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loveywon · 1 year

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ENHYPEN AS LADY GAGA SONGS !

pairings! enhypen hyung line x gn!reader (separately) wc! 1.3k+ synopsis! enhypen as lady gaga songs ................... warnings! very slightly suggestive in jake's (aluded hookups), um little(?) angst in jay's, husband!jay x reader, heeseung situationship, sunghoon is barely touching the border of being obsessive idk, i think that's it lmk if i missed anything! not proofread who do u think i am

LEE HEESEUNG as POKERFACE

“no, he can’t read my poker face (she’s got me like nobody).”

to be fair, heeseung should’ve known better than getting into a complicated situationship with you. not that you were the ultimate heart breaker around campus or anything, but more so because you’re just too confusing. from the start, he was already enamored. you got him like you knew him since the two of you were kids, when in reality you two have only met for three months. it really wasn’t your fault, he couldn’t blame you as it was just the way you were. stoic, a bit cold, and he supposes it's how you’re able to easily read him like a children’s storybook. “how’s it going with y/n?” jay would ask every once in a while, and all heeseung can do is just shrug; how’s he supposed to know? one minute you’re ghosting, the next you’re asking him on a date and when the two of you can meet as soon as possible. “why don’t you just end things with y/n?” jay would then ask after heeseung’s previous answer, and he says in return, “i can’t.” almost like he’s addicted. maybe it’s the idea that you’re so unattainable, you won’t ever initiate a kiss nor say any affirming words unless he does it first and he wants to break you out of it. you’re exciting, it’s never the same with you. before he met you, he felt like his life was on autopilot and just doing the same routine every day. but now, he has something to expect from you, someone to keep him on his toes. he feels sick sometimes, like a sadist, he hurts whenever you ghost him or won’t really confirm you like him or not. he’s not really sure what it is about you, he feels like he’s gambling with what “type of y/n” he’ll get the next day, but one thing’s for sure, he’s hooked and can’t get enough. (runner up was telephone for him but i ended up deciding on pokerface but PLEASE INDULGE WITH ME ON TELEPHONE HEESEUNG PLSSZEZZZ)

PARK JONGSEONG as BAD ROMANCE

“i want your ugly, i want your disease. i want your everything as long as it’s free.”

“you’re too young!” constantly rings in jay’s head. regret is a bad word to describe it, and he knows deep down that he doesn’t actually regret anything, but sometimes, just sometimes it's too much for him and he thinks you feel the same too. young and dumb is definitely something that you and jay represent, especially after literally eloping since neither of your respective families supported your relationship, not to mention marriage. it was all too surreal, the good was too good. waking up next to jay everyday felt like a dream, and jay can definitely say the same about you. the smell of pancakes in the morning stirring you awake, finding jay in the kitchen with a stupid “world’s number one husband” apron, serving the delicious breakfast onto a plate and handing it to you. “all good things come to an end” they say, but one thing that jay loves about you is that you’re stubborn, a bit headstrong, maybe a little bit too much, but it’s quite the reason why the both of you are still together. you fight like your life depends on it, and jay would find it almost painfully attractive if it weren’t for the constant back and forth screams that happens almost every day. it’s gotten so bad to the point where you’ve taken off your ring– not one, but two times, with jay following with “oh? that’s it, huh? well then, you know where the door is, right?” so condescending, you think. it’s really ugly, so hideous, it’s almost like an illness with the way your relationship plays out. “why not just be friends?” you think about at night sometimes, but both you and jay know that you both can not just be friends. you’ve seen each other's bad, the ugly, the disgusting, it’s too far to back out now.

SIM JAEYUN as SUMMERBOY

“baby you’ll just be my summer boyfriend (summerboy)!”

we have all the time in the world, you wish you could say to a sleepy jake next to you, in his bed. unfortunately for the both of you, you only have the summer. you love summer. and after meeting jake at some random friend’s pool party, you find yourself with him too often and enjoying summer way more. he’s exciting, he’s fun, he’s adventurous. he keeps you occupied, and maybe sometimes he keeps you a little ignorant of other things around you, but it’s fine, after all– it’s just for the summer. it’s all casual, but sometimes it’s hard to keep jealous feelings at bay when you see him flirting with other girls by the pool. not that he can notice anyway, your sunglasses do a fine job at hiding your green eyes as you sip on your favorite beverage. jake knows who he spends the night with, anyway. unfortunately, he’s more comfortable with you than he thought, a frown appearing on his face when he sees the sun coming down, meaning that you’re leaving him, only to do it all over again the next day until summer comes to an end. “stay?” he asks suddenly, two nights away from the fall season approaching. you stare at him blankly before laughing, assuming that he’s just joking. his frown is deeper, “i’m serious. i’m gonna miss you.” he admits, and you have to give it to him for being honest. “me too,” you reply with a grin, “you’re my summerboy, after all.” his frown curves into a boyish smile. “don’t miss me too much, though. we have next summer,” you say as you crawl out of his bed, collecting your things before waving goodbye.

PARK SUNGHOON as PAPARAZZI

“promise i’ll be kind, but i won’t stop until that boy is mine.”

he’s such a sweet boy, he really is, until you come into the picture. global stars, the both of you. with the constant invitations to multiple movie premiers and red carpets to the point where the blinding camera flashes are just a norm now. he only got attention from the cameras because of you, really. spotted one day at your favorite cafe (which you can no longer go to now, too many fans crowd the area in hopes of seeing you) with your best friend, sunghoon. he went viral for being your rumored (ridiculously handsome) boyfriend, and many model agencies reached out to him. the both of you shut it down, but sunghoon wishes that you could’ve let the rumors stay, maybe he’ll have a chance with you. truthfully, he didn’t really relish in the spotlight and almost said no to the model agencies that reached out to him but he later came to the realization that it granted closer access to you. not long after his fame skyrocketed along with yours, many agencies desired you two to be in couple shoots (sunghoon may or may not have requested this). he hangs up every shoot or keeps every magazine that the two of you appear on, and gets a little jealous whenever his friends come over and ogle his framed photoshoots of you two or the magazines he has laying around with the both of you as the cover. he’s with you at every celebrity A-list party, making sure no one makes any wrong moves with you. he has the golden boy personality with the public, but many celebrities know that you’re off limits, thanks to the private talks and sharp stares from sunghoon. he’ll follow you everywhere until you notice the one you need is right in front of you this entire time, and he won’t quit anything for you.

a/n ok but hear me out maknae line as justin bieber songs

#enhanet #enhypen x reader #enhypen fanfic #enhypen drabbles #enhypen scenarios #enhypen #heeseung x reader #heeseung fanfic #jake fanfic #jake x reader #jay x reader #jay fanfic #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon fanfic #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #enhypen imagines

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silverbladexyz · 2 years

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Hi! I just had this random thought because I have been simping over 16! Chuuya (it’s the ponytail) I know you’ve been asking for Flags request, but like, what if, and hear me out, the reader is a part of the flags before him and ends up being the one that brings Chu into the group or requests that Mori assigns him to it (I haven’t read Stormbringer, just seen spoilers which I don’t mind so I don’t know how Chuuya ends up with them) but when he finds the Flags all dead, the reader is also exposed to the deaths of the others since they didn’t show up in time for Verlaine to kill them as well and over the little time Chuuya had with the flags, he quickly fell in love with the reader and they end up being there for Chu whenever he needs it (since we all know being around Dazai, Verlaine, and Mori got exhausting after a while) so eventually the two fall for each other, but the reader ends up being killed during the Dragonhead Conflict by Shibusawa when they have off because their ability is a tad bit strong. It’s called the Core of Reality and it allows the reader to alter any aspect of reality they know about except death. Once someone dies, the reader can’t use their ability to revive them.

Idk why but I’m just feeling Chuuya angst today. If you don’t want to write this, go ahead and discard it. Your health and wellbeing comes first after all, especially during these times of illness and frigid cold.

My poor boy Chuuya... you're a genius for coming up with this idea.

The image does not belong to me. It belongs to it's original owner.

TW: Death, blood, angst. Stormbringer and Dead Apple spoilers below. I tried my best with this songfic.

No time to die

"And this is Nakahara Chuuya. From today onwards, he is now a member of the Flags."

You looked curiously at the boy standing behind Pianoman. He was of short stature, with ginger hair and blue eyes and a slightly temperamental look on his face. He looked to be around your age; if not, slightly older. You had approached him first.

“So you’re Nakahara Chuuya... I’m Y/N L/N. Welcome to our group!”

I should've known

I'd leave alone

A year had passed when Chuuya had joined the Flags. His easily-angered personality had made him the target of Albatross’s teases, yet he still managed to get along well with everybody. His temper had slightly put you off at the start, but over time, you came to see that he wasn’t that bad of a person you thought him to be.

While you still weren’t that big of a fan of his mood-swings (as you called them), with your calm and caring nature, you quickly managed to befriend Chuuya. You weren’t someone who set him off on purpose, and you never teased him; something that was refreshing for him. He was a lot calmer around you, something which the Flags noticed and definitely teased you two about, but Chuuya had always retorted that you two were ‘just friends’.

However, you didn’t mind at that time. There was almost no space for romance in the dangerous life of a mafioso; even friendships were dangerous. You were glad to have befriended the Jewel King, since he did prove himself to be quite loyal and trustworthy to you and the Flags, and he had saved your life quite a couple of times too.

But all good things come to an end eventually.

Just goes to show

That the blood you bleed is just the blood you owe

You didn’t know what you were doing. You had smelt the blood inside the pool hall; and instinct told you that it was not the blood of an enemy. Immediately, you used your ability to place you in front of the entrance, and you desperately slammed the door open, running in to see what had happened and if you could save anyone.

But it was too late.

Your throat hurt. A high-pitched scream resonated in the hall. A scream full of devastation and hopelessness, of one who had just lost everything yet who could’ve stopped it. A scream of pain, sorrow, darkness. Of a storm that had just been brewed.

It was only when Chuuya went into the hall and ran to your side did you realise that you were the one who was screaming.

We were a pair

But I saw you there

“Y/N. Stay back. It’s too risky if you come with me.” You bit your lip as you faced Chuuya defiantly, standing in front of him with your fists clenched.

“It’s risky either way if I go with you or stay! There’s no doubt I’m a target on Verlaine’s list, and he’s going to make it happen with or without your presence! Besides, my ability can actually help you-”

“I don’t care how powerful or useful your ability is! Just stay! The Mafia will protect you, and besides, it’s me that Verlaine wants. I was the one who caused all of these problems. And I have to be the one to solve them. The Flags were enough; I can’t let you or anybody else die because of me!” You frowned and stepped forward.

“Doesn’t mean that you can’t accept help from other people! Verlaine will simply murder everyone in the Mafia with no remorse to get to me, and you know how my ability is useless against death! Besides, we’re the Mafia. We have each others’ backs and we’ll make whoever hurt us pay tenfold!”

“...” You and Chuuya stood there, glaring at each other, neither side giving in.

It was a long time before Chuuya finally clicked his tongue.

“...Fine. You can come along. But don’t you dare cause any trouble or die on me. Because I’ll be the one to kill Verlaine.”

Too much to bear

It had been a few weeks since the King of Assassins incident.

You sat next to Chuuya in a bar. It was quiet; you two were the only customers there, and there was a comfortable yet agonising silence between you and Chuuya. You took a few sips from your drink, but Chuuya didn’t move at all.

“What’s wrong? You’ve been quite silent... is there something on your mind that’s bothering you?” Chuuya didn’t answer immediately. He stared forward at his drink, his eyes vacant, yet his expression was unreadable. You knew what he was thinking of.

His dry chuckle caught your attention.

“...It’s ironic, isn’t it?”

You blinked, yet you said nothing.

“Almost everything bad that happens in my life is all because of me. The Sheep betrayed me because of my arrogance and incompetent ability to be a good leader for them. My existence was the reason why the Flags were killed. It’s as if it’s my punishment; a cruel game to see how long I can last for before I’m gone as well.”

“...” You were silent for a while.

Chuuya felt something warm on his hand, and he looked at it to see your hand tenderly caressing his. His gaze went to your face, and he saw your eyes filled with care and... something else.

“... I won’t lie to you. Nearly everything bad that happened to you was somewhat because of you.” Chuuya’s expression was unreadable, yet he felt your fingers start to gently trace soothing circles on the back of his hand.

“That is how life is like. It’s how we choose to respond to it is what truly determines who we are. Whenever life knocks us down, we get back up again. No matter how painful the situation is, no matter how impossible it seems to bounce back, life finds a way. It hurts a lot; it always does, but it will get better in the end.” Your fingers delicately traced the small, dark spot on his wrist.

“But I’ll be here for you. I know it’s hard to promise that I’ll always be by your side since death is always around the corner... but I’ll never willingly leave you. And that’s a promise.”

The bar was silent for a while. You could tell that he was feeling much calmer; although he was still slightly vulnerable, your presence alone had soothed him. You continued tracing circles on the back of his hand, your gentle touch having no sign of ending.

It was in that moment that Chuuya felt something else spark within him.

Something that would eventually be called... ‘love’.

You were my life but life is far away from fair.

The Dragon’s Head Incident. The bloodiest 88 days in the history of Yokohama.

The Port Mafia suffered heavy losses; some because of rival groups and accidents, but most were because of the mysterious ability user named the ‘White Giraffe’. Whenever he struck, there was a thick fog, so thick that nothing can be seen through it. After it disappeared, everybody was dead.

And the White Giraffe himself would be gone alongside the fog.

It had grown to the point that the Boss, Mori Ougai, had no choice but to send one of his strongest subordinates to investigate and possibly end this whole blood-stained carnage.

And so you found yourself, face to face, with the ability user that was responsible for all of this.

In a battle that you had lost in the first place.

Was I stupid to love you?

Was I reckless to help?

Your ability, ‘The Core of Reality’, appeared and stepped in front of you. It tilted it’s head as it looked at you, and you knew nothing could help you prevent your fate. Nothing at all.

Was it obvious to everybody else?

“...H-hey! Y/N!!!”

Chuuya’s voice, tinged with raw emotion, alongside his hands that grabbed you and turned your body over, desperately trying to see any remainder of life in you. But it was too late. He knew it himself, yet he refused to think that you were dead.

“W-wake up! You’re fine! So just please wake up!”

That I’ve fallen for a lie

Your body, broken and torn in so many places that it was unrecognisable, yet Chuuya still recognised it as you. His shaking hands held you, clutching you to his chest, not wanting to let go. The ache in his heart was familiar, yet it was never as strong as before until this.

You were never on my side

Rage. That was all what Chuuya felt.

A deepening, bubbling feeling that made him desire the blood of the White Giraffe. He wanted to kill him; crush him with gravity in the most painful way possible. He didn’t care whether Mori would get angry or not, or if he would die because of his recklessness. Chuuya just needed to kill him; give the ability user the death that he deserved.

All for you.

Fool me once, fool me twice

Chuuya stood in front of your grave, a few flowers in his hand. It was a place where only the richest could afford; there was no speck of dust on your tombstone, or anything that looked the slightest bit out of place. His eyes cast over the words etched onto the cold stone, so familiar to him yet still so foreign at the same time.

Setting the flowers beside your headstone, he sat down like he always did every single time he visited you.

“... I haven’t visited you in a while. The roses I brought last week have just become to wilt. That’s probably the longest time I have been gone for.”

The flowers around your grave were always fresh; as if it was a vain attempt to bring some life somehow in this place tinged with the afterglow of death. They bloomed brightly before wilting a week later, as if they too had joined the unfortunate souls in the afterlife. Yet the ones around your grave were always joined by newer ones just as the old ones had nearly started wilting.

Are you death or paradise?

Chuuya started off by telling you about his day. How he managed to take down an enemy organisation alongside the Black Lizard, and how he finished his paperwork just on time so that Mori wouldn’t get mad. It was as if you were still there with him; your precious laughter and reassuring voice replying him in an imaginary conversation.

It’s when he recounts the memories together with you and the Flags which makes his voice have the slightest hint of a crack.

Now you’ll never see me cry

Rain started to pour down from the sky. It was only a light drizzle at first, so slight it was barely noticeable. Yet in a few minutes, it had turned into a storm; with heavy droplets pelting down on everything it landed on. Chuuya was soaked; yet he didn’t pay the rain much mind.

Liquid was flowing down Chuuya’s cheeks. Whether it was the rain, or tears, or both, he didn’t care. The only thing that he was aware of was the ache in his heart; the same old ache that never faded away since the day you left him.

Chuuya slowly stood up. Casting one last glance at your headstone, he slowly turned around and left, his heavy footsteps making temporary indentations on the rain-soaked ground before they were covered up immediately. The flowers around your grave seemed to soak the rain in, doing their best to still bloom their brightest.

He would come back in a week or so. But Chuuya wouldn’t be able to join you anytime soon in the afterlife, no matter how much he missed you, or how much he longed for your touch.

Because there’s just no time to die.

So uhhh... there’s no excuses as to why I took this long to finish this request ;-;

@circinuus @chuuyas-beloved @pianotross @nekokinax @xxelfmamaxx @yuugen-benni @lakeside-paradise @yukitomybeloved @catzlivedforbsd @arisu-chan4646 @sariel626

#bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #chuuya x reader #chuuya angst #silverbladexyz

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urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites · 5 months

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curious for the ship thing so here we goo

so i’m like, roughly 5”4 maybe 5”3 i dunno. i have naturally black hair but i dyed it and now the dye is fading so it’s more of a bronze now

personality wise i’m really shy around new people and i get embarrassed/ashamed easily. i am CRAZY around my friends though especially my interests, i never shut up about it. i mostly reflect the personality off of the person im talking to though 🤷 hobbies include music (listening/playing), writing, drawing, reading, all that. i’m kind of an overthinker and i am like heavily mentally ill but it’s wtver. i also probably have autism so lmao!! i won’t lie i can also be aggressive when i get too annoyed at people but i don’t mean it idk i feel bad afterwards but i try to keep calm. i also hate disappointing others in general and i got pretty good grades in school (straight A’s babyyy) i also like to talk a bunch but i suck at starting conversations, more of a jokey type when around my friends. i don’t really do much with my appearance lmao i wear glasses and throw on a sweater and some pants when i go out and i have heavy eyebags so 😞

i’m also transmasc if that matters 🤷

Ok you did not specify which fandom so I’ll choose a character I think best fits you

Your Fandom ship: Steve Randle (The Outsiders)

Explanation: start off I think that he really likes your appearance. I think he thinks your hair was pretty cool and he would definitely tease you about being short. I’m sorry you can’t stop it. He definitely would. I see him as kind of closed off unless he’s around his friends, which would kind of be the same as you except you’re more shy version of closed off and he’s more cold version of closed off, but I somehow think that U2 could make it work and once you get through that kind of patchy rough layer of getting to know each other, you guys would be so great together. He would definitely listen to you, rant by your interests and try to understand as much as he can and in return, he would expect you to listen to his hour long rants about anything cars, drag races, car mechanics… I feel like he also kinda understands you reflecting your personality based off, who you talk to. He’s often in his best friend, Sodapops shadow, and I think he would feel super special whenever you went up to him instead of his “more attractive” friend. If you ever drew wrote some thing about me, I think he would probably keep it and cherish it forever after pretending like he doesn’t care that much and then you’d see it up on his like best table or some crap and then be like I thought you didn’t like that and then he’d be like yeah maybe maybe yeah whatever man. He can also be pretty aggressive whenever he gets annoyed at people so I think he’d understand that aspect of your personality and you guys might clash sometimes, but I think that you two would always make it up for each other. He’s also extremely hard to disappoint as a guy. I think he’s pretty low maintenance so you wouldn’t need to worry about that and he would let me know if you disappointed him in someway, but I don’t think he’s a grudge holder. Anyway yall are so cute I ship it 🧡🧡🧡

#the outsiders hcs #the outsiders headcanons #the outsiders #steve randle #outsiders steve randle #steve randle headcanons #the outsiders steve randle #steve randle the outsiders #outsiders steve #steve the outsiders #the outsiders steve #steve randle x reader

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philliamwrites · 2 years

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Tw for body image issues

Ok, so what about eren x virgin reader. Shes kinda nervous, 1 for the pain, cause his hands are bigger then hers, let alone his dick so shes a bit 💫scared💫 but erens just super sweet and gentle and saying how they can stop whenever. Reader also wants to fuck with the lights off. Erens taking off her clothes but shes still covering up and hes saying shes beautiful but she says something like "but u havnt seen all of me, u may not like the rest" and he is just 💫not havin it💫 cause he thinks shes beautiful, he will not tolerate a debate rn. he grabs her wrists to hold above her head so she cant cover up and just goes to town kissing all down her body, then he gets to down there and says something like "hmm, idk if u deserve my tongue rn, only good girls get what they want. Be a good girl and say ur beautiful for me" so she does but hes not playing fair, he goes back to her neck and leaves hickeys all the way down her body. Just adoring her, being all sweet and saying all this nice stuff. But also being dirty cause boys got a mouth on him xD

He is just relentless in his praise, but also mean cause he knows you wanna go the easy route and cover up and shy away, but he is refusing. He will pick u up and fibger u against the wall, just to prove ur not heavy. Boy will eat u out for hours but u can only come when hes convinced that u beleive him.

"Say it, or ill stop right now..."

"Fine, im pretty, now plz let me cum!"

"I can hear it in your voice that your just saying that, i need u to beleive it" and thr fucker just keeps teasing u like that.

Mans is ruthless 🥴🥴

Sorry it took me a while to get back to you nonny!!

But damn, why you hitting me so hard where my own insecurities lie omggg 😭😭😭

Warnings: fem!Reader x Eren; mirror sex, vaginal sex, cockwarming (kinda)

But for real, listen, Eren would make sure your first time with him goes as smooth as possible. Mr. Tough-Guy Tattoos On His Knuckles’ favourite movie is Up and HE IS SUCH A ROMANTIC. He’ll make sure that you feel safe and damn, he’s been in relationships before, but he’s never felt THIS driven to put his everything into making sure that you feel save, loved, and understood.

I’m talking about him going the extra mile to make it all as comfortable and inviting and relaxing as possible. Clean bed sheets (smelling like him), some nice candles for the mood, your favourite comfort movie, take-out. You guys would also have had long conversations about do’s and don’ts, something that Eren was very adamant on having even though you were unsure and afraid that it would prove more how unexperienced you are.

But when you two fuck, he’s so super aware and tuned to how you react to everything he says, every time he touches you. My boy can’t comprehend how you can’t see how absolutely drop dead gorgeous you are—the face you make when he drills into you, the sweet moans floating to his ears when he drapes your legs over his shoulders and eats you out, the way your body jerks and spasms when you’re so high on pleasure that your eyes roll back—he’s like a man on a mission to make you see it for yourself.

So I’ll raise you one: MIRROR SEX. EREN WILL FUCK YOU WHILE MAKING YOU WATCH YOURSELF IN A MIRROR. You know it. I know it. We all know it. He finds something he needs to do and it’s all he’ll think about until it’s done. Having you on his lap, bouncing you on his dick as though your life depends on it, all while looking at yourself.

“Still thinking you’re not pretty?” he mumbles against your neck, scraping the tender flesh with his teeth. His fingers dig into your waist so hard that you can already see bruises forming.

“I—I’m—” You can’t even form a full sentence, mind foggy with pleasure. Your whole body is tense from how crazy good Eren’s dick feels. Seeing how it disappears inside you, how easily he moves you on top of him as though you weigh nothing (it makes you think vulgar, nasty things, something new you’ve learnt about yourself: that you’re just a fleshlight for Eren’s pleasure, that he can use you however he wants, fill you up whenever he wants and somehow thinking this makes your blood run hotter, your quivering thighs putting more effort into moving your body on top of his)—

“Fuck, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Eren asks. He slings an arm around your waist and holds you still, which gives you a pause from him abusing your hole with his ridiculous large dick, but now there’s constant pressure against the most sensitive spot inside you. Your head rolls back on his shoulder and you take big, deep breaths, trying to relax.

“Babe, come on.” His hands wander up to your tits, squeezing them, pinching your hard nipples. “We agreed you wouldn’t look away.”

“It’s just… so much,” you reply, your voice thick with pleasure. Eren’s hands stop exploring your body for a moment.

“Want me to stop?”

Just the thought sends a bolt of horror through you. You quickly shake your head, not trusting your own voice. Eren chuckles into the crook of your neck.

“Then open your eyes for me. Pretty please.”

You blink your eyes open. Eren rewards you with a sweet kiss to your cheek. His hands knead your tense muscles in your thighs, your lower back. “That’s my good girl.”

Another new thing you’ve learnt: hearing Eren’s praises makes your knees wobble and warmth spread inside your chest. You want to be good for him. You want to please him and make him happy. When he taps your chin tenderly, you turn your head and look at yourself in the mirror.

“See, so pretty for me. You think so too, don’t you? That you’re beautiful. My beautiful, beautiful angel.”

His honey-smooth voice is like sweet balm to your heated skin, but the words are flames burning you from the inside. Instinct dictates you to hide your face, draw into yourself like a turtle retreating into its shell.

Since you take too long to answer, Eren catches your chin between thumb and index finger and forces you to look back at yourself in the mirror. “You gotta say it too. Or else I won’t move.”

“Ohhh, come one, Eren. Please,” you whine, circling your hips to get some friction. He stops you by holding onto your waist.

“Say it. Or else we’ll stop.”

He leaves you no wiggling room—literally.

“’m pr’tty,” you mumble, not meeting your own eyes in the reflection.

“What?” Eren runs his mouth along your jawline. “I didn’t catch that.”

“I—I’m pretty,” you repeat, a little louder but your voice quivers and your heart isn’t into it.

Eren, of course, notices.

“Hmmm, you don’t sound too convinced to me.” He squishes your cheeks with one hand while the other sneaks down, past your soft belly to where you two are connected. “How about this: you say it like you mean it and I’ll reward you.” To give you a taste of his promise, he brushes the rough pads of his fingers over your clit in slow, lazy circles. “Try again.”

This man is no joke 🥵🥵

He’ll give you plenty opportunities to rethink your opinion on yourself because he’ll worship your body and tell you how much he loves you and how beautiful you are every chance he gets. NEXT STEP: TEACHING YOU HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF WITH SOME SOFTLY GUIDED SELF PLEASURING JESUS SOMEONE LOCK THIS GUY UP—

#phill.ask #phill.request #phill.nsfw #tw.nsfw #eren x reader #eren x you #eren x y/n #eren smut #eren x you smut #eren x reader smut #tw.vaginal penetration

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gltzpzy · 7 months

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Hiiii! I love your makeup sm, can we pls get a tutorial 💕

hihihi tysm sm anon !!!! i’m writing this on the bus so sorry if i’m rumbling and sound rushed 😭😭 (it ended being a lot of writing so i put a more thingy if you really want to read it LMFAO)

so before i even do my makeup i always do my skincare which is just double cleansing, witch hazel and moisturiser :) whenever i do this my base always ends up smooth (i have a lot of acne scars which always makes my makeup look cakey 😭)

i do my eyebrows first with pomade & powder, tbh brands don’t really matter in my defence cus literally all of my makeup is shein glam and shit i stole 😭😭😭😭😭.

i feel like eyebrows are what pulls together your makeup besides lashes so research what style of brows suit you!! i then carve them out bc i luv instagram 2016 brows theyre my baeeeeee, you can use whatever brand you want but because i have heavy yellow undertones i just used a colour corrector palette and make my own shade lol if anyone relates to me buy this lol. when carving under your brows use a concealer shade and for the top use ur foundation shade :) then after blend it so it looks more seamless and you barely have to use a lot of foundation on ur forehead

BASE ROUTINE IS SO CRUCIAL ILL TRY AND BE VV SPECIFIC WITH THIS!!!!!

you don’t need to invest in a really good primer, i use the elf dupe of the milk hydrogrip primer and vaseline and das it!!!! also, let your skincare sink into ur skin first or it’ll just slide everywhere bae

use whatever foundation you want, if u want recs my faves were the elf foundation in sand or the hydrating foundation on shein.. also in sand, again i don’t use any high end products bc #broke nd bc you can get a good base with cheaper products. put your foundation on the back of your hand nd then apply with you fingers since you have more control on where to put it (people say don’t do this but if you want that full glam beat look start from the perimeter of your face so it doesn’t look.. faded? idk lol) and use a DAMP beauty blender to blend, soak it under a tap so it gets very soft and then dry it so it’s damp you know 😝 and then blending inwards into your t-zone, making sure not to touch ur brows and under eyes (it’ll make it look more cakey when adding concealer on top of foundation). and after you think you’ve blended, BLEND MORE!!!!! get a setting spray or a spray bottle and mist your face then blend more just in case, plus it makes ur base more smoother no i do not know why but it works

for concealer this is where i’d recommend using a colour corrector rather than concealer imo, i use a mix of a peach and yellow colour corrector for my concealer but again if u like what u use, use it 😭. i like a bright undereye so i apply a lot but u don’t have to ofc, place it below your waterline so you can blend up. as placement goes i do tiny triangles because i’m mentally since in 2016 lol, then after let it set a little for more coverage ig. if you want a full coverage undereye i suggest blending the concealer up into your waterline as well again idk why i did it by accident once and i’ve never turned back lmfao

people say to let your makeup dry on its own before setting it but with this much product you really can’t and i crease really easily so 😭😭. i use banana powder and a mix of translucent powder and mix them together on a puff (dab a little on the back of your hand before applying) apply the powder under your eyes first, i bake but u don’t have to, then your forehead, then chin and buff the rest on the rest of your face then mist setting spray n then yay base is nearly down queen ✊✊

for the rest of your base it’s really up to how you like it, for me i’m really into browns and not so much blushy tones so i use a mauve blush since it blends really well into bronzer, be light handed and patient with your powders, it can look really muddy if you just slap it on. use very fluffy brushes, it’s easier to blend and harder to make it look muddy and sharp (unless u like that lol)

eyes r really simple all i do is use my bronzer and slap is on my eyes and place a creamy eyeshadow on the lids, tight line my lash line with a pencil liner then mascara and lashes LOL easy peasy lemon squeezy. here are the lashes i swear by (i had the blue ones in the these pics <3)

nd for lips i just wipe off any product i had on my lip and line it with a really cool toned brown lip liner (i hate warm brown lip shades…..😡) and blend the inner part into my laps and slap on clear gloss AND YUH DONE YAY!!!!!!!

so sorry for the realllllly long answer, i like to mumbo jumbo abt makeup hehehehehahhshshsa

#asks ᥫ᭡#makeup tutorial or whatever #it’s really long i’m sorry #and thank you again anon!!!

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zvdvdlvr · 2 years

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⭐ -> star! ships. send your sexuality, gender, and a description of yourself and what fandoms you're in. ( as long as i'm in said fandom lol ) ill ship you with 1 or 2 characters!

i have long wavy black hair and dark chocolate brown eyes. i like spring a lot! especially because flowers start blooming around that time and i think flowers are lovely. i also really like to doodle. it’s fun, it’s quick, and it’s relaxing!! but art in general is one of my passions. also music is almost always playing in the background whenever i do things. and i really love rom coms and romance novels!! idc if it’s really cheesy, i just think it’s cute! i definitely believe in true love, even if i don’t think i might be able to meet mine. my favorite color is maroon! i’m also a virgo and i value my grades a lot and that can spiral in the wrong direction at times. i’m also short, 5”1 to be exact, and people tell me that i have small hands. i love high fives though, so i get that comment quite a lot. my love language is either touch or words of affirmation. i’m leaning towards words of affirmation but touch does help keep me grounded. i occasionally wear rings but i always my earrings and this one necklace. and i’d like to think that i’m a nice person! i really like to explain things to people if they don’t understand a topic and i’m pretty good at it too. i have really high expectations for myself and sometimes if i don’t meet that expectation i breakdown. i tend to cry easily, it’s not okay and is something that i’m working on. i’m bisexual and i’m in harry potter, marvel, and outer banks! it’s fine if you can’t do this and i’m sorry for writing so much!

ily jules! congratulations on the milestone and take care xx

Hello angel :)) ily more, and you take care as well. i hope you enjoy!!

From the Harry Potter Universe, I ship you with...

James Potter!

(depending on your image of James <3)

𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 would totally poke a little fun at your height, but he's made it clear he finds it endearing and he doesn't wish to upset you if he says something mean. Whenever he sees flowers, he thinks of you! While in school, James would always admire any and all nature forms with 'i know yasmine would adore this <333". Absolutely 100% will do/help you with homework, depending on the subject; James feels bad whenever he sees you cry, and he'll do anything to keep you from crying if he can help it :((( <333. Praises and gives you feedback about everything (they don't call him James motormouth Potter for nothing smh). Loved holding your hand because of how small they are and its a way for him to calm down. Will drop everything to make sure you're okay, it doesn't matter where you both are at. Loves when you ask for his input on jewelry and will spoil you rotten 🥰

(i'm only on season one of obx, so im so sorry if this is bad!)

From the Outer Banks universe, I ship you with:

Kai Cerrara!

Ok but 𝐊𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 would probably love doing your hair because "it's literally so pretty, shut up!" Dancing to music on the beach or in a boat is a must, Kie definately tells you something like "ur legally required to sing cheesy love songs with me while we shimmy and dance around falling further in love with each other" idk I wasn't there 🤷. Kiara lovesss when you give her your random doodles/sketches :'( and would never throw them away. Asks you questions about things you like and know a lot about so she can hear your pretty voice explain things to her <3. I HAVE A BLURB IDEA: snuggling with Kie and her resting on your shoulder while you both read a romance novel or smth 😕❤️❤️ Would also get matching sets of like earrings, bracelets, necklaces, etc. Loves complimenting you :)

From the MCU, i ship you with...

Yelena Belova!

𝐘𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐚, for one, adores any and all piercings you have- specifically ear piercings. I feel like Yelena also would love braiding your hair and matching outfits and jewelry with you. Watching romance/comedy movies are a must, since Yelena missed out on... a lot when she was brainwashed. Loveloveloves any and all affection you show her, and would be someone to give you random high fives whenever you do something you're proud of. Yelena would often buy small plants (pink polka dot, succulents, anything really) she thinks you'd like (but small enough to be kept out of Fanny's reach). If you both were bored one day and you were laying on the couch, Fanny asleep on your lap. "Wanna watch a movie, detka?" Yelena asked, flopping on your opposite. Immediately a large smile spread across Yelena's face at the speed of which yasmine's stetchbook and pencil were discarded and replaced with the remote. "You choose," Yelena requested, pulling the shared fluffy maroon blanket up to her neck.

Please keep in mind this is only my second ship, so I apologize if this is bad!! ❤️

#jules's 800 follower celebration #fluff #yasmine 🪷

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casliveblog · 1 year

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Custom Toonami Block Week 134 Rundown

Spy X Family: Anya and Loid move Yor into the house and don’t notice anything weird about how she has a Dragon Maid level of speed and power in everything she does. It’s kinda funny how Anya is very much portrayed as of her age and isn’t more mature because of her powers but she still had enough mind about her to not accidentally blurt out anyone else’s secrets despite blurting similar things. Anyway the practice interview goes terrible so Loid tries to take them out to do rich people shit so they can say rich people things during the interview but between Anya being a five year old and having an anxiety attack whenever they’re around more than four people and Yor orgasming over anything sharper than a butter knife it’s kind of a rough day. Also they talk about backdating their marriage certificate but like Yor has friends at the tailor’s that know she definitely wasn’t married last week so it feels like this story would fall apart real easily if anyone went digging at all but I guess Yor being as socially awkward as she is at least minimalizes that chance. Anyway after some adorable shenanigans the group use their respective abilities to catch a purse snatcher while not letting the others know of their roles and Loid has an existential crisis about actually getting thanked for helping someone. The day’s experiences help them do marginally better on the interview questions despite Anya still saying she’s gonna murder people so yeah I guess we’re ready.

Inuyasha: So you remember that bit where Inuyasha’s training with the Tessaiga and Totosai gets him to do a lot of chores convincing him it’s training? That’s basically this plot stretched out into an entire episode. Apparently Kagura’s been running around killing monks so the Baby can try and peek at the spiritual border between worlds to get the last jewel shard and Mushin, Miroku’s stepdad thinks he’ll be next and so gets the group to do all his chores and shit thinking he’ll die while the rest of them think he’s deathly ill. It’s a complete waste of time but does kinda lead to some of the best comedy moments of the series with everyone using their powers to do housework and the scene of everyone getting drunk and doing Three Kagome Karaoke and Drunk Sango flirting with Inuyasha always kill me, plus in the end Miroku does seem genuinely happy to spend more time with his father figure reflecting on his own mortality so while it’s ridiculously pointless it’s about as fun as a ridiculously pointless episode can be.

Yu Yu Hakusho: The group re-assess their strategy and get ready to invade Sensui’s place and it’s kinda funny cause they go in with the main three with Seaman as a temporary replacement Kuwabara and they just get kicked back out cause Gamemaster’s like ‘nah bro bring seven’ so they have to go out like twenty minutes later and bring everyone but Botan back in and like there’s absolutely no narrative reason for this to happen it’s just kind of hilariously pedantic. But yeah apparently it’s an RPG-themed game that is oddly anachronistic and just throws a bunch of different game genres in there and it’s the game Yusuke was playing while Kuwabara was out being attacked by Seaman, feel like that would’ve been a neat time for the anime to show a bit more of the game to make the easter egg hit harder but idk. Turns out Yusuke’s a big fan but he kinda sucks and never beat it while Kuwabara, the other nerd guy and Genkai of all people have beaten it a few times. So they rig up their team and first to four wins is the winner and Seaman gets to do his Junior Darby brother fight in Tennis World while Gamemaster chides him for being a little traitor bitch but Seaman’s pretty cool here and manages to pull of a win and is like ‘man I can’t destroy the world because I’m unhappy I have to work on me’ which is pretty chill, really liked that.

Jujutsu Kaisen: It’s time for Nobara’s introduction episode and she’s… kinda hard to get a read on, like she’s an arrogant brat and ridiculously petty but also elegant and confident and seems to kinda switch on a dime so I guess she makes a good intermediary for Yuji and Megumi since she could be on the same page as either of them at any time though she seems closer to Yuji’s goofiness mostly. Gojo throws Yuji and Nobara into the generic ‘random test mook enemy for character development’ house like we got in last week’s Chainsaw Man and we get Nobara’s backstory and are also introduced to the idea that curse beasts like to fuck with humans and just do fucked up shit to force them into sadistic situations. Nobara controls nails and voodoo dolls and fucks up the mooks with an assist from Yuji while reflecting on her reasons for being there. Turns out she grew up in a small town and was sickened by the prejudice the countryfolk showed her big city friend and wanted to literally move away from that small-mindedness and do fun city shit in the process so it’s like a combination of Rika Furude’s Higurahi Gou motivation and Ochako’s initial motivation like half material half symbolic and it looks like a pretty neat dynamic amongst the three of them. Also there’s a glimpse at next week’s enemy where apparently it kills one of the three first years but given that all these guys are still in the opening and I’ve never heard of a Mami Tomoe-style twist for this series I’m thinking there’s probably more to it than that.

Chainsaw Man: Picking up right after we left off with Power drenching a quarter of the city in Devil blood her and Denji are really going at it and only calmed by mutual simping for Makima. They are literally fighting like cats and dogs since Denji has a dog heart and Power likes cats but when Power says he can get to second base for saving her cat he IMMEDIATELY is like ‘fuck man I love cats fuck all my homies that hate cats’ and the next day he signs Power out of the Devil Nursing Home or whatever and they go to find her cat. Turns out it’s a setup and Power made a deal with the Bat Devil who actually is holding her pet cat hostage since she pulled a Misty’s Bike with the cat and claimed she was fattening it up while murdering things a lot bigger and meatier than it to feed it. Power apparently doesn’t understand metaphor and doesn’t get Denji’s part Devil so when the Bat Devil squeezes him like a Capri-Sun to vampire his way back to health he nearly gets sick because yeah Denji just looks like he doesn’t taste good. I’m just kinda confused about the timeline here like Power went from a naked wilderness girl with a cat to… getting clothes, being admitted into Makima’s devil program, being marginally introduced to human culture and society just to get the Bat Devil one human? Like she couldn’t just bonk someone on the head and drag them there? Like I get Makima prolly found her pretty quick and being signed out by Denji is probably the first time she’s not being watched like a hawk since she was found but still that means the Bat Devil just sat and waited for however long all that shit took and actually kept her cat alive for it all when he had no way of knowing how long this would take? Anyway the Bat Devil eats the cat and Power and Denji is kinda running half and half on motivation to save Power because he genuinely empathizes with her and half because boobs, like I feel like Denji kind of has a problem identifying his emotions and just assumes he’s doing things for the most selfish reasons like I don’t want to assign overly noble goals to him because it’s clear he’s a subversion of your normal shonen goodboy but he feels like he’s lying to himself at least a little. Like during the fight with the Bat Devil he claims not to be trying to protect people but also tells every civilian he meets to run away so he’s not ambivalent he just seems to either be lying or at least not willing to let protecting people get in the way of winning and/or boobs. We’re still in that process of excavating Denji’s standards so he may also just not be able to process anything other than his current goal like he’s a video game character with one sidequest slot and it’s currently boobs. Anyway he disembowels the Bat Devil so Power’s prolly fine though who knows for the cat we’ll see, I know from the scene that became a meme a while ago that he does end up feeling her up so it prolly turns out alright.

Ranking of Kings: We started out with Hilling taking a lot of energy to heal Bojji after Daida fucked him up real bad last episode which shows Daida’s whole ‘Bojji will never hold a sword again’ thing was really premature. And after that we just skip to the old king dying like that happened really fast jesus fuck I thought we’d have some more waffling but nope going right for the throat I guess and it leaves the kingdom in the awkward position of deciding which of these twelve year olds is best to oversee their whole kingdom. Though given one of them is deaf, mute and hits like a wet noodle, the peeps kinda have a prejudice towards their other generic teenager. See when the king died and a demon popped out of him and pointed to the kid that’s supposed to be the next king and laughed that was the perfect excuse to go ‘uhhh well maybe we don’t go with him’ so Daida gets to be king and wastes absolutely no time getting down to evil shit and demanding the two guys that voted for Bojji to be king be murdered because he’s a teenager and will do whatever enchanted mirrors tell him to. You see this is why in real life we had King Regents do the king shit until baby kings were old enough to have their balls drop. Meanwhile Kage’s taken away and having an assumed assassin say he’s going to ‘help’ the guy that just got jipped out of being king prolly isn’t a good look so snake assassin dude sends him off on a journey to… do some random shit idk. Bojji even asks the assassin dude’s best friend the two headed hydra snake and hydra snake’s like ‘bro you’re adorable and I love you but I can’t help other than saying he’s gone on a quest and lots of peeps like you’. So with all this on his mind Bojji decides he wants to go on a journey too in order to prove he can do shit without causing embarrassment on a national scale. Hilling is having none of this and forbids it until they both remember what it was like when it was just her and Bojji and even though she’s a stepmom she does love him like a son in her own way and even helped heal the baby hydra snake when it was a baby and it’s really sweet. So Bojji gets to go to visit Hilling’s parents on what’s a glorified red riding hood quest with his sword tutor and the one guy in the whole kingdom that wanted to go and knows sign language so epic quest ahoy!

Vinland Saga: So Floki and Askeladd’s negotiations to kill Thors kinda fall through and Askeladd’s men kill Floki’s hidden assassin so he’s kinda stuck paying double. Askeladd brings up a lot of the questions I had last episode and hypothesizes that Floki wants to kill Thors for personal reasons but wants someone else to do it both so he can keep his hands clean and in case Thors fucks up his entire crew. The day to go to war finally comes and everyone wants Ylva which is understandable because she’s hot as fuck but Leif lets all the homegirls know they’ll be ditching off all the warhungry young boys with Leif’s ship when they get to Norway so Thors is going to war alone so the young men can live. So they set out and turns out Thorfinn is pulling his best Monkey D. Luffy impression and pops out of a barrel which I imagine is gonna be hell on his mom and sister who just have no idea where he is for however long this backstory-generating death journey takes. Thors tells the dude that has the hots for his daughter that having children is what made him not want to fight anymore or at least it was the start of a longer change of character since he was still generic muscle man at that point. The group gets to the Viking equivalent of a truck stop and immediately get ambushed by Askeladd’s group dumping enough wreckage on them to create a miniature dam which feels like it shouldn’t work that smoothly but I’m not a marine physicist. Thors is ready to pacifist run through everyone and punches them without killing but Askeladd obviously has some weird power people on his crew and like a dozen archers above them so this is gonna be trouble.

#ooc #Toonami #Custom Toonami Block #Spy X Family #Inuyasha #Yu Yu Hakusho #Jujutsu Kaisen #Chainsaw Man #Ranking of Kings #Vinland Saga

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qvirkycrxxtvre · 4 months

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it’s weird, May has a lot of personal holidays but in specific today is my ex DaddyDom’s birthday.

I don’t intend to make regular posts but I do find myself thinking thoughts and needing to vent them somewhere. This blog is pretty anonymous idk might as well ramble here

Tumblr is where I come to read fantasy and listen to the occasional audio. It’s wild to me that some of y’all get to live and experience your fantasy’s IRL. Idk. I’m possibly jealous?

I had my chance at that, the relationship rooted in a sexual fantasy. I was 18. I didn’t go through with the dream of forever with him. By 19 I was so so hard headed and unable to free myself from my biological Father, my online DaddyDom and I ended in flames.

“We are the poster children of why the severely mentally ill should not be allowed to date the public” being a direct quote

I wouldn’t actually be able to have a boyfriend or move out of my Father’s backyard shed where he kept me until I was 23. My current husband had to rescue me from there.

I’m 26 now. My husband takes care of me. I am thankful. I know there are husbands like my Father. I will never leave my husband and have committed myself to this lifetime to him.

I have given him one child. It’s too expensive to have another… and also incomparable.

My husband not only has a low sex drive but he also has erectile dysfunction so whenever we do get the chance, it’s for about 30-45 seconds of thrust before he blows. No foreplay to make the best of it, we just have me read things until I’m ready.

I’ve never had an orgasm with another person involved. I had my own issues orgasming by myself and my husband being completely inexperienced also has not aided.

That’s fine, I don’t consider myself someone who needs sex to feel loved. I know what I signed up for when I chose my husband.

Tumblr just brings forefront the ideas of like

I’m losing out on my childbearing years. I think about the family my DaddyDom and I dreamed of. I think about how there’s men on here seeking that kind relationship.

Tumblr has also awoken new fantasy’s in me. One’s where I wouldn’t be to blame when finally living the dream. Kidnapped, kept secret to breed by Daddy at home.

If I’m ever discovered it’ll be joyous because I wasn’t a woman who ran away, I’d be a victim. It wouldn’t be my fault for the trauma my disappearance caused.

Just for a few years. Until I can’t have babies easily in the same bed we made them anymore.

Sorry my ramble gump had faded and imma take a nap. Fuck it. I’ll post this. The thoughts are incomplete but they’re there.

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rin-itoshi · 3 years

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mc’s departure | obey me

summary: how the brothers would react to MC returning to the human world after a year in the devildom

contains: fluff , angst , ?!!!!&;@;&:idk

♯ LUCIFER

he’s the one to see you off, reminding you of the many things he had taught you so that you’d never forget.

his pride is much too large to admit that he will miss you to death and that he loves you dearly.

after you’re gone, he’s gone for hours at a time, holed up in his room with as much as work as he can take on.

he overworks himself with the intention of getting rid of the heavy emotion on his heart.

everything reminds you of him, even the paper clip on his desk that you had once found under his bed.

he gets easily irritable, feeling rather empty now that you’ve gone and left him alone in this now quiet house.

barely leaves his room, only works.

never cries but gets quite emotional when he finds a belonging you left behind.

♯ MAMMON

he cried every single night up until your departure but never showed you that side of him once

after you left, he cried non-stop, not caring if he looked like a cry baby in front of his brother’s who watched him with pitiful eyes.

once his eyes dried up, he soon never returned home as he partied all day and night.

he forced himself to attend parties after parties in order to forget about you.

it never works because everything reminds him of you.

sometimes he sits in his car and just stares into space, wondering what you’re doing now that you’re back on earth.

literally cannot stand the mention of you or your name or he may break down.

pretends to be okay but can’t go a day without getting upset about your absence.

money soon becomes pointless when he realizes no amount of cash will bring you back to the house of lamentation.

♯ LEVIATHAN

curled up in his bath tub and cried himself to sleep.

stopped leaving his room in general, continuously playing games all day and night.

couldn’t look at his ruri-chan figures because they somehow reminded him of you and how much you used to admire them with him.

every inch of his room has your touch on it and it makes his heart ache painfully.

struggles to attend online school but manages to make it through the day by zoning out in class.

claims he doesn’t care about a normie like you but genuinely misses you

sends you messages, forgetting you can no longer contact him without your D.D.D

writes about how much he misses you on his blog fully aware you’ll never see it.

♯ SATAN

reading. that’s all he does.

he hides in his room and reads every single book he has stacked up along his room, even rereading them if he finished everything.

uses books to get his mind off of you—or more so the lack of you.

will sometimes get excited about a stray cat he sees but stops himself when he realizes he can’t tell you because you aren’t here.

gets angry. a lot.

the smallest things set him off and he can longer feign a smile when he hears your name or anything related to you.

he misses you so much that he wants to tear out his hair and rip apart all these book page by page.

his room is in shambles and he can’t seem to think straight anymore.

♯ ASMODEUS

loses his interest in everything.

forgets his skin care routine and lets himself go without caring about it.

forces himself to go to parties and tries to sleep with someone to feel better but when it fails, he stops sleeping around in general.

like mammon, he doesn’t come home often to avoid seeing the house he had lived in with you happily.

cannot forget about you no matter what he does, and that frustrates him the most.

wishes he had done something to stop you or at least slept beside you one last time.

neglects himself for a while.

♯ BEELZEBUB

poor bby isn’t hungry for once.

can’t seem to eat now that you’re not sitting beside him, giggling about something he had said.

spends a lot of his time doing weight training and exercising to get his mind off of you.

misses all the meals you used to make on the nights you were in charge of cooking.

sometimes forgets you’re not around whenever he’s about to go downstairs to eat dinner.

clings to belphie in hopes to fill the gap in his heart.

accidentally broke down your room door in an angry fit when your absence finally set in.

♯ BELPHEGOR

either he sleeps even more or somehow gets less sleep.

no matter what, he feels sluggish and blank.

locks himself in the attic, almost as if he was never released in the first place.

even though he hated humans, your absence affected him the most after he had grown to love you as a human.

nearly went demon mode on diavolo when he found out that you were being sent back to the human world.

partially wishes he never met you but cherishes his memories with you too much to ever wish for that wholeheartedly.

sleeps in your bed often to hold onto your lingering scent that was fading quickly.

complains to beel that you were nothing but a stupid human who turns their backs on demons like them, but he never means anything he says.

“Why is it so quiet in here?” Diavolo asks as he opens the front door of the House of Lamentation with Barbatos at his side. The man’s golden eyes scanned the entry hall, noticing how it was so eerily dark and quiet that it almost felt like something out of a horror movie. It felt like no one had lived here in over two thousand years. “Hello?”

Upon receiving message from Diavolo, everyone had exited their rooms for the first time in a while, looking like they were dragged through the mud. The state they were in made Diavolo jump with surprise, shocked to find that even Lucifer looked like he was ill. “What happened to you guys?!”

“What is it that you need, Lord Diavolo?” Lucifer asked as he ran a hand through his hair to compose himself a bit in front of the red haired man. “If is nothing important, may I kindly ask you to leave and return another time?”

Diavolo sighed, shaking his head lightly as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t know what’s up with you guys, but I brought everyone’s favorite person along with me so sing your praises now!”

Mammon huffed, “If ya’ talking about that butler of yours, ain’t nobody care right now! We got bigger things to worry about!”

Barbatos simply smiled, taking no offense to the sly insult thrown his way.

Diavolo cocked a brow in confusion. “What? Of course not! It’s-“

The person stepped out from behind Diavolo, catching the attention of every single male in the room. The seven brother’s choked, staring at the one person they had longed for these past few days.

“[y/n]!” They shouted in unison, practically flying down the stairs to get to you. Mammon was the first to reach you, wrapping his arms around your entire body as he tackled you to the floor. The other brother’s climbed on top of you two, hugging you so tightly that you feared this would be where you’d die. “You’re back!”

Diavolo chuckled boisterously. “This is amusing! You lot are acting like you didn’t know they’d return today!” His laugh came to an abrupt stop when he saw the flat expressions coming from each and every brother. “Oh- Did I not inform you?”

“Obviously you didn’t.” Belphegor scoffed with a roll of the eyes, burying his face in the crook of your neck to inhale your scent. “[y/n]...”

“Ya can’t ever leave again! I’ll seriously get angry at ya if this happens again! Ya either go to the human world with me or ya don’t go at all!” Mammon snapped, cupping your cheeks while getting dangerously close to your face to yell at you.

“I’ll severely punish you if you ever leave this manor without giving me a heads up as to where you’re off to. You’re not just an exchange student anymore. You’re special.” Lucifer explained, a panicked glint in his tired eyes as he reached out to pat your head gently with his gloved hand.

Satan sighed, pressing his forehead against your back. “If you leave again, I don’t know if I’ll be able to control my emotions, so don’t leave.”

The avatar of lust whined loudly, “my beautiful self can’t handle a life without you! Don’t ever go anywhere without me again!” He clutched onto her waist tightly.

“Don’t... Don’t go anywhere.” Leviathan said with a sad frown on his lips as he held your hand, bringing it up to rest against his cheek. “It’s so empty without you.”

“Let’s eat dinner together, [y/n].” Beel suggested, his voice full of emotions as he drooled at the thought of dinner with you.

A million emotions ran through your veins as you sat there, basking in the warmth of their touch. It was overwhelming to receive so much love all at once but it was amazing.

A smile slowly crept onto your lips as you leaned into their touch, enjoying the way they clung to you as if you’d disappear any moment now. “I missed you guys, too.”

“What a lovely reunion!” Diavolo exclaimed happily, snapping a view blurry photos on his D.D.D to send to the group chat later.

After the heartfelt moment, they quickly disappeared upstairs to fix up their appearance before rushing downstairs to the kitchen where you stood. They clung to you like bugs to a light, hounding you about your sudden departure, only to find out that you had gone up there with Diavolo and Barbatos to help the man experience human world activities he had never gotten to try before. Diavolo was sure he had told them that but seeing as they were genuinely distressed, he assumed the message never reached.

Even though they were beyond pissed with Diavolo and his carelessness, they were just glad you were back. Them being here with you really was their idea of a perfect life.

a/n: UH YEA K GOODNIGHT

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Note

corpse x reader headcanon where corpse talks about how his s/o has severe abandonment issues and is really clingy and he doesnt mind it despite haters saying otherwise?

Oooh this is gonna be a bit angsty, just a heads up. Still, I hope you enjoy it ~ 💕

Pairing: Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Fear of abandonment, Past relationship trauma

- You'd never had someone like this

- Someone to talk to about anything

- Someone to hold your hand through everything

- Someone to feel for you and you for them

- You never thought you'd find that someone either

- You had given up on the hopes long ago so you reluctance at the beginning of your relationship with Corpse was completely understandable

- You were quick to speak on your concerns, all those little demons that arise in your head whenever you step in a new relationship of any kind, especially romantic

- The way you grew attached to people so quickly and so strongly could easily be used against you one way or another

- And, more often than not, the people you found yourself in a relationship with used it to their advantage, not giving a crap that they were hurting you in the process

- It always seemed to be the same pattern: you met someone, grew attached, became prepared to do anything to avoid losing them (even things you wouldn't typically agree to), they'd use you, they'd leave you and you'd still think it was all your fault

- Getting yourself hurt over and over again didn’t stop you from getting attached to a person just as or even more intensely the next time around

- All you wanted was someone who’d stay

- All you wanted was for people to stop leaving you

- And Corpse was quick to become that someone to you

- Seeing his caring and endearing nature, you immediately started feeling bold, well as bold as you could be after so many falls in your life

- He wasn’t simply sympathetic when you expressed your struggles to him but he also understood them to a new level

- A level close to the one you’ve been on all your life

- That’s why the connection between the two of you was immediately stronger in comparison to any other you may have felt

- Truth be told, there was never really a connection with those people before him, the ones who left you, you just wanted someone by your side and didn’t allow yourself to see your worth to avoid picking the wrong choices

- To you it always seemed like you were the wrong choice

- But still, Corpse chose you, he chose to stay

- Cause he wanted to, cause he loved and cared for you

- That being said, you two have rarely been apart since you got together

- You’ve been joining him on his streams, either just hanging out in the recording room with him or even playing with him and his friends if he manages to convince

- He rarely succeeds though, seeing as how you’re very timid when it comes to his friend group, a shyness you can’t quite explain

- It applies to his stream in general too

- You don’t want to think about how many eyes and ears are observing you when you’re playing

- And you had every right to be concerned about being so exposed, mostly cause people - jealous people aka haters - used this exposure of yours to look for your flaws and use them to speak negatively of you online

- Luckily, Corpse was quick to catch onto the things being said about you and to say he wasn’t happy about it would be an understatement

- He refused to let anyone speak ill of you and the comments they were making about you - calling you a clingy, annoying gold-digger - lit a feverous, angry fire in him, rendering him restless until he ultimately faced all those haters behind their screens head-on

- He organized a whole stream to address this issue, delicately explaining the situation, your relationship and your abandonment issues

- He made it clear that what they refer to as ‘clinginess’ to him is the affection he’s always wanted to receive but never thought he would because of how closed-off he is and how little human interaction he gets in his daily life

- “What you call clinginess has turned me into a better person. And who you call an annoying gold digger is the love of my life. So watch yourselves, you can talk shit about me all you want, but one bad word about Y/N is more than enough to set me off. They deserve nothing but the best this world has to offer and they’re most certainly not deserving of all this hate you throw their way because you are unhappy with yourselves”

- Little did he know you were listening to his whole speech, tears brimming your eyes as his words sunk in, repeating in your head over and over again

- It was his promise to never have you hurt, to never break your heart, to never get tired of you

- To never abandon you

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rotshop · 3 years

Note

Hey go for that self indulgent white Hank thing! Absolutely go for it! Have fun! -Echo

weeps and sobs and beats the ground with my fists okaye ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, using ur ask to post it bc imm sick and twisted liek that </3 just hcs 4 now ill probably maybe dependingly post a fic for it another time idk we'll see ,,,,,

-you two have a weird relationship. 2 others at least. people look at you and just kinda. stare a little bc they cannot at all tell what the relation to each other even is. even wank's teammates just kinda :eyes: because there's just?? so much vague tension between the two of you???

-seeing as pank is the main antag (i think ,,, if not then shhhh), you're probably just some spectator of sorts. pank calls on you every now and then for some sort of help, either bc you owe him a favor or in return for something, and that's when you two first meet.

-you'd actually managed to catch her off guard, finally showing yourself when she had her back turned to you. she can't help but just. stare a little while she looks up at you. you having her pinned to the ground with your blade at her throat and a foot on her stomach to keep her down. you know logically that your best move would be to just go ahead and take a chop at her neck but...you just can't bring yourself to, something tugging at the back of your mind in curiosity and telling you not to. so, with a little hum of finality, you pull away before vanishing into thin air once more.

-she thinks abt that interaction a lot. at first she just brushes it off as her just making note of you in case you pop up again, just so she can put up more of a fight this time around, of course. but,,,those motivations get cloudy very quickly.

-anyway. she's VERY curious abt you. she's never seen an employer before and so she just kinda. stares and watches you a lot. it freaks you out a little, esp considering she's still relatively quiet and tends to zone out a little whenever she does. whenever you show her any abilities of yours she goes all starry eyed and asks you how u do it ,,, she just thinks !!! it is neat :) ur shapeshifting abilities r rlly fun to her in particular, sometimes you tower over her easily and she'll rest her head on your shoulder, othertimes you're just below her chest in height and she'll have to pick you up and carry you around.

-also based on my dumb little cold blooded employers hc, she is both good and bad at it. like. ok. so. the first time you explain it to her and she notices ur kinda .. off , she goes into worry mode and just grabs every blanket or coat she can find to give to you so you can stay warm. keeps checking up on you and trying to ask you if ur comfortable and ok, buut ur usually conked the fuck out already so it doesn't rlly work ,, lol ,, she tends to KINDA pay attention to the cameras and monitors you've got set up a little but it's mostly just out of curiousity (which has lead to her sometimes lookig for her teammates just so she can find em and go 'hey im gonna be with my s/o for a little while ok byeeee <333' with no explanation. they have never heard of you before and have no clue what's going on.)

-after her own magnification she's a lot more affectionate w/ you which. considering she already WAS affectionate ,,, yea. you'll be doing ur think keeping an eye on all the monitors and she'll just kinda. walk in and start pestering you. y'know how cats will paw and meow at you until you pay attention to them??? she does that to you. at first she's just kinda laying her head on your shoulder as she leans way over you, nudges u a lil every now and then but that's rlly it. then she's grabbing your hands to mess with your claws and paw pads. then she's attempting to crawl on top of you to sit on your lap which is making it impossible to see any of the screens past her <3 you can't be mad because she just nudges you again and makes some broken little trill sound as best as she can ,,,

-u two kinda live together but also kinda don't???? like. officially she lives w/ her team at their base but rlly she lives with u at urs lmao. she sleeps there most nights and if she isn't either at her own base or on a mission then chances are she's there w/ you. it's become such a normal sight that nobody even rlly flinches at it anymore, there's still a lot of confusion on WHY she's there exactly but. she sure is !! first agent of yours who knocked on your door in the morning only to be met w/ the sight of your 8ft tall gf was fucking TERRIFIED

-you two still try and keep it more on the down low even if it's pretty obvious. leaves lots of room for little fights where you two are careful not to seriously injure each other, sending little glances and grins here and there that only you two will ever truly know the meaning of. you two make little bets of who wins these little fights of yours, currently ur in the lead because you found out her weak point is freezing up whenever she hears you giggle / snicker a little. anyway please consider cupping the side of her face while she has a kinfe embedded into the wall right next to your head.

-(while you are quite literally inches away from making out w/ wank, pank voice in the background) this is heterosexual behavior i promise .

#(p4nk voice) ahahaaa aud s/o you are embarassing me in front of my rival please stop kissing each other during these fights i literally #hired you as an assassin and you went and did this and im still not fucking over it like i just dont get it and now you're doing this right #in front of the camera.#white hank x reader #madcom imagines #madcom x reader #madness combat imagines #madness combat x reader #rot writes

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cake-writes · 4 years

Text

making the beast beautiful (one)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (cheating); Steve x Reader (married)

Story Warnings: Mental Illness, Borderline Personality Disorder, Splitting, Clinical Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Low Self-Esteem, Cheating, Angst, Drug Addiction / Abuse (Cigarettes, later Alcohol & Pills), Recovery, idk it’s gonna get depressing but we’ll have a happy ending!!!, Eventual Smut, 18+

Summary: Bucky knows the struggle, the pain, the emptiness. He understands. He can relate, because he knows. And some days, he still struggles – even told you once how low he’s been. But Steve? Your sweet, loving husband of a year and a half? No, Steve doesn’t understand. He can’t, no matter how hard he tries. So one day, you finally give up and give in to your most self-destructive temptation of all: your preoccupation with his best friend.

A/N: i know this is another wip SORRY but it’s literal word vomit because ya girl just really needed to yeet these sad bitch feels into outer space lmao 🤷

Your addiction to him starts slow, like the creep of nicotine through your veins from the cigarettes that he offers you on the rooftop.

Not often enough to do any damage, you try to tell yourself about your smoking habit – or maybe what you actually mean is the amount of time you spend with him. Bucky Barnes. Your husband’s best friend. Your former teammate. Not that it matters, because from one night to the next it’s all you can do to cling to the one good thing you have left, the one ray of light– or maybe he’s the one last shred of hope you’re willing to bind yourself to like a lifeline.

And if it snaps, you’ll fall.

Too bad the threads are already starting to fray.

And lucky, lucky you that you fall even sooner, because your reality has shifted to one shade off from normal, and you can hardly tell what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. You want to prioritize yourself because you know you should – maybe be a little selfish for once, to combat the awful feelings of self-hate that plague your mind, but you don’t know if that particular affirmation is driven by self-esteem or self-destruction.

You can’t tell anymore. You don’t know who you are.

You’re a mystery, a chameleon, borderline, and the only thing you do know is that Bucky makes you feel again – too much. He makes you feel things you shouldn’t, makes you obsess and overthink and daydream and wonder about what life could be like with him instead of Steve.

Because that’s what you do when you fall in love. You turn into that. A monster. A beast. A siren hell-bent on the destruction of yourself.

So, you fall. You fall deep. You fall hard. You fall fast, but it’s the savouring of the moment that always brings out the worst in you. It brings back the worst part of you that you’ve buried under layers and layers of trauma and depression – the clinginess and neediness and desperation at the center of it all, and every layer covering up the euphoria makes you cry because you have to hide it for fear of losing yourself all over again. Losing that feeling. Losing what makes you you.

You’re happy, now. Right? So why do things you shouldn’t do?

But you just can’t help yourself.

You shouldn’t have accepted that first cigarette.

You shouldn’t have texted him asking for another.

You shouldn’t have talked to him about personal things meant for your husband.

You shouldn’t have talked to him about the most personal of things: your husband. Your relationship. Your insecurities because of your illness.

You shouldn’t have – because Bucky knows. He understands. He’s been there.

He knows the struggle, the pain, the emptiness. He understands. He can relate, because he knows. He’s been there. He’s done that. And some days, he still struggles – even told you, once, how low he’s been.

He might have a different slew of acronyms to define his own mental state, but they all spell out the same thing: FUBAR. And so do yours.

But Steve? Your sweet, loving husband of a year and a half? The man of your dreams, the one you’d married in the gown of your dreams, in the venue of your dreams? He’s resilient. And let’s not forget your wedding, with Bucky standing right there as his best man – the same Bucky who accidentally caught the bouquet you threw in his direction, because your aim was purposefully off to make him feel like he belonged for once.

Even before you got to know him, you always had a soft spot for him.

And now? You’re fucked. Completely and utterly smitten.

No, Steve doesn’t understand. He absolutely, fundamentally cannot, through and through. Not for a lack of trying, though, or that’s what you keep trying to convince yourself. He supports you physically: makes dinner when you’re ‘tired’, runs errands when you’re ‘busy’, gives you love and affection just like he always has. You’re his wife; it’s his obligation. He has to.

That’s how you feel, anyway.

He treats you that way out of duty, not love, because Steve always has to put the greater good before himself. He puts your happiness before his own, you think. And he tries so hard – he does. And whenever he tells you he’s happy, you just can’t believe him because you think so poorly of yourself.

Why would anyone willingly want to be around you?

And emotionally? He tries so hard with that, too, but he just doesn’t know. He doesn’t get it. He never says the right things, only well-meaning insensitive ones because he hasn’t been there, he hasn’t done that, and he thinks it’s all in your head – that you’re just not trying hard enough, that you just don’t want to get better badly enough, because if you did then you’d be up and at ‘em already. Then you’d be healed. Then you’d be out of this funk and back in the field with him.

You’re not.

You won’t be for a long time.

You’re not the same girl he fell in love with. Not that he’s ever said that directly to you, but sometimes you think it’s how he feels. He signed up for a wife, not a child. He signed up for the you from a few years ago, now, not the shell of a person you’ve become because of your illness.

Ironic, considering what he was like as a kid, Bucky likes to remind you when you start to hate on yourself because of how you’ve changed – because you’re not normal anymore. He used to be so sick all the time. Then the serum made him right as rain. Don’t take it to heart.

Steve got better because of a miracle. Hard work and determination can only get a person so far, but it was pure luck that got him to the serum. You know that. Bucky knows that. Steve probably knows that deep down, too, but he doesn’t see it that way. All he sees is his hard work.

He lies to himself. He always has.

He probably lies to himself about his love for you, too.

So it’s hard to believe he’s happy. How can he be? You don’t bring anything to your relationship but self-pity and unhappiness. And how can you not take it to heart that Steve doesn’t understand? Your husband, the one who should be supporting you and validating you and making you feel like you’re seen, thinks you’re always throwing a pity party for yourself, thinks you’re just too lazy to get up and actually do the things you want to do, thinks you’re just not trying hard enough.

Come on, doll, he says. Let’s go for a walk.

To you it just sounds like, Walk it off.

Because he’s said that before, too. A hundred times. In the field, and out.

You’re not an agent anymore. You can’t handle it anymore. You can’t handle anything anymore.

Deep down, you’re convinced that Steve thinks because it’s not physical – that because there are no scrapes or bruises or broken bones to prove that you’re in pain – that your depression isn’t real. Not really. It’s an illness, same as any other, and he just doesn’t understand it because he can’t see any physical evidence of it.

Never mind the weight you’ve lost.

Never mind the bags under your eyes.

Never mind the crying spells, the dissociation – but then, you hide those from him the best you can these days. You don’t want him to see how bad you are anymore, because he just doesn’t get it. Because it hurts so much every time for him to look at you with those soft, confused baby blues and act like it’s not a big deal, like a little bit of sunshine’s a cure-all for your woes.

Ironic is right. The boy’s been to war and he hasn’t even processed his own trauma. Hasn’t even been to a shrink despite having two best friends poking and prodding for him to go. He’s in denial.

He refuses to believe that you just couldn’t get to the laundry today because you’re too exhausted from lying in bed all day. He refuses to believe that you couldn’t eat a bite because you didn’t even think to, too busy caught up in your own pain to remember, let alone care. He refuses to believe that you don’t even feel like you deserve to do anything good for yourself, so why even get up? Why bother? Why try to do anything anymore?

Just let the darkness take you away. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. And then, maybe one day you won’t have to feel anything anymore. Maybe you’ll just disappear.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

He refuses to get it, and some part of you feels like it’s because he doesn’t want to. Because he’s afraid to acknowledge that it’s true. That if he starts therapy like you did, then this could just as easily happen to him, too.

But hey, that’s his problem, not yours. You’re still learning to prioritize yourself – to break away from co-dependency and focus on your own needs for once. You’re barely keeping your head above water; why should you have to work on him, too, when he doesn’t offer you the same consideration? You’ve done what you can, and he just turns a blind eye because he doesn’t want to understand your issues. Or his.

So, you’ve given up.

You plaster on a happy face when he’s home – a painful, never-ending reminder that you’re not okay, and you keep your troubles to yourself. You’ve stopped sharing your struggles with the man you married because he doesn’t understand, and it hurts. You try so hard to act like nothing’s wrong that sometimes you dissociate, and you don’t come back to yourself until you have a cigarette hanging between your lips, lit by a Zippo engraved with a clever, If you want to make love, smile when you hand this lighter back.

Seeing the joke on Bucky’s lighter always brings you back, because it’s ridiculous. It’s a throwback to his army days; Steve found it awhile back with Bucky’s old personal effects. Makes you wonder what he must have been like back then.

Cigarette smoke and leather and sandalwood in the dead of night – and you always make a point to smile when you hand it back to him.

Temptation incarnate, now. What a dream he would have been back then.

Sometimes you text him when you and Steve have had another fight.

Sometimes he texts you when he needs you to ground him.

Sometimes the two of you just text each other for the hell of it. It’s usually related to someone’s mental health, usually yours, but occasionally not; after all, over the last few months he’s become your partner in misery and crime. The two of you have shared things to each other that you’ve never told another person, not even Steve; and in some ways, you feel like you’ve bared your soul to him.

It’s intimate.

In other ways, you’ve kept your guard up because you know you’re playing with fire.

It’s wrong.

You know you should really tell Steve about your midnight conversations – that you probably know his best friend almost as well as he does, now, but Bucky’s become a guilty sort of pleasure that you keep near and dear to your heart. He makes you feel things that you haven’t felt in a long time, but you’re not ready to acknowledge what that means. Not yet.

And neither is Bucky, evidently, because Steve’s still none the wiser.

Eight months of this and you still want more.

Your husband trusts you. He never asks who you’re texting or what you’re up to. You’ve given him no reason to believe otherwise. He feels safe and secure in your relationship, but maybe he’s turning a blind eye to that, too.

He shouldn’t.

You wish he didn’t.

Some small part of you wants him to catch you, and that’s what you resent the most. You’re self-destructive – ready to destroy the one good, stable thing in your life in favour of an impossibility, but you can’t deny that Bucky gives your brain the dopamine it needs, it craves, it lacks.

He’s been gone on a mission the last week and a half, but you saw the Quinjet fly in the hangar earlier in the evening, around six, and you’ve been keen to text him since. You’ve held back for a little while, not wanting to appear to eager to message him – so you’re certainly not too proud of how quickly your resolve cracks.

You, 10:33pm Please don’t tell me you came home with Lucky Strikes again.

Bucky, 10:41pm Sorry, princess. Didn’t realize I was seeing royalty tonight.

And then he sends through a photo of a slightly crumpled pack of Lucky Strikes in his hand – an invitation to come to the rooftop. Judging by the setting, he’s already there.

Despite his choice in a particularly harsh smoke, you’re more focused on the pet name that has your face burning hot. It’s something he’s started to tack on recently – ‘princess’ being most common, particularly when he’s teasing you about being spoiled in some way, but when he slips it in during a real conversation is what really makes your heart pound.

You know you should tell him to stop. You know you should, but, you don’t.

You like how it feels to feel for once.

You’re married. It’s wrong. You need to stop, but you just can’t help yourself. You’re lonely.

Steve’s still away on a mission, which doesn’t bother you nearly as much as it used to – you hope he returns safely, of course you do, but you don’t really miss him. Not like you should. That’s happened more often than not as of late, and you can feel your attention shifting the longer you keep up this dangerous game with his best friend.

If it even is a game, that is. It’s probably not. How could he possibly be attracted to you? You’re depressed. You’re boring. And, to top it all off, you’re his best friend’s wife.

Of course you’re the only participant. Bucky’s just humouring you. That’s all.

And now, as you swipe on some deodorant and attempt to make something out of the rat’s nest that is your hair, you feel a particularly awful level of disdain for yourself. The self-loathing pairs nicely with your poor appearance; you haven’t slept well in days, and you’ve barely eaten in just as long.

It’s only when Steve is here keeping you on a regular schedule that you do. Otherwise it’s a free for all anymore.

Bucky never seems to mind – just encourages you to go do what needs to be done when the conversation’s over. And somehow, you listen.

Sometimes he texts to ask if you’re doing okay while he’s away on a mission, too – and you always lie, because he can’t prove otherwise. He sends you a couple reminders anyway, because he just knows. He understands that you’d rather not burden him with the truth.

And then, when he comes back, he calls you out on your lie. He calls you out and reminds you how valuable you are – to Steve, mostly, and to the team. You’re irreplaceable. You’re needed.

He never says how important you are to him, but you always wish he would.

It’s stupid. It’s wrong.

You’re married.

Tonight will be no different. Despite your negative beliefs about yourself, he’ll tell you otherwise, but you won’t believe him. You never do, even though you desperately want to.

You’re a mess, so a beanie it is. You pull it over your tangled hair and somehow get your bangs looking presentable, at least; then you give your clothes the sniff test, spritz a little body spray just in case, and head out the door. You had a shower yesterday because even you couldn’t stand it anymore.

That’ll do.

Fingers tap anxiously at your feed in the quiet elevator. There’s some mild jazz playing, just like usual, but your heart pounds inside your chest – only brings more attention to your nerves.

Bucky hasn’t been gone long, but you’ve missed him.

It’s stupid. It’s wrong.

You’re married.

After exiting the elevator, a short flight of stairs takes you to the roof. Once you start to push, the fire exit door blows open of its own accord; it’s windy up here due to the change of seasons, not that you’ve even noticed it considering you haven’t been outside in over a week. The fresh air shoots straight through your hoodie and sweatpants, and you briskly rub your arms to warm up, immediately wishing you’d checked the temperature before you came outside, maybe grabbed a jacket. You hadn’t even thought of it. Your mind’s a mess.

Hadn’t thought of dinner, either. Or lunch.

That’s when a heavy leather jacket is deposited ungracefully on your shoulders, and you glance up behind you to find Bucky standing there, giving you the look. It’s the one that pre-empts the lecture. “That help?”

You nod, basking in the smell of him – sandalwood and spice. Ah. “Yeah. Thanks.”

He knows.

He can tell with just one look that you’ve been lying to him – that you haven’t been taking care of yourself like you said you were. But he doesn’t reprimand you this time, or offer you platitudes; the disapproving look is enough.

Slippers on your feet, you pad over to the two lawn chairs he set up awhile back near the edge of the eastern wing; it’s got a nice view of the landing pad, but beyond that is the lake, and the two of you have come up here long enough to catch the sunrise once or twice. It’s nice.

“Good mission?” you ask, shoving your hands into your pockets as you collapse into your chair. It’s made of a terrible green fabric, seated low enough to the ground to let you curl your knees to your chest and cry when you want to. And you do. A lot.

This time, however, you’ve got your legs extended far ahead of you. You don’t want to talk about yourself tonight. You want to focus on him.

A distraction. That’s all. That’s what you try to tell yourself.

The other chair, woven blue and white, is where Bucky comes to rest just like always. You suspect that it was the cheapest one in the store, because it creaks and groans and you always think it’s going to break when he sits in it, but it never does. It’s also taller than yours, so you call him old man every now and then for it because that’s just hilarious.

It’s not flirting. It’s not.

Not even when you’ve nearly fallen into his lap on more than one occasion thanks to drinking beforehand.

“Well,” he starts hesitantly, pausing to consider his answer, “I made it back.”

His tone is soft – distant. Not a good mission, then.

“I’m glad you made it back,” you offer, giving him what you hope is a hopeful smile. It feels fake, but the intention behind it is real.

He studies your face for a moment or two, before he averts his eyes. “You’re probably the only one. I had to do some things on the mission that I—” He cuts himself off, then, and pulls the pack of Lucky Strikes out of his pocket to fiddle with. A crutch. “I don’t like to use my strength when I don’t have to. Makes people nervous.”

He’s told you about it before. By ‘people’ he means ‘agents’. Other agents. The ones he was working with, no doubt. As if his arm isn’t reminder enough, sometimes if he doesn’t hold back – well, they start to treat him a little differently after that. It’s a reminder that he’s not fully human.

You can empathize. “It’s a little shocking at first,” you remind him gently, “but you do get used to it. I did. It just takes some time.”

Of course, you also married a super soldier, so there’s that. You can’t really gauge what’s ‘normal’ anymore.

That’s when he cracks open the pack of cigarettes – half full, which means he must have been smoking on the mission, too, something he doesn’t usually do – and when he meets your eyes, the dark, anxious look there turns your stomach to knots.

“Are you?” he asks, voice low and laced with an emotion you just can’t place – or maybe you’re too afraid to acknowledge that you can, and very easily feel the same way. “I could break you in thirty ways before you could even tell me to stop.”

Your brain halts like a record scratch when the clear implication of his words sends a jolt straight to your core. Not just because it’s true, the threat, but because of the dangerous way he’s staring at you, coupled with the casual authority in his voice.

He could hurt you so easily, but you know he wouldn’t. Not you.

He could do other things, too – something a lot less violent and a lot more pleasurable – but you don’t let yourself consider that. You can’t. Even if it’s what he’s implying.

Is it what he’s implying?

You’re married. He knows that.

There’s a long pause while you try to gather your thoughts, until you finally manage as evenly as you can, “Are you trying to scare me?”

Your voice is still a little hoarse despite how much you willed it not to be. He did scare you a little – not that you’d ever admit it, because he excited you a hell of a lot more, and you hate that, too. But you love it even more.

Your question makes his shoulders slump, just slightly, just enough to let you know that that’s exactly what it was – that Bucky was lashing out, in his own way. That he’s the one who’s scared. That he’s trying to push you away.

Why?

“I’m not afraid of you, Bucky,” you reassure him, because you aren’t. You could never be. Not like that. What you’re afraid of is so much worse than that – because it involves him and you, and you can’t make yourself stop wanting more of this. More of him. More of what he threatened to do to you – the underlying meaning you hope to god you’re not imagining, but you should never, ever want.

It’s wrong.

“You should be,” he responds, quiet, rolling the cigarette he’s half pulled out of the pack in between his fingers like he’s debating whether to light it, but he’s trying his hardest not to this time. “You shouldn’t be up here with me.”

The ball drops.

The truth that the two of you have been dancing around for months finally comes out, and you laugh – you laugh, because otherwise you’ll cry. “What are you talking about?”

“Darlin’, you’re—” he starts, and then lets out a frustrated sigh and shoves the cigarette right back in, shoves the pack shut too for good measure. Blue eyes burn into yours. “You know why.”

“We’re friends, Bucky,” you emphasize, lightly, but deep within your chest you can feel the anger, the anxiety start to burn and meld together into something entirely unrecognizable. It’s the tiniest ember now, but it won’t be if this keeps up. You know you’re married. You know that. You don’t need the reminder. “We’re just talking. What’s the problem?”

“Come on, sweetheart.” He’s calm, too calm, and it bothers you. “Don’t play dumb. You’re too smart for that.”

It’s just pretend. It’s not real. You’re happily married with Steve. You’re happy.

Right?

“That’s all it is,” you argue. “I’m married. You said so yourself. Steve and I are happily married.”

Saying it out loud is just another cold, brutal reminder that you aren’t. Just like the façade you’re forced to wear.

“Yeah? You’re happy?” Bucky asks, pulling himself to his feet – and you suddenly realize how tall he is when he’s towering over you like this. You’re not scared, no, you love it. And that makes it worse, the way he makes your heart race like this. “Then there’s gotta be a reason why you haven’t told him about our little talks.”

Because they’re more than that. That’s the reason.

“Well, why haven’t you?” you shoot back, finally getting to your feet, too, feeling your face flush with anger. “You haven’t told him either. Why’s that, huh?”

Tense silence falls over the two of you as you glare at each other, the only light illuminating your features coming from the full moon. It’s a beautiful night, clear and chilly and bright, and you originally had hopes of maybe stargazing with him like you’ve done so many times before.

Not tonight.

He’s pushing you away. He wants to push you away. You know he is, it’s obvious – he tried one approach, and when that didn’t work, he went for the thing he knew would invoke a reaction. The thing that would hurt the most.

Steve. Your marriage. Your happiness, or lack thereof.

No matter how many times you try to tell that to the rational side of your brain, you just can’t handle it. It’s another rejection from someone you cared about – someone you felt yourself growing a potentially unhealthy attachment to – and he just had to hurt you like all the rest. He wanted to hurt you. He wanted to see you suffer.

You can’t stand him.

So you shrug off his jacket and shove it at him. “Take your fucking jacket,” you bite out. “You want me gone? Well, I’m going. Hope you’re happy.”

The way he takes it from you catches you off guard, blue eyes wide with hurt and surprise – but you don’t give him another second of your time. Instead you spin around on your heel and stomp your way back to the access door.

You’re not well enough for this. You’re depressed. You’re broken. You’re lonely.

And now, the only person who understands has thrown you away – discarded you like you’re nothing. Maybe because you are. You’re worthless.

Your fingertips just brush against the handle when you’re tugged back by the wrist, and then his arms are around you, his chest pressing into your back.

He’s warm.

It’s wrong.

But it feels right, and you hate how easily you melt into his touch, into the feeling of his lips at your ear.

“I don’t want you to go,” he whispers, and you’re done for.

The heat from your anger warps into something else – something that burns you up in a different way, and you swallow thickly at the feeling of his arms so snug around your waist. “What do you want, then?”

It’s barely audible, your question -- but he hears it just fine. Soft lips drag from your ear to your pulse, and you shiver, lulling your head back onto his shoulder.

“You tell me,” Bucky breathes against your skin. “I need to know what you want.”

The two of you are playing a dangerous game, and the stakes are only getting higher. You both have a lot to lose, but you’re the one taking the higher risk. Not him.

“I want—” His teeth gently nip at your neck and you can’t help yourself. “I want you—”

And then your back is pressed into the closed door, cold metal biting through your sweats but you don’t even notice, too focused on the feeling of his lips on yours. They’re soft and ever-so-slightly chapped, and his stubble scratches just a little, pleasantly, just enough to hurt in the best way.

It’s hot, too hot, god, you can’t handle the heat of his body against yours—

“Bucky,” you gasp against his lips, sliding your arms around his neck, fingers carding through his hair to pull him closer. You can taste with the barest bite of mint from his gum, along with the slightest hint of cigarette smoke, and you realize—

He must have been up here for awhile.

Overthinking. Wondering what to do. Lost in thoughts of you, perhaps.

The idea of it sends a rush of delirium through you, and you open your mouth just enough to let his tongue explore – or dominate, which you soon find you like very much when Bucky does it to you. His flesh hand cups the side of your face as he kisses the breath out of you, and his vibranium one snugly presses into your lower back – purposely, you soon find, because suddenly your knees go weak and your arms tighten around his neck to catch yourself from falling.

A breathy laugh escapes you. “Oh, wow. That’s never happened before.”

“First time for everything,” he teases, kissing your forehead as he steadies you back on both feet – and it’s then that the realness of the situation seems to sink in.

You’ve just cheated on your husband.

He’s just kissed his best friend’s wife.

There’s a prolonged silence as the two of you look at each other, watching, wondering, waiting, and then—

“We have to tell him,” you say, a little uneasily. “Just… not yet. Figure this out first.”

You can feel the desperation to see where this leads, no matter what a bad idea it is.

Bucky swallows. It’s clear that the prospect of lying to Steve bothers Bucky just as much as it bothers you, but you know he feels that same desperation when he suggests, “And if it turns out to be nothing, then…”

“Yeah. No harm, no foul.”

You won’t tell him. Because if it’s nothing, then it’s not worth worrying about.

Even if it’s wrong.

Right?

two

and a moodboard I made because why not

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes

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saucysamu · 4 years

Note

Okay so... I know you’re not in the mood to write rn but still emergency request? like you can do a really small one bbygirl and don’t pressure yourself to write it immediately! ❤️

My friend just tiggered me cause she bought the same pair of trousers I got and she has them in S and I needed L. Like I would‘ve never fit in S. Yet she does and her body is similar to mine? Also she gained weight & I lost some?? and I’m just confused and my mind is getting stupid Ed related thoughts again like? I lost weight & gained muscles yet I’m still too fat??? Eventho I’m not like you can see my ripcage ??? & can I get some comfort from Oikawa, Sakusa & Atsumu pls?

My love I hope you’re doing better by now and don’t keep on spending your time thinking about that 🥺 you know you can rant to me whenever you feel like it, ilysm ❤️

Anyways here we go,,

Oikawa, Sakusa and Atsumu x reader who struggles with an ED

warnings: mention of ED/ body image/ food

Oikawa

* You’ve been dating for quite a while so Oikawa is aware of what went through your mind back then

* and he knows how to deal with it quite well??

* though he wished he didn’t have to, you’re so perfect in his eyes he will never be able to wrap his head around how someone like you would worry about such things

* so when you mention it all awkwardly to him that,, specific thoughts keep occurring again his mind goes A L A R M

* you even feel too embarrassed to look at him at all, but what for?

* he hugs you softly, placing his chin on the top of your head “you know I would never judge you for the way you feel right?” you just hum quietly as a response

* ladies, gentlemen and non-binary babes: here we have another king of pushing your self-esteem or crushing it in the case of enemies

* idk how he does it but he always says the right things to you without messing up or triggering you

* bet he’s the first one to distract you and support you like no other

* bitch cooks recipes of your fave foods to cook them more healthily so you won’t feel guilty

* need a gym buddy? Oikawa agrees before you can even ask him

* he tries to be subtle when observing your behavior bc even when he acts calm he’s still worried to death

* however it doesn’t stay unnoticed by you lol and you’d just reassure him with a teasing grin

* as much as he wants to believe it, he catches himself at times just wanting to make extra sure,,

* but he knows you’re strong!! and a fighter!!

* Still cautious when it comes to food even if you got better, it low-key became a habit of his to make sure you eat properly

* honestly can’t wait to go shopping with you again to hype you tf up and show you off to the world like “Ha! I have the prettiest gf on earth!! Watch her go off!!!”

Sakusa

* oh boy oh boy it took so long for the both of you to finally date so you can bet your ass he cares about you almost more than cleanliness,, almost

* which means there are only two things that make him feel startled,,, germs and you suffering

* he was NOT prepared for this

* I’m not gonna lie he’s the type that never got behind how being mentally ill worked, he always took everything as it was and would usually roll his eyes at someone claiming they’re depressed like honestly he’s such a “get over it, everyone gets sad sometimes😔✌🏻” - kind of guy cbdahjbks help💀

* well at least that is until he started to get to know you

* at the beginning he was still in denial like ??? iTs NoT ThaT ComPLiCatEd someone give this man some empathy PLEASE

* scratch that when he finds out how severe this can actually get yes he watched documentaries on EDs but if you asked no he didn’t

* you notice his caution now tho like come on it’s obvious

* finds excuses to spend more time with you, always wants to be as close to you as possible my guy wants make sure you’re not ✨messing around✨

* suspiciously more affectionate than before

* adjusts to you more easily now like who are we kidding this man wants you to be okay, no, GLOWING bc you’re his precious baby

* cuddle sessions with you sitting between his legs, leaning against his chest while doing your daily self care routine and watching cheesy Netflix originals

* it’d be quiet the whole time and out of nowhere he’d randomly tell you how beautiful and perfectly clean you are and how much he loves you,, as if it was nothing,,smh OmiOmi

* he’s too awkward to suggest actually useful things to you,, I mean his emotional intelligence is a little uhhh behind so what do we expect

* would do anything for you that is of help tho so if you ask him to do this or that he’d never say no to you

* cooks healthy meals for you and yes he CAN cook

* if you ever argued about it then it would probably be bc he doesn’t get how you can think so low of yourself. He doesn’t want to be angry let alone show his anger about it to you but sometimes he can’t help but feeling frustrated. You both can be stubborn so it probably takes a while for him to make it up to.

* his apologies are the most sincere you’ll ever witness.

* actually puts a lot of effort into those so you just can’t stay angry with him ://

* he really tries his best and sometimes in a moment of silence when you two lie down cuddled up with tangled legs and your ear pressed against his chest, his heartbeat reassures you that he’s there for you no matter what.

Atsumu

* he always thought you were being sarcastic whenever you left remarks on your body

* malfunctions when he realize you weren’t

* ffs he’s overwhelmed and doesn’t know what to say when you actually talk about it

* tries to bite down his tears

* he fails

* and just hugs you tightly from behind so you don’t see him like that

* soft whispers in your ear that he’ll make you love yourself the way you should while cradling you

* he’s not convinced he’ll be able to actually manage that but you can be certain he’ll put his whole heart into trying so.

* internal panic when he sees you being down so he awkwardly tries to light your mood with bad fuckin jokes,, he doesn’t know you laugh at the actual jokes but rather at him 💀

* like the perfect clumsy boyfriend he is - his attempts to cook something you’d be comfortable with go horribly wrong since he can’t cook for shit so he begs Osamu to cook something for you and Atsumu would just take his bike and get to Onigiri Miya and back in no time

* his clumsiness would distract you all the time and you can’t convince me otherwise

* when you laugh at him like that he’d pout out of embarrassment but it would turn into a smile at the way you laugh right after like ugh he’s blessed

* probably asks Osamu for advice every now and then and his brother is just like??? you’re asking ME?? despite him still giving good advice

* ofc he works out with you what did you expect though he doesn’t want you to overdo it 🥺

* wants you to be around whenever he has practice or games, he’s more at peace knowing you’re not doing god knows what

* and you better keep your eyes and mind on him at all times 👀😼

* showering you with so many compliments like even about things you didn’t even notice yourself, he’s just really paying attention to you thoroughly it seems like every day he loves you more and more and he makes sure you realize that.

I really hope you liked it and I’d be happy about any feedback so please leave some bc I’m kinda insecure about my writing in general lol

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nepenthendline · 4 years

Text

Mental Health Headcannons - Tsukishima, Kageyama, Ushijima, Tendou & Bokuto

All these are from my knowledge and based off of each character’s actions haikyuu, this is all my opinion so feel free to discuss other thoughts! I’m happy to talk about each more in depth if anyone would like it :) this is just me projecting my own problems on fictional characters

You can also message me if you wanna talk about these too!!

This is going to be long

TW: Mental health, learning difficulties, eating disorders, self-harm

Tsukishima - Depression, Anxiety & OCD

Tbh someone else (I’ve been trying to find their username to tag them but I can’t find it, they’re called something like theguessmonta but idk) has amazing posts about Tsukishima and his mental health which I totally agree with all of it so some of this is going to be pretty similar

I think his mental health problems started when he was quite young, around the time when the Akiteru drama happened so he’s been dealing with these for a while

Having depression can often make a person seem very disinterested/sarcastic/negative as a way of pushing back emotions and self-protection which explains a lot of the way Tsukishima acts towards some people (I have a whole post on how he isn’t just some asshole)

His anxiety stems from a place of terrible self-esteem and self-image, it’s clear to see he has a bad sense of self-worth when he talks about how people are obviously a lot better than him, he’s just there to ‘stop trouble happening’

Tsukki suffers from panic attacks quite regularly (especially when he was a bit younger) but he tends to shut himself off then they happen, he doesn’t want anyone else to see him like that

His anxiety and overthinking is often why he keeps his headphones on him at all times, listening to music helps drown out the sounds around him and those in his head

His OCD got worse over time - first it was things like turning the light switch on and off repeatedly until it felt right, or tapping on his desk before he went to bed, but as his anxiety and self-esteem got worse it developed into him needing himself to be perfect

This included only eating a certain amount of calories a day (no where near the amount he should be eating) or getting a very specific grade on an exam, where even one number over or under set him into a panic

Things got to their worst for Tsukki around the age of 13 - this is where he was much too underweight and self-harming on his hips (so no one else could see)

Probably also thought about suicide a couple times around this point

He has tried a couple different types of anti-depressants in the past, however none have seemed to help

He likes a lot of time alone - he gets too overwhelmed dealing with other people

The only person besides his family and Yamaguchi that knows about his OCD is Kageyama - they both noticed each others odd, repetitive habits until Kageyama asked him about it one day, while they don’t get along too well, they feel some comfort in each other understanding their actions

Kageyama - Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

wow what a smooth segue

this boy is like a walking definition of ASD - coming from a person with ASD

Kageyama was diagnosed with Type 1/High-functioning Autism when he was very young (probably around 3-5 years old)

He struggles with social interaction, knowing what to say to people and most importantly, how to say it, e.g. when he smiles people often think he looks angry

Kageyama has never had many, if any, friends before Karasuno, as he has often struggled with conversation and speaking in an inappropriate tone that may make some people uncomfortable or even scared

He isn’t very good when it comes to remembering academic studies but if it relates to his fixations (volleyball) he is extremely intelligent - this is seen clearly when Daichi shows their team hand gestures and Kageyama says he remembered them in a day

Kageyama uses masking a lot - it’s a technique people with ASD tend to do which involves copying other peoples actions in order to understand social situations, he does this many times in the anime/manga such as his awkward BBQ song dance, or high-fives

He visited a social worker once a week while he was little until he started middle school, resulting in his behaviours getting worse

Towards the end of his first year at Karasuno he went back to therapies regularly and has anger-management training in order to help him express himself in a manageable way - he probably won’t admit it but it helps a lot (key note is that having anger-management training often does not have anything to do with anger, simply just managing emotions in general but it often a great type of therapy for those with ASD although he is a bit of an angry boi sometimes)

ASD comes with repetitive, almost OCD-like tendencies - two examples include filing his nails every single day and having a very specific routine before going to bed that consists of drinking milk, putting on pjs, laying in bed and throwing + catching a ball, brushing his teeth and going to bed on his left side - if he doesn’t do these things at the right times/in the right order, he gets extremely anxious and agitated

It is important to remember people with ASD tend to also have another mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression

Ushijima - Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

autism buds with kageyama

I kid thats probably a bad idea

Ushijima was also diagnosed with Type 1/High-Functioning Autism when he was 5

Unfortunately due to the stigma around Autism, his family (besides his father) were not very accepting of this and he was put into therapy at a young age

While this was actually helpful for him, his family insisted his therapies should ‘cure’ him and were dismissive of the many times a doctor told them that ASD is not a curable disorder

Outside of therapy he does not receive much support from his family, except his father who got him a pair of noise-cancelling headphones he used to wear until he 8 whenever they went out together - he was only allowed to wear them if it was just him and his father, the rest of his family thought it made it too obvious there was ‘something wrong with the child’

Extending on this, Ushijima was very sensitive to sensory input as a child, and while he still is, it has become easier to manager as he has gotten older

His ASD is most prevalent in his lack of understand ways of communication, such as sarcasm or jokes, and tends to take things very literally

@simp4satori and I came to the conclusion that if you were to call him daddy during sex, or ask him to ‘punish you’ the poor boy would have NO CLUE - would probably call your dad and tell him you needed to speak to him, or say you can’t watch anime for a week lol

He is extremely direct when he talks, to the point where it comes across rude or hurtful but he doesn’t realise this until someone mentions it

Tendou probably helps him rephrase things from time-to-time in order for him to get his point across

He gets very anxious when faced with things he doesn’t know about or understand (this is mentioned by Tendou in the manga), this can include people, going to new places or trying new foods

It is important to remember people with ASD tend to also have another mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression

Tendou - Depression and Anxiety (also a highly sensitive person - that’s not a mental health disorder or illness but it does affect him)

Tendou’s mental health suffered from a young age due to bullying in school

This caused a lot of low self-esteem and low mood, and he was later on diagnosed with depression and anxiety

Only his family, Ushijima and his coach know about this, and even then, only his family know any details

No one would really expect Tendou to deal with such mental health issues as he always keeps a bubbly, happy persona around others - he doesn’t want people to think he is weak or cowardly

It is also hard for others to see and he is someone with high-highs and low-lows, so when he is happy or excited his emotions are quite extreme

Tendou’s anxiety relates a lot to his image, mainly his appearance and the way he acts, but he is also a general over thinker

He doesn’t have panic attacks as often as Tsukishima does, however they do happen occasionally when things just get too much

He often thinks that people are staring at him, or talking about him whenever he goes out, and he tends to hid this by seeming overly cocky or sardonic

When his depression hits, he tends to just feel sad or hopeless instead of numb, which tends to trigger his anxiety too

Tendou used to self-harm often around his hips/thighs however he hasn’t done so since the end of his first year of high-school

Probably makes a lot of dark ‘jokes’, especially around suicide and people semi are like ‘...dude...you ok?’ and he’s just like ‘hahaha yeah im fine what’

He doesn’t like alone time too much as he tends to get trapped in his own thoughts

As expected of the guess monster, he is extremely good at reading and understanding people, which is how he finds it easier to help and communicate with Ushijima

Bokuto - ADHD

A lot of people at Fukurodani think Bokuto is just stupid, however he actually has ADHD

He was diagnosed a lot later than the rest at 12 years old

Bokuto tends to struggle with his studies as his attention-span is very low and can get distracted easily - either by things in the classroom or his own thoughts

He’s very forgetful, often forgetting his lunch at home or forgetting to do/bring in his homework, and this goes into volleyball too where he forgets how to do certain moves

Taking exams are the worst for Bokuto, he hates having to be still and quiet for such a long time and is very sensitive to little sounds or movements that distract his attention - you’ll often find his bouncing his leg or fiddling with his pen

He tends to butt into conversations or interrupt people when they are talking, he just gets a bit too enthusiastic to share his thoughts

He has extreme mood-swings too which we see often in the anime, especially when he is stressed or someone mentions his behaviours

Is very reckless - Akaashi has probably had to stop him from leaning too far out the window and almost falling to look something

The whole Fukurodani volleyball team are aware of his ADHD and do their best to help him and make him feel comfortable or accepted

They are the only people allowed to call him stupid - they will fight anyone else

I think there are more characters with mental health illnesses or disorders, such and Yamaguchi, Yachi, Kenma and Asahi having anxiety so I might write more at some point!

#jesus that was long #haikyuu #ushijima wakatoshi #kageyama tobio #tsukishima kei #bokuto koutaro #Tendou satori #Tendo Satori #headcannon #mental health #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu!!

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