#but if the coddlers didn't acknowledge the sickness to begin with and started throwing stuff at me if i showed symptoms
Text
they didn't need to make crying so physically gross. not to be bitter or anything but no one should have to experience emotion snot first
#guess who got yelled at today lol#for something that was my fault but Did Not warrant screaming at me and also didn't so much strike a nerve#as clamp a hot curling iron on it and hold it there#like yes i forgot to do something again and it led to inconvenience/suffering for someone in my care. again.#it's a theme of mine. while we're here do you wanna talk about how much i love letting y'all drive me around everywhere and pay for#everything and how cool it is to know i have no future in the things you encouraged me in and instead could only possibly survive by#continuing to leech off of the people who care about me? how they either give me shit for accepting the help they insulted me for not takin#or continue to help like it's nothing and how the latter feels worse?#about how i can't do anything for myself or for others and how that bonelessness leads me to get just close enough to others for them#to think they can rely on me only for me to collapse bc of yk. the termites and rot and stuff.#about how i feel like i was born this sickly runt who should've died within a few days but i was swept up and coddled#but if the coddlers didn't acknowledge the sickness to begin with and started throwing stuff at me if i showed symptoms#i don't like being unreliable. it's something i've been thinking about a lot lately but i think that's the part that made this the worst#im letting my friends down. and they're gonna be so damn nice about it but im hurting them and i can't stop#and i don't even know if there's a sickness to begin with. it's not like my parents see it and they're kinda important in the whole#keeping me alive while i figure out the sickness thing. which could be forever. i don't think they're gonna wait forever y'know?#not MY parents. ughh. my whole reason for getting off my ass and trying to help myself was bc it'd make my friends sad if they knew how#bad i was hurting. but now it's summer and i don't see them even when it would mean a lot to them to see them and that drive's just. weaker#i got help and it drained me and then it didn't even work out. but now my parents are acting like it should all be magically fixed#well. it's more like they never acknowledged the problem in the first place. god they didn't even ASK me what was happening#pov your kid comes up to you and is like hey i think im depressed and i haven't said anything for like 6-10 years but i wanna see a doctor#and you go cool no further questions + i am no longer going to think about it. idek if i WANTED to talk about it but nothing? really.#im not gonna kms and ive committed to that but if they give me a sink or swim ultimatum then i won't fucking have to#and they will. or they'll try and then bow out and act like nothing happened and still won't believe me anyway#im not saying i want them to give up on me but telling me i should just do better and im making excuses Is Not Ever Going To Fix Things#they say i can always come to them but act like im insulting them every time i don't magically get better or even just ask for help#in ways they don't wanna give. point is im sick of their shit tonight. mostly my dad bc at least my mom picked up on the wounded animal#vibe. ughh anyway it also occurred to me that i have not in fact given up on my father but instead am trying really really hard#which is annoying and unnerving tbh. i thought we went over this i thought we were good? sighh#nyarla dni
7 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
ts-indonesia
TS: Indonesia
escaperoomsdestin
Untitled
fine-you-blog
제목 없음
povlichenkos-ghost
Pavlichenko's ghost
cryptonewsupdate
Untitled