#but it also took quite long because i only worked on it when mentally okay to deal with the themes. i'm not religious

[averlym]

litany of the martyrs (click for better resolution!)

[catholicismabusedestiny]

What Happened...

12.01.1999

 Up until the age of 10 or 11, after the last child was born (and about the same time where my father came to deeply resent my “responsibility for the kids” – which was beat into me for as far back as I can remember); however, once it threatened his role or, more precisely once I started to get a voice, my father did a 180 degree turn and anything I did around the house or with the kids was not likely to get me in trouble.

I’ve spent a life-time being disappointed about various issues pertaining to my family; however, none has been as painful as the adult relationships (or lack thereof) I have with my siblings; therefore, this has been one of the top three topics discussed over 26 years of therapy and I think it’s finally coming into focus thanks to my Minister, Therapist and two close friends.

To begin with, my father’s verbal and emotional abuse is not disputed; it’s to what extent and how it was carried out which appears to be the issue people differ on.  As stated, those first 10, 11 years were the hardest of their marriage and on one another; they were untrained, ill-prepared and almost desperate at times and it was something open discussed about by relative and friends – particularly after one of many crisis’s (i.e. 6 births, the house fire, Dad’s accident, the accident the day Patty was born etc.,).  Dad would refer to that time as his “Irish luck” but, suffice it to say, those first 12 years were the most difficult for them.

During these difficult times –  before my Dad had to be cognizant of who was around and where he was before going off on me – Dad did a lot of yelling and even more criticizing.  It was during these years when he developed and began trying out his many phrases he had for me.  His unrelenting criticism and disappointment of me was not new and was widely known within the family and beyond.  Therefore, in getting back to whether he loved me unconditionally during that time I’d have to say “No, he didn’t show me unconditional love during my early childhood”.  

As a result, to those that were horrified by what I said earlier, the only thing I can say is that “you don’t know what you’re talking about!”  Moreover, his total lack of respect for me was not only felt but was picked up by all of my siblings; they all knew from the time they could walk and talk that Dad disliked Mike, makes fun of Mike and disrespects Mike; therefore, they, in turn, also disrespected me and it’s only grown worse and has even been passed down to the next generation who will not return a message from me.  They were unconscious taught to believe the things Dad said of me; then, by my mid-20’s while in therapy, I confronted my parents on the abuse and came out of the closet.

From the time I engaged in those activities, the abuse factor transferred from Dad to Mom who disapproved of everything I did or said.  Although, it was the confronting them on the abuse that she got stuck on; she knew that I knew (or remembered) those early years when all of the physical and verbal abuse was followed by screams from me wanting my Mother.  While she still blamed me for what went on, she knew that if I repeated this info to others outside the family that it would negatively reflect on her and that’s not something she could tolerate.

In fact, I think it’s that very point as to why she wanted me to visit more often, as well as all the pressure she put on me to move back to Chicago.  More to the point, however, she constantly criticized me (jobs, where I lived, what I did etc.,) and never-ever wanted to hear anything I had to say (I was not to speak with I visited UNLESS it was about kids or marriage).  She so resented me that anything she said about me was done with heavy doses of disapproval, accusations I was lying, and a consistent tone that I was not accepted, respected or approved.  

With me being gone for all of those decades, there was never anyone to comment on her accusations or to stick up for me; thus, everything was said and taken as gospel.  Ironic too that the entire reason why I stayed away (as well as all of those times when I was actually in Chicago but didn’t go home because my Mother refused to allow me to bring anyone with me when I’d visit; and, when I did visit, there were strict instructions about what I could and couldn’t say.  

Yet, each Sunday night, after I listened to 20 minutes about babies and weddings, she’d give me shit for not visiting more often AGAIN!  Finally, I obviously had to be more direct with her so I said “Mom, you wonder why I don’t visit more often or why I won’t move back and, the truth of the matter is it’s you Mom…  you refuse to allow me to bring my bf with me and then you get mad if/when anyone asks me a direct question about my volunteer work, the AID’s epidemic, gay rights etc., etc.,  So, if my significant other is banned/not welcomed and I’m prevented from talking about my passions and all of the good things I’m doing for the cause of AID’s than why would I even want to attend?”

It’s as though my Mother wants me to be present but she doesn’t want me; she wants me at 19 or 20 – before I came out.  “I cannot flip-on or flip-off my life just because you don’t like it…”   Moreover, because of this dichotomy between who I am and what my Mother wants me to be, I return home from these visits and fall into a deep depression knowing that I’m not accepted (or respected) for who I am. My friends are well acquainted with the depths of those depression episodes after I visit Chicago and, thus, will give me a few days to myself when I return but, after that, they go all out to force me out of that state of funk.

It wasn’t all that long ago when someone referred to the unconditional love one receives from their father and I stated that I was “unsure” about that; you’d thought I said “Kill All The Babies!”  Immediately, my sister and her husband became extremely upset with me and, as such, I became quite irritated with them.

I’m unsure what “con” was played on them while I was gone for 30 years but, one thing is certain:

Ø  None of them were around for the first 7 – 8 years of my life; therefore, they have absolutely no idea what took place. Accordingly, I deeply resent anyone telling me what I relive in my bed on a daily basis is not true.

Ø  Yes, I did carry around a lot of guilt for decades that Dad’s temper, behavior and his anger ridden tirades were - in some way - my fault (as both of my parents attempted to allege which, in and of itself, every therapist states is abuse).  Furthermore, over the years, Therapists have continually stated that I was not responsible for Dad’s behavior or conduct in any way, shape of form.

§  All of this changed permanently, however, on January 12, 2012 when Uncle Chuck asked me “How was your childhood?” That pandora’s box opened up a whole host of bad things that my father had done to me before I was 18 months old.

§  It was further shaped by the very odd or weird things some of Mom and Dad’s life-long friends and extended family members said to me as I became the point person for the dissemination of information re: My Parents Health.

·         As they became more comfortable with me – especially since most of them hadn’t spoken to me in decades; and, overtime, I heard things such as: “it’s so good you’re here for your parents now given some of the things that happened in the past...”  OR “your Dad was so hard on you growing up; I’m so glad to see that you’re doing well and that you and your father have resolved things…”  OR “Mike, I’m proud of you, you’ve been able to put the past behind you and are now working to help your parents…   given some of the things that occurred, that’s quite impressive…”

·         What I came to realize (or actually remember), any neighbors we had on either Quincy or Thurlow would have (and did) hear, listen and witness things that they’ve not forgotten.  I knew that in the summer, with the windows open, that neighbors 10’ away would have heard the loud arguments and much more since my blue bedroom (where most of the physical and verbal abuse took place) was < 10’ from our neighbor to the North on Quincy.  On Thurlow, when I was older and learned to always sit near an entrance, I would run outside every time Dad would blow up so his verbal abuse from across the street was legendary.  Each time he’d throw me out, disown me and tell the world that I was not his son and that I was just a huge embarrassment that he was ashamed of, was all done outside where everyone around heard and listened.  Moreover, Dad’s favorite put-downs and “phrases” such as “you’re worthless and will never amount to anything” were (at least during those first 10 – 12 years when we were on Quincy) said to me at any time and anywhere; it didn’t matter is cousins or Aunt and Uncles were around; although, after about 12 years (or about the time we moved to Thurlow), Mom had been influential in getting Dad to stop saying certain things about the kids outside of our immediate family, thus, he was coached on how bad his behavior reflected upon him and he became more cognizant of who was present when he’d go off.

Ø  Therefore, between my bad dreams, my memories, those repressed memories retrieved via hypnosis, countless therapist opinions, my Minister (actually two of those), dozens of self-help books and self-actualization seminars/workshops/courses on being your best and being yourself and more than 3,000 diary entries, I believe I know who I am and I remain very disappointed that my siblings cannot see how their everyday actions of excluding me, not showing me respect and accusing me of lying are all actions intended to provide cover for Mom and Dad’s conduct and behavior.

§  What they don’t see is that I don’t blame out parents; however, they’d have to go through my writings to understand why I believe that’s true and that my actual intent for talking about any of these things is not only to seek truth and knowledge but to break down barriers, demonstrate how much of what went on was handed down from the previous generation and that the ONLY thing I want to ensure is that the dysfunctional, negative, critical and homophobic attitudes DO NOT get handed down to my nieces and nephews.  Mom would ask “why do you bring that up?”  “Mom, I bring it up because no one has brought it up previously, thus, it becomes engrained and passed down to the next generation.  I DO NOT WANT ANY NIECE OR NEPHEW TO GO THROUGH EVEN SOME OF WHAT I DID; I WANT THEM TO FEEL BUILT-UP, NOT TORN DOWN!!

[missstormcaller]

CAN’T FEAR YOUR OWN WORLD PART 5 Full Translation

TN -- This is the part that was released on the Bleach/Jump+ app a few weeks ago, it’s very long over 9000 words. Also be warned - Liltotto’s potty mouth, if that kind of thing bothers you...

Hueco Mundo. 6 months since the Protection of the Soul King Great War. Even in Hueco Mundo, the world of the Hollows headed by the Arrancar, a gradual change is occurring. After the Arrancar hunt by the Quincy of the Wandenreich came to an end, powerful Arrancar such as Harribel and Grimmjow had disappeared, a new period of civil unrest was about to be ushered in. However, as Nelliel, whose whereabouts had been unknown thus far, suddenly returned accompanied by Harribel, the ambitions of the Arrancar and Vasto Lorde class Menos Grande were instantly met with disappointment, and they retreated back to their respective colonies as a result. Several Arrancar launched surprise attacks on Nelliel and Harribel thinking "surely they're exhausted now", however most of them were beaten at their own game, and even those who had managed to escape were sent sinking to the ground unlucky enough to bump into Grimmjow who was in a foul mood. In a corner of Hueco Mundo which was in the gradual process of restoring its peace from such a 'return of the leader', a man wearing a mask resembling a bull's skull released a sigh.

"…That was a brief dream huh." Rudborrn Chelute. He is an Arrancar that was once the leader of the "Exequias" directly under Aizen, and he is the man that continued to manage Las Noches alone in Hueco Mundo after Aizen's departure. “After all, for a weak person like myself to dream of such things, wasn't the very idea itself presumptuous……?" He is also one of the Arrancar that tried to unify Hueco Mundo after Harribel's disappearance. Rudbornn still felt an obligation to Aizen and was attempting to defend the new order as much as possible in its original form, created after that leader seized control of Hueco Mundo from Baraggan. In addition to the likes of the Tres Bestias and the Espada, there are also several other Arrancars that are stronger than him. However, without having any interest in governance to begin with, they did not participate in a succession dispute. It could be said that it was Rudbornn alone that tried to fight for hegemony considering that very 'order' itself as the number one priority. It's​ not that he was without ambition. He could not deny that he had dreamed of a day where he would eventually develop Hueco Mundo himself, and be worthy of being acknowledged by Aizen as a being that was a cut above the rest like the Espada.

Although he had heard that Aizen had quite literally 'cut down and cast away' Harribel as well as leaving behind words of disappointment with the Espada, if Aizen had returned to this place at the time, he wished to communicate that he had accomplished something with the powers he had received from Aizen. Even if he would be astounded thinking the results were unfavorable, and then cut him down on the spot, it was no matter. And​ now, as before, for the sake of protecting Hueco Mundo's order ------ he was battling the Quincies. "Dear me, I didn't expect that there would still be Quincy survivors left." Half a year ago, the Quincy who captured Harribel later deployed a unit called "Jagdarmee" throughout Hueco Mundo to conduct Arrancar hunts in every place. After the executive captain of the Jagdarmee Quilge is defeated by Ichigo and Grimmjow's group, the majority of those separated units were left behind in Hueco Mundo. It was those Quincies that put up a do-or-die resistance which took various forms for each unit from desperate suicide attacks to guerrilla warfare, however most of them were annihilated at the hands of the "Exequias" led by Rudbornn. There had been no movement for several months since then, so just when he thought their extermination was complete, he received eyewitness reports of Quincies going on the offensive. "Truly disappointing indeed. The “Pikaro” are disobedient as usual, and I hear they frequently go to the Human World with Roca. And even now Grimmjow sama refuses to give his cooperation to establish rule in Hueco Mundo. If things continue like this, I wonder if order could genuinely​ be brought about someday…" (TN -- For those who are unfamiliar with Narita's previous works for Bleach - Spirits are Forever With You I and II - You can read about the 'Pikaro' and Roca there)

Rudbornn shakes his head at his own shortcomings, but as he uttered such things, coming towards his observation spot, a voice of protest is raised against him. "Hey! Don't sigh, you also have to fight for yourself once in a while! It's not just about pushing the job to us and the small fry you create every time!" "Forget it Loly, even talking about it is pointless." The Arrancar with the twin ponytails who was talking smack -- Loly Aivirrne -- is rebuked by an Arrancar with a short-cut hairstyle -- Menoly Mallia. When they were discovered on the verge of death after battling with Quilge, they were transported to Las Noches where they were left in the care of Rudbornn. Soon after that, they were dragged into acting as members of the "Exequias" to gradually match the fighting power of the Quincies, but because they are not under the direct supervision of Rudbornn, they failed to reach an understanding in any way whatsoever. "No, I will say it! Anyway, Rudbornn! Where were you when Harribel sama was kidnapped! You were not even there when that guy called Quilge came!" "Since the invasion began in various places at the same time, someone had to cause an obstruction in each location that's all. And while we're on the subject, when Aizen sama was defeated by Kurosaki Ichigo, we could not have rivaled anyone who was already at his side.” "…You have a comeback for every remark…" At Loly's complaint Rudbornn releases a sigh whilst shaking his head.

"You two are inexperienced, but because you still have respect for Aizen sama, in this way, you were able to join my troops. Because under normal circumstances, disturbing the existence of order with mere  presence like your own, is truly unbefitting of Hueco Mundo." "Huh, what am I 'disturbing' just with my presence?” "Forget about it." "Let go of me Menoly! That guy acts like he's better than everyone else, but what do you think he was doing when the Shinigami attacked this place? A passing Yammy socked him so hard he was practically on the verge of death, isn't that so?!" "Since that also happened to us……" Menoly tugs back Loly's arm to keep her at a distance from Rudbornn. Veins were visibly throbbing on her forehead, and even as she was released from Menoly's grip, she attempted to complain some more, However -- a single streak of light passed by before her eyes. That bullet of light pierced a boulder located a fair distance away from Rudbornn and the others, part of the large boulder is hollowed out as if it had been bitten off by something with a huge set of jaws. "Whaa!?" When Loly shifts her attention to the direction in which the streak of light had flown in from, as her eyes popped out in astonishment, there, a figure of a girl with a bow drawn out was standing atop a pile of a caved in building structure. Her garments closely resembled that of the Quincy lot that once tried to capture them. In the depths of that structure the figures of others also begin to stir, from there, it appears that a couple were launching an attack their way. A continuous stream of Quincy arrows that were just shot can be seen flying towards them at alarming speeds. When Menoly and the others scrambled to avoid it, skull wearing soldiers who are Rudbornn's subordinates were now engaged whilst numerous pillars of sand shot up in Hueco Mundo's desert. As she Looked at the sand craters that were left behind after that with shocked eyes, Loly yells in a cold sweat. "Just a minute! Those are not the usual small fry! Their kind still remains!?"

"…That group of arrancars, there's only a few of them gathered here. I'm of the impression that they're the ones that came to clean us up." Whilst clutching a small bow with a design that was reminiscent of shark teeth, the small girl spoke with a straight face.

In response to that, a figure that was in the darkness of the structure which was half reduced to rubble, spoke up. "So you mean, we only have to get rid of a few small fry? And you missed your target at this distance? Wow, you suck. It's because you haven't been practicing properly isn't it?" "You're such a nag. You'd better get to work too. This is a chance to increase our pawns you know, Gigi." Then, the Quincy that was known as "Gigi" - Giselle Gewelle - replied as she displayed a mechanical smile which made it impossible for others to read her emotions. "My power can only temporarily allow me to zombify Hollows, you're aware of this right? I thought it was common knowledge that Hollow Reishi is incompatible with us Quincies, or did you forget about that?" "Even if it's just temporary, it doesn't matter does it? Everyone other than Bambi is disposed of anyway, and even if they're able to undo zombification 'over there', the situation is practically the same." "You're tired I don't like it. Lil might as well become my zombie, how about it?" Lil tilted her head as she responded to Gigi -- remaining expressionless Liltotto Lamperd gave her companion a tongue-lashing. "Do you want me to eat you, dumbass? …No, never mind. If I eat Gigi I'd probably get diarrhoea." "Isn't that a bit harsh? I think it's a terrible insult to eat a girl and then get ‘digestive problems’. Hey, don't you think so too, Bambi chan?" Looking at the girl with dark red skin who was 'placed' like a doll in a corner of the wreckage, Gigi maintained her mechanical smile as she sought the girl's agreement. "Y-yes…just as Gigi…it's just as Gigi says. So, so Gigi…please…blood."

"Ugh, Bambi chan is really greedy huh. If you want to speak selfishly to me…you get the picture right? Because Bambi chan is smart isn't she? She's clever right?" "…I, I understand…defeat…enemies… Like…to protect…Gigi…that's why, Blood…" Watching Bambietta Basterbine - the corpse with the reddish skin rise up, unsteady on her feet, Lil spoke as if she was somewhat amazed. "Why does it feel like her injuries aren't completely healed, and her speech has become more ambiguous than before? Is she Frankenstein's monster? It's as if she's become some freak that has just strayed out of a forest and into civilisation." "It's okay, if I give her blood I can 'fix' her up nicely. But, Bambi chan is cuter when she looks so pitiful like this, so I'm still keeping her this way for a while alright?" "You're a real piece of shit aren't you?" Although she disapproved of Gigi's preferences with her candid expression, Lil didn't try to stop Bambietta who began walking towards the enemy. Because she knew well. Even though her ability to think has degraded to such an extent, when it came to Bambietta's powers, there was no hindrance to defeating average strength Arrancars, hollows and the like. And as if to prove it ------ An infinite amount of Reishi mass emitting from Bambietta's surroundings were thrust towards the enemy camp, the white desert was blanketed by dazzling explosive flames. Liltotto Lamperd. Giselle Gewelle. Apart from Bambietta who has been transformed into a corpse puppet, why were those girls who rose in revolt against Yhwach in Soul Society and then supposedly had the tables turned on them, still alive and staying in Hueco Mundo? As for how this came to be, one must go back in time to the point immediately following the end of the war between the Shinigami and Quincies.

6 months ago - A certain place in the Human World. "……" When Lil awakens, she finds herself inside an unfamiliar room. A bandage is wrapped around her abdomen and a dull pain shoots through her when she touches it. It appears that she had undergone healing techniques unique to Quincies, however it seems it wasn't the case that she was completely recovered. ---- Of course. What remains in her memory is the fact that she had challenged Yhwach to a fight, after being unsuccessful in that regard she was cut down with ease, and just before she collapsed the Reiatsu of Bazz-B, who had been doing battle in another place, disappeared. ---- My abdomen was cut open with that kind of power. Ordinarily, the fatally wounded would have been left alone. ---- Why am I still alive? When she looked to her side there was the figure of Gigi who had not yet regained her consciousness, and laying down further back was a body that appeared to be Bambietta's, wrapped head to toe in bandages like a mummy. All three people including herself had been laid down to rest in simple beds, and had seemingly been given minimum medical treatment. Lil who noticed that the pillow placed under head was "Wandenreich" issued, speculated that this place is one of their bases in the Human World.

---- There are considerable signs of Quincies outside this room too…but most of them are already half dead.

When she got up to survey her surroundings, the door to the room opened and a woman appeared. "You're awake? Liltotto Lamperd." It was a female Quincy with a dignified look in her large-pupiled eyes that was standing there. "You're…” Lil puts herself on guard. "Aren't you the lackey of Yhwach's lackey? Did you mistakenly rescue the enemy?" - A member of the Sternritter who possesses the Schrift "B" and is said to essentially be Wandenreich's second in command - Jugram Haschwalth. It was Haschwalth's close aide that appeared in the room, and amongst the ordinary Soldat with no Schrift, this female Quincy was one of the most outstanding when it came to raw talent. Although it was rumoured that her handling of purely bows and arrows as well as her combat strength even surpassed some members of the Sternritter, she was not given a Schrift, it is said that this is because she herself wished to continue to serve as Haschwalth's subordinate rather than becoming equal to everyone who was a 'Schrift holder' - with the exception of Yhwach. Haschwalth, who is her superior, is a loyal subject to Yhwach. There should be no motive for her to help Lil's group who had raised a revolt against the Wandenreich. "Haschwalth that bastard, what is he thinking of doing? Even if he interrogated us, nothing will surface you know? We merely got sick of Yhwach so we betrayed him, that is all."

Judging from Haschwalth's cautious nature, is it not reasonable for him to speculate that those who betrayed the empire had the backing of the Shinigami, or some other organisation attached to them? In response to Lil who thought as such, the Quincy woman shakes her head a little. "…Haschwalth sama was killed in action after giving his strength to his majesty." "Huh?" At those unexpected words, Lil grimaced. However, the facts that were narrated after that, was the thing that caused the former Sternritter member Liltotto Lamperd to be surprised. "…His majesty also passed away by battling special war potential Kurosaki Ichigo, as well as Aizen Sōsuke." " ! " In a rare display, both of Lil's eyes widened and her mouth gaped open a few times, but after about ten seconds had passed, her usual calm demeanor returns. "…seriously? That Ichigo asshole, I thought he would be outrageously strong, but to that extent? He's pretty strong, for someone who's awfully naive huh." Recalling the orange haired Shinigami who yelled "you idiot, dodge it!" to a Quincy who tried to stop the huge slashing attack that Shinigami had fired himself, Lil smiled wryly with a touch of self mockery. "That reminds me, what happened to Candi and Meni?" Candice Catnipp, Meninas McAllon. They are her comrades who mobilised jointly with her during wartime, it was unusual for Lil, being recognised as a comrade amongst the Sternritter by each one of them. Although it was habitual for her companions to throw out blistering remarks to each other, it seemed to be the kind of relationship where they would bring up each others names first and foremost in situations like this, half resigned as she is, Lil quietly waited for her addressee's reply. "…I went to rescue them, but I didn't make it in time. It seems they were captured by the 12th division when they lost the power of their Vollständig in his majesty's 'Auswählen'. Najahkoop sama too, although it is unknown whether they are alive or dead, they appear to have been transported there." "I don't give a damn about that Peeping Tom bastard. The 12th division huh…? I see…in that case, perhaps it's better if they had died at once." What kind of department is the 12th division? What kind of man is Kurotsuchi Mayuri the captain of that division? Through advance intelligence, she was able to understand. "Be that as it may…there is a possibility that they're still alive, isn't there?" Lil cast a quick glance at Gigi who was lying down beside her.

If they have the power of Gigi's Schrift "Z" -- "The Zombie", the others can be recuperated even if they have a certain degree of physical impairment due to 'experiments' or 'autopsies' carried out by the 12th division. And even if they are dead, as long as the body and brains remain, it is possible to revive them as zombies like Bambietta in the worst case scenario. Although, as far as emotional scars are concerned, that cannot be healed. Taking everything so far into consideration, Lil then posed a question to the Quincy woman before her eyes, in a dispassionate manner. "…Returning to the subject at hand. Why did you help us?" "It is Haschwalth sama's will. When his majesty entered his final sleep, Haschwalth sama ordered the Soldat under his direct supervision to retrieve and provide medical treatment to you ladies and other wounded Soldat." "It doesn't make any sense at all to me. What happened to the Schutzstaffel bunch?" Despite knitting her eyebrows in bewilderment, Lil thought she should straighten out further details by continuing to enquire. Returning a shake of her head and with a sorrowful expression -- "…All members were killed in action. I received reports from the observation unit that his Majesty completely absorbed Gerard sama's power and he dissipated." "So even Nakk Le Vaar was done away with huh? Maybe it's true that guy is lethal." ---- Is it that we took those Shinigami guys too lightly? ---- Taking in the "Heart of the Soul King" until his own trusted minion Gerard dissipated, that Yhwach bastard was pushed to go that far? When he was done with me and Gigi, he was talking some nonsense about "being able to see into the future" or something…but what kind of future did that guy see with those creepy eyes? ---- wait a minute? "…You said Haschwalth ordered you to save us when Yhwach went to sleep right?" "That's right. Immediately after his Majesty had fallen asleep." Haschwalth was granted the "mask of the ruler" allowing him to exercise all powers as a substitute, only during the period where Yhwach falls asleep at night. "If that's the case, does that mean that Haschwalth bastard saw the 'future' too?" In response to Lil's query which was uttered as if she was half speaking to herself, the Quincy woman cast her eyes down whilst forming her words. "…When he handed down his instructions to me, he muttered something as if thinking aloud to himself. Seeing into the future is a cruel power he said." "That asshole, what did he see? Did he see a future where both he and Yhwach would die?" "This is something I am unable to comprehend." The female Quincy who was Haschwalth's trusted aide sorrowfully distorted her face, she spoke as her wise voice was enveloped in a slight sadness. "Haschwalth sama did not divulge his true feelings. Neither to us, nor the Sternritter…and in all likelihood, not even his Majesty. However, at the very end, “no matter what, preserve the future of the Quincies” was the only thing he said to me��."

"So then, being honest to a fault, you went as far as to save us rebels, is that it? For your information, don't expect me or Gigi to feel like we have an obligation to you or something." "That's fine. It's not that we are seeking a reward, we are merely obeying Haschwalth sama's commands." In response to she who had answered  matter-of-factly, Lil opens her mouth to speak after lightly clicking her tongue. "Well, we survived thanks to you. I am grateful for that…just, don't expect even a word of gratitude from Gigi. When she wakes up she'll turn you lot into zombies, and she may even use your flesh to treat her own injuries." "……" "Don't give me that look…I think I understand enough to know how to take responsibility for this kind of thing. I can handle Gigi, as soon as she becomes able to move, we will take our leave." Leaving Lil who caught a glimpse of Gigi's condition, the Quincy woman exited the sickbay. That woman who was Haschwalth's trusted aide, told only one lie to Lil. Before confronting his final battle, there were other words Haschwalth had left behind too. ---- "Ishida Uryuu is perhaps the last test his Majesty bestowed upon me." ---- "I don't understand the reason why, but my emotions are so violently shaken at times, only by that man." ---- "If there is ever a time I am driven by passion and forget my role as the balance…in that moment, I will relinquish all power his Majesty has entrusted to me, as well as my life." The way in which he had spoken was as if he had seen a future where such a thing would come to be. But assuming this was visible to him, why could he not take action to avoid that future? If it's the case that even after he became aware of the future, he still couldn't suppress his emotions, what kind of words did he make Ishida Uryuu hear? Or what sort of conduct did he let him see? Although everything has been nothing but incomprehensible now that things have come to pass, that Quincy who was a trusted aide could only feel proud of her master. Even if his own destiny was in sight, she believed he carried complete resolution on his back, and chose his path of his own free will. It was the very next day when Liltotto, Giselle and Bambietta had disappeared from the hidden base in the Human World.

Currently, Liltotto's group continue their dispute with the Arrancars in Hueco Mundo. It took several months to regain their powers, but it was restored to all useable levels with the exception of their "Vollständig" ability which was snatched away by Yhwach. "If only we had Vollständig, we would be able to absorb all their Reishi." The Quincy's ultimate form is Vollständig, if they have the "Sklaverei" ability which is unleashed by the halo that is generated when one enters that state, it becomes possible for a Quincy to completely disintegrate the surrounding Reishi and forcibly enslave it. There was also the potential to capture even Hollow Reishi - whose Reishi matter is naturally poisonous for Quincies - as a harmless substance with a one time complete decomposition. However, there are no more Quincies who possess that ability. If there is a possibility, then that would only be Ishida Uryuu and his father who were spared from Yhwach's "Auswählen", but Lil shrugged her shoulders thinking "so what if men who are enemies were able to use it." Then, Gigi's voice could be heard from behind. "Eh? But Lil can do something similar can't she? If you wanted, you could just swallow those guys whole. or perhaps you're on a diet?" "There is nothing I can't eat, but poison is poison, my stomach will become awfully upset, so I refuse." Whilst replying in a detached manner, Lil watched intently as Bambietta trampled everything in her path, Gigi then spoke some more. "In the end, most of them have fallen huh? The survivors of the Jagdarmee that is." "Every last one of those guys are pitiful. As if marching through this desert for two months wasn’t annoying enough, none of those guys could become a decent fighting power." They were now mobilising with the purpose of reclaiming the independent Quincy units for themselves and drawing them in as "pawns". Their ultimate goal was to raid the 12th division in Soul Society and recover Candi and Meni. "Even though Lil tells us to leave her alone, sometimes she places great importance on things like frie~nd~ship~ huh? And then, helping the remnants of the Jagdarmee, half of the time it's not for the purpose of collecting pawns, is it that you want to repay those people in that sickbay?” "Whatever. I'm just pushing the guys who are likely to get in our way onto that bunch." "Lil is being sultry whilst having such a cold expression, I think it's really creepy, but I actually kinda like it?" "Are you praising me or dissing me, pick one, bitch." remaining expressionless, Lil spoke in an unconcerned manner. For some reason, the moment Gigi was called a "bitch", she smiled looking a little delighted at the thought, she then replied in a cheerful manner. (TN-- Forgot to mention that the word “bitch” actually means more along the lines of “slut” in Japanese) "Oh my, It's a joke, It's a joke. Lil is so cute when she's embarrassed. There's no way I can just ignore it. If Candi and Meni are both dead, does it mean they can be my zombies?" Then Gigi's expression fades away, she recalls the face of a certain man as she spoke with a voice that was full of resentment. "…Besides, I won't be satisfied unless I give that dazzling weirdo a little surprise you know?" "Forget it. That guy completely outranks you." At Lil's chiding, Gigi then spoke. "If I use my brains I can manage somehow. Hey, what if I zombify Kurosaki Ichigo?" "Stop right there. I have no interest in going along with your suicide mission, alright?" In all honesty, it's not the case that Lil hasn't considered that idea in her own mind. If they could turn Kurosaki Ichigo into one of their pawns with Gigi's abilities, she has considered the fact that he would become their strongest fighting power. However, as far as Lil could tell, around Kurosaki Ichigo, there were people such as his father who has experience as a captain in the Gotei 13, Ishida Uryuu who had defeated Haschwalth, and his father Ishida Ryūken who is an "Echt" Quincy, moreover she understood there is also the special war power Urahara Kisuke, Lil was neither hasty nor foolish enough to step into such a den of sinister forces. "Be that as it may, we will continue to crush Arrancars here like this…" The actions of the Quincies, eradicating Arrancars, is a prohibited act that will disturb the balance of the world from the Shinigamis viewpoint, if they overdo it, the shinigami will likely sense this and send in assassins to eliminate the threat. Considering the fact that they lent a hand to the Shinigami together with Bazz-B in the end, it's not impossible for them to reach an understanding, however -- even if they reconciled it did not appear likely that the 12th division captain will release Candi and the others, above all, formal reconciliation will probably be difficult when Gigi has zombified many Shinigami and then let them kill each other. "Well, first of all, after we're finished with these guys, we will return to the Human World to plan……" Lil suddenly stopped talking in the midst of her muttering. Before her line of sight, there were figures of Arrancars being ravaged by Bambietta's bombing raid. However, Lil had then realised that something felt wrong. "…it's still not over yet?" It's not that Bambietta was dealing with this at a leisurely pace. As much as her reasoning power has weakened, there is still a part of her that  maintains her ability to carry out a reckless bombing raid. But the number of Arrancar soldiers has not decreased in the slightest. Rather, it even felt as though their numbers were increasing with time. "Reinforcements? No, that's not it…" Furthermore, those countless number of skull masked soldiers that had newly appeared assembling on top of one another thus creating a wall, could it be that they were putting themselves in harm's way to continue to defend the troops at the centre? There was not a shred of hesitation, as if they were accepting of their own death. "What? …What's going on?" Going back in time to just a few minutes ago.

"Th, that was close! What the hell is that sickly looking girl?! Endlessly throwing bombs or something without warning huh!?" Whilst hidden in the shadow of the skull masked soldiers, Loly yells in a cold sweat. Menoly who she had directed the question at was also unable to stand and trembling as she responded.

"Th-this is bad, Loly…She's as strong as that guy with the glasses, Quilge or whatever…" Next to the two flustered 'Aizen bodyguards', there was a man who calmly analysed the progress of the battle alone. It is the leader of the Exequias, Rudbornn. "Hmm…apparently, her Reishi seems to have the power to convert anything it comes into contact with, into an explosive. The underlying Reishi itself doesn't have the ability to explode, so I guess it can only be rapidly fired to those extents but…it doesn't seem like a good plan to wait for our opponent's Reiryoku to become exhausted." "Just a minute! What are you talking about in such a carefree manner?! At this rate our situation will only get worse won't it?!" Hearing that complaint which was mixed with yelling, Rudbornn releases a sigh as he shakes his head. "You are not to expose such disgraceful behaviour as Aizen sama's former servants, not even for an instant. Always keep calm. Do not harbour despair in the face of death. Even if your lives end here, continue to think of what you can leave behind for Aizen sama's sake until the very last moment." "We don't have time for that Zommari like manner of speech! As things stand, we'll be charred to the tips of our nails let alone leave something behind!" "How truly awe-inspiring that I am being compared to someone like Zommari dono… it doesn't matter, there is no need to worry about anything. Because either way, I have no intention of dying here." As he said that, Rudbornn pulls out his Zanpakutō setting the blade level with the ground. "Let's show them. As someone who once fell behind the Shinigami, we've refined our abilities to shave away our shame…!"

"Grow… Árbol"

In an instant, Rudbornn's Zanpakutō transforms and spreads like tree vines, it coils around Rudbornn's arm and the lower half of his body, changing into a tree like shape. Additionally, from the 'branches' that grew on his back, skull soldiers were created one after the other, the intact soldiers once again became part of the wall, proceeding to defend the others from the enemy's bombing raid. "What's this, the same as always……" Stopping mid-sentence, Loly's eyes widened. When she looked carefully, a little further ahead the sand was swelling up, new skull wearing soldiers were starting to emerge out of the desert. It seems that bamboo like rhizomes were spreading underground, appearing to produce fresh soldiers in succession of one another. Árbol's ability "Calaveras" sucks up Hueco Mundo's Reishi from the roots and with that as its source, creates an infinite number of Rudbornn's loyal soldiers. Even though its nature hasn't changed since before, growing trees at the tip of the rhizomes and continuing to extend its range further, changes the speed of production to an astonishing one. Although this was originally a technique developed on reflection of the past when his branches were sealed because they were frozen over by Kuchiki Rukia, he attempted to produce them underground where an icy chill wouldn't reach, the extraordinary rate of the mass production of soldiers resulted in a great upsurge in Rudbornn's power acting as his new weapon. The several newly born skull soldiers eventually exceeds the numbers that have died out due to the enemy Quincy's bombing raid -- becoming a great army with no fear of death, they surrounded the deathly pale Quincy. "No…no way, these guys…don't fear death……" In Bambietta's broken mind, her past fears are resurrected. "…w-what? Why…." The captain with a dog's appearance who was called Komamura, sacrificed his own heart, she felt fear when he approached her as a dead warrior. Bambietta's biggest motive for fighting was "I don't want to die". In the Wandenreich, what is given to losers is a 'death penalty' called execution. That is why she keeps fighting. For her, battle was a process through which one could continue to evade death for an eternity, and for that reason she could not even begin to comprehend the act of abandoning one's own life.

When she battled that man named komamura, she was seized with a fear she had never experienced before. That Shinigami had told her, "I am not throwing away my life, I am merely staking it." In that moment she felt fear, as though she was truly dealing with a god who governs death. However, now, the skull masked swarm that had gathered around her were even more abnormal in nature. They were not staking their lives, nor were they throwing it away. Instead, this humanoid army was behaving as if they had no lives to begin with. Could it be that even dying was merely part of their system and nothing more, that this swarm of skulls have robotically embraced 'death' when they are engaged in an attack? They were not even Hollows, not even beasts, it's as if they were a huge swarm of insects that have transformed into a colony, and it seemed like they were trying to drag Bambietta into their cycle of 'death'. That frightened even Bambietta who has been reduced to a living corpse. The primordial fear that was engraved in her soul and brain momentarily stimulated her damaged mind. But, she could only raise her fearful voice. "No…no…don't, I don't like it, I'm scared, I'm scared…" Several hundreds, thousands of skull swarms transcend the explosive inferno, gushing forth from the the depths of the flames. Using the corpses of their own, even the bodies of those who were alive as stepping platforms, the skull swarm became one huge tentacle that tried to swallow up Bambietta who was fluttering about midair. The face of the young lady who had forgotten even the fact that she was already dead, distorts, and she trembles like a little girl. "Lil…Candi…Meni…Gigiii…! Save me…save me…everyone…!" Then in the very moment she was about to be captured by the huge wave of skull soldiers ------ That ominous, white heaving wave disappeared in the blink of an eye.

" ! "

Rudbornn and the others who were watching with a panoramic view from a spot in the distance, were shocked to see the new development in the course of events. "W…what happened just now…" As a cold sweat ran down her cheeks, what met Loly's eyes was the petite Quincy's mouth that came flying their way from the direction of the ruins, that mouth started to deform into an irregular shape -- in the next moment, the huge mouth appeared as if to chew up the heavens, it was a spectacle where nearly a thousand skull soldiers were swallowed with one mouthful. Where did all that mass disappear to? Under the night sky, there was only the few figures of those who were apparently Quincies, still left standing. "Uu…ua…L-Lil…?" Reflected in the eyes of that trembling zombie was the figure of Liltotto who was chewing something before gently swallowing it down. "How unpalatable…no, it doesn't have any flavour to begin with. What the heck is this?" Lil remarked dissatisfied with what she had eaten just a moment ago. Gigi suddenly appeared from behind her, with both hands she grabbed Bambietta's head. "Really, I don't know what to do with you! Bambi chan is truly useless huh!

……

What's wrong? Don't you want your reward? If you don't want it I can send you to sleep? I won't be troubled right?" "Ah…n-no, not that…I'm sorry…sorry, Gigi…" When Bambietta became teary eyed once more, Gigi looked at her displaying an expression full of ecstasy. Watching the scene between the other two with a cold look, Lil spoke to Gigi in a detached manner. "Yet you, of all people, being unashamedly able to make public that "I'm not an 'S' type" huh……?" (TN -- In Japan 'S' = Sadist ‘M’ = Masochist, I often hear young people using it - even though in terms of context, it's not usually used to the extremes of the English meaning, Gigi’s probably an exception though - if you're an S you're more aggressive/dominant if you're an M you're more submissive/passive.) "?   why?” After watching Gigi tilt her head in seriousness and giving a small shrug of her own shoulders, Lil turned her attention to enemy lines once again. "Good grief, they're still rapidly hatching out. Are these guys cockroaches?" "By the way are you alright? You said you'd get an upset stomach if you eat Hollows." "I have no choice but to forcibly digest them, after all, we are in this predicament." Although Lil who used her own ability "The Glutton" to absorb Reiryoku by devouring a huge quantity of enemies with her heteromorphic mouth, it was never an easy task.

Hollow Reiryoku is a poison to Quincies. It is naturally a suicidal act to absorb it, if Lil wasn't included as a member amongst the Schrift holders, she would probably have become immobilised by now. Continuing the digestion process whilst battling with the sensation of her entrails being eroded away, Lil nevertheless maintains her composure not revealing even a splinter of such a sensation on her face as she spoke to Gigi and Bambi. "I think I can eat another 2 or 3 more times, but those guys from just a moment ago were seriously lacking in both flavour and nutrition. That damned garbage won't satisfy my hunger." Then, they shifted their attention to the several 'trees' that continued to give birth to skull soldiers, and the Arrancar with the lower body that had transformed like a tree who was at the centre of it. "So then, you eat guys that seem flavoursome right away?…but that seems unsavoury.

"Nuu…!" Sensing the imminent threat drawing near, Rudbornn let out a groan. The Quincy who had 'devoured' skull soldiers earlier, danced through the air with hirenkyaku whilst making a beeline in their direction. The skull soldiers immediately rushed forward, but the Quincy who had manipulated explosions earlier began firing out her Reishi in a manner that would restrain them. Watching as the petite Quincy approached by weaving her way through the army that was confined in the blast from the explosions, Rudbornn built up his flesh wall of skull soldiers to carry out defence. "What an ugly layer of skin you're hiding behind." The mouth of the Quincy, who was whispering whilst expressionless, strains like slime that then immediately​ stretches out horizontally. With a 'single bite', she intended to consume what was on the inside, skin and all, so that the wall of skull soldiers would instantly disappear. However ------ "…There's nothing there." Apparently the wall was merely a diversion tactic, and Rudbornn and the others who were on the inside had already moved. Then, Loly sprang out from behind the Quincy whilst shouting her release command. "Poison! Escolopendra!" Her Zanpakutō which took the form of huge a centipede like creature entwined with her body, Loly brandished parts of it like a blade. " ! " The Quincy dodged it by a hair's breadth, but the desert sand that was struck down upon by that blow began to melt into pulp. "Dissolve!" Loly yells whilst trying to land a blow on the Quincy however ------ The tentacle that gave the impression of a centipede's body vanishes into thin air. "Whaa……" "…Rather pointlessly spicy. But, not bad I guess." "Y-you! Part of my Resurrección……!" ---- it's been eaten.

Realising that a clump of her own natural power sealed in her Zanpakutō had been eaten, Loly turned pale. Although it was far from a fatal injury, the feeling of losing part of her body reminds her of fear. But the thing that truly surprised her, was what happened immediately following this. "……huh." The Quincy scatters arrows all around the place, piercing the skull swarm and the splitting trees that were creating them. Consequently, the skull soldiers and the trees that were struck by those arrows, like the sand from just a moment ago, dissolved as if they were pulp. "My…poison?!" "It seems I can manage to digest it somehow. My stomach acid was stronger huh." As she watched the enemy army melt, Lil murmured in a relaxed manner. The ability of "The Glutton" is not just to consume enemies. It is possible to freely use the unique abilities possessed by a target who she had torn into "only up until the part that was eaten is digested", she also gained the secondary power to understand how to use said abilities instinctively. During the last war she 'consumed' a man named Pepe, but it seems there was no way she could demonstrate her true abilities because Pepe's power appeared unlikely to be effective on Yhwach who was her battle opponent. Nonetheless, according to what she told Gigi "do we really want to use such a disgusting bastard's powers?", It's possible to say that in the end, the man named Pepe was devoured only for retribution and replenishing Reiryoku. "So…where are they hiding?" ---- Although I don't want to act impulsively like Bambi…will scattering this 'poison' at random bring them out into the open? ---- No, I'll start by getting rid of that one who in all likelihood has the ability to counter the poison. Then, Lil turns her bow towards a single Arrancar. Towards the female Arrancar with the twin ponytails who had her 'poison' ability plundered just a moment ago. "eek……" Loly has never attempted to find out whether her own poison is effective on herself. But Loly had heard that Baraggan who was once the king of Hueco Mundo had died by his own curse, in a panic Loly tried to run away. However, because part of her body, after using Resurrección, had been eaten, she fell down unable to maintain her balance.

"Loly!" In response to Menoly who rushed over to try and help her, Loly yelled as her eyes widened. "Idiot! Run away……" Without waiting for the other two to finish their conversation, poison arrows were fired from the Quincy's bow ------ In the next moment, a large mass of water swept away the poison infused arrows together with the surrounding skull soldiers. "Eh……?” "No way……" A barrier of water that protected them. Watching the form of a large body of water which is out of place in a desert, dancing in mid air, Loly and Menoly embraced each other realising what had just happened. And then, before anyone could notice, Rudbornn reveals himself, he bowed his head deeply whilst uttering words of apology. "Oh…for you to go as far as to come to such a place in person. How should I express my humble apologies for causing you trouble……" The Arrancar that appeared on the scene opened her mouth to speak in a manner that interrupted Rudbornn's apology. "There's no need for you to apologise. I'm sorry for arriving so late." The Arrancars mouth was covered by a mask which was reminiscent of a set of fangs, and then concealed behind a long collar ---- Tier Harribel turns her eyes towards the Quincy in the sky whilst the water steered by her Zanpakutō was made to surround them as a river flowing through the air. "…You're leader is supposed to be dead. Why lay waste to our territory?" In contrast with Harribel who had posed that question, a man who appeared from behind flashed a villainous smile as he spoke. "Ha! Does it matter what kind of reason they may have? If they came here for a fight let's give them one." Looking at the Arrancar who had just made an appearance, Loly and Menoly who were once attacked by him shrieked. "G-Grimmjow!"

"eep……" Grimmjow looked at the pair and simply muttered to himself "huh? I feel like I've seen their mugs somewhere…", however, appearing to not take any particular interest, he removed his eyes from them right away. "It's been a while since I've felt such a flashy Reiatsu so I came to see, is this some sort of festival? And you're leaving me out in the cold, you have some nerve, don't you Rudbornn!" "…But I've requested your assistance for the subjugation of Quincies many times…" In response to a perplexed Rudbornn, Grimmjow replies without even a hint of shame. "I'm not interested in small fry. However, these guys look like they'll do just fine." Although he's not as irrational as he once used to be, there is still a part of Grimmjow that is typically battle hungry. As if to reprimand him, an Arrancar who was a little further behind him spoke. "It's no good if you just throw yourself at the enemy all of a sudden, Grimmjow. We have to probe into our opponent's goals and abilities first of all." "Huh? Back off Nelliel. Their goals ain't worth shit, it'll be over when I beat all of them to death." "You say that but, who was the one that was almost killed by the Quincy in Soul Society, I wonder?" "……Why you." Taking Nelliel's words as a provocation, Grimmjow turned his irritated gaze towards her. In a vast desert where the silence resembles nothingness, showy explosive flames and Reiatsu was enough to attract the attention of powerful Arrancar. Watching the current scene where practically all the top class powerhouses amongst the Arrancar were gathered, Rudbornn concealed his emotions, in his heart he was choked with tears. Menoly is relieved thinking "we're saved, for the time being", Loly experiences a sense of envy towards the stronger warriors and irritation towards her own helplessness, she ground her teeth seemingly vexed. Strangely, it just so happened to be the case that each of those three strong warriors were all present, and even though the battle seemed to intensify further -- they have not yet noticed. The fact that it was not only the inhabitants of Hueco Mundo who were being drawn in by the conflict of the desert. "Hey, some dangerous looking guys have turned up." Vigilant of the huge mass of water Lil kept her distance, Gigi addressed her from further behind. "That person over there, wasn't she a prisoner of war in Silbern?" "Yeah, she's the Arrancar boss that was captured by Yhwach personally. She's not an opponent you can be careless around." Whilst trying to predict the abilities of the newly arrived Arrancar, Lil tries to issue simple instructions to Gigi. "Gigi, use your blood on that water……" However, she was interrupted midway through her sentence. A sudden chill runs down the spines of Lil and the others. ---- What the heck? What's this creepy Reiatsu? Lil turned her attention to the three newly arrived Arrancar, but it seems not to belong to them. On the contrary, the Arrancars seemed to pick up the same feeling, shifting their cautious eyes back in Lil's direction. They have never felt such a thing before now, but despite that, when they probed around for the source of that Reiatsu that seemed as if it was familiar somehow ------ “It” suddenly appeared from the sky. A small gate that resembled a Garganta, opened up high in the night sky. The small figure that jumped out from it, dropped down to the ground with tremendous force as the Reiatsu of that figure in question dispersed, a cloud of sand was made to rise several hundred metres in height.

A few seconds later, the mass of dense Reiatsu that was at the centre of it swirled around resulting in a crater far more wider than that created by the Quincies' attack earlier. "What…? This Reiatsu…" "…It's a strange Reiatsu. It reeks of a Shinigami and Hollow mix…" Grimmjow responded by continuing Nelliel's words. ---- It's similar to that blonde masked asshole, the one who got in the way during my fight with that Ichigo bastard. Grimmjow did not know his name, but it's one of the "Visoreds" that appeared before him in the past -- it closely resembled Hirako Shinji, despite this, he felt the Reiatsu was even more sinister as he turned his guarded attention towards it. Then, Harribel who was silent up till then raised her voice. "…It's like the Quimera Parca that belongs to Apacci and the others…" Quimera Parca. Although they haven't arrived here yet, the three Arrancars who were Harribel's direct subordinates, are able to create a ferocious beast by sacrificing one arm each. "Ayon? It certainly has that sort of stench to it." An eerie Reiatsu, intermingled with a myriad of elements. What kind of monster has materialised from within that cloud of sand? As the Arrancars keep their guard up, that cloud soon clears away ------ "Aitatata……Sand becomes rock hard when you dive into it huh? I've learnt something new!" A voice resounded as if to shatter the tense atmosphere, a child wearing black garments similar in appearance to a Shihakushō became visible. The child is beautiful but with androgynous features whom one cannot distinguish as either a boy or a girl, looking at the group of Arrancars that were in the surroundings "It" nods with evident satisfaction -- next, “It” looked at the three Quincies and tilted its head. "Huh? Quincies? I haven't heard anything about how to deal with Quincies. What should I do?" Muttering that to itself whilst standing up, “It” turned in the direction of the Arrancars. "But, if I don't do what Tokinada sama told me to do first of all……" An out of place child without any indication of nervousness. Although, seen from the outside, the child made such an impression, there is no one who could laugh or drop their guard after watching that. The fact that they had maintained composure in a situation like this is an abnormality in itself -- because the sinister Reiatsu they had sensed earlier is without a doubt being emitted from the child in front of their eyes. "Stop right there…Who are you?" Harribel enquired, her Zanpakutō remaining in a readied state. Rudbornn has already produced countless new soldiers, enclosed in a horde of skull soldiers running in the thousands, “It” displayed an innocent smile and gave its name. "Right! I'm Hikone! Ubuginu Hikone!"

The child named Hikone, remained completely unperturbed by the fierce Arrancars. Observing that scene, Lil then spoke. "…I'm getting a sick feeling. That brat's smile doesn't reach its eyes at all." Whilst sensing an aura similar to Gigi's zombies, an expressionless Lil continued to speak some more. "Moreover, I also sense signs of familiar scum…what's going on?" In an atmosphere surrounded with confusion, Hikone quietly bowed before speaking of their own intentions. "Well err, to all the Arrancars, I have a gift from Tokinada sama." "Tokinada……?" The Arrancars are even more perplexed at the fact that a completely unfamiliar name had just been brought up. "I heard that the one called Baraggan san and the one called Aizen san are gone, and this world has no king now." When Hikone said as such in a cheerful manner, some degree of the Arrancars' bewilderment turns to hostility. Whether or not the child noticed the change in atmosphere, Hikone continued to speak unfazed. "Therefore -- it seems Tokinada sama himself is kind enough to let me be king of Hueco Mundo! Isn't that great?! He and I will do our very best so that I become a good king!" Hikone quickly bowed their head. The skull soldiers brandished their blades and advanced at Hikone's back. "Your disrespect knows no bounds. You even talk about replacing Aizen sama or something, surely you jest." Although Rudbornn speaks with a calm voice, he took those words from just a moment ago as an insult towards Aizen, a wave of fierce emotion overflowed within him. However, Hikone doesn't even try to avoid the attacks of the skull soldiers who came swooping down on them, Hikone took every hit with their whole body. Then, the sound of a violent collision could be heard ------ the shattered blades of the skull soldiers went flying into the air. "……Hierro!?"

Nelliel raised her voice in astonishment. Why does that Shinigami like child have hardening skin which is a special characteristic of Arrancars such as themselves? In front of Nelliel, who held some doubts, Hikone delightfully looked at the surrounding Arrancar and spoke. "Tokinada sama said it's likely no one would accept. As expected of Tokinada sama. It's become just as he said it would be." Accordingly, Hikone unsheathes the Zanpakutō that was being carried on their back. Looking at the blade that had just come into view, the Arrancars perceived the drop in the surrounding temperature. The child was clearly enshrouded in an aura that differed from that which ordinary Shinigami or their own employ. Before the Arrancars could even ascertain the true nature of that sense of discomfort, Hikone poetically recites the instructions of "Tokinada sama" aloud. "In that case… beat them to a bloody pulp, until they consent, until their hearts yield, that's what I was told!" As soon as that was said, Hikone grasped the Zanpakutō they were holding tightly, with a smile still on that face, Hikone chanted the name of the sword. "Orbit the stars ------ Ikomikidomoe!"

[readbookywooks]

LETTER FROM MISS MINA MURRAY TO MISS LUCY WESTENRA

9 May. My dearest Lucy, Forgive my long delay in writing, but I have been simply overwhelmed with work. The life of an assistant schoolmistress is sometimes trying. I am longing to be with you, and by the sea, where we can talk together freely and build our castles in the air. I have been working very hard lately, because I want to keep up with Jonathan's studies, and I have been practicing shorthand very assiduously. When we are married I shall be able to be useful to Jonathan, and if I can stenograph well enough I can take down what he wants to say in this way and write it out for him on the typewriter, at which also I am practicing very hard. He and I sometimes write letters in shorthand, and he is keeping a stenographic journal of his travels abroad. When I am with you I shall keep a diary in the same way. I don't mean one of those two-pages-to-the-week-with-Sunday-squeezed-in-a-corner diaries, but a sort of journal which I can write in whenever I feel inclined. I do not suppose there will be much of interest to other people, but it is not intended for them. I may show it to Jonathan some day if there is in it anything worth sharing, but it is really an exercise book. I shall try to do what I see lady journalists do, interviewing and writing descriptions and trying to remember conversations. I am told that, with a little practice, one can remember all that goes on or that one hears said during a day. However, we shall see. I will tell you of my little plans when we meet. I have just had a few hurried lines from Jonathan from Transylvania. He is well, and will be returning in about a week. I am longing to hear all his news. It must be nice to see strange countries. I wonder if we, I mean Jonathan and I, shall ever see them together. There is the ten o'clock bell ringing. Goodbye. Your loving Mina Tell me all the news when you write. You have not told me anything for a long time. I hear rumours, and especially of a tall, handsome, curly-haired man.??? LETTER, LUCY WESTENRA TO MINA MURRAY 17, Chatham Street Wednesday My dearest Mina, I must say you tax me very unfairly with being a bad correspondent. I wrote you twice since we parted, and your last letter was only your second. Besides, I have nothing to tell you. There is really nothing to interest you. Town is very pleasant just now, and we go a great deal to picture-galleries and for walks and rides in the park. As to the tall, curly-haired man, I suppose it was the one who was with me at the last Pop. Someone has evidently been telling tales. That was Mr. Holmwood. He often comes to see us, and he and Mamma get on very well together, they have so many things to talk about in common. We met some time ago a man that would just do for you, if you were not already engaged to Jonathan. He is an excellant parti, being handsome, well off, and of good birth. He is a doctor and really clever. Just fancy! He is only nine-and twenty, and he has an immense lunatic asylum all under his own care. Mr. Holmwood introduced him to me, and he called here to see us, and often comes now. I think he is one of the most resolute men I ever saw, and yet the most calm. He seems absolutely imperturbable. I can fancy what a wonderful power he must have over his patients. He has a curious habit of looking one straight in the face, as if trying to read one's thoughts. He tries this on very much with me, but I flatter myself he has got a tough nut to crack. I know that from my glass. Do you ever try to read your own face? I do, and I can tell you it is not a bad study, and gives you more trouble than you can well fancy if you have never tried it. He say that I afford him a curious psychological study, and I humbly think I do. I do not, as you know, take sufficient interest in dress to be able to describe the new fashions. Dress is a bore. That is slang again, but never mind. Arthur says that every day. There, it is all out, Mina, we have told all our secrets to each other since we were children. We have slept together and eaten together, and laughed and cried together, and now, though I have spoken, I would like to speak more. Oh, Mina, couldn't you guess? I love him. I am blushing as I write, for although I think he loves me, he has not told me so in words. But, oh, Mina, I love him. I love him! There, that does me good. I wish I were with you, dear, sitting by the fire undressing, as we used to sit, and I would try to tell you what I feel. I do not know how I am writing this even to you. I am afraid to stop, or I should tear up the letter, and I don't want to stop, for I do so want to tell you all. Let me hear from you at once, and tell me all that you think about it. Mina, pray for my happiness. Lucy P.S. - I need not tell you this is a secret. Goodnight again. L. LETTER, LUCY WESTENRA TO MINA MURRAY 24 May My dearest Mina, Thanks, and thanks, and thanks again for your sweet letter. It was so nice to be able to tell you and to have your sympathy. My dear, it never rains but it pours. How true the old proverbs are. Here am I, who shall be twenty in September, and yet I never had a proposal till today, not a real proposal, and today I had three. Just fancy! Three proposals in one day! Isn't it awful! I feel sorry, really and truly sorry, for two of the poor fellows. Oh, Mina, I am so happy that I don't know what to do with myself. And three proposals! But, for goodness' sake, don't tell any of the girls, or they would be getting all sorts of extravagant ideas, and imagining themselves injured and slighted if in their very first day at home they did not get six at least. Some girls are so vain! You and I, Mina dear, who are engaged and are going to settle down soon soberly into old married women, can despise vanity. Well, I must tell you about the three, but you must keep it a secret, dear, from every one except, of course, Jonathan. You will tell him, because I would, if I were in your place, certainly tell Arthur. A woman ought to tell her husband everything. Don't you think so, dear? And I must be fair. Men like women, certainly their wives, to be quite as fair as they are. And women, I am afraid, are not always quite as fair as they should be. Well, my dear, number One came just before lunch. I told you of him, Dr. John Seward, the lunatic asylum man, with the strong jaw and the good forehead. He was very cool outwardly, but was nervous all the same. He had evidently been schooling himself as to all sorts of little things, and remembered them, but he almost managed to sit down on his silk hat, which men don't generally do when they are cool, and then when he wanted to appear at ease he kept playing with a lancet in a way that made me nearly scream. He spoke to me, Mina, very straightfordwardly. He told me how dear I was to him, though he had known me so little, and what his life would be with me to help and cheer him. He was going to tell me how unhappy he would be if I did not care for him, but when he saw me cry he said he was a brute and would not add to my present trouble. Then he broke off and asked if I could love him in time, and when I shook my head his hands trembled, and then with some hesitation he asked me if I cared already for any one else. He put it very nicely, saying that he did not want to wring my confidence from me, but only to know, because if a woman's heart was free a man might have hope. And then, Mina, I felt a sort of duty to tell him that there was some one. I only told him that much, and then he stood up, and he looked very strong and very grave as he took both my hands in his and said he hoped I would be happy, and that If I ever wanted a friend I must count him one of my best. Oh, Mina dear, I can't help crying, and you must excuse this letter being all blotted. Being proposed to is all very nice and all that sort of thing, but it isn't at all a happy thing when you have to see a poor fellow, whom you know loves you honestly, going away and looking all broken hearted, and to know that, no matter what he may say at the moment, you are passing out of his life. My dear, I must stop here at present, I feel so miserable, though I am so happy. Evening. Arthur has just gone, and I feel in better spirits than when I left off, so I can go on telling you about the day. Well, my dear, number Two came after lunch. He is such a nice fellow,and American from Texas, and he looks so young and so fresh that it seems almost impossible that he has been to so many places and has such adventures. I sympathize with poor Desdemona when she had such a stream poured in her ear, even by a black man. I suppose that we women are such cowards that we think a man will save us from fears, and we marry him. I know now what I would do if I were a man and wanted to make a girl love me. No, I don't, for there was Mr. Morris telling us his stories, and Arthur never told any, and yet. . . My dear, I am somewhat previous. Mr. Quincy P. Morris found me alone. It seems that a man always does find a girl alone. No, he doesn't, for Arthur tried twice to make a chance, and I helping him all I could, I am not ashamed to say it now. I must tell you beforehand that Mr. Morris doesn't always speak slang, that is to say, he never does so to strangers or before them, for he is really well educated and has exquisite manners, but he found out that it amused me to hear him talk American slang,and whenever I was present, and there was no one to be shocked, he said such funny things. I am afraid, my dear, he has to invent it all, for it fits exactly into whatever else he has to say. But this is a way slang has. I do not know myself if I shall ever speak slang. I do not know if Arthur likes it, as I have never heard him use any as yet. Well, Mr. Morris sat down beside me and looked as happy and jolly as he could, but I could see all the same that he was very nervous. He took my hand in his, and said ever so sweetly. . . "Miss Lucy, I know I ain't good enough to regulate the fixin's of your little shoes, but I guess if you wait till you find a man that is you will go join them seven young women with the lamps when you quit. Won't you just hitch up alongside of me and let us go down the long road together, driving in double harness?" Well, he did look so hood humoured and so jolly that it didn't seem half so hard to refuse him as it did poor Dr. Seward. So I said, as lightly as I could, that I did not know anything of hitching, and that I wasn't broken to harness at all yet. Then he said that he had spoken in a light manner, and he hoped that if he had made a mistake in doing so on so grave, so momentous, and occasion for him, I would forgive him. He really did look serious when he was saying it, and I couldn't help feeling a sort of exultation that he was number Two in one day. And then, my dear, before I could say a word he began pouring out a perfect torrent of love-making, laying his very heart and soul at my feet. He looked so earnest over it that I shall never again think that a man must be playful always, and never earnest, because he is merry at times. I suppose he saw something in my face which checked him, for he suddenly stopped,and said with a sort of manly fervour that I could have loved him for if I had been free. . . "Lucy, you are an honest hearted girl, I know. I should not be here speaking to you as I am now if I did not believe you clean grit, right through to the very depths of your soul. Tell me, like one good fellow to another, is there any one else that you care for? And if there is I'll never trouble you a hair's breadth again, but will be, if you will let me, a very faithful friend." My dear Mina, why are men so noble when we women are so little worthy of them? Here was I almost making fun of this great hearted, true gentleman. I burst into tears, I am afraid, my dear, you will think this a very sloppy letter in more ways than one, and I really felt very badly. Why can't they let a girl marry three men, or as many as want her, and save all this trouble? But this is heresy, and I must not say it. I am glad to say that, though I was crying, I was able to look into Mr. Morris' brave eyes, and I told him out straight. . . "Yes, there is some one I love, though he has not told me yet that he even loves me." I was right to speak to him so frankly, for quite a light came into his face, and he put out both his hands and took mine, I think I put them into his, and said in a hearty way. . . "That's my brave girl. It's better worth being late for a chance of winning you than being in time for any other girl in the world. Don't cry, my dear. If it's for me, I'm a hard nut to crack, and I take it standing up. If that other fellow doesn't know his happiness, well, he'd better look for it soon, or he'll have to deal with me. Little girl, your honesty and pluck have made me a friend, and that's rarer than a lover, it's more selfish anyhow. My dear, I'm going to have a pretty lonely walk between this and Kingdom Come. Won't you give me one kiss? It'll be something to keep off the darkness now and then. You can, you know, if you like, for that other good fellow, or you could not love him, hasn't spoken yet." That quite won me, Mina, for it was brave and sweet of him, and noble too, to a rival, wasn't it? And he so sad, so I leant over and kissed him. He stood up with my two hands in his, and as he looked down into my face, I am afraid I was blushing very much, he said, "Little girl, I hold your hand, and you've kissed me, and if these things don't make us friends nothing ever will. Thank you for your sweet honesty to me, and goodbye." He wrung my hand, and taking up his hat, went straight out of the room without looking back, without a tear or a quiver or a pause, and I am crying like a baby. Oh, why must a man like that be made unhappy when there are lots of girls about who would worship the very ground he trod on? I know I would if I were free, only I don't want to be free My dear, this quite upset me, and I feel I cannot write of happiness just at once, after telling you of it,and I don't wish to tell of the number Three until it can be all happy. Ever your loving. . . Lucy P.S. - Oh, about number Three, I needn't tell you of number Three, need I? Besides, it was all so confused. It seemed only a moment from his coming into the room till both his arms were round me, and he was kissing me. I am very, very happy, and I don't know what I have done to deserve it. I must only try in the future to show that I am not ungrateful to God for all His goodness to me in sending to me such a lover, such a husband, and such a friend. Goodbye. DR. SEWARD'S DIARY (Kept in phonograph) 25 May. - Ebb tide in appetite today. Cannot eat, cannot rest, so diary instead. since my rebuff of yesterday I have a sort of empty feeling. Nothing in the world seems of sufficient importance to be worth the doing. As I knew that the only cure for this sort of thing was work, I went amongst the patients. I picked out one who has afforded me a study of much interest. He is so quaint that I am determined to understand him as well as I can. Today I seemed to get nearer than ever before to the heart of his mystery. I questioned him more fully than I had ever done, with a view to making myself master of the facts of his hallucination. In my manner of doing it there was, I now see, something of cruelty. I seemed to wish to keep him to the point of his madness, a thing which I avoid with the patients as I would the mouth of hell. (Mem., Under what circumstances would I not avoid the pit of hell?) Omnia Romae venalia sunt. Hell has its price! If there be anything behind this instinct it will be valuable to trace it afterwards accurately, so I had better commence to do so, therefore. . . R. M, Renfield, age 59. Sanguine temperament, great physical strength, morbidly excitable, periods of gloom, ending in some fixed idea which I cannot make out. I presume that the sanguine temperament itself and the disturbing influence end in a mentally-accomplished finish, a possibly dangerous man, probably dangerous if unselfish. In selfish men caution is as secure an armour for their foes as for themselves. What I think of on this point is, when self is the fixed point the centripetal force is balanced with the centrifugal. When duty, a cause, etc., is the fixed point, the latter force is paramount, and only accident of a series of accidents can balance it. LETTER, QUINCEY P. MORRIS TO HON. ARTHUR HOLMOOD 25 May. My dear Art, We've told yarns by the campfire in the prairies, and dressed one another's wounds after trying a landing at the Marquesas, and drunk healths on the shore of Titicaca. There are more yarns to be told,and other wounds to be healed, and another health to be drunk. Won't you let this be at my campfire tomorrow night? I have no hesitation in asking you, as I know a certain lady is engaged to a certain dinner party, and that you are free. There will only be one other, our old pal at the Korea, Jack Seward. He's coming, too, and we both want to mingle our weeps over the wine cup, and to drink a health with all our hearts to the happiest man in all the wide world, who has won the noblest heart that God has made and best worth winning. We promise you a hearty welcome, and a loving greeting, and a health as true as your own right hand. We shall both swear to leave you at home if you drink too deep to a certain pair of eyes. Come! Yours, as ever and always, Quincey P. Morris TELEGRAM FROM ARTHUR HOLMWOOD TO QUINCEY P. MORRIS 26 May Count me in every time. I bear messages which will make both your ears tingle. Art

[akdahab-blog]

My Influences

Influential Producers

Justin 'Just blaze' Smith

Just Blaze was born January 8, 1978 and brought up in Paterson, New Jersey, currently the CEO of Fort Knocks Entertainment. He started working in studio as an intern at The Cutting Room Studios in New York City where he recalls coming into contact with a lot of top artists and built those important relationships that helped form his career, for the first time. His career as a producer kick-started around 1998, when he was introduced to the late Big Pun. The story of what happened is quite easily what set him off in terms of building himself a studio. The day he met Big Pun, Pun had just bought nearly $200'000 worth of studio equipment of which he had no idea how to properly use. That's when he asked Just Blaze for help him in setting it all up. After Just Blaze took a quick look at what he'd bought, he realized that Pun had been ripped off by who'd ever sold him the gear. The story goes that they sold him three studios worth of equipment. Meaning it was all the same gear, just in different brands. Realizing he'd already started on the wrong foot, Pun then asked Just Blaze to come back when the time was ready, after he'd renovated the house to fit the studio, to set it all up and in the meantime he told Just he could take anything he wanted. He records leaving that day with between $15'000-$20'000 worth of equipment, and that, was the beginning of Justin Smith's career.

He is however more easily recognized for his breakout as a producer when he became an in house engineer at Roc-A-Fella Records but he did other very important songs that enabled him to step up to becoming a name to be familiar with before Roc-A-Fella. One of these were a song with Mase's group, Harlem world, named, 'I Really Like It', featuring Mase himself (track 12 on cd) and Kelly Price. He did two other important records with Big Pun in the year of his passing, 'Off With His Head', featuring Prospect (track 13 on cd) and 'Wrong Ones' which featured Sunkiss who was responsible for introducing the two to each other.

Undoubtedly, Just Blaze's biggest impact as a creative force in Hip Hop or even in urban music production circles, can be observed in his Roc-a-Fella era probably up until the point where he became a DJ around the time when baseline studios closed down not too long after Roc-A-Fella disbanded. Not to say that he regressed to a lesser art, especially considering he was a DJ before a producer, but he simply wasn't producing as much material as he used to when his primary job description was in-house producer for Roc-A-Fella. In this time, alongside fellow in-house partner, Kanye West, he was able to define a sound that dictated the style of Hip Hop production from then (around 2000) and a long time after that. Both of their styles are similar in that they were sampling a lot from old records mostly originating from as far back as the 1960's, maybe even 1950's to the 80's, sometimes into the 90's. Their particular style of sampling is also something to observe as today, sampling is at it's most versatile stage due to technological advancements especially in the capabilities of DAW's such as Ableton to manipulate samples. It can vary from “micro-sampling”, which could be summed up as manipulating the most basic cycles within a complex waveform and making something new out of those very basic tones, to remixing songs. Just Blaze and Kanye's style had more to do with lifting the melodic, harmonic or rhythmic textures and qualities of an old song, sometimes chopping 8 or more bars at a time, and either working around the phrase they'd sampled as a loop or chopping it up into an entirely new and different piece. This could also be done to drums, and still is done a lot in hip hop today, where producers slice up drum breaks especially from old vinyls again and layer these texture heavy samples with cleaner, maybe even live drum samples that have been recorded with more current studio equipment and techniques.

Here is a two part video by Just Blaze demonstrating his typical process of composing a beat:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRcJEDTvE1c (part 1)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOIc8dghjj0 (part2)

It's interesting to note that the defining elements of this style of sampling were already developed by producers before Just Blaze like Rza and Heavy D but, below the surface, he had his unique approach to it and the more one observes it, the easier it becomes to differentiate similar producers of the time like his partner and/or close friend Kanye West or The Alchemist. Being a DJ, he would incorporate a lot of sounds and techniques that you could only pull off as a DJ like cutting and scratching. He was very well known for utilizing vocal phrases in his production through his skill as a DJ, which automatically gave his sound the grimy allure of 90's Hip Hop Boom Bap, which he carried over into the 2000's. One of my favourite details about his style though is in his choice of samples. While Kanye was known for sped up loops with sweet soulful ballad-like backdrops through his choice of samples, Just Blaze's particular bias toward genres like Blues Funk, sometimes Fusion Jazz and even Prog Rock are responsible for a unique blend of powerful drums and intense environment I grew to enjoy in his pieces. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that he purposefully sampled these genres more but from what I can see, the records he’s produced that contain samples from these genres and whatever other similar sounding music, stuck out more and are ultimately what are commonly agreed upon as his all-time classics.

On the cd are the following songs, produced by Just Blaze, to engage with that I found relevant to the descriptions I provided of his sound earlier:

1. Little Boy Blues – Seed Of Love: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MI4sqj7yZV8

2. Jay Z – Public Service Announcement (Prod. By Just Blaze): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCP_E5Rsawc

In this song Just Blaze even recorded the speech in the intro of the song himself and handled it in such a way to make it seem as though it wasn't of it's time and perhaps sampled from an archive of older materials.

3. Reg Tilsley Orchestra - Warlock http://www.whosampled.com/sample/15849/Cam'ron-Memphis-Bleek-Beanie-Sigel-The-ROC-(Just-Fire)-Reg-Tilsley-Orchestra-Warlock/

4. Cam’ron – The ROC https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kc2rvL4GPU

5. Johnny Pate – Shaft In Africa https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-sy-IjrTkM

6. Jay Z – Show Me What You Got https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FS4U-HAHwps

As if by coincidence Just Blaze sampled the theme off the second installation of Shaft for Jay Z’s comeback single off his comeback from “retirement”. Although the original wasn’t written by my second influence producer and original shaft soundtrack writer, Isaac Hayes, one could that it is still in his style.

Isaac Hayes

I was struggling to choose an influential producer in my life from another genre so I decided to filter the choices down to my favourite producers and song writers from the 70’s. Weighing up the options between heavyweights like Quincy Jones, Curtis Mayfield I chose Isaac Hayes above them and others because his sound was just the most immediately memorable to me. Another major factor that made me gravitate toward Isaac Hayes’ influence was his legacy and impact on Hip Hop.

7. Isaac Hayes – The Look Of Love: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IzxHKI8PJE

Isaac Lee Hayes jr. was born August 20th 1942 inside a tin shack in Cavington Tenesse and passed away after having a stroke in his Memphis home just a week and a half short of his 66th birthday. By the time he’d passed away, he was an acclaimed award winning actor, songwriter, producer and performing artist and according to imbd.com, left his legacy with 6 major awards including 3 grammys and an Oscar. (Isaac Hayes Awards [Internet] 2014 http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005002/awards [accessed 01 Sep 2014]

When you look at the pieces that won him his most critical awards, they were songs driven by more than just their own musicality. His music was big in how it was very ‘soulful’ and orchestral but as a performing artist also he was able to turn them into cinematic narratives. So there are more dimensions to be observed in Isaac Hayes than in just what he could do as a composer. As a performing artist, he embodied a character that was very present in his performance and recording. His rather large voice aided him in shaping the character of his music of course but, as an idea that once needed execution, one has to imagine that the luscious landscapes with the funky groove and intimate or powerful vocal deliveries he composed together, could only be accurately captured through deliberate and focused efforts within and throughout each process of production.

At the height of his musical career, he must have realized his potential to become a public figure as well and so aided his visual presence on stage and album arts with costumes and outfits in style and representation of the Black Struggle in America. One could say Isaac Hayes was a promoter of the freedom of all individuals of self-expression, but the political and racial dictates of the time and land meant that his charity effort would start at home. The famous hit that he wrote with Floyd Newman for Sam and Davis, “Soul Man” for instance has a revolutionary background behind it. It came a few years after the assassination of Martin Luther King jr and The Civil Rights Movement, when the term ‘soul’ had an especially revolutionary connotation in America. The story of the song as told by biography.com goes that, ‘The song was inspired television coverage of the 12 Street Detroit Riot, which indicated that African-American owned and operated institutions were marked with the word "soul" so that rioters would not destroy them.’ (Issac Lee Hayes, Jr. [Internet]. 2014. http://www.biography.com/people/isaac-hayes-343756 [Accessed 01 Sep 2014]). His next next all-time classic would be the score he did for the Gordan Parks’ film noir style movie, Shaft. I would say that this is his most famous work, more so than the movie itself. As someone wasn’t there to experience the era, the Shaft theme song definitely gives me a good idea of the funky personality of the time that influenced Isaac Hayes’ own character.

8. Sam and Dave – Soul Man https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fS9-Yimdhw

9. Issac Hayes – Ellie’s Love Theme (From The Shaft OST) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL5QBpvpPvg

10. Jay Rock ft. Kendrick Lamar – Hood Gon’ Love It (Produced By The J.U.S.T.I.C.E League)

(This is just another “sample & example”, the original song being written and produced by Issac Hayes and “flipped” by modern day producers through “chopping” and replaying and bringing in a band or orchestra to layer more on it. This Jay Rock song is featured on the hugely popular Grand Theft Auto V and is a perfect example how legacy’s can be preserved through sampling)

Compared to Just Blaze, Isaac Hayes was definitely more of an influential figure in how he was pioneering a sound, maybe even as far as a sound of a genre, his role in the film industry becoming one of the first African American’s to receive an Oscar all the way to modern times where he voiced the character of Chef in the popular American cartoon, South Park. Besides from Acting, Isaac Hayes can also once again boast his vocal ability, which eventually became one of his main features, over Just Blaze. And this, in my opinion, accounts for their contrast in popularity or fame. Although it’s little known by most, it’s worth mentioning that that Just Blaze did try his hand at rapping once but then reflected that it wasn’t for him. There is mutual ground that I found however between Just Blaze and Isaac Hayes and that is their mutual support of the art of sampling. While many songwriters and rights holders of the music from the era of Isaac Hayes’ either refuse to allow music from their archives to be sampled in modern productions, or demand 100% publishing from the work, Isaac Hayes showed open support for the much disputed over art form.

The main factor of influence that these two legends happen to share is in how they owned a sound and era and developed it so much so that other creators would even start to recreate and learn from and make them live longer essentially. I don’t know if you could call either of them trendy but they had their supporters and they all have in common their belief in the bold sound of these two creative masters.

11. Isaac Hayes – Theme From Shaft https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFvRvSxsW-I

*Extra material

14. Isaac Hayes – Walk On By https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yl6InBgmNiw

[museemagazine]

Woman Crush Wednesday: Heide Hatry

Interview by Hallie Neely

What made you decide to create this project?

I have to say that, first, I didn't conceive the project as art. It began as the totally unanticipated way that I came to terms with death and with grief in my own life, and when I realized what potential it had and that I could share that, I was happy in the same way I am to share my art, but I on;y came to look at it more generally and to configure it as an art idea, and as an art idea that has taken profound dimensions, in some way radically questioning the nature of our relationship to the art-work, while returning to what might be seen as a primordial feeling for both matter, in the most basic sense, and for the image as an essentially social, while deeply emotional artifact, as a result of my own painful experience. 

When my father died 25 years ago, in what seemed to me at the time to have been suicide, I was devastated, and it took me quite a long time even to be able to think about him without breaking down crying. Then, in 2008, one of my closest friends committed suicide. I couldn't believe that I hadn't been aware that he was feeling so despondent that he could do that, and not only was I inconsolable, but all of the unresolved pain of my father's death also came back to the surface. I felt paralyzed with grief. 

In Germany, the ashes of a cremated person must be buried, so I had never encountered the practice of preserving, or sometimes scattering, the ashes of deceased loved ones before I came to America, and it was, by chance, only a few weeks before my friend died that I had been allowed to look into an urn that contained the ashes of a friend's deceased wife. That experience touched me deeply, and maybe because of it I had the sudden idea that I needed to make portraits out of my friend's and my father's ashes. Probably that says something about my deeper motivations as an artist, that I think that death can be conquered by art, or that it can heal the worst emotional pain, but the fact is that even as the idea came to me, in a sort of revelation, I already started to feel a calm arise within me. Over the several months it took to figure out a method of using ashes to make their portraits (as I implied, I didn't have access to their actual ashes, so I was using a substitute, as I tried to discover a technique that would work) I engaged in an almost constant dialogue with them, often out loud, and even crying or yelling. By the time I had made their portraits, not only was my grief dispelled, but I felt like they were somehow there with me, that there was a presence that goes way beyond the power of art when I was with them. It reminded me of the relics of saints in the Catholic church or the humble glow of an Icon, which is often so much more powerful than even great works of religious art because believers know that it has been blessed and that they are being protected by the saint it depicts. 

Being an artist, I naturally thought that the effect was caused by the, in this case very lengthy, process of making the portraits, but when a friend, whose mother had died when he was still rather young and with whom he felt he had a totally unresolved relationship, one that was cut short before they could know each other in the way he wanted, asked if I would make a portrait for him as well - with her actual ashes - I discovered that he had the same almost preternatural experience, both of the presence of his mother, and of an indescribable calm and consolation. That's when I thought that this was a comfort that I could offer to others as well. And it turned out that I knew quite a lot of people who had ashes of loved ones that they felt were almost a burden, or were being disrespected, or shunted aside, by simply being stored in an urn or a box, and over a number of years I made portraits for some of them as gifts, always finding that their relationship to their beloved changed or was enriched in a range of interested ways just by having this renewed contact with what they knew was the physical residue of the actual person they had loved. 

How do you choose the people you want to create portraits for? Do you people come to you to request these pieces?

I didn't really choose the particular subjects, except to the extent that I was speaking to friends or people I learned had suffered a loss and telling them about my experience and that of others for whom I had made portraits, but it does strike me that in a world in which many more people are being cremated than ever before, we are more often in the company of what remains of our beloved long after the immediate exigency of attending to the body or even of coping with the pain and grief that frequently renders reflection impossible and which has typically dictated that we simply adopt common social practices without examining them, has subsided. So I think that in some way my discovery happens to suit the times, even as it obviously reflects a long cultural and perhaps even primordially human tradition. In fact the great art historian Hans Belting, among others, thinks that the origins of portraiture had exactly the purpose that my project envisions - to keep the dead among us and clear our minds, in some way still in relationship to the kinship group, even exerting a force among us with their presence. For me, such a process seems clearly better than hiding the dead away in an urn or spreading them to the winds. Memory is always better than forgetting: it is the basis of everything important that is human. 

More pertinently, though, a lot of people feel something like despair when the people they loved die, as if a part of them has died, too, or that they have suffered a horrible trauma. Knowing that the person is actually right there in front of you, as if seeing you as you look at him or her, has a powerful effect.  The friends for whom I made a portrait all told me that they also sometimes talk to their beloved one, just as I do with my father and my friend. 

Of course, a lot of the people for whom I made the first portraits are artists or people for whom art is an important thing in their lives, so for them the visual impact of the work is also very powerful, and they are used to having a deeper relationship to images than to something that is simply functional or decorative, and they also tend to hate waste, I mean to hate to incorporate objects in their lives that don’t express some sort of meaning.  In addition, the people who typically want this are people who had a profound and deeply loving relationship to the departed, and they feel this as an act of reverence to them and a memorialization of their relationship and their love.  They don’t ever want to forget them.

Still, it’s not something everyone would want, and plenty of people find it an uncomfortable prospect even if their relationship to the deceased was not fraught or problematic.  That said, there are also people who have found it compelling in spite of their deep qualms about using the ashes of people they loved.  One of the people whose husband’s portrait is included in the exhibition always tells me that while she is horrified by the project, she has also felt healed by it, and I really admire her for engaging these complex feelings.  But so far, most people who see the work find it invigorating or recognize the obvious respect that animates it than find it frightening or creepy.  I sense a turn in the general rejection or fear of death that has characterized our modern relationship to it.  Look at all of the books that have been published about death in the last decade, an astonishing number, and groups, like reading groups, that get together to discuss aspects of death, the so-called “death cafes,” or even programs that discuss death with children in schools.  And I think this is a great way to help bring that suppressed curiosity, or “socially inappropriate” but totally natural and healthy fascination into the open, and into normal life, again, after a very long and counter-productive period of repression.

 Has this project made you more interested in death as an art form?

I’m not sure I know quite what you mean by “death as an art form,” although it certainly sounds evocative – De Quincy’s Murder Considered as one of the Fine Arts or Stevenson’s “The Suicide Club” spring to mind – but I have very much worked with death during the 8 years I’ve been engaged in this project, and I’ve learned a lot, for example, that we all have to die – including me.  Of course I knew that before, but there is a huge difference between “knowing” and actually being aware of it.  And I think this difference is what makes death such a huge taboo, especially for people in the US and other “civilized” countries.  To really understand that we have a few years on this planet and that then everything will be totally over is just too painful for most of us, and since death is unavoidable, it seems to be easier, and maybe more practical, to avoid thinking about at it.  Personally, I’m trying to cope with that pain, to get used to it like to a chronic condition and use it to remind myself of how beautiful life is and to want to live it to the fullest.

One of the not necessarily empty platitudes about art holds that it is all about death, even that it owes its existence to the fact of death, much as the philosopher, Jacques Derrida, could contend that “all of his writing was about death.”  And the Buddha, among many others since, quasi-paradoxically opined that the meaning of life is death.  In some ways, it is more difficult not to be interested in death, even without trying than it is to be free of the thought of it.  Since, however, in a way that cannot easily be said of much other art, the very substance of Icons in Ash is death, and in some respect I see myself as speaking for death, or rather letting it speak on its own account, giving it a voice uncolored by the civilized history of art or thought, I am profoundly and very personally attuned to this empty and very impersonal “thing.”  I think that much of the quiet force of Icons in Ash comes from the fact that we feel the void even as we know we are looking at someone we once knew and perhaps loved.  Death has the human face it has been missing for such a long time. 

Can you talk a bit about your process, about your workflow in creating each piece from start to finish?

I use three different techniques to make my ash portraits, all of which took a lot of trial and error to perfect – in my many experiments I generally used animal ashes from cremated pets that hadn’t been claimed by their owners.  The first, and the one I’ve spent the most time both developing and practicing, is essentially a mosaic technique, which requires individually placing thousands and thousands of discrete particles onto a bed of wax to create the likeness, working from black-and-white photographs that the family or friends have chosen for the portrait.  The obvious difference from the mosaics you might know, say the famous ones in Ravenna, is that my fragments are not really visible as individual “stones,” but are tiny particles, like dust or pigment that create a subtle dimensionality when they’ve been arrayed on the wax.

Because the ashes are pure bones and therefore of only one color, I also use white marble dust (as a symbol of death) and black birch coal (as a symbol of life) to get a palette ranging over different shades of grey.  This is, as you might imagine, an extremely painstaking method, and I am hunched over the work sometimes for weeks, applying these microscopic fragments with the tip of a scalpel.  It is like reconstructing a broken image, which is in fact where the word “mosaic” comes from – Moses piecing back together the tablets of the Ten Commandments that he had shattered in anger.

I also use a more painterly, but still methodical and highly repetitive, or meditative, technique, in which I draw many layers of very diluted ink onto either an emulsion of ashes and binder, or on a surface of pure ashes.  These look almost like photographs, but have a much deeper and textured feeling because of the layering of the drawings.

And, finally, because I realized that so many people who would like to have such a portrait can’t afford an image that is so time-consuming to create, I developed a photographic technique in which I can recreate a photo on a surface of pure ashes or, again, on a surface bearing an emulsion of ashes and binder. 

The portraits I have made so far are always approximately life-size, which I think supports the feeling that the person is actually there, and I recess them in a shadow box, which gives a sense of deeper dimensionality, as well as a distance that I think subtly reflects the changed state of the subjects’ existence, as well as of our relationship to them.

This is a conversation with the deceased - an homage to their legacy. These are their very ashes made into a portrait of themselves. How did it feel to start using ashes of people you didn't know to create such long-lasting pieces for their loved ones and for yourself?

I like how you put it: “a conversation with the deceased.” That’s exactly what it is, and an homage to their memory!  

When I started to develop this as an art idea, I had strong and strange feelings to touch the ashes of human beings, but I suppose that uppermost among them was the feeling that this substance was something precious and that, unlike almost every other action one might take as an artist, I had to be extremely careful and specifically about the material itself. 

But the far more disturbing aspect of the matter as I began offering to make portraits for others was the idea that I, as a German artist, making something out of human ashes, would involuntarily and almost inevitably conjure thoughts of the Nazi atrocities for many viewers.  I was so troubled by that possibility that I had to give up the whole project for several years, not seeing how it wouldn’t cause pain or anger rather than the solace that I intended.  It was only after I researched specifically what the Nazis actually did and what they intended that I could resume it, because I knew that my purpose was exactly the opposite of theirs: where they wanted to obliterate a whole people and make it as though they had never existed, to destroy them, and eliminate every trace of them, I am remembering, preserving, honoring, and making present what is lost to us.  To me, this is an act of reverence.

Of course it’s still strange to work with a human being’s ashes, and sometimes I have a very hard time to continue working and need a break – that actually happens more often when I am working on somebody I knew – just because it is so intense to be aware of what I am doing.  On the other hand it is a pure labor of love and I am rather trying to think about putting the bone particles back together, animating, in a way, a person who has died, than thinking that this is a dead person.  There is simultaneously a frustration and an ecstasy in this practice, which I think exemplifies the frustration and the ecstasy that has always characterized art: we are desperate to make whole what can never be whole, to make sense of what never makes sense in actual life.  This is where art is at once a greater truth than life, and an inevitable, if inadvertent, lie that has always excited a certain distrust among the practical and the earnest.  I believe, however, that this seemingly irresolvable tension or aporia is a consequence of the denial of death to which most civilization has been so fervently devoted from time immemorial, and in Icons in Ash, by materially putting the fact of death before us in its simplicity and its specificity, we can begin to strike an understanding that neither diminishes nor overreaches its subject.

WCW QUESTIONNAIRE

Describe your creative process in one word.

Love

If you could teach a one, one-hour class on anything, what would it be?

How to follow your dreams

What is the last book you read or film you saw that inspired you?

I am usually inspired by nature or art exhibitions, but the last book that inspired me was what I am reading right now: Death: An Interdisciplinary Analyses by Warren Shibles (Language Press, Whitewater, Wisconsin, 1974)

What is the most played song in your music library?

Black Star by David Bowie, sung by Amanda Palmer and Anna Calvi

How do you take your coffee?

Lots of steamed and frothed almond milk with a few drops of espresso

Heide has a solo show at Ubu Gallery in New York until May 12, 2017!