#but idk why ppl are so stupid? i have been ostracized and bullied and rejected since i was a child

[ugliestfawn]

i fkn miss my old account sm bc i dont have an irl life, i dont have irl friends. my blog was my support system and it was the ONLY ONE ever there for me when every traumatic and uncomfortable thing happened. whenever i felt like a social outcast and a reject and a bully victim. my blog was the only one who would ever listen to me, and comfort me. no matter what happened to me and around me, i knew i had my blog. it was my whole support net and system. i dont have anyone else. and i am all alone bc nobody in this world cares about other ppl, so i cant count on helplines or mental health services. they dont get it and they dont care. when i was at the er which was super scary, all i had was my blog while the other patients were on their phones w their friends and had their partners as visitors. when i had my surgery all i had was my blog, i didnt have anyone to text or call. people are cruel and vicious predators, and they are apathetic and cold and they have no warmth nor understanding nor care. whenever i was alone for six whole years, i always had my blog as a support and comfort. no matter what ppl were mean or cruel to me, i had my blog there for me. humans cant be trusted, bc they are constantly judging you, calculating all your wrongs, thinking abt what they can say and do to hurt you, because humans want to see you in pain, they want u to be sad and do bad, humans will find anything they can come across just to hurt you in any way, they will also use you and abuse u in anyway they can. my blog was the only thing who accepted me as i am, who didnt look for wrongs, who didnt pick apart every thing i say, who didnt force me to explain every single thing. all the things humans are incapable of making me feel. the only thing people want from me is to be a certain way or they'll punish me for it. so no... it wasnt just a blog. it was everything i've ever wanted and what i will never have again. i dont fkn care ant anything, life and humanity and society and the "right" way of life has never been for me. i dont want friends bc i cant stand ppl, all they do is talk shit abt me behind my back and wait for an opportunity to humiliate me. etc etc etc.

i will never love a person (except my mom) as much as i loved that blog. maybe if ppl were decent and nice and understanding. but all ppl have done and continue to do is hurt me, belittle me, constantly criticize me for every way in which i am wrong or too much or what the fuck ever they think. that blog was the only thing that ever made me feel accepted and like i belonged, somwthing a human has never done and never will. bc if i dont act and behave and feel and think in the exact right ways according to everyone i meet, i will never ever be taken and embraced as i am. and i know in my heart i am not capable of pretending or forcing myself to be the way other ppl want me to be. bc i dont love or care or value human beings enough for that.