#but im scared to diagnose myself with a third thing bc it's like im self diagnosis georg or some shit

[roundaboutnow]

OCD folks, what is your advice for people who are probably undiagnosed? how do you take care of yourselves and combat the thoughts/impulses?

im pretty sure and im pretty sure my therapist knows it too, but im not ready to admit it bc i know theyre going to agree and im not sure im ready for it to be real

[riachic]

dear self,

Ever since the sec yr has started, things have been kind of rough for me. Idk if it's just me or the environment around me but maybe mostly bc of me. First thing that has been bothering me is acads. Well i guess i'm just tired. Do u know the feeling when u are expecting a high grade but then in reality u are one of the lowest in class?? Huhu I felt that real hard in our kines lab subj. Idk what happened or where did I go wrong but it already happened and i have to accept and use that as a motivation to strive harder. Finals week is getting nearer and I have to make sure that I'm ready for the exams and suchhh. I have to be productive starting laterr. No more lies. No more procrastination. I have to stay true to my words. I don't want to end up disappointing myself, family nor God. I can do this !!! Second that is bothering me is my health. Idk but 1 month ago I've started to feel chest paiin. I went to the doctor before and he gave me meds first and diagnosed that i have costochondritis. Buttt lately, i have started feeling chest pain again. And i guess kailangan ko na talaga magpa ECG. I hopee na wala naman akong malalang sakittt. And i have to live healthy na. No more liessss. Tama na fast food huhu @self. Enough is enoughhhh. And kahit 15 min na stretching and exercise lang everydayy. I guess i will just start with small thingss. Third thing that is bothering me is my social anxiety (i feel like i have or somethng similar to this). I don't know pero simula talaga ng college, sobrang naging introvert ako esp ngayong second yr. Unang una sa chat or grp chats ganyan i'm kind of scared or like worried sa mga sinasabi ko (grr what iz happening to u self). And then sa school, sobrang introvert and tahimik kong tao sa mga cm8s na hindi ko kaclose. Idk talaga grabe i hate myself for thiss. But i also have to respect myself that i guess i needed time pa to open up to other people. I guess i just have to find those people who would really accept me for who i am. Lam mo yun may grp kasi kami ganyan ngayong sec yr acads buddies ganun but i still feel alone somehow. Tapos may new friend akong nakaclose like close talagaa but ayun kainis lang sometimes bc ang tamad niya !! Hahah minsan nakakadala which i know na hindi dapat. Tapos this college, i feel like ung mga magsstay na friends ko is ung mga friends ko nung first yr. Huhuh solid talaga yun eh!! Lagi ko pa rin sila kachat kahit d na magkaklase. Taposs basta ayun talaga ung set of friends ko na i could be my true self i guess. Mga lowkey na tao lang din kasi yun. Mga kaklase ko kasi ngayong 2nd yr is mga strong personalities ganuun and mostly kasi group group na eh kaya close na talaga ung iba. But izz okay i also love my blockk now. Ang babait

It's just me na ayun napakaweird na ngayong college pa talaga umatake ung pagka introvert ko. Sobrang reserved ko lang na tao lam mo yun. Kaya im really thankful to God and sa lahat ng mga support system ko na even tho i do not tell my problems ganyan. I know na they would always be there for me. Huhu ily all. Hays ang daldal ko todayy. Wala lang ang sarap lang mag reflect.

P.S. PAPASA KA NGAYONG SEM !!!

[groundramon]

even numbers for the ask thingy

2. favourite movie?

BIG HERO 6 because i am a weeb

4. dream date?not to be nsfw but id love to c*ddle and watch dumb anime w/ my bffs some day (i’d @ them but i dont wanna scare them ysdbcakjf and one of them doesnt have a tumblr but - rainy moony sharpy ily sobs)

6. what are your hobbies?Doing dumb shit, drawing when my tablet decides to work, writing when my brain decides to work, watching Appmon, and crying

8. if you could look like anything, what would you look like?DRAGON.

10. what’s your favourite type of weather?The kind of cloudy that blocks the sun but not a rainy cloudy, a cool breeze, maybe mid 70s during the day and 60s at night, p dry humidity but not like super dry humidity because my body will start falling apart, … raining is also ok but 1. its gotta be cooler and 2. i just dont wanna get wet so not during the day when im out pls

12. what are your turn ons?dr. agons.

14. if you got a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?I’ve always been partial to orioles and I’ve thought abt getting one of those dove-symbolic tattoos but with an oriole, probably with something in its beak that promotes love an acceptance (or since it’s like the dove from noah’s ark, incorporate a rainbow theme into it, and smth about how it can mean multiple things) and im not sure where it’d be but probably on my shoulder, low enough to see if i roll up my sleeve but high enough that i can cover it if i have to

16. dream job?Television writer for kids’ animation!!! serialized/fantasy animation like ATLA, Hilda, TDP, ect

18. dream vacation?Visiting ALL the pokemon centers in japan (or at least like, the biggest ones, Please)

20. if you had kids, what would you name them?Fuckboy and lavagirl

22. worst traits?Ok I dont want to be self loathing BUT a pet peeve I have @ myself is that every time I get a shiny pokemon im like “oh i am so fucking sexy I love SOS hunting” and then I try SOS hunting again and i die after 3 hours of misery for like 10 times before I get lucky again, and then the cycle repeats

anyways im off to go sos shiny h-

24. what do you want to eat right now?Hnggg i havent had blackberry frozen yogurt for so long

26. favourite city?whatever city in japan has the biggest pokemon center, thats my favorite

28. favourite article of clothing?awfully bold of you to assume that I avoid being nude for any other reason than dysphoria and self-conciousness

30. favourite meal of the day?I do enjoy my daily morning fruit loops

31. what are you excited for?HNG I might adopt a snek from my local reptile rescue place… my mom likes this 1 snake called a rosy boa and we think it might be rlly good for our situation!! because i’ll obvs have it (hopefully) going into college and although I want to move into a place where I can have the snake by my third year, my parents may want to go on vacation before then, sooo even tho feeding isn’t an issue water is.  HOWEVER rosy boas can go for pretty long periods of time without water, it seems like? so they might be perfect!! they’re also docile and small and apparently really stupid.  We were gonna ask abt the rosy boa and stuff tomorrow but my dad might need us to pick him up while costco works on his car :/ but we’ll look into the individual snake more soon.  This is kind of what it looks like btw!!!

so i realized after answering this that I did this wrong F so ill just answer the right question now but leave this

32. not excited for?Going to costco with my dad instead of looking at cute sneks at my local reptile rescue :/

34. dream house?So many plushies…….bed of plushies….bed of kinetic sand…..many reptiles….but like nice ones, i cant keep iguanas they make me sad :(

36. what’s something you love about the world?REPTILES but uh, honestly?  If humanity wasn’t so much of a hivemind as it is now thanks to the internet and whatnot (which sounds terfy and suspiciously aphobic but stay with me) I feel like humanity would have such amazing potential to structure itself in such an amazing way.  And by the hivemind, I mean we’re all connected and most of us function off of the same idea of human rights and government format.  I really believe in the freedom of speech but it’s hard to defend it when homophobes are the majority instead of the minority.  Plus, humanity isn’t evil, but the way corporate capitalism is has beaten us all into heartless monsters.  Socialism WOULDN’T work in america at large because capitalism turned us into greedy bitches.  It’s not fundamentally flawed, but we’ve been shaped into something incompatible with socialism, sadly.  So I kind of just bitched about the world but my point is, humans are very flexible, and we can change so much in so little time.  It takes effort to change an entire culture, but the flexibility of human nature from generation to generation is heartwarming.

38. what kind of sleeper are you?It’s super hard for me to fall asleep if there’s even like 1 sound but once im asleep im dead fucking asleep.  I wear ear plugs so you cannot wake me up.  Today a fridge repair man came and my parents said he was running this super loud machine but the only thing i heard was the dude leaving after everything was over bc thats when i happened to wake up.

40. are you a cat or dog person?CAT CAT CATCATCAT BUT IM ALLERGIC SOBS like dogs are good boys but we don’t get along.  I mean dogs like me, but I think - especially in more intelligent dogs - we kind of just respect each other from a distance.  Meanwhile I’m basically just an uglier cat so

(also i like snakes because they’re basically cats but noodlier, stupider, and im not allergic to them)

42. free! ask anythingSOL YOU DIDN’T ASK ME ANYTHINJG

44. are you trusting?It depends.  If you’ve done smth to make me suspicious, then I’m suspicious.  If not, then I’m not.  I’m also kind of just an open book to everyone i meet as long as I think they’re LGBT friendly and whatever so yeah, i dont have a lot of secrets lmao

46. what labels do you commonly get?I’m pretty sure this isn’t related but my friend diagnosed me as Digit from Cyberchasers-kin today

48. what issues are you dealing with right now?Jesus christ where do i fucking start okay:- tablet broken, dont know why (well i know whats wrong but i cant fix it), have to draw at particular angles to draw, cant use paper bc of sensory overload, big sad- mom’s phone is breaking, dont know why, big sad- fridge broke, its fixed now but i need cold water to not have headache and its taken all damn day to cool down- still grieving over Peppermint- politics Suck- Friends upsetti over miscellaneous shitty (not at me tho we wuv each other)- sensory overload makes EVERYTHING SO LOUD- we’re almost out of milk. i dont know if ill have enough milk for my fruit loops tomorrow. help.- my fingers?? were literally peeling because it was so dry here for a lil while??? theyre kind of better now but then i decided to sew so i fucked them up again- also did i mention im super behind on plushies- also my sewing machine isnt working with the thread i need it to work with (or im dumb)- I still have hang nails and im constantly worried abt nose bleeds bc of the lack of humidity Please Help Me- I owe my parents so much fucking money for vet bills and plushies.  They didnt even charge me for the more expensive vet bill or the cuddle clones plush, just the first bill.  But I only have like $32 left on that and I owe like $44 for plushies that I bought after the vet bill so I’m also just stupid- cuddle clones hasnt contacted me since i placed the order and i never specified the pose (bc there wasnt enough fucking room) so im concerned- i sent the reptile rescue guy an email but he didnt get back to me and im Big Sad bc if hed Reply i wouldnt even have to go (well obvs i would eventually, but i just mean like, rn)- mom’s battling in court for her inheritance because my step grandma is a bitch, and my dad’s been having Drama with his siblings after my grandma passed away, and im big stressed

50. what’s something about you people don’t know?Like how many people we talking here? bc if you mean nobody knows then aw piss this doesnt count. but if you mean just like tumblr/excluding like 3 other people uhhh i might be working on a warrior cats fanfiction because oh you know im a weeb.  But if you mean nobody knows then i want to write a harujin fanfic but im lazy. also you could probably guess that i want to write that but. it still counts.