#but im a bit too tired from writing this out to give any more shits frankly

[binniesbooks]

hi my fayebae~ since u said u loved the car clip of soobin, here’s one for u to write ur heart away!! (U can of course choose whether u wanna do it or not no pressure!! Im just sending since its at the top of my mind rn, ahh n im sorry for so many request i usually dont send anyt in but🥹i didnt think it would be this fun to see my request coming to life uk but i digress)

idk whether u would like this but:

bf!soobin x gf!brat!reader

they got into an argument and stuff but soobin who still loves his gf comes n picks her up after (cheerleading?prac of some sorts)

Otw home… reader gives the cold shoulder to soob, not talking thru out the entire journey? So soob decides to take a detour n drives to somewhere that doesnt have many ppl looking in the night.

They start talking n tried to resolve whatever their fighting abt, one thing led to another, well reader is giving him a bj!!(the rest of the smut is up to u!!)

inspired by that soob clip of course~ have fun love💗

REVVED UP EMOTIONS

SB 000 .F23 2024

wc 3.7k

pairings bf!Soobin x bratgf!reader

warnings oral sex, semi-public, unprotected sex, slight brat taming, being almost caught, pet names (+ anything that I missed)

faye's note this clip was on my mind 24/7. And after receiving it I got excited making this one out but I'm not sure if it turned out good because my mind was kinda occupied with thesis shit. Omfg. Anyways, I hope it isn't dry tho 😔

Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, be it familial, platonic, or romantic. Arguments can arise from misunderstandings, unmet expectations, or simply the simple things from daily life. Recently, you found yourself in a heated disagreement with Soobin, your boyfriend.

The sun hung low one afternoon, casting golden lights through the window. You were sprawled on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through your phone. Soobin on the other hand, who had just come home from a busy day at university, was busy, again, in the kitchen, occasional noises of clicks and clangs of utensils on pots and pans plus the opening and closing of the faucet can be heard.

You overheard him murmur "Yeah, dinner for two," as he clicked his tongue. You felt a strange pang of irritation swell within you. It wasn't about him or the meal he was preparing, it was you. You actually promised him you would help out, maybe even cook together, but here you were, scrolling on your phone.

You stood up as you trudged to the kitchen, arms crossed as you leaned on the sink. "You didn't have to do all this," you stood feigning nonchalance as you bit your cheek to not show the guilt you were feeling. "You could have asked me for help."

"Oh?" He looked at you with disappointment, "I thought you were busy checking social media," his blunt reply and harsh tone made your ears hot out of irritation. "I didn't want to interrupt your 'important' scrolling."

The sarcasm was too emphasized and it stung more than you expected. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Your eyebrows furrowed as you met with his gaze. "Nothing! I just thought maybe you'd care enough to have some initiative or something. We both agreed to share the chores. I was tired the whole day only to come back home without even eating a single thing." His voice raised with frustration as he threw down the spatula.

"I was going to help!" Your voice was quite high as you tried to cover how you abandoned your promise. "Oh yeah? I was out all day to finish my projects. And there you were scrolling through your phone." He said as he crumpled the apron he was wearing and threw it also on the table.

"You know what, Soobin? Maybe I don't always want to help! Maybe I want a day off too!" You felt the tension suffocating the air around you. Your heart raced but you're too afraid you're wrong.

"That's fucking selfish!" His voice rose, echoing in the confines of the kitchen. "You can't just say you want a break when we agreed to support each other!" He even added. "Fine! I guess we don't need any support then!" You turned on your heel as if fleeing away would help erase the hurtful things that had been said.

"Hey, y/n! Where are you going!" He called but you did not even take a glance. He called you multiple times but his voice just faded out as you were stomping your way to the bedroom.

That night, you didn't come out for dinner. Your mind was in a whirlwind of regret and stubborn pride. Soobin had a point, you were just lazing around that time, however, you don't want to accept that it was your fault. That same night, he didn't come into the room. Your shared bed feels so empty, but you can't just bring yourself to ask for an apology.

Later that morning, you tiptoed your way out. Still too early that your boyfriend was still sleeping, uncomfortably by the way, on the couch. You just grabbed bread and water and went out.

You two always ride his car to go to school. But this time you were determined not to ask for a simple apology and went out by yourself instead. And yes, you were planning to walk to school for your practice. However, some guy passed by and let you ride their car. Since you know the one who offered you a ride, you accepted the offer. It was Kai anyway, aside from being in Soobin's circle of friends, he was part of your cheerleading team.

"Why are you walking so early in the morning? Where's Soobin?" He asked out of curiosity.

"I don't know, maybe somewhere." You answered as you rolled your eyes, still being stubborn. "Are you two fighting?" Kai chuckled as he watched your actions while the traffic light was still red.

"We broke up." You nonchalantly remarked. Well, that was supposed to be a joke, and you never thought that Kai would actually believe those words.

"Woah shit! You what?" He was really startled at what you said as he covered his mouth while keeping the other on the wheel. You just laughed at him as you took the last bite of the bread.

Your whole Saturday went on like the usual cheerleading practice days. But since your mind is still in a whirlwind of pride, you couldn't focus. Causing you to crash multiple times while practicing. You were even scolded by your coach and instructors telling you that you looked like your mind flying or some sort. You just rolled your eyes at them whenever they turn their backs to you.

For that reason, you got hurt, earning yourself a few scratches here and there. You didn't even bother at all. Kai on the other hand, took the chance to treat your scratches. You're still not aware that he actually took your words this morning to heart and mind.

"It's just a scratch, Kai. No need to create a big fuss." You chuckled as he handed you a few bandages.

"Still, scratches can cause infection." He defended himself.

"Fine fine, you win." You sighed in defeat.

You two shared each other's company during lunch that day. You could even tell that many eyes are watching you -- no, most probably judging you at this point. Nonetheless, you just shrugged it off and enjoyed Kai's company instead. Not knowing that this could fuel some bigger fire. Fire that Kai holds, and fire that your boyfriend holds.

Since Soobin was not on the campus that day, he just stayed at home. He can't even contact you since you purposely left your phone. He was just cleaning all day. Just decluttering everything at home. He knows you're practicing today anyway. The only difference is that he usually accompanies you to school and waits for you until practice is done and brings you home, but now, he's just at home busying himself with the chores. He just planned to fetch you later this afternoon and treat you to some restaurant to make it up to you since he feels sorry about raising his voice at you.

"Let's wrap up here today." Your coach shouts as he reminds the assigned cleaners to clean the gymnasium before going home.

"Ugh! Cleaning this whole gymnasium sucks!" You complained, picking up the materials your team has used.

"Anyway, why are you still here? You're not on the list to clean today, right?" You were pertaining to the young boy tailing you. He smiled as he scratched the back of his head, "I want to offer you a ride home." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Don't you have like, any other things to do?" You asked, counting the pompoms before storing them in the box.

"Don't have any." Kai shook his hand as he took the box from your hand and headed to the facility room.

As soon as you and the other were done cleaning, you immediately headed out, Kai insisted on carrying your cheerleading bag. Once again, eyes were gawking at the two of you. You can hear a few of them mumbling but you still ignored it.

Kai opened his car door to let you in. But before you could even step foot inside, someone spoke which made you stop in your tracks. "Where are you headed to?" You turn around to see Soobin as he brings his window down.

"O-oh Soobin hyung." Soobin nods at the younger boy to notice his existence, his elbow hanging at the open window.

You quickly retreat as you grab your bag from Kai. "I-i thought..." Kai stammered as he looked at you. "I was just messing with you Kai, it's not real." You sighed. "What did she say?" Soobin interrupted as he turned to you. You're just a millisecond late to cover Kai's mouth as the words slip out. "She said that you two broke up." Soobin snapped his head towards the younger, a smirk forming on his lips. "Did she?" Kai just nods, still clueless. "Get in," Soobin commanded over you. "I'll take her home, be safe, Kai," Soobin says as he closes the window, whistling.

The whole drive is deafening in silence. You can't hear anything except the faint music playing on the car radio.

"Wow, did we actually break up?" Soobin states with unbelief as he taps his fingers on the wheels.

You were still saying nothing. "Y/n, seriously, are you still mad at me? You didn't even eat last night." He sighed as he continuously threw you glances. Both of your hands were properly curled up in a ball above your thighs clutching your short skirt as you stared outside the window. Looking at whatever unpleasant view outside that seems interesting to you.

The once bright clouds turned darker. "Is it gonna rain? I thought I checked the weather news before I went out." Soobin whispers, changing the stations to listen to the news.

The raindrops started to fall on the car window, drizzling softly as it made the glass cold. "Grab my jacket in the backseat." Soobin talks to you again, but you're not even giving him a single glance.

Soobin messages his temple, "I wanted to take you to a restaurant tonight to make it up to you, but it looks like it's pouring really hard. I'm sorry y/n, just please talk to me." He's totally losing his patience at this point as if he's gonna burst again but tried his very best not to go over the top. He regretted raising his voice yesterday so much.

The once-familiar view of the road becomes foreign to your eyes. You turned to Soobin, looking at his unusual demeanor. If he'd been talking so much earlier, his lips were totally shut now. You wanted to speak and ask him where he was bringing you or what was wrong but you stopped yourself. Whatever will be, will be, you thought to yourself.

The rain started pouring harder, and the once busy road you were on looked empty now. Thunder clasps from far away making a rumbling sound. You try to rub your shoulder to create friction to keep your body warm. You're starting to feel cold and Soobin hasn't thrown you a glance nor commented anything at you.

He suddenly pulled up on the roadside, and the light from the lamp post dimly flickered inside the car.

"Not gonna lie, I felt like a dumb ass talking to a wall earlier." His eyes met yours for a while before you averted your gaze. He grabs his jacket and hands it to you, "Wear this, you must be cold. I just realized, your skirt is too short, and your tank top is too thin, at that." He eyes you up and down as you wear his jacket.

"This is fucking crazy." He mumbled as he pulled his hair.

"Y/n, baby, look, I'm really sorry for raising my voice at you, hm? I was just really tired last night." He gently placed his hand above yours on your thighs.

Your eyes were following a few cars passing by as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. You felt Soobin hold your face gently. "Baby, please look at me. I'm not used to this. You know me." Soobin's eyes were practically begging. He couldn't stand you giving him the cold shoulder.

The truth is you were just afraid. You're afraid to admit you had acted selfishly. Afraid of facing him after a petty argument over something so trivial.

"I just want you to talk to me," he caresses your cheeks, words so gentle and comforting, "I can't fix this if you won't talk to me."

Soobin pulls you in for a hug, warming up your heart. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, surrendering to him and putting down your stubborn pride. You mumbled a soft sorry as he gently rubbed your back. You let your arms move freely, as you return the hug to Soobin.

"Please don't do this again to me." He kissed your forehead. "I'm sorry for raising my voice, baby. I'm sorry for making you feel upset at me." Soobin's probably the sweetest guy you could ever ask for. He can make you feel loved and appreciated, but of course, you're just stubborn and bratty at times, which makes him wanna lose his temper.

Soobin pulls away, showering your face with a hundreds of kisses. You can't help but giggle at his actions."I didn't mean to shut you out." You mumbled with a pout. "You don't look sincere." Soobin commented which made you pout more. He chuckled as he pulled you in for a kiss.

The kiss felt soft and gentle. That's why you had no idea, why he was shoving his tongue inside your mouth. He bit your lip with a little harshness making you push him away. "Oww! What was that!" You complained. Soobin simply smirked at you. "I'm asking for an apology and forgiving you for one, but not the other issue." His smirk turns to a frown. "Soobin I can explain that..." Your heart began to race, thumping so hard you could feel it in your throat.

"Why don't we use that pretty little mouth of yours on something else good, yeah? Instead of giving people an opening to pounce on you." His eyes scream anger and lust at the same time.

"What do you mean?" You asked clueless. "What do I mean? You really want to hear the exact words?" Soobin taunted. "I don't get what you are saying." You shook your head. "I'm telling you that you just made an opening to let Kai pounce on you. Are you that dense, that you don't even know he likes you?" You were shocked at what Soobin just revealed to you. You opened your mouth to answer only for him to cut you off.

"Or don't tell me you wanted it all along?" He scoffs. "Soobin don't talk like that --" "Don't talk like what, doll? Aren't you the one who told him we're over?"

That's it, those words pushed you over the edge, switching your bratty side once more. "Okay, so what? What if I wanted it all along?" Your voice raised once more. "Kai is a good guy, plus he knows how to take care of someone he likes." You pushed Soobin's chest away from you. Soobin scoffed again, brushing his tongue inside his cheek.

"And I can tell --"

"Backseat. Or else --"

"Or else what? Huh? Are you gonna order me around again? Raise your voice over me again?" You taunt.

"I said backseat, you brat." He fixed his gaze on you and held your wrist.

His words are firm and strong which makes the hair on your neck stand up. He unbuckled his seatbelt and shifted the gear to park, leaving the car idle and the headlights on. You have no choice. You crawled your way to the backseat. you squeezed yourself to fit and pass by the center console. Soobin followed quickly, making his way through the front and back doors. As soon as he settled in the backseat, he ruffled his hair to whisk away some water from the rain.

Your eyes waver as you avert your gaze from him. His hand squeezed both your cheeks, "My patience is running low from your actions, doll. You're making it worse."

Soobin pulled you on his lap. You were almost covering him with how big his jacket you were wearing. His surname is written in big fonts.

He hiked up your skirt only to find out you had nothing underneath other than thin panties. Soobin scoffs, "Don't tell me you were gonna ride Kai's car with just this?" You bit your lip as you placed your hands on his shoulder when he started to rub you with your panties still on.

Soobin clearly knows how to make your knees weak. With just a simple touch and you're back to square one from being a brat. He pulled your panties off slowly without breaking the eye contact. His brows are still furrowed and you can still feel his anger.

"Let's see if you'd still want to ride his car after getting out of mine." He clicked his tongue and licked his finger, pushing two at the same time. Your mouth hung open as you squirm. "S-soob..." You can't talk straight, no, you don't wanna talk actually, but he has his ways to make you open your mouth. "How is it? Still wanna ride his car?" A sly smirk tugging on his lips. In which you replied with just a shake of your head.

"I'm close..." You whispered, biting your lips, watching how his fingers disappears and appears in your cunt. You shudder with the sensation, your high coming to you. But Soobin pulled his fingers out. You whined, hiding your face on his neck as you grind yourself above him.

Soobin's too focused on making you say the word sorry for the said issue. He did not even expect you'll act bratty once again after just apologizing for what happened yesterday.

He gripped your waist. "Stop moving or you'll not gonna cum for 1 week." Hearing this, you whine once more. You can't stand that punishment at least. But instead of getting the words out of your mouth, Soobin wasn't prepared for your action of apology.

You unzip his pants and slowly stroke him. Your face is still hidden in the crook of his neck. Planting soft kisses on his shoulder blade to his neck.

"Doll." His voice is warning yet you didn't budge, with only a small "please let me" coming out of your mouth.

His hand rubbed your back up and down, slipping them inside your top. Your skin is burning to his palm.

"What's with you, huh?" He asked, but he clearly knows you'd rather act like his little slut than let the five-letter word out of your pretty mouth.

You pulled back, squeezing your body once again on the small space between his legs. "Fuck-- just stop giving him signs -- ohh shit!" Soobin clearly shows his frustration at how he grips on the door. You gave him a few kitten licks and swirled your tongue on the tip of his cock making him jolt.

He looks down at you, meeting your eyes, "Fuck, is the word too much for you to say?" You took him whole the moment he spit those words making him thrust up a bit and lean back his head on the headrest.

"Ahh!" His breathy moans filled the car, making the glass foggy despite the rain and cold atmosphere outside. His hands tangled in your hair as you bobbed your head slowly.

You whimpered at how his cock pulsated on your tongue and how his tip kissed your throat. He gently caresses your cheeks as he holds them. You automatically leaned on his hand as you let him fuck your mouth.

His eyes were tightly closed. Lower lip trapped between his teeth. One hand on your cheek to hold you and the other firmly gripping the door to keep himself grounded.

"Baby fuck!" With one last thrust, he's cumming in your mouth. Draining himself on your wet and hot lips.

His heavy pants were the only thing that could be heard inside the car. Not until you hear a knock on the window. You quickly scrambled up your way to the seat as you sat properly, Soobin shoving his shirt down to cover his exposed length.

He opened the window slowly. "Is everything fine? You're hazard is switched on." A police officer said with an umbrella in hand, roaming his eyes inside the car. He even added that he was just passing by and noticed the car had switched on the hazard.

"I'm sure I didn't put the car on hazard though., must be when I got out.." Soobin mumbles, "But everything is fine, we just need to talk something out."

"Take care then, it's pouring hard." The officer apologized before going back to his car.

You looked at Soobin, fear evident on your face. You were doing things in a semi-public place but here you are, totally scared of getting caught. Soobin chuckled at you.

"Can you turn off the hazard light?" He appealed. You propped yourself on top of the center console to reach for the hazard button. But seems like some other button is getting pressed instead, as your hands retreat back to cover your mouth.

Soobin's tongue is licking your exposed cunt. Eating you out while you're still on the center console.

"S-soob, wait.." you tried your best to appeal to him but he did not budge. He continued shoving his tongue inside you. He then gently pulled you back to his lap, slowly sinking you down on his cock.

One of his hands lightly squeezes your neck, the other one pulling one of your hands back. He stopped you from covering your mouth as he continuously thrusts upward.

"Tight.. so tight..." He mumbles at your nape. "Pussy so good for me."

"M-more please." You quietly pleaded as you tried moving your hips. "Someone's eager to be filled." He commented back. "W-wanna be full of you, Soobin." You're feeling lightheaded at how he's squeezing your neck. He can't help but leave hickeys on your shoulder as he thrusts harder.

"I'm gonna get you pregnant at this point," he huffed. "D-don't care, w-want you," your words are slurred as you lean back on his chest.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" No other words just curses, was coming out of his mouth as he felt his cum being released.

You were totally breathless, your body slumped on him, his cock still twitching and pulsating inside your cunt. Soobin is totally worn out, dipping his head down on your shoulder.

"Let's stay like this for five minutes then we'll go home." He mumbled.

@binniesbooks 2024

[mbbmz]

Hello love! I just looove those alphabet headcanons you wrote! Like I truly do! And idk if you accept requests but, I'd like it if you'd do one for Ran Haitani.. like I love that mf do much, I wouldn't mind it if I'd read these types of headcanons about him.. either way, I love your work and thnx in advance!

Take good care of yourself, and most importantly have a wonderful day/night! 🩷🩷🩷

AHHH HI LOVE thx for requesting (you’re so nice help-)

Im glad you like what im writing and ofc im gonna give our braid boy some hcs (even if he sadly doesn’t have braids anymore 😔)

Anyways here it comes and hope you’ll like it!! (Also timeskip! Ran)

Btw I feel like I have a different vision of the character than what most people imagine, so sorry if it’s not what you expected

I will not take anymore full NSFW alphabet request because it’s just too long, but I will accept a maximum of 5 letters of your choice :)

NSFW under the cut

Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He’s surprisingly clingy after sex, he would probably bury his face in your neck and just hold your for a few moments. He’s quite lazy but if you’re really drained he’ll go get some things you may need like a glass of water or something to clean yourself with.

Body part : (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I think he’s another one who loves his hands because MF have you seen those long ass fingers? Bet he can do some marvelous things with it.

Boobs. Thats all. Any shape or size he’s eating that up (literally) bc he worships your boobs so much, especially if you’re insecure about them he’ll just keep talking about your pretty tits.

Cum (anything to do with cum)

Boobs (still) but I can also see him like to cum down your throat to see you choke a bit on it (he’s a little shit, will watch you struggle with that shit eating grin)

Dirty secret

Sometimes during sex you may be confronted to him tickling you. He’ll downplay it as an accident or a playful banter. But in reality, he does it because everytime, it makes you clench even more around his cock.

Experience (How experienced are they?)

I don’t think Ran is really into serious relationships (especially Bonten Ran since he’s always busy). However, he had a few casual relationships and regular hook ups.

Favorite position

- Cow girl : He’s lazy, so sometimes when he’s tired from work (which is often), he’ll pull you onto his lap, pressing his growing bulge against your crotch. Loves when you’re riding him because he has a full view of your boobs, he likes to feel them bouncing on his face

- Thigh riding : Idk if it really counts as a position, but something about seeing you grinding on his thigh, desperate for release turns him on immensely. He’d lay back and just watch you struggling from his lack of help. The most he’d do to help you is a slight bouncing of his thigh, still keeping it minimal.

Goofy (are they more serious in the moment or humorous?)

He’ll most likely not be serious during intimacy. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal and he just loves teasing you, in and out of the bedroom.

Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

As someone who (canonically I think) likes to take care of his looks, trimming is very important to him. He either trims regularly or completely shave.

Unfortunately he doesn’t have lilac pubes.

Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

I see Ran as a very romantic person (despite his relentless teasing)

I think he’d always take the time to initiate things by holding you and peppering your skin with kisses. I just think that foreplay is important to him.

Jack off (Masturbation headcanon)

Doesn’t do it often. I don’t see him as someone particularly needy on this side, even so now that he has you. He only does it when he has to blow off some steam and you’re not here.

Kink (one or more of their kinks)

- Dry humping : As I said earlier, he can be lazy. So sometimes he won’t even take the time to undress and will just grind against you. It often ends up in you two cuddling in bed while he rubs his clothed crotch against yours, holding you tightly.

- Cockwarming : He loves the warm feeling of your walls around him, sometimes not even in a sexual way. When he had a bad day for exemple he’ll sometimes ask to just be buried inside of you, tiredly kissing your neck.

Location (Favorite places to do it)

I think he’s someone who mostly keep this in his apartment. Any corner is fine as long as no one sees. Sometimes he’ll even initiate things in his office, occurs when he’s needy but can’t get out of work, so he’ll just ask you if you can come visit him.

Motivation (what gets them started and going)

Loves seeing you confident. Something about your playful smile when you initiate things and climb on his lap will give him an immediate boner that only you can satisfy.

Lives for the sight of your boobs bouncing on his face. He actually doesn’t really like positions where he can’t see them properly. Will squish them together and suck on them pretty tits <3

NO (something they wouldn’t do/turn offs)

Threesomes and voyeurism are a major turn off. He doesn’t like sharing you one bit, not matter with who (sorry to those Haitani threesome enjoyers, I just don’t see it)

The sight of your naked body is something that only him should be allowed to enjoy.

Oral (Giving/receiving preferences, skills..)

Even though he likes the feeling of your warm pussy better, he’ll never say no to a blow job. Might even ask you to cockwarm him with your mouth under his desk while he works.

He might not eat you out often but when he does, it’s damn good. He’s still a little shit so he won’t let you cum from that, he will edge you until you beg for his cock to finish the work, which he gladly does.

Pace (are they more fast and rough or slow and sensual)

SLOW. AND. SENSUAL. Listen he might be a lil shit but boy he thinks there’s nothing better than a slow pace to fully enjoy you, sometimes so slow that you have to beg him to go faster (might have a slight begging kink also)

Quickie (Do they enjoy it quick?)

He does not enjoy them particularly. He’s big on foreplay and likes to go slow, so quickies are reserved for needy emergencies. When it happens he’ll promise you to fuck you well later, when you’re all alone :)

Risk (are they up to experiment, do they take risks etc…)

I don’t think he’d like too much to get out of his comfort zone but if there’s something you really want to try he’ll indulge you. Who knows, maybe he’ll discover things about himself.

Stamina (How many rounds can they go)

Despite being lazy, I think he has a pretty good stamina. He can probably go up to 2/3 rounds depends of the position, maybe more in dry humping.

Toy (Do they own toys? Using them on a partner or themselves?)

I actually think he would. I feel like he would be big on nipple clamps (this man loves playing with your tits)

Probably the type of guy to gift you a dildo in the shape of his dick for when he’s not there.

Unfair (How much do they like to tease)

Do I really have to say it? Of course he’s a fucking tease. He will edge you for so long then overstimulate you until you can’t take it. He can be a bit of a meanie sometimes but it will remain playful.

Volume (How loud are they?)

Wouldn’t bother to hide his moans, low moans and whispered curses probably. His moans are so damn attractive I swear, straight out of a porn movie, especially when you ride him.

Wild card (random headcanon)

After a long day of work he asked you to cockwarm him. You sat on his lap as he buried his face in your neck. I took you ten minutes to realize he fell asleep while being inside of you.

X ray (Let’s see what going on under those clothes…)

I think he would rather be on the thin side, but long. Like 7,5/8 inches long. Probably with a slight curves and a brownish-pink tip.

Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

I don’t think he has a high libido to be honest. But when you’re needy and he’s not he’ll just have you ride his thigh. Hell, it might even convince him to just fuck you.

ZZZ (How fast do they fall asleep afterwards)

He’s a sleepy baby. Not but really, after getting you what you needed, he’ll fall asleep instantly. Even though he has a high stamina it still takes him a lot of energy.

[number1escfan]

Waited so long

Summary: reader is participating in Eurovision!! Btw It’s basically just the start of the story

Warnings:make outs, hickeys, angst if you squint hard enough

A/n: im obsessed with making out so I will probably write more fics Abt it btw most of this is background so Ya🤗

Masterlist

Translation: liefde = love, schatje = sweetheart, schat = darling, honing = honey, Maak je je zorgen over de zuigzoen = Are you worried about the hickey? | Some of the translations are in the story!!

Since Eurovision started you and joost haven’t been able to talk to each other as much whether it’s at the hotel or a pre party, You can only talk for like 10 minutes before a interviewer comes up to talk to joost

You usually don’t get as much interviewer’s but It still fills you with rage whenever they take him away from you. Joost notices this and comes up with a plan to meet up, Now luckily the ebu paired you up with joost to share a room

But they didn’t know that you were dating yet. Joost knew you craved him for so long. liefde? Ben je daar?(love? Are you there?) he said while looking around your shared hotel room. Surprise!! You said popping up behind him in a cami top

I’ve missed you so much joos- he smashed his lips into yours groaning at the sweet taste of your lips

I missed you too liefde, come on let’s go to the bed he says dragging your arm to the hotel bed followed by him getting undressed from his Eurovision costume you commented about how long was he planning this ‘since we stopped talking for a few days.’

Wow, clingy? You giggled, you now shifted a little so now you’re on joosts thigh he was in a cami top with a pair of shorts on

Your lips were on his neck like a magnet, you couldn’t let go of the scent of his cologne your hand was messing up the back of his hair but nothing else mattered in the moment it was just you and him alone in your guys hotel bed.

"Mmm, Schat? Are you with me? You seem to be getting out of control" he snickers in a raspy voice, "Um yeah I’m fine I just missed you for a long time joost" you say in between breaths, I’ve missed you too schat.

After a while joost decided that he wanted to give you a few, but he didn’t even say anything he just went for it. I- Joost what are you doing? Just wanted to give you a few liefde, you seem a little tense. Mhm you hum relaxing you muscles a bit

Mmm he groans hypnotized by the sweet taste of your skin, you gasp as he nibbles on your skin taking your breath away.

He decided that it was late enough and that the both of you should get some rest, when you woke up you felt someone on your chest, it was obviously joost and he never looked so much more happier in his sleep than before

You put your hand on his cheek smiling at his face taking a few photos, after a while he woke up and put his hand on top of yours. "goede morgen schat" His voice was raspy and tired "goede morgen honing" you gave him a kiss on the lips , after both of you showered and did your skincare+makeup for the pre party you decided to wear a cute maxi dress and joost wore a suit with his Europe tie and his glasses.

When you guys arrived you were getting  surrounded by interviewers but of course they took joost away once again, but you were getting a lot more than you usually get.

“So y/n I see there has been some rumors about you and Joost, are any of them true?” You were in shock mentally but physically stayed still, “um so me and joost we’re actually um together right now and we have been for a while but what makes you say that?”

“Well you and joost have a little something on your neck” they said in confusion, oh shit you mumbled slapping your hand onto your neck to cover up the hickey trying to look for Joost in the crowd

“Nonono it’s a natural thing y/n nothing to be ashamed of!” "I- um.. alright" you just gave up at this point it’s not like other artists here haven’t dated other artists here, right?

After they were done you decided to lean on the rail because all the seats were taken and wait for joost

As you were scrolling on your phone looking at some pictures of you and joost he comes up to you with two drinks for you and him

geobsedeerd zie ik?(obsessed I see?)

Shut up!

you flustered while trying to turning off your phone

"do they know? you ask in a more serious tone"

"know what liefde?"

"That we’re dating."

"Of course they do y/n, do you not want them to?"

"Yes yes! I definitely want them to know" you reassured joost rubbing the hickey he left last night

"Maak je je zorgen over de zuigzoen?" He says chewing on some ice

"No? Yes?I just don’t know how you don’t get nervous"

"I always think of you schatje.. how you’re so beautiful and loving.. Always forgiving people no matter what" he gives you a kiss on your head rubbing the back of your neck

Hugging him tightly everything and everyone goes muffled nothing mattered in the moment it was just you and and Joost together it’s like you’re safe whenever you were with him always remembering that if you needed him he’ll most definitely will be there for you no matter what.

While driving back to the hotel you were on your phone scrolling through some fan edits of you and Joost but you found a new picture from today while talking to joost there was one when he gave you a peck on your forehead and when you were hugging him, you’d let joost find them on his own you thought turning off your phone and leaning onto his shoulder.

—————————

Im proud of this one anyways i forgot to feed y’all so here😼

[kokushibosbestie]

ok so idk if u do like x reader stuff but if you do, can u do like a Sally face fic or headcannons with Sal and Larry. I wanted to request what it would be like for them to have like a very busy s/o. Like I do marching band and outside of school I do volleyball and lessons for trombone and piano. Along with that I take AP classes and student council which give me more work to do so I feel pretty drained by the end of the day

♡~ Sal and Larry w/ busy S/O HCs ~♡

A/N: Yes, I take requests and do (Character) x reader headcannons! AND I'M SO SORRY IF THIS WASN'T GOOD AND I KNOW LARRY'S PART ISN'T LONG I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME ANON. ALSO IM SORRY THAT IT TOOK SO LONG, I'VE BEEN REALLY BUSY WITH SCHOOL AND I HAD WRITERS BLOCK FOR LIKE 3 WEEKS 😭🙏

Warnings: None, just pure fluffiness and love. GN!reader.

-------------------------

♪ Sal Fisher ♪

· HE'S JUST A FKN SWEETHEART 😭😭 · I will say that he is going to make sure to make your life easier no matter what · like doing chores, helping you with projects and assignments, and planning out your week · I don't think many realize this, but he is not the "badass player" people portray him as. 😔 · So, he will make you sit down with him on the weekend and ask how things are going. · And this is with everything. Work, school, family life, your relationship with him, your mental health, etc. · He is serious about it too. 😅 He cares a lot and he doesn't like to see you stressed. · So when you come home tired and worn out, he will not be happy. · he knows it's not your fault and you can't help it "Love, please stop doing this to yourself. You know this isn't good." · Like I said, he loves you 🥰 · istg this man HAS and WILL beg you to take a break · so when you come home, he'll already have a bath ready for you · once you're done taking a bath, he'll make you sit down on the floor in front of the couch so he can brush / comb your hair · and I honestly think he's not the best cook, but he will cook your favorite food no he won't, it's going to be takeout because he failed · your room is already cleaned and he bought you squishmellows to add to your collection · he'll cuddle you to sleep while playing with your hair · definitely the big spoon on nights like this "Relax baby, you need to get sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up, okay?"

-------------------------

☆ Larry Johnson ☆

· I'ma be fr with you, he would NOT notice at first · Not until Ashley said something but after she brings it to his attention that you need a little bit more attention, he will do exactly that · and istg, he WILL pick you up bridal style and carry you away from whatever you were doing 👀 · If you protest, he will glare at you and ignore it. · Any kind of work you do is "overworking yourself" to him · so beware · Imma be completely honest, this man CANNOT keep up with you · Your ship dynamic is literally "busy mastermind and their assistant who worships them but can't keep up." 😭💞 · larry is the one worshiping you "Look, I know you have a lot going on, so don't try to convince me that you aren't. I might be stupid in school but I'm not stupid with you." · he will say shit that doesn't make sense WHATSOEVER. 😔 · Ofc, he won't admit that he's trying to take care of you · or keep up with you · obvi 🙄 · I have my own hc that he actually does know how to cook nicely, so I think he'd make you food you'd watch a movie together and talk · once your social battery is completely out, he'll offer you to sleep on his chest. 🥰 · and when you wake up, he's gunna make you breakfast. "Don't try to keep yourself up babe. You've had a long day, so just rest."

DISCLAIMER: THE HEADER IS MINE, THOUGH THE FANART IS NOT. THE DIVIDERS ARE NOT MINE, ONCE AGAIN, THEY ARE NOT MINE. ALL CREDITS GO TO ORIGINAL POSTERS / CREATORS!!! ALL WRITING BELONGS TO ME!!!

[the-s1lly-corner]

C, I, K, L Q and Z for Jax plz? 👀

Fluff Alphabet w/ Jax! (1)

as of writing this i only have this request and one more!! i didnt think i would be able to catch up them all when i woke up this morning, but ive been killin it today i guess! yahoo! Im still taking requests but after this and the next ill take another short break to stretch my legs and recharge my brain !!

CUDDLING- if you read the caine alphabet, i believe i mention that caine would wrap his arms and legs around you and trap you (at least i did, im p sure i did but im too tired to check)

well, jax does that to you, pretty much, but hes a lot more stubborn about letting you go and wants to see you squirm and fight for your freedom... so good luck if you had anything planned that day...! he looks like he would be soft, both because bunmy... but also like, stylistically he looks like he would be squishy.. pretty pleasant to cuddle in to!

IN HOUSE ADVENTURE- unless the adventure gives him some ammo and/or way to be a menace to others, i think he just skips them. or if he does stick around he just. doesnt help, instead kind of just not doing anything.. now whether or not you and jax share similar traits is up to you, but if you needed help and asked nicely he would help you with something but otherwise youre on your own sister (gender neutral)

KISS- lots of kisses, especially if you get flustered easily. sure, you get a bit of a break from his antics but not by much... and if he can make you turn red from simply kissing your cheek hes going to exploit that.. speaking of, a lot of the kisses he gives are quick and fleeting, usually short pecks while hes walking by

LOVE LANGUAGE- little harmless pranks that make you do a double take or mildly confuse you are how he shows his love. now this is different from his usual stuff, because what he does to you is like. he leaves you a note. aww hes telling you how cute he thinks you are..! you pull the note out and BOOM! theres now powder everywhere and the note says you're sweet (the powder, being sugar). shit like that. outside of that words of affirmations work for him to, giving and receiving.. gonna be real though, i think jax is one of the hardest characters for me to write for since hes an ass (no shade to everyone asking for him! i love a little challenge!)

QUIET TIME- does not like quiet calm moments, but thats because hes an enjoyer and bringer of chaos, so moments of true silence are very rare. but lets say you two both just sit down and just. exist. actually, ill do you one better and tie this into the cuddling segment, he would probably busy his hands with your hair or any accessory you have on you

ZZZ- assuming you guys can sleep if you so desired, and you somehow convince jax to sleep with you (i think he would be the type to need to be talked into it), he would steal all the blankets. and the pillows. regardless of if hes actually sleeping or not. if this were the real world, and you guys were normal people and you actually needed to sleep due to exhaustion he would ease up on you (if hes doing this while awake). most definitely the type to say something as youre trying to sleep

"first person protagonists in video games never blink" or something similar

[automaticllamacycle]

May Jesus forgive me for what I’m about to say.

Making matty jealous at an industry party until he spanks you and fucks you so hard afterwards

I am going to be combining this ask with this one that I got because they will fit will together hehe : literally matty just fucking you RELENTLESSLY like that man is not stopping until your actually crying like tears are flowing down your face

Disclaimers: reader is quite drunk during the sex, but I'm acting like this is in the dom/sub au I (kinda) have going on so they are in a very committed relationship and have discussed situations like this before! Anyways now onto the horny thoughts (even though im writing this more like a traditional fic)

this ended up being like 1.5k words. It is now 2am so it is NOT proof read, like not even a once over I am SLEEPY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

industry parties are the worst. You despise them. Its all the same every time. You would show up with Matty, have a few drinks of alcohol, and hang by Matty's side while he talked with people from the label. It got old really fast in all honesty.

Tonight you just wanted his attention more than anything, and you are determined to have it by the end of the night. You arrive to the party on his arm and the same old pattern begins as he's dragged away by Jamie to go talk to someone. Without Matty at your side, you excuse yourself to the open bar. One drink turns into two, which turns into three before you even realize it.

You planned this out beforehand. You thought to yourself, maybe if you got a bit drunk and needy, you could convince Matty to take you home early. After drink number three you walk over to Matty, and lean to whisper in his ear. "Baby, can we go home? I'm tired of this."

Matty can tell you're a bit tipsy from your mumbled speech. "Sweetheart, this stuff is important I can't just leave because you want to leave."

"But Matty-" you start, putting on pleading doe eyes. He cuts you off before you can finish your sentence.

"I said no. Now, go on, it shouldn't be too much longer, anyway. You can be patient."

So, you found yourself back at the bar, with another drink. You've had too much, but you don't really care. Too pissed at Matty to really give a shit.

After another hour passes you stumble back over to Matty. The liquid courage must be working because you don't even care about the fact he's talking to people. You nearly crash into his side when you reach him. "Matty! Can we go now?" He shoots you a glare instantly before turning back towards the two men he was speaking with.

"Sorry guys, this is my girlfriend Y/N. Please, continue on with what you were saying!" Matty's hand is around your waist in a bruising grip. His lips quickly come up to your ear to speak in a dark tone. "Behave."

You do behave... for a total of five minutes, then you get needy again. You start small, leaning into his side and placing your arm on his chest. The alcohol dulls your rational thinking enough that you have no shame in your next actions, reaching up to kiss him on the neck. Matty laughs off the kiss, not so much as turning his gaze to you, continuing to listen to the men speaking to him. His grip on your waist tightens. He's starting to get mad.

You don't stop. Your hand paws at his chest while you balance on your tip toes to whisper in his ear. "Please, sir. I need you-"

Matty steps away fast, not letting you connect your lips to his neck again. "Haha- sorry lads I think it's time I take her back home. Jamie is right over there and would be happy to answer any other questions you two might have." And with that Matty's hand firmly grips your wrist and pulls your behind him, out the door, and to his car.

Once your on the road, he finally speaks after giving you the silent treatment. "What the fuck was that? Were you trying to embarrass me? You know it's important that I talk to people like that at these things."

"I'm sorry- I just wanted your attention."

"And you thought the best way to do that was to beg me to fuck you in front of those guys?"

"I whispered it!"

"Whispered? You call that a whisper? I'm almost certain they heard you. How much have you had to drink tonight."

"Uhm... I lost count."

"No shit."

The rest of the car ride was filled with silence. When you arrive at his place, he doesn't even go around to open your car door, instead heading straight to the front door of his house. Once your both inside, he sits down on the couch. He's angry. Really fucking angry.

"Bend over my knee. Right now." You don't dare disobey him. That would only increase your punishment. You lean your body over his legs, giving him access to your ass. Matty flips up your dress to reveal your lace underwear that is already soaked through.

"I'm sorry sir- I- I promise I didn't mean to embarrass you. Just wanted you so bad." You flinch when his hand strikes your ass.

"Fucking slut. Just because you didn't mean to doesn't mean you avoid getting punished." You gasp as his hand comes down again, just as hard as the first strike. "Besides." His hand spanks you again. "You knew what you were doing when you decided to order all those drinks didn't you?" His hand hits you again, showing no mercy. "Needed some courage before you could be such a whore in public, huh?"

"Yes- yes sir- I knew what I was doing. I'm sorry." Matty's satisfied with your answer, but that doesn't stop the onslaught of his hands. You'll be bruised for at least a week. He wants you to remember this every time you sit down. He wants you to remember and learn from the punishment.

By the end of it, you're sobbing. The strikes were becoming too much, and you needed him to touch you. "Matty- p-please I- I need you, please."

"Have you learned your lesson?"

"Yes, sir. I'll never do it again. I promise." you say through choked sobs. Without warning Matty carries you to the bedroom and throws you onto the bed before he starts taking off his clothes. He's hard through his boxers, which are soaked with precum. You follow suit and take off your dress, wincing as you take the lace of your underwear off of your ass.

Matty's on top of you the next second, his cock at the entrance of where you need him most. "You know, I shouldn't even give you my cock. Only good girls deserved to get fucked."

"No! no no no! Please. I need you, I need you so bad." Tears flow down your cheeks.

Matty enters you suddenly, filling you to the hilt. He gives you no time to adjust to his size as he begins pounding into you. "Fine. I'll give you my cock." He groans out. "But I'm going at my fucking pace and you're going to take it."

His hips move rapidly, thrusting into you hard. All you can do is wrap your legs around his waist and dig your nails into his back. The moans that leave your mouth are desperate. Your cries fill the room, along with the sounds of skin meeting skin. Matty's pace is near animalistic.

Matty flips your over so you're on your stomach. You don't have the strength to hold yourself up, completely pliant on the bed. "Poor thing can't hold herself up? Thought you wanted me to fuck you?" he groans, continuing his fierce pace. The new position allows him to go even deeper into your cunt. It's all becoming too much.

"Matty-" you cry. "It's too much- I can't"

"Take it. Be my good girl and take my cock. You were fucking made for me." One of his arms wraps around your waist, pulling your up so your back is up against his chest. He uses his other hand to hold onto the headboard of the bed, steadying himself so he can thrust into you even faster.

"Matty- shit I can feel you in my stomach- fuck-" At your words, his hand shifts lower on your waist, pressing over where his cock bulges in your stomach.

"Yeah? You feel that?" He presses down harder, making a whine leave your throat. "Only I can do this to you. Your cunt is made for my cock." You moan out in agreement, drawing closer and closer to orgasm, and Matty is getting close too. "You gonna come for me? Gonna milk my cock?"

"Yes- yes sir- please."

"Go on then come for me." When he speeds up the pace of his hips, you're a goner, falling into the waves of an orgasm. The pleasure overwhelms you, pulsing through your veins. You cry out his name over and over again as he fucks you though it.

Matty is not far behind. It only takes a few more thrusts before he cums inside of you, filling you up deep inside. As soon as he's finished, he practically collapses on top of you. He takes the time to trail kisses on the back of your neck as you catch your breath and come back down to earth.

"You did good for me, baby. Did you learn your lesson?"

"Yes, sir."

"That's my girl. Let me take care of you now."

[whole-circus]

Hey! I have recently been obsessing over your works I love your writing and you ARE SUCH A LOVELY PERSON 😭 i love reading your kind words to others and how you write in such a creative way!!

Could you possibly do a fem!reader who looks masc and constantly gets misgendered with jeff, Ben, Toby, hoodie or clockwork!

(I would be happy with any of them)

Thank you <3

Creepypastas with fem.reader that looks masc!

➥ with Jeff the Killer, BEN Drowned, 'Ticci' Toby, and Clockwork

I will cry you are the sweetest!! Fr you feed my self esteem!!🫶<3 Im sorry that you waited so much!! And I apologize for not putting Hoodie here!! Have amazing day and take care of yourself!!! i love your nick btw 😭

˚　　✦　　　. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. 　　　✦　　˚

Jeff the Killer

Thats it, he is propably one of the people that misgendered you on purpose (and he is proud of himself because he is little shit like that..). But of course Jeff can do that once you both are in relationship, he has to have some privilege yk? Being meanie is just his love language. Even if he is still mean sometimes, then at the end of day he is here to beat people who do that - no matter if they did it in in mean manner or not, Jeff doesnt care he just want blood and chaos (and your happiness)! Besides all that, he finds you cute and pretty anyway, doesnt matter what you really look like. Jeff isnt the best person to talk about appearance and he knows that. So you can wear anything, be more "feminine" or "musculine" and he is still cool with that!

BEN Drowned

Boy will literally bark at people who misgender you 😭 No, just kidding, but he dont stand people being like this and will automatically correct them! Gets the fact that you are tired because of that and want to do everything in his power to make you feel better! Even if someone is not doing it on purpose then you have full right to feel uncomfy! So you will recieve a lot of worship and sweet words from Ben overall. Okay but you cant tell me that he wouldnt dress in dresses and skirts to fuck up with people (plus he want to feel pretty (he is a pretty boy anyway, lets be honest))! Loves making them even more confused. Ben is pretty open-minded so doesnt care what you look like or how you dress you are his queen and he treats you like one!!

"Ticci" Toby

I will start with something a bit out of request but..Toby would 100% want to wear matching clotheswith you! Dont get me wrong, he definitely loves you and drool at you no matter you wear (you could wear anything, even garbage bag), but loves showing you off! He is so so grateful that he is your boyfriend and he wants to brag about it to everyone. Definitely thinks in his head that someone would look at you and be like 'omg they are a couple what a cuties'...we love his energy. If you feel upset about people constantly misgendering you, Toby is right here to make it all better and give you a lot of praises! He enjoyes pampering you, when you feel especially down..he is always content to make you both small things like face masks, painting eachother nails or even do eachother makeup for fun (Toby suck at it but he got the right spirit)!

Clockwork

Clockwork doesnt really believe in things like "too musculine" or "too feminine", clothes should be functional - doesnt matter what you wear, but rather how you feel in them - and people are just diffrent when it comes to look. Thats why i think she would be even more angry, she gets that people can make mistakes but if they do it on purpose just to mess with you, then she wont stay calm. What a protective gf she is! Its nice if you dont care about this constant iccidents, becasue they happen - but if you start worry even in the slightest? She will be your sholder to cry on and your number one support girl! Natalie will assure you that you are fine just the way you are, and you can look however you want - its nobody case - she likes you for you! .. Just dont tell anybody about this, she would rather keep it as a secret.

˚　　✦　　　. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. 　　　✦　　˚

[kreativewritin444]

judas kiss / t.s

part three of dishonest (mini series)

 authors note// hi thank you so much for your feedbacks, if i have anything unfinished yall really want another part too please lmk bc i literally have lots of ask/request or even things ive started up & forgot ab or have in my drafts. butt i am going through and finishing out some stuff, i just took a vacation and rlly needed some me time... BUT IM BACK BITCHES!!!

   also... holy shit a thousand something followers!!!! thank you guys seeing the endless love and support of my writings has boosted me into starting my own book series ... but thats for another spill. thank you again for following me on my journey of my shitty writings to my development.

i got this tip thing working, i do work full time & go to school so any tips are welcomed and appreciated but either way ty all.

anywhore here is the third part/ im thinking final part as well. let your imagination think of the end... unless too many of yall want more.

 tag list: @allie131313​ @casa-boiardi​

summary: lying about your identity, leads you face to face with the one and only thomas shelby. as chaos unravels much more surfaces as well.

  staring in the mirror, feeling the old, yet the familiar feeling of a silk night gown cascading down your body. remembering the time lasted only for a mere few years. years you weren’t happy. the bruises were faded mainly, except the slight pain in your ribs still.

 taking small pain killers help.

 the day has left you tired leaving the rest of the clothing in the corner of the room. laughing almost as you take in the fact; he really did get you some new clothes. as well as being kind of enough to grab some of your own from your apartment.

 which you were notified was absolutely trashed, yet hidden away you found a picture. one of you, your mum and sister. so young... so innocent. the memories of everything was building up.

 the gown fit you nicely though, the cloth was soft and comfortable. something you almost forgot what felt like, since being alone on the run . glancing over at the clock noticing it was getting late. 

biting your lip softly, things mule over in your head. how thomas was and if maybe, just maybe you two met under a different circumstance. hell even just a re-do of your meetings.

 ignoring it as your hair gets tucked behind your ear. deciding to leave this room and not be cooped up.

 as you step out, your eyes flicker down the hall. movements halting as your mind comes more clear. he was right there in that room.

 the room you’ve seen him enter a mere few times. the light flickers through the crack of the door. it was there. right in front of you. 

 hand never leaving the door knob, biting your lip in deep thought. happy he got you your clothes from home, as well as a few new items. must’ve gotten help from a lady because there’s no way he chose these alonesome. 

 shaking these thoughts your feet spring into action. hand beside you now as your focus was on where he was. fist raising to knock on the ajar door. it swings open wider, creaking slightly as thomas sets some papers down. 

 smoke still in hand as his eyes lift to yours, exhaling the smoke from his lips. he lifts it back up, inhaling again taking in the sight of you. in more different clothing than anything he has seen before. work uniform, one little outfit, and his clothing. you looked good, stunning in a way.

 he was as he usually was, expect a bit more exposed.

 the anger still present when your wounds become more visible, thankfully more faint now. he’s already sent john to deal with that particular matter, but now he had to deal with some stuff tonight.

 “got to look at the stuff, thank you.” giving him a small smiling, trying to make this attempt for a better start forward. needing time to plan future things as your mind hasn’t had a hint of peace.

 he nods licking his lips, ashing in the tray.

 “can’t have you walking around naked, can we?”

  the joke brought a smile small to your lips, as your head thinks about the picture. unaware if he knew it was there or if someone else did the work. his focus is back on the papers making you step in. taking in this private study he enchants himself too; felt like him.

 biting your lip softly, the sight of him before you has your mind in another place. he looks like something you saw only moments before. a mirror image of yourself. less battered and bruised on the outside though, yet he was tired. his eyes red, the bottle out in the open. he was more open, more vulnerable.

 “y/n?”

 you shake your head, a blush crosses your cheeks. “sorry. what ya’ say?” 

he holds back his emotion, but his attention is now yours. “i’ve gotta meeting tonight, tomorrow some more to do. until then just stay here, out of harms way for the love of god.”

 he stands up and stares at you. your lip ends up between your teeth, feeling a bit nervous. he didn’t sound so serious so fierce, he sounds exhausted. as you were to even fight back, which he noticed.

 “if you are up by the time i get home, we should talk.” your eyes narrow at his words, nodding slightly. hands coming up to brush your hair back once more.

 “just knock on my door when you get back, thomas.” 

 with that you open the cracked door wider, rushing out of the room. everything felt too tense too unsettling in there. only when his footsteps become noticeable, you realize he was following you.

 heart racing as you reach halfway down the hall, nearing the stairs. for a moment, your eyes flicker to the front door. 

 the thought crosses your mind. ignoring it as you continue to ‘your’ room desperate that he isn’t actually following. that he would walk himself down those stairs instead.

 as you reach the door his presence was there, the defeat leaves you. turning around to face him. his face was inches from yours. something deep in his eyes as he pushes the door open.

 “thomas?”

 the door closes behind you as he is now only standing in front of you, a heave in his chest almost. “their dead, alright? the men from that night, their gone.”

 your eyebrows furrow in confusion, “wh-why are ya’ tellin’ me this?” he comes forward cupping your cheek. the look in his eye is something you’ve seen before. loss.

 staying still in his embrace, “i-i don’t want ya’ scared of me... for some fuckin’ reason.”

 the confession made your mouth shut completely. “i don’t want ya’ scared at all.”  it didn’t feel exactly true but it what was easiest for him to say. 

that was until he pulls you onto his lips. hands landing on his chest, mouth moving with his out of instinct. pulling away as you push him back slightly. staring into the eyes of a loss man, knowing this could end terribly. 

your chest rises and falls quickly, “i- told ya-”

 “tell me to stop then, y/n.” the deep stare between you two leaves something rattling inside of you. 

 “i-i get your past. i know mines fucked, but i-...” you trail off biting the inside of your cheek for a moment. the internal debate ends with him pushing forward.

 lips on his he pulls you close, your hands around his neck as you both fall back on the bed straddling him. his hands push against your back, deepening the kiss. the hold on you wasn’t harsh, just tight possessive like. as if you were to disappear at any moment.

 pulling away for air, his lips trail from your cheek to your neck. the giggle escapes your lips involuntarily, and for a moment thomas sighs. not of boredom and displeasure but of relief.

 it made your heart swirl because you felt it too. the non-serious feeling of this. even though it wouldn’t last, it felt real for the moment.

 his hand slips down from your waist onto your thighs. eyes flickering back up at you. your hands tug at his shirt, him taking the hint to remove it. the bare chest was there and now you could really look at it.

“thomas.”

 his hand grips the back of your neck, pulling you into a kiss. he flips you over and he holds himself up against you. your back against the bed, other hand trailing between your thighs, you just as desperate for his touch.

 he lifts the gown up slowly, teasing you with his touch. his head drops into the crane of your neck, kissing it softly before tugging your panties down softly. a soft gasp escapes you and he whispers something in your ear.

 “so fuckin’ beautiful.”

 your eyes roll back as he swirls your clit, the sensation incredible. “fuck.”

 “taste good too.”

 he enters a finger before he slowly moves his body down. his motion was slow and you whine when he leaves you. looking down seeing him between your thighs now, inches from you. his eyes flicker up, the blue prominent.

“impatient ay’?” your hand flies into his hair. trying to ignore the urge to roll your eyes,

“did ya’ forget that already?”

 without another word his tongue swirls around you, a soft moan leaves you. he continues but slowly adding a finger. your calves press into his shoulders more, leaving his tongue to move slightly faster.

 “oh th-” he slides another finger in making your words cut short, back arching off the bed slightly. giving him access to push your gown up above your breast. his hand comes back down around your thighs, feeling them shake around him.

 unable to take it anymore your hand pushes at his head, but he holds it down instead. speeding up as your stomach drops, a moan leaving your throat. liquid coats his fingers and tongue as he stands up completely.

 “do ya’ love anyone y/n?” the question caught you off guard. your breathing uneven coming down from your high; his pants drop and your body felt even more turned on.

 “never really had a chance to experience love. probably doesn’t exist.” you confess the mere summary as you spread your shaky legs. his grip on them tightens, moving you closer to him.

 he stares down at you in a way that you truly didn’t understand. “i like ya’, ms.solomons.” he confesses as he spits down on you. the action so dirty, but the confession so clean.

 “just y/n, thomas.” the intent was known and he kisses your knee before moving. the feeling of him entering you slowly, made you grip his arm that held your waist. 

 “i sometimes-” you stutter out as he rocks against you slowly, fighting to keep your eyes open.

 “i sometimes like to believe it could be true.”

 he leans forward, the angle deeper than before as he kisses you deeply. his free hand coming to cup your jaw. his hips pick up speed leaving you a moaning mess in his mouth.

 he was gentle, taking in what you reacted too. this wasn’t your first time but he felt as if you were innocent in a way. your eyes flicker up to him before you tug your dress over your head.

 leaving you both completely exposed, “it’s true.” he confesses pulling away, turning holding you up against him as he lays down. your knees against the bed as he bucks up into him.

 “ya’ crazy mr.shelby.” he pushes your hips down even more leading to the familiar feeling arise again. your nails sink in his shoulder, biting your lip clinging to him.

 “say’s the one who’s dead.” you try to get a witty remark out but your orgasm spreads, feeling yourself starting to clench.

 “yet ya’ look so fucking alive around me.” the wetness spreads down your thighs as he doesn’t let you go. “m-maybe i feel alive- with ya’.” the deep moan leaves you, the feeling of your bare chest touching had you in a whirl.

 he’s buried deep in you as you cling to him, almost in tears overstimulated. you beg him. “tho-thomas. i-”

“so fuckin’ good.” his his shake slightly, as he leans back staring into your eyes. “do you trust me?” at how you were feeling you’d trust anything. your eyes flutter but you nod.

  he stutters into you as his releases inside you making your eyes widen. pulling back panting as his eyes connect with yours. two different looks.

 “wh-what did you do?”

 “do ya’ trust me?” the logic in the room was clearly not there because without a second thought you nod again. he kisses you softly, “be mine. stay alive and i promise ya’ everything you could need.”

 you pull yourself out of him, wincing at the feeling. your eyes stare into his, as the covers surround you,

“but you don’t love me.” 

 his eyes drop slightly, “i can see somethin’ in you. i need someone like ya’, think of this as something good.” you feel so exposed staring at him in disgust. “ya’-ya’ just came in me, who knows if i’ll get pregnant! thi-this is not gonna end well. what the fuck were ya’ thinking?”

 “what the fuck was i thinkin’? oh my go-”

 he sits up, “i’m thinking fuckin’ smart! ya’ know this shit, i am rising y/n, i need a wife and i need someone who can be that wife.” you stare at him and stop for a moment. it cut off your overthinking for a moment.

 it wouldn’t be real but it could be. yet either way you could be safe... you could be free of being on the run. you could be alive.

 “i need to think on it? i-i can have your answer tonight.” your words tremble slightly as you slip your gown on, facing away from him. “hey.” his hand lands on your shoulder. 

your flinch makes him wince, scooting closer to you. covered up with the sheets. “i haven’t asked just anyone this question. this is fuckin’ insane but i-i do like ya’. we can figure this shit out because you know it’s true.”

 “you need me just as much as i need you.” you mutter as a  small smile appears on your lips, “i need a shower for a fact and nap thomas. you have somewhere to be, should get going.”

 his hand leaves yours taking your hint, “i’ll knock on your door tonight. get some rest.”

after he redresses and the door closes behind him, the tears stream down your cheeks. you wanted him but you were so scared and conflicted.

 your answer was yes from the moment you realize he was as stubborn as you but you were now a ghost.

-

 you were laid down, the candles still lit allowing thomas to see your image. he walks closer but you were barely asleep. he sits down beside you and sighs heavily.

 he doesn’t know you’ve woken up, and his energy was strong. you figured thomas shelby out and for a man to keep you around long enough...

 you knew from the beginning you liked this man, but being ‘dead’ has made you believe any. any of that type of thing was impossible. slowly you turn over, facing the man who stares ahead.

 “eric is tryin’ to be a political man. if ya’ know alfie, imagine a sickenin’ no good bastard times a billion.... as him.” the words made thomas sit a bit straighter. you felt vulnerable now, half asleep tucked into a new home.

 you had to give a answer.

 “i’ve looked him up, he isn’t much and from what i’ve heard. alfie really doesn’t give two fucks for him.” the way he settles his sentence lets you know that eric is no threat. to you or himself in any aspect.

 “charlie’s mother, i-i won’t ask you to speak of her.” you sit up now, thomas takes in your sleepy appearance. “if i take on that boy as my own. i will love and teach him as my own, but you have to tell me about her so he can know his true mother.”

 your eyes swell up slightly. “she won’t be forgotten in your mind ever, i know that. so let me learn, let me be there for you so i don’t go crazy. so i-i can do better...”

 the words hit thomas and he only shifts to maintain his composure. you don’t notice since your emotional more so, but he knows he did right choosing you.

 “i have a story, everything about how to make you ‘undead’ since your job at it wasn’t the best.” that made your eyes look up at him.  “i know ya’ can’t be her, but i do have some’ towards you.” 

his hand reaches out to cup your face. “she wanted some of the stuff you did as well...”

 the deep stare was all that was needed, you let this moment last. he was gone when he lost her. loosing her was loosing apart of himself. you accepted it because you truly knew love was not meant for you in this lifetime.

 slowly breaking the moment, lips almost trembling but your composure well gathered now. “if we do this- ya’ can’t treat or make me out to be some fool of a house wife. i-i’m more than that and i’ll be damned to be one of your puppets.”

 moving out of his reach makes you ache for it more yet thomas sees something within you. you were sorta like polly sometimes. strongly determined woman.

 “ya’ help me stay together, ya’ help me keep this household together... my family together and whatever ya’ want is yours.” flickering from each eye, he awaits your response and you nod.

 “i agree, to be your wife. i agree to hold your secrets, now for i wish to get rid of the jewish ways though... go back to the gypsie ways. please.” your desperation was without notice and he kisses you.

 kissing you felt like kissing grace.

kissing you felt like kissing grace.

-

  setting down the glass of whiskey, your eyes train along the inside courier. everything was simple, everything was different. charles was taken to bed not too long ago, you didn’t see much of him but it made you think.

 too take on this responsibility was what you were raised for. yet you ran from it because eric was a vile man... so is thomas. your heart aches though due to the surprising feeling erupting yourself; that you may just like the man ever so slightly.

 with your past and his it felt like you both being so fucked up, it could work? sighing heavily and grabbing the glass once more. the liquid slips down your throat as you enjoy the peace of true alone time.

 telling his maid, well lady of help to head to sleep since you were up. if charles was to awake you could handle it or if need be. get her up. charles really ponders through your mind, for you would be like a mother.

 you could be his mother, yet you would never wanna replace his true mother. what was she even like? what did she view or believe? what the hell did she see in thomas shelby?

 he said she was a bit like you, in what fucking way?

 you move and see her painting and you looked nothing of her. she looked of class and elegance, some real princess shit. you didn’t compare to that, so what motive was this?

 make me alive again, was this his plan? biting your lip you throw back the remaining liquor. rolling your eyes at the empty cup, you head towards the kitchen.

 smiling to yourself of the kindness that francis left out the bottle for you. moving forward you almost reach the counter but you were hit over the head. your body hit the ground harshly, the glass breaking surrounds you.

 it flashes back to the moments of your mothers death. yet before you could react you were hit again, and the darkness overtook you.

-

 you awoke in a moving vehicle, head pounding your face contorts in displeasure. trying to focus your vision, your eyes land on a priest as well as a few other men.

 “hello miss solomons.” the priest smiles wickedly and you stare back unfazed, or atleast as much as you could appear.

 “well you see, there’s so many ways this here can go. yet as of right now, you are actually of great use.” his tone menacing and your head was spinning.

 you try desperately to maintain eye contact with his. unsatisfied with your response of nothing; he nods as one of his men move forward. the hit makes your head sling to the side. blood literally splattering onto the window beside you.

 the taste of blood in your mouth has became a all too familiar feeling. as you let your head hang lowly, you over hear someone mutter. “we are almost there.”   

 moving your hand to wipe your chin, seeing the back of your hand covebloody finally angers you. not knowing where this was going, you finally look back up. “i think we might just have to use the boy instead.” 

your heart drops, distracted now. the boy? of course it had to be...

“what boy?” you finally speak, it slightly muffled due to your severe swollen lip. this gets the mans reaction. “she speaks!”

 “what boy?” you question again, feeling a sense of protectiveness all of a sudden. what is going on with you?

 “ahh, mr.shelby’s boy. ya’ see we have a deadline, and i do have orders with him. oh i spoke to your cousin mr.solomons... he does seem to have a keen interest of seeing you.”

 sitting back you take in everything, the deep wrenching pain in your chest over came you. ”didn’t mention if it meant alive or dead, though. dear.”

 tears fill your eyes, as you realize everything. this was all a lie, a pawn, a game.

 “yet your price is a wager, does thomas care more for your safety or does your cousin? or i could merely kill you now and just let you be what you so ‘desire’.”

 his words let everything truly settle now. you never escaped. you just switched paths.

 it almost could make you laugh, until it did. you looked crazy and stupid but you were laughing, hysterically almost. wincing at your lip throbbing, heaving out as your head pounds from the movement. you stare into the mans eyes dazed. he stares back at you in discomfort but looks away.

 thomas got his own kid into this shit. he better have this all figured out. dizzy from the amount of hits to the head you’ve taken. you look back over and see the man on your right snatching out two pills. eyes widening slightly as you try to move back.

 “what is that? wh-wha-no!” the men hold you down, your kicks and hits defenseless. the pills shoved in your mouth. water forced down your throat whilst your nose was plugged, left you choking on the water. forcing you to swallow.

 yet they continue it for a few seconds longer, leaving you to start choking horribly. knowing it was swallowed, you were let go finally. shaking and drenched in water, you wildly swing your fist forward. 

pure rage in hitting the man on the right. your leg kicks the other guy, before you hit the priest once. a strong hit leaves you slumped, mind swirling until you were no longer able to stay awake.

-

 a strong jerk makes your eyes flicker open. charles was crying softly, making you ignore your own pain. sitting up you look at the man holding him. out of it but desperate you plea.

 “give him to me. please, i-i was a mother, i know how to make him stop.” you lie out of instinct but the man seems irritated and hands charles over with ease. ignoring their looks as we come to a stop.

 pressing a soft kiss to his head, you hold him soft rocking him softly. your watch the men get out of the vehicle, it was dark out now and your head hurt so bad.

 keeping it together for the sake of charles, you try to stay focused. the priest man comes back and you clutch charles more tightly, charles surprisingly soothes down within your hold.

 “come on, lets go.” knowing what happen last time, you slowly move out the car, careful with charles the cold wind hits your skin for your only in a nightgown and light sweater. which was blood stained.

 the darkness led you to follow him, but soon a room with light appears. you sat down as instructed, feeling the light make your head hurt worse. you notice the two other guys didn’t follow through and he was now alone.

 trying not to move, you let charles sit beside you. oddly enough he gave charles something to eat while you stay silent. he looks up at you with a smile.

 “the deal is all taken care of, you will be taken care of soon.”

 this sick bastard. he gets up suddenly looking back at me, “stay here.” the tone was threatening and you nod softly. scared of what might happen, you sit quietly listening in hard. 

moments pass before you heard the words uttered, “please don’t shoot.” you fly up, feeling dizzy from the quickness, glancing back seeing if charles will be okay. 

moving forward grasping the wall beside you, as the spots slowly fade from your vision. following the way he took trying to listen in on where the sounds were coming from.

 moving quicker at the noise of grunting and painful sounds, ignoring your own pain. you round the corner, taking in the sight of the priest guy fighting a younger guy. 

 in the oddest moment you notice a hat, the familiar hat. the cap thomas had, a similar one on the ground.  “you know who your fucking messing with?” 

 he throws the guy against a bench, swinging on him. both hands wrap around his throat in such a swift motion. the look on his face reminded you of what yours probably looked like. without thinking you grab a nearby book.

“i’ll take the fuckin’ life from ya’.” you throw the book, it missing your goal hitting him in the back. “leave him the hell alone!” rushing forward, as he turns around one arm coming out. his elbow hits you harshly making you fly back.

 hitting the side of a bench, your ribs aching out from the movement. not even knowing what you hit, you stay on the floor. tears leave your eyes unwillingly from the pain.

 flying back the back of your head slams into a bench, rolling over sideways. in a slump, you barely were able to make out what was in front of you. all the damage to your head, you knew in nursing this was severe.

“both of ya’ gypsie bastards” without a second thought, the man slices the priest eye. him stumbling back in pain, as the younger man kept coming and coming at him.

 “melanie?” you call out as you swore you heard her voice. snapping out of it at the slam open of doors.

 two men emerge from a door, too much in pain to handle that situation. trying to push up, hearing the sound of charles cries. “charles.” you gasp out, completely remembering the boy. 

managing to get up shakily, moving forward only to stop momentarily. taking in the sight of the bloody mess of the once alive priest. the image locks you in, before you turn back. your were weak and slow but you reach charles.

collapsing beside him leaning back against a near wall. ignoring everything in the world, for it was too much to bare. how odd you found yourself near something of pure innocence; after the chaos you just endured.

 charles babbles as you softly sob, “oh charles.”

“it’s alright.” the mans voice spoke, stopping you momentarily. you went silent uncertain exactly anymore of anything. despite everything though you speak up.

 “thank ya’.” your tone hush as if you weren’t bold to speak loud. the man sighs out and you wince.

 “but ya’ gotta get th-thomas.” the words slip out weakly, eyes flutter as they gaze upon the boy. not even noticing he came around the corner. blood soaked and shaken up, trying desperate to stay focused.

 “i’m michael, i’m tommy’s cousin.”

 so simple, which was all that was needed. “y/n solomons.” he helps you up, you lean against the wall as he scoops charles up. “hold onto my arm, there is a car outside.”

 managing to get inside, but once settled your body slumps. you try to stay up, but the tiredness takes over.

 still out not noticing you arriving at the shop, or that michael already took charles inside to the rest of his family. he notified them of you. ada and polly knew for they were the ones who helped you get your clothing.

 thomas spoke of you to arthur once.

 michael ends up carrying your lifeless looking form inside. polly rushing out orders, ada making a place for you to lay. you were set down and polly pushes your hair out of the way examining you, but when she touches you.

 her heart sank. for no reason apparent it just did. 

 “someone call thomas.” and the cheerful glee of happiness of charles was apparent but the dark silent loom of your appearance was one of unease.

 “mum, sh-she helped save him.” he confessed out to polly, who let out a sigh. “well call the damn doctor as well, for christ sakes.”

 your eyes flutter open slowly, “charles?”

 polly grasp your hand, “he’s safe dear, your both safe now.”

 “n-no my head. i can’t my head.” you groan in agony, and your heart aches. “thomas?”

 the room went silent. “tho-thomas?” polly speaks up, “he’s on the way.” yet after those words your eyes roll back. “the doctors on the way!” ada calls out and polly sighs in worry for the girl.

[sagiewagiefics]

So this is love?

<3

Warnings: drinking, jj slander, fluffy (use of Y/N once)

Pairing: Spencer Reid/Reaader

A/N: Idfk what this is but i feel like writing so 🤷‍♀️, i also dislike jj so i sprinkled that into this. Idk where this was going but i hope yall enjoy !!

<3

“Gosh im so tired” You drunkenly slurred.

You and the team went out for some drinks after work. This case was a tough one and it brought back up some memory’s for you so te last thing you wanted to do was to mope around feeling like shit. So you grab your phone and text everyone to meet at the usual bar.

You get a taxi there and meet everyone inside. Emily, Derek and Penelope were dancing on the floor, Aaron and Jason were at the bar with scotch’s in their hands and Spencer was chewing off JJ’s ear. She looked like she wanted to stab a fork in his eye.

You walk over to the booth, sitting next to Spencer and across from JJ. “Hey! What y’all talking about?” You inquire. “Finally! Please someone else to talk to.” She exhales in relief. You look at her with a shocked expression.

did she seriously say that??

“Shes had 4 shots of tequila” Spencer states. “Shes been here for 20 minutes!!” You exclaimed. “21 minutes 43 seconds” He states absentmindedly. God you loved it when he spoke numbers to you. It did something to you.

You and him talk a bit more and order more drinks. Spence didn’t have any though He found a new documentary about penguins and wanted to share the new information about it and you were more than willing to hear what he had to say.

You hear the dj put on “Hotline Bling by Drake” and you grab Spencers arm dragging him onto the floor screaming the lyrics.

“YOU USE TO CALL ME ON MY!” you scream the lyrics, you see Spencer looking confused. “YOU USE TO YOU, USE TOO. AYE, YOU USE TO CALL ME ON MY CELLPHONE…” you start to dance to the beat while Spencer just stands there “Oh come on spence! Live a little” you say grabbing his hands and start to slowly move them back and forth

“F-fine” he stutters. He starts to dance with you and yoh both giggle and smile as you dance to the song.

*time skip cause im lazy*

“Come on, there you go” Spencer says while helping you to your doorstep. He grabs your keys and opens the door. He puts the keys on the bench and gets you ready for bed, taking off your heels and picking out some pjs for you.

You step into your bathroom and get changed into your pjs. “Gosh im so tired” You drunkenly slurred. Walking out of your bathroom and flopping onto your bed. You start to fall asleep but that soon stops as you feel a wet cloth on your face.

“W-what are you..?” You tiredly slur. “Shhh, its ok. No woman should ever nave to sleep in makeup. I dont want you to break out in the morning.” He spoke so softly, almost like he was reading a bedtime story. You feel him put the cleansing balm on your face, wiping it off with water and the drenched cloth, then peeling your lashes off. Slowly you fall asleep but not before he gives you a innocent kiss to your head.

“Goodnight Y/N”

And thats when you both knew,

That this was love.

[i-sveikata]

I’m so interested to see how everything plays out next chapter (and the ones that follow of course!)

All the info you share and your insights make me so excited!

I’m actually wondering if you are going to include anymore scenes with Chan and Pete together? I just really liked how you write their dynamic. Maybe I’m just not remembering and it is in the story but I was wondering how you see their relationship developing between when they first met when Pete started as a bodyguard and now? How he became important to Pete? Many thanks to anything you can share on that:)

Hope life is treating you well<3

oh thanks for saying so!! im glad youre enjoying the insights!!

yeah there's likely to be at least one more interaction scene between chan and pete i would say. i love the dynamic too!! hmm well tbh i see chan as kind of the tired uncle type like hes responsible for all of these guys (who lets be real are all a little immature at the best of times) so hes basically kid wrangling grown men hence the im too old for this shit vibe coming off him hahahahahah.

but tbh i think their dynamic is just chan favouring pete because hes responsible, keeps his head down and (usually) doesnt cause chan any headaches or problems- pete a very older sibling vibe for sure and chan enjoys being his mentor and senses petes didnt have the best upbringing just from how theyve interacted from the very beginning. pete would have been a bit standoffish- on his guard around chan when they first met but chan would have eventually earned his trust which is how they got to their current dynamic now.

i think chan recognises their relationship might be a little deeper than mentor/mentee- he sees that pete admires him though im not 100 per cent sure hes fully realised pete has kind of turned him into what an ideal father figure would be. chan is happy to give more to those who need different support from him- so hes never tried to distance himself from pete and is happy to let pete set the standard of what he wants their interactions to be because hes a good teacher. chan gets a lot of fulfillment out of training and being responsible for all of these people, some of the older ones he treats like brothers and comrades but the rest are his pseudo kids so he wants the best for pete, wants to see him succeed and wants to protect him however he can. he knows pete is a suffer in silence type which is why he checks in with him more than others who might be more direct about coming to him with their problems.

basically just to sum it up he became important to pete based on how he treated pete the entire time hes been there with the main family. pete likes to surround himself with complicated but good people and chan is just another reflection of that!

[edmarienism]

I'm gonna go on a rant so if you wanna ignore this it's fine but I just need to say this.

wilnur going on a trip to bali.... do you think #Those people are gonna start writing think pieces and then also threaten her to kill herself too? or is that just something exclusive for edvin. edvin is a piece of shit for working with a potentially zionist director (whose whole zionism summarizes into following israhell accounts and nothing more) but she gets a pass for talking about israhell TWICE on her public account. not even gonna mention the fact that the same people who decided to boycott the movie are now making edits about it. no one even bothers to even remotely give a fuck about omar repetitively working with yslbeauty.

I'll be honest and say I don't think any of these stuff are things that we should cancel either of these people for. I think wilnur is very ignorant and in general just very unaware of the consequences of what she posts online. edvin just agreed to do a movie because he can't say no to ppl at all (we know he didn't intend to take that role) and bc he probably liked felicia and wanted to do something to please her (again we know he recommended her for that role) and then just continued to promote the shit out of both her and that director bc the yr fanbase was the main thing they were counting on for the success of that movie and now the movie was being boycotted exactly by that same fanbase, but I don't think that man is a zionist. he's a very controversial figure and a shitty person overall, but I don't think he's exactly a zionist. and omar just wants to make some money and maybe also get his name out there in the beauty/skin care world. and the bali thing is just ridiculous, not because it's not a real issue and it's not affecting people's lives, but because expecting celebrities -particularly edvin and omar- whose main reason for publicly advocating for palestine the past year has been to save their asses from being called out and not actually because they know anything about zionism or find themselves particularly concerned with the issue is just unrealistic and even laughable a bit. there's sooooo many activists and so many people talking about palestine everyday and still barely anything happens or helps. (no one even calls out edvin and omar to post about palestine anymore, most ppl themselves aren't posting anything either). in comparison, the bali thing is very little heard of; it doesn't excuse it, but rich celebrities living in stockholm are never gonna give a fuck about what is happening in bali of all places.

this fandom has such a huge fake woke/moral superiority/hypocrisy/copying-each-other's-moves-like-sheep issue.

a bunch of spineless people who can never get themselves to stand for anything, who can never give everyone the same treatment and who only speak up about things to make themselves feel more educated and better and superior than everyone else. it's funny they accuse edvin of talking eloquently to make himself look more educated and smarter than what he actually is, but then them themselves are even worse; just a bunch of losers who use activism when it benefits them and ignore it when it doesn't.

and before people try to make me look like im saying all of this to essentially say 'oh edvin is such a victim 💔 edvin deserves an apology 💔 poor edvin 💔' that's not the fucking point! in fact in some ways I feel like edvin deserved all of this, if only to learn that people pleasing and doing things for the sake of keeping people happy and not disappointing them is gonna ruin his life if he doesn't do something about it soon. the turkey thing happened bc he wanted to please rojda and lisa without knowing anything about the politics of it himself, the zionism thing happened bc he agreed to a shitty project bc he can't say no to anyone and bc he wanted to buy the love of a woman he had a crush on, so maybe he deserves all of this to learn a lesson out of it, idk. I'm just tired of this fandom acting like they're such educated activists when in fact they're the exact opposite. the stink of hypocrisy in this fandom is getting very tiring to stand.

well the big difference is that nobody cares about or stans wilnur where as most people are/were big fans of edvin.. so there's no need to overthink it like this imo

that being said, the "fake woke/moral superiority/hypocrisy/copying-each-other's-moves-like-sheep issue" like u said is still obviously my biggest problem with yrtwt as well lmao

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

hi im anon from (734828727660412928/npd-culture-is-deciding-to-give-up-on-friendships?source=share) (hopefully that link works, I don't use tumblr often so I'm not sure how to go about following up asks on anon). just came back to read this blog during a really bad crash im having right now because it cheers me up to know im not alone in having symptoms of this disorder and saw my ask got posted...

(update on friend situation) just today they said in the group chat theyre all drawing gift art for each other and other friends... i'm still waiting on the paid art from them but they're doing art trades and stuff for free so i feel kind of like trash. im a bit of a bleeding heart though so im gonna give them like one more month before telling them not to bother finishing the art for me... id love my money back because it did cost a LOT of money but i dont want to be a dick so im just going to express my disappointment by telling them not to worry about the commission at all. i want to feel like i have some right to be mad in this situation but im very soft hearted and dont really have any other friends so if i lost these friends id have literally nobody else in my life :( and that kinda feels like hell for me to think about... i feel like im being treated like dirt but im still going to go christmas shopping for them.............. even if i feel like shit, i feel shittier if i dont get people gifts and stuff because i just think to myself, like, "i feel like crap if nobody buys me shit for holidays or my fucking own birthday and i dont want other people to feel that way".....

also im feeling a little sad because whenever my friends talk about their friends they dont even refer to me by name theyll go "[friend a name], [friend b name] and oomfie are in our server" or something. im not even a name to them... i feel like the last kid picked on a team but not even the last pick. like have you guys ever been on a sports team and you kinda got awkwardly waved over to one of the teams because nobody even wanted to pick you? yeah.

i wonder if im just really dense and need to pick up on hints that people dont even want to be around me. i even tried to post this video game i started working on lately because i thought it was really interesting and cool and i put my soul into it but everyone just ignored it in the group chat.

i think the social outcast route is probably my best bet at this rate, i think. im going to be pretty fucking depressed about limiting my social interactions but i think the depression from isolation isnt as bad as getting constant narc crashes from people not putting even a tiny bit of energy into friendships. like.. i honestly am not asking for very much. i get fucking narc highs if someone uses my fucking name in a conversation. i get highs from literally the bare minimum fucking interaction of anything directed in my direction im so desperate....

i wasnt going to write up a follow up ask but i just wanted to say thanks to this blog for existing and making me feel like im not completely alone and thanks for the nice comments in the reblogs and tags, it cheered me up. you guys are really nice to me and i'm a complete stranger to you all, it makes me feel like theres some hope for nice people existing out there. im just a little too tired to carry on. thank you all, i hope you have a really good day. keep on surviving out there, it's not a kind world to any of us, and it's tough to stay alive at all.

(apologies for another vent but thanks for posting my asks <3 i wish you all the best and nice days to come. also sorry this isnt in the npd culture format, but i just rly wanted to say thank you for the support on the other ask)

sending hugs (with consent) nonny 🫂 i'm so sorry honestly you deserve way better than how your friends are treating you :( i hope at some point you can talk to them about how they're making you feel and improve the situation because it sounds like you deserve better

[evilgabe29]

daily writing day 1: rocks or some shit

link to daily writing master-post here

Yulki sat on her cushion next to her tea table, putting the pot of hot water on the coaster that sat near the right corner closest to Yulki. She began preparing the ceremony, idly remarking to herself that it would have been smarter to set everything up while the water was boiling. Yulki picked up her spoon and shoveled approximately half of the small shards of gangue into the small glass teapot on her left. She poured the hot water into the teapot slowly and carefully. before putting the glass lid on and relaxing.

She had been working double time to get those sales reports done by the end of the month. Thankfully, her son, who worked at the same company as a miner had brought her some rocks that most viewed as useless. but Yulki knew better, sure it didn't give any kind of competence but it calms her nerves much better than any kind of quartz tea. It always made her feel more nervous, like something was smothering her emotions rather than giving them a nice warm bath. 

She observed the tea as the clear blue water turned a nice reddish gray. Clearly this was mixed in with some copper so it should give a bitter taste but not nearly as strong as proper copper tea, that stuff it nearly undrinkable. 

Yulki poured herself a cup savoring the fragrance, it was truly something. She could not understand how people could throw that stuff away to cook under the moonlight. Yulki felt the tea start to cool and took a tentative sip. The sweetness of the gangue and the bitterness of the copper contrast in a perfectly soothing way. This was truly what she lived for. No other tea could match the variety nor the taste that just a little bit of gange could produce. People only cared about competence though. 

Yulki could understand the logic behind that, why worry about taste if you could take a sip of bile and gain super strength. But what did they drink for fun? What did they drink to relax? It was possible that there was something that everyone drank that she didn't know about. And it was possible that some might not like the taste of gange, but wha- Yulki cut herself off there was no point ruminating on what others were doing she should just worry about herself and just enjoy her own tea.

Once she was done Yulki got up to make herself another pot of water sliding open the door stepping into the hallway immediately forgetting what she was doing. Boy was she tired, maybe she should sleep. Yulki made her way over to her room all the way at the end of the hallway. 

Light came from the window, that wasn't a good sign, she could see the moon coming over the horizon, drenching the land in its golden light. Yulki sighed and walked over to her kitchen, throwing her pretension about competence and made herself coffee bean tea. She wasn't a big fan about how mild the bitter taste was, but it did its job. Coffee beans were found to be one of the only plants to give a competence that being wakefulness. 

Yulki grabbed the sack of roasted beans and began pounding them with her mallet, crushing them into small chunks that she poured into her travel mug along with some room temperature water. It will still infuse just not as fast as if it were hot. And rushed out of her house hastily throwing on her work uniform and probably forgetting her wallet too.

this was one of the magic systems that i was going to use for my wip before i settled on what im using right now.

gangue is a rock that is widely consider useless and is found mixed in with other useful minerals and metals, i feel like that's a bit rude so i figured id give it a bit of love

i am not proof reading any of that btw

@ohnoitsslime @kaylinalexanderbooks @theeccentricraven

@illarian-rambling @beloveddawn-blog @caligusabs

@weird-dork37 @ratedn @leahnardo-da-veggie

@you-need-not-apply @elsie-writes @fwoofz

@mr-orion @squarebracket-trickster @the-ellia-west

[zai-doodles]

OK OK this is my last question for real this time, I say with complete confidence

I just… MAN you really sold me on platonic Nalu!!! Would you please give a poor, desperate soul (me) some of your platonic Nalu headcanons? Or even just one is fine, I know writing all of these up must be tiring lol

bestie im literally having a blast stop apologizing im kissing u so platonically ily

ONTO THE NALU HCS

i actually have a bunch of stuff written for them so imma just throw it here

Natsu is so fucking acearo its not even funny They're besties, natsu would protect lucy with his life and lucy would do the same but its platonic i swear guys- Lucy is the first NEW person natsu gets close to after lisanna, bc this boy is so tired of having ppl taken from him without his fucking say so Like idk natsu works so hard to be strong enough to protect his family and then his dad and childhood best friend disappear without a trace when he's not even around to help?? Boy thinks he's cursed I fully believe that Natsu would rarely leave gray and erza's side as kids bc he was worried he close his eyes and they'd just be gone It gets SO much worse after lisanna dies

Idk the actual age when this happens in canon but im saying he was probably like 11 and had known lis since he was like 4 Erza and gray r also really shaken by her death but the thing that really fucks with them is how it changes natsu bc if u thought these 3 were codependent before oh boy All this to say that lucy was like, an exception, and its probably why erza and gray were so quick to be like yes shes great bc they were more just excited and kinda relieved natsu made a fucking friend without them or the guild involved I think his job was taking longer than he wanted, and he was growing really frustrated and impatient with the fact he hadn't found anything abt igneel and happy was trying to cheer him up but in my mind when natsu's bummed he's bummed he meets lucy and she's just so nice But its also that shes also kinda fucking weird and natsu just latches onto that bc to him weird is normal and comfortable and it makes him bounce back and idk it goes kinda similar to how it goes in canon without natsu and happy being weirdly antagonistic and Lucy isnt as put off by how bat shit crazy natsu is bc she just finds it fun and like a breath of fresh air Like lucy grew up in such a suffocating proper environment, so when she meets natsu and his fucking crazyness shes like omg finally my life is so boring Lucy is genuinely looking for excitement and adventure so of course she goes with natsu to join fairy tail And I think it takes natsu aback how ready she is to go with him but i think in his mind because she wasn’t deterred by his “quriks” like most ppl he was immediately like new family fuck yea Bc idk that's just how his mind works bc subconsciously i think natsu knows he is difficult or weird so he's learned to latch onto the people who don't mind that abt him and that's just so happened to,, only be ppl who had to put up with him in fairy tail Not to mention a part of him probably believes it's his fault that igneel left in that kid way where u just feel like everything is ur fault oop Also also i think that lucy literally has no frame of reference for like, a normal healthy friendship, so she kinda just takes natsu's lead and oh boy is that a mistake Like after lucy joins the guild natsu is just CONSTANTLY hanging around her the way he did with erza and gray when they were kids and lucy, again having little to no sense of how friends work, just kinda lets him and gets use to it, she actually really enjoys having that sort of attention bc idk she's never really experienced having someone WANT to be around her just cuz, like the closest thing she had to friends were her servants who were literally obligated to be around her all the time and any “friends” her age she had were forced to hang out with her bc of her family I think Gray and Erza start to worry a bit that if Natsu is too overbearing he’ll end up pushing lucy away bc they're all under the assumption that lucy is a normal person with normal boundaries and a normal childhood So they pull natsu aside like hey bestie maybe don't growl at people when they look at her she might think ur mean and stop wanting to hang out with u Bc they KNOW how natsu is and they dont mind but they're also 2 traumatized orphans who don't have a normal frame of reference for how other ppl work, but unlike natsu they usually air on the side of caution It kinda eats at natsu a bit and he tries to give lucy her space especially if she gets even a little annoyed with him Lucy starts to notice but doesn't say anything bc she just figures he's probably bored with her bc she genuinely believes she's just painfully uninteresting in every way And then she gets kidnapped And natsu loses his fucking mind :D Bc for fuck sake this boy can NOT have a friend without them being taken from him High key it goes like, the same as canon bc i like how that went But the AFTERMATH Oh fucking boy Natsu literally doesn't leave her side This is where, i think, Natsu starts breaking into lucy's apartment lol Its treated as comedic but there's an underlying tension where natsu is just extremely hesitant to leave ever or even let lucy leave And that's when lucy starts to be like aight this cant continue Not in a mean way in just a, idk how to function if i can't be alone ever and it lowkey brings memories of her childhood which is also bad bc natsu isn't her keeper nor should he be And that's not what natsu is TRYING to do he's literally just so scared that if he blinks wrong shell disappear they figure it out tho bc they r friends and UGH i just wanT them to talk and cuddle platonically bc UGH I LOVE THEMMM

[alvaroz-starrs]

(THIS IS OUTDATED AND IM NOT PROUD OF IT BUT IM LEAVING IT HERR SO YOU CAN READ IT IF YOU WANT, ITS HISTORY NOW.may 11 2024)

FAN FICTION

How they met

(Kinda Byortis?)

(Note/contents: Mentions of abuse, oppression, swearing, and sad children. This explains how I think they met, they are all kids when this happens)

The sound of shattering glass alone was almost too much to handle. Byron ran in his room, and locked the door.

Fucking Christ! What's his problem?!

Byron cracked open the window, wondering if even leaving for a moment would be worth it.

.. He'd rather be lost in this dumb park, than be frightened for his life because of that piece of shit. He quickly grabbed his satchel and put in what he'd thought he should take. Notepad for writing and drawing, pencils and pens, and a couple of dollars in case he wanted to buy something. And that should be it-

He looked at his night stand and saw the pocket knife he was given by his sister. You never know when you might need it.

He slowly opened the window, grabbed his satchel, put the knife in his pocket, and hopped out. He slid the window down, not fully closing it, but just enough so bugs wouldn't get in.

He ran down the street, heading into the center of Starr Park. Maybe all the people there will be a good distraction.

But no matter how much he reasoned with himself, he couldn't help but feel the slightest bit of guilt.

…

Byron slowed down and caught his breath, he might look suspicious if he kept running. He looked around and decided to treat himself. "..I'm surrounded by food and merchandise anyway, why not?"

He stepped over toward a little candy shop. God's, it's so bright in here.. they definitely want kids to buy as much as they can. The walls were covered with paintings of all kinds of candies.

I'll just pay and go as quickly as possible. So obnoxious here.

Byron grabbed some chocolates off the shelf, and went to pay at the register.

"Where are you parents, son?" The candy-man seemed tired, he probably expected Byron to be just as loud and difficult as the children outside the little candy shop.

"..They're just outside near the fountain..waiting for me." He slid over a couple of dollars to the man. The man seemed too tired to give it much more thought, and slid the candy back towards Byron.

"Thanks." Byron quickly ran off, he went around the fountain just in case the man was watching. Once Byron was covered by the crowd, he headed to the alley.

A little dark, peaceful area. Nobody really went there. It wasn't nearly as bright as the rest of the park, the most colorful thing in the alley was the occasional poster.

Byron sat down behind a wall near a box, away from any people. Talking to that candy-man alone was too much interaction for him.

"Finally.." Byron sighed out. He had a break from his Dad. A break from the awkward stares of people. And he had the whole alley to himself. Just him, and his chocolates.

As Byron unwrapped and ate his chocolate, he heard something. Sounded like someone…hiding? Not only that, but the noise was so close. As Byron opened his mouth to call out to anyone there, a voice interrupted him. A voice with a lisp, a..young voice?..

"Whatcha eatin-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK"

"ahhhhh!"

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"Ahhhhh! Heh! Hahaha! What are you so scared of?" The boy was laughing, it seemed like he intentionally joined Byron in on the screaming.

"YOU!" Byron snapped out, he fumbled back a little. The strange boy walked towards Byron, and stood across from him. After Byron took a closer look at him, he was even stranger than he thought.

He wore a black hoodie, with little bat wings sticking out on the side of the hood's head. Odd choice in the middle of summer. He also wore long, dark, baggy pants. The boy had very pale pink skin, and had sharp little fangs sticking out. (Is that why he had a lisp?)

Is he a fucking vampire?! No no no no no! I-it must just be the darkness. He probably just has an overbite.. and he's probably just pale!

"Hi! I'm Mortis! You?" Mortis stuck his hand out, waiting for Byron to introduce himself.

"..Byron," He stood up and shook his hand. This 'Mortis' was just as old as him, maybe slightly older?

"If I may be so bold…why do you have fangs..?"

"Hah…!.haha…. no need to speak like we're in the eighteen hundreds, you sound like my parents-! B-BECAUSE THEY-THEY'RE REALLY POLITE." Mortis looked..scared?

"..You didn't answer my question.." Byron thought he was deflecting.

"Sorry! What was it again? I was too focused on your grammar!"

"WHY DO YOU HAVE FANGS????" Byron hadn't yelled, but he said it clearly and slowly. No more side tracking now.

"It-it's just an overbite! I..really need braces..?"

What a bad lier. Byron thought more and more how Mortis looked just like a vampire. What about his ears?

"What's with the hood?" Byron crossed his arms and stared intently.

".. Uh- I'm.. cold?"

"Yeah, your hands certainly were."

"Hey- how about we talk for a while?"

"Fine. But I'm not moving from this spot." Byron sat back down near his original spot.

"Okay! Then I won't move-" Mortis sat down close to Byron. "-with you!" Mortis had a genuine grin on his face, Byron could see his fangs even more closely.

"..So!.." Mortis sat on his knees, he patted his legs with his hands like drums. "What's your favorite thing to do?"

"To eat chocolate in peace and quiet." Byron's head nearly rested on his knees, his arms were wrapped around his legs, and he was slouched over.

"Cool! I like walking in the alleys, away from people, and the scorching sun. Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts.. Soooo I'm glad you're here!" His eyes pierced into Byron like broken glass. How can one be so cheerful?

Byron looked away. He didn't want to leave, but he didn't want Mortis to look at him. It's as if his very joy was a weapon.

"-!"

"Hey, are you okay? You seem to be thinking about, a lot right now.." Mortis placed his hand on Byron's shoulder. He flinched.

"Don't touch me!"

"Why do you even care, VAMPIRE?" Byron took out his pocket knife, and pointed at Mortis.

Mortis jumped up shaking, he looked around all possible corners checking for any eavesdroppers.

"SHHHH! Keep your voice down!" Mortis spat out in a panicked whisper.

"Why should I? You'll just drink my blood anyway!" Byron was scared, but kept his knife pointed.

"That's a myth." Mortis seemed suddenly calm.

"Wha-?"

"It was made by vampire hunters to make us seem like a threat. The only blood I drink is from cows, pigs, sheep, and chickens. Not humans."

"A-and why should I believe you?" Byron's beliefs on others started to crack faster than glass.

"Personally, drinking blood from another sentient being makes me feel gross. Gross as a person, I mean." Mortis sat down with his legs crossed. He seemed a lot more calm now.

"You probably have some weird curses from the eighteen hundreds! Hell, you're probably a thousand years old!"

"I'm thirteen. Also, lower that knife. You're all hat no cattle."

Byron put away his pocket knife, maybe he's right…

".. Show me your ears..!" Byron wanted his last bit of proof that Mortis was a vampire. He couldn't accept it. Was he dreaming? No way a vampire could actually think like this! Right..?

"Okay, okay! Just cover me if someone else comes!" Mortis slowly took off his hood. His hair was frizzy, a bright shade of purple.

His ears were pointed. Just as Byron refused to believe. How was he still shocked?

"Shit.. You've got long ears.."

"Just insult me, I guess."

Byron reached his hand out, trying to study the structure of his ears.

"Hey, you okay?" Mortis pushed Byron back,

"Yeah-yeah. Sorry." He scratched his head. "I guess I was just in denial."

"Oh… hey uh-" Mortis sat next to him.

"I have two questions.."

"What is it, vamp?"

"I have a name, use it dork."

"Alright Motorhead. What's your question?"

"One… Can you keep me, being a vampire… a secret?"

"Sure, but you suck at hiding it. Your fangs stick right out."

"Ah, thanks for telling me!.." "And two, why are you here?"

Byron shivered, "What do you mean?"

"Where are your parents? You're here all by yourself?" Mortis had concern seeping through his voice.

"I-.....I could ask the same for you!" Byron felt defensive. He barely knew Mortis, and he's already prying into his personal life? "Why are you here?"

"I don't want to get sun burnt. Plus, if I get in danger I can just fly away."

"Right, I should've thought of that, mosquito.."

"Hey, I just wanted to make sure you were okay!" Mortis got closer.

"Fine. You want to pry so bad? I ran from my dad. Just to get a moment of fresh air and silence! I'M SICK OF HIS SHIT! I'M SICK OF HIS DUMB ALCOHOL PROBLEM! S-sick of the dumb broke-en glass..!. Sick of him… I-I'm so tired.."

Byron started to cry. His words broke. He sobbed.

Mortis hugged him, he didn't know what else to do- so he hugged him.

"I'm so sorry. It'll be okay, at least one day, I swear.."

.

..

…

They stayed there for what felt like forever. Byron sobbed, Mortis did his best to comfort him, he even took him back to the candy shop, to the candy man's dismay.

Byron and Mortis munched on candy while they talked.

"So, same time next week?" Mortis asked, he sat right next to Byron, being there if any support was needed.

"How are you so comfortable with me? I literally tried to kill you." Byron asked that genuinely.

"I haven't really gotten many…friends… This is kinda new to me. And, I forgive you."

"Oh, okay.." Byron didn't have many friends either, even before he moved away from England. "Also, I don't have a watch on me." Byron crumpled up the candy wrappers, and threw them in a nearby trash can.

"I do! I have another one at home! Take mine," Mortis took Byron's palm, and put a watch in his hand.

"Yeah, sure. I like the sound of that.. Promise you'll be here?"

"I promise, Byron."

(FIN. God that was a long angsty one.)

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Tw

My mental illnesses and just approach to life in general seems to have shifted a bit. I really feel like I’ve given up on life. I feel more sensitive then ever. It’s like everything triggers me. I’m just not coping with my age either. All these years have flown by. I don’t FEEL 23. I don’t feel like I’ll be 24 this year. I haven’t done anything worthwhile with this time. And I start to get a little insecure when I’m around people younger then me now, because I feel as though they have more opportunities and chances then I do. Which I silly.

I have no aspiration to chase any long forgotten dreams. I hate my appearance. I think it’s honestly getting worse. I’m locking myself in my room more and more. I want to just give up with therapy. I’ll be losing my support worker this year and she’ll be replaced with someone else and I don’t think I feel as comfortable around her after meeting her. So I just don’t want that anymore either.

I just don’t want to try anymore. But I know I’m stuck here. So it just feels like this endless waiting game where nothing good comes out of it. Like why should I even bother with anything. Can’t by clothes because I’m ugly. Can’t do anything because I’m stupid. Can’t be around anyone because I’m broken. Can’t work. Can’t dream. Can’t create. Can’t bond. Can’t connect.

Wanted to try reading more this year and it’s been a bust.

Since like 20 I’ve been telling all my psychologists and support workers and rehabilitation workers that my main goal is to get back into writing , it’s always the first thing I say, and yet it’s been almost 4 years and I’ve done squat. 4 whole years. And I have NOTHING to show for myself. I haven’t grown. I haven’t written anything. Everytime I try I just can’t because I think anything I do is shit and I can’t be bothered to put energy into shit.

There are people I’ve meet when I was in inpatient that I follow on Instagram. Some have jobs now or have moved out or gotten into relationships or hanging out with friends and I’m just the same I’ve always been. Nothing has changed. I haven’t grown or succeed in anything.

I can’t look back and say “look how far I’ve come!” Because I’ve moved fuck all.

Im tired of trying. I feel like it’s just better and easier for everyone if I lock myself away and pretend like I don’t exist - because I don’t want to. Im only here so my death doesn’t cause trauma

But even then. I’m going to get to a point where I can’t just mooch of my parents. They won’t be here forever. I won’t have a place to stay forever.

But then maybe my brother and sister will be strong enough to not get too much trauma from my death and I won’t have to be here anymore. Maybe it’s just a waiting game.

I genuinely just wish I could be put into a coma or fall asleep forever because I don’t want any of this.

I know life isn’t just about work or a relationship or money. But it feels like I have no aspect of what makes life worth living. I can’t create. I can’t explore. I can’t connect. I can’t bond. I can’t grow. I’m hardly consuming. Everything just fills so still