#but idk. i doubt it will ever be brought up. we have had like zero new mond lore in ages

[masqueradeoftheguilty]

still cant believe genshin dropped the wings of concealing snow in ver 1.2, which very explicitly mention diluc and then never brought it up ever again

[thebeastofblackmoor]

Hi hi hello Cambria here on my main blog I have zero braincells to add any thoughts to this message but what are your Clara Thornton thoughts specifically I loved your comic so so much and that you even thought to make comparison between her and that phenomenon with birds it is so unnerving and also the panel at the end with Jackson and her having the same expression ….. AAHHH anyways. I am always here to talk about Clara and GTH if you have more thoughts this is me asking you to please share them and I will listen

OH MY GOD THANK YOU ily cambria GOD i wish we knew more concrete stuff about her childhood so that there was more to discuss. like surely there was some real and not just perceived form of alienation between Clara herself and her cousins' family when she was taken to live there, but we don't get any evidence of it in the game which I think is just tragic. Like it doesn't seem like something Clara would ever mention organically because of her desire to appear strong, Harper probably wouldn't mention it because she might have been too young or naive to pick up on it, and Wade probably never knew that such tensions even existed.

Like by all accounts Roger and Marie were great people and parents, but given their demanding jobs, the fact that they already had two children, and the fact that they presumably didn't have much info on grief and trauma and how to guide children through it, it's very possible they were just never there for Clara in the same way they were there for their own kids. I mentioned in another post that because grief in children surrounding parental loss often comes with a lot of resentment, it's possible that young Clara pushed herself away from her new family, and they just didn't know how to respond to that, didn't know how normal it was, and thus never treated her as one of them. I want to know so badly what they did, no matter how well-intentioned, that would leave Clara feeling like she'd ever be pushed out of the family after being taken in by them as an actual child and living with them for 8+ years. That would be a seriously major insult after being brought up with them!!!

Or was it because of the possible incest thing? Lately I'm back to thinking that that may have actually been intentional from the writers!

Idk this story is just sooo complex and rich and I'm honestly both glad it exists in a Nancy Drew game so that the dark parts can be understated and we can imagine our own backstories and also sad that it has to be so limited because I would also read a full novel or watch a whole Netflix original series about the Thorntons of Blackrock.

I also wish we got more info about the eventual reconciliation of the Thornton family. To what level was Clara a part of that? If she wasn't, and all her lifelong fears were confirmed at the end of the game, that would be really tragic. It would make sense, since her manipulation of Harper and Wade may have left their relationships far beyond repair, but god wouldn't that be a sad corruption story? And did Clara go to jail for what happened in 1989? (I kind of doubt it, given her socioeconomic status, the fact that the fire was so many years ago and may have been entirely accidental, etc., but who knows.)

But then, by the end of the game, Jessalyn is at the core of the family, not Clara or Harper or Wade, and she seems to have a lot of love and forgiveness for her mother. And maybe Clara could start to become a new person now that she's not being burdened by this horrible secret and if she sees that she will always have at least some of her family! I love a story whose theme is that it's never too late to change, and that shows that change comes because of love and support!

Do they all do holidays together? Does Jessalyn ever drag them all on tropical family vacations, even though Harper doesn't really like her cousins, Wade sees maybe an hour of sunlight per year, and Clara hasn't had fun in twenty years?? Do Harper and Clara try to kill each other with carving knives on Thanksgiving? I just need so much more on this deeply fucked up but also very funny family.

[makeste]

some follow-up thoughts on BnHA 285

1. “at that moment...”

you guys. I still can’t get over this. just -- guys. this is Kacchan telling the story.

he’s not the first character to narrate, mind you. characters like Twice, Tomura, Ochako, and Kirishima have all narrated in the past. but it’s always been past-tense narration of their own flashbacks, or else present-tense narration explaining their thoughts (e.g. Twice in chapter 115). Kacchan himself has done present-tense POV narration before. but this isn’t that. this is past-tense narration of an event that’s happening now. this is the future Kacchan narrating the present day Kacchan’s story.

has any other character done that, aside from Deku himself?? am I just crazy overreacting here, lol. idk but either way it’s cool.

2. “...there were no thoughts in my head.”

there was a post yesterday talking about Kacchan’s big moment at the end of this chapter being a little disappointing because of it being an automatic “my body moved on its own” save on Kacchan’s part. the argument was basically that it made the moment less meaningful because of it being a subconscious thing rather than a conscious decision on Katsuki’s part.

but I disagree! for me the “my body moved on its own” is actually way more impactful. and rather than describing it as “subconscious”, I think the word that fits better in this case is instinct. first of all, even though he says there were no thoughts in his head, we know that’s not exactly true, as we can see for ourselves the images that were flashing through his mind. I’m just gonna list them out:

“I’ll even surpass All Might and become the best hero out there.”

“why was it me who put an end to All Might?”

“I made a pledge! I will achieve absolute victory, every time! we’re taking this 4-0, no casualties! the strong don’t settle for anything less!”

“I’m not gonna lose... I can’t afford to stay a loser!”

“you... you looked like you needed saving.”

thoughts about what it means to be a hero. what it used to mean to him, and what it means to him now. thoughts about rescuing others. about saving to win. thoughts about his failures. thoughts about him and Deku. and last but certainly not least, vivid memories of a moment when he needed someone to save him, and Deku was there.

he has these thoughts, but he’s not aware of himself having them. it happens too fast for him to be able to process. but all the same, his body isn’t just moving here of its own accord. it’s simply that in this instance, it’s not thought that’s driving him, but emotion. at the risk of sounding INCREDIBLY CORNY, it’s not his head that makes the decision, but his heart.

and that’s why it’s so meaningful to me. in this moment, it’s not conscious thought that’s driving him, but emotion, instinct, will. he sees the attack, sees that it will hit Deku, and he just reacts. something at the core of him screams that he can’t let it happen, and he just moves. and to me that’s even more powerful than him consciously doing the math and making the sacrifice play (though I’m not saying I wouldn’t have enjoyed that as well). specifically because it’s a moment where he doesn’t have a chance to think or analyze or panic or doubt. it’s a moment that shows us who he is when you strip all that away from him. he doesn’t have time to get in his own head; he doesn’t have time to feel any fear; he doesn’t have time to think about himself at all. he takes himself out of the equation. he sees that Deku needs saving. and the rest is pure instinct. it’s the most heroic he has ever been.

3. “even if One for All is a cursed power... at the same time, it’s...”

I was wondering what was up with this part, lol. Caleb’s translation makes it much clearer; to Katsuki, OFA is both a blessing and a curse right now. the “cursed” part is becoming more and more obvious with each new chapter. it’s putting Deku in danger; it’s made him a target; it’s destroying his body; and there are other, darker and more dangerous factors also at play that Katsuki doesn’t even know about but fears nonetheless. I honestly feel like he’s been anxious about all of this ever since he learned Deku and All Might’s secret. it’s been on the back of his mind for months now.

but at the same time, OFA is what brought him and Deku back together. sorry, am I getting cheesy again lol. BUT IT’S TRUE THOUGH. All Might’s quirk gave Deku the chance to compete with Katsuki on equal footing for the first time. it forced Katsuki to acknowledge him. and both he and Deku have grown so much on so many levels over the course of this past year, and all of it stems back to Deku receiving this quirk.

and just... fucking look at these flashbacks, though.

unless I’m reading this completely wrong, the gist of this scene is that Katsuki is grateful for OFA because it’s what lifted Deku up and allowed him to try and achieve his dream. the scenes of Katsuki bullying Deku and burning his notebook are contrasted with the scenes of Deku standing up to him and vowing that he won’t be his punching bag anymore. Deku before OFA, contrasted with Deku after. I get the sense that Katsuki feels a lot of gratitude for fate stepping in and working to undo his mistakes before he himself could finally get his act together and start atoning for them as well.

and then that last page is really interesting, because it’s like the “blessing” and “curse” parts of OFA all together in a single image. Deku is going all out against Tomura, giving everything he has, ready to sacrifice himself if that’s what it takes. there’s so much strength there (even though he looks completely insane lmao), but at the same time it’s literally killing him. mixed feelings, for sure.

4. “Katsuki Bakugou: Rising”

last but not least! so there’s quite a bit of discussion going on about what exactly a “rising” chapter actually consists of, lol. Momo is the only other character who’s had one before (at least if you don’t count the movies, and the movie spin-offs). so it’s hard to say for sure with such a small sample size, but if I had to guess, I’d say the “rising” chapters are about characters coming into their own as heroes. Momo’s chapter was all about her letting go of her insecurities and starting to believe in herself. and this chapter was all about Katsuki letting go of both his fear and his pride, and just getting the job done.

in the span of a single chapter, he lets go of every single thing that’s ever held him back. I felt like we really got a glimpse of the hero he can -- and hopefully will, if future!Kacchan the Narrator is anything to go by -- become. he was amazing. he took charge; he came up with a plan that absolutely would have worked if Tomura wasn’t LITERALLY FUCKING UNKILLABLE LULZ; and when that failed, he didn’t hesitate to make the sacrifice play. Bakugou fucking Katsuki, He of Zero Rescue Points, made the fucking sacrifice play. do you even know how much I love that you guys. I love it so, so much.

but of course, when you make the sacrifice play it tends to have the not-so-surprising side effect of getting you ALL FUCKED UP afterwards. so perhaps a less ideal outcome than he would have hoped. but he still did good. and he stopped Deku from getting murdered, and so now hopefully Deku and Shouto can mount some sort of aggrieved revenge counterattack to do their fallen friend justice. time for my other two sons to get to work! maybe Shouto can make Deku some new arms out of ice.

[13uswntimagines]

Glad You Came (Julie x Reader)

Request: Julie x reader where reader is kind of the fuckgirl of the team. Reader knows that julie have feelings for her and like her attention. Julie thinks that reader plays with her feelings. But reader actually like julie and try to get her trust back. End with fluff please.

Author’s Note: Idk if this actually fits the prompt, but I just couldn’t get the image out of my head. I hope you all enjoy.

Jj had always been a sucker for a good Rom-Com. The ones where the good girl fell for the bad boy (with a good heart) and that bad boy stepped up to the plate and got his shit together for her. 

But alas, though you were the team’s resident bad girl, this wasn’t a rom-com and it appeared you had zero intention of making a dent in your precious reputation. At least that’s what she thought. 

You always did have a knack for proving people wrong. 

*****

The bouquet of roses was the first thing everyone noticed when they stepped into the locker room. It was an amazing surprise after such a rough practice. A not entirely unexpected, but still incredible surprise. 

JJ blushed as she approached her overflowing locker. This secret admirer stuff was getting a bit out of hand. 

“Why does Julie get roses, but none of the rest of us do?” Emily whined, settling down in front of her own bare cubby. 

Lindsey rolled her eyes. If JJ was going to keep getting gifts from a random person, she and the rest of the girls with significant others on the team were really going to have to step up their game. 

“You don’t like dead flowers Sonnett,” She called to the blond 3 lockers over. 

“Yeah, but it’s not fair if she gets them and the rest of us don’t,” Emily sighed dramatically, and the rest of the room giggled. 

“It's from her admirer,” Kelley chimed in, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. 

JJ’s blush deepened. She carefully reached out and grabbed the thornless Rose with a little tag on it, bringing the delicate petals to her nose before examining the little handwritten note. 

“Ooo, what’s the note say this time?” Kelley asked, as half the team crowded around the midfielder. 

Julie took a big deep breath before reading the black cursive words out loud. 

“I wanted to get you something as beautiful as you are, but couldn’t find anything that came close,”

“Awww,” the team cooed, some rubbing Julie’s back and others ruffling her hair as they made their way back to their respective areas. 

She ran her fingers over the little words, trying to imagine the face of the person who could have written them. The person who would go to such lengths to show their interest in her. But the gifts were always sweet and never creepy. 

The gifts ranged from coffee orders sent to her hotel room, to a signed Mia Hamm jersey that had shown up in her locker, but the thing that always remained was the smooth black cursive notes that accompanied them. 

She brushed the soft petals against her nose again. How she longed to know who thought so highly of her. 

“Who could get roses in here?” Sam snorted, pulling her boots off. 

“It’s gotta be a teammate. They show up literally everywhere we go,” Rose said thoughtfully, glancing around at all the women in the room, her eyes lingering on where you were grinning down at your phone. 

There was just something about your smile and the way you kept glancing up at a certain blond midfielder. 

“At least we know it’s not Y/n,” Emily cackled. 

You looked up at the group from your place across the room, where they all thought you were trying to ignore the commotion (probably in favor of texting a random girl for a hookup). 

You had the reputation of being the fuckgirl of the team. And you took pride in that. You liked when women gave you attention, and as long as everything was consensual, you didn’t see the harm in messing around. That didn’t mean you treated women like objects. Quite the opposite. You loved to woo them, to make them feel beautiful, and then move on to the next conquest. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“With a body count as high as yours, I doubt you’re capable of being this romantic,” Julie spat back, glaring at you. Your history with her was far from perfect, and she had found out about your reputation first hand. 

You smirked. If you couldn’t positively have her attention (the way you wanted but were too afraid to admit), then you would take the hostility any day. Angry Julie was still sexy after all. 

“How do you think I get them into my bed? Maybe I’m a secret mush at heart,” You asked, standing and approaching the woman. Your hands gently brushed over her shoulder and you began to lean in close to her. 

She brought her finger up to push against your nose, stopping you in your tracks. You tried and failed to cover your smile at the touch. 

“Yeah right,” She scoffed, shoving you back. 

Your smile widened, as you stepped back, your arms wide. “You never know till you try it, Jules,”

“Been there, done that. No thanks,” She shook her head and turned away from you. “At least I have enough class not to fuck anything with a pulse”

Rose tilted her head to the side at the brief look of sadness that crossed your features. Her eyebrows furrowed at the look, and how quickly it was gone. 

****

You picked at the tape around your wrist- a habit that started in middle school after an unfortunate event that required stitches and had become one of your many signatures within the team. The pressure around the area was calming now, and always put you in the right mode of a game.

It also gave you something to absentmindedly play with as you waited for the next set of drills on the bench (totally not checking out a certain blond when she wasn’t looking). 

“When are you going to tell her that you’re her admirer?” Rose said, settling down on the bench beside you. 

You shrugged. “First, I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”  You glanced up at the bling again, before blinking back to Rose’s raised eyebrow. 

You took a deep breath, finally managing to get a finger under the tape. 

“And second never. I’m defective remember? Completely incapable of love,” 

You repeated the words JJ had said to you that fateful night. The night you had ruined the best almost relationship you ever had. It wasn’t you exactly, just the fact that a woman was texting you while you were in bed with Julie. You weren’t going to respond, but the blond midfielder had caught sight of the screen before you could clear the notification. 

That was enough proof for her. She kicked you out and didn’t let you explain- there was nothing to say apparently. 

“That’s why you always send her flowers and notes, and other gooey stuff right?” Rose rolled her eyes. 

She had known you since the two of you were in diapers. She knew all about your hang-ups on relationships, but she also knew the secret romantic side. The sweet side that you didn’t show to everyone. Everyone except a blond midfielder (who was still very smitten with you, even if you didn’t want to believe it). 

“I-,” You paused, biting your lip, your eyes getting that faraway look Rose knew all too well. You shook your head. You had your shot and it had blown up in your face. “She doesn’t want me. It’s just easier this way,” 

“What, to hopelessly pine after someone? Or to completely avoid rejection all together?” Rose snorted. 

You shook your head again, finally looking rose in the eyes. “I hurt her Rose. She doesn’t want someone she can’t trust,” 

Rose softened at the admission and the unspoken “I’m not good enough” that went with it. You had always struggled with that, maybe that’s why you were such a lady killer. You so badly wanted to be enough, that you jumped at every opportunity. But it was different after you met JJ. 

“How many people have you slept with within the last 3 months?” Rose asked suddenly. 

And you blinked at her a few times, completely unsure of where your best friend was going with this. 

“What?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “If you can’t think of an exact number, ballpark it for me,”

You vehemently shook your head. You hadn’t met a hookup since that night, too hung up on JJ, and afraid that continuing would destroy any remaining chance you had with the woman. 

“I haven’t,” 

Rose snapped, patting your shoulder. “Exactly. You’re proving to her, the entire team really, that you can change. She’ll come around, especially if you’re honest with her and I don’t know, try to keep it in your pants for once,” 

The team had taken notice of your change, how you hadn’t engaged in hookups. Only a few of them knew the real reason behind your apparent abstinence. 

“You think?” You asked softly, and Rose sent you an indulgent smile. 

“Yeah, you just gotta grow a pair and tell her you’ve been her secret admirer for the last 6 months,” She finished with a cackle and you blushed. 

That was easier said than done. 

*****

Julie had never been this impressed in her entire life. Sure she had been to some amazing restaurants before, but nothing like the little place her admirer had chosen. She felt every bit of hesitance leave her as she stepped into the building. It was quaint and romantic with an amazing buzz in the air. 

She had found the handwritten note with the time and place on the floor outside her hotel room door, along with one of the cutest black dresses she had ever seen. It fit her perfectly, and she looked good if she did say so herself. 

She approached the hostess stand, and the man behind the counter smiled at her. “Good evening miss, how may we assist you?”

She smiled back at him. “Um, I have a reservation. It’s under Mystique,” she said, suppressing a grin at the name her admirer had chosen. 

The man’s smile widened as he reached into his suit jacket pocket, and retrieved a neatly folded letter. “Ah, yes. I have this for you,” 

JJ to the heavy paper in her hands, running her fingers over her name written in familiar black cursive reverently. Her admirer rarely ever wrote her name out. 

She very carefully unfolded the note, revealing more of her favorite handwriting. 

Julie,

First and foremost, I’m so glad you could make it. I know I’ve written this beforehand, but I must say I’m sure you look amazing. You always look amazing. It doesn’t matter if it’s during practice, or during one of our very chill team bonding nights. You never fail to take my breath away, but that’s not why it’s taken me so long to finally grow a pair and come clean. 

I know that you and I have history and that I’m not your ideal significant other, but I promise you’re not just another person to add to my long list. You make me feel things I’ve never really felt before, and that scares me. I don’t know how to do this, and I can’t promise I’ll be perfect, but I can promise that I’ll try my best. I will do everything I can to show you how much I love you, and to be someone worthy of your love in return. 

Now comes the hard part. If you want to give me the chance to show you that I’ve grown up and am ready for a serious relationship, just tell the matroids you would like to take a drink at the bar. or If you don’t want to see me, but want to eat, just tell him you’re ready for your table. Your meal will be paid for, and I’ll leave you alone. We can even pretend it never happened if you would prefer. Or if you want neither of those things, you can walk away. 

The choice is yours J. Ill respect whatever you choose, and no hard feelings either way.

Truly yours,

Y/n

Julie stared down at the letter, completely stunned, almost unable to believe that you could ever do anything this remotely romantic. A small part of her cheered as if she was waiting for you to finally step up. 

She didn’t hate you, contrary to popular belief. She just thought you were incredibly confusing. You would flaunt your reputation, but then you would be sweet and shy with her. In the end, your first try at a relationship didn’t work because she was tired of you jerking her around. But this was a side to you she had never seen. One that intrigued her to no end. 

“Have you made your decision ma’am?” The maitre d’ asked kindly, sliding up beside her. She blinked up from the neat handwriting towards the man (who looked like he wanted to say more). 

She nodded at the man. “I have. I’d like to have a drink at the bar please,” 

his smile was blinding as he gestured to the left with his arm. “Right this way,” 

*****

You carefully swirled your finger around the rim of your drink, staring listlessly into the amber liquid. You weren’t quite sure how long you had been sitting here, but with every passing second, you couldn’t help but think about how much of a terrible idea this was. 

She was never going to choose to come sit with you at the bar, and the longer you waited, the more pathetic you would look in the end. 

You almost felt bad for the staff. They were so excited to help, so enthusiastic about helping you get the girl of your dreams. You were sure you were going to disappoint them. 

“Fancy meeting you here stranger,” Her voice cut through your internal monologue. You lifted your head to meet her blue eyes, and the sight alone took your breath away. 

“JJ, you came,” You said breathlessly, standing to greet the woman. 

“I did,” She nodded, blushing when you took her hand and kissed the back of it before pulling out a chair for her. You sat down next to her, flagging down the bartender for the woman. 

“You look stunning,” You said softly, finally turning in her direction, and she caught the light shade of pink that tinted your cheeks. 

“So you’ve said,” Julie laughed, holding up the letter. The red in your cheeks spread up to your ears and down your neck as you ducked your head in embarrassment. 

“Megan may have helped me pick it out…” You mumbled, your fingers returning to your glass. 

Rose may or may not have gotten the entire team involved when she finally convinced you to make your move. While you were relieved to have help picking out the perfect outfit, you hadn’t enjoyed being made fun of for your “questionable” fashion sense. 

“Was she behind the other gifts too?” Julie asked, taking a sip of her drink with a raised eyebrow. 

You shook your head, rubbing the back of your neck. “No. Those were all me,” 

Julie smiled softly, reaching up to intertwine your fingers. She wasn’t used to seeing you so shy. It was kinda adorable. 

“Well, I loved them,” 

You nodded again, taking a big gulp of your drink, trying to calm your racing heart. “I’m really glad you came. I was afraid you would find out it was me and change your mind,”

“I’m glad I came too,” 

You smiled brilliantly at the woman. You hadn’t completely redeemed yourself yet, not like Zuko or Snape, but at least you were going to have the chance to try. You weren’t going to let her slip through your fingers again. 

[johns-prince]

TW for eating disorders, etc.

John OP here. Thanks for the beautifully written answer. I appreciate the honesty and in fact, you make very good points. I doubt I'd be the best influence on someone like John when it came to body image because we seem too alike in that department. I was a teenager in the size zero hysteria of the early 00s and this probably shaped my sense of aesthetics. I'm more relaxed about that now but my eye still responds to a certain look on people. I can't help it. I had my own "Fat Beatle" episode and I could tell how it all changed when I shed the weight. It didn't really matter how or whether I was miserable, I just looked the "right" way and people would let me know. It's possible I projected it all on poor John. But I know he'd relate to that in many levels.

I'm not a fan of the "rat man" thing either. I know people mean well and I try to look at it with humor but it does bother me. Mostly because the stans of the other boys are very positive about them and I'd like that for John too. His looks were a major part of his struggle so I know he'd be crushed watching everyone praising his mates (especially Paul) while he gets to be the fucking rat, you know? As I have mentioned before, you can feel it even on fanfiction. Even the writers who seem more John inclined will go on for pages about how pretty Paul (which he is, of course) and how lucky John was to be with him. Like it was a favor or something. That when the stories don't keep pushing that tired trope about Crazy John crushing on pretty but Immovable Sexuality Paul. That's not really my cup of tea tbh.

In the end I'm just happy to start this discussion

with intelligent people who will bring their opinions to the table respectfully. I hope my previous comment didn't trigger anyone or came across as worse than I hoped. If that was the case, I'd like to apologize, it really wasn't my intention.

Darling, don't fret. You've really nothing to be sorry about. One reason why I relate to John is because I have issues with bulimia to this day, and can experience hardcore body dysmorphia at the worst of times dues to my insecure and self hatred towards my body. I get it.

I remember that, vaguely at least, the whole size zero thing. I do, that was such a strange phenomenon, because it takes a certain body type to fit it naturally, or... Y'know, starving yourself.

Anyway, I think we all sort of project on our favorite boy, and we all sort of see ourselves in them too. You wouldn't be the first, and certainly won't be the last.

Yeah, I completely understand how you feel. Maybe I'm just overreacting, maybe I don't have a sense of humor, but I'm inclined to feel protective over John, and I feel like if you know about John's insecurities and struggles with himself in regards to his physical appearance, why... Would you yourself find it a silly and relatively harmless thing to apparently joke about calling him things like that, idk like I said I don't see anyone else really making such snide comments and quips when it comes to the other three. So at what time did the bandom just agree it was an acceptable thing to do towards John?

Whatever, people can do and say what they like y'know free country an' all, but I don't have to approve of it or like it.

Real talk, I low-key I am guilty of writing in that way but I primarily do it as if John feels that way, or thinks it, or feels it. Due to his insecurity and self doubt, the fear that he'll always be abandoned by those he holds dear and loves, the fear that it's all just too good to be true for him-- that's why I ever write a scene when it comes to Paul, that it's just John's way of thinking, not seeing his own worth, and ends up sort of idolizing those individuals (listen John once compared Paul to a religion that he knew/had so I feel like he idolized and saw Paul in this 'oh God he's too perfect oh no' sort of light, which both terrified and fed into the 'paul's going to leave me one day he'll figure it out that he doesn't need me I'm not enough' sort of mindset too) he just had a bit of a habit doing that to those he held intimately dear, until... They let him down or proved his insecurities and doubts right, that in the end they all leave him and don't actually love him. It's a cruel self fulfilling prophecy in a sense, since John, either consciously or subconsciously, put relationships and people through tests to see if they could withstand him and his antics, if they'd stay loyal, if they'd still love him. Sometimes he'd just push people away, and then feel like they just up and abandoned him...

I'm rambling. Anyway the point, your point, still stands! Their relationship shouldn't be written as one doing the other a favor for liking them and being with them! Maybe in reality people did think Paul was doing not only John a favor for being his partner but also a favor to everyone else, because John had Paul and Paul could be seen as the one handling John's lead. It's kind of like how some peer at John's art school thought Cynthia had done them all a favor for taking John.

I don't like that. John isn't some problem to be passed onto someone who must then bear the burden of him. That's just... Wrong. And I think both Cynthia and Paul would think so too. John could be challenging but geez, it shouldn't be made out like anyone who loved John and wanted to be around him and be with him was just some sort of favor to the world or to him.

If anything John and Paul were both extremely lucky to have found each other-- it's not exactly common for soulmates to find each other, especially at such a young age? Please. Most of us will never, which is common.

Like the crushing went both ways lol if anything it's Paul who crushed first-- while John never mentioned it, Paul had brought up how he'd noticed John long before meeting him at the Fete. They had even briefly talked at a newspaper shop which Paul had been working at. He'd see John on the streets, he'd notice him riding on the top deck of buses, or in line at the fish and chips-- he'd try and steal glances at John when he'd notice him on the same bus! Paul was instantly drawn to this tough looking teddy with big sideboards and greased hair and the drainies and a roguish air about him. He was like a schoolgirl with a crush, and he didn't even know this boy. Yet.

If anything it's Paul who noticed John first, and started crushing on John first. Then they finally were introduced at the local Fete, and that was it for both of them.

And let's be real John might've been a bit crazy, but Paul loved him, loved his touch of crazy. And Paul might be immoveable heterosexuality, but that goes straight out the window when it comes to John, and only John it appears.

So yeah, I get where you're coming from, and your grievances and perspective.

I'm glad you decided to share it with me! Sorry about my rambling (• ▽ •;)

[thebestpersonherelovesbucky]

Venting 101

Ignore this I just need to write out frustrations 

I’m...exceptionally sad. and frustrated. I kind of wanna...give up? For lack of better term. Not in a you should be worried that I might hurt myself sort of way. Just in a...can we be done with this shit, please? In a...I really need something to go right sort of way. 

It’s a lot of little things mixed with a few big things, I guess? 

Like, I have a friend. I think they’re still my friend. Sometimes I’m not entirely sure bc one of the only reasons they ever get in touch with me anymore is to ask me for help. Which I’m happy to give but then when I express some distress about similar things it’s always responded with something along the lines of “yeah, but at least it’s not as bad for you as it is for me” and I’m paraphrasing there and I know they don’t mean in viciously but like. It just makes me feel worse. 

I currently have seven tabs open with seven different WIPs but I literally cannot concentrate on one long enough to actually make any progress. Writing has been so hard for, like, two years but whenever I try to express this to someone they basically try to tell me i’m exaggerating or making it up or something. Yes, I’ve finished a few things here and there but writing has always been a source of joy for me, even when it’s difficult, which it always has its ups and downs bc that’s art, but I feel like it’s broken right now and no one believes me. 

My husband has been gone for 5 weeks so I’ve gotten literally zero time to myself. He comes home tomorrow which is good but he’ll probably be leaving again next week. 

The move we’re trying to make to gtfo of where we live is on hold because of that. And yet at the same time I’m so mad that we have to move away. My husband and I work so hard and have been through so much in our years together and the only way out of this toxic environment is to move 6 hours away from our friends and family. I probably sound like a freaking baby, but it’s just not fair when people like my brother in law got to live rent free for years here with his son and baby-mama and then rent free when he got married so they could save up and buy a nice little house in a nice neighborhood with a big backyard and room to grow. It’s stupid and I know I shouldn’t concern myself with shit like that but sometimes it just really gets to me. 

To top it all off I’m still in so much freaking pain. My lower back hurts so much that I can’t stand for more that fifteen minutes at most. Just washing the damn dishes makes me have to crawl to the couch to sit down. People keep on telling me, “well, just try exercising more and little by little it’ll hurt less.” Like...  no, you don’t get it. I go from 0 to 100. There’s no gradually working up to the pain so that I know, okay, i have to start slowing down so it doesn’t get too bad. It’s just BAM! BAD!

Everyone keeps on telling me it’s bc i’m fat. Which, hey that’s awesome to be told. Yes, i’m plus size, without a doubt, but the pains started before i gained this much weight. In fact, that’s one of the reasons why i gained more weight so something there doesn’t add up. 

I actually thought to bring it up to my neurologist who treats my migraines bc she’s also a pain management doctor but it never occurred to me to ask her and she was with me for about 5 minutes and suggested something that literally no one brought up before. That it might be sacroiliac joint dysfunction. Which, okay, cool, that’s something to go on. We’re gonna try steroid injections to help with it. I just had this done on my foot to help with some pain I was feeling there and the pain pretty much vanished overnight. I s2g if this works for my lower back...I’m going to be so fucking pissed. 

I mean, it’ll be great that the pain is gone. Final-fucking-ly. But these past 2 years I’ve been piling on so much guilt thinking this pain is my own doing bc I let myself get so fat and I deserve the pain. I know that’s completely irrational but my brain doesn’t always like to be rational. Fingers crossed that this works bc idk what i’m going to do if this pain doesn’t go away. 

Idk. 

This is all stupid lol. I’m just particularly down tonight. It’s been a weird few days. 

[tardytothepardy]

Fruits Basket - Vol.15

You think you know someone, and then it turns out you really, really don't. At least, you know a very small portion of that person.

In a pretty hefty chunk of this book, we get a massive flashback into Yuki's childhood. As expected, it wasn't that great. What I didn't expect is how bad it was. It was,,, honestly a lot.

So, because he is the Rat Boy, and because I guess the rat is the closest to God in this whole situation, Yuki ended up being around Akito for most of his childhood. It wasn't ever really anything he wanted to do, it was just something he had to do. And from the short glimpse we get of Akito as a little kid, it seems like he didn't use to be anywhere near as bad as he is in the present (which makes sense). He seemed to have a short temper, but other than that, there wasn't anything unusual. Until one random day, that is. Akito kinda flipped his shit, and has been that way since. How nice.

As a result of always being close to Akito, no one else really wanted to be around Yuki. And after Akito cracked a bit, and started saying that Yuki wasn't wanted, that he was unnecessary, and that no one liked him, Yuki didn't much like being around Akito, but he didn't have any choice. Some time around then, Yuki's parents seem to have kinda sold Yuki to appease Akito, so he didn't even have his family to fall back on. Ayame, his older brother, ignored his existence as a whole. Have we even met Yuki's father in this entire series?

So when Yuki first heard of Kyo, how he was left outside, Yuki was pretty curious. He was alone, and so was this mysterious cat person. Maybe they could be friends? But, of course, the second that Kyo saw Yuki, he blamed Yuki for basically everything that went wrong in his life, just because Yuki was the rat, and he was the cat. Before this point, the whole Juunishi thing doesn't really seem to affect Yuki much, he doesn't seem to categorize people based on what animal spirit they have, but I imagine that after this incident, maybe that changed. After that initial interaction with Kyo, Yuki didn't immediately hate him, he was just sad and confused, but moving on, I bet it was excellent fuel to the fire.

(Oh hey I'll just put this here, that after Kyo yelled at him for "ruining everything" and that everyone would be happier if he just disappeared, he ran into his mom again. He was upset, and probably could've used some nice comfort. Instead of that, he got slapped in the face. So. -1 for Yuki's mom.)

Do you remember way back, probably around the first books, when Yuki brought up that time that he accidently turned into a rat while playing with some kids in elementary school? It went over that. It was already a sad scene, but now there's this additional context that when he was playing around with the other kids, that was basically one of the first times that he was truly happy. But after he changed into a rat, well obviously that had to be covered up, so all those kids that he was starting to make friends with were made to completely forget about him. He wasn't back to square one, he was at square zero, because now he had had a taste of friendship, just for it to be taken away and replaced with Akito (and probably other people) shaming him for having the audacity of being born as a Juunishi, because he totally chose to be like that, right?

Another slight detour, the hat. So the hat was originally Kyo's, but after he saw Yuki holding it, he just decided that it wasn't his anymore. And, oh my fucking god? The following panels are fucking heart wrenching, it's terrible. Did no one hear Yuki crying, or did they just ignore it? Like, I don't like kids, I can't handle them when they're screaming (why do they scream so much it's weird) or crying, but oh my god, that hurts me. That panel hurts me. He just wants a family that loves and cares for him, that doesn't avoid or ignore him. (Put a pin in this sentiment, because it pops up later.)

After a steady diet of this kinda thing, with Akito's acidic words, people's general distaste or indifference for him, he started being scared to reach out to others. (Personally, I kinda feel like screaming at these people, like wtf is wrong with all of them) It's here when he just seems to kinda shut off. All this time, he's still sickly, and feeling like your life is without worth (and having your world confirm it everyday) doesn't exactly make you fight to stay healthy, y'know?

And here's when Yuki kinda is given a purpose, because after Akito visited him when his cough was acting up, and basically asked him, "Are you going to die yet? If you're gonna do it, just do it already", he left the house, and ran out randomly out in town in the early morning, where he overheard Kyoko screaming to the police about how her adorable little daughter in her adorable little dress with her cute hair in adorable little pom-poms was missing and she was going to tear down the town to find her. He kept running down some roads, until he did actually find that adorable little daughter.

On his end, it seemed to be a series of "Well shit. What now?" after finding her, and only continued as Tohru saw him and started following after him until he led her back to her house. This whole thing, as has been explained in previous books, was basically the first time in his life where someone needed him, specifically him, to help them. And that feeling, of knowing that he was able to help someone, and that he was needed, even for a little bit, was enough to pull him through.

Then we're pulled back to present, shortly after Machi broke open the closet door with a chair where Yuki was stuck in, which was the main thing that even started this whole thing, where he's explaining kind of why he came to see and/or love Tohru in maternal way. Thing is, just like when that was revealed, I still don't blame him for it. She's very caring. I'll admit (like Kakeru, who has kinda been there sitting with Yuki this whole time, apparently in silence) that I don't wholly understand it, on a personal level, but I can see why he thinks that. It makes sense.

Now onto to wacky happenings and zany shenanigans! The school is making a play, and Kyo's one of the main characters (despite never really showing that he has literally any interest in acting or theater, but yaknow whatever) in a Cinderella play, with Cinderella herself being played as Hanajima! This has already been brought up in the last book, but I'm just reiterating for fun or something idk

Tohru's having a hard time fitting into the role of an evil stepsister, to the point that she's worried about slowing others down because she just,,, can't,,, make,, herself,,,,, be,, meannnnn omigod it's so hard ;-; Additionally, Kyo's just not showing up for rehearsals and stuff, he's not even bothering. Probably bc it's embarrassing for him. And with these two main problems (the show can't go on if Prince Charming doesn't know his lines, after all), the play is altered, ever so slightly, so that it becomes "Sorta Cinderella". What a marvelous title.

Let's go back to that pin I mentioned earlier, with Yuki wishing he could have had a family that loved and cared for him.

So, before some of this stuff with the play, Yuki brought up The Hat, of the "It was first owned by Kyo but he later abandoned it after seeing that Yuki picked it up, and later wore that hat when he led Tohru back to her mom" fame, in a very off-handed manner. I think he just said that Tohru still has the hat, in her room, that's she's kept it all this time. This throws some unpleasant memories for Kyo into the air, and leaves him rather bitter.

Leading back to the main scene at hand, Kyo kinda goes off on Yuki, saying that Yuki was lucky: he had a mom and dad, he was needed, he was involved in the family matters. He's had it easy, had the world handed to him on a silver platter, and that he'll never understand what it's like to hope for something despite knowing he'll never get it. (and both times i've read that so far, i just want to yoink kyo into the beginning of this book, like, no dude. your childhood was fucked up, but so was his.) He stops mid-rant, however, when he sees that Yuki is not fighting back, at all, and when he remembers something that (probably) Akito said, that Kyo just uses Yuki as something he can hate. Naturally, why would you ever want to feed into something that Akito would say, so he stops, but not before punching a hole in a window. Ow.

Finally, we've gotten to the play, the main event! Hiro, Kisa, Momiji, and Haru (among others) are there to witness the,, the sight? (Idk man it's 12:30am) Hiro is acting strangled, as per usual, trying to keep Kisa away from all the creeps, but also trying his small-child most to not Mess Things Up, as he has a slight history of doing throughout the series thus far.

The play in of itself is pretty funny, personally I think the narrator was doing the heavy lifting in this one. But more importantly, there's a point where "Cinderella" asks "Prince Charming" if all he ever wants out of life is to hide away from people, locked away in his own space, dying alone, (which I heavily doubt was part of the script, because,, whoa) and partway through telling her that he wouldn't affect anyone if he did do that, the "Stepsister" (Tohru) interrupts him, saying that would make her... she stops herself, but one can assume that the end of that statement would likely be that, if "Prince Charming" (psh nah this isn't about the play anymore) Kyo were to do that, she would get very upset, and generally not have a good time. And he had the audacity to be surprised about that like wtf man.

After the play, Yuki runs into a group of girls that are harrassing Machi, because she said that Yuki isn't like a prince. She didn't explain herself after saying it, and so I suppose the Yuki Fan Club (or whatever it's called idk I'd be surprised but also not if it wasn't called that) took offense to her disagreeing with her. After being pushed around (literally), Machi says that Yuki just seems too lonely of a person to be a prince, that despite being surrounded by people, he just kinda seems out of it most of the time. Now, is that true? It kinda seems so, so, props to Machi for seeing that, hopefully she's not going to be kidnapped and tortured (idk stuff happens). Hearing Machi say all that does kinda startle Yuki, but the fight itself stops after Kakeru makes a fake announcement about a photoshoot with Yuki that makes the bullies scatter away.

And that's basically the end of it. Although the flashback thing with Yuki probably didn't even take up a third of the book, it was still some pretty heavy stuff, so it's nice that it was offset slightly with the play. I don't really have much else to say about that.

[elfindreams]

MAJORA’S MASK: CYCLE 1

• So like... that stunt Link pulls in the opening cutscene where he jumps in to try and stop Skull Kid from stealing Epona, grabs one of her legs, and gets dragged along the ground for a minute or so... man that always made me cringe, assuming you don’t get stomped idk if that would necessarily be fatal, but WOW that’s an excellent way to get half your skin scraped off, CHILD WHAT ARE U DOING

• (Story-wise, how and why does Link even have Epona at this point? In OoT he gets her as an adult via quasi-theft, and I doubt he has the money to buy her now that he’s a kid again... questions.)

•Wasn’t sure how I would feel about the graphics changes in the 3DS version (already noticed some gameplay differences, huh) but Link is a qt and Deku Link is a MEGA cutie

• Tatl walked so Midna could run

• R.I.P. Deku butler’s son... at least Darmani and Mikau signed up for the whole adventuring business and then got shrekt in the process, this kid just had the terrible luck of randomly being nearby when Skull Kid decided to... kill him and use his soul to turn Link into a Deku for the lulz??? Ouch.

• GOD I love how the story of this game isn’t even a heroic quest really, it’s just two chaotic-evil shitlords having a slappyfight and you’re being forced to side with one of them, he’s sketchy and malevolent as fuck but at least he isn’t currently trying to smash you to death with the Whole Entire Actual Moon

• never understood why Deku Link can’t float in water... I know it’s bc GAMEPLAY but like... he’s made of wood...

• eternal lol at the dog in Clock Town barking and chasing Deku Link and knocking him down if it gets close enough. Being plantchild is suffering.

• fukken bomber kids

• I LITERALLY WAS TWO STEPS AWAY FROM THIS OLD LADY AS SHE WAS BEING MUGGED AND I JUST RAN RIGHT PAST HER BECAUSE I HAD TO CHASE DOWN ALL FIVE OF THESE DUMBASS KIDS BEFORE DAYBREAK AND THERE JUST WASN’T ANY TIME TO STOP AND HELP, I HATE THIS GAME

• “Wow, you caught all of us! We would let you have a bomber’s notebook and join our club, but you’re a Deku scrub. No scrubs allowed!” hey fuck off kid

• Skull Kid standing on the clock tower, realizing Link is looking at him through the observatory telescope, and doing a little dance before basically mooning him... wonderful, honestly.

• He doesn’t always do it, but the animation of Deku Link jumping up to grab a door handle (bc he’s too little to just reach up and grab it) and dangling off it as the door slowly swings open... superb

• Tael is the only male fairy you meet in any of these games, isn’t he? Huh.

• MOON.

• Babby Zelda... my child...

• ...Okay this flashback scene strongly implies Link brought Epona along with him to see Zelda before leaving... what, he snuck his horse past the castle guards???????

• (I very much appreciate the game letting you use the touch screen or shoulder buttons to play the ocarina because my 3DS is super fucky and both of those things only halfway work, if it were either/or this would be impossible lmao)

•Link has the fairy ocarina in the cutscene but it’s absent from the game... I know it’s because it would have zero gameplay purpose but the implication that he lost it makes me sad nonetheless.

• ...Who’s the goddess of time? Is this clarified, like, ever? I feel like it’s probably Nayru.

• MOON.

•Awww Link waving bye-bye to the Deku scrub in that lil dreamsequence thing...

• Really love the unspoken indication that the Happy Mask Salesman is using the song of healing to turn ghosts and restless spirits into masks and then just. Sell them. That’s not distressing at all.

• Hey Happy Mask Salesman come meet me in this back alley. No it has nothing to do with you flipping your shit and strangling a Whole Entire Child I just wanna have a discussion with you.

[purplesurveys]

1115

survey by vintagekid

Name:  Robyn.

Happy with it? I am now, but I certainly wasn’t as a kid. Other kids were cruel and would tease me solely for my name, which made it hard for me to socialize. I got the same bad Batman jokes too many times and I also got called a boy. These seem petty now, but as a kindergartener adjusting to life in school, it had been traumatizing and made me wonder if my classmates were going to remain the way they were for the long run which no 4-year-old should be mulling about, really.

Do you wear stilettos? When I get the chance, which isn’t very often at all. But I do love stilettos.

How important are looks to you? I find this question very vague, but generally looks matter to me to a certain extent, like how I’d want to look nice and proper for a job interview or for formal occasions such as weddings. Relationship-wise, I also think I have to feel a level of physical attraction towards someone for me to consider seeing them.

How often do you download music? I don’t anymore. I stream all my music.

Can you name a philosopher? Socrates.

What would you do if two unicorns tried to whisk you off to candy mountain? I just looked this up and this is apparently in reference to an ancient viral video, like it was around before viral videos were even a universally-acknowledged concept. That said, I don’t have a clue how to respond to this lmao.

You became the deciding vote in an election, which party would you go for? I don’t base my voting decisions on parties because the party system in my country is a tragically broken shitstorm in which every single party rallies the same values and principles, just executed in their own – and usually poor and unsustainable – ways. I do my research on each candidate, see how they answer in debates, look at laws they’ve authored, see which marginalized groups they proactively support (if they do), and decide from there.

Do you have a bzoink account? I don’t but I’ve been a semi-regular visitor since like 2009.

How many phone calls do you typically make in a day? Zero. People usually call me.

What song are you listening to? Tell Me It’s Okay by, surprise surprise, Paramore.

Do you understand things others your age do not? I don’t know. Maybe. Everyone’s bound to understand some things better than others.

Do you hate people that label themselves? Why would I hate that? And why would their chosen label be my business?

How many windows do you have open? None. There’s plenty of mosquitoes at night, so even though the cold evening air would been pleasant to have we have to keep the windows closed by nighttime.

How superstitious are you? Not at all.

If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in? I’ve been told either Gryffindor or Ravenclaw.

Which comedian can always crack you up? It’s not a habit of mine to watch comedians.

Are you nagged about being on the computer too much? Not since I was a teenager. Since college I’ve been doing most of my work, if not all of it, through my laptop, and I think my parents understand that I have to use it all the time.

Do you feel bad about anything you've done lately? Nothing comes to mind, no.

What's your texting bill typically like? My SIM is prepaid, so it works the other way around. I put load credits in it only if I know I’ll have to call/text/surf regularly.

What song did you/do you want played at your wedding? Turning Page by Sleeping At Last.

Do you have a lot or hardly any lines on your palms? Idk, a decent amount I guess? I don’t think it hits either extreme.

What's your favourite word? Poignant.

Are you allowed to swear in front of your parents? Yeah. They’ll shoot me a glare sometimes, but I’m in my 20s and...they know they can’t really do anything about it anymore lol.

Do you eat apples? No.

What are your addictions? Coffee, I suppose.

What are some words you use in daily life? I use intensifiers often, like very, really, super, absolutely, etc. I’m also big on expressions hahaha like oh my god, seriously, for real, and ugh.

Do you look things up on Google constantly? Yes.

Where do you get your music from? Spotify. Sometimes YouTube if I wanna look for a leak.

What do you think of people with afros? That they are people with afros...? I don’t really know what you’re looking for me to say, lmfao.

--

survey by charey-chas

Do you like getting your picture taken? Not for the most part. My body instantly gets all frozen and awkward when a camera’s placed in front of me, which I hate because I do wish I could have more photos of myself around. Is your phone anywhere near you? It is not, actually. It feels great and I really should start making it a habit to keep it away from me entirely on weekends. Do you ever enjoy going to school? In my first school, I enjoyed going mainly (and probably only) for my friends; but Catholic school was predominantly a torturous experience. The rigidity isn’t something I look back fondly on, and it felt like being kept on a tight leash for 14 years. College was a lot more enjoyable in every way possible. I liked going to (most of) my classes and learning as much as I loved the vibrant org culture and the general freedom that comes with university life. Have you ever gone on a road trip? Lots. The Philippines is a relatively small country and unless you want to jump to a different island altogether, there are many provinces you can readily travel to by car.  Who do you get along with best in your family?  Nina, my sister. Then my dad. I clash a lot with my mom and I don’t talk to my brother. Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be? Cats and I don’t get along very well hahaha but I think I’m similar to them. Would you ever buy anything from an infomercial? Maybe once, just to be able to say that I have. Have you ever made a snow angel? No, because I’ve never seen snow before. Have you stayed in a hotel in the last month? No. We had a brief getaway in Tagaytay but we switched things up and went to rent a condo, instead of book a hotel room, for a weekend. What's your most comfortable outfit? If I want to go for comfortable, I usually go for my rompers or jumpsuits. Do you text or IM more? IM these days. Would you rather listen to music or play it? Listen. I have no music-playing skills whatsoever. Have you ever been in a hot tub? Sure. Do you like pizza? LOVE IT Are you sleeping in your own bed tonight? Yes. If not here, the couch. But most likely it will my bed tonight. Are any of your friends having a sleepover right now? I doubt it. Angela and Hans had an overnight stay in Batangas a few days ago for their Valentine’s shenanigans though, which I guess kinda counts as a sleepover. Have you ever been to a house party? I don’t think so. That’s something I missed out on in my college days, but I don’t mind. Do you listen to your iPod or the radio when you're in the car? I think I keep a good balance. If my phone’s battery is not very high I’ll rely on the radio; and sometimes I’ll sync my phone’s Spotify to the car as well.

--

survey by charey-chas

What song is stuck in your head at the moment? RAVI’s BUM. What's your fathers' middle name? He doesn’t have a second name, but I’m not sharing his legal middle name on here either. How many hours a day do you spend on the computer? On work days, I’d say 8-10 hours. On weekends, maybe a little slightly less than that since I do like getting off the laptop sometimes to rest my eyes. Could you live without the internet? People from the past managed to live without it, so I know I can. It would just be extremely inconvenient; and having been dependent on it for such a long time now, I would likely be clueless on how to navigate most activities. What's something you're really into? Learning about cultural differences!! That’s why reading survey answers has always been fascinating to me. I would love a website that dives into the various everyday behavior people observe in other countries, but the ones that do exist use like 20- or 30-year-old sources, so they aren’t even relevant at all anymore. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? Knives Out. Have you ever seen a movie in 3D or in an IMAX theater? Just once. It was Denise and Leigh’s 18th birthday treat and they brought us to watch Doctor Strange in 3D. Do you prefer skirts, shorts, or skorts? Shorts. Have you ever vandalized? Just a few school chairs in grade school, but otherwise I’m too paranoid for vandalism lol. What's the longest you've stayed up? Maybe a little longer than 24 hours. Who'd you have a sleepover with last? Gabie. When's the last time you baked something? Nearly a decade ago. Our oven was new at the time and I wanted to try baking cookies. Do you like to dance? When I’m alone. Do you scratch mosquito bites, even though you're not supposed to? Yup. Are you afaid of spiders or do you like them? I mean I’m not fond of them, but I also don’t scream and run away when I see them. I just don’t care for them for the most part. What's a pet you've always wanted? I’ve only ever wanted dogs, and now I’ve got two of them. Do you like mice? Not really. Would you ever get a tattoo? Sure. I’ve been considering it for a while now; it’s just a matter of being able to save up for one. Do you prefer to walk in the street or on the sidewalk? Street, if it’s bare and safe enough. Otherwise if I’m in a busy city with regulations and all I’d obviously rather be on the sidewalk. What's your favorite t-shirt? My CM Punk Best in the World merch. Who did you last think about? I remembered Deina when I was thinking about the tattoo question. She got a pawprint tattoo on her wrist shortly before her senior dog passed away and ever since learning about it I’ve also been thinking about getting the same tattoo. Do you like giving hugs? I love giving hugs and it’s an automatic response for me whenever I see someone I love, which is why Covid is such a torture for me. Do you prefer hardwood flooring or carpeting? Hardwood. Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday? No. I got a car when I was 17, around six months before I started college. Have you ever eaten a worm? No but I’d be willing to try.

[nattikay]

.

Just trying to sort out some thoughts, came here cuz not sure where else to do it. Might delete later.

So we’ve had Maisie for almost a week now an honestly, it’s...caused me a lot more stress than I’d expected it to. Don’t get me wrong, I like her, and I don’t plan to give her back to the shelter or anything, good gracious, no--but tbh I feel a little guilty for not being ~euphoric~ over the whole scenario, and I’m just trying to work out why.

Don’t worry she is being well taken care of! This is an emotional issue, not an ability-to-care-for issue.

I think some of it may have its roots in our old cat, Harry Pawter. We got Harry when I was around 9 years old and I loved him. However, being a child when we got him, I was never really super good at taking care of him; most of the animal care wound up falling on my parents. 

Harry, for the most part, was a pretty good cat most of his life, but he started developing health problems around his last two years or so. By this point I was in high school, and for all intents and purposes should’ve been old enough and responsible enough to step in and help take proper care of him. But by that point, I hadn’t really formed those habits and...I never really did. Not as much as I should have. And looking back...tbh I feel really bad about it, and wonder if I didn’t love him as much as I should have, or as much as I thought I did. My dad would certainly imply at much when he got frustrated with the cat, and that...kinda sunk its way into my brain, I guess.

I’ve mentioned before that we lost Harry my freshman year of college, my very first semester. But I haven’t told the whole story, because well...I feel really bad about it. But maybe it’ll be good to get it off my chest.

See, Harry’s health had been declining for a while at that point (he was now 9 years old btw). He was struggling to keep himself clean and having more and more accidents outside the litterbox. My dad took him to the vet, and the vet suspected he may have had a brain tumor. All this was happening recently after I started my first semester of college, so I wasn’t home at the time, only getting this info via phone calls. 

My dad didn’t want to pay for expensive tests and surgeries for a cat, so was considering putting him down. I was obviously not in favor of that idea, so we decided that we’d wait until I came home for Christmas and then discuss what to do about the Harry situation.

But we never got the chance. Around November, there was some sort of leak under the fridge or something (I don’t remember the details; again I wasn’t home at the time) and we had to get a lot of work done in there to fix it, which included having all the tiles completely removed and huge fans placed in the kitchen to blow away the ensuing dust. In order to keep Harry out of the way of the construction, we wound up regulating him to the screened-in back patio (and for further context: Harry had always been an indoor-only cat, and never showed much interest in going outside). Needless to say, on top of his health concerns, this construction and jarring change in environment was probably really stressful for him. One day, he found his way out of the patio...and never came back. 

We...don’t really know for sure what happened to him after that. I like to say that he passed away rather than ran away, partly because he didn’t really have great survival skills and between that and his already-present health issues, well...I don’t think he would’ve survived long as a stray, and I prefer to imagine that his suffering ended as quickly and painlessly as possible. Even if he did manage to survive for a while then, he’s almost certainly gone now, given that he’d be nearly 15 by this point...but I digress.

All that said...idk, I guess I never really got any proper closure with Harry. And the more I learn about how to properly care for a cat, especially doing all the research I’ve been doing for Maisie...well, the worse I feel for him.

It’s not that we were bad owners, per se, and we certainly weren’t malicious in any way...but man, we could’ve done so much better. Harry was definitely overfed and undergroomed and we didn’t really know how to deal with his issues later in life...again, we weren’t malicious, but I think we were ignorant. I can’t really blame myself in the early years given that I was a literal child but by the time I reached high school and the like...idk I just feel like I could have and should have done so much better. I wonder how many issues could’ve been resolved if we’d been more attentive, more vigilant. Had been willing to put in more effort than just “meh fill up his food bowl twice a day and have Dad change the litter once in a while”.

And with all that considered, well...let’s just say I have doubts as to my prowess as a cat guardian. I want to make sure what went wrong with Harry goes right with Maisie and I just...idk. It’s just been a lot more emotional pressure than I expected it to be, even more so considering I haven’t yet quite formed the emotional bond with Maisie that I felt with Harry (not that I necessarily should have expected to at this point, given that we’ve only had Maisie for less than a week whereas we had Harry for nine years). But still.

And I mean, it’s not like taking care of Maisie has been difficult from an objective standpoint. It boils down to just feeding her (and making sure it’s the right amount of food), cleaning her litterbox, and playing with her, all of which are pretty simple and straightforward (well actually trying to figure out the right amount of food for her age and size has been a bit of a chore but I digress). 

Again, it’s not the tasks themselves that are an issue...it’s, I guess, the emotional baggage, or something. Knowing that as my cat the responsibility rests squarely on my shoulders (as opposed to having Harry where my parents took up most of the tasks) probably contributes as well.

Probably doesn’t help that this was a rather sudden development as well. It was only a week ago that we even seriously entertained the possibility of getting a new cat, and now here we are. It all happened so fast, it...almost doesn’t seem real.

Then again, not much has been feeling “real” to me lately. But that’s a separate issue and one for my therapist. :P

I also, despite all objective evidence to the contrary, feel almost like I’m being a burden my bringing Maisie into the house. I know that I shouldn’t...it wasn’t even my idea. My brother made the suggestion, my mom endorsed it, my dad ultimately agreed. The whole family seems to like her, even my dad who is by far the least of a cat-person out of all of us has pet her and talked soft to her (I expected him to mostly ignore her).

But...well, ok, another (shorter) storytime. My parents, while they don’t dislike pets, have had enough of them to last their lives, especially after Harry’s troubled final years, which we kids (regrettably) did not do much to help with despite being older by then. About a year or two after we lost Harry, a family in our church was giving away a bunny for adoption after their two dogs didn’t take well to it. My sister, who has always loved bunnies, begged and begged and begged to adopt it, and after promising and promising to take care of it, my parents finally relented. Alas, the bunny did not wind up being as friendly and cuddly as my sister expected, and after a few weeks she lost interest in it, leaving the bulk of the care responsibilities to our youngest brother (who, to his credit, did pretty well...honestly he’s just pretty good with animals in general, of all types...dogs are his top preference but he’ll happily work with just about anything). Not long later, the poor bunny injured itself, and upon doing some research my parents found that bunnies rarely heal properly from that type of injury (I forget what it was exactly, again I was away in college at the time so don’t recall all the details) and that the most humane option was to put it down. We only had that bunny for a few months.

After that, my dad was (understandably) hesitant to bring another pet into the house, however hard we promise to care for it, cuz last time he relented he got burned and a poor bunny had to suffer. When he agreed to let us get a new cat, he included the (reasonable) stipulation that if it ever seems like we’re not taking proper care of kitty, he’s allowed to make the call to give her up back to the shelter.

Now, I have absolutely zero intentions of pulling a sister-and-the-bunny on Maisie, and I very much plan to take as good care of her as possible. But...you can see how there’s some emotional pressure there, yeah? ^^; 

I feel like I have to be an absolutely flawless owner else I’ve let everyone down and proven that my promises to care for her were just talk. I’m afraid people will get mad at Maisie for doing Cat Things and I’ll take the fall and it’ll be assumed I’m not taking proper care of her because I can’t train her well enough. I’m afraid any inconvenience that naturally comes from owning and animal will by default get pinned on me, that I’ll be at fault because I’m the one who technically owns her, I brought her into the house, were it not for me we wouldn’t be dealing with Animal Inconvenience. 

And yes I know that’s irrational...I know my brain is exaggerating and none of them really expect an 8 month old kitten to have flawless behavior or blame me for it and as long as I’m keeping her happy and healthy it’s fine...and yet...

I don't know.

Pressure, I guess. A big life change that happened pretty suddenly and it’s gonna take a little while for it to become the new normal...I’ve just gotta hang on until it does, I guess...

anyways...

R.I.P. Harry Pawter, 2005-2014

(last picture we ever got of him)

Maisie, I will do my best ;_;

(first picture I ever got of her...which, I am just now realizing, is similar to the last pic of Harry ;n;)

[ziracona]

hi can we pls have some uhhhh 🅱️uentin Smith headcanons, and some killers hcs if you want! I also lowkey hc Jake and Claudette to both be some degree of autistic, I imprint like a baby bird on my fav characters so I hc both Jake AND Quentin to be trans, and Quentin and Meg are ADHD infodump pals. Literally sitting around the cabin taking turns talking about something they love while the other is sitting there... no thoughts... head empty... they r supporting each other

Nice! And Claudette is canonically autistic according to her archives description as far as I can tell, and I’m so glad! You should check out @askthedreamwalker if you’re interested in Quentin art bc their Quentin is trans and they have really nice art! Also u right as hell about Quentin and Meg. He gets v excited and Meg and he can special-interest back and forth for hours One person is pitcher, pouring information into empty pitcher2, then the other takes a turn and pours back into first pitcher. Info dump support friends. Heaven.

And hells yeah, I love son boy! Idk if you mean ILM headcanons or general, so I’m just gonna go with gen. 

Quentin’s got a big sense of justice. Not okay with people getting away with terrible shit, which makes the realms extra unbearable (somewhere in the distance Yui and Tapp are like ‘cheers mate’). Holds people very accountable. Boy is very fair and got upstanding character. Expects people to operate with like bare minimum decency and ain’t about to let that shit go if someone wants to be a bastard. Last person ever to let a killer get a pass for going around murdering people in-realm and would hold them extremely accountable and be v willing to kill one in a fight and view them with disgust and righteous anger, but also be one of the first people willing to forgive a killer if they genuinely reformed, or got thrown to the survivor side by the Entity and actually chose to shape up and proved they meant it. He has a huge sense of justice and righteous anger, but also believes in forgiveness and second chances. (Within reason. If any of the particularly bastard killers like GF or Nightmare or Clown showed up with a completely ooc change of heart they will never have anyway, Quentin would be like “…listen. …There are some things only God can forgive…U gotta take this one to him…and away from me. Forever…”. Boy got those high-quality standards 👌

Used to be kinda high-strung, but then his life was a living hell for so long that he ran out of energy entirely and now he has no choice but to be mostly chill. If he gets a burst of energy, the old excitement power switch flips back on and he is both way more talkative and active, and happier. Unfortunately he is usually so worn out he’s about to drop.

Got a bit of a martyr complex. The fact that literally locking himself in hell with his worst nightmare worked does not help. Feels massive guilt over the fact that the Nightmare is in the realm bc of him, but is still kind of glad bc it means he’s not out there murdering his family. Hates that he feels that way because he thinks it’s kind of wrong. Views being stuck in the realm as sort of penance for having brought Krueger unintentionally. Afraid to tell other people it’s his fault because he’s scared they would never talk to him again, and the idea of losing his friends and complete isolation here is unbearable. Feels guilt over that choice, because he feels like he’s in a way lying to them, and that if they would hate him if they knew the truth, they have a right to. Boy loves his friends hard, but does not trust them to forgive him, or to trust in him, so he’s not always completely honest about not just that but anything he’s struggling with. Very sad dumbass. Suffers alone because he’s afraid to ask for help, and/or does not think he deserves it.

Really loves the other survivors and would do anything he could to protect them. Dies in the majority of his trials because he battles endlessly trying to keep the others from being the ones who die. In a way, he’s trying to make things up to them, but he would absolutely do the same just because he loves them, and did for a long time before he ever figured out Krueger and him being taken was his fault (not that I personally think that’s a fair way for the boy to view it). Optimistic externally, struggling internally. Absolutely refuses, ever, to give up, but is always right on the threshold of having a breakdown. Pushes the others to find a way to escape and tries to give them hope. Takes a lot of shit. Will not fight back much if teased just be like -__- and moves on. Doesn’t let people boss him around though, and will always do what he thinks personally is the right thing. Extremely forgiving. (Except to himself.)  Snark boy if opportunity presents itself. Can I offer you a shot of adrenaline in this trying time boy? the rest of the time.

Gives people the benefit of the doubt. Not a hoe. Would commit to a s/o very dedicatedly. Also not the kind of asshole who would cut down on time w friends when in a relationship. Boy’s love is not a zero sum game. Would die or kill for Laurie. Loves Claudette and learning botany tips from her. Thinks she is pretty and admires her kindness and skill and refusal to let the world change who she is, and wishes he was more like her. Has not told her that. Is a lot more like her in that regard than he thinks he is. Pretty damn good in a fight bc he always gets back up. Determinator. Still in love with Nancy and loyal af. Misses her a lot. Does not open up about himself as much as people think he does. Misses his dad and Nancy and his dead friends a lot, especially Jesse. Doesn’t actually talk about his problems much. Just suffers in silence because he doesn’t think he can ask for help.

Takes his faith seriously. Prays a lot, and struggles with feeling completely abandoned by God, but won’t give up on that either. Tries hard to believe he cares and things will change. Dedicated to trying to make sure that regardless of what his friends believe in, they are okay. Very sad and alone but tries to not think about that. Tries to help friends stay hopeful. Is both baby and badass sass boy in one package. Fight hard, love hard, someday will get to sleep for a whole year. 

If you are nice to him once, will assume that means you are friends now. Genuinely cares deeply for every single survivor at the campfire. Wants to protect people. Constantly suffering bc that’s impossible here. Really just wants everyone to be okay someday, including himself, and simultaneously kind of feels like he no longer deserves to be okay in the end at all. Tries not to think about that. Massive guilt issues. Bottles it up. Loyal as hell. Would die for his friends so much it actively worries them and they’re like “Quentin…please. Quentin-stop—stop. You’ll die again. I swear to god Quentin! I can die this time! Quentin!!! Come back here right now!” But he never comes back. Big sibling energy. Regularly people be like “Damn u could make a pretty fine lil brother out of this” and then they do. He loves so hard. Please be nice to him. He’s always trying so hard and never thinks it’s enough. He works so hard.

Triggers include being grabbed by his hair and jerked around, losing his necklace, the cave, and the Nightmare within 15 feet of someone he loves, so homeboy has just, a lot of bad days. Is playing a fun game called ‘I will absorb trauma forever and not get help for it and then one day it will kill me’. Needs to learn to depend on his friends.

Good sense of humor, enjoys reading and music. Will talk way too much about things he likes and not notice he’s done it and then feel bad. Dumbass sweetheart, will think he’s doing a great job flirting and be proud of himself when he did not, in fact, do a suave job, but it’s cute. Tries hard. All the time. At everything. God he tries.

I would do killer hcs too but this already so long and I cut like half of what I initially wrote rip. I have too many thoughts. Head full. : ( Here’s just a few little ones:

Myers does not like working for the Entity. It tried to pull a fast one and be like, “Yes tis I, another voice in your head,” and Michael was like “Bitch it’s my head. I don’t know you!” and that did not work. While Michael very much would love to kill Laurie and get inner peace, working for the entity provides 0% daily Michael needs, and he hates it. Sometimes he just does what the fuck he wants and gets in trouble (homeslice is the only killer who can kill survivors with no mori and no perk for it. Michael cannot be controlled). Does not like being here at all. He doesn’t cause the Entity a lot of trouble like Krueger does, so it doesn’t consider him a problem killer, but they do not have a ‘Ah yes my favorite killer’ kind of thing going. Michael hates the spider-monster. He is so tired of everything at this point. Boy is suffering. Would fight the Entity if he knew how. Has been hurt by it before, and does not like that, because it takes longer to heal than he is used to.

Myers has a few times had his home area be close enough to the campfire that he could see it in the distance, and he watches them when that happens. For hours. He is lonely, but does not realize that, and probably never will. He does stand there and watch them, being sad and not realizing he’s sad at all. It’s the closest he ever gets to human interaction aside from killing people in trials.

The Entity hurts Max sometimes, not because he has done anything wrong, but because injuring him without providing even a way to prevent it keeps him peak feral and afraid, just like it wants. No time to recover or learn or grow. Just anger and pain and fear.

The Entity promises Rin a lot of things. Not because it has to, but because it enjoys the taste of her suffering. One of her addons is paper cranes, one of 1000 to make a wish, as the description says. I’ve always interpreted that to mean it likes to screw with her and offer her things like that she can do between trials, in the moments of lucidity she occasionally has when completely alone. ‘Make 1000, get your wish,’ but every time she hits 999, it blows the ones she’s made away, and she has to start over. Unclimbable hill. Just to watch her struggle. That kind of thing. Intentionally tends to send survivors her way it knows she would dislike killing the most, just to watch her have to do it against her will and bask in the horror of what she cannot make herself not do.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #283

“if teardrops could be bottled, there’d be swimming pools filled by models”

How much would you tip a waiter or waitress for good service? I honestly don’t even know the proper etiquette of tipping because I almost never ever have been in a sit-down restaurant where I’ve paid because of the whole “I don’t have an income” thing. If for whatever reason I did, I would have asked the person with me how. I do (maybe…) believe however that there should be a baseline for how much you tip, even if your experience is somewhat unpleasant. You don’t know what that person is going through that day. If it’s just pure awful, then I might not tip at all, but I think I’d honestly feel way too guilty. Who is your favorite character from the television sitcom Friends? I don’t watch it. Whose name might you have tattooed on your body? None. Well, I guess if I had hypothetical kids, I might, especially as a tribute if they died. What is something that you always need to leave plugged in? I always at least have my laptop charger plugged into the wall, but not always into my computer as to not totally kill the battery. I just need it a lot because I’m only always on it. Who might you send a selfie to? I don’t send them to anyone, really, save for specific occasions. I just take selfies once in a blue moon to change my Facebook picture, honestly. I feel weird just sending people pictures of me because I feel like I’m screaming, “HEY LOOK AND COMPLIMENT ME!!!!!!!!!”, so it makes me uncomfortable. I only did semi-recently because my friend did my makeup for a Halloween shoot and for once in my goddamn life I felt really pretty so sent it to Sara. Name an item in or on your bed every night. My phone is on the right upper corner of my bed so I can check it when I wake up; I always wake up throughout the night and wanna know what time it is. Out of your work shift, how much time do you spend doing “actual work”? Well one, define “actual work,” but odds are almost zero because I don’t have shit to do. How long do your New Years resolutions typically last? I don’t make ‘em. Who would you call first after getting engaged to tell them the news? Most likely Mom. What’s the song that reminds you of the person you like?Okay so deadass I listened to NSP’s “Wish You Were Here” cover recently and kinda cried lol. Are you good at holding back your tears? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love? My goddamn sanity. How many jobs do you have? None. Do you have any memories you want to erase? There’s one occasion with Jason I wish I could forget so, so badly. Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”? No. I don’t believe in pre-determined destinies and such, and thus I don’t see anything as “meant” and “not meant” to be. Do you believe in destiny? Wow, good timing lmao. Do you believe that things will get better? I like to think so. Have you ever drunk dialed someone? No. Have you ever worn a tiara? Haha, I think on my 18th birthday maybe, my friend Summer came with us to dinner and brought me a birthday tiara. If someone offered to take you out for your birthday, where would you decide to go? I almost always go to Olive Garden for dinner. But, after trying the Cheesecake Factory for the first time… *eyes emoji* If you plan to have kids, what will you tell them about Santa Clause? I’m not having kids, but hypothetically, I’d let them believe it. It’s so magical as a kid and brings so much excitement. I’d tell them the truth when it feels appropriate, and if I know they’re not the type to go telling other kids for no reason “HEY MY MOM SAID SANTA’S NOT REAL SO UR DUMB.” I’d be damned if they ruined it for other children. If you have ever been employed, have you ever been attracted to your boss? What about a co-worker? Not that I remember. Do [would] you avoid kissing your [possibly hypothetical] significant other when you or they are ill? Look man I made out with my ex while he was recovering from bronchitis before we knew it wasn’t contagious so OOPS yeah because I am 110% the “if you’re sick, I’m sick” dumbass all the while going FULL Mom Mode taking care of the person. What was the last thing you bought, other than food? With my own money, that is a daaaamn good question. I only really use it/am given it for food. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? Do you know what that person is doing at this moment? My mom. She’s in the living room watching TV, probably. Think back to the last time you cried, or felt like crying. Who or what helped you to feel better? My mom. Do you own any accessories with your name or initial on them? No, they don’t appeal to me. Is there someone of the opposite sex that knows everything, or almost everything, about you? I would say Jason, but we haven’t seen or spoken to each other for almost four years, and I’m a much different person by now, and I’m sure he is, too. Do you remember the last time you cried because you missed someone? A few weeks back I had a breakdown over Jason again. My PTSD was and still is being pretty rough lately. Are your eyes the same color as your sibling(s)? Just my brother. Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents, or someone else? No. What’s your most noticeable flaw? Thinking about it, probably my extreme aversion to conflict. I will BOLT from confrontation. And what’s your best feature? I’m extremely empathetic. Have you ever hallucinated? Yeah; I would see shadows move when I was coming off a certain med. Do you have fangirl-ish tendencies? ………………. Have you ever replied “OK” when someone confessed they liked you? Wow, no. Either admit reciprocated feelings or gently turn them down. The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, or The Beatles? OHHHHHHHH BUDDY. Led Zeppelin, I think… but maybe the Stones. Idk. What would you do for immortality and infinite youth? Nothing. Would you rather have a pool or a hot tub? A pool. Is your handwriting legible? Yes. Well, some people find it slightly difficult because it’s kinda fancy. Have you ever held a baby chick? Yes! Do you think ‘everything bagels’ are disgusting? I’m not a fan. Do you live with anyone that you try to avoid at all costs? No. What did you last get upset about? How incredibly fuckin weak my body is. When is the last time you personally made someone else cry? I don’t know. How many more people do you think you’ll kiss before you die? Hopefully only one. I do NOT want to deal with anymore heartbreak, nor do I want to waste anymore time with someone I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with. Are you more spiritual or religious? Spiritual. Ever been to a rave? Nooooo, most definitely not my scene. Are you afraid to name the person you talk the most shit about? No. Song playing right now? I’m listening to “PRESIDENT X” by 3TEETH rn. Have you ever laughed at someone because they had a funny name? No, that’s incredibly rude. Speaking of names, why do celebrities always call their kids stupid ones? They’re not all “stupid”…? There are some beautiful names I’ve heard. It’s none of my business why others’ children are named what they are. Do you get car sick easily? I don’t. Do you think you’re a good conversationalist? Why is that? NO. I’m just awkward and don’t know what to talk about or what to say back to people a lot. Awhile back though my friend Ian told me I was actually a really nice one and it meant a LOT to me. Hearing someone say that reassured me a little bit. Have you ever been on a float in a parade? What were you doing on it? No. Have you ever been in a helicopter? No. Have you ever had chicken pox? No. Who is your favorite animated character? Oh boy that’s hard man, idk. Maybe Ninetales, at least aesthetically. Idk about as characters themselves. Is it easy to make you gag? Yeah. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Probably Scar. Would you rather have a pet crocodile or a pet octopus? I deadass kinda want a caiman lol. It’s something I doubt I’ll actually do, though. Do you like Ritz crackers? Yeah. Do you have any designer clothing? If so what brand? No. Were you afraid of the dark when you were little? Not very, no. What are your opinions on war in general? It’s fucking awful and could be avoided if people weren’t so goddamn hasty, selfish, and uncompromising, among many other adjectives. Do you like pretzels? Yessss, especially soft ones. Have you ever wanted to be a writer? Yeah, tons of times in my life on-and-off. Did you even vote? This is the very first year I actually did. I felt really bad for not acting, only complaining about my government, and “silence speaks” was heavy on my head. Did some research to educate myself, and I felt amazing afterwards. What is your favorite flavor of gum? Usually watermelon. Are you wearing any bandaids? If so, where and why? No. Do you currently have any bruises on you? No. Do you/did you like or dislike school? I always hated it. Are you currently wearing any lotion? No. Do you ever make recipes found online? What was the last one? I don’t cook, so… but there sure are some that look good. If you smoke weed, what do you usually do after you get high? If you don’t, what would you do if everyone around you were smoking? I never have, so I wouldn’t know. Haha, for the second half, sit there awkwardly… been there once. What’s the last thing you ordered online? The next Wings of Fire book. Starting Sunny’s story now. Tell me about your favorite dress. I had this spring dress in high school that was white with purple skulls on it in a floral design… It was really cute and just has a special memory tied to it. Have you ever slept in a waterbed? If so, what was it like? Yeah, that used to be considered “fun” as a kid. They’re not awful, but not that comfortable either, and if I remember well, it’s easy to get sweaty because of the material. How many floors does your house have? Just one. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Yes. Do you enjoy sappy love songs? Hell yeah I do. Do you ever buy the same shirt in different colors? Simple tank tops, yeah. Ever made out on a rooftop? Damn dude no I’d be paranoid of falling off lmao. One place you will never eat at? Arby’s. If someone went through your pictures, would they find a "bad" one? Nope.

[mittensmorgul]

I love Eileen. And I love Saileen. I love that they introduced a character with a disability and made Sam happy But I agree with a lot of what you say about Saileen. They’re NOT canon. Yeah, they very well could be. But as of now, they aren’t. They seem more like a “will they/won’t they” relationship rather than a real established relationship. And with everything with Chuck and his control over her... idk. I love hearing what ppl think about it but they need to let you have your opinions

Thank you for this, seriously. I just feel like I’ve been pressured into seeing it differently. And I’m sorry for that, honestly! I wish I could see it as a purely cute, happy, no complications relationship. I wish I could see the parallels to destiel as direct mirrors instead of “spot the difference” mirrors.

I love Eileen as a character, and have seen potential for her to have a relationship with Sam since 11.11. It seemed like the show was seriously considering that in 12.17. And then the show proved they weren’t... Yes I was fully on board the “she can’t actually be dead because that was stupid and terrible” train back then. I was for a good long while afterward. (lol read my fic Winchester 275, with fun happy saileen!) But eventually, when it becomes obvious that the characters have moved on, we have to move on and see reality, too.

But after the show made her return a direct tool of manipulation by Chuck, and after she herself has expressed that because of that, BECAUSE Chuck’s interference in “writing Saileen” into the show as a romantic plot, when she questions what is real, she’s talking specifically about her relationship with Sam. If that wasn’t the case, if Chuck’s plot for her had been about ANYTHING else, I wouldn’t have so much difficulty with the state of Sam and Eileen’s relationship now. But Chuck specifically brought her back to romance Sam.

When Eileen says she doesn’t know what’s real, she specifically means between her and Sam. Between 15.06 and 15.09, Sam repeatedly denied they were like that (when Dean teased and then talked seriously to him about their obviously developing relationship based on what he’d seen of their interactions, and lampshaded by Dean himself as him viewing their interactions through the lens of his own personal issues he was struggling with at the time, having literally projected his own feelings onto their relationship). And I understand the desire to see Sam happy, to see him find a relationship like this. But I will always want that relationship for him to be real, of his own choosing, and with someone who can freely consent to it. And I want the same for Eileen, too. 

I’m doing my level best to look critically at what Chuck wants, at the plots and situations that he specifically engineers, and asking myself why. He’s been Gabriel-level manipulative/trickstery, Lucifer-level “smashing his own toys,” and Michael-level “monster apocalypse ftw,” and Raphael level “it just needs to be over.” I just watched Mystery Spot on the TNT loop, so maybe that’s why I’ve got Gabriel on the mind here, but I’m betting this week’s episode will have some heavy Gabriel style callbacks. What is the truth? What’s their own choices and what have they been “tricked” into believing was their only choice?

As long as Eileen feels that she had no choice in anything that happened between her and Sam, I’m gonna be eternally grateful that Sam had his foot on the brakes regarding their interactions to the point they learned of Chuck’s manipulation. Because it could’ve gone a hell of a lot worse if Sam had jumped into a romance with her, you know? Imagine if he had taken her up on her proposition in 15.07, only to have her doubt if it was even her choice after the fact? That would’ve been so, so much worse. For both of them.

The narrative has at least left them with POTENTIAL. Eileen could reexamine her whole relationship with Sam and decide she really does have feelings for him that are her own, completely untainted by Chuck’s interference. But I really need that to be her freely-made choice. Sam could welcome her back with open arms, ready to proceed with a relationship on their own terms, to build something real between them. If they’d consummated the relationship while Eileen was being controlled/used by Chuck, it wouldn’t even be a potential. Or maybe it would, but there would’ve always been that specter of what had happened to her hanging over the relationship, leaving them both to question if it was actually real or only based on what Chuck had pushed them into, you know? For however cute the potential of their relationship is or could be, it’s not founded in their own free will.

I completely understand why some people refuse to question Eileen’s feelings for Sam, rather than just questioning which of her actions are “real.” If Eileen hadn’t specifically been brought back for a “romance plot” with Sam, I don’t know if she would’ve doubted her feelings for him, either. They did have a history of friendship, at the very least, before Chuck’s incredibly specific plan for her unfolded in s15. We WANT good things for Sam, we want him to be happy, to find someone to love and be loved by in the way he really deserves, and has wanted for a very long time, but heck I can’t stop hearing Charlie’s voice in 8.20 here:

Sorry you have zero luck with the ladies

I need for any relationship that Sam chooses for himself to defy that statement, not to be burdened by Chuck’s incessant campaign of destroying Sam’s love life  over and over again for his own personal entertainment. He uses Sam’s hope as a weapon against him, just like we saw in 15.09. Two of Sam’s biggest character arcs for the entire series have involved his perception/understanding of reality, and hope vs hopelessness. That is, what gives Sam hope, and what strips it from him. It’s been a key metric for him in every season, and it directly affects the choices he’s willing to make, and possibly more importantly, what he’s personally willing to sacrifice.

At this moment, I’m watching Jus In Bello, and this is... exactly the plot of this entire episode. This is Sam’t plot through all of Kripke Era, throughout Chuck’s original apocalypse arc. This was Ruby’s entire purpose in the narrative: romance Sam to manipulate him into Doing The Thing. In 3.12, it’s framed around Sam’s hope vs hopelessness against the army of demons surrounding them. It’s framed as “not having a choice,” and then working together to “find another way.” Only for Ruby to show up at the end of the episode after they think they’ve succeeded, to inform them that because of their choice, everyone they’d been trying to save was now dead. And it was STILL a manipulation on a bigger level of the narrative that won’t be proven out until the end of s4 and Ruby’s Grand Reveal moment as Lucifer rises.

THIS IS A BIG ISSUE FOR SAM, and dismissing it all for the sake of smushing his face together with Eileen’s is... at the very least, a wee bit problematic. 

Obviously, Ruby was conscious of this deception from the start. She was planted with the knowledge of what she had to accomplish, and willingly participated in Sam’s manipulation. Eileen... wasn’t complicit in ANY of the manipulation, at least not consciously. I’m not attempting to frame Eileen as evil here, but just as much a victim of Chuck’s plotting as Sam was.

If Eileen didn’t feel this way herself, if she didn’t directly question and doubt her own feelings for Sam, she wouldn’t have left. She left for HERSELF. I can’t even imagine being in her position here, you know? Saved from the torment of Hell, given a tiny bit of hope for the future (still with the question of whether her soul was still doomed to Hell when she eventually died again, or whether she got a clean slate and could enter Heaven eventually, LITERALLY ALSO BECAUSE OF CHUCK). Only to discover that her second chance had been provided by Chuck because he cavalierly intended to use her AGAIN, not for her own sake, but to drive Sam’s “plot.” Romance-loss-manpain-angst-hopelessness-”Butch and Sundance” lather rinse repeat. That’s Chuck’s plot, and in leaving, whether she sees that bigger picture or not, Eileen has chosen not to participate in it. Not to let herself be used by that plot.

Eileen had her agency stolen from her by Chuck’s BMoL storyline, and she spent three years in Hell because of it. At this point in the story, leaving to regain that lost agency was the best thing she could’ve done FOR HERSELF. And Sam, of all people, who had his agency stolen from him when he was 6 months old and fed demon blood, can understand that.

If Sam and Eileen are meant to be, they BOTH need to come to that decision for reasons other than “Chuck wants to hurt us with each other for plot reasons.” And as important as Eileen as a character is for representation, she’s also elevated herself to another important level in the narrative: She chose HERSELF. She chose her own life and freedom. She chose to walk out of the story and refused to be used by it.

If Eileen comes back to the story again, it will truly be because she CHOSE it for herself. Her entire life up to 11.11 had been the same sort of “revenge narrative” that the Winchesters had endured. She got her win, and then was faced with the question (posed to her by Sam) of what she was going to do next. When we next see her, in 12.17, we see that she has apparently continued her life as a hunter. She’s drawn into helping with an “all hands on deck” situation, in finding Dagon and Kelly Kline, and then her involvement in that hunt directly leads to her death in the most awful and ableist way possible-- literally hunted down by Chuck’s “big bad threat” of the season, to drive Sam and Dean into Chuck’s ever-narrowing maze of choices leading up to their confrontation with Lucifer in 12.23 (and Cas’s death by Lucifer’s hand, and everything that followed... including Dean’s formal complaint of a prayer to Chuck himself in 13.01. I mean, given Chuck’s favored story, he must’ve been wringing his hands with glee at Dean’s hopeless suffering in early s13, you know?). 

I need to go back to Sam’s experiences with the BMoL himself. In Sam’s ongoing, lifelong issues that I’ve been tagging as “Sam vs Reality” for years now, the weapon of torture that Toni Bevell used to manipulate Sam... was specifically a fake/drug-and-torture induced romance plot. After 12.02 aired, please recall the abject horror of the entire fandom over the rape by deception plotline between Sam and Toni-- after spending the entire hellatus wondering if Toni was being set up with a “love at first stab” redemption arc in much the same way Cas had in s4. For folks that hadn’t been in the fandom during the post-s11 hellatus, this seemed to be a serious potential, until 12.02 burned that notion to the ground. Eileen’s suspicious return to the narrative in s15 rang alarm bells in my head for this exact reason.

I need people to understand why I feel so viscerally uncomfortable with Sam and Eileen’s relationship as it stands in s15. Everyone has the absolute right to find their relationship cute, or truly romantic, or to hope that they are endgame together. But I also think I have the absolute right to feel wary of it, considering all of this ^^. 

Plus, to me, all of this *IS* the interesting character stuff we’ve all been here for all these years. We’re all giddily engaging with Dean’s long-standing issues with anger, abandonment, fear, self-worth, and identity coming to fruition in s15. Even the most die-hard destiel shippers haven’t ignored the deep underlying character arcs of both Dean AND Cas as their relationship is finally being defined, clarified, and hopefully resolved in the narrative. Do we not owe at LEAST that much to Sam, and his character’s underlying issues? Because I think that’s what the narrative is pushing us to examine here.

And as you said, I also see it as a potential relationship. Yes, one with a LOT of potential based on their chemistry. As things stand after 15.09, there’s every reason to think that Eileen could come back, could accept the offer Sam made with that kiss. I saw it as him laying a potential foundation, his way of saying “maybe it wasn’t real up to this point, but we could choose it if that’s what you wanted, too.” I also see it as up to Eileen herself if she can lay that baggage down and begin building a relationship based on mutual choice, understanding, respect, affection, and potentially love and romance. If Eileen is Sam’s endgame love interest, to me it would necessitate their choice to give a future together a shot. It would be a beautiful new beginning in life, for both of them, rather than the culmination of more than a decade of emotional relationship issues that Dean and Cas are facing, you know? There is a difference, and equating the relationships on a surface level is fine, but the presumption that we’re supposed to just accept that the two relationships are equal in terms of underlying emotional context is... at least a little disturbing to me, because ^^^^^^.

Heck, I think I’ve officially emotionally wrung myself out typing about all of this again, but I appreciate having the space to actually work through my own feelings about all of this, too.

[botslayer]

The questions raised in MK11′s story mode:

So here's everything as it came up in order, in my mind just as I was thinking of things, SUPER heavy spoilers ahead, I just want the fan consensus, please help a confused fan get his bearings, why does everyone praise this story mode when I'm just seeing more holes than a cheese grater? 1. If Gods are immune to Kronika's time tampering, How does she stop Shinnok's blood, which was still pouring from his neck, from flowing on that table? I know this one may be a bit nitpicky but that's just a little one that sticks out and is very visually present. 2. Where do the Kollector's people come from? Probably Outworld but pulling yet another species from thin air for that realm is kinda cheap, okay? 3. Why does everyone from the past look so different from how they did in MK9? It's like jarringly different, especially when Kung Lao JUST supposedly beat down the deadly alliance, something that is only established to happen in the reboot timeline. So what happened there? (Other cosmetic changes would take too long to point out individually, so I won't.) 4. Follow up, there must be a pretty big time gap for Johnny, Sonya, and Jax, because Jax has his mech arms but in the MK2 ark of MK9, he had to be rushed out of Outworld because Ermac blew his real arms off. 5. Follow up 2, why does Jax seem to have deaged? In MK9 he looked to be about thirty+ Whereas here he looks like a really big Twenty-something, his arms are even different. So what happened there? 6. Why does Dark Raiden vanish? The game throws out the explanation that "Immortals" operate on a different timescale, more or less, but if he's unaffected by other time distortions, how was he pulled forward in the first place? 7. Why aren't more people from either side, including Smoke, Quan Chi, Shang Tsung, Reptile, Ermac, Goro, Mileena, and Kintaro, ALL OF WHOM (Save for Smoke) are Loyal to Shao Kahn, not also summoned into the arena? And "She can only summon people who are still alive" isn't a workable answer because of Baraka, Skarlet and Shao Kahn himself. She later says that she's finding people not happy with the course of history, but I doubt two of the most ambitious characters in the series (The Deadly alliance) would be all that happy about being dead. Nor, I'd wager, would Kintaro or Goro, form the prideful warrior race of dragon people? 8. Why is future Erron Black completely mute? Yeah. In every scene he's in (a few different ones in the coliseum) he never says anything but past Erron has loads of dialogue. 9. How does Raiden know about there being other Temporal nonsense going on elsewhere in not just the realm he's in, but Earthrealm? I know he's Earthrealm's protector but how in the high heaven does he know? 10.As a Little one: How is it that past Johnny is sitting on the other side of the room looking at his nails and then is immediately walking by Sonya and Jax with future Johnny? She was looking in kind of the same direction but how quickly did this guy get up to pull that off? 11.Raiden says he's been getting the premonitions for "MONTHS" But MK9 established pretty roundly that he only got them night one of the 10th tournament. Now, by the time of the MK2 ark in MK9, no more than a week or two could have passed, at least as presented, so how does that make any sense? (I will elaborate if asked but this is already long enough) 12. Why does past Jade have an English accent and why does Revenant Jade not? (Other voice inconsistencies from within this trilogy would take to long to point out, so again, this is just persistent for all of them.) 13. The Cyber Lin Kuei (Who I will call "Tekunin" from here on out because I just like that better) are still a thing, Kronika pulled Sektor into the present too, I can buy that. But why not also try and recruit another realm like Seido? Imagine having Hotaru and the help of his forces. It'd make for some cool scenes, especially at the end when all the Oni are fighting Raiden's army, it'd make things a lot more chaotic, which would look cooler. Why not Chaos realmers? Zaterrans? Vampires? Centaurs? Kytinn? She brought the Tarkatans back completely so how hard would any of these other virtually extinct armies be harder to bring back and sway to her side in comparison? What about the Red Dragon? 14. Raiden apparently knows some of the history of this altered timeline which just makes me wonder how much he could realistically be briefed on, especially when he reacts with shock when he finds out that Sub-zero is friends with Hanzo Hasashi. And yes, the Cyber Initiative was a thing in MK9 but Sektor wasn't the grandmaster when that was going on or when Raiden and co were pulled from time. So what does he know and not know? And why did no one think "That crazy fire ninja is on our side" Was worthwhile info? 15. Why isn't Noob just the past one? He straight up says that he survived the soulnado, not that he's a different version. He never showed up live in the comics so it makes zero sense for him to have full stop survived. 16. How does ripping out two bundles of wire "Reformat" anything? 17. Future Kano references the idea of the Black Dragon being on top of "Not just the black market, Every market." What does that even mean? Is there gonna be a black dragon funded super corporation? That'd be cool, TBH. Shame that's never elaborated on. 18. When Kronika freezes time, is it only local? Or does it hit an entire Realm? Because in the scene where she's talking with Future Jax, and come to think of it, the one with Shinnok's head, What the hell is her bubble of influence? 19. Jade mentions Sheeva "Respecting Kitana's opinion more than anyone else's." Where, At all, in either timeline was that ever represented? Because up to now, if memory serves, their only real interactions were Sheeva telling Kitana to suck it up and die with honor in MK9. 20. What up with Jade's Retcon into being Kotal's girl? It's just kinda weird. 21. When and how did Revenant jade learn to control giant bugs? 22. What is Cetrion even the god of? Raiden, and later Kitana, mention she's a god of Virtue but why then is she able to control the Earth? "Elder god" Maybe but Raiden in the OG timeline got that title at the end of MK 4, then stepped down and he was no more powerful for it but that seems to be what happened with Cetrion, IDK. 23. How far back did Kronika have to pull Past Kano and Kabal from? Because Kabal is still apparently working for the black dragon, whatever age she got him from, but he still has his post-burn super speed. 24. What was the point of blowing Sektor up other than to just lose a major power player for your own side? 25. (Ultimate nitpick on this one) Why is Skarlet and one line from Baraka speaking Tarkatan the only ones that get subtitles? Why not just either A. Say it in English, which they seem to understand enough of, or B. Just not add these translations if they aren't translating the rest of the Tarkatan speech we see? What is the point? "So we understand it." I think you're underestimating people's ability to get the concept of "They said a thing, they did a thing, that must be what was said." 26. In the fight with the Tarkatans, How did Liu Kang and Kung Lao have the time to change back into monk clothes? Where was Kung Lao keeping his hat? 27. What the hell was Shao's last name? at a time "Kahn" was probably just the answer until it became retconned to mean "Emperor of Outworld." But what was his full name? I'm honestly curious, less of a nitpick, more of a "Hm." 28. Why does Future Kano feel a hit to the gut? I understand Johnny's Scar in one way or another, but a hit to the gut, painful as it is, especially when he's showing no sign of feeling any of Past Kano's minor injuries, shouldn't feel like anything after 25ish years. 29. Why does Future Kano have a delayed reaction to "Death by Missing hunk of brain?" The wound instantly manifests but he stands and seems to try to talk for a few seconds before collapsing into sand. Wouldn't it make more sense for him to rot into nothing really fast? Then again, Time travel is always a nightmare in any media that attempts to talk about it. 30. How does Revenant Kabal mistake Past Jax for Future Jax? 31. When Scorpion saves Hanzo, why didn't he just split D'vorah's skull with one strike? Two in a pinch? If he's putting enough force behind it to cut her stabby limbs off, or just generally be a useful assassin, why not just go for the neck even? (This one was answered on a reddit post I made, so whatever) 32. Why doesn't Scorpion just surrender when he goes to the Fire Gardens? Wouldn't it be best to just sit down inoffensively and wait for people to show up? Even if Sub-Zero wants to fight, he could just put his hands up and start disarming himself, Not beat the Holy Snot out of Sub-Zero. 33. If Kronika can just appear out of thin air, freeze all the humans in a given location, and pluck one from the ground, why not just use one of her minions like Geras or Cetrion to help kill them all while they're frozen? 34. Kronika mentions "Playing out all possible Scenarios." How many resets have you done, lady? Millions, I'd wager. How has your utter defeat not come up at least one other time? 35. Where are revenant Nightwolf, Sindel, Smoke, and Stryker during all of this? I find it deathly strange that Kronika couldn't find a use for FOUR undead super warriors. At least three and a bloke with military and police backgrounds that make things like strategy a bit easier, probably. 36.Kronika just MAKES a massive battleship or two, so what was the point of Cetrion building the bridge or asking Kharon to help in the first place? Just make a boat. Barring that, D'vorah mentioned that all she had to do was render Kharon unable to help Raiden's forces during Kharon's introduction. Why not just kidnap him, load him onto a boat, tie him to an anchor, and then just drop him in the blood sea? Rather than this "Slowly torture" BS. 37. How does Future Jax yeet himself onto the upper deck of one of the ferries? 38. Frost says that Raiden "Ignored her, her entire life." Since when is she the Tsundere of the MK universe? Or more seriously: Is this a line that only makes sense when you read the comics? 39. Why would the Tekunin be rigged to Frost's brainwaves? One good conk upside the noggin, or stab, shot, what have you, and what? Do they all drop dead? 40. Why does Past Kang live through having his own soul stolen, something that is always instantly fatal throughout the series? 41. How does Revenant Liu Kang yeet himself off a small boat and onto one of the ferries full stop?

And that's everything, any answers are appreciated. Am I being nitpicky with a few of these? Probably, Do I care? Not so much. I’m just getting sick of people praising this story when THIS MANY holes are present. 

[tellywoodtrash]

Sanjivani - Weeks 4 + 5

Overall Plot

Heavy in terms of the background stories for Sid and Ishani and their deeply ingrained emotional issues. Their relationship though, phew; such highs and lows, that I'm almost dizzy with how quickly they fight and make up. Though the Juhi/Shashank/Anjali/Vardhan track remains good to watch on the basis of performance, not much progress on that front plot-wise, other than Shashank unwillingly approving the luxury ward and the fallout from that.

The Medical Stuff

Still boring for a medical procedural junkie like me; it seems like they just flip through a medical textbook and pick some two, three randomass illnesses, but then barely go into depth about it. It’s like they pick these things just for the novelty of the name and nothing else.

The Acting

Needless to say, the seniors reliably turn in the best performances. Namit continues to get better, fewer missteps each week than the last. Also nicely compelling in some scenes where he emotes quietly with his face. Surbhi on the other hand seems to be a see-saw; it's just bewildering for me to watch her all over the place like this, after seeing her be nicely measured in the first 1.5 years of IB. IDK if it's the character or the direction or what, but she seems so messily uncontrolled in this role compared to what I've seen of her as Haya/Anika. The supporting cast - Rashmi, Jason, Robin, Kunal, Rahul - got marginally more to do these weeks than previously, and they were pretty good; especially Rashmi who got some nice scenes to do.

The Characters

Sid: Still the character I'm most invested in. He has major existential angst about possibly being naajaayaz and not knowing who his father is. They also brought back Fuckboy Sid; well not really, but his "past" catches up with him when 3 girls he was seeing at the same time show up together to beat him up. He's definitely a charmer alright, seeing how he gets out of sticky situations like these. As a doctor, I truly like watching him in his element; he’s smart and focused and has wonderful bedside manner; gentle and compassionate, knows how to get patients to open up to him, and how to comfort them in turn. He's the best at his job among the residents, and we can see why Shashank likes him so much. Also, like Shashank he’s a good mentor, the way he guides his juniors not only in matters of medical stuff, but also in interpersonal stuff like self-esteem, and things like basic human empathy, that’s oft-forgotten in high-pressure situations. WRT the romance, I find how besotted/concerned he is for Ishani pretty adorable. Like it's an appropriate amount (for the time they’ve known each other) and comes from genuinely liking her as a person, even with all her quirks and unlikable traits. And thankfully there’s zero creepy slo-mo staring or having intrusive romantic thoughts while working or anything like that (side-eye at Armaan/Riddhima.) Like, he's in tune with her emotionally, despite all their innumerable differences and genuinely cares for her in a selfless manner, even with the constant ups and downs in their dynamic.

Ishani: Continues to be diagnostic genius but in the dumbest fucking way. A ex fling of Sid’s making a threatening gun gesture with her hand at him led Ishani to deduce that the kid had swallowed bullets and thus had lead poisoning???? She diagnosed a patient that NINE SPECIALISTS couldn't diagnose?!?!?!? (Like, either she's the best diagnostician in the goddamn world, or Rishabh was lying and/or Sanjivani's specialists are hella bad at their jobs.) Her diagnoses kinda come outta fucking nowhere; till date, only the Refsum Disease one seemed legit, coz she actually looked into a patient's chart AND ran multiple conclusive tests for it; nahi toh random tukkebaazi se hi chal rahi hai iski career. Also, I sympathise with her on the subject of her parents, but after a point, her reactions are so damn extra. Like, I’m not a fan of the fuckery that is organizational hierarchy, but she’s just TOO FUCKING MUCH, from slapping Sid, to getting some senior doctor suspended for sleeping on the job, to undermining senior specialists in front of their patients. Like god sis, you've barely been here for 2 weeks or so. Would it kill you to simmer down and lay low for a bit? You’re a first year resident for fuck’s sake; save this nonsense for at least the third year. Idk how or why anyone puts up with her, honestly.

Asha & Aman: Still genial, still best in small to medium amounts. Aman is kinda hilariously self-centered but pretty dumb (I have serious doubts as to how he got into med school/Sanjivani. He's rich, so maybe influence?) Asha is better knowledge-wise, but super competitive and always wanting to be on every single case, which gets annoying; but they gave her a good reason for being that way, which Rashmi performed quite compellingly. What I love most about Asha is that she doesn't carry her momentary irritations with Ishani into their overall relationship. That's work stuff and outside of it, she's very affectionate and fond of Ishani, even fiercely protective and supportive of her when the latter is rendered weak by the poster drama. Good. I'm here for tight friendships between girls. Aman's a pretty good friend too; misguided in his attempts coz of his dumb self-centeredness, but he's intrinsically a good dude whose heart's in the right place and tries his best to comfort his friends when they’re disturbed.

Dialogue of the Week:

Asha [re: Ishani/Sid]: Arre in dono ka jab dekho marad-lugaai jaisa jhagda hi chalta rehta hai; yeh ghar-grihasti waale jhagde baad mein na kar sakte?

Rishabh: Continues to be The Fucking Worst. Chalo, Ishani ke baare mein Vadhan fed him the gossip, but how the fuck does he know so much about Sid's personal life????? I'd forgive his fuckery if he was at least a good doctor, but he's not; he's just an annoying character with zero redeeming qualities whatsoever. I honestly wait for his biweekly roughing up by Sid, coz by god, bada mazzaa aata hai jab is kameene ke saath pitaai hoti hai.

Neil: Ok so it turns out he's a doctor who's just really really squeamish when it comes to blood. My question is, then why is he in an area that involves an abundance of it in the first place? There's plenty of specializations in medicine that don't involve seeing blood/other gross stuff (psychiatry, neurology, physiotherapy/physical rehab, radiology, nutrition, nuclear medicine......) Why not go for one of those? Like, the end of MBBS/internship should have been long enough to figure out this issue with blood and pick an appropriate specialization no? Is he a surgical resident too, like the others? In that case, it’s just truly bizarre how/why he chose this field. Other than that minor issue, I love him, he is softest and purest boy. Give him a dancing scene every few weeks, coz I wanna watch Jason groove!

Rahil: The most likable person on this show. WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU GIVE US MORE OF HIM, HUH????? He's so sweet and genuine and soft (to the degree of stupidity - he took time off and became an ambulance driver to help Sid sort out his issues with Ishani???? Lol boo, I get he’s your best friend/boss, but yeh thoda too much ho gaya.) Hopefully he’ll be proving Rishabh is behind all the posters next week, and thus we all win - Sid coz his name is cleared, Ishani coz she’ll get the name of her culprit/learn to trust that she’s got friends who have her back here, and me coz I’ll get more smartypants cutiepie Rahil!!!!

Shashank: They're not really giving me any meaty Shashank/Anjali stuff (other than what they’ve already shown us in the last few weeks) so thank god they're giving me the next best thing: Shashank being an excellent “dadTor” (dad + mentor) to Juhi, Sid, and Ishani. Esp. with Sid & Ishani, I genuinely love how he minces no words and is always forthright with them, but never ever in an unkind way. He's always gentle and soft and puts it in a way that guides them to introspect and be better. That's what good parenting/teaching is; not solving the problems FOR your kids, but enabling them to come up with the solutions on their own, thus making a lasting impression/change in their psyche. 

Juhi: They've kept her all tied up in admin stuff than medical, and I'm kinda ehhhhhh about that, but it's always a balm to my heart when she appears with her gentle smile and calming demeanor. I genuinely feel so bad for her that she’s stuck in between Shashank and Anjali, and feels responsible for fixing their relationship, even though it doesn’t really have anything to do with her. Also lol, the best scene in this fortnight was her ‘BITCH WTF????’  face when Vardhan was getting handsy with Anjali in front of her. BUT ALSO TELL US WHAT THE ISSUE WITH RAHUL IS ALREADY?!?!?!?!!!!

Anjali: I don't like this show's up/down writing of Anjali. On one hand they have her being compassionate towards that patient's husband who slapped her, but then she goes and makes multiple hurtful comments to Ishani? Surely she, of all people, whose biggest issue in life is being unable to break out from under the shadow of parents in the same profession, would understand and empathize with Ishani? Also, it’s clear that Ishani has a family connection with the Guptas and has been visiting them since she was a child, so why does Anjali have zero familiarity with her? Like, you’d have some kinda fondness for a kid you’ve known for 15-20 odd years no? I really don’t like the way they’re portraying her as a person who’s got no real human feelings for anyone or anything beyond her job/dad’s approval. #JUSTICE4ANJALI

Vardhan: Ugh, like Rishabh, continues to be a gross slimeball. Like honestly, doesn't a CFO of a major hospital have more to do than pettily making two residents keep fighting amongst themselves? Get a life, dude. Go visit that son of yours whom you're always talking to on the phone, or something. And for the love of god, please stop hitting on Anjali in this gross manner. (Guessing he’s divorced, and the wife has the kid, and thus these shenanigans.) Also another totally petty gripe, I really hate how the hair at the nape of his neck is always sticking out weird. Can someone put some gel on that shit for him????

Overall Rating: 3.5/5

[crackinwise]

Yeah, Axel was so much better in CoM, in KH2 he practically wasn't the same character. But I have a question, did you ever obsess over a teen? I doubt it.

Idk i saw the same char. Smart, cunning, ruthless, sarcastic af, working for the org but against them at the same time. But you have to remember he’d known Roxas for like a week before the events of CoM. By the time we see him in KH2 he’s grown a heart or most of one. Despite this he’s still straight up ready to kidnap one teen and “kill” another to get Roxas back. That’s not badass? Kairi got away from him because she’s Kairi, dude. KH2 is one of the only bits of agency she’s been given. She fought Saix with fists then poofed her own keyblade too. Axel losing a determined girl, who he wasn’t planning to hurt or kill, with the power of Pure Light on her side speaks to her strength rather than Axel’s weakness. (Another person brought up the EU manga/novel story that Axel went two rounds with Saix to get Kairi back. The Org didn’t care about getting Roxas back, so Axel said fuck you to the Org.) Axel giving up everything so at least some part of Roxas will live is another badass play in my book. Axel doesn’t just save our main protagonist, he saves WORLDS with this move. You see exactly how much of his heart grew since CoM in the extra Final Mix scene (never played it; saw vid) where he cries after saying goodbye to Roxas.

And idk why you’re still coming at this like it’s real life. You’re playing a fantasy game, so think in fantasy terms. Picture a guy who hasn’t had a heart or feelings in, at most, a decade. He’s around people he either hates, fears or tolerates. His past friend isn’t even a friend anymore and barely acknowledges they ever were. He’s sent on jobs to kill and spy and sabotage while trying not to get punished so hard he gets turned into a mindless drone. Suddenly another guy, Roxas comes along who, even acting like a zombie due to memory wipes, makes Axel fond of him. They hang out nearly every day, Rox develops a personality and is a badass fighter too, they have fun, they grow hearts. Roxas leaves because he’s sick of the lies and Org secrets, and for the first time you see Axel emotionally broken. He’d miss this one person when he never once missed anyone in Castle Oblivion.

The next time he sees Roxas is in a digital cage with zero memory of who Axel is. The one person who Axel cares about can no longer care about him. Dude, i’d be devastated. Not being devastated doesn’t make you stronger or admirable. Imagine not feeling empty for months after (for Axel) an entire existence of emptiness, then that fullness is ripped away from you. When Roxas finally does remember, anger and frustration has already built so much it’s “too late”. But the strongest character against keyblades is still gonna lose to keyblades. The next time Axel sees Roxas he’s not Roxas. The guy who gave him a heart is now stuck in another person’s heart or gone completely for all Axel knows. (After Axel dies, Roxas goes ballistic in Sora’s heart, so we know he cared about Axel just as much.) Everyone in this game is allowed to obsess because they love. Riku doesn’t seem to have a life outside Sora. Sora’s entire goal started with finding his friends and he keeps that goal in KH2. Axel is allowed to obsess over someone he loves too. I’m lost as to what you miss about CoM Axel you can’t find ramped up to 11 in KH2.

Man, i was 17 when KH1 came out and 21 when KH2 did. You think i didn’t obsess over these fictional teenagers? Including Axel who we all thought was anywhere from 17-19. (Srsly, Nomura has said nothing, Flynn no care, we don’t know what age he turned and “Nobody’s don’t age” but retcons, and wtf is going on.) I still obsess over fictional teenagers. Korra is my wife and she was a teenager to start. I tag Moana posts calling her Pa'ipunahele. Real teens? No, not since i was a teen. I mean, i obsessed over 30/40/50yr olds as a teen too. There’s no age limit backwards or forwards. Then again, we’re not discussing real teens, we’re discussing fake fantasy anime-lookin video game teens with adult heroic world changing responsibilities fighting monsters for a living. Axel and Roxas weren’t even fictional HUMANS to begin with until later. Comparing KH with real world parallels is silly.