#but idk how well-received this video will be so i'm not gonna bother getting a account

[citylighten]

SINK OR SWIM Good Luck, Babe!

[blablabrat]

Context

It's been 3 years since my last post, how time fuckin' flies. It's funny that I end up back here when my life turns to shit lol. I've had a pretty good 3 years, it's probably why I was too busy enjoying it to come back here and babble about it. I was busy being happy. Isn't it ironic how we want to remember those moments the most, the happy times, the best times, the good ol' days, but somehow I have only managed to record a few here and the rest is shit. Lol. I guess when I'm happy I don't think about writing it all down because I'm too busy reveling in the moments of my busy schedule and adventures in between. Which is a good thing too. I think when I'm happy, I'm more of a - let's take a picture or video of this moment so I'll remember it - kinda person. And when I'm sad, mad, or drowning in my thoughts, that's when I go crawling to a hole looking for a vortex to bury my thoughts in and keep them there so I don't have to keep them in my head. Maybe that's what this is. Well, I called this blog the Deep End for a reason. Anyway, here's a very short life update for you to get you back on track.

Now, I plan on actually writing more of this down in detail in the future, let's hope I follow through with that plan.

For now, here's the update.

In one month, I've managed to cut off my ex boyfriend, explore online dating, get a new boyfriend, quit my job of 4 years, get a new job opportunity, found out I got a golf sized cyst in my left ovary, travel to Cebu for free, lose all sources of income at the same time, quit my new job (2nd resignation in 1 month), get another job opportunity, be deadass broke, and now waiting to hopefully receive a confirmation that I got the fucking job or else idk how I'm gonna afford food for the next 30 days.

So yeah, that's all for the month of August 2023. Oh, btw I'm 30 now so good fucking bye youth. Nice knowing your dumbass, hope I'm not as dumb for the next decade.

By the looks of it, it's either I am still dumb as fuck, or maybe stepping out of my comfort zone could mean growth. Either way, let's call it character development for now. In a couple of years, I'll read back to this post and I will know the answer. Did I make the right decision? Lol. And the new guy, did it work out? Let's hope he did because if not, IDK why you even bother to open your heart up again. It's so fucked up enough already. I'm either learning from my mistakes and getting smarter or finding quicker ways to fucking fail.

Anyway, there's a lot to say and a lot on my mind which is why I'm writing this ridiculously long post. Maybe I'll spill my thoughts on a new post, but before that I wanted to add some context so I guess this is the context. So when I read back, I hope the above details are enough to jog your goldfish memory and remember what was going on. I'll end this here. More to say later. Bye bitches.

[yatsugareboyf]

Can I request dazai and ranpo confessing to their crush hcs? I love your writing btw!!

thank u so much anon this is cute

warnings : suicide mention bcs .... dazai <3

confessing to their crush hcs with dazai and ranpo

- dazai osamu

he flirts all the damn time

so you never know if he's gonna take u seriously bcs w EVERY WOMAN THAT COMES IN THE DOOR HES LIKE

"my belladonna, do you want to accompany me in the world's most beautiful double suicide?"

yeah. no

when he has a crush, he really wants to act like it doesn't bother him or he acts like he's smitten with any other woman

BUT HE'S NOT- he's whipped snd he doesn't know how to contain it

visibly tries to flirt w other women while ur there (not to get u jealous but so he can get his mind off of the fact that you're right there)

don't get me wrong he flirts with you too and it annoys the fuck out of kunikida

"y/n! you're back! i'm sure you're tired, lovely, so let's go sleep together forever-"

"dazai u fucking menace-"

i feel like he doesn't do the "big event confession thing" its more of a gradual thing?

he'll definitely ask u out on a date, but makes it seem like its just any other day type of date so u agree

but he invites you to so many more dates

which makes u go like "are these dates dates or just friend dates?"

then he smiles "what do you want them to be, hm?"

"huh?" you reply, squinting at dazai, who's currently seated in front of you at a small cafe you both frequent.

"well," he starts, taking your hand and placing it on top of his while the other runs its thumb across your knuckles, and you think it's another stupid invitation at a double suicide, "i've been asking you on dates and you've been agreeing, so i guess these are dates?"

he's been asking you out to dates? was this his plan all along? to make you feel like you're the one who needs to confess to him when really he's dying to confess to you but doesn't want to be the first to talk in fear of rejection?

or maybe he just wants to poke fun at you for liking him back.

"i... i guess they are."

"we're dating! you're so sneaky, my love, not knowing we're dating even if you were the one to agree to it."

"i thought it was a friend date!"

- edogawa ranpo

there's only two ways i see ranpo acting when he has a crush

one, he's overly proud and boasting of his charms when his crush is around and is isnt against showing off for their approval

two, he's embarrassed and flustered and cant even show off even if he wants to because he doesn't want to embarrass himself in front of you. he's quiet and weirdly normal

either way, he doesn't want to be the one who confesses. sorry man he can't do it

well, not that he can't do it, he just doesn't want to

why would HE have to confess his love when YOU can do it? i mean, he is the greatest detective of all time, who wouldn't have a crush on him?

if u do like him, then u must be damn good at hiding it because he doesn't know

or he doesn't want to know, because he's scared of knowing the truth (that maybe u just dont like him like that yknow?)

so he just stares at you when he can, but when u look at his direction and ask him what's wrong, he pretends to be lost in thought and only coincidentally faced your way 😭🙏

he'll be very frustrated tho, because he wants to talk to u and say that ure cute and he wants you to say that hes cute and idk

hold ur hand?? let him sit on ur lap?? all those stuff

he can't do that when u think he's just a friend :((

so he just does it in the most subtle way he can

"y/n!"

you look over to ranpo, whos gesturing you to sit beside him at his desk.

"hm? what is it?"

he opens up a drawer that holds all of his candy bars and sweets that have varying colors in neon and pastel, pulling out a few of them then closing it shut. he lays them in front of you then returns to his video game.

"those are for you."

you were hesitant to receive the candy bars, but you saw the packaging and smiled. they were sweethearts and chocolate bars.

[blinkaftermidnight]

Hey there Liv, just wanted to let you know I've been binging a few of your leatin fics and I absolutely love your writing. The way you capture their nuances and characteristics is spot on (even for the other girls as well). You write your fanfics so well and there are moments where I'm like oh boy here comes the angst, but there are also moments where I burst out laughing because you have really great one liners. Can't wait to read more from you. Have a great day ahead!

I will have a great day, actually, just because of this message. It made me a little emotional, which is so funny because I know I recently said I don't get emotional easily, and I typically try to stay lighthearted and funny while answering asks/comments. This really does mean so much to me, though. I'll never be able to adequately express that, so you'll just have to take my word for it. Also I'm about to spill some feelings, so I'm sorry lmao.

I know everyone gets nervous whenever I refer to being done writing, and I get it. It makes me nervous, too. I've gone over a year without writing a single non-academic word before. I am extremely afraid that I will lose my ability to write simply because I enjoy it, since it's happened before. So that sort of always hangs over me as I'm working on new fics, and sometimes I wonder why I'm bothering, and then I get messages like this. Or I see the response to i'll be waiting on you forever. And of course I'm writing for me and because I get something out of it, but it's absolutely incredible to be able to see what other people get out of it, too. It's a nice reminder of why I haven't given up writing in order to idk play video games all day instead.

I know I've talked before about how Leatin's popularity - and especially the attention my fics have received as a result - freaked me out lmao. To put it lightly. I never expected to make an impact. It does make me a little emotional when I really think about it. So really, before I go on too much of a rant, let me just say thank you, again. I've received a couple marriage proposals from strangers recently (which I love, honestly, like yes, this is 100% how I'm gonna find someone to marry), so I think it's my turn to propose to you. If you're willing to fight for me, of course. There may be some competition lmao.

And of course, I hope you have an amazing day as well. I really appreciate you starting mine off nicely.

[mod2amaryllis]

I'm sure you've received this question a hundred times but do you have some tips for training a deaf puppy? Thank you and sorry to bother you

OK YEAH SO definitely don’t consider training to be an area of expertise but Goose turned out decent so here are some things:

first thing: make sure you’re prioritizing just like, approaching it as A Puppy, and puppies are hard as a baseline. find a class to join for basics if your dog does well in a class setting (my area had a free puppy class option that worked great for Goose, look into it, but I DO think this is something worth spending money on if you have to). then my most recommended puppy literature is: Social, Civil, and Savvy: Training & Socializing Puppies to Become the Best Possible Dogs. it’s almost impossible for me to pay attention to nonfiction books and a lot of dog training books are really crunchy technical, but this book is super short, lots of pictures, big text, straightforward. I had an easy time absorbing it and the stuff works. awesome awesome training guide. also a good podcast is Drinking From the Toilet, which has had specific puppy and deaf training eps

AND BLANKET STATEMENT: socializing is just in general the most important thing for a puppy. like exposing them to new things. expose them to all types of people, all types of animals, all types of situations, all types of floors rooms buildings grass discomforts yadda yadda yadda this is JUST as important for a deaf puppy. blanket ass statement.

NOW FOR SOME DEAF DOG SPECIFIC STUFF

general stuff before I share personal observations: resources I turned to the most were probably Deaf Dogs Rock (awesome equipment recs, so many anecdotes from owners w/ specific advice) and Keller’s Cause (neat little training videos)

ok now personal experience

in the context of training it was helpful for me to think of deafness more as just another attribute as opposed to a disability. like how being a mini aussie makes her creepy-smart, being deaf makes her: not hear (obviously), highly observant, potentially more confident in situations that might intimidate hearing dogs, easily startled, dependent on passive training as opposed to command training. basically it’s not a hurdle. it forces you to be creative and work within her attributes. just like with literally any other dog.

obviously you will use signing. I don’t use ASL, I come up with whatever is intuitive for Goose and me. early training feels like you need 3 hands cuz you’re giving treats, you’re signaling “good job,” you’re signing commands, you’re maybe holding a leash, it’s a lot. so my signs had to be with 1 hand, they had to be intuitive, they had to be distinct from one another to avoid confusion. a few examples: SIT is a closed fist (I feel like most people already do this with their dogs); TOUCH is two fingers offered; LAY DOWN is those two fingers being lowered to the floor; SPEAK is a hand being opened rapidly. I have more but you get the picture. I actually have a notebook where I’d doodle commands as I went cuz I was literally just flying by the seat of my pants lmao

passive training has been clutch. this is kennel training, car training, leash training, basically establishing her life routine (idk if it’s actually called passive training??? i’m sure it all falls under “”””socializing”””” but that’s such a huge umbrella). these areas can be difficult to settle into but they really are essential. I don’t have car advice cuz my dogs drive w/ me to work every day and are fine so IDK WHOOPS but:

leash training: with goose being deaf it was weird because the trainer I worked with was heavily reliant on voice commands. so I put a LOT of time into the loose-leash game, which is walking on a leash in the house, and every few steps, you give the dog a treat AT YOUR SIDE. like hold your hand right by your leg. basically the idea is to teach your dog it’s cool and fun to stay by your side and check in with you every now and then. Goose still pulls on her leash but in a manageable way, and she knows to check back with me. also definitely rec a halter. this one’s my favorite.

kennel/sleep training (gonna spend a lot of time on this one cuz it was/is the worst thing about Goose): listen. this one will be hard. this one’s gonna suck. you will be SO tempted to just let them in your bed but you really, REALLY should not. letting them in the bed can foster separation anxiety especially with a deaf dog who’s probably gonna become your shadow. kennels instill confidence by giving a dog their own space, and if ever there’s an emergency when they need to go in the kennel, it’ll help them feel safe. like there’s so many reasons to kennel train. you gotta do it.

so...as a baby, Goose like almost killed me with sleep deprivation. we initially didn’t think we’d keep her (haha hubris) so she slept out of the bedroom. And Screamed. the ultimate solution was bringing her kennel in the bedroom next to Joanie’s kennel, and we’re pretty sure the reason that solved it is because she could wake up and SEE that there was another dog there. now she loves her kennel. shoots in there every night demanding her pb kong. BUT YEAH LISTEN if you DON’T HAVE some comforting visual/kinetic reassurance there, this could be a problem for a deaf puppy. AND. AND. the problem hasn’t gone away completely. Goose wakes us up at 5:30 am every single morning and probably will for the rest of her life because THAT is her routine and she is immune to our angry tired yelling. the simple act of us going to her kennel reinforces the behavior. we’re not jerks about it cuz we love her and understand how dog brains work. This Could Happen To You. Heads Up.

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS: big sister dog like Joanie, worked for us; a floor fan creating vibrations, seemed to help her as a very young kiddo; being at least IN VIEW of you sleeping, like having the kennel riiiiight next to the bed, even within arm’s reach so you can reassure the puppy you’re still there. just...both in personal experience and in my research, I saw it a lot that sleeping is a big issue. cuz they can’t hear you, it’s dark, they don’t know if you’re still there, and committing to STILL attempting kennel training is the harder thing to do, but I really, really encourage you to try.

WOW. ok. fuck off I typed way more than I meant to. wanna hear some funny stuff?

Goose follows us around everywhere. she simply must know what’s goin on. we have beds stationed at every visual corner of the house, like sentry posts, so whatever room we’re in there’s a comfy place for her to sit where she can see us and she takes advantage of it. like she could be sleeping in one room and I’ll get up to brush my teeth, suddenly look down and she’s just teleported already asleep in the nearest bed to me.

sometimes Goose knocks on the door to come inside, and I’ll go to the door to let her in, and at literally the nanosecond before I open the door she dog-shrugs and turns and trots away and there’s nothing I can do. can’t call out to her. I’m bamboozled.

she is so fucking loud. I remember when she was a baby and my sis in law was like “wow so I bet she’s quieter than normal dogs huh” and I laughed like no actually she sounds like a rubber chicken going for that 4 chair turn on the voice, at ALL times.

sometimes I’ll do the speak command and she’ll do this huge windup, like big breath, eyes wide, and then release what is essentially a very little hiccup. but i still have to give her the treat. she doesn’t know the difference, not really.

always delighted to be woken up by you, wiggles her feet and starts licking her lips and looking up at you like “!!!! hello!!! omg!!! wow!!! a delight!!!”

doesn’t know the cats don’t like her. will trot up to Frisk and give what is in her mind a very polite little kiss on her nose before trotting away, oblivious to the offended growl she’s just elicited.

MUST BE PET. HOW ELSE WILL SHE KNOW SHE IS LOVED. MUST BE PET AT ALL TIMES NOW EVERYWHERE PLEASE.

...

realizing i could write a book about how much i love this deaf fucker

[matt-skc-rp]

I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me and You)|| Swiftimer AprilAU

Matt and Suzy couldn’t really find time on their schedules to go out anymore, between their schedules and their own personal things popping up, so they found the perfect thing to get them together doing something they both enjoy, video-making and giving to those who can’t. The Gamma house had a few charity streams set up for the holiday season and Suzy said she can get him in one of them that she was doing with the Grumps, where she’d be off camera as well as on camera. They mostly needed someone to toggle the viewer’s screen.

Matt came over and Suzy met him at the door, they excitedly embraced and walked over to where the stream was going to be held. “You eat lunch yet?” Suzy asked, while she grabs the food she was eating, “We got some Chinese food over there you can heat up.”

“Oh yeah, I’ll get to it in a second. You have a uhh...like a wrap sheet of what kind of cuts I’m going to be making and how to transition into the different screens and minimizations. I know StreamLabs is gonna kind be on top of all of the donations and stuff,” he said.

“Wow, you’re really straight to the point about the work..but you’re volunteering,” Suzy pointed out with a giggle.

“Well once I know what I’m doing, then I can relax and have a little fun...But uhhm..I see you’re not looking like the Queen of Darkness much today,” Matt said with a nervous giggle. 

“It’s not like that’s all I do, or all I’m about it. I actually do a lot of my activities wearing a bunch of Game Grumps merch,” Suzy explained while Matt poked through the Game Grumps Twitch channel and its setup in OBS. 

“Well I figured as much, I do follow your social media, I just thought that you’d be a tad more done up for the stream,” he clarified, “I think your loungewear is what you look cutest in, you definitely are sexy when you’re modelling clothes or you’re dressed up.”

Suzy giggled shyly at his compliment and tucked her hair behind her ear, “Well thank you for recognizing I’m still a lazy girl gamer like everyone else in Gamma.”

“Aaaannd done! So, when’s the stream starting?” Matt asked, looking at the girl leaning on the table and gave her a warm smile.

“Uhhmm..tomorrow?..At 3 in the afternoon?” she replied, shrugging slowly.

“I’m actually not mad you did this..It means I’m much more prepared for this and can catch if something goes wrong..Thanks Suze,” he said, chuckling and standing up, “Was this your idea?”

“Yeah, the other guys are so busy with getting the rest of their finals and videos done that they forgot they needed to get a volunteer live editor for the stream since they’re gonna be completely hands-free on camera. Even their editor is gonna be in front of the camera or working props and other staging,” Suzy explained, grabbing her drink and sipping it, “Well, since you’re here, what do you wanna do?”

“I’ll be generous and ask what do you want us to do, because I blocked out literally all day today and tomorrow for this. I can stay here, we can go to my place and watch movies,” Matt suggested.

“Awwhh, but it’s still so cold!..Why don’t we stay here and play some arcade games?” 

“What games do you guys have?” he asked, turning to her.

“Uhhm...we can just go check,” Suzy said, dancing around the chair slowly moving toward the hall where they held their systems and coffins. Matt followed, smirking at her and walked normally. She opened the door to a colourful and loud room, full of classic cases of games and some new ones they obviously brought in for fun, and tables of pool, foosball, and air hockey all aligned in a slightly dim room. Suzy gets the rush of air that is only distinctive of walking into an arcade and thinking about what is your first move after getting your cup of tokens. “Yeah whatever’s in here is what we can use..Did you wanna get beat in something?” she teased, nudging his side.

Matt was still surprised that this is what Gamma does for its students, and he’s been stuck playing off his consoles in his room. “It surprises me that any of you study with this just down here,” he scoffed.

“It gets locked during class times during the semester and at like 1am too, but since we’re in the middle of winter break, it’s open 24/7!” Suzy explained, propping herself onto one of the unused pool tables. She watched Matt take a tour, and she noticed that he was...different. He wasn’t hanging on her or trying to be as intimate as possible, not even in his questions and answers! It’s almost as if he’d welcomed whatever looming loneliness and let the ideas of being close to anyone repulse him. It was comforting, in a way, but it tugged at her mind that it’s not like they hadn’t started their chemistry, so why the distance with her?

“That’s good to know, but then you guys just go into your rooms..Whatever, we have something similar in Theta with the editing and shooting booths. We perfectionists tend to lose track of the time, so they lock the isolated editing and shooting rooms when we need to study, but it’s not like..we can’t just ask the president and vice, because the actual school security monitors that. And they only do that because our president has a horrible habit of putting work and results above all else,” Matt explained as he hovered at the air hockey table, “Let’s start here.”

Matt sets up the game and they wait for the puck, a gust of air blowing in Suzy’s face from the rink. It lands on Matt’s side and he starts the volley, “How have your classes been, Suze?”

Suzy defends herself well, and they get a hot volley going, “I really liked the anthology classes and courses in the dead and dying...what say you?”

“Taking a bunch of production and set detail courses, I’ve also started taking management and busniess courses just in case i don’t work out as an artist of some sort. Gonna start my business- Ah!” Matt exclaimed and as he saved his goal, darting it into Suzy’s. She nodded, retrieving the puck and serving hard and fast until the volley ended with a point from her.

They both looked at each other, then he dropped the puck and served her nicely. Again?! What’s his deal?

“Uhhm...well I mean ” she asked almost forgetting they were playing a game, “The whole taxidermy and bugs thing is gonna be like, my marketable skill, I also like to model sometimes. You know, I do all of that when I’m not working on my own gaming channel. I wanna start getting into jewelry-making..”

“Oh that’s dope! I love that you don’t settle for less!” he said, grunting as he was competing, then Suzy sliding a point past him, “You definitely are not afraid to get your hands dirty...I think that’s so great!”

Ping ping Ding Ding Suzy let the puck hit the wall and then slide in. She really wasn’t used to being praised like this. It was so refreshing in some way knowing that he was still willing to just talk to her. Even if she doesn’t really say what she really feels or thinks. “Haha..I was letting you catch up!” she blurted out as she bent down to pick up the puck and looked at Matt who looked at her as they stared intensely at each other before dropping the little plastic puck in front of her and checking it off the side towards him. 

“Tell me more about your Christmas stream you’re having here instead of in the saftey and comfort of your family,” Matt had said after scoring another point and allowing her to start the volley again.

“I’m gonna hang out, and probably oversee some of the challenges we do on screen, then I’m probably going to just read comments and donations and just interact with my audience,” Suzy explained, “But if you were wondering why I haven’t joined the exodus from this facility like everyone else then that’s because I’m flying out on the 22nd or 23rd so I’m not missing out on all the cute cuddly family fun.”

“Oh...that’s nice,” Matt responds, focusing on the puck. He was interested, but he really only wanted to know about the stream, since Christmas for him was a touchy subject. He would be watching her work and he guesses he could get her food and water and such, but she could’ve asked anyone. Why him? “I already flew out and saw my family. I decided to come back to just have more time to think...At least that’s what my sister wanted for me,” he explained as he dodged her attempts to score, his hands were getting sweaty but he couldn’t let up. Then he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.

[From: Gabbie Babbie] Hey, are you still with Suzy? [From: Gabbie Babbie] I don’t mean to bother you, just was thinking about you I think... [From: Gabbie Babbie] Idk have fun. Maybe we can try to grab dinner together tonight again.  [From: Gabbie Babbie] I just wanna touch your beard lol

Matt scored another point, but then Suzy retaliated with the last 2 points of the game and they both sighed as the game went back to its normal state.

They played another round and then moved on to other games in the arcade. One being a two player game with only one joystick and set of buttons. He had allowed her to mess with him while he was giving a grand effort of a turn to get a higher score. So he had no problem returning the gesture as safely as he could. When the girl was gaining a lead and even past his score, he warned her that the game is going to get really hard. He started to tickle her sides. Fun little finger pokes at first while she beat his score. They set up another game. Suzy lightly feathered Matt’s arms and actually caused him to finish with a score better than either of them. Suzy received air being blown in her ears and her freaking out causing her to jump back into Matt’s arms. She looked up with a giggle, and he looked down, checking her eyes and saw a softer look. Where was her fear of falling? Where was her blind rage that he cheated?

She felt her heart start to jump a little, not from their frolicking, either. His arms were a lot more welcome than she last knew. His touch was gentle on her body, and she felt cradled instead of caught. Is this how his sisters feel? Who would have thought this creep and weirdo would have such a light touch. He’s told her once before that he’s played with his sisters (moreso Hollie) and he would make sure not to hurt them so they knew how to have fun, but that they wouldn’t get hurt because of them. His glasses shining against the lights of the cabinet and the dim light gave it a galactical shine. She was lost in his eyes and gripped him for her fear of falling, but she still felt drawn to him.

This whole ordeal was throwing Matt off balance and it felt like they only stayed like that for a moment. He watched them almost from above himself as they crash back into the game cabinet they were playing, Matt towering over her, his hands propped up on either side of her. He dodged hitting her in the face or falling with his whole weight by simply shifting, and landing on his hip at angles to the other girl still gripping his shirt on his sides. He immediately moved back from the cabinet to let the girl stabilize herself, her hands now going to the ends of the game cabinet, to stabilize herself, while he took her hands off of his shirt. “I...I am so sorry, Suzy. I didn’t mean to make you jump like that, are you okay?...” he said, a clear 5 feet away from her and edging towards the door. 

Suzy wasn’t sure what had happened there. She had frozen, but she had also had something come over her. She hadn’t realized that she had been pulling them down until they were falling, their awkward recovery being salvaged by Matt, and he wasn’t being weird about it. She just noticed him scooting to the exit of the game room, and opened her mouth to answer the question, “NO! N-no...I think you should leave..” She hadn’t expected it to come off that way, or those words rather, but there he was, nodding in understanding and escorting himself out of the room to gather his things.

He wasn’t fighting to say it wasn’t that bad. He wasn’t trying to say that she was crazy. He wasn’t trying to touch her again to see if he could make things right. He wasn’t even offering to buy her something special to eat or to drink after the stream when they’d ultimately meet again. He’s just...leaving. Suzy sat and thought about it and knows she made the right choice. He shouldn’t have blown into her ear like that, fucking perv. He’s disgusting. No. NO. She followed him just to make sure he had everything and to maintain some level of their acquaintance with one another...at this point.

Matt walked away, knowing he didn’t do anything wrong and his intentions were good, but the whole thing became a jumble and he’s done trying to make sense of those. His sister said If you want a girl to make up her mind, be nice! And go with the first thing that comes out of their mouth. It’s usually their most clear answer. Then never talk about it again. Don’t make her feel bad for not being able to make a choice, just encourage the girl to have a better one in mind next time. And even though it’s advice from a 17-almost-18-year-old girl, it sounded right. It was easier, too. Better than his approach. His approach branded him as a creep. This one gives him some nobility. He could hear Suzy following behind him and he kept checking his phone and replying back to Gabbie.

[To: Gabbie Babbie] Lmaooo you can touch my beard anytime uwu [To: Gabbie Babbie] Dinner sounds cool, how about tonight if you aren’t busy? Nothing fancy? Just some Thai, I feel like spice tonight [To: Gabbie Babbie] I’m about to leave Gamma now. Just had a super weird interactive moment with Suzy and she told me to get out so I could use a distraction. [To: Gabbie Babbie] Call you when I’m back in Theta.

Suzy stood there, not understanding why she felt so...off. He was smiling into his phone, probably texting a girl, making separate plans for the evening because theirs had just come to an abrupt end. He’s not accepting his loneliness. He’s not even lonely. He’s just indifferent. Suzy knows for him to brush it off and walk away is what he usually does now, but now it also seems like he’s not even that interested in her. All because she snapped at him to leave. She was more so thinking the room and not leave her, but he’s okay with either gesture. She almost feels embarrassed he reacted so politely and jealous that he had another person he’d rather spend his time with- BUT SHE ASKED HIM TO BE HERE. “Uhm!” Suzy blurted out with a small voice, keeping her hand to her mouth, causing Matt to look at her and realize he hadn’t moved.

“Oh..I’m sorry, I wanted to make sure you hadn’t died in there from the beating I’d given you...We should do this again sometime after the charity stream, and under...uhh..better circumstances- which, again, sorry..about that...in there...” he trailed off as he began to hurry through the Gamma common area. 

“You didn’t want a t-shirt?” Suzy asked, her face donned a broken smile, her whole body was conflicted on what her curse was to be around Matt like this. Maybe she just like dreamy guys treating her like a cool kid sister. Maybe it’s the beard he’s growing. Or the haircut. Or the glasses. It’s gotta be the glasses. He’ usually doesn’t wear them and he just thinks he can walk in here with them on like it was okay. “Yeah...uhh all participants of the charity stream get t-shirts and merch and stuff to wear, so do you want your t-shirt? Cus I can’t promise you any tomorrow, you know, with Mark and all-”

“Yeah, yeah, I do know,” Matt’s appearance of a deer in headlights quickly subsided when she mentions a t-shirt and an inside joke about Mark, “Uhh..I mean I can still hang here, if you’d like..and get that leftover chinese..and the t-shirt of course.” He agreed and knew exactly how this was going to pan out. It had to get better. Matt had to be able to hold some type of human interaction. He walked over to the kitchen with Suzy and she pulled out the food and let the other take his pick. “So uhh Suzy....is..it okay if I get personal?” he asked carefully filling a dish with food and then putting it into the microwave, pressing in the settings and starting it, leaning back against the counter. 

Suzy was surprised he wanted to speak to her and dig into a topic. Here she was thinking that he was almost forced to come here. Whatever, maybe he’s just trying to keep his mind off of what happened earlier. “Yeah, yeah sure. What’s up?”

“Soo..I don’t usually let gossip affect my friendships and relationships, but, and I don’t know how to put this, but uhh..are you Pewds’ concubine or something? I’ve heard a lot about it, but I wanted to check with you on the validity of it,” Matt said, sticking his hands in his pockets.

“WHat?!” Suzy spat, she looked around and walked closer, “Is it that obvious?”

“It’s that true?” he asked back, matching her hushed speech.

“We don’t...I-I mean we haven’t..I just...*sighs* Yes. I’m in cahoots with Pewds,” she admitted after getting frustrated about not being able to sugar coat it. He was the Gamma President after all, “Shane is fine with it and Harlan doesn’t see it much. They just figure it’s a..rough dry spell until they can cuddle up and vacation in the summers and such. It’s really the only time they get to have off. Shane’s always busy with schoolwork and Alpha work and taking care of Harlan, but he knows Felix is busier and needs to relax, and he can’t be there, I guess this is how they figured it out.”

“Oh ok,I understand that. I was seeing a girl who was a double major double minor 5.0, and so she would like only talk to me when she couldn't focus on studying and so I’d like hang with her, we didn’t like have sex very much, but it was fun while it lasted. The only reason I’m not with her right now is because she got picked up by UC Berkley and transferred to go straight into grad school,” Matt explained.

Suzy’s hand was trembling. He was okay with it? It’s not like his opinion mattered that much, but coming from a guy and being told that what she was doing didn’t damn her, felt odd. She listened to him talk about the girl he saw and she couldn’t help but think that he must have creeped her out and she stopped talking to him. However, Suzy had a strange pull that he wasn’t lying. She got the school bulletins, too, and there was a double major double minor 5.0 student at this school that had gotten picked up on scholarship to UC Berkley. Maybe he’s just that good of a liar. She was brought out of her thoughts by the beeping of the microwave and followed the man to the island nook. He sat and started eating, nodding as he slid Suzy his phone, showing pictures of him with the girl, who clearly looked tired and nothing like the polished one in the picture, standing together in a mirror together, another of them getting coffee at the cafe, and another with the two in bed in their underwear kissing. She nodded back, raising her brows in surprise, “You like prodigies,” she commented, “Well, you like them smart, at least. Interesting..eh..You’d have to prove it. And I’d thought that you’d have more of..an opinion about me..doing what I’m doing.”

“Well, it’s not that I like prodigies or that I even like them smart- I mean, well, I do..but that’s not the point. What’s more important is that you expected me to judge you, the only cis-female in an all cis-male house, that it’s wrong you’re having sex with men...in college. Jeez, you’ve gotta relax. Don’t take yourself so seriously, or don’t act like you have to around me. I think it’s hot as hell to have something like that to look forward to...I mean, is he anything like me? Do you guys like talk about things and be there for one another? Cus I understand it’s not a whole big thing, but I’d hope you two are friends. I’d hate to have to be standoffish to Pewds because he’s just being a fuck boy to someone as great as you,” Matt said between bites, carrying the conversation, getting up to the refrigerator and grabbing a drink, then sitting down to continue. He felt that Suzy probably expected to be judged, or she gets off on defying it, either way he knew he just wanted to make sure his friends were happy. At the moment, he looked at her as she had tensed up, “Look at me, talking about me and being overprotective of your well being. You can talk if you’re up to it,” he mentioned, sipping his juice. 

“Pew-Felix and I are friends,” Suzy began, fighting the blush on her cheeks, “He comes to me about his marriage and his house problems. Him and Cry going at each other over it and things. Planning events and things. He also just asks me for creative input. Sometimes I’m the babysitter. Oh yeah, I’m definitely more than just some cheeks for the man,” she blurted out in defence. It had been going on long enough that she could say normal things they’ve done, and that doesn’t count for the numerous instances of raunchy flirting. “Yup, your regular brand of rebel!” she joked, sitting back, proud of herself.

Matt giggled at her and cleaned up where he was completely, before going back to her and his drink at the counter. Suzy had came over the counter and was sitting, watching the man move around to cover his presence in her house. He looked at her, cross-legged on the countertop, and leaned back on his elbows next to her, “You’re not a rebel here until you get thrown out of a party, and you barely go to those!” he joked back, nudging her, “However, it raises your quality. You’re usually busy at work anyway. And babysitting would explain some of the times, especially between finals. That’s super duper kind of you. You’re definitely a real well-rounded friend!” he explained, listening to her and watching her face flush with pink. He looked at her and scoffed, “A real horny well-rounded friend. Pull yourself together, Suze!..All jokes aside that was cool how you were able to get in where you could find and got accepted for it. You get to have fun how most girls think they’d be having fun in college. You think you really like him?” he asked, looking at her.

Suzy grunted nervously, "Matt, you're putting a lot of thought into it, when...it's really really not that deep...I'm just friends with Felix sometimes and it's none of your business to be honest. So, like, can you please respect that?" The room rang with silence, causing Matt to withdraw. He stood on the other side of the kitchen now, looking through his phone and finishing his drink.

"I'm sorry," he began, "I haven't been the most respectful of people. It's mostly because I'm not around anyone anymore, so I tend to...obsess. And I really don't mean to be that way. That's why I wanted us to hang out more so that it doesn't happen anymore. I'm just..tired of being isolated."

Suzy looked at him and sighed hard, he very well could be lying. She can't doubt him, and given all the other times he's been very sweet, respectful and accomodating, maybe she was being a little too judgemental of him in that moment. She couldn't blame him for not being around anyone because she wasn't the most socalized person on campus either. She bit her lip and twirled her hair, feeling her chest tighten as she heard the familiar voice in her head. She was briefly conflicted and really thought she had gotten her voice up to tell Matt that she was sorry too, but had just been sitting there pulling at her hair. "Are you okay?" he asked from across the kitchen, scrunching his eyebrows. Suzy looked up and their eyes met, Matt looking at her blankly still waiting for a response. She had softened her stance, looking at the other person. He was so simple and strange and rugged. It all seemed so frustrating in her head, why couldn't he just be one way all of the time?!

Suzy still sat there and Matt grew concerned, but he was really about to leave because he had been totally blowing it. She quietly took in his frame, his energy. He was so soft and non-threatening, it felt nearly easy to be around him, and almost ignore him. Is that what he felt around everyone else? He didn't let the rumors become him, but it had isolated him because people like her would jump to so many conclusions. He'd believe anything you said, and wouldn't fight. Even though he's out for his gain of something so huge for him, she feels like it's not reaching her like that. "W-what about Gabbie?" she said, looking around, jumping off the counter, "Word around town is that you guys are becoming an item." She felt proud to have something to say about him.

"Gabbie and I are hitting it off. However, it's not what I'm used to," Matt began, "She's..as she described..going through a lot of things and she isn't always up for interacting, but if she cares about it in the back of her mind, then it'll show, but it takes some time."

"So...you think..maybe if you spent-"

"She specifically told me to leave her alone unless she asks for me- I usually don't know what it means until I get to see her, and from what I've been into so far, we're taking this...very..very slow," Matt replied, "SO..with that being said, I'll wait for her. Doesn't mean I'm tied to being around just her and when I can't I keep myself isolated; I spoke to my counselor and she said I shouldn't do that."

"Oh.." Suzy was so surprised, and felt rather lousy because of the explanation, and her lack of a rebuttal. He was put together and accepting of the different types of relationships. Maybe it really is lack of socializing. Matt looked at her and then looked at his phone again, then back to her. She felt like she wanted him to look at her, but maybe not look at her. She was so conflicted.

"Are you okay?"Matt asked, leaning over a little.

"N-No.." she said, pulling at a strand of her hair.

"Do..you...want me to leave you alone? Like leave?"

"N-No!" Suzy blurted out, trying to catch her breath.

"How about...we sit in the common area? Is anyone home? They gonna mind the noise down here?"

"Mmm-mmm...everyone's home on break or they're hard-wired into their streams and editing. I'm one of the only like...3 people here."

"Alright. Let's watch a movie or binge a series or something...this silence and everything are cutting into my psyche." ----------------------------------------------------------------- The two made some pizza rolls and settled in to watch an anime. Suzy sat close with him with his arm around her as they watched the show. She would elbow him when something made her jump or she reacted to a twist in the show. Matt would occasionally squeeze her arm and glance over at her as they casually spent hours together. Suzy hadn't realized, but she was so settled into Matt and his hand had moved from the top of her shoulders to the lower middle of her back, which felt amazing. His hand resting on her side ever so nicely, Matt felt so at home and relaxed. He really missed being able to hang out without that apprehension or air of doubt in the way. It was all clouded by the anxiety from him worrying about his hand going too far up or down, whether or not Suzy was comfortable, or even if she'd let him know what to do next.

Suzy had started it: "So..weird question, but..and you don't have to answer, but what's the best sex you've had...by category?" "By category..uhh..you mean like by position or like..by person? Bc either way that list is small and a bit arbitrary," Matt replied, jutting his lower body forward to lean back. "No...I mean like...well, obviously you start by orifice and work your way around to where and who...but like..for example..like...best head or something, then best penetrative sex then the subcategories of front and back-" "But I don't...I don't want it back there..." Matt joked, making them both laugh. "It's..it's fine, but in all reality it's not that bad. You just gotta really want it and stuff." "Ok, I think I get it...So...like the best head I've given was to the girl I was talking about earlier..you know the grad..I don't know why, but everything felt so right and I was in the zone. It may or may not have been because we'd taken adderall, may have not been. She was really into me, though. It was a good study break...Uhh best head I've received was hands down my first ex when I was 19 and she blew me in my mom's truck bed on a date." "Oh wow...Uhhm..well everything I did was mostly with Arin, and like maybe the person I dated a little after...but uhm..yeah I'd known him and been with him since we were teens," Suzy explained, "So it was really good and he didn't mind doing it upon request.." "You guys ever get caught?" he asked, looking at her, "Also I bet you all of your subscription payments that I give better head." "Hmm...well, I wouldn't say better, I don't like the idea of competition..How about if I cum more than once in like 30 minutes? Since sex on average is supposed to be a healthy half hour or so before a break," Suzy suggested, looking up at Matt. She wasn't too serious, at least not consiously, but sitting under him maybe had an influence because she couldn't think. He smelled so good and it just felt so comfortable to be wrapped up in him. Comfortable, though, isn't attraction; so what is she to do?

[mite75]

all of the valentines asks!!! I'm so nosey!

1: Do you have a crush at the moment?: no and idk I'm thinking about keeping it that way for a while unless someone for sure likes me and wants to date.2: Have you ever been deeply in love?: nope3: Longest relationship you've ever been in?: 2 months ^^;4: Have you ever changed for someone?: yup5: How is your relationship with your ex?: bad and ehh6: Have you ever been cheated on?: no dont think so7: Have you ever cheated?: NO8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating?: depends on our relationship. but there would be no slack if i even suspected of cheating it might be the end of the relationship and possibly friendship depending on how they act after.9: What's the most important part of a relationship?: trust communication and enjoying being together10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?: i want to be in a serious relationship. i always want to give space at first tho. if in the first few weeks/ month or 2 we see we’re not right for each other that’s chill, we break up no hard feelings anywhere. but like after that i prob really consider it at least pretty serious.11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?: depends. if it’s like alone time or days yea!! but if it’s like entire weeks/months?? and they happen a lot maybe we need to find other people.12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?: 2 both online and in middle school.13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?: nope not really14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?: i can't put input in this because i’ve never wanted sex idk what it feels like in high school to want to have sex. for me i’d say when you’re legally an adult but tbh i can't say anything.21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?: OFC if you can't be friends after a break up maybe your relationship wasn't that great to start >_>22: Do you think people should date their friends?: yea why not??? why would you not want to date someone you can be friends with? or like why would you need to date a stranger?23: How many relationships have you had?: 224: Do you think love can last forever?: idk i have not experienced it. I feel like it can but it’s really hard.25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?: nope!! it can help but it won't defeat any evil you have to do that.27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?: mmmm I'm not qualified to give advice to myself. i would go back to five year old me and be like hey,, dude ur gay.28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?: yes but it’s hard ;_;29: What do you notice first about another person?: usually how they look because I'm not a talker, sometimes it’s an interest they have tho. idk 30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?: I'm a ace lesbian 31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?: yes but it would not stop me from wanting to date them. it would only bother me in the sense that some days i prob would not be able to help them or be there for them. love doesn't stop mental illness i know that but i really would try to help my partner if they wanted it.32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?: no33: Do you want to get married one day?: yes! i mean I'm not in a rush or anything actually I'm super cautious about the topic of marriage in general. but idk it just sounds good to get married to someone you’ve loved for a long time.34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed?: nope!! sorry i hate needles I'm not getting words on my skin. only images if i really want them. things that are symbolic. if we’re in a super committed relationship and we’re prob gonna get married i might get a tattoo of something that reminds me of you.35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?: yes i want that. it’s ideal but not necessary.36: Are you still a virgin?: yes37: What's more important: Looks or personality?: PERSONALITY looks do count for a little but if i dont like you I'm not gonna like you.38: Do you enjoy love films?: yes but also no. sometimes they make me really uncomfy. especially if they’re het >_> but sometimes they dont!!39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?: no ;_;40: Have you ever had a valentine?: n o  ‘ u ‘41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"?: idk i would just like to spend time around them. i love the beach and amusement parks but tbh i would only have fun depending on the person I'm with. if they get motion sick i would be incredibly anxious at the park the entire time, and if they can't collect shells or swim or enjoy the beach i would feel bad.42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"?: yup i dont like it that much sorry ;_;43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends?: um?? both?? i’ll prob wanna be around my partner more but i love my friends and i would never loose them because I'm in a relationship.44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"?: yes? i like all the cutesy romantic stuff ^u^45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?: yes?? maybe?? i dont like thinking about it rn.46: Have you ever been "friend zoned"?: PFF OMG idk maybe?? but tbh i dont give a shit if i wanna date you i prob wanna be your friend just as bad.47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite?: i dont have one48: What's your favorite love song?: XDDD um,,,, maybe girls like girls, idk i can't remember49: Have you ever broken someone's heart?: possibly... I'm sorry dude. if thats the case.50: If you're single, why do you think you are?: because I'm gross ‘o’ also i’m not good at talking I'm very quiet. and i hurt myself, and complain all the time, I'm just not good \ ‘_’ /51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy?: HAHA U SLIPPED UP i have to pick the asshole because i dont date guys rip >_>52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?: nope i dont know what it’s like.53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single?: haha maybe a little. especially around this season.54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)?: idk?? is it really that important?? i mean imma do it but I'm also gonna tell my fam and friends in person prob.55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"?: yes, clingy maybe no possibly??? but the other things yea. i dont wanna let my anyone know that tho so usually i just deal with it myself.56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship?: nope57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?: mm yea. if ur gonna kill yourself do it for you. not because of someone else.58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship?: submissive I'm p sure. but tbh i have no clue.59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary?: prob ^^;; I'm super forgetful but i’ll try my best to remember ;_;61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family?: both?? why would this have to be a choice??? my sisters and brothers are chill if they tell me something’s bad i’ll consider it, but tbh its my choice.62: How do you define "cheating"?: acting in a romantic or sexual way with someone else without my knowledge or consent, especially if you try to keep it a secret from me. if it’s an accident somehow i won't like fight you i’ll give you another chance but remind you it really hurts me and if you do it again it might not be great for my outlook on you.63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?: idk you do you. why would this matter?? if you for reasons i find hard to understand sadly enjoy porn why should i stop you?? it’s like me enjoying anime or video games. dont force me to watch with you and i dont care, it’s something they enjoy why make them stop?64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated?: yes and no! i think it’s cute that there’s a day we share chocolates and presents with the person we love!! but tbh i also think it’s super capitalized and if we dont wanna spend on overpriced chocolates n stuff why dont we have valentines day on our own time?65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"?: YES like tbh i know I'm a cuddler. i just really like being comfy next to someone idk it feels good and is hard to describe.