#but ill take any excuse i can find to draw cashier

[raspberry-magic]

my favorite regretevator npcs

+version with different colors cuz i couldnt decide which i liked more

[seokmingiggles]

rainbow.

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x female reader

Genre: angst, some scattered fluff, established relationship, soulmate!au (where you can see colour from the moment you meet your soulmate).

5.96k words

Warnings: brief mention of alcohol consumption, [spoilers: unmentioned illness (however, I allude to Lymphoma [a type of cancer] that has spread to other areas), major character death.]

There are countless tales of the lengths people go to when finding their soulmate, yet significantly fewer of the aftermath. You thought your life began when fate led you to your soulmate, but why does it feel like it’s ending all of a sudden?

Alternatively, not all wishes come true. Even when Jungkook tries to convince you otherwise.

A/N: This piece is likely going to be my last longer one for a while as I’m returning back to school for my winter semester. Expect my updates to be significantly more sparse than they have been for the past few weeks. Other than that, I’m so glad I began to post my writings online. It’s still bizarre to me that actual people are reading them?? If you enjoy (or have constructive criticism for) any of my pieces, please, never be shy to let me know!! I absolutely adore hearing your opinion on what I’ve created. With that said, gosh, I cried while doing my research to write this one.

If you are looking for a cute, fluffy soulmate!au, this may not be a suitable fic for you. Yes, there are some fluffy moments, but it overall contains heavy themes that may be triggering to some. If you’re looking for a fluffy soulmate!Jungkook drabble, the first portion of 1k words contains no angst, along with the three italicized sections.

•• Your soulmate. Soulmate. Even the word sounded magical; a mate bound to your soul.

Growing up, you were the cliché little girl who would endlessly dream about seeing colour for the first time at the instant your eyes locked with a certain someone across the room. Just imagining some above force drawing you to them sounded magical.

And, to a certain extent, it did happen that way when you met yours.

Not-exactly in the storybook-way you pictured, but you felt strangely drawn to a particular boy back in your second year of university. Your childhood friend, Chaeyoung, had convinced you to attend some end-of-semester party on campus. To be fair, that's where you met your other closest friend to this day.

The boy was sat on a couch, looking uninterested and unimpressed by the events happening around him. Chaeyoung, as much as you love her, had run off with another one of her classmates, leaving you floundering in the pool of sweaty bodies and loud music. So, you made your way to the sofa and sat next to the expressionless boy, who you came to know as Yeosang.

You didn't expect him to begin talking to you with the blank gaze he was displaying prior to you taking a seat, but you're happy it turned out that way. After that party, Yeosang joined your duo with Chaeyoung; the three of you would come to have plenty of fun together.

Though, it was at that same party where you also met Jungkook.

After chatting with Yeosang for who knows how long, your small bladder eventually needed relief from the few drinks you had. You excused yourself and wandered around the unfamiliar house in search of a bathroom. It was a large space with multiple floors, perhaps belonging to one of your campus fraternities, but you found yourself walking like you knew exactly where to go.

You ended up upstairs, where it was significantly more quiet than the bustling main floor. Only a few scattered couples kissing in the hallways or leading another to someone's bedroom crossed your path.

You managed to find a vacant washroom, much to your delight. But upon opening the bathroom door after you had finished, you were met with a handsome—albeit unfamiliar—face.

And also with a flood of colour for the first time in your life.

You and the stranger were both dumbfounded for a moment. It was only until he broke the silence and said, "Look, you don't know how happy I am to have found you, but I really, really, need to pee. So, if you don't mind–"

Those were the first words that Jungkook had spoken to you.

And in that instant, despite the slightly awkward, non-picture-perfect meeting, you were nothing less than smitten from that day forth.

Things between you and Jungkook went swimmingly after your first introductions. You two were soulmates; after all, it was only natural to get along. You had more in common with the boy than you would have guessed.

Your first couple of dates were much better than anything you had imagined them to be. Despite the cheesiness of a dinner and a movie for your first date or the loudness of your second arcade date, you were already looking forward to spending a future with Jungkook.

The first time he kissed you was like nothing else you've ever felt. Fireworks were an understatement. It was like all the stars in the universe had aligned perfectly, and all you could see were each and every constellation in Jungkook's eyes the moment he pulled away.

You were far beyond smitten at that point.

But what you didn't expect upon meeting Jungkook was how your vision would be impacted so greatly. Yes, you had heard about how wonderful a world of colour was, and yes, that was one of the things you had been looking forward to upon finding your soulmate; however, you could never have imagined just how vibrant the world really was.

You knew you were lucky to find your soulmate in your twenties. There were too many people who went countless years or even their whole lives without finding theirs, and you happened to meet yours only after a couple of decades into your life. It made you excited to spend the rest of your time by Jungkook's side. It would be a future where both of you would admire the process of the sky: shifting its palette in the evening to paint the clouds in an awe-inspiring gradient. Or seeing the luscious ruby-red strawberries adorning his favourite cake on each of his birthdays as the years passed together. Seeing the swirling brown of his irises, too, was one of your favourite sights after being able to see colour.

Your life became nothing short of a rainbow. Every day felt magical being with Jungkook; being with your soulmate.

Before you knew it, you celebrated your first year together. Then two. Then a few more until you both graduated from university. You eventually found a little apartment to call home at around the same time; it made sense to move in together. Previously, both of you had roommates during your schooling years. Although now, living together only seemed natural when you knew you'd eventually get married one day.

And living with Jungkook was nothing but natural.

Waking up next to your boyfriend was better than you could have imagined. Seeing his cute, groggy face puffy with sleep was the most endearing thing to you, and he thought the exact same way when he'd wake before you on the rare occasion.

It was like a little insight into how the rest of your life would be.

Your heart would uncontrollably flutter every time Jungkook would approach you from behind and gently wrap his arms around your torso as you worked at the stove. Or the way he'd sometimes comb your damp hair after a shower, making sure to pepper little kisses to your neck or cheek in the process. Your heart had never felt so full until Jungkook had unexpectedly made his way into your life.

And you're forever elated that he did.

•

"Which one do you think looks better on me?" Chaeyoung held up two shirts to her torso.

You examined both pieces and felt the fabric before saying, "I think I prefer the red one," referring to the shirt on the left.

You and your two best friends were spending a sunny day off just wandering around the streets downtown. It was your chance to explore the little cafes you would keep driving by or window-shopping at the cute boutiques you'd see. Chaeyoung had dragged you and Yeosang into one of the stores when a mannequin's outfit in the display case caught her eye.

"No, I think the blue one is nicer," Yeosang interjected as he pointed to the second option.

You hummed, reconsidering your answer, "Actually, yeah, you're right. I think you should get the blue one."

Chaeyoung inspected both tops once more, "Okay, blue it is."

The three of you walked to the cashier for the girl to make her purchase, leaving the store shortly after to continue on your way.

"You're both so lucky to have found your soulmates already," she beamed at the two of you as you passed by another shop.

"You'll find yours eventually, Chae," Yeosang added. "Seeing colour for the first time will blow your mind."

You only nodded in agreement and returned their smiles.

Your stomach had been feeling slightly off since this morning, but you ignored the feeling in pursuit of seeing your friends for the first time in a while. Yet now, the unsettling feeling seemed to be growing stronger.

"Hey, guys," you rubbed the back of your neck, "I'm not feeling too well all of a sudden. I think I might be coming down with something. I'm sorry to ditch you so early, but I should head home."

"Do you want a ride back?" Yeosang offered, being the only of the three of you to have a car.

"No, it's okay. The bus runs pretty frequently. I don't want to bother you."

You waved goodbye before either of them had a chance to protest and began walking to the nearest bus stop.

You weren't necessarily feeling sick; that was a lie. Or, rather, you suddenly felt like you had been struck by a tsunami. An overwhelming sensation of swirling nauseousness and anxiety began brewing beneath your skin. You clasped your hands together to prevent them from visibly shaking once you'd taken a seat on the bus.

You were uncertain of what was happening to you so suddenly.

However, you did know that that shirt looked awfully grey, not blue.

Now that you think of it, the sky above you appeared duller too.

•

"Hey, Guk, come look at this!"

Jungkook followed the sound of your voice and turned down the neighbouring aisle, only to see you holding up a folded square of checkered material.

"It's on clearance, too!" you said with excitement.

Your boyfriend stepped closer to you and took the blanket into his hands. "What is it?"

"What do you mean, 'What is it?' It's a picnic blanket, you goof," you took the square and flipped it over to see the image on the cardboard package of how it would look unfolded. "I've always thought the idea of those picnic dates is adorable. Cheesy, but adorable."

Jungkook admired your smile as you continued to read the supposed 'features' of the blanket.

"It's got a water-resistant bottom all while the top is a thick and soft flannel. It's also apparently easily foldable with a carrying strap." You continued to scan the list of details, "And look, it's machine washable! I think it's a good one." You turned your attention to the boy stood next to you, "What do you think?"

Jungkook wouldn't have been able to wipe the adoring smile off his face no matter how hard he tried.

"You're so cute," he mumbled and pulled you into a hug in the middle of the store.

"That's nice," your voice was muffled against Jungkook's chest, "but what do you think of the blanket?" You wiggled your arm free from his hold to display the picnic blanket once more, examining his face for his reaction.

Jungkook felt the fabric before saying, “It's soft. Yeah, I think it's a good one.”

“'It's soft,'” you repeated his statement. "That's all you have to say about it?"

"I can't say I'm a connoisseur of picnic blankets or anything, my love."

"Well, neither am I, but I'm sure I can think of more adjectives to describe it other than 'it's soft.'"

The boy encouraged you to come up with some.

"For starters, look how colourful it is! It's like a plaid rainbow in a fun little bundle."

Your words made Jungkook laugh, causing you to giggle too.

"Okay," you admitted, "maybe I'm no picnic blanket connoisseur either."

Jungkook admired your rosy cheeks from laughing. "Let's buy it," he said. "Going on picnics with you sounds like fun." He pulled you close once more, "Actually, anything as long as I'm with you sounds like fun."

“Does that mean you’ll sleepover tonight?”

The boy pretended like it was some philosophical question before breaking out into a smile, “Yeah, I’ll sleepover tonight.”

•

You did your best to keep that instance of a colourless sky and grey shirt to yourself for days. When Yeosang and Chaeyoung texted you later that day to check on you, you told them you felt better after having a nap.

And it was true, but not the full truth.

You blamed what you saw on a lack of sleep. It was just your tired eyes playing tricks on you; it had to have been. That previous night, you and Jungkook had gotten distracted by watching a few episodes of a show together, not realizing how late it had become.

So, when you went to lie down upon returning to your apartment that afternoon, you silently prayed that when you'd wake, you'd be able to see a complete colour spectrum once more.

It only broke your heart when that wasn't the case.

You crumpled onto the floor after staring up at the monochromatic sky extending above you; not an ounce of blue could be found between the clouds, nor all the way to the horizon.

You were dreading talking with Jungkook about it.

The day you first were able to see in colour when you met him, never did you anticipate that one day they would begin to fade.

Could you have rushed into things too quickly? Did you love him more than he loves you?

Has he fallen out of love with you?

Regardless of the possibility, seeing the colours begin to disappear couldn't have meant anything good.

That's when you'd decided to hide it from anyone, especially from the boy you loved with nothing less than your full heart and entire being.

Perhaps feigning ignorance could make the hue return. At the least, it was wishful thinking.

When Jungkook returned home that evening, you pretended like nothing was wrong. When he'd asked about your outings with your best friends, you'd said how nice it was to see them again.

You even showed him the nail polish you bought for him when the other week he said how he was interested in trying some for himself; after seeing your nails decorated so prettily.

Despite the name of the bottle's shade reading Ebony Midnight, you found yourself doubting the colour. You second-guessed if it actually was black like you intended or some confusing and ambiguous tint of navy blue.

Jungkook kissed your cheek and told you how excited he was for the upcoming weekend when you'd have the time to paint his nails for him.

Yet, a few days later—on both of your days off—when your boyfriend came up to you with the nail polish bottle in hand, you found yourself brimming with tears uncontrollably.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong, love?"

You stepped back from Jungkook's advancement towards you.

"(Y/N)?"

His eyes held nothing but concern for you, and yet you still doubted his authenticity.

"Jungkook," you whispered, "what colour is that nail polish?"

The boy examined the small glass bottle. "It's black," he said like it was an obvious fact. He looked at it closer. "Wait, no, it almost looks dark blue in certain lighting."

All of the oxygen depleted from your lungs. You clasped your hand around your mouth as you wept, your eyes clamping shut both in frustration and in fear.

You felt Jungkook's arms wrap around you, pulling you into his chest and gently rubbing your back.

"Please," his voice was small, "can you tell me what's wrong? If it's because you got blue when I asked for black, that's not a big deal, love. I'm so happy you remembered when I told you about it. And I still want to use it! I could barely tell when I looked at it–"

"I can't see blue anymore."

Jungkook halted his ministrations on your back, tensing at your words.

"And I'm afraid to know what it means," you continued, struggling to find your words. "Do you not love me anymore? Am I not really your soulmate?"

Your boyfriend pulled away slightly so he could look at your face properly; tear-stained and all. "(Y/N), please. I love you more than anything in this world. Never forget that." He brushed away a stray tear falling down your cheek.

"Then why are my colours fading? I've never heard of that happening before..." You furrowed your eyebrows in thought. Another reason suddenly popped into your head. "Unless–"

You didn't let yourself finish that sentence. Your eyes met Jungkook's only to find his expression had become more solemn.

"No," you whispered. "Please, no. Don't tell me– I-It can't be–"

Jungkook said nothing and pulled you back closer to him. You squeezed the boy so tightly, sobs shaking your body. He hugged you back as he silently began to cry.

"Could we not talk about it right now?" his voice was quiet. "We're still doing some tests to rule out what it could be, so I don't have much information for you."

You nodded your head.

The two of you stayed in each other's embrace. Jungkook swayed your bodies slightly: a gentle rocking motion to help calm you down.

"Can you still paint my nails today?"

You forced a smile on your face over the tears that had spilled and were threatening to continue. "Of course."

You took Jungkook's hand and made your way to the couch, swallowing nausea from the information with which you'd just been burdened. While it was vague, it was heavy, nonetheless.

That night, you were having difficulties falling asleep. Jungkook kept tossing and turning by your side; he'd kick and move the blanket around too.

"Hey," you whispered, finding his shoulder in the darkness. "Are you okay?"

Jungkook sighed and brought his hand on top of yours, "I'm really warm. Too warm."

You could feel the clamminess of his hand.

"And I keep feeling itchy," he added. "The blanket isn't helping—it's making me warm and itchy and–"

"Okay, okay," you soothed him before he'd become too frustrated. You sat up and removed the duvet from his body. "Do you think a cool shower would help?"

There was silence while Jungkook thought. He rubbed his tired eyes and replied, "I can try," before standing from the bed.

"Hey," you grabbed his hand before he could walk away, "I love you."

"I love you too."

You heard the smile in his voice.

"Now, get some sleep, beautiful," Jungkook leant down to place one kiss on your forehead, then one to your lips.

You listened to the sound of your boyfriend's footsteps receding from your bedroom. Shortly after, the faucet came to life, and finally, the sound of the shower curtain dragged closed.

What you didn't hear was Jungkook allowing himself to cry in the shower.

•

The weather had been stormier lately.

Jungkook was waiting to surprise you with an adorable, little picnic to celebrate your university graduation; however, the weather had other plans.

There were some days where he'd check the weather forecast multiple times to see if there would be an upcoming opportunity to see clear skies and sunshine.

But every time, he was met with that dull, grey rain symbol on his phone.

Jungkook had had enough. Screw the weather, he thought, we'll have this goddamn picnic if it's the last thing I do; indoors if we must.

You were sleeping in on the day after your last exam. It gave your boyfriend the optimal chance to set up your living room with the checkered blanket and wicker basket after running out quickly to get some flowers. The boy had an artistic eye. After pushing aside some of the remaining cardboard boxes from the move, he was proud of the final arrangement of breakfast foods and the occasional tasteful scattered petal on the blanket. He even took advantage of some of the smaller pillows from the couch to make the set-up even cozier.

Jungkook began to anticipate your reaction, growing gradually more excited. He carefully made his way to your shared bedroom to wake you from your peaceful slumber.

"(Y/N)," he cooed, brushing away some stray hairs that fell onto your face while you slept.

You hummed at the feeling of his touch, slowly adjusting to the light seeping through the curtains. Once your eyes finally opened, you were met with Jungkook's affectionate gaze at you.

"Good morning, my beautiful love," he leant down to peck you.

"Gross!" you pushed him away, jokingly. "You're not allowed to kiss me until I've brushed my teeth." You sat up with a playful grin on your face. You lifted your arms, "Carry me?"

Jungkook chuckled as he stood from the bed, "Oh, so you call me gross, but now you want me to carry you to the bathroom?"

Despite his words, the boy moved in to wrap his arms around your torso, effectively picking you up.

"No, I wasn't calling you gross," you said as he brought you to the washroom, "it was the act of kissing me with my yucky morning breath. That was gross."

Jungkook placed you down once you were in the room. His arms never left your sides.

"I don't suppose you're going to ask if I can brush your teeth for you too, are you?"

You picked up your toothbrush, wetting the bristles and adding some toothpaste, "So sassy today, Guk," and began brushing your teeth.

The boy only smiled, wrapping his arms around you once again and squeezing your smaller frame in his strong embrace.

Once you finished washing up, Jungkook told you to close your eyes as he pulled you into the living room, bursting with excitement.

"Promise me you won't make me run into the couch or a wall or box or something," you mumbled as he pulled on your free hand; your other one was covering your eyes.

Jungkook giggled but complied with your promise.

Eventually, you felt him stop in front of you, making sure you wouldn't crash into his back. Beneath your feet, you felt the cold wooden floor of your living room.

"You can open them now," he muttered into your ear along with a gentle kiss.

And when you did, you saw the beautiful arrangement of treats and flowers all sat upon the old picnic blanket, surrounded by the final few boxes you'd yet to unpack. It was the same blanket you bought before you moved in together when you claimed that you'd love to go on a picnic date with him one day.

When you made that purchase, never would you have guessed that its first use would be in your newly-shared apartment inside on a rainy day.

"What's all this for?" you felt strangely emotional at the sentiment.

"It's for you, (Y/N)," he pulled you into his arms once more. "Happy graduation. I'm so proud of you."

Jungkook leaned down to kiss you properly for the first time that morning. His thumb traced the shell of your ear as he smiled into the kiss, feeling the way one of your hands clasped the back of his shirt while your other one threaded through his hair.

"You're incredible, Jungkook," you whispered as you broke from the kiss. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," he returned the sentiment and gave you another quick kiss. He took your hand and led you onto the blanket where you sat side-by-side.

"You know," you began as he mixed around the assorted fruits he chopped up earlier, "if we had a dog like you said you wanted, all this food wouldn't have been able to be left out on the floor."

Jungkook stopped fiddling with the fruit salad as he processed your words. "I still want a dog," he said simply and continued to stir. "But you're right. It would be a lot more challenging," he fed you a strawberry, "like having a baby."

"Dogs are like big babies," you chimed-in with a smile.

The two of you continued to snack while sat on the blanket. Small conversations and giggles were all that could be heard within the walls of your apartment. The atmosphere was significantly brighter than the downpour that continued outside.

"Do you think we'll see a rainbow today?" Jungkook asked as you both were now leaning against the base of the couch.

You were still clad in your pyjamas and him in his leisurewear.

"Maybe, if this rain ever stops," you replied. "Maybe if the sun shows itself."

"Maybe."

Jungkook brought the back of your hand to his lips, then laced his fingers between yours while the two of you continued to watch the rain.

•

"Do you have any nail polish remover?"

You heard Jungkook's footsteps approaching you in your bedroom, looking up to see his figure appearing in the doorway.

"Are you tired of how it looks already?" you smiled gently at him.

The boy shook his head. "Actually, I'm not allowed to have painted nails for tomorrow when I go to the hospital."

Your smile faded. "Oh, right. T-that's right. Um..." you got off the bed and trekked to the bathroom with Jungkook in tow. You opened the cabinet beneath the sink to find the little bottle. "Here you go. I have some cotton balls too to use with it. Do you need help with this too?"

"No, I should be able to do it myself."

"Okay," your hand found its way onto Jungkook's back, your thumb rubbed his shoulder. "Make sure you do it in a well-ventilated area."

"Thank you," he smiled.

Yet, you could tell his expression was only fleeting.

You were afraid. No, you were petrified of what tomorrow would bring.

Jungkook had been going through more testing lately, although you were still in the dark from it all. He kept giving you the same statements: "We're still figuring out what it could be," or "We're still not sure yet."

They were all just different versions of "I don't want to tell you because I don't want to worry you."

You still worried regardless.

You and Jungkook stood by the front door where you hugged him before he left for his recurrent hospital visit.

"Maybe you could paint my nails again when I come home tonight," he suggested, inhaling the scent of your shampoo for his memory as he held you in his embrace.

"Maybe," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady.

Before you knew it, Jungkook was once again out the door.

It was only when you were alone that you'd let yourself cry. You knew you needed to stay strong for his sake. Being on the receiving end of a life-threatening disease was hard enough; you didn't want to make his experience any more challenging. Although, you still didn't know for sure if that's what it was.

Jungkook exited his car once he arrived at the familiar tall building. He stepped into the elevator and pressed the familiar button, and eventually turned left down the familiar hallway to the waiting room.

He was shortly after ushered into his doctor's office, taking a seat in the squeaky and uncomfortable and all-too-familiar grey chair.

His doctor soon after entered the room.

"How are you feeling today, Jungkook?" she greeted him with a gentle voice, taking a seat in front of her desk in the corner of the room.

"My headaches are becoming more frequent," he began. "I also haven't had much of an appetite either, and sometimes, it's difficult to breathe," he stated with furrowed eyebrows. "I've overall felt more tired lately. That might be the biggest thing—my lack of energy."

Dr. Kim hummed and jotted down some notes. "Have you told your soulmate anything yet?"

Jungkook shook his head, "No, I try not to. I don't want to stress her."

The doctor sat upright once again, finishing her writings. "You may want to reconsider that choice," she cleared her throat. "Your cells haven't been responding to the antibiotics as we'd like them to. Perhaps, if we had caught it sooner–"

"But we didn't." Jungkook's voice was firm. "We didn't, and this is my life now. We try, and we fail, and we repeat the cycle over and over." He took a deep breath. "As soon as you told me the diagnosis, I suspected I wouldn't make it for much longer. I suspected that I wouldn't get to live the future that I've dreamt of." His features softened as you entered his mind. "The future that I've wished for." Jungkook paused, then considered, "Can I spend my final days—however long I have—with my soulmate?"

Dr. Kim's eyes remained on Jungkook's. "Are you certain? Because there's another procedure we could try. It would require you to stay here in the hospital, and there would be risks associated with it due to the stage you're in, but it's the last one we can offer you."

"I'm sure." The boy didn't hesitate. "I'm positive. I just want to be with her," he felt himself tearing up. "She already knows that something is wrong. I don't want to tell her that my MRI is practically all made up of black-voids." Jungkook bitterly wiped away the tear that fell, "She's losing her colours. She knows I'm dying."

"So you'd like to spend the rest of your time at home with her?" Dr. Kim clarified.

"More than anything."

•

"Surprise!"

Jungkook's hands lifted from your eyes.

"What's all of this?" you asked with a smile.

"For you, silly."

You giggled, looking between the array of treats displayed on the picnic blanket and your beautiful boyfriend. "I kind of figured that, Guk. But why?"

"Do I need a reason to treat you, my love?" Jungkook pulled you close to him, "I felt bad about the last time when we were stuck inside from the rain. I wanted to try again, properly, this time."

"But do you see all of this?" You gestured to the container next to you, "We couldn't finish everything you prepared last time, but you still got a cake for today! Do you expect the two of us to eat an entire cake along with everything else you've packed?"

The boy chuckled, "Come on, (Y/N), it's not that big of a cake. I'm sure we can finish it all no problem." He popped open the plastic container, eager to taste it. "And if not, then we'll have some to eat for tomorrow."

His logic was reasonable, you considered.

Jungkook picked up a fork and dug it into the side of the strawberry cake, only to bring the utensil up to your lips to give you the first bite.

"How is it?" your boyfriend asked, trying to gauge your expression as you chewed.

"Absolutely delicious," was your muffled response.

Jungkook reached up to wipe off the speck of whipped cream from the corner of your mouth before feeding himself a forkful.

"It is delicious!" he said with delight as the strawberry flavour danced across his tastebuds. "I may not know how to make a cake, but I sure know how to pick a good one."

"Ah, yes, picking good cakes is a valuable life skill to have," you playfully teased, admiring the way Jungkook continued to inhale more of the dessert.

The two of you laid back on the blanket after working your way through some of the treats (and about half of the cake; it was more than you anticipated you two would be able to finish in one sitting). Your head was resting on Jungkook's chest while he played with the ends of your hair as the two of you admired the heavens.

The sky was immaculately blue with picture-perfect white fluffy clouds decorating it. Jungkook was getting nervous when he woke up to rain that morning, knowing he had all of the preparations ready for the picnic. But now, the post-rain summer afternoon left a comfortable temperature with the sun high in the sky, warming the grass and gradually working its way to kiss the horizon.

"Hey, (Y/N)?"

You glanced upwards from your position on Jungkook's upper body.

His eyes remained fixated on the sky as he asked softly, "Would you like to get married?"

The grin on your face was immediate at hearing his question. "Without a doubt, yes."

Jungkook beamed back at you and hugged you tightly, kissing the top of your head.

"This isn't a proposal because I don't have the ring yet," he muttered into your hair, "but you already make me the happiest man alive. I can only imagine how incredible our future will be, (Y/N)." You felt him squeeze you slightly tighter. "There's nothing more that I want than to grow old with you by my side."

You felt yourself getting emotional at his words. "When the time comes that you do propose, know that it's already a yes." You propped yourself up so you could move to meet Jungkook's mouth with your own, caressing the side of his face while his hand continued to fiddle with your hair.

Jungkook grinned into the kiss. In all the years he's spent kissing you, the act never failed to pull butterflies from his chest.

You eventually pulled away only to see the light pink dusting across your boyfriend's cheeks with matching rosy lips. You could spend all day admiring him, and he, likewise, could do the same with watching you.

You once again nuzzled into his side with an arm around his torso, returning your gaze to the sky. It was beginning to shift into a radiant, golden-colour the lower the sun fell; the clouds reflected the light, displaying a gentle wash of coral-pink.

You're forever grateful for all of the dazzling colours which Jungkook brought into your life.

Goosebumps tingled throughout your body at the way the boy so gently grazed his fingers along your arm. The outside air was growing chillier with the depleting sunlight, yet being pressed against Jungkook supplied you with enough warmth to stay comfortable.

"Hey, look over there," your boyfriend indicated to your left. "Do you see that?"

You lifted your gaze to above where he was pointing.

•

There was a rainbow in the sky on the day that Jungkook died.

You received the dreadful phone call from the hospital early that afternoon. You thought he'd only stepped out for his usual testing. You had been admiring the way the sun finally broke through the dense rain clouds as you were waiting for his return home.

However, minutes before your phone rang, your whole world drained of colour. It was the difference between one blink. One split-second; one moment. You could see the golden sunbeams as they danced down to the concrete below, and then, suddenly, you couldn't. Everything became a varying shade of the asphalt; every hue vanished in that instant.

It was only a few weeks after you painted his nails for the first and last time. Of course, there was no way you'd have known it was the last time then.

Your heart tore into two at thinking how much pain Jungkook must have experienced near the end. He never once complained to you about any of it; he never told you what was wrong. You only found out afterwards from his doctor over the phone.

You nearly missed the sight of the rainbow after you set your phone down: the arc extended above the city in its monochromatic glory in the equally colourless sky.

You could recall the different hues that would make up the once pretty sight.

"You should make a wish, (Y/N)!"

"Make a wish on a rainbow?"

"You've never heard of that before?"

You pulled your eyes from the sight in the sky to your boyfriend's face, "No, never."

"Then today shall be your first."

"Hm, well, alright, Guk."

You sat up on the picnic blanket and clasped your hands together, pressing your eyes shut as you reiterated your wish in your head. Upon opening your eyes once you finished, you were blessed with Jungkook's delicate features gazing at you.

You brushed away some of his hair that fell into his eyes.

"What did you wish for, my love?" Jungkook whispered, leaning into your touch.

You exchanged his glance, admiring his beautiful brown eyes smiling at you, and inched closer so you could kiss him.

But now, you kind of hated rainbows.

"I wished to spend a lifetime with you."

They reminded you of your wishes that would, now, never come true.

"I wished for the exact same thing."

••

[dong-hyucks]

The Customer ; Woojin

Characters: Woojin / Reader / ft. Donghyun and kind of Jihoon Genre: Coworker!AU, fluff, jealousy, slight angst Word Count: 4.4k+ A/N: not really an A/N but i’d just like to say,,, woojin is killing me ty for listening-- i kinda ventured off of your request a bit i !! hope you don’t mind - Admin Jade 🐼

Masterlists

   “Jealousy is just a lack of self-confidence.”    - Unknown

   You groaned, shutting your laptop closed as you leaned back. Rubbing your eyes in exhaustion, you slumped forward and lay your head in your arms. Beside you, your friend, Jihoon, chuckled. You didn’t even bother retaliating, too tired to function properly. Not even the serene environment of the bubble shop that usually brought you peace was of any help. You had been looking for a job for a little over a month with no such luck. Everywhere you went, jobs required higher education or past experience-- things you didn’t exactly have.

   Jihoon, amused by your minor vexation, pat your head in mock solace. “Are you giving up?” he asked, taking a sip from his strawberry-flavoured drink.

   Lifting your head, you narrowed your eyes at Jihoon. “You’re not helping, you know that?”

   With a grin, “I know.”

   You let out yet another groan, the noise muffled by the sleeves of your sweater as you covered your face. “What am I going to do, Ji? My landlord’s nice enough to give me an extension on my bills but she can only be patient for so long.” You wanted to cry, stress eating away at your already weakened self. After your guardian got ill, it was up to you to pay for the expenses of your small flat. Unfortunately for you, finding a job wasn’t as easy at it first seemed. You had seen far too many e-mails of rejection and heard far too many muffled calls over the phone with a similar calibre. The cold world was coming at you, and it was coming at you fast and equipped with a steel bat.

   Jihoon pursed his lips, searching for a solution within his web of thoughts. He could faintly remember a passing conversation from out in the streets that he had heard mere hours beforehand. A male, his age most likely, was complaining to a friend about a lack of help at his workplace. His brows knitted together. Where had they been talking about? After a pregnant pause in conversation, his expression lit up. You happened to glance over at that very moment, the imaginary thought of a lightbulb lighting above his head flashing in your mind.

   “A bubble tea shop!” he exclaimed out of nowhere, alarming both you and the customers around you.

   “... What?”

   “This guy, earlier he was complaining about his nonexistent staff help. He mentioned a bubble tea shop if I remember correctly.”

   You grinned. Flinging yourself over the armrest of your chair, you wrapped your arms around Jihoon tightly. “You’re a lifesaver,” you said, triumphant tears welling in your eyes. Opening your laptop again, you searched for bubble tea shops in town. To your pleasant surprise, there were only two. Practically sensing your excitement and your absolute wanting to just hop out of your seat and out the door, Jihoon chuckled. “Go,” he ushered, placing your things into your bag for you. “Text me how it goes.”

   You nodded, thanking Jihoon again before rushing out the door. Your messenger back bounced against your thigh with each step, the dull pain feeling like a mere poke of a spider compared to your adrenaline rush.

   Taking out your phone, you searched up the nearest bubble tea shop again. Luckily, it was within walking distance. With haste, you rushed through the crowds of couples and families alike until you reached the fated shop. The words ‘Bubble Bobble’ hung above the entrance, each letter crafted carefully to reveal a beautifully simple font.

   The shop wasn't big, in size at least. You could see from outside that business was booming, each seat filled with a happy customer sipping on their drinks. Just like Jihoon had insinuated, a large ‘help wanted’ sign was plastered to the otherwise spotless window. It was as if the gods had laid such a glorious proposition in your hands.

   Opening the door, you were greeted with a rush of pleasantly warm air along with an intoxicating fruity smell. Above you, a bell tied to the door’s hinge rang sweetly, it's subtle yet beautiful melody echoing in your ears. Distinctive chatter filled the quaint shop.

   From behind the counter, a worker froze at the sight of you. After a customer in line cleared his throat, he snapped back to reality. Smiling gently, the worker took the customer's order. “That’ll be $3.99, sir.” His voice caught your attention. It was clear yet deep, sounding just as smooth as the wrinkle-free lavender apron he wore around his torso. ‘Park Woojin’ his name tag read. Just below, the words assistant manager was engraved in gold. The name suited him well, something you thought of without even realizing. ‘Way to sound like a creep, [Y/N],’ you chided yourself quietly.

   It wasn’t long before you were at the front of the line. You glanced over your shoulder at the few people who stood behind you. Looking back at Woojin, you smiled tensely. “A small strawberry, please,” you mumbled, glancing at the neat chalk drawings of bubble tea that were delicately drawn onto the large menu.

   Woojin seemed to not hear you, as his hands remained still over the buttons of the cash register, his expression mostly blank aside from the curious wonder that shone in his eyes. Suddenly, his cheeks flushed pink as his eyes widened as if he had just realized he’d done wrong. “Sorry,” he sputtered, frazzled, “could you repeat that?”

   You chuckled, the boy’s flushed complexion lifting your stress even by a little. “Small strawberry,” you repeated. You watched diligently as he tapped away at the cash register, your eyes watching every movement of his hands.

   “$2.99, please.” His fingers tapped against the side of the register as a habit, one he had developed not long after beginning his job as a cashier. He waited patiently, silently admiring you as you pulled out your wallet. “Your name?”

   “[Y/N].”

   As you passed over the change, you remembered the sign outside. “Excuse me-- the sign outside says that you're hiring? I was wondering if I could apply.”

   Woojin’s eyes darted to the window where the very sign was held before they looked back to you. “Yes,” he confirmed, “we are.” He glanced over at a co-worker who had just begun your order. “If you could wait another fifteen minutes, my break is coming up. I could discuss with you then.” You nodded him, moving out of the way as you awaited your order.

   Upon receiving your drink, you waited at one of the seats outside. Looking over the light purple straw of your drink, you zoned out on the sight of a small crow happily bouncing its way across the steel fencing that surrounded the shop. Before you knew it, Woojin stood before your table, awkwardly fiddling with his thumbs as he waited for you to notice him. When you finally did, you jumped ever so slightly. Smiling in his direction, you waited for him to sit down before taking your resumé out and placing it on the table. Without a word, Woojin took hold of the manila folder and skimmed through it, his eyes darting from left to right as he speedily read over the necessary information.

   “Could you send this to me?” he asked, gesturing to the papers in his hands. “I’ll need to review this over with the main manager before I can say anything.”

   With a nod, you said; “Yeah, of course.”

   He glanced over at your bag. “You don’t happen to have a pen in there, do you?” Without hesitating, you leaned over and fished through the bag’s contents for a pen. Upon finding one, you passed it over to him. Watching as he scribbled something onto the inside of the folder -- not that you minded anyway, it was cheap -- you opened the folder to read what he had written once he handed it back to you.

   parkwjin99@wannaone.com

   He glanced down at his watch, “I have to go back in.” He stood, brushing off imaginary dust from his apron. “Just send your resumé to that e-mail and I’ll look it over as soon as possible.” He sent you a timid smile before disappearing within the glass doors of Bubble Bobble. You watched as the doors swung closed before finishing up your drink. Clearing your throat, you stood just like Woojin had and left with a pounding heart.

   Hopefully, this time you’ll be lucky.

   The next morning, you awoke to a surprise. You had received an email from Woojin, presumably about the open job. Your heart raced as you looked at it, your thumb hovering over the email. Sucking in a deep breath, you opened the email.

   ‘Hello, [Y/F/N]. After going over your resumé, Yoon Jisung (the manager of Bubble Bobble) and I have talked it over. I’d like to formally welcome you to Bubble Bobble’s staff as a cashier…’

   You couldn't read the rest, excitement coursing through your veins. You grinned, skimming over the rest of the email. A schedule was attached; yours most likely. Upon opening it, the realization dawned on you. After continuous efforts, you had finally gotten hired.

   You flopped back against your tousled duvet, staring up at the light-stained ceiling. The wind blew in from the cracked open window, blowing gently over your bare skin, leaving goosebumps in its path. You could hear your curtains brushing against your walls, gentle as a baby’s touch. As every second passed, you could sense yourself becoming more and more jubilant.

   It seemed as though your life was coming together.

   The next Saturday, it was finally time for your first day at work. As you stood outside Bubble Bobble’s doors, a large OPEN sign hanging just above, you pulled out your phone and checked the time. 1:27 PM. You were half an hour early, just as Woojin -- who was to act as your trainer -- instructed. Heaving a worried sigh, you pushed open the doors. It was as if you had only visited then, the familiar yet not feeling of warm air kissing your cheeks, the fruity aroma in the air-- you had experienced it all before, yet it felt so new to you. Unfamiliar, even.

   “[Y/N]!”

   Snapping out of your reverie, you looked up and saw Woojin standing behind the counter, waving you over with a smile. You gulped, smiling a quivering smile as you walked over. The shop was noticeably less busy than it was the other day, but numerous customers were sitting at tables chatting amongst themselves nonetheless.

   “Hey,” Woojin greeted as he let you behind the counter. You replied in a similar fashion, thanking him as he passed you a lavender apron. “We didn’t have time to make a real nametag,” he noted, chuckling awkwardly as he held up a wide, white label. On it, your name was written neatly, a small attempted drawing of a chickadee drawn right next to it.

   Chuckling, you took the nametag from his hands and peeled it off of the paper before pressing it against your chest. “Cute,” you mumbled, referring to the drawing. Suddenly, Woojin coughed, his back turning to you as he covered his mouth. You could just barely see the tips of his ears going red. You laughed again, your amusement clear. Then, Woojin turned to face you, clearing his throat.

   “Anyway,” he began, “I wanted you to come early today to just figure some things out.” He gestured to the register, “This thing’s ancient-- it’s not like most registers these days and Jisung can’t be bothered to get a new one.” Woojin shrugged, pulling you toward the register gently. You looked down at his hand and how it wrapped around your wrist with ease, an unknown feeling bubbling in the pit of your stomach. As he pointed to each button and switch of the cash register, occasionally pausing to serve a customer, you listened intently. You were determined to do well on your first day, and Woojin could tell, a look of slight admiration shimmering in his eyes. “You won’t be making drinks today, that’s for another time. Just do as I told you and remember to smile, okay?’

   You nodded, sending a smile his way. You didn’t notice the way he looked away soon after, scratching the back of his neck as he made his way to the shelf of neatly aligned ingredient jars. He watched curiously as another customer walked in, staring down at his phone as he walked.

   Taking a deep breath, you smiled warmly at the male once he looked up. “Hello, sir,” you greeted, keeping your smile. “What would you like to order today?”

   Woojin raised a brow, a small smile playing his lips like a fiddle. You seemed like a natural, despite being new. His eyes wandered to the customer. It seemed that he agreed with Woojin, something he noticed upon setting his eyes on the male. He was looking at you with round eyes and an almost timid smile. Seeing his expression was odd to Woojin, for a reason he couldn't exactly grasp at.

   “Large taro,” the male smiled. “Please.”

   “Okay-- your name?”

   “Ah-- Donghyun.” He watched as you wrote his name down like Woojin had instructed you to do.

   You smiled again, “That’ll be $4.99, Donghyun.” Donghyun pulled out his wallet, a small smile creeping onto his face. After handing you the appropriate change, Donghyun walked over to the waiting counter, glancing over at you every few seconds. Woojin narrowed his eyes, noting the way his cheekbones began to go pink. “Woojin,” you called, your voice bringing him out of his thoughts. “Large taro.” Turning around, Woojin grabbed a cup and went to work.

   After a few minutes, Woojin almost forgot about your encounter with Donghyuyn. However, no more than ten minutes after his order, he heard your voice telling the aforementioned male to have a nice day. Your voice, he admitted, was nice, soothing to his ears. Something about your tone was serene to him, even when you spoke enthusiastically.

   He shook his head, grabbing another cup and writing ‘Youngmin’ on the front as you had told him. He was just being weird today, he told himself. Just being weird.

   Perhaps, Woojin was wrong when he thought his behaviour would be odd for a mere day. Since you started working, a certain boy -- Donghyun -- had become a regular. Almost every other day, he would stop by and order the same thing every time, a large taro bubble tea. He had not a clue as to why he felt so strange about him. Perhaps it was the way he walked. It was too normal. Or maybe the way he talked to you as he waited for his order, something that prompted Woojin to work faster so that he could just leave.

   “Thanks,” Donghyun said to him, taking his fifth bubble tea that week alone. He looked at Woojin with what seemed like worry before looking away. Woojin glanced at the large clock that adorned the far wall. The shop was to close soon, something you quite obviously knew as you had begun to wipe down the counter. Woojin did the same, taking a clean rag from below the counter and washing it. He heard you thanking Donghyun for coming and telling him to come again; all mandatory barista speech.

   Jisung came in from the darkening outside, each hand full with small pastry plates that customers had left outside during the day. Clean up was done with little to no chatter, the three of you far too tired for conversation. It had been a rush day, as it was the first of seven in which a great deal was offered to customers. Two free bubble teas once you get five hole punches, you chuckled at the thought of such a comical offer. As if the regular person would buy more than five drinks in a single week.

   “Good job today,” Jisung commented, pulling his apron off and hanging it on the hooks within the staff room. Both you and Woojin bowed your heads respectfully, replying back in unison. Jisung fished through his pockets before handing Woojin a key. “Lock up, will you?” He glanced at you, “You have yet to teach [Y/N] how to make drinks.” Woojin complied, waving a goodbye to Jisung as he disappeared down the hall.

   Turning to you, he clapped his hands. “Ready to learn?” he asked, When you nodded, Woojin grinned before ushering you back to the main room. The lights were far dimmer than they were during the day, the lights that hung above each table had been turned off, leaving only the hanging lights above the counters on. Light streamed in from the windows, the shop’s logo leaving its shadowed stamp onto the light wooden flooring.

    You watched as Woojin began to take jars down from the shelves, your eyes tracing the outline of each container in curiosity. It had been an entire fortnight since you began working and you barely ever went near the shelves within work hours. Once Woojin got everything down from the shelves, running a hand through his already tousled hair, he turned to you. You flushed when his dark eyes met yours, your cheeks burning. Unarguably, Park Woojin was by no means unattractive, quite the opposite really. You found it cute, endearing even, the way he spoke with his hands as he started telling you the steps to making bubble tea. He did it quite often-- his hands moving without hesitation whenever he talked.

   “[Y/N]? Are you listening?”

   You jumped, nodding fervently. “Yeah,” you sputtered, “after putting three spoons of the powder in, you dissolve it in hot water.” You blinked, looking down at the jar of yellow-orange powder that he had taken down. You hoped you got that right-- you had gotten a bit lost in your thoughts.

   Woojin stared at you for a moment longer before chuckling to himself. “Rather than me telling you everything, let’s do this step by step.” He held out the jar for you, his other hand holding out a spoon. He watched as you worked diligently, occasionally correcting your mistakes. It wasn’t long before you were pouring a small cup of mango bubble tea. To him, it looked good for your first attempt. “Good job,” he told you, spinning around to grab a straw. Putting the straw into the drink, he handed you the cup. “Try it,” he prompted with a quiet voice.

   You took the cup from his hands, your fingers just barely brushing against his own. Clearing your throat, you took a sip. Woojin raised a brow, his eyes flitting over the features of your face to get an idea of your thoughts. Finally, you smiled. “It’s pretty good,” you smiled proudly, sounding as if you had expected it to go horribly. Woojin clapped his hands, the small gesture making you laugh in amusement.

   “Try it,” you mimicked his voice, earning a playful glare on his end. Despite his faux irritation, Woojin easily took the drink from you and sucked on the straw. Putting the drink onto the counter, he smiled at you.

   “It’s good,” he confessed, his voice genuine and sincere in tone. “For your first try, I’m thoroughly impressed.” A feeling of pride coursed through you. Something about Woojin’s praise was exhilarating to you. Woojin opened his phone for the time despite the clock present. “It’s getting late,” he acknowledged, pushing his phone back into his pant pocket. You glanced out the window at the navy blue sky. Even from insides, you could see the dozens upon dozens of glittering stars that littered about the dark void up above. Without a word, Woojin moved around you, bringing the shaker cup and spoon to the sink. You waited patiently as he cleaned, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows as he worked.

   As he walked back to you, your heart pounded in your ears, sounding deafeningly loud with each step he took. He passed you your beverage, the cup cold against the warmth of your palm. Letting you walk ahead of him, he followed you out the door and only turned to close and lock the entrance.

   “Good night,” you called, walking backwards toward your flat. Woojin, who had been walking the opposite way, smiled at you fondly.

   “Good night.”

   Woojin watched with an unusually sour expression. His mood had considerably dampened the moment he walked in. He had hoped he wouldn’t come that day, just as he had the day before that and the day before that. The male, Donghyun, completely rankled him just by being there.

   It had been an astounding two months since he first taught you how to make bubble tea and since it had become a Saturday-night tradition for him to teach you something new. Within that time period, Woojin noticed things. He noticed the way you laugh, how your body moved with your voice, the corners of your eyes crinkling as you grinned. He noticed how you’d knit your brows together whenever you were confused or frustrated. Despite yourself, he found the latter somewhat winsome.

   He noticed a plethora of things he wouldn’t bat an eyelash at otherwise, and for a while, it confused him. Truthfully, it confused him a lot. It was only when he saw you with another, Jihoon as you had introduced him, did he realize. In that moment, it was as if the tangled string within his mind magically untangled itself to reveal a fine thread.

   Somewhere along the line, he, Park Woojin, had grown feelings for the one and only you.

   At first, he didn’t know how to react. You had quickly become like a best friend to him, and if he were to act on his feelings he wouldn’t know how to feel if you didn’t reciprocate. Then, it all just came together like pieces of a puzzle.

   Unfortunately, one of those pieces was an odd fit.

   Woojin was almost glaring at Donghyun who remained oblivious to his stare, too engrossed in his conversation with you. The shop was near empty that day, so it was very easy to hear your conversation, purposefully or not.

   “If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable,” he heard Donghyun say. There was a silence before both you and Woojin burst out into laughter. Though, Woojin struggled to muffle his laugh.

   “What?” you asked, your toes curling as you looked on. Donghyun was seemingly proud that he had gotten you to laugh as if he didn’t realize how bad of a pickup line he had just uttered.

   “Can I touch your hand? I want to tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel,” Donghyun went on, leaning over the counter with an easy smile. You looked down, not noticing the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes. Looking up again, you raised a brow, the breath of a chuckle passing your lips. Crossing your arms in amusement, you leaned against the counter. Meanwhile, Woojin stayed rooted in his spot, trying to seem as though he wasn’t listening.

   Trying, being the keyword.

   “Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I scraped my knee falling for you.”

   This time, you didn’t laugh, nor did Woojin. Upon noticing your lack of reaction, Donghyun laughed quietly to himself, the laugh sounding almost pitiful and dejected. “It’s obvious now, isn’t it?” he asked rhetorically, glancing over at Woojin. “Maybe you didn’t know, but he sure did.” You turned your head to look at Woojin. Your brows furrowed together-- Woojin could practically see the word confusion itself stamped across your forehead. “Your friend there has been glaring at me for over a month.”

   Woojin flushed at getting caught, avoiding eye contact with you. Donghyun breathed out, taking a step back from the counter. He watched as the gears in your head turned and turned until the stopped upon a conclusion. “You like me?” you stuttered, pointing at yourself. Donghyun merely nodded. “So that--”

   “You don’t need to say anything,” Donghyun smiled. “It’s okay,” he looked to Woojin, “I can tell where your heart is.” He let out another weak laugh as if laughing was this defence mechanism, a contraption to stop himself from hurting. “But I didn’t want to bottle up my feelings. Don’t look at me like that, it’s okay. If I’m going to get rejected, might as well make you laugh, right?’

   Woojin’s eyes were blown wide with shock. He hadn’t woken up that morning expecting Donghyun to pour his heart out. He glanced over at you, you who looked similar to him, your eyes wide and jaw slightly ajar. “Donghyun …”

      “It’s really okay.” He glanced at the clock before turning to you with a sad smile. “It’s almost closing time. I’ll get out of your hair now,” he turned. “Have a nice night.”

   And with that, he left the shop. Through the windows, you watched as his back slowly got more and more out of view before it was like he simply vanished into the night.

   The shop was silent. Your co-workers were all having a day-off and Jisung was at a meeting with other branch owners. Neither you nor Woojin uttered a single word. It was as if you had stopped breathing, your chest almost completely still aside from the minute rising and falling.

   Suddenly, Donghyun’s words came back to you. Turning to Woojin with wide eyes, you stuttered your next few words. “I know where your heart is, Woojin … what did he mean by that?” you asked. You didn’t need to get clarification to know that Woojin knew the answer. From the way Donghyun and glanced at him to the way Woojin stared down at his scuffed sneakers as though they were the most interesting things in the world, you just knew.

   Woojin swallowed. With a single look at you, he could tell you were determined to hear an answer. “Well,” he sputtered, “I guess, you can say that Donghyun and I share the same feelings.”

   Your world stopped.

   Donghyun had just confessed. He left, leaving shards of his heart as he walked away. In front of you, Woojin stood with his hands taking a hold of his heart, handing it to you timidly, hesitantly.

   “I like you, [Y/N].”

    A burning sensation went over your entire being. Opening your mouth, you responded with a slow smile.

hey stan talent stan astro asflajfa i got so distracted at the 3.5k mark bc of the mv

[metawitches]

  In The Lost Sister, El continues her journey of self discovery with a trip to Chicago to find her psychic sister, 008/Kali. The sisters lost each other when Brenner separated them after Terry’s aborted rescue attempt. The episode is a stand alone featuring El’s storyline by itself.

We watch El learn about herself and face decisions about what kind of person she wants to be. She’s been physically lost since she left the lab, and a lost soul for her entire life. Kali is the same. They help each other begin to be found in ways that could only happen with each other.

As the episode begins, El is still wearing the blindfold and psychically communicating with her mother. She’s been there since the end of episode 5, so you would think she’d have gotten more than the repeating story of how Terry lost her mind, but she hasn’t.

El describes the visions to Becky over lunch, focussing on the other little girl behind the door with the rainbow. Becky suggests that El look through Terry’s files of missing children that she thought might be like El. El finds an article about Kali with a photo. El puts the blindfold back on and sits in front of the staticky TV, but she can’t find Kali.

Later that night, as she’s lying on a cot in her bedroom, she looks at the article, then thinks back to the image from Terry’s memory. That does the trick. She’s suddenly in the negative psychic space, observing Kali standing in front of a fire in a metal barrel.

She pops out of psychic space and rushes to tell Becky what she’s just seen. When she gets downstairs, El overhears Becky on the phone. She’s called the number on Hopper’s card from a year ago and is leaving a message with Florence.

El steals the cash from Terry’s purse and hops on a bus to Chicago. I appreciate that the writers and producers listened to my complaint from a couple of episodes ago and changed the story to put El on a bus, instead of hitchhiking again. Good to know that I have that kind of influence. 😘😘😜😜

El’s getting her mojo back, as evidenced by the choice of one of Bon Jovi’s best songs as her theme song for this section, Runaway, and bringing back the insult “mouthbreather” when an insensitive stranger bumps into her and keeps going.

She walks for a long time, into the worst part of town, worse even that the part of town where the pawn shops are. She finds the modern shantytown where the homeless drug addicts and mentally ill hang out, but keeps going. Finally, she reaches the abandoned building where Kali’s gang is hiding out.

They aren’t happy to see her, one pulling a knife and another mocking her overalls. (F*ck them, the overalls are cute, in style for the period, and a million times better than that horrible dress.) They become truly threatening when El shows them Kali’s picture, wanting to know how El found her, since Kali is in hiding.

Suddenly the guy who’s holding the switchblade knife in El’s face appears to have dozens of spiders running up his arm. He becomes frantic. Kali descends the nearby staircase like the queen that she is and tells him to stop torturing little girls.

The gang members give Kali the article and tell her that El knows about her. Kali asks how she knows about her and El says, “Mama, in her dream circle.” Then El pulls the knife to herself and away from Mohawk guy with her mind. Smug, she hands it to Kali.

Now she’s got Kali’s attention. Kali asks her name. El tells her it’s Jane. Kali looks for the number on El’s wrist, and El does the same with Kali. 008 and 011 are revealed. They call each other sister and  embrace.

El tells Kali her story. Kali feels that Hopper is being naive. They will always be monsters to the scientists in the lab. The lab will never willingly set them free.

She also thinks it’s wrong for Hopper to stop El from using her powers. Her powers make her special. El asks about Kali’s power. Kali can make anyone see, or not see, whatever she wants. She creates a butterfly in her hand to illustrate. El asks if Kali is real and she says that she is. El touches her face to be sure.

Kali gets El settled into bed and tells El how happy she is that El found her. She feels like an empty hole in her life has been filled. She thinks that Terry somehow knew that they belonged together, and that this is El’s true home.

Once EL’s asleep Kali talks to the gang, and tells them how powerful El is. She wants to “do one” the next day, using El’s finding skills. The others worry that it’s too soon after the Pittsburgh job, but Kali overrules them.

El “visits” Hopper and hears the first part of the apology message that he left her. She’s startled awake by Kali before the end.

Kali introduces El to the gang: Axel, the spider hater, Dottie, the newest member, Mick, the eyes and protector, and Funshine, the warrior. They don’t have numbers or powers, but they are all freaks and outcasts. Kali saved them from hard times. Now they fight back against the people who hurt them.

El questions what the gang is doing, if the people they’re hunting really deserve death. The gang implies that she’s too sensitive to handle killing people. She tells them that she’s killed people before, when they were hurting her. Kali tells her that these are all bad people, too. Her group is just making the first move this time.

Kali takes El outside to work on her powers. She explains that she used to be like El, holding everything inside until her pain festered and spread. It wasn’t until she let it out that she began to heal.

They get to an old railyard. Kali tells El to draw one of the abandoned cars to them. El tries, but can’t. Kali counsels her to draw on her anger for strength. To remember all of the things that have been done to her, all of the things that have been taken from her, and use that energy. She brings the train car flying toward them.

Kali shows El their Most Wanted board and asks if El recognizes any of them. She sees the man who administered the ECT to Terry. Kali says that he hurt more than Terry, and remembers him using a cattle prod on her.

The gang has a hard time finding people like Ray because they know they’re being hunted. But with El, maybe tracking won’t be an issue any more.

It isn’t. She finds Ray quickly. They plan the trip for later that day, even though they will have to use the van that police are looking for in relation to their last job in Pittsburgh. They switch the plates and hope it’s enough.

Before they go, El gets a bitchin’ make over to match the rest of the punker, urban warrior gang.

As they leave the hideout, a cop notices the van.

They stop at a convenience store to stock up on money and supplies. Kali supplies an illusion distraction for the cashier in the form of a flooded bathroom. The cashier comes back before expected and pulls a gun on the gang. Kali tries to talk him out of violence, but El steps in and throws him against a wall. They make a run for it.

Ray is at home watching Punky Brewster. The gang sneaks in wearing creepy masks. Dottie and Axel rob the place while Funshine stands guard. Kali and El confront Ray.

He quickly cracks, and uses Brenner as a bargaining chip.

Ray: I just did what he told me to do. He told me she was sick.

Kali: You had a choice, Ray, and you chose to follow a man who was evil.

Ray: Wait, wait. I can help. I can help you find him.

Kali: Find who?

Ray: Brenner. I can take you to him.

El: Papa is gone.

Ray: No. he’s alive.

Kali: Do not lie to us Ray.

Ray: I’m not lying. He trusts me. I’ll take you to him.

Kali: If he is alive, Jane will find him, just as she found you.

El begins to slowly strangle Ray, using her powers. She notices a photo of him with his two young daughters just as Dottie and Axel find them on the phone with the police in their bedroom.

Kali orders El to keep going, but El stops. She doesn’t want to take a parent away from another child. Kali reminds El that Ray didn’t show any mercy to Terry. Kali pulls out a gun and prepares to shoot Ray, but El uses her powers to take the gun away.

The police arrive outside. The gang races for the van and takes off just in time. Kali is angry with El for taking the gun away. She tells El that she can show mercy if she chooses, but she’s never to take Kali’s choice away. A reminder that Kali may seem to have it together, but she’s just as traumatized and abused as El.

Back at the hideout,  Kali sits down for a private chat with El. She used to be like El. She’s hard on El because she doesn’t want El to make the same mistakes that she did. El replies that there were kids in the house.

Kali: Does that excuse that man’s sins? Were we not also children? I remember the day I came to the rainbow room and you were gone. So when my gifts were strong enough, I used them to escape. I ran. I ran away as far as I could and it was there, far away, that I found a place to hide. A family, a home. Just like you and your policeman. But, they couldn’t help me. So eventually I lost them too. So I decided to be smart. To stop hiding. To use my gifts against those who hurt us. You are now faced with the same choice, Jane. Go back into hiding and hope they don’t find you, or fight. And face him again.

El: Face who?

Kali: The man who calls himself our father.

Jane: Papa. Is. Dead.

BrennerIllusion: That man tonight disagreed.

El: You’re not real.

BrennerIllusion: All this time, you haven’t looked for me. Why? Because you thought I was dead, or because you were afraid of what you might find?

El: Go away.

BrennerIllusion: You have to confront your pain. You have a wound, Eleven. A terrible wound. And it’s festering. Do you remember what that means? Festering. It means a rot. And it will grow. Spread.

El: Get out of my head.

BrennerIllusion: And eventually, it will kill you.

El: (yelling) Get out of my head! (Bursts into tears.)

The lights flicker and the Brenner illusion disappears.

Kali: This isn’t prison, Jane. You are always free to return to your policeman or stay and avenge your mother. Let us heal our wounds, together.

Meanwhile, the SWAT teams are assembling outside for an assault on the hideout.

El clutches the shirt she borrowed from Mike, and thinks back to her favorite memories of Mike and Hopper. She enters psychic space, and sees Hopper in the lab realizing that the firemen are in the boneyard. Then she sees Mike run up and try to warn the Owens and Hopper that the firemen are walking into a trap. She runs to her image of Mike, but he dissolves when she touches him, as people in psychic space always do. I’m waiting for her to meet her psychic match and see what happens when they interact.

El is drawn back into this reality by police breaking down the hideout door. Kali gathers up the gang and makes them invisible while the police search the hideout. As soon as the police are past them, they run for the van, getting stuck in a barrage of bullets outside until Kali raises an illusionary metal wall between the police and the van.

El hesitates while everyone else gets into the van. She remembers seeing both Mike and Hopper in the lab and in danger. (Can’t leave the idiots alone for a minute.) She knows that she has to go back.

Axel yells that they have to hurry, the illusion is going to wear off. Kali begs El to stay, saying that Terry sent El to her for a reason. They belong together. Her friends can’t save her. Jane says she knows, but she can save them. She turns and runs down an alley as the wall illusion disappears and the police start firing at the van.

Kali calls for El/Jane as she runs away. The van gets away safely, but Kali is devastated at the loss of more family. We get a gorgeous reflection effect of Kali sitting back in the van, and tearfully looking at her own reflection in the van window in the dark, as El’s reflection comes into focus next to it. Kali’s reflection fades, and we gradually see that El is once again on a bus.

A woman sitting across from El decides that she needs some company and moves next to her. She asks where El is going. El replies that she’s going to see friends. She’s going home. She’s made her choice about who she is and where she belongs.

We are sung out by Icicle Works’ Birds Fly (Whisper to a Scream).

    This time on her own is an important step for El’s character, but it’s still curious that it’s not interwoven with another story thread. The decision to give this subplot this much time and attention means one of three things: 1-It’s a backdoor pilot for a spinoff starring Kali and her gang, possibly also including El after Stranger Things ends in two seasons; 2- the Duffers went on a rambling side track with limited immediate relevance to the main story just for the heck of it, which seems unlikely; 3- there are elements to this episode that are important to the story now and/or in the future, even if we can’t currently see what they are.

My policy with episodes like this is to treat everything as a potential clue for the future. The Duffers put too much care into their writing to suddenly go off on a narrative lark that won’t have more ramifications further down the line, even if it takes 2 seasons to pan out.

Kali was indeed a dark mother, as her name implies. She was the first person in El/Jane’s life, with the possible exception of Mike, to see her true self, to see all of her, and to accept everything that she sees. She’s the only one to tell El the truth about their lives and force El to accept it, both the good and the bad. Mike didn’t have enough experience of the world to understand the whole truth. Hopper wouldn’t accept that she could take care of herself, or that she might have to be underground, and on the run, for the rest of her life. Kali brings the final push that El needs to grow into her true self, to accept that she’s a good person with the power to potentially be a monster or to potentially help people. The decision is El’s.

But, like all dark mothers, she doesn’t make the growth easy. She is a warrior, and El is needs to be a warrior too. El needs to face and pass the tests that will prove her growth and worthiness.

There is a neon hamsa, an open hand with an eye in the middle, in El’s bedroom in the hideout. The hamsa is a Middle Eastern symbol of protection and good luck. The words Spiritual Advisor are written in neon on the hamsa sign. Kali is an important person in El’s journey, teaching her to take care of herself as well as others, and to think of herself as special and wanted rather than as a monster and a science experiment.

  The hamsa makes Kali’s important role in El’s life clear. El will undoubtedly need guidance again, and a helping hand with psychic powers.

El’s psychic powers are getting stronger. When we met her, she needed the sensory deprivation tank or a radio to enter psychic space. Now she’s able to find random strangers over long distances with nothing but a photo and a blind fold. If she feels a close connection to someone, as with Hopper and Mike, she doesn’t even need that. She just needs to trigger deep thoughts and memories of them.

I don’t remember seeing El use her finding/tracking ability in the real world at all last season. I believe we only saw her use it to find people so that she could spy on them, and to find Will and Barb in the Upside Down. Or did she also locate people so that the FBI could send goons to arrest them?

Kali states one of the major themes of the season. Healing isn’t possible with repression and lies. The truth and the pain have to be faced and dealt with for healing to be possible. Otherwise the system/organism will fester, becoming worse over time, whether it’s Hopper becoming an alcoholic and pill addict to numb the pain of the loss of his daughter; the town rotting from underneath like a festering wound that’s scabbed over, because for decades it’s avoided facing the cancer that is Hawkins Lab; or Barb’s parents giving up everything they own to find her, rather than admit that she’s likely dead.

El has faced some of her pain, but not all of it. She’s realized that Hopper, Mike, and her friends in Hawkins are her family, even when they disappoint her. She knows that family means a give and take relationship, with each person giving what they are good at and capable of, and taking what they need in return. She knows that mistakes will be made.

But, Kali is right. She hasn’t faced the abusive bond that she had with her papa. Kali was old enough when she was taken to remember her birth family and original life. She was never prey to Brenner’s twisted love the way that El was. Before she escaped, El had never known any other life or parent but the lab and Papa.

Brenner was the first person to hold El when she was born. He continued to be the one to hold her when she needed someone. Even very abusive parents and their kids still love each other. The two aren’t mutually exclusive, and we saw that bond constantly between El and Brenner in season 1.

El’s not going to be whole until she deals with her feelings toward him, the loss of the safety and home that the lab provided, and all of the other feelings that she wishes she didn’t have. Plus, of course, the anger about what was taken from her and done to her.

El hasn’t checked to see if Brenner is alive, or looked for his body (she found Barb’s body, so that’s possible), because she’s afraid of what she’d find. She’d have to directly confront things she’s not ready to face, possibly even Brenner himself. She’s not ready for that. She may even be able to feel his consciousness somewhere in the back of her head.

Becky is still one of the sheeple after all. Did she believe anything El said, or was she just humoring El until she could get El out of the room long enough to call someone? Becky told El that El could stay with her, with the condition that El tell Becky her story sometime soon, but it didn’t have to be now. Turning around and calling the authorities on the first night is tantamount to a betrayal, and Becky would understand that if she believed any of Terry’s story, never mind what she knows of El’s. Maybe she doesn’t believe that El is really Jane.

El is probably remembering when Benny called the authorities, and ended up dead. Leaving Becky and Terry is as much for their protection as it is for her own. Maybe they won’t think that the girl in question was El if she’s not there.

After El leaves, Terry switches her TV to Action News 8, with the 8 filling up the screen. This was her plan all along. She’s more lucid than she appears, as I’ve theorized all along, but she’s like an oracle who speaks in riddle and prophecy. Until now, she hasn’t had anyone who could interpret her properly.

How did Terry find the stories of all of the kids in the files? You couldn’t do an internet search back then. Did El inherit her finding ability from Terry? If so, Terry’s seems more well-developed, since she can hunt for types of people, while El can only hunt for specific people.

Or was Terry looking up the backstories on children she’d seen with her own eyes? There were a lot of doors in that hall. Were children behind all of them? Where are those children now? Why did Brenner take those particular children? Did they already have powers, or did he know something about their genetics? Are they all the children of his former test subjects?

With Kali in the world, there will now always be the question of Real/Not Real? They had El/Jane ask Kali if she was real for a reason, then show us NotRealBrenner later for a reason. A powerful illusionist can start a war based on illusions, or stage a bloodless coup. She would have been able to walk right out of the lab by making herself invisible, perhaps with the help of a distraction off to the side. She and El may have been separated because they were learning to combine their powers, which would make them a formidable team.

At least there is a time limit on her illusions of 1 1/2 minutes. Enough to accomplish something, but not enough to use illusion to make someone a hostage in their own fake life.

I believe that Ray is telling the truth and Brenner is alive. The scene at the end of season 1 in the junior high hall happened fast, the demogorgon died soon after, and we never saw his body. No Body=No Death. Did the demogorgon even have time to eat him or take him to the Upside Down and make him an incubator? It’s believable that he was hurt but got himself to safety somehow, unnoticed in the chaos of that night. Especially if he has psychic powers of his own and could psychically call for help.

If you examine the articles that are readable from Terry’s file, it’s clear that Terry was collecting stories of strange child disappearances. Stories strange enough that there was probably a mutant inhuman psychic involved, unless Brenner himself has powers that strong.

  These are the headlines from the file that I could catch-

Cleveland Teen Girl Missing in Indiana

Part of the article is readable as El flips through. The girl was a 16 year old honors student and basketball team captain, in Indiana for a basketball conference championship game. “After leading her team to victory, the girl disappeared somewhere between the Indiana junior high gymnasium and the bus waiting to take her and the rest of the team [back to] Ohio…

That sounds like Brenner either used Kali to help take this girl, he has a similar ability himself, or he has another mutant psychic who he’s manipulated into cooperating.

Another Girl Lost

From County Hospital (Photo of Toddler age boy)

end of word Schoolyard

Pawtucket Mother and Daughter Missing

Baby Boy Missing from County Hospital- Frank Williams, Memphis

A baby boy went missing during a nursing staff shift change. The nurse who took him had been out sick for the week before, and was found dead in her home, with no signs of the baby, when police went to investigate.

San Diego, State Police

Vanished! Indian Girl Missing in London (Kali is at least 6 in the photo)

Couldn’t tell how she went missing in London, but neighbors insist that she’s a stubborn girl who’ll surely be seen again.

Brenner was somehow taking children from very public places. It seems unlikely that he’d be able to convince all of those people that he’d have the right to take the children, or that he’d be able to buy off all of the witnesses. Psychic abilities have to be involved in the abductions.

Here are the clearest screen caps Metamaiden could get of the readable pages in the files. No doubt someone out there will have better images, but these are a start.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

    I’ll write more about El’s journey and growth across the entire season in my end of season post. For now, let’s look at El, Kali and their relationship to each other. Kali is a mirror of what could have happened to El if she hadn’t found the particular boys that she did, when she did in season 1. El started out with the same kind of troubles that Kali did: She had no knowledge of the world or how to survive in it, and had to rely on her power and the kindness of strangers. The first person El found was Benny, but he couldn’t protect her, and she was quickly on the run again.

Kali’s escape, as far as we know, was an individual event that didn’t make the news or stir up the town at all, unlike El’s, which was related to a major event at the lab that couldn’t be completely hidden, and that involved one of the boys. So Kali would be seen as a runaway, while El was able to be believed as part of a larger conspiracy that her rescuers had a stake in.

Even though it was covered up, Kali’s escape wasn’t actually without conflict, as she herself tells us. There was the body that was mentioned on the news the night Will’s fake body was found in S1 Ep4. The reporter said another body had been found drowned in the quarry 7 years ago. It’s never been mentioned again, and Hopper didn’t know about it, since he didn’t think there had been any unusual deaths in the town in decades. That would have been while he was still in the big city. Was that death due to Kali’s escape? Did the lab successfully cover it up, or was it Kali who dumped the body?

The lab and the Upside Down conspired to make El’s second situation temporary as well. She ended up wandering in the woods, with the lab under reorganization. Kali ended up on the city streets far away, with the lab still run by Brenner. Hawkins was too dangerous to stay in or near for very long.

At the end of season 1, El had another patron waiting for her, a father figure who’d lost his own daughter and needed a reason to pull himself out of his crippling grief, depression and addiction. Hopper also had the guilt of betraying El to Brenner to work off, though it doesn’t seem like anyone alive but him knows about it.

So EL had a safe, warm home with a parent, but she was a prisoner. Kali was on the streets, but she was free. Both were still angry and lost inside, not knowing who they were, without purpose in their lives, without biological family or roots to fall back on. The Lost Sister has layers of meaning for both sisters.

Kali assembled a gang of angry outcasts like herself, and they began to work through their anger by feeding on it, making revenge and street justice their careers. It’s a dangerous game, and she can’t get too close to anyone in her gang, because the truth of her past is still too dangerous to share. Her life is still empty in many ways.

El, on the other hand, spent a year clinging to hope and the word “soon’, trying to believe Hopper when he told her that she’d be able to live openly in the world before long. When she reached her limit, he was still caught up in his own emotional issues. He couldn’t see that her issues are real and serious. She can’t just decide to be okay with sitting alone in the cabin with her trauma, and anger, and the need to live her own life, all day, every day. She needs more or she will go crazy, for reals.

It’s scary to me how often I need to write this ⬆️ ⬆️ in recaps. Stop holding women hostage, guys, even when you think it’s for our own good..

So El leaves the cabin and visits Terry. She learns about Kali, and goes to find her. They discover each other and finally they each have someone with shared experiences. It’s like coming home. El and Kali feel an immediate bond.

But, while they share some profound things in common, they are also different people, possibly with different goals and priorities. Kali is a good person, who’s been doing the best she can with her lot in life. But she’s ruled by her hurt and anger. El doesn’t know what she wants yet, but she’s hesitant about killing that isn’t done in the heat of the moment, or to defend a friend in need.

Kali gives El choices every step of the way, unlike everyone else in her entire life. Everyone else has told her what to do, what to think, what to wear, where to go, and what she should see as right and wrong. Even Mike. Many judged her by things that were outside of her control: her past in the lab, her powers, her looks.

El loves being with Kali, but she has reservations about Kali’s lifestyle. Seeing Kali’s choices and being in her world clarifies things for El. She realizes what’s important to her. What she’s willing to sacrifice, and who she’s willing to sacrifice it for. Seeing the images of Brenner trying to manipulate her, combined with images Hopper and Mike in trouble, solidifies her resolution.

El has a family. She has ways of her own to save them. They need her and she needs them. That’s where she belongs. She’ll work things out with Hopper. Get him to understand that she can’t be a prisoner anymore. He can’t physically contain her if she doesn’t let him, anyway. It’s time to go home.

Kali watches El run away and feels like she’s losing one of the few true bright spots in her life. She misses El, and the human connection that El brought her, already. She wonders what El could have in Hawkins that would make her willing to risk sacrificing her freedom for these people.

Kali’s still angry, and doesn’t know if she could get to the point of living the almost normal life that El hopes to have waiting for her. She wonders whether it would be worth following El to Hawkins and trying it out, or whether she should follow and take out her anger on the original source of her pain, the lab itself.

For tonight she needs to focus on escaping the police and finding someplace safe to sleep.

Whisper to a Scream lyrics. That faithless daughter line is interesting.

Some things take forever But with building bricks of trust and love Mountains can be moved

Love come, down upon us ’til you flow like water Burning, with the hope of insight Feathered, look they’re covered with a bright elation Stolen, in the sight of love

We are, we are, we are but your children Finding our way around indecision We are, we are, we are ever helpless Take us forever, a whisper to a scream

Birds fly, in the eye of the faithless daughter Broken, at the bitter end Wasted, sacrifice for a new nirvana Night time, sends us on our way

We are, we are, we are but your children Finding our way around indecision We are, we are, we are ever helpless Take us forever, a whisper to a scream

We are, we are, we are but your children Finding our way around indecision We are, we are, we are ever helpless Take us forever, a whisper to a scream

Stranger Things Season 2 Chapter Seven: The Lost Sister Recap In The Lost Sister, El continues her journey of self discovery with a trip to Chicago to find her psychic sister, 008/Kali.