#but if you blame an entire demographic of people for all the world's problems for almost a decade

[lycandrophile]

sorry about the out of nowhere ask but i thought id note something minor ive seen around: a lot of the time (especially on reddit) theres a lot of positivity for specifically trans women, and very little for trans men. and if a trans man/transmasc person tries to comment on that they get ridiculed for it. but then if someone posts transmasc positivity at all, people in the comments of that post will talk about how there "isnt enough positivity for trans women" despite the fact that most of the positivity posted is for trans women. i dont know, just something weird (it could also just be because reddit is kinda really different, environment-wise, but considering theres been similar things pretty much. everywhere else. yeah)

i do think a lot of this has to do with demographics – from what i've seen, reddit tends to have more trans women than trans men, so it doesn't surprise me to see more posts that are geared toward trans women there.

tl;dr because this got super long: people are right to say that there isn't enough positivity for trans women, but there also isn't enough for trans men. the fact that so many of us are ridiculed for trying to put more out there is the real problem.

at the end of the day, there really isn't enough positivity for any trans people because most of the world either hates us or wants to forget we exist. we have our little pockets of community where we support each other and lift each other up, but until the rest of society gets on board, it'll never be enough. so even in spaces where there's more positivity for trans women than for trans men, they're absolutely right to say there isn't enough positivity for trans women! and that's why i don't inherently have a problem with spaces like that – trans joy and positivity is always a good thing and always needed, and spreading that for part of the community doesn't take away from the rest of the community, it just means there's some of us are bit closer to getting the kind of love and support they deserve than they were before, and that's a good thing! you can't make everything for everyone, but if we all work at lifting each other up, eventually it'll all balance out and we'll all be better off for it. so if you happen to find a space that's for all trans people but tends to be more geared toward trans women when it comes to positivity, instead of getting caught up in how much positivity for trans women is already there, i think the best thing to do is to add positivity for trans men! we're the ones who lift each other up, so if we see a gap in the support, we're the ones with the power to step in and fill that gap.

and i can honestly understand why trans women in those spaces might get defensive or upset if someone points out the amount of positivity for trans women as if it's a bad thing, even if what that person is actually trying to say is just that they wish there was more for trans men too. i can't really blame anyone for that defensiveness because i feel the exact same way when people point out the amount of positivity for trans men&mascs here as if it's a bad thing, even though i know a lot of them are really just expressing in an imperfect way that they wish there was more for other trans people as well. wanting to defend those sources of joy in a world that offers us so few of them is only natural.

now, all of that being said, what i absolutely DO have a problem with is when that defensiveness gets to the point of attacking trans men's efforts to add positivity for ourselves as well. it perpetuates these false ideas that 1) there's only a finite amount of trans joy that can be expressed and we have to fight over it, and 2) trans men are currently hoarding that finite resource and are obligated to give it up entirely so that other trans people have a chance at getting it. obviously, both of those statements are deeply untrue – one part of the community getting support doesn't take anything away from other trans people because we should all be aiming for more support and positivity, not just redistributing the inadequate amount we currently have to more "worthy" subjects, and it's impossible to quantify how much support each part of the community gets because that's so dependent on the individual spaces you're looking at as well as what you're counting as support. and as much as i can understand feeling protective of our spaces, when that protectiveness leads us to turn on each other and push each other out of spaces that were supposed to be for all of us, that's taking it way too far.

and i also do think there's an attitude in a lot of trans spaces (and in more general queer/feminist/leftist/activist spaces) that trans men are a more acceptable target for that kind of ridicule because we're men and people in those spaces tend to already be very settled into this idea that there's never a bad time to tell men to sit down and shut up, even when the men in question are marginalized and trying to fight against their own oppression. if someone says "ugh there's too much positivity for trans women here," that's going to be met with a lot of people (rightfully) saying "hey, what the hell, man, that's super transmisogynistic." but if the same is said about trans men, those same people have no problem saying "i know, right? men love taking everything for themselves, it's the worst."

and that kind of attitude even extends to trans men simply creating positivity in spaces that don't have as much of it, even if they don't comment at all on the other kinds of positivity that might exist in that space. especially if we dare to add specific mentions of trans men onto an existing positivity post (which isn't actually a bad thing at all! adding more good to a good post doesn't take anything away from the original good!), we're met with a chorus of "wow, why do men always have to make everything about themselves, can't women have anything?" it's a perspective that groups us in with cis men as this privileged horde that talks over everyone else and seeks to dominate every space it enters, completely ignoring the fact that the image of loud domineering men they're invoking is based on cis(het white abled) men who've spent their whole lives being told they're the most important people in every room, which is very different from trans men who were brought up being taught to make ourselves small and be of service to more important people. they forget (or simply choose to ignore) that when we're loud about our needs and experiences and even our joy, it's not because taking up space was a practice passed down to us by our manhood, it's because we had to learn to be loud when we realized that staying quiet meant making it easier for the people who hate us to dispose of us without the rest of the world even noticing our absence.

all of that to say, i absolutely do think you've hit on a real issue here, i just don't think that issue actually has to do with the prevalence of positivity for trans women. it's a lot less about who gets more or less support in any given space, and a lot more about how those spaces react when the less represented groups start making their presence known. and yeah, a lot of trans spaces have some pretty damn awful reactions to trans men who literally just want to lift each other up and feel supported by our community in return.

[psyshockdeoxys]

i don’t know of a solution to this problem, but let me lay out what’s happening with the young men in the country right now

every single hobby you have is entirely dominated by right wing politics. you like gaming? full of anti-wokeism. you like working out? right-wing fitness influencers who will sell you snake oil supplements and anti-science bs abound. you like sports? infested with right-wingers since the dawn of time. you just like watching youtube videos or instagram reels or tiktoks or podcasts? every algorithim is designed to push you into right-wing rabbitholes because it makes both the platform and the creators a ridiculous amount of money, and every large creator who looks like and caters to folks like you (with the exception of only a few, like hasan and the kavernacle) is a right-wing grifter.

this is happening, yes because many people are majorly profiting from it, but also because you’re part of the demographic with the most societal power. meaning your allyship to the left and the various movements within would be a terrible blow to the status quo and possibly what finally abolishes it for good. this is why the government pours money into call of duty games. this is why the government pours money into the likes of tim pool and joe rogan. the government has been shoving anti-left sentiments down your throat since you were old enough to understand them because otherwise you would be a much more serious threat to it than almost any other group.

when you do actually venture outside of your right-wing bubble (which you’re encouraged by the people you’ve been taught to trust never to do), it’s a 50/50 chance you will see someone like hasan, and maybe you’ll be initially resistant to his ideas but over time become less and less radicalized and farther and farther left, or you’ll see some random internet stranger saying they hate all men or something and decide that the left truly does not want you, and the right is the only option you’ll ever have because they’re the only ones who are nice to you. this doesn’t mean that expressing the “hate all men” sentiment is bad or that it’s your fault men stay in the right- it isn’t- it just means there is a gap in the left-wing content market for young men. thankfully that’s shrinking now, you can find a good number of left-wing CCs who are themselves young white men, but the algorithims that promote right-wingers punish left-wingers for not grifting hard enough, so when you see their content it’s probably only because someone sends it to you directly or it’s mentioned by one of your right-wing figureheads who’s dunking on them.

it seems like the solution would be to put more leftist content out there that appeals to young men, but that doesn’t change the fact that the government has put millions into shaping their media for a long time to keep them in line with what it wants. if you actually look at polling data, young men are less right-wing than their fathers & men over 50, but there’s only so far they can go when society (their media, their lack of irl community meaning they’re reliant more and more on social media, their longest-standing cultures like sports culture being right-wing for several decades, their growing dissatisfaction with the state of the world being twisted to make them blame minority groups & women) is designed to make them this way.

[dukeofriven]

Why did comic book readership crash so hard in the 2000s? Well, there’s several reasons, but a big one is a chronic inability to attract new readership. As always I put a not insignificant amount of blame on the 1980s, as the success of extremely adult comics revised an entire industry into writing comics that was largely only for ‘adults’, and a very specific kind of ‘adult’ at that. This is the era in which we first see the emergence of Comic Book Guy: these are the types of men (and it was always men) who were known to be buying and consuming comics. They were socially awkward, insular, persnickety, sexist, belligerent, and—and this is the important part—possessed of a large disposable income that they were eager to spend on comic books and comic book merchandise. They might be personally unpleasant, but they were lucrative, and that was all that mattered. As far as the big two—Marvel and DC—were cocnerned, these were almost exclusive the people who were buying their products, and so they catered to these men. They liked the dark and bloody success stories of the eighties? Well everything will be dark and bloody from now on (Forgetting that those dark 80s comics, whatever their individual merits (and Dark Knight Returns is utter shit), were a REACTION and a COMMENTARY on the comics that went before them, not a blueprint for what the future of comics ought to be). These consumers were sexist? Then the new writing and art would make the spank-the-villainess Superman of the 1950s seems downright progressive. And so on. When I say that Comic Book Guy was considered their only consumer, I mean that literally. Comic Book Guy bought the stories, Comic Book. Guy Wrote the stories, that’s just what comics were. They said this. Aloud. Repeatedly. 

(Slott, Dan. G.L.A. #1. New York: Marvel Comics, 2005) (Slott, Dan. G.L.A. #4. New York: Marvel Comics, 2005) Geddit? GEDDIT? You’re a gross pathetic loser who is broken inside and will die alone! Buy our comics! And... it worked, For a time. It really did. Because the above isn’t a joke, it is a shibboleth. It’s a clarion call of identity: I am Comic Book Guy, and you are Comic Book Guy, and together we are sad, fat-shamed losers who are the only ones who get it, and together we have an entire industry that caters just to us. Because secretly, we’re important enough and special enough to deserve it. The problem, of course, is that while the appearance of exclusivity can be a great marketing ploy, nobody wants their products to actually be exclusive—well, at least not the industries whose main point of sale was mass-market publishing. When you write only for one demographic whom you actively mock for never procreating, there’s kind of short-term-boon, long-term-nightmare problem baked into your product. For ten years or so in the 90s it worked: everything was good in the 90s, the cold war over, history had ended, and we were all making a lot of money. And then it all fell apart: first the dot-com bubble and then the 2008 crashed wiped out a substantial portion of middle-class disposable income and made consumers warier of purchases. The media landscape diversified: ‘mature’ videos game, the internet, independent web comics, 90-billion cable channels: nerd culture, and even the hyper-insular world of big-two comics culture fandom, had more calls on their attention and their dollars then they ever had before. Inflation, too, went through the roof: few industries have suffered more from inflation that the comic books industry: A 10 cent issue in the mid 1960s should cost around 90 cents now, if comic books were linked purely to standard global inflation, but many individual comic issues now cost anywhere from four to six dollars. The Big Two, with their multiplicity of titles, now lived in a world where their dwindling audience could buy maybe four issues a month, where their predecessors bought fifteen or twenty. This lasted for a really long time. I would argue it’s only been in the last five to ten years or so that the comic industry has finally, haltingly, awkwardly, and frequently poorly tried to reverse this trend. Even the success of the MCU did not lead to better comics sales for Marvel, because they were still writing the same shit with their same grotesque problems in the comic books that the MCU, for all its many issues, never started with. Yeah, the MCU’s track record for women wasn’t great, but there’s a world of difference between Black Widow being the only female superhero kicking around, and a volumes of comic pages with hyper-sexualized young women in skin-tight suits being sexually assaulted. It’s not a functional comparison. Comic books did so goddamn little to win-over anyone who wasn’t their shrinking, wretched demographic. Anyway, this above panel (Nicieza, Fabian. I ♥ Marvel: Masked Intentions. New York: Marvel Comics, 2006), says everything you need to know about the state of comics in the middle of the aughts. This is Squirrel Girl in her seventh appearance since she first debuted as a fourteen year-old superhero in 1992. She would not appear again on-panel until 2005′s G.L.A., a miniseries so edgy it openly promises to kill a team every issue AND features suicide at least twice every issue. It’s... well, a mixed bag, to say the least.  Anyways, here’s Squirrel Girl. She’s seventeen years old, and all artist Paco Medina knows how to do with her is to give her huge tits, porn star lips, a tiny waist, and disturbingly thin arms and shoulders that cannot block the sightlines of those spandex boobs. Reading comics can be so miserable. Edit: I forgot “Anime-Waifu Squirrel Girl” was on the cover.

[unpopularly-opinionated]

I don’t play WoW but I used to play Overwatch and Diablo and this touches on just the general issues that are inside of Activision Blizzard right now regarding the major decline of World of Warcraft and how they’re losing to Final Fantasy XIV, how if the latest WoW expansion or Overwatch 2 flop as they’re projected to do then Blizzard’s most definitely going to pivot almost entirely to mobile games, and how the differences in age demographics are actually dividing the company into multiple camps.

It’s important to note two things: 1) this could be fake but also 2) the link came from Grummz, a former team lead on WoW and producer on Diablo II and Starcraft. It still could be fake despite this, but if he’s sharing it then I feel like there’s at least some measure of truth in this.

Transcription below in case this gets deleted and/or you don’t wanna click the link. Warning, it’s fairly long.

“I’m dropping this here after getting chewed out for three hours over shit the chewee did at work so fuck it. Assume larp and let me vent.”

>Shadowlands is a shitshow. Critical response, Player drop off and just about every engagement metric outside of cash shop have been catastrophic. No higher up expected this because of their “we are too big to fail, if we built it they will come” mentality. They refuse to accept their focus on the world being a begrudged mechanic to funnel players to raiding is not appealing to the player base at large because it appeals to them. They have spent the last 4 months trying to course correct but there is no solid direction and the response to 9.1 has only made things worse.

>Sylvanas is planned to replace the Arbiter despite so many people in the company and god knows how many online saying this would be a total replication of Kerrigans storyline in Starcraft 2 that killed none competitive interest in the brand entirely and you can only go “no, no they WILL like it eventually” for so many real world years before its time to change course. Thus far that has not happened.

>The elephant in the room is FFXIV. To the people in charge they are acting like this came out of nowhere and don’t even seem to understand why its drawing players away in their tens of thousands. We have all tried to highlight things it is doing that are clearly appealing to an mmo audience and not, in my opinion, focussing more on mobile game style retention traps to keep MAU users and habit forming personalities logging in. Its not that they don’t care. They just seem so pig headed and digging their heels in with their fingers in their ears thinking all the problems will go away because WoW is “too big to fail”, there will never be real competition and “they will keep coming back”. But they aren’t coming back anymore. Not in the numbers they used to.

>The people making the spending choices know this. The new model for WoW is market the hell out of a expansion pack for a huge quarter then use 6 month lock ins to pad numbers for the quarters after that. Even if corona had not happened 9.1 still would have been dropping after the initial 6 month subs expired to “keep the chain holding”.

>The mood in the company is tense but also very much “its just a rough transition period”. Activision has been pushing hard for Blizzard to release more regular product and to generate more income per user. As far as i know this is going to be a transition over the next 5 years to a much larger mobile/tablet gaming focus. By all accounts not just WoW but Overwatch was intended to be the moneymaker in the interim but once again someone had the bright idea to kill a game casual players loved on the alter of e-sports hoping for another Brood War. From what i hear the “told you so’s” were loud and a lot of people walked beyond Kaplan.

>The sentiment that was shared quietly in private but being spoken more often is simply that the leadership at Blizzard are not bad people, nor incompetent people but people who had to fill seats left when the old guard jumped ship wether they were suited for it or not. Brack is a genuinely good man out of his depth, Ion is a fantastic raid designer put in charge of designing a virtual world he has no interest or real ideas for and so on. They have been taking form the roles they excel at to be put in positions where they get to do far less of that purely because there is nobody left with the experience to do so and the trickle down is a lack of concrete direction, ambition and focus.

>2021 has seen the playerbase, media and gaming at large “turn” on WoW to a degree i don’t think the leads in their “positivity dojo” bubble considered possible. Its gone from people going “This is how Blizz needs to fix WoW!” to “WoW is no longer salvageable, time for greener pastures” and i think on some level this was never considered as a possibility so there have never been any major plans beyond the usual “try and minimise player drop off by arranging releases around competitors launching updates/products”. The official forums being filled with talk of FFXIV and worse “why do we actually pay a sub?” hasn’t helped.

>There have been some testing the waters lately from certain higher ups if we can remove the line “No King Rules Forever”. Read into that what you will.

>There are still arguments going on about the Kael’thas Voice actor shitshow. I don’t know much about it but i know its heated, wouldn’t be the first time a knee jerk reaction only seemed to generate bad press. We lost a noticeable amount of pvp engagement after the Swifty thing.

>The Preach interview was treated as a disaster and there was talk of more strongly vetting interviewers for “bad actors” and only engaging with a list of questions Blizzard provides. Some pointed out that could just be used to create some form of Fireside Chat akin to the FFXIV “Live letters” but that fell on deaf ears.

>The two sentiments right now among the team are either “we really need a win” or “theres a dedicated cabal of internet trolls out to kill WoW”. Right now we are crunching hard to get 9.2 ready to wrap up the jailors storyline so we can get an expansion out early 2022. If that doesn’t happen there are talks of major shakeups coming down from Activision that have been threatened for a few  years now. Its an all hands on deck feeling thats been around to some degree since the “Is this an out of season April Fools Joke” Blizzcon. A make or break deadline is coming closer and things like Diablo 4 were not planned before then. Blizzard needs a significant win not just in initial profit but consumer goodwill. Nobody likes working at what the public now seems to see as “the bad guy” of the mmo industry.

>This has also made new hires decline. Not significantly but the “you WANT Blizzard on your resume” line doesn’t seem to have the appeal it used to. This has lead to more hiring via friend of a friend, to some rumblings about nepotism, and people severely lacking in experience “because they get great twitter optics”.

>On the topic of Twitter we are not being told to “disengage” from it. Multiple employees like Nervig and Holisky publicly attacking paying customers because they got too heated and couldn’t keep quiet is bad press that could have been avoided. A email reminder has gone around more than once lately stating “if you are not customer relations you should not be representing the company to customers, especially if you cannot remain professional”.

>Lastly the biggest elephant in the room is “yo’ boy” Asmongold. The newer hires cannot stand him. They have used terms like “toxic masculinity” and “dogwhistles to dangerous males” while some of the oldest crowd still remaining have called him “based” or “telling it like it is” which has lead to friction to put it mildly. People are told not to talk about him and the recent FFXIV stuff only made it all worse. The idea that an outside element can have such an effect on the product genuinely upsets people. Like Zach is engaging in some malicious act of cyberwarfare. Many of us have point out the now famous quotes by Naoki Yoshida about understanding that players will drift and we need to make something worth coming back to because they want to but some people for lack of a better word see out customers -or “consumers” as they refer to them nowadays- as some kind of antagonistic relationship where the goal is not being an entertainer putting on a show for a crowd but some kind of game hunter trying to trap a large, profitable kill. I wish i could blame Activision but this is a sentiment from more of the younger crowd than the “tech boomers”. Which personal opinion is probably why so many folks like Metzen and Morheim left.

>Before you ask, yes the topic of “wokeness” has shown up in group talks. Its not all some grand sjw conspiracy, people really do want to feel welcome and represented. However the “we need everything veto’ed by people not working on it to see if its inoffensive and bland enough” rubs some of us the wrong way. Like anything in life you can take something too far and lose sight of the core ideals and with everything gone on since Blitzchung it feels like people are forming little factions to pull people in different directions to decide “What Blizzards identity is now” and how to appeal to new players. There has been some drop offs with “go woke go broke” as the only answer in the survey when unsubbing but honestly we are losing subs in unforseen numbers anyway and still making more money than ever through cash shop “heavy users” so it honestly doesn’t make an impact.

>All in all things are rough right now. Blizzard doesn’t have the love of the customers anymore, is no longer treated as an industry giant and while D4,D2R and Immortal aren’t going to kill Diablo even if they fail the sentiment for World of Warcraft and Overwatch 2 are a lot more tense and stressful. The phrase “it might be good to brush up on your mobile development portfolio if we get another underperformer” has been doing the rounds a lot. If Shadowlands continues its stark decline and Overwatch 2 is looking to underperform like its current projections suggest i think the Blizzard of a few years from now will be imitating King a lot more than trying to learn any lessons from Square Enix’s mmo division.

[werevulvi]

I hope these show up in the right order. This kinda stuff is exactly what makes me feel lost about my transness. Like I was just trying to be nice and agreed with this person's post. I had no interest in being an asshole or arguing what bio sex, or even what butch, is. I was just declaring myself as a bio female because it felt relevant to the topic and how I relate to it. It amazes me how even the pro self-ID types are against self-ID when someone identifies in a way that doesn't suit their narrative, even when it's a trans person whose identity they deny.

They blocked me and I don't want anyone going after them, I just wanna rant. And not even about this specific post or person, but more so about trying to exist as a gender critical trans person in general. I've been thinking about that for days, weeks, perhaps months or even years already, so it's really not about this specific person. I guess it was just what triggered me to finally start writing.

I guess I feel like both most other trans people and most other gender critical people, view transness as incompatible with gender critical opinions, and like that makes me feel pulled in two opposing directions. But anyone of any ideology can be dysphoric and transition because it helps them cope. I don't think that my opinions, or my choice to hang out with radfems, means that I'm self-hating, or even that I'm going against the needs of my own trans demographic. My own trans demographic is just all too good at confusing wants with needs... generally speaking. I see sex and gender the way I do because it makes sense to me personally, and I don't even argue that it's necessarily the objective truth. I don't think there is such a thing. It's just my truth, my perception of the world.

That I can't make myself see myself as a man for real, despite my dysphoria and transition, doesn't mean that I think it's wrong to transition, or that my body is damaged by it, or that transitioning is useless. Because it's not. I love my transition and everything it has given me. I'm comfortable with my transitioned body. It deserves love, especially my love. And although I still struggle with some insecurities, I feel like I love my body. It's been... incredibly good to me. It's stayed very healthy, and even keeping up a strong immune system despite my smoking, self harm, careless sexual escapades, etc. I may still have a fraught relationship with being female, but as long as I transition, I seem to be managing it fairly well. Except then I have a more fraught relationship with society instead. Can't win, but that's life, innit?

I don't think either my transness or my political opinions are my real problem or ever was. I think it's society's constant fighting about trans people's genders, lives and choices, that makes me constantly cave in on myself. Can't handle the pressure.

It feels like it's only ever getting worse. Ten years ago my biggest concern was people not ever finding me attractive because I was turning myself into some kind of a freak, which luckily I was proven to be wrong about. Five years ago my biggest concern was nonbinary people trying to normalize asking people their pronouns, which made me fear that people would never leave me alone about my gender, unless I forced myself to be hyper-masculine, which I still worry about. Three years ago my biggest concern was having been stripped of my sex-based rights and dehumanized for how I had chosen to treat my dysphoria, which I still worry about as well, and now...

...my biggest concerns are being treated as a third gender, fetishistic predator who should be shoved away into gender neutral spaces, and I fear that one day medical transition will be taken away as an option to treat dysphoria if transness is continued to be rejected as a medical condition. My heart rate is ever increasing. Can I even realistically "just go on with my life" anymore? I feel compelled to do something, but I also feel like there isn't anything I can do. No matter how many people I try to "educate" about dysphoria and why transition is incredibly important, all the while being as humble as I can, I am seriously lacking behind the much faster spread of harmful misinformation.

Thing is, I do not blame gender critical people for spreading some of that misinformation. For example of trans women as fetishistic predators, which people apply to trans men when they still fail to understand that MtF is not the only kinda trans there is, or when we dare to be just a little bit feminine while passing as male. If anything, I blame the true sources of such harmful claims, which slowly increase my anxious heart rate, over years, turning into decades, of living as openly trans. I blame opportunistic men who pretend to be trans women for gaining access to women's spaces, be it prisons, spas, shelters, sports, what have you, when they cannot possibly be dysphoric judging by how happily they swing their dicks around women as if it's no big deal and make no attempt at transitioning, but also who cares if they are dysphoric, no one should behave that way either way. I blame the trans rights activists who say lesbians have to suck dick if it's attached to a trans woman, and those who say that gay men have to be into pussy and date trans men. I blame those who say that trans women are bio female by virtue of identifying as female, and claiming that they can get periods, by virtue of... bowel cramps?! I'd also blame those who try to change female specific language on behalf of shielding trans men from our own dysphoria, in the rare cases we'd end up getting pregnant or manage to drag our asses to the gyno office for a pap smear, which... most of us really don't, regardless of if you call us women or uterus-havers, sincerely, please stop. It makes people think trans women are trying to take over the term "woman" entirely for themselves, which of course they don't.

I could go on, but I won't, as this post is not about these things. It's more so about how estranged I feel from the people who spout these things, knowing that they think they're speaking for me and my supposed needs as a tranny. But I see no point in trying to educate them, as they won't listen any more to me than they would to a radfem, and again, I think this post in my screenshots shows just how unwilling they are to listen to me.

I guess living with my transition on constant display is what's hard, and I guess I just need to vent about that, as it's always judged one way or the other; as either me having made myself into a man, or that I'm a delusional woman who mutilated herself; and it's kinda hard to find a kind and sane middle ground, that perhaps I'm just a victim of circumstances, and trying to make the most of my own life, regardless of what the fuck I am. That social shit, on top of dealing with dysphoria, makes it really difficult to not hate myself, I guess. But I have tried to live stealth and that made it if possible even worse, as it felt like I was lying, keeping a huge secret that grew in me like a spreading virus.

What I want is to just live my life, and for neither my bio sex, nor my transition, to stop me from doing that. I want to work through the worst of my autism, enough to be able to pursue a career in some low-paying labor, blue-collar job; get a car and driver's licence, find a suitable husband to have a child and cats with; I want my own garden, an art studio; I want to build muscle to become strong and even more independent (and perhaps strong enough to carry that husband, but at least to carry myself), and so on. When I picture myself in that potential future, it is with this male-like appearance I transitioned my body into, but it is also as a mother and wife.

And thinking about all of that makes me happy, it makes me smile and feel joy, meaningfulness, hope... While thinking about arguing online with some miserable fuck, who's deadset on arguing semantics and calling me a terf, when all I wanted was to show a little bit of kindness, that "hey, I agree with you, you make a good point here, and I'm not here to fight" only to be spat right back into my face... just makes me feel sad. Whatever happened to diversity of opinion? It's gone, it became labeled as bad, and left people like me with no place to be.

There is no point in arguing with such people, or even trying not to argue. There's no winning in that, there's no reward, no accomplishment. It's better to walk away.

I know I just have to get over this, this inner conflict of going against my transness with my gender critical opinions, and that I'm going against my womanhood with my transition - and be stronger than the political climate that's pulling me into pieces. But if it's peace that I want... I can just forget about it. There's no road there. But I have trouble letting go of that simple dream. The internet is constantly manipulating me into thinking I have an exciting social life, when in fact it's non-existent, and the lie is destructive. With internet vs real life, I'm living a double life. One of those lives has a future, the other one does not.

I'm glad I made this rant. It actually made me feel better, and reminded me that it's still worth it. Being trans, moving forward, focusing on what is good and what can become good in life. And it reminded me that the internet is merely an imitation of life, a substitute for human connection, and can... as with much else, be both good and bad.

[tzifron]

The creation and rise of ecofascism actually began in the early 1900s, peaked in the 1970s during the birth of the modern environmental movement, and is now rising again with the current administration’s stance on immigration, environmental policy, and the ever-present effects of climate change. The founder of California’s first redwood and wild buffalo conservation organizations was also the founder of ecofascism (Darby, 2019). He was the president of the Bronx Zoo and responsible for kidnapping a Mbuti man and putting him on display in the zoo with apes. This white man, Madison Grant, believed the Nordic race was in decline and that his generation had the authority to decide which lives should be preserved and others discarded. In 1906 he authored The Passing of the Great Race, or The Racial Basis of European History , which would later become Hitler’s personal bible. He advocated for the incredibly racist Quota Act of 1921 and the Immigration Restriction Act of 1924 (Sparrow, 2019). Madison Grant introduced eugenics as central to the environmental movement, and the rise of ecofascism continued to grow. He is still so influential today that Anders Breivik, the Norwegian extremist who massacred 69 youth at a Labor Party Camp, made a tribute to Grant’s racial theory in his manifesto (Purdy, 2015).

In 1968, Paul Eirich, an entomologist at Stanford, published Population Bomb, in which he argued that ecological destruction and the majority of social problems on earth could be attributed to overpopulation and sterilization as the solution (Mann, 2018). Eirich’s publication and the growing environmental movement of the 1970s led to the first Earth Day in which 20 million people attended (Sparrow, 2019). Today, his theory has lost some of its stranglehold mainly due to slowed population growth, but his influence is still felt.

Modern ecofascists today draw on Eirich’s theory of overpopulation and believe that it puts a strain on natural resources and that, post-climate change, masses of people will be a threat to social stability (Darby, 2019). The only way to prevent this from happening in the future is to dramatically reduce the human population. As Pentti Linkola, a radical ecologist and ecofascist puts it: “When the lifeboat is full, those who hate life will try to load it with more people and sink the lot. Those who love and respect life will take the ship’s axe and sever the extra hands that cling to the sides of the boat” (Linkola, 1989). Today, this looks like white nationalism and xenophobia. Climate change is already one of the biggest drivers of immigration. Some climate change researchers argue that climate change has had a part in wars like the civil war in Syria, leading to mass migrations of people (Darby, 2019). Like many white nationalists, ecofascists believe that allowing immigrants into the United States is suicide. A popular meme among the far right is “save trees, not refugees” (Stern, 2019). Ecofascist beliefs like these are a major part of why Patrick Crusius murdered 22 people and injured more than a dozen in El Paso, Texas, in August 2019. Before the massacre, Crusius posted to Facebook the attack was “in response to a Hispanic invasion of Texas.” An entire page of Crusius’ manifesto is dedicated to theories originally founded by Eirich, discussing demographic shift and overpopulation. In his manifesto, “An Inconvenient Truth,” he wrote, “If we can get rid of enough people, then our way of life can be more sustainable.” Crusiusalso discussed the “decimation of the environment” and corporations contributions to overharvesting. Crusius was inspired by the Christchurch, New Zealand, mosque shooter, Brenton Harrison Tarrant (Darby, 2019). Tarrant is a self-proclaimed ecofasisct who, in his own manifesto, stated that “there is no nationalism without environmentalism.” He massacred 51 people in May 2019 (Barton, Smee, 2019).

White supremacy is clearly not new to the environmental movement. When we promote the idea that social tragedies are a must in order to save the environment, we repeat a dangerous trope that has and will continue to cost many lives, many of whom are minorities. When one decides that population reduction is the most beneficial way to save the planet and minimize our impact, one has to choose who needs to be reduced – and it has consistently been minorities, immigrants, and marginalized peoples. It may not seem harmful to post misleading pictures of swans in Italy or call COVID-19 earth’s ‘vaccine’, but it contains an underlying tone very reminiscent of a devastating, racist, and violent sector of environmentalism.

We have already seen the consequences of scapegoating certain racial groups during COVID-19. Hate crimes against Asian Americans have now averaged to about 100 per day across the United States. Over 1,000 hate crimes have been reported since the start of the pandemic (Rep. Judy Chu, 2020). Labeling coronavirus a “Chinese virus” reinforces xenophobia and racism towards Asian people. When Patrick Crusius referred to “our way of life” in the El Paso shooting, he was referring to an all-white way of life, a way that would diminish multiculturalism and stop the demographic shift that has supposedly expedited the environmental crisis (Klee, 2020).

On top of the violence and genocide associated with ecofacsism, ecofascist tropes routinely disregard who is really at fault for the environmental crisis. Since 1988, only 100 companies have been responsible for 71% of the world’s greenhouse gas emissions, and more than half of these can be traced to just 25 companies, including Exxon, Shell, BP, and Chevron (Riley, 2017). These companies are and will be responsible for catastrophic species extinction and global food scarcity over the next 30 years. Several billion people will have to and are already paying the price for a small number of state and private corporations to make record-breaking profits off oil. What’s even worse is that these corporations knew their potential impact on the global environment as far back as 1965, before the climate crisis (Taylor and Watts, 2019). Ecofasicists place the blame for climate change on population demographics rather than corporate groups and capitalism. Ecofasicists ignore the intertwining relationship between capitalist profits and environmental devastation. In a capitalist society, the consumption of goods is the center of everything (Reyes, 2019). The irrationality of it all is that it comes even at the expense of the state’s people and their wellbeing. Capitalism uses resources until it must transition or find new sources. From an environmentalist perspective, the resources are fossil fuels, and the consequence is environmental devastation and climate change. Ecofascism places this blame on the individual rather than the system as a whole. There are grave flaws with mindsets like this. Ecofascism has no place within the environmental movement. It is harmful and destructive to all human beings with an emphasis on those who identify as marginalized and non-white.

Now, this isn’t to say that every person who tweets or minimizes the impact of COVID-19 has the intention of being an ecofascist and is aware of the history and serious flaws within this mindset. It’s just to say that where there are unfathomable human tragedies, a dark, ecofascist side of environmentalism has always coexisted with it that ignores the overarching systemic issues that play a role. Until we call out the injustices in attributing environmental benefits to mass human loss, ecofascist tropes, unknowingly or not, are bound to rise and resurface in the midst of human calamities. The next time you see a post or tweet about the environmental benefits of shelter-in-place mandates, be careful and think about the potential and underlying repercussions of views like these on a broader, global, scale. Ecofascism does not have a place in the environmental movement, and well-meaning or not, articles and tweets with underlying ecofascist tropes should be scrutinized and called out.

[casualarsonist]

Postal 2 review

Postal 2 was released right in the middle of what should have been my prime teenage-edgelord years, but while it’s had a resurgence in popularity due to nostalgia, returning to it, the game strikes me now exactly as it did then - a forgettable and borderline broken, amateurish piece of software that was crowded out of all but the most fringe playerbases by other, better, more interesting games.

Postal 2 is Hatred, if Hatred mistakenly thought it was funny - it was a try-hard attempt at outrunning South Park in a race no-one was watching. The irony is that in hindsight South Park turned out to be tedious fence-sitting ‘all sides are equally stupid’ takes from a pair of moron Gen Xers who thought that not having a strong opinion about anything was cool and were also responsible for mass-marketing anti-semitism to an entire generation. It was seen as edgy and provocative in the 2000s, and now it’s laughed at for its rigid, pointed adherence to committing nothing of value to any issue. And in trying to out-do Parker and Stone the developers of Postal 2 shackled themselves to the exact same sinking ship.

The game is…not great. It’s ugly, and poorly put-together. There are constant issues with controls and soundtrack - you can hear the audio clicking repeatedly in the opening minutes of the game because whoever did the sound design stitched together a bunch of stock sound effects and didn’t crossfade the adjoining tracks. The same 3 second soundbite of a bird repeats endlessly - noticeable because it is the only sound playing as you tour through the town. And while there is something to be said for the effort put into programming all the systems that go towards simulating the mundanity of everyday life (and towards your disruption of that mundanity with a can of gasoline and a box of matches), this was an indie game with a certain amount of ambition developed before crowdfunding could turn these games into something worth playing. It’s tedious, but not in the way the developers intended - it’s tedious mechanically, like playing in a small, ugly, sadistic sandbox. The most interesting thing you discover about it is that doing everyday tasks like shopping for milk, and burning everyone in the town alive, are actions that get boring at exactly the same rate as one another.

That said, I think there’s a certain amount of accidental Tom Green-esque avant-garde nihilism in the absurdity of this game. It’s kind of funny to watch the 'Parents For Decency’ whip out pistols and try to murder every member of the Running With Scissors development team because they don’t like their violent games. That’s genuine satire - it actually says something real, and, because the 'think of the children’ groups are usual comprised of wealthy conservatives trying to avoid caring about actual tangible suffering in the world, the commentary kicks upwards at a group that will otherwise avoid any punishment for their hypocrisy. The icing on the cake is that you can then choose to kill them in self-defence, proving that you’re exactly the thing they were protesting. Postal 2 has something to say occasionally. Very occasionally. But then give it a few hours and you’re murdering dozens of shrieking racist stereotypes of Afghanis that all look like Osama Bin Laden.

If you kill 30 people from every type of skin colour you get an achievement called 'Sheriff Arpaio would be proud’. I had to google his name because I thought he he was a mass murderer with some kind of pointedly indiscriminate political agenda. Nope - he was a white Sheriff in Arizona who specifically profile non-white people in one of the most widespread examples of open racism in American law enforcement since segregation was made ‘illegal’. And given recent history, that’s saying something. He alone cost the taxpayers of his one county $140 million dollars via lawsuits brought against him. The fucking U.S. Justice Department sued him. If I hadn’t researched that I wouldn’t have realised he was actually a massive racist asshole who specifically targeted Hispanics and black people, because Running With Scissors made a false equivalence in their throwaway gag that just happens to mislead the player about the racist crimes of the person they’re referencing. 'Sheriff Arpaio would be proud’…because it was a numbers game? Yes, that’s what he liked. Persecuting *everyone* - as many people as possible, and not one very specific demographic of people.

I’m not saying that this stupid joke intentionally whitewashes the racism of its namesake, and I’m not saying that this, coupled with the developers’ portrayal of Middle Eastern people as homogenous terrorists screaming gibberish through the singular face of a mass murderer is in any way an explicit demonstration of their edgelord racist worldview. I’m not saying that, in the same that I’m not saying that a crack-smoking, dog-kicking, wife-abusing, spree-killer living in a trailer in any way reflects their perspective towards the poor, and that this entire game is one big middle-finger to everything the developers personally dislike. I’m saying that there’s a marked difference between forcing players to kill brown people because they’re all terrorists and forcing players to kill white people because they’re vegetarians. Or have red hair. Jesus that was such a 2003 joke wasn’t it?

At the very least, the panel of people who mindmapped the ideas that came together to form the foundational commentary of Postal 2 are dumb as dogshit, and the end result of that is 'whoopsie we’re slaughtering dozens of Muslims ho ho ho the Indian food store has Afghani suicide bombers in it all these people are the same skin colour Sheriff Arpaio did a bad thing to *lots of different people!*’

Isn’t it interesting that a game touted as a free-for-all and remembered for it’s 'all sides are bad’ South Park-esque 'sick of the system’ worldview actually depicts its town exactly from the perspective of one very specific demographic of people - the single most represented demographic in the American population: middle-class straight white male Gen Xers who feel disenfranchised but are also ardently pro-America, hate the poor despite not being wealthy themselves, hate the rich for being richer than them, hate 'rednecks’ for being too uncivilised, hate 'conservatives’ for being too stuck-up, and hate liberals for not fitting into a stuck-up conservative worldview. When you think of yourself as the lone, correct singularity trapped in the centre of a world filled with people who are wrong because they care too much about things you don’t like to think about, literally every other person on the planet becomes a potential threat. Your life is given meaning by the feeling of persecution this constant target on your back brings. And it’s a lot easier to take your anger out on a toothless social group than to comprehend your own lack of identity - to make fun of 'gingers’ and vegetarians like you were born yesterday rather than do anything legitimately rebellious or anti-establishment. Particularly if your specific demographic is the one nearly all media is catered towards. Movies are telling you that you’re the hero, but your miserable job tells you that you’re just a rube. Who’s to blame? Don’t bother thinking about it, because you might end up on a crusade, and you don’t want to be like those losers who keep going on about their problems. Make a game in which you kill all those people instead. That’ll teach em.

Postal 2 is the kind of stand-up comic that gets heckled for telling an offensive joke and then threatens to shoot-up the audience if they won’t stop booing him. It was made - poorly even for the time - by a bunch of clowns playing to the easiest possible audience: white edgelords. It’s a power fantasy for people who don’t have anything meaningful to fight for, so they fight gingers. Y'know, because South Park did it. Nazis are funny, gingers are bad. Everyone is wrong, stick to the middle. The middle of a spectrum. The middle of the road. The middle of a river as it sweeps you out to sea. It’s all the same.

2/10

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

stephanie perkins: ‘anna and the french kiss’

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Then again, if you’ve read any YA book, ever, it’s fairly obvious what’s going to happen.

I was going to go easy on this book; I really was. It’s really unfair how media aimed at a female demographic is seen as frivolous and vapid, and more often than not bashed and bullied when it comes to reviews. “People actually enjoy this crap?” ask the powers that be. “It’s worthless! Pulp! Dreamy-eyed nonsense only complete nimrods could ever like!”

And I take offense to that. There’s nothing wrong with liking romance or happy endings or stories about cute European boys. I was ecstatic when I stumbled across Anna and the French Kiss upon a chance trip to the bookstore. The cover was… meh (Century Gothic? Really? There were no other fonts?). But I’d heard nothing but praise about the book, and I was prepared to stay up all night and into the wee hours of the morning to finish it.

Admittedly, I was far from impressed upon the first reading. The characters were unlikable, the plot would’ve worked better for less shitty characters, honestly fuck these characters am I supposed to like them, fuck Anna, fuck Étienne, fuck Bridgette, fuck Toph, fuck Dave and Meredith and Amanda and Seany and every other stupid character in this stupid book.

The second time around, I expected to not hate it as much as I did when I first read it. It’s happened- I hated Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda when I first read it, and when I read it again, all that red-hot anger simmered down into an overall dislike. I thought To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before was trash at first, and then I read it again, and it got promoted to recyclable waste matter.

I found Anna and the French Kiss horrendous the first time I read it, and then I read it again, and… yeah, it’s still pretty awful.

Le Sommaire:

Anna Oliphant is a seventeen-year-old wannabe film critic who is #NotLikeOtherGirls – so she’s exactly like every other female YA lead. To her credit, she never explicitly says she’s special… everyone around her does.

She has a pretty meh life in Atlanta, Georgia with her mum and little bruv Sean- and then her dad decides to ship her off to France for her final year of high school. I’m not judging Anna for bawling her eyes out on her first day; I’m a huge mummy’s girl myself and I’d probably (definitely) do the same.

Meredith is Anna’s next-door neighbor, who does that thing which only happens in YA where she’s like “Oh, newbie? Let’s be friends!” (Or maybe it does happen irl and I tend to make a bad first impression which is why no one has ever approached me.)

Meredith’s friends are: Rashmi and Josh (who are a couple), and Étienne St. Clair. Guess which one is the love interest.

Étienne is cultured in that white person way where he’s half American, one quarter French and one quarter British. A true international.

But- *gasp*- American-British-French boy has a girlfriend, Ellie.

Anna has an absolutely gorgeous punk rocker (yum) boy with sideburns (yikes) back home named Christopher. Also, Christopher’s nickname is ‘Toph’ instead of ‘Chris’ because he too is #NotLikeOtherGirls. Anna tells us that nothing will happen between her and Étienne.

Anna is wrong.

Meredith has a crush on Étienne. So does the Regina George of the school, Amanda.

Étienne and Anna have some moments ™.

♫ Everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but Anna ♫

I tear my hair out in frustration.

Several other white boys vie for Anna’s heart. Anna remains blissfully unaware (♫ that’s what makes you beautiful ♫). Étienne (who is still dating Ellie, mind you) is unreasonably agitated by this.

Étienne’s mum has cancer btw, which excuses all the shitty things he does, because he’s just a poor, misunderstood boy.

Ellie dresses up as a, quote unquote, ‘slutty nurse’ for Hallowe’en, though- so it’s perfectly okay to dislike her (even though, in the first interaction she had with Anna, where Ellie meets Anna and Étienne, after Étienne takes Anna to the movies, Ellie is perfectly sweet).

Anna, however, is NOT a slut. Amanda is, though. And Rashmi’s cold. And Meredith’s desperate. And Emily’s a slut, too. And her friend Bridgette from Atlanta is a traitor. Anna has an intense case of internalized misogyny.

Anna’s friend Bridgette from Atlanta is screwing Toph, and Anna throws a fit.

Étienne and Anna have some more moments ™.

A truly chaotic series of events befall Anna. She somehow winds up dating Dave (one from the harem of white boys who likes her) to spite Étienne, she gets into a fight with Amanda, more drama ensues, there’s a hint for a spinoff, Étienne and her kiss, Meredith sees and feels betrayed… several misunderstandings and more bullshit later, Étienne and Anna wind up together, because true love conquers all.

Mes Réflexions:

(If the French is off, blame Google Translate.)

Usually, it takes me half a page of my notebook to scribble down my thoughts about the book I’m reading. This motherfucker took me almost an entire page.

Granted, a solid 30% of those notes are me throwing insults at Étienne, but still. ‘STOP STOP STOP YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND YOU DICK’ counts, right?

(That was #17 in my notes, by the way.)

For the record, I like Stephanie Perkins’s writing. It’s not as over-the-top and unnecessarily introspective as Jenny Han’s in To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, and the interactions between Anna and her classmates were natural and not the “How do you do, fellow kids?” style of Becky Albertalli’s Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda. The pacing is decent- I didn’t feel like it was too rushed; not the insta-love trope most YA romances unfortunately fall prey to.

And yet. AND YET.

Anna: “What’s your problem?” Amanda: “You.”

Same, Amanda, same.

Anna Oliphant is one of my least favorite leads in a book, ever. Étienne’s even shittier. And it’s not like Nick or Amy Dunne from Gone Girl, or any of the main characters from The Secret History, where readers pretty much unanimously hate them. You’re meant to relate to Anna, you’re meant to find Étienne charming and dreamy. I literally had to put the book away and calm myself down several times- especially in the last quarter of the book.

One of my main gripes with Anna is how… dumb she is. I guess Anna’s “Oopsies, silly me, I don’t know French!” is meant to be relatable to the readers. And some parts (like her not knowing how to order food because she can’t speak French) are plausible, but- sis, you didn’t know how to spell oui? And my idea of a cinematic masterpiece is Kung-Fu Panda, but even a dumbass like me knows that France is the film appreciation capital of the world. And yet Anna, a self-professed film freak, doesn’t?

Of course, Anna’s gorgeous, but she has no clue, because of course she doesn’t- even though she has multiple guys falling head over heels for her.

I’m in a short skirt. It’s the first time I’ve worn one here, but my birthday seems like the appropriate occasion. “Woo, Anna!” Rashmi fake-adjusts her glasses. “Why do you hide those things?”

Étienne is staring at my legs. The scales covering them throb under his intense gaze, and the pincers sticking out of my thighs start clicking rapidly in arousal. My hooves shiver in ecstasy.

… sorry, that’s not funny.

Her friends think Anna’s weird for wanting to write film reviews (which is the most contrived thing I’ve ever heard) instead of being the next Margot Robbie or whatever, but of course Étienne doesn’t and he thinks it’s not weird and cool and that Anna is such a special snowflake.

(Man, I sound like Amanda.)

And then we have this spiel by Anna about how she got into film critiquing (?), because we the readers need to know how special and #NotLikeOtherGirls Anna is.

To this, I say, “Piss off, you pretentious fuck.”

Of course, Anna’s a virgin and she’s never gotten drunk before or worn short skirts- she’s not a slut, she shaves below the knees only.

And would YA really be YA without several hearty helpings of internalized misogyny?

First up, we have the bimbo; the Barbie doll archetype whose only goal in life is acquiring the main guy (who is quite obviously uninterested in her), and making life hell for our protagonist. Amanda Whatsername (is she ever given a surname?) has this coveted role in Anna and the French Kiss. She’s blond (because of course she is); the first time we meet her, she’s in a, quote unquote, ‘teeny tank top’, and she also ‘positions herself for maximum cleavage exposure’. She’s always flipping her hair, getting her grubby paws on Étienne, giving Anna the stink-eye, being homophobic and a grade-A bitch.

Meredith goes batshit when Anna and Étienne kiss, and is very pouty and unhappy during prior Anna x Shittiene moments. Honey… he’s just not that into you. Rashmi’s the Ice Queen reincarnate and halfway to bitchdom. Anna doesn’t go as hard on them as she does on literally every other female her age in the book, though.

Rashmi looks at me for the first time, calculating whether or not I might fall in love with her own boyfriend.

Anna, hate to break it to you, but not everyone’s a possessive fucking weirdo.

About Cherrie, her ex-boyfriend Matt’s new girlfriend:

And maybe Cherrie isn’t as bad as I remember. Except she is. She totally is. After only five minutes in her company, I cannot fathom how Bridge stands sitting with her at lunch every day.

Her lifeless laugh is one of her lesser attributes. What does Matt see in her?

Even Bridgette, Anna’s best friend from Atlanta, isn’t immune to Anna’s anti-female propaganda. She’s screwing the guy Anna used to like, and Anna, the hypocrite, throws a huge fit.

For context: Bridgette and Toph are in a band called the Penny Dreadfuls (why is it with YA books and horrible band names? ‘Emoji’ from Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda was bad enough), and Anna + Matt + Cherrie go to a bowling alley to see them perform. After the performance, Toph announces that he’s sleeping with Bridge, and Anna confronts Bridge… onstage.

“… You’re welcome to move in when I leave again, because that’s what you want, right? My life?”

She shakes with fury. “Go to hell.”

“Take my life. You can have it. Just watch out for the part where my BEST FRIEND SCREWS ME OVER!” I knock over a cymbal stand, and the brass hits the stage with an earsplitting crash that reverberates through the bowling alley. Matt calls my name. Has he been calling it this entire time? He grabs my arm and leads me around the electrical cords and plugs and onto the floor and away, away, away.

Everyone in the bowling alley is staring at me.

I duck my head so my hair covers my face. I’m crying. This would have never happened if I hadn’t given Toph her number. All of those late-night practices and… he said they’ve had sex! What if they’ve had it at my house? Does he come over when she’s watching Seany? Do they go in the bedroom?

I’m going to be sick.

Give me a goddamn break.

Anna, about Ellie:

To my amazement, Ellie breaks into an ear-to-ear smile. Oddly enough, it’s this moment I realize that despite her husky voice and Parisian attire, she’s sort of… plain. But friendly-looking.

That still doesn’t mean I like her.

“Anna! From Atlanta, right? Where’d you guys go?”

She knows who I am? St. Clair describes our evening while I contemplate this strange development. Did he tell her about me? Or was it Meredith? I hope it was him, but even if it was, it’s not like he said anything she found threatening. She doesn’t seem alarmed that I’ve spent the last three hours in the company of her very attractive boyfriend. Alone.

[about Ellie’s Hallowe’en costume] Slutty nurse. I don’t believe it. Tiny white button-up dress, red crosses across the nipples. Cleavage city.

If I didn’t like Ellie before, it’s nothing compared to how I feel now. It doesn’t matter that I can count how many times we’ve met on one hand.

I fantasize about their break-up. How he could hurt her, and she could hurt him, and all of the ways I could hurt her back. I want to grab her Parisian-styled hair and yank it so hard it rips from her skull. I want to sink my claws into her eyeballs and scrape.

It turns out I am not a nice person.

YOU DON’T FUCKING SAY.

Emily Middlestone bends over to pick up a dropped eraser, and Mike Reynard leers at her breasts. Gross. Too bad for him she’s interested in his best friend, Dave. The eraser drop was deliberate, but Dave is oblivious.

One of the juniors, a girl with dark hair and tight jeans, stretches in a move designed to show off her belly button ring to Paul/Pete. Oh, please.

And I’m meant to like this character? I’m supposed to root for her?

I’m not saying every girl in the book should be perfectly sweet and friendly- that’s just not realistic. But when Anna has something judgmental to say about every other young female character… maybe she’s the problem.

In fact, the only girl I recall getting a pass is Isla Whatsername. And why do you think?

Brilliant.

And now we have the amalgamation of almost every fanfic boyfriend trope from 2014, Étienne St. Clair. Brown-eyed Harry Styles. I can’t fucking wait.

Étienne could’ve discovered the cure for cancer, or abolished poverty, or volunteered at animal shelters in his spare time. He could’ve been the most virtuous guy around (fret not; he decidedly isn’t). And I still wouldn’t’ve thought of him as the man of my dreams because HE HAS A BLOODY GIRLFRIEND.

I mean, which girl doesn’t want her boyfriend to say:

“I cheated on her every day. In my mind, I thought of you in ways I shouldn’t have, again and again.”

Fuckin’ smooth, bro.

“No matter what a terrible boyfriend I was, I wouldn’t actually cheat on her. But I thought you’d know.”

Such a gentleman!

“So you can keep dating Ellie, but I can’t even talk to Dave?”

Étienne looks shamed. He stares at his boots. “I’m sorry.”

I don’t even know what to do with his apology.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. And this time, he’s looking at me. Begging me. “And I know it’s not fair to ask you, but I need more time. To sort things out.”

And this gem:

“If you liked me so much, why didn’t you break up with her?”

“I’ve been confused. I’ve been so stupid.”

*me, banging pots and pans together* F U C K Y O U

“Ellie’s not like you, Anna; she’s a slut and a whore even though I’m the one who’s been thinking about another girl inappropriately and I’m the one who gets my knickers in a twist when another man glances in your direction because my masculinity is extremely fragile and I’m a total hypocrite and a dickhead.”

I mean, he didn’t actually say that, but that’s the gist.

WHILE DATING ELLIE: he gets Anna a book of sexual love poems, he calls her attractive (“Any bloke with a working prick would be insane not to like you.”) multiple times, he gets jealous whenever another guy so much as breathes in Anna’s direction and constantly interrupts such interactions, he’s been ditching his friends for his girlfriend but suddenly decides he prefers a new girl over said girlfriend, he thinks bread pudding tastes good- in conclusion, he is a Massive Fucking Prick. Though in hindsight, him and Anna deserve each other. They’re awful.

I had loads more notes taken down (Anna using Dave; “The important thing is this: Dave is available. St. Clair is not.”); the implication that cheating is okay because Ellie is bad or whatever, even though the sudden change in her character seems contrived because she was perfectly okay with Étienne and Anna hanging out before; how my blood boils whenever I read an American book and American girls are like “oOoOh AcCenT!!!1!!1!!”; me reading “DAVE SAYS YER A SLUTBAG” in Hagrid’s voice; the sheer atrocity of the name ‘Étienne St. Clair’ (sounds like a caricature of a French person)… but this ‘review’ is already pushing 3k and I can’t be fucked to expand on any of those points.

Verdict (which is apparently the same in French):

Who needs Christopher when Étienne St. Clair is in the world?

Speak for yourself.

[micromim]

Getting rid of discrimination in the workplace

Okay, I am a white woman and there is a whole lot I don't know about the experiences of minority individuals in the workplace, but I want to share a few things I believe are helpful to creating a safe work environment for everyone.  If I am off base on any of them, please let me know.  If you have other good ideas, please let me know.  

1. When you walk into a large social gathering/conference/reception and you aren't sure who to talk to, go talk to  persons of color, LGBTQIA individuals, disabled individuals, women in hijabs, women in general,  students and interns and people I may have not mentioned who may feel in the margins.  You can make time to talk to your friends and whoever the most important people in the room are, but talk to the ones who need someone to talk to them. It helps make the world safer for them, and if they are on the margins but still in that room, they will be interesting and driven.  It has been hard for them to make it into that room; they are worth getting to know.

2. Don't try out new policies, programs, cutbacks, and other changes on Black individuals for the first time.  If you want to try something new that might not work, consciously think of a specific white male and how it will go if you try it out on him.  If you think that white male will put up too much resistance or be under too much stress from whatever you are thinking of, don't try it on a Black person.  This one might seem weird, but I am shocked by how often new policies suddenly come into play with Black people as the pilot individuals.  

3. Become informed about the demographics of your field of work and become aware of who the under represented demographics are.  Get to know people in that demographic.  Listen to what they have to say.  Ask them what they need to get where they want to go.  Every time I do this, I am surprised by the answers.  There is so much I take for granted and never imagine another person lacks.  When I find out what their perspective is, it becomes straightforward to see what I can do to be an ally and help them overcome obstacles.4. Make comprehensive lists of people and go through the entire list, one name at a time, when you are considering people for leadership roles, awards, invitations, and other career building opportunities.  I began to understand what racism looks like when I started doing this because there were names of qualified people that my brain would not have remembered to think of and then the list reminded me.

5. Try to look for the positive work output of people more than the negative. Everyone has flaws.  It has been my experience that the flaws of women and minorities are magnified in the workplace much more than other individuals.  It is really easy to dismiss someone's work as lazy or stupid.  If you think this is the case, ask that person about their situation. They have a story and they deserve a chance to tell it.  It may be a whole lot different than what you are thinking.  

6. When people are complaining, listen.  It is really easy to tune out someone's complaints but if they are upset enough about something to verbalize it, there is a situation that needs to be addressed.  Maybe you don't have the power to address it, but even being a compassionate co-worker can help.  

7. Give persons of color and minority individuals the opportunity to teach you the language that they prefer to be used when communicating about them, particularly if their diversity contributions are a part of the communication.  It is okay to ask.  It is okay to show them paragraphs and ask if there is anything they would like reworded or changed.  

8. Advocate for other people when discrimination is happening.  If someone is criticizing another person openly, ask them if that person has actually done what they are accused of.  If someone cuts another person off from speaking, tell them you would really like to hear what that person has to say.  

There is probably other stuff I could say about not blaming people for problems you cause yourself, not taking things that don't belong to you, and listening carefully even when people have accents, but that seems like enough from me for now.  What are the things you guys do to help create a safe working environment for all people?

[acti-veg]

what is the origin of veganism and where has the idea of it being a rich / white person thing come from?

There have been various incarnations of a refusal to consume animals since classical times, with many examples throughout the ancient world. The most noteworthy being Pythagaros, but other religious and spiritual dietary requirements included abstaining from meat long before him. There is some debate about whether or not ancient traditions in the east were vegetarian or what we would not understand to be veganism, since even to this day, in many regions the word ‘vegetarian’ is really what we understand by ‘vegan’ in the West, and includes abstaining from eggs and dairy in many instances.

That said, in terms of our modern understanding of veganism, it really isn’t that old at all. It was coined in 1944 by the founder of the Vegan Society, Donald Watson. There were many people around at that time who held very similar views, as well as long before them as discussed, but Watson and the group he was apart of can really be seen as the first to roll that ideology into it’s own political and social movement. 

This idea about veganism being exclusively for rich white people is a modern invention on social media platforms, really. In the early days of veganism and during the boom of the 70′s, this was really not a thing. Anyone who knows anything about global poverty knows that historically and in the present day, most poor people eat primarily vegetarian foods. The only reason we see meat as a cheap staple for the poor in the West is because we subsidise it so heavily with our tax money, which again is a relatively new phenomenon, coming out of the farming subsidies during the second world war. Yet since instagram and Facebook, health dieters in particular, most often white and middle class, really popularised the term as part of a health trend and divorced it from it’s ethical origins. That is still the case on just about every platform, unfortunately. If you look at the demographics for who most vegans actually are, we can see that this is absolutely not the case, yet the stereotype continues because it is a convenient way to dismiss an entire movement on the grounds that it is somehow ‘elitist.’

 I don’t want to pretend that there is no basis for this, as in many social justice movements, the loudest voices tend to be those listened to be wider society, and those tend to be white, middle class, able bodied people. The community itself needs to do far more to raise up the voices of poor and disabled vegans, and especially vegans of colour. Demographically, vegans are about as diverse as the rest of the population is (at least in the US where we have that data) but the fact that the face of veganism is still white and middle class is still a real problem, and it can’t be blamed entirely on those who are outside the movement. 

Vegans have always represented a broad spectrum of the population, but those who stereotype us seldom bother to actually do the research on that, or to engage with the community enough to see it’s diversity. They dismiss veganism as a “white people thing” because it makes it easier to dismiss the valid criticisms we have of their lifestyle and ethical decisions.

[akechicrimes]

it does matter, actually, that goro akechi is a minor. not because this somehow exonerates him morally, or because this somehow makes him not responsible for his actions, but because persona 5 is invested in children as a source of hope for a better future. 

once i saw someone complain that people will defend akechi’s murders on the grounds that he’s a child/minor and how they felt that this doesnt excuse multiple counts of murder. and i was like, ok, well, im not sure anyone was excusing him, but alright, sure. and i’ve seen a few rebuttals to that, one of which is that shido and the other adults in akechi’s life had a responsibility to support akechi in such a way that it didn’t come to murder, and of course it’s on shido to just not be a massive dick who endorses fascism and murders in the first place. and i was like ok, well, this seems a little patronizing and dismissive of akechi’s agency and autonomy, but alright, sure.

in a very roundabout way of explaining my first two sentences, there’s one thing that bothers me lately, and it’s selim bradley from fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood. 

for those of us not familiar with fma:b, selim, or pride, is the oldest homunculus/artificial human in the show and the second-oldest villain, despite the fact that he looks about eight years old. of the seven homunculus named after deadly sins, selim/pride is the only one to survive the show--with an asterisk, which is that selim gets the “homunculus” part of him erased by the end of the show. with the “pride” aspect of him gone, selim is mortal, without any special powers, without memories of any of his amoral acts, and is generally just a happy, normal child.

which is a weird exception to fma:b’s general rule in which every other homunculus dies. even fan favorites like greed and envy don’t live, despite the fact that greed and envy are far more sympathetic as characters. selim kills multiple people on-screen, shows zero remorse whatsoever, and is an active helper in all the other mass-murders that the homunculi engineer. selim’s not an innocent in any way. also, he’s like, 200 years old? 300? he’s very old. biologically, mentally, emotionally, selim is not a child.

but fma:b goes out of its way to make sure that selim gets a second chance at a future, just because his body looks like a child’s. cut another way, he gets an exception from a large number of terrible crimes, up to an including participation in genocide, just because he looks like a child. 

fma:b reminded me that, outside of tumblr’s purity politics over children, and especially so in japan, children are socially constructed in a very specific way, beyond biological age and legal majority cutoffs. 

yes, biological age is a thing. yes, legal majority is a thing. i’m not saying that being a child isn’t a biological thing--it is, obviously. but what i’m saying is that there’s a difference between, say, the sex assigned to you at birth and your gender presentation, to use an analogy. there is a such thing as biological age, but the societal status of being a child of a related but separate thing. and this status of being considered a child is a societal construct.

the social construction goes like this, insofar as i’m aware: children should be good and silent and dutiful and work hard and go to school and listen to their elders, and their elders in turn should do everything they can to guide the children to the right path and build a good society for these children to inherit. (if we want more details on this, please see the entire history of filial piety in asia.)

so that’s a social contract right there baked into the social construct of childhood: children don’t have power, but adults have an obligation to make sure they don’t need power, and to make sure that the future and their children’s futures look bright. 

children represent the future, essentially. they’re the next generation. they’re simultaneously without legal rights as adults and in a very vulnerable position, for sure, but they’re also simultaneously considered the country’s most precious capital: quite literally the people who will inherit and lead the country next.

which, personally, i think puts a whole new spin on the phantom thieves in general. they’re not just kids who’re being rowdy or kids telling abusive shitty adults theyre being abusive and shitty--or, they’re kids doing those things, but they’re not just kids doing those things. they’re kids who’ve been specifically let down by adults who did not fulfill their social obligation to them. they’re kids who’ve been abandoned and neglected by the very adults who should have been paving the way forward for them, as society has asked those adults to do, because those adults have instead chosen to line their own pockets and cover their own asses. 

so the kids said: alright, well, then i’ll take power for myself, and i’ll make my own future. (which is where we get a lot of those promo slogans of “steal back your future” and junk like that.)

sae’s comments about how adults should do their part to fix the world for the kids is just a resolidifying of the way the world “should” work, and we could talk about her comments on the matter, but actually i wanna talk about yoshida.

i especially want to talk about yoshida because yoshida and shido are the two politicians we see the most of, and both of them spend a lot of time reciting political rhetoric to speak to the hearts of the general japanese populace. we all know the way that shido thinks of japan: a large vehicle that one person is in control of, and the masses just compose the throne upon which the ruler sits.

we also already know that yoshida’s a Real G, but it’s worth really close-reading some of his lines. he speaks a lot about apathy, the lack of caring for each other in society--a general willingness to disregard your fellow man, to not uphold one’s social obligation to each other. but he also talks a lot about the “youth”--which is not really uncommon for a politician, obviously, since politicians are always talking about “the children” and “the kids” and “the next generation” and “those damn millennials” and all that shit. 

yoshida instead gives us these fun lines:

A world where the young exist only to be exploited... is a world that must be changed!

And while our society appears to be prosperous, many of our young people are quietly suffering. They lack jobs, security, savings... The next generation will lead us into the future and yet they have no plan for how to arrive there.

Passing on the societal ills we have created to the next generation... is not right!

...the current administration refuses to discuss their plans for the future... Can we really accept such an utter lack of transparency?!

If you make a promise, you must keep it. If you make a mistake, you must atone for it. These are basic human principles that we have all learned from the youngest of ages... 

yoshida’s entire thing about how the adults have let the children down isn’t just him saying shit--he’s commenting directly on the fact that the social contract has been broken, and he’s putting the blame on the administration for not upholding their responsibility to secure a future for the children, especially since the children are the future of the country. 

this is partly why he doesn’t blame the phantom thieves for acting the way that they do; rather, he seems them as a logical reaction to the injustice that’s occurred as a result of the society that the adults have left for them:

I bet [the Phantom Thieves] are a group of young people. Young people who have experienced cruelty and injustice... They bravely face the societal ills that plague our world without thinking of the consequences.

(i think also in part he admires the fact that they’re anonymous and don’t benefit personally from their actions, which is exactly the opposite of what he did as a young politician. he also doesn’t throw the real embezzlement culprit under the bus to exonerate himself presumably for the same principle of desiring selfless public service instead of personal gain.)

in both the early parts of the s link and later on when yoshida starts talking with matsushita more extensively, akira’s important because he’s young--he represents the young demographic that yoshida and matsushita are discussing the future of. akira demonstrating support for yoshida in a public way means a lot because he’s a minor. matsushita asks akira for his opinions on the phantom thieves and other issues because akira is a minor. akira’s opinion is supposed to be heard and valued by adults, who should take his opinions into consideration and do their best to not let him down. 

this is tied into the general thread of yoshida being a person who was self-admittedly just as corrupt as everyone else, who was blinded by glamor and fame and money, who got caught up in political scandal. yoshida’s general acceptance of his mistakes as a human being and politician ties over to his general belief that it’s not that the youth are rebellious no-good teens, but that the youth have been let down by politicians like who he used to be. he blames himself, and because he is not too different from the rest of the older generation and politicians in general, he implicates a lot of the older generation and politicians as also blame-worthy.

his quest for redemption and atonement dovetails neatly with his views on the broken societal contract. taken together, yoshida’s s link implies to us the idea that the entire general older generation in japan more or less owes the children of japan a formal apology, and the older generation better get on their redemption arc and start being the vanguard of the change for children:

The reason [the Phantom Thieves are] causing a stir is because they are addressing the world’s problems. Setting aside whether their actions are right or wrong... there is one thing I can safely say about the Phantom Thieves. A belief with conviction... has the ability to move a person’s heart.

I’m sure you are all aware that I am “No-Good Tora,” the one accused of embezzlement. However, because I was accused like that, I was able to understand the suffering of the weak. Why am I in politics? In the past, it was merely for personal gain. But why do the Phantom Thieves continue to change hearts? I believe they do it for the world and its people. And in choosing to do justice for others, they had no choice but to disguise themselves. No matter what the world says, I fully support them. 

I’m just an average citizen. However, I will continue to voice my beliefs. I may not be able to become a Diet member this election... and I may not be able to effect change during my lifetime... but I’ve made my peace with that. I will be happy as long as I can be a meaningful stepping stone for the future of our youth!

okay. so that was a lot of close reading about yoshida. why did we do this exercise, tumblr user akechicrimes. 

there’s two takeaways from this. the first is the one that yoshida has already talked about extensively, which is that the phantom thieves are just but not because Fuck Cops and Fuck Capitalism and Fuck Anime Jeff Bezos. the phantom thieves are just because the people who are supposed to be upholding society aren’t doing their fucking jobs. the phantom thieves are specifically saying: we’ve been let down by society, so apparently we have to do everything our goddamn selves around here.

(which also ties in neatly to the general “fuck cops” vibe of persona 5 which, i would like to say, is very specifically “the cops are not doing their jobs.” the TV station scene where akira speaks back to akechi is, if i’m remembering this right, maybe the ONLY time we really hear “akira’s” opinion on the morality of his own activities, which is fascinating because he just does these things without ever justifying himself to the player--anyway, his three options are: (1) They’re justice itself, (2) They’re necessary, and (3) They do more than the cops. so akira can’t ever at any point say that the phantom thieves are bad, but his most interesting and detailed answer is to point out that the cops aren’t doing what they’re supposed to do, so who can really blame the phantom thieves for doing what the cops aren’t?)

the second takeaway is that yes, goro akechi does get more leniency because he’s a minor. 

yes. seriously. this isn’t a matter of excusing what he did, or downplaying the fact that he committing murder. i’m not saying that he wasn’t old enough to make decisions (although i would never say that he was old enough to make decisions, because he was 14/15 when he got wrapped up in shido’s conspiracy). i’m also not saying that akechi, somehow for some reason, didn’t volunteer himself willingly, because all the evidence points to the fact that he did (although of course “free will” is also highly circumspect considering his living conditions at the time and the fact that shido makes it clear that he was able to manipulate akechi without ever infringing on akechi’s sense of autonomy). i’m not even saying that akechi was driven to the point of murder and had no other choice (although i think that might also be true as well).

what i am saying is that under the construction of childhood as japan’s future and japan’s hope, akechi is considered a valuable member of society, and is therefore worth saving.

or at least he should be.

akechi says that he’s an unwanted child, but “unwanted child,” according to yoshida’s rhetoric (and a lot of japan’s general rhetoric of children as hope for the future) is an oxymoron. (or at least it would be an oxymoron if japan weren’t so fucking hypocritical.) you can’t not want the future of the country. you can’t not want hope for a good future. the very idea that a child could be not wanted or not valuable doesn’t make any sense, because children are the future--in some ways, whether you like it or not, that child is going to inherit the earth when you’re dead.

the kind of person who’d not want those things is--well, shido. (this is why i used yoshida; yoshida and shido are two polar opposite politicians.) shido quite literally does not want a good future for anyone in the country and quite literally does not want akechi and quite literally does not see akechi, one of the very young-person citizens that shido is supposed to be serving, as useful or valuable in any way unless akechi is directly promoting shido’s fame and popularity. shido being akechi’s father is just a very neat and nice way of literalizing the ways that shido, as an adult, has let down akechi as a child--the ways that shido quite literally owed akechi something to make akechi’s life and future better, and instead did everything awful.

there should not ever be a thing like “unwanted child.” that in and of itself, from the start of akechi’s life, was nonsensical. and to the extent that shido being akechi’s father is allegorical of the ways that shido is a terrible patriarch for japan, i would say that akechi, as an unwanted foster child, is just another allegory for the ways that children nowadays are treated as misbehaving, lazy good-for-nothings who have to work themselves into the dirt to be given half the salary and half the praise. akechi, as an unwanted child, is just the personification and representative of an apparently unwanted generation. 

what i’m getting at is that akechi’s status as a minor (and yes he’s a minor even if he’s eighteen; age of majority in japan is twenty)--akechi’s status as a minor is a critical part of why akechi gets a shot at a redemption arc. so yes, actually, the other villains or palace-rulers don’t get redemption arcs because they are adults, who had a societal obligation to do better by their peers and by the children of japan. yes, actually, akechi’s informal “trial” in the hands of fandom is to be tried as a minor and not as an adult. yes, i know kamoshida didn’t kill anyone and akechi’s literal crimes are more morally repugnant, but yes, unfortunately, being a minor does actually exonerate him on the morality spectrum to a degree. 

being a child matters in the larger scheme of persona 5′s logic of who owes who, who’s responsible for who, and why we should not be apathetic. adults owe children a better future. adults have been letting children down. adults owe every single phantom thief, including akechi, an apology, a better future, and health and happiness; and they owe that to japan’s future not as a matter of exchange or morals, but simple social obligation. adults are supposed to take care of the kids--full stop. 

”okay but @ tumblr user akechicrimes?? akechi KILLED people.”

yeah, i know. i said “being a minor does actually exonerate him on the morality spectrum to a degree.” 

what degree? no idea. that’s up to you to decide. if you want to play in the black-grey-white morality scale that only goes two ways, you’re welcome to continue to ask “what degree.” we can argue that being a minor somehow reels akechi back from the “black” end of the spectrum into the “grey” or “white” parts. 

but (if i may be permitted to go completely off the shits into things that might make people pissed off at me for saying) i implore you to consider that this two-way scale of morality is not the line of thought that persona 5 is pursuing. 

this, again, ties back into the social construction of a child. i’ve said “a child is representative of the country’s future” so many times i think it’s lost meaning, so let me dice it a different way: a child is socially constructed as representative of potential and hope. a child is socially constructed as the capacity for things to get better. in persona terms, a child is the fool at the start of their journey, all futures contained in one present, a vast multitude of could-be’s. 

for a game very concerned with japan’s general societal ruin, children are not just in the position of having been let down by adults, but are--as the phantom thieves demonstrate--representative of better futures regardless of how terrible circumstances look in the current day. they are a source of believing one day this sad, depressing story might actually end with “and then they lived happily ever after.”

if i may go even more completely off the shits, take a look at this heckler from yoshida’s s link, which is the one that akira speaks back to in the middle of yoshida’s speech:

...I’ve been wrong this whole time. Even though someone has failed in the past, it doesn’t mean that person can’t try again.

this is to say, redemption arcs insofar as persona 5 (and also persona 5 royal, i think) is concerned is not a question of necessarily addressing the wrongs that have occurred. yoshida sets the bar pretty high in that yoshida does not ask for forgiveness for what he’s done, and instead simply accepts his actions and their consequences without attempting to lessen the blow. he embraces what he’s done in all its awfulness. 

but because akechi is a a minor, and because akechi as a minor is getting wrapped up in persona 5′s train of thought about kids as the hopeful futures of japan, akechi is at the very least owed a chance to do better. as a minor, japan is societally contracte to give him the space to have the potential to be better and do better. nobody is obligated to forgive him, and indeed neither royal nor akechi ever seem to entertain this as a valid possibility. forgive, forget, reconciliation, retribution, and resolution seem to be all off the table, as if the very idea would minimize haru or futaba’s losses. the very conceit of the dreamworld in P5R wants to shoot down the very idea that the past can ever, to any degree, be fixed, remedied, or even emotionally resolved. akechi will have always killed wakaba and okumura and this fact will always be awful--full stop.

nevertheless, despite the fact that the past cannot be changed, akechi is still a minor. rather than attempting to resolve the issues of the past, akechi is still owed the space to become a beacon of potential change for the better in the future--which is also known as hope. 

i’ve said this in other posts elsewhere, but persona games are like, obsessed with hope. they fucking adore that shit. why not? even in difficult times, even when things are terrible and you’re going through misery, if you at least have hope that one day things will be better, that life will change, that the new generation will step up to the plate and make the story have a happy ending, pain becomes easier to bear. and why not? persona games cover a breadth of difficult topics. 

especially in a game like P5, which talks at length about modern day japan’s ailments, what good is it if the player walks away with a defeatist attitude that the future will be terrible? 

if reality is malleable like morgana says, isn’t the first step to have hope that this is true?

this post has gone on a lot longer than i thought it would. but in any event. that’s why it is valid to say that akechi being a minor “exonerates” him to a degree. 

also selim bradley lives because fma:b concurs that children are a hope for a better future and fma:b is particularly invested in this line of thought because it’s a story about edward transitioning from a child to a young adult who is learning about the ways that the world works and is also still just childlike enough to propose that the world shouldn’t have to work in the bloody, awful way that it does. selim is representative that all children should be given as many chances as possible to do and be better because they are representative of potential. if that wasn’t clear. lmao.

[thejudgingtrash]

My unpopular opinion: Chiron is a horrible teacher, protector, whatever. He’s as bad dumbledor. He often manipulates children and put them in danger? Also is RR really trying to tell me not one single demigod from before percy’s generation made it to adulthood? Not even demigods of minor gods? If not then why haven’t we heard from them, why weren’t they called to fight in the war so that literal children didn’t have to? I have more but I’m not brave enough to post them lol

Fuck, I gotta check my asks more often. Too much stuff laying around and oh please people! Send your stuff in! Don’t be shy! It’s so interesting to see what’s on your mind! Let’s have that conversation and ask me!! :D I mean a bunch of people agreed and disagreed with my stances (Part 1/Part 2), let’s see how I feel about yours!

Anyway HERE WE GO BOYS! LET’S GO LESBIANS LET’S GO! 

LET’S HAVE THAT WHOLE DAMN ESSAY!

Chiron is clearly a self insert from Riordan. I mean come on…

That’s a solid Chiron if I see one. Which is pretty ironic as Chiron’s the shitty teacher who we all know and love. Got something to admit, Riordan? You as a former teacher? HMM?

Hiding incompetence under the disguise of the gentle old wise teacher is definitely something that Dumbledore and Chiron share. Chiron is the old centaur who lived for aeons and helped out the most famous heroes of their times, so shouldn’t modern times be considered to be an easier job for him? He’s barely present, highkey vague and has absolutely no problems with tossing children literally out into the open across the entire fucking US and A to clean the gods’ bathroom messes.

Had the heroes been in their 20s like in the original myths (or even older) it would’ve made more sense to let them find their own ways. It would be rude,  but somewhat okay. You could expect adults to find the way and connect the dots. But this is just messing with a bunch of 12 year olds because you can at this point.

Chiron is that supposed sweet teacher that just fucks up. We all had one, you know the one. Seems gentle and nice and but has clearly chosen the wrong job. Don’t know if that’s the trauma of living that long and/or seeing kids dying constantly that’s hitting him in the back of the head.

I have the feeling that people are projecting their teacher fantasies on to him just like step-father fantasies that include Paul. Because we want a guide who is trustworthy, we want an authoritative figure that we can share our concerns with and who guides us to solid solutions without betraying our trust.

But like I said, he’s essentially sending out kids to deathly missions and encouraging deep traumas. Yes, we can partially blame Chiron, but most of the blame goes to the gods who enable and encourage this weird dynamic. Would all of them straight up cut the bullshit and mostly resolve their own issues without using their children as pawns, it would’ve been easier for everyone involved. Additionally, there are many kids in camp to keep busy, look after and care for. I don’t know how many there were pre-TLO but I’d assume the number was in the hundreds? Of course, in larger cabins are camp counsellors that help out and guide next to camp schedules. But since Percy’s the only kid in the Poseidon cabin I guess that thought went south? Percy being the special kid would actually mean that there should be a focus on him unless you’re going for the “I’m neutral” spiel. Chiron knew from day one that Percy was walking Poseidon seed, come on.

Also like I somewhat implied, seeing people die left and right might have impacted Chiron to make him feel indifferent/despressed (could also be a stretch, who knows). Which isn’t an excuse, but might explain some takes. Explaining the same stuff for millennia in its essentials is probably getting tiring.

I think this is the third time that I mentioned it on my blog but showing and telling are the most powerful story telling concepts/fundamentals and you see Rowling and Riordan constantly failing at that which is concerning. Instead of Chiron (or Dumbledore) just simply getting down to the point and telling and explaining stuff briefly, he only eludes, vaguely formulates and it is simply confusing especially for a child in a brand new environment who just lost his mother (if we’re speaking about TLT). This does nothing but add more stress in such a fragile situation especially when a new and bigger threat makes its way.

There’s also the discussion on how much of Greek myth Percy actually gets. He has the basic/ obvious knowledge which many tend to forget. He doesn’t come in with no knowledge. He had Latin classes back at the academy, he studies with Annabeth, he knows some of the monsters. What he simply doesn’t know, is the magic of it all. That is the most confusing part for him.

The actual magic is not explained, which it doesn’t have to be in all of its entirety, but needs to be addressed somehow and gradually.

Percy asking a simple question like how the camp stays sunny and covered 24/7 and how the wardens work and Chiron casually sitting here like you a stoopid one

doesn’t help.

What many people forget: Magic doesn’t erase logic. Even in a magical setting, unless clearly stated, there has to be some kind of logic to connect the dots. It doesn’t need to be a clear cut A to B, but it should be comprehensible for both the readers and the characters in a particular situation. And that’s just not happening for Percy as the character. This also sets up the premise of Percy being ”stupid” which he isn’t. He is surrounded by incompetent teachers and staff that don’t bother telling him how things work and assume that he’ll just manage.

Yeah. Both Dumbledore and Chiron are awfulness in a sweet calm disguise.

Onto part two of the ask. I have had so many talks with people on that exact problem. It simply boils down to one issue:

Rick Riordan‘s inconsistency in world building and setting. The story telling doesn’t make any sense.

So kids are dying like flies before 18 but many are also super famous and in powerful positions? Many are historical figures that made it well over 18? Make that make sense. Also was WW2 supposed to be kicked off by some 12 year olds with that logic? The biggest man made catastrophe of the modern era boiled down to a bunch of fighting kids? No. We all know it. Just simply no. I actually don’t mind the WW2 background but Riordan should’ve given it another thought and be a bit more sensitive…? Like the whole fascist gang being team Hades? Uhh… sure…. nope.

Also the same logic applies to Civil War? You’re telling me a bunch of kids were supposed to have started this stance? Who was for and who was against slavery then? What in the actual fuck? Using children as child soldiers to stand in for these large complex historical issues that stretch over years and show many of humanity’s horrifying sides is just….eh.

No. This whole thing about campers dying as soon as they reach the magic number of 18 are either bedtime stories to scare the kids or toughen them up orrrr my guess, Riordan actually managed yet again to fuck up his own lore.

It’s the same logic with New Rome. You have a whole city full of adults but have a few kids run that bitch? You did your ten years of service as a child soldier and then do one of these?

As if adults magically exit this world. Like is that the reason why Percy’s been 17 for a whole damn decade? Because otherwise he gotta hand riptide in and all of the boys scout medals he has collected so far? Adults would’ve had the experience and expertise to win those fights but it would break the magic and charm of the books that a bunch of kids are saving the world for the younger demographic. Let’s do not forget that the targeted audience of the books are middle schoolers. Makes somewhat sense with PJO but with HOO Riordan really shot himself in the leg. He should’ve matured the OG characters at least.

(Also speaking about the actual myths again. A good chunk of them died in their 20s/30s/40s. Odysseus guided as an old man. The heroes weren’t twelve and dipping by the age of 16. The Trojan war went on for 10 years for example. So whereas the real Perseus lived a longer life and had a somewhat happy ending in comparison to his peers, he wasn’t the only one that made it into adulthood.)

Riordan mixing up his own lore is just a shame. Yes, it’s human and he already gets a lot of flag for other stuff. I also get it as a writer with my fanfic where I really have to scroll up to search tiny details that I’ve embedded and not noted down. Perhaps it’s my inner capitalist speaking, but for I’m way more forgiving towards a free product, a gift like a fanfic, rather than something I’ve paid actual money for when it comes to this. The process of publishing a book is large. You mean to tell me that there was no editor at Disney that bothered to fact check? Riordan got a check from us all and doesn’t even bother looking up his own stuff. A little bit more effort, Ricardo. Please. You have an entire damn wiki you could use to check for free if you’re too lazy to read your own books/don’t use authors softwares. Like what?

It’s stupid. You know it, I know it. And as you can see, I fully agree with you.

[chiseler]

Muna is Palestine, Yakub is Israel: The Untold Story of Sheikh Jarrah

Muna al-Kurd

There are two separate Sheikh Jarrah stories - one read and watched in the news and another that receives little media coverage or due analysis.

The obvious story is that of the nightly raids and violence meted out by Israeli police and Jewish extremists against Palestinians in the devastated East Jerusalem neighborhood.

For weeks, thousands of Jewish extremists have targeted Palestinian communities in Jerusalem’s Old City. Their objective is the removal of Palestinian families from their homes in the Sheikh Jarrah neighborhood. They are not acting alone. Their riots and rampages are directed by a well-coordinated leadership composed of extremist Zionist and Jewish groups, such as the Otzma Yehudit party and the Lehava Movement. Their unfounded claims, violent actions and abhorrent chant “Death to the Arabs” are validated by Israeli politicians, such as Knesset member Itamar Ben-Gvir and the Deputy Mayor of Jerusalem, Arieh King.

Here is a little introduction to the political discourse of Ben-Gvir and King, who were caught on video shouting and insulting a wounded Palestinian protester. The video starts with MK Ben-Gvir disparagingly yelling at a Palestinian who was apparently wounded by Israeli police, yet returned to protest against the evictions planned for Sheikh Jarrah.

Ben-Gvir is heard shouting, “Abu Hummus, how is your ass?”

“The bullet is still there, that’s why he is limping,” responds the Deputy Mayor, King, to Ben-Gvir.  King continues, “Did they take the bullet out of your ass? Did they take it out already? It is a pity it did not go in here,” King continues, pointing to his head.

Delighted with what they perceive to be a whimsical commentary on the wounding of the Palestinian, Ben-Gvir and King’s entourage of Jewish extremists laugh.  

While “Abu Hummus”, wounded yet still protesting, is a testament to the tenacity of the Palestinian people, King, Ben-Gvir, the settlers and the police are a representation of the united Israeli front aimed at ethnically cleansing Palestinians and ensuring Jewish majority in Jerusalem.

Another important participant in the ongoing Israeli ethnic cleansing campaign in Jerusalem is Israel’s court system which has provided a legal cover for the targeting of Palestinian inhabitants of Jerusalem.

The legal foundation of the Jewish settlers’ constant attempts at acquiring more Palestinian properties can be traced back to a specific 1970 law, known as the Legal and Administrative Matters Law, which allowed Jews to sue Palestinians for properties they claim to have owned prior to the establishment of Israel on the ruins of historic Palestine in 1948. While Palestinians are excluded from making similar claims, Israeli courts have generously handed Palestinian homes, lands and other assets to Jewish claimants. In turn, these homes, as in the case of Sheikh Jarrah and other Palestinian neighborhoods in East Jerusalem, are often sold to Jewish settler organizations to build yet more colonies on occupied Palestinian land.

Last February, the Israeli Supreme Court awarded Jewish settlers the right to many Palestinian homes in Sheikh Jarrah. Following a Palestinian and international backlash, it offered Palestinians a ‘compromise’, whereby Palestinian families relinquished ownership rights to their homes and agreed to continue to live there as tenants, paying rents to the very illegal Jewish settlers who have stolen their homes in the first place, but who are now armed with a court decision.

However, the ‘logic’ through which Jews claim Palestinian properties as their own should not be associated with a few extremist organizations. After all, the ethnic cleansing of Palestine in 1948 was not the work of a few extreme Zionists. Similarly, the illegal occupation of East Jerusalem, the West Bank and the Gaza Strip in 1967 and the massive settlement enterprise that followed was not the brainchild of a few extreme individuals. Colonialism in Israel was, and remains, a state-run project, which ultimately aims at achieving the same objective that is being carried out in Sheikh Jarrah - the ethnic cleansing of Palestinians to ensure Jewish demographic majority.

This is the untold story of Sheikh Jarrah, one that cannot be expressed by a few news bytes or social media posts. However, this most relevant narrative is largely hidden. It is easier to blame a few Jewish extremists than to hold the entire Israeli government accountable. Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, is constantly manipulating the subject of demographics to advance the interests of his Jewish constituency. He is a strong believer in an exclusive Jewish state and also fully aware of the political influence of Jewish settlers. For example, shortly before the March 23 elections, Netanyahu made a decision to greenlight the construction of 540 illegal settlement units in the so-called Har-Homa E Area (Abu Ghneim Mountain) in the occupied West Bank, in the hope of acquiring as many votes as possible.

While the Sheikh Jarrah story is garnering some attention even in mainstream US media, there is a near-complete absence of any depth to that coverage, namely the fact that Sheikh Jarrah is not the exception but the norm. Sadly, as Palestinians and their supporters try to circumvent widespread media censorship by reaching out directly to civil societies across the world using social media platforms, they are often censored there, as well.

One of the videos initially censored by Instagram is that of Muna al-Kurd, a Palestinian woman who had lost her home in Sheikh Jarrah to a Jewish settler by the name of Yakub.

“Yakub, you know this is not your house,” Muna is seen outside her home, speaking to Yakub.

Yakub answers, “Yes, but if I go, you don’t go back. So what’s the problem? Why are you yelling at me? I didn’t do this. I didn’t do this. It’s easy to yell at me, but I didn’t do this.

Muna: “You are stealing my house.”

Yakub: “And if I don’t steal it, someone else is going to steal it.”

Muna: “No. No one is allowed to steal it.”

The untold story of Sheikh Jarrah, of Jerusalem - in fact, of all of Palestine - is that of Muna and Yakub, the former representing Palestine, the latter, Israel. For justice to ever be attained, Muna must be allowed to reclaim her stolen home and Yakub must be held accountable for his crime.

by Ramzy Baroud

- Ramzy Baroud is a journalist and the Editor of The Palestine Chronicle. He is the author of five books. His latest is “These Chains Will Be Broken: Palestinian Stories of Struggle and Defiance in Israeli Prisons” (Clarity Press). Dr. Baroud is a Non-resident Senior Research Fellow at the Center for Islam and Global Affairs (CIGA) and also at the Afro-Middle East Center (AMEC). His website is

www.ramzybaroud.net

[anamericangirl]

Okay, @beachflowerr​ you brought up a lot of things and it’s too hard for me to do this all in replies on the post, but I think they deserve a response. 

I’m not “pulling you into any philosophy” that you didn’t say. The very concept of the privilege that you say I have is skin color, is it not? You told me I was putting myself in a picture I was not a part of and if I was not black, this did not affect me. Those were your words. That means I have the wrong skin color to be affected by this and to be a part of the picture and doesn’t the “privilege” you say I have affect the way I see and understand things? Isn’t this what people call white privilege? And doesn’t the very name imply that I have inherent privileges based on my race and that it has an effect on what I can and can’t understand? That is telling me I have the wrong skin color to understand certain things. That is all based on what you said. I’m not putting words in your mouth or pulling you into any philosophy that you yourself did not project. 

And sorry but the fact that you’re white doesn’t mean anything here. I don’t care what color skin you have you can discriminate against anyone. Even other white people. And just to be clear, I never claimed you were discriminating against me because I don’t think you were. But saying “I'm also white so I'm not discriminating against you” doesn’t prove anything. It doesn’t matter what color you are. 

But yes, please, let’s continue on American history. 

Thanks for the links but I am familiar with the slave trade. However, slavery goes back way before the 15th century. Slavery was literally going on all over the world and had been a thing for hundreds of years before America even existed and it certainly was not unique to African-Americans. Perhaps you are not aware of this but the very root of the word “slave” is slav, which is a reference to the slavic people who were the primary slaves during the Middle Ages and they were white people. 

Also, you are not correct that people from Africa were stolen by Europeans. The Africans who were slaves in America were actually enslaved by other Africans and then sold to the European slave trade. Another interesting fact for you is that most of the slaves in this slave trade did not even go to America, they went to South America. So it’s weird that America is the only racist country because of slavery even though less than 10% of the slaves came here and one ever shames Brazil for racism because of slavery.

But yeah, let’s focus on America because that’s where this issue is. So you might not know this, but not only black people were slaves in America. There where white slaves as well as black slave owners. In fact, at the height of slavery in this country 28% of free black people owned slaves while 1.4% of white people did, yet for some reason only the black slaves matter and only the white slave owners. People in this country like to ignore the fact that there where white slaves and black slave owners (a higher percentage even than white slave owners) for some reason. :)

Slavery did last here for a while but it officially ended in 1865 and that was a long time ago. People like to pretend that all the problems in this country are because of slavery and we, as white people, still have to pay for this evil even though there is still slavery going on in Africa today. Slavery was a bad thing and it happened. But it’s over now. No one alive today in this country was a slave or owned any slaves and it’s not responsible for what we see happening today. 

And let’s be glad those three amendments were added. I don’t get why it matters to you that it was three amendments and not one. Does it surprise you that completely shifting your culture and changing public perception of something that has been seen as normal and has been engrained in your culture for 100+ years doesn’t happen overnight? Is it a negative thing to you that, as a country, we worked and made changes until all people, regardless of skin color, were seen and treated as equals even if it took more than one amendment to get the job done? That seems like a positive thing to me. 

I realize in our country that black people have had a harder time gaining equality, but you are looking at this as a black v. white issue and that is not at all what it was. It was a democrat v. republican issue. If you look back through history at all these racist policies that we have had, every single one, from slavery to segregation, can be traced back to the democrats. Republicans fought since their formation for the freedom and equality of black people. One of the main reasons the republican party was formed was opposition to slavery. So it’s really not fair of you to just act like white people were oppressors and black people were oppressed. That’s a really shallow representation of what the actual issues were. 

You’re also misrepresenting redlining here. You’re acting like because a lot of black communities were subject to redlining because of their condition the reason is because they were black communities. And that’s not accurate. You’re just making an assumption. 

And yeah, I’ve heard of micro aggressions and I think it’s one of the dumbest ideas that has ever been presented. Micro aggressions aren’t real. African-Americans don’t commit more crimes because of micro aggressions, they commit more crimes because they choose to. You are literally trying to remove all personal responsibility here. But for whatever reason you want to think they commit more crimes, that accounts for the higher incarceration rate so it’s not alarming at all and it’s not racism. It’s expected that those that commit more crimes are more likely to be in jail. 

I agree, people can make subconscious race based judgments, but to just assume this accounts for all racial disparities is quite naive. There can be a lot of other reasons for these disparities, jumping right to racism is pretty extreme. Most people, whatever you would like to believe, aren’t racist and aren’t making subconscious race based judgments. Besides, most subconscious race based judgements would have to be rather small and it wouldn’t have a really profound effect on anything. To be infecting the entire criminal justice system, they would have to be pretty conscious judgements. I think there’s a lot you don’t understand about the justice system and that’s ok. But it’s not okay to just call it racist because you don’t understand it and because you, personally, can’t think of any other reasons disparities exist. I looked at that page you linked from the NAACP but you should know that website has a pretty strong political bias and I don’t consider them credible. But it didn’t say African Americans get higher sentences for the same crimes. But even if it did, there are a lot of different factors that are considered at a sentencing so assuming that the difference is just racism is ignorant. 

And I'm sorry, but your transition to police brutality is incredibly weak and makes absolutely no sense. Numerical inequality does not prove racism so you thinking it proves racial injustice and inequality just means you don’t really understand what racism is. 

You are also, it seems, oblivious to how white people can be treated by police. Police brutality is not unique to black people. A lot of white people have been victims of police brutality. They just don’t make headlines and don’t get protests because no one cares. More white people are shot by the police every single year than black people. Here are some for you to look at since you, apparently, think it doesn’t happen.

https://www.dallasnews.com/news/investigations/2019/07/31/you-re-gonna-kill-me-dallas-police-body-cam-footage-reveals-the-final-minutes-of-tony-timpa-s-life/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shooting_of_Daniel_Shaver

There’s a couple to get you started. I know why the protests and riots are happening, but I disagree with what they are saying and I don’t think the reason they are protesting is valid or is something that is happening today. I think all the protesters, like you, are either misinformed or uniformed. There is absolutely no evidence that this killing was racial in nature. You and everyone else who buys into that idea are just saying that because George Floyd was black and Derek Chauvin was white. That’s it. That’s all you’ve got. You guys are the ones focused on race and you literally can’t see anything else. So everything is about race to you. 

I’m perfectly aware of the history. In fact, based on the way you went through it, I think I know more about the history than you do. I also, unlike you, am aware of the changes that our country has gone through and people can’t blame the history of slavery for everything bad that happens to black people.

You don’t seem like you know this so let me explain something to you: literally every race on the planet has, at one time or another, been treated very poorly by other races. Every single demographic has been through oppression of some sort. Why can every race get over their oppression to the point where it doesn’t have this lifelong mitigating effect on all future generations except for black people? Why is their bad history the most important? What you are doing is ignoring all of history except for the parts you want to acknowledge because they fit your narrative. 

I have America in my username not because I’m unaware of the history we have, but because I am aware of it. We have a big history. We have a lot of bad things in our history as well as a lot of really great things. I’m very proud of this country. I'm proud that the people in our history saw slavery for the evil that it was and stopped it. I’m proud that the people in our history saw segregation for the evil that it was and stopped it. I’m proud that the people in our history fought until black people were recognized as fully equal human beings in every single aspect under the law. Though you mentioned things that happened in history, you have failed to explain why this instance of police brutality is racist and how the history makes everyone racist today. 

White privilege is not a thing. And with your little explanation of white privilege you have proved that you were, in fact, telling me I have the wrong skin color to be able to understand certain things :) I appreciate you being concerned about my ignorance, but I would suggest you be more concerned about yours :) your idea of white privilege doesn’t make any sense. A white person is not the least likely to be ostracized or oppressed. You just made that up :) I get what people say white privilege, but I don’t accept that it exists and you have failed to prove that it does. You’ve made one of the weaker cases against it that I’ve seen. White people aren’t oppressed in America and black people aren’t oppressed in America. No one is oppressed in America. And there is no white privilege and there is no evidence that this was racism. I stand by what I originally said because you didn’t make a single valid point against any of it. I suggest you become more familiar with all aspects of our history, not just the parts that fit what you want to be true. To be honest, even the parts you are aware of you don’t really know that much about. 

Stop letting people make you feel like your skin color matters. It doesn’t. Your skin color doesn’t give you special privileges and you are capable of understanding this issue. Just like everyone else, you can see facts. Don’t believe people who tell you that your skin color means there are just some things you can’t understand. It’s racist for people to say or think that. The very concept of white privilege is inherently racist so don’t buy into that crap. 

[brutcllysoft]

post-negotiations ft. @devilwomcn

setting: march 2015, reina’s office. 

ROWAN:

There is a pounding in the base of Rowan’s skull. She’s been sitting in three hours of contract negotiation and it’s clear that it’s taken it’s toll on her. Rowan’s been in this life since she was fifteen years old, catching her big break early into her teenage years and turning into an overnight sensation, her career skyrocketing higher than she ever could have believed before she was even eighteen years old. Her first year had been rocky, her mother standing in as both manager and mother but when she was sixteen Reina Savant made her appearance and it just feels like it’s been non-stop ever since then. In the best way, of course. Reina is single handedly responsible for making sure Rowan gets the absolute best version of every opportunity that has been thrown her way and even though they had started off rocky, they make a really, really good team. Though she’s hesitant to get completely on board with the latest idea the older woman has thrown at her.

Once upon a time she may have believed it to be a sneaky, double handed deal ---- something Reina would present as good for her, only later to reveal that it was actually going to hurt her now but have her thriving in the long run. But there is no denying that they’ve bonded over the last five years. How could they not? More often than not, they’re the only constant the other has. Reina’s always on the road with her, accompanying her to every inch of the world and fighting in her corner every step of the way. Rowan’s not sure she could ever put into words how much Reina has done for her, how much she feels like she owes her but she hopes she doesn’t have to. That Reina somehow just knows. The other party leaves the room and Rowan allows herself to slump in her chair, head lolling forward into her upturned hands, heels of her palms pressing against closed green eyes. “Tell me again that this is the right move,” she sighs quietly, looking again for a little reassurance. She looks up then, blinking away the array of colours in her vision from the pressure that had been there seconds earlier and her voice takes on a slightly sharper tone. “And why it had to be him of all people.”

REINA:

They’ve been sitting in a conference room all day it seems, going over the ins and outs of what Reina might call a deal with the Devil if she didn’t already claim that title for herself. It’s not exactly romantic, but then again a set up relationship filled with contract negotiations and a bunch of legal bullshit that Reina’s all too used to dealing with isn’t ever going to be considered the height of romance. She can tell Rowan’s just itching to make a run for it and to be fair, the older woman doesn’t really blame her. This isn’t what she signed up for, she should be able to just make music and do whatever the fuck she wants, but that isn’t the industry and Reina knows that all too well. Once they’re done and the lawyers are gone, she doesn’t miss the way Rowan immediately slumps in her chair, biting back a comment about good posture and how she’s going to start looking like shit in interviews if she keeps that up. Instead she grants the blonde her moment of distress, for once understanding how overwhelming this all must be.

Rowan’s quiet request for reassurance puts something in the pit of Reina’s stomach that she can’t quite place — maybe it’s guilt for pushing this, which is something she’s never felt before about a deal, or maybe she’s just afraid it is the wrong move and she’s setting Rowan up for failure — but either way, she knows better than to display anything but confidence when she answers. “It’s the right move,” she affirms, reaching out to squeeze Rowan’s shoulder lightly before retracting her hand like she’s just been burned. “You’re too goody-two shoes — too cookie cutter. Obviously you’re doing well but it wouldn’t hurt to expand your fanbase to people who don’t shit sunshine and daisies.” Which isn’t her entire fanbase, and of course Reina knows that, but it’s a pretty big chunk of it and if they ever want to move away from the Country Girl Barbie act, it’s going to be pretty damn hard to do without this publicity stunt and the kid that comes with it. Andrew Thane may be a nightmare in the press, but on paper he’s exactly the edge Rowan needs. “Trust me, I’m not all that thrilled about this match either, but we have an image in mind and he fits it. It’s just two years, Ro. In and out. Y’all don’t even have to see each other except in public.”

ROWAN:

Somehow even with Reina's reassurance, Rowan can't help but feel like this is a bad idea. Usually all it takes is one word from Reina and Rowan is all in. She's never lead her astray before, always proven to have her back and is the one person that Rowan can count on her being in her corner no matter what. So it would be easy to just lean into that reassurance and run with it --- she wants to. But Rowan is, at her core, a hopeless romantic. It's something the media has ripped into her about before, as if the string of boys she has dated is any longer than that of her male counterparts. The idea of devoting two years of her life to something fake and with Andrew Thane makes her feel like her skin is too tight. The fact that she'll be wasting some of the best parts of herself--- that big heart of hers that is so often getting her in trouble -- on something that isn't even real is a hard pill to swallow.

"Okay." She simply nods at Reina's reassurance, sighing and raking a hand through blonde locks. Reina's next words pull a laugh from her, a sound that's equally tired and full somehow; bordering right on the edge of being forced and genuine. "You don't think the teenage girl market is a good one anymore?" The reality is, the majority of her fan base a girls between the ages of 9 and 19 right now and while they're great -- she loves all of her fans, owes her success to them of course, but they've also all got parents willing to shell out big bucks with just a bat of their eyelashes -- she can't deny that it would be nice to appeal to an older, more mature audience as well.  Maybe it would help the industry treat her more seriously. "Two years is a long time," she points out with a tilt of her head. It's not that long in the big picture and she knows that there is a possibility of it flying by in a blink. "How badly are we going to get sued if we have to pull the plug early?"

REINA:

Even though the laugh that comes from Rowan isn’t quite genuine, it’s nice to hear nonetheless, and Reina’s relieved that despite her hesitation she’s not completely ill at ease with all of this. “Well it depends, are you hoping to make a deal with the Disney Channel any time soon? Because if not, I’d say it’s time we move on,” she jokes, because obviously she already knows Rowan’s got zero interest in that. She’s entering her twenties and it’s about that time when she’s still seen as a kid but should be treated like an adult, and Reina knows Rowan wants to be taken seriously as a musician rather than catering to a young demographic for her entire career. It’s best to move forward now while they can, and in Reina’s mind there’s no better way for her to do that than being associated with Andy Thane and his chronic inability to seem even remotely innocent.

The more Reina thinks about it, the more she’s convinced this move is right — but once glance at Rowan tells her the blonde isn’t quite there yet. She knows Rowan’s got a big heart and a lot of love to give, and the last thing Reina wants is for her to somehow get hurt from this, but she’s fairly certain that won’t be a problem with a jackass like Andy in the picture. If anything, she thinks an issue might come from how much Rowan dislikes him. “It isn’t so long. Just one album,” she counters, giving Rowan a nudge with her foot in return. The legal part of this deal has Reina cringing a little, though, and while she told herself early on that she’d never lie to Rowan, she doesn’t exactly want to tell her the full truth. “Badly enough that I think you’d much rather just stick the two years out.” Truthfully, Reina can’t imagine Chris pushing Andy to actually sue them, but she does think his label would and they’d at minimum be suing for any money he would have made from being in the tabloids with Ro — which is a lot, and another big reason Reina’s so adamant on doing this as well. “Think of it this way — when it’s all over, you can buy a nicer house up in the mountains and I’ll even let you tell the paps to fuck off whenever you feel like it. Perks of your new bad girl image, hm?”

ROWAN:

Reina’s joke lands where Rowan needs it to, and the laugh that follows though quiet is much more real. “I think we missed the boat on Disney. We should’ve cashed in on it a few years ago.” Though that has obviously never been part of their plan --- she’s had friends make a deal with that particular Devil and it isn’t something she has any interest in doing. Maybe six years ago before she’d gotten her big break -- there’s no denying that Disney is one hell of a way to break into the industry -- but not anymore. Reina’s gotten her better deals than any cartoon mouse ever could, and she doesn’t have to compromise who she is. At least, not entirely. Sure, she’s had to play up the small town southern girl act for the last few years, but it hadn’t always been an act. When she’d first been signed it was just who she was and now that she’s begun to evolve out of that and is looking to spread her wings and be taken more seriously and make moves in other directions, Reina is right there to make it happen ---- even if it’s happening in a way Rowan doesn’t fully understand.

Admittedly, when the idea of a fake relationship had been brought up, she had been completely against it. Rowan isn’t stupid and she knows herself --- she knows she sometimes jumps too soon, dives too deep and it’s gotten her burned in the past. Not to mention the media scrutiny it has landed her on more than one occasion. But as soon as Reina told her it would be with Andy Thane she knew that she’d be safe --- after just one interaction, she knows she can’t stand him and the possibility of actually falling for him is laughable. So between that and the airtight contract they’ve got laid out -- she tells herself it’s important to keep it professional, that the boundaries being on paper will make it impossible for her to cross them if she somehow ends up with a brain bleed and finds herself attracted to the man in question -- they’ll be pretty safe. But she’s still not thrilled about having to spend time with him and honestly, she’s worried. His reputation isn’t a good one and while she tries to see all of this from Reina’s perspective, to see that it will be good for them both she can’t help but worry being with someone like him is going to turn her already existing fan base against her. 

She nods when Reina mentions waiting it out, knowing she wouldn’t put herself or her manager and legal team through that kind of battle over a measly two years. She’s resilient and she can wait it out. And honestly, the mention of a new house in the mountains does make it sound a little more worth it. “You might never see me again then,” she teases, only partly joking. Obviously she’d never just up and disappear but there’s no denying she’s more comfortable when she’s out of the hustle and bustle of the city most days, finding comfort in the quiet and being around nature. Not to mention it’s nice to not have to worry about some idiot with a camera hiding outside her front gate. Which brings her to her next point, accentuated by a loud laugh. “I’m going to remind you that you told me that two years from now when you’re telling me I need to watch my mouth more.” While her squeaky clean image has her refraining from cussing, there’s no denying behind closed doors she has a potty mouth.

REINA:

Reina can see that even just in the last few minutes, Rowan’s easing up just slightly. She knows her girl like the back of her hand and where her body language was once tense and anxious, she’s now loosened up a little and that’s enough to put Reina’s mind at ease. The older woman understands Rowan’s uncertainty when it comes to this deal, these are unchartered waters they’re entering but Reina is going to do everything in her power to make sure the next two years go by as smoothly as possible without a single hitch. It’s time that Rowan steps out as more than just the girl next door, and Reina can’t think of a faster way to get her there than to have the world think she’s shacking up with America’s Most Wanted. There’s a part of Reina that secretly hopes Andy’s image is almost as cultivated as Rowan’s, though — that he isn’t as much of an asshole as everyone says, because not only does she not want Rowan getting hurt, she doesn’t want Rowan falling down the path he seems to be going down. She’s a good kid, always has been, but the temptation to become a Lindsay Lohan or a Paris Hilton has never really been there until now, and Reina can only hope that Rowan’s got a good enough head on her shoulders to avoid a mess like that.

Although she’s kidding, Rowan’s warning that she may disappear to the mountains and never come back makes Reina tsk, the disapproval of that plan evidently clear. Rowan loves what she does too much to ever do something like that, though, so she’s not actually all that worried. ���A few fucks here and there might do you good, so I’ll let it slide.” Really, it’s a miracle in itself that Rowan’s never been caught swearing too badly because she’s got a mouth on her that rivals Reina’s own, and maybe that’d do her some good with the image reconstruction they’re going for. Checking her watch, Reina realizes she’s got another meeting coming up and Rowan’s got her own schedule to adhere to, but they’re not done here just yet and she’ll gladly push everything back if Rowan still needs to talk out her anxiety before they move forward. She shifts the papers scattered on the table before them into a neat pile, clearing her throat as she laces her hands together on top of them and fixes Rowan with a serious look. “I’m only going to tell you this once because it’s an absolute last resort, but if something happens and you do want to pull the plug, I’ll figure it out. I don’t want you stuck in this if you’re miserable, that’s not going to help anyone.” Not only will Rowan probably not be able to pull out a great album if she’s in a bad place, but it’ll fuck with her for the rest of her life and that’s exactly what Reina wants to avoid.

ROWAN:

Reina’s disapproval is apparent, but Rowan lets it roll off of her back. Normally she’s one who takes any criticism to heart, maybe sometimes a little too personally. But seeing as this is a result of something she’d said in jest --- something she would never in a million years do, she isn’t very worried. Years ago she never thought she’d find herself in a position like this. She’d been sixteen when she moved in with Reina and they began their  business arrangement, and she thought that was all it was ever going to be. They’d been awkward at first, with Rowan tiptoeing around the Nashville home in an attempt to stay out of the brunette’s way so she didn’t end up on the first flight back to Montana. And now Reina has come to be a presence that seems to automatically put her at ease, even in a situation as confusing and nerve wracking as this one. She doesn’t miss the way Reina checks her watch, though, and she does the same in return. Honestly her day is fairly laxed -- she’s got an interview in the morning and so today they aren’t doing much, but she knows Reina almost never has an easy day and she doesn’t want to keep her manager from taking care of her business just because she’s nervous. She’s a big girl, despite public opinion, she can ride this out and figure it out without needing someone to hold her hand the entire time. “Nothing is going to happen,” she frowns when Reina gives her that serious look, letting her know they can always pull the plug if she needs it.

“We’ll figure it out. I’m not worried.” Which is maybe the biggest lie she’s told in a while because she is very worried, but she doesn’t want to go down that road right now. Instead she clears her throat and moves to push her chair back. “I should get outta here before your next client shows up and starts complainin’ about you going over time with me.” There have been rumors about favouritism before and honestly, who else has Reina ever let into her home the way she has Rowan? But she doesn’t want to make waves at the office. "I'll see you tomorrow, right? Have a good night. Try not to make too many people cry today," she teases gently, giving one last smile.

[gabrielxreader]

Wingmates

Request: Hey saw requests open and I was wondering if you could do a oneshot or mini series on a wing soulmate au but it’s an au where everyone has wings and either you can only fly when you meet your soulmate or your wings match your soulmates?

Author: Holly

Warnings: None that I can think of

Characters: Y/N, Gabriel, Sam, Dean

Words: 2,049

Y/N = Your Name

A/N: I’m baaaaaaack!

           Your feathers were literally ruffled. Sam’s long fingers combed through your wings, stroking feathers back into place following the windy storm you’d gotten stuck walking back to the hotel in. You stretched out your wings and yawned, pressing them back into his touch. Extending the muscles in your wings felt as cathartic as stretching your legs after being in the car for hours.

           Dean entered the room carrying two stretched plastic bags of take-out containers and food. His wings were covered up by a rain coat draped over his shoulders. “Alright, party people, here’s what we got.” Dean put the bags on the table and started listing all the food he bought.

           Sam quickly finished the perfunctory grooming of your wing and got up to claim food. You quickly followed. Dean’s stomach was a black hole, so you needed to take what you wanted before he had the chance. Once you had enough food, you all went to your seats and started eating. You felt like you were starving after missing lunch.

           Sam waited until he had shoveled half of his food into his mouth, taking more vegetables than either you or Dean but eating just as fast. Once he wasn’t so hungry, he slowed down. “Okay, so we don’t have a very clear lead on this hunt yet, but whatever it is, it doesn’t have a clear victim preference.”

           “Nah,” you agreed, “A teenager, a senior, and two adults, all different jobs, demographics… they couldn’t be more different if they tried.”

           “Which they couldn’t possibly have done, because they didn’t know each other.” Sam added, nodding. “I checked everything. There is nowhere on paper where any of them crossed paths with any of the others.”

           “So we look at the MO,” Dean declared, garbled by his food. Both you and Sam booed at his poor manners and he rolled his eyes. “What do we know of that kills people this way?”

           The three of you went back and forth suggesting and striking down potential supernatural culprits while you finished your food. Personally, you were rooting for an angiak because you’d never seen one before, but with the victims, it seemed unlikely. By the time your dinner was all gone, your wings were fully dry, you were ready to sleep, and the three of you were making a game plan.

           “Next morning, me and Sam can hit the morgue, and Dean, you can call Cas and see if there’s anything the police didn’t put in the official report.” You curled your wings around yourself in a comfortable resting position, like they were giving you a hug.

           “Ah…” Dean glanced over at Sam. “Y/N, I think you should stick it out here and do some research. We could be dealing with something completely new.”

           The highest arches in your wings slumped down towards your lap. “You just don’t want me to be seen,” you accused, preparing to sulk.

           “Well, you’re… you’re pretty memorable,” Sam sheepishly admitted.

           Your whole life, you had been teased and taunted for your wings. Sprouting from the edges of your shoulder blades and spanning six feet on either side of you when fully stretched, your wings were a source of both pride and shame. You would have loved them so much more if only they were a different color. The golden flight feathers and tawny, fluffier down lining the edges where wing met skin looked gorgeous together in any other context, but having the colors on wings? You stood out everywhere you went.

           Hunting was hard when no one was quick to forget your unique coloring. Sam and Dean were reluctant to take you places, even though you were just as good at fighting and investigating as they were. Dean’s smoky, ashy wings and Sam’s rich, earthy shades were beautiful, but not particularly exotic or memorable.

           You hated that your wings so often took you out of the action. They were a part of you, but so was hunting. The fact that the brothers seemed to think golden wings and hunting were mutually exclusive was easily your biggest problem with them.

           You huffed and raised your wings angrily. “Okay, new plan, Sam and Dean, you guys go to hell again and me and Cas will solve the entire case.”

           The thing about your wings was that they weren’t actually as unique as they appeared at first glance, because no matter how bizarre any person’s wings were, they had an identical match somewhere. That person was your wingmate, or your soulmate. You were kind of excited to meet your wingman (your favorite wing-related pun), but hoped he was older than you. If he was, then your birth wasn’t the event that had saddled you both with embarrassingly bright and obnoxious wings.

           Having wings that stood out was a detriment in society. It really wasn’t fair, since actual birds had an easier time attracting mates when they had brighter wings. Humans saw it the other way around. The better you blended in with the rest, the more people liked you because you weren’t disrupting their precious status quo.

           This was problematic for you on two levels. Firstly, you never blended in, so you were always interrupting the status quo. If you stuck around for more than a day or so, not even hotel staff would compliment the pretty colors. Secondly, you hated what it might mean for your soulmate. Did they resent their own wings? Would they blame you if they were the younger one? And was there ever going to be a place for the two of you where you could live comfortably together? Even assuming that one day you could leave the supernatural world behind…

           But, when you stopped thinking about the coloring, you wouldn’t give your wings up for the entire world. They would help you find that one person you were meant to have.

           “Y/N, it’s one angel.” Sam tried to convince you when bribing you with your favorite cheesy snack didn’t work. “Just one. Not even a violent one.”

           Dean snorted loudly.

           Sam glared at him. “Okay, so he’s a little aggressive,” he grudgingly admitted, “But only to people to piss him off! Which… we happen to have done. A couple of times.” You tilted your head towards your shoulder and looked at Sam judgmentally. “There was a misunderstanding,” he said defensively.

           “A misunderstanding which repeated itself a couple of times?”

           “Will you do it or not?” The taller hunter wearily asked, holding out a book and almost begging.

           It was tempting to make him actually get on his knees and beg, and record the footage as blackmail, but since it was for an actual case, you reluctantly had to take the moral option. “Fine,” you sighed, furling your wings to your back. “I’ll summon him and then you guys can take over once he’s here and not feeling too stabby.”

           Dean brought in a chocolate cake and a pie from the car, explaining them as offerings but taking the pie for himself when Sam had his back turned. Dean’s wings arched happily while he snuck into the other hotel room to eat the pie while Sam helped you to draw an anti-angel sigil, just in case. You stood in front of it and squeezed out some more blood to smear around on your palm to make sure it would activate if you needed it, then Sam left the room.

           Summoning angels was an uncomplicated process; you just needed their name. You looked at the paper Sam had wrote it on and swallowed hard, your wings curling tight with some stray nerves. An archangel. Because summoning archangels had always gone so well in the past.

           “Gabriel,” you said aloud, picturing a long-robed, long-haired guy with six white wings. You knew by now that angels never looked the way you expected, but you had no other mental image. “I pray on behalf of the Winchesters because they’re terrified you would smite them instantaneously. If you’d please come talk, we have some chocolate cake. And if you hurry, there’s no way Dean can finish all that pie on his own.”

           The fluttering of wings not too unlike the sound your own made came from behind you, but when you turned to look, no one was there. Instead the silverware by the cake in front of you clinked and when you looked back towards it, a short blond man was picking up the entire cake platter to just go at it.

           “Gabriel?” You asked, feeling a lot less intimidated now that an archangel was clearly so eager to get at the cake. Someone would be right at home in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.

           “That’s me, sweet cheeks,” Gabriel said, spearing a huge piece of cake onto his fork, looking up at you and stopping. “Oh, wow,” he noted, looking over your shoulders. “Nice wings.”

           You held your wings tighter to your body. Angels had never complimented them before and it made you shy. “Oh… thank you,” you said, reaching behind your back to soothingly drag her fingers over a long primary feather.

           “Yeah,” Gabriel said, putting the cake down on the table and stepping closer to you. You took a step back, and he put his hand up and stopped. “Hey, look, I just want to show you this.” He wiggled his eyebrows and the air in the hotel room ruffled. Then, with an odd popping sound, actual, physical wings unfurled from behind the angel – tawny in the downy base and gold shades along the long, graceful wings.

           He stretched them like they’d been tucked down tightly for a long time and took a look at them over his shoulders. “Would you look at that,” he said, looking back to yours. You reached out with your wings tentatively towards his, the feathers along the tips and edges splaying.

           “They match,” you gasped, snapping your wings back to your sides. “You have my colors.”

           “Um, I’m literally older than dirt,” Gabriel quipped, sending you a somewhat chiding stare. “I think you have my colors. But anyway, enough with semantics,” he dismissively stated, ignoring the fact that he was the one to bring them up at all. “Sugar, my soulmate is a human and yours is an archangel. This is going to be a little complicated.”

           “Yeah, duh, Sherlock,” you replied without watching your mouth. He was your soulmate – you weren’t afraid of him.

           He raised an eyebrow. “Ooh, I love one with a spine, I was hoping for that,” he said, his grin widening delightedly. “Let’s go somewhere more private to talk about those complications. And we can finish this cake and go through whatever else sounds good.”

           “I…” You almost leapt for it, but a shred of common sense remained. Serial killers had soulmates, too.

           Gabriel flapped his wings impatiently and a gust of air breezed over your face and through your feathers. “Come on, ditch the bozos. I’m way cooler.” He winked.

           Your mind made up, you reached for him while relaxing your wings and letting them extend closer to his.

           After five minutes had passed, Sam wasn’t sure whether Gabriel was being stubborn, you had taken the cake and abandoned your assignment, or you were being yanked around on chains by the notorious trickster. It took a bit of cajoling, but Dean, who was still sore about the Mystery Spot, agreed to go back to your room and see.

           Sam knocked and received no answer. Dean knocked harder. “Hey Y/N, open up,” Dean called through the door.

           When neither of them got a response, Sam used the key card to your room to let themselves in. There wasn’t anyone there, but the chocolate cake was gone. So was the angel-banishing sigil. In the stead of the archangel and their hunting friend, there was a latticework pie on the single bed.

           Dean immediately went for it. “Ooh,” he said, licking his lips.

           Sam sighed. “Dean, no…” Obviously it was a trap.

           Dean had barely touched it before the pie exploded, messily bursting and somehow managing to get cherry filling all over Dean’s clothing while leaving the rest of the hotel room pristine. A flag burst out of the center of the destroyed pie with “see you later, morons” printed on the little scrap of fabric.