pressing play and curling his arms around his pillow. 

“This week, we’ll be talking to Geralt Rivia, our resident raptor specialist about what goes into rehabilitation efforts when it comes to conservation,” someone said off camera, cheerily. When the camera panned to Geralt Rivia however, he did not seem to share the narrator’s same upbeat tone. 

For a few minutes, the narrator off camera seemed to try to ask Geralt about himself, only getting stilted answers and that same scowl that had been in the thumbnail. Jaskier snorted with a smirk. 

“You’re not having any of this, are you? You’re gorgeous though,” he chuckled. He felt his back relax as he yawned, snuggling closer into his pillow. 

And then it happened. From off camera, someone handed Geralt a leather glove that he put on easily before taking a cord. He clicked a bit and the scowl he had moments ago melted into a fond smile. 

“And who is this?” the narrator asked. They clearly had picked up on the shift in Geralt’s demeanor as a small falcon took up perch on his forearm. 

He actually cooed at the bird for a moment before holding it up for the camera. “This is Roach. She’s one of our recent rescues.” He smiled, a barely there tilt of his lips and his honey colored eyes softened. Jaskier got the impression on anyone else, it would have been a full grin. 

“Oh, I like that look,” Jaskier murmured, feeling his cheeks heat up. 

“And what is Roach?” the person asked off camera. 

Geralt took a step back, turning his arm slightly, causing the bird to flap agitatedly at him as she kept her balance. “Yes, I know, but I have to show off how pretty you are,” he said to the bird, fond and warm. 

“Oh no,” Jaskier whispered into his pillow. “He’s soft and hot.” 

“Roach here is a red-tailed hawk. They’re pretty common through North America,” he explained, pointing out the red-brown of her tail. The hawk nipped at him as he got her to open her wings for the camera and he only chuckled. “She’s about six, the same age as my daughter actually. And,” he leaned in conspiratorially, “I’ll be honest with you, I’m not sure which one is less well behaved.” 

Roach must have understood a bit of that because she gave a cry before nipping at Geralt’s hair, clearly annoyed. 

“Listen, if you weren’t so hornery, I wouldn’t say it,” he said to Roach, pulling another scowl but there was clearly no heat in it. 

This was not the same man from the thumbnail or the same man that barely gave answers about himself at the beginning of the clip. When that bird sat on his arm, he lit up and Jaskier was weak. 

Geralt answered a few other questions about hawks and about the reserves program for rehabbing hawks, his voice deep and gravely. He would have sounded gruff if not for how much he clearly loved what he did. 

Geralt looked at Roach a little sadly. “Unfortunately for our little lady here, she won’t be able to return to the wild. Due to her injuries when she came to us, she won’t be able to hunt on her own,” he gave her a soft smile before he petted down her neck gently. 

Jaskier’s eyes were starting to feel heavy. He had turned into the pillow, letting Geralt’s voice wash over him with simple facts about red-tail hawks as he drifted off to sleep. It hadn’t been dull at all but there was something about the way Geralt spoke that just melted him into his mattress. 

When he woke, his phone was dead, probably from being set to autoplay. As it charged, he looked at the videos that had played while he was asleep, most of them from the Rivia Nature Reserve. There were a few specials with other team members but Jaskier picked out the ones that mentioned Geralt Rivia directly. 

It had become a near routine and soon, Jaskier found that he just slept better after watching those nature clips. Sometimes, Geralt wasn’t even on camera, simply walking through the process of population counting for the reserve as the camera panned around to different birds up in the trees. There were other videos featuring Roach the red-tailed hawk as well and it was clear that she was a favorite, not only of Geralt’s but the viewers as well. 

Within three weeks, Jaskier had made his way through nearly the whole catalog of the reserve’s videos. He knew he would move on from tall, silver and brooding and find his next sleep fix but for now he simply enjoyed it. 

~

He should have said no, he should have mentioned that he simply did not do morning shifts, and there was a reason for that, but Essi had been persistent, almost feral about him taking her shift. 

“Please, Jask. I promise, you won’t regret it!” She grinned at him and there was something in her eyes that sent up a dozen red flags. 

“What are you plotting?” He asked flatly, squinting at her over his glass of wine. 

“Not a thing, darling, just trust me on this,” she giggled, sipping her own wine neatly. 

~

It hadn’t been a terrible morning, though Jaskier was barely managing to stay upright by the the coffee grinder. He was used to staying up long nights and it hadn’t changed anything when he knew he would have to open. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket. 

I know you mentioned he had a kid, but he’s single. You’re gonna want to put a blueberry muffin in right now. 

He blinked at his phone, squinting as he tried to decode just what the fuck Essi was saying. 

What?

But he put in the blueberry muffin, his phone on the counter as he watched the three little dots dance where Essi was texting back. 

You still owe me a no questions.

“What the fuck is she even-” Jaskier heard the bell above the door just as he set the timer for the oven. 

“-and so I tell him that if he isn’t going to at least make an attempt to clear out the back trails, we’re going to find a new contractor.” Came a voice behind him. 

Jaskier froze, his hand on his phone. He nearly threw it in a panic. He recognized that voice. He’d recognize that voice in the dark, though to be fair, he usually listened to it in the dark. 

He glanced over his shoulder and sure enough, Geralt Rivia was standing at his counter with two others from the nature reserve. 

“Be with you in just a minute!” he tried for cheery and landed firmly in panicked. He ducked behind the large coffee machine and shot a text back to Essi. 

I haven’t decided on whether or not I love you more than anything or if I’m ever going to

speak to you again!

Have fun! ;)

That bitch. It had been a setup! He adored her, the meddling little sneak. He schooled his face the best he could, knowing full well that his ears were still the color of the strawberry frap they served. 

“Morning, what can I get you guys?” He asked as he wet his lips, trying not to stare right into Geralt’s gorgeous face. 

“Three coffees, a blueberry muffin warmed up and a plain bagel, untoasted,” Geralt said offhandedly as he looked around. “No Essi today?” 

“Uh, no. I’m filing in this morning. Jaskier, at your service.” As he dipped his head in a mock bow he internally cursed himself. One day, one normal day, that was all he asked for. “Hope the bagel isn’t for Roach. I’m not sure she’d like it. How is she? We haven’t seen her much recently?” He shot off without thinking as he started to pour the coffees. He froze again as his brain caught up with his mouth. 

Behind Geralt, both of the men snorted. “Looks like you’ve got a fan, pretty boy,” the darker haired one jostled Geralt’s shoulder with a smirk.

Geralt only stood there, tilting his head slightly as though he wasn’t sure what had just happened. 

“Ah, I mean…” Jaskier fumbled, nearly spilling one of the coffees down his own front. 

“She’s doing fine actually,” there was a soft smile on his face, the same he wore when he got to handle the birds directly and Jaskier could feel himself melt on the spot. “Naughty as ever. Learned a new trick to take a swipe at Lambert here if he’s holding the feed bucket,” there was a low rumble of a chuckle. 

The dark haired one behind Geralt stopped laughing abruptly. “She’s a menace.” He growled, picking up his own coffee from the counter. 

Behind Jaskier, the oven dinged. “Oh and your muffin!” He turned, letting himself have the moment his back was to them to silently scream. He had been tricked! He had been set up! He was going to try to get this man’s number and he would never hear the end of it. 

“You already had it in?” Geralt asked, that smile still in place. 

“What can I say, we make sure to take care of our favorite customers.” He was almost proud of himself at how smoothly that had come out as he turned to look back at Geralt. He should have been paying attention to the muffin as it dropped, missing the bag completely and splatting on the floor. 

“Fuck,” Jaskier nearly cried. “I am so sorry. Give me, just a moment, I’ll get another one in for you.” 

He watched as Geralt ducked his head, smirking. “Would you like to meet her?” He gave another tilt of his head, his eyes clearly looking Jaskier up and down. 

He was sure he had died. This wasn’t real. This was the good place. Or the bad place. Either way, this place was the place his soul had clearly left his body. He stood there, cold muffin in hand as he gaped at Geralt. 

“Uh-”

“You don’t,” Geralt cleared his throat, “I was just wondering since you seemed… to be a… fan.” His face slipped into a scowl and no. No that wouldn’t do at all. 

“I would love to, yeah. I’m off at three?” 

“Oh! Jaskier! Thank you for coming in to open. I can take it from here,” Essi slipped in beside him, taking the muffin from his hand. “Morning, Dr. Rivia,” she nearly sang, her face smug. 

“Dead. You’re very very dead when I see you again,” Jaskier whispered to her though he couldn’t stop grinning. 

“So you were saying?” Geralt asked, leaning against the counter. 

“Turns out, I’m free as a bird, you’d say.” Jaskier chuckled as he slipped his apron off and made his way around the counter. 

Geralt snorted and rolled his eyes but took his coffee and muffin from Essi. “You know that phrase ‘eat like a bird’ is really not that good of a way of saying that someone doesn’t eat much?” 

Behind them, Lambert scoffed. “Here we fucking go again. I said I was sorry for bringing it up!” 

Later that afternoon he found himself wearing a glove similar to the one he had first seen Geralt in, a small tawny owl bobbing on his arm as he looked on in wonder. He had met Roach and she had nipped at his hair and shirt, screeching when food wasn’t produced. 

“Hmm, let’s get Scorpion. He won’t tear you to shreds,” Geralt gave Roach a fond little tap on her wing with the back of his fingers. 

By the end of the day he left with a few knicks in his fingers and a phone number. He had never slept better.

[lovely-ateez]

Just What The Doctor Ordered~

ꕥPosted: 3/14/21

ꕥGenre: Fluff, Smut

ꕥPairing: FemReader! x Wooyoung

ꕥWord Count: ~2.0k

ꕥWarnings: Language, Protected sex (Reader’s on the pill), Public sex (sort of), Praising, Wooyoung has a thing for being called doctor, Dirty talk

ꕥA/N: Please respect your healthcare workers—Doctor Wooyoung hella hot tho 🥵🤚

I pressed a hand to my forehead, trying to will my migraine away.

“You know you should probably go see a doctor.” My best friend and coworker, Hongjoong, spoke as he stirred his morning coffee.

“It’s fine. I get them all the time.”

“Yeah and that’s the problem. You shouldn’t.”

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose, “Honestly, I’ve trying to avoid going to the doctor but I think you have a point. I can barely focus on anything anymore.”

“Good. Schedule an appointment as soon as you get the chance. You don’t want to wait any longer.” He walked closer to me and ran a hand along my back, “And let me know how it goes, alright? I worry about you sometimes.”

I let out a small laugh, “Thanks, Joongie. I will.”

-

“Miss y/n.”

I raised my head to meet a young woman in light blue scrubs. She smiled at me, but I could see the tiredness in her eyes. I certainly understood, I’d had many long, long days at work myself.

I hope your day gets better, miss.

“Right this way, please.”

I stood, following her as she lead me into a room and instructed me to sit in one of the chairs.

“The doctor you normally see has been quite busy today, so we’ll have one of our newer doctors see you. Is that okay?”

“Yeah that’s fine.” I pressed a hand to my forehead.

“So could you give me run down of what’s been going on?” She clicked a pen, grabbing a scrap of paper from her pocket.

“Sure, basically I’ve just been having really bad migraines.”

“How severe have they been?”

“I mean they’ve been bad enough that I’ve had trouble concentrating.”

“Anything else troubling you?”

“Nope that’s it.”

She scribbled some notes on a sheet of paper and smiled at me.

“Alright, the doctor will be with you soon.” Were her last words as she exited the room with a sigh.

Knowing it’d likely take awhile, I unlocked my phone to mindlessly scroll through social media, eventually getting bored and playing a game instead.

The door opened and I jumped in my seat, placing my phone aside. The young man that walked into the room smiled, running a hair through his parted black hair.

“Hello, I’m Wooyoung. It’s nice to meet you.”

As ridiculous as it sounded, my breath seemed to leave me all at once. His sunkissed skin was seemingly flawless, the closed-mouth smile that he flashed showing slight dimples on his cheeks, the lab coat and stethoscope around his neck left me to admire his appearance. He was certainly the most fit and attractive doctor, let alone man I’d ever seen.

“Oh you, too.”

He reached out to shake my hand and as we touched I felt sparks shoot through me. His hands were slightly rough but still soft. He released my hand with a kind smile.

“So do you mind telling me what’s going on?” He moved a stool that was in the corner of the room closer to me, sitting on it and slightly spreading his legs, his hands on his knees. I felt my head fogging as I fought myself to not stare at him.

“Well I’ve been having really bad migraines recently. I don’t really know what’s causing them.”

“How long have you been having them?”

“For a few months actually, but they’ve only become really bad within the last couple weeks.”

Wooyoung nodded, “Could they be stress induced, by any chance?”

“I mean...I don’t think so? My job is usually stressful but I haven’t been more stressed than normal.”

“Hmm okay. Have you been experiencing any other symptoms? Nausea, vomiting, sensitivity to light?”

“No, no other symptoms.”

“Could you be pregnant? That can often-”

I laughed, “No, I haven’t had a boyfriend in a quite a while so that’s not it. I’ve been busy with work.”

I could’ve sworn I saw a slight smirk on his face, but it was gone before I could fully register it.

“I certainly understand that. I was able to get through medical school faster than most but I was studying all the time so I’ve never really had time for a girlfriend.”

I nodded, not exactly knowing what to say as I felt happiness bubble up in my stomach knowing that he was single.

“So how often do you normally get them?”

I cocked my head and raised a brow, “Get what?”

He let out a chuckle that released butterflies in my stomach, “I mean your migraines. How often do you get them?”

“Oh.” I felt my cheeks turn pink, “Maybe four times a week.”

“Cute.” Wooyoung muttered under his breath. I was relatively confident he didn’t intend for me to hear it and I blushed even more.

“Well the nurse told me she forgot to take your vitals so...do you mind?”

“Not at all!” I internally slapped myself for sounding far too enthusiastic, but Wooyoung didn’t seem to care, giving a small smile.

“Could you take off your jacket for me, please?”

“Of course.” I said, ridding myself of the thick coat I was wearing, placing it on a nearby chair. He walked towards me—the smell of his cologne intoxicating—and put the eartips of the stethoscope in his ears.

Wooyoung placed the diaphragm of the stethoscope to my back, “Breathe in and out normally for me, please.”

I did as I was told, blocking my mind from the devilishly handsome man right next to me.

After a moment he removed the tool from my back. “I’m going to place the stethoscope on your chest now, okay?”

Wooyoung eyed my sweater which had slightly thicker material in the front, “Is it alright if I put the stethoscope down your shirt? It’ll be hard to hear your heart through your sweater.”

“Oh—yeah that’s okay!” I cleared my throat, “I mean like yeah it’s fine.”

Way to be smooth.

Wooyoung chucked as he reached down the collar of my shirt with the tool, its cold making me shiver. He apologized for the temperature, assuring me it wouldn’t take but a minute.

“That’s odd,” He stated, an eyebrow raised, “Your heart shouldn’t be beating that fast. Do you know why that might be?”

His dark eyes looked into my own and I swallowed. “I...I just...”

“Yes?”

I looked at the floor, unable to say it while looking in his eyes, “It’s you.”

“Me? How’s that?” I saw from the corner of my eye a slight smirk growing on his face.

I looked into his dark eyes, “My heart is racing because you’re so close to me.”

“Tell me, then. Would it beat faster if I got even closer?”

Stethoscope still on my chest, he leaned down, his lips almost touching my own.

The man let out a deep laugh, much deeper than his speaking voice, “I was correct.”

I was barely able to speak when my eyes drifted to his lips, “It’ll beat even faster if you kiss me.”

“Is that an invitation?”

“It is.”

Wooyoung grabbed my cheek with his free hand and pulled me closer, pressing his lips to mine. He didn’t have to tell me that my heart was racing. I could feel it. I could feel my heart rate increasing the longer his lips touched mine. My hands wrapped around his neck, hands running through his thick hair and pulling it slightly. He bit my bottom lip in response and I whimpered into the kiss, pulling him even closer.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, girl.”

I pulled his hair a bit harder and he groaned against my lips. As if he just remembered the stethoscope, he broke the kiss to pull it away from my chest, removing it from his ears and tossing it on the nearby table.

I giggled and he smiled at me, placing his hands on either side of the chair I was sitting in. Leaning in closer he teased my lips with his, giving me a slight peck before kissing down my jaw to my neck. I reached for his coat and hurriedly removed it from his shoulders, wanting nothing more than to get him undressed.

Gasping for air I grabbed at his hair once more, desperately needing to hear him groan again and he didn’t disappoint. His hands danced to my sweater, slightly lifting it.

“I hate to say it, because I’m really enjoying this, but you are on the clock.”

“Fuck it.” he growled, “I don’t have any patients scheduled today and I work harder than anyone here. I want this if you do.”

“I really do. Fuck me, Wooyoung.”

Without hesitation he pulled my sweater and bra over my head, leaving kisses all over my chest.

“Help me take off your pants, bunny.”

I whimpered, “Yes doctor.”

“Shit that’s hot.” He leaned in close to my ear, “Say it again. Doctor’s orders.”

“Whatever you say, doctor.” I pulled my pants down and threw them across the room.

Wooyoung’s hands teasingly ran up and down my thighs, making me shiver.

“You’re insanely gorgeous.” He growled into my ear.

I couldn’t come up with a solid response, my desire speaking for me, “It’s your turn, doctor. Off with the shirt.”

He made a dramatic flair of pulling his shirt slowly over his head, my eyes growing hazy while looking at his perfectly defined abs.

“Fuck.”

A cocky look formed on his face as he watched my eyes scan over him, soon after lifting me from the chair to the exam table.

He ran a digit along my clothed clit, prompting my back to arch off the table. I grabbed his arms and pulled him towards me, hips bucking into his, the friction setting my body on fire.

He groaned, head falling back as his body gave into his pleasure. Before long he was pulling down my soaked panties and leveling his face with my core.

“Don’t.” I said through heavy breaths, earning a concerned look from Wooyoung, “I want you in me now.”

His eyes widened, “Shit I don’t have a condom.”

I pulled him closer to me, “I’ve been on the pill for several months don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?” The genuine concern in his eyes currently outweighing the lust I could see behind them.

“I promise.”

The lust returned to his eyes and I couldn’t help but feel small under his gaze. The rest of his clothes were discarded in a hurry, his member then lining up with my core.

“Let me know if you’re uncomfortable or want me to stop, okay?”

His consideration made me smile, knowing full damn well I wouldn’t want him to stop. “I will. You too.”

Wooyoung let out a short chuckle and entered me slowly. I felt my eyes close as I focused on the feeling of him inside me, feeling out of breath already. I moaned as he pulled out slightly and rammed his hips back into mine.

“You like this?” He growled, “Knowing that anyone could catch us?”

I nodded, letting out quiet whimpers as I gasped for air. His speed was quick and hard, hitting every spot inside me my fingers could never reach.

“What a dirty girl you are.”

My walls clenched around him as tears welled in my eyes from the stimulation, my moans gradually getting louder without my control.

He leaned closer to me, “Quiet, sweetheart. Can’t let everyone here know what we’re up to, can we?”

I whimpered as he picked up speed and I forced my eyes open, needing nothing more than to see him. His pupils were dilated, his face flushed, and his hair was sporadically sticking to his forehead. He looked godly.

“You look so beautiful under me, taking me so well,” He said through half-lidded eyes, “How are you feeling, love?”

I whined at the pet name and clenched around him. He groaned and I brought myself to speak, “I feel f-full, doctor.”

Wooyoung nuzzed my neck, placing a few kisses upon my skin, and I felt my high approaching.

“Touch me, please.” I pleaded.

He complied, teasingly running his fingers along my clit and I felt sparks of pleasure shoot through me.

“Are you gonna cum, baby girl? Be my good girl and cum for me.”

I bit my lip to keep from moaning loudly as I came, feeling Wooyoung release at the same time. He stilled, watching me catch my breath as he did the same.

“Pretty sure I just broke several medical moral codes but damn I don’t regret a minute of that.”

I hid my face in his chest, face heating up, “Me either.”

He pulled out of me and I pouted at the loss of feeling him.

“We just had sex and you’re still needy?”

“Listen, you just feel good inside of me.”

He leaned over me a gave me a long, sweet kiss, “You feel pretty good around me, yourself.”

Wooyoung pulled back and reached for his boxers, putting them on before grabbing some paper towels and cleaning me up. “Get dressed, doll.”

I nodded and slowly slipped my clothes on, legs feeling wobbly. He noticed and smiled at me, fully dressed now.

“Well,” He started, “I think we should exchange numbers in case you experience more migraines. We’ll have to monitor that, of course.” His eyes twinkled.

“Ah yes, of course.” I giggled, handing over my phone.

I watched his fingers glide over the keyboard, my eyes once more trailing down his chest, unable to forget how good he looked shirtless.

Without looking up he spoke, his voice lighthearted, “I can see you, you know.”

“No you can’t.” I teased.

He laughed and handed over his phone for me to do the same. “I can write you a prescription if you feel like that’s something you need. Have you tried over the counter medicine?”

I chuckled and he gave me a questioning look. “It’s just that the conversation took a different direction than I was expecting. But no, I haven’t.”

Wooyoung nodded, “I would recommend that you start with Ibuprofen and if that doesn’t work, let me know and we can prescribe you a stronger medicine, okay?”

“Sounds good.”

A silence fell over us. Noticing my nervousness, Wooyoung pulled me into his arms, placing a kiss on my lips, “I need to go, but I’ll call you, okay?”

I gave a shy nod and bit my lip.

“Do you like coffee by any chance?” He questioned as he ran a hand through my hair. I welcomed his touch, leaning closer to him.

“Love it, why?”

“I say we meet up at a coffee shop soon. I’ve got a particular one in mind and I think you’ll really like it.”

I smiled, beyond happy to know he wanted to see me again, “Works for me.”

-

“So it went pretty well, I think.”

“Good, have you been feeling better?” Hongjoong asked later in the week.

“Much.” I bit my lip, looking down, “I’ve got a date later today.”

“What? With who?” Hongjoong asked with a smile, genuinely happy for me.

“Um...the doctor I saw earlier this week.” I scratched the back of my head.

“Oh my god you do not.”

“I do. I really like him.” I confessed, “We’ve been texting a lot.”

“Damn.” He shook his head, “That’s definitely a surprise but I’m happy for you girl. You know, why don’t you head out early? Our shifts are almost over anyways and I can finish up anything you’ve still got to do.”

“No I can’t ask you to do that!”

“I insist. Go ahead.” Hongjoong all but pushed me out of the office, sending me on my way and wishing me luck.

I waved back at him, thanking him again before leaving the building. I hopped in my car and drove off, feeling happiness bubble in my chest.

I took a step into the cute coffee shop, looking around at the full tables before locking eyes with Wooyoung. His eyes sparkled with the same playful look as I remembered. I walked over to where he was sitting and took the chair across from him.

“Hey,” He smiled wide.

“Hey yourself.”

“Are you gonna order anything?”

“Maybe in a bit. I wanna spend time with the handsome man in front of me first.”

A slight red dusted his ears as he tried to laugh away his shyness. “How’ve your migraines been?”

“Honestly, I haven’t had any since I saw you last.”

He cocked his head. “Wonder what could’ve fixed that?”

I bit my lip, meeting his eyes, “I’ve got a pretty good idea.”

“Incredible. This is a medical breakthrough. I can just imagine the medical articles.” Wooyoung raised a hand, moving it in the air as he spoke, “Sex cures chronic migraines, experiments suggest.”

I laughed, playfully hitting him on the shoulder.

“What? Am I wrong?” He said with a mischievous smile.

I quirked a brow, “I think we should probably conduct more experiments though, right? In the name of science.”

He pressed his lips together in a tight smile. “You make a compelling argument. I think I have to agree. My place after this?”

“Absolutely.”

-

Final Note: Listen I know Wooyoung probably should have actually prescribed y/n something for her migraines but it’s to further the plot okay please understand—

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Sakamaki Prologue

← RETURN TO GENERAL PROLOGUE

ー The scene starts in the classroom

Yui: ...I’m going home by car today.

Female student C: I see. Well, we might be getting some bad weather, so that is probably a wise choice.

Yui: Eh? Really?

Female student C: Yeah. They said so on the weather forecast. I’ll be heading home then. Bye bye!

Yui: See you tomorrow! Bye bye!

ー The scene shifts to the outside of Ryoutei Academy

Yui: ( Speaking of which, Ayato-kun didn’t attend classes today. )

( We both went to school together, so I wonder if he was skipping class somewhere? )

( He should know he’ll be in big trouble if Reiji-san finds out though... )

Driver: ーー My apologies for the wait.

Yui: Thank you very much.

ー She gets inside the car

*Thud*

Yui: I’m the first one here. That’s neーー

Ayato: Yo, Chichinashi!

Yui: Ayato-kun! I haven’t seen you around all day, where have you been?

Ayato: Aah? That’s none of your business, is it?

Yui: That’s true but...

Laito: ーー If you’re curious about Ayato-kun’s whereabouts, I spotted him over at the infirmary...Sleeping soundly with a cute expression on his face. Nfu~

Ayato: Wha...!? Cute!? Stop spoutin’ disgustin’ crap!

Laito: Eeh~? I’m complimenting you, so you should just honestly thank me.

Yui: And where did you hang out instead of attending class, Laito-kun?

Laito: Bitch-chan, you want to know my secrets? If you insist, I suppose I could tell you...

Every・single・one, okay~? (1)

Yui: No, I’ll pass.

Laito: Geez! I wish you wouldn’t turn down my offer so quickly?

Kanato: What made you think she would be curious about your secrets? I wouldn’t want to hear about those even if I was forced to.

Yui: Kanato-kun!

Laito: Kanato-kun, how cruel! You don’t have to be so mean, do you?

Kanato: Being forced to listen to something you don’t want to hear is pure torture after all...

That being said, Laito. The space next to her. That’s my seat so could you make some room?

You move away a little further too, Ayato.

Ayato: In your dreams! (2) The seat next to Chichinashi is obviously mine!

Kanato: Haah?

Shuu: ...Noisy as always. I could hear you guys’ voices all the way from outside the car...

Yui: Shuu-san...!

Laito: Oh geez~ You’re acting as if you’re the only outsider.

Shuu: I’m not picky about which seat I take after all.

I understand why you’d want to sit close to her, but making too much of a fuss proves that you’re all still kids.

Ayato: Aah!? Who are ya callin’ a kid!?

Reiji: ...Good grief. You lot are at it again?

Laito: Nfu~ Nice observation, Reiji. I can’t believe you’d guess we’re quarreling.

Reiji: This happens every day after all. How ridiculous. Do you not think it is about time you fight over a different topic for once?

Furthermore...Shuu. Could you not hog the seats all for yourself? You are in the way.

Shuu: There’s plenty to pick from right? Just take one of the other ones.

Reiji: If I sit on the opposite side, I will have no choice but to pain my eyes with the sight of you, no? Come on, make way.

Shuu: Haah, annoying...

Reiji: I am not being ‘annoying’. As the first heir to this family...

Subaru: Can’t you guys pipe the fuck down?...Geez...

*Thud*

Yui: Welcome back, Subaru-kun.

Subaru: Y-Yeah...

Oi, you shitheads. Move out of the way. I’m sittin’ next to her.

Kanato: Hah? You want to sit next to her as well?

Subaru: I never...! It’s not like I want to sit next to her...

I just like the way that seat feels.

Laito: Nfu~ Dare I say that’s a rather cringy excuse? Kukuku~

Subaru: Aah!?

Yui: ( Somehow seeing the guys are still the same as always makes me feel relieved. )

ー The car starts driving

Yui: ( Quite a lot has happened since I came to this house, but I’ve sort of gotten used to it over time... )

( I might just be imagining things, but I feel like the guys have become a lot kinder compared to when I first met them as well. )

( I guess feelings really do change... )

Reiji: ーー Speaking of which, did you all hear?

Ayato: What?

Reiji: Apparently there will be two transfer students coming from the campus in Great Britain.

Yui: Yes, now that you mention it, our teacher said something about that.

Subaru: Props to those guys for goin’ through the extra trouble.

Laito: Do you know something about them?

Reiji: No, not really.

Laito: Then why would you bring that up?

Reiji: It’s simple idle talk. The silence was getting on my nerves.

*CRASH*

Yui: ...!

Kanato: That was the thunder.

Ayato: It started pourin’ as well. What a dragー

Yui: ...The sky is pitch black as well...

Shuu: I mean, it’s night-time after all, so obviously it’d be? What are you saying?

Yui: That’s true but the moon was out earlier so...

Ah, speaking of which, the lunar eclipse will be happening soon, right?

Subaru: The eclipse?

Yui: Yeah.

Reiji: Exactly. I actually wanted to give you all a warning regarding said topic.

Laito: Eh~? What is it~?

Reiji: As you should be well aware, we are not unaffected by the lunar eclipse.

Yui: Eh? Is that so?

Reiji: Well, I doubt there will be any large changes.

We might say or do some things which are out of the ordinary...As well as grow somewhat unstable.

Yui: I see...

Ayato: Oh? Are you worried, Chichinashi?

Yui: Just a little.

Shuu: ーー During last time’s lunar eclipse, the Old Man was so fussy about it, I thought I was gonna go crazy.

Laito: ...Ahー ...I just remembered. We were still living in the Demon World back then, weren’t we?

Kanato: The night is much longer over there, so it was the worst...

Ayato: I remembered. He locked us up inside the castle, didn’t he?

I wonder why that old fart was so wary of it?

Kanato: I picked up some things about that. Apparently...There is a possibility some evildoers could come and attack us...

Yui: Evildoers...?

Ayato: Yeah! You know! He means the bad guys!

Laito: Do you want us to applaud you for that answer? (3)

Reiji: Either way, please be even more cautious than usual, understood? 

Unlike the one in the Demon World, the eclipse will be over in just a few hours this time. I am sure you can at least endure it for that long?

Yui: ( Out of the ordinary...Will everything be okay? I’ve gotten a little worried. )

Laito: Nfufu...

Subaru: The fuck you chucklin’ for, Laito...? It gives me the creeps.

Laito: I figured out what’s on Bitch-chan’s mind~

Yui: Eh...?

Laito: You were wondering just now...What exactly he meant with ‘saying or doing things out of the ordinary’, no?

Yui: ...!

Laito: I figured it out by looking at your expression. You really are such a lewd girl~

Yui: Wha...!? Why does it translate to that!?

Laito: You want to experiment, don’t you? Doing all sorts of things...While we’re being toyed around with by the moon...~

I mean, it would be different from usual, right? I totally relate to you wanting to switch things up every once in a while, nfu~ 

Reiji: ...Laito. I think you’ve said enough. You are corrupting my ears.

Yui: ( The lunar eclipse, huh...? I hope it passes without anything happening. )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the living room

Yui: It’s this late already...? I suppose I should hit the hay soon.

Reiji: Oh dear? Going to bed already?

Yui: Yes. It is starting to become a little light outside as well.

Reiji: How about a cup of tea before bed? I got my hands on this new brand of herbal tea.

I would not mind treating you to some?

Yui: Ah, I’ll gladly have some!

Reiji: Very well. Then please wait a few.

ー Reiji walks away as Ayato enters the living room

Ayato: Oh, who do we have here! Not goin’ to bed yet?

Yui: Reiji-san offered me some tea, so I’ll get some rest after I’ve finished my drink.

Ayato: Che...What’s so good ‘bout that crap which tastes of grass?

Yui: Grass...? No way, it’s delicious. 

Ayato: That’s what it tastes like to me. I’m a carnivore (4) rather than a herbivore after all! ...This stuff’s more my ‘cup of tea’. 

ー Ayato moves closer and pins her down

*Thud*

Yui: W-Wait, Ayato-kun! What are you...!? 

Ayato: Lemme suck you. I’m thirsty for blood right now...

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: ( ...At this rate, he’ll take my blood...! )

R-Right! Ayato-kun, did you know?

*Rustle*

Ayato: Aah!? 

Yui: ーー S-Speaking of carnivores, I heard this rumor about a wolf being spotted in the city...

Ayato: A wolf!?

Yui: Y-Yeah. Apparently tons of people witnessed it, so the rumors are spreading like wildfire...

Ayato: Che. What bullshit are you spoutin’? You actually believe there was a wolf!?

Yui: But you know, at school...I alsoーー

Laito: Spotted~ (5)

Yui: L-Laito-kun!

Ayato: ...Laito, don’t get in my way.

Laito: Oh no no. If you want to suck Bitch-chan’s blood, you have to get my permission first.

Ayato: Why do I have to get your permission for everythin’, huh!?

Laito: Ehー? Why, you ask? Well...

*Rustle*

Yui: Kyah!?

Laito: Because Bitch-chan belongs to me~ Right?

Say, Bitch-chan? Wasn’t this ‘wolf’ you saw wearing a hat?

Yui: Eh!? 

Laito: The Big Bad Wolf wearing a hat always has his vision locked on the cute Little Red Riding Hood, you know~?

Ayato: Keh. ‘Big Bad Wolf’, my ass! Anyway, Chichinashi. Did you seriously see a wolf?

Yui: Y-Yeah...Probably...

Laito: When? Where?

Yui: After classes today. On the rooftop at school...

Ayato: Aah? The rooftop? Hah, ridiculous. I bet you just mistook some shadow for a wolf.

Laito: Besides, that’s exactly where I was after classes today.

Reiji: ーー Why were you there after school?

Laito: ...! R-Reiji. Didn’t see you there.

Reiji: Yes. I sure am. Is that a problem for you?

Laito: Not really~?

Reiji: Good grief. With you guys, I never know what to expect the second I take my eyes off you.

You’re either trying to suck her blood, or skipping class...

Ayato: ...! H-How do you know I tried to bite her just now!? You weren’t around earlier, were you!?

Reiji: ーー It became clear as day to me the second I saw her disheveled clothes.

Yui: Eh...! Ah...

*Rustle rustle*

Reiji: You lot truly are beyond hopeless.

ーー Here you go, Yui. I’ve prepared your tea.

Yui: T-Thank you very much!

*Cling*

Reiji: ...Well then, regarding what you said just now...

Yui: Eh?

Reiji: Could you fill me in on the details?

Yui: You mean about the wolf?

Laito: It was just Bitch-chan’s eyes playing tricks on her, no?

Isn’t it like those people who say they can ‘sense’ ghosts after they’ve been told a place is haunted? 

Reiji: I am talking to her.

Yui: U-Uhm...

ー Yui tells him the full story

Reiji: I see.

Yui: However, I’m pretty sure I just saw a wild dog or something along those lines...

Subaru: ...What would a wild dog be doin’ up on the roof? That was a wolf.

Yui: Subaru-kun...?

Subaru: You probably don’t know, but in the Demon World, there are other demonic species who can alter their appearance into those of a snake, eagle or wolf.

We’re livin’ here too, so it wouldn’t be that far-fetched for some wolf to show up.

Yui: T-Then, a resident of the Demon World has changed into a wolf and come to this city?

Subaru: Guess so? There aren’t any wild wolves livin’ ‘round these parts, right?

Reiji: I considered that possibility for a second too, however...

Ayato: What?

Reiji: The Wolf clan living in the Demon World is extremely territorial. Well, the same could be said about the snakes too...

I simply cannot fathom they would come to the human world.

Laito: Ahー ...Now that you mention it, they really are.

I went through hell and back once after messing around with a girl on Wolf territory...

Subaru: ...Then how do you explain the wolf wanderin’ ‘round this city!?

*Thud*

Yui: S-Subaru-kun, calm down.

Reiji: Exactly. Do you really need to lose your temper over everything?

Ayato: Can’t we look at it this way? It’s probably not that concerned ‘bout us.

Vampires aren’t territorial after all.

Reiji: That might be the case for us, but I doubt the same can be said about them.

It is part of their natural instinct after all...

Laito: Nfu~ Then, basically you want to say that the wolf which has been sighted in the city is just a regular one?

Reiji: Or rather, there is one other possibility I can think of.

Yui: Another possibility...?

Reiji: In the Demon World, one more species going by the name of the ‘First Bloods’ exists.

They are said to be the ancestors of every species living in the Demon World.

Ayato: The fuck? That’s a first to me. Besides, I’ve never run into one of those over at the Demon World either.

Reiji: Of course not. They suffered defeat in a war against our Father and Demon Lord Burai, before being banished to a castle.

They are forbidden from leaving.

Laito: Then wouldn’t it be impossible for them to show up here in the first place?

Reiji: You are indeed right. But well, they possess the abilities of the wolf, eagle, snake and bat all at once. 

Therefore, it would be possible for them to transform into wolves as well. I simply wanted to bring it up as one possible explanation.

Subaru: Well, I don’t give a damn. Whether it’s a Wolf or a First Blood.

If they get in the way, I’m gonna crush them!

Reiji: Well, a wolf is hardly a threat to us, but I suppose it would be dangerous for a human such as yourself.

Please be careful, okay? If things take a turn for the worse, do avoid being eaten. Understood?

Yui: Y-Yes...

( Seems like there’s still many things about the Demon World I don’t know. )

( Also the rumored wolf in town...I wonder if he actually exists? Then what I saw might just be... )

( ...I don’t really know yet, but I should definitely be careful for now. )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the classroom

Yui: ( Today’s first period is English, huh...? I should take out my textbook and notes...My homework sheet isーー )

*Rattle*

Homeroom teacher: Oiー. Everyone, sit down. I’m going to introduce the new transfer student.

He won’t be transferring into this classroom, but I’ll at least let him introduce himself.

Shin: ...I’m Tsukinami Shin. Nice to meet y’all.

Ayato: ...That guy...

Yui: ( Ayato-kun...? )

Homeroom teacher: He only recently returned to the country after living in Great Britain, so he’ll be taking class in a special classroom for quite some time.

That being said, you’re all students of the same academy, so treat him well, okay?

Homeroom teacher: Ahー Also...If possible, I’d like for someone to show him around the campus.

Shin: Sensei, may I?

Homeroom teacher: Yes, what is it?

Shin: I would like to ask the young lady over there to give me a tour of the school.

Yui: Eh? M-Me?

Shin: Exactly. Can I count on you?

Yui: ...I don’t mind but...

Shin: We’ll see each other during the break then?

ー He leaves the classroom

Yui: ( ...Why me? )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the hallway at school

Ayato: Oi, Chichinashi.

Yui: Ayato-kun? And Kanato-kun as well? ...What’s wrong?

Kanato: No, I simply had...somewhat of a weird hunch...

Yui: A weird hunch...?

( Could they be talking about Shin-kun? )

Ayato: You’re gonna show that dude ‘round the place now?

Yui: Yeah, that’s the plan.

Kanato: Do you truly believe you have the right to decide that?

Yui: ( I-I should have figured they’d be upset about that. )

B-But he asked me out of the blue...and the teacher also told us to be nice to him...

Ayato: ...I know that, but still.

Listen up. Be careful of that dude. ...I can’t really put it into words, but he’s givin’ me bad vibes.

Yui: Eh?

Kanato: ...I shall warn you as well. Although I believe it would be best for me to tag along.

For some reason, I feel like I want to keep my distance from him...

Yui: You too, Kanato-kun...?

( I wonder why the two of them are so wary? )

Ayato: Well, we’re ‘round as long as you stay on campus, so it should be fine.

Don’t let your guard down, ‘kay? Understood?

Yui: Y-Yeah.

Kanato: Ah...He has arrived. Well then...

ー Ayato and Kanato leave

Yui: ( ...I wonder what he meant with ‘bad vibes’? )

Shin: Hey, thanks for earlier.

Yui: Yeah. Well then, let me show you around right away...

Shin: I don’t need to see the campus. Instead, why don’t we drop by the rooftop?

Yui: Eh? The roof...? I don’t mind but...Why...?

Shin: ...I figured you might want to witness the lunar eclipse.

Yui: Aah, now that you mention it...

Shin: Also, the inside of this school really reeks (6) for some reason...

Yui: Eh?

Shin: Nothing. Let’s hurry up and go.

Yui: Yeah...

ー The two of them walk away

Shuu: ...

ー The scene shifts to the rooftop

Shin: Aah, the eclipse has begun.

Yui: You’re right...!

( The moon’s colored a bright crimson...slowly becoming chipped, amazing! )

Shin: Is this your first time witnessing one?

Yui: Yeah. It’s a first for me...How beautiful, don’t you think?

Shin: Beautiful, huh?

ー Somebody walks up to them

???: ...Shin.

Shin: Hey, Nii-san.

Yui: Eh?

Shin: Let me introduce him. This is my Nii-san, his name’s...

Carla: I’m Tsukinami Carla.

Yui: N-Nice to meet you...! My name’s Komori Yui.

( I see. Now that you mention it, when the teacher said two transfer students...He must have been talking about Shin-kun and his older brother. )

Carla: ...

Yui: ( ...That being said, he is somewhat of an intimidating individual... )

Shin: Neither of us are used to living here, so we’ll be counting on your help, okay?

Yui: Yeah...If you’re fine with me...

Carla: Shin.

Shin: Yes, Nii-san?

Carla: Take a look.

Shin: Eh?

Yui: ...Ah...!

Shuu: ...

Yui: Shuu-san?

What’s the matter? Are you perhaps here to watch the Lunar Eclipse as we...

Shuu: Haah? Does it look like that to you?

Yui: ...Right.

ー Shuu walks up to Yui

Shuu: ーー Let’s go.

Yui: Eh? M-Me?

Shuu: Yeah. Hurry up.

Yui: B-But...

Carla: I don’t mind. Go if you must.

Shin: Nii-san, are you sure?

Carla: Yes.

Yui: T-Then...See you later. Please tell me if you need anything. Now if you’d excuse me.

ー Yui leaves with Shuu

Shin: Nii-san, do you think we’ll be able to use her?

Carla: No chance.

Shin: Eh? For real? Geez. I was kind to her for nothing then...

If she won’t be of any use to us, why don’t we take her down alongside this school which stinks of Vampires...

Burning everything to the ground...Kukuku. What do you say?

Carla: While it would be impossible in her current state, if we cleanse her, she might just...

Shin: Cleansing, huh? What a drag. For one, I doubt I’ll be able to stand the stench of those Vampires.

But, if we have no other choice, guess it can’t be helped.

Carla: Get everything in order by the end of tonight. Understood?

Shin: Roger. Well, I could probably win against those Vampires while they’re weakened by the lunar eclipse using just one arm.

Carla: Do not let down your guard. That man from just now...He seemed to have caught on somewhat.

Shin: I know.

ー The scene shifts to the hallway

Yui: Wait, Shuu-san!

Shuu: ...Did those guys from earlier tell you anything?

Yui: Eh? No...nothing...

Shuu: I see.

Yui: ...What’s gotten into all of you? I feel as if you’ve been very wary of those two this whole time...

Shuu: You saw it too, right? The lunar eclipse has started.

Because of that, our intuition is off compared to usual. Reiji mentioned it yesterday as well, remember?

We may act or say things out of ordinary...And at the same time, our five senses don’t quite work as well.

Yui: ( Right...That’s why everyone is even more on guard than usual. )

I understand. I’ll be careful.

( I wonder if everything will be okay...While they’re under the eclipse’s effects? )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to inside the limousine

Yui: ( Phew, I’m glad the day passed without anything happening in the end. )

ー Ayato boards the vehicle

Ayato: Hm? It’s just you today?

Yui: Yup. Where’s everyone else?

Ayato: How should I know? Since they’re not here, I guess they’re not going home by car today?

Yui: ...

Ayato: What are you making that face for?

Yui: No. I’m just a little worried, considering the lunar eclipse has begun as well.

Ayato: Keh. I’m the only one you should be concerned about.

Driver: ーー May I start the vehicle?

Ayato: I don’t mind.

ー The car starts driving

Yui: Will everything be okay...?

Ayato: Are you that worried? You piss me off. You’re just a Chichinashi too!

Yui: I mean, you were all acting kind of off today as well...

Ayato: Che. They’re no kids, I’m sure it’ll be fiーー

ー The car suddenly comes to a halt

Yui: Kyaaah...!!

Ayato: Woah...!?

Driver: A-Ayato-sama...!!

Ayato: ...The fuck was that...!?

Driver: W...Wolves are...!!

Ayato: Aah!?

*HOOOOOOOOWL*

Yui: ...!

Ayato: Oi, Chichinashi...! Move closer!

*Rustle*

Yui: Ayato-kun, what on earth is...?

Ayato: I don’t know...

Either way, don’t leave my side...!!

Yui: Y-Yeah...

*HOOOOOOOOOWL*

Yui: ...!

Ayato: Rest assured...Chichinashi, you belong to me. No way in hell I’m handin’ you over to some wolf!

Yui: Ayato-kun...!!

ー One of the wolves breaks through the window

*SHATTER*

Ayato: Che!!

ー Ayato is attacked by the wolf while protecting Yui

Yui: Ayato-kun!!!!

Ayato: Fuck...That hurt! The fuck’s your problem!!? 

ー The wolf continues its assault

Ayato: Guh...Chichinashi, don’t you dare move from underneath me...!!

Yui: B-But...!

Ayato: Shut up...Guah...!!

*RIIIIIIP*

Ayato: ...Guh...Uu...!!

Yui: ( Oh no, at this rate, Ayato-kun will...!! )

???: Tsk...Where did you all come from...!? Fuck off...!

*THUD*

ー Subaru enters the car

Subaru: What are you doin’!?

*THUD*

ー The wolf backs off

Yui: ...Subaru-kun...!

Subaru: Che...Things are this bad even tho Ayato was ‘round? ...Take that!!

*THUD*

Ayato: Che...

Yui: Ayato-kun...! Things will be okay now...! Hang in there!

Subaru: Oi. Which one of you bastards is next, huh!!?

*Whistle*

*HOOOOOOWL*

Subaru: ...!? Makin’ a run for it...!? Wait...!!

Yui: Subaru-kun...! Wait! Please...Don’t go...!!

Subaru: Che...Fuck...

Yui: Ayato-kun is...!

Ayato: Ugh...

Subaru: He’s out cold...Did he protect you?

Yui: Yeah...!

Subaru: Che...He’s got bite wounds all over...Fuck...They were Wolves from the Demon World after all.

Oi, you. Lend me a hand for a sec. Support this shoulder...

Yui: Okay...!

*Rustle*

Subaru: There we go. I’ll handle the rest. Let’s go. We gotta head back home asap.

Yui: ...Is Ayato-kun okay?

Subaru: Dunno. I’m not a doctor. We gotta show him to Reiji first.

ーー Oi, driver! Che...Our Familiar was beaten as well...

*Whistle*

Yui: What are we gonna do?

Subaru: I called over my Familiar for now. We can leave things be here. Let’s go!

Yui: Okay...!

( Why were we suddenly attacked...? )

( Also, those Wolves from earlier...Where did they...? )

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: Ayato-kun, stay strong...!

Reiji: ...His wounds are rather severe. We will have to make a visit to the Demon World to receive help from a clinic.

Kanato: Is it that bad?

Reiji: If he had been a human, this number of wounds would have resulted in an instant death. 

Yui: ...!

Laito: Ayato-kun tried to play the hero all by himself...

Reiji: We were fortunate Subaru rushed to the scene at once, if he had been even a second delayed...

His throat might have been ripped up to shreds.

Subaru: ...The fuck did those wolves want...? Is the Wolf clan trying to declare war on us!?

Shuu: ...How did you feel about the situation? You’re the only one who actually went head to head with them.

Subaru: I don’t know...I just felt like they were kinda different from the Wolves I would often spot ‘round in the Demon World...

Reiji: If I recall correctly, our Father and the King of the Wolf clan have always been been on good terms.

I find it hard to believe that they - who are so loyal to their own leader - would come and assault us.

Subaru: Then what are they!?

Shuu: First Bloods...

Laito: ...Aren’t those guys locked up in a castle at the Demon World?

Shuu: They should be. However, there’s a possibility they have managed to find an opening to leave the castle.

Reiji: Either way, let us return to the Demon World at once, Shuu.

Shuu: Yeah. Let’s go back. We need to report this to the Old Man too.

Laito: Good grief. We have to return to the Demon World during the eclipse again, huh...?

Kanato: ...We have no other choice...

Yui: Uhm, I...

Shuu: You will stay behind here.

Yui: Eh!? But...

Shuu: The Wolves attacked Ayato. Which means you aren’t their target.

Reiji: That sounds like a good idea. Furthermore, the eclipse is ongoing over at the Demon World as well.

We do not know what may happen. You are a human as well.

Yui: ( Good point...If a human such as myself goes to the Demon World, I’ll only end up slowing them down. )

( I’m worried about Ayato-kun and the others but... )

You’ll be able to come back once the lunar eclipse has ended here, right?

Laito: I’d love to, but I’m not sure?

Reiji: Depending on the wolves’ identity, we might have to end up staying at the Demon World for a while.

Yui: But, there’s an eclipse going on over at the Demon World as well, right? Isn’t it dangerous since you don’t know what may happen...?

Subaru: That’s true but the castle’s bein’ protected by our shitty father’s magic, so don’t worry.

Yui: ...

Subaru: Oh come on, don’t look so anxious. I’m hesitant to leave you all by yourself as well...

Shuu: Haah...It’s a pain but we have no other choice. Oi, let’s get going guys.

ー They start walking away

Shuu: I’m leaving the house in your care.

Yui: Yes...

Laito: It saddens me to have to leave your side...But we can’t leave Ayato-kun like this either.

Kanato: I’ll let you have my pudding, so please wait here like you’ve been told to, okay?

Reiji: Well then...Subaru, please carry Ayato.

Subaru: Haah!? Me again!? Don’t be shittin’ me!!

Yui: ( You guys... )

( Please don’t let anything happen... )

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: Haah...

( Everyone left for the Demon World so I’m all by myself...Somehow the manor feels even more spacious than usual... )

*Rumble*

Yui: ...!!

( I’m a little lonely. Actually, now that I think of it, since I’m alone here now... )

( I could just run away, right? It’s not like anyone’s keeping an eye on me... )

( But...It’s not like I have anywhere to go still...Besides, is there still even a point in running still...? )

I wonder since when I’ve gotten this used to my life here...? 

( At first, I was so terribly scared. It still hurts to have my blood sucked even now...But. )

( Through getting to know everyone, it’s only still a little but...I... )

*HOOOOOWL*

Yui: !!!

( Oh no, the wolves again...? They didn’t target me last time though... )

( Don’t tell me, they think everyone’s still here...? )

...Uu...

ー The scene shifts to the underground waterway

Yui: Haah...haah...!

( In this case, I should try going to the Demon World, even if I end up being a burden. )

( Who knows what will happen to me if I remain here... )

( I’m sure...He will for sure save me... )

[ Choose Shuu ] [ Choose Reiji ] [ Choose Ayato ]

[ Choose Kanato ] [ Choose Laito ] [ Choose Subaru ]

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) He literally just says ‘my secrets’ and pauses between each syllable of secret (ひ・め・ご・と). However, in English ‘se・crets’ doesn’t have the same effect since it’s only 2 syllables, so I changed it a little. He already mentions ‘secret’ in the previous sentence, so it doesn’t change much about the meaning of this interaction.

(2) やーなこった or ‘yaanakotta’ is a very childish and playful way to say ‘no’ or ‘don’t want to’ in Japanese. 

(3) Literally Laito asks if that is the answer they get after he puts on airs while proudly proclaiming his words. Laito often makes these low key sarcastic or snarky comments at Ayato, so I wanted the English translation to have that same feel to it. 

(4) The term 肉食 or ‘nikushoku’ may mean ‘carnivore’, in recent youth culture, it is also used as a synonym for man or woman who are very assertive when it comes to relationship and sex. Meanwhile 草食 or ‘soushoku’ is used for the exact opposite, referring to those who are hesitant to interact with the opposite sex. I don’t know if Rejet intended for it to have this hidden meaning, but I found it an interesting theory nevertheless!

(5) When Laito says ‘見ちゃった’ or ‘micchatta’ here, it can be taken two ways. Either he refers to him walking in on Ayato trying to suck Bitch-chan’s blood, or he actually finished Yui’s sentence, referring that she saw a wolf at school. 

(6) While におう or ‘niou’ could mean ‘to smell’ in general, when it is written as 臭う, it refers to a bad smell. 

[mayraki]

✧ chapter two: the missing girl - b. barnes x oc series ✧

-> lost-shoe’s gif

‘let’s play fire with fire’ series masterlist

my masterlist

summary: sera has to deal with the consequences of helping sam and bucky while still trying to get used to being a part of a team. and bucky finds himself not wanting her to be alone.

FEEDBACK IS VERY MUCH APPRECIATED! :)

“So... control fire, huh?” Bucky asked when the silence became unbearable between him and Sera.

She turned to him while her arms where across her chest and she was comfortably sitting on the seat next to Bucky. “What?”

“I’m just- trying to be nice.”

“You literally saw me back there. You know is fire. Is like if I went ‘hey, metal arm?’” She rolled her eyes and went back to staring out the window.

“We definitely started with the wrong foot. Maybe if we just-”

“That’s not gonna work.” She cut him off. “And, wrong foot? You literally accused me of wanting you two dead!”

“That’s why I was trying to be nice!”

“Then don’t! Being nice clearly isn’t helping.”

“Fine! I won’t be nice.” He said loudly trying to keep his full attention on the road ahead of him, but the girl next to him didn’t seem to let him. “Torch.” He said under his breath but loud enough for her to hear him.

“Screwdriver.” She said in the same tone dropping herself more into her seat and leaving her head to rest on the back of the seat.

Even if she didn’t want to talk to Bucky, the silence surrounding them was making it even more awkward than the situation already was. So turning to the side looking for something to do or say, Sera let out a tiny smile when her eyes noticed the button to turn on the radio.

“Don’t turn it on.” Bucky said immediately once he noticed her fingers going towards the car’s controllers.

“Why not?”

“The music is not good.”

“What? You don’t like modern music?”

“Yes I do.”

“Then why I can’t turn on the radio?”

“Just don’t.”

“Damn. Do you ever smile?”

“When I throw that bucket of water on you I will.” Sera let out a tiny fake laugh and then nodded.

“Never smile and not funny, what a deal, huh?”

“I wasn’t trying to be funny.”

“News for me.” As soon as she said that Bucky moved uncomfortably on his seat and grabbed the wheel with his two hands and that made Sera look at the metal arm in the other side of Bucky’s body. She bit her lower lip staring at it since a million of questions were flying around her mind. It was the first time she was in the presence of a super soldier and let alone someone that had a vibranium arm. So curiousity was her main feeling in that moment. “Can you take it off?” She asked without breaking her sight from Bucky’s arm but since Bucky didn’t look at her, he furrowed his eyebrows confused.

“What?”

“Can you take the arm off?” Sera repeated. Bucky did a quick look at her but then went back at the road. People’s eyes staring at his arm wound usually make him uncomfortable or just don’t like it, but not with her. He found himself liking his arm under them.

“Yes I can.”

“And do you take if off to sleep?”

“No, I don’t.”

Sera tilted her head sideways to have a better look at it, which made Bucky let out a tiny grin. “Isn’t it uncomfortable?”

“I got used to it.”

Sera nodded. “Nice.”

“And you, do you get burn when you do.... that?”

“No. I can’t get burn.” A little laugh escaped her lips after watching Bucky struggle with his words, it was clear that he never been next to someone like Sera and he didn’t know what to say about it, or even what to think in that moment that he got her full attention. And Sera noticed it.

“With any type of fire of just the one that you... do?”

“Any type of fire. Is this weird to you?”

“What? No.” Bucky shook his head after looking at Sera who was exploring every detail on Bucky’s face.

Sera shrugged her shoulder. “Seems like it.” Sera looked Bucky up and down licking her lips enjoying the feeling of having Bucky on the palm of her hand. He did seem like the tough kind of guy, maybe he was, but there was a part of him that made him the softest guy ever. And Sera wanted to see more of that guy. “Does the serum affects... you know?” Sera moved her hand over her lower stomach but Bucky looked at her confused, not understanding.

“Does it affect what?”

“You know...” She moved her hands in the same position but quicker than before.

“No I don’t know.”

“YOU KNOW-” Wanting Bucky to understand she pointed repeatedly to her crotch area while a smile appeared on her face as soon as she saw Bucky’s eyes go wide open as soon as he understood.

“Oh my, no!” He shook his head.

“Really? Have you tested it?” She moved her body to the side to be more closer to his face.

“And you care because?” Bucky let out a smile and then bit his lower lip while doing a quick look to Sera by her side.

“Always wanted to know! Common things everyone wonders.”

“I don’t think everyone wonders.”

Sera quickly nodded. “Oh, yes, everyone does.”

“Really?”

“Yes!” She let her hand hold her head to be even more to closer to him, as closer as the car was letting her. “So....? have you tested it?”

“No!”

“Then how do you know it doesn’t work!? Have you even had your first kiss since 1940?”

“I-” Bucky wanted to answer but his tongue seemed to have twisted itself. It was a reality of him not kissing anyone since he came back, it wasn’t like he had the time to hang out with someone enough for that, he had been dealing with big things since he gain his head back. And he wasn’t ashamed of it, but for some reason, admitting it to Sera didn’t sound like something he wanted to do.

“Oh, you haven’t?” She asked once she understood his silence.

Bucky let out a tiny laugh and then shook his head confused. “How did we get into this topic?”

“No judgement here! Not at all. Just wondering, you know?” Sera let out a proud smile knowing that she accomplished what she wanted and sat down normally on her seat but without breaking her sight from Bucky. He did seem to notice but he kept his mouth shut, waiting for her to talk again. “I made you smile.” She said softly.

“Annoy me. That’s what you did.”

A loud laugh escaped her mouth as she let her head rest on the back of her seat. “That’s even better.”

Bucky shook his head but he couldn’t help but let out a smile. He did a quick look at Sera and noticed that her eyes were now closed and it gave him a little wave of relaxation over his body, but when he went back to the road and noticed a group of people standing outside Sera’s apartment building, it all went back to normal.

“What’s that?” He asked as he was getting closer and the people became more clearer.

Sera quickly opened her eyes and got her face closer to the front window of the car, trying to see more if she could make a sense of the whole situation. But when the car was now a couple of feet away and the entire building was now visible, Sera’s stomach twisted as her heart started to beat faster.

“Oh my God... Angela.”

>>>

“That’s my apartment! You have to let me in!”

Sera’s loud voice could be heard from miles, even if the smoke coming out of the building and the people talking around them covered their entire surroundings. The man at the entrance had made Sera take steps back after seeing her with the intention to walk into the building with no hesitation. With a strange look, the man gently grabbed Sera by the arm and stopped her from getting sucked into the dark smoke and horribly damaging her lungs from it, but that didn’t seem to had bothered her at all. Not even a single muscle on her face let others know that she was a couple of centimetres away from a strong smoke, and that lead to some talking about Sera and her strange desire to enter the building on fire.

“Ms! That apartment is on fire! I can’t let you go inside!” The man yelled trying to keep Sera back. Noticing this, Bucky stepped towards Sera and gently grabbed her arm, preventing her from doing something bad in front of all those people.

“My friend was in there! Can you at least tell me if she’s alright?!” Sera yelled more loudly than before losing her patience, while ignoring Bucky’s hand on her arm.

“We don’t have information from anyone on the inside so please, move aside and let the men work.”

As soon as Sera heard those words she let out a word Bucky couldn’t fully understand but knew that it was a bad one for the way she said it. She stepped back while looking to her apartment and the smoke coming out of it. Biting her lower lip she looked down at Bucky and let out a tiny sarcastic laugh. “Yeah, let the men work my ass. Fuck that!”

“Where are you going?” Bucky asked as she walked passed him trying to leave him behind, but not getting an answer from her got him even more worried about her and her next mysterious actions.

She had quick feet but so did Bucky, so right behind her he followed her to a dark alley right next to her building. Even if it wasn’t far from everyone, the noise and the smoke didn’t seem to get to where Bucky and Sera found themselves to be. Until Sera quickly opened a black door and smoke immediately came out of it.

Without questioning it, Bucky followed Sera once she stepped inside the building full of smoke and hot air. It seemed like she knew where she was since she didn’t even stop to check where she had to turn or if she had to keep going. Her quick steps were becoming a little bit blind to Bucky since the smoke was starting to become thicker and bigger and deeper as they were getting into the building, but anything like that didn’t seem to bother Sera at all.

The long walk that Bucky was having with Sera in front of him didn’t seem to ever end, until the place became more brighter but more hotter as soon as the hallway turned into a room filled with firemen working to turn off the fire still growing inside.

“Ms! You shouldn’t be in here!” A fireman said as soon as he layed his eyes on her but not hearing at word he was saying, Sera walked passed him and walked through he fire that was hiding the hallway to her apartment. “How did she-” the man said turning to Bucky surprised but he just let out a tiny smile and patted his arm.

“Don’t ask questions, just keep working.” He said before nodding and following Sera, leaving the poor fireman confused at his own thoughts and what his eyes just saw.

It didn’t took Bucky long to find Sera again since he remembered the way towards her apartment. With quick steps he managed to walk by her side as she was moving the little flames out of her way without moving a finger.

“There’s no need for you to be here, Bucky. You should go.” Sera said without taking her eyes away from the way in front of her. “Go, Bucky.” She said firmly noticing that he wasn’t turning back, completely ignoring her words.

“Like I’m going to do what you say. I’m not afraid of a little fire.” He said and Sera let out a loud sigh but not a single word came out her mouth after that since the door to her apartment was now in front of her. Noticing that she didn’t have her keys or anything that could open the door for her, she was ready to step up and knock the door down. But Bucky stopped her.

“I got it.” He said but Sera just rolled her eyes and before he could move another muscle from his body, her foot was already on the door kicking it to the floor.

“I got it too.” She said before stepping inside and quickly moving her eyes side to side, trying to find something that could tell her that her friend wasn’t there.

As soon as they were both inside they both noticed that the fire definitely started there on Sera’s apartment. The flames were bigger than the ones outside and the smoke was starting to get into Bucky’s eyes, but ignoring it completely he tried to follow Sera around the apartment.

“Angela! Angela!” Sera started yelling but then suddenly stopped when something else caught her eye. Bucky followed her with his eyes as she was slowly getting closer to the table on the side of her living room. Not taking her sight from it, she moved her hand and grabbed a little piece of paper that didn’t seem to be affected by the fire around it at all.

“What does it say?” Bucky asked when he noticed her eyes transforming.

As soon as those eyes were finished reading the words on that tiny paper Bucky saw how they started to turn red like the fire living and growing surrounding them.

“Good luck on getting your friend back, dear. -J.” She said firmly and with anger on her voice. Seconds later, the note turned into flames and disappeared into the hot air. “That asshole!”

Her loud voice seemed to have shaken the entire building since Bucky felt the walls moving along side her voice. He looked around him and to the ceiling to find it becoming weaker and weaker as the seconds were passing

“We need to get out of here, Sera.” He said looking around making sure nothing was going to fall on top of Sera’s head, because she didn’t seem to care about the building falling apart on top of her.

As soon as Sera locked eyes with Bucky he felt the fire going through his veins. Those red eyes felt like they were burning every single muscle he had on his body. “She’s gone and it’s all your fault!”

“You don’t know that she’s gone!” Bucky yelled once the fire was becoming stronger around Sera. The redness on her skin looked like she had glowing sticks inside of her, slow flames were coming out her body as she was eating the fire around her while making it even more stronger, but she didn’t seem to care since her full attention was on the man there with her.

“I know is your fault!”

“Sera, calm down! We need to get out here!”

“If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be involved in this mess and Angela would’ve been safe!”

Another noise of the walls breaking and shaking next to them. It felt like the whole building was going to become apart at any second, and it was all because of Sera.

“Sera! The roof is coming apart!”

“Yes, Bucky! That’s what fire does! It breaks everything apart! Everything that comes its way it destroys it!” Each word seemed like a bomb to their surroundings. Sera was now the biggest fire in the entire building and Bucky knew that, so trying to get to her and calm her down he stepped to get closer and gently grabbed her arm ready to pull her out of there. But as soon as his hand touched her arm the burning sensation hit his skin and that made him take a step back in pain and locked eyes with her, ignoring the feeling of his hand coming apart.

“What?! Afraid of a little fire?!” Sera yelled once she noticed the surprise and shook on Bucky’s eyes.

Before Bucky could say anything else, he looked up when the noise of the ceiling coming apart every second. He could see how the material was slowly breaking and going down towards their bodies. Bucky, looking down ready bring his body next to Sera he locked eyes with her and moved his arm to the side, but like a slow motion movie, Sera let out a loud scream as the fire was coming out go her body and in the process, moving the breaking ceiling out of their way. Bucky lifted his metal arm ready to feel the burning on his skin as the fire was surrounding him, but for his surprise, he didn’t feel a thing. And that’s when he noticed, the fire was hitting everything; expect for him and Sera.

Seconds later, he stopped feeling the hot air and the sound of fire growing next to him. When Sera dropped to her knees he noticed that there was no fire around him anymore. The sound of the walls stopped and the ceiling was no longer breaking, instead, silence surrounded them for the first time in a while. Sera was now back to normal but with tears dropping down her cheeks. Bucky hesitated, but then walked closer to her and kneeled down to wrap her around his arms, making sure his metal arm wasn’t hurting her. Now there was no fire around them, no smoke, no hot air, no ceiling or walls breaking next to them. Just a broken Sera knowing that her friend was in danger and she couldn’t stop it, and Bucky knowing exactly how she felt.

>>>

“I’m sorry, Sera.” That was the only thing Bucky felt like saying when him and Sera were finally out of the building and next to their car. She was leaning over the door while looking down, it seemed like her mind was somewhere else but Bucky didn’t care, his words came out without his brain thinking them. “I truly am.” He said softly trying to get her eyes to look at him, He she wasn’t moving. Until, after a couple of seconds, she moved away from the car and from Bucky with decisive steps. “Where are you going?”

“You need to make sure Sam is fine, and I’ll go back to where Jackson used to work.” She said without stopping.

“Why?”

“Because maybe they were stupid enough to leave things behind. I’ll find something.”

“Are you sure?” He asked louder since she was further away, and noticing that he wasn’t going to get any answer, he started walking towards her. “I’m going with you.”

“No,” Sera said firmly without looking at Bucky “I’m going alone.” Feeling Bucky’s presence still next to her, she looked at him while letting out a loud sigh. “Didn’t you heard me?”

“Oh, I heard you perfectly.” Bucky nodded. “I just chose to ignore it.”

Sera stopped walking and grabbed his metal arm immediately feeling the cold hitting her skin. Being something that she wasn’t used to, she quickly let it go. “Bucky-”

“No. You’re right. You’re in the mess because Sam and I brought you into this. I wanna help.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Well you’re going to get it anyway, so let’s go.” Bucky started walking but then stopped when she didn’t follow him.

“Being older than me doesn’t mean that you can order me around, you know?”

“I am 106 years old. That has to mean something.”

“Yes,” Sera moved her feet to pass Bucky “that you’re old as fuck.”

“Ouch.”

“Yes, ouch indeed.” She quickly started walking away but being as fast as her, he catched her with ease. “Bucky- go back and make sure Sam is ok.”

“He’s probably sleeping right now.”

“He needs to know what’s going on.”

“You’ll tell him when we go back to the apartment. Let’s go.”

Sera looked at Bucky with an eyebrow raised. “We?”

“Yes, we. Is a pretty easy word to understand.”

Once again, Sera stopped not wanting Bucky to follow her. Copying what she was doing, he stopped in front of her and crossed his arms around his chest.

“Like I told you before, you’re not funny. And I’m not coming back with you.”

“Well, we can discuss it later because now, you” He pointed at her while his other hand took the car keys out of his back pocket and waved them in front of Sera’s face “need a ride.”

“I can fly, remember?”

“You’re going to fly all the way there? Isn’t it going to be very tiring? It’s such a waste of time.” Sera rolled her eyes while letting out a long sigh and tilting her head backwards, realising that Bucky was right. “Let’s go, Sera.” He said in a loud whisper enjoying his win.

“This is going to be the last time you’re right.” Sera said without looking at him once she started going back to the car, not wanting to see the arrogant smile on his face.

”We’ll see.”

>>>

The sound of papers flying and drawers being opened was the only thing Sera and Bucky could hear the moment they both stepped inside that red room. For their surprise, the place wasn’t empty like they imagined it, even worse, it was all burned down. Every furniture, every paper, every little wall decoration was now to laying on the groun while a little smoke were coming out of it.

“Fuck! There’s nothing here!” Sera yelled throwing the last piece of paper the last drawer had inside. She let out a long frustrated sigh while trying to look around for something she hadn’t seen before.

“They literally made sure to burn everything to the ground.” Bucky bit his lower lip doing the same as Sera, but there was nothing else there that could potentially have any information. So Sera frustrated, turned to the door and without waiting for Bucky she left the room leaving traces of smoke behind her.

“Where are you going?” Bucky asked as he was trying to catch her.

“They like to play with fire, but so do I.”

“What are going to do? There’s nowhere left for us to look.”

“I don’t know!”

“We need a plan!”

“There’s that we again.” Sera stopped angrily making Bucky face her as soon as he stopped as well. Being behind her the quick movement she made to face him ended up with him being a couple centimetres from her face, almost feeling the hot air coming out of her mouth against his skin.

“Yes, we, Sera. As much as we need you, now you need us, so we need to stay together.” Bucky was starting to get frustrated at the whole situation, his loud tone was showing it but Sera didn’t seem to care about that at all, she just shook her head annoyed at Bucky’s words.

“I don’t need anybody.” She said firmly getting closer to his face without realising. Even if the hallway they were in had nothing but the light that was coming through the front door, they could see all the details from each other’s faces. They closeness made the other feel every little air that their noses were throwing out, mixing them together every time.

“That’s what you think.”

“No, that’s what I know.”

As each word was said, their tones became more firmly than the one before. Even if they felt the anger and frustration growing inside of them, knowing that the fight wasn’t over, they both went completely silent when their eyes finally connected to each other. Even though their eyes were locked since the fight started, they weren’t paying attention to what the they were saying. As soon as she saw those dark eyes under the poor light she felt the electricity she would often have when looking at Bucky. The blood in her veins started to move faster since she felt her skin burning, but she didn’t move at all. Her feet seemed to have glued themselves to the ground not wanting to leave Bucky behind and keep staring at those blue eyes. For the first time since they met, there was no words that wanted to come out of their mouths. They were no anger or frustration inside of them, just growing sadness ready to explode.

There was no noise around them, just the sound of their breathing. It felt like they been staring at each other for too long, when Bucky felt the need to end the space between them and wrap Sera around with his arms. Looking at her eyes and seeing the sadness and pain in them made him feel like he was in front of a mirror, like he was seeing his eyes on Sera. Those mysterious eyes were showing the same things Bucky would usually see in himself a long time ago.

Before he could say anything else or even think another thought, Sera closed her eyes and tensed her jawline ready to leave the dark hallway and those ugly thoughts on her mind behind. She moved to the side and turned around to walk towards the door with decisive and quick steps. A part of Sera wanted Bucky to follow her, keep talking and go back to normal, but he didn’t. He kept still looking down trying to find the perfect words to say next.

“I used to think the same thing, Sera.” He said softly but it was enough for her to hear him. His tone made her stop what she was doing and close her eyes while letting out a long sigh. “But now I have a partner and I’m good. Better than I’ve been in a long time.” Sera didn’t expect it but those words hit her differently than anything else Bucky had ever said to her. She felt the tears fighting to come out but she tried her hardest to keep them in place, not wanting to break down in front of Bucky. “You think you don’t need anyone but in reality you do. You can’t do this alone.”

As soon as he said those words she felt the burning anger inside of her. All those people on her past telling her what to do or how to act, keeping her like their pet or even weapon on their hands, those words brought them back. She knew that Bucky wasn’t the same, and he wasn’t doing what those people did, but something inside of her clicked moving away every single feeling she was having inside of her seconds ago.

She turned around and locked eyes with Bucky who was already looking at her. “Watch me.” She said firmly and without waiting for an answer, she turned around and walked through the door.

Bucky let out an angry sigh and followed her with quick steps starting to feel the frustration even bigger inside of him. “Alright!” He yelled angrily the moment he pushed the door to walk outside. “What’s your new plan now, genius? Huh? What is your master plan now that you plan to do it alone?”

“She had a date.” Sera said without stopping while hearing Bucky’s steps right behind her. “And the date was at the same hour that the fire happened so I’m going to see if that asshole is involved.”

“How do you know? Maybe he left after she didn’t answered her phone.”

“I don’t know. That’s what I’m gonna find out. It’s weird that at the same hour she had a date the whole apartment turns into flames.”

“Yeah, it is a little weird. And what do you plan to do with that information?” Not getting an answer back from her, Bucky let out a fake laugh and started yelling his next words even more frustrated. “Do you know his name? His address? Where he used to work? Anything? Do you know anything?!”

“I don’t know, Bucky! I don’t fucking know!” Sera turned around quickly to face Bucky. “Agh!” She yelled annoyed covering her face with her hands trying to calm herself down as Bucky was getting closer to her, ending up a right in front of her face.

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you! Let’s do this together. You get your friend to safety and we get those assholes, we all win.”

“Why do you want me with you anyway?” She spitted out uncovering her face quickly to lock eyes with Bucky, but he didn’t answer immediately. He just stared at her while her jaw tensed and those eyes penetrating her soul like he wanted to know every little secret she was hiding.

Before Sera could feel the same electricity she felt before, Bucky took a step closer to her and added more softly than before. “Because I know what is like to care about someone and if something bad happens... it’s in you.” Those words felt deeper than Bucky intended them to. Yes, they were as true as the next words coming out from his mouth but saying it someone that he met not even a day ago wasn’t Bucky at all. Trusting a person new so fast and easy wasn’t what he was used to doing, not after him not being able to trust his own mind. But for some reason, saying those words to Sera didn’t make him uncomfortable, instead, he felt the same as he was talking to Steve. Like those old times he loves and misses so much. But this time, Sera being the one in front of him. “Working together is going to give all of us an advantage, we all have something to bring to the table and it’s going to have a better result. You want to find your friend as fast as possible, right?” Sera nodded. “Then let’s do it. I’ll go to the car, if you come that means you’re with us. If you don’t... then I won’t bother you anymore.”

As soon as Bucky left her side she knew what she wanted to do. What was the right decision, and that Bucky was right even if it felt hard to think about. She hated it, but if she wanted to find her friend safe, she needed to do it with Bucky and Sam.

“I remembered something.” She said and that made Bucky stop and let out a tiny smile as soon as he heard those words coming out of her mouth. “And it can help us get more information about the guy.”

Not hearing her walk towards the car, Bucky turned to Sera and nodded slowly. “Then let’s catch the asshole who did this, shall we?”

>>>

“Angela told me that he works at a coffee shop three blocks away from our apartment.” Sera said when she had Sam’s full attention.

They were all standing in the living room as Sam was sitting down on the couch, still trying to take it easy since the side of his stomach wasn’t fully recovered. Bucky and Sera were standing in front of him trying to catch Sam on everything that went down in a matter of hours.

“Very coincidental.” Sam said looking at Bucky which he nodded agreeing.

“Very.”

Sam turned to Sera who had her arms across her chest while her foot was going up and down repeatedly on the ground. “And you really think he’s involved?”

“I- maybe. I’m not sure.”

“Well, it’s something that we could start on.” Sera nodded and before anyone could let out another word, she turned around towards the door ready to leave the apartment behind.

“Ok, let’s go.” She said but when she noticed nobody was following her, she went back to Sam and Bucky who were staring at her confused.

“Where?” Bucky asked.

“To the coffee shop.” She answered immediately.

“Sera, is almost midnight.” Sam said pointing at the tiny window. Sera looked at it and noticed that the light of the day was long gone, but that didn’t seem to bother her at all. “The coffee shop is probably closed.”

“So?” Sera asked. “We can go and wait until it opens so we can talk to him first thing in the morning.” She opened the door but then Sam spoke again, making her turn around to face him.

“No, Sera, is better if we get some good sleep and we go tomorrow.”

Sera felt the burning sensation growing on her inside as her brian was processing Sam’s words. “Sam, Angela was taken. She could be anywhere right now. And they’re probably doing to her God knows what and you’re asking me to wait?!” Each word that was said was let out louder than the one before. The fire inside of her was growing and she knew it, but she didn’t seem to care or even stop to prevent something bad happening. Her mind was thinking about Angela and nothing else, ignoring the feeling of her hands starting to burn.

“Sera-” Sam got up from the couch to calm her down and for the looks of it, it made Bucky realize that calming her down needed to be done. Because he felt like something was coming. And he was right.

The moment that Sam got up from the couch Sera’s eyes went red like the fire itself. Her fingertips were glowing and her hair started to move like there was wind around her, even if there wasn’t. “No, I agreed to do this with you guys but that doesn’t mean we have to do everything your way-”

“It’s not my way or anyone’s way, it makes sense to wait and get some rest to be fully prepared for tomorrow.”

“I’m fully prepared now, Sam!”

“No, Sera.”

Even if Bucky wanted to intervine he was afraid that if he said something he would make it worse. By the looks of it it looked like Sera was a second away from burning the place to the ground of even burn Sam, who was closer than Bucky.

“Fine.” Sera said normally, like she didn’t feel her skin screaming fire every second that was passing. Just like she was her normal self. “Let’s go with the place Jackson told us about.”

Bucky was about to agree but then Sam spoke again, and his next words worried Bucky even more. “We’re not ready, we need backup.”

“Backup?” Sera asked with a joking tone on her voice.

“Yes. We don’t know what we’re up against and we need to make sure we have all the help we can get.” Sam’s tone made it clear that he wasn’t going to change his mind and Bucky knew that very clear. Knowing Sam he knew that he would always try to make the right decisions. And this time, it wasn’t an exception.

“He’s right, Sera.” Bucky said after Sam said those words, which made Sera even more angry than before. Clearly showing it on her red eyes and her now skin letting out some smoke. But just like before, she didn’t care.

“Of course you’re on his side! You two don’t get it, do you? My friend was just abducted by some really dangerous men that could be doing anything to her right now just to despise me!” Each word that was said was making Sera more angry and the smoke now turned into fire growing out from her skin, slightly burning the furniture on her side. “She could be dead right now and you don’t care! And if she’s not she’s probably suffering and I put her there! I made her involved even if I tried my best to keep her safe! But no! Everything that comes through my way always seems to burst out into flames!”

As soon as she finished her sentence the tiny fire from her skin turned into a circle of fire around her body. Sam and Bucky, preventing themselves from getting burned they took steps back almost falling to the ground in the process.

The fire around Sera was so strong that even Bucky felt the burning on his skin. The tiny table next to Sera was now burning and everything that was on top of it. The fire didn’t seem to be growing but it was becoming stronger and thicker around Sera. Bucky, trying to see her, opened his eyes wider and focused his sight inside the fire. Sera was covering her face with her glowing hands while her hair was lifted into the air moving uncontrollably.

Sam took some steps forward after gaining his balance back ignoring Bucky trying to stop him by grabbing his arm. “Sam! What are you doing?!” He asked but Sam completely ignored him and calmly walking towards Sera. Bucky expected Sam to move backwards painfully after arriving closer to the fire, but surprisingly for him, he didn’t. It looked like the fire wasn’t burning or hurting him. Noticing this a confused Bucky turned to Sera and saw how her red eyes were now on Sam, while tears were slowly going down her cheeks.

“Sera you need to listen to me!” Sam yelled but nothing happened. Sera looked down and covered her face once again and that’s when Bucky felt the burning on his skin become even stronger. “Sera, please. Count to three, remember? It’s me, Sam.” As soon as Sam let out his name out loud Sera quickly uncovered her face and locked eyes with Sam. Their connected eyes seemed to be talking even though they weren’t letting out any words. Seconds later, Bucky noticed how the fire was becoming smaller as the seconds were passing and the burning feeling in his skin slowly fade away. Once the fire was long gone inside of Sera, the second her body ate all the fire she quickly closed her eyes and dropped to the ground. Bucky and Sam with quick steps grabbed her and layed her on the ground, ignoring her burning skin hitting theirs. “You need to rest, Sera.” Sam said softly but Sera shook her head slowly.

“I need to find her.” She said almost out of breath and with a weak tone.

Sam nodded, while grabbing her body with he help of Bucky, who gently grabbed her waist and started walking towards their little balcony. “And you will, but one thing at a time, Sera, one thing at a time.”

>>>

As soon as Sera felt the cold wind hitting her skin, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Even if she wanted to feel some cold air inside her body, as soon as she took it in, she felt how it turned into hot and her lungs filling with it like it was used to. Annoyed, she opened her eyes and the memories of her priors actions came to her head. Like an old movie, the fire around her body and the tears coming out of her eyes were playing on her mind. Sam’s eyes on her, seeing something not for the first time and knowing what was happening, exactly like old times. But this one, had something different. Bucky was there.

A man that met her not even a day ago saw her doing one of the things that happened when she was on her lowest. Something that she didn’t know how to control and even feel coming, even if she tried for years. She felt embarrassed because they came to her for help but seemed to brought them even more trouble even if she wasn’t trying, but for some reason, it always seemed to happen to her. She was used to it, living a life like that for most of her life, but knowing that she did it with Sam... and not the first time; she felt the disappointment on herself growing inside of her each second that was passing. And she didn’t know how to stop it.

“Better?” Bucky’s voice made Sera come out of her thoughts and turn towards him, who was standing on the door with his back resting against the wall.

“Yeah,” Sera nodded and feeling the hot cup of tea touching her skin, she remembered the drink on her hands “and thanks for the tea.”

Bucky let out a tiny smile and then looked down, somehow embarrassed of him and his tea for her. “I’m glad you liked it because I didn’t know if you wanted something hot or cold after... you know.”

“Tea was fine.”

“Good.”

Sera turned to see the inside of the apartment and tilted her head sideways, feeling sorry for the plant and the table now burned. “I’m sorry for the plant... and the table.”

Bucky immediately shook his head and then shrugged his shoulders. “It’s alright, the plant was probably fake anyway. We’ll get a new one.”

“I’ll pay for it.”

“Don’t worry about it, it happens.” Bucky walked closer to Sera and sat down next to her on the tiny couch. Once comfortable, he looked at Sera who had an eyebrow raised. “Yeah, burning a plan to the ground, who hasn’t done that?” For the first time after a long time, Sera let out a genuine tiny laugh. She took a sip of her tea and for her surprise, enjoyed the hot feeling of the drink going down her throat and stomach. “Sam was pretty good back there with you.” Bucky said softly once Sera locked eyes with him.

She nodded going back to her tea, staring at the liquid inside her cup move slowly. “He has seen it before. Me going all... crazy.”

“Did he?” Sera nodded. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah. When I met him it was something that happened... a lot.” Bucky wondered why and the questions of her mysterious past came back to his brain. The need of asking some of them to her right on the moment was consuming him, asking himself if it was right or even if she was going to answer them in the first place, but before a word could come out of his mouth, she let out a tiny fake laugh and said: “It’s kinda funny because I get this electric feeling every time something bad is about to happen or someone is about to hurt me but... I never get it when it’s myself who’s about to turn the whole place into chaos. I have this crazy sense and still, I couldn’t protect her.”

“We’re going to find her, Sera.” Bucky said softly but Sera shook her head.

“How do you know that?”

“Because we’ll make sure to find her and keep her safe.” Even if Bucky wanted her to feel better for some strange reason, he couldn’t find the words because... she was right, there was no way he could assure Angela’s safety.

Sera stared at Bucky’s eyes and then let out a tiny nod when some old memories came back to her head. “I said those same things to myself years ago and it never went my way. It’s like everyone that gets involved with me they get hurt. No matter how much I try to keep myself out of the real world.”

“We won’t get hurt, Sera.”

Her entire past was a mystery to Bucky, but for her words he knew that he could relate to it. He could relate to the feeling of not being able to trust your own self and being scare of hurting the people around you. Not having a choice and wanting to leave the real world, Bucky lived that for years. He knew how it felt, but also he knew that it wasn’t easy to forget and heal, and there wasn’t much for him to do more than try to make things right, for him and for the people around him.

“Sam got hurt because of me. You said yourself.” Sera’s voice made Bucky come out of his thoughts and throwing everything he was thinking to the trash. The pain on her voice could be noticible for streets far away and that made Bucky feel the regret in every vein of his body.

“I didn’t- I’m sorry about that.”

“It doesn’t matter, Bucky. What matters now is finding Angela to make sure her safety, so I can move on with a different life like I always do. Away from everyone.” She got up from the couch and left the tea on the side table before locking eyes with Bucky once again. “Thanks for the tea, but I think it’s time for me to head to bed. Don’t worry, I heated it up for you.” She said with a tiny smile trying to hide the tears wanting to come out. And Bucky noticed that. “Goodnight, Bucky.”

As soon as she said those words, she started walking towards the door to walk inside the apartment. Once she left Bucky behind, the tears that were fighting to come out finally won and started to drop down on her cheeks as she was making her way towards the couch, ready to give herself up to the night.

Bucky, who just stayed put while repeating her words on and on on his mind, finally grabbed the cup of tea and felt the hotness on his hand. He let out a tiny sigh disappointed on himself for saying those words, for treating her that way and for everything that happened. Maybe feeling like they couldn’t trust their own selves wasn’t the only thing they had in common. Because Bucky also felt like the people around him always got hurt, even if he was trying to do the complete opposite.

-LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED-

@dmonchld @riverquartzuniverse @tamaralicovska @anjuonline @coolstorybro2307-blog @yabarguphi @hamiltonlotteryloser @idunno2bh @saturnxany @lunanicki @love-chx @alexnicolaidisss @sunflowerbecca @thatcatsalem @bravheart2001-blog @oopsiedoopsie23 @hoodedhavok @imagines-r-s @girlboss99 @juliesland @the-ramseyhaller @elarasstardust @valeriafulco @cinnabunsprincess @summerdaughter @aadixteed @unsaidmiaa @xscarletxstarx @astolenheartnkiss @luke-patt @lovefreylove @annab-nana @criminalyetminimal @misswings1864 @marveleverythingg @gopromises @learisa @assassinsasha23 @slytherith @someonesidetracked @fangirlfree @justanordinarygir @hazsdiv @just-another-human-dying @barzybeau @sweetcreaturesposts @lost-blvd @blue-eyed-bitch12 @seasidestyies @missroro

[all-my-love-for-harry]

A priority.

summary: Y/N defends herself from the hate and Harry gets mad.

word count: 1.9k

warnings: angst!

a/n: a little something to hold onto until i finish some requests for my shy little boy, hope you like this! (i’m on a roll, sorry for posting so much mjsiw)

you can find the rest of my masterlist here

❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ 

Ugly. Worthless. Bitch. And her personal favorite, slut. Those words along with some others were all over Y/N’s social media accounts every single day.

Ever since some bloody paparazzi took a picture of Harry and Y/N holding hands while shopping, Y/N couldn’t go online without having thousands of strangers on the internet throwing names at her.

She should’ve seen it coming, honestly. It was stupid to think they could hide their relationship forever, she just wished fans wouldn’t be so aggressive towards her.

Y/N wanted to understand, she really did. For a solid week she convinced herself they were just being protective over Harry, but after the insults and derogatory comments about her imagine didn’t stop, she started to grow annoyed. She started believing fans just didn’t want to see him happy.

Y/N had to bit her tongue numerous times, knowing that if she stood up for herself, it would only be worse. So she tried to ignore it.

She didn’t stop using social media, why the hell would she stop having a life because of fans that couldn’t contain their need to harass every person Harry became close with?

A month after the pictures of them were out for the entire world to see, Harry had to travel to the States for work. He was supposed to be away for only two weeks, and Y/N was going to stay at his house a couple of days before his arrival so they can spend time together right away.

Laying on the couch, Y/N scrolled mindlessly through her Instagram feed, seeing what her friends and family were up to. She rolled her eyes when her notifications started to go off, not really wanting to enter and see her entire comment section below her posts full of hate towards her.

But curiosity killed the cat.

Promising herself she would only have a look, she clicked her notifications. She had posted a picture yesterday when she went out with a couple of her girlfriend, so all the comments were directed towards that post.

She’s dressed like a slut here

Can’t believe Harry is dating her…

He can do so much better, what a shame

It can be so easy to slip into a mindset where she let these type of things affect her and her confidence, but she simply chose not to. These people didn’t know her, and probably never will.

I can’t wait for harry to realize the kind of whore you are and dumps your fucking ass.

Oh well, that’s hilarious. Now she was mad. Probably picking a fight wasn’t the smartest decision she’s ever made, but she couldn’t help it. She let the anger speak for itself as she pressed the reply bottom and started writing directly to that specific comment.

‘So he can date you instead or what?”

Send.

Y/N dropped her phone on her lap, deciding it was enough internet for the day. She decided to move to the kitchen and start on the cupcakes she had previously planned to bake her boyfriend. Harry wasn’t one to allow himself to eat a lot of unhealthy stuff, as he has always tried to be as healthy as possible. But, man, cupcakes were something Harry absolutely loved.

She didn’t really touched her phone for the rest of the afternoon, staying busy in other things. She had a facetime call with Harry at night, and she was looking forward to see his face, even if it was only through the phone. Her phone didn’t have enough battery, so she turned on her computer to wait for Harry’s call.

The screen lightened, showing Harry’s upcoming call. Y/N furrowed, thinking he was way earlier but she wouldn’t complain about it. She answered the call, expecting to see her beautiful boyfriend’s dimpled smile on the screen, but she was surprised when she saw a serious look instead.

“Why would you do that, Y/N?” he asked sternly.

“Do what?” Was this some kind of joke?

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Y/N. Don’t play dumb”

“Excuse me?” she raised her eyebrows. “Maybe if you explained what you mean we could talk about it”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Do you have any idea how disrespectful it was from you to answer like that to a fan? It was unnecessary and, to be honest, childish from you”

Y/N was surprised. “Yeah, maybe I was rude but I don’t think I was being childish, Harry”

“Yes, you were. Are you aware of how this makes me look? You can’t just say things like those and don’t think it wouldn’t affect my image too”

Well, what the fuck. “Ah, yes. Treat people with kindness and whatnot. I guess that doesn’t include your fucking girlfriend, because the only reason why I said what I said was because your bloody fans wouldn’t stop harassing me!” Now her face had a deep frown.

“You sure you’re not being a little dramatic? I mean, how bad could the hate get?”

“How bad?! Harry, do you even go online? To them I’m nothing but a fucking whore, do you have any idea of how fucking frustrating is to be treated like you’re the worst human being by your fans just because we’re dating?”

“There’s always gonna be people like that, Y/N” he sighed. “You need to learn how to ignore it”

“Do you think I haven’t tried? I’m sorry but it is not my fault the fans can’t contain themselves from sending death threats to every person that breaths close to you!” she paused. “Do you seriously just called me to scold me?”

“Well, I’m not happy about what you did, to be honest. They’re my fans, Y/N. They deserve to be respected”

“And I don’t?” she raised an eyebrow. “You know what? I’m done. Enjoy your day alone tomorrow because I’m fucking leaving”

“Leaving? What do you mean?” Harry’s pulse started to rise, watching his girlfriend stand up from the bed, the computer moved and he saw she was in his house. “Y/N, don’t leave. We’ll talk about this tomorrow”

“No, I’ve heard enough. I don’t want to talk to you right now” She closed her computer, hanging up. She put on her jacket and took her phone from the nightstand.

Before she exited the house, she went to the kitchen and threw the cupcakes she made in the trash.

Harry, you fucking asshole.

They’ve only dated for seven months and have never really got into a fight before. Y/N was a very impulsive person, more so when she was mad. Fuck, she knew his fans were important to him, she understood that. But it was becoming too much for Y/N to handle.

She loved Harry, she was truly in love with him. But was it really worth it to go through all of this if he wasn’t even willing to stand up for her?

❁ ❁ ❁ ❁

Harry changed his flights. After Y/N hung up on him, he realized he behaved like a proper asshole. He could’ve said so many things differently, without offending her the way he did.

He didn’t like she thought she wasn’t important to him. He was scared all the baggage he carried with him was a deal breaker for her, it has been on the past for almost every other relationship he has ever had.

It wasn’t fair of him to straight up scold her without hearing her first. He was upset and didn’t think enough before speaking, and now he regretted it.

He knew he needed to fix things. Fast.

Even though the night before Y/N made very clear she wasn’t staying, a part of him still hoped to see her curled up on the couch watching Netflix and waiting for him to arrive, but he was welcomed by an empty house.

He sighed, passing his hand through his curls, thinking how he could make it up to her. He went to the kitchen, where he kept his car keys. Harry stopped his tracks when he saw the trash can.

His heart dropped to his stomach when he noticed the homemade untouched cupcakes tossed into the trash.

He better make this right.

❁ ❁ ❁ ❁

Y/N was bored. She had cleared her schedule because Harry was coming home and now she had nothing to do other than drown on her sorrows.

Being bored and upset at her boyfriend, made her take the decision to take an afternoon nap on her couch. She had been asleep for a little while when someone started banging at the door.

You see, Harry had a key to her place, but he feel undeserving of using it after the way he treated her. But she wasn’t answering, and it wasn’t because she wasn’t home, he had seen her car in the parking lot of her apartment building.

Keying into her place, he looked around for his girlfriend, finding her sleeping figure on the couch, a blanked wrapped around her. He didn’t want to wake her up but they really needed to talk, so he kneeled down to be at the same eye level.

“Y/N… Y/N, wake up” he shook her a little. Her eyelashes fluttered a little before her eyes opened, a frown immediately appearing on her face.

“What are you doing here?” She sat down, taking the blanked off of her and crossing her arms.

“I’m so sorry, baby”

“Now I’m baby? Not the childish Y/N you were scolding yesterday?”

He sighed, moving to sit in the coffee table to be in front of her. “I’m sorry for the way I behaved yesterday, it wasn’t fair for you”

“It wasn’t”

“I was upset, Jeff had sent me a screenshot of the comment and I didn’t even check social media. It was impulsive and wrong from me and I apologize”

“I don’t like the way you talked to me yesterday, Harry”

“I know. If I could take it back, I would in a heartbeat. Please don’t leave me over this, my love” he grabbed her hands, feeling tears threaten to spill out of his eyes. “I know it isn’t fair for you, I know you’ll have to put up to so much shit, but please, please don’t give up on us. I swear I’ll make it right, Y/N, I don’t want these kind of situations get in the way of us”

“I’m not going to leave you” she mumbled. “I’m upset, yes. I know I was wrong too, but it all got too much and i… snapped. I know these kind of things affect your image and reputation too, so I’m sorry”

“I don’t care about my image. I should’ve said something sooner, before it all went out of control. I suppose I ignored it, hoping you’d do the same. I’m sorry for not checking up with you about this”

Y/N gave him a little smile, pulling from his hands to make him sit beside her. She wrapped her arms around his torso, pushing herself into his chest. “I know your fans are important to you, and you love them. I swear I want to have a good relationship with them, because they’re a huge part of your life, and I’m gonna work on that, I promise”

“And I promise I’ll stand up for you. I love my fans, so much. But you’re my girlfriend, my priority” he kissed her forehead. “I love you, Y/N, my baby”

“I love you more, love” she planted little kisses on his chin and jaw.

“Enough to make me more cupcakes?” Y/N let out a belly laugh, nodding. “Good. You owe me after you threw those to the trash”

“That’s what you get for being a meanie”

[wistfulcynic]

from one minute to the next

A little something inspired by the prompts @winterbythesea posted here and here and here. This is not those prompts exactly (nor is it what I outlined on the discord, sorry guys) but I think it carries the same lighthearted dumbass energy as they do. 

Also, Killian Jones does not know what a ‘date’ is. Fight me, show. 

Summary: Emma’s not quite sure how it happened, but somehow she finds herself going from single and solitary in the city one minute to smoothly co-parenting with her ex, living with a pirate, and at home in a town full of storybook characters the next. 

Home. She never thought she’d have one of those. 

This is the story of how she got there. 

(also no! curse! renaissance! 3B divergence without Pan’s curse) 

<3k words  Rated T

AO3

-

from one minute to the next: 

Emma was never entirely certain how it happened. 

One minute she was telling Neal she didn’t want to get back together with him, that it was just too late for them now, and he was looking sad but in a resigned sort of way, as though he regretted the truth of her words while still recognising that they were true. 

“For what it’s worth,” he said. “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have listened to August. I shouldn’t have left you like that. If I hadn’t…” 

He didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t have to. They both knew how different things would have been if he hadn’t left her. And they both knew that it was far too late to undo what had been done. The only option left was to move on. 

“We found each other again, though,” she reminded him. “And we found Henry.” 

“You mean Henry found us.” 

“Yeah, that’s probably more accurate.” 

They shared a chuckle, and for the briefest moment the years fell away and she remembered why she’d fallen for him. And for the first time since she’d run him down in a New York alleyway, Emma looked at Neal and she felt hopeful.  

“Anyway,” she said, “Henry wants both of us in his life. He deserves that, and I think he needs it. And I think for it to work we need to try to be friends.” 

“No hard feelings, then?” Neal asked, hopefully. 

Emma hesitated. 

What did she feel for Neal? There was still affection, of course there was—the stubborn remnants of a passionate first love that she doubted would ever fully die. There was resentment too, a lot of it, and a lot of hurt. A fair bit of anger. So yeah, there were some hard feelings, but there also wasn’t much point in attempting to hash any of them out with Neal. Not when they needed to move forward.   

She produced a smile, slightly stiff at the edges but he didn’t seem to notice. 

“Sure. No hard feelings.” 

Neal’s face broke into a grin, the wide, happy kind that crinkled his eyes and once upon a time would have sent Emma’s heartbeat into overdrive. Now it just made her think of another crinkly grin, one far rarer and all too often tinged with sadness. 

“Neal,” she said. “I’ve got to go.” 

-

The next minute she was at the docks, breathing deeply and gathering her courage, looking up at the Jolly Roger and hoping Hook—Killian—would be there, in his cabin, maybe with his flask and one of the books that lined his shelves. More than once these past few weeks she’d caught him tucked up in a corner somewhere, reading, and Belle informed her that he actually had a library card. 

“He didn’t have the required ID,” she’d said with a little smirk. “But I think we all know who he is.” 

Emma was pretty sure she did know that, now, and the knowledge propelled her forward, onto the deck of the ship then down to his cabin where she knocked firmly on his door and shivered a bit when his voice called for her to enter. 

He looked up, surprise registering on his face followed swiftly by the delight he could never quite conceal when he saw her. 

“Swan,” he purred. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

Emma’s heart was pounding and her throat dry, and honestly it was ridiculous to be this nervous, it wasn’t like he was going to say no. 

“I’m, um. Heretoaskyouout,” she blurted. 

He frowned. “To what?” 

Emma drew a deep breath and tried again. “Ask you out.” 

“Out of where?” 

“What? No. What?” 

“Where do you want me to go out of? This is my ship.” 

Emma resisted the urge to smack herself on the forehead. Of course he didn’t know what ‘ask you out’ meant, he was like a thousand years old. “No, no, I mean out on a date,” she explained. Tried to explain anyway, though his confusion just grew more apparent. “Like, to dinner or something. You and me. Out.” 

“Ah. Ah.” 

She watched as he turned the unfamiliar phrase over in his head, watched his eyes brighten with interest at learning a new thing, then when he finally realised fully what it meant she watched a rosy pink flush creep across his cheekbones and up to the tips of his ears. 

He swallowed, and when he spoke again his voice was gruff. “Let me be certain I understand. You want us, as in you and me, to go someplace and eat dinner together. Just—just us?” 

She nodded. “Yeah.” 

“And in this realm that is called a date?” 

“Yeah.” 

“And am I to understand that there are… romantic connotations to these dates?”

‘Romantic connotations’, she thought, for fuck’s sake, and did her best to ignore the fluttery feeling she always got in her belly whenever he broke out the big words. Aloud she said “Yeah.” 

“I see.” He swallowed again. “And when do you propose we have this date?” 

“Um. Tonight?” 

Aaand there it was, that wide and crinkly grin that made the blood rush far too recklessly through her veins, this time with no sadness lurking behind his eyes. None at all. 

“Tonight it is, then,” he said. 

-

One minute Emma was alone and telling herself she was content to be so, the next she had parents and a son and an ex who was almost a friend, and she was dating. Dating Hook, which she told herself firmly was only weird if she thought too hard about it. She wasn’t actually dating Captain Hook, of course she wasn’t. That would be ridiculous. No, she was dating Killian Jones—who was surprisingly, endearingly, sweet and nervous about it at first, like he wasn’t entirely certain her interest was real and was doing his utmost to tread carefully.

Emma didn’t want him always on his best behaviour, though, and while Killian was wonderful she knew that both of them still needed at least a little bit of Hook. And so it was that after their third date, when Henry was with Neal and Emma had made it very clear to her parents that they were not to expect her home before morning, that she and Killian stumbled back to his ship tipsy on rum but drunk on each other, and she made certain he understood exactly how interested she was. 

It was very. She was very interested. 

And when they awoke the next morning and she groaned at the glaring sunlight and pressed her face into his neck, muttering that it was too damn early and she needed caffeine, he ran his fingers through her hair and informed her he had a coffeemaker in his galley. 

She pulled back and blinked at him. “You what?” 

He flushed slightly, though with a pleased grin. “I asked Granny and she showed me what I needed, and helped me buy it.”

“But why? You don’t drink coffee.” 

He shrugged. “It’s growing on me. And besides, I thought—well, I hoped—that you might want to spend some time aboard ship in the future and, well, I want you to feel comfortable here and to have the things you like.” 

She stared at him for a moment as his flush deepened, then surged forward and kissed him, wrapped herself tightly around him and kissed him and kissed him until they were both breathless and the coffee forgotten until much, much, much later. 

-

Another minute passed and they were marking six months together. Emma had rented a place of her own, nothing fancy but hers, and she and Killian were spending most of their nights there. Her bed was bigger than the bunk in his cabin, softer and with actual springs, and her parents, Granny, and Ruby had all chipped in to buy her an espresso machine. Small but serviceable, like her apartment. Granny taught both her and Killian how to use it—and honestly, Emma thought, you haven’t truly lived until you’ve seen a shirtless pirate with a hook for a hand whip up a latte on a Sunday morning—and she was, tentatively, happy. 

Very happy. 

She didn’t see too much of Neal. He spent time with Henry of course and with Belle, renovating the pawn shop and brightening it a bit, removing what traces they could of the Dark One’s influence. She also knew he was volunteering at the convent where the Lost Boys lived, helping them get accustomed to life in Storybrooke and make it their home. 

He might also, she suspected, have become somewhat more than friends with Tink. 

-

And then one night Emma and Killian had dinner at a new place by the docks, where they gorged on seafood and drank a bit too much wine and decided, for safety and for old times’ sake, to spend the night on the Jolly Roger rather than trying to get home. 

Home. She had a home now, and a man who as good as lived there with her. She should really get around to asking him to live there officially, she knew. She kept meaning to. She wanted to, she truly did. But as conversations go that one felt so weighty and so significant that she wanted to be sure to do it right and so in the end she’d done nothing at all—nothing except feel that little bit more guilty each time Killian asked her politely if it was all right for him to stay. 

Yes, she wanted to tell him. Stay forever. Soon she would. 

They stumbled onto the ship and to his cabin, foolish and messy in a way they hadn’t been for a while. Emma realised she had missed this a bit, the dark, almost feral look in Killian’s eyes when he was just this shade of drunk and she was naked in his bed on his ship. 

“You are… so beautiful, Emma,” he growled against her throat as his fingers tangled in her hair. “Have I told you how you steal my breath away?” 

“Not for at least an hour,” she teased. 

“Remiss of me.” 

“Mmm. However will you… ohhh… make it up to me?” 

He pulled back and looked down at her, his eyes glinting in the moonlight. “Oh, I have one or two ideas.” 

-

They woke late the next morning as was their habit on a Sunday, and Emma groaned as the light pierced her eyelids and straight through her throbbing head. 

“Killian.” She poked him in the ribs. 

“Mmphh,” he replied. 

“You still have your… thing. Right? Coffee thing? In the galley?” 

“Aye.” He rubbed his eyes and blinked. “I believe there’s aspirin in there as well.” 

Emma turned her poking finger into a caressing one, stroking him with the tip of it. “Killian,” she said again, in a wheedling tone. 

“It’s your turn to make the coffee and you know it, Swan,” he replied, in his pirate captain voice. 

She huffed. He raised an eyebrow. 

“Fine.” She flung the covers off and rolled out of bed, snatched his shirt from the floor and threw it on, buttoning it just enough to keep it from flapping when she walked. “I’m guessing you don’t have milk though.” 

“Certainly not any in a drinkable state. Though there should be some of that horrid creamer.” 

She perked up. “Cinnamon?” 

“What else?” 

In the galley Emma found the coffeemaker and an open packet of coffee that smelled surprisingly fresh given how long it had been since they’d last slept here. There was also the cinnamon creamer, unopened, and a big bottle of aspirin. One minute she was pulling everything off the shelves and turning to set them on the table, and the next the door was swinging open and a person walking through it, and Emma found herself colliding sharply with a bare chest. A familiar bare chest. A familiar bare chest that was not Killian’s. 

“Neal!” she shrieked, dropping everything in her arms. “What the fuck!” 

“Emma!” He looked equally stunned. “What the—what are you doing here?” 

“Here on my—on Hook’s ship, you mean?” My boyfriend’s ship, she wanted to say, but calling a 300-year-old pirate a boyfriend was something she still couldn’t do, however objectively true it may be. 

“The ship he said I could use whenever I needed it?” countered Neal. “Yeah, that one!” 

“He said you could use his ship?” 

“Uh huh, he did. When I, you know.” A shifty look crept onto his face. “Wanted privacy.” 

“Priva-oh!” Emma’s eyes widened as the penny dropped. Neal was still living in his father’s house. The house where Belle also lived. “Um. I see.” 

“Yeah.” Neal didn’t meet her eyes. “But why are you here, don’t you have your own place now?” he demanded. “I thought Hook lived with you.” 

“Not officially,” she muttered. “And we, um, had a bit to drink last night at that new seafood place and you know.” She shrugged. “The ship was closer.” 

“Huh. Well that explains those noises I heard last night.” 

Emma was just about to ask him what the fuck that was supposed to mean when the door opened again and a voice called “Why don’t I smell coff—oh! Um. Hi Emma.” 

Emma pressed her thumbs against her temples. “Hey, Tink.” 

The fairy was dressed identically to how Emma herself was, only the shirt she wore was Neal’s. An old Metallica tee because of course. 

“Well,” said Tink. “That explains those noises we heard.” 

Neal nodded. 

“What noises—” Emma began, then the door opened again. 

“Did you find everything, love—oh. Er.” Killian appeared in the room wearing only his jeans and without his hook. He scratched behind his ear. “Hello, friends and enemies.”

“Hook,” said Tink and Neal. 

“Killian,” said Emma. She crossed her arms over her chest. “You never told me you were letting Neal stay here.” 

“Ah. I did offer him use of the first mate’s quarters whenever he was seeking a bit of privacy, yes. If you remember, love, my quarters proved invaluable in that respect when you were still living with your parents.” 

Emma felt her cheeks grow hot. “Yeah,” she muttered. 

“I merely thought Neal and Tink could do with a bit of the same benefit. And you know the Jolly gets lonely if she’s left by herself for too long. Although,” Killian favoured Neal and Tink with a raised eyebrow and a smirk, “I did make that offer quite some time ago now. And I don’t believe I said anything about staying here.” 

“Yeah, well.” Neal’s face took on that belligerent look he got when he was feeling defensive. “I don’t want to move out of Papa’s place and leave Belle alone.” 

“Are you kidding me?” Emma demanded. 

Everyone stared at her. “What?” asked Neal. 

“Belle’s seeing Ruby.” 

“Ruby?” 

“Yeah. For like three months now. Ruby’s constantly moaning about how they can’t stay at her place because Granny’s got wolf hearing and they can’t go to Belle’s because it’s full of you. Trust me, Belle will be okay if you move out.” 

“Oh,” said Neal blankly. “Well. Fuck.” 

Emma looked around the room, at her current boyfriend and her ex-boyfriend and her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend who was also her current boyfriend’s ex… something, all of them in varying states of dishevelment, hangover, and undress, and she started to laugh. 

“Yeah,” she said. “That about sums it up.” 

-

So Emma never did quite figure out how it happened, but somehow she ended up with a home of her own in a fairy tale town with fairy tale friends and a pirate boyfriend, where one minute she was drinking coffee in a ship’s galley with a group of people who knew each other far too intimately for anyone’s comfort and the next her ex and his girlfriend were her neighbours and her pirate was living at her place for good—at their place, now—and her son was bouncing happily between the two apartments save at least one night a week that he spent at Regina’s. She and Neal co-parented better than she could ever have hoped, and every morning she woke up to blue eyes warm with love and lattes made precisely how she liked them. 

And, well. Emma’s happiness wasn’t tentative anymore. 

-

She was happy. Really happy. Truly happy. So happy that when she came home one evening to find the kitchen smoke alarm shrieking and Henry teetering on a stool waving a towel at it as Killian and Neal grappled with some foamy, hissing, smoking substance on the countertop, she wasn’t even mad. 

“What the hell do you idiots think you’re doing?” she demanded. 

“Ems!” 

“Mom!” 

“Swan!” 

“It’s not what it looks like!” they cried in unison. 

Emma shook her head. “I’m going next door,” she said. “To have a beer with Tink. This,” she gestured vaguely at the room, “had better be dealt with by the time I get back.” 

As she turned and headed back out the door, the last thing she heard were three furious voices. 

“Now look what you’ve done!”  

“What I’ve done! It was your idea!” 

“And I still don’t have a science project!” 

Emma grinned, and shut the door firmly behind her.

---

@thisonesatellite @ohmightydevviepuu @mariakov81 @stahlop @kmomof4 @optomisticgirl @spartanguard @shireness-says @thesschesthair @courtorderedcake @everything-person @katie-dub 

[moon-light-jukebox]

10 am - The Aftermath Series pt.1 - [Reid x Reader]

The Aftermath Series index  // part two 

Summary: After JJ’s confession, everything is turned upside down. Reader will do anything to help the broken hearted Dr. Reid...or will they?

Pairing: Reid x Fem!Reader (but no pronouns are used) 

Word Count: 1.6k

Genre: Angst. 😇

Rating: Mature

Content Warning: Angst. Talk of smutty things. 

A/n: This idea just came to me earlier. I know an anon had requested something similar, and this isn't it. I just wanted to write this. It’s inspired by the song “10 am” by State Champs. You don’t have to listen to it, I just thought I’d mention it.  Also, I still haven’t finished season 14. So...sorry. 

-- 10 am -- 

In the months since I had started working with the Behavioral Analysis Unit, several things had become very clear.

The most glaring of those things was how I felt about Dr. Spencer Reid.

Those feelings were only made more complicated when it was revealed that I wasn’t the only one that had those sorts of feelings for him.

We had all heard JJ’s confession. She loved Spencer. She always had, and she always would.

With everything Spencer had been through, my heart broke for him. Even if it wasn’t with me, all I wanted was for him to be happy.

That fateful day, the only eyes that met mine belonged to Luke Alvez. I think he knew my secret without me saying anything. After all he was probably the only other person in this room that understood what it was like to be around someone you had feelings for every single day and that person not have those feelings back.

The team had decided to go to a bar down the block. Rossi was off on his honeymoon, happily remarried and the rest of us shouldn’t look so glum. At least that’s what the eternal ray of sunshine that is Penelope Garcia said.

JJ had politely refused, saying she wanted to go spend time with her boy.

I saw Spencer flinch, but I’m not sure anyone else did.

So, Simmons, Alvez, Garcia, Prentiss, Reid, and I had all came out to this overcrowded bar. I tried to have a good time with the team, I really did. But it was impossible for me to be fully invested in anything when my heart was breaking in two for the man with curly hair that sat at the bar.

Using the excuse of getting a refill, I made my way over to the bar. Reid was circling the rim of a glass with amber color liquid in it, his eyes looked almost out of focus. He visibly tensed when I walked up beside him, but after a beat his shoulders slumped again.

“How are you doing?” I asked softly. “It’s probably a dumb question, I know.”

He just let out a huff of forced amusement. “So, you heard too right?”

I just nodded, unable to hide the worry in my eyes.

“It’s alright. It just makes things feel more…complicated,” he mused, his fingers tapping against the bar. “We went on a date once, about 14 years ago. She didn’t know it was a date…then she met Will and had Henry and made this whole big life.”

My heart lurched while I listened to his words. It was like he was just speaking out loud to himself, like I wasn’t even there.

“And when I realized she loved Will I was sad, sure. But I got over it. I moved on. I’m the godfather of her fucking kids and all this time…” he trailed off.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered out into the room, because I was. I was sorry he ever experienced a moment of pain.

Reid didn’t acknowledge that I had spoken. “She was the only person other than…other than Maeve that evermade me feel anything like that. And she could have been mine.”

I didn’t speak, I don’t think he wanted to hear me anyway. He just needed to say the words.

“I would have been so good for her, so good. I could have made her happy.”

I’m sure you would have.

He drained his glass, not looking at me as he walked away from the bar. His dismissal left me feeling cold. Almost as cold as I had felt that day when JJ ruined him.

--

Several hours later, the evening was wrapping up. Simmons had gone home a long time ago; Prentiss and Alvez were taking a very drunk Garcia home. I suppose it was just me and Dr. Reid left.

But I didn’t feel like I was with him.

I’d never be with him.

I hadn’t seen him in the last 20 or so minutes. I saw him talking to some girls at the bar. Maybe he was losing himself in them, trying to dull the pain of having another love ripped away from him.

I was thankful I stopped drinking hours ago, sticking with water for the remainder of the night. I was perfectly fine to drive, which was a relief. I wanted to go home.

I was sitting at my table, debating about walking back to the FBI parking garage or calling a car to take me when I felt someone walk-up behind me. I tensed even further when I felt fingers brush over the back of my neck.

I went to turn my head when the hand gripped my neck firmly. “Don’t,” he whispered.

I only relaxed slightly when I realized the voice was Reid’s. “Why?”

His hand moved up my neck until his long fingers wove into my hair. “I don’t know.”

Right when his hand left my body, I realized he had never touched me before tonight.

Free of his hold, I stood up, careful not to brush my body against his. I navigated my way through the crowd of people, desperate to reach the front door.

He didn’t reach me again until I was already outside. “Where are you going, y/n?”

“Oh,” I just laughed, like I hadn’t been running from him. “Back to my car. I’m not drunk. I’m just going to drive home.”

It all happened so quickly I wasn’t even sure how he did it. I felt Reid’s hand on my upper arm, spinning me to face him; the next instant my body was between a brick wall and his own. “I don’t want you to go.”

He pressed his pelvis into me; it was a very bold move and it let me know he was aroused.

I forced out a breathy laugh. “Did the girls at the bar not do it for you?”

Something lit behind his eyes. “Jealous?”

All I could do was repeat his words from a few minutes ago. “I don’t know.”

“I didn’t touch them. I was…looking for someone special. Someone that I could take home. I wanted someone that I wouldn’t have to hold back with. I wanted someone who would scream for me.”

His words were almost dripping with his own need. I didn’t know what to do, he overwhelmed me.  

“Then I realized…I had already met that someone.” He leaned forward to brush his nose against mine. “I’ve seen how you look at me, y/n.” My breath caught in my throat; shame coated my body. “Let me make you feel good, baby.”

Spencer Reid’s lips almost touched mine before I pushed my palm against his chest, moving him away from me. He didn’t resist my refusal, that’s not the kind of man he is; but he did look confused.

“You haven’t really seen how I look at you,” I said simply.

He just smirked. “Are you saying you don’t want to fuck me?”

“I do, of course I do.” I held up my hand to stop him when he took a step forward. I couldn’t think when he was too close to me. “But all you want is someone to sink your cock into until you feel better about JJ. And I wish I could be that for you, Reid, I do.”

“Why can’t you?”

“Because it might heal you, but it would destroy me,” I whispered, unable to keep the tears out of my voice.

Reid looked alarmed. “I’d never hurt you.”

“Not intentionally. But you would. You haven’t seen how I really look at you.”

After a beat, enlightenment seemed to dawn on his face. “Oh.” He shifted back, putting more space between us that only caused the cracks in my heart to grow larger, deeper.

He licked his slightly chapped lips. “I can’t…I can’t give you that. But I can give you this. I can give you tonight.”

My whole world seemed to still for a moment. I blinked at him, forcing myself to remain calm. “I just told you a night with you would destroy me because I have feelings for you. And your response is to ask me to rip myself apart to help put you back together?”

“Yes,” he said, without a moment’s hesitation.

Perhaps I didn’t know Spencer Reid at all. Maybe I had fallen in love with a Spencer Reid that existed only in my mind. My Spencer would laugh at my jokes, hold me on the couch while we watched movies, and press kisses all over my face when I was waking up every morning.

This Spencer had just asked me to put myself through unimaginable heartache because he was sad he couldn’t have JJ.

The most revolting thing of all was that I almost said yes. It almost seemed like a fair trade. He would get to forget for a few hours, and I would finally know what it was like to be in his arms. I almost thought that the heartbreak would be worth it.

Almost.

“No.”

I have never been more proud of myself than in that moment.

Reid looked momentarily stunned. “I can’t give you anything else.”

“Then you don’t have to give me anything.” I walked up to him, raising up on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his stubbled cheek. “I’m sorry you can’t have her Spencer, but I can’t give you what you need.”

He moved away from me quickly. “I know.” Those golden-brown eyes didn’t look at me again as he walked away, leaving me out in the cold.

This cold felt the coldest of all.

-- 

Taglist for all my writing: @rachelxwayne @pinkdiamond1016 @sickeninglyshoujo @justagirllookingforherplace @nanocoool @andiebeaword @imjusthereformggcontent @rainsong01 @violentvulgarvolatile @mys2425 @al3xmnd @imfalling-inlove​ 

[gaming-universe]

Who We Are || Russell Adler

Call of Duty Black Ops: Cold War

-PART FOUR-

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR CALL OF DUTY BLACK OPS: COLD WAR! IF YOU HAVEN’T PLAYED/FINISHED THE CAMPAIGN THEN PLEASE DONT READ! Gore, violence, course language, mature content.

Summary: Betrayed and alone after surviving the events that took place on the Solovetsky Islands, Y/n ‘Bell’ L/n faces new and more dangerous threats when she learns that Perseus has other plans for his failed nuclear detonation of Europe. It was only a matter of time before Y/n came face to face with her old team. There is unfinished business between Y/n and Adler, as this operation proves to be more deadly than originally thought.

Author’s Note: So, after finishing the campaign, I needed to do Bell/Player and Adler justice. I loved this game so much, and chosing to play as the female character, I felt like there was a genuine connection between Bell and Adler throughout the game. There is a tag list open for anyone that wishes to stay up to date with the series. Simply comment below. Gif by @travelllar (Girl I’m using all your gifs they are absolutely amazing)

|PART ONE| |PART TWO| |PART THREE|

Another day, another sleepless night.

It was 5am, the sky a light deep blue, and the last of the Soviet soldiers were leaving town. They had searched almost every square inch of this small fishing village, searching for anyone that might be harboring the ones who broke into their base. You thanked whatever god there was that they seemed to forget about Viktor’s house, which was practically veiled by the night sky on a hill below the lighthouse.

You had been awake since one that morning, watching the Soviet soldiers busy about the town like flies on a wound. As dawn broke, you sighed heavily, closing your tired eyes and pinching the bridge of your nose. Your head throbbed painfully from the lack of sleep, but between your nightmares, reoccuring memories and the ruckas of the soldiers, you doubted you would have slept much at all anyway.

The door to the house opened softly, followed by light footsteps as they moved behind you to stand on your left. You didn’t have to turn to see who it was, the familiar stench of cigar smoke almost made you choke. You could see Adler in your peripherals just fine, you rolled your eyes in mild annoyance. “Do you always have to wear those aviators?” You found yourself asking, as the man in question began to chuckle. You heard him sigh “No, I don’t always have to wear them”.

“Do you have to wear them at 5am in the morning?”

“I suppose not-”

“Good, because you look stupid”.

Adler laughed again, releasing a stream of smoke from his lips as he shook his head in amusement. But doing as you had somewhat suggested, Adler removed his aviators, and hooked them over one of the open buttons of his shirt. The two of you stood in silence, watching as the sky began to turn an early morning grey. Adler huffed more smoke “Did you sleep last night?” He questioned lowly, now leaning his back against the white wooden railing and turning his head towards you.

Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you merely shrugged. “I don’t sleep much, not anymore...” You replied smoothly, now wishing that you had never said anything to begin with. You focused your gaze forward again as Adler’s expression fell, he brought the cigar to his lips. You watched as the waves danced in the early morning sunlight, remembering what is was like to be at their mercy. Adler moved closer to your form, flinching slightly as he watched your hands clench into tight fists. You flexed your fingers with a small wince, a sense of pride washing over you as you examined your bruised knuckles.

“How is your jaw?”

“Fucking sore, but thanks for asking”.

You laughed. A soft, genuine laugh as you finally turned to meet Adler’s gaze. His blue hues stared down into your (eye/colour) eyes with a mixture of emotions. His lips parted slightly as he went to speak, clearing his throat awkwardly. “I know you hate me, for everything I have done to you. Nothing I do will ever make up for the amount of shit I have put you through, but you have no idea how hard it was for me to do what I had to do...” He began, his grip on his cigar tightening. “I didn’t want to kill you, I really didn’t. But Park convinced me that killing you was better than the other option-”.

“And what would the other option have been?” You interrupted, folding your arms over your chest. Adler’s jaw clenched, “Letting you go through life not knowing who you were”. You scoffed loudly, stepping away from the taller man before you as you shook your head in disbelief. “She really convinced you that killing me was better than that!? Sure, I might not have ever figured out who I was before, but what was it you said to me after Cuba? ‘The CIA re-invented me’. I could have started a new life, Adler, and you fucking took that away from me” You growled, your eyes narrowing dangerously as you practically seethed with anger.

You paused for a moment to breathe, brushing stray strands of hair from your face as the wind blew in. There was so much more you wanted to say to him, so much you wanted to curse him for.

“Last night you asked me if I regretted it. If I regretted shooting you that day...” Adler spoke softly, almost painfully as his eyes suddenly became a darker shade of blue. “I regretted it, every single goddamned day afterward. And do you want to know why? Because a part of me hoped that you were alive. After you fell I...I hoped to god that you would resurface, that you would have survived that fall. But as the days went by, I realised you weren’t coming back, and that affected me, Y/n, it really did. When Woods and Mason found heard about what I did, they left, and you have no idea how pissed off Hudson was when he found out-”

“I would say just as pissed off as when he discovered that I was the Perseus Agent willing to defect and help the CIA take him down”.

Adler froze, his eyes widening significantly. For the first time in what you assumed was a long time, Adler was speechless. He stared at you completely dumbfounded, his mouth opening and closing as he searched for something to say. “I...w-what are you-”

“A few days before the whole incident at the airstrip, I sent an enrypted message to the CIA, telling them that I was willing to cooperate and answer any questions they might have had in regards to Perseus in exchange for asylum. I guess my message didn’t reach you in time-”

“But, if you were...” Adler trailed off, once again trying to make sense of things “Why didn’t you tell us? When we found you-”

“Things got a lot more complicated when Arash shot me, I think defecting was the last thing on my mind as I lay bleeding out in that car” You finished explaining, shivering slightly at the cool breeze. Adler hadn’t said a word since you finished your long explaination. He paced back and forth, running a hand along the back of his neck as he sighed heavily. You felt yourself tremble as his gaze focused on your form, he looked at you differently.

He looked at you the same way Mason had before Cuba, with pity, sadness, and empathy. “Y/n I...I’m so sorry, if I-” “Don’t apologise...” You interrupted, shrugging your shoulders awkwardly “I’m not mad about that. Actually, I am, but that isn’t the main issue”. Adler nodded, trying to regain his composure with a long draw of his cigar. You buried your hands beneath your arms, not wanting the man before you to notice their trembling. Clearing your throat, you averted your gaze back out to sea “Did you want to talk about last night, or did you want to wait for Woods and Mason?” You asked, trying to hide the slight shakiness of your voice.

You heard Adler sigh, “Y/n, I have to call Hudson. He needs to hear everything from us, and he will no doubt want to hear everything from you”.

Your blood turned to ice, a cold shiver running down your spine at his words. Call Hudson? You felt your stomach churn uneasily, you swallowed thickly and nervously. There was no way of telling how Hudson would react, how he would-

“Y/n...” Adler spoke softly, now standing before you with his eyes searching your distant expression for anything. Something that would give him an insight into what was going on in that head of yours. You turned to face him, looking up at him sadly. “You do what you need to do. But I just-”

“I know, I’ll take care of it. You can trust me-”

“Can I? Can I trust you?”

When Adler’s expression fell, you felt a strange sense of guilt consume you. You didn’t mean to be so hesitant toward him, you didn’t mean to be careful with who you trusted. But after everything that had been done to you...after everything that had happened...

You froze as Adler moved to step around you, your body becoming rigid as something warm was draped over your shoulders. It was then that you realised you had been shaking violently, and that Adler had given you his beloved brown leather jacket. You quickly spun around to face him, managing to catch the fleeting smile he gave you. Then you knew.

Adler understood. He understood where you were coming from. That you needed time to trust him again. “Like you said last night...” He began softly, giving you a barely there smile “no more lies, no more bullshit. Take things in your own time, but I want that jacket back, got it?”. With that being said, Adler turned slowly and made his way back inside, leaving you alone on the wooden terrace. When you were sure he was gone, you wrapped Adler’s jacket around your form tightly and collapsed to your knees, crying softly as strange, compassionate feelings overtook your worry, anxiety and guilt.

When you had calmed down, you leaned back against the wooden railing, letting your head rest against the wooden slats as you breathed deeply. You tried to ignore the scent of Adler’s jacket filling your nose, a mixture of old leather combined with cigar smoke and some kind of cologne.

As the sun began to peak through the grey clouds blanketing the islands, you decided that it was best for you to head inside. You still had the matters of last night to discuss, as well as the oh so joyous anticipation of waiting for Hudson to arrive.

After changing into more comfortable and warmer clothes, you begrudgingly gave Adler back his jacket, giving him a warm smile in thanks before disappearing into the living room. 

Woods and Mason were playing poker with Viktor, and losing horribly. “How the fuck did you manage to get another royal flush?” Woods complained, this his cards down atop the coffee table with an annoyed groan “I swear you’ve rigged the damn thing”. Viktor chuckled, gathering his winnings with a sly wink in your direction as you passed. “When you have played this game for as long as I have, you learn all the tricks of the trade” He responded, as Woods threw his hands out in exasperation.

You watched on from the far wall, grinning as Mason caught your gaze. He waved you over “Hey Y/n, did you want to join us?” He asked, to which you shook you head with an amused scoff. “No thanks, I would like to keep my money-” “Wuss...” Woods teased “I’ll play for you” “No, I’m good thank you, but I appreciate the offer”.

Woods groaned again as Mason laughed, while Viktor practically bled them both dry. Adler emerged from the kitchen, moving to stand by your side. “Adler, lend me some money, I need beat this old man at least once!” Woods exclaimed, gesturing towards Viktor with an extended hand. Adler shook his head “No, I’m not doing that” He replied, glaring at Woods’ obscene gesture thrown in his direction. You chuckled quietly, looking up at the man beside you with a small shrug. “How did you go?” You asked, not liking the way his gaze fell. He huffed “Hudson has a few things to take care of in Washington before he gets here, but he plans on arriving sometime tonight”.

“Well, I guess we can’t really do anything until we inform him of what is going on then?”.

“We can prepare what we are going to say? Combine our knowledge”.

You nodded hesitantly “I really don’t know much. But whatever those soldiers were doing up there is in relation to something called Operation Hyrda”. The entire living room fell silent, as all eyes now focused on you. “Operation Hydra? What the hell is that?” Mason asked, his eyes narrowing in confusion. You sighed “From what I’ve remembered, Operation Hydra is a failsafe for Operation Greenlight. Reading that name back in that bunker triggered something. All I know so far, is that Perseus and I are the only ones who know of the failsafe”.

“And because we brainwashed you, you can’t remember what this Operation Hyrda entails” Adler interrupted, his eyes remaining trained on your smaller form. You nodded as Adler cursed, cringing at his dangerous tone “I’m trying to remember, if that helps-”

“I know you are, we’ll figure it out” Adler spoke distantly, before once again disappearing back into the kitchen. You sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of your nose with a groan. If only you could remember something, even if it was small. Every little detail counted right? A gentle hand was placed on your shoulder, causing you to flinch as your eyes lifted to meet the warm expression of Mason. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up about this...” He soothed “it’s not your fault you can’t remember”.

“I know, but knowing that I’m missing something important is just...” You paused, breathing deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth “I feel so fucking useless”.

“You might feel like that now, but it won’t always be like this...” Woods spoke solemnly from his position on the couch. “Sure, it might take you a while to remember things, but you will get there. Just don’t be so hard on yourself, alright?”. You nodded slowly, allowing his words to sink in. Though Woods did have a point, you couldn’t help but feel like a burden to the team.

As your lips parted to respond, there was a sharp knock at the door. Your head tilted to the side in confusion, your gaze meeting Woods and Masons’ who wore similar expressions. Adler emerged from the kitchen, carefully moving past you and Mason towards the front of the door. You waited anxiously as two voices echoed down into the living room. As footsteps approached, your body became rigid as Adler moved past you to stand on the other side of the room, followed by a woman you knew all too well.

Her midnight hair was slightly longer, but her brown eyes widened upon landing on your form before her expression hardened. All you could do was glare at Park, as she stood in the doorway to the living room.

Tag List: @pookolokon @travelllar @basicwhiteasian @shellshockedbell @inteligentecat @staryozora @lovinggooppalacebanana @ktdragonborn @quietblogs-2-rd @cerezi @alluringartangels​

[whereflowersbloom]

Morning after

The smell of freshly baked croissants and coffee woke her up. Raven hardly ever felt so rested, even after spending an hour meditating before going to sleep, opening her eyes and getting accustomed to the morning light of the sun that illuminated her room through the windows. She turned on her back and nestled in this new, previously unknown feeling. She was strangely calm as if everything was in the right place, and every possible problem remained in the past.

Maybe that’s what genuine serenity feels like, she thought to herself.

But how did she end up in this situation? They became friends. Best friends, even. They talked about everything including their most intimate thoughts. She told herself it was enough or deceived herself into believing so. There was no line for them to cross but a secret and deep part of her soul definitely understood and sought the need to feel wanted and loved and fulfilled. Not like she hadn’t thought of Damian that way before. There was such a terrible tension between them sometimes when they were both sitting on her the sofa watching old classic films or reading books they both enjoyed. She craved the heat of Damian’s embrace. She remembered how it felt to have him curled around her, how gently his thumb stroked her cheek, how his muscles flexed against her, and she wishes he would hold her again.

Damian was like a compass for Raven if she felt like she might lose her way, and that kind of thing never happened to her. Not often at least.

As usual Damian went jogging as it had become his habit thanks to Jon, who craved the sunlight as soon as he opened his eyes, persistently asking him to be his partner. A surprising string elbow in the ribs by Jon gave him the second push to voice his feelings for Raven. Later, he visited a local bakery that made exquisite chocolate croissants, as he memorized Raven’s favorites. Then he returned home with a sudden thought it was the high time to turn his quiet feelings for Raven into something serious. He wanted to fool himself at first, but as it turned out, he was too fucking smart to believe a single word of the downright falsehood he made up in his mind in order to excuse himself from the imminent truth. He was in love with her.

She was about to get out of bed to stretch her muscles when Damian walked into the room carrying a tray with breakfast: hot coffee, steaming Earl Grey, croissants and juicy autumnal fruit. She wanted to approach him, wrap her arms around him and kiss him on the neck, the sensitive spot she discovered last night, but they were not yet at that stage of the relationship. As the matter of fact, she did not know exactly who they were to each other now. Maybe nothing had changed. After all, it had been just a few kisses last night, letting go, a carpet diem kind of moment. Maybe Damian didn’t want things to change between them.

"Good morning.” Damian muttered, sending her one of his radiant, sincere smiles that made her legs weak. "Did you sleep well?"

“Yes. Better than most days. I didn’t know if you would come back...” She kept her own voice soft, matching his tone, afraid to burst the strange bubble they found themselves in. Controlling her anxiety was easier said than done.

“I simply needed time to clear my mind.” His expression was solemn. “We must discuss last night’s event.” He mumbled under his breath, voice deadly calm, a convincing facade, fighting to distract the both of them from his own wild whirlwind of emotions as he left the tray at the bedside table. No woman in his life had ever truly enchanted him in the way she did. He would not give her up.

Her lower lip trembled slightly. She repeated her mantra over ten times until she calmed her nerves. Damian was her closest friend, and she cared about not ruining the special bond between them. They said it was easier to move on as long as you were merely lovers, but what when you are so much more. She felt like a teenager who was falling in love for the first time. Not that she was that much older at the age of 19. She had experience in meaningless romances, short-lived, Wally, Garfield, but she knew nothing about true love. Their bond was beyond comprehensible lines of poetry. More than it being undefinable, it was the freeness to be defined, the way as open interpretations take you.

“We don’t have to to this now. In fact, nothing has to change.” She spoke tentatively, unsure whether she’s more concerned how this would shape their friendship or embarrassed she let herself cross a line. Slowly passing around the room folding her arms across her chest.

The distress was heavy in her chest, stirred with a fog of uncertainty.

At this, Damian’s eyes sparkled with determination and objection regarding her statement. Before she registered what he was doing, he grabbed her hand. “I do not want to leave things exactly as they used to be. Not before last night.” He held her gaze and rubbed his thumb over the backside of her hand, reveling in the softness of her skin.

There’s a fluttering in her stomach, and she’s taken aback at the intensity of it. Butterflied filled with hope and wish. There was hope of light after all darks, hope of happiness after grief, hope of a new colorful sunrise, a chapter to be rewritten.

“It was just a kiss..” In a trice, breaking off the contact. She lied and immediately regretted it. Damian stood next to her with a disbelieving expression on his face. There was a hint of indignation but it vanished quickly.

“You and I both know it meant more than a kiss. I do not need the gift of empathy to see it.” Damian stated sharply, his features hardened at his resolution. He was tired of constantly feeling this weight on his shoulders. What was the point of deceiving themselves any longer? If he didn’t know better, he would say she was avoiding him like a plague.

Letting out a breath she had been holding in since Damian entered her bedroom, Raven felt a weight being lifted off her chest. “Damian...I” She started, but never managed to finish interrupted by an unexpected question.

"Do you have any plans for today?" He left the question hanging in the air.

With brows furrowed in confusion she found herself unable to command her mouth to utter anything. Her heart thudded out of her chest. The normally unflappable last daughter of Azarath knocked for a loop by the close proximity of her stunning teammate.

Raven parted her lips and closed them again.

“It seems we are free to do as we please today. Clear schedule. No training or missions. He shrugged casually, willing his breath to remain steady, years of boiling emotions teetering over the edge of his elegant, suave composure

Raven blinked. Amethysts widening.

“I thought we could go somewhere. You and I” Damian licked his lips, swallowing the nerves in his chest as her eyes widen a fraction at his proposal. "There's a new Parisian café in the city I think you might like.”

Her lips curved up into a sweet smile, growing wider and more radiant as she thought of sitting in Parisian cafe with Damian, enjoying a minute of bliss to be in the other’s company.

“Are you asking me on a date, Damian Wayne?” She blurted with a momentary astonished look, even as she realized the implication of his words. Was this truly happening? She asked herself mentally.

“I’m courting you properly, Raven. So yes, I’m asking you out.” His shoulders ease from their tensed position, subconsciously hunched in nerves to what she’d respond.

It was surreal, talking about what a few minutes ago had been unbearable chains, restrained by her own fears and inner demons. Ethereal strands of thread that could be snapped by a mere jerk of fingers. He wanted more. He wanted her.

“I don’t know, Damian.” She bit her lip still indecisive, gaze away from his face. Once again mind invaded by intrusive negative thoughts. What if it didn’t work? What if she lost control? The numerous what if’s haunted her like never ending nightmares.

Taking a step closer, something in his emerald sparked with an idea and firmness of not quitting. “Any chance I can persuade you to change your mind then?” He crooned in her ear, nipping at it just slightly, taking her breath away. She wondered how long she could resist his gravitational pull for so long.

Raven hesitated for a good few seconds before finally resigning herself to the fact that whatever she did. She couldn’t fight this anymore. She loved him. “I can think of a few ways.” She was surprised at her own boldness, snaking slender arms around his torso. He pressed his built body against hers closer, placing tender, teasing kisses along her neck. Whilst she was glad that he was enjoying himself, she was going to completely lose it if she remained flush against him for much longer. Her entire core heated with want for him. He smirked at the effect he had on her with his natural charm. This confident, cocky air. This was so him and content and not bothering to mask it. No filters.

“Is that a yes?” He whispered and there was no missing the boyish grin spread over his tanned cheeks. Hooking a finger under her chin and brought her face level with his own.

“I suppose you earned a date, Mr. Wayne.” She laughed feverishly. Gently, stroking his palm with her thumb. Enjoying the calloused yet silky skin of an accomplished swordsman and fighter.

An audible sigh left Damian’s mouth as his muscles relaxed with her nestled in his arms. She could sense his relief. Yes, perhaps a change could be good, opening herself to feel again. A new chapter of light and joy.

Notes: I know I have disappeared and haven’t updated in forever but I’m still sick and weak. Also working on the fanzine project. I should be done in a week though. But meanwhile have this short damirae. Not my best but I hope you enjoy it 💖💖💜💜

@deepbreadlover @tweepunkgrl @alerialblu @chromium7sky @kallura-juniblade @cayeeast

I miss you all and youre all welcome to message me. I feel a bit disconnected from the world.

Also I’d like to use to wish @shewhowillnotbenamed1 a happy birthday!! Thank you for blessing us with your beautiful wiring and your friendship 😊😊🥰💜💖

[moon-lixie]

Change or stay the same - Han Jisung

word count: 4.791k

song: Punching Bag -Wallice

warnings: none, even though there's a bit of angst if you squint your eyes.

Yellow washed over the white walls of the room, soon enough soaking the bed sheets that draped over his body. The morning was eager to greet him, light poking at his eyelids to speed up the process of waking him.

A groan slipped his rosy lips before he moved to nuzzle his face on the fluffy material of the sky colored pillow. He dreaded mornings the most; one of the hardest tasks of the day was trying to rip himself away from his sheets.

His lids grew heavy after a couple minutes, sleep tugging on his arms begging him to drift away and into oblivion. Humming in satisfaction his mind was about to shut down when a loud ringing noise filled the room, it was Changbin’s special ringtone.

“Shit,” he murmured groggily before stretching his arm enough to reach the nightstand without having to move away from his pillow.

Putting the phone right beside his ear the first thing he heard was an oh so sweet Where the fuck are you, Jisung? It’s eight already. Which was soon followed by a string of profanities leaving his own lips, almost seemingly pushing him to move frantically across his room.

“I’ll be there in ten.” Was the last and first thing he said to his friend before hanging up and throwing his phone to his bed.

There was no time for him to take a shower; it’s not like he was planning to take one but he sometimes liked to pretend that he would. He barely brushed his teeth, changed into the first things that popped out of his closet and groaned at his empty refrigerator before finding himself running through the crowded streets.

He wasn’t particularly stressed despite his palms growing clammy at the idea of having to come up with a good excuse for his tardiness; to a certain degree he loved running like a maniac in that big city that seemed to have too many places for him to discover despite having been living there for years now.

A light giggle escaped his lips as he turned around a corner, now meters away from arriving at his destination. Despite his empty stomach and lack of morning coffee, he seemed to have too much energy to spare.

It felt like nothing could stop him until he couldn’t move his feet anymore, the world stopped before his eyes and breath left his lungs. He swore he had seen a familiar face but it had soon disappeared between the crowd; still, just one glimpse of said person had his heart coming to a stop.

“What are you doing?” Filled Jisung’s ears before he blinked back to reality; it was his friend of similar height, head popping out of the entrance door he should’ve crossed earlier.

Quickly shaking his head as he dismissed the question thrown at him, he entered the building and apologized to the older man throwing a curious glance at him.

The ride on the elevator was filled with silence, allowing his head to be filled with questions and worries that now had nothing to do with the task at hand but rather the person he believed to have seen.

Silence finally dissipated when he entered the studio to face a more or less exasperated Chan, he was sometimes too serious when it came to work but Jisung totally understood, one of them had to have the tiniest bit of seriousness or it could turn to chaos.

“I’m so sorry, I—”

“You overslept, we know. Let’s just get to work.” Changbin interrupted before patting his shoulder reassuringly.

A sheepish smile covered his lips before his fingers reached towards the bag that he was supposed to be wearing, the one that had his laptop in it. There went another fuck because he knew he was forgetting something as he left his apartment but was quick to shrug off the thought.

“It’s okay, you can just log in here.” Chan was quick to say without even having to spare him a glance to know what was the problem. He was grateful to have friends who seemed to balance out his clumsiness perfectly fine.

Taking a chair and moving closer to the desk he grabbed the mouse and started clicking away. Second later the monitor eagerly asked him for the password of his email where he happened to have his lyrics noted down. Yes, he used google docs, so what?

He gulped down at the thought of what he was about to type; his password never seemed to represent a problem until today. It was the name of someone he had last seen years ago, five to be exact. He just never saw the need to change it, not when he could type it with his eyes closed or in his sleep; it had been the same since he was in high school and until today he hadn’t minded that it stayed like that.

“Dude, we need to work so hurry up.” That’s right, he needed to hurry and snap out of it. it wasn’t such a big deal, he just needed to type every letter of your name in the specific order he knew by heart and pretend that it hadn't been you on the street just now.

And so he did, typing it as quickly as any other day, pressing enter and getting access to everything he needed along with a million memories stored as videos and pictures.

He cleared his throat before getting to work, he didn’t have the guts to revive his high school days in front of his friends; perhaps not brave enough to revive them at all despite the place or people around him.

Once the three of them were certain that the sun outside was slowly flooding the city with small orange and pink tinges, they exited the building that guarded their creative mess. Each walking their own way, not before throwing one last threat at the youngest in hopes that tomorrow he’d open his eyes at the right hour. Laughing lightly Jisung nodded and walked away, eager to return home.

His landlord had a white cat with some brown spots that somehow added to its cuteness; just like any other day he pet it before quickly scurrying to the elevator and finally walking past three doors before finding himself in front of his apartment door.

When he found himself inside, the first thing he did was take a shower, one that this time he had actually been intending to take. Later sitting on his bed, towel still tousling his hair in attempts to dry it, his laptop found its way to his lap.

His fingers didn’t hesitate much before clicking on the right places that took him to those videos and pictures that brought him joy every single time. Biting on his bottom lip he finally allowed the towel to rest on his shoulder and pressed play.

The video revealed his freckled friend whose laugh could light up the whole world, he did something silly as usual before Seungmin popped up a little far away. In the middle of a park, they found themselves atop lush grass that welcomed their feet happily as they fooled around.

After some time filming the two boys the camera moved towards some swings where you sat, expression all too dull for the situation that you were in. That was it, the video cut there and the memories would finish at that moment if he didn’t clearly remember what happened next.

He had stopped recording, closing the small screen of the video camera before walking towards you, a worried expression taking hold of his features. Once close enough he sat on the swing next to yours, feet kicking the soil softly.

“I don’t want to leave this place,” you had mumbled by his side, catching him off guard.

“What do you mean?”

“Haven’t you thought about what will happen to us when we go to college. It’s months away and I’m terrified of leaving.” A heavy sigh escaped your lips, pupils moving to catch his gaze.

Next time you opened your mouth, the tone with which you spoke was way quieter as if you were scared of saying such things. “I wish I could stay here forever, with you guys, just being silly and worrying about nothing.”

Reaching his hand to grab yours he ended up intertwining his fingers with yours before sighing and smiling sweetly. “Nothing is going to change, we’ll keep being together. Trust in me, we’ll make it through.”

You had smiled brightly after he spoke, blindly believing in his words that ended up not becoming true. Soon after everyone parted away to college the distance had done its job at making communication difficult, a text a day turned into one every week, quickly it had been one a month and then nothing but each other’s contacts saved on your phones.

Living kilometers away everyone kept moving on with their lives not really knowing much about each other. The only thing that he now was aware of was about his own story, how he had met Chan and Changbin in college and their common interest and ambition had brought them to work together in what they loved.

Quickly closing his laptop and leaving it on his night stand he plopped himself down on his face. Seconds after reaching for his phone and looking for your contact.

His breath hitched once it appeared on his screen, all too familiar but quite foreign by now. He had stopped himself from calling you many times; when he was sober he convinced himself that you wouldn’t want to talk to him after he lied to you that one evening, when drunk he decided that you deserved better than a Jisung that made no sense and slurred all his words.

Nevertheless, he always thought of you like how one thinks about their first love that never happened, because that was the case. Your reckless mixed with your amazing sense of responsibility —that he had always admired— still haunted him at night along with your melodious laugh.

Finally deciding that it was now or never he pressed on your contact and pressed his phone to his ear, dying slowly at every loud beep that separated him from your voice. Without notice the line went silent for a moment before a strange voice spoke a soft hello?, it wasn’t you.

“Is y/n there?”

“No, I’m sorry. I think you have the wrong number.”

He thanked the stranger, trying not to sound utterly disappointed before hanging up and throwing his phone towards his pillow and sighing in defeat. It had never occurred to him that you could’ve changed your number in the past five years but it made sense.

It wasn’t the end of the world, he could later call Felix and ask him for your number —because Jisung was certain he would have it— but that could be left for when he ate something and felt less nervous.

Walking to his kitchen it suddenly popped in his mind, his refrigerator was empty and that meant no food he could simply stuff in his mouth. He cursed for the nth time that day.

“It’s okay, I’ll just go buy something to eat and then get some groceries on the weekend,” he said to no one in particular before getting dressed again and going out to wander around the city until he found a place that sold something edible, that would suffice.

On one particular street where he had to wait for the traffic light to change his heart came to a stop because this time he didn't see you but rather heard your voice calling his name, and upon turning around there you were, just like he remembered.

A hello meant to escape his lips but it got stuck on his throat when you smiled at him warmly; he loved you as much as that eighteen year old him that would do anything for you.

Without thinking much he hugged you tightly; you were quick to return his hug, convincing him that it would be the biggest mistake in the world to pull away soon. People walked past the both of you, some huffing in annoyance as you were in fact obstructing the street but for all that he cared everyone could go and fuck themselves.

When he finally broke away the hug some words came tumbling down of his mouth before he got the chance to think about them, “I was going to grab something to eat, want to come with me?”

The words surely took you by surprise as confusion plastered in your face for a second, but you nevertheless accepted his offer.

“So...what are you doing here?” he asked as both crossed the street, Jisung no longer wandering without a destination.

“I live here.” He threw you a confused look that couldn’t mean anything more than a since when? that seemed to amuse you greatly as you laughed for a second before answering. “I moved not far from here three months ago, for work.”

Nodding lightly he kept walking, silence moving at a fast pace to catch up with your moving figures on the street, but it was futile as you spoke up once again.

“It’s silly but— ”

“It’s not,” he retorted before an unknown force tugged at the corners of his lips with force, refusing to let his smile falter.

“—I had been wondering when we would end up stumbling with each other.”

Those simple words made his heart beat at a faster pace, aggressively thumping against his chest. After all this time you still had his existence present in your mind, not seeming to forget how he always talked about moving here once he was old enough when he was just a child.

“Well, I’m glad that we finally did.” A coward, that’s how he should call himself from now on as the words refused to slip past his lips. He should tell you that he had tried to call you, that he had also been wanting to see you, but he couldn’t.

Jisung had decided to bring you to a small dinner that was not only cheap but delicious; he smiled way too widely once you asked for the same you used to have and you questioned him with your eyes when he asked for coffee, he used to not be able to stand the bitter taste.

Hours passed as you both caught up with each other, apparently you still spoke often with Felix —which he already suspected all along— and had only recently decided to move out from the apartment you still shared with your college roommates, ending up in that lovely city by chance.

His eyes scanned every single centimetre of yours, the small dimple that formed on your right cheek everytime you chewed, the way your faint and discreet lip gloss had turned into a more lively lip tint, the ever so faint eye bags under your eyes that seemed to distinguish people your age.

“God, then Felix fell to that fountain, right?”

He snickered loudly before nodding in affirmation. “He had to walk all the way home completely soaked. He wouldn't stop complaining.”

The laugh that escaped your throat seemed almost nostalgic; it had been quite a while.

When you both crossed the door on your way out the only light covering the streets were those of the streetlights and some cars stuck in traffic. He offered to walk you back home and you immediately nodded in approval of his proposition.

In the blink of an eye he had turned to the high school Jisung that would walk slightly behind you, secretly wanting to reach out for your hand and intertwined his fingers without you, but not even now did he have the courage.

The walk seemed to be awfully short, perhaps because he didn’t want to leave you yet. You got your keys out and stood in front of your door but still facing him as if waiting for something.

“You changed your number.” Was the first thing he could think of saying to what you sighed awkwardly and answered him a quick I did.

“I would love to get something to eat with you again or just talk for a while. So I was wondering if I could have your number.” His eyes closed mid sentence, feeling embarrassed about his sound lack of ability to say something that wasn’t awkward.

Thankfully you seemed to want to spare him some suffering, quickly asking for his phone so you could add your contact, sneakingly adding a cheesy heart after your name. And when you were about to close the door you turned around and asked one last thing, “How did you know? You know, that I changed my number.”

He didn’t like the implications of that question, almost as if you were implying that it would be impossible to know if he hadn't tried to contact you, which you seemed to believe he hadn’t tried to do so all this time.

“I called you and someone else answered.” You nodded softly at his words, a feeling that he couldn’t quite comprehend pooling in your eyes before closing the door.

Yes, he should’ve called you sooner, should have texted Felix asking for your new number a million years before but he never thought of it despite always thinking of you. He had gotten so caught up with every present day that he had forgotten what he was leaving behind; but now you were part of his present and he was determined to keep you there.

It didn’t feel like he was on a cloud as he made his way back home, it rather felt somewhat heavy as he thought back on the last look in your eyes. If he could then he would run back to your door and wouldn’t leave until a smile hung on your lips, but he was scared of overstepping his boundaries.

His bed felt less comfortable than usual but that was usual on the navy nights that lyrics haunted his mind. And so he found himself on his usual spot on the floor of his room, guitar lazily placed on his lap, laptop sitting on the floor making him have to slouch himself to properly type down what he wanted.

At one point he fell asleep, not caring about the hard wooden floor under his back or the cold air nipping at his skin. Until he moved, guitar complaining about the position it had been placed at. His eyes snapped open and he quickly reached his hands around the floor until they found his phone.

One long yawn and then his eyes were being met with an almost perfect 05:59 that quickly turned to 06:00. He still had a solid hour and a half of sleep but he still found his feet colliding with the pavement of the street, later reaching a coffee shop near the studio.

He exited the place with the ring of a bell and an iced americano seeping cold into the warm skin of his hand. A pleased smile grazed his lips upon the first sip, he was now more ready than ever to start his day.

Not long after his friends were exaggeratedly gasping in surprise behind his back upon reaching the studio and finding the younger there. He clicked away shamelessly, never daring to feel embarrassed in front of them, not when it came to music and his sometimes peculiar lyrics.

“A love song?” Chan snorted while peeking over his shoulder, only causing a light blush to spread across his cheeks. He only shrugged it off before continuing his work.

Hours passed and as the sun reached its peak his fingers found their way to his phone screen, clicking on your contact and quickly typing a short message before he started overthinking his way to never speaking to you again. Only then noticing the heart that you had placed beside your name; it made his heart do a flip

He typed a quick and simple question, asking if you were free at seven; soon after you replied with a lovely yes that made him giddy. His expression must have radically changed because Changbin felt free to question him and try to take a peek of his screen.

“Hyung!” Jisung said annoyed while scooting away a couple of centimetres, his friend just giggled in content and left him alone.

Taking into account that his apartment was a mess he quickly convinced you to hang out at yours to what you even ended up offering to make dinner for both of you with a sweet If you get the ingredients then I’ll be happy to cook.

So as soon as he had the chance he shouted farewell to his friends as he hurried to his apartment to get ready and buy the things you had asked him too, feeling all too happy and young. It’s not like he was old but everytime he thought about you now he felt like a child, back at 15 or even worse, younger, not knowing what to do except stare at your messages with complete infatuation.

His knuckles hesitated before colliding with your beige door twice, quickly and with enough force to make his presence known to you who opened with a tender smile barely reaching your eyes.

When he entered he couldn’t help but allow his eyes to linger around every small detail that the place held. The grey cushion went delightfully well with the subtle tones of yellow and cerulean, those matching with some accents you had added on the walls.

Only then he noticed that just as your number changed you could’ve too, he knew all about the you who had survived school by his side but almost nothing about the person who lived on that tidy apartment that smelt faintly of vanilla.

He turned around to find the image of you moving freely in the kitchen way too endearing to look away. Your hands got everything he had brought out of the bag and your back greeted him with a sense of familiarity he could get used to.

A second later you turned around, a playful smile crinkling the corners of your eyes. “Are you going to help me or are you just going to stand there?”

Jisung chuckled before throwing a small apology to the air, walking to your side and not forgetting to push his hips to meet yours. Grabbing some vegetables he moved to the sink to wash them, that was one of his specialties in the kitchen.

You hummed along at a non existent song while he dried his hand on the kitchen towel, watching you cook without major effort. Out of nowhere your eyes travelled to his, making him freeze on his spot for a second.

“I missed you,” you said with ease, showing him that those words weren’t as hard to pronounce as he had been thinking since he hugged you on the street.

He was about to answer, finally allowing himself to take the proper time to express how happy he felt about your presence when you turned around and walked a couple steps towards him, gaze saddening ever so slightly. “Why didn’t you call me in all this time?”

“Well...” He sighed loudly, contemplating the option with which he could respond. I was scared? Well sure, he was but that wasn’t really the reason. I forgot? More like it but it definitely sounded rude enough to gain the wrong reaction from you. I love you? No, that wasn’t the answer to this question in particular, but it sure was an answer he would have to say at one point.

At the silence that installed in the kitchen you sighed before speaking. “When we first started getting distanced I was really discouraged, but every single time I feared we wouldn’t talk again I remembered something you told me once. God, maybe you don’t even remember.” Jisung’s gaze softened once again, of course he knew, how could he forget how he lied to you. “You said ‘Trust in me, we’ll make it through’, even now it brings me such peace to think back at the certainty with which you said that.”

You walked towards the couch, sitting and patting the cushion beside yours to urge him to do the same.

“Those words healed me during the hardships that I went through, they gave me hope that no matter how much time passed we still remained the same, all of us.” You sighed loudly and looked at the floor. “But still, I couldn’t help wondering why? Were you too busy? Not interested enough? Had you forgotten about me? And at some point I blamed you until I realized that I could’ve texted you too, or perhaps called you. But I was so caught up in being scared that I never made a move, and without realizing the years had passed by.”

After a short pause you moved your eyes to meet his again, filled with melancholy. “So, I didn't call you because I was too much of a coward and I accept it.” Jisung chuckled lightly, earning a small laugh from you as well. “So why didn’t you?”

He sighed once again before leaning back on the couch, to which you followed seconds later, resting your head on the back of the couch while looking at him with an intense gaze.

“Did you know that your name was my email password when we were in high school?” he began; you immediately shook your head to deny knowing. “It still is. I hadn’t seen you in five years and still your name keeps being my password. I typed it every time I got a new phone, when I forgot my laptop and had to log in elsewhere, all the time, your name.”

He stole a glance at your face and smiled widely before looking at the ceiling, white and with the smallest crack on one corner of the room. “There wasn’t a second that I didn’t think of you and not a moment in which I didn’t have the intention of calling you.

There were times in which I was way too caught up in my life and what I had in front of my eyes but that wasn’t enough excuse. Just like you said, one day I realized that it had been too long and I felt too guilty to do it. I had promised you we wouldn’t drift away and then there I was, months of not exchanging a single word with you and an incredible amount of guilt tying my hands to my back.”

“I lied to you and then convinced myself that I had no right to face you after,” Jisung finally said, embarrassment creeping up to his cheeks at how his statement sounded out loud.

“But you didn’t lie to me, at least not entirely,” you quickly retorted, earning a quick snort from him.

“Well damn, thank you so much. Now I feel way better.”

Rolling your eyes and hitting his arm lightly, you continued, “You said we would make it through and here we are; being away from each other wasn’t the end of the world. We, well, I was too childish back then to think that our relationship changing a little would be the end of the world.

We were kilometres apart, of course our relationships would change but in the end it didn’t change that much. I mean, look at us. You just revealed an embarrassing secret that will cost you your email.”

He threw you a warning look before you giggled. “After all this time we can still talk freely, it’s just a matter of catching up where we left off and going back to our old rhythm.”

A matter of catching up and going back to our old rhythm. The first part had put his calm at ease, the second one not so much. He didn’t want to go back exactly to what you had; you had just said it yourself relationships change and he wanted this one to do so as well.

He reached his hand to grab yours, finally intertwining his fingers freely with yours after years of hesitation. Throwing you one last look he just muttered, “Or change.”

“Or change...” you repeated after him, adding with mischief something else, “like your password should if you don’t want me lurking around your email.”

“God, you have such a way of ruining things" You snorted and he sighed in defeat. You were still a dork and that would never change, like his password; remaining the same that he loved.

[blushing-starker]

Insanity brings me truth and you

can you guess what Peter's doing to not be understood by the guards?

It's not easy, being crazy. There are expectations to run away from, a bar to limbo under, a specific number of people one has to betray and scar. The unknowable becomes knowable, so you have to skirt the edge of that Venn diagram very carefully. Or very recklessly. Either way, it's a complex thing except for when it's not. Jesus, how infuriating to think about. The point is, the paradox that crazies carry on their shoulders? It's a fucking hassle, a tricky one and Peter is tired of it.

He sighs, lets gravity bend him backward, legs slipping dangerously off the blanket he's hung as a hammock inside his cell. Act like a psycho and you're predictable, don't act like an ax wielding murderer and whoops! Predictable. It's the downside of being insane; you leave the weary capitalist consumer mask out in the world, probably set that shit on fire and make yourself sick with the fumes. But you just replace it with the one labelled 'danger to society' and get forced to play along with that. He did what he did to avoid the world and its predetermined fate, its standards.

Peter closes his eyes, thinks of the nauseating smell on his left. Rupert, the guard that dared graze him while he came back from the shower naked, has a broken nose thanks to Ned and his loyalty to him. The idiot barely cleans the open wound and the whole cell reeks of pus because of it. He does the math of how long it's been going on for and shudders in disgust. His bare calves slip a little more.

An inhale near the front of his cage. Slow, but controlled. Not the usual. Thank God for a circus family and heightened senses.

The doctor is paying attention to him.

"Doctor Stark. Gnittor gnihtemos llems ouy nac?" Rupert grumbles from his perch on the second floor, curses a hare brained psycho that's incomprehensible. Peter hums, pleased to know that after ten months, nine days, twelve hours, and...

Breathe in. Breathe out. Focus on sinking deeper into nothing, into a yawning void. The blanket shakes and his thighs are starting to tremble. Blood is rushing to his head, veins most likely beginning to protrude. Irrelevant.

His favorite guard Stan wears a Swiss watch his wife got for him on their fortieth anniversary. It sings to him now, smooth and cool like a river. A skipping stone is thrown, tic, a fish heads towards the sound, toc. Above all the other stimuli in the room, the watch announces itself. Ten fifteen.

Ten months, nine days, twelve hours and twenty minutes into a game, his tiny gnat still hasn't caught on. Not like the charming doctor. He sees him then, behind closed eyelids, as clearly as a sweet nightmare. Tall, taller than Peter, but less strong. Wide shoulders that morph into a slim waist and a delectable ass he aches to sink his teeth into. Shapely calves from running, curiously delicate looking ankles.

Down and back again. A full head of dark hair with a dusting of silver. Dangerously clever mouth, what his aunt would call a noble nose. Agreeable cheekbones. Piercing eyes that tear his walls down, rip apart the bricks and mortar until he's scrambling on the other side, desperately, clumsily attempting to reinforce them for the millionth time. Those eyes saw the trick, the mirror reflection on his second day here, Peter offhandedly talking in reverse with Ned when they passed the new doctor. A dark gaze had pinned him in place, a spider fixed in place with its own silk against the cold dissection table.

Ned had rambled on, Peter had met a worthy playmate and the doctor had seen all he needed in that eternally prolonged glance. That very afternoon, a psychiatrist signed on as his very own voyeur.

Doctor Stark seems to be as interested in cutting him open to peek inside as Peter is in taking a dagger and comparing their hearts. He does this a lot; wonders how fate and the absence of lucky fate led them here. On opposite sides of a prison when perhaps it should be the other way around. Or perhaps there should only be Peter and Doctor Stark.

He feels himself falling, plummeting ever downward into fantasies and hazy dreams. It's not until the good doctor sharply calls out his name that he realizes he's also plummeting towards the floor. Now, MJ had warned him; had specifically said that the hammock being ten feet off the concrete ground was a bad idea. Ned had said he'd be fine and Peter loves the guy, ok? He has to do everything he can so that his best friend wins a bet over his other best friend.

Peter slightly regrets that when he's forced to arch his body backward, flip right side up in order to hit the floor on his feet instead of his face. The impact chokes the air right out of him, shakes his bones, but he doesn't react. Cracks his neck and that's all. Most of the guards were kind, some shade of understanding. They weren't harmless, though. He knows what he looks like, knows how many hours these men are cooped up with the scum of the earth.

"To answer your question," Peter leaps onto the bars of his cell, slithers higher than any sane person would and somersaults off the vertical slits, sinks into his trustworthy hammock with its trustworthy knots (MJ and Ned had tied them, one each), "yes, I do. It's less potent this time."

He stills, frowns. "How? There haven't been any changes. External or internal." No need to act like the Mad Hatter when the conversation could be had normally. Quicker and more reliable with meanings. But the doctor pauses, enunciates his next words slowly.

"Ti koot uoy erom emit yadot." God, he loved hearing Doctor Stark talk that carefully and smoothly. It was as comforting as it was uncomfortable. (He and sex don't particularly get along. It's like a headache that comes and goes; with the right medicine it can dissipate and evolve into something soothing, pleasant. With the majority of medicine, it blossoms into pain and soreness, a dry throat clogged by a thick syrup that won't leave him be no matter how much water MJ and Ned encourage him to drink. Peter isn't yet completely certain which side of his scale the doctor falls on, but he's guessing it's likely the first.)

(The man seemed to live in the grey areas; fitting that with this, too, he'd reside in the in between.)

The reverse effect is in play and he grins, genuine and wide, when he catches it. "Monsters are visiting more frequently, taking up space in the light." His nightmares had intensified recently, and they're starting to accompany him even in moments Peter knows are real; shapes drifting by the corner of his eye. As a coping tactic, he rips parts of his nails off. Not entirely, just the corners. His mind could concoct lots of things, but in his dreams his hands are always pristine.

(He hasn't caught up with it, hasn't noticed that although his nightmares have a clearness to them, a bright intensity, Peter can't shift enough focus to realize his hands aren't his own. They never are. But he usually has more pressing bodies to deal with than the good doctor's.)

Another pause, this one being done by Tony Stark, doctor and healer of men, instead of Doctor Stark, curious keeper of deranged souls. "I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe this will help." Peter peers over the edge of the grey hammock, watches with interest as the doctor approaches his cell with a glass bottle of clear liquid sloshing inside. The other man stops an inch away from the bars, looks up at Peter.

There's a slow tension simmering between them, something as thick and addictive as honey. There's scientific curiosity, a desire to seek out and maybe comprehend the unknown lurking inside their mirror image, as other and as alike as oneself. But there is also a gleam of something he's afraid of acknowledging in Doctor Stark's eyes. A madness once tucked away steadily unraveling itself with each glance they share.

Peter returns the look, unblinking and thinking. " 'If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.' " A lesson Nietzsche offered to those wise enough, sane enough to live blind.

The doctor raises an eyebrow, is otherwise still. Sometimes, if Peter considers their current predicament for too long, his grasp on his masks loosens, and the Spider begins to spin its deadly thread round and round its very own body. He sees a guard exchange money with a partner; the crazy quota has, he guesses, been filled for the week. And they had such a nice streak going on, too. Oh, well. This web is unavoidable anyways.

He pitches himself forward, is the one who controls the descent instead of gravity this time. Letting the air rush up to meet him, he inhales, tastes a distinct sharpness around him. Crouching, Peter takes it all in, every last detail. Looks, really looks, at the doctor and suspects.

As if he were none the wiser, he calmly heads to the front of the cell. Meets the doctor at the divide and wonders what it'll be. Wonders if he'll rise higher than ash and flame, an acrobat testing the fates by flying just seconds ahead of death. Doctor Stark hands him the bottle and he can see now, tiny pieces of lavender. A distraction for the guards. "That should keep the monsters in the dark. Use it before you got to sleep and tuck away your hair."

Like a schoolgirl with a crush, he self consciously brings a hand to his curls. They're getting a bit long, but the warden only allows haircuts once a month or two. "I don't have anything to use." Digging into his lab coat, the other man retrieves a single black stick.

Well, to everyone else it's a hair pin. Peter knows the truth though, can see it and smell it and very nearly touch it. As it is, he gently plucks the items out of elegant hands and refuses to look at them. Looking draws attention. Doctor Stark gazes at his face, eyes flickering in a rehearsed way around his own, but not into them. That's alright, he understands.

"The lack of movement around your face should also help." The question of why is out before he can reel it in and act as a sane, normal person. Christ, he could handle crazy, not rude. He would have to practice being in control so as not to slip up when the doctor is around. Said doctor cocks his head, doesn't have to do anything more for Peter to get the message: go on, ask the devil why he made the deal.

Peter B Parker does not back down when intrigued. "Why are you helping me sleep better?"

Why help me escape?

"It's my duty." Three words. Not the explicit declaration of affection typical, normal, dull people receive from an admirer or partner. Not a grand proclamation of wanting what the heart wants, or a sonnet regarding the connection between star crossed paramours. Simple, short, concise; enough to turn to religion, to sanctity and salvation if it means hearing it again. He'd do anything, including putting on a discarded mask from his past if it gets him what he desires. Peter would suffer through sanity for this man. He would if it means hearing what sounds silent to those around them.

You're my duty. Whatever happens tonight, Doctor Stark believes it's his duty to see it through. To see him through, in a way.

"Why would you accept?" Ah, silly doc thinking any of his principles have changed since the first time they met, since the first time he brought fire to life and gave death in return. Peter smiles, brings forth the prisoner that had not seen the light of day in almost a decade.

(His uncle often said Peter's greatest gift to the world was his smile, his true smile. His aunt said it was the final move needed to capture a king and make him his pawn.)

"Why, doc, you know I hate to be bored." Call him a psycho, a freak, a sick, pitiful creature. Call him anything and everything and maybe those words would ring true. But Peter will never allow himself to be bored, not when there's so much fun to be had. Especially with a doctor as crazy as he is. "This looks...promising."

" 'He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.' " The first part of Nietzsche's warning.

"Nietzsche didn't understand; those who fought monsters were already fated to become what they struggled to defeat. They believed salvation could be found by killing the monsters outside, but all they did was feed the ones inside."

Anthony Stark, the truest version, grins at him, all glinting eyes, sharp teeth and a crooked smile. Peter Parker, armed with a match, gasoline and soon to be glass shards, grins right back. In this instant, being crazy isn't such a hassle. After all, he has someone to share the crazy with now.

[oatmilkovich]

not sure if you've shared your acting thoughts on j.a.w. but would love to hear if you have any stand-out moments. it keeps hitting me what a powerhouse he is and his arc (and especially the incredible power of his scenes with emmy) pretty much singlehandedly kept me watching through seasons 6-8 when a lot of other storylines dragged on! i'm still happy with the show in a post-fiona world but i really miss the lip and fiona dynamic as it really felt like the backbone of the show and the gallagher family!

hey! <3

you sent this weeks ago and i am profusely sorry about that. i haven’t talked about jeremy yet but since it was lip love hours on the dash today, i decided to have a crack at it. lip’s storyline has definitely been the most consistent and solid throughout the entire show – there’s never really a time i don’t enjoy watching his scenes (though i do find it difficult to watch the helene sl in s6). he and emmy consistently worked phenomenally off one another and though i really miss emmy now, i do think we need to hand it to jaw and his contribution to carrying the show for it’s run. 

there’s a lot I could talk about with jeremy’s work so i’ve had to pick a couple of my favourite things for today, otherwise i’d be writing for hours. discussion under the cut! 

remember: this is all my opinion! i’m just an unemployed actor in a pandemic. 

one of my ultimate favourite things about jeremy’s performance is the way he approaches lip’s monologues. in my personal opinion as an actor, monologues fucking suck. they’re unnatural, difficult to pull off and so easily end up being a vehicle for the self indulgent actor to just hear their own voice. luckily for us, jaw manages to knock them out of the park every single time. the key to a successful monologue is a hell of a lot of prep work before hand – you’ve always got to remember that no one monologues and talks at a great interrupted length naturally, that’s just not how humans exist and interact in the world, so an actor always has to consider why their character continues talking and doesn’t stop after the first line. their objective for the scene – what they want to gain – has to be so solid, so vital to the actor/character that we believe they can’t stop talking until they achieve it. an objective is the only thing that drives dialogue forward – we only speak out loud because we want to achieve something. now, there’s an incredibly fine line between pushing to achieve your objective during a monologue and allowing the objective to push you. this is never a problem with jeremy’s work. 

a good objective goes hand in hand with how the lines of the monologue are delivered. every line a character speaks is new to them – the actor rehearses a line but the character doesn’t – each thought behind a line, even if it’s something they’ve thought about before, is new to them. when you’re working in a scene with another actor and trading dialogue, it’s easier for that new line of dialogue to feel more natural as a response to your partner – when you’re on your own in a monologue this can be a huge challenge. monologues are badly done when everything sounds rehearsed – you can tell when the actor isn’t working from moment to moment and is simply saying the lines they’ve learnt in a huge chunk. you don’t believe they’re speaking to achieve their objective, they’re simply speaking the lines on the page and probably are thinking about how good they sound. again, this is never a problem with jeremy’s work. 

now let’s look at this monologue from 5x08:

this is a really well done and subtle monologue on jeremy’s part – it’s one of my favourites and it does a really good job at highlighting how detailed and personalised his work is. before he even begins to speak, you can tell jeremy is prepared for the circumstances of scene. lip is completely riddled with tension – you can see it in the way he clenches his jaw and wipes his hands on his trousers – as an audience member, we already know there’s a hell of a lot on his plate. this monologue is a moment where he allows it all to bubble over. 

lip’s obviously trying to get some leeway on his college finances by explaining his situation to his adviser – perhaps that was jeremy’s objective (to achieve help with his finances) but as he continues talking, it morphs into really heartbreaking glimpse into lip’s pov of being the ‘golden goose’ of the family. it’s the first time we really hear his thoughts on ian’s diagnosis, monica’s illness and how guilty he feels every single day being away from his family. lip asking for a favour becomes less about financial help and even more so about being heard. he needs someone to understand and hear him out. to understand the heavy pressure he feels to achieve what everyone else expects of him. 

a monologue has a mini storyline arc within it and jeremy takes us on journey as we watch lip continue talking, continue exposing himself, putting himself in a horribly vulnerable position. he starts by easing himself in – cracking a joke about how they should get to know one another because he’ll be there a lot – but as soon as he starts going into detail about ian and why he needs an extension on payments, there’s a significant shift in jeremy’s delivery and lip’s relationship to how badly he needs this. jeremy allows himself to fully experience each thought before he delivers a line – he doesn't rush and allows moments to breathe. every single line he says, every single sibling or situation he mentions, we get a glimpse of his pov on the subject. these moments of pause allow lip’s journey throughout the speech to be so clear to us as audience members, there’s never a moment where a piece of dialogue feels delivered falsely or preplanned. jeremy doesn’t push to achieve anything and we follow lip throughout the speech on his journey without a clue where he’s going to end up. 

by the end of the monologue, lip’s desperation to be understood is clearer than ever. he’s panicking but jeremy never overplays it. even as it builds and he begins to visibly get more emotional with tears in his eyes, it never becomes a performance. jeremy always manages to get the balance right and it’s just a really, really beautiful reaction to his circumstances and truthful acting coming from the moment. it’s a huge deal to bare his heart like this to someone – a stranger at that – and jeremy manages to capture that vulnerable dent in lip’s pride perfectly. he’s not yelling, he’s not pulling his hair out, but we still completely understand why this is so important to him. although I'll never know how he actually prepares his work, his text work here is deeply personalised – you can tell jeremy has given lip’s pov a good thought. I believe him the entire way through, his objective is clear and whatever it was that jeremy decided to use worked perfectly for both his motivation and our belief. 

as someone who has shed a tear over performing many a monologue, he makes it seem so fucking effortless – i think that’s what really gets me. i’d love to see him do work on stage one day. as i said, there are about a million things I could talk about when it comes to jaw’s work on the show. this baaaaaarely even scratches the surface! I wanted to talk about another monologue here too, but i think this got long enough only talking about one! 

please always feel free to ask me about any specific moments if you have any pressing questions, i can’t promise i’ll get to it very quickly (i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry!) but i will always try.my inbox is always open for anything, acting or otherwise. it takes me a while, but I really, really do love talking about this stuff. 

thanks for reading! <3 

[littleoddwriter]

So in the comics, Sionis's skull mask is actually NOT a mask and the result of him cutting off his face. What about a story where Roman entrusts with Zsaz with disfiguring him?

Perfection | Roman Sionis x Victor Zsasz | ZsaszMask

1) Anon, please, you need to tell me what comic you saw/read this in, because I've read pretty much all of the ones Roman is in and it's always a mask (he's called Black Mask for a reason after all). It's usually just fused with his face because it was burned to it.

So, I'm genuinely just curious in which comic book version he cut his face off, because I'm not aware of it, fjdhfjkskfsl. And I need to read it. Please, dhjgsdjfhsf.

2) This turned more into a character study, whoops. I hope it's still to your liking anyway. Thank you so much for the request, it was super interesting and it totally got out of hand again... (cue no one being surprised).

I hope you enjoy! :)

summary; see above.

notes; TW / CW // Dissociation; Delusion; Psychosis; Visual Hallucination; Murder; Violence; Blood; Cutting; Disfiguration; Scars; Identity Death. That should be everything important.

A/N: Also, Roman suffers from BPD, like always in my Fics, so that's where this is all coming from, as I headcanon that it started out as the general symptom of having a distorted sense of self, and developed into a delusion, and then he suffered a psychotic break with hallucinations and such, resulting in his disfiguration.

[And remember that psychosis is a very serious thing and that I'm not using it lightly here. Psychotic people suffer. They're not bad people for having psychosis. They deserve love and respect. Don't use it against people, don't disrespect them with it and do not under any circumstances use it as a synonym for evil. Thanks.]

Everybody knew just how much Sionis cared about his perfect looks. Always, at any time, he had to look and be presentable, and he had to be perfect doing it. His parents had drilled it into him from an early age on, not caring much about anything about him, other than his appearance. He was one of the faces of Janus Corp after all. He had to be perfect in order to make the cosmetics sell better.

Still, when Roman looked in the mirror he couldn’t recognise himself. It was as though he was staring at a stranger. He painted his face and took great care of it; always making sure it looked immaculate. It didn’t help the disconnection he felt from it, though.

Sometimes it only made it worse, because really – he was just putting on a mask, wasn’t he? He made himself look absolutely perfect, so that others couldn’t possibly see what was underneath the surface.

He was a cruel and sadistic man, one with many issues, and a crime boss behind his businessman persona. That was all him, but it also wasn’t.

No, this cruel man was Black Mask.

The persona he’s made up to make a name of himself in Gotham’s underbelly. That was who he really was. Not Roman Beauvais Sionis. No, that man was just a mask that his parents had constructed and that he’s kept up all his life in a desperate attempt to gain approval and respect.

But every single day, one more crack appeared on this mask, and another piece broke off on worse days. Soon, none of this ‘Roman Sionis’ would be left.

He could feel it.

He could see it.

When he looked in the mirror, all he could see then was this broken mask, an empty shell, waiting to fully break apart and let the inside rear its ugly head to its fullest.

Some days even, he would sit in front of his vanity and look at himself for a while, seeing the way he cracked and broke apart slowly, but surely, how his skin was crawling with the feeling of it. It made him itch. He desperately needed to get it off.

So far he hasn’t dared to do it, though. He couldn’t make himself take a knife and just carve into this fleshy mask.

He hated the way he hesitated every time.

This mask didn’t mean anything.

It was just an unnecessary hurdle he had to overcome to be who he really was, to the fullest.

He’s already made a good progress of realising himself with the Black Mask, but it was just there to hide his perfect exterior, to seem more malicious, to protect his precious skin.

That particular night, he’s worn his Black Mask and had gotten into a nasty fight with some other criminals. While Zsasz and his other goons were usually so good at keeping him out of it, this time wasn’t so.

Victor had been busy fighting off three men at once – and really, Roman admired the way he’s overpowered them after all, soaked in their blood, three new tallies on his skin. It was magnificent. Zsasz was so gorgeous to him. He knew who he was; he had no qualms about whether or not he looked perfect. He wore each tally as though it was a medal – and in a way, Roman guessed it was. Sionis envied him – this freedom Zsasz had that he so desperately wanted.

Black Mask had been attacked by two men of his rival. He had tried shooting them, but one of them managed to knock his revolver out of his hand. It was okay, he wasn’t entirely incompetent when it came to hand-to-hand combat after all. Still, that didn’t mean he liked it.

During the fight, he’s taken some punches to the face, which was fine; the mask saved him of some of the damage. But then one of the muscles took it off his head, leaving him vulnerable. He hated it. It enraged him. His rage caught on fire, bursting into roaring flames. He went to beat them up with more fervour. He didn’t care anymore. He just wanted them dead.

And he did kill them, after one of them had swung a knife at him, slashing his left cheek. He wrestled it out of the guy’s hand and stabbed them both in the neck, watching with cold eyes as they bled out right in front of him.

The turmoil around him and Victor had started dying down by then. Eventually, they were able to go back home, death and victory hanging fresh in the air, excitement buzzing under their skin. And for that one night, Roman hadn’t even cared that there was a cut on his otherwise immaculate face, or that it would most likely heal into a nasty scar.

Of course, that hadn’t lasted very long.

The next morning, he had started crying because of it, too upset over his ruined skin, the evidence that his mask was slowly but surely breaking apart. He couldn’t stand it.

When the cut had healed, though, and it was merely a pink scar, and not as ugly as he had expected, it was easy to cover it up with make-up. He did that for a while, until he seemed to have reached his breaking point.

Roman has just gone through his usual nightly routine, which always took way too fucking long anyway for the fact that he’d never look as perfect as he wanted – no, not wanted – felt like he had to. And like so often, he just sat there in front of his vanity and looked at himself, staring at his face.

Was it really his face? He just couldn’t tell.

Was that really what he looked like? He didn’t feel like it.

It was just all wrong, so far away, not him.

No, that was underneath.

Everything important was only skin deep.

Or was it?

What if everything important was under the skin?

What if skin was nothing but a fucking hindrance?

What if perfection was nothing but an illusion? He was sure that it was.

Perfection didn’t exist.

Nothing and no one was perfect. He should know. While his parents tried to appear as though they were above everyone else, they really weren’t. They struggled with the fact that the Wayne’s were above them financially, but also as humans. Roman’s parents haven’t ever felt human to him at all. All affection was nothing but a lie, all ‘perfect and happy family’ was nothing but a show.

So no, perfection didn’t exist.

Then why did he even bother conforming to something that was only a construct anyway?

No more, though.

As he looked at himself in the mirror, it had become distorted. That wasn’t unusual for him. It happened a lot, especially as of late. He saw the crumbling mask that was his supposed face. Pieces broke off, starting by the scar on his left cheek. Those pieces were falling away, revealing only darkness. It was as though one was breaking a porcelain doll’s face in. Hollow inside. But that wasn’t what he was. He wasn’t hollow. His true self just needed a little help to come out.

“Zsasz!” he shouted for his partner.

It felt far away, as though someone else had shouted it, someone that wasn’t him. But then again, this wasn’t who he really was anyway.

“Boss?” Zsasz came into his dressing room.

He didn’t take his eyes off the mirror, looking at Victor through that.

“I need you to help me with something. You’re the only one I trust to do it right,” he stated, holding up the carving knife Zsasz usually used to peel off faces and slit throats on his command.

Victor looked at the knife and then back at him, looking confused. “D’you need me to kill someone?” he asked, unsurprisingly.

“No- well, technically yes, but not really,” he answered cryptically.

“Uh, sure, alright. Whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it, boss.” Zsasz was always so fucking loyal and obedient. It was truly lovely. That was exactly why he trusted him with it – and because Victor’s knife skills were definitely superior to his own.

“Good boy,” he purred and let Zsasz take the knife from him. “I need you to ruin this,” he continued, gesturing his hand around his face in circles to let Victor know exactly what he was talking about.

“Your face?” He nodded. “Are you sure, Roman?”

“Don’t call me that,” he hissed angrily, “And fucking do as I say! Ruin my face. I trust you to do it right and not have this body end up dead. ‘Kay?”

He didn’t know if Zsasz understood what he was on about, although it was so very clear to him, he couldn’t fathom the possibility of someone like Victor Zsasz not getting it.

“Alright, sure. Whatever you want,” Victor murmured then, “I need you to turn around, though. I can’t reach you well like this.”

Nodding, he turned around in his seat, facing Victor, who stood beside him on his right. “Go on then.” He twirled his hand, index finger up, for emphasis, like he always would.

In a way, he felt giddy with excitement, although some underlying anxiety lingered beneath it all. It would be okay, though. He was certain of it.

This was right.

This was what was supposed to happen.

Zsasz took a deep, steadying breath. Then he pressed the blade’s point against his right cheek. For a moment he didn’t do anything else, looking him over, giving him an exit to all of this. But he was so absolutely certain of himself in that moment; he wasn’t going to back out.

Not this time.

“Do it, Victor,” he ordered with a steady voice, conviction clear in it.

Nodding, Zsasz put pressure on the knife and pressed the tip into his skin, drawing a three inch line down his cheek with it. He didn’t react to the pain. He couldn’t feel it. He was so disconnected from it all.

Zsasz continued to slice into his face’s skin, making bigger and smaller cuts, all deep enough to scar, just like he did for his tallies. Blood was oozing out of them, running down his face, his chin, falling on his precious pyjamas – those with his face on it. It was alright, though. He wouldn’t need them after this anymore, anyway.

Eventually, Victor stopped cutting. “Is that enough, boss?” he asked.

He turned around and looked at himself in the mirror. He’d have to wear bandages over his face for a good while, that was for sure. It was worth it, though, because now it was perfectly ruined – disfigured.

Roman Beauvais Sionis was no more.

Due to the blood all over his face and running over his lips, he could only nod a little. He didn’t dare talk just yet.

Then Zsasz cleaned up all the cuts and bandaged them, making sure it was all safe and secure for the night.

While his face was slowly healing, Zsasz had inquired why he’d asked him to do it in the first place. He explained it to him and Victor understood – just like he knew he would. That was exactly why they were so strong together; why they had been meant for each other; why there was never a question about whether or not their relationship had been a good idea.

No one but Victor Zsasz could understand him. And no one but him could understand Victor.

When he was able to leave the bandages behind, Victor ran his fingers over the would-be scars. His eyes reflected the admiration and wonder he must have felt. It delighted him. He knew it had been right.

“Thanks for trusting me with it, by the way,” Victor had murmured that night as they lay in bed.

“Of course. No one else could have ever done what you have,” he replied, kissing his partner, “Thank you for not refusing to do it,” he added, his lips brushing against Zsasz’s as he talked.

“Anything for you, boss. Told you so.”

“I know. Still, saying something doesn’t always have to mean anything. Only actions truly say what words can’t.”

“Yeah, I s’ppose you’re right.”

It was just so easy to be with Zsasz. He couldn’t have possibly asked for someone better at his side.

The next morning, he looked in the mirror without any kind of bandaging and for the very first time in his life, he felt a connection to his mirrored image. He could finally see himself.

Now when he wore his Black Mask it wasn’t to hide, or to protect – no, it was only to symbolise his true self, put emphasis on it. He had nothing to hide anymore.

Perhaps perfection existed after all. Just not in the ways that society believed in.

He realised that, when he stared at himself in the mirror, in awe.

“Perfect,” Black Mask whispered, stroking his fingers over the scabs on his face.

And he truly was perfect.