#but if theyre disrespecting boundaries thats not okay

[77ngiez-archive]

byt i think that theyve wised up to my tactics like, i ran away from them on these dope ass electric scooters (sadly discontinued now) or just literally running away. for years. cause unlike the baptists they will not take "i'm not interested" for an answer ant least not quickly

but now they're cahsing me on hoverboards. htye just upped the game

kinda genius of them ngl. maybe i should reach out to president nelson and get him to provide hoverboards for all missionaries

[beomgewz]

LINGER

twelve , embarrassing (828 words)

“WHY are you a waitress if you cant do your fucking job?” lee seoyeon screeched, eyebrows furrowed at the food on the table — food she didnt order.

the poor waitress bowed, her eyes unable to meet seoyeon’s. “miss, im really sorry. it — it wont happen again.”

jisung’s cheeks flushed pink in embarrassment. his eyes darted back and forth between his girlfriend and the waitress. knowing his girlfriend, if he defended the waitress, she would go mad and start cussing him out. he only wanted to do what he thought was right.

“seoyeon, dont you think youre doing too much?” he didnt mean for his tone to come off so condescending. god, he fucked up.

seoyeon froze, slowly turning to face her boyfriend with an incredulous look on her face. she scoffed at him, “me? youre talking to me?” she pointed at the waitress, her head pointed down, looking at her shoes in shame. “this bitch cant even do her job right! you have one job, give the food to the right table— but no! she just fucks it up!”

jisung winced at how loud her voice was. everyone was looking at his table— it was embarrassing. it was so, so embarrassing.

he thought about you and haechan, how you both told him her behavior was embarrassing. right now, he was embarrassed to be your boyfriend. right now, she needs to have some decorum.

yes, haechan, he was embarrassed to be her boyfriend.

“seoyeon, youre embarrassing me. have some decorum.”

“jisung, are you serious?” seoyeon laughed at him in disbelief, clearly not used to her boyfriend calling her out. “she’s a waitress,” she told him, her tone condescending and judgmental, as if being a waitress was humiliating, “she’s supposed to be able to do her job right.”

“im— im sorry, i really am,” the waitress meekly let out. jisung turned to look at her, immediately noticing the tears that had rolled down her cheeks.

“dont apologize, its okay,” jisung reassured, “we all make mistakes and thats okay. im sorry my girlfriend yelled at you.”he sighed in embarrassment before looking back at his girlfriend. “dont chastise people for making mistakes. dont act like youre perfect, seoyeon. have some decorum.”

“are you fucking serious, jisung? where’s all of this coming from, huh?” she yelled, her voice being heard from anywhere in the cafe. “dont tell me you like her.”

“seoyeon, stop,” he told her. he was reaching for his wallet, pulling out cash that was way more than the amount they had to pay. he handed the cash to the waitress, smiling apologetically at her. “keep the change. im sorry for today.”

even in the car, seoyeon didnt refrain from screaming at him.

“do you want to explain why you were flirting with her in front of me?” she scoffed, her arms crossed against her chest as she looked at him with anger. “because from how i see it, you wanted to get into her pants.”

“and from how i see it, youre a disrespectful person who has no respect for others but yourself.”

it was as if the years being with her had caught up with him, because he just couldnt stop talking.

“do you ever realize how exhausting it is to keep up with you? to defend you when i know youre wrong?” he was angry, yet he kept his composure. he had thought about this very conversation way too many times. “because im always defending you whenever my friends talk bad of you — i defend you when i know theyre right.”

seoyeon narrowed her brows at him, refusing to see his perspective. “defend me from what?”

“from everything! you step over my friend’s boundaries? i have to tell him youre sorry when i know youre not!” he was trying his hardest not to raise his voice — he knew he couldnt.

“seoyeon, its embarrassing being with you.”

it was as if a cage opened, fresh air filling his lungs, his eyes welcoming the sunlight. it felt freeing to be able to tell her what had been weighing him down the past day.

“embarrassing? what type of boyfriend are you?”

“its embarrassing being with you when you disrespect other people, its embarrassing when you yell at people in public, its embarrassing whenever you think youre entitled to something, its just — youre just embarrassing, seoyeon.”

she simply stared at him in utter disbelief. this was foreign to her — her boyfriend being so confrontational. she always knew him as someone who kept things to himself rather than exploding on someone.

to hear him talk to her with so much disdain stung.

“ji — jisung…”

“my friends are embarrassed even being around you. theyre embarrassed being associated with you,” he breathed out, seemingly done with his rant. “and im starting to be embarrassed too.”

warm tears filled her eyes while she stared up at him, her lips quivering.

jisung almost felt guilty. almost.

“youre a fucking dick, jisung.”

no, he knew he wasnt.

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[theorahsart]

Jsyk I have zero tolerance for shame culture/'cringe culture'. Its cruel and most of the time unnecessary. Its ableist. Its the perfect way to shut down creativity, curiosity/open mindedness, and shut down the positives to mental health and society that come with that.

When you participate in this idea of shaming people over whatever line you have decided in your personal comfort zone they have crossed, you're participating in the same culture that:

Bans queer books for kids

Stops a decent sex education, which leads to people harming themselves because they're too ashamed to ask questions/learn

Makes people think its okay to beat up trans people just because they feel disgust

Stops people with depression from expressing those feelings through a healthy (but cringe) outlet such as poetry or writing

I started with the big things it impacts, but theres the smaller things too, like making someone feel ashamed of their poor art skills and never wanting to draw again. Or making someone feel too scared to cosplay, or outwardly enjoy that thing that makes them get up in the morning cos theyre too scared other people will think theyre 'weird'

I see people do these smaller things a lot and I dont think they see how its connected to those bigger things.

I guess I do because Im old lol And grew up in a time where it was very wrong to be queer and neurodivergent. But we went to these 'cringey' spaces that other people made fun of, because they were spaces where you could be as ugly and weird as you liked, and then through those spaces we learned how to get rid of shame. And then discovered we were queer and neurodivergent. And so built this culture you see now where kids are so lucky as to openly apply and explore labels with much more safety.

If they arent hurting you or anyone else, or they aren't disrespecting your boundaries, dont shame people.

If you dont like smth thats totally fair, just block the person and move on.

Dont make a big song n dance where they can see. Dont make them feel ashamed for being weird.

Just dont take part in that, its not cool and I find it especially contradictive when nerds/queer/neurodivergent people go out of their way to make fun of other peoples harmless interests.

[moonlit-escape]

i want it. i want to know about nutmeg. why are they a spice.

lmao okay, so , i actually have a lore reason for her name, which also adds more animal-human creatures and lore to the world (specifically, Hampter humans.)

๑ thats right. nutmeg is a hamster girl.

๑ east asian-american

๑ chubby and small

๑ dusty blonde hair but not like that weird ashy shit that google shows you

๑ her name in her native tongue is the word for nutmeg, as thats how her people's naming system works, so her english name is nutmeg. but they made her and her parents americanize their names even further, so her legal name on all documents is megan

๑ night owl

๑ introverted and rather reserved

๑ very sweet tho

๑ except she has no tolerance for strangers and disrespect toward her boundaries.

๑ Will bite someone if provoked.

๑ loves nuts and berries and just small foods in general like tiny cakes

๑ takes very small bites of her food

๑ likes to burrow herself in thick fluffy blankets and hoodies or scarves

๑ so she wears hoodies aaaaaall the time

๑ but sometime it hot. so she wears short skirts

๑ but thas a lotta skin. so she also wears thigh-high socks with garters to keep them up

๑ which is, point by point, her exact thought process on how she dresses and why she dresses the way she does. her outfits arent purposefully to look cute, theyre a workaround to feel comfortable

๑ looking cute is just a bonus for everyone else

๑ she pretty much keeps to herself and doesnt talk to anyone

๑ the only one she does like and will actively seek out at times is kawaii~chan

๑ most specifically during lunch

๑ every day at lunch time, she seeks out kc, goes over to her at her lunch table, and snuggles up to her

๑ she does this either by just resting her forehead on her shoulder, nuzzling into her side, or crawling under the table and leaning on her legs while she plays her nintendo ds

๑ it's how she recharges

๑ kc doesnt mind, and in fact absolutely adores nutmeg bc she's so cute and she's happy that nutmeg actively enjoys spending time with her

๑ she also inadvertently protects nutmeg from the other meif'wa

๑ they like. have to keep from frothing at the mouth wanting to pounce her or make her their own little preymate

๑ not like nutmeg actually needs kc's protection though. she wld kick their asses on her own

๑ almost everyone at school is afraid to approach her. mainly bc she is known for biting.

๑ one time during her free period, she wandered behind the school- playing her gameboy with one hand, a pink monster in the other- and she cracked open the can with one finger, chugged the whole thing, then crushed it against the wall and chucked it into the recycle bin without looking up. the shadow knights were behind the bleachers watching the whole thing they were Terrified.

๑ always brings her nintendo ds or gameboy to school

๑ certified gamer and actually does twitch streams

๑ haters will call her an e-girl... but she don't even have any social media outside of pinterest bc her parents won't allow it.....

๑ they let her stream and play whatever games she wants, though, because it's not that they don't trust her

๑ it's that they don't trust Others.

๑ and that's basically nutmeg

[skinnymeanfaggot]

my one last post why is it ok to out someone you disrespect. its not ok to out anyone at all why does it suddenly change? when the person becomes subhuman in your eyes? is it okay to disrespect the basic humanity of everyone you hate? you can treat people like animals because "theyre shitty they deserve it"? who decides that? why do you get to choose when someone else comes out. why do you get to be the judge jury and executioner. because they pissed you off? because they hurt you? that doesnt give you the right to treat someone subhuman. there is no excuse. its dangerous to fall into that line of thinking where thats okay, where anyones humanity can be denied because you find fault with them. hate the shittiest people in the world by all means and do what you will but specifically taking their identity and using it to paint them as a bad person when they arent even fully out about it is just disgusting.

like there is no reason for alexs gender to even be brought up. "they as a 20 year old were emotionally dependent on minors" thats all you have to say. its not good. they absolutely had boundary issues. but the straight up outing and revenge porn is just so clearly you just trying to further humiliate and isolate and destroy someone whos clearly already unstable and a risk to themself. after reading what i read i wouldnt be surprised if alex attempted suicide from everything thats happened, and this is absolutely not like james somertons bullshit pity party. you may have driven someone very emotionally unstable into suicide. if they are a real danger they need help and rehabilitation to become safer to them and others around them, not death. to encourage that is simply unforgivable

[epikulupu]

i have a question . is it ableist of someone to tell me i have to ask them for permission before having panic attacks around them ? for context , i have panic attacks because of my ptsd , and i have discussed this with the person many times , and their only response has been that those are their boundaries . they've also told me that me having BPD + autism + hypersexuality makes them uncomfortable and they want me to enitrely stop displaying symptoms of those disorders around them as well because That's Their Boundaries (which also apparently them yelling at me and calling me disgusting + abusive and going on long paragraphs of how horrible and abusive i am for displaying any symptoms of those is also part of their boundaries + they have said it's my fault for breaking their boundaries) . i feel like those aren't good boundaries but they have called me abusive for saying that's ableist so i am just asking if they are being ableist or not because i genuinely do not know anymore . sorry for asking this in your inbox but i genuinely do not know who else to go to because i have no disabled / neurodivergent friends

OKAY FUCK THIS PERSON.

YOU DONT NEED ANYONE'S PERMISSION TO HAVE PANIC ATTACKS. YOU HAVE PTSD FOR FUCKS SAKE. SAME WITH BPD & AUTISM & HYPERSEXUALITY. THATS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN REPRESS. ITS INCREDIBLY UNHEALTHY TO REPRESS THOSE SYMPTOMS TOO - YOU'LL MAKE YOURSELF MISERABLE OR MAKE THOSE SYMPTOMS WORSE IN THE FUTURE. OR BOTH!

IF THEYRE YELLING AT YOU FOR HAVING SYMPTOMS AND SENDING THESE HUGE PARAGRAPHS AND SHIT THEN THATS NOT BOUNDARIES. THATS BEING A FUCKING DICK.

I DONT KNOW THE EXTENT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP AND EVERYTHING GOING ON WITHIN IT BUT FROM WHAT IM FUCKIN SEEING... YOU ARE NOT BEING ABUSIVE. IF ANYTHING, THEY ARE. THEYRE DISRESPECTING YOU AND YOUR EXISTENCE. YOU CANT JUST STOP HAVING BPD OR PTSD AROUND THEM. FOR THEM TO WANT YOU TO IS BULLSHIT.

ANYWAY IF YOU DO WANT TO KNOW MORE DISABLED / NEURODIVERGENT PEOPLE LMK - I KNOW A FEW PLACES THAT MAY BE GOOD /GEN/

[positivelylgbtq]

What things should I talk about when I talk to my girlfriend about romantic touchy-feely boundaries? I just want to make sure that we are both comfortable and I don't really know how to start or have that conversation with her.

hello! jay here!

Well, you’re on the right track! Wanting to talk about this and communicate openly is the first step to making sure everyone is comfortable and respected. My advice is going to focus specifically on romantic boundaries relating to physical affection, but you can apply the same communication structure below to talking about most any boundary.

When it comes to any kind of physical affection, the biggest thing I’ve learned is to ask every time for everything, preferably long before we’re actually doing the activity. Establishing consent before and during any kind of activity is super important, especially if it’s romantic or sexual in nature. I think a good way to start off that conversation is with a simple, “Hey, can I talk to you about something? It’s nothing bad, don’t worry!” If there is a type of affection you’d like to introduce into your relationship, I’d recommend bringing it up. For example, let’s say you’re super into the idea of PDA. Even if that doesn’t seem like something someone might object to to you, you still need to check in with her first before initiating a kiss in public. A good start, in this case, might be to initiate a conversation somewhere safe and in private -- this helps ensure that she’s not pressured or put on the spot. You might say something like, “Hey, so I really like the idea of us kissing in public, but I want to check in and make sure that’s something you’d be comfortable with.” In this scenario, her response could be anything from “heck yes!” to “no, I never want to do that.” A spot in between those two could be something like what I call conditional consent. An example of that, in this scenario, would be, “I’m okay with kissing in public, but only in a room with close friends, and I want you to ask me again every time beforehand, just in case I’m anxious and don’t want to.” Your job, from this point, is to respect whatever her answer is, and not to bring it up again if she’s made it a clear, unconditional no. Disrespecting a “no”, or not following the conditions of her conditional consent, is a violation of her boundaries and a violation of her consent.

This same structure of bringing up a boundary and establishing consent can apply to anything, from introducing new sexual activities to holding hands. It can also be swapped. Let’s say, for example, that you hate the idea of PDA, and you know that you do not want to be kissed in public. So, you might (again, in a safe and private space) say something like, “ Hey, so I really don’t like the idea of being kissed in public, and I just want to let you know so we can establish those boundaries,” or, if you have conditions in which PDA is okay, it might sound something more like, “Hey, so I just want to let you know that in some situations, I’m really uncomfortable with the idea of being kissed in public. I’m okay with it if we’re in a really dark space and you ask first, but otherwise, I don’t want you to kiss me when there are other people around.” Her response needs to be something along the lines of “okay, cool!” or “sounds good!” She might also ask for clarification or ask you questions about the specifics of your boundaries to make sure she respects your boundaries, especially if they’re conditional boundaries, and and that’s more than okay! (that’s encouraged!) -- but if she tries to argue with, push, or convince you to change your boundaries in any way, that’s a violation of your consent. If she says anything along the lines of “sounds good!” at the time, but then ignores your boundaries or argues with them later on, that’s a violation of your consent.

I also highly encourage you to have these types of conversations in person. I know it’s harder to bring up conversations about consent when you’re actually talking to someone in person -- that’s actually why I think it’s so important that you do it in person. If you’re only able to talk to someone about their (and your!) consent to activities between a barrier of a screen or phone because talking in person about it feels too awkward, overwhelming, or uncomfortable, then you’re not ready to be doing activities that require that level of consent. If you don’t feel like you can have a conversation about consent and boundaries in person, in a casual, conversational way, then you won’t feel like you can revoke consent or assert your own boundaries in person in a scenario where you might feel unintended pressure, and that’s a potentially dangerous situation to be in.

Most importantly, create an environment of open communication between you and your girlfriend, where both of you feel comfortable bringing up your boundaries, no matter the circumstance. A romantic relationship should be an environment where it is easy to withdraw consent, and establish boundaries. Any relationship where it feels like you can’t do those things is not a healthy or safe one.

Stay safe, take care of yourself, and I wish lots of healthy boundary setting and open communication for you and your girlfriend! ❤️

[tumblunni]

Also uhh...seems there are a surprising amount of thirsty AF friggin vexen ASMR recordings from this guy?? Like almost all of the "yay i met DSP and requested him to read some lines in the voice" vids on youtube are "hey can u do a message to my girlfriend that daddy vexen will experiment on her if she misbehaves". Like UHHHH i would imagine thats kind of an uncomfortable thing to ask a voiceactor out of the blue! I hope that was at some sort of over 18s convention event or something and not just throwing those kinds of requests in a public crowd where kids could be listening. Reminds me of the goddamn "yaoi paddles" and "raep face meme" shit from the early days of anime cons, and of course the problem of people grabbing and groping female cosplayers like theyre entitled to it. Big conventions generally have a problem with making things overly nsfw and unwelcoming to younger fans and just anyone who arent comfortable with that. I was relieved to know that the smaller conventions in my local area have a pretty detailed anti harassment and restricted sexual content policy, that makes me feel a lot safer.

So uhh yeah lol i dont know the context of that "hey lets ask for sexy vexen voices" vid but it just made my brain go on a tangeant about how boundaries are often disrespected in fan spaces and i just hope that wasnt one of those times. Tho i mean if DSP is okay with doing raunchy joke requests then there's no problem with that. I just mean that it would be kinda bad to throw that stuff at any and all voiceactors without knowing if they're comfortable with it. And also especially if its in any con where underage fans could hear it. Gotta be responsible with your mad scientist thirst!

[emubop]

personal shit under the cut

i havent made a vent post here in ages, but i just...i need to do this. i need to write this out somewhere where i can possibly go on for several paragraphs but also i want to know that other people can find this. no one is going to, i dont think, no one is gonna read this but i need to know that someone could

but things have been bad for...hm a while now. and today they finally came to a head when my parents and i met with my psychiatrist and everything just kind of spilled out. i dont even know where to begin i just...i feel like im only just starting to work through all of these repressed issues. i cried more than i thought i would and i know its not over yet. the tears arent over. theyll come back. but yeah, things have been not good. ive been steadily failing at pretty much everything but its been so painful to admit even to myself that i just hid it from everyone, including my parents, which they found out about last month and our relationship has been strained and i want to undo everything but i cant. (its not only me, they havent been helping either - just last week they accidentally opened my mail, realized it was mine, and then kept reading anyways - like ok thanks for the complete and utter disrespect for normal privacy boundaries dad. this whole situation is one big mess. but i caused a lot of it. if i hadnt done what i did, if i hadnt been so stubbornly rejecting of any possible help out of a pointless need to prove something, if i had just said something months ago - but i didnt. and now im paying for it.)

its not like i wanted to lie to people. i hate it. but i wanted to be good enough, i wanted so badly to just tell them what they wanted to hear so i wouldnt be a disappointment. i told myself that as long as i actually did the thing tomorrow, it would be okay and no one would have to know. and now nothing’s okay. im a bad person and i feel terrible for not coming forward in the first place but if i say that it sounds manipulative and thats the last thing i want. bad enough whats already been done, i dont want to add manipulative to the list.

and like, we’re going to work on it. i hope this is rock bottom. and it could be worse; our relationship isnt completely broken, we love each other, i know theyre trying to help me and we’re all trying to fix things. but when my psychiatrist told me that going to school right now is not a good idea since im not in a good place for success, i just started sobbing uncontrollably bc my entire self worth is tied into school and i know its unhealthy but here i am anyway. im crying again now alone in my room just thinking about this. i had plans, i thought id succeed in college, i thought ‘finally now im out of high school things will be better’ and they werent, nothing has gone right and i just want to hit reset on everything. i want to start over, freshman year of college, fresh out of high school and still hopeful for the future, and do things right - but i cant. im stuck with this situation ive made for myself and i hate it. i hate myself for making it.

the only good thing that happened is im finally, finally on some medication for my adhd, so thats something. but im 21 and i cant do anything myself without someone holding me accountable, i feel like a child and i hate it. i hate having adhd. i feel like ive been steadily ruining my own life.

hopefully this is rock bottom, but i dont know.