#but im not doing anything more tonight i'm tired of pages

[skyheld]

i updated my pinned post to have my rules and links to all muse pages directly on it instead of leading to another page, and while at it i rewrote my rules - there's not really anything new so no need to check them, i just structured them a bit differently.

[softtcurse]

to my old ways, dumb decision (1)

story of a stripper and someone she loves.

*this is a 18+ fic, do not interact if you are underage; this fic contains mentions of drugs, manipulation, sex, and depression.

This is purely fiction.

Sleazin' and teasin', I'm sittin' on him

All of my diamonds are drippin' on him

I met him at the bar, it was 12 or somethin'

I ordered two more wines, 'cause tonight, I want him

“You have to get up”

“I don’t have to do anything” She mumbled. Eyes wide open, her arms laid limp by her side.

“YN please-“ Her bestfriend pleaded.

“Please leave me alone”

The sound of clicking heels echoed in her head. She could feel the crack in her lips, surely chapped enough to where they were bleeding. A sarcastic laugh left her lips as she felt the warm tears slide down her heated cheeks. Her right dress still adorned her body. Heavy heels still on her feet.

How long had it been anyways? Days? Maybe a few weeks. It could be a few hours and it would still feel all the same.

Phone cracked, the cruel image of his picture on her lockscreen still teasing her almost. The residue of the substance she had used just a few hours prior still lingered in her system.

What a joke.

She wanted to be mad at him, she did. How could he blame him?

YN’s hand blindly reached for her phone. His contact name was the first thing her eyes laid on, and the last thing she saw before she had her eyes closed again, the ringing on the FaceTime sound resounding in the trashed room.

It was the same routine every night.

“Im sorry” She croaked out. Her eyes stinging with very salty tears again. A sob racking over her body as she tried to justify why she would be calling him again.

“Please don’t hang up, I can’t sleep without you on the phone. I’m scared, please?” she pleaded at him. He hadn’t said a word to her. But she could feel his disappointment through the screen. Her eyes were still squeezed shut. Disgusted with herself, humiliated that she was in this shit position again. To hear his voice even just for a second was all worth it.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” She heard a tired Jack reply. She could hear his hands run over his face. The way he lowered the volume of whatever beat was playing so he could hear her better. “It’s been a month YN, I’m not playing this stupid fucking game with you anymore. I told you this”

A sad smile dispersed through her features. She laid her head on her arm. The smell of the club still on here, the adrenaline slowly going away.

She didn’t respond to him. She just listened to him shuffling on the other end. His presence brought peace to her being. Heavy eyes fluttered and before she knew it YN was fast asleep.

The fact that he stayed on the phone with her until he was sure she was safe and knocked out made it all worth it.

His hesitation to hit the ‘end’ button was harder.

She wouldn’t call him again after that.

A little context if you care to listen

I find myself in a shit position

The man that I love sat me down last night

And he told me that it's over, dumb decision

And I don't wanna feel how my heart is rippin'

In fact, I don't wanna feel, so I stick to sippin'

And I'm out on the town with a simple mission

In my little black dress, and this shit is sittin'

She watched as Jack’s eyes shut in pleasure. His lips twitched as she took him around her mouth. Soft plush lips pressing against the vein underneath his dick. Her glittery gloss smeared. Eyes never left his, even when his eyes shut closed hers stayed. Soft hands slid up and down his chest.

A true reformed addiction, his only addiction.

“Fuck baby” She heard him hiss.

“Feel good?” A hum escaped her lips.

“Fuck I love you”

slowly she closed her eyes.

Just a heart broke bitch, high heels, six inch

In the back of the nightclub, sippin' champagne

I don't trust any of these bitches I'm with

In the back of the taxi, sniffin' cocaine

Drunk calls, drunk texts, drunk tears, drunk sex

I was lookin' for a man who was on the same page

Now it's back to the intro, back to the bar

To the Bentley, to the hotel, to my old ways

Opening them again she found yourself in the same dress she was wearing that night, tight corset top. Matching thigh highs and thick 6 inch heels.

“We need to talk”

“Can we do it after my set? I gotta go up in a bit”

“No we’re doing this now”

YN nervously picked at the skin around her hands. Perfectly French tipped acrylics now chipped.

She nodded her head and followed him to the back of the skin. Music pounding and sweaty bodies. Her ear drums could collapse from how loud the music was pumping. Never in life did she feel the anxiety that racked over her body like she did right now. Her heart was damn near showing out of her chest from how fast her body was pumping blood through her body. They both found themselves in the back areas of the club. Jack’s entourage close by as if they themselves knew the conversation that was going to take place.

“I missed you” YN said, her arms came to wrap around his body. Inhaling the scent of his cologne. Her was warm, despite his hard gaze. Maybe it was her holding on to the last few moments she could spend with him. Almost as if she knew from the beginning that it was all leading up to this.

The sex, the dates, the love bombing she expressed to him just so he wouldn’t leave.

Naive.

His arms slowly came to wrap around her waist. She was so pretty, makeup done perfectly as always. Jack could see her under eyeliner was smudged a bit. But it just gave a look to her that was more than addicting, any man would be so lucky.

However the moment was cut short. His hands came to her waist and pushed her back. His eyes softened a little bit as he watched her wince a little. The rejection of his touch was a little too much for her to bare.

“Sit” he nodded his head towards the private booth.

YN nodded, she switched her eyes from him to his group of friends. She recognized Urban and waved at him. He offered her a pity smile and looked away from her.

“Jack-“

“I dont think this is going to work YN” He interrupted her. His eyes traveled down to his PG ring. Not even wanting to face her.

It was getting a little heavier to breathe in the room. YN’s breath hitched. She knew, she fucking knew. However she wanted to speak, her body wouldn’t let her. Clammy hands gripped the bottom of her dress.

Knuckles turning a small white color from how hard she was tripping.

“I need stability, I want to settle down and- and I don’t think you’re ready for that” He finally looked at her. Jack could see her hardened teary eyes. The bright lights brought out the innocence in them. Jack swallowed hard and motioned his hands around the club. “This is your life style YN. I’m 24, I need a woman that’s willing to start acting like an adult”

“You don’t get to decide that for me! I am an adult!” YN stood up. A few people passing by snapped their heads to the commotion coming from the booth.

“You’re right, I don’t get to decide that for you, but I can decide that for me” Jack snapped. His teeth clenching down. YN could see the vein on his neck sticking out. He looked so good, even when he was scolding her for whatever he decided to scold her.

Even while he was breaking her heart, she wanted him.

'Cause I don't wanna feel how I did last night

I don't wanna feel how I did last night

Doctor, doctor, anything, please

Doctor, doctor, have mercy on me, take this pain away

You're asking me my symptoms, doctor, I don't wanna feel

Toke this joint how I'm blowin' this steam

Back to my ways like 2019

Not 24 hours since my ex did dead it

I got a new man on me, it's about to get sweaty

Last night really was the cherry on the cake

Been some dark days lately and I'm finding it crippling

Excuse my state, I'm as high as your hopes

That you'll make it to my bed, get me hot and sizzling

If I take a step back to see the glass half full

At least it's the Prada two-piece that I'm trippin' in

And I'm already actin' like a dick, know what I mean?

So you might as well stick it in

“I’ve been thinking about it for days now, I talked to Urb and a few guys abou-“

YN sourly laughed.

“Your fucking friends knew you were planning on breaking up with me? Is that why you brought them with you tonight? You wanted a fucking audience?!” YN started pushing Jack’s chest. With each word. Jack raised his hands up. Not putting his hands on her, he would never do that to her.

“Is that why they’re fucking looking at me like a kicked stray? Huh?!” YN let her tears slip down. A few security started walking over to her. She knew they were Jack’s security but she didn’t stop her verbal banter. “You’re disgusting Jack Harlow! You used me to get off! A fucking bitch to stick your dick in for a couple of months and then when I’m not the classy bitch you want to marry and have kids with you dump me?!”

“Ma’am-“ The tall security man pulled her hand.

“Ey man, don’t touch her. Chill out” Jack protested.

“Fuck you!” YN yelled at Jack. Seeing him defend her even after what he said sent a chill down her spine. She tugged her hand away from the security.

Two other dancers YN knew came over. Their faux concern didn’t faze YN. She knew they didn’t really care about her.

“Whats going on?” Candy, the strawberry blonde asked. Eyeing Jack and smacking her watermelon flavored bubblegum. “You okay sweetie?” She asked YN. She was just being nosey.

“Im fine-“

“Come on YN” The raven haired stripper next to Candy, named Xandra tugged in YN’s arm. “You shouldn’t be here begging him for anything. Looks like he got what he wanted and now he’s done. Men like this aren’t new to this scene”

“You aren’t gonna sit here and disrespect me-“

YN watched numbly as PG started walking over, noticing the commotion and looking out for their boy.

“What like you disrespected her?” Candy sourly laughed and pointed a red acrylic nail at Jack. “You don’t get to come in our work and tell us what to do”

“Dre said he’d give us a discount if you came with us, come on let’s go. He’s waiting with the stuff” Jack heard Xandra whisper to YN. Who just looked at Jack. Urban and the rest of his entourage finally arriving to where Jack and his security where standing.

“YN, no” Jack began as he heard Xandra.

“Don’t talk to her, let’s go” Candy snapped at Jack. Rolling her eyes and turning around with Xandra. Pulling a quiet YN by her arm.

Jack’s heart felt heavy. Watching the three of them disappear to the back.

Just a heart broke bitch, high heels, six inch

In the back of the nightclub, sippin' champagne

I don't trust any of these bitches I'm with

In the back of the taxi, sniffin' cocaine

Drunk calls, drunk texts, drunk tears, drunk sex

I was lookin' for a man who was on the same page

Now it's back to the intro, back to the bar

To the Bentley, to the hotel, to my old ways

Cause I don't wanna feel how I did last night

I don't wanna feel how I did last night

Doctor, doctor, anything, please

Doctor, doctor, have mercy on me, take this pain away

You're asking me my symptoms, doctor, I don't wanna feel, mm (what?)

'Cause I don't wanna feel like I felt last night

I don't wanna feel like I felt last night

Be at peace with the things you can't change (last night)

I'll be naked when I leave and I was naked when I came, yeah

“She made her Instagram private”

“Huh?” Jack pulled back the headphones from his head. Watching as Urban brought the joint to his lips. Inhaling and holding it in a few seconds before breathing out the smoke. His phones lighting up the dim recording studio.

Urban turned his phone. YN’s now private Instagram.

“YN? She made her Instagram private.”

Jack nodded his head. Looking down at the carpeted floors. “Why were you looking for her Instagram anyways?”

“Chill” Urban laughed. “I saw her fine ass bestfriend on my recommended, and I happened to click on her Instagram name after scrolling down a few pictures”

“Oh”

“Yeah”

It felt awkward for a few moments. Jack didn’t like talking about YN. It had been a month since she last called him. Jack figured she finally decided he wasn’t worth calling when she was fucked up. He didn’t know if it hurt worse knowing she was finding peace without him (as selfish as that sounded) or knowing there was no way knowing what she was up to. He had a private fake Instagram that he would use to look at her Instagram stories, but he felt like he was violating her privacy by following her on a fake account to stalk her. Now he was sort of regretting it.

“Her problems aren’t mine anymore” Jack mumbled. Turning his chair back to the screen in front of him. Pro tools pulled up as he clicked the mouse here and there trying to focus on the new song he was working on.

“Hmm” Urban nodded and leaned back in the leather couch.

“You think she still works at that club?”

“I don’t know? Probably”

“We should go see just for old times sake” Urban grinned.

“I haven’t been back there since-“ Jack coughed and shifted in his seat. Remembering what happened the last time he was there two months prior.

YN’s body collided with the man she was dancing on. His hands finding her body. Roughly gripping her breast as she arched her back on him. He leaned down to whisper in her ear and YN giggled. Pupils dilated and her legs hurt from dancing but that didn’t stop her.

Jack stood with a small glass of vodka gripped in his hand. He made it a mission to not be noticed by her, and he was successful. Which told him all he needed to know. She wasn’t doing it to spite him. She was doing what she wanted and for some reason that made Jack feel sick.

“Yeah” Urban interrupted him. “I was just fucking with you” Sensing the joke had gone too far, he was now feeling bad himself.

Jack nodded and pressed his lips together.

“Got to finish this song” With that, the topic of YN was ended for the night.

Out of reach, out of touch, too numb, I don't feel no way

Toast up, so what? Street small, but it go both ways

So you'll run, yeah, but you'll never escape

Sunset in the maze (you're asking me my symptoms, doctor, I don't wanna feel)

I don't wanna feel how I did last night

I don't wanna feel how I did last night, oh

Doctor, doctor, anything, please

Doctor, doctor, have mercy on me

You're asking me my symptoms, doctor, I don't wanna feel

I don't wanna feel how I did last night

I don't wanna feel how I did last night

I don't wanna feel how I did last night

“You know I really did love him” YN mumbled. Her cheek pressed against the man’s chest. His hand sliding down her back.

“Did you?” The man asked her.

The covers down just above her ass. Her breasts pressed against the mattress. A cool breeze from the cracked window.

“Yeah, but he didn’t want me” She croaked out. Her eyelashes fluttered down against her cheek.

“Ridiculous, what man wouldn’t want you?”

“Him” YN bitterly laughed.

“He’s an idiot”

“Or maybe he’s smart, maybe he saw something I didnt, y’know I was gonna tell him I was gonna quit dancing the night he broke up with him me. I was gonna go back to school.”

The man’s chest rumbled as he laughed at her words. Not because what she said was funny. But because he saw irony. “You shouldn’t not pursue your dream because of a man, you shouldn’t let him decide that for you.”

“I just loved him so much”

“He probably did too, but you know. Men are stupid sometimes”

It was YN’s turn to laugh.

“Thank you for listening Keith” YN smiled up at him. Pressing a kiss to his jaw. Keith never pressured her to talk about Jack. She walked about him here and there, of course he knew what happened. But if YN didn’t share anything with him then he didn’t know.

He respected her like that.

The two had been messing around for two weeks now. It was very platonic. A friends with benefit situation. He listened to her and always supported her.

To everyone else it may seem the two of them were dating, but that wasn’t the case. Keith Powers was a gentlemen at heart. Opened car doors for her, took YN out to lunch and brunch. He also made sure she was always home and okay when he was in town and she were working a late shift.

He made sure no one messed with the woman and that made her feel a safeness she hadn’t felt since Jack.

“Cone on let’s get dressed, I promised you waffles”

YN cheered and quickly got out of the bed. “I have to text Sash and let her know I’ll be home later so she won’t worry! You know how she gets” YN laughed as she walked to the bathroom to text her bestfriend.

Not even noticing her phone, and the three missed calls from Jack.

Mm, lipstick smudged like modern art

I don't know where the fuck I am or who's drivin' the fuckin' car

Speedin' down the highway, sippin'

Mixin' pills with the liquor 'cah fuck these feelings

I left everyone I love on read (uh-huh)

Spilling secrets to the stranger in my bed (uh-huh)

I remember nothing, so there's nothing to regret (uh-huh)

[transcendence-through-exposure]

Hello and welcome to my page (If anyone does see this) i want to start with an introduction.

let's just say my name is D and with alot of years of battling my own demons, I've finally have an understanding with them to live in balance with myself. i would delete all the posts I shared but after looking at them i realized how depressed i really was growing up. It's a place in my mind i had forgotten about until recently and has been building up for some time now, so I've come here to share.

For some reason it's a trigger to be asked if I'm okay. I can't fully say im happy, but im at a point where i just can't feel emotions like i used to. I tried the whole emotion thing after being numb for so long... And so far it's only caused problems. for example, I've recently opened myself to have new friends ( because I've only ever hung out with the same group of friends since i was a child.)

Lets say i work with music not gonna be too specific but i ended up working with a fundraising group who i will not name and discovered the world of sober bars. I don't wanna say i had a problem with alcohol or drugs but i realized what i had been doing to myself but that's another story i will share, I'm currently 5 years off drugs and 3 years no alcohol or soda (nothing too hardcore) just liked to party when i was younger guess it was a coping mechanism for me and when someone close passed i went down a spiral it was the only thing that kept me numb. I used to love that numb feeling and the flavor of alcohol.. i miss it sometimes but im definitely a better person without it. growing up i was always around alcohol, drugs, and gang members. Back in the day it wasn't entirely safe in my neighborhood but im getting off subject again so i will definitely write about that in a later blog.

Back to what i was talking about long story short i let people into my circle and i guess for some reason i have this tendency to wanna help people when i have nothing to give a quote i always remember is " never pour from an empty cup" and i like to say " im not a cup. I'm the person who guides the water to the cup." Meaning im here to build you up, a way to turn the flow to fill up the cups of others. I don't know if I'll ever have a true happiness. again, it's a trigger and truly makes me cry sometimes even though im usually really good with not feeling anything.

Kinda why i started my career in music. It was a new version of me that i chose in my pursuit of happiness. I can honestly say if it wasn't for music i wouldn't be here right now. it's better than any drug or alcohol and gave the feeling of pure serenity. I want to show people that there's a world that cares for you even when there's no one around. When you need that conversation but dont have anyone to talk to. It's crazy to think that a total stanger can talk through this beautiful art to your soul and be able to heal from it.

I think that's enough for tonight it's about 3AM and started this on the beach (where i usually go to throw all my negative thoughts). I'm tired, ive been more tired than usually recently but i don't let it stop me from getting things done most of the time i dont want to. but i always push myself to get it done. Growing up depressed i learned to cope with it so i really dont feel emotions as hard as I used to

ps. Im not sad or happy im just good enough to get through everyday knowing that we're all destined for greatness, I'm more at peace with myself and understand my feelings. Im self centered, in balance with my thoughts and emotions. hope i can help others whether it be a story, music or personal poetry.

Ok now im done, Thank you so much for reading, hope to see you again peace and love ☯️ .

[alloftheimaginess]

Little Morgan

Ooc Spencer Reid.

Wordcount : 2727

After filming her latest movie After, overseas for the last year 26 year old Yn Morgan was seen headed to Virginia

I hold my phone in my hand as I pose for pictures with the fans I ran into at the airport even though I look like a literal pile of shit. I work with what I have which is filters and when they are done taking photos on their phone I pull out my phone and I go to my Snapchat and I use my phone to take selfies with fans and I take like 8 before adding them to my Instagram story, getting all of their instagrams so that I can tag them.

"Arrived home to so much love. I love you all 😘💕" I add to my Instagram story as well.

"Thank you so much Yn" one of them says.

"Of course no problem" I say hugging them again before my phone starts going off.

"It was nice meeting you all, I'll follow you when I get home" I say walking off and picking up my phone.

"Hey dad" I say as soon as I pick up.

"Hey baby did you land?" He asks.

"Yeah, are you here?" I ask looking around as I grab my suitcase.

"Yeah, I'm walking up right now. I had to park pretty far" he says.

"Okay, I'm making my way to the entrance" I say putting my suitcase down and wheeling it behind me and when I see him, I run over to him and he catches he, pulling me into a hug and I hug him back.

"Hi daddy" I say kissing his head.

"Hey baby. How was the flight?" He asks and I smile at him.

"To be honest I don't know. I was so excited to see Hank that I slept the whole time because if I didn't I would have exploded" I say and he laughs.

"How long has it been?" He asks.

"I only seen him when he was in the hospital and then I was filming supernatural and then when that wrapped I had to fly out from Canada to London to start filming After" I say.

"It's going to be so good to see him in person and not just over FaceTime" I say and he grabs my suitcase.

"Well he's waiting so let's go" he says leading the way.

"Are you okay?" He asks as he gets in after putting my suitcases in the trunk and I nod.

"Yeah, it's just a little weird if I'm being honest" I say buckling up.

"I haven't seen Savannah in so long and I don't want to feel like I'm intruding" I say and he quickly shakes his head.

"I understand, it's a new place. But take your time it's no rush to get use to things. And it's only two weeks but if it was longer you wouldn't be intruding. She's waiting to get some girl time in with you" he says smiling at me before he drives off.

"A few of my former colleagues are coming over for dinner tonight. So I'm just letting you know so you have time to shower and get ready" he says.

"Thank you for the warning. I need time to get presentable" I say smiling at him.

"Welcome home" he says opening the door and I walk inside happy to finally be here instead of living out of a hotel for the past year and a half.

"You did such a good job with the house, it looks nothing like how it use to look" I say looking around.

"Hey sweetie" I hear and Savannah walks around the corner.

"Hey" I say and she hugs me and I hug her back.

"I just started dinner, so you have time to get ready" she says and I nod and Hank runs around the corner.

"Ynn" he says running over to me hugging me.

"Hi Bubba" I say picking him up.

"You've gotten some big and cute. How old are you now?" I ask kissing his head.

"I'm three" he says holding up four fingers and I put one down, smiling at him.

"That's so crazy. I remember seeing you in the hospital as a little baby" I say.

"You seen me in the hospital?" He asks and I nod.

"Yeah, I was one of the first people to hold you" I say brushing his hair out his face.

"Hank, let Yn go shower" Savannah says.

"We'll finish this conversation later" I say putting him down and holding out my fist and he fist bumps me before running off into the kitchen.

"Everything is pretty much exactly where it was it's just updated so you should have no problem finding your way" my dad says and I turn to him nodding.

"Okay" I say going up the stairs to shower and get ready.

I walk down the stairs and I hear a lot of talking and laughing and I tug on my dress before walking around the corner "hey Yn come here" my dad says opening his arms and I walk over and he hugs me, wrapping one arm around my shoulder.

"This is my best friend Penelope, Penelope this is my daughter Yn" he says introducing me to the first person I see.

"You didn't tell me your daughter was the Yn Morgan" she says and I smile at her.

"Well I feel like I'm the only one" I say laughing.

"But it's nice to meet you" I say going to shake her hand but she pulls me into a hug.

"You are so beautiful" she says and I hug her back.

"Thank you" I say smiling at her.

"This is Matt and his wife Kristy, Hotch and his wife Renae, Luke, Tara, Rossi, JJ and her husband Will, Emily and Spencer" he says introducing me to everyone and I shake all of their hands.

"It's really good to meet you all" I say smiling at them.

"I'm with Penelope here. You didn't tell us who your daughter actually was" Luke says and I turn to my dad.

"It never came up" he says and Renae laughs.

"Never came up? We've known you for like 17 years" she says.

"Geez it's almost like you're embarrassed of me" I joke and he laughs rolling his eyes.

"How long are you with your dad?" Matt asks.

"Two weeks, I'm off from filming for a while so I decided to visit them" I say and he smiles at me and I smile back and Savannah hands me a glass of wine and I sip on it.

"You're an actress right?" Kristy asks and I nod.

"Yeah I am" I say smiling at her.

"What's that like?" She asks.

"When I was younger it was a really hard time for me, I started out on a show and then my mom made me join another cast at the same time and I was doing two shows at once and I wasn't use to it so I was very moody and always tired and then after that I did a season of a show and I was quickly done with that because it sucked so I moved on to movies to let myself relax" I say taking a sip of my wine.

"And you do both now right?" JJ asks.

"Yeah, recently I started doing tv again" I say.

"You were in the Netflix series. I think it was called a Time" Will says and I nod.

"Yeah, that's what made me want to start tv again and then I did a show called euphoria with one of my best friends who is like a little sister to me and then I did supernatural and went to work on a movie" I say.

"My girlfriend and I watched Euphoria" Tara says.

"What did you think?" I ask.

"You were so good. We talked about how you and Zendaya played the roles you got so good that it seemed so real" she says and I laugh awkwardly because for me it is very real.

"She told me the day she started filming that Savannah and I weren't allowed to watch it" my dad says wrapping his arm around Savannah.

"Her parts in the show weren't as bad as others but yeah as her parents I wouldn't watch it" she says and everyone laughs.

"What else are you in?" Spencer asks.

"Im in a new series called the umbrella academy. It came out earlier this year and I occasionally do a show called 9-1-1" I say.

"So you've been busy?" Renae asked and I nod.

"Extremely, but I like it. It helps me stay active so I don’t have rid to start thinking" I say drinking the last of my wine.

"I'm going to get a refill. Does anyone need anything?" I ask and they all shake their head continuing on the conversation and I go into the kitchen and I go to the wine and I pour me a glass and I take the plastic baggie out my bra and I put a little on my finger and I stick the bag back in my bra and I hear the door open so I brush it off and I look up to see Spencer and he smiles at me and I smile back.

"Hey" I say.

"Hi, can you top me off?" He asks setting his cup on the island and I nod pouring him a glass and I sit on the cabinet refilling mine.

"So Spencer" I say smiling at him.

"Yeah?" He asks, awkwardly smiling back.

"What do you like to do in your free time?" I ask.

"I don't really get free time but I guess I would have to say I like to read" he says.

"Oh yeah I can see that" I say and I grab my purse that’s on the far end of the cabinet, pulling the book out.

"You've probably read this but if you haven't you should give it a read and let me know what you thought about it. I just finished reading it on the flight here" I say handing it to him.

"How am I going to do that?" He asks and I pull a pen out and I open the front of the book, quickly writing my number in the top of the front cover.

"There you go. I don't know how fast you read but it took me three days so I'll be waiting on the call" I say.

"It's actually not going to take me that long" he says opening the front page again and he reads the first and second page in like 30 seconds.

"Oh my god I totally forgot you're like a genius" I say and he laughs.

"I'm not a genius" he says.

"Something only a genius would say" I say laughing and he looks up as I'm drinking my wine.

"Are you sure you want to give this to me?" He asks and I nod.

"I mean it's a bit too late, I was trying to be cute and write my number down" I say and he blushes a little.

"Yeah, you're right" he says quietly and I giggle.

"Hey, nothing to be embarrassed about" I say holding up my wine glass and I nod to him and he holds his up.

"Here's to fast friend outside of our careers and good books" I say and he taps his glass against mine at the same time I go to tap mine against his and I fall forward applying too much pressure and I catch myself but I break both glasses and the wine falls out and I instantly start laughing.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry" I say and he laughs with me and I jump down to grab some paper towels so I can clean up and he helps me and I hear the door open and I look up.

"Everything okay in here?" Savannah asks and I look up quickly over the island.

"Mhm" I say.

"All is good" Spencer says and she raises a brow.

"Whatever you heard nothing is broke" I say and she laughs.

"If you need another glass they are in the cabinet beside the stove" she says and the door closes and I finish cleaning and I sit back on the floor, with my back pressed against the island and Spencer grabs us more glasses and refills them and sits beside me handing me one.

"Thank you" I say and he smiles at me.

"Here's to fast friends outside of our careers, good books and extra wine glasses" he says and I snort laughing.

"Here here" I say gently tapping his glass and we both drink at the same time.

"Anyone ever tell you how easy it is to get along with you?" I ask and he quickly shakes his head laughing.

"Never and you only say that because I've had to stop myself from pulling out all the ramblings and unwanted facts" he says and I laugh.

"Don't let me stop you, I'd love to hear some of your best facts" I say and he smiles at me and I smile back and I start to lean in and the door opens and we both quickly pull away.

"And that's when I walked out of the Emmy's" I say and my dad clears his throat and I stand up.

"What's going on in here?" He asks.

"Well I was coming in here to refill my glass" I say.

"20 minutes ago" he says.

"And Spencer came in and we started talking and I gave him a book and then I went to cheers his glass and I broke both of ours and had to clean it up and then savannah came in and told us where the spare glasses were and then we refilled our glasses" I say and Spencer stands up.

"Leave them alone" Savannah says coming in to check dinner and I laugh at my dads face and Spencer's phone goes and he looks at it and he sighs.

"I have to go" he says and my dad nods.

"I'll walk you out" I say.

"You don't have to" he says.

"I know but I want to" I say.

"Be careful and I'll see you Sunday" my dad says hugging Spencer who hugs him back and then he hugs savannah as I walk into the living room.

"There you are Yn" Penelope says and I smile.

"I'll be right back to talk, I'm going to walk Spencer out" I say and she nods and Spencer comes to say bye to everyone and I walk him out.

"It was nice getting to meet you, you are way cooler than what I've heard" I say laughing and he laughs and it dies down and it gets awkward.

"Okay I'm just going to come out and say it because I've learned my whole life to just be bold but I like you, like really like you and the time I've talked to you has been the most fun I've had in like the past year and I know it might be weird because our age gap and the fact that I'm Derek's daughter and you're probably taken because only an idiot would ever turn you down and now I'm regretting even saying anything about liking you but it's true and I'm sorry if things are weird between us now but I thought we were having a moment in the kitchen earlier but I'm an idiot and I don't actually know if it was what I-" he cuts my endless rambling off with a kiss and I kiss him back before he pulls away.

"I'm sorry I don't know why I did that" he says.

"It's okay, I don't mind" I say smiling at him.

"I wouldn't normally do that but there's just something about you" he says and I push his hair out of his face, my smile growing bigger and I clear my throat.

"I should head back inside before they get suspicious but call me when you finish the book" I say and he squeezes my hand and I smile at him running back inside and when I get into the house I watch him pull off and I shut the door.

[icarusthefoolish]

Fundy x reader

(An: It's been a bit since my last oneshot hasn't it? Im sorry for the long wait i dont even know why i didn't post anything, but i so hope you enjoy this!)

Sleepless

You were sitting at your desk studying and trying your best to cram the material needed for the upcoming test in to your brain, you were quickly growing frustrated though because every time you finally understood something there was even more to learn and you knew that you wouldn't get any sleep tonight though you didn't expect anything else since you haven't had a good night's sleep in ages due to your Insomnia acting up again.

You had been suffering from Insomnia ever since your early teens and you had come to terms with the little sleep you got, yes you had medication to help you fall asleep but said medication was empty and you hadn't been able to get a new prescription for it, since you had been cooped up in your apartment for pretty much the entire week. 

(A/N: Im going of the german system here i don't know if you need a prescription to get sleeping medication in America or anywhere else.) 

It didn't help much that you were stressed because a lot of deadlines were coming up for projects you hadn't even started with. You were so immersed in your studying that you didn't even hear the door to your small office open but that could also be because you had music blasting in your ears out of the headphones that you were wearing.

You looked up startled as a hand was placed on your shoulder, you plucked the headphones from your ears and looked to your boyfriend Floris better known as Fundy. "Hmm? What is is Floris...?" You sounded as tired as you looked and he looked at you with worry "you really should go to bed, studying in the middle of the night wont help you with anything" You raised one eyebrow at him before your eyes went to the clock on your desk, the red numbers clearly displaying 2 am. You were a little shocked at the time you didn't think you had stayed up this long so you looked at Fundy with an apologetic smile. "Im Sorry Floris... I didn't mean to stay up this long but my insomnia is acting up again and i really have to ace this test. I swear I'm going to bed soon let me just finish this page then i'll be straight to bed." He sighed and nodded he knew better then to try and reason with you so he let you be. "Ok but if you aren't in bed in the next hour i'll come here and force you." He smiled and ruffled your hair before giving you a kiss on the forehead and leaving for the bedroom.

You smiled and blushed before sighing and putting your headphones on again, you turned to your material again determined to get done in an hour. And that is what you did, you continued studying, answering a few of the questions before jotting down notes to help you study the next day. When you were finally done for the night the clock had struck 3 am and you yawned loudly before standing up from your desk and stretching, you shut of the lights in the room and put your phone in the pocket of your hoodie which in reality was just one of Fundy's hoodies that you stole. You made your way to the bedroom quietly and peaked inside to see Fundy laying in bed on his phone, you were ready to scold him for staying up before you remembered why he stayed up.

You immediately felt bad and slowly walked into the room, his eyes lifted from the phone screen and he smiled at you before putting his phone on the bedside table and standing up engulfing you in a warm hug, you had no idea how but Fundy was pretty much always warm which is why you started jokingly calling him "my heater" you smiled and cuddled into him before speaking quietly. "I'm sorry for keeping you up, I didn't mean for it to get even later but i really wanted to finish the page." Fundy only shook his head and tugged you to the bed. "It's fine, I know how important that grade is for you so im not mad, im just Happy that your here now." You let out a quiet giggle and climbed into the bed on your side, immediately snuggling back into Fundy after you settled. You looked into his eyes before speaking again, "i really don't mean for my study sessions to go this long but i lose track of time easily and my insomnia is also getting worse."

Fundy frowned and started rubbing your back "but you have medication right?" You nodded quickly stifling a yawn before answering. "I do but they are empty and since i haven't been out of the house at all recently I couldn't get a new prescription for the pills which means i don't have them." Fundy nodded before shaking his head. "it doesn't matter we can get a new prescription tomorrow for now let's try sleeping how does that sound?" He looked to you for confirmation to find that you had already fallen asleep to his voice and he let out a quiet chuckle before closing his eyes and drifting of himself.

[jem-2096]

Brunette from Mars - (Peter Parker One shot)

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of fighting/abuse, FLUFFY AF! 

(This could be read as ftm!peterparker and/or regular MCU Peter Parker)

This one shot is inspired by the song mars by Yungblud. Go give it a listen if you haven't! 

You and the brunette haired boy with deep honey coloured irises quickly became good friends. You commuted to school each morning together after learning you lived in the same apartment in Queens while your first day of highschool in homeroom. You were paired for some lame icebreakers to get to know other students. He had nervously blabbed to you about how he had moved apartments with his aunt over the summer and as you got to know him better over time, he let you know the reason why they moved.

You quickly learned that the brunette was a great listener, quick witted, fairly thoughtful, determined with his studies, had a passion for tinkering with programming and computer tech and secretly kept a picture of Daisy Ridley as Rey from Star Wars in his desk that you won't let him live down. 

Two summers ago, the brunette had quite the glow up that to be honest made your stomach do flips. After returning from a trip to Detroit with his Aunt May to visit family, the brunette came back to school with his braces off and a nice build to him compared to the lanky string bean he was when he had left in that June. 

With this overnight glow up also came this new habit of him flaking on you and really everyone without reasonable explanations. He would come to school with bruised knuckles, scratches on his face, and more often than not bags under his eyes. Although he seemed exhausted, his smile and upbeat self usually didn't seem to waver. His eyes did however seem to say otherwise whenever his honey brown irises met yours. 

Unless he flaked on an important commitment, you didn't display emotions or words for his lack of presence. His world didn't revolve around you and you accepted that. You reminded yourself to try not to hold him back from what he loved because you were a good friend and wanted what was best for him, even if it was draining him. 

"I'm free to study for algebra after dinner tonight." You stated to the brunette, looking past him out the city bus window as the buildings, and trees whirled past you. You weren't looking for an answer at this point, just giving him an open invitation to come over if he had nothing better to do on his Thursday night. You saw him nod out of the corner of your eye as he leaned his head against the pole you both were holding onto and closed his eyes. The bus was quiet this morning as you watched the orange sunrise dance over the brunette's features and could hear the beat of whatever song he was listening to through his headphones. 

A GPS like voice came over the bus intercom as you turned the corner. "Grand Central Parkway at 65th Avenue". You pulled the chord on the side of the bus for the bus driver to stop and gently shook the brunette's shoulder. As you saw his honey coloured eyes once again, you nodded in the direction of the door for you to both get off. 

You were early to school today seeing as you made the transfer bus in time for the first time in forever. Walking through the dewy grass on the field together, you pointed at an open picnic table near the tennis courts. 

Setting your backpack down, you opened it grabbing out two granola bars and an apple. The brunette slumped down beside you to face away from the sun. As he set his coffee on the table, his head immediayley went into his folded arms. You placed one of the granola bars infront of him, and sat facing the courts. Stretched your legs out and crossing your ankles, you flipped through one of your novels, quickly finishing up your AP lit reading before class. 

"Thanks." You heard him pipe up in a monotone voice as he shoved the granola bar in his pocket. You nodded, nose still in your novel. He knew by now that he didn't have to put on an act around you. "We gotta go in, in 20. I'll wake you in 15, kay?" 

He nodded as his head was back in his arms, facing away from you. You heard him let out an audible sigh as you finished up the last of your notes. 

"Pete?" You ask hesitantly, resting your hand on his shoulder. He didn't respond. "You know, you can tell me anything right? I won't push you. The offer still stands. No judgement. Alright?" You say quietly, softly rubbing your hand down his jacket clad back and let it drop off to collect your things and pack up your bag. 

The alarm you set on your phone goes off as you see him prop his head up and wipe his eyes on his sleeve out of the corner of your eye.

'Oh Peter. Sometimes, as close as we are, I wish it didn't feel as though there was a cement wall between us.' You thought to yourself as you scrolled through your phone. As you both stood to walk up to the school, to your surprise, as cold and distant as he had been recently, he pulled you into his side. You wrapped your arms around his torso giving him a quick hug. 

After taking attendance in home room and catching up with MJ about her latest find in the school library, you were dismissed to your first period class. "Leave your window open at 6." You heard the brunette pipe up at your lockers. "Always." You nodded, giving him a small smile before parting ways to your classes. 

You quickly glanced at your alarm clock on your desk reading 8:30 pm. Quickly realizing you were running out of graph paper in your notebook as you flipped to a fresh page, you scribbled down the next practice question. Your headphones blasted one of your new favourite songs as you disconnected them from the bluetooth on your phone to play out loud. "Do you feel like your irrelevant, do you feel like your just scared as fuck.." You quietly sang along, writing a note to get more graph paper in the near future, as you heard a thud from the window beside you. 

Swiveling in your chair, you look up to see the silhouette of the brunette. As he steps into the light of your desk lamp and sits on your bed you can see his eyes are red and his knuckles are beginning to bruise again. He kicks off his sneakers as you hesitantly stand from your chair to go and to sit beside him. 

He immediately buries his face in his hands as he quietly cries. You try your best to not show the hurt on your face from seeing him like this as you gently rub his back. You go to sit behind him up against the wall. You bring your hands around his waist gently holding him, letting your legs dangle on either side of him and rest your head on his shoulder. 

When you no longer hear uneven breathing, you sit back up and one hand goes to the hair on the nape of his neck, softly playing with his locks, while the other gently rubs circles on his back. 

"I'm sorry." You hear him sigh out. "Im so fucking sorry." He pleads as he begins to cry again. "I'm here. Just breathe Pete." You say calmly as you wrap your legs around his waist and hug him tighter. You take deep breaths for him to mimic to try and calm him back down. 

"I keep fucking up Y/n/n, and I don't know what to do anymore." He painfully lets out. You take in his words and quickly think of an appropriate response. "Everyone I try to become close with has ended up hurt or passed away, I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and have to fill his shoes. No matter what decisions I make I still always end up letting someone down. I'm just so fucking tired Y/n." Although his words are a jumbled mess to you, you nod. You let go of the tense brunette and sit beside him. "Take your shirt off and go lie on your stomach." You say to him as he looks at you somewhat confused but does as he's told and props his head up on his folded arms. 

You can see the faded scars and healed wounds on his arms, shoulders and back, wondering who gave these to him. As you sit straddling his waist, your hands go to his shoulders and back massaging his tense and knotted muscles. He lets out a big sigh of relief after realizing what's going on. He softly mewls as you gently work the knots out. Once all the tension in his back and shoulders is gone, you lay close beside the half awake brunette. 

"Thank you." He states sincerely, as he rolls to face you. You know that his words of gratitude are for more than just the back massage. You nod, reaching your hand up to run your hands softly through his locks to relax him further as his eyes flutter shut at your touch. "We're all only capable of so much Pete. Please, don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. It's a hard pill to swallow but its impossible to win every battle and win everyone over. I know it's easier said than done, and it'll take some time to figure everything out, but I'll be here every step of the way though alright?" You whisper softly, and reach for his hand giving it a squeeze as he nods. "I'll let you get some rest." You sigh out, sitting up, bringing the blanket at the end of the bed over his larger frame and bend down giving a kiss to his temple. "Goodnight love." You whisper.

After another hour and a half of battling through algebra questions, you quietly change into some sweats and open up your netflix account to get your mind off your math problems and your worries of Peter. Picking up your laptop, your half empty waterbottle falls to the floor with a thud. Your gaze darts over to your bed to see the naturally curly headed brunette sound asleep. Your heart flutters as you catch him pull the covers up to his chin and nuzzle his nose into the pillow and blankets while he curls his legs up into the fetal position. You sit on the floor beside your bed as the light from the movie on netflix illuminates your bedroom. You have the subtitles on and the movie on the lowest volume as you rest your back against the bed frame. 

After a few minutes you begin to hear the brunette stir and roll over to face the movie. "Is this that BoxTrolls movie?" You hear him croak out in a deep voice that makes your heart flutter. "No, this one's Paranorman. It's in my top 5." You respond, your gaze still on the screen. You feel his fingers playing with the ends of your hair softly, trying his best not to disturb you even though you've seen this movie more times than you can remember. 

He pushes all of your hair over to one of your shoulders and rests his chin on the opposite one. "You know, you don't have to sit on the floor right? I don't bite Y/n." He states sleepily in your ear. You quickly catch your breath at how close he is as you comprehend the words coming out of his mouth and nod standing. You place your laptop on your desk chair and wheel it over in front of the bed. Looking over to the brunette laying confortably in your bed, he holds the blanket open for you to get in. "One sec." You say as you take off your hoodie, revealing your white tank top underneath that clung to the hills and slopes of your natural curves. You had ditched your bra long before the Brunette had arrived, remembering that it's laying in the clothes hamper and not on your body. You looked back down to see the brunette's arm still holding the blanket open, his honey eyes on you. They slowly wandered down your silhouette to see the loose sweatpants hung low on your hips and back up to meet your gaze. The dark room concealed the deep blush you felt on your cheeks from his gaze. 'Too late now..' you thought as you climbed under the blanket. Your back rested up against Peter's larger frame. His arm snaked around your waist, pulling you closer to him. "Is this okay y/n/n?" The brunette questioned. You nodded, trying your best to calm your breathing as you felt his warm, gentle touch on your skin. You hoped and prayed he couldn't hear your heartbeat pounding in your chest. 'I feel so safe and at home in his arms but the last thing he needs right now is a girlfriend. And why would he want to be with me anyways. We're just friends and he probably just needs physical affection from someone right now.' You thought to yourself. 

You let out a soft sigh at your thoughts. "You okay sweetheart?" He asks softly, as you feel his warm lips peck the back of your exposed neck. Your face is on fire at this point. 'He's just tired Y/n. Calm down. Dont say anthing stupid'  "Yeah, I just feel safe in your arms." You murmur loud enough for him to hear. 'Idiot. You ruined it. Shit shit shit.' 

It became deathly quiet between you two. You could hear his breathing, the rain hitting your bedroom window, the cars driving on the street below, your upstairs neighbour walking around their apartment and the dull volume of the movie playing from your laptop.

"Y/n/n?" You heard him whisper.  

You rolled over to face him, burying your face in his chest, breathing in his warm cologne and body wash as you wrapped your arm around his waist and tangled your legs in his. Although you didn't have all the answers you were looking for, this the closest you two had been in over a year and you were happy that he was finally starting to let down his walls. 

He stroked your hair, planting a kiss on the crown of your head. "Goodnight love." He mumbled before all the sounds around you in the silence of your bedroom coaxed you to sleep. 

You had woken up to your alarm at 6:30am to find the spot beside you empty. 

The brunette swore that was the best sleep he had had in months he thought, reminiscing as he climbed down the fire escape after quickly showering and getting ready to meet you before catching the bus. You heard a knock on your window before he slid it open and sat on the sil. He fiddled with tge metro card in his hands as a small smile crept onto his face watching you concentrating on finishing your eyeliner and mascara. You take a step back to look in the mirror to see if your wings are symmetrical, seeing the brunette looking at you with a sheepish grin in the reflection. He looked well rested for once, his eyes kind and soft, glancing at you in adoration. Your heart beats out of your chest as you spin around to look at him. 

"One sec." You say quickly rushing out to the kitchen to grab some food before packing up your bag. Pulling on your coat and beanie, as you walk towards the window sill the brunette is lounging on.

"Before we go, I uhm... forgot to tell you something.. last night." He says looking down at his hands as you reach out gently hold his larger ones. "Y/n.. I uhm-" he looks up at you, scanning your features, trying his best to read your emotions. You see him glance down quickly at your soft lips. 'I can't take this. Screw always being a good friend.' You thought as you leaned in, placing a hand on his cheek and a soft kiss to his lips. Your thumb stroked his cheek as he leaned back in for another. Your forehead rested against his. "Was that what you wanted to tell me?" You asked in a hushed tone, looking down at his lips again. He nodded before giving them another peck. "Uhm.. we better go before we-" "oh.. yeah, your right. Shit!" You say, quickly checking the time on your phone. 

As you dashed down the fire escape and towards the bus stop, his hand never left yours as you jogged behind him giggling at his antics of repeating "Shit" as he saw the bus waiting for you at your stop as you both jogged towards it. You couldn't see it but for the first time in a while, a genuine smile adorned the brunette's face and through whatever he was battling with, knowing you were by his side, there would be plenty more to come. 

[bleepblopbloop56]

for fanfic requests, i'm a sucker for tiny! virgil (in a g/t sense) or virgil angst of any kind...

im gonna focus on the "virgil angst of any kind" part of this ask because I don't know enough about that to write it and also ive been itching to post this story somewhere vampire au, blood, minor character death

\\\

12 days, 12 murders, the news reporters and mothers on facebook were losing their minds. But in one mansion, one on the outside of town that had been there for nearly hundreds of years, there were 3 men who weren't worried. well , at least not abot the things everyone else was worried about. 

“12.” roman said, pacing the livingroom back and forth, throwing the newspaper onto the coffee table, the headline “12th murder victim found- when will the violence end?!” was circled in red ink. “12 people found dead, and there will only be more. Logan how long can we let this go on?!” 

Patton wrung his hands nervously from his spot on the couch. He was just as nervous as roman, and yet logan was only frowning down at the ink on the morning paper he had yet to get his hands on. 

“It is not our place to intervene roman, we are not the local law enforcement, and we have no proof your hypothesis is correct. Figuratively speaking, we have no choice but to be ‘sitting ducks’ “ logan had a frown on his face that looked as if it was carved into his skin a thousand years ago. He reached forward and looked closer at the paper, romans ink covering it, circled lines and arrows dirtying the pages and seeping through to the other side. On the top corner roman had attached the headline from nearly 90 years ago. “17 dead” the headline screamed at him, mirroring the words on the paper from today.

“Look! The paper from when we found patton. they are EXACTLY the same! Logan. There another one of us out there” pattons face went flush as he looked away from the papers in logan's hand. 17 days alone and suffering with only one thought on his head. “Hungry” 

He always felt hot spikes of shame through his gut when he remembered those days.

“And the same thing when you found me. There's some kid out there who needs our help logan” roman pleaded Logan stayed classic. Half of logan's conversations happened through looks, not words. It was infuriating. 

“Maybe he's right lohan…. People are dying” patton mumbled, hands shaking as he pulled his mug up to his mouth. He didn't need to drink, not anymore, but it made him feel human, and eternity was too long to give up hot chocolate. Logan kneaded his temples like he was tired of dealing with them, the classic frown pulled over his face, one that meant roman and patton had won

“fine. “

Hungry. Need to eat need to drink. It hurts. Virgil pulled his hood up over his head and ducked between the streetlights and alleys, he was in the bad part of town but it didn't matter, he was the most dangerous thing in the shadows tonight. In a shop, an old woman was sweeping the floors, a couple was loudly having an argument with a window open, and in the alleyway, there was a man nearly twice virgil's size on his way home. 

Something in virgil lost all control. He was so hungry, in so much pain, and this man could take away that pain, and he didn't have a choice. Virgil pounced, taking the man down with hardly more than a shove, and before the man could make a sound, virgil's small fangs sunk into the man's neck. 

13. 

“Do you smell that?” roman asked patton, gripping the sleeve of his cat hoodie he had shoved on when the rain began. “Blood. Fresh human blood. Hes near” pattons face grimace. He was the youngest in the group, and despite being nearly 118, the smell of blood was sweet and nearly made him weak at the knees. Stay strong pat, he mumbled logans words to himself, the ones he had repeated countless times, your more than this.  Roman pulled him down to a street, texting logan where they were before laying around one last corner. The smell of blood was intoxicating. His hands were shaking with want a little voice in his head still spitting that desire had tried so hard to beat down. Logan had no hesitation when they caught up to them, walking straight into the alley before stopping. The boy was crying. 

“What the fuck did i do” virgil thought to himself, looking down at the body on the hard ground, his blood covered virgils face and clothes. He rocked himself back and forth. His ears throbbed, straining to hear anything that wasn't virgil's own heart racing. Maybe that wasn't what he was hearing, he was pretty sure his heart had stopped doing that nearly 2 weeks ago. 

He was a horrible person, this man was just trying to live his life, he probably worked in one of the nearby shops, maybe he had a family, virgil would never get to know. He was killed for being in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and it was all his fault. But the pain in his stomach had gone away, and he felt good. Full. 

Sobs wracked his body, and then there was a hand on his shoulder. 

 A frightened boy whipped his head around, shining bright red eyes into logans black ones. His face was dripping with blood, and tear tracks streamed down his face. A new one. He couldn't be older than 18. 

“Shit..” logan hissed, motioning for the others to come closer, “he's just a kid” he squatted down beside the boy, pulling out a handkerchief and wiping down his face. He was frozen stiff, terrified and shaking he let this stranger wipe down his face of the blood. 

"I'm sorry" he cried "I didn't.. I didnt mean to. I was just so hungry and he was right here and" sobbs racked through his body. Tears mixed with the blood in his face before both were cleaned off by Logan. 

"I know kid it's okay." He mumbled, trying his best to comfort the tiny murderer infornt of him "you're safe now, we got you"

“Who are you?” he asked quietly in between sobs. 2 weeks ago maybe the remark would have been said with a little more venom than genuine hope. Logan shoved the handkerchief into his pocket on his trench coat, straightening his posture and offering a hand to virgil to stand. 

“Logan. This is patton, and roman, and you are?” he quirked an eyebrow at the teen, staring down at him like he was a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.. 

“Virgil..” he said quietly “I'm sorry.. i .. “ his voice began to shake again, his shoulders hunching in on himself'' I didn't mean to hurt him… -” the man in the cat hoodie stepped forward cutting him off with a small shush

“I know honey. Listen things are gonna be okay, we got you.” he smiled wearily, pointedly keeping his eyes on virgil, and not the body beside him. 

“Patton, roman, you two get rid of the body, i'll take virgil home.” logan ordered, begging to push the kid away from the gruesome scene before catching patton and romans faces. Pattons knuckles were white, gripping onto romans arm with a scrunched up pained face. 

“I can't” he said smally “ I don't trust myself” 

Logan looked between them and shoved virgil forward “fine. Go get him cleaned up, ill take this myself” he hoisted the body onto his shoulder, it was significantly lighter without its blood, and leapt onto a building, before running off to dump the body in some woods or body of water. 

Romans arm wrapped around the boy, guiding him back to the mansion at the edge of the town.

The sun would be  up soon.  

13. There had been 13 murders in 13 days.

[regretsofalifeandlovelost]

More More MORE

The next few months of my life had slipped into an all too boring and common routine of being entirely engulfed in the kids life. Still separated and living with my Sister and her husband I had become an almost sole parent. My partner had many work commitments and his ability to look after the kids certain nights of the week had almost completely disappeared. I was wondering if this was just a ploy and that he had secretly started to go out again or if not he was just not interested in the effort of raising kids to punish me. I was becoming burnt out, I was feeling exhausting constantly and i was so tired almost every night that despite being insanely horny I was too tired to contemplate anything.

My sister had offered to take the kids for a weekend exclusively to give me a break, she had seen that I was starting to go nuts. I didn't want her to do it because I was already starting to feel like a burden to their lives. Before we had moved in suddenly they would regularly have parties at their place and would entertain or have friends over many nights per week. I had reaffirmed to her that I would be happy to stay in my room and entertain the kids to they could continue their life as normal, she was firm that it wasn't an issue, they could still go out and enjoy their friends, it didn't have to be here.

It was a Friday night and I had put the kids to bed and was watching TV. I had so much pent up frustration and my mind was constantly thinking about sex and being fucked. I had been having dreams about sneaking into my sisters bedroom and fucking her husband while she slept next to him.. not once.. almost every night. I was thinking about being fucked on the way to work, while making the kids lunches, while working, while doing the shopping. My ability to multitask had been halved because all I could think of was sex. Walking around the shopping centre I was wondering if the guys had circumcised dicks or not, I wonder if that guys hung.. it had gone from.. he's nice to look at..to. I wonder if we could fuck in the freezer room right now.

With my sister and her husband out and the kids asleep I was contemplating the sybian when I thought about the escort and how good it was. I was wondering if he would visit me and how much it would cost. I flicked through the advertisements and couldn't find his, i went through all the pages without success. I then started to go through others and found a duo, I looked at their photo album and they looked pretty hot. I click on the rates and I can get two for the price of the other guy. I click call and a guy picks up. I ask if he can come to me, and he says yes, I ask if they are available tonight and get told that they are free now. I give them my address and rush to the bedroom to tidy it up and doll myself up.

I had just sat back down on the sofa when the door bell rings, I check the intercom and see the two guys from the advertisement. I go to the door and let them in. They are shorter than i thought from their photos, more hairy and more muscular. They must spent significant time and effort working out at the gym. We finish some formalities and don't worry with the small talk, we are straight to my bedroom. They start to take control and I push back, this is my time and my money, i push one up against the wall and start to kiss him, the other guy is pressed up behind me kissing my neck. I slide my hand up the guy im kissing's top and lift his shirt up over his head, then do similar for his pants. Kissing him as his friend presses me towards him, like a sandwich between two muscular hulks. The muscles don't do it for me, it's too much but I am so horny. The guy i am kissing I tell to get on the floor, as he lays down, I'm busy taking my clothes off and throwing them across the room. I come down with my pussy above his face, I tell him to tongue fuck my pussy. As I squat above his face I tell his friend to get naked, I eagerly look on as he undresses.. as he removes his underwear I am disappointed when i see his cock, it's short thick and uncircumcised, but I say that given his job he must be good at using it. I tell him to get it in my mouth. I have my pussy being licked and fucked while I give the other a blow job, his cock tasting rather nasty, but having the foreskin is rather interesting to play with. It's the first "normal" foreskin I've played with, its not massively long and gross and doesn't cover the glands when erect. The taste is off putting, i pull his foreskin tight down his shaft so it's as though he's circumcised and start to really work it. I'm surprised that I feel myself about to cum and then I'm distracted by the guys cock in my mouth starting to swell.. He explodes into my mouth in such quick time, i spit it out and it lands on his mate. The intensity of my pussy is now unstoppable and I need to lean against the guy who I just sucked off to remain upright as my body shakes through it's first orgasm.

I struggle to stand as my legs had become numb, and end up on my knees and telling them to get their cocks in my mouth, The guy who was tongue fucking me removed his underwear to reveal a similarly sized cock to his mate that was perfectly circumcised. I get excited and say how good his circumcision looks, he said that he got it done for another client and I tell him that's so hot. I'm on my knees with two cocks in my face licking and playing with a nicely circumcised head. I stop and tell them that I need them to fuck me on the bed. The uncircumcised guy first, i come down on his cock and start to ride him, he squeezes my bum as my hips grind. I can't find his glands and the stimulation is all wrong. I can't concentrate on my hips and suck the guys cock so I tell him to face fuck me while I grind.. that doesn't work either, i just can't get the right sensation from the cock in my pussy, I tell him to fuck me how he knows best.. he lifts me and spins me in one quick motion, I'm shocked at how effortless it is and midly aroused by how hot that was. He puts my legs over my body and pins me down in the plow position, I can finally feel his head hitting my a-spot, but it's more like a nob sticking into it, there's no rubbing over it but it still feels good. I get his mate to put his cock in my mouth and start to suck his cock. It's taking all of my attention as I love how nicely circumcised he is, the shaft skin so smooth the scar lines so beautifully mastered like a v below his glands. It's so tasty. As I go to town on his cock the other guy's cock feels like i'm being poked repeatedly like an on/off button. It feels okay, and i might be able to get there, but it's not great. I tell him to glide more and he does so, it's now like a circular rubbing and it feels much better, as i work the circumcised cock in my mouth I feel his shaft swelling and his balls rise, I don't relent I feel him about to explode, he cums in my mouth like a stream of sweet nectar. I spit it out on the bed sheets. I'm surprised and I ask him why his cum tastes so different, he tells me he had a vasectomy.

I focus my attention to his mate who's fucking me, it's okay, but it's not great.. I tell him that I need him to make me cum, he starts gliding more and focusing but it's just not really getting the spot, I move around a little to try and see if it improves.. it doesn't. I reach down and pull his balls down slightly, I feel more of the familiar scratch for the itch.. I stop him and pull his foreskin back and hold his balls tight to keep it retracted and tell him to continue. It's only now that it dawns on me that I am being fucked by a prostitute and i am not using protection, I should be ashamed but something kinky about it turns me on and the extra stimulation of the head is hitting the spot so much better. I feel him swell and I quickly push him away, I don't want him to fill me up. I make it just in time as he grabs his cock and jerks it off onto my stomach, he groans and moans and tells me that's the most intense orgasm he's ever had customer or not. His mate says something like shutup, I don't recall. I am not satisfied, I tell the circumcised guy to fuck me in the same position. The level of sensation of his glands rubbing and gliding over my a-spot is incredible, it must be immediately obvious to the other guy because he's telling his mate that he's doing a good job. I am now moaning and saying verbally how good the circumcised cock is.. I cum, and it's huge my whole body twitches like a spasm and my pussy lets out a gushing squirt. The guy doesn't stop he increases his pace and velocity, hes really going me and i'm unable to remain quiet, i'm fucking cumming and cumming and cumming.. they roll through like I'm shuffling cards. Finally I feel him swelling and he knows.. pulls out and cums all over my tits. It's so much cum, it's so warm. He slumps on the bed next to me and only says 'wholly shit'. I put my hand on his chest and say.. that's a nice circumcised cock. I then turn to his mate and tell him he needs to get circumcised and start to cock shame him. I pull his foreskin and play with it, I tell him as far as foreskins go it's not so bad, but compared to not having it.. well it's the poor choice to keep it. He's visibly offended and angry but keeps his cool. After a few minutes of that i tell them I want to be spit roasted.

I feel the circumcised guy from behind as I taste myself on the uncircumcised guy, it's buried below the layers of foreskin. I'm being face fucked and fucked from behind, I feel like a champion slut ticking another dream off my list. It's a long time and nothing is happening for me so I tell them I want the circumcised guy to fuck me cowgirl while the other guy fucks me in the bum. He pulls out some lube and pours it down my back. I feel it running down my bum crack and then his finger working my anus.. then his cock working it's way in and the sensation of two cocks in me is real, it's hurting but feels good, the cock in my arse is pushing the cock in my pussy hard into my a-spot.. its fucking bananas and then i cum.. then I feel my bum being filled with cum.. the circumcised guy struggles to hold off as the other guy pulls out and i can get off.. As I pull off he squirts a single stream of cum into the air over my face.

I feel the cum in my bum and waddle to the bathroom and the toilet. As I sit my whole body releases everything, like a combined fanny fart, cum fart roar. My bowels release and I am embarrassed by the stink and noises.I am thankful for the exhaust fans running. I leave the loo and offer them a shower.. we shower together before they get dressed and leave.

Once the doors closed I set a reminder to get birth control and an sti test. I lay in bed feeling good, but still horny. I look across at the wardobe and see the corner of my sybian.. I straddle it and settle any outstanding satisfactions that were not met. I walk naked to the kitchen feeling free and satisfied. My bum sore but otherwise feeling great.

[xoxoemynn]

can i complain? im gonna complain. my mental health has been horrible lately, and as if i'm not struggling enough, my downstairs neighbor has decided to hate me. literally. she's like 60 years old, and calls in the middle of the night claiming that i'm throwing things into the floor and making noise, even though i'm literally doing nothing, and other neighbors think she's crazy too. also she smokes so that the tobacco scent travels up through my balcony door and when i asked her to stop (cont)

she claims she will continue to bother me with the smoke until "i have learned my lesson" (not making noise? i'm not making noise, she is literally waking me up complaining about how i just made a noise?? i'm asleep??? lol) and she's called authorities bc my dogs apparently never get to go outside?? they are outside four times a day on long walks but ok??? lol. and now she found out i have snakes so ofc she called the authorities bc "they're venomous, they're going to escape and crawl up my toilet!!" lmfao. i'm so tired. my snakes help me with my anxiety and i have locks on their enclosures and i walk my dogs and i am very careful not to make noise i literally want to die i'm dealing with enough shit. sorry i needed to go on an anon rant im sry love u em

omg oh no bb I’m so sorry this sounds awful, your neighbor sounds like a petty, spiteful beast and I know it sucks that there’s just no escape. Shitty neighbors are the worstttttt, and I’m sure hearing from the authorities isn’t helping your anxiety at all. :( Okay so idk if any of this will actually be applicable/helpful but just some things that came to mind when reading your messages:

Okay first just BREATHEEEEE. You did literally nothing wrong, you’re just living your life and being a responsible pet owner and you don’t deserve to be treated this way. I would just try to avoid her as much as possible, since I kind of doubt she’s going to change. But I would also just take some steps to protect yourself so she can’t make things any worse for you.

If you have a landlord who’s remotely useful, reach out to them about this neighbor’s behavior. If she’s violating any parts of her lease, that’s their job to deal with. Plus, it sounds like her behavior may even now be considered harassment at this point? 

Even if the landlord thing is a moot point, I would keep a paper trail and document everythingggggg. This may just be because I’ve been spending a lot of time reading stories at JustNoMIL, but once people reveal themselves to be this horrible, “little” things can escalate quickly...and honestly, if she’s already contact the authorities for completely unsubstantiated reasons, I’d say she’s already pretty far up there. Any time she calls, yells, or snaps at you, does anything to make you feel REMOTELY uncomfortable, write it down. PAPER TRAILS ARE EVERYTHING SERIOUSLY PROTECT YOURSELF. Pro-tip: get one of those black and white marble composition books , because it’s then really obvious if a page just “mysteriously” goes missing for whatever reason. I’m sorry if I sound paranoid and I don’t mean to alarm you, but I’m just a HUGE proponent of always having everything in writing because it protects YOU, so always better to be safe than sorry.

Okay, so it sounds like “the authorities” = animal control or the like, yes? And not the police? Because if it’s the police, I have a feeling they’re going to get fed up REAL fast with some asshole filing false complaints...especially since, ya know, that’s a crime. If it IS the police, and if you feel safe doing so, it may be worth calling their non-emergency line and say you have a neighbor harassing you and filing false complaints, detailing exactly what’s been happening. Honestly it’s doubtful they’ll do anything but it may serve as a pre-emptive action step so if she DOES go to them, they have a record of it. If it’s some sort of animal control, it may be worth doing something similar and perhaps inviting them to your home to do a wellness check? So that way if she calls again they can go “lady please fuck off you are wasting everyone’s time and oxygen.”

Okay but she’s CALLING you in the middle of the night, what the hell??? Two options here: 1) BLOCK HER ASS or 2) Set it up in your phone so calls from her are always set to silent/do not disturb mode -- that way she won’t wake you up but you’ll also have record of all the times she called you for your paper trail.

It’s occurred to me that I sound very Dramatic in all this so I hope nothing I say in here is frightening to you!!!! Chances are she’s just an obnoxious twatbox who’s miserable and bored and trying to make life difficult for everyone around her, but I just want to make sure you are SAFE bc she worries me. :( 

Okay so now that I’ve gotten all the safety precautions out of the way LOL just please take care of yourself!! If your mental health is already struggling, having to deal with this indomitable force of ... idk evil sounds dramatic but I’m gonna run with it anyway, can REALLY fuck you up. (Seriously, I’m shuddering imagining it, all the hugs to you.) So make sure you really prioritize things that do help with your anxiety. If that means more snake time, going on long walks, baking, writing, taking bubble baths, WHATEVER, do that and be entirely unapologetic about it. 

Maybe find some camaraderie with your neighbors? Misery loves company and all that, it may make you feel a little better to just be able to vent to someone who gets it. Plus it’s always good to have some allies on your side. (Also, honestly, I LOVE reading JustNoMIL, even though I don’t have a mother-in-law, lol, but they do give a lot of really good advice and inspiration on how to stand up to these kinds of people who are out on some mean-spirited, vengeful spite fest.)

Seriously go treat yourself to some ice cream or something because you deserve it. 

I’m so sorry, lovely, this sounds really terrible and it sucks that you feel uncomfortable in your own home. :( Please just take care of yourself and stay safe. Hopefully she’ll calm down or move or something and you won’t have to deal with her for much longer. Pop into my inbox anytime you need me. I hope you get a good rest tonight!!!! Sending you all the hugs and good vibes in the universe.

[raefill]

I would legit love to hear you answers to every single question. I don't know if you feel like actually doing them all, but if you did... I'm JUST SAYING I'D READ THE ANSWERS, ok.

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?Yeaaaah but my romantic prospects are pretty bleak tbh, I graduate and move away in a few months

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?No, not really. But I’m not mad about it anymore.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”CUTE BABY CLOSE BY !!!!!!!!!

4: What’s something you really want right now?to cry, i’m having the big sads

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?always

6: Do you like the beach?i love the beach!!!!!!!!! i grew up in a seaside town, the beach feels like the best parts of home

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?yes ?? it was cramped and uncomfortable 

8: What’s the background on your cell?the photo of me, san, kahl, chez, frau, bagel and spags in the louvre

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?mine(right now), Thea’s, Lizzie’s, .. Keir’s?

10: Do you like your phone?yeah but i’d like it more if the screen wasn’t so cracked

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?lol no, it’s definitely not

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?i genuinely don’t remember !

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?rottweiler, i love dogs that look a little mean but have big hearts

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?pffffft, that’s hard to answer but i’d say generally emotional, most of the time it’s harder to get rid of emotional pain

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?both ?! i want to support the breeding of endangered animals that happens in zoos and see the cute animals but also i love a good rembrandt ?!

16: Are you tired?exhausted

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?since i was born

18: Are they a relative?my mother!

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?not a fucking chance

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?a few hours ago, i think

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?i don’t believe there’s a way to know nor do i think love works that way

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?hell yeah i would

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?none!

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?“if you make bad choices, own them” - my dad 

25: What’s on your mind?god, everything, idk im having a high key anxiety day

26: Do you have any tattoos?one pretty big one on my thigh

27: What is your favorite color?black !!!!!!!!!!

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?maybe tomorrow, we’ll see how it goes

29: Who are you texting?uhhh, no one? everyone is asleep

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?yes

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?all the time, my gut rarely lies

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?yes, his name is keir and he’s one of my best friends

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?i mean i’m dating someone so i fucking hope so

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?no ? i dont think ? i’ve had people say they’re big or the colour is interesting but idk

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?i’d cheer her on

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?yes

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?yes!

38: What do your friends call you?rae ?

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?yes

40: Have you ever cried over a text?pffft, yah

41: Where’s your last bruise located?my knee

42: What is it from?i fell over my own computer chair

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?today

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?my mum, i think

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?not right now, most i just wear my plain black docs

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?no, i just tie is back

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?no, i really dont like my ears, idk why

48: Do you make supper for your family?yeah, my mum and step dad can’t cook

49: Does your bedroom have a door?ofc it does? what kind of bedroom doesn’t have a door? get these pretentious loft bedrooms out of my face

50: Top 3 web-pages?tumblr, ao3, youtube

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?plenty!

52: Does anything on your body hurt?period pains are all the rage today

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?yeah but i don’t tend to cry until they’ve already left so i look like i take them just fine

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?water......... this morning

55: How is your hair?fine? a bit damaged from the cold weather

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?wish i was still asleep

57: Do you think two people can last forever?yes

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?i dont fucking know

59: Green or purple grapes?GREEN or get out of my face

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?tomorrow~

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?yes

62: When will be the next time you text someone?tomorrow!

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?probably in bed still, but asleep

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.sleeping

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?no, i was getting over the end of a four year relationship

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?no

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?no

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?this sucks

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?many times

70: How many windows are open on your computer?ten! and they’re mostly your fics corey, go figure

71: How many fingers do you have?ten

72: What is your ringtone?i dont know, my phone is always on silent

73: How old will you be in 5 months?22 ~

74: Where is your Mum right now?sleeping in bed probably, idfk, she lives hours away

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?we grew up and grew apart but we were still okay until i had about four-six months of depression where i had to stop myself from doing something stupid daily and he didn’t notice despite us living together and sharing a bedroom (and those times i told him and he shrugged)

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?yes

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?yes! i still love them very much

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?annabelle

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?yes, there’s some grad students in the psych department called mike, they all look kinda the same too

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?yeah, i miss being able to do that regularly

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?more than i can count, my polyamorous ass has a crush on about seven people currently

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?no

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?i’m talking to one of them

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?i’d literally never do this

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?depends which drugs and how often, no one cares about a joint every few months

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?i spilled my popcorn and managed to hide that i had spilled it from my date pahaha

87: Who was your last received call from?my mum, wow it sounds like i talk to my mum a lot more than i do

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?yes, i hate bugs, give me the money

89: What is something you wish you had more of?time, energy, patience, money

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?no, i’m not someone who trusts easily

91: Do you sleep with your window open?only in the summer

92: Do you get along with girls?yes, anyone that doesn’t get on with someone because of their gender is an asshole

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?nope

94: Does sex mean love?hell no, it can be an expression of it but no

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?yeah she wold be freaking the fuck out because she’s locked in a room!

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?no, actually, i haven’t

97: Did you sleep alone this week?yes

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?yes ? 

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?no, not at all

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?one of my besties, holly

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 2 - “Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk” - Joshua (through Autumn)

I hate flag-making challenges. I will not be helpful at all, and I hope that someone else can take the reigns and lead us to victory. I honestly feel safe going into a tribal council, but I do not want to test that theory.

Next morning

With Chips and Jules working on the crest designs, I feel confident that we will do well in the challenge. Maybe not the best, but definitely not the worst. I still have the same anxious feeling that my tribe is not active enough for my taste, but I will just have to live with it for now. Besides, at least this is not immunity because that we increase my anxiety by so much. But, I keep forgetting to search the idol hunt which is my bad, but it is just so hard and long that I do not really feel like searching all the time lol

ART CHALLENGE <333 i love these challenges. Jess made my picture 110% better and its super cute. The note that she wrote with it is also hella cute and I love the whole HP aesthetics bc i never got to go to real hogwarts ;-; but i'm sure most of yall can related. The boys weren't too helpful but nick was better than jacob who is sick. Nick was way more active aka jacob said 3 sentences the entire challenge sooooo…. if we lose idk I might just save jacob anyways bc pregame relations.

Won reward, but now we have to win immunity again. I really hope that this reward helps us continue to survive. I don't want to have to vote anyone out. We've been getting first, but I really just want to survive this challenge, its known to be hard.

I think I have been stuck with the second most challenge inept tribe in the history of my ORG career. I literally said so many answers in my version of the story and Jules just fucked it up. And then they got the girl's name wrong. And then they started mixing up characters. I know I did well, but fuck these people. God. Now we need a tribe to get 0 which is very unlikely. I will just resign myself to tribal. I hope and pray that these people have some common sense and do not want to vote me out

Listen. Listen. Listen. I dang knew this story was going to be Harry Potter based. I knew in my brain and in my heart that I shouldn’t have been the one to start that thing. What do I do? Start the dang thing. Oh well. We did alright. I would be shocked if we won tho but if we don’t I’ll be relieved. I def don’t feel confident enough but I really had a lot of fun with my tribe. I really miss this and really hope that my time isn’t cut short! I feel really good about my tribe mates sincerely. And that’s kind of scary! I would hate to see any of us to go and how it’s going to affect the bond we have if we vote someone out. In this moment with Max sitting out, it may be him who goes if we go to tribal. I hope that isn’t the case. I’ve got my fingers crossed for us. Huff Puff strong!

Honestly Jules dropped the ball sis!! But it’s okay, I love her. She’s really nice and I know she tried her best. Plus she’s in an alliance with me and Owen, so we should have the numbers against Joanna or Miguel if we go to tribal. Personally, I’d prefer Joanna to go. She’s kinda domineering, but she’s also an asset in challenges thus far. She is organized and direct. I’ve also talked to her a bit more than Miguel, so I guess I don’t really care who goes.

I’m happy I didn’t fuck up the reward comp and the shit that I drew got us a win!

I really hope I don't bomb that challenge, I answered everything that Kevin talked to me about.... I think!  The rest of them tried very hard but I am SOOO glad that I asked to do my part at the end because my memory of repeating things is horrendous but I'm usually pretty good at bullshitting test answers... too bad I got some of the multiple choice stuff wrong.

I think that if we do lose I am still in a good spot on this tribe and hopefully I won't be in danger.  I feel like I'm on everyone's good side and Max kind of just disappeared so maybe we could just vote him out this round? Idk.

Hopefully we don't have to worry about it.  I smell a swap coming up pretty soon and I just hope I'm either with Owen or with some of the people from my tribe.  I have no idea if they know anyone or are close with anyone in the other houses.

I'm still feeling the closest to Lily and Kevin but I have been talking to Landen a good bit too these days so hopefully we'll be safe or we can all just agree on Max.

16 minutes later

OOOOOH IS LANDEN PAVING THE WAY FOR A MOVE TO SEND MAX PACKING???

He just told me that me, lily and kevin are precious angels that must be protected and that he likes Max when he's around too so that sounds like something... HMMM...

I can't get cocky, I always go home when I get cocky. But I like this.

my host chat saw this first (shout-out to Drewie and Dennis): Y’all I’m an idiot. I thought I only knew 2 people in this game (Owen and chips). Then I remembered I also know Jess, Autumn, and dan. Literally love and respect each of you my brain just don’t got the strongest memory no more. I’m so sorry!!!! I literally just told landen I only know 2 ppl. I’m just gonna try to not remember it happened.

Ugh.....I need to get it together.

I love my tribe talking to each other now that we have to!! Everyday I'm like damn either I'm on the bottom or I'm not the only one with piss poor social game. Ok so... the moment the hosts said we got 1 point, I started getting ready for tribal lmaaaooo. No sense crying over it either because all the tribes basically just had to show up in order to beat that

Like how could we not go to tribal with a score of ONE? That shit's embarrassing hahaha. That's like when your teacher passes the test back to everyone sitting around you but not you so you KNOW it's bad. But you know what? It's all good cause I'd rather us take the L now and get it out the way and we can all laugh about it cause losing won't be funny after long. The real question is: will Gryffindor do this the easy way or the hard way caaauusse we all know who the weakest link is. I just wanna see if someone puts two and two together without my prodding. Chips already said we voting together right and I'm like yes sir. There's no better place than being on the same page

WE WON OMG!! Jules basically gave me nothing, which is fine, i understand, but i'm so impressed that we pulled that off. Absolutely killing these reward challenges really helps!

"Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk."

Tonight we learned Joshua is a feminist selfless man that I stan because he's volunteering to go home without me having to put his name out, which I was going to do. Like imagine if every guy had that kind of self-awareness, to recognize why he should be the vote and then embrace it instead of wreaking havoc. And wanting to see others succeed more than yourself? King shit! He knew when to hang it up and did just that. Like the number of times I've seen a vote get complicated for no fucking reason because everyone wants a fight to the death. Enough- I'm old, tired, and cannot exert too much energy at once. We got a long game ahead of us, not to mention quarantine. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you Joshua. We need more players like you and I appreciate your service

im back back BACK AGAIN with another confessional! not much has changed but a few updates for the sake of these being required :) 1. max has become even more inactive, he's not reached out to me personally since the first day and any time i messaged him after that he's sent me nothing back that i can build a convo off of, so we just have stopped speaking. Luckily this challenge only required four people and everyone else SHOWED UP!! or at least spoke about their availability, while he did not. However in his defense he said he was having some issues at home and i feel for him but his inability to connect has been an issue before he spoke about anything in our tribe chat with us. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but this point my relationships with the other 3 are leaps and bounds ahead of where I am at with Max. Maybe he can pick up some speed if we continue winning challenges but, it's not looking too hot. SPEAKING OF CHALLENGES, well first we lost reward AGAIN, but we won immunity.. AGAIN! thank goodness for not being first or second boot, i always love being able to avoid these early tribals and if i can get to a swap without seeing one that would be ideal, but also if we do go and maybe vote out max? wouldn't be the worst thing. Moral of the story we won and thats exciting! however.. if we didn't.. the first big push of strategic talk came up with landen when he hinted at being frustrated with max's lack of presence which I also share. I do believe if we lost me and landen could have most definitely picked up ruthie and lily to form a four against him, if he even came to tribal. That would be my ideal situation and if we continue on this tribes hopefully it gives me a nice cushion to fall on if we do lose so i dont have to entirely blow up my social game within the first few rounds by voting out someone i've built a connection with. If max can go and the remaining four hufflepuffs can make a swap I would feel good about that, and maybe in the right circumstances we could work together on the swapped tribes because i genuinely like all of these people (yes max too but in this specific scenario he wouldn't be included bc... well..) anyways to close this off i still absolutely ADORE lily, she is fun and our conversations are really good, and same goes for ruthie, hopefully i dont have to see either of them or myself go home before we can really start playing because i think we could do some damage. :) ok anyways this was longer than i thought it would be goodbye

I'm still not over the fact that I was able to answer 7 of those questions right. I have the memory of a plastic fork.  I also love that we are SAFE!

I do kind of hope things get spicy and we swap this round and become two tribes of 9. That'd be cute. I don't want VI to get bored and crack on me. BUT ALSO I think I have solid enough relationships with almost everyone on this tribe... so who knows?!

Also... these hoes really out here trying to search for an idol in PUBLIC. IN PUBLIC. WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?

Dear diary, seems like we keep winning challenges, which is great but tbh i feel like every time i give a disadvantage to my team because english is not my first Language, and so far its been a vocabulary test and a listening and speaking test. I mean I knew I signed up for school but damn. Give me some macarena  or drinking tequila challenge and I'll crush it

bippity boppity boo im back again with almost no content kdfasjhdskjfh

Ravenclaw working smarter and we keep winning, period!!! Thankful that y'all put Dan and I together....bc truly we will be unstoppable in these competitions. I kind of want to lose soon though to see how things would shake out, but I don't really have bad blood with anyone. Joanna seems passionate enough in the tribe chat and the challenges, even if she's dry in PMs. Miguel still won't give me anything other than a "how are you," but I hope the best for him in life lol

Still love Jules and Dan, and we made a three person alliance, but I haven't talked with either of them much one on one since it happened.... I really need to step the social game up eventually, but right now, I'm coasting, and maybe that's what I need before I find the time and resources in this game to strike!!

The idol hunt is hard but Dan seems onto something. Honestly he's gonna be a big threat sooner or later so he's sticking around as long as I can keep him! The last two games I've been in I've seen "goats" get dragged to the end and locked in final 3 positions, and then these perceived goats have ended up winning. so I want the big players in this game to rise to the top and fight it out in the end!

let’s say i am como we dice.. fed up with a lot :flushed: a lot meaning joshua starting to get on my nerves a bit! he’s genuinely sweet n all but.. the way he complained about us losing by putting down others work HHH pissed me off. which is why i will be voting him out hehe.. but so far my misting has worked because no one wants to vote me out! mwah

Slytherin killed the memory challenge. We thought we were all gonna flop bc all of us thought we sucked at memory stuff. um well we knocked it out of the park? Ravenclaw got 4 and huff/gryff got 1. We got 7 so oops. I do hope things turn out well for Gryffindor but no one I really know/care about is in that house so I'm not too worried. I hope they continue to lose or even hufflepuff since ravenclaw has 2 of my friends in it.

I have been TERRIBLE with confessionals but only because there's really not been much going on? I have an alliance with Dan and Owen, and even though I wrote off Joanna I was DEFINITELY wrong in doing that. Miguel is sort of the outlier. Our team is kinda iconic though? We've done so well on all the challenges. I might be the weakest link? More to come.

it's pretty sad but the whole tribe has agreed to vote max if we lose, basically he's just never around because of what's going on at home and like thats sad but... we gotta do what we gotta do *shrug*. I'm really feeling good about Hufflepuff moving forward, i've never bonded this much this easily with EVERYONE on a tribe and i just feel like if we keep winning or even if we lose and have to vote out max, we could be a great group for the future. especially i feel great about working with kevin, we dominated eve's game after eve came between us in 2020 that dastardly witch... :P (juuust kiddin. love ya!) but now we could totally do well in this game too i think.....

lily and ruthie are just so sweet and we really bond talking about pretty much anything,, especially lily is a great conversationalist and i just find it so natural to talk to them both. i'd love to work with any combination of people from hufflepuff in the future, hopefully i start sucking a little less at all these challenges. i think i did pretty great on memory :D

So here is the summary of what has happened since last time

We had a reward challenge that was drawing. Mine sucked. Apparently 3/4 so no reward.

We played Telephone. My team didnt realize that details are the most important parts of that and didnt share then with Autumn so Autumn didnt share them with me. Then I didnt know them when asked about them.

We scored 1 point and lost. Since I still have no alliance I'm scared that it could be me. So I kind of got an idea how everyone was feeling.

Juls let me know she wanted to vote Joshua and- it's not me so that's fine!

Then I was talking to Autumn about it and - OOP! Josh asked to be voted out. So unless he plays an idol I'm supposing he is leaving after asking to go.

woo my tribe won immunity!! we are safe! i’m glad bc i’m forming good relationships with ppl on my tribe. i think we all get along rly well so i hope we keep winning. the challenge was fun and i slayed bc i’m skinny mwah

Ya know what’s refreshing? Being on a tribe that actually wins!!! The last three games I’ve played I’ve been on flop ass starting tribes.

Now we’ll lose every challenge

10 minutes later

This sickening bitch just found a hidden immunity idol!!!! Good until f6 L A D I E S!!!!!!

HI BARBS SO I WAS GROUNDED SO I MISSED THE CHALLENGE BUT MY HUFFLEPUFF BABS SLAYED SM SO IM LIVING

CONFESSIONAL 2.1 —

Not much strategy has happened this episode, just simply tribal bonding! We are SlytherWINNING, getting reward and immunity this time! How wonderful.

Regarding my tribe mates, I love all three. I pray, pray, pray we make swap, i do Noh want to be a dirty bad guy and have to vote one out.. yet. Haha.

I was drunk during immunity, one full glass of rum & coke, so I am shocked that we won immunity. Honestly, I feel silly admitting I was drunk to my tribe because... if I can do that when drunk, imagine if I was sober. Competition Beast, duh.

I also gave up my run this round for the tribe to use. Was partially social, partially I just do not understand how to do the Hunt, so I might as well help the greater good. Either way, it comes off positively.

Hoping for a smooth journey for a little longer!

x nick

Joshue has basically quit at this point so I have no fear going into tribal

[whisper--d--ai]

i moved to a new place

self-harm and suicide trigger warning. this contains lines describing self-harm and attempted suicide. 

this is not fictitious. this is my life and something that should have been simple but turned in to something that traumatized me.

some information has been changed, Paraphrased or left out to protect my identity and the identities of the other people involved. and to shorten the recollection.

so I moved to a new apartment sometime around the end of March?.

(with my dad)

I think ... fuck I really can't remember..

a lot of shit happened during the move it was very stressful I had a lot of anxiety and mental breakdowns so I don't really have my time\s lines straight.

my anxiety and mental state caused me to stop at random and cry> there's some info I'm leaving out so let's just go with "random crying" so I don't make a super long post<

the people around me weren't helping to make things better (the move or emotions)

don't get me wrong I grateful for what little help we did have 

(the person that drove the moving truck, in general, I'm grateful that he drove for us) 

he couldn't help much moving the furniture and large items due to a medical condition.

he was asking me questions that I didn't have the answers to! a lot of the same questions over and over again.

(one of the questions he kept asking was _how much money do you have_ )

(me_i don't know i spent a lot of it on the truck!)

and me constantly saying I don't know call my dad and ask him.

there were just a bunch of communication problems and ignorance.

the drive got very rude at points with the questions and repetition.

trying to tell me what to do and when to do it.

________________________________________________________

(again there's some info I'm leaving out -v)

later in the night, he had the balls to say.

_it's late I'm tired, you 2 should go stay in a hotel_

(at this point we have nothing moved out of the truck or in the apartment but my laptop computer and cleaning supplies)

(me thinking- like srsly was he not listening when I said I spent most of my money on the truck... the fuck. this dude thinks he's tired he should try to be me for the past 5 days.) and after this, I don't really remember my thoughts or though proses.

so at this point, I break down...

crying - screaming - hitting myself in many different ways -...mostly smashing my head off the wall like 37 ish times,

I know I wanted to cut my self... lucky there was nothing sharp noticeable for me to use.

the only reason I managed to “calm down” is because of how many times I hit my head. I got too dizzy to keep doing it __ honestly should have gone to the hospital but didnt_

so I finally calm down(sitting and still crying a bit) and now the driver finally seems to have some semblance of how stressed\anxious I am and have been since the move started, so he tells my dad ok grab one of the mattresses so you 2 have something to sleep on tonight. 

(at this point we have nothing moved out of the truck

I sit long enough that my dad gets his matters in through the building doors...and then (me thinking-  like no fuck that shit I want my own dam mattress to sleep on in my own fucking room he snores and I've dealt with enough shit today.

so I go grab my mattress and got it I the building _lucky me nobody said anything about it when that finally noticed_ 

left my mattress in the lobby to help dad with his to the apartment unit.

then we brought mine up. and when we went down to close up the truck but before that, i decided to look in one of the boxes lucky it was bedding.

(the unit was cold as fuck) 

the driver leaves with the truck.

I realize we haven't had any food all day and there's no food in the place. I have enough change to buy some plastic bowls and spoons - cereal and milk.

we go to the nearby store. I ask the lady running the store were are the bowls and the lady doesn't understand me (she was Chinese her English wasn't that great I guess \ not try to be or sound racist)

so I try re-elaborating what it is that I'm looking for . . . 

and this old assholeI've never met before in my life intervenes saying _ ooh you know a bow the thing that goes on gifts...

me_ ... umm no that not that I'm looking _ and then me and the old guy argue for like 40 seconds then I start ignoring him and look for the dam bowls myself!

I find the bowls and overhear the old guy insulting me to the lady running the store.

. . .

I snap. but this time I don't have any thoughts. I just scream cry run out of the store strait it to traffic ... I just wanted to die I may not remember my thoughts but I remember that feeling the feeling of just wanting to die.

obviously, I didn't die. traffic stopped I stood in the middle of the road for maybe  10 seconds then moved to the other sidewalk. clearly, nobody was going to run me over like I wanted ...

 blah blah blah blah blah 

my dad yelled at me (obviously that didn't help) (srsy that's the reaction you have to your daughter trying to commit suicide __ he really should have me put in the psych ward_ but no he goes no about how he's going to end up in the  psych ward_ ( I'm on a side tangent back to what im at )

blah blah blah_30 minutes later_ I calmed down he calmed down  ( i use the word calm very loosely in this context)

the old asshole has left the store so I go back in get -the stuff I wanted- pay - go home.

get comfy get food in me watch a movie on my laptop. Finnish go to bed.

sleep was shit t it was cold. but I slept better then I would have if I had to share a bed with a snoring jerk in a cold room.

the next morning we finished moving .. well actually be the time everything was out of the truck it was between lunch and dinner (2:40)

we meet \ had a miracle of a nice man named Richard help us move the last bit of our stuff in exchange for pizza.

I swear after all the bullshit this man was a god sent gift and so was the pizza we ordered for dinner (lol)

_______________________________________

it's now may 3. 2018.I've been in the new place for about a month now. a lot of other stuff has happened since we moved most of it bad, I will probably post more about that stuff later.

 deep dark secret  im still feeling suicidal on and off and no-one in my family knows and if that do they don't care or think its serious enough to acknowledge. 

this has been a life recollection of whisper-d-ai page runner of deep dark secrets . by whisper-d-ai.