#but if i can't even do that. if i'm really becoming an egoistic piece of shit

[icedille]

one of those nights where i'm reasonable enough to go to bed early but still really hope i don't wake up

[tetitous]

OK I think I'm good to give my thoughts about the last 2 episodes now (warning, it's long)

I'm so fucking wilded out by the whole wakfu extraction scene. It was absolutely painful.

I have to applaud the transition between Yugo's old and new VA, it was super clean. I really like his voice, it's so soft and yet you feel it has some power in reserve, though for Valentin Vincent (yes, if you're an ff7 fan you see it, I see it too) to win over Fanny Bloc in my heart he'd need to give me a godlike performance, for now I need to grow used to the change.

I believe I said somewhere some time ago that Eliatrope landing on the WoT could have some drastic repercussions, seems like I was wrong then, I'm okay with that.

Poor Nora, I just- she's only ever done her best, she mourned for a brother who used her like a puppet, how fucking cruel is it that now her powers is what's putting the world in danger and there's nothing she can do about it. Efrim being so devoured by his hunger that he feels hatred for Eliatrope and doesn’t care about even his own twin sister is so sad. He calls Eliatrope an egoist, as if anyone was owed her life force, and he sees nothing but sustenance. I do remember someone saying that you become someone else when you discover what true hunger feels like, it's what him being folded in two over his own stomach reminded me of. I hope there is some way out for them, but I'm not sure that I can be hopeful.

Talking about that, Toross Mordal. He can't forget himself to his own anger, like the others, but his mind still can't prioritize anything else. It's interesting to me that to him Yugo was just a means of sustenance, and yet he showed him more sympathy seemingly than he did to Nora, the central piece to his plan. Does Yugo remind him of someone else? Himself? I also think a lot about the way he's on loop about how Eliatrope "could have kept on feeding his people for centuries", he says it so often, and I wonder if it's meant to parallel Eliatrope's "we're doomed" attitude. They're both on loop about their own situations.

The whole dichotomy between "monster" and "pure" seems to reach some conclusion, that probably being that these two concepts don't really mean anything but "who we feel like we're allowed to demonize or not".

It's very strong with Qilby, who's been labeled as both by people. He's been a blast those last 2 episodes, I wouldn't call it a redemption arc, but an acceptance of his complexity. Yugo was right in s2, Qilby cannot deal with loneliness, and moreso by the void. The one thing he really wants is for things to exist so that he can discover them, to compensate for his lack of connexion. Beyond that he understands that no one can truly get him, and that's okay, he seems to have done some self-reflection if he actually came to that conclusion without much anguish. He's reuniting with the one person who can get it, hopefully at some point some form of compromise can be done so that the White Dimension never becomes a necessity again.

Turns out Lokus WAS a Mechasm after all, interesting to have rebooted the species a little. You can be "worthy" of them, the conditions of this being kind of unclear. Given the parallels between the Eliacube and the Eliasphere, it seems, strangely enough, that both Yugo and Qilby have been deemed worthy. I'm kind of fascinated, I want to understand how they work a bit more, but I don't think we'll be given much answers.

I have so many thoughts about Yugo it's unreal. First I want to comb his hair, he's pretty but haircare isn't on point, tbf that's part of the charm I think. Because I really, really want to be the one to comb his hair. Yeah he's already going up there on the babygirl list. That's powerful.

The fact that Yugo has a mind protection mechanism thanks to the Eliotropes is beautiful to me. They, or at least Oropo, did want someone, anyone, to aknowledge them, and Yugo going from refusing to accept them to giving them a full Persona-style recognition was nice. I want to know more about them, specifically I want to see which aspects of them are their own, and which they originally got from Yugo, because I see them both as some extensions of Yugo and as their own people. To me, the moment you are separated from your "original being", you start to be "you", so something different. Oropo only being one of many actually helps me to appreciate him more. Still an asshole though. Yeah I do believe they're real, otherwise Yugo couldn't have come up with Bouillon, y'know? Let me just have some Yugo chilling with his not-quite-clones from time to time, let me figure out their individual deal.

Amalia is going to pop off, love that for her, curious about what her and Yugo's reunion is going to be like.

We heard nothing from the Percedals, well for now their big arc has been handled I guess, but they'll probably come back for the finale, their friends will need all the help they can get, after all. Actually so much of Eva's personality can be understood through the prism her abandonment issues, but her it doesn't feel like we have reached the point where her arc can be considered close, but her deciding to trust Flopin, trust the people around her, to give them love, really reminds us how far she's come from the person who refused to adress Amalia by anything other than "princess".

Also not much of Ruel, he's probably going to be torn between his two treasures: his money and his friends needing him, and Ruel is generous in the ways that matter. At least that's my expectations. Kinda wish we had more comic relief moments, but let's be real, it wouldn't have been appropriate atm.

I'm surprisingly normal about the fact eliatropes seem to be able to make their own clothes.

Did I say everything I wanted to say? Ah no, wait

The scene where Ad is being all self-depreciating and Qilby's coming back like "Hey, missed me?" Was hilarious, I actually laughed out loud and I really needed it.

Bro Qilby calling Amalia superficial. On the one hand she does rely a bit too much on appearances, on the other Qilby can talk, he doesn't know her and makes some pretty mean assumptions. Wrong ones at that, because Amalia knows Yugo and loves him beyond appearances, and so does Yugo. The irony of it all isn't lost on me.

Armand had such a wisdom glow up, good for him.

Other thoughts may come up, but that's what I have right now. Can't wait till next week I'm too excited

[eva-does-her-best]

Disability and life vent

It is becoming harder to think every day, even things I love, and I love a lot of things, are becoming imposible to think about.

I love thinking about things I like, like beautiful landscapes, videogames, songs, books, people. I love thinking about people, my friends, the cool people I wish I could meet, the people who deserve better than what they have. I love thinking about all the new kinds of people i've been discovering over the years i love intersex people and gnc people like women with beards or boys with boobs and all the kinds of disabled people and I love systems and I love furries... I just love, I love a lot, I love everyone.

I miss being able to think, i miss being able to just feel. I can't do it anymore, my thoughts are either slow and sluggish or too fast for me to understand them and my feelings are so strong that I cannot actually safely feel them.

I hate having to read everything more than once because I cannot process it well, I hate that once I take my eyes off of it I immediately forget what I read, I hate not being able to look at a picture of a friend I really like or a picture of a beautiful river or a mountain because of the risk of having an attack and being unable to breathe and having my muscles tense to the point of tearing and losing my eyesight and having to hurt myself or go to sleep to make it stop, I hate that my friends know this and have to maneuver around it I hate being this massive burden.

I can't even make future plans, thinking about the future is full of triggers, thinking in general just hurts so much. I'm getting worse everyday no matter how much I rest, my mind cannot keep up, my body is getting weaker, frailer and sicker. I feel like I won't be able to live for much longer, just like the doctors always said, maybe they were right, I don't want them to be right, I want to live ffs I want to get older I want to do all the things I never got to do I want to love and be loved..

I want to one day have a life with my friends, I want to be able to see them and hug them and take care of them I want to mske everyone happy I want to tend to everyone's wounds I don't want to be a sad thought I don't want to be a worry. But I'm getting worse and worse and I'm losing hope, I'll never meet my friends, I'll never be happy, I'll never have the life I dream about, I'll never be anything, I'm just a rotting corpse entering people's lives to try and aleviate my pain at the cost of spreading the blight that is my life to those I love.

All I can see in my future is a hospital bed or a piece of cardboard on the street or the pain of being someone else's burden. I feel so egoist for not being able to have hope.

[lanternkiwi]

uhhh blue lock ramble cause i've been sitting on this thought since we found out bm vs ubers was the next game so

blue lock neo egoist league and u20 game spoilers

this is gonna sound really stupid cause of how obvious it is but i'm really really happy ego merged u20 with blue lock, specifically because of oliver LIKKEEE it's what he wanted from the beginning :(

he wants these kids to grow and he's more than happy to help them. the reason why he turned away from being a striker was because of the adults that snubbed his potential. they didn't allow him to play the kind of soccer he wanted and it killed him.

he REFUSES to allow these kids to get snubbed and cut the same way he was. he pushes himself to his own limits to push blue lock back in return. he WANTS blue lock to beat him in his prime, or else, what do they have to show for this ridiculous project?? if they can't crush the best defender in the country, they have no shot in becoming the best in the world.

now that he is apart of blue lock with BLOOMING talent with niko as a defender and barou as a striker, he's seeing both paths. the path he took, and the path he did not.

niko's becoming a defender with the same resolve he had. to crush forwards.

and barou is getting told the same things he was. barou's physique is insane and he was a center piece of the team he played on before coming to blue lock. barou moved his team around like a tyrant and scored on his own, but oliver??? oliver was the one helping HIS team score.

now that oliver is able to play with niko and barou, i'm sure he's helping both of them evolve and bloom, even if they (barou) won't want it. i'm like 100% sure niko wouldn't hesitate to work with oliver because of how good his defense is and niko wants to become a defender ssoooo

barou definitely doesn't want his help though 💀 he's probably gonna have to go isagi on him and force it and manipulate him butttt we'll see

anyways yea i'm really happy oliver is technically a part of blue lock now and i'm glad he has an opportunity to actually extend a hand out to those who are blooming. pxg might have the most up and coming strikers but ubers most definitely has the most up and coming defenders.

i wish we could've seen more of the pxg vs ubers game considering how stacked both of them are and balancing each other out in defense and offense. considering they were both able to score on each other MULTIPLE TIMES (rin twice!?!) is actually insane

i reaallyy want oliver's full potential to be reached and i really hope he helps the rest of the blue lockers on ubers develop more both as defenders and strikers (since he has experience as a striker as well) it could be a very interesting dynamic (big bro oliver is REAL TO ME) and yeah i'm just really happy ollie's still around :,) i can't wait to see him again

[lovemalecforever]

Chapter 17

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

*Before leaving for the forest*

A loud yawn escaped from Jace's mouth before he could stop it, earning a light smack and an eye roll from his Parabatai.

"What was that for?" He asked sleepily, blinking hard to stay awake.

"I only asked Clary to create me a portal, not for you all to gather to see me off. I'll only be gone for a day."

"We wanted to see you before you leave, big brother. When you get back you won't be a mortal anymore." Izzy said, trying to suppress the yawn and failing badly.

"I agree, I missed Fray's calling upon the angel thingy, at least I can see off before you leave to become immortal." Simon defended his girlfriend.

"Why is he here, again?" Alec said, eyeing Simon.

"Because we wanted to see you as a mortal Shadowhunter one last time kid!" Luke said while walking towards the gang with Maryse.

"Luke! Mom!" Alec's eyes widened. "Now don't tell me Max is here too!"

As on cue, Max chimed in. "You're gonna have wings when you return Alec? Like real wings? That would be so cool!"

"Seriously!" Alec looked at his family around him and wanted to bang his head on the wall, only the looks on their faces stopped him from doing so.

"Alec, my boy, Luke is right. What you're going to do is a big step, we just wanted to be there for you before you take this step and tell you that we all are there for you, and we all love you, mortal or not."

"Thank you, Mom, all of you. Now, can you please create the portal Clary?" He asked, a little frustrated.

"Before that," Jace interrupted, "handle me your phone, Alec." He said, stretching out his palm in front of him.

"What? Why?"

"As I remember, Catarina said that you're 'awakening' will be really powerful. Do you want to shatter your phone into pieces?"

Alec took out his phone but hesitated.

"Alec, we'll handle it if Magnus calls, don't worry," Clary said, noticing the way he hesitated.

"Don't worry big brother, you're doing this for Magnus right? We'll handle him if he calls any of us, okay?"

Alec sighed. "Okay." He handed the phone to Jace. "Now, the portal."

Clary stepped forward and created a portal for him. He looked around to see his family and thanked them all for their support then stepped into the portal.

____________________________

*Later- Jace's room*

Jace stirred in his sleep when his whole body suddenly started aching. He started twisting and turning, then jolted awake, sweat dribbling from his whole body.

Clary, who was sound asleep on his chest, jolted awake.  "Jace, what's wrong?" She asked, completely alarmed.

"D... Don't know. My whole body, it's aching, precisely my shoulders or around there."

Clary touched his back to soothe him a little but he flinched so she backed away, not sure how to help him.

"Sorry, didn't mean to. But my whole bo...." Before he could finish a loud scream escaped from his mouth.

"Jace!" She quickly wrapped her arms around him and started rubbing his back, unsure what else to do.

"I don't know what's happening, Clary. My back!" He grunted in pain.

"Jace! Try to relax, okay? Just breathe!" She ran her fingers through his long golden hair and continued rubbing soothing circles on his back when something caught her eye.

"J..Jace, your Parabatai rune!"

Jace looked down at his rune which was glowing in a goldish silver color. They exchanged a confused look, they've never seen a rune glowing in silver.

"Alec! He's.. he's in pain. I need to get to him."

"Jace, wait! Remember, we can't be there. This might be an awakening like Catarina told us. He would be fine, Jace. Come here now." She grabbed her boyfriend and caged him in her tiny arms, planting a soft kiss on his neck.

"I hope he is, Clairebear. The pain I felt... if this was what I felt then Alec..." He trailed off, shivering from the thought of how much pain his brother would be going through. And also utterly confused by the silver glow of his rune.

"Try to sleep, Jace. He will be fine."

Jace nodded, knowing that the pain had now faded, Alec would be fine. But that did make him worried about his Parabatai. He sighed frustratingly knowing he couldn't do anything about it, then laid down again, but this time on his girlfriend's chest, listening to the rhythmic beats of her heart which helped him to calm down. He closed his eyes, giving in completely to the soothing sound of his girlfriend's heartbeats.

Clary looked at the sleeping form of Jace on her chest and smiled fondly, stroking his scalp soothingly. She of all the people knew that behind a cocky, stubborn, egoistic, strong, self-centered Shadowhunter is a lost, soft-hearted, emotional, and broken person, who wants nothing but love. Not long after, she drifted to sleep.

_______________________________

*Later that day*

*Alicante*

Magnus was thoroughly exhausted, he worked the whole day trying to distract himself from the disappointment, guilt, and constant emptiness but it was still there, as bright as a summer day, adding to his exhaustion more than before. His house was way too empty for his liking. After last night, lying to his husband, he couldn't help but feel guilty about it. He just wanted to be in his shadowhunter's arms badly. He wanted him home, but he knew that he couldn't, he was away for work. He wouldn't disturb him or ask him to come back just because he was being selfish.

He sighed, rubbed his face then looked down at the plate kept on the table and gently pushed it away. He didn't have an appetite, didn't want to. The pin-drop silence of the apartment was nerve-wracking. At one point he would have enjoyed this solitude, but not right now. It was too much for him. He got up, created a portal, and quickly stepped into it.

When he stepped out of the portal he was outside that bar in Germany again. taking a deep breath, he stepped inside, went to the counter, and ordered a neat whiskey.  as he took a huge sip of it, his shoulders slumped. after finishing the first glass, he ordered a refill, completely oblivious to a figure approaching him.

The woman eyed him from a distance, setting up a plan in her mind as she started walking towards him. She had long thick black hair with red highlights, deep black eyes, and had a perfect eyeliner traced above it, with deep red eyeshadow, and pale skin. Her glossy black lipstick stood out from her pale skin tone. She wore a shimmering black sheath dress with a deep sweetheart neckline, defining her perfect curves; accompanied by a pair of blood-red 6-inch pencil heels. She stood beside him, smirking at his obliviousness, then waved to the bartender.

"A shot of plasma, love."

Magnus was draining himself into the effect of the alcohol so he could forget the pain he was feeling when he saw a woman approaching him. she stood beside him and ordered her a drink, she looked familiar but he ignored it, ordering his own refill. The bartender was quick with his refills. He took a sip and sighed audibly.

"A neat whiskey! Are you in pain love? I think I can help you with that." The woman said.

Magnus wanted to answer her, but something about her sounded way too familiar. 'Do I know her?' he thought.

"No thank you, I'm fine." He said without looking at her.

"Come on, Magnus, who else other than me can help you in forgetting your pain?" She asked, her tone was sweet but dipped with venom.

Magnus froze, he was listening to those words, that voice after a long time. He now knows why the voice sounded so familiar. 'No! How can it be possible? It can't be possible!' he thought.

"C.. Camille Belcourt?" He slowly turned towards her, noticing her completely different features but the same dreadful eyes.

"Who else can it be, Magnus? What happened, did your Shadowhunter left you? I had told you, love, warned you, he won't last." Camille said, a vicious smile forming on her lips.

Magnus swallowed, hard. He was here to forget his pain in alcohol, not adding to his misery. "Shut your mouth, Camille. And don't say a word about him, I have no interest in sharing my personal life with you, so get lost."

"Come on, Magnus, you know that I'm always going to be your true love, even after what you did, I still love you. I'm always going to be the one, Magnus. Your Shadowhunter won't last." She said, sipping her shot of plasma in one go.

Magnus looked at her, not just looked at her, noticed her, every change on her except for her dark soulless eyes. 'Is that.. plasma? The hell!?' He thought to himself.

"How are you a vampire again?" He asked before he could even register he was going to say it. His eyes never leaving her changed form.

"Oh, Magnus, you know I have my way, love." She grinned evilly.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

-3 years ago-

"Remind me why Clave needs my presence all of a sudden? As far as I remember, I'm doing my job properly." Magnus asked, way too frustrated with the sudden call to be present at the gard for a meeting when he was enjoying the beach in the Caribbean with his husband.

"Us, our presence, Magnus. And I don't know, Jia didn't say anything. Apart from that fire message we got, she didn't contact me further."

Magnus sighed. They were heading towards the conference room when they bumped into Jace and Izzy in the hall.

"Jace! Iz! What are you both doing here?" Alec asked.

"Jia called us and said it was important. What are you both doing here?" Jace replied.

"Same!" Alec replied with a sigh.

"Let's see then what she wants from us!" Magnus said, and they entered the conference room where Jia was already waiting for them. She greeted them and they all sat in their respective places.

"I know this meeting was a sudden call, and for that, I apologize Mr. Lightwood Bane(s), Miss Lightwood, and Mr. Herondale, but this is regarding the act of Victor Aldertree, he conducted two years ago."

Everyone exchanged a look. "What about it, Jia?" Alec asked, trying to push away his fear.

"When Victor converted the downworlders into mundanes, there were many who were killed, but when you Miss Lightwood and Aline secretly investigated it and caught Aldertree, destroying his lab in the process, there were many prisoners who escaped, in these two years we caught many but there are few who are out there and we need to find them soon."

"Where are we going with this?" Magnus asked. "As we all already know, the search is fully in progress."

She took a few files from her bag and handed them one each. "These are the prisoners we recently caught, Pandora Berklee and Raven Thomas, but the problem is, when we caught them they were not mundanes, Pandora was a vampire again and Raven werewolf. They were more ferocious and dangerous than before. That's why we need to find the remaining prisoners as soon as we can."

"Wait, they are downworlders again. But how?" Alec inquired.

"We interrogated them but so far we only know that they lured out their kind into transforming into what they were. We still don't know the full details but need to catch the rest as soon as possible. If you go to the next page, they are the remaining prisoners: Flora Hollis, Tatia Ross, Ulsura Enkenzi, Gabriel Liaison, Yinsu Yinki, Dora Venter, Seth Allberti, August Rosedale, Benzene Westfield, and Camille Belcourt."

Everyone except Jia froze listening to the name of Camille on the list. Alec put his hand above his husband's thigh under the table and squeezed it gently.

"We'll spread the word around the globe. Magnus?" Alec said.

"I'll spread it to all the warlocks and the rest of the downworld." He replied and squeezed back his shadowhunter's hand.

"I'll start with New York and spread the word around the institutes," Izzy said.

"I know you all will do your best, that's why I called this meeting. Thank you for your time." Jia greeted them once again.

They all got up, shook each other's hands, and left for their respective places.

Magnus opened the portal and dragged his husband back to the beach in the Caribbean, trying to soothe himself. He snapped his fingers and vanished their clothes, then snapped them again and summoned coconut water for them.

Alec looked down at himself and shook his head, followed with an audible sigh. "Seriously, Magnus, I already told you I'm not comfortable being naked in the open, put me in some clothes!" He said while trying to cover his junk from one hand and holding the coconut water in the other while sipping on it.

"Alexander, it's just us here. So try and relax."

They reached the campsite and Magnus started laying down the beach mat when Alec froze in his place.

"Magnus!!" He called. Magnus reached beside his husband and froze. There was a message written on the sand.

I'll come back for you, Magnus. One day I will, and those nephilims will suffer. I'm not done with you, love. CB

They both looked at each other with horrified expressions, sinking in what just happened. They searched the whole island but she wasn't there.

As soon as they got back to Idris, they did everything to catch the remaining prisoners, working day and night, doing everything they could, eventually, they caught the prisoners except for one... Camille Belcourt! She vanished without a trace.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Ways? And what were your ways, Camille?" He spat out.

"Oh, Magnus! Don't be so spiteful, love. I came back for you." She said while running her perfectly manicured nails on his face.

Magnus shivered when she traced her fingers on his face. As soon as his mind registered what she was doing, he quickly shoved her hands away. "Where were you all this time, Camille? And how the hell are you a vampire again?"

Camille gave a malicious smile. "Doesn't your Shadowhunter love you anymore, Magnus, because you definitely enjoyed my touch."

Magnus screwed his eyes shut and gulped. He took a deep breath then ordered one more refill. "Answer me, Camille!" He said coldly.

"It's so easy to deceive the clave. Bunch of idiots! I was in India, it's a nice country and very welcoming!"

"India!" He repeated, surprised. "This whole time!" He mumbled under his breath. "You didn't answer my second question!" He said coldly.

"Oh, my love, there are many vampires who crave mundane blood, and many who want to expand their clan. You just need to find the right one." She smirked.

"You manipulated Vampires, just to become one once again!" He sighed. "Why am I not surprised!" He drank his whiskey in one gulp and ordered one more refill.

"Oh, Magnus, what had that shadowhunter done to you! Let me take away your pain." She pushed herself on him, pinning him on the counter with her vampire strength, running her hands over his and rubbing her knees over his legs.

Before Magnus could register what was happening, a pair of soft glossy lips were on his own, taking him hungrily. The kiss was filled with lust and passion, and he could taste something metallic as the kiss deepened. His shoulders slumped as he leaned against the counter, body giving in to the needs and mind going numb. Lust was clogging his mind and he was replying with the same fierceness as the heaviness above him kept increasing as if someone or something was crushing him.

With every passing second, the kiss kept getting deeper as sharp teeth clashed against his making a moan escape from his throat. He was completely gone into the lust until a pair of beautiful soft hazel eyes and an intoxicating smile flashed in his mind, followed by memories of his wedding day. 'Alexander...' wedding vows rang in his ears, bringing him back to reality. 'Alexander... no! no! What am I doing? no!'

With every inch of strength he could muster, he pushed her with full force, making her stumble back. An evil smile was plastered on Camille's face and she was licking her fangs when he opened his eyes. Licking his lips, he noticed that blood was dripping down from his lips onto his chin and down on the floor. Tears pooled in his eyes as his heart pounded in his chest. 'What have I done? no, Alexander... what have I done? How can I do this?'

Camille took a step forward, outstretched her hand, trying to caress his face but he shoved it harshly and pushed her back yet again. "Don't touch me, Camille Belcourt!"

"What's wrong Magnus? I thought you were enjoying it!" She said, playing innocent.

"Don't you dare try to be innocent! You did this! Stay away from me, Camille! Stay away from me!" He spat and then ran out of the bar.

"Oh, love, I'm not done with you. It's just the start, we'll meet again, Magnus!" She said viciously and disappeared into the crowd.

Tears were pooling down Magnus's face as he tried to wipe it away, rubbing it again and again as he kept running until he was far away from the bar then halted and leaned against the wall of a dark alleyway, heartbeat racing so fast that it was audible in the silence. 'What have I done? How can I do this? How can I cheat on him? Alexander... I... I need to tell him... yes...'  Without thinking he took out his phone and dialed his husband's number.

"A.. Alexander, I-"

"Hey Magnus, this is Jace, Alec is with Maryse. They are having their no phone, no disturbance mother-son time. Is there something important? I'll convey your message." Jaces' rushed voice came through the other side.

Magnus sighed as tears kept falling on his cheeks. "Uh.. n..no, umm.. nothing important. Just... just wanted to talk to him. I'll call later I guess."

"Okay then, bye."

Hanging up the call, Magnus created a portal and stepped into it, landing right beside his bed, then snapped his fingers to remove the clothes that had Camille's perfume all over them and burned them down to ashes, then fell on the bed with a loud thud.'What have I done? How can I do this? I'm so sorry Alexander, I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to!  I'm so sorry. '  Curling into a ball of a fetus, he burst into tears and, not after long, fell asleep.