#but i've said before he knew everyone who was big in Hollywood at the time

[alvadee]

sometimes i feel like all these people were grown in a lab to frustrate me personally because it's always just the implication of an anecdote, never an actual anecdote. but then i have to force myself to be rational bcs it's very unlikely that people remember what he would have actually said half a century later.

[6lostgirl6]

Omg, I've waited forever! Could I request an Adam Driver x gender neutal reader where they're his assistant on a movie set but they're super quiet and a bit intimidated by him. The reader is almost too quiet. After like a week of them tip-toeing around him afraid he's going to explode at any second Adam pulls them aside and tell them they're the best assisnt and gives them a big old bear hug the reader has a small meltdown of relif because they we're worried he was gonna flip out and fire them or worse.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Not What He Seems

Pairing: Actor!Kylo Ren x Assistant G/n!Reader

TW: Cursing

A/N: Hello Anon, this was such an amazing request and absolute joy to write! I do not write for actors so this is an AU where Kylo Ren is an actor rather than Adam Driver! I hope you enjoy this! Reblogs are greatly appreciated!

Word Count: 1.1k

Gif Credit: @lux-ace

There are benefits to working as an assistant in Hollywood, and you can't help but be thankful for having the opportunity. However, as with any profession, there were always drawbacks. When you worked as their assistant, you had to deal with obnoxious celebs, greedy directors, you name it. But you never imagined that one of the best performers of the decade would hire you as his assistant.

As an actor who took his roles seriously, Kylo Ren gave interviews that were concise and even a little cold. During the first two weeks after being assigned, you were tremendously anxious. You would mumble a humble "yes, sir" in response to Kylo's requests and then dash off to finish your tasks. Without a doubt, you didn't linger by his side any longer than necessary.

You respected him, yet you couldn't help but feel terrified. You can still remember the first day you met him as his new assistant.

You were in the middle of scanning through the roll call, checking the room to make sure everyone was accompanied. Earlier that day, you spent the last two hours answering phone calls for the director. It was very tiring, and you were happy to handle another task that didn't require much energy. However, it changed when your boss appeared with a grin on his face.

"(Y/N), I have another task for you during your time on this set." The director said, his pointer finger beckoning for you to approach him. The director was an older man with graying hair and a mustache in a gray-toned suit.

You tried not to outwardly sigh before getting up, keeping your clipboard in your hand as you approached.

"Yes, Sir?" You asked, looking up at the director with a professional expression on your face. "What exactly do you need me to do?"

The director could only grin more before replying, Yes, actually, you're going to be an assistant for our male lead! Do you think you can manage that?"

Oh great, another one.

Your professional mask slipped for a moment, and your eyes showed a hint of disapproval. However, you knew you weren't exactly in a position to refuse his request. "Of course, who will I be assisting, Sir?"

"That would be him." The director said, turning behind him before pointing across the room.

You glanced at where he was pointing, and you almost felt your heart drop to your stomach. Across the room, observing all the equipment with sunglasses concealing his eyes, was Kylo Ren.

"Sir, are we sur-" You started to say before the director interrupted you. He has a horrible habit of doing that.

"Try not to upset him too much; his last assistant was fired, and you know how that goes around here."

Your eyes widened as your mind processed what was being said. Before you could recover and politely ask to assist in something else, the director walked away, throwing a casual 'thanks' over his shoulder.

Great.

Your eyes returned to the towering presence observing the equipment; his face was stone-cold, and his concealed eyes made him seem like an enigma. You hesitated before checking the role call once more, hoping that perhaps he arrived at the wrong set and the director didn't check his cast like usual.

However, you were severely disappointed when, towards the bottom of the roll call, his name was mentioned.

Kylo Ren, Leading Male.

You were totally screwed.

It has been a few weeks and Kylo was seated in his very own director's chair, which featured his name attached to the back using velcro. Kylo was never fond of those chairs since they made his back ache when he sat in them. That, however, did not concern him in the slightest. Ever since he was given his newest assistant, he has always been left in a state of confusion or bewilderment.

He was certainly not oblivious; he was aware that his assistant had been avoiding him or making an effort to leave earlier than necessary. You only exchanged a few words with him, but you were always exact and prompt in your responses to his demands. He couldn't deny that you were his best assistant, but he couldn't understand why you were so afraid around him. He was eager to discover the reality of the situation.

"(Y/N)." Kylo muttered, appearing behind you while you were organizing the beverages on the table.

You jerked, almost dropping the soda cans you were holding. Before you could drop the beverages to the ground, you quickly set them down on the table and turned to face Kylo.

"Y-Yes, Mr. Ren?" You replied, your neck craned back due to his towering frame. You were so nervous that you could hardly stand still as you silently prayed that you hadn't done something wrong that you weren't aware of. "Is there something wrong?"

"Yes, actually."

Oh, fuck.

From your silence, Kylo proceeded to remove his sunglasses, revealing his hazel eyes. You noticed that he appeared to shuffle a little, almost as if he were feeling awkward. You couldn't help but be a little curious about what he needed to say at this point.

"I've noticed you've been avoiding me, and I want to know why that is." He said, looking down at you with his face remaining neutral.

"Sir, I didn't mean-"

"Listen, I just want to understand why you seem afraid of me." He explained, before crossing his arms. "I think you owe me that much."

"I'm sorry..." You muttered, your eyes brimming with tears. You avoided his gaze, instead facing the ground.

When Kylo noticed the tears forming in your eyes, his eyes widened. He couldn't help but feel almost ashamed and somewhat guilty about upsetting you.

"Please, don't cry..." He muttered, watching as the tears began falling from your eyes. He hesitated before stepping forward, slowly wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into a hug.

You gasped quietly, the unexpected hug catching you off guard. However, it wasn't unwelcomed as you slowly returned the embrace. Your head rested on his chest, and you listened to his breaths to calm down.

"Look..." He paused before continuing, "You're the best assistant I've ever had; you don't need to cry."

"Y-You're not going to fire me...?" You asked softly, sniffling.

"No, I'm not going to fire you." He chuckled, finding the idea a little absurd. "You can just...relax more around me, alright?"

He pulled away before putting his large hands on your shoulders, peering down at you with a small smile. "Can you do that for me?"

Without thinking, your own smile was appearing on your face, making you feel more calm.

"Yeah, I can do that." You whispered, nodding your head.

"Good." He replied before straightening up, his hands returning to his sides. He turned slightly, giving you one last glance before putting his sunglasses back on and walking away.

Spam Liking w/o Reblogging = Blocked

Taglist: Comment to be added!!

@prettywhenibleed @britany1997 @leiasolo77 @rottent33th @slaasherslut @bookworm-with-coffee

[ravi-is-my-beloved]

I will genuinely never get over 'Buddies hacked Lou' drama. This wasn't a little niche belief of some people on Twitter; I'm not a big blog by any means, and I lost so many people I've followed for YEARS because they insisted he must have been hacked...

People who seemed totally sane otherwise! They just came on Tumblr one day posting that 'it was so sad people would violate Lou's safety' or that they 'were waiting for more information to come out'. I think some people were really expecting him to make a statement about it, but he ignored it. BECAUSE HE WASN'T HACKED. And then everyone just kept insisting he was hacked or started being racist too. Oh, to be an average white guy in hollywood...

Tommy fans always are like "Oh, people bring up the stuff that Lou posted a decade ago but are so quick to excuse and not even talk about the transphobic stuff Ryan said last week." And like yes, we shouldn't be ignoring all of the problematic stuff Ryan is doing and saying but also, you're forgetting that Lou tweeted a problematic meme in 2024.

And it's because they wholeheartedly think Lou was hacked for reasons that fall flat when you look at those reasons with a critical eye.

"Oh, Buddie fans were the only ones who were awake and there to see Lou post that!" Have y'all heard of different timezones and how it's normal for a huge chunk of people to be awake at the same time?? Also, I don't believe for a single second that not a single Tommy fan was awake around that time too, they're just ignorantly believing that Lou was hacked.

"Lou would never have posted that, he changed!" He's a celebrity, you're never going to know him truly like you would a friend or family member. You don't know that he wouldn't have posted that in 2024, because you don't know him. You don't know that he's changed, he might've stopped posting problematic memes because he knew it would get him canceled in this day and age.

They were so quick to defend their favorite white actor that they truly fell down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories. All because they want to paint all of Tommy Haters and Buddie fans as unhinged and vile.

Last week, I saw a BT fan on here say that Buddie fans have taken to creating fake posts of BT fans saying wild takes and screenshooting them to make BT fans seem bad and their reasoning for that was "I've never seen a BT fan actually say anything BoBs say we do." And so many people were reblogging and saying "Yeah, I follow so many BT blogs and I've never seen anything like what BoBs are saying."

I've said it before and I'll say it again, this fandom regularly takes stuff that is being said on Twitter and putting it on here to be like "Oh, look at what Buddie/BT fans are saying." And it's not entirely representative of what people are saying here on Tumblr. They do it all the time themselves, but apparently Buddie fans are the ones making shit up.

And these people are the same ones who are like "People who hate Tommy don't have critical thinking skills." (Something that I've actually seen someone on here say in one form or the other.)

Like I'm not the one who went through mental hoops to start a conspiracy theory that Buddie fans hacked Lou. I'm not the one who thinks that just because I haven't seen someone on my side of the ship war say something outlandish that it means no one on my side of the ship war had actually said that outlandish thing.

I admit that there are things that I struggle to understand/am slow to understand, but at least I'm not out here thinking that anyone who disagrees with me lacks critical thinking skills. And yes, I know my previous paragraph might seem like that's what I'm saying, but it's truly not. I'm just saying that you can't say that the haters are all unhinged/lack brain cells when you have believed something so readily without much thought/proof.

I'm going to end this response with this:

Not putting celebrities on a pedestal is truly something that this fandom struggles with. Anyone who puts any of the cast members on pedestals have forgotten that we will never truly know celebrities' true personalities.

[patientlibrarian]

Goran Thursday.

Hello everyone, everywhere, it's "Goran Thursday" and still very hot here in the UK. Lots of Goran about at the moment.

Talking of hot:

Translation:

Goran Višnjić and Zrinka Cvitešić together on stage for the first time: "We became like a small family "

The most successful Croatian actors abroad, who play the main roles in the play 'Equinocija' at the Dubrovnik Summer Games, discover what the atmosphere is like at rehearsals led by director Krešimir Dolenčić and recall their summers in Dubrovnik where their professional paths have never crossed before.

Location: Croatian National Theater in Zagreb. Weather: three in the afternoon, end of the week, heat, steam. Wardrobe no. 106, make-up artist, hairdresser, Gloria's team and two of the most outstanding actors of contemporary Croatia - Zrinka Cvitešić (44), laureate of the highest British theater award Olivier, and Goran Višnjić (52), our most successful representative in Hollywood.

The reason for the meeting: the Dubrovnik Summer Games and their collaboration on the play "Equinocija" by Ivo Vojnović, directed by Krešimir Dolenčić. Goran plays a rich returnee from America, Nika Marinović, and Zrinka plays his love from his youth, Jela. This time, Višnjić did not return from America, but from Great Britain, where he lives with his family in the southwest of the island - in Cornwall, while Cvitešić is still at two addresses, one in Zagreb and one in London with his partner, former soccer player Niko Kranjčar .

In preparation for our recording, Zrinka and Goran excitedly exchange impressions from the rehearsal they just came from. Both she and he have the text with their notes in their hands and are commenting on younger colleagues from the play's team - whose performance they are delighted with. Lovers of acting recognize each other, one might say. Director Krešimir Dolenčić , however, did not choose this "duo fantastikus" by chance.

"Nothing is a coincidence, and then again, it is. We met by chance after a performance at the &TD Theater and then he told me that he had a meeting the next day regarding the Games and that we would talk to each other when he knew exactly what it was about. I am in that moment I said that I would like to work at the Games, I just don't know when and which show. And then he called me the next day and offered to do "Equinocia", to which I immediately said - come on! Krešo and I have known each other for almost thirty years. ever since he was an assistant to our professor Neva Rošić at the Acting course. When I was a student, he gave me a scholarship at Gavella," recalls Goran Višnjić with a laugh.

Zrinka agrees with the statement and complements the answer with his memory. "An actor should be very lucky to work with directors like Krešo in his career. I've had very few of them so far - they're directors you don't ask what, how, why... When you're invited to a project, you just ask them when and where you should come. They are unreservedly guided, inspired, and loved by you. It's nice to come back to Kreša after more than ten years, but we both asked ourselves - is it really so?! Because we both feel like we've worked together before. In short, we had a great time at the rehearsals. The ensemble is not big and after a week we have become like a small family. The young actors Lara Nekić and Karlo Mrkša are wonderful and curious actors. It's best when it's created together, when there's no "this is not my scene and I'm not interested in it". The most beautiful ideas are born from togetherness, this has been confirmed to me again and again throughout my life, and so it is this time," says the actress who, together with Goran Višnjić, recalled her first associations with the Games, and they also revealed to us something about their summer plans.

PLUS: Wonderful 'presentation' for a new concept Verne car by Goran on his instagram page. Must have taken ages to do. Has priceless references to a couple of old tv series!!

Hope your day goes as you would wish it to.

[floosies]

dont imagine rockstar eddie who's band had been big a couple of years before you blew up. he'd been your friend and confidant through it all because you had similar friends and were signed to the same label.

he would never admit he had feelings for you because he knew the risks. but when you started dating some random model that one of your friends set you up with. he knew he had no choice but do something to let you know.

your birthday came and isnt it funny he said he had something planned for it. the whole whiskey a go go closed down for the night and all your friends (and boyfriend) were there. corroded coffin was on stage as soon as midnight hit. eddie with a shit eating huge grin on his face dedicating the set to his favorite girl in the world. you didnt think anything of it, just his kindness. until you heard the opening guitar riff.

maybe to the untrained musician they wouldnt know but lyrics sure didnt help, but you knew right away. you looked at him to make sure and all he could was look right into your eyes with a wink as he sang,

"Let's make the best of the situation

Before I finally go insane.

Please don't say I'll never find a way

And tell me all my love's in vain.

Layla, you've got me on my knees.

Layla, I'm begging, darling please.

Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind."

some people looked at you, eyes wide and unsure. because they knew too, they knew what this was. everyone knew who eric clapton is and the mess that pattie boyd left him in. but you were a taken woman, just like her.

thankfully your boyfriend didnt get it the way some other people did. it took some time after their set to get a moment alone with eddie. you didnt want to cause attention, but damn you were both frustrated, angry, and hopeful.

knocking back a beer in the back of the bar he looked at you with a soft gaze, "how'd you like our set?" your face shifted from worried to slightly upset, "you either are the cruelest prankster or we should talk." you said letting out something between a huff and a laugh.

setting down the beer bottle he moved slightly in his seat to see you better. taking his hands into yours, his fingers rubbing your palms, he started speaking, "this business is shit but music is our comfort right? i've held back for so long, trying to keep myself from being eaten alive by it but you deserve so much more than that asshole. i'm sorry i didnt say it sooner but you're my moon and stars baby, even if im fucked here, i thought it was about time you knew." then he took your hands up to his mouth, his lips pressing kisses on your knuckles before placing them back onto your lap.

you'd wanted him for so long, but your boyfriend wasnt so much of an asshole as much as he was just indifferent to it all. here was this moment, you looked at him your eyes wide but staring with a loving look. in your heart you knew that your boyfriend wouldnt even care, he didnt think like eddie. it was all for fun and free. hollywood is that kind of place, but maybe this could be different.

taking his hands into yours as he had done just a moment ago you spoke to him quietly, "you waited this damn long. maybe we can give this a shot, but just one munson. i'm hoping it wont take more than that to prove me otherwise." His eyes lit up he looked like he did a while ago on that stage, you hadnt finished yet though, "but considering what you just pulled tonight i dont think you will, will you?" He shook his head.

"One shot baby, that's all I need, I promise you i'm not letting you go." Pulling you in tight, his lips pressed to yours in a feverish kiss.

As you kissed him you remembered where you were but didnt stop, this was your life, this was the business and the want was greater than the need. you'd deal with the bullshit in the morning.

[gabenvrhappened]

MoviesOr... The Holdovers

Great! Another movie I wish I had watched on a theater screen. I remember seeing the trailer for The Holdovers somewhere and closing my eyes to not be spoiled because I knew I would end up wanting to watch it. I didn't even know why, but I knew I would love it. I wasn't wrong. For my Saturday night in, I had a hurting shoulder, popcorn, an almost empty bottle of prosecco, and the living room all to myself, so it just made sense to watch this movie. When the Searchlight logo came on, I knew I was in for a treat. I mean, I can't remember a single bad movie that came out from them.

Through the first half-hour, I first wondered why they don't make films like this anymore. It's a recent movie, but it feels so old in an excellent way. If someone had said that it came out ages ago, probably together with Dead Poets Society, I would've believed (if it wasn't for Da'Vine Joy at least). I can't explain it, but I love this type of movie. Then I pondered if I should stop watching and save it for the big screen, since it's still playing in a few theaters in London. However, I was too deep into it, so I decided that if I really wanted to watch it on a theater, then I would, but on a later date.

This motion picture tells the story of a teacher who's assigned to stay at a boarding school taking care of a few students who weren't able to come back home for the holidays. Alongside him, there's the kitchen chef, an incredible woman who recently lost her son. Together, they babysit five boys. The movie is about Angus Tully, played by Dominic Sessa, but apart from him and among the other four boys, Teddy Kountze also stands out, played by the charming Brady Hepner. It really hurt my heart when he, and the other guys, managed to come back home leaving poor Angus behind, but Dominic (who, to my complete surprise, has this as his first major role) has such a charm that that hurt didn't last long (still, his mischievous absence was felt and now I just want to watch more movies with the actor, Brady).

The winter ambiance, the feeling of neglect, and the coming-of-age complexion are the perfect combination and here it works so incredibly well. The clichés are also here, with the strict teacher that everyone hates but that has a good heart that just happens to be guided by a moral compass (that doesn't seem to find a balance). His ending, was a mechanism to make the character leave its comfort zone, and even though stupid and unrealistic for me, shows his growth. I'm glad Paul Giamatti got an Oscar nomination. Same with Da'Vine Joy. She was so (unnoticedly) good in High Fidelity that it only feels fitting for her to be recognized in every role she's in.

I can't help but think about how I would've managed an education in a school with only boys. That seems to be the only perk (but a curse at the same time). It seems like the parents of these kinds of boys are always too problematic, and that the school is really the only safe place. Maybe that's the way of Hollywood portraying these types of environments and surroundings, like I mentioned before with Dead Poets Society, which has kind of the same vibe. If so, I wouldn't mind spending Christmas and New Year's there. I mean, I once spent them all alone in a small apartment without my boyfriend, so I guess I'm accustomed to the feeling of being left behind. With the feeling of being a holdover.

Update: I had the chance to watch this on the theatre (or should I say cinema? Ergh I never know) on the last Saturday of February and it was incredible. I've noticed details I have missed the first time — like the hemorrhoids cream of Paul — and I laughed and got emotional a lot. But the most incredible part was to meet a girl there, Tini. I just sat on her table (such a me move) and we bonded very quickly. But she made my heart melt into the floor when she asked, out of nowhere, to take a picture of me. I felt so seen. Not a holdover for a few seconds.

[mesillusionssousecstasy]

The playlist

I have never liked Spotify (I'm a big hard Soundcloud's fan), but now I really know why. I was never about music, it was just about money and how much they would get from it, on the artist's back.

The beginning was very good, but the end was quite strange, making supposition about the future (year 2025), such as the questions in front of the US Senate? About discovery Max? Where is Martin?

The saddest episode was the one about the coder.

It seems that every character have their own story about the creation of Spotify, that's interesting.

I think that Bobbie T is the messenger of the musical artists. She told exactly the same at Daniel in episode 6, "I'm just the messenger".

Some quotes:

"- Because nobody wants to pay for something they can get for free. - You rob, ordinary, honest people of their livelihood and you think that's justified?" (Episode 2)

"- You saw opportunities, not limitations." (Episode 2)

"- Tech is changing. But people will always be people." (Episode 4)

"- They need a leader, a star that shines brighter than everyone else." (Episode 4)

"- But this is the opposite of what we said we would do. I was in the wrong place in the memory. It was time to do a hard reset of the whole system and realize that everyone is disposable." (Episode 4)

"- You have to have faith, even if everyone else says you're crazy for it." (Martin - Episode 5)

"- Never falter in front of the money people. But I knew I was in trouble. (...) Fortunately, I knew venture capitalists are like kids in a sandbox. No one wants anything till they think someone else will get it." (Martin - Episode 5)

"- What if they laugh in your face for trying something so stupid? (Daniel) - If they call before six, it's a no. If they call after, it's a yes. (Martin) - What? (Daniel) - A no is simple. I left an hour ago, a no comes within an hour. I left an hour ago, a no comes within an hour. A yes requires a little more time. A bit of marinating and that sort of thing. It takes a bit more balls. (Martin) - Balls? (Daniel) - What should I tell everyone else? We had a deal but your balls got in the way?! You crazy bastard! (Daniel) - The madman trick. When you have nothing, the only thing you can do is make them think you're ready to leave the table at any time. We launched Spotify in autumn 2008." (Martin - Episode 5)

"- Am I boring you? (Martin) - Absolutely not. (Radio girl) - I'm here sharing my life story with the whole of Sweden. (Martin) - You're telling the Hollywood version where nothing bad happens and no one fails. This Summer Radio Talk isn't just about what you've accomplished in life. It's also about insights and self-development. And what I, what we, the Swedish people want to hear is how this journey has impacted you and changed you. How can your story inspire other people who choose to listen to you? That's what I want to hear. (...) So how can a startup be worth so much money in such a short time? (Radio girl) - When your valuation exceeds a billion dollars, you're a unicorn. (Martin) - Okay, but what's the point of all this right now? (Radio girl - Episode 5)

"- Hey, where's all the furniture? (Martin) - Oh, Peter doesn't like chairs. He says they prolong meetings. In fact, he says they prolong everything." (Assistant - Episode 5)

"- I'm on the spectrum myself, or so I've discovered. I think society is both something that is very real and very powerful. But on the whole, quite problematic. You agree? I only point out that many of the successful entrepreneurs seem to be suffering from a mild form of condition. Asperger's, ADHD.... Where it's like... you're missing the imitation socialization gene. It happens to be a plus for innovation and creating great companies. We'll get our people to send over the paperwork, but... we're in." (Peter - Episode 5)

"- And one day, someone points out that everything you've done has been balanced on a tightrope. All this time I just thought that I was different, I was a bit more energetic. Not that I had a condition. (Martin) - But you know how Americans are, they give out a diagnosis everything. (Sophia) - I know, but, it's like I don't know where I end and where the condition begins. (Martin) - Martin. You are you. Don't change that. (Sophia) - I shouldn't? (Martin) - No. (Sophia) - You sure? (Martin) - Of course!" (Sophia - Episode 5)

"- She's just looking for attention. (about Taylor Swift) (Martin) - You think she needs more attention." (Sophia - Episode 5)

"- You know not having her is costing us $ 500'000 a month." (Daniel - Episode 5)

"- But if we don't react now, it looks like we don't care. We come across as arrogant." (Daniel - Episode 5)

"- Martin, I don't know if this it the right time to play the madman card." (Daniel - Episode 5)

"- I've taken a lot of adversity throughout my life because of who I am. But that has also taught me that I can't be anyone else. And I've always wanted to be someone who's completely genuine and free from all the rules." (Martin - Episode 5)

"- One thing that I've learned during my in politics... "Never let yourself become the story." (Episode 6)

"- Did I sign her? Did I encourage her? Did I encourage any of these over millions of people who live in that fantasy that you have sold them, that they might be the next Drake or Taylor Swift, getting them to sign shameless contracts they are too young to understand. You and the record companies got what you wanted, 70% of what we make. Yeah, you got a really good deal there. And I'm the stupid bastard who fucking agreed to it all." (Daniel - Episode 6)

"- What part of that does not sound like a cartel?" (Landy, us Senator) - We're not a cartel. (Daniel) - You control the market. You're in bed with your suppliers. And then, at every turn, you use your reach and your technology to drive down the share that you pay musicians, to pay the people that depend on you and your platform to make a living wage. Can you seriously sit there and tell me that in any other part of the world, this would be considered acceptable? (Landy - Episode 6)

"- So you want musicians to accept that music is precious, but they're interchangeable? But if you want to enjoy something, you have no right to ignore the conditions it was made in. Spotify is always telling us how grateful we should be for that exposure, but I'm here to say that you can't pay the bills with likes." (Bobbie T - Episode 6)

"- Do you think the bank cares about what a bunch of activists or senators think? In all this chaos they heard only one thing: 45%. You control the market. That's all they care about." (Episode 6)

[lowkeycasanova]

Down bad pt. 2

You invited Vinnie over to your friends house as there was a get-together happening and you thought not only y'all could hang out, but he could meet some of your good friends.

To say he was nervous was an understatement. He didn't want to be flustered around you, but as a result of not going out as much as his peers, he also knew that he'd be in a room with people he didn't know and he'd hate to make a bad first impression.

For a moment, he thought about not going. But he didn't want to disappoint you.

Upon arriving, Vinnie was greeted by your friend Cody at the front door, who recognized him immediately and let him in.

"Yo, you're Vinnie, right?"

"That's me."

"Y/N told us you might be here." Cody replied and shut the door behind them.

Despite the house being in the Hollywood Hills, a place well known for its outlandish parties, it was actually a small gathering with a few people, just like you said.

He took in his surroundings as the other guys came to greet him.

Your friend Maya bumped your shoulder. "There go your boyfriend."

You followed her eyes and saw Vinnie greeting the boys with that handshake guys always do.

"You're so annoying." you told her with a smile.

Vinnie's eyes scanned the room and you two made eye contact.

With as much confidence as he could muster up, he walked toward you and gave you a big ol bear hug.

He smells good, you thought.

Long story short, everyone wanted to get to know Vinnie, so y'all sat down on the white couch to get more comfortable and personal.

"So...what do you do besides the whole tik tok thing?"

"Um," Vinnie started off but was silent for a moment, feeling all eyes on him. You know like how you're in school and the teacher wants everyone to introduce themselves and suddenly you forget who you are for a second? Yeah.

"I've been modeling a lot. Or trying to get back into it. I did a photoshoot for Tings magazine and just recently came back from Paris. I attended the Ami Menswear show as a guest."

"Now that I'm thinking about it," Cody said. "I did see you. I mean, I wasn't there but I saw photos from the event."

"Pink vest?"

"Yeah!"

"That was me."

"How old are you?" someone else asked.

"I'm 20."

"No way? I would've guessed you were pushing 23."

***

You sat there smiling while Vinnie talked more about his interests. He mentioned cars, gaming, but the only thing you could relate to was anime. At least some of it. But nevertheless, you enjoyed listening to him talk and become more comfortable.

Everyone gets eventually gets up except for you and Vinnie and you inch closer to him.

"I like your outfit." you tell him.

He's wearing black sweatpants with a red shirt and red bandana to match.

"Thanks." he says sheepishly.

Internally he's so fucking happy. He was rummaging around in his closet for an hour.

“You know what’s funny?” He asks. You give him a look to keep going. “The fact that I’m here. I mainly meet people through my friends because I don’t go out a lot.”

“Meaning…because you’re on Valorant most of the time, right?” You laughed.

“Precisely. I find comfort in my PC.”

“At least you’re not out wasting money.” You shrugged. “So tell me more about this game.”

“It can get really annoying. And it’s bad because I spend so much time on it.”

“You any good?”

“I’m…pretty decent. What about you. You play anything?”

“Does Mario Cart on Nintendo Switch count?”

He laughed out loud.

“What?” You said defensively. “It’s fun!”

"No, I'm not laughing to make fun of you, I swear. That's a fun one. You'll have to let me play with you one of these days."

"Maybe we can hang out again before I leave to Chicago."

“Why you going there?”

"Oh, just a friend's birthday party and I have a couple brand events."

"I hope you have a good time. Keep me updated."

"Sure, what's your number?"

***

Your friend Blake announced that pizza was here and everyone scrambled into the kitchen. You and Vinnie got up from your spots on the couch and met up with them.

While getting food, you stood thisclose to Vinnie, able to better see the tattoos on his arm.

"I really like this one." You told him, referring to the skeleton on his bicep and then holding his arm to run your thumb across it.

He rolled up his sleeve so you could see it better and told you when he got it. Smiling, as he was proud to talk about it and would gladly explain each an every one of his tattoos if you'd be down to listen.

Vinnie grabbed his food and walked off and you turned to see Maya across the counter from you with a look on her face as if to say 'something you wanna tell me?'

She'd seen the interaction between you and Vinnie but you didn't know that.

"What? Just gave him a compliment." you shrugged.

She scoffed. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

***

He was prepared to come, say a few words to you, then back away in nervousness to stand in the corner on his phone.

He wasn't gonna lie. Vinnie did feel a little intimidated by being here, but you were so easy to talk to and he felt grateful that you and your friends made him feel included.

——-

Note:

Sorry the ending was shit

[avintagekiss24]

Hi! I don't want to start anything on here and am always willing for civil conversations. At this point there's so much I've found out about Seb (besides the video he liked, the tommy lee thing, and the girlfriend thing) that I feel so guilty if I would continue to support him. I love him sm but it just doesn't look good rn. He is associated/follows an organisation (for helping veterans) that has posted a blue lives matter flag picture and who's co-founder has sexual assault allegations against him, and worked with him in 'The last full measure'. His friend Paul Walter Hauser has done blackface in the past, and when called out on it he just listed a few people that also did blackface. There's more, I found a discussion on here that I can link. I seriously don't support "cancel culture" bc I don't think it helps anyone but there are just a lot of 'mistakes' and shady people that can be linked to Seb, I wish it wouldn't be that way. I honestly don't know what to think about it anymore.

Hi! I’m also open to having civil conversations and I don’t believe you’re trying to start anything. I really do think this situation of dragging up a four year old video and taking it completely out of context is harmful not just to Black people, but to fandom/activism in general. This is gonna be long because I’m going to take your points one by one, and I want to preface this by saying that I will not answer any derogatory, sideways asks pertaining to this subject. I will delete every single one and will block your silly ass. I’m not going to argue with people who think I’m blindly supporting Sebastian because I’m just trying to get fucked by him, or people who think I hate myself and am��trying to appease some white man.

So, on with the discourse!

The video he liked - this video was taken completely out of context and that is my main issue with this whole situation. It was not a video of a white man saying that he thinks he should be able to say the n word as everyone claimed it was. They were quickly debating on whether or not it's okay to say in rap lyrics. He was told no, that's not okay, that's never okay and they moved on from it. That's it. End of story. That somehow was twisted into a click bait style headline of "Sebastian Stan likes a video of a white man defending his right to say the n word" when that is absolutely not true. My other issue is that people are more upset that Sebastian liked the video than they are about the white man in the video literally saying the n word. So, do you really care about the use of the n word like you're claiming? Cuz if you do, you'd be more upset at the white man that said the word than you would be about the white man simply liking the video. Or, are you just using this as an excuse to grandstand against a white man you don't like?

The Tommy Lee thing - Sebastian Stan playing Tommy Lee does not make Sebastian Stan a bad person. Is Charlize Theron a bad person for playing Aileen Wuornos, a prostitute who started murdering men? Is Leonardo DiCaprio a bad person for playing a slave owner? Is Edward Norton a bad person for playing a nazi sympathizing racist? Actors play bad people. That doesn't mean that they themselves are bad people. 1990's Tommy Lee was a bad person, but that should have no bearing on who Sebastian Stan is or his character as a man.

The gf/Paul Walter Hauser thing - Why are we holding Sebastian accountable for what the people around him are doing? Again, why are we more upset that Sebastian is associated with people who have done questionable things than the specific people themselves? I'm not going to speak on the kimono wearing -- I'm not Asian. It's not my place to say whether or not its offensive because it's not my culture, but she posted that picture and attended that party before she started dating Sebastian, quite possibly before she even knew him. Same with Paul. I think that black face thing was long before he knew Sebastian. Now, if Sebastian was defending these actions, going around saying "I think it's okay for white women to wear Kimono's" "I think black face is fine" "I think white people should be able to say the n word" then we'd have a different story, wouldn't we? But that's not what we have, and that's not what he is doing. He is not responsible for the things his friends do or have done in the past just because he's more famous than they are, and he is not required to speak on them. Let's put it this way -- would you be comfortable having to be responsible for something a friend of yours did before you knew them? Would you want to have to be forced to answer for your friend when you yourself had nothing to do with the questionable behavior?

The organization that supports the military/blue lives matter - Sebastian cannot control what message that foundation puts out and it does not mean that he is or is not pro-police himself. There is not enough concrete evidence -- if any evidence for that matter -- that Sebastian is a blue lives matter supporter. Did Sebastian donate before they put up the blue lives matter post? Or after? I don’t know, cuz I don’t follow him that closely, but if he donates before they come out with a particular stance, that means he should be held accountable for that? I know I donated to an organization once and they turned out to support something that i’m 100% against. That means I’m a bad person because I couldn’t see into the future? Another point, how can we be certain that Sebastian saw the blue lives matter post in the first place? I know I’m not online 24 hrs a day, I miss posts all the time and I’m just an average person. I make three or four tumblr posts a day, and I’m gone. I have to play catch up on social media, and even then, I still miss stuff. So I’m sure the same happens to a working actor. As for the co-founder, I don't know who this person is and would rather not get into any allegations against them because I don't want to trigger anyone who comes across this post. If Sebastian knows about these allegations, is a willing participant/supporter of this person then yeah, that's pretty shitty, but we don't know the inner workings of this friendship/acquaintance/work relationship. We don’t know how close they are or if they even still speak.

I’m a pretty big fan of Don Cheadle. He’s a stand up guy, he’s a great actor, he’s funny, he’s political and stands up for what he believes in and in a very public way. I support him. Don Cheadle is also friends with Chris Evans, RDJ, Mark Ruffalo, and Letitia Wright (just to name a few). Chris Evans has a bipartisan forum that highlights/promotes right wing politicians, RDJ defended Chris Pratt during the whole “he’s the worst Chris in Hollywood” crap, who’s technically done black face, and who once said to a female reporter “nice tits” when she walked into the room, Mark Ruffalo just walked back his support of Palestine, and Letitia Wright retweeted/supported an anti-vaxxer/anti-trans Pastor who equated an ingredient of the covid vaccine to the devil because it contained some parts of the word Lucifer. Does that mean Don is now a bad person because he’s friends with these people? Why isn’t he getting any heat for his friendships with them? Why isn’t he being held accountable for what they’ve done and said? Oh right, because he’s not a white fave. So people don’t care one way or the other, which brings me to my next point. 

I can guarantee you that if Sebastian’s gf or Paul or this co-founder were not associated with Sebastian in any way, nobody would give a shit about her wearing a kimono, about Paul doing black face, or about the co-founder/organization being blue lives matter supporters and in that lies the actual problem. Being critical of people and their actions should be consistent and should happen all the time -- not just when they interact with your white fave. That’s when it becomes performative and looks like you just want to be able to show internet people that you follow/support/stan unproblematic celebrities, when really, you don’t care.

I think the moral of this post is that I think it's unfair to hold a complete stranger to a standard that I cannot hold myself to. I also don't view celebrities the way most teenagers/twenty somethings do, and that’s because when I entered fandom we didn't have social media, so I grew up with a wall between myself and said celebrities. There is no wall now with the presence of social media. "Fans" nowadays have a weird ownership feeling over celebrities because they can read their personal thoughts or view personal pictures and think that they have this personal quasi-friendship with them. I can't get on board with that. I prefer having the wall and I still keep the wall.

If supporting Sebastian makes you uncomfortable, then by all means, stop supporting him. Just make sure you are making this decision for yourself based on credible sources and concrete evidence and that you're not letting this fake woke activist mob make you feel uncomfortable. Internet activism means nothing unless you put your money where your mouth is in your real life and 90% of the social justice internet warriors do not. Real activism is bigger than changing your avi to a black square.

[heejojo]

Mr Hollywood

summary: Sim Jaeyun had made it, he had finally fulfilled his dream of being an artist but he had to leave the place he called he called home promising he would come back when everything was okay. He’s back now but are you sure it’s the same Jake you once knew?

genre: fluff, minor angst, childhood lovers turned exes to lovers again

pairing: Celebrity Sim Jaeyun x non-celebrity reader (with enhypen and treasure appearances)

warning: none

word count: 4.1k

a/n: although it has been proofread, I cannot guarantee no errors so please let me know if you see any! please let me know what you think. likes and reblogs are appreciated and I hope you have a good day.

listen to the playlist here

send an ask or fill out this form to be part of the taglist!

taglist (open): @enhyphun @jungwoniics @penny-quinn @ncthpen @fylithia @taecup-ontrack @renee1414@studioreader

“And the Artist Of The Year Award goes to none other than...” the announcer said, keeping you all at the edge of your seats. Everyone here had voted for Jake so many times so that he would win. The announcer looked at the folded card in his hand before smiling and saying.

“Jake Sim!” The screams of everyone in the beer parlour with you watching the award ceremony were probably louder than those in the venue itself. You all watched in pride as the look of shock was evident on his face and he shakily walked to the podium to collect the award. You smiled at how good he looked, he had come so far from the boy you once knew here.

Five years ago, Jake had left his hometown, where he grew up for 18 years to pursue his dream. Granted, not everyone is supposed to stay for the rest of their lives but he thought he was going to stay but he made up his mind to leave for his passion. You all supported him even if you weren’t able to talk to him because of his busy schedule. Being able to cheer him from the sidelines was what you were content with. He was the pride of the town and people did not hesitate to show him off.

He gave the announcer a bow and collected the award. You could see the way his hands shook as he collected the award as if it felt unreal that he won.

“I would like to thank God for the ability to get to this point today and to thank my parents for always teaching me the right way and having the courage to let their child pursue his dreams even if it meant that I would be very far away; almost out of reach even. I love you. To all those that have continuously supported me and listened to my music, thank you. To the staff that have worked so hard and everyone I've had the pleasure of meeting, a big thank you to you" he said and walked off.

The excitement of the crowd reduced and everyone eventually retired to their homes while chatting amongst themselves. You think about the award one more time, feeling happy for him and move on. After all, the same way Sim has a life to live is the same way you do also.

The next day, when you wake up you feel a shift in the atmosphere. The birds are still chirping, yes but something feels unusual. You brush off the paranoia you feel and decide to do your usual morning duties and carry on with your day. While other people your age wanted to have prestigious jobs(not like there was anything wrong with that), you wanted something simple and had decided on being either a cafe owner or a florist.

Sadly, the cafe owner agenda wasn't able to work out because everyone in the vicinity was now aware of the way you burned down a cafe trying to bake and collectively decided that you should not be allowed to make food for people. Flowers were better than running a cafe shop. You stayed with your flowers and you were able to give

someone a flower when they needed it.

Need a flower for your mother? You got it, a daylily was exactly what they needed. Wanted to attend a funeral? Take a bouquet of lilies. It was easy to understand and you didn't directly put anyone in harm’s way. Although your shop was hardly ever full, you were content with everything.

That's why you're shocked when you find a line of people waiting to be let into your shop at 9 am. You raised an eyebrow in confusion but you opened the door nevertheless. At the end of the day, you were the one earning the money. You had things to buy, didn't you?

You take your place at the counter and start attending to the customers. They didn't tell you to pick out one for them and just chose it themselves. The crowd slowly reduced till there was only one person left. When there remained a few people, you quietly moved to one person to ask for the reason why they were so cheerful today.

"Jungwon, do you know why everyone is so happy today? My shop was full today!"

"Are you complaining about it?" He asks. Jungwon was the son of the cafe shop owner. He came to your shop frequently when he was on his break and you would talk to each other.

“Of course, I’m not. I just want to know what’s making everyone come here all of a sudden. Even old man Jay came here and you know that man never leaves his house. He bought a red carnation and I’m confused because who does he have affection for that he’s getting them flowers”

“He has a wife you know”

“Please, the last time they had a conversation with each other was when he asked for a divorce” you deadpanned.

“Look Y/N, who’s the one person in this town anyone would do anything for?”

“Kim Junkyu?”

“Close but not him, I wouldn’t do anything for him” Jungwon stated making you roll your eyes.

“The only person left is Sim Jaeyun and we know it’s not possible”

“Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner”

You give him a shaky smile before asking him, “You’re joking right?”

“I’m not,” he says sincerely. You nod your head and go sit on the nearest stool. Placing a hand on your throat as you begin to scratch at it (something you did when you were nervous) and just sit in silence while Jungwon continues talking.

“After the award ceremony, his management released a statement on his Instagram saying that he would be going on hiatus for two months to visit his family. So we townsmen decided to get flowers to pave the road with because he would be coming back. We would have used gold leaves but it’s too expensive”

He continued talking and talking while you were still trying to process the fact that Jake would be coming back. Physically he was still going to be the same Jake you had a crush on before he left but personality-wise? You doubted that. You heard stories of the way fame had changed people; the love from others would get to their heads and make them overly egotistical. A part of you knew that he wouldn’t change but the other part was unsure. Before he left, you made him promise to not change and while you knew promises could be broken, you knew he wouldn’t break them.

“Jungwon, I want to close the shop for today. I’m not feeling too well and want to rest a bit”

“No problem Y/N! If you want, I can stay here and do business for you”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve made enough money today to last me for next month” you say and shoo him away.

At home, you just sit and think for some time before getting up to make some tea and reminiscing about your high school memories. You hardly had feelings for people so when you did, you let them know immediately. When you told Jake that you liked him, he told you that he felt the same. You ignored him for a week after that because you didn’t think that far. After that, you met up with him and explained the reason why you avoided him. You went out with each other for less than 2 weeks and during that period, he had told you about his dreams of becoming an artist and you supported him wholeheartedly.

He would carry your books from school and you both would walk home together every day. He'd play the violin for you because he was good. You'd both pet stray cats and run when they started chasing you. All good things came to an end when he told you that he had to leave to pursue his dream. You both knew you were too young to even attempt a long-distance relationship so you let each other go even though it hurt. You’d watch his music videos and support his activities even though there was a possibility he would never return. Now that he was going to be here, how were you going to cope knowing that your feelings for him were still the same while his feelings could have gone, especially with all the beautiful people in the industry?

That night, while everyone was outside welcoming Mr Hollywood, you stayed in your house dreading the days that would come. The town was small so there was no way that you wouldn’t bump into him. The voices were loud when you tried to sleep. Seems like everyone was ecstatic that Jake had come back. The noise wasn’t able to let you sleep but deep down you knew it was because you were nervous.

You decide to bake cookies to reduce the stress you are currently feeling. You had learnt from your mistakes and no longer burnt kitchens (your kitchen being valid proof of that), but Jungwon’s dad still wouldn’t lift his ban. You baked cookies till 2 am before you were really tired enough to sleep. You had baked almost a hundred cookies that night.

The next morning, you made sure to wake up early so you wouldn’t run into anyone. Thankfully, the townspeople didn’t want to buy flowers that morning and got started on the orders that people out of town had placed. You brought cookies for Jungwon so he could test them. You were trying to fix the counter when someone walked in, making the bell jingle. Assuming it was Jungwon, you say, “Jungwon the cookies are on the counter. Test them and tell me what you think, don’t eat them and run away”

“I’m not a Jungwon but can I talk to Y/N?” You’re startled but you freeze, instantly recognizing the voice. Jake Sim.

“Hello, what would you like?” you asked with a forced smile. You were way too close, the proximity was making you uneasy. He looked a bit disappointed with the way you answered him but what did he expect to come to? It had been five years.

“I just wanted to tal-” he is cut off by Jungwon bursting through the door.

“Y/N, you will not believe who I saw. I saw Jake Sim with my very own two eyes. He looks so much hotter in real life. Do you think he’d sign my back if I asked-” he stopped instantly when he saw the person that was in the flower shop.

He looked like a fish out of water with the way his mouth was agape. Looking at you, then at Jake and then you again. He brought his hand to his head and he hit it hard making you startled.

“Sorry I will leave now,” Jungwon said.

“To cry” he murmured, making you chuckle. Jungwon was someone that cried when he did something embarrassing.

“Jungwon wait,” you say and walk to give him the cookies you had packed for him with a little note.

“Eat them and get back to me when you’re less you know...embarrassed” He snatches them from your hands and makes a run for the door. You giggle then you remember that Jake was still present. Turning to face him, you ask if he wants anything. “I want to talk to you”

You motion him to sit on the spare chair you had and he obliges. Before you even ask him a question, he begins, “Was that your boyfriend?”

“No, not that it concerns you though”

“Where you last night? I saw everyone but you. The Johnny kid said you were feeling ill. I doubt that wasn’t true as you made cookies. The last time I remembered, you were really bad at anything relating to the kitchen”

“Times change and people change, Jaeyun. It’s been 5 years since we last had a conversation with each other. I’m not the same and I’m sure you’re not the same either”

“Let’s get to know each other again. Do things the old fashioned way. Go on dates, paint, and bake with each other. Do some of the things we could have done 5 years ago.”

“And then when you have to leave and have no contact with each other again”

“I won’t do that, I promise. Never again.”

“How can you be so sure of that?”

“Let me prove it to you-”

He’s cut off by the entrance of another customer and stands up to leave but you don’t miss the longing look in his eyes. You hope he can see the same look in yours that’s covered by hurt and waiting for someone to return.

You were not expecting Jake to be at your store first thing on a Friday morning. He was even earlier than you and you're the boss.

“What are you doing here?” you ask. He was bouncing on his feet and looking cherry when you hadn’t even gotten enough sleep.

“I’m here to take you out. Do it like the old times where I’d wait for you so we could go to school together”

“I have work to do today and I’m going to be booked so another time”

“I have come to offer my assistance so tomorrow we can go out together”

“Don’t you have things to do?”

“I’m on a hiatus, I’m free for almost two months and if you want I can be free for more. Imagine all the things we could do in that time” he trails off, fantasizing when you hadn’t even told him that you still liked him. Meanwhile, you had opened the door and walked in.

"Aren't you going to come in and stop thinking of cute stuff?" you ask him and he quickly runs in, flustered.

He takes a look around and puts on a determined face and gets a broom and starts cleaning. For someone that's supposed to be a celebrity, he was cleaning like an employee. You take a rag and wipe all the surfaces and take care of the flowers. After an hour, the shop is ready to open. Customers come rolling in once they see a new help. Although they're surprised, they don't question it.

During your break, Jake picks up a chrysanthemum and hands it to you. "It's for you because you're beautiful," he says

"Hate to rain on your parade but if you gave me this in Italy, it means you wish I were dead" and with that, he takes back the flower instantly and brings a single red rose. You receive it with a small laugh, finding it funny when he doesn't want you misinterpreting him. You were having a sweet moment with him until Jungwon came in again.

"I'm getting tired of seeing you here Mr Sim. As much as I adore you, I need to meet my friend" he states and pulls you to the back. "Care to explain why Jake Sim is in your store again!?"

"Nope" you respond, popping the p. He brought his hand to his forehead and tried to relax his muscles because according to him, he doesn't want to look forty-five when he's thirty years old.

"Look, it's weird coming here and seeing you have company. I'm not against you having company seeing as you've been lonely the entire time I've known you but, I can't stay in his presence! Why must a man Look so gorgeous!? He's ruining my already broken esteem. Everybody saw him in real life and was wondering how a man could look that good."

"They saw him when he was seventeen years old," you tell him.

"And he's twenty-three now! He doesn't look the same and I don't even need to have known him then to know now"

"Jungwon, I want you to get to the point," you tell him, basically pleading at that point because your break would soon be over.

"I'll see you when I have enough confidence to meet him," he says and leaves the store. You shake your head at his overdramatic behaviour and continue with your day. Jake proves to be amazing assistance and you got things done quicker and even closed earlier.

"Thank you for offering help, you can go home now. See you tomorrow" you say in an attempt to shoo him out.

"I want to walk you home" he announces and goes with you home.

"Do you hate me for not talking to you?" he asks.

"I don't hate you. To be honest, I think we both did the right thing by not talking to each other. It was good we had each other in mind but I would have caused too much of a distraction for you. It was great you focused on your career and achieved your goals. I did well too"

"Johnny boy said you were lonely though," he said.

"Number one, I know you know his name is Jungwon but you're just being petty. Two, why were you eavesdropping on our conversation and three, I still had a bit of hope that one day you'd return. I didn't think that you'd come" you say truthfully. The night was making you vulnerable when answering his questions.

"I always asked my mum how you were doing when I called her, you know? I wanted to check up on you without doing so myself. I'd ask her to give you a pop tart because I knew they were your favourite"

Even though he was still far away, he still had kept you in his mind the same way you did for him.

You got home and stayed at the door before you took him by the shoulder and said, "Let's go out together and have fun". He gives you a soft smile and watches you go in before he retires to his own home.

The following day, you're waiting for him to come. You had tried to dress up for the date but didn't want to underdress or overdress since he hadn't told you where you were going. So you decided to wear a simple sundress and made yourself look nice. He arrived wearing something as casual as you in a car.

"Is this your dad's?" you questioned.

"Yup, I borrowed it to take you out,” he says and winks at you. You shake your head laughing and get in the passenger seat and he drives.

“Where are we going?” you ask, curious.

“You’ll see when we get there” you don’t respond but wind down the window and feel the wind on your face which makes you smile.

You catch Jake glancing at you while he’s driving and he doesn’t even try to hide it. “At least try to pretend you’re not starting”

“I can’t help it, you’re so pretty” This kid, he was making it too easy for you to fall for him.

“Do you still like me, Jaeyun?” you inquire.

“I do,” he said with certainty. Has he always been this bold? You don’t say anything and continue to look out so he reaches over and takes one of your hands in his while he uses his other one to drive. You look at him but just continue doing what you’re doing.

“You might not believe me but I mean it,” he says, lightly squeezing your hand as a form of reassurance.

He stops the car at an aquarium and you both come out. You have a wonderful time and although people recognize him and are surprised to see him with you, they don't say anything and leave you alone. You smiled that day more than you had ever smiled before.

"The fishes look good to eat" you whisper in his ear and he playfully smacks your arm and jokes.

"You monster! How can you say that!?" to which you jokingly shrug.

After the aquarium, he takes you to a flower field. "I did my research this time so I don't give you a wrong flower." He picked up a primrose and says, "I know this one means love is eternal so I'm giving it to you because no matter the distance between us, our love will be forever"

You feel warm this time and know that even if he were to leave again, the distance wouldn't matter because together, you both could overcome anything.

"You're all I need" you manage to say.

"When did you get all sentimental?" he teases and you chase after him in the flower field. When you get tired, you lie down on the grass and he lays next to you. Your hands find his hands amid all the grass and you squeeze it. Unknowingly, you fall asleep next to him.

The next weeks that follow include you two bonding and Jake having fun and being relaxed. He was able to write a song but wouldn't let you see the lyrics, saying it wasn't something he wants you to see yet. You met his parents and thanked his mum for taking care of you indirectly and conversed with his dad too. You could tell that he hadn't forgotten any of the values his parents had thought him. He grew up surrounded by a lot of love so he had more than enough to give.

He also met your parents and he was nervous even though you had tried to reassure him that they wouldn't do anything to him. Your father tried to act scary but deep down you knew he had a soft spot for him. Your mom was showering with more affection than she gave you and Jungwon tried stylishly asking him for his celebrity crush numbers.

"Jake, since you're dating my friend can you link me up with Han Sohee? You've worked with her before, help a friend out"

"I'll ask her but no promises" Jungwon was so happy the entire day.

A few days before Jake had to go back because his hiatus was over, you both were talking about how things would be while baking muffins.

"Y/N don't think I won’t talk to you when I go because I can already see the gears turning in your head."

"Pass me the butter Jaeyun"

"Are we back to the first-name basis? Call me the sweet names" he whined.

"Just pass the butter babe" and he passes it instantly.

"Now back to what you were saying, I know you won't forget me obviously and if you try I I can always take a flight to get to you." You tell him. You weren't going to wait around for him anymore. If you missed him, you'd go see him if he was unable to come to see you.

"Better, I was already worried," he says and gives you a back hug.

The day he left was bittersweet and you shed a few tears. It took a lot of willpower to not cry in front of him. You didn't want him to leave but you knew that he had a job to get to and you couldn't be in the way of that.

You both regularly kept in touch, calling each other at least twice a week to catch up on what had happened during each other's week. He hadn't told you that he released a new song and you found out through his fanboy Jungwon who was now the self-acclaimed president of his fan club.

"Y/N, have you heard Jake's new solo? I cried to it for an hour straight" You didn't have any time to check what was going on because someone had ordered flowers for their wedding and you had to get them done quickly.

"New solo?" you ask and Jungwon sits you down and plays the song for you. Truth be told, you cried as well. It felt like he was there with you telling you that he'd never change.

You watched the interview and when he was asked about the meaning or person behind the song, he said, "There's someone that I love and I wanted to let her know that no matter how famous I get, I won't ever change and she shouldn't change either". He looked directly at the camera then continued, "You're stuck with me forever".

That night, you called him and cried on the phone to him telling him about how you saw the interview.

"Y/N, you know I care about you" you sobbed even harder.

"I care about you too, forever"

"Forever baby, regardless of the distance"

[vivisextion]

I first saw Slipknot at age 14.

No one knows how I managed it. I'm not sure I even remember. These days, you have to be 16 or 18 to get into Standing areas. I do know I had to buy tickets on the phone, back in the old days (2005, that is). A singular ticket, too - none of my friends, not even the classmate who had gone with me to see Linkin Park the year before, was that into Slipknot.

But I HAD to see them. This was the Subliminal Verses tour cycle, and Vol. 3 was my first and favourite Slipknot album, even to this day. It's the reliable old warm blanket for my soul whenever I need it. It's on right now, as I write this.

My memory isn't that good, but luckily I unearthed a livejournal (livejournal!) diary entry about the event I made the next day.

August 16, 2005. I went right after school. I went to a very conservative Anglican secondary school, too. I tried not to get caught in the bathroom, as I coloured my nails black with permanent marker (I know, don't laugh) and changed into my standard metalhead baby outfit - Slipknot band shirt, black cargo shorts, and my pride and joy: steel-toe boots I somehow managed to cajole my parents into letting me own.

I caught the bus to the open-air war memorial park where the gig was going to be. I got there at 4pm, 4 hours early. A couple other maggots were already hanging around. I found myself surrounded by tombstones, and I read them all. It was the middle of the Hungry Ghost Festival, too - a very fitting time for Slipknot to pay a visit to this godforsaken hellhole of a small town I lived in. (Especially given the paranormal circumstances surrounding the making of Vol. 3.)

While I wandered around the venue (no security or sound guys were around at all), I spotted two white vans pull up to the stage, in the middle of a clearing. It was them! I spotted Joey and missed him by a hair's breadth. I was quickly ushered behind the stone archway entrance by security then.

(Funnily enough, while walking around, I got mistaken for Joey more than once. I am the same height as him, had the same long black hair, same pale skin, and was wearing almost exactly what he had been. One person claimed from behind, I was a dead ringer, apart from when I turned around, and they realised I was Chinese.)

It was soundcheck time. A sound guy testing the mics would say random things, like "testing one two three two one.... fudge fudge, I like fudge...." The band even did Purity, so us earlybirds were given a rare treat, and we screamed along from the entrance, and drummed our fists on the sides of nearby porta-potties. I hope no one was in there at the time. Whenever we got a glance of any of them, we'd scream and cheer. Finally they left again, but were soon to return.

This was the first time I'd been a part of the metal community. I was barely allowed internet in those days. But here, random strangers were friendly, striking up conversations like they'd been friends for years. Two big guys, called Trevor and Ted, looked out for me the entire gig after, keeping other big dudes from crushing me too much (I'm 5'3, remember). Other people commented on me being so baby, because I was only 14, and said they would take care of me.

When we were finally let in, right after the usher cut the rope, I ran in, screamed "WOOOHOOO!" along with a few friends I'd made. I only briefly stopped to receive this RoadRunner Records compilation CD from a roadie, then resumed running like a madman screaming and dashing into the VIP cage.

I was right up against the barricade - the first time I would ever be at a gig. People from assorted magazines and press took photos of us, and I think I got my photo taken about 10 times at least.

(This is how I got in trouble with my parents the next day. My photo had ended up in a local paper - you can see examples of that here. They had no idea what I'd been to see the night before, and were horrified when they saw what Slipknot looked like.)

We saw Sid filming us from the stage with a camcorder and screamed at him. We saw Jim and screamed at him too, and he flashed the victory sign back at us. I remember Metallica playing at the time, another one of my favourite bands.

The concert was a brutal religious experience I will never forget. People with their arms outstretched, crying and screaming out loud, moving like the devil possessed them.

The new friends around me made sure I was alright after every song! There were huge guys fainting behind us who had to get carried out, but I endured, a tiny 14 year old child. We got a family speech as per tradition, of course. "Are you guys out there all looking out for each other? We're all one big family, and we gotta look out for each other." What Corey said held true - strangers hugged, shook hands, talked, and made friends. I was heartened by how close-knit the maggot community was. It really did feel like a family, and it's felt like that ever since.

Of course, I did my first Jump The Fuck Up. It is possibly the most euphoria I've ever experienced all at one go. (Later, in 2020, I was extremely disappointed that I didn't get to do it again in London.)

They did the death masks for Vermilion, and I remember Chris helping Sid fix his mask and shirt when they'd changed back. Sid hung out near Clown's drums for most of the time too, and hugged him from behind and just latched on at one point. It was pretty adorable.

Fun fact: The version of Eyeless you hear on the 9.0 Live album is from Singapore, as is Eeyore. There are very few photos and videos from the crowd of this gig, because in 2005, very few people had camera phones. The crowd at the Slipknot gig in 2020 was a sea of arms with phones, filming the gig rather than experiencing it. Yes, I'm going to be that cranky old geezer who complains about the good old days.

Joey as usual, was fucking amazing and never failed. However, due to the fact that I was right up front, only his tiny head was visible behind his vast drum set, I couldn't see him the entire gig.

Amazingly, the government told Slipknot they were not allowed to do obscene gestures, curse, vomit (possibly due to the decomposing crow pre-show ritual), simulate humping on objects, throw faeces, or jump off stage (looking at you, Sid). I don't think our totalitarian government knew who they were dealing with, because watch what happens next.

Near the end of the gig, Corey tells the crowd “your government has given us a laundry list of things we aren’t allowed to do, your government has told us we are not allowed to swear”. Crowd goes “BOOOOOOOOO” and Corey goes “BUT WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK!!” And they launch into Surfacing, the last song. Everyone riots. Best night of my life.

You can find the setlist from that gig here. It had everything I wanted and more.

This story later got immortalised when Kerrang asked maggots for gig stories, for an article which came out in 2020. I had forgotten entirely, until people began messaging me to tell me, and one friend sent me a scan of it!

On the way out, I managed to get a shirt. I remember calling my best friend at the time, and got everyone at the merch booth to go "IF YOU'RE 555 THEN I'M 666" for her. This shirt has since been lost to the landfill, because my Christian mother took it upon herself to dispose of it the first opportunity she got. Needless to say, our relationship is not very good.

After that, I even managed to get that Roadrunner compilation album they were giving out signed. The band was staying at the Carlton. Unfortunately, Joey wasn't there, neither was Clown, and Mick was swarmed by guitar nerds so, 6/9 it is. It is a great regret of mine that I'll never have anything signed by him, nor will I ever get to see him perform ever again.

The next day, I went to school, my head swimming. Yes, I went to see Slipknot ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. I was a giant bruise, from my ribs and my chest, to my hips and knees, from being slammed into the barricade like a screen door in a hurricane. Most of all, my sore, headbanged-out neck could barely hold my head up. Classmates thought I had been in a fight. I was torn between battle-scarred exhaustion and hyperactive ranting about the most amazing gig of my short life (it still is, to this day). When teachers spoke to me, I wanted to reply, "Fuck trigonometry! I've just seen SLIPKNOT. Do you not understand that my world is different? Do you not understand that *I* am now different?"

My country was a small, conservative town that Slipknot had graced with their unholy presence. Corey Taylor once said that where he grew up in Iowa had a way of making a 16 year old boy feel like a 36 year old man (or something to that effect). I felt that in my weary bones as a teenager, being from a place just like that. Years later, Watain would run into worse trouble, and wouldn't even be allowed to perform. The Christian stranglehold is stronger than ever. It was a good thing that back then Slipknot had the element of surprise, striking serpent-fast and choking this society by the neck for a too-brief time, before they departed.

After that, my desire to play the drums only grew like a weed. Joey Jordison had, has, and will always inspire me as a drummer, and seeing the beast live (or what little I could spy behind the massive riser) had only spurred me on. I had always been a noisemaker, be it driving my parents mad with chopsticks on pots and pans, or driving my teachers mad with pencils on my desk. But of course, my parents wouldn't have any of it. I'd have to wait a good 14 more years before I'd be able to afford lessons and later, a kit of my own. Better late than never, right?

There will never be enough words to describe the impact Joey has had on my life. And it isn't just Slipknot, either. I could write another essay on his time with the Murderdolls and its influence on my own gender-non-conforming ways. Suffice to say, my wardrobe doesn't look too dissimilar to his during the early Dead in Hollywood days.

I told my boss I could not come into work today. I was grieving. I said that my music teacher died, as I didn't think she'd understand the magnitude of my loss. In a way, it's true. And I am not the only one Joey has nudged on the path to being a musician, that much is certain. To the rest of us, I wish strength and love for you in this difficult time. The best way to honour Joey, who truly loved music, both the creation and appreciation of it, is to pass that gift on. Teach it to someone. He is the reason I picked up the sticks in the first place, and one day, they'll be handed on, the heavy metal baton for the next generation.

And finally: remember that the ones we have lost are never truly gone.

Vinnie

P.S. See if you can spot me in the crowd photos in this post!

[cocosstories]

Tom Holland One Shot

Prompt:

Hey, a little request for Tom Holland. He and the reader are at the red carpet for his new movie, and the reader is very nervous because it's their first time at such an event. Thank you <3

The week had gone by in a blur as you got ready for your very first red carpet appearance and movie premiere.

Your boyfriend Tom, had invited you to the screening for his new movie Cherry and you were so nervous.

Not only would it be the first time you would be in front of all of the paparazzi, but it was also the first time, you and Tom had been to an official event as a couple.

He has promised you that everything was going to be fine and you would have fun but you couldnt help but worry about every little detail.

You wanted the night to be perfect, most for Tom. He had worked so hard and eas so proud of the movie and you didnt want to mess up his big night.

You spent hours in a dress shop, trying to find the absolute perfect dress for the occasion, finally deciding on a deep maroon, silk, strapless dress that would complement Tom's suit very well.

The shoes were an easier choice, going with black stilettos and finally a small black clutch to finish off the look.

The day of the premiere had rolled around and you spent most of it getting ready.

Late morning, your mom took you to get your nails done then to the salon for your hair and finally after a quick stop to her house for the perfect necklace and earrings, you went to a friends place for your make up.

You had never realized until then, just what it takes for the ladies in Hollywood to get all glammed up for an event and honestly by the time you got home to get dressed, you were already exhausted.

The doorbell rang as you looked in the mirror at yourself and you hear your mom call up letting you know Tom had arrived.

You take a deep breath and head out and down the stairs, Tom waiting at the base of them with your mom.

"Wow you look incredible."

He says in awe of the beauty in front of him. To be fair, Tom told you multiple times a day how beautiful you were but today the words came out breathlessly as he stared, his eyes never leaving yours.

"You are looking pretty incredible yourself Mr. Holland."

You reply taking his now outstretched hand as he leads you out to the waiting limo.

"Everything is going to be fine love."

Tom reassures you as the limo pulls up to the entrance of the red carpet and notices you begin to shake when you see all of the cameras and fans around.

You werent really one for big crowds but you knew it was something you would have to get used sooner or later when you began dating Tom. He had kept you pretty much out of the spotlight for the first year of your relationship but now you would be in full view of everyone and that terrified you.

Tom got out of the car first, the crowd going crazy when they see him, and he waves before placing a hand out to help you out of the car.

"I've got you."

He whispers in your ear just as the two of you are ushered off down the red carpet by a woman in a headset.

Tom holds your hand tightly as you walk beside him, stopping when you reach the first set of photographers and journalists.

"Tom! Tom! Who are you with tonight?"

"Is this your girlfriend?"

"Can you look over here for a picture?"

Voices come from what seems like all around you and you try your best to remember to smile and mimic his movements, not wanting to look stupid or make him look bad.

You continue walking down the red carpet and Tom is told he needs to do an interview with E! News with Guiliana Rancic.

He walks up to her, letting go of your hand as you stand a few feet behind him.

"We are being joined by the films star Tom Holland. You look great tonight Tom."

Guiliana says with a big smile.

"As do you darling."

"Who are you here with tonight?"

Your heart skips a beat when you hear the question. You were ready for the pictures and being seen by the fand but a T.V. camera was a lot scarier.

Tom looks back and reaches for you.

"This is my beautiful girlfriend Y/F/N Y/L/N."

He annouces, proudly showing you off.

"You look stunning tonight Y/N."

Guiliana exclaims.

"Thank you. I love your dress."

You try your best to sound completely at ease but know your nerves are showing through and mentally keck yourself.

"Thank you! Tom, where have you been hiding this wonderful woman?"

She turns the questioning back to Tom which you are eternally greatful for.

"Well, you know i just wanted to keep her to myself for a while but now i think i am ready to share her with everyone."

"Sounds to me like Mr. Tom Holland is in love!"

The excitment in her voice made you smile.

"I am. Y/N is the most wonderful person i have ever met. I am honestly lucky she even gave me a chance in the first place and I couldnt imagine doing this night without her."

A collective 'aww' is heard in the immediate vicinity.

"Well, there you have it Tom Holland is officially off the market! Sorry ladies!"

The three of you laugh and the interview ends.

"See, that wasnt so bad. She loved you!"

You head off into the theater where it was definitely a lot more quiet.

"I don't know how, i didn't really say anything. I know she could tell i was nervous."

Your voice sounded sad as you spoke. You didn't want to be the reason Tom's big night was ruiend.

"Oh love, none of that matters. This is your first red carpet and not your last if i have anything to say about it. They all know that. You don't think i wasnt nervous my first time around? Hell, i still get nervous sometimes. You will get the hang of it i promise."

He pulls you off to the side, away from everyone else and takes you into his arms, kissing your forehead.

"You want me to go to other events with you?"

The surprise in your voice that accompanied your question made him laugh.

"Every single one. I always want you by my side. I love you, Y/N and now the world knows it."

It was nowhere near the first time he had said those words to you but somehow, it felt just as amazing as it did that first time.

"I love you too Tom. But, there is one thing i am still worried about."

You pull back from his arms to look in his face.

"What's that, darling?"

He asks, a bit worried at how serious you look.

"Who is going to break the news to Harrison that he is no longer your date for events? It's going to break his heart."

You giggle at your own joke and Tom laughs along with you.

"He's a big boy, I think he will be alright but maybe we should do something special for him, to you know, soften the blow."

Tom jokes back as the two of you head into the theater to get your seats, still laughing at Harrison's expense.

Feedback is always welcomed and greatly appreciated

[limenysnocket]

Attention and Company

I couldn't help myself. @honorarytenenbaum

Summary: Sometimes you need someone to chill with, and that's okay. Maybe that person is your boyfriend who also gets a little roughed up at work sometimes. Pubs can sustain you both for only so long, but what you really need is to curb yourselves in the mall parking lot, right next to a shaved ice food truck.

Warnings: Just some light swearing, a bit of angst, a lot of fluff, and some brief mentions to "raunchy" behavior. This is a soft fic for y'all tonight, out here needin' some gentle lovin'.

A/N: Got some lonely feelings right now. I just wanna hug someone, dude. Yo, we could totally watch a movie over discord sometime... maybe.

○●□○●□○●□○●□○

Today sucked. Flat out. The bags under your eyes didn't lie, and now here you were, outside of your studio, sitting on the hood of your car, eating a granola bar to stave off hunger for a few more hours. Hopefully.

You pull your phone from your pocket, looking at the time for a moment, then looking at your screensaver. It was the only thing that could make you smile. You had your arm wrapped around one of your closets friends, Taika, and the phone didn't capture it, but he had his arm wrapped around your waist. His curls were all messed up, and the picture perfectly showed how drunk you both were by the fuzzy pink on your cheeks. It was 99 cent beer night at one of the local pubs, and unlike the first one held at a baseball game, all went well.

Of course, there was a limit to how much the two of you were allowed to drink, but that didn't stop the many failed attempts at stealing other people's drinks while they were looking away, just to get a taste more. Didn't matter that you guys were eventually thrown out of the bar for breaking rules and coming close to breaking a few faces, you had a great night.

That night also lead to a few other places, including his hotel room, but that end of the story has to be saved for another time.

Instead of staring at your phone for another century, you decide to unlock it and dial the man up. You knew he was somewhere around here, either charming his way onto another movie set to mess with his rich friends, or getting his tired ass kicked by daylight savings.

His number was saved to your favorites, so dialing him was quick and easy. The wait for him to pick up didn't last long either.

"Talk to me..."

God, his voice sounds like one big yawn. Looks like he needs a bit of perking up too.

"I've got two curbside tickets to eat a snow cone and watch kids do loops on their bikes in the parking lot. One of those tickets has your name on them," you grin, despite sounding exhausted too. The day really made you strain your voice.

His musical laughter really makes the sun look brighter from its low position in the sky.

"That's oddly specific... where would these magical tickets take me afterwards?" He had cocked his eyebrows up and leaned against his office door while he spoke to you.

"If this were a booty call, I would have told you already, Taik," you snort and tease him. "So, it's either make yourself fat on some weirdly flavored snow cone, or take your horny-ass home."

"Okay, okay... I'd like to make myself fat for a night, as long as your there," his voice is dreamy, desperate and warm. "You there already?"

"Nope," your lips pop the p, "but I'm nearby."

"I swear to God, if you're talking and driving, I'm gonna whoop your ass," Taika stood up, acting serious when he was just really worried about your safety in general.

"I'm not, I'm fine," you laugh again. "Not even in the car. Sitting on it though, trying to convince the world's sexiest man to go out with me again."

"And you said this wasn't a booty call," he retorts over the phone, making you playfully glare at the asphalt on the road. It's like he's in front of you.

"You coming or not?" you change the subject and you hear him laugh again, but softer.

"Yeah... I'll be there in a few minutes, gorgeous."

He always made goodbyes so easy. Maybe it was because you both knew you would be seeing each other again, no matter what circumstances you were thrown into. But the dial tone still had its effects.

You slip off the hood of your car, and take a seat in the driver's seat. The warm summer air makes your skin glow, and your brain went fuzzy only imagining it doing the same to Taika.

The drive feels so quiet. For a moment, you actually thought about calling him again, but you knew for a fact that he wouldn't pick up if he was driving.

As predicted, kids are zooming around on their bikes, showing off to their friends or trying to be cool, even though they all were obviously teary-eyed each time they scraped a knee. It was amusing to you and Taika, especially when some of the older boys would try to catch your attention and zip past you and Taika. It ended up being a heckle fest in the end, and some kid always went home with his butt hurt.

Keys and wallet in hand, you trek to the small, blue trailer tucked in the corner of the parking lot.

"Damn, you must have beat me here by just a few seconds," Taika calls, rustling his way through the small spaces between a couple of cars.

"Well, you've never been a speed demon type, so last place is your calling when it comes to racing," you guwaf and grin at him. He rolls his eyes and comes to walk right next to you.

"I pride myself on road safety," he hums, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

You glance at him from the side, just to silently check up on him. His hair was tousled and his eyes were resteless. It looks like he had it rough from the start. He had struggled to get dressed this morning, but picked the most eccentric clothes in his closet to make up from his lack of sleep.

"Dare you to try the dill pickle flavor this time," his cocky tone wakes you up.

"Like hell I will," you snort as you finally reach the trailer, where a teen boy happily greets the both of you.

"Oh come on, it'll be funny," he eggs you on, his bottom lip pouting.

"Keep trying to make me get dill pickle, and the next time we have a movie night together, I'm getting the pizza," you sniff and he rolls his eyes. He thinks it is an odd threat. "And I'm making it all Hawaiian pizza." That got his attention.

"Bull shit, you would never. Not on a perfectly good pizza!" He gasps.

"Oh, just watch me, pineapple boy," you snicker and point to his pineapple print shorts. You break conversation to order two piña colada flavored snow cones. Taika usually took for-fucking-ever when it came to picking a single flavor, so ever since the second time you've been out here with him, he assigned you to choose for him. He usually got what you got.

Now, you wait.

You plop yourself down on the curb, as you promised, and he joined you with a long, loud groan. You give him a bewildered stare, wondering if his age had really gotten him this much. He smiles at you through a wince.

"Sat on my keys," he wheezes and chuckles at his own stupidity under his breath.

Your eyes float down to where he pulls out his keys and you start giggling quietly.

"Oh, come on, I'm sure you've done the same thing," Taika says, not handling the fact that you have new material to mess with him, and also trying to get some stories out of you.

"Well yeah, but I don't sit down as violently as you do," you prod his bicep, and he laughs.

"Such a lady. Must sit down gracefully and slowly," he says, mocking an English accent, but he was horrible at accents so of course it was bad. You smack his bicep this time, and he playfully flinches, like it hurt.

"I really need to get you into some accent classes or some shit, before you get your teeth knocked out," you shake your head with a smile.

"What? I think I'm great at accents. My American accent is the best one yet, don't you think?" He smirks at you, and proceeds to demonstrate. "All you have to do is put an 'er' at the end of everything, right? That's totally how they speak around here."

"I would be careful, Mr. Waititi. Could get in some trouble if you say that too loudly," you roll your eyes, and he sighs. Yeah. Things were going to shit in LA. It was clear to everyone, but what could two hollywood producers do to stop things like that? Keep making films, you guess.

"Two, large piña coladas!"

You look up, and so does he.

"I'll get them," you volunteer, but he places his hand on your shoulder before you could get up.

"Let me," he speaks softly, in a damn near whisper.

He stands up and strides right over to the trailer with so much confidence, you're envious. He comes back with two large styrofoam cups in hand, spoons, and a warm smile. His smile was always warm. It set fire in your belly.

He sits down a bit more carefully this time, even though his car keys were sitting in the grass, far away from his landing zone. He hands you your cup and a spoon.

"Do these have alcohol in them?" He nudges you with your elbow and you shake your head.

"As if they would let a seventeen-year-old serve alcoholic beverages," you throw in logic.

"I dunno... ever been to a ballpark before? Pretty sure some of those kids are way too young to be peddling there too, but that doesn't stop people from hiring them," he says while pointing his spoon at you.

"Fair point," you finish, then look at your snow cone. You decide to start eating before it melts.

Silence swarms the air, but comfortably. There's the occasional murmur of cicadas or humming cars drowning them out. Birds would land on the scorching asphalt to pick at whatever crumbs were left by other patrons, before fluttering away at the sight of a zooming bike getting too close for comfort.

Taika will point out a few of the kids doing tricks. He picks his favorites for the night, and he keeps himself busy by watching them. You, on the other hand, are occupied with him. You examine him from the tips of his dirty white chucks, to his frazzled hairdo.

"You look like shit," you mutter. He barely pays you mind and that comment was hardly acknowledged. It was like the air had gone a bit stiffer. He was hiding something from you.

"What's going on, Taik?" you worry. He never kept things from you, unless they were hard to bear.

He sets his cup down and holds his hands together. He looks so tired. So solemn.

"Today was total shit," he whispers and runs a hand through his hair.

"Well, yeah, I get that. I wouldn't have known if you had looked a little spiffier," you say, reaching out and gently tucking a curl on his forehead back in place with all the rest of its friends.

"Look, I--..." he says, turning to you, lips parted slightly, and a yearning sensation bubbling from the tips of his fingers as he rests a single hand on you.

There were tough times with the occupancy you both, willingly, chose. The hardest part about it was making friends, or making love, then finding out you have to leave it behind for a new location the next morning.

"I have to leave... for Sydney..." he says, reaching to gently take your cheek into the palm of his hand.

"When?" you manage, though you were clearly becoming upset.

"In a few weeks. Thor is waiting for me," he sighs, barely able to look at you while his thumb rubbed your ample cheek.

"And what does this have to do with me?"

"I don't want to leave you," he says, tilting your head up just the slightest bit. "And I don't want to stop loving you."

Your eyes search his for a moment, wide and a bit confused.

"I thought you said we were just a fling with--"

He cuts you off, "A fling with benefits. I know..." he sighs again, "but every time I find myself waiting for you to call on a shitty day, each time you rest your head on my shoulder, all the times you smile at me and tease me, I find myself falling... more in love with you." He has to pause to breathe.

It's so quiet. Dangerously quiet.

"What happens if I love you too...?" you muster your courage, and look right into his expressive, brown eyes.

"I don't know," he says to you, thumb still rubbing circles.

"Guess there's only one way to find out, huh?" you breathe, and he nods.

Still as statues, you wait for words to touch the air. It's only when his foot makes a wrong move and knocks over his snow cone, does the tension break.

His bottom lip pouts for him again and you quietly pick his spoon up off the ground. You clean it on your shirt and hand it to him, all before taking your cup, and holding it out to share. He smiles down at you, taking his spoon from your hand and sticking it into the shaved ice.

Your head leans against his shoulder when the sun disappears behind the mall building.

"I love you too," you whisper.

"I know," he says back, sucking at the tip of his spoon.

"Think we can keep this up over the phone?" you ask, wondering about a brief virtual relationship, just until one of you catches a break.

"Guess there's only one way to find out, huh?" he says, lowering his spoon, wrapping his arm around you, and giving you his full attention.

[aestheticallyholland]

NEVER NOT | AFTER YEARS . . .

❃ PAIRING tom holland x fem!reader

❃ DISCLAIMER i do not own the artists (and the reader) that are going to portray the characters, but i do own some of the their names. the plot of the story is inspired to the book and movie 'to all the boys i've loved before' but with changes. the gifs and photos used in this series are edited by me but i get credits to the originals. also, this series is first posted in wattpad by me. PLEASE DO NOT REPOST IT SOMEWHERE ELSE !

❃ WORD COUNT 2.8k words

❃ AUTHOR'S NOTES you have reached the final chapter of my tom holland series, never not! for those who have reached this part, i would like to say thank you so much for taking your time to read this cliche story that i wrote originally on wattpad, and hopefully, you enjoyed and loved it. thank you also for the constant reblogs and likes for each chapter in this series. i truly appreciate every reblog and like you gave. i also hope that you are satisfied with the ending of this series. with lots of love, lei <3

NEVER NOT MASTERPOST | LEI'S LIBRARY

"All love stories are tales of beginnings. When we talk about falling in love, we go to the beginning, to pinpoint the moment of freefall." - Meghan O'Rourke

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"ONE MORE POSE FOR ME!"

Flash.

"And another one!"

Flash.

"Alright!" Y/N exclaimed and removed her Canon 90D DSLR camera from her right eye. "That's it for today, guys! Great job everyone!" shouted once more and looked at the photos that she took from the monitor of the computer.

She was doing a photoshoot for one of the famous magazine companies, The Hollywood Reporter. She was one of the photographers for the magazine company for almost a year already. She surely was so happy to receive a call way back a year ago before that she was hired. And, she surely was so happy to pursue what she dreamed of.

"Great shots, Y/N. Great as always." Someone said from behind her and Y/N could just smile at the compliment.

"Thank you, Millie." She said and looked at Camille. Camille became a fashion designer like how she always wanted to be. She worked alongside Y/N in several photoshoots just this year, coincidentally.

"Want to grab some coffee on the way home?" Camille asked as she prepared her purse and placed it on her shoulder.

"Sure," Y/N said and got the hard drive that was plugged into the computer since all of the photos were there. Not only was she a photographer but also one of the editors for the magazines. "But after that, I gotta go somewhere."

"Are you gonna go to that place again?" Camille asked and Y/N looked at her and nodded as an answer. They walked out together as they were the only people left there.

"I'll probably call Erika after you go. Just gonna remind her about the reunion that our family had planned for this weekend." Camille said while walking beside Y/N.

"But she'll probably be with Harrison right now," Y/N said.

"They're still together all these years? Never knew she was a relationship person honestly." Camille said.

"Me either. But, she's happy so I'm happy for her." Y/N said.

They entered the coffeehouse that was packed with busy people. The scent of coffee went to their noses as soon as they got in.

"I totally forgot that it's still Friday today," Camille said. "So many people."

They lined up in the long line since there was only one cashier available.

"By the way, have you seen the latest movie?" Camille asked Y/N and she gave a confused look.

"Which one?" Y/N asked back.

"I think it was the— erm— The latest Spiderman movie. I don't know the full title but I heard they just released a new one this month." Camille said. "Tom is in it right?"

Tom.

That name that Y/N will never forget.

Y/N smiled under her breath before answering her. "Yeah, I guess."

After that, they just waited for the line to be shorter and shorter until they were the next one to order. After they ordered, they stood in the corner waiting for their coffee to be made.

"One cappuccino and latte for Y/N!"

"I'll get it," Camille said and walked fast to get their orders. She mouthed thank you to the lady and went to Y/N's side again. "Here's your cappuccino," Camille said and handed Y/N her drink as they made their way out of the coffeehouse.

"So, I'll see you on Monday at work?" Camille asked.

"Always." That was what Y/N answered. "Take care!" She added before waving goodbye to Camille and went in the opposite direction as her with her drink in her hand.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Y/N parked her car on the side of the empty road. After how many months, almost a year, of driving lessons, she could finally drive for herself.

Before she got out, she got her drink and her other things first and removed her coat. She got out of the car with her things and shut the door and locked it.

The wind suddenly blew her hair and she smiled at this great feeling. As she walked towards the sand, she took off her shoes and placed them in the same spot that she would sit on. Luckily, no one was in the place other than herself.

The sun was almost setting and the waves were still moving in the ocean. She had come to this place almost every day or at least most of the time. The light of the sun reflected on the sun symbol on her bracelet that he gave her a few years back. She sighed at the thought of him.

She had lost contact with him just almost a year ago because of his busy schedule but Harrison would be the one to tell her how Tom was doing and all. Well, not really lost contact but they rarely contacted each other for the past few months due to their work.

Although those had happened, she never stopped going back to this place that Tom wanted her to always go. This was the place that kept her alive and stress-free.

Their relationship had its ups and downs.

Tom became one of the most famous celebrities in the world ever since he got the role of being Spiderman. After that, he had more upcoming movies for the past years later on.

Although there may have been rumors about him being in a relationship with one of his co-stars, Zendaya, because of their roles in Spider-Man, her trust for him remain. Although at some point, it hurt her but that just passed away.

Overall, she was happy for him and for what he has achieved. She was so proud of what he had become. It didn't stop her from visiting his family's house and spending time with them.

"I wish you were here right now." She whispered to herself as the wind could not stop making her hair fly.

"And I'm here." A voice said from a distance but loud enough for her to hear. Her eyes widen at this very familiar voice and her eyes began to water.

She slowly looked in the direction of the voice that she heard and there stood the person that she has been waiting for.

He gave her the same smile that she would never forget. He still looked the same as before but he was more muscular now. He looked better in person than on the big screen or in his interviews. His brown hair is now shorter but still had curls on.

"Tom?" She whispered and he could just easily read her lips calling his name. He opened his arms widely for her. She then ran up to his open arms and did not think twice about wrapping her arms around him. He spun her around as soon as he closed his arms around her.

Her tears fell from her eyes while hugging him. When Tom heard her sob, he placed a hand on her head and stroked her hair. "I'm home, love." He whispered to her.

She pulled away for a while and admired him. His face features, his hair. Everything about him. She suddenly pinched his cheeks with both of her hands that surprised Tom.

"Ow! What was that for?" He asked as he felt the slight pain from the pinch. His voice is deeper than before and his British accent is kind of mixed with an American accent.

"You are real," Y/N said that made Tom chuckle.

She was still as adorable as always. Tom thought

"Of course I am. You thought you're hallucinating?" Tom asked her and she nodded.

"It's been so long to finally see you personally," Y/N said and she slapped him on the chest. "You kept me waiting you know!"

"I'm sorry, love." Tom apologized and kissed her forehead. "Four years, huh?"

"And three months," Y/N added while looking at him and grinned.

"You have been counting," Tom said that made Y/N nod. "I missed you so much." He said and pulled her for a hug again. "God, I do miss you."

"I missed you too, Thomas." She replied and noticed the scrunchie that was on his wrist. The same scrunchie that she gave him before. "You kept it." She said and held to his wrist where the scrunchie was and smiled at him.

"Of course. It really reminded me of you." He answered.

They decided to sit down and talked about each other's new life. Tom was surprised about Y/N's career since he never thought she would be into photography like his brother, Harry.

"Your mom really influenced me to go to that," Y/N said. "That's why I'm so grateful for her."

"I had a photoshoot in that company actually," Tom said and that made her eyes widen. "Really?" She asked.

"Yeah, but that was like two thousand seventeen or something." He answered.

"Your American accent is really showing up," Y/N said and smiled at him.

"Well, most of my roles required this accent which I'm good at, surprisingly." He answered.

"How long have you been here already?" She asked him, curiously.

"Just today. I told my family first and Harrison that I was coming back for a week's vacation. And, I wanted to surprise you." He answered and placed his arms around her shoulders. She placed her head on his shoulder and gave a relieved sigh. Her happiness cannot be measured right now.

"You wanna go to the water?" Tom said and Y/N suddenly ran away from him and giggled.

"If you could catch me first!" Y/N said and ran which made Tom scoffed a laugh.

"I will!" Tom said and chased after her. After a few seconds of running, Tom was a few inches away from her and scooped her legs and carried her bridal style and he walked towards the water.

"No! Put me down! The water is gonna be so cold!" Y/N said but Tom ignored her and laughed. Then, Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck and forcefully pushed both of them down together to the water.

"Holy shit, the water is so cold," Y/N said as she raised her head up from the water as well as Tom. "Damn you, Holland!"

"You're gonna pay for that," Tom said and splashed her with water and Y/N did the same. Basically, the couple had a water fight. They kept laughing and splashing on the water to each other even as they stood up.

Tom then grabbed Y/N's arm and pulled her closer to him. They both wrapped their arms around each other and Y/N just gave a light laugh.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Do you have a towel in your car?" Tom asked as they got out of the water, their bodies and clothes soaking wet as they stayed there a while ago to watch the sunset.

"Yep. It's on the back. I came prepared." Y/N said as she gave Tom the keys and walked towards her car. Tom could just laugh.

Tom got the towel and wrapped it around Y/N's body and continued to hug her from behind. They decided to stay on the beach a little longer until they dried up. After a few minutes, they then went inside the car with Tom as a driver although Y/N insisted that she would drive.

They went directly to Y/N's apartment that she rented ever since she got her work. Tom parked in the basement of the building. As soon as they got out, Tom locked the cars and gave Y/N back her keys. They walked together and got to an elevator going to her apartment.

"How's your dad and Aria?" Tom asked as Y/N shoved the key on the doorknob.

"They are doing great actually," Y/N answered. "Aria got a job in New Zealand in tourism. And, will you believe that my dad actually got married a year ago?" Y/N said happily and opened the door.

"Really? I never heard of that." Tom said.

"Because we made it a private wedding so it's only our relatives and Mom Trina's family too," Y/N explained to Tom. "Mom Trina is an amazing woman and I'm glad they got to meet each other."

"Your mom will be happy that your dad is happy," Tom said and Y/N could only smile.

She placed her things down the counter table. "This is my home." She said to Tom who was looking everywhere in the apartment. "It's not that bad." He said.

"Yep. In my room, I get to see the city and the sunset and sunrise too." While Y/N was talking. Tom just kept staring at her, admiring her. He couldn't explain how happy he felt when he finally saw her again. He walked closer to her and wrapped his arms around her from behind. This startled Y/N a bit but she held his arms and leaned her back to his chest.

"How did I get so lucky to have you?" Tom whispered and moved her hair away and gave a peck on her neck.

"Destiny, I guess." She answered and turned around to face him. She saw him looked at her lips and decided to close the gap between them by pressing her lips to his. Tom responded to the kiss and pulled her closer to him. As soon as the kiss became heated, she jumped and wrapped her legs around Tom's waist and he was carrying her. He then walked towards her room and shut the room by kicking his foot at the door while kissing and carrying her.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The ray of light hit Y/N's eyes as soon as she woke up. She felt strong arms around her bare waist and she smiled. She yawned and stretched her legs before she tried to move Tom's arm around her. She could still hear his soft snores beside her. His curls are really showing off when his head was on the pillow. She tried to get up but was stopped when she felt a hand grabbing her wrist and pulling her back to the bed. Strong arms wrapped around her again but this time tighter.

"Tom!" She exclaimed.

"Don't leave me here," Tom mumbled while his eyes were still closed and snuggled his head to her neck which tickled a little.

"Alright, baby," Y/N said and snuggled back at him. "But I have to cook breakfast. It's like almost lunch already."

"That was a long long night." Tom teased and Y/N felt her cheeks heat up as she remembered what happened last night. She slapped Tom's arm playfully who just laughed at her. "Let's do it again," Tom whispered in her ear with a husky voice and attempted to kiss her again but Y/N covered his mouth with her hand.

"Nope, nope. Not happening." Y/N said as she shoved his arms away from her and stood up with the blanket wrapped around her. "You better go and shower, Holland!" She exclaimed as she exited her room.

"Join me, then!"

"Shut it, Thomas!"

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Alright, we're on our way now, mum," Tom said through his phone as he drove in the road. "Love you too. Bye." He ended the call and placed his phone down. His eyes focusing on the road.

"What did she say?" Y/N asked.

"Harrison and Erika are already there and there done preparing." He answered and she just nodded as an answer. He glanced at her and smiled, taking her nearest hand and intertwining their fingers together. Y/N looked at him and smiled back. Tom decided to stop driving for a while which made Y/N confused. He parked the car on the side of the road.

"What's wrong?" Y/N asked, concerned.

"I just..." Tom paused for a while. "I'm just so happy that I got to see you again," Tom said and looked at her deep in her eyes.

Y/N placed a hand on his cheek and smiled. "Me too, Tom." She said.

"I'll take you with me once my vacation is over," Tom said and her eyes widen.

"But I have work—"

"I already talked to your manager and he's fine with it. He's gonna give you a break for a while." Tom said.

"How is that even possible?" She asked and giggled.

"Secret," Tom said and grinned. "I want you to see my work and some of the co-stars want to meet you."

"Seriously?" Y/N asked. "You talked about me to them?"

"Yep." Tom answered, emphasizing the 'p'. "Even the Avenger cast wants to meet you."

"Alright, then. I'll get to see celebrities." Y/N squealed and smiled at him. "At least I get to see my boyfriend work. This is exciting."

Tom placed a hand on her nape and pulled her head closer for him to kiss your forehead and lips.

"I love you, my love." He said. "You are my world and my everything."

Oh, how lucky they were for each other.

"I love you, too, Tom."

Always.

Forever.

Fin.

❝ WE WERE SO BEAUTIFUL

WE WERE SO TRAGIC

NO OTHER MAGIC

COULD EVER COMPARE ❞

❃ ANOTHER AUTHOR'S NOTE to add, feel free to also comment or reblog how this series was. i would lovre to read your thoughts and feelings about this series. once again, thank you for reading NEVER NOT, by yours truly 🦋

❃ TAGLIST @allthisfortommy @kait4073 @lovebittenbyevans @l0ve-0f-my-life @spiitfiires @robertpattinson-th @jackiehollanderr @butterflies-glitter

[parisian-nicole]

A Miami Vice Fic: Free Falling

Summary: This story will revolve around the Sonny Burnett story arc, and is Sonny & Trudy centric. The main players will remain the same, but I am taking artistic liberties with the storyline. This will be a 'Dark Sonny' fic, and he's found an obsession with Trudy. The show made Dark Sonny redeemable, I may not. You have been warned. If you have ideas of how you think Sonny should be or shouldn't be, I do not care. This is my story, and I will write it how I want it.

Rating: M

Warning: Sexual Content, Adult Language

FF.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14005615/1/Free-Falling-A-Sonny-Trudy-Fic

****

"Hey, talk to me," Tubbs spoke out to his partner who sat nervously beside him as they sped down the freeway. "You worried about tonight?"

"Yeah," Trudy admitted freely as she looked ahead where she watched the traffic buzzing by. "This is the first real case since … Well, you know," She ended her words abruptly because she knew it was a difficult subject. Something that hit everyone in their precinct hard, but Tubbs more than anybody.

"Yeah, I know," Tubbs gulped down the lump that tried to form in his throat. He forced himself to not think about those woes and instead keep his head in the game. After weeks of undercover work, he had finally gotten an invite to one of Oscar Carrera's parties. Carrera was one of the biggest, if not the biggest smuggler in Miami. No agency had ever been able to infiltrate his organization to gather anything to bring him down. Tubbs hoped to change that. "Tonight is just a way for us to get a foot in the door of Carrera's organization. We're not cops tonight, Trudy. We're just party-goers."

"How do we not be cops? We're just supposed to turn a blind eye to all criminal activities?" She asked.

"Yeah, those are the instructions from the higher-ups. This is the closest we've ever gotten to Carrera. So, the mission for tonight is to just get in and try to get an introduction with the man himself. I've already built a rapport with Miguel Carrera, Oscar's son. He's just a snot-nosed punk trying to play like he's big and bad to impress his father. But the few times I've met with him he shared his ideas on how he plans to run his father's business once he's taken over. And the dude had some pretty brilliant ideas too."

"You seem impressed," Trudy said and Tubbs shook his head to the idea.

"More like scared," He replied. "If Miguel was ever to implement any of the ideas he shared with me, I don't think all the police in Dade County, the state of Florida even, would be able to bring down his operation.

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously, so I want to make sure we bring him down right along with his father," Tubbs said.

"Well, I've got your back and I'll do whatever it takes," Trudy promised. "So, tonight I'm not Trudy from Vice. I'm Trudy Hostess extraordinaire. The top girl at 'your' club, that's just a front for a low-key drug operation," She said as she smiled at Tubbs, who smiled back while he kept his eyes on the road ahead.

"Hopefully, after tonight it won't be so low-key. I know Miguel is definitely interested in what he's seen. And he's cocky enough that even if his father turns me away, I'll keep Miguel on the hook," Tubbs stated as he drove them up to the huge guarded gates of a massive mansion. Tubbs handed the invitation Miguel had given him a few days before to the guard at the gate. "Rico Ortiz and my plus one, Trudy Jackson," The guard checked the invitation and then looked from Tubbs over to Trudy, who flashed him a sweet smile while she wiggled her fingers in greeting. The guard turned and nodded to the other man inside their guard station, who opened the gates for them. The guard then handed the invitation back to Tubbs and waved them on through.

****

An hour later

****

The party was a grand event. Nothing that required fancy attire but it was very apparent that everyone there had money. Tubbs and Trudy had both recognized the faces of several Hollywood celebrities, some star athletes, and even a few politicians. Tubbs had managed to get introductions to other big-balling drug dealers, who would make great busts if he couldn't get Oscar Carrera. But he was yet to meet the big man, who had yet to make an appearance at his own party. Trudy played her part well as she stayed stuck to Tubbs' hip. She giggled, charmed, and flirted. She instantly captivated every man around her.

The quieting of the big band that played on the large stage house in the middle of the huge ballroom, garnered everyone's attention. Both Trudy and Tubbs turned to see that Oscar Carrera had entered. His son Miguel stood to his left and a slender, pretty blonde, who Tubbs knew was his wife, Celeste, stood at his right side.

"Thank you all for coming to my little party," Carrera senior spoke out as he was then handed a flute of champagne, which he raised in a toast. "Please enjoy the music, food, and spirits," He then gulped some of his drink and the music started up again, as Carrera began to mingle. Tubbs grasped Trudy about her waist and start dancing to the slow-paced music playing, all while he kept his eyes on Carrera. He saw when Miguel leaned in and whispered something to his father, and then noticed Miguel was making his way over to where they danced.

"I think it's game time," Tubbs whispered and then leaned down and placed a kiss on Trudy's bare shoulder. She threw her head back and laughed a little putting up the pretense that he had said something funny to her.

"Rico, my friend," Miguel Carrera greeted as he stepped up to them. "I'm glad you were able to make it."

"I was able to finish my business early," Tubbs replied as he partially released Trudy, but kept his left arm around her waist. Miguel appreciatively leered and smiled at Trudy, which prompted Tubbs to make introductions. "Miguel, I'd like you to meet Ms. Trudy Jackson," Miguel grasped the hand Trudy has raised to him, and he kissed it. "She's one of the lovely ladies who work for me. I thought I'd bring her along to maybe stir up more interest in my 'other' business venture."

"Oh, I guarantee she most definitely will," Miguel declared as he held Trudy's gaze and hand still. "You are without a doubt the most beautiful woman in this entire room Ms. Trudy."

"Thank you," She responded and said nothing more as she gently pulled her hand from his grasp.

"Were you able to discuss my business proposition to your father yet?" Tubbs asked instantly recapturing Miguel's attention.

"Yes, I have and he has asked me to come to get you and bring you to his office right now to have further discussions. I do really hate to leave you on your own, Ms. Trudy but this is a very private meeting."

"Hey, just wait at the bar for me, all right, baby?" Tubbs spoke this and leaned in and placed a quick kiss on Trudy's cheek. Then he released her and turned to follow Miguel's lead. Trudy turned and made her way to the bar that took up an entire wall. She didn't like the idea of Tubbs going in alone but knew what her role was on this case and so she leaned against the bar and ordered a dry martini.

He had slipped into the party a few minutes before Carrera had. As the new head of security, he wanted to see for himself if there were any potential threats to his new boss. He did a quick sweep and felt confident that no one there was brassy enough to do anything stupid. Carrera had already told him he was being paranoid as everyone of any importance were people who worked for him and knew better than to try anything. Still, Carrera had been impressed with just how seriously Sonny Burnett was taking his job. Carrera told Sonny that tonight he wanted him to relax and enjoy himself. Sonny had no intentions of following those orders. That was until he noticed the black beauty in the blood-red Hervé Léger off-the-shoulder bandage dress, which clung to her body in ways that made Sonny envious. She wore her hair up topped with a mass of big curls, with a couple effortlessly toppled out to caress her perfectly gorgeous face. He noticed that she had managed to match her red lipstick and red stiletto shoes precisely to her dress. He circled the edge of the room, sticking close to the walls, hidden in the shadows of the enormous crowd nearly overflowing from the room. He stalked her movements as she walked to the bar, completely disregarding Miguel and the man who had just been holding this Enchantress. He headed to the bar and planted himself to the far right of where she stood sipping at her drink. Sonny stood enthralled and mesmerized by her every movement. Something about her called to him and he frown a moment as he tried to recall if he had ever met her or seen her before. He was sure he hadn't but everything in him screamed that he had. It took him a moment to recognize that calmness had settled over him as he watched her. A calmness that had eluded him ever since he awoke in that hospital bed weeks back.

Trudy stilled as she raised her drink to take another sip. The hairs on her arms and the back of her neck stood up. She felt like suddenly she had a spotlight on her, and she knew it wasn't due to the men who conspicuously eyed her and smiled as they greeted her in a friendly manner as they passed. What she felt now she could only imagine was how prey might feel when it knew a predator was close by, even if they couldn't see it. She then lifted her eyes from her drink and casually turned to her right. She glanced about until she locked her eyes onto a shocking sight, and she nearly dropped her drink as her mouth fell open to allow her gasp to escape. She must be hallucinating she told herself as she stood locked eye-to-eye with a man who was supposed to be dead.

Sonny found he couldn't look away even when he could see that his staring had unnerved her. Then she looked up and looked right at him, and that's when he saw it. Some spark of recognition in her eyes. He grabbed up the drink he had ordered and then made his way down the length of the bar until he stood toe-to-toe with his Nubian Enchantress. "I know it is probably gonna sound like I'm not even trying," He spoke out with his most charming smile. "But have we met before?" Trudy found she couldn't speak as her mind reeled over the fact that Sonny Crockett was alive and standing before her. She almost forgot herself and forgot that she was on the job, and was about to ask him what had happened to him and where he had been. She stopped herself deducting that Sonny was still undercover, deep cover apparently since he hadn't contacted anyone and allowed them to think he was dead. She closed her mouth and swallowed down the dryness. She then shook her head slightly as she forced a kind smile to her lips.

"I thought maybe I knew you when you were standing over there, but now that I have a closer look no, I don't think I've ever had the pleasure. I'm Trudy Jackson," She finally replied as she held out her hand and her words and action garnered a wide toothy grin from Sonny. Instead of shaking her hand as she had envisioned, he grasped it and kissed it in the same way Miguel Carrera had. Except for this time, she didn't feel an overwhelming need to wash her hand.

"Sonny Burnett," Sonny replied as he kept a gentle grasp on her hand. Suddenly the lyrics being sung by the man standing on the stage rang in Sonny's ears and made him smile more. "Would you care to dance, Trudy? And I swear I didn't ask him the play that song," He tossed on as he was already moving them to the floor, not awaiting Trudy's answer. She bunched her brow a little as she allowed him to lead her onto the floor, while she listened to the smooth tenor male voice singing. When she finally recognized what song it was, she giggled a little.

"I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight,

I've never seen you shine so bright,

I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance,

They're looking for a little romance, given half a chance,

And I have never seen that dress you're wearing,

Or the highlights in your hair that catch your eyes,

I have been blind;

The lady in red is dancing with me, cheek to cheek,

There's nobody here, it's just you and me,

It's where I want to be,

But I hardly know this beauty by my side,

I'll never forget the way you look tonight;"

When Trudy was pressed close to Sonny, she lowered her voice as she spoke to him, "What are you doing here Sonny?" She broke cover unable to contain her curiosity any longer.

"Well, I work here," He answered with such ease and assurance that Trudy leaned back until she could see his face. "I'm Mr. Carrera's head of security," He continued mistaking the confused look on her face as one of wonderment. Trudy stiffened a little as she realized at that moment that this man holding her was not Sonny Crockett her friend and fellow cop, and he had no idea who she was. He felt her go rigid and assumed it was due to Carrera's name and reputation. "You don't have to be afraid of me. I'm not gonna bite you. Well, not unless you asked me to," He said and Trudy couldn't stop the chuckle at his words, which was totally something Crockett would say to her.

"I'm not afraid of you," She countered and was only half lying. Though what she felt was more concern than fear.

"Good, so will you take a walk with me out on the backgrounds. This house sits on an incredible bay. Also, it's getting too crowded in here and I'm dying for a smoke," He stated in the hopes to make her feel more comfortable with the idea, and didn't think that he planned to take her outside and then kidnap her. Even if it was a fleeting thought in his mind.

"I came here with someone," Trudy stated as she shot her eyes to where she last saw Tubbs.

"Your boyfriend or husband?" Sonny asked even if he didn't really care, it wouldn't deter him one bit.

"Oh, no, my boss and we're just friends," She answered hurriedly. She didn't know why it bothered her that he thought she was in some romantic entanglement, but it did. "And I don't want him worrying about me if he comes back and can't find me."

"We'll only be gone a few minutes," Sonny stated and then he waved over one of the many guards stationed in every corner of the room, his foot soldiers as he called them. The guard who towered over both of them stood before them and awaited Sonny's commands. "What's your boss's name?"

"Rico Ortiz, he's in a meeting with your boss," Trudy supplied.

"Tony, when Mr. Ortiz returns from his meeting with the boss man, please inform him that Ms. Trudy will be right back and she'll meet him at the bar."

"You got it, Mr. Burnett," Tony said with a nod which Sonny returned.

With that taken care of Sonny tugged at Trudy's hand which he had yet to relinquish and she let herself be steered to the floor to ceiling glass doors on the opposite side of the room.

"But I hardly know this beauty by my side,

I'll never forget the way you look tonight;

I never will forget the way you look tonight...

The lady in red, the lady in red,

The lady in red, my lady in red,

I love you..."

Once outside they scrolled for a few minutes across the lush, green, intricately manicured lawn without saying anything. Trudy's hand still firm in Sonny's grasp. They stopped when they reached a massive dock that housed several different sized boats, each impressive in its own right. Sonny finally let go of her hand and then reached into his pocket, pulled out his cigarettes and lighter, then lit up and took a puff.

"So, Trudy, what do you do?" Sonny asked as he blew out smoke from the left side of his mouth while he squinted his left eye to shield off the burning smoke.

"I'm a hostess at a Gentlemen's Club called 'Member's Only'," She said matter-of-fact and Sonny scowled up a little at hearing this. She could see disappointment and even slight disgust on his face. "And before you get the wrong ideas, I do mean that is all I do at the club," She swore she saw him sigh out his relief. "Rico, my boss, he runs a pretty classy place. Sure, some of the girls are paid to entertain the clientele with lapdances, and most will go on 'dates' with them to make some extra cash. But I don't turn my nose up at them for it if that's what they want to do."

"But not you?" He questioned almost in an accusatory tone.

"No, not me. I'm just the hostess like I said. I welcome and seat the customers and run the register. I pretty much manage what goes on in the front side of the business, and I'm paid well to do it without questions," She replied as she glared a little at him. "I'm not a stripper or a whore, so if that's what you brought me out here for, then I won't waste any more of your time," She said this as she began to move from the docks and back up to the party, but Sonny shot his right arm out and wrapped it loosely about her waist. Somehow she knew that he wouldn't just let her walk away, and was relieved that he had stopped her.

"I'm not looking to pay you for any kind of services, Trudy," He spoke through a smirk. He believed that she wasn't the kind of woman to turn tricks. He didn't know why he felt like he knew her already, but he was positive that there was a connection between them. "In fact, I would like to take you to dinner tomorrow night," He said as she arched a brow at his brazenness and smiled a little.

"I work tomorrow night," She countered as she stepped back from his hands and crossed her arms across her chest. Sonny chuckled at the playfulness he saw in her eyes. He knew she wouldn't make it easy for him but he was a persistent s.o.b.

"Then how about breakfast?"

"I work very late and tend to sleep in late."

"Me too, but I'm willing to make an exception for you," He proclaimed as he flicked the cigarette he hadn't really been smoking into the bay and then stepped closer to her. "All right, will you have lunch with me then?" She was silent for a second as she looked directly into his eyes which were locked onto hers. She could see that there was no hint of recognition there, and that made her worry for him. She knew she would do whatever she could to help him.

"I can do a lunch date, but be forewarned I am not a salad eating kind of girl, I like meat and potatoes. So, don't forget your wallet," She teased as she smiled prettily at him and Sonny thought she was really breathtaking. He shook his head to clear his thoughts

"Then you're definitely my kind of girl, Ms. Trudy," He stated. "Where do I pick you up at?"

"You don't," She replied coolly and he smirked and arched his brows in reply. "But you can meet me at the Miami Beach Boardwalk and we can find a restaurant when we get there. Is 1 good for you?"

"Anytime you want is fine with me, darlin."

"All right, then it's a date," Trudy said innocently and her words made his entire face light up.

"Oh, is it now?" He asked and before she could correct her statement a heavyset man walked up out of the darkness.

"Mr. Burnett, Mr. Carrera needs you out at the southside garage," The man spoke and Sonny scowled at his words.

"What the hell is he doing over there?"

"He wants to go for a ride and wants you to accompany him."

"Hell, did he forget he has a party raging inside?" Sonny barked out and the other man seemed to sense it was a rhetorical question because he didn't respond. "Take Ms. Trudy safely back up to the party," He instructed and the man nodded.

"It's just right there, Sonny, I can manage," Trudy spoke out but Sonny continued speaking as if he hadn't even heard her.

"Don't let her out of your sight until she has arrived back inside, and back to her 'friend' Mr. Rico Ortiz, all right?" Sonny commanded and the other man nodded and waited for Trudy to start moving. Sonny now focused back onto Trudy. "I'll see you tomorrow, Trudy," He then took her hand, lifted it to his lips, kissed her knuckles while staring heatedly into her eyes. He then turned and disappeared into the same darkness the other man had emerged from.

"This way, Ms. Trudy," The man waved a hand towards the mansion. After glancing back to where Sonny had gone, she moved back to the house. She was anxious to tell Rico about what had happened.

*****

Song: 'Lady in Red' by Chris De Burgh

****

After the Party

****

"Yeah, I really think Oscar Carrera is gonna take the bait on this one. His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when I told him about how I traffic through my legit club," Tubbs stated as he drove them back to the Gentlemen's Club where Castillo, Gina, and Switek had decided to meet up for their debriefing. Given how big this case was and how powerful Carrera was, they didn't want to risk being tailed. They had to keep their cover at all times. "Hey," He finally shot a glance to Trudy who stared at the dashboard half listening to him, and half thinking about seeing Sonny. She had opted to wait until they had arrived at the club to say anything. She knew if she had mentioned while still at the party Tubbs could have possibly blown their cover to try ad confront Sonny. "What's up with you, Trudy?" You've been quiet since I found you waiting at the bar for me. C'mon you ain't mad that I had to leave you like that, are you?"

"No, it's not that," She replied as she looked up and out the windshield. "Something crazy and totally unexpected happened tonight."

"What happened?" Tubbs frowned up can he continued to look between Trudy and the road. He was in full over-protective big brother mode now. "Did some punk mess with you at that party?"

"No, he wasn't a punk," Was all she offered as Tubbs pulled his car into the alleyway that led to the back of the club, which was where the real owner and workers usually parked. Trudy could see that Castillo, Gina, and Switek's cars were already there, so they were waiting inside. "

"Well, who was it, what happened?" Tubbs continued his probing as he parked and then turned off the car. Trudy graced him with an endearing smile. She was always touched whenever he, Sonny, Switek, and even their Lieutenant would try to look out for her. All ready to whoop ass to defend her honor if needed.

"I'll tell you all about once we get inside, let's go," She opened the door and exited the car then made her way to the back door of the club. Tubbs was right behind her. He stepped around her and used the keys he was given to unlock the door and then held it open for Trudy to enter first. Once inside there entered a small corridor that veered to the right to take patrons to the bathroom, while the locked door on the left was for employees only. It was where the owner's posh office was and also had numerous smaller rooms where the ladies got ready. That side was almost half as big as the main side of the club, which was straight ahead from the corridor.

"Hey you two," Switek was the first to greet them having noticed their entrance first. He had been seated on the edge of the stage across from where both Castillo and Gina sat waiting at the table right in front of the stage.

"How was the party," Gina asked as she eyed Trudy up and down in mild envy at how beautifully she wore her dress. "And I am borrowing that dress someday, count on it," She added on and Trudy threw her a smile as she moved and seated herself at the table beside Gina.

"It was fantastic," Tubbs replied as he slapped and then rubbed his hands together, all with a pleased grin on his face. "Carrera is definitely interested. We've set up another meeting here tomorrow night so he can see the operation first hand. It was definitely a good idea to start 'working' here for the last month and really set up that back story. And now that the workers have gotten to know me as their new boss, it'll make it all seem more real to Carrera."

"Yeah, good thing we were able to convince the D.A. to cut, the previous owner, a deal if he cooperated. It helped that he came in and made the announcement that you would be taking over the business, and assured them all they would still have the same job as before except with a new boss and new hostess," Switek said as he pointed to Trudy.

"I feel really bad that once this is all over this place will be shut down and all those girls will be out of a job," Gina said with a grim look on her face.

"Doubt it," Tubbs interjected. "Every last one of the women working here is turning tricks on the side. Us closing this place down ain't gonna change that fact. They'll just have to find another place to meet their Johns."

"Yeah, back out on the street corner, where they're likely to get snatched up by a pimp and put to work three times harder with a quarter of the pay," Gina countered and Tubbs fully understood what she was saying. "At least in here, they have a safe place to meet the Johns and keep all of their earnings."

"It's not up to us," Castillo spoke out around a heavy, deep sigh, wanting to end this particular discussion. "Thankfully, the DEA has worked out a deal to allow us to use it for the time being and convinced the previous owner to play along. What time is your meeting with Carrera?"

"10 pm," Tubbs answered.

"Can you have everything set up by then?" Castillo looked at Switek as he spoke.

"Yeah," Switek said with a nod as he looked around the room. "The previous owner has already installed a state-of-the-art surveillance system in here. I will just splice into it and tie it to our equipment. Whatever is lacking I'll get. It'll definitely be done before the meeting with Carrera."

"There's something else we have to be concerned with," Trudy finally spoke as she looked at each of the faces in the room before she continued. "Tonight, I saw Sonny," She said the words and then paused to allow the others to let what she had said sink in. They all held the same confused and stunned scowl on their faces, even Castillo. "And I don't mean I saw someone I thought was Sonny. I mean he walked right up to me, introduced himself as Sonny Burnett, and then asked me out. We're having lunch tomorrow at the Miami Beach Boardwalk."

"Wait, what?" Gina was the first to speak out aghast. "He's still undercover? Was his death all a ruse?" She directed this directly at Castillo, as anger began to fill her at the thought that they had been led to believe their close friend had been killed in the line of duty.

"No," Trudy cut back in before any other questions could be asked. "He's not undercover. He really believes he's Sonny Burnett. When we talked, when I looked into his eyes," She shook her head slightly as she recalled the moment. "He didn't recognize me. He had absolutely no clue who I was. He's living the life of Sonny Burnett and he's the main enforcer of the Carrera organization."

"Oh my God, so he's got some kind of amnesia?" Gina asked.

"Looks that way," Trudy confirmed.

"Trudy, baby, I hope you're telling a bad joke right now," Tubbs said as he shook his head. "Because if Sonny is alive and he's Carrera's enforcer…"

"He's one of the most wanted criminals in Dade, Monroe, and Broward County," Castillo announced and the only one not surprised by this news was Tubbs.

"Yeah, he's been blasting dealers throughout Miami and surrounding cities," Tubbs stated. "Strategically taking out Carrera's competition. Miguel Carrera was actually talking about it tonight, about their badass enforcer who was so cold-blooded he'd blast any fool, even cops. Now that I think about it, he did call him Sonny too."

"Jesus," Switek huffed out.

"So, what's the new play here?" Tubbs asked Castillo whose jaws clenched as he stared down at the tabletop.

"Same as before," Castillo replied. "Bust Carrera and bring down his organization. Do you think you'll be able to handle working the Sonny situation on your own?" He asked Trudy.

"Yeah, he's definitely interested in seeing me again, and I definitely want to help him if I can," She answered honestly.

"The assignment isn't to help him, it's to bring him in for his crimes, same as with Carrera," Castillo declared glibly. "We don't know the full story of what has happened to him, and we can't concern ourselves with that right now. If he really believes he's an enforcer and he's killing people, he'll be brought to justice just like everybody else. If you can't set aside personal feelings and do your job then I don't want you involved, and that goes for all of you," He spoke this as he casually looked to each of them as they sat quietly. None of them wanted this reassigned, they all knew that the best chance of bringing Sonny in alive was if they handled the case themselves.

"I understand the assignment, Lieutenant, and I'll do my job like I always have," Trudy declared. "I can work the case by keeping company with Sonny, and I'm sure Tubbs can work things from the Carrera side," Tubbs nodded in agreement.

"What about Caroline and Billy," Gina threw out. "Shouldn't we tell them that Sonny's alive?"

"No, not if Sonny really thinks he's one of the bad guys," Tubbs replied. "Them knowing could compromise the case and blow Sonny's cover as well as ours. Sonny might think he's one of Carrera's people but memories or not if they ever discover who he truly is they'll kill him," They all nodded to this very true assessment.

"Well, things just got a whole lot more complicated, didn't it?" Switek stated.

****

The Lunch Date

****

"You know, darlin," Sonny spoke from across the small bistro table he and Trudy sat at. She had picked a small French restaurant where some of the seating was outside the storefront under a large awning. He sat with legs crossed and looked out of place dressed to the nines in an expensive dark Armani suit over a white dress shirt. Today he went more casual than he usually would and didn't wear a tie, and although his hair was still slicked back, he didn't have his signature ponytail. "I'm not a cheap date nor am I expecting anything in return for treating you to lunch," He said with a smile and she smirked back at him but sent a curious look.

"Well, that's good to know."

"I mean to say, you could have picked a classier place, where they require reservations and make you dress up and seat you inside to eat," He continued as he cautiously eyed the male waiter who settled their ordered food and drinks onto the table. Trudy waited until the waiter was done and had walked away before she replied.

"I like this place," She said with a shrug. "And don't let the looks of it fool you; they have really good food. Besides, I didn't exactly dress for finer dining," When she said this Sonny lustfully raked his eyes over her frame which she had caught him doing a few times since they had met up. She wore hot pink shorts that hit her at her upper thigh but weren't too short to be indecent. And though the shorts needed no help staying on her she had a thin silver belt looped through them as an accessory. She matched the shorts with a white camisole shirt that showed her toned belly and white sneakers. She wore her thick, bone straight breast-length hair up and a high ponytail with a heavy bang. It was always windy on the boardwalk and she knew this was a style that would keep her hair looking carefree but still under control, instead of looking wild, frizzy, and crazy.

"You look amazing," He complimented as he let his eyes linger on her crossed legs. She blushed sweetly at his words and internally struggled with her body to keep still and not squirm under his heated gaze.

"Thank you, and you look very handsome, Mr. Burnett. Overdressed but very sharp," Trudy assessed his attire as her eyes danced over his frame. He simply smiled and nodded to acknowledge her words. "But aren't you hot?" She giggled out as she actually saw sweat beads popping up on his forehead.

"Yeah, I'm roasting over here, actually," Sonny replied as he chuckled, amused by her amusement of his situation.

"So, why don't you lose the jacket?" She suggested and with a smile still on his face, he unbutton the jacket, leaned forward a bit, and then tugged each arm from the sleeve. He then laid the jacket on one of the two vacant chairs at their table, which was just to his right. "Now don't you feel better? Trudy said while subconsciously letting her eyes drift over his body before they settled back up to his eyes, which were locked on to her hungrily. She gasped a little at the intensity she saw in his eyes. They sat like that for what felt like hours, both seemed physically unable to look away.

"Sail away with me," Sonny suddenly threw out and his words garnered a surprised and confused look from Trudy. Before she could question him, he went on. "I came here in my boat. It's docked just down at the Marina."

"I don't get on boats with men I don't know," She replied through a gentle smile, and his own smile broadened.

"Yeah, I guess that's a good rule to live by," Sonny replied as he nodded a little but never lost her gaze. "But you know me, don't you?" He posed to her and her smile faltered a bit as she looked at him curiously and wondered had he regained some memory of her or their friendship. "We met last night, remember? I'm Sonny Burnett," He joked and she let out a nervous chuckle, mildly disappointed he hadn't really remembered anything. "And you're Ms. Trudy Jackson. See, we know each other," He then leaned across the table some as he continued to speak. "C'mon, Trudy, we won't go far, and I'll have you back in time for you to get to work."

"But we haven't even eaten anything yet, Sonny," She said in the hopes to dissuade him. The truth was she wasn't too keen to be trapped on a boat out in the ocean with this familiar stranger before her.

"I'll feed you on my boat, c'mon, let's go," He spoke this as he pulled out his wallet, pulled out two bills, and tossed them on the table. He then reached across the table, grasped her hand, and pulled her up as he himself stood. At this point, he didn't seem to care for any further protests from her as he firmly held onto her and steered them through the crowd. Sonny Crockett would have never manhandled Trudy like this. He had only tried it once and she had cursed him out so badly she was sure she had actually struck some fear into him. But Sonny Burnett, she could tell, was a man that was used to getting his way, and wasn't big on asking and would probably never beg for anything. No, he'd just take whatever he wanted, this was not lost on Trudy as she followed where he was now leading her.

****

Sometime Later

****

"Will there be anything else you needed, Mr. Burnett?" The slender-built, balding 50-something man asked as he stood beside the beautifully set table. The man was the owner of a very high-classed Italian restaurant that Trudy had always wanted to try but it was out of her tax bracket. She couldn't ever justify in herself paying $30 for one slice of lemon-honey semifreddo dessert even though she had been dying to try it.

"No, thanks Giorgio, everything was perfect," Sonny answered and then wiped his mouth with his napkin. He had genuinely enjoyed the meal, which was a plus to him considering how much it all cost for the last-minute catered order. But to him well worth it for the company he was currently keeping.

"Yes, it was all so delicious, thank you," Trudy chimed in after she too wiped her mouth. Giorgio simply bowed and then waved his staff to clear the table. Then they would clean everything in the kitchen, pack up, and leave.

"C'mon darlin, let's go down to the lounge area where it's more comfortable," Sonny said this and then pushed back his chair and stood. He moved to her, pulled out her chair, and gently pulled her to her feet.

"I like it out here, in the fresh air," She stated as she tried to pull from his grip. He didn't initially let her go until she looked down at where his hand still held her arm, and then looked up at his face with an arched brow. He cast her a charming smile and then released her. She took somewhat hurried steps away from him and moved to the railing at the stern of the yacht. She grasped the railing and let her head fall back a little and then closed her eyes. She took a deep cleansing breath and just enjoyed the feel of the sun and wind on her face.

"Damn. You're beautiful," Sonny's voice pulled her attention and she opened her eyes and found him standing just at her right side. He was so close his shoulder nearly grazed hers.

"Thank you," She mustered out as she let her eyes quickly glance at his face before she turned and looked out over the ocean. He reached out and grazed the fingertips of his left hand across her neck and she slightly trembled under his touch. Her heart rate increased a tad bit with anticipation of what he might say or do next.

"I want to spend more time with you, is that possible?" Sonny asked as he trailed the back of his knuckles down her right arm before he pulled it back and pushed it in his pocket.

"Yeah, I think that's possible," Trudy replied with a nod of her head and a smile as she turned to look at him. Her smile widened when she saw the toothy smile that spread across his face. She thought it was very sweet that he appeared to be enthused that she had agreed.

"All right, how about tonight?"

"I already told you I have to work tonight."

"Yeah, I know but as it turns out I'll be at your job working too. My boss has a meeting there with your boss. So, I thought when we're both off duty we could hang out."

"I'm usually dead on my feet and no fun after a long night of work, Sonny. I just like going home and sleeping," She tried to deter his offer.

"Okay, well at least let me take you home," He tried a different tactic, and she could see that he was really trying. She didn't want to seem too eager but also didn't want to push him away to the point that he might just lose interest altogether.

"I usually drive myself to work … but I could have one of my co-workers pick me up tonight, and then you can give me a ride home."

"Then it's a date?" He said as he held out his right hand to initiate a handshake, which she assumed was to seal the deal.

"Yeah, it's a date," She giggled, rolled her eyes dramatically, and grasped his hand with her right hand, and shook it. Sonny then suddenly tugged her closer until she pressed against his chest and they were nose to nose. They both stood like that for a few seconds seemingly mesmerized by the other's mouth. Then Sonny closed the distance and captured her mouth with his own. The kiss was tender and sweet, and they both thought the other tasted divine. Trudy couldn't help herself as she reached her right hand up and rested her fingertips against the nape of his neck. In response, Sonny clamped both of his hands around her tiny waist and held her even closer. The feel of his current excitement that was pressed against her belly brought Trudy back to her senses and she pulled from the kiss breathlessly. She bowed her head a bit. "We should head back now. I have errands I have to run before I head into work." She could feel Sonny smile against the side of her face. He then leaned in and kissed her right temple.

"All right, I'll take you back."

****

Later that Evening

****

"This is a safe house I've never been to before, but at least the neighborhood is clean and nice," Gina spoke out as she grabbed a couple of bags from the back of her convertible.

"Well, from the outside it looks perfect," Trudy replied as she grabbed a few more bags and the luggage she had packed from her car. All of the items were things she brought from her home to make this fake home seem legit. "I'm just glad the Lieutenant could find something for me on such short notice," She made her way up the steps and unlocked the door. It was a very nice two-story townhouse, which was already nicely furnished. Trudy was very pleased to see that the furnishings were very much in tune with her own style.

"Wow, this is beautiful. No wonder I couldn't find a nice place like this when I was looking. The department is buying them all up to use as safehouses," Gina joked as she entered and closed the door behind her.

"All right, let's get to decorating, and then off to work we go," Trudy said as she entered the living room.

****

Later that night

****

"Trudy!" A female voice called out to her over the loud music in the club. Trudy lifted her attention from the patron she had checked on to make sure they were seated and being served. Her eyes landed onto one of the floor girls as they called themselves. The curly-haired blonde nodded towards the door, and Trudy turned to see Ruby another floor girl who also did hosting with Trudy. They alternated and allowed each other some time to get out and mingle and dance. But tonight, Trudy had told the girls to keep a lookout for a group of guys who would be coming in around 10 pm, so she could take care of them personally for the boss. When Trudy turned towards the door, she found Ruby checking hats and coats of Oscar Carrera, his son Miguel, Sonny, and two other men she was sure were also guards. Trudy rushed over to get them seated.

"Good evening gentlemen and welcome to the Member's Only club," Trudy greeted with a smile as she moved behind the station where she booked the guest in. She purposely tried not to look directly at Sonny, but she could feel the heat of his gaze upon her. "What names are your reservations under?" She asked as she looked between Oscar Carrera and Miguel. It was Miguel to answer.

"It's under Carrera, and it is lovely to see you again Ms. Trudy," He said as he leered at her. Trudy gave him a curt nod and tried not to let her face show the disgust she felt from the way he was looking at her. At that moment she did shoot Sonny a quick glance and found him frowned up and shooting a death glare at Miguel. She signed them in and then moved to lead them to the VIP booth waiting for them.

"We have your seat in the VIP section, right this way please."

"I would follow you anywhere in that dress and out of it too, Mami," Miguel replied through a lecherous smile as he licked his lips, but before he could step behind his father and the other two guards, Sonny had stopped him by grasping his arm. When Trudy had arrived at the table toward the back, but closest to the stage she noticed that only Carrera and two of the guards were taking seats. She looked back and saw Sonny was talking lowly to Miguel, and Miguel suddenly held his hands up as if he were surrendering in a fight. Miguel then nodded as he spoke. He placed his left hand on Sonny's right shoulder with his right hand placed over his chest. Miguel then smacked the back of his right hand against Sonny's chest. Sonny said nothing just stared at the man sternly and then nodded in satisfaction and they then walked over to the table together. "Please forgive me if I said anything disrespectful before, Ms. Trudy," Miguel spoke out and Trudy was genuinely surprised by this. She cut her eyes from Miguel over to Sonny who shot her a quick wink. She bit back a laugh as she realized what had happened.

"You are forgiven, please have a seat and I will let my boss know that his guests have arrived," She then waved over Gina who was fronting as a floor girl. "This is Gina she will take your orders and get you whatever you want," Trudy cast a smile to the men and then moved to head to the back office. As she was passing Sonny he reached out and placed a hand on her arm and she instantly stopped and looked up at him. He leaned in close to her ear and spoke low to her.

"You are so fucking beautiful," Was all he said and then he removed his hand from her arm. She blushed hard and smile coyly at his words. She mumbled a thank you and then hurried on her way.

After Trudy had gone to inform Tubbs that it was game time, she took a moment and went to the employee bathroom to check herself. She didn't know why she cared so much about how she looked, but Sonny's praises made her want to make sure her makeup and hair were still fresh. She knew that the short black latex dress she wore accentuated her body. The front opened just above her navel but was kept together by a string laced and tied in the front. She'd only worn it once before while undercover as a hooker, but she left the white fake fur she'd worn with it that time at home tonight. She smacked her lips a couple of times they didn't feel tacky so she knew she didn't need to retouch her lipstick. Her hair which she wore out was completely crimped and big and bold as the ends just brushed her clavicle bone. She reached up both hands and fluffed both sides of her hair. Then she smirked at herself because she knew she looked good, really good. She then exited the bathroom and made her way back out to the club. She noticed Tubbs and Carrera seated and talking through her peripheral vision not wanting to stare directly. However, she could not make out anyone else, namely Sonny who was likely right at the table guarding his boss. So, she plastered on a smile and worked the floor as the main hostess. She checked tables and patrons dancing on the floor to make sure they were having a good time. She then made her way to the bar to make the rounds there, that's where she bumped into Gina who was getting drinks for the Carrera table.

"Hey," Trudy greeted. "You need a hand?"

"No thanks, only Carrera, his son, and Rico ordered drinks. And man, you weren't kidding. About Sonny I mean, he had no idea who I was. He looked right through me like he had never seen me before in his life, and he was kind of a jerk when I was trying to small talk with him," Gina spoke with a small frown. "But I think you will definitely have better luck given the way he is looking at you right now," She glanced over Trudy's shoulder and could see Sonny standing near the VIP booth but he had his eyes locked onto Trudy's bareback. "See you later," Gina said as she grabbed the tray of drinks and took off.

"Hey Jimmy," Trudy called to one of the 4 bartenders working the long bar. "Can I get a coke, please?"

"Sure Trudy," He then grasped a can from the fridge housed under the bar, grabbed a tall glass, and sat it on the bar top in front of her. He put some ice in the glass, a straw, then he opened the can of Coke, and filled the glass.

"Swaying room as the music starts

Strangers making the most of the dark

Two by two their bodies become one…"

"Thanks, doll," She said as he nodded and moved away to another customer. She sipped the coke and willed herself to not turn around and look for Sonny. But when she looked up into the huge mirror behind the bar it didn't take her long to spot him. There he stood looking deadly, dangerous, and dastardly handsome. And also looking right back at her. She raised her glass of Coke into the mirror at him and he smiled in return.

"I see you through the smokey air

Can't you feel the weight of my stare

You're so close but still a world away…"

"Hello Ms. Trudy," A male voice called out from her left and she turned a little to regard the older heavy-set white man who seemed to be a regular, for she had seen him come in every single night for the month that they had worked the place undercover. She had heard several girls talking about how he made their skin crawl whenever they danced with him, but he was a great tipper so they put up with how touchy he was. Though all had stated they were never desperate enough to go on a 'date' with him after work. "Why don't you ever dance with me?" He asked this as he reached out his stubby fingers that reminded Trudy of sausages and gripped her arm.

"Because, Pauly," She spoke calmly to him as she removed his hand from her arm. "I already told you before, I am the hostess, not a dancer, and when I do dance, I like to dance alone."

"Aww, c'mon baby, I got a couple of Ben Franklins in my pocket and they're yours for just one dance," He smiled and moved his hand to touch her hip. Before she could react Pauly's hand was removed and the man's face contorted in pain. It took Trudy a second to realize that Sonny was now standing right at her side and had Pauly's hand twisted in his hand.

"If you ever touch her like that again, I'm gonna shoot you in your face," Sonny snarled the words into the frightened man's face and then he released Pauly's hand with a shove. "Now, apologize."

"I…. I'm …mmm, I'm so sorry, Ms. Trudy," Pauly stammered over his words as he stood wide-eyed and clearly in a panic.

"It's all right, Pauly, and he's just joking about shooting you in the face," Trudy spoke through a nervous smile. Pauly shot a glance at Sonny's stoic face to gauge if he was in fact joking, and Sonny opened his jacket slightly to show the gun holstered at his side. Pauly quickly averted his eyes to the floor and stood there trembling in fear. Trudy waved a nearby floor girl over to them. The girl made a sour face at seeing who the patron was but she hurried over regardless. Trudy hoped the meek man before them did not cause a scene or call the cops on Sonny. "Why don't you go with Mandy, I'm sure she'd be happy to take those 2 Ben Franklins in your pocket for a dance."

"Oh sure, honey," Mandy cooed out at hearing this and grasped his arm to pull him away. "I'll give you two dances in my private room in the back," She offered and this immediately captured Pauly's full attention as she let her steer him towards the back rooms. When they left Trudy turned to glare at Sonny.

"Are you crazy? You can't come up in here and threaten the customers like that, Sonny," She spewed out. "I have to work here, and Pauly is a regular customer, and a big spender here," Sonny frown up as anger started to fill him.

"I thought you told me you were just a Hostess here and not turning tricks on the side."

"I am just a Hostess and I've ever hooked in my life," She nearly growled out. "But take a look around Sonny," He did as she instructed and found that nearly every seat in the club had men with girls gyrating on their laps and a huge stage with men seated around it throwing money at the four girls dancing on it. "For most of these girls in here that is their side hustle, and they would make my work life hell if I was the reason one of their big spenders decided not to come here anymore."

"I'm sure Mandy is somewhere making him forget all about it. And now the fucker knows to keep his hands to himself."

"Yeah, probably, but still, I didn't need you to ride in to defend my honor. I can take care of myself," She attested.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Trudy, I just didn't like the way he was grabbing all over you," Sonny stated and it didn't go unnoticed to Trudy that he hadn't actually said the words I'm sorry. "Don't be mad at me, let's dance," He said as he reached over and grasped her hand.

"Aren't you working?" She asked as she glanced over to the table where Tubbs and the Carrera's appeared to be deep into their conversation.

"My guys have things covered so I'm taking a break," He said as he also glanced to his boss's table before settling his eyes back on hers. "Looks like you're taking a break too. So, dance with me," He then tugged her into his arms, raised her hand he still held nestling it between them and wrapped the other around her waist. She felt like a snake and he was the charmer who made her move to his will, as she began to slowly dance where they stood.

"I never wanted anyone like this

It's so brand new

You'll feel it in my kiss

I'm crazy for you, crazy for you

Crazy for you, crazy for you

It's all brand new, I'm crazy for you

And you know it's true

I'm crazy, crazy for you…"

Even after the song and music faded Sonny and Trudy continued their slow dance, both locked into a staring contest that neither seemed to be losing.

"Do you believe in destiny, or maybe it's fate... I don't know?" He tossed out and it was so out of character to the badass persona he presented himself to be, she tossed her head back a little and cackled out a laugh. She was relieved when he chuckled along not offended by her laughing. "Yeah, I know it sounds cheesy as hell but there is something about you, Trudy, something that I am so drawn to. I haven't been able to get you outta my head since I saw you last night. And I feel like there is something that flows between us. It's like some strong energy. Don't you feel it too?" He asked her as his face took on a more serious tone. Trudy did know what he meant and she also felt the connection, but she chalked it up to them having known each other and working together for years. They were good friends. At least they used to be. Sonny couldn't remember it in his head but was likely feeling it instead.

"Yeah, I feel it too," She conceded as she then laid her head against his shoulder. She found that she wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. Tell him who he truly was but she knew it would only make the situation worse, so she bit her tongue and continued to sway with him. As she listened to the new song that had started to play her hold body stiffened.

"I'm not just looking for an answer

To my prayers or my dreams

It's just I feel my love needs more consistency

I'm about out of luck, half out of time

I'm just about to lose my mind

I'm starting to lose touch with my reality

Trudy lifted her head, leaned back, and stare dead into Sonny's eyes. Sonny stared back at her adoringly as a gentle smile crossed his lips.

"What?" He questioned as he continued to move them along with the music. Trudy thought for sure that hearing Caitlyn's voice, hearing her singing the same song she sang when she was gunned down would spark something within him. But there seemed to be absolutely nothing there in his eyes, except lust that her closeness had sparked in him.

"I never wished on stars

I never thought that dreams came true

Yet in the midst of all my disbelief

Darlin' now I feel like I am long overdue

I search high and low to find my pot of gold

And that's why (yeah)

"Hey," Sonny spoke out again as he moved their joined hands and brushed his thumb across her chin. She shook her head to clear it and then smiled at him.

"It's nothing, I just really like this song," She said and he took a silent moment and just listened to the song.

Someday I'm gonna follow my rainbow

Someday I'm gonna reach for the sky

By then if you're not ready or able

I'll pack my pride for one last time

Cross my heart and pray our love won't die

"Sorry, it's a little bit too sappy for my taste," He chuckled out and she pushed against his chest a little to get him to let her go. She felt a sudden urge to get away from him. She felt guilty like she was doing something that was disrespecting the memory of Caitlyn and the love that Caitlyn and Sonny had shared.

"I need to get back to work," She said to him and as she hoped, he relinquished his hold on her, although reluctantly. Before she walked away, she moved back into his space and pointed a finger up at him. "And don't threaten anybody else. We have a bouncer," She pointed and Sonny looked over to see the big, bulky guy standing near the stage looking out over the floor. "His name is Stan and he knows how to handle anyone who gets out of hand. So, let him do his job, all right," Sonny smiled down at her and swooped in and kissed her soundly before she could protest, and when he pulled from the kiss, he had left her slightly dizzy with euphoria.

"All right, darlin. I came here in my own car. So, I'll just be hanging around until you get off, then I'll take you home," Sonny said as he left her standing there recollecting herself while he moved back to his boss's table.

****

Song: 'Crazy for You' sung by Madonna

Song: 'Follow my Rainbow' sung by Sheena Easton

****

More to Come...

[bears-are-trans]

Hi friends,

I've come back to write this, for closure.

My life lost all its meaning a while ago. I kept grasping for straws, doing anything to feel like I have a purpose. Nothing worked. I used Tumblr as a coping mechanism for the trauma I went through time and time again. I've hurt so many people here. I dealt with horrifying things in my own head, and I went completely numb over the last few months. Without Tumblr, I was without an outlet. I grew distant from everyone I knew, I lost almost all of my friends. I fell out of love with my passions. After I lost my job, which was my whole life, I just about gave up on everything. I was prepared to finish my semester and then drop out.

But I made a really big, and difficult decision while I was still at that job. If I hadn't made that decision to go before I lost that job, I don't know where I would be today... - I was going to join my college minister, one of my last friends in the world, and go to Chapter (Bible) Camp. I stepped out of my comfort zone all for a week away from life, and I was petrified.

While I cannot give much of a testimony today, I can proudly say that I discovered myself for the very first time. I believe wholeheartedly that God brought everyone he needed to bring to camp for me to meet. Over the course of seven days, my life completely changed. I completely changed. If didn't know better, I'd say I was baptised by that experience.

I fell back in love with my passion for literature. Reading the first half of Mark was the most important literary analysis I've ever done to this day. I was able to look at the Bible with my very own eyes for the first time in my life.

Talking about Jesus' gift to humanity made me realize that, whether or not he is the Messiah, I do not accept him as my savior. And that is okay. I cried a lot over this, confided in my minister, told him how angry I was at this potential Almighty God for letting all these things happen to me. And he assured me that it's okay to feel anything and everything that I feel. Long discussions with him, long reflection times, tests of God's will, and everything else I experienced that week brought me peace I've been longing for all this time. It solidified my own faith. My faith in Mother Nature, my faith in people like you and me. God might exist, and He might not, and that it is fine either way. I don't have to go to Heaven if I don't want to. I want to give my body back to my Mother who was so gracious to gift it to me, and I want to go back in the ground when I've, as Hamlet so grimly put it, shuffled off this mortal coil.

I'm so beyond grateful I got to experience Christian worship with my new best friends who have been sent from all over the world by God to meet me. I went from having a panic attack on day one because of my religious trauma, to encouraging worship songs in the hot tub on day five and six. I got to embrace Nigerian culture, and my own very blissfully diverse culture. I went from sitting out of prayer at our study sessions and meals, to praying with the girls in my dorm room before going to sleep.

I can proudly say that I will now be finishing my Associate's degree in English, and then deciding from there if I want to pursue Film & Theatre and work my way into Hollywood/New York City, or further my English/Writing studies, or both! I've learned, almost most importantly, that I cannot rush my destiny. I will get to the West Coast when my time comes. In fact, I'm organizing a month-long vacation in Arizona, and a week in London, both in 2023! But I cannot rush into my future. When my time comes to move forward, I will then, and only then, move forward, knowing my Grandmother and Aunt and Mother [Nature] are with me.

That being said - I can also proudly say that I will be working with my minister to form a Christian / Non-Christian alliance at our college, so that Non-Christians like myself (pagans, athiests, muslims, buddhists, etc.) can seek safety and love and support when they need it the most. Non-Christians do not have to be afraid of Christians, and Christians do not have to be afraid of Non-Christians. Christianity itself is so amazingly and beautifully diverse, it would be a grave error for a Christian to shun a Non-Christian, or pressure them to conversion, especially through unusually cruel and manipulative tactics. We, as humans, can all love and help each other. I am going to feed the hungry, sit with the lonely, and guide the lost.

Finally, for the first time ever, I've taken the first real steps on my very long, yet so blessed journey. I've finally pulled out the hippie within me, and she is showing me how to become a better person day-by-day, for she is me. She always has been me.

If you've read this far, thank you so much, my friend.

If this ever reaches the audience of folks that I've hurt, just know that I am so, so sorry for the hurt I've caused. I take full responsibility for my poor, uneducated actions. I understand that nothing can mend the damage I've inflicted. - I am so much wiser, and so much happier now. I feel real, for the first time in my life, I feel like a real person. I'm in touch with my emotions. I'm allowing myself to show vulnerability, because vulnerability isn't such a terrible thing. I allow myself to sit with my depression when it comes to me, and I don't hide from it anymore. Nor do I hide from my anger. I embrace it, and I learn from it, because every emotion is just as important as the last. Every emotion I feel is part of my story. If God is okay with me being angry at Him, then it is okay for me to be angry with anyone or anything. It is not okay, I've learned, to act based off those feelings so ignorantly, so unthoughtfully, so unremorsefully. While I have chosen to turn away Jesus, and not ask for his forgiveness (at this point in life), that doesn't mean I won't ask you for forgiveness. Because what I worship is Human Kind. Humans are born into sin, and they can ask God and Jesus for forgiveness for that at the end of every evening if they so choose, but I say if this is who we are, then I embrace the sin. And in so, I apologize to you, my fellow human beings, and I ask you for forgiveness. Eye for an eye makes the world go blind, and sin for sin creates a living Hell. I have chosen to stop the chain here. And I will continue to ask you, my fellow human beings, for forgiveness each time I commit an act of sin against you.

One love ✌️