#but if apathy is what we can expect is it really worth it

[forzafinally]

I feel numb. The nirbhaya case happened 12 years back and nothing has changed since then. There's not a single mention of the RG Kar case in the newspapers. The doctors of that college were carrying out a peaceful protest last night. They were attacked by a mob who destroyed the evidence at the crime scene and vandalised the hospital premises. She was a resident doctor on duty who was raped and murdered. The Dean of the college gave an initial statement saying "what was she doing there in the first place?" She was sleeping in the seminar room because government hospitals don't have adequate infrastructure to provide on-call rooms for their residents. Do you know what the initial statement given to her family was? That she was psychotic and has committed suicide. It was only half a day later that the authorities admitted it was gang rape. And we are expected to remain silent regarding this?

[eldritchneuro]

Vashwood and gender (again): El Woowoo

I had to think for a bit on where to start this essay, because there's multiple moving parts that I'm gonna cover and then have to put together.

I've already mentioned how Wolfwood takes on the role of the patriarchal leader towards the start of Trimax via this essay, so let's start with him.

A lot of what makes Wolfwood's gender presentation can be found in the core conflict that makes up his character - compassion and care versus apathy and violence towards others.

We are essentially introduced to Wolfwood twice, given the split between Trigun and Trigun Maximum.

Notably, they also differ in context. Woowoo the first is shown before us or him really know of his connections to the Gung-Ho guns. He's essentially behaving here as he would 'off the clock' so to speak, without any major pressures on him currently at play. He's still acting as a priest, but that's not really his job in canon since it's never really very story-relevant the way him being an assassin is.

At his core, this Wolfwood is shown to be a kind, compassionate and somewhat goofy person. I'd say he performs here as overall 'gender-neutral' - there isn't really an obvious lean towards a masculine or feminine performance.

When we are reintroduced to him in Maximum, however, he plays much more the part of the professional. Even just the way he holds himself - dramatic, uncaring, sunglasses notably on, suggests this is a man with a job to do. In some ways, simply acting professional like this is a masculine trait. (what with the perceived notion of men being household breadwinners).

(It is also worth noting that Wolfwood is an ambiguously brown person from a poor upbringing who speaks in a rather outer-suburbs or rural-coded accent. Even if those should be neutral terms, social bias means that these all things that carry a masculine connotation.)

But it goes deeper.

The idea of being a defender, of "show[ing] their fangs" is also very masculine, and in this scene, is a role Wolfwood is also trying to rope Vash into when Wolfwood gives him back his gun. Violence is masculine, and a gun is the epitome of violence. So you could say that Wolfwood has essentially been carrying around Vash's masculinity for him for these past few years, and is now forcing it back onto him.

You can even see this in the scene where Vash picks up his gun. His return to a violent life is shown with him shirtless, very obviously muscular in a typical masculine fashion.

Compared to his earlier iteration, Wolfwood as an assassin is very masculine of a character, and he expects others around him to embody those roles as well, even if like Vash, they don't really want to. Which also ties in to Wolfwood as a Judas figure. He is the one who leads Vash and attempts to guide him into the role of violence, corrupting Vash's ideals.

[storytellingbadger]

I'm not trying to defend Lunar. I genuinely think he's a hypocrite (just like the rest of the family, to a greater or lesser extent). He's quite immature. Despite shouting about being an adult, he doesn't act like one. This is even the case now that he's hurt the sister he loves so much and then run away.

But I can see how this desensitisation goes back even before the Astrals had any influence. Every time Lunar shows a negative emotion or makes a mistake, like when he killed Eclipse, he was practically abandoned by all his family and friends except for Solar. They didn't offer him any support until he apologised to Earth and she accepted his apologies. What can we learn from that kind of experience? If I feel negative emotions or make a mistake, I'm a bad person.(I've learned that if you hurt Earth in any way, you'll be punished for the universe lol). Given what happened with Nexus, I'm not surprised. It seems that Lunar has never fully recovered from what happened with Eclipse. He seems to have forced himself to pretend that he did, both for the sake of the Astrals and for his family, because otherwise he would be seen as the bad guy. His thoughts probably went something like this: "If I lie and pretend hard enough, I'm sure I'll end up believing it too."

Again, this doesn't justify his bad actions seen in today's episode.

Hello, and thank you for the ask!

I agree about Lunar being immature. And the protect-Earth brigade being activated at a nanosecond's notice, no matter who's involved or what happened.

I don't entirely agree (respectfully!) about Lunar being abandoned whenever he makes a mistake. Astrals, yes, pretty unavoidable when you operate on a completely different emotional and ethical spectrum - family, not so much. I admittedly don't follow the LAES half as closely as TSAMS, but seemed to me that family rarely called Lunar out on his apathy/childishness because it just wasn't worth it. Unless Earth was involved, as you rightly identified XD

More generally, I agree that Lunar isn't over what happened with Eclipse, probably never will be, and may never forgive him. Entirely valid. The 'forgiveness above all else' trope is rampant in media and it's daft. Earth is sweet but she often errs into the talk about it/hug it out mindset, as if everything is forgivable given enough time - and in my entirely unprofessional opinion, that's rubbish. Some hurts last forever.

On that note, Lunar's under no obligation to be okay with Earth befriending Eclipse. I'm not really sure what she expected, to be honest? I'd be seething if I was Lunar. There's too much bad blood there.

But that doesn't grant Lunar free rein to flagrantly and callously ignore everyone else's problems, and then violently lash out when critiqued. He'd go apeshit if someone did that to him.

Lunar cut Nexus out of his life with zero hesitation when he disrespected Earth. The parallels are pretty stark.

Essay over - thank you again for the ask, and I hope this comes across as conversational and non-hostile as possible. Have a good day!

[the-strength-of-the-wolffe]

Finally! I get to share my headcanons about this loveable piece-of-work, my boy Sinker.

Like Boost, he didn't choose his name; their batchmates came up with it because of his pessimism, a quirk that stress exacerbated (more on that below).

He was a reluctant “older” brother—not naturally responsible or nurturing but arbitrarily chosen to be in charge of his batchmates by their superiors. Although it felt unfair at the time, it’s the reason he’s a sergeant at the start of the war.

One of their trainers didn't get on with him (personality clash) and took every opportunity to beat him down. He put on a front of insolent indifference, but the harsh words (on top of Kaminoan indoctrination) eroded his spirit, leading him to develop that famously bleak estimation of himself and all clones.

For an engineered soldier, stress had an unusually adverse effect on him. It didn’t just sway his mood; by young adulthood, his hair started to thin and show gray roots. He couldn't stomach shaving it off, nor admit his shame by dyeing it black, so his solution was to dye it entirely gray and pretend to own it.

Needless to say, he isn’t in the healthiest frame of mind as we meet him in “Rising Malevolence.” He has a callousness about him that strikes me as a defense mechanism. Sadly, he doesn't take General Plo's words to heart that day. In fact, he isn't sure what to make of the General for some time.

If he had met Wolffe under any other circumstances, they wouldn't have become friends; they're too different, and Sinker is nothing if not realistic. Suffering the massacre together, and later rebuilding the 104th, bonds them like nothing else could. Even though rank and duties often keep them apart now, they hold fast to that bond.

He tries to move past the loss of his old squad by falling back on cadethood excuses ("I didn't want this job!") and cold memorized truths ("that's the reality of war"), but the horror and guilt get to him on occasion. For a while, he's at turns distant and aggressively protective toward his new squad.

He takes an immediate disliking to Comet, regarding him as a liability at best and a threat to the squad's safety at worst. Truthfully, he sees a bit of himself in the rookie (that defensive apathy), and he hates it. The tension between them erupts one day into physical violence, which he immaturely instigates. The brawl puts a bad mark on his record (and is my explanation for why he doesn't seem to climb any higher in rank). However, by coming to blows, the two of them are able to confront their issues with each other. Gradually, they work toward a more amiable relationship.

His personal beliefs and his mixed feelings about General Plo come to a head during a dangerous search-and-rescue operation. When half his squad (including Boost) become trapped in a damaged building, he fully expects he'll have to leave them to prioritize civilians, a prospect he suddenly finds chilling. To his shock, Wolffe and the General converge at once, the former taking over evacuations while the latter goes after the troopers. In the end, not a single one is lost.

Because of this harrowing event, he realizes first how much he cares about his men, what their lives are worth to him (not expendable!), and second that he's not alone in feeling that way—General Plo meant what he said. He still has some qualms about the General (e.g. the health considerations are a source of stress), but his love language is acts of service, and the General's tremendous act of saving his squad wins him over.

From this point onward, he's able to shoulder his responsibilities with less fear, and that confidence does wonders for him. He really evolves as a character—just look at how different he is in "Mercy Mission"! (I've got a separate post about this in the works: contrasting his arc with Wolffe's.) He doesn't lose all of his rough edges, of course (he can still get nasty when stressed, and be rather angsty at times), but overall he rounds out to be a tough, conscientious, steadfast individual.

His sense of humor, however, does not improve.

[erraticopeninghours]

Crowley and Beelzebub Talk

Thoughts on 1.13: Crowley and Beelzebub talk

I feel so badly for Crowley that his “precious, peaceful, fragile existence” cannot be.  It’s interesting to contrast Heaven and Hell’s approaches to Aziraphale and Crowley, both as workers and later as retired/traitors.

Heaven treats Aziraphale’s bookshop with the same apathy that they do other earthly possessions (and beings.)  First, in the 1800 deleted scene, they almost take it away from Aziraphale, and even when they decide not to, it is never treated as an important matter.  Second, though Shadwell definitely plays a role in it, the bookshop fire would have been preventable if not for Heaven / Metatron insisting on leaving the portal open.  Following the fire, the bookshop is returned to Aziraphale (this time by Adam / earthly intervention), and what Aziraphale temporarily lost is never addressed as important.  

Both of these incidents dovetail nicely with Heaven’s approach of killing Job’s three children, then expecting gratitude after they “make it better” by giving him seven new children.  Heaven is careless with what Aziraphale values most and dismisses the importance that he chooses to place on things and people, but generally does not seek to destroy things for the purpose of tormenting Aziraphale.  Instead, they’re cruel through callousness. 

On the other hand, we see Hell actively work to violate Crowley’s boundaries and intentionally (mis)use his possessions to hurt him.  In Season 1, there’s the orders from Satan; Hastur and Ligur’s invasion of his flat; and Hastur’s appearance in the Bentley and removal of Crowley’s sunglasses.  In Season 2, we learn that Hell has continued this pattern into Crowley’s “retirement.”  Despite Crowley being “persona non grata,” Hell repossesses his flat, and Beelzebub begins their conversation by appearing in the Bentley.  

For me, just the presence of another demon in the Bentley was very unsettling and felt much more dangerous than Crowley’s earlier talks with Shax in the park and on the street.  I also feel like it was a definite power play by Beelzebub – them making a point – given that they clearly have the ability to “call” Crowley to Hell.  The fly that flew inside of Crowley’s mouth also felt like an invasion, especially since one of Crowley’s main strategies for staying safe is through quick-talking. 

Lastly, there were several phrases that Beelzebub used which I really enjoyed. 

(1) “What if I said Hell was willing to forget everything you did, that we were willing to accept you back, no questions asked with a hefty promotion?” is fantastic! Partly because it demonstrates Hell/demons’ knowledge that having past misbehavior “forgotten” is generally worth more than any token “forgiveness.”  It also completely avoids the word “forgiveness,” while clearly offering more absolution than Heaven tends to offer (at least to demons. Consider: “Unforgivable, that’s what I am.”)  And thirdly, this is what Metatron offers Aziraphale at the end of the season, except that Aziraphale - for whatever reason(s) - accepts the offer!  

(2) “[Y]ou find Gabriel for me and you can have whatever your nasty little heart desires” is also a great line because during my first watch, my instinctive reaction was that Beelzebub can no longer offer Crowley anything that he really wants.  His heart only desires a certain angel and perhaps select Earthly pleasures.  On rewatch, however, the line was even better because while Beelzebub can’t give Crowley whatever his nasty little heart desires, Crowley theoretically could have given Beelzebub whatever their nasty little heart desires - Gabriel! 

(3) “So, if you hear anything, come to me first, yeah?” is a fun line because we know that Crowley will not come to Beelzebub first.  Even though Crowley has just argued with Aziraphale over helping Jim/Gabriel and stormed out of the bookshop, we as the audience have no doubt that Crowley will go to Aziraphale first with any important information. (At least, until he doesn’t…)  Despite the accompanying frustration, Crowley is committed to their side, and that commitment is obvious to both the audience and to Crowley himself.

(previous) (next)

[katsona-the-katsequel]

Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad Activity Report

Part 10

One more after this!

1/3 (Sun) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Uh, this is Takeba.

Junpei's first comment of the new year is a bit silly, but I'll just say one thing for now...I'm wearing them!

Even so, the city is in a cult color. I wonder what kind of monster Nyx is. No matter how strong the enemy is, we have to win. This was Takeba.

1/4 (Mon) - Reporter: Fuuka Yamagishi

Good evening, this is Yamagishi.

It seems like the influence of the cult is spreading at an alarming rate... Today, I was in the dorm and checking the news on TV and the internet, and I noticed that a number of related incidents had occurred.

It seems like we can't afford to waste a moment now...

1/5 (Tue) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

Cult activities have become quite intense. Actually, speaking of cults, I remember when I was still in elementary school, a dojo for a big new religion was set up. It quickly fell into disuse, but now that I think about it, I wonder if that was the influence of the shadows gathered in Kirijo's experiments? If we investigate, we might find something.

1/6 (Wed) - Reporter: Aigis

Today, I was watching TV and there was a documentary program that interviewed people in medical institutions. The main subject was a new doctor, and it was quite moving, but the patient was a Lost.

I don't know much about TV programs, but... just considering the time lapse that can be seen in the program, this program would not have worked if they had not continued to interview people for quite some time. If there were so many Apathy Syndrome patients before that that were chosen as subjects for interviews... perhaps the extent of the disease among the Lost we know does not fully grasp its true extent? I wonder how many patients there are now...

1/7 (Thu) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Hey, Junpei here! The new semester finally starts tomorrow. I hope the school isn't taken over by the Forces of Evil... Hearing those guys' crazy words reminds me of Strega. I'm trying not to look at them as much as possible... Anyway, let's get pumped!

1/8 (Fri) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

It's Kirijo. The cult's influence on the school seems to be greater than expected. I was prepared for it to some extent, but to be honest, I'm at a loss as to what to do.

1/12 (Tue) - Reporter: Fuuka Yamagishi

Fortunately, there doesn't seem to be anyone on the Student Council executive committee who is leaning towards cults, but we'll still be very careful.

1/9 (Sat) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

It seems that several juniors in the boxing club were taken in by the cult. I thought that there would be no one in a sports club who would get caught up in the cult, but... People's hearts are surprisingly weak.

Anyway, while I'm trying to bring those guys back to normal, I might as well look into the inner workings of the cult. Maybe I'll find something useful.

1/10 (Sun) - Reporter: Aigis

I hear there's something called a "coming-of-age ceremony" tomorrow, isn't there? I understand that this is a celebration to celebrate turning 20, when you are legally recognized as an "adult", but is that correct?

I thought that humans grew in an analog, non-linear way, so it's interesting that there's an event that ranks up digitally like that.

So far, I've had a lot of fun experiencing summer festivals and first shrine visits, so I'd like to experience the coming-of-age ceremony if I can.

But... how old am I now? If I don't grow up during the downtime, I'm not even one year old yet...

1/11 (Mon) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Uh, this is Takeba.

Today's Coming of Age Ceremony was a big mess at the Coming of Age Ceremony venues across the country due to the effects of Apathy Syndrome. The world is really being influenced by cults.

Isn't there some way to counter this with a media strategy? Mitsuru-senpai, is the Kirijo Group's media department worth using?

Good evening, this is Yamagishi.

Yesterday, Yukari-chan mentioned the media strategy, but we were preempted.

Apparently, Sanada-senpai and his friends found a magazine at a ramen shop in Iwatodai that had an interview with the leader of a cult, and that leader turned out to be Takaya of Strega, who had been missing. To put it simply, it was a praise of Nyx and a condemnation of those who rebel against Nyx...which is us. What's more, they even blamed us for the incident involving the Lost patient...which is a good move for an enemy like them. I'll try to think of something I can do to counter it.

1/13 (Wed) - Reporter: Ken Amada

The Strega interview article that Fuuka-san mentioned yesterday has somehow become strangely popular. It's been featured on the TV news. This isn't due to Nyx's influence, it's clearly the fault of the frivolous media, right? Why are adults so irresponsible? All our efforts are going to waste.

1/14 (Thu) - Reporter: Aigis

Where does the difference between those who get caught up in cults and those who don't come from? Will my heart be swept away by that cult?

I never knew staying strong in an uncertain world could be so scary. I need some guidance...

1/15(Fri) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

It's Kirijo.

Aigis, the answer is surprisingly simple. You are not made up of just yourself. Your existence includes your connections with others. If we said we didn't want you to join a cult, you wouldn't go now, right? That's it.

1/16 (Sat) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

Honestly, Mitsuru is brutally simple. And to ask for a life consultation the day before the national exam. Well, I'm also up late at night, even though it's the second day of the exam. Even though the final battle with Nyx is coming up, I don't feel like we're going to lose at all. Let's get the exam and the final battle over with as quickly as possible!

1/17 (Sun) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Hey! It's Junpei!

Anyway, Sanada-san, Kirijo-senpai, good job on the national exam! I'm sure you got good marks...

I realized for the first time today that if I choose to continue my studies, it'll be me next year, right? Hmm, I've already prepared myself to take on Nyx, but I'm still not prepared to take on the national exam. Isn't that bad?

Um, if you have time, could you tell me the questions for the national exam next time? I'm sure cramming the night before is not going to be that scary.

1/18 (Mon) - Reporter: Fuuka Yamagishi

Good evening, this is Yamagishi.

Junpei-kun... Even for regular school exams, cramming the night before is no good because it doesn't give you the creeps. By the way, today I met a female reporter who has amazing insight. Amada-kun says that adults are unreliable, but I feel a little relieved to hear that people are watching.

1/19 (Tue) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Well, it's Takeba. I'm satisfied with using my cooking skills for the first time in a while today! Well, my opponent is Koro-chan, though. This is a menu to build up our strength before the final battle. Mitsuru-senpai praised me for it, but in fact, it's also a way for me to relieve stress... By the way, Sanada-senpai was looking at me with envy, so maybe he was hungry?

1/20 (Wed) - Reporter: Aigis

Today, Junpei-san was staring intently at the seat where Ryoji-san had previously sat. Was he hoping for a miracle that would bring him back? I would not have been able to understand such feelings before, but now I think I do. But I will not complain. I cannot stop yet, because I want to fulfill my promise to me.

1/21 (Thu) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Hey, it's Junpei! Oh, Aigis saw me. Well, I guess... I was expecting Ryoji to come back. After all, he was a friend. I'm still thinking about getting him back together. I'm a bit timid too. I won't watch the seat again. Let's both do our best!

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Tag List: @kerto-p

[persephoneprice]

more time travelling persephone, but this time it's less depressing!

fix-it version:

the tenth hunger games have concluded with lucy gray as the victor. mizzen is dead. mizzen is dead, and it's properly hitting her that he was just a boy. alive, he had been her tribute, one that she was invested on winning. dead, he's thirteen years old, looking small on the screen broadcasting the arena. festus is a comfort, but he can't quite soothe the guilt of it. she should have tried harder, cared earlier, done more-

she goes to bed thinking of the could have, would have, should haves...and wakes up at the start of her senior year. the tenth hunger games are nearly a year away. arachne and apollo and diana and gaius are alive. mizzen is alive. things are different; but they are exactly as they were before. festus isn't her friend. they hadn't been very close until the mentorship. she's going to change that, though.

and it strikes her: she can change that. persephone can change things. she can change everything.

and she does! she befriends festus, properly. he's a bit confused why she's suddenly gotten closer to her, but he doesn't mind having her around, enjoys it even. she starts to gauge her classmates' opinions on the hunger games. it's depressing that apathy is about the best reaction, most think the hunger games are a deserved punishment, and she can't really blame them for thinking like that. they haven't mentored a child. they haven't watched that child die. they haven't watched people cheer that child's death.

she does find allies, though. sejanus is happy to have a new friend. he meshes into her new circle better than she expected. festus had already been generally friendly/civil with sejanus, so he adapts to the second new presence suddenly close to him fairly quickly. persephone gets upset at anyone criticizes her for spending time with sejanus. festus gets angry when persephone gets upset.

people quickly learn to get used to the new normal. (it may take festus punching a few people to get to that point, but people learn. the lesson sticks like a fist in their face.)

slowly but surely, persephone tests the waters. how much can she say while people still agree? ("it feels odd that all the tributes this year will be our age or younger, doesn't it?") how much can she say before people begin to change their minds? ("nine seems like more than enough, why are we even bothering with a tenth?")

the games were already waning in popularity, and it turns out its death knell isn't the districts shouting about its injustice, but the apathy of the capitol citizens that were meant to be watching it. the games are bloody, and quick. is it really worth the tax dollars to maintain that arena? to transport the tributes? to set up a stream to broadcast a show that less and less watch with every year?

can't that money go to something else? infrastructure, maybe? it's been a decade since the end of the war, but there's still plenty of things that could use funding. why is so much money getting put into the war department anyway? why is so much money going into the development of mutts when the war is over? the war is over, and wouldn't it be nice to celebrate the end of the war with festivities rather than be reminded of the damage done?

sure, the games are a punishment for the districts, but they are also a reminder of what the capitol has lost. and persephone is quite done remembering what has been lost. better to focus on what can be saved. look to the future, not the past, as it were.

there is no announcement. nothing official. but july comes and goes, and twenty-four district children are never brought to the capitol. the plinth prize is awarded to the top student, and they graduate. she and festus start dating in university. persephone doesn't forget about the boy she once mentored, but she does live on.

she gets her degree, gets married, and the country starts to loosen up. she and her classmates are the future of panem, and their vision of the future has changed that senior year. it's funny, how peaceful people are when you're not sending their children to die. peacekeepers lessen- there's less need to be so authoritative. travel restrictions open up- a vacation in the districts is something more and more are open to.

she and festus honeymoon at a house by the sea, and on a walk along the beach, she sees a boy whose not really a boy anymore. he's grown up, he's had the chance to grow up - he's smiling, he's happy, he's alive.

and that boy might not know who she is, but persephone thinks that she likes the way things have concluded.

(had to balance things out after the angst ver. :))

ah omg i am so excited about this!! quite literally have been waiting all day just so i can really think about it.

immediately the first paragraph hit me like a ton of bricks. reading all of this nearly made me cry it makes me so happy.

persephone realizing that she can make a change and doing it by being somewhere subtle and smart about it. and the way festus is happy to go along with it and befriend sej too.

and the part about her bringing up the tax dollars- that’s such a smart argument. nothing convinced people quite like their bank accounts.

i love the idea that despite things working out- she never really forgot about mizzen.

and while persephone may have been pleased with him not knowing who she is- i can’t help but imagine a scenario where they meet at least once.

obviously, mizzen would never know who she is or what would have happened to him without her- but a nice, quick interaction.

perhaps they have a small conversation where persephone asks him about starfish- and he’s delighted to talk about it. how did this capitol girl know about his favorite creature? it doesn’t matter, he’s happy to explain what he knows.

or- because i simply can’t resist really indulging in the joy of it all- the idea that things get good enough to where the people of the districts can get a proper education. maybe mizzen gets to become the marine biologist that he was meant to be. or maybe persephone doesn’t meet him in district 4, but at the aquarium in the capitol where mizzen works. perhaps she and festus take their own children there one day and run into an adult mizzen who patiently explains to persephone’s now thirteen-year-old son about marine life.

and persephone briefly thinks about a world where she didn’t change things and how she would have never been able to go inside this beautiful aquarium without being crushed by the loss of an innocent little boy.

she thanks mizzen for being so patient and hugs her son a little tighter that night.

[kindlespark]

hello, this is the anon who sent august that really long fhjy ask - thanks for your thoughts!! they helped me understand some of the season's strengths that weren't as apparent to my tastes - i think you're so right that the temple was a high point and i greatly sympathize with the sentiment of like, it all could've been so much more compelling if the bad kids had keyed into that more (which i think is also partly on brennan's presentation of info as GM, ofc - not saying it's anyone's responsibility alone). i'm still not sold on porter that much, but i can understand your perspective and i do appreciate some of his moments - i enjoyed him being a terrible teacher to gorgug because of the tension it created within the party (isn't this bad teaching? is it not? that self-doubt was really dramatically satisfying, especially in the twist payoff). i also think you're right that the finale truly muddies the waters of what the ratgrinders' thematic positioning was - as much sense as it makes that they're genderbent foils, it feels like each member gets less and less pointed - kipperlily and riz are the clearest parallel followed by kristen and buddy, but then like ruben and fig's interactions were essentially just bits, oisin and adaine basically boil down to differing access to generational wealth, and then gorgug/maryann and ivy/fabian are basically just like rage/apathy and ranged/melee. and i don't necessarily think fleshing this all out would've made the season good, but i think (and i want to say this came up in the podcast) it was overambitious/overcomplex to combine the ratgrinders' story with porter's - hence the very confused finale. on a more positive note, i actually totally agree that the downtime system was fun and thematic! the reason i cited that aspect as a negative is more because of the eventual execution, where a lot of the ratgrinder elements got sidelined and relegated to "we'll resolve that later" - as flavorful as it was, there were times when i felt like it didn't mesh with the beats brennan expected or it stymied the group's efforts to investigate things in favor of siloing them. this is a more meta criticism but another reason i don't quite gel with the porter story is because it's the reason brennan asked emily to play as fig this season even though she didn't want to, and while i trust that she genuinely chose to go along with him in that, it definitely felt like she (and brennan) struggled to find a new throughline/arc for fig (especially since the ruben thing went nowhere) and i don't feel like that sacrifice was worth what we got with regard to porter (and ruben, as her foil) - when i think of fig's storyline this season it just feels kind of empty/reactive. anyway, i hope it's clear i don't say this to argue with your opinions and i certainly don't begrudge anyone hoping for a satisfying narrative from d20 especially considering their past successes (i couldn't agree more that fhsy and tuc are some of their finest work in this regard - easily two of my favorite seasons alongside acofaf!). i'm still exploring my relationship to subtextual readings of actual plays - i love literary criticism so i appreciate many fan theories as emotional/philosophical exercises, but with TTRPGs i often have a harder time as compared to pre-written material given their more improvisatory/fluctuating nature. as such, the shooting schedule looms large here, and i mourn What Could've Been if the cast had gotten to rest and reflect between sessions right alongside you... ah well, there's always another season <3

hello!!! thank u for a really great ask!!! sorry it took me so long to get to it, i literally haven't been logged into tumblr on desktop since i saw it and typing up a good reply on mobile would've been impossible LOL

i pretty much agree with all your points here; especially the one with fig's arc this season. i think emily should've trusted her gut and retired her after her near perfect arc in fhsy, and that brennan shouldn't have had her in this season just for the porter reveal (which could've been a fun twist even with a new character, given that emily would've still had her suspicions). her arc this season is rly meandering and inconclusive which is such a shame. the problem is that i just REALLY love porter as a villain LOL. or rather, i love porter as a concept of the villain he could've been but that was never really treated seriously as such by the show. he represents so much of what i thought this season's themes would address--he's a symbol (as a teacher) of the unfair and fucked up school system and the power it holds over kids, as well as the concepts of rage and manipulation and radicalisation and revenge. that shit is super interesting to me (also as a teacher), and if all of this was engaged with it would've been incredible. alas!

but yeah me and august were talking abt ur ask like ur literally right and we wish we had ur foresight for the season tho LMAO. like perhaps my blinders were on because truly up until the last three episodes brennan was giving me everything, conceptually, that i wanted. i wanted trg to be sympathetic villains, and they were! i wanted kipperlilly and lucy to be best friends and have tragic yuri potential, and they did! i wanted jace to also be a victim of porter's, and he was! there was a moment before the last three episodes where i was convinced nothing could go wrong and this would be my favourite d20 season ever LMFAOOOOOO OH HOW THE PRIDE COMES BEFORE THE FALL

wrt literary criticism and d20, i totally get what you mean. i've been a real hater about this season but i'm usually pretty forgiving about the improvisatory and comedic aspects of d20 seasons believe it or not LMAO. m&m is one of my favourite d20 seasons of all time, i do not care that the ending flopped spectacularly bc of the tone, dice rolls and bad jokes. acoc is another one of my favourite seasons of all time, but the back half of it is super lacklustre in comparison to the first half, and i was completely zoned out of the rushed and anticlimactic final combat until calroy came in. these things did not taint my enjoyment of the show--it's always been forgivable and understandable to me because well, yeah, comes with the improv liveplay territory!! i love analysing the shows thematically and have my critique but ultimately understand there's things no one can predict or account for. i think fhjy's case in particular was just so egregious to me; the themes felt so much more obvious, the character hooks right there, the set-up so good, that i truly had never been so disappointed by a d20 finale helppppp

like i'm used to d20 seasons not having themes that are perfectly executed or followable; when i make my posts about wishing that fhjy was about the unfair school system, it's more like... wishing that anything could've happened that would've made it possible to come to my own conclusions on that theme. i'm ALWAYS reading too deep for my analysis of d20, and i'm super aware of it--this is part of the fun of it for me, thinking about implications and characters the creators didn't have time to, fleshing out ideas and subplots that didn't go anywhere, death of the author and all that. it's just that this season's main plot and themes, more than any other d20 season for me so far, felt so completely incoherent, despite its direction being so completely obvious to me, that i couldn't even pretend to come up with coherent analysis for it and i was left absolutely flabbergasted LOLLL

and maybe that's on me! it's definitely not a mistake i'm going to take into another d20 season, i've actually made my peace with the fact im probably never gonna get another fhsy or tuc or even acoc from d20 again (or at least the main IH cast) and that's okay..... i actually almost relapsed into taz the other day i was so desperate for a good ending AHJFSKFSFSFS

anyway this got long sorry i had a lot of thoughts. thank u for ur messages anon!

[aluckiicoin]

So what I think about the video with context, I guess – or me just rambling really:

I always wrote Aventurine as very aware that he put himself into just another cage – if a gilded one. One whose limits he'd test given any chance. Be it scamming other IPC members or sabotaging certain endeavours. He'd test how far his proverbial leash would extent. Now, Penacony would fall under that too. A part of him, the one drowning in his apathy and trauma would rather be dead than caged. So, “we value the cornerstones as much as our own life” was equally sad and funny to me. Because really, he did treat the stone like he treats his own life. - I can't help but think that part of him hoped for being demoted. Kicked out of the stonehearts even given the cornerstone was broken. Now, not free from the IPC in that sense but less important. Maybe unimportant enough to, one day, just disappear.

As per the vote? Ven is used to people despising him, having prejudices, thinking him a villain, up to no good, manipulative. He's so used to it (in my interpretation) that he manipulates people into feeling those sentiments toward him because he knows how to deal with those. How to play those, to be precise. So he thinks the same counts for his coworkers. He's also probably the most sceptical when it comes to his own luck. So he fully expected a punishment. He didn't think people would vote in favour for him. But it really is as Opal put it: Why not grind this one until nothing but dust is left. - So, while he is certainly glad to have won that bet and be alive, I don't think he is necessarily happy about it. The memo that he's still nothing more than a property to be milked until there's nothing left surely can't sit right.

Aventurine is pretty good at hiding his emotions, maybe part of it because how (I think) he doesn't emote right and can therefore not ID them properly so instead all it shows is the smiling pokerface that is kind of his trademark. That one clearly failed him. But that might be just by how EASILY the Aventurine Cornerstone was repaired. And how – in turn – it set into perspective how little a life was really worth to the IPC. If the destruction of the stone was threatened with death even though it could just be repaired with an blink of an eye, what value did living even have in turn.

[sadsongsandwaltzes]

Healthy living is a noble pursuit, and one we should be pursuing. Especially as Christians, as we understand that we ought to be good stewards and caretakers of what God has given us — which includes our bodies and the earth.

The problem with a certain brand of Instagram Crunchy Folk is that they forget a couple things

Hyper focusing on any one aspect of a healthy lifestyle will actually create an obsessive and unhealthy lifestyle. Hyper focus on diet or zero waste or fitness or whatever creates, well *vague gestures at Instagram wellness pages*

Risk assessment is allowed! You can know the risks of doing something and decide the risk may be worth it. We do this with everything in life: health is no exception. If you’re well informed about the American diet and consumption, generally try to eat healthy, but decide take out from Taco Bell on a Friday with a friend is an okay exception to your diet then that’s okay! !! My focus is more informed decision making rather than actually controlling the decision making of others. You can eat the cleanest diet in the world, but sometimes you just need that comfort food.

We can only do what we can with the information and resources available to us. This includes money, time, local market, and land available to us. Most people don’t have the money to over haul their kitchen and cleaning products over night. Most people can’t only buy Crunchi make up at $50 a bottle. Most people don’t have land or time to grow all their own food, and most grocery stores don’t carry the healthiest food. We can only do what we can with what we have. Thats the simple fact of life.

“Natural living” does not exclude nature or sacrifice supplementary support when needed. A lot of “natural living” folks idea of nature is taking a brisk walk in your suburban park. If you tell them to go camping or work with livestock they become disgusted because “toxins.” That’s not healthy. Part of living natural means actually being with nature. And nature can heal most of our societal, physical, and mental ailments. So this matters. HOWEVER, on the flip side, we live in a fallen, broken world. Sometimes things happen that we can’t control, no matter how healthy we eat or how sustainable we try to live. The response to the abuses of modern medicine isn’t to ditch modern medicine altogether: it’s to inform ourselves and use it only as we need it. And sometimes we do need it. And it is a gift from God what we can heal now.

Complete self sufficiency is not the goal. That’s a little jarring to conservative ears. But the individual is not the basis for society — the family is. Community is. The church is. We were made for fellowship. We need each other. It’s good to learn skills and employ them — to serve both yourself and your neighbor. No one person can do absolutely everything alone. So don’t expect to. If goal is complete self sufficiency, you’re always going to be overwhelmed at how short you fall, if you’re being honest with yourself. Try to learn some useful skills that you take well to and build a community of likeminded folk.

We should encourage people to live and pursue a healthier lifestyle. It matters. Don’t let the crazies make you disregard truth (uhhhh most modern food really is toxic, guys) but don’t let it overwhelm you or think you have to be perfect. Health is not a competition. It’s a mindset and a continual pursuit. Make the better decisions when you can. Make do when you can’t. And don’t let this conversation cause either Fear nor Apathy in you (which seems to be the two ends of the spectrum).

[westlinstar]

The Weight of Expectation

I loved Christmas - I truly did - the bright eyed excitement, the joy of giving, the incorporeal ‘hug’ of a collectively shared moment in time….and of course the food! The adrenaline rush that kept you going right through the festivities, as you balanced utter chaos with the calm delivery of the ‘big day’, just added to the experience. Everything seemed worth it….just to see the look on the faces of those you loved….

….and maybe therein lay the problem.

As a trauma led perfectionist I threw myself into Christmas with everything I had to ensure family and friends had the best of times, squeezing out every ounce of the ‘magical’…..and it came to be expected. Precedents were set. People slipped into what became comfortable for them, perhaps took more of a backseat, as each year the festive season ran smoothly and without a hiccup. And ever so slowly I exhausted myself…..

…..and now, when the wheel of the year swings around to December, a deadweight of dread sits heavily in my stomach. The tree is a source of frustration and pain to put up. Decorations are flung haphazardly at mantlepieces and banisters. My mind refuses to plan a shopping list never mind execute a full blown menu. My head hurts from having to, not only think of my own gift list, but for other people too. “Can you tell me what to get for X, Y and Z, you are so good at it?” And worse still….”Tell me what you want?” What I want is to be petty and shout back at them that the least they could do is put a little effort into doing this one thing for themselves. But that would be bitter and out of keeping with the ‘most wonderful time of the year’, so I smile and say that I don’t really need anything and not to worry. And I try so hard to keep the magic alive….

….but I know it’s not. I feel it in the apathy of every moment. I see it in the faces of family members as they look around searching for something they can’t quite name, but that they know is missing. Everything is quieter, less joyous, less….spectacular. And as I lie here at 3.40am, unable to sleep for thinking about the meal prep ahead, I know it’s on me…..

….and I feel the loss of it.

But then it dawned on me….it’s not Christmas that’s magical, it’s us. We bring the magic to this time of year, to these months which are inherently dark and bleak and devoid of life. And if it’s us that creates the magic, should that not mean ALL of us? When someone’s magical flame has guttered out, can others not lend a spark of theirs to help reignite it? Simple acts of kindness, a soupçon of awareness and understanding, and a dollop of compassion can go a long way to feed a dying ember - just saying!

My neighbours wife died in July of this year. I have watched him change from a man that kept himself busy in his retirement doing selfless acts for others, to one that has shrunken in on himself and is now walking with a stick. His wife loved their garden, so this Christmas, to show that he was on my mind, I bought him a holly tree to plant for her. His reaction to the gift was an emotional one, but one that brought much joy, and I’ll admit to shedding a few happy tears myself when I was safely home behind closed doors. This gift was given from a place of compassion. Nothing else. It was an unexpected moment of poignant happiness and warmth - for him, and I realised, for me too. I felt something flutter inside my chest. It was a spark that fanned the flame of Christmas magic for both of us.

And so, dear readers, as we celebrate yet another December the 25th, I would say to you wholeheartedly that THIS is what Christmas is about. Not the burdensome weight of expectation - but the glorious lightness of the unexpected. Please gift a spark of your own magic - if you can - to help someone who has lost theirs, then step back and watch it become a bonfire!

Happy Christmas to all! 🎄🎅☃️🫶

[steveskafte]

FOR COLD HEARTS When I was a kid, one of my biggest questions was: "Why are adults so cold?" Most children feel everything close to the surface, without any learned behaviors to bury their emotions – and I was even more raw than most. As likely to cry as laugh, be loud and confident, or drift into an anxious silence. I made myself a promise not to get any better at hiding what I felt, which naturally made my teens and twenties an especially chaotic experience. But it's left me as someone living up to the role of a dreamer, loving passionately, and pushing through life with a wide-open heart. On the way, the passing lives of my peers showed me how that coldness could happen. Bitterness had a lot to do with it. Putting high expectations on people, society, and economy. Plans that never came true, hopes dashed that left them disappointed. They turned that disappointment into disconnection, letting their joy grow dull and sharpening their anger. It got easy for them to rant about some slight depicted in the news, but hard to spend as much effort talking about a friend they loved or beautiful song they just heard. Everyday adventures weren't really worth it anymore. They started believing that hiking a stream or visiting a new town wouldn't make a real change, and so traded away their evenings and weekends for big trips only. So they got boring – it's inevitable when you're bored. Though that can still be a legitimate state of being if you're honest about it. But instead of openly expressing apathy, even when it's obvious to all observing, we hide because we're worried what it says of us. There's a fear of not being attractive and compelling. We feel the need to project an external excitement, long past our ability to live up to it. I'd rather people be full-on open about their laziness. Sure, a slob might be off-putting to most, but they're being more genuine than the ones who constantly complain as a mask for cold hearts. I'd rather someone who laughs in the face of expectation and admits they've stopped caring – at least there's hope. A liar with no love left will never win out. July 22, 2024 St. Croix Cove, Nova Scotia Year 17, Day 6098 of my daily journal.

[animalcrossinggamecube]

Made it to ch 107 and I'm over-analysing the scene at the end where hajime tries to break his cuffs knowing theyll amputate his hands if he does

He justifies this by saying that his job does not involve him sitting in a cell in cuffs and that he would be a bad prison guard if he refused take action "just because he wants his hands" which is so ????? Ofc weve seen him use "well it's my job" to justify terrible things before but in the past its mostly been violence against others. Taking action in this instance would be an extreme act of self-harm.

But the thing w hajime tho is i dont think he's dedicated to his job out of genuine love for it. This is a man who's stressed always to the point of chronic nausea, has an awful relationship with most of his coworkers, is terrified of his boss. He has nk attachment to his job really other than being a severe workaholic and we can see when he's suspended that he would work that hard at anything just for the sake of working

Anyways that brings me to 2 theories

1. Management at nanba, being the police state lovechild that it is, legitimately expects and rewards self-injurous behaviour so long as its for the benefit of the prison and the state overall

2. Hajime is a man of extreme apathy and low self worth. He simply doesnt care what happens to him. This makes even more sense when i think abt his monologue to Jyugo at the end of the tournament, talking in oddly specific detail about how it feels to want for nothing and have no goals or direction in life. Something something Jyugo "i should have just cut my arms and legs off" vs hajime "i might as well just blow up my hands". Hajime is what Jyugo COULD have ended up as if he didnt have friends that strive him to improve himself. To me

[notabeanie]

Great post, really interesting read. I wanted to comment on something totally tangential tho:

Jim especially clings to the memory of when life meant something on this ship, even Izzy’s life

I am loving sm seeing Jim taking a leadership role, being a little more sensitive. Doing the wooden boy voice. I was hoping for something like this for Jim– I actually think I might've predicted something like this long ago on Reddit– and I'm delighted to see it come to see it come to fruition.

In S1 Jim was the wild one, the violent one, the tough one. Olu was their moderating influence: the gentle one who kept them calm and looked after others. Now we're seeing that tough guy (affectionate, gender neutral) Jim is of course capable of care and compassion after all.

I think it's really important that Jim takes the lead with saving Izzy's life not just because Jim has the least fucked relationship with Izzy bc they weren't around during his captainship, but also because Jim has already made the decision to choose life.

In S1 Jim's arc was all about renouncing vengeance, renouncing violence. They make the active choice to give up their literal lifelong revenge quest to choose love instead, to choose living their best life instead of spending it killing those that have wronged them. They won't let Izzy die out of apathy or spite because apathy and spite are the old Jim, (the in the closet as trans Jim but that's a whole other related issue,) the revenge quest Jim. Spite and apathy are what Jim has actively and deliberately given up. The Jim we meet at the very start of S1 would definitely at best have let Izzy die and at worst might have finished him off just as a general show of toughness. But the current Jim is not capable of that, is unwilling to be that person anymore.

What I had hoped for and am delighted by is to see that Jims character growth seems to have stuck, despite the presumable grief and trauma of losing Olu and low key being kidnapped by Blackbeard (and then I guess forced to work for him). Jim is now showing that they don't need Olu around to make them be a compassionate and gentle and vulnerable and life affirming person. That that person was inside them all along and all they had to do was choose it. We also see this when they are the one who is most upset by the murder of the wedding party, when they are taking a leadership role in the well-being of the others: looking out for Fang, giving Izzy relationship advice, exploring new potential romance after the loss of Olu instead of closing themself off. S2 Jim is doing the kind of things we mightve expected from Olu in S1. They're showing they can do it on their own, without Olu's guidance.

Jim USA particulary lovely foil to kraken Ed in these first episodes. S1 was full of gentle x tough couples: Stede x Ed, Olu x Jim, Lucious x Pete. Over the course of the S1 all these relationships went a similar direction- all the tough partners gradually softened up, embraced their vulnerability. Then all three relationships were shattered and we're now getting three different versions of the fallout of that: tough guy's character growth sticks (Jim), tough guy's character growth doesn't totally stick (Ed), soft guy gets a bit hardened by trauma (Lucious).

I think there's a lot we can learn by comparing these three new relationship dynamics. Jim is showing us an alternative way to dealing with loss and trauma than going kraken mode. Jim's growth sticks because they made that decision to choose life, and they made that decision intentionally, and they made it on their own, for themself. Ed's resolve was a little bit weaker because he never really got to the point of making that kind of intentional re-evaluation of his values. His self worth is still tied to whether Stede loves him or not. But Jim had already decided their self worth was not tied to what their Nana or anyone else thought of them. So Jim is a little lighter, a little freer than Ed. (Probably helps that they know Olu didn't leave them, but was forced from them. So maybe a little less of a blow to the ego. But either way.) They're giving us an example of how to cope better, stay kinder, choose life instead of choosing death as pretty much Ed has.

It remains to be seen what's going on with Lucious but from what we have so far I'm wondering if maybe he's showing us a third perspective on this life/death compassion/violence dynamic by showing us how one could become or not become hardened- become a Blackbeard, say- in the first place. Because even sweet little Lucious, if the world is cruel to him enough, could go down the path of getting hardened and closed off. But when he decides to open up to Pete, he shows us that if you have good supports around you and the courage to be vulnerable and honest, you can avoid the kraken fate.

I've written before about how much of this show- at least season 1- is at its core about vulnerability. And to me what I'm seeing here are three takes on vulnerability. Jim has already given up their tough guy persona and chosen a little more vulnerability. Lucius went a few steps down the path to tough guy, but is (hopefully) in the process of making the choice to choose vulnerability. Ed was vulnerable once and it didn't go like he wanted so instead he lost his fucking mind, but Jim and Lucius are demonstrating for us now what Ed still needs to learn, how he will need to grow going forward.

It's particular lovely to me to see Jim being a leader in this process of choosing life and vulnerability. A lot of butches and transmasculine people (myself included) go through a long time of trying to prove ourselves to be "masculine" by our actions: by acting tough, trying to be invulnerable, performing toxic masculinity. And so many of us become happier and freer when we realise that we don't have to do that to be who we are. That we are who we know we are- butches, nonbinary folk, men- simply because that is who we are; we don't have to do a performance of toxic masculinity to prove it to anyone.

Some might find this a reach but I found Jims arc in S1 especially compelling because I kind of read it as a trans allegory. In the text their arc is about letting go of violence and revenge. But they do that at basically the exact same time as their implied coming out (publically going by they/them pronouns). They literally go back their family and have the exact same fight that so many queer people have had upon coming out- only on the surface it's about revenge not about their identity. But their revenge quest is a great stand in for queerness. Their revenge quest is a role they have been trained for since childhood and expected to fill and that someone close to them is disappointed and angry and confused to find that they no longer want to fill it. And what is gender or sexuality but similarly a role that we are trained for and expected to fill? One that we have to fight to choose to do what we want with, despite the potential disappointment or anger of people who don't want us to? In the text, Jim is renouncing a lifelong quest for vengeance on the people who killed their family. But in the subtext, Jim is coming out as nonbinary and finally becoming free. In the text they renounce violence and hatred for life and love. But in the subtext they are able to do so because they have come out of the closet and embraced their identity and no longer feel pressure to perform ultimate toughness to be who they are. And the best part? I'm probably not even reading that deep into this because there are 3 (3!!) nonbinary writers on the show (at least on S1 I haven't checked yet if everyone stuck around for s2) and you knowww those folks know what I'm talking about and I'm betting they put it in there on purpose.

Anyways Jim specifically has to be the one to save Izzys life because they can't *not* try to save his life because they're an out trans icon who's chosen life and we stan, we stan.

Izzy Arc Thoughts, the post!

Having now watched the three episodes three times over (some of them more than that shhhhh), I still have a BUNCH of thoughts about the rest of the crew I want to percolate on, but I had some thoughts on Izzy that I finally feel confident in, as to what's going on in with his character since the end of season 1, and especially the arc he has between Impossible Birds and The Innkeeper.

Being upfront: I wasn't sure what kind of arc the show would do with Izzy and we still obviously don't know the full scope of it, as we have five more episodes to go, but it's definitely been intriguing in a way I didn't anticipate. I figured Izzy would continue on with his antagonistic role, and he still might, but it seems like D Jenks is having fun letting Con have a role with more emotional nuance than in season one, and seeing as that role has an impact on everyone else, I wanted to share my thoughts on what I think is going on with him in the episodes that we've seen so far. I also wanted to start my in depth analysis with a character I don't care about nearly as much (being honest!) as I do the rest of the crew, but who also has a huge impact on two characters I do care very much about, Ed and Stede. I'm planning to analyze Ed and Stede in each episode before we get eps 4 and 5!

This is a long post! It features many quotes directly , transcribed by me and taken from the captions by Max. I used a read more because the whole thing is over 6k in length and analyzes the dynamic presented between Izzy and Ed and Izzy and Stede presented in episodes 1-3 of season 2 of Our Flag Means Death. If the read more doesn't work, that is not on me, sorry.

Alright, so recap: when we left Izzy, he had lashed out at Ed for the person he was choosing to become and the manner in which he was expressing himself and his feelings - the blanket fort, the binging sweets, the singing for the crew, the sharing his feelings and asking to be called Edward, the encouraging a talent show, and then, the cleaning up and comfortably wearing a colorful printed robe of nice, soft fabric. (Quotes: "I should have let the English kill you. This, whatever it is that you've become... is a fate worse than death." "(growled) No. This, this is Blackbeard. Not some (breath) namby-pamby in a silk gown, pining for his boyfriend.”) When these insults get the aggressive reaction from Ed that Izzy associates with the version of Ed he prefers, he encourages him with a smile, hand cupping Ed's cheek, and choking out "There he is." Ed shoves his hand away, backing away with a closed off expression, and Izzy's smile dies and he closes the distance between them. He states what he wants from Ed, makes a threat, and walks away without waiting for a response. (Quote: "Blackbeard is my captain. I serve Blackbeard. Not Edward. Edward better watch his fuckin' step.”)

The next time we see Izzy, Ed has donned his leathers, made his face up with dark make up to look more fierce, and is cutting off Izzy's pink toe and feeding it to him. We know from episode 9 that cutting off toes and feeding it to people was a classic Blackbeard move. For Izzy, this is several things: 1) confirmation that Blackbeard is back, the one who would never let a threat stand and does a good maim 2) a punishment for said threat (Quote: "Threaten me again, ever... I'll feed you the rest. Understand?" "Y-Yes, Blackbeard.") 3) a confirmation that he has his boss back, that whatever Stede has done to his boss' brain is over.

We get confirmation of that third point when Izzy speaks with the crew as they're getting rid of Stede's books and possessions - "Blackbeard is himself again," with a broad smile. Later, we see Izzy abandon the crew on a small island, presumably on Ed's direct orders, as he waves goodbye to Bonnet's playthings - them - as they depart. Izzy has a gun as he stands beside Ed, and they're watching as Frenchie finishes the new flag and hoists it.

That's where we left Izzy in Season 1: standing besides Ed as Blackbird returns to being Blackbeard for a brand new era of being Blackbeard, greatest pirate who ever lived, terror of the seas.

And when we return to the show, that's kind of what we get. Edward is being Blackbeard and Blackbeard is the terror of the seas, a Wanted Poster with so many crimes they're covering both sides of the poster (and yeah some of them are very silly, what midwifery was Ed up to, exactly-), and yet, Izzy is not happy when we see him.

What I think the show works to establish in episode 1 is that what Izzy wanted back was the man he saw as the old Blackbeard, who wasn't afflicted by these feelings of love or softness or "weakness", which he views as something that Stede Bonnet inflicted upon Edward. We know that, because it's how he phrased it to Chauncey - that "[Stede] had done something to [his] boss's brain". He seemed to view these feelings as something akin to an infection from Stede, that was corrupting the Blackbeard he knew and respected to something less than. Izzy wanted the old Blackbeard back and he thought that when Ed took his toe and fed it to him, said he'd killed Lucius, all that I recapped, that he'd gotten just that. A return to his preferred normal, where everything makes sense exactly as he thinks it should. Ed back to normal, it's Blackbeard time, getting rid of the dead weight and all that.

Except that's not what he's gotten at all, and I don't think Izzy had fully grasped why prior to episode 1. He has suspicions, of course, but it takes him a while to build to a confrontation about it.

Because see, Ed switched from healthier coping mechanisms like crying, eating sweets, creative outlets, and talking to people about his feelings to much more acceptably pirate means of coping with his feelings - violence in the form of raids and drugs (rhino horn, which thought people joke about it being an aphrodisiac, has a variety of believed medical uses in Vietnamese medicine, treating ailments including hangovers, fever, gout and potentially terminal illnesses, like cancer or stroke). Raids and drug use should be totally acceptable means of managing your feelings as a pirate, except that Ed is going too far with them, pushing the crew to the breaking point and beyond. They're raiding every day, they're not taking breaks, they're not having days off, they're chasing down ships as fast as they can take them down and now they're going to be throwing away loot. Izzy is realizing that actually he has not gotten the Blackbeard he wanted and things are not great. He's also lost at least two more toes.

He and Ed have an early exchange - Izzy looking sickly, skin sallow, what appears to be hair dye or make up trickling from his hairline, Ed prepping and snorting rhino horn like it's cocaine:

Izzy: "The crew are lookin' a tad worse for wear.” Ed: "Did everyone get cake?" Izzy: "Yeah, they got cake." Ed: "Well they're, they're welcome to have some rhino horn. Just ground up a fresh batch." (snorts rhino horn) "Oh fuck! You want some?" Izzy: "No, not right now, no." Ed: "Well then, get back to work ya fuckin' lightweight!" [cut to Izzy among the crew] Ed voiceover: "Can't do the job, someone else will."

Throughout this scene, Izzy looks increasingly distressed as Ed does drugs - he looks his most distressed during the voice over however, his jaw flexing, his eyes watery.

This is what appears to have shaken him the most - the idea that he's replaceable, that Ed can and would get rid of him in favor of someone else. It's obviously incredibly distressing to Izzy, in a way that I genuinely don't think the loss of his toes was. Izzy clearly values his relationship with Edward - while in season 1 he definitely wanted a promotion and liked the idea of authority, of being captain, the fact that he was swiftly mutinied and nearly murdered seemed to put a kabosh on his ambitions, and reoriented him to staying at Ed's side. We know that Izzy at least believes that loyalty is important - we know that he thinks he's acting from loyalty when he tries to make Ed watch as his boyfriend (in Izzy's words) is murdered.

Izzy values his position with Blackbeard. He serves Blackbeard, respects him, was honored to work for a legend. And while this is supposition, he seems to have considered himself and Edward as having a close, intimate relationship that did not require words or confessions or honest expression of feeling, this kind of bond where words aren't necessary, because they're tough, manly men who don't need to express their feelings.

But.

Then we get this line. Then we get, "can't do the job, someone else will." Seven words, and they shake Izzy to his core, make him finally start questioning his until then unquestioned belief in the ways of the world and his relationship with Edward. It shakes him enough that he actually breaks in front of the crew, in a scene that's incredibly funny, but also leads to them extending him some genuinely unearned compassion, as they question the healthiness of his relationship with Blackbeard - even as Izzy is finally questioning if he has a relationship with Blackbeard.

Following his breakdown, Izzy has the crew bring the treasure above deck, but doesn't go through with making them throw it overboard. Instead, he takes those new doubts and brings them to Ed, pushing for a conversation where he is clearly for the first time in their working relationship expressing his thoughts on said relationship in word form.

Izzy: "The crew are refusing to part with any treasure." Ed: "Why?" Izzy: "Because it's fuckin' treasure." Ed: "Not good enough. (stops toying with knife, slides it in Izzy's direction.) And that's another toe. Take your boot off." (stands from seated position, walks over to Izzy.) Izzy: (starts by looking down at the ground, then slowly raises gaze to Ed's face as he speaks.) "Who am I to you?" Ed: “...What?” Izzy: “We’ve worked together for years. (sniff) You know me better than anyone has ever known me, and I daresay the same is true for me about you.” (a musical beat plays. Izzy lowers his eyes from Ed’s face, looking in the middle distance.) Izzy: I have (several second long pause) love for you, Edward.” Ed: (starting as Izzy is speaking, right after the word love) “Oh, come on.” (walks away from Izzy, circling around him.) Izzy: I’m worried about you. We all are. The atmosphere on this ship is completely poisoned.” (pause) “But if we could all just maybe (pause, swallow, visibly struggling with words) talk it through.” (musical beat) Ed: (slowly looks up) “As a crew?” Izzy: (face falls subtly, taking on a starker look of upset)

The scene transitions away, but let’s really dig into all of this for a second, because this is crucial. This is Izzy going from matters between us are unspoken but profound to I have doubts and I am verbalizing my thoughts in the hope that they will be assuaged. Izzy is expressing aloud his thoughts on their relationship for the first time, because as Izzy puts it, he thought he knew Edward better than anyone. He thought he understood him better than anyone else alive. Now, we know that Izzy doesn’t understand Edward already - we’ve known that he doesn’t actually see the person Edward all along, but this was made especially clear in episode 6, where his voiceover notes that he is “starting to suspect that Edward has no intention of ending Stede Bonnet’s life”, at a point in time when Ivan and Fang are confident the plan is off and everyone else seems pretty clear there’s a co-captaining effect going on.

The point is that all this time, Izzy has been acting from a place of assuming he knows Edward best of anyone in the world, that he understands him, that he can follow what’s going on with him and that they are intimately bound together, in this deep and unspoken love for each other that doesn’t have to be said allowed, but only has to exist, unacknowledged but deeply felt. 

But then Ed said that he could be replaced. Then Ed said that he could find someone else to do Izzy’s job. 

And this introduced doubt into Izzy’s mind, for the first time. This is what made Izzy verbalize all these things - what made him ask who he is to Ed, what made him state that he has love for Ed, that he worries for Ed, that he and Ed understand each other better than anyone else… because now he has to say them aloud, because he has to be reassured that these things are true. 

That he is someone important to Ed. That Ed has love for Izzy and knows that Izzy has love for Ed. That Ed understands Izzy, that Ed knows that Izzy understands Ed. For years, he has thought that he and Ed understood each other in this profound way, that they alone truly knew the other, and he has to question if that’s true. 

He’s being vulnerable, in a way vaguely akin to the vulnerability Ed offered in episode 10, and it clearly doesn’t land. He wants reassurance that this deep and profound love and intimacy he was so sure was there, is real, and Ed can’t give him that reassurance because it’s not true. Not in the way Izzy was so sure it was. Not in the way he ruined Ed’s life to believe. 

Izzy finally decides to put himself out there, and all that Ed gets out of it is the echo of Stede Bonnet, and it makes Izzy’s face fall like a rock. There’s the answer he didn’t want: the relationship he believed he had with Ed is not there, and Ed is still, utterly, truly, fixed in his feelings for Stede Bonnet. 

(and like just to clarify, I really don’t feel bad for Izzy here - he doesn’t have the relationship he wants with Ed because he’s never tried to really understand Ed, or listen to him, and he isn’t what Ed wants in a partner, but, objectively, Izzy does make himself vulnerable here, and he’s shot down, because Ed just doesn’t return his feelings)

Which leads us into the continuing scene. Ed goes to confront the crew about the atmosphere of the ship being poisoned, which everyone denies at gun point, leading Ed to shoving the gun under his chin and having a little conversation with himself, unsettling everyone around. 

Ed: “I know who we should ask, ol’ Blackbeard. Hello mate. You think the vibe on the ship is poisoned? I don’t know, Blackbeard. Maybe a little toxic sometimes. Maybe it’s a bit uncomfortable sometimes. You do make the crew a little bit uncomfortable sometimes. They think you’re crazy. Well, I’m not crazy. I don’t feel crazy. I feel pretty fucking good actually.” (the camera is focusing on the faces of all the crew as he gives this monologue, gun still cocked under his chin.) Izzy: “Fucking End!” (Screamed at Ed’s back) Ed: (slowly turns to Izzy.) Crew: (Fang looking shocked and saddened. Frenchie shakes his head very minutely, looking at Izzy.) Izzy: “The atmosphere on this ship is (word drawn out) fucked.” (working his jaw, looking down and to the side as he says this.) “Everyone knows why.” Ed: (nods once, sets his chin, walks forward.) “Well I don’t. Enlighten me.” Izzy: (smiling with mouth shut, suppressing a laugh. Shrugs.) Your feelings for Stede fuckin’ Bonnet.” Ed: (Nods as soon as Izzy says Stede’s name. Shoots him in the leg.) Izzy: (cries out in pain drops, clutching his knee.) Ed: “Frenchie.” Frenchie: “Yes?” Ed: “Congratulations, you are now first mate.” Frenchie: “Oh, no. I don’t, I don’t  think I’m qualified.” Ed: “‘course you are mate. You can start by cleaning up that mess.” (tilts head towards Izzy. Turns to rest of crew, onlooking.) “And the rest of you, you throw this shit overboard and get suited up.” (claps twice, turns away.) “We’ve got a record to break.” Izzy: (still groaning in pain.)

So that was a lot. 

Izzy has realized, over the course of this episode, that his relationship with Ed is not what he thought it was, is not what he wants it to be, and that Ed is still and probably always will be, in love with Stede fuckin’ Bonnet. This is why Izzy decides to say what he believes to be true - that the atmosphere is fucked because of Ed’s feelings for Stede. It’s important that we know this is not actually true - while Ed being ghosted by Stede did start his spiral, Ed was able to stop that spiral with the help of community and reaching for healthy coping mechanisms. Ed spiraled again after Izzy intervened, insulting, threatening, and demeaning him as discussed in the recap, and the spiral isn’t about his romantic feelings - it’s about, as s2e3 The Innkeeper firmly establishes, his feeling fundamentally unloveable and monstrous. Throughout s2e1, Ed is clearly denying the crew days off and meaningful rest out of pursuit of as many raids as possible. He’s trying not to touch the ground, flying high both via drugs and adrenaline, and his exchange with Frenchie at the end of the impossible makes it clear he doesn’t want to stop. 

It’s also very important, that throughout this entire thing, the only crew member Ed actually hurts is Izzy, who doesn’t actually object to losing his toes. Now, I’m on record for being one of the many people who think Izzy is actually glad that the toe scene happens - I don’t think he actually especially wanted to lose his toes, but, he was glad to get back the Blackbeard who would cut off toes, and I do think he felt there was a certain intimacy in being the only one experiencing violence. Izzy is a masochist and has previously expressed delight in being the subject of violence - was very happy to be choked by Ed in s1ep10 - so while this is not safe or sane, I do think it’s consensual, in the sense that Izzy thinks this is part of their mutual love, their unspoken but deep and crucially intimate togetherness that leads them to know each other on the deepest level. 

And then Ed says he can be replaced. And then Ed makes it clear that even when Izzy is emotionally vulnerable, Ed’s heart is with Stede. And Izzy realizes, he doesn’t have that place with Edward that he thought he did. He doesn’t have that special relationship. This is not intimacy, for Ed. And Ed shooting him and turning away isn’t even the final nail in that door. 

Because, in s2e2, Izzy is still alive. The crew has hidden him in the walls and are trying to preserve his life, even as Izzy screams for them to kill him and calls them cowards for not doing so. The crew is gathering medicine, preparing an amputation, figuring out what to do with Izzy to try and keep him alive, and Izzy wants them to kill him. (Quote: “Kill me you fucking cowards! Kill me -”)

I would say it’s because he’s realized the relationship he devoted his life too and considered sacred, the relationship he considers most valuable… is not that to the man he loves. Ed replaced him and pirate code says the first mate should kill him. The first mate (Frenchie) refuses to kill him. Frenchie is not much for that, and neither is JIm. Both of them, having experienced a better life and place of work when Stede was captain and Ed was their co-captain, are trying to preserve Izzy’s life the best they can. Jim especially clings to the memory of when life meant something on this ship, even Izzy’s life. 

Which - this makes sense coming from Jim, and I think it’s why they chose Jim, because Jim wasn’t present for Izzy being captain or the mutiny. Jim has the least complicated relationship with Izzy aside from Fang, who is notably not present in any of the scenes to do with rescuing Izzy, despite having been clearly shocked and appalled that Izzy was shot. 

Izzy, is not thrilled to be being kept alive, but the fact that Izzy is kept alive, means that Izzy has to process his feelings - and face Ed again, who, having shot Izzy, mourned and sobbed, has woken up, cleaned himself up, cleaned his space out, and decided to seek death. 

From Izzy. 

This, I think, is the second most crucial moment in Izzy’s arc and transition, because Izzy thought he was someone of incredible importance to Ed, and he also thought that he knew and understood Ed better than anyone, and that Ed crucially, understood him just as well. He thought that even without any emotional honesty or vulnerability, they knew each other more than anyone else possibly could. 

He thinks that Ed knows him. 

And Ed comes to him, and they have the following exchange:

Ed: “Morning.” Izzy: “My leg?” (looking down his body.) Ed: (laughing) “Yeah. Oh, no, that’s gone now. Up in Leg Heaven.” (sets the smelling salts down, turns to look down at Izzy.) Izzy: (looks up at Ed.) “Have you come to take the other one?” Ed: “I think one’s quite enough. I just popped down to say a proper goodbye.” (reaches behind him, draws gun. Izzy: (watches the gun, looks down from Ed’s face to gun and back as Ed cocks and loads it.) Ed: (looking at the gun, not Izzy.) “Had a dream about you last night.” (flips gun to offer the handle to Izzy.) “Take it.” Izzy: “Oh, fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off.” (slaps at Ed’s hand, looking away from Ed.) Ed: “Hold it! Hold it.” (they are speaking over each other. Gets the gun in Izzy’s hand, directs it at Ed’s head. Looking at Izzy.) “I dreamt that ya killed me. Shot me right through the skull.” (moving the gun and Izzy’s hand, drawing it to his forehead, leaning closer. The camera moves between Ed’s face and Izzy’s.) Izzy: (smiles slowly then sneers.) “Good for you.” Ed: (blinks and nods slowly.) “It was good for me. It’s just what the doctor ordered.” (The camera moves from Ed’s face to Izzy’s showing him with that frown as Ed stands over him, leaving the gun in Izzy’s hand.) “Anyway, it wasn’t even like that.” (walks away from Izzy.) Izzy: (eyes tracking Ed as he walks away.) Ed: “Not in my dream.” (moves to stand at the foot of Izzy’s bed, back to Izzy.) “I was standing.” (inhales). “Just like this.” (Closes eyes. Spreads arms.) Izzy: (from his view, Ed is standing against the light, back open, arms spread. He blinks and raises the gun audibly.) Ed: (Swallows, holding his arms out.) Izzy: (smiles, sniffs audibly, dropping the smile as he clenches his teeth. Laughs harshly, mockingly, gun raised.) “Ohhhhh, ah, you scared, Eddie? Too scared - too scared to do it yourself? Ay.” (laughs) “Go on, clean up your own fucking mess. I’m not doin’ it. I’ve been doin’ it all my fucking life.” Ed: (looks down, disappointed. blinks.) Izzy: Fuck off. Ed: (nods, swallows.) “Farewell, old chum.” (whispered. He walks up the stairs and away from Izzy.) Izzy: (watches, shaking, nodding slowly himself, breath hitching.) Ed: (reaches the top of the stairs. A gunshot sounds. A creak. Ed lowers his eyes, looking down at something off camera. Nods. Exhales.) “I loved you” (a pause) “best I could.” The scene transitions from there, and the next we see of Ed, he is initiating plan two of suicide attempts: steering the ship into a storm and goading the ship to kill him or die with him.

But Ed’s deal is so many more posts from here. No, we’re focused on Izzy for the moment, so what did this whole exchange mean for him?

First, the thought that Ed had come to do more damage. That Ed was there for Izzy, that this was about Izzy. But it’s not. Ed has had enough of that. He notably does not apologize. Izzy notably does not seem to expect one. There is history here, and the last time they were in positions like this, the camera angle was flipped - Ed at Izzy’s right, a hand covering Izzy’s mouth, making him eat his toe and the idea that things could go as they had been, that the Blackbeard Izzy had schemed and tried to have a man killed over was back. This time, Ed is at Izzy’s left, with a gun, and he doesn’t touch Izzy except to hand over the gun.

This is where it’s so important that Izzy believed he and Ed knew each other best of all. Because in episode one, Izzy was getting worried for Ed, but it’s in episode 2, in this moment, as Ed hands him a gun, that he realizes Ed wants to die. And it’s in this moment that he realizes that Ed fully believes Izzy could. That Ed has taken these actions believing that they would lead Izzy to kill him. That Ed wants to commit suicide via Izzy, that he thinks killing Ed is something that Izzy wants, could want, could do. 

This is Izzy, realizing that he and Ed don’t understand each other nearly as well as he thought. This is Izzy, realizing that Ed looks at him and sees a man who could and would kill him, when Izzy thinks that he couldn’t ever do that. This is Izzy, having the true final death knell on that relationship he believed they had, the intimacy he believed they had, the lack of a need for words. He thought all this time that he knew Ed best and that Ed knew him, and he doesn’t want to kill Ed - and he’s also hurt and angry and upset to know Ed genuinely thought he would. That Ed would come to him for this, because Izzy doesn’t think he could kill Ed, but Ed thinks he could. 

In his mind, Ed should know that Izzy could never kill him, should trust him, should know without having to be told that it would never happen, but here’s Ed in the flesh, asking him to kill him. 

It’s over, everything he thought was there. 

And Ed? Ed did care about Izzy, in his own way, but every overture he made was denied, shot down, Izzy not interested in the bird guy, the ship, the clouds and how they contribute to a plan, the drugs, and like, Izzy is allowed to not be interested in any of those things - but these are the things Ed was interested in. These are the ways Ed tried to connect most recently, and Izzy shot them all down. To Izzy, there was a deep and intimate connection in spite of all of that. To Ed, every way he could connect with Izzy was shot down. He loved him the best he could, which wasn’t a way that could provide either of them what they wanted. Izzy had love for Ed, but that love could not be fruitful or nurturing to either of them, because it was unspoken and therefore ripe for misunderstanding. 

Izzy stews down there in the ship, in his own thoughts, while Ed steers the ship into a storm and makes his last effort to die, to have it all end - to push the crew to killing him, or dying with him. And then he ties his leg up, makes his way above deck, shoots Ed in the arm to keep him from killing them all, and tries to kill himself instead, staring at Ed as he tries to shoot himself with the gun Ed wanted Izzy to kill him with. Despite the gun being aimed for the temple, he fails and falls back, leaving himself staring up as it rains on him, hiding any tears. Fang brings Ed down, and the crew gather together, Fang supporting Izzy’s weight, as Jim lifts a cannonball with a scream and prepares to bring it down on Ed’s head. Izzy watches without interfering.

EDIT: ADDED THIS SECTION:

A quick addendum: even though I watched episode 2 so many times, I didn't realize that Izzy tried to kill himself after Ed left the room! The gunshot that Ed hears is in fact Izzy trying and failing to shoot himself right then and there, in that moment that Ed departs. Izzy's forehead was so wet and the background of him falling back and water splashing was such that I truly thought that took place in the rain, and that he tried to shoot himself after shooting Ed. Thanks to @glamaphonic for letting me know. This does leave me even more certain that Izzy is motivated to do this because he has finally understood both that Edward wants to die, and that he and Edward never understood each other as well as he thought, which brings the last years of his life into question. He tried to kill himself, failed, and came up to stop Ed from bringing down the ship. It's not just that Izzy stews down there - as Ed departs, leaving Izzy behind, Izzy takes the shot. He tries and fails to kill himself, and wakes and climbs the steps to take the shot at Ed he couldn't before.

The next time we see Izzy is s1e3, The Innkeeper, when Stede crosses over to the Revenge and finds the crew amidst the wreckage. He’s eating a raw bird with the rest of the crew, and then is brought aboard the Red Flag. As Stede asks the crew about Ed’s location, Izzy watches him. He’s the only one not eating soup, hands tucked over his chest. 

As Stede starts asking questions - dangerous questions for Izzy and the former crew of the Revenge - he walks over with a crutch. 

Izzy: “Bonnet. Good to see you.” Stede: “Piss off, Izzy. I don’t wanna hear from you.”

Stede talks to the rest of the crew, as Izzy grimaces. Stede pays him no attention. The next time Izzy speaks up: Stede: “What about my painting? Why is it all stabbed up?” Izzy: (looking up through his hair, smiling.) “That was me.” Stede: (sighs and walks away without response.) Izzy: (blinks slowly, looking dismayed. We see him start to turn his head in Stede’s direction.)

Well, that seemed like someone trying to pick a fight, and disappointed he didn’t get one, too me. In Izzy’s mind, Stede is his romantic rival, the man Ed loves where he didn’t love Izzy, and, currently, also a threat, because if he keeps asking questions and reveals the mutiny, they’ll all be killed. 

But Stede is one more thing. Stede is another dagger in Izzy’s heart, as we continue transcribing:

Izzy: “Don’t cry Bonnet. We just redecorated.” (has clearly been following Stede.) Stede: “I don’t mind, actually. I think the knives really help bring the place together.” (calmly stated before he walks away to look at the rest of the furniture.) Izzy: (drops his head, looking away as though trying to gather words.) Stede: (turns to look at Izzy.) “What’d you do with him? I know he wouldn’t have left by choice.” Izzy: (sniffles) I know you think you understand him. Stede: (interrupting) “He was either gonna watch the world burn or die trying, so which was it?” (leaning forward despite the considerable distance, still calm.) Izzy: (swallows, dips head. Starts moving forward, gritting teeth through words.) “Alright Bonnet. Have it your own way.” (stalking forward to Stede on his crutch.) “He went mad. He tortured the crew. He took my fuckin’ leg ‘cause I dared to mention your fuckin’ name.” (emphasis on the curses, slams fist when he says your name.) Stede: (in drawn breath, turns away) Izzy: “He was a wild dog, and we dealt with him like one.” Stede: “You sent him to Doggy Heaven.” Izzy: (stares in silence, head shaking. Flashes back to Ed laying in the rain, breathing out “Finally,” and laughing as Jim brings a cannonball down on him as Izzy watches. Stares. Turns to look away from Stede, face twisting. Shakes his head. Shuts his eyes. Breathes the word:) “No.” Stede: (turns to look back at him.) Izzy: “I could never do that.” (looks away, still not looking Stede in the face). “We deserved him on a beach (sniffles) left nature to do the rest. More than he would have done for us.” Stede: (turns away, breathing out.) Izzy: (continuing) “You and me did this to him. And we cannot let this crew suffer anymore for our mistakes.” Stede: (turns to look at Izzy) “Why would they suffer?” Izzy: “If your captain senses mutiny, she’ll kill us all. That’s pirate code.” Stede: (camera lingers on his face as he swallows.)

Doggy Heaven has a heavy meaning in this series, considering that Ed was supposed to send Stede to Doggy Heaven, and couldn’t because of his love for Stede. Ed couldn’t bring himself to kill Stede, but here is Stede, who Izzy views as a romantic rival, guessing that Izzy could kill Ed. Acknowledging that he, like Ed, believes that Izzy could kill Ed. Izzy, who thinks he couldn’t and wouldn’t and has love for Ed, and sees himself as loyal. 

But Izzy did stand back as Ed was killed, and that’s why he reaches for dehumanizing language to defend the action - he calls Ed a wild dog and that they dealt with him like one. 

(It’s the first time in the show that a white character makes a racist remark without immediate consequences. Before anyway says otherwise, yes it is always racist for white people to dehumanize a man of color. It is always racist to say a person of color is or was an animal or liken them to being an animal. He could have said that Ed was a danger to the crew in any number of ways but he reached for likening him to a creature less than human and yeah that’s a racist thing to do. I believe the show did not follow through with consequences for this action because it’s clear that Izzy is STILL trying to pick a fight with Stede.)

The commonality in all of these scenes with Stede are twofold. One, Izzy is trying to distract Stede from the truth of the mutiny and what the crew did (and the fact that Ed is still aboard the Revenge, left for dead [or as Izzy put it, for nature to do the rest]). The second is that Izzy is trying and failing to pick a fight - failing, because Stede won’t take him up on it. At all. Stede is not engaging with Izzy at this point outside of the practical matter of seeking information, and that’s all he has to spare for Izzy - he’s already told him to piss off once, and that’s as much energy as he spends on it, but Izzy comes at Stede antagonistically more than once - three times, actually, and I think it’s because if he has a fight with Stede, and Stede says all the things he’s thinking, about how awful Izzy is, how he’s a traitor, how could he have hurt Ed, any of those things, then Izzy can fight about it, and he can justify it to himself, and he can ignore the thought from now on, because it’s the same thought that Stede fuckin’ Bonnet is having, and those thoughts are worthless.

But Stede doesn’t give him that. Stede doesn’t give him a fight at all. Stede walks away from Izzy again and again and again and in doing so does not grant Izzy an out, an out that can ONLY come from Stede, because no one else is going to disagree with the mutiny. 

Stede is the only one who could give him that fight, and Stede refuses. And Izzy continues to have to sit with his own thoughts and justifications and they clearly aren’t enough for him, because he’s continuing to push. 

Izzy is also trying to protect himself and the crew, here. It’s very much about that. He is trying to keep himself and them from dying by being caught out for mutiny, but I think it’s interesting that it’s only here that he tries to take accountability for what he said and did to Ed, and it’s in service of avoiding what he’s actually done. Izzy says that he and Stede did this to Ed - this that resulted in, as he says, Ed going mad and torturing the crew and having to be mutinied and abandoned on the beach. Izzy needs Stede to feel equally responsible - so that Stede will help protect the crew, but also because I think Izzy is feeling guilty and has been, because he could watch Ed die, and he could hurt Ed, and he didn’t think of himself as that person, but he is and was, and thinking that he caused all of this himself is too much. Better to give some of it to Stede, and help the crew out as well as himself. 

He had love for Ed, in his own way, and he thought they understood each other and had a partnership, but here’s Stede fuckin’ Bonnet, who only knew Ed for a matter of weeks, and understood him better than Izzy did and wouldn’t do the thing that Izzy did, and this is the final nail for Izzy, the thing he’s struggling with in this whole revelation that Ed didn’t have any romantic love for him, that there was no special intimate romance between them that didn’t need to be said or expressed or acknowledged with words or vulnerability to exist, because Stede takes one look at the situation and can summarize what happened. Stede knew that Ed would want to die, because you can’t actually burn the world down. You can say “burn the world or die trying”, but the only end result is dying trying. 

And Izzy, I genuinely don’t think, understood that Ed wanted to die. Not until Ed offered him the gun. Not until Ed spelled it out. Izzy knew that Ed was fucked up over his feelings, but I don’t think he understood where they were leading. 

But here’s Stede, and he did, and Izzy can’t take that, which is why once the truth is out and the mutineers are locked in the brig awaiting probable execution, Izzy tries to pick a fight one more time, even now that there’s nothing to distract Stede from. 

Izzy: (hears footsteps and turns his head.) Stede: (comes to the brig, staring through the bars at Izzy, then the rest of the crew.) Izzy: (smiles) “Go on Bonnet, give me your worst.” Crew: (looks up at Stede slowly.) Stede: (Looks at all of them, silent and not visibly angry, somber. Tilts his head down, eyes closed. Opens his eyes, shoves against the bars and turns and walks away without a word.) Izzy: (Drops the smile. Stares forward into the distance, eyes visibly wet with tears, blinks several times).

 So, clearly trying for a fight, wanting one, and continually being denied. Izzy is almost certainly grieving Ed, the relationship he thought they had, and also his leg, and Stede is the only other person here who would even possibly mourn Ed too, and Stede refuses to give him any response. Even when goaded, even knowing the truth, he has nothing to say to him. The next time Stede and Izzy are in the same room, Stede has concocted an escape plan, and doesn’t look at or speak to Izzy at all as he gives instructions and organizes the escape.

And when they have made it back to their ship, when they’re getting the wheel and rigging set for escape, they have a final conversation:

Izzy: (walks up behind Stede, who is watching the Red Flag.) “I just wanted to thank you for-” Stede: (walks away without letting him finish.) Izzy: (looks down, is left standing alone as live moves on the ship.)

Over the course of these three episodes, Izzy’s plot is realizing that he was fundamentally wrong about his relationship with Ed, his understanding of Ed as a person, and the depths of Ed’s feelings and despair. I think he’s also realizing that he was wrong about his relationship with Stede - he saw Stede as a romantic rival, and someone who hated him as much as he hates Stede, but given the opportunity to antagonize Izzy again and again, Stede refuses, because he doesn’t care about Izzy nearly enough. 

Izzy has misunderstood the nature of his relationship as it were with both of these men, who are, and always were, predominantly, chiefly, and only, interested in each other.

[the-mercurial-star-o-vesper]

EVER WONDER WHY WE’RE HERE?

One of the funny things to notice about Red vs Blue, is that its a peculiar mix of Plot-Driven and Character-Driven

Its appears to be a plot-driven show, because our main characters have no real stakes, or the stakes are ultimately impersonal.

Normally in a story, it can get boring when a character is just reacting to events rather than participating. But that’s the thing about comedy, comedy doesn’t necessarily have to be funny, it just has to be light hearted, and comedy breaks the rules.

Its plot-driven in a way where the very plot of the show gets fucking annoyed that its main characters don’t have personal stakes or drives. It tries, repeatedly, to get the characters invested, and then they don’t. It is, in a sense, a Comedy of Errors.

Its plot-driven because our Main Characters are technically Side-Characters to a story that isn’t theirs. In fact, one of the most arc’d questions is literally asking, “What the fuck are we here for?”

The Freelancer Drama is the Sci-Military plot you would expect out of a major films series-- Red vs Blue is just typical military stories. Freelancers play the idea of the super soldier badass from films, and Red vs Blue is just real-world military stories, with all the idiocy, the bizarre commands, the wondering what the fuck are you doing and what the fuck were you thinking.

The Freelancer stuff is basically Halo meets Mass Effect, with galaxy ending stakes and weird powers and weapons. Red vs Blue is MASH, being a lighter end of what can be summed up as “Space Vietnam War”.

Even Church, the closest we have to a main character in the cast, has this dynamic-- real-world side, he’s a highly traumatized asshole who struggles with apathy and self-worth, which tends to be more real than naught-- but epic-plot side, he’s just the background MacGuffin you hear about, but only shows up about 2/3′s of the Movie in when most of the important shit is done and then he dies because he’s not important anymore.

So when the plot comes poking, Our Main characters (The side-characters, the typical campfire story grunts) ultimately tell it to fuck off half the time.  RvB looks you straight in the eye, and basically asks “Are you seeing this shit? That’s kinda fucked up, man.”

Meanwhile, the Freelancer drama is a bunch of unique characters that could all fit the Hero role of an epic space drama, with all their personal stakes, all the plot triggers going on and how they actively affect the world around them...

... and it sucks. Turns out, being a self-centered individual with super armor powers who is trying to get what they want at all times, like a typical story-character in name any movie / book / show, is absolutely fucking Miserable and Destructive. They’re the deconstruction of Main Characters, where each person is a Main Character who holds their own focus the plot-- and most of them die in the end to needless dramatic nonsense, trying to compete to be that Main Character at all times, to a severe “Narrator” (The Director).

And ultimately, it could’ve all been resolved with everybody living, if they hadn’t given that much of a shit.

Dropped the character-arc and just, sit down and talk. React to shit, you don’t have to be that important.

There’s very few times that our man RvB Cast, the Blood Gulch Crew, flips the switch from Reaction to Action. And it usually means, if ts the loss of a Squadmate.

The Galaxy is too damn big, and they’re a tiny group on the front lines, its impossible to care about every little thing and its impossible to believe that one small odd circumstance or one overly dramatic and angsty super-soldier can end everything, but you can at least ensure the bastard next to you gets to live to see the next planet-rise. Because that’s kind of a fucked up thing to let happen.

And that...

... is where the real Character Drive is. Its based on real-world like characters, people you would see or meet randomly and they’re always “That One Guy”. Any personal stakes are purely their own, and not really any of the plot’s damn business. Frankly you’re there to just do a job and hopefully not die, because real people don’t normally put their goals so grandiose.

Grif just wants comfort and doesn’t bother pushing himself to any lengths if there’s no point, Simmons wants to be appreciated for his intellect and be supported under pressure, Donut wants to be expressive after a life time of repression, Sarge wants purpose any purpose, Tucker wants physical comforts but he has no social skills, Caboose wants to be happy, Doc wants to help people in general, and Church is just looking for a decent enough change where he’s not in the pit he is now.

And the “Plot” is annoyed, because it views these things as unimportant. It wants to push, shove, drag kicking and screaming, until the characters do what it wants them to do... and then they continue not to, because any sane person would look at the plot, and run away screaming.

The Plot drives the Freelancers Drama, and events happened it fucked up everybody involved, because no matter the stakes or the arcs, the Freelancers all wanted one thing-- to basically be Space Super Hero Soldiers (Because you help people and that’s cool as hell). And you can’t really be character-driven when you all have the same goal and no real agency on how to reach it that isn’t reactive and doesn’t end in someone being dead.

All of it was the machinations of a malicious narrator who couldn’t get over his personal demons, and so inflicted them on everybody. S’bit like bad drama.

When our Cast finally could not ignore the Plot anymore, they confronted it and did so successfully-- so successfully that, in typical RvB fashion, they looked at it and then they abandoned it immediately, cos it was pointless from the start.

So in summary.

Plot-driven is actually Character-Driven, but its still simply not their plot. Real people do just sit around and talk until something interesting happens, and then don’t change very much afterwards. That’s real life, and you’d think that it wouldn’t work in a story.

On a military side, RvB in its first 14 seasons, is exactly how a military service is. The point of military is that there isn’t any unique character that’s not uniformed to the whole-- its plot-driven because you are told “Soldier, go here” and you’re trained to not ask questions (discover more plot) and be professional (be impersonal).

RvB takes the realistic route (Likely by incident-- but there were Vets in the original cast) in that a military attracts all extremes and the high stress gets to people-- so you end up with severe quirks, malpracticed coping mechanisms and plain apathy, trying not get shit duty, and following orders that simply do not makes sense if you think too hard about them.

Like I said, Space ‘Nam.

The moment that RvB tried to turned it around into a Military Space Drama, like what its been avoiding for Years, well, fucking yeah it was going fall to pieces. Because that was the exact antithesis of how RvB runs.

You do find the answer though, to one of Life’s greatest mysteries.

“Ever Wonder why we’re here?”

“Does it matter? Fuck it.”

[ashirisu]

Tag Game: Find the Words

This looks really fun—thanks for the tag, @vicstmichael! I decided to pull from a handful of different flash fiction and short story projects since Alter Ego is still mostly in the outlining stage!

My words are: gentle, curse, forgive, star, and endless.

Gentle

It was two hours past midnight, and the gentle midwinter frost that had formed across the estate grounds found itself abruptly shattered in the wake of Baz’s footsteps as he jogged through the grass. The chill air stung the cracks in his knuckles and the split on his lip, which burst anew with a coppery pain every time he worried it with his tongue.

Curse

“Look, I know none of us were as excited about the whole ‘job to end all jobs’ thing as you were,” she said, “but I’m getting bad vibes here, hon. Like, fully spine-crawling. Whatever’s under that sheet is probably cursed. It’s not worth it—I really think we should sit this one out and wait for the next opportunity.”

Forgive

He’d done everything that was asked of him. He’d done (almost) everything right, had followed his logic and morality and faith, hoping time and time again that his earnest and blind devotion would eventually reap rewards. Yet time and time again, he seemed to fall just short of earning a moment of peace. Time and time again, he was bent to the point of breaking—forced to question when he was expected to answer, to doubt when he needed to be certain, to forgive when he wanted to fight—all in pursuit of some intangible “right thing” that seemed increasingly unattainable.

Star

His legs carry me back to the study, and he minds my fingers as he pours the wax; out of kindness or apathy, I cannot tell. I feel my control slipping from my hand through the process; by the time the letter is sealed and laying neatly atop the desk, I only have the strength to look out the window one last time. It’s dingy, but I can just make out the bright stars studding the blackened velvet of the London sky.

Endless

This could be the opportunity he’d been looking for—a chance to do some real good. A chance to expose the corruption running rampant across Municipal City and stop crime at its source, rather than endlessly fighting the symptoms. And isn’t that what he’d run away for in the first place? What risk was he really taking?

Honestly, I think ctrl+f'ing my way through my various Scrivener drafts ended up painting a better picture of my writing style than just pulling from a single WIP. It does mean that most of the excerpts come from D&D drabbles, but what are ya gonna do? I am who I am.

I'm tagging @moondust-bard, @vsnotresponding, and @oh-no-another-idea! Your words are contain, freedom, paper, graceful, and device. Please tag me so I can see your results!