#but i've had three of my current professors tell me they want me to take one of their other classes next semester

[usedpidemo]

Update - 3rd year anniversary! (and some future plans, a reflection, etc.)

Hi everyone! π here.

By the time this post is up, it'll be the 13th of May. Three years since I began my writing journey and this Tumblr blog. Three years. Time flies by so fast. I was close to graduating senior high after it was delayed because pandemic, had my graduation in an empty room basically, now I'm hitting my third year of college. Crazy stuff.

With that said, here are the stats + timetable of the blog so far:

First work: Sandwich (Wendy) (published 05/13/21, 4:03 a.m)

Highest note count: Tell your friends (Yujin x Wonyoung) (published 01/14/23, 1274 notes)

Number of works published: 91 fics (1 fic every 12.03 days)

500 followers: June 18, 2021 (36 days)

1000 followers: October 12, 2021 (152 days)

2000 followers: June 18, 2022 (401 days)

3000 followers: November 12, 2022 (548 days)

4000 followers: May 22, 2023 (740 days)

5000 followers: December 18, 2023 (950 days)

Current follower count: 5615 (1 new follower every 5.12 days)

It's been a hectic final month of college, so I apologize for the lack of activity in recent times :< But summer is coming up very soon, so hopefully I'll have all the time in the world to write more till then! I will say, a new fic is on the near horizon, so please be on the lookout!

I would like to take the opportunity to thank every single of you, whether reader, lurker, or a fellow writer for your support! Especially during these lull times, your unwavering support has kept me afloat and has been a motivation in continuing to write. Love you guys as always. Here's to another fruitful year <3

From this point, this part will be an overall reflection and life summary of the previous year, my thoughts on some personal matters, and some ideas I've been contemplating. If you don't wanna read this, you can stop here.

I miss 2023 quite a bit, not gonna lie. I know nostalgia can quickly grow warm and fuzzy, seeing the past through rose tinted lens, but I'll admit that 2024 hasn't been off to the start I envisioned it to be. That year was mostly peak for me, and I could even argue it's my favorite year to live out based on all my experiences. Traveling to new places, finally attending live events, interacting with my K-pop biases, and so on—it really felt like the best was yet to come with how 2023 flowed and transitioned into the new year.

Five months in, and I am struggling. Horribly. Most plans, dreams, and ideas have gone up in smoke, and it's just one devastating gut punch after another. I have a shitty professor in one major that basically made me check out of that class, and I don't know my family will react when I tell them I have to repeat said class because that professor was a dick. My family's been infighting on a daily basis, and I'm mostly collateral damage to them. Not one week can go by without some serious confrontation between them. There was a brief health scare with my mother, but that seems to be a nothing matter; thank God she'll be okay.

All this just makes life so deflating, in all honesty. I get that no life is without struggle, but I genuinely don't know when we'll be in the clear. Not anytime soon, I reckon. In these tough times, there's very little comfort except the past, when everything was pretty all right for the most part. It's been demotivating to write when mom comes forward with another grievance with my sister. It's hard to write when you have a professor who likes to power trip their students into submission. It's hard when you don't know how to admit to your mother that he failed his one class because of said power tripping professor.

But that doesn't mean I will let it eat me alive. I know we've been through some utter lows in the past. And we always get back up. If no one has us, then God does.

Summer break is fast approaching and I want to fix things. Even in my own little way. I know none of what I'm saying has anything to do with writing degenerate stories about hot K-pop idols, but real life circumstances have definitely affected me more than I can brush off. I should be calm, unfazed, undeterred.

After all, some stories are meant to be finished. They just take a more unconventional route. Ask Cody.

With all that being said, I will finish these commissions over the next two months. I'm really sorry to everyone who requested and paid for their stories months and months ago; I genuinely feel bad for not getting these out on time, but I am very mindful of quality control, and I have no one to blame but myself for being a slacker and lazy worker. Despite my feelings, I should remain professional—that's what being a worker means.

A lifestyle overhaul is definitely in my list of things to improve over the summer too. Figuring out how to get writing done, finding ways to alleviate my PokeRogue addiction (GOTY), whilst having a healthy work/life balance and not losing my sanity over it. Or worse, burning out.

And I want to take this opportunity to thank all my friends—peach, caps, majorblinks, chunk, frisky, raf, c.o, levi, sins, iz, ken, v1n, ddeun, notions, kevin, eros, brandon, kaede, svn, frisky, cray, rpg, prael—for putting up with my shit for another year. This life is tough, but you guys make it tolerable. Thank you for letting me air out my grievances even when it wasn't the best time to. I pray that when everything passes, I'm able to repay you all in some shape or form generously.

And to you, dear reader, for making it this far, thank you. Whether you've been with me since day one, or day 1094, as a commenter, reposter, liking, or just passing by/lurking, thank you for giving me a chance. Without you, all of this would have been for nothing. I don't know where I would be now if I didn't take that chance, that leap of faith back in 2021, and it's because of you I am able to keep doing this for the love of the game.

With grace,

Peter / π

[tennessoui]

Professor-can-fuck-me wedding ficlet? (◉‿◉)

so i realized after receiving this ask that i don't think i've ever actually written a obikin wedding ficlet for any of my aus or fics and i don't want my first wedding ficlet to be this au unfortunately, so no can do but here's 1.6k of wedding adjacent fic (bachelor party)

(1.6k)

“Hi Professor,” Rex greets the moment Obi-Wan opens the door.

And really, he appreciates the boy’s desire to show respect—even though he never even took Obi-Wan’s class—but this is hardly the time or place for such decorum.

“Rex,” Obi-Wan acknowledges, rubbing at his eye with the palm of his hand before blinking at him and then down to his watch. “Good god, man. It’s three in the morning, what are you doing here?���

Then another thought occurs to him. 

“Wait,” he says, “where’s Anakin?”

Rex throws a thumb over his shoulder. “My brothers are getting him out of the car right now. I decided to come up here and tell you first, to prepare you and such.”

Obi-Wan’s stomach drops; his heart rate speeds up. “Prepare me for what? What’s wrong with him?”

Are his palms sweaty? Is his voice high? His grip on the door tightens. Logically, he knows that Anakin’s friend would not bring Anakin home so casually if he were hurt. Logically, he understands that if Anakin were to be injured, Obi-Wan would receive a call from the hospital upon his check-in, or the police if he had died, or Rex in the teary moments after. His friends would not just—knock on Obi-Wan’s door at three in the morning and then dump Anakin’s corpse on his doorstep.

Logically Obi-Wan knows all of that. But he has never been a very logical man when it comes to Anakin Skywalker. If he were, they’d probably not be where they are right now anyway—living together after five months together, engaged after six, married around eight.

Hell, they wouldn’t be in a relationship at all most probably, given the fact that when they met, Anakin was Obi-Wan’s student. And when Anakin kissed him for the first time, Anakin was—well. He was still his student. And when Obi-Wan kissed him for the first time, Anakin was…perhaps ten seconds free from being his student.

So he’s never been logical about Anakin, not really. And while a part of him knows and understands that if something had seriously gone wrong on Anakin’s bachelor night, scant days before their wedding, the man would have enough tact to find a better way to break the news than whatever this is.

But he’s old and overly emotional and high-strung when it comes to his wayward fiancé. And so his pulse is hammering and his palms are sweaty. And he is waiting with baited breath for Rex Amidala to tell him what has happened to him.

Because—because if something has happened, then Obi-Wan…Obi-Wan does not know what he would do. Who he would become. How he would continue to—to continue, after, in a world after.

“He’s, well. He’s very—uh,” Rex rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “He’s—”

“Obi-Wan!” Anakin cries, much too loudly for the quiet stillness of their apartment’s hallway. “Obi-Wan, hi, baby!” 

Obi-Wan’s head snaps to look at his wayward fiancé, who is currently half dragging and half being dragged by a very reluctant looking Cody Fett and an entirely too entertained Jesse Fett. 

“Drunk,” Rex finishes. “He’s really, really drunk, Professor.”

“Ah,” Obi-Wan says, stepping over the threshold of his door to catch Anakin the moment the other man decides to rip himself away from his handlers and fall into Obi-Wan’s arms. “Perhaps lead with that next time, Mr. Amidala.” 

Anakin rubs his face over the front of Obi-Wan’s sleepshirt. “So soft,” he mumbles, repeating the action. When his lips find the skin of Obi-Wan’s neck, he makes a quiet sound of happiness and presses a kiss there. Then he bites.

“Okay,” Obi-Wan decides. “I’ll take it from here, you three. Thank you for getting him home in one piece.”

“If he throws up, you have to tell us,” Jesse says, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall opposite the door.

“Oh?” Obi-Wan’s eyebrow arches up as he tries to imply with one syllable and a single movement that he is a forty-two year old man who does not have to tell these college-faced twats anything unless he wants to.

“Ani’s been giving me shit about throwing up over his shoes during my bachelor’s party since it happened,” Rex says. “Fair’s fair.”

“But I haven’t yet!” Anakin slurs, wrapping his arms around Obi-Wan’s neck as he nuzzles farther into him. “And you put me in the car and then gave me shots and made it go really fast in circles and I haven’t yet!”

Obi-Wan gives Rex an incredulous look over Anakin’s head. The other man has the shame at least to look slightly sheepish.

“Good night, all,” Obi-Wan says, stepping as smoothly as he can back into his apartment. “We’ll see you at the wedding.”

If his fiancé survives the rest of the night and, presumably, the hangover to follow.

When the door closes, Anakin sags even more into Obi-Wan’s arms. “I missed you so much,” Anakin mumbles. His lips stay against the skin of his neck, and the feeling would be quite distracting if Obi-Wan wasn’t so reluctantly amused at the moment.

“You are very drunk,” he tells him, detaching himself enough to more easily walk and pull Anakin from the doorway through their apartment. “Bedtime for bachelors.”

“I missed you so much, so I thought maybe I could drink extra fast and then they’d let me come home early,” Anakin explains, eyes only partially held open.

“And how did that work out?” Obi-Wan asks, depositing Anakin onto their bed and kneeling on the floor to untie his boots.

“Mm,” Anakin says, flopping onto his back. He giggles for some reason unknown to those sober in the room, and wriggles his toes in an approximation of help. “Not good. They just bought me more.”

“Oh, my heart goes out for you, darling,” Obi-Wan murmurs, placing the first boot on the floor and tackling the second. “You must suffer so much because your friends are very nice and bought you drinks during your bachelor’s party.”

“Uh huh,” Anakin slurs. “Knew you’d understand. Hey–hey, did you miss me too?” Obi-Wan had had a very nice and quiet night, nursing a scotch by the fireplace and grading papers. He’d warmed up a leftover serving of a mince pie and served himself a piece of apple galette for dessert. And yet— “Yes, of course,” he says. “Though I am glad you had fun.”

“It was fun,” his fiancé agrees and then yawns. “Not as fun as the wedding’s gonna be though.” His fingers run to the buttons of his shirt and start tugging at them. Obi-Wan sighs, shifts, and stands to help him in this as well. “I can’t wait to marry you,” Anakin adds.

He looks so earnest and open, rosy cheeks and glassy eyes and shirt half-done. He’s going to be the world’s biggest pain in Obi-Wan’s ass tomorrow when the hangover really hits him. And Obi-Wan is going to take care of him through all of it. 

Practice for the rest of their lives. The wedding rehearsal he hadn’t known was on the docket. 

Still, his mouth turns up at the corner as he smiles, reaching out to brush aside Anakin’s hair. “I cannot wait to be married to you as well,” he murmurs.

Anakin closes his eyes and grins sleepily, drunkenly. “And I’ll get to be added to your insurance which is real good, cause I don’t have a job.”

“Brat,” Obi-Wan scolds, tugging at the end of his hair. “Is that the only reason you’re marrying me?”

“Yeah,” his fiancé says. “But it really helps that I’ve also been completely obsessed with you since, like, the second class of the year.”

Obi-Wan purses his lips, strangely touched. Sober, Anakin doesn’t always like to talk about the very beginnings of their relationship, as if he thinks should they discuss it enough, Obi-Wan may realize he’s made a terrible mistake in taking up with one of his undergraduate students. 

To be fair to him, it is a terrible mistake, and one that Obi-Wan is fully aware of already. And what Anakin probably doesn’t know is that no amount of discussion will sway Obi-Wan from the path he’s decided to walk.

“Only the second class?” he asks, settling onto the bed next to Anakin. “Should I be offended?” “I skipped the first one,” Anakin mutters, turning his face into his thigh and nudging at him until he begins to pet at Anakin’s hair. “Hooked up with a girl from my first period instead.”

Obi-Wan tugs rather rudely on his hair at this.

“But then, you were there during the second class,” Anakin says, though Obi-Wan thinks maybe the more accurate statement would be I was there during the second class, considering Obi-Wan had to be there. As he was the professor.

Obi-Wan hums and restarts his soothing petting.

“And that was it,” Anakin sighs, pressing a kiss to Obi-Wan’s covered thigh. “You were it for me. And I’m really glad I’m it for you too or I would be really, really, really sad, and I’ve been really, really, really happy for ages now.”

“I’ve been happy too,” Obi-Wan confesses, shifting himself to lie down, facing Anakin. “I—”

He wants to say I thought about losing you today, for real and forever, and it hurt me inconceivably. Or, you mean so much to me that I missed you when you were away, and even though there was a fire in the fireplace, it felt cold all through our home. Or, it took me longer to love you, but I do and I do, and I do.

But when he looks down at Anakin’s expression, it’s to find that the man has managed to fall asleep between one breath and the next.

But, well. They have time for Obi-Wan’s I do’s later. In fact, they’ve put aside a whole day for it.

[666writingcafe]

Barbatos' Birthday Surprise (Part Three)

"Hello, MC." Barbatos is standing over the kitchen sink, scrubbing away at a metal mixing bowl. "You just missed Luke. He's on his way back to Purgatory Hall if you wanted to see him."

"Diavolo told me he was learning a new recipe from you," I reply as I hoist myself up on one of the nearby counters. From what I've been told, I'm the only person he doesn't scold for doing that sort of thing.

"It's a rather old pastry recipe I discovered as I was tidying up. I don't remember where it came from, but the instructions were fairly easy for him to follow, and it turned out decent."

"Did he make them too sweet?" Barbatos playfully sighs.

"Even after all this time, he still is a bit heavy-handed." He rinses the mixing bowl and sets it in a dish drainer before drying his hands with a dish towel and turning to face me. His eyes briefly glance at the envelope in my hands. "Is that something I need to deliver to the Young Master?"

"Actually, it's for you," I answer, extending the envelope out to him so that he can take it.

"Is this a professional matter or a personal one?" I smile at him mischievously.

"Just take a look inside." Arching an eyebrow with an amused look, he glances inside the envelope and pulls out the concert tickets. He appears to freeze once he sees the name on the ticket, and he doesn't say anything for a rather long moment.

"Breathe," I tell him, sensing that he's been stunned into silence.

"Please tell me you didn't spend all your Grimm on these." His voice is soft, almost a whisper.

"I didn't. I won them. One of the radio stations had a contest, and I figured we could go to the concert together. I've really enjoyed listening to Devildom metal with you."

"MC..." He trails off as he sets the envelope and tickets down and takes a deep breath. "Severa isn't just any metal band. For one, they're arguably the most popular one in the Devildom at the moment, but there's a lot more to them than just their commercial success." He briefly pauses again. "Do you have to be anywhere anytime soon?"

"I don't believe so. Why?"

~~~

"The first thing you need to know about Severa is that the members are writers first and musicians second." We're currently in the castle's music room. I'm sitting on the couch, looking at the thick stack of vinyls sitting on the coffee table, while Barbatos stands in front of me like he's a professor. "Their entire discography is one continuous story, and each record represents a chapter of that story."

"What chapter are they currently on?"

"Thirty-four," Barbatos answers. "They plan on ending this particular story after forty chapters, but they want to continue writing afterwards. They're just not sure whether their next story will take place in the same literary universe or if they want to create something entirely different."

"Kind of like King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard."

"From my understanding, theirs is either accidental or a product of fan speculation. Severa's worldbuilding is intentional, and each of the members put a lot of time and care into ensuring that everything they create helps progress the story along. Unlike your human world band, they're not releasing these albums in quick succession, even by Devildom standards. Some of the records have a few hundred years separating them." That is an incredibly long time between albums. However, if that time is devoted to making something cohesive, then it's time well spent. I'm sure they wouldn't want to drive fans away by releasing a rushed record.

"Is it safe to assume that each tour only covers the current chapter that they're on?" I ask. "Like, for this particular tour, they wouldn't go back to the first chapter and recount everything that happened, right?"

"For the most part, you are correct. The first few songs on their setlists are from earlier records so that newer fans can follow along without becoming completely confused, but the rest of the concert is devoted to the current chapter from beginning to end."

"How long have you been listening to Severa's story?"

"From the very beginning." He picks up the record on top and sits down next to me on the couch. "This is their EP Lake Despair. The four songs on here introduce the four main characters of this story: Thiren, Baziel, Cassandra, and Renette. Thiren is a demon, Baziel an angel, Renette an immortal sorceress, and Cassandra an ordinary human. Thiren, Baziel, and Renette have known each other for thousands of years, and they work together to ensure harmony between the three realms.

"One day, the three of them are hanging out in a human world cafe when a fiery ball crashes into a nearby building and causes it to explode. This building happens to be where Cassandra works, and she was just returning from her lunch break when the explosion occurred. Then, a tall, cloaked figure comes out of thin air and starts attacking Cassandra with magic. Of course, the other three help defend Cassandra from these attacks, and the cloaked figure eventually backs off and vanishes, but not before warning Cassandra that she will pay for her crimes."

"What crimes?"

"That's what they're trying to figure out. Cassandra doesn't have a criminal record in any of the three realms, nor does she remember doing anything to provoke someone to that degree." Barbatos pauses. "These albums explore that mystery, and in order to avoid spoiling the story for you, I think it's best that you hear it for yourself. Of course, I will be more than happy to answer any questions you have along the way."

"You're wanting to start now, aren't you?" Barbatos nods his head. "If that's the case, then I need to let Lucifer know that I'll be sleeping over here for a bit. I have a feeling this is going to take a while, and I don't want him to worry."

"Completely understandable. And practical. While he knows of the lore, he wouldn't be able to explain it very well."

[gremlins-hotel]

Hii I've been stuck on this for awhile and figured maybe you'd have a better answer for this, I'm taking a college history class right now to test the vibes but I really want to do something in that general area, just don't know what. How did you decide what you wanted to do? And how long has it been? Also I love your art sm 😩😩😩🥺💖💖💖💖

Hey there! What I'm going to include will be under a read more since it's longer than I expected, but know that this is a valuable question and I thank you for considering me to answer. Also a HYUGE thank you <3 though I do apologize for being slow on art.

My own journey has been a winding road to say the least, so don't fret if yours becomes that way. And do not be afraid to take your time. Try weird things you think you like or know you do and see if you can find the golden nuggets of opportunity in them. I had originally pursued animation because in my head art was the only skill I possessed, nothing more, and I didn't feel intelligent enough to pursue anything else. Yet all my best grades in my first years at university were in the classes I was taking as extracurriculars (history, anthropology), and trying to force myself to do art was killing my motivation to be creative in the first place. I had originally wanted to go to university for something in the natural sciences, history, or anthropology, but at the time I didn't think there was anything I could possibly use those degrees for and therefore didn't go after them despite being more interested in them. Apart from my own mental blocks. Three years of telling myself I was nothing better than a set of hands that could wield a pen and pencil just...kind of destroyed me. So I turned back to face my other love that I'd wanted to do beforehand but didn't think I could. It took a lot of internal searching and asking questions to more people than I can really count.

I admit I am currently taking a break from education. 2024 has not been my year, and I won't go into it further than that, but I know I'm not the only person feeling that way. As for anthropology, while I'd already enjoyed the study since I was younger, it was solidified for me through the classes I took. The way the information stuck so naturally in my head and that I could think on it in a way that subjects I disliked or struggled with did not. It was melding with me in a way I think I always knew it would, but was too afraid to let it, because I had already had the notion in my mind that was I was doing (animation at the time) was a disappointment. Both of my parents are in the medical field. I'm the complete opposite no matter which interest I pick. They knew that, too, and it made it difficult to get the gung-ho "do what you want" from either of them, though they tried their best. At least a science like anthropology they somewhat understood, which earned me good points. But the classes I was taking made me feel so much better. About my future, about my own knowledge, about my own worth. And I was loving every single thing I learned, all my professors, and my classmates, too. Anthropology, archaeology specifically, just works with my brain. Later on, going through my field school also solidified that for me. Getting to be hands-on in the field I was pursuing really made me realize how much of a fit it was for how I think, how I operate, and how I learn and teach others. Also? The friends I made there...you know when you finally get that feeling that you belong somewhere? That. It was that. I won't give that up because that's special and a thing I admittedly haven't had in a very long time. It merely feels right.

So take your time if you can, when you can, where you can. There's a lot along the way you may have looked over and miss, or new things to come. If that thing doesn't really grab you, then maybe it's not your thing thing. Try the weird classes you're unsure of but get the gut feeling for. If there's something that's making you want to claw your hair out, then don't force yourself to do it. It's terrifying, but sometimes the odd leap of faith is far more worth it than clinging to the unsteady ledge you live on. I'm also just an emotional and reactive person, so my method and my journey will of course be different from yours. My more tangible advice is this: Ask your professor(s) about why they like the subject matter or what they think of the study as a whole. Ask them about what they did to get into it, about opportunities, what the jobs are like and the community. If you dislike those answers, alright, whatever. If you like them enough to take that risk, then do it. That's what helped me decide to make that switch from animation to anthropology was asking those questions of the teachers I had in the subject I'd been doubting for years.

[sallow-tales]

Strong and Sweet – Garreth Weasley x GN!Reader

Summary: Modern coffee shop AU; The ever lovely Garreth Weasley catches your eye from behind the counter of your local cafe. Pure fluff.

A/n: Once I got this idea into my head, it would not leave, so here we are. It's been edited, but only lightly. This is genuinely the longest fic I've ever written, I'm usually a sucker for short and sweet, but not in this case. I'm pretty sure this is gender neutral, but once again let me know if you catch a mistake. Also, the topic of the paper is incredibly self indulgent. With love, your friendly neighborhood anthro major <3

Word Count: 2897

You let out a sigh, fingers pressing almost painfully to your temples as you stared at the screen in front of you. You’d been trying to write this damned essay for hours, but the words didn’t seem to want to get out of your brain and onto the page. Not to mention that nearly every potential source you found was useless to you for one reason or another. 

The article currently open on your computer began to swim in front of your eyes, words blurring together as you tried to read them. As much as you wished you could take a break, you’d procrastinated this paper for far longer than you should have, and you were now to the point of questioning if you’d even be able to get it done before the due date. The due date, you realized, that was now only six hours away. Why’d your professor have to be special and make things due at 10pm on a Tuesday, instead of midnight on a Sunday like a normal person?

Dragging yourself out of your train of thought took more effort than you’d have liked as you once again tried to read through someone else’s science. You were slightly more successful this time, but once you’d gotten through the next three paragraphs, you let out a frustrated groan. There was no sense to this study–it ignored nearly all precedent and was trying to test a theory that anyone with common sense would know to be impossible. 

You slammed your computer shut in mild frustration and closed your eyes, taking a breath to calm yourself down, only for your meditation attempt to be interrupted by a familiar voice. 

“Careful now, doll. If you get much more frustrated you might start throwing things, and as much as I love having you here, I’d hate having to clean that up.” Your eyes open and you glance up to look at the redheaded boy standing over you

Your face relaxes as your gaze lands on him. You couldn’t be stressed when he was smiling at you like that.

The two of you had first met in this very coffee shop at the beginning of the term–him behind the register and you desperately needing some caffeine to get through your first week of classes.

“Give me something strong,” you’d said when you walked up, and he’d given you a playful salute in response.

“Yes ma’am, one americano coming right up.” 

His playful demeanor and charming smile had you grinning right back at him despite your exhaustion. When he’d handed you your drink, though, you couldn’t hide the grimace that crossed your face. You needed the caffeine, but boy did you hate the bitter taste that it left on your tongue.

“You should have told me you didn’t like it straight when I took your order.” You weren’t expecting to hear his voice and you looked back at him.

“I’m sorry?”

“You asked for something strong, but you didn’t have to take my first suggestion if you knew it wasn’t something you’d enjoy. Tell me what sorts of flavors you like and I can make you something you’ll actually drink.” You could tell he was eager to make you something new, though you weren’t sure if he actually wanted you to like it or if he just wanted to show off; either way, you rattled off your usual order, and some likes and dislikes, answering his questions when he asked and before you knew it you had a brand new cup in front of you.

This time when you took a sip, you practically moaned. It was spectacular. “How the hell did you do that? I don’t think I’ve ever had something this good in my life.”

His cheeky grin widened. “What can I say, I’m great at what I do. Though if you’d told me from the get-go that you like it strong and sweet, I could have just given you my number and been done with it.” His wink that followed sent flames through your cheeks and you’d turned your head to try and hide them.

Despite his flirtatious remark upon your initial meeting, nothing more had ever happened. Well, except for you developing one of the biggest crushes you think you’ve ever had in your entire life.

Against your better judgment (and to the chagrin of your wallet), you found yourself back in that cafe nearly every single day, always hoping to see his green eyes glittering at you from across the room. You knew the crush was stupid, but you didn’t blame yourself for it. How could you? It wasn’t your fault he was so ridiculously charming, and handsome, and kind. Nor was it your fault that he somehow always seemed to know exactly the drink you needed for your current mood–after that first day, you’d never had him hand you something unsavory again… well, at least that was intended to be enjoyable.

Every once in a while you’d come in during a particularly slow spell, when there was no one else around and Garreth–alongside his coworkers–were clearly extremely bored. It was days like these when you’d get to try his little experiments.

You’d see him furrow his brow, deep in thought, and then wander from place to place in the store, tossing various syrups, powders, and milks together in incredibly interesting combinations. Yes, interesting was definitely the word to describe them; sometimes they were spectacular, but other times… not so much.

“Oh my god, Gar, this is absolutely disgusting.” 

He had called you over a few moments prior, insisting you try his most recent mixture. You didn’t know what was in it, but it wasn’t good. It was almost slimy in texture, and the flavor certainly left something to be desired. Through your wince, you saw the twinkle in his eye. The bastard knew it wasn’t going to be good but he had you try it anyway.

Attempting to hide the grin that threatened to poke through, his face had twisted into a look of mock betrayal. “How could you say such a thing? I poured my heart and soul into this. You wound me, love.”

Your heart had nearly stopped at the nickname but you did your best to play it off, grinning at him. “Well, perhaps you should pour a little less of it next time, that might help with the texture issue.” He’d scoffed at you playfully, and the memory of his playful expression is still one of your favorites.

His expression was eerily similar as he stood beside your little table, eying the books you had spread about from your research. 

“Garreth! I didn’t realize you were here, I never saw you walk in.”

He chuckled. “I’ve been here for hours. I would’ve said hello earlier, but you looked focused and I didn’t want to bother you. However,” he paused, “it was about time for my break and I noticed you looked only inches away from violence, so I figured I should come intervene. Distract you with my relentless charm and all that.” His grin was contagious, and you found yourself smiling fondly at him.

“You should well know by now that I’m a pacifist,” you quipped back. “Violence would never be my first reaction. You wouldn’t have anything to worry about until after I’ve wallowed in self despair for at least 30 minutes.” He sat down in the chair opposite you and it’s not until he placed the cup and plate on the surface in front of you that you realized he’d been holding them. “What’s this?”

“A refill, and some sustenance. Figured you could use them, based on the fact that I haven’t seen you move in the entire time I’ve been here.” Your heart gives a little squeeze at the gesture as you take in the items. He had, in fact, brought you another coffee and the pastry that he by now knew to be your favorite.

“I can’t accept this, Garreth. I didn’t pay for them.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s on the house. Don’t bother resisting, you know I won’t stop pestering you until you’ve eaten.” 

You relented with a sigh, taking a bite. “Happy now?” you mumbled.

He smirked at you. “Happier. Now, why don’t you tell me what’s frustrating you so much. Maybe clearing your mind of it will help you make some progress.”

You proceeded to rant to the ginger about the articles you’d been reading, the roadblocks you’d been encountering, and the various other issues you’d been having.

“I don’t know why it’s so difficult for people to have some common sense, y’know? It’s not so hard to realize ‘Hey, perhaps if you can’t sex an individual via this bone without population specific numbers, perhaps we shouldn’t try to sex an individual of an entirely different species.’ You’d think that’d be easy!” Garreth nodded along, a small smile playing at his lips. “And this one!” you gestured to an article on your computer, which you’d reopened part-way through your rant to show him evidence of your problems, “in this one, they try and argue that grave goods can be used to accurately sex an individual, which might be fine in some populations, but it’s a know fact that gender and sex variance is a common occurrence in this population.”

You finally paused to take a breath, and you realized that you didn’t really have much more to say. “And… and yeah that’s about it actually. There you have it.” You glanced up at his face, mildly surprised by the expression he harbored. It seemed to be a combination of amusement and… fondness?

“I do hope you know I don’t know what any of that means. Do you feel better though?” He rested his chin on his hand, hair falling just slightly in front of his face.

You immediately nodded in response. “Yeah, actually. Loads. Thanks.”

“My pleasure, love. Now, I do believe my break is over, so I should get back to it, but good luck on your paper. I believe in you.” A wink was sent in your direction before he turned and walked back behind the counter, deftly tying his apron behind his back.

With that, you dove back into writing. You were almost surprised at how much easier the words came to you now that you’d gotten all the swirling irritations out of your brain–before you knew it, you’d surpassed the page minimum, wrapped up all your thoughts, and read through it a few times to make sure there weren’t any errors. Thoroughly pleased with your work, you grinned and threw your hands up. “I’m done!” You turned your head around, searching for the smile Garreth was surely throwing in your direction. You weren’t surprised to find you were correct. “And with…” you turned back to check the time, “45 minutes to spare!”

Wait a second…

45 minutes to spare… that meant that it was 9:15. You turned to glare accusingly at Garreth.

“Don’t you guys close at 9?”

He shrugged noncommittally. “Technically, yeah. I was supposed to kick you out 15 minutes ago. But you looked so focused and I could tell you were close to done. I didn’t wanna be the reason you lost your stride. Besides,” his usual cocky grin came back to his face. “I’m not sure you could rob this place if you tried.”

The boy turned back to mopping the floor, ignoring your huffed “hey” in response. You began packing up your belongings in a hurry, trying to get out of his hair as quickly as possible. Despite your efforts, though, he had still managed to finish closing before you were completely ready to go. 

“I’m so sorry Gar, I really should have been paying closer attention to the time. I didn’t mean to be an imposition.” You rushed the words out as you exited the building in front of him. His only response at first was a small huff of amusement.

His words came a minute later as he turned back to lock the door to the building behind him. “As if you could ever be an imposition. Any time spent in your presence is time well spent.” You couldn’t even begin to process what those words meant as you took in the parking lot, empty except for one single car. A string of curses swiftly left your lips. If you’d thought yourself stupid earlier when you struggled to write your paper, it was nothing compared to how stupid you’d felt in that moment.

You’d completely forgotten that you’d taken the bus today. And in your time-blindness, you’d also forgotten that the bus stopped running at 8.

You glanced over at Garreth beside you, and let out a frustrated sigh at his barely concealed laughter. He knew that you sometimes took the bus, and by the lack of car in the parking lot belonging to you, it hadn’t taken him more than a moment to figure out what was going on.

“Don’t look so down, it’s not like I’d let you walk. Get in the car.” You immediately began protesting, not wanting to burden him any more than you already had this evening. “It wasn’t a question, get in the car. It’s too far back to campus for you to walk during the day, let alone at night. I’d be the world’s biggest asshole if I let a pretty individual walk home alone after dark. Get in.”

You conceded with a sigh, walking around to the passenger side door. “You think I’m pretty?” you grinned, trying to joke away the nerves you felt at getting in his car.

Sure, you’d become pretty close throughout the term, but your interactions had always, always been limited to that building. And now here you were, getting into a car with the guy you’d been crushing on for months. 

“If you’re just now noticing, then maybe you’re dumber than I gave you credit for,” came his snarky reply. He got in the car and grinned at you over the console. You hoped he couldn’t see your cheeks turn red in the dark. His gaze held yours for a beat too long and you looked away nervously. He cleared his throat before starting the car. “Where to?”

You directed him to your place, basking comfortably in the silence of the car in between instructions. Against your better efforts, though, you also found yourself staring at him. It was such an odd thing to find attractive, you thought, but the sight of him driving made your heart do a flip. 

You were admiring how his gentle features looked under the red of a stoplight when he turned to glance at you and caught you. “See something you like?” 

“And what if I do?” You replied, lips quirking into a smile. You had no idea where this bold streak came from, but you weren’t complaining. He didn’t reply immediately, focused on turning into the parking lot of your building. He parked, and then turned to you. 

“I’m less concerned about the ‘what if you do’s and more concerned about the ‘what if you don’t’s if I’m being honest.” Your face twisted slightly in confusion as you tried to decipher his meaning.

“I- what? I don’t understand.” Stumbling over your words, it took you far longer than it should have to realize how much closer he’d gotten to you. 

“What I mean,” he said lowly, his voice barely above a whisper, “is that if you don’t, you need to tell me now because otherwise I’m about to do something really really stupid.”

Oh. Oh.

“Oh,” you said in reply. “I see.” You wet your lips nervously but didn’t move away from him, your gaze flickering between his eyes and his lips. “Well, there’s not really a good way to know if it’s stupid or not until you’ve done it.”

Apparently that was all the approval he needed, because the next thing you knew his lips were on yours and his hand was cupping the back of your neck and a low whine sounded in the back of your throat. This was happening. Oh my god this was happening.

He pulled back after a moment, panting just slightly. He was nervous, you realized. You’d almost never seen him nervous before, but right now, in this moment, you were sure that’s what the expression on his face was. 

You let out a soft giggle that apparently eased his nerves, causing him to break out into a wide smile and tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “Well, was it as stupid as I thought it was?”

“Verdict is still out,” you said with a grin. “I’ll have to let you know tomorrow. You work?” 

“Same time as usual, yeah.” He chuckled at the smile on your face as you unbuckled yourself from the car. 

“Well, I suppose I’ll have to let you know then. And maybe after you’re out, we could go get dinner or something. If the jury rules in your favor, that is.” You grin at him over your shoulder as you get out of the car.

The last thing Garreth sees as he pulls out of your lot is you pressing your fingers softly against your own lips, grinning like an idiot. And though he’d never admit it, in his head he was doing the same.

[moriartyluver]

FALSE LOVERS CHAPTER XI

"THANK YOU SO MUCH, Lord Moriarty. I have no more regrets. I give this life, to you.." 

It had been nearly two years since William and (name) had been married and officially become husband and wife. After their honeymoon in (home country), which wasn't much of a honeymoon due to (name) constantly working to help her parents even though they didn't need her help, they had returned to England and (name) had moved in with William and his brothers, taking Josephine with her. 

Currently though, (name) was in (home country). She had been for the past five months now. Alone. Well not entirely alone considering she had her closest aide with her, who was now 18 years of age, (oh how time flies. (Name) felt like a proud mother, and certainly related to her father when he had seen her for the first time in a while when she got engaged) and was there to keep her company. She was quite vague when she described what she would be doing before she left but William had deduced it would have something to do with the diplomatic relations of (home country). 

The household had recently felt a lot quieter and silent following (name)'s departure. The sound of (name) and William childishly bickering over ridiculous things  — although it was a lot more (name) than william — and Josephine giggling at her lady's behaviour. The nights were also lonely. Although William and (name) had agreed upon separate rooms being used, the two stayed up together frequently until they fell asleep on desks covered in papers and plans beneath the comforting warm candle light. 

It wasn't just William who missed their presence though. Albert had missed going to parties full of nobles with (name), which were usually almost obligatory for the nobles with titles or their heirs, as they silently judged everyone. Louis had missed cooking and doing housework with Josephine as they both worried over their brother and mistress respectively and teaching (name), who had no experience in housework, to cook or clean. 

"I'm glad I've given you hope. Would you like to try living a little longer?" William asked Michelle who looked slightly confused at his question. "Well to tell you the truth, I received a similar request from Mr baton, saying that if it was to save you, he would gladly lay down his life." He confessed. 

The dark haired woman looked at her husband, warmth and comfort enveloping her as she finally realised how much her husband truly cared for her. 

 "Please remember you have someone dear to you."

Albert and Louis glanced at each other with a knowing look, they had both been thinking the same thing. 

"Don't you want some sort of reward..?" Mrs Baton asked, feeling guilty about not having anything to give William in return if she did keep living. 

"The country is full of rotten people. I want to create an ideal world for everyone. As per the contract, you may keep your lives." William smiled "Until that day I create that world, you must hold onto your lives dearly. That's an order." 

The tears Michelle had been holding back had finally started spill as she gave William a melancholic smile."You stole my reason to die, and gave me a reason to live. For that I am forever grateful. I'll stay with you until my life runs out." 

The couple smiled at each other, the slowly fading embers of their marriage suddenly catching flame once more. 

"I see you've both made up..." the elderly woman from the market said "young professor, I would like to ask you for your advice..." William nodded for the woman to continue

"Mr baton's grapefruits dont sell well. They're too sour. What should I do?" 

William gave the woman a polite smile as he granted her some advice "Let them rest for a while. The sourness should calm down." 

As the three brothers left to return to their manor while the sun began to set, Albert spoke up. 

"I believe that couple cherish each other dearly..it's certainly a wonder in such a disgusting world that we currently reside in." He said, although his words seemed to be implying a double meaning

A few weeks later, a letter had come in the mail addressed to William from none other than his currently absent wife. He had been receiving letters from her multiple times a week, usually consisting of (name) giving William advice on his crime consultant work or William giving (name) advice on how to deal with certain difficulties she had faced in (home country). 

Each morning since she had left, the first thing William would do would be to read his wife's letters and reply almost immediately. It had become routine to him. 

William took the letter from Louis with a 'thank you', rather eagerly, but Louis had grown used to his brother's newfound habit now. He opened it quickly and read through it carefully, admiring the little quirks he would see in (name)'s handwriting.

Dear William, 

How did the dinner with the Baron go? I'm glad I was able to be of use to you in researching Dublin's heart medication. My father had been on a similar one recently, ( a useful coincidence) which brings me to my next point. 

Before you begin writing, I must let you know that you need not reply to another one of my letters. Once this letter arrives, I shall likely be boarding the train to Durham or perhaps I'm already home with you now. Hopefully the ship arrives as soon as possible. Josephine and I are due back in England for, I believe, the 23rd of may, so expect me by Tuesday afternoon. 

I apologise once again for missing your birthday, even if you do not feel particularly attached to it. I'm glad the postal services were competent enough to send you my gifts. The cane I had crafted by a sword-smith from (home country) should hopefully be a better alternative to your previous one and a lot more discreet at that. I hope that, along with the rest of the gifts and the money I had sent, are to your taste. 

I look forward to seeing you once more, 

Yours faithfully, 

(Name) 

P.s I hope when you say I plague your dreams, you aren't having nightmares of me. I'm not that scary...I think..

William hadn't known the exact date (name) would return from (home country), in fact he feared she wouldn't return at all. Coincidentally, this day in particular was the Tuesday that (name) would return to England. Thankfully he had cancelled his lecture for the day so he would be able to  greet his wife at the train station in the afternoon. (Name)'s room was already set out for her, beside William's and above Josephine's room downstairs, so the preparations for her to return were already complete despite her visit to her place of birth being indefinite. If he were to use the excuse that he hadn't had his lunch yet, he could probably convince (name) to dine with him after settling into Durham. 

"Brother? Are you alright? You've been staring at the letter for the past five minutes..did something happen to Lady (name)?" Louis asked with concern. He had grown to like his sister-in-law ,despite her multiple attempted murders against William, and would hate for anything negative to happen to her. 

William turned to Louis and smiled "(name)'s perfectly fine. She's returned to England and is currently taking the train to London along with Miss Evans." 

Louis returned the smile and nodded "I'm glad."

"William!" 

(Name) waved and ran towards her husband at the train station, with Josephine following behind, repeatedly telling her to calm down. Of course, she didn't listen and continued until she tripped over her own undone shoelace. 

William caught her in his arms and helped her regain her composure, allowing her to stand up straight whilst a breathless Josephine caught up. 

"I..Hah..told you..my lady..you shouldn't ru..run.." she put her hands on her knees as she tried to steady her breath. 

"My apologies, you're alright, aren't you, William?" (Name) asked her smiling husband who chuckled. 

"I'm fine, dear. How was your journey?" He asked before noticing her undone shoelace. He sat (name) down nearby on a bench and kneeled down to tie his wife's shoelace, despite her protests before standing up and holding out his arm for her to take while they walked home. 

As the couple walked back, William had filled (name) in on the case in the paper he had read of and what he had planned to do regarding it, along with informing her of the return of Moran and Fred. He had also thanked her for the birthday gifts (which were a large variety of things. William had to turn down having (name) buy him a brand new estate along with many other extravagant gifts.) she had sent him in her absence. 

William had learnt, in his year of knowing (name), that she expressed her affection mainly through gift giving, so he would find it difficult to reject any extravagant gifts she would send, but the had advised her not to do instead, her main gift this year had been a little cane with a sword hidden inside. It was specially crafted and designed which he had appreciated very much and it was possibly his favourite birthday gift he had ever received. (Name)'s gifts usually held that title. 

Once they had returned home and been guided to their designated rooms, William had asked (name) out to eat. 

(Name) normally would have refused anything remotely romantic, but she was tired and hungry and she had promised William she would go to eat at a café or restaurant with him in exchange for missing his birthday, and besides, he was tired and he hadn't had his lunch yet. She couldn't turn him down after being gone for five months. 

"I've only been here for a couple of hours but I already like Durham.." (name) said as the waiter brought them their meal "Considering we're the only noble family, it means we have more opportunities to interact with the commoners, who are a lot more down to earth than even the kindest nobles." 

William nodded with a smile as he cut his fried egg "We've made some good allies in this town.." he said "All the more reason to continue making this world a better place." 

"Indeed..Colonel Moran and Fred are to arrive by the evening, correct?" She asked before she sipped on her tea 

"The plan has already been set in motion..everything should go according to plan.." William said "How staying with your parents, pleasant, I assume?" 

"It was..father was ill for a while, although I already wrote about that in my letters," (name) said as she moved the food around on her plate "I suppose it was rather stressful though..my father works as an advisor for the royals of (home country) and so does my mother, but because he wasn't able to attend any meetings, I had to go in his stead.." 

"I'm sure you did wonderfully," her husband glanced at her player and then back at his. Hers was still full of the meal she had ordered whereas his was nearly empty. "Are you feeling alright, love? You haven't eaten much.." 

(Name) sighed and nodded "I'm fine..just don't have much of an appetite right now..I ate a lot on the train anyways and the journey was rather tiring" 

Of course, William easily saw through this lie, but didn't directly address it and instead took her fork, picked up some of her food and flew it to her mouth, as if he were feeding a child. 

"What the.." (name) muttered, leaning away. "I'm not an infant, I can feed myself." 

William gave a teasing smirk "Oh, but my darling (name), you seem so tired, I, as your ever so loving husband, should help you." 

The fork was still hovering against (name)'s mouth. She rolled her eyes "Not even half a day back with you and you still find a way to irritate me beyond measure" she opened her mouth, allowing William to feed her. 

While she was chewing, she watched as an old lady approached them while they sat outside with a smile. 

"Ah, young professor, who's this lovely lady?" She asked. It seemed she already knew him, although not enough to recognise (name) as his wife. 

William held (name)'s hand in his own and smiled politely "This is my wife, I've already mentioned her previously." 

The old woman's eyes widened as she looked over to the grumpy woman, who had instantly put on a facade of an elegant and loving wife and smiled. "So this is her? The famous Lady (name) Moriarty?" 

(Name) smiled and looked confused "Huh- I mean, pardon?" 

Ms Suzanne looked at the woman and bowed with a mischievous smile "Your husband has mentioned you a few times, he seems to very fond of you.." 

(Eye colour) eyes widened then quickly returned to their previous state, flickering over to William who was avoiding eye contact. "Is that so?" She hummed with smile, masking her true intentions which were to tease William all the way home as revenge for feeding her. 

Once their little date was over (with (name) pestering William regarding what he had been saying about her to the villager, yet he refused to answer, clearly flustered. Now she understood why William would tease her often, (name) realised, it was incredibly entertaining to see the reaction of the other party. 

After having killed Dudley Bale, the Durham University treasurer and landowner for the sake of avenging Frida, William returned home late that night, along with Moran and Fred who had now both been taken in under the guise of being servants. 

Thankfully, he had thought, there wasn't any blood on his clothes, so returning didn't cause any issues in terms of being discreet. The door to William's office was open, a slim crack between the door and the door flame, allowing the candlelight to shine through. A pale hand reached over to push the door open slowly, only to see a sleeping (name) at his desk. There was a copy of Twelfth Night that had fallen onto the floor, clearly dropped by his wife when she drifted off to sleep. He kneeled down beside her and nudged her slightly, hoping to wake her up so he could take her to bed and ask why she was there. 

(Name)'s eyelashes fluttered open to reveal her (eye colour) eyes. She looked over at William and yawned tiredly "You're finally back.." she muttered 

"Were you waiting for me?" He asked as (name) stretched and took her book that William was handing to her. 

(Name) glared at him and returned his smile with an irritated frown "of course not..I was just reading and looking at some of the stuff you have planned for the next few weeks.." 

"Ah you were just sitting in my office for no particular reason?" William chuckled and helped her up "we can discuss plans another time. You must be tired from travelling so much recently.." 

" 'm not tired.." (name) was saying before being interrupted by another yawn. 

"Do you want me to carry you to bed?" The blond teased "Or would you rather have me hold you in my arms whilst you sleep?"

"Hey remember what Ms Suzanne said earlier today?" The noble lady retorted, referring to the incident earlier that day "What is it you were saying, dear professor? You seem to be quite fond of your wife, sir." 

"Enough of that..." Came William's stern reply, his grin now turning into a straight and annoyed face, as if their dynamic had completely swapped. 

"Oh but professor, how could you say such a thing to your darling wife!" 

BONUS: 

The amount of servants in the Moriarty manor was slowly increasing... but..

"Hey Louis! The booze's already empty here!" Called a gruff voice. Louis turned to moran, trying to hold back his annoyance 

"Mr Moran, are you feeling like a guest here..?" Louis asked the man who was lounging around on the sofa, drinking beer. 

Moran smirked "What? Isn't it obvious" 

Louis looked down at him "in this house, those who don't work aren't regarded as human by us." He said bluntly. A snort could be heard from a certain brunette who was cleaning a glass cabinet with a duster. 

"What?!" 

The blond sighed "Brother Albert is working in the military , Brother William's teaching at the university, Josephine is already good at housework and sister..I mean Lady (name) does her fair share of chores despite not being used to it while she waits for a job from Durham." Louis said "and even Fred is tending to the garden." 

Moran looked out of the door to see Fred crouched besides a rose bush. 

"He even picked up bullets at the bridge last night.." 

"Wait I didn't come here to work as a servant!! Moran looked surprised and went to the patio where (name) and William sat together with a cup of tea. "(Name)! You're the mistress of the house! Say something...!" 

"I could care less." She said, not even batting an eye  as she elegantly rose her teacup to her lips. Another (louder)  snort was heard. 

Moran turned to her husband "William! We swore it in front of the tomb, right?!"

William smiled "Of course Moran, I'm going to hire you." 

"Huuuuuh?!" Cue an even louder laugh. 

"We'll take everything step by step, right?" William reasoned "so please help Louis until the next job comes" 

"In the end that's still the same!!" 

Louis guided the semi-drunk man away "Now come on, Mr Moran." 

A/N: finally moving onto the main plot hehe. Fl seems to have warmed up to liam over the nearly two years they’ve been married aww. Of course nothing is ever easy when I’m the author so I wonder what fate may befall fl in the next few chapters 👀 😈

[sol-consort]

There was a 2d video game that's a slow race between a cat and a tortoise. The cat was wearing tiny professor clothes and walking on two legs while jumping from one wood log to another during the race. Meanwhile the tortoise didn't have any clothes but its shell, and it walked and moved on all 4 of its legs instead of two like the cat.

The game was a spin on the rabbit and turtle, except this time it was a race in duration rather than distance. The more you progressed during the race, the more visibly aged the two characters became. The cat grew a cute beard and had to use a walking stick as it neared the end of its life. The tortoise grew more wrinkly but was in a much better shape than the cat.

The cat never dies, even when their race surpasses current known year of history. The dev taking it upon themselves to show you how the future would look like through the various phases and different body modifications these two cartoonish animals get. Typical cyberpunk sci-fi stuff until you reach the final stage of the game.

What used to be two cute artoon animals have distorted so much to an unrecognisable degree. They're perfectly identical at the last stage of the race, turned into what look like big lanterns floating through the air. You wouldn't be able to tell who was who wasn't it for the cat's preference for red and the tortoise fondness for blue, which coloured each of their lanterns, respectively.

I was told at the end that this final stage was a reference to the cult the developer was a part of, the "shining" era of humanity where darkness looms and everyone has to carry a lantern everywhere. There was a group of 3 people talking about it around me as I stared at the floating lanterns on the screen, endlessly moving through the void and softlocking me from reaching a satisfying finish line because the shining era had no end. It was a doomsday cult.

For some reason the three people's knowledge about the cult started and ended around what the game showed despite how they subtly implied to be experts in this field of knowledge by their condcending demeanour while explaining it to me.

I remembered a 4chan post I've read months ago that I thought was just a shitpost attempt at creating a new meme. It was a fully detailed experiment on how to convert a human into a being of full light. It has mentioned the templars and talked about preparing for the darkness era, but it only left instructions on how to slowly expose your body "safely" to different radioactive elements until you too develop your own "natural" glow. If all fails, then you should set yourself on fire as a last measure of protection from whatever looms in the darkness since it'd be less painful.

Taking the chance to show off, I started telling them about this post I saw and describing the experiment. Their full attention was on me, they were eerily quiet but I was too focused on the chance to gloat about my knowledge to notice the way their eyes bulged out of their sockets.

My mouth wouldn't open. It was like I was talking through cotton, and I didn't know why. I clearly didn't have anything on my face, but my lips refused to part. It felt surreal to suddenly lose command of a part of your body without warning, no pain or anything.

And the three people wanted me to keep talking, they were getting closer, still silent and expression getting more angry the more I couldn't speak. I got irritated and attempted to rip an invisible mask from covering my mouth even tho I knew there was nothing, but it actually worked and I could talk again. In my hand laid a very large maggot like thing, invisible except for the way light reflected off of its wet surface. It was big enough to cover my entire mouth.

I didn't comprehend any of this, and oh, this is a dream, isn't it? That's when I woke up. Fully weirded out and not even remembering I fell asleep.

Like dude that dream was so weird, It even felt more like reality because I was playing that videogame that doesn't exist on a laptop. Someone else even showed me an article on their phone.

Like any normal person who was more than delighted at the chance of being a horror movie protagonist, I immediately googled the cult name, but when I actually got to typing it fucking slipped from my brain and I couldn't remember it.

I wrote this after waking up immediately because I didn't want to forget any of this, even now as I'm writing this the memories are getting foggy and I'm unsure of which part of this was even in my dream. There was a last part I wanted to urgently add but I genuinely can't remember anything about it except the urgency to reach it so I could write it down.

Googling templars with the word shining showed me nothing but articles about the movie the shining. Some cool roman chanting asmr rain videos that I listened to.

I don't remember their faces, just the eyes.

Some details I didn't mention above:

The race was set in the woods but eventually they burn down and are turned to rubble and ash, you get a glimpse of settlements on the horizon before the shining era arrives and you lose vision of everything except the two lanterns

The race wasn't a running one. They were jumping on wooden logs rolling from the ground. It was tricky to balance on them, and staying near the edge would make you slip and fall, then get crushed by the logs

I was controlling the cat

To keep up with the tortoise you had to let it get ahead of you then pick up the speed when it runs out of stamina

The cane the cat used to help it walk wasn't a good cane but a full empty shell of another tortoise with some extensions added to help the cat hold it, there was something rattling inside.

All of this happened at the end of the dream. Meanwhile, all the beginning and middle were me hanging out with these three people and how much of a good friend group we are.

I don't think the 4chan post exists. I think my brain made it up. It wasn't a screenshot of a post I saw but the post itself on the actual site.

I thought someone was touching me when I first woke up because I rubbed my stomach, which made a unique noise because of the satin shirt, but the noise kept going for 6 seconds when my hand stopped moving. I was scared to open my eyes. Then I thought "man fuck you demons aren't real" and opened them and the noise stopped immediately.

It was probably one of the fucking birds sqauting on my window squeaking for 6 seconds in a way that sounded to my sleepy brain like satin being rubbed. Because I felt no touch except my own, I only heard the noise and assumed it was me since it was so close by.

[reikurusu]

Ask Meme

I got tagged by the lovely @jalapenobee!! Thank you!! <3

Do you make your bed?

I neatly fold the cover open during the day so it can air out a bit? xD But when I go to bed, I always pull the mattress cover (whatever that's called in English) neatly because it often crumples up. But I don't daily make my bed, no.

What's your favorite number?

Not really.

What is your job?

I've worked at a local library for a little over a year now! It's really fun to do! I have to take care of the adult non-fiction section, which is more fun than I would've thought, as well as admin and helping people during opening hours. Right now, a colleague has been absent for 6+ months, so I've been taking on her section as well, which is youth (fiction and non-fiction) and comics. So quite a lot at the moment. But it's a really fun job!!

If you could go back to school, would you?

I'm not sure... I didn't hate going to school and it was actually a lot less stressful than adult life. I think I'd mainly go back to be my younger self again and maybe do things differently?

Or are we talking about going back to school at this age? If school was the only thing I'd have to focus on, and money and all didn't matter, I think so, yeah! Probably something creative or art history or something.

Can you parallel park?

I can.... But it's either perfect on the first try or I have to retry like 5 times. And if there's a car waiting while I'm failing... Yeah, we're going around the block again and try again afterwards.

A job you had that would surprise people?

I think my previous job. I worked in retail as a Saturday job during college. After graduation, I worked at a company for two years but I quit because it wasn't my thing and was lucky that the store I used to work at was looking for someone. I really liked working there and there was a lot of varied work (admin, window dressing, helping clients,...). But I feel like people at my current job (library) are surprised when I tell them I worked retail? I don't get it, though.

Do you think aliens are real?

Hmmmm... I don't think aliens like the stereotypical aliens exist, but there's no way the universe is this gigantic and Earth is the only place with life.

Can you drive a manual car?

It's the only kind I know how to drive. I've never driven an automatic car. I actually love shifting gears. It gives me something to do while driving, if that makes sense xD

What's your guilty pleasure?

Uhm... I don't think I have one? At least not something that no one else does? Nothing special comes to mind atm...

Tattoos?

None. I just have no idea what I'd want to have permanently on my body. So I doubt I'll ever get one.

Favorite Color?

Blue! All kinds of blue! But I really like a minty-blue, like this.

But lately, I've come to love yellow as well. I'm not sure why, but it's been making me happy for some reason.

Favorite type of music?

In general I either like a song or I don't like it. And because of this, my taste in music can vary a lot. I can like certain songs by a certain artist, yet despise the rest of their music.

As for favourite artists, I love Taylor Swift, The Script and Niall Horan. I think those are my top three artists (she says without any actual proof of it).

Do you like puzzles?

Like, riddles or jigsaws? If it's jigsaws, I haven't made one in years! I'd love to, with some music or tv show in the background, but I don't have the time for it. If it's riddles, yeah, I love riddles! Doesn't mean I'm good at them but I played my fair share of Professor Layton growing up!

Any phobias?

None that I know of. Like, I'm not a fan of creepy bugs and heights and blood and all those typical things, but I wouldn't call them phobias. Like, I'm not a fan of spiders, but I'd never kill one and just put it in a jar and take it outside. So nothing I'm insanely scared of.

Favorite childhood sport?

I don't think I had a favourite sport growing up? I'm not really the most athletic person. But I do know that I was decent at shooting basketballs into the hoop, even for being short lol

Do you talk to yourself?

... Do people not do this? I do this all the time??

What movie(s) do you adore?

I'm not sure if I have an actual favourite movie, but I love Tangled and The Lion King!! I also really love Back To The Future. *looks at dvds* OH! The Holiday and Love, Rosie as well!! I think these are all films I'm always down to watch.

Coffee or tea?

I'm definitely more of a tea person. I most often drink black tea with milk (like, at breakfast, in the evening and when I'm not at work, in the afternoon as well).

I also drink coffee but when I do, I have to have it with milk and sugar and often with some sort of syrup (vanilla, hazelnut or caramel). Or iced! Iced coffee!!

First thing you wanted to be when growing up?

I think I wanted to become a farmer? At least that's what my mum told me. I can't imagine being a farmer now, I think kid me thought it would be fun to have a bunch of animals and be outside all day. Grown up me knows it's very different from that. And very often not that nice for the animals...

Also a veterinarian! But.... Y'know, blood and cutting into animals... Pass.

I'm going to tag a couple of mutuals and followers I very often see in my notes, but obviously anyone who wants to do this, can!

And don't feel obligated to do this just because I tagged you! <3

@silversoulstardust @actually-the-devil @in-a-faith-forgottenn-land @keeeegs @aflockofravens @heytheredeann

[zet-zets-blog]

Spring 2023- one of the darkest periods of my life. Why didn't anyone warn me of how much of a rollercoaster ride entering your 30s would be?! This was also my last semester in grad school. I did a very expensive and not really worth it (tbh) urban planning degree from Columbia- a university that truly sucks the life out of you. I am describing that feeling here as: imagine yourself living in an ongoing gentrified neighborhood that's OVER policed, a food desert with alot of New York transplants that also happen to be very wealthy and have huge egos. YEAH- that was the start of my 2023.

Broke off my engagement because my ex partner had the audacity to ask me for an open relationship BEFORE our wedding this year?! AND HOOKED UP WITH MY BEST FRIEND IN GRAD SCHOOL literally after a couple of days of us being broken up?! Him and this ex bestfriend were there during the funeral I held for my sister. Sooo, Yeah no...

Ended up starting the year with a broken heart, that's still grieving their sister's death WHILE ALSO writing a thesis so I can graduate my grad program! I honestly cannot emphasize how stacked life felt like during the beginning months of this year. I was in a really REALLY dark place, and its interesting too because these were the moments where I learned SO MUCH about myself and just life and love in general.

Grief has a way of asking you your whys. Why are you living here? Why are you in grad school? Why columbia? What are you doing with your life? Are you even happy? Is that prestige really worth it? What ARE your values and are you living by them? Do you like yourself? What do you truly want? What is life? Like seriously, what is life? Its as if, you had to answer every question all at once or else you just fall in an eternal abyss.

And yet, the journey of grief is SO WORTH IT. The amount of peace you find at the end of that dark dark tunnel is euphoric- A NATURAL HIGH.

Hello dear readers (well whoever you may be!)

My name is Zet, I'm a storyteller that's currently living the 3rd decade of her life in this charming neighborhood called Sunset Park. I LOVE IT HERE! After being surrounded by ivy league kids and out of touch professors I have officially got myself out of the hellhole that is Manhattanville. I'm living in a majority immigrant enclave now, where I can wheel my granny cart to TONS of ethnic grocery stores! I live in this prewar apartment building, where I will need to climb three flights of stairs everyday. Finally living a life where I am completely... alone. I've also become that JOMO (joy of missing out) Tita- I just like smoking with friends at my fire escape, I schedule 10-year plan video-call hangouts with friends that live in other cities. At 30, I am WAAY more reflective, chill and genuinely content with how life feels and looks like right now. <3 It's funny how much can change in just a year. How much CAN HAPPEN within a year. How your life can completely turn a 180, be at your lowest point where you truly let the darkness take over you to a period in your life where you're seeing the magic in life's everyday.

If you would've asked me when I was 16 if I see myself living in this CONCRETE JUNGLE new york city, living alone in a 1 bed apt. , and still pursuing my writing? I would laugh so much and might also tell you to pray for me. Yeah, how can this Palayog girl live a life just like in the romcom movies and tv shows that she grew up watching? It's WIILD! I think I really did underestimate myself back then. You see, I've always felt like I was just existing since I was four. Life has always felt so random and too dramatic that I had convinced myself that I am in just a VERY LONG life simulation. Yet, here I am, existing and thriving, surrounded by so much love and genuine friendships. <3 Still living a full life, working for that true post-colonial world that's driven by community care.

[sunset-a-story]

Good day! I had a couple of questions for you, no need to feel pressured to answer if they don't apply ^~^. I've recently run into an issue while writing and I'm looking for advice.

Do you have beta readers? If so, how do you handle the ones that try to take over your writing? I.E. They try to bully you into writing in a different voice, they assume to know more than you about the story and try to tell you how characters act, or tell you that you're writing your own plot wrong- including any foreshadowing bits or lack thereof (for plot reasons, of course). And finally, how do you handle the ones that act like their your friend only to steal major elements of your story because "I can do it better than you"? (Or conversely accused you of stealing from them just because something you did was apparently really close to something they did?)

Thank you for your time!

Uh, first off--what the cinnamon toast fuck. That sucks and I'm very sorry that any of that is shit you have come up against. Gottdamn. I am far from an expert here but as far as pushy beta readers: I went to a very small college for my creative writing degree and the brutal critiques taught me something they probably didn't intend: the ability to recognize that sometimes everyone else is wrong and it's okay to throw their opinions in the trash.

I got used to getting shredded in workshops, sometimes justifiably so and sometimes not. Sure, it's vital to be open to critique but not all feedback is equally valuable. Ex. I once sat there listening to the whole class and professor harping for half an hour on not understanding who these characters were to each other in a story of mine while I, not allowed to speak, sat with my pen--circling all the instances of the word "sister" that they'd somehow all failed to read.

So I got a lot of experience getting 12 different, very confident opinions of what was wrong with my story & how to fix it and being able to look at that and recognize, "Nope, you're all wrong."

To have a meeting with a professor to receive suggestions/feedback on a senior project and say, "I'm not doing that. You've missed the point," and have that be an acceptable answer--and get an A.

That's not every time. It's not like I was always right. Far from it and I got lots of constructive crit that improved my writing which I am beyond grateful for. But for the kind of feedback you're talking about? You know your characters and story better than anyone. And yeah, you're not writing the story the way they would write it, but you're the one telling the fucking story. You are under no obligation to put their notes into action. Not doing what they suggest is not an attack on them. If they're mad about that, they've misunderstood their role.

So I'd probably handle that by reiterating the type of feedback you want. I've specified certain things to my readers like "Can you follow the plot/world-building?" "What/who is keeping you interested?" "What/who is losing your attention?" That kind of stuff. Or stop giving them any more fiction.

I currently have three beta readers for Sunset and all three are close, trusted friends. Despite working on this story for around a decade, prior to a year or so ago, we hadn't shared it with anyone (except our best friend who sadly died in 2020) because of anxiety around exactly what you're talking about. Even when I know everything above to be true, it's still stressful.

I can say I've had readers either coming in with their own expectations or narrative getting a character completely wrong and kind of hanging onto that point of view and forcing it into the story. "I don't think X would do that." etc. It's frustrating but I just set it aside to compare with other readers' take on it to see if it's a them-problem or a me-problem and decide what needs refining to prevent that reaction. As far as stealing, I wish I had an answer for you. That all sounds terrible. People are always going to steal and, again, I'm sorry you've dealt with that.

I'm naive I guess because I could never imagine doing that to someone but people do. Hell, we had a visiting big-ish name writer come to our college who outright copped to stealing a line from one of our professor's books. It's gross. People kinda suck. It's something we worry about.

All I can say there is, they can't tell the story the way we can. They can steal the interior design but we have the foundation in our heads. We know what's on the second floor and which stairs squeak when you step on them. I guess that's what I would tell myself.

I don't know if I got too wordy there or too serious or whatnot, but those are my thoughts. Feel free to throw my suggestions in the trash too. You know your story.

Thanks for the questions and good luck!

[icaruskey]

I can't sleep.

I'm so frustrated with my inability to do things. I don't know if it's executive dysfunction or bad luck or some combination of all of the above but I had several hours in which I could've done things but my phone's camera stopped working (again) and so because I couldn't work on my website or documenting work for class I just. Did nothing.

Could I have worked on my prospectus or put text on the website? Of course I could. How about that dumbass zine neither Jessie nor I have had time or energy to make? Yep, could've done that. But I haven't.

And I'm just so. Angry with my bookbinding professor. It already rubs me the wrong way that she'll ignore what I say to give me the same advice over and over, say the same unhelpful shit like it's going to make a difference to what I'm currently doing? The worst of it was when I would complain about people misgendering me, and she always said the same thing "it takes time for people to get used to it" ma'am these are random customers in the checkout and I have no tits. They don't have to call me shit!

I did eventually snap at that. I still have my temper, buried as it is under everything else. And I snapped today when she decided to fucking take my shitty little zine from the show and use it to say "this isn't you"

As though I've not had someone take shit from where it was meant to be and move it "for me" without bothering to tell me. And when I called her out on that, it was, oh I've had people take things too. And when I pushed back on that, that she could've emailed me, she straight up said that I came into her classroom with headphones on and blah blah blah it was fucking 30+ minutes before class and no one bothers to see if they've got my attention before trying to talk anyway. It wasn't *her* classroom and she had made it clear the previous week that it wasn't going to be a regular class anyway.

And it's not like I don't know it's shit. I hate it. It was only in the show because it was listed on the artist statement. "Well you didn't have to include it" it's going to be critiqued anyway. Just fucking. Shut up. I don't care. I know it is bad and I know I need to fix it but I did what I did and my work is never going to be good anyway so why fucking bother. I don't need it beat into my head that something is bad when I already know it is.

People act like I can't take critique just because I'll push back on some statements, that I don't. Adapt and change as needed. It makes me furious that they think I'm not listening because I fucking am, okay! Oh, Icarus got frustrated that this guest critique said to remove the f-holes and defended the historical ties to Man Ray's work, oh Icarus doesn't like having his shitty zine stolen and flaunted around like he isn't aware it's shit and he just hasn't had the time or energy to figure out a way to fix it or get it reprinted. Like maybe, just maybe there is some critique that's shit. And some critique that is rubbing salt in the wound and utterly unnecessary when you have to steal the person's work in the first place.

I only even bothered to make it as it is because it's due for class tomorrow and the undergrads wouldn't know a good zine format from their own assholes so it was just something quick to tide me over until I can make something a little better tomorrow afternoon to document.

How is it supposed to make me feel anyway, having that thrown about like "this isn't you"

It is me. It's a shitty little zine about the day I took all my meds for the week at once and then slept for nearly three days straight because I just don't want to be alive. It's poorly made just like all my prototypes are.

Speaking of "this is why you make dummies" ma'am I made so many fucking dummies and with my materials and you are literally holding one IN YOUR HANDS SHUT UP.

Sometimes I think she in particular forgets that the first year is about exploration and learning what you need to work on and guess what? I've learned a whole fucking lot and I'm even semi-proud of this book. And now I'll remember to include bleed into my linocuts and to print my text before carving my type.

I feel a little better typing this out but not much. This is one of those things I would've vented off to Brier if we were still together and they'd tell me what movie they'd been watching during work that day and I'd eventually calm down and do my schoolwork while they drew.

But they're gone and I can't exactly talk to the people on Bumble about this because who wants to deal with all of this? I don't even want to deal with it. I'm just so tired.

[cometothecatbureau]

So for context I live in Canada and maybe things are different here idk. But I work as an early childhood educator, meaning all the children in my care are aged newborn to around five years old. Taking pictures is an important part of my work because it allows us to document important or special moments in a child's day to share with families at pick up time.

The thing is though, we are NOT allowed to share these images publicly. Like at all. Unless we have explicit parental/caregiver consent. Like they have to sign a legally binding contract allowing us to use their child's face.

The same rule also applies if you happen to be a working student, like I am currently. I have to take a lot of pictures for my assignments to prove I'm actually doing them. If I want to include a child's face in my assignments, which will be seen by my professors and professors only, again it's the same thing. I need parental/caregiver consent, signed, dated and sealed before my professor even thinks about opening the assignment.

There are work arounds for this of course. I often use photopea to blur out children's faces, even in profile if I can't get a parental consent form signed in time. I will also try to take pictures of the children that can in no way identify them , ie. I will take a picture of a child's hands squishing play-dough or a top down picture of them playing in the play kitchen or something. These are kosher because again, no identifying features.

I do all of this gladly no matter how inconvenient it can be for two different reasons. For one, children's privacy matters. Children are people. People have a right to privacy. Not just an expectation, but a right. For another, the children cannot consent to having their pictures posted. Even with my older kids in the after school program who know about the internet and could verbally consent to having things posted, I wouldn't put them out there. Because they're still too young to really understand the scope of how large the internet is, how many people could see them and that with the internet forever is forever.

Finally, I work in kind of a rough area. We have a lot of families and a lot of kids going through some shit. We've had families texted pictures of their own front doors accompanied by messages threatening kindap during custody disagreements. We've had parents escape abusive situations and send us pictures of their abuser so we know to call the cops immediately if they show up. We've had parents with no contact orders on their kids because of suspected abuse charges pending, and that's just in the last three years I've worked there.

And yet in spite of all this shit, because we're a lab school in the basement of the community college, when we take the kids outside or on walks through campus grounds there are so many randos just whipping out their phones to snap pictures because they think the kids are cute or funny or whatever. And then they catch an attitude when myself or my coworker speak to them sharply and tell them they legally cannot take pictures of the kids. It's also not just the younger students too. I've seen parents of the children I work with who happen to be students doing this and they're mostly well into their 30's. It's just become so normalized that half the time they aren't even thinking and I wish they would.

Like part of me is tempted to start carrying around those consent forms and giving them to anyone I see with a random camera out trying to take pictures of my work kids just so they can understand how serious it actually is. Additionally, I had a stalker once upon a time. He's thankfully since fucked off to Phoenix and can't get at me anymore. But there was a time in my life where he was actively liking pictures I was tagged in because my friends privacy settings were less harsh than mine and he wanted to let me know he could still find me.

You don't know what people's situations are whenever you take out a camera, though honestly not wanting to have your picture taken is good enough reason without explanation. Maybe I just don't want a picture of me with my hair a mess in a cartoon scrub top and snot rubbed on my pants circulating the internet.

It’s so fucked up how tiktok culture has made clout-poisoned people turn the public into content, every day I see people minding their business have their entire faces put online for thousands of likes, a couple kissing on the train, a lady dancing across a cross walk, a guy nodding his head to the music at a club, a lady buying a banana at the store, ring camera footage of the neighbors kids being stupid. Just let people live jfc

[elmandvineblr]

Created an album planning station.

I know long term I struggle to do big projects without breaking it up into smaller achievable goals. I also crunched the numbers and the number of session musicians I want to hire will probably exceed this budget so I will have to make some tough decisions. But if anything I can probably cut down on recording time costs with recording certain parts myself. Anyway a big thing I would love to do which I'm sorry to say I won't be able to be there in person, is hire an orchestra to perform the orchestral piece I am writing. I've been composing for years as well and even though I am not great or trained I think it would be seriously cool to hear one of my pieces played by actual professionals. I also would like there to be a choral element but that is not necessary. I literally became an engineer to fund my passion and it's crazy I spent so long letting someone else chase their dream on what was supposed to be for me, telling me <when his works out he will fund mine>. Bitch I have the money now. I have the talent now. I have the content now.

December is when sign ups are for piano lessons, im gonna do 1 on 1 to really maximize the learning. Hopefully we can skip a few steps and dive right in but I wanna start with piano because it will be a good refresh on sheet music reading and writing. I'm currently in the process of tabbing and transcribing all of the songs (and finishing). I'd like to have that done in the first 2 months, then move on to strict practice for 4 months and performance for 3 more months. Then finally recording practice for 2 months. Then it's time for recording at the studio. I want to know my parts backward and forward. I'd also like to start working with musicians who will be on the tracks a couple months out from recording.

I'm very excited. I'd gotten asked one birthday if I'd like a studio session or a laptop and I chose laptop. What would have been one song at a studio ended up being three albums. The old girl is about to crap out, but I think the knowledge and skills I got from her are what got me here.

I dont want to say I'm being manic. I feel manic. Its such a big idea. I'm not just taking out credit cards. I'm planning. I'm saving and I'm preparing to do something I would have dreamed of doing. I also am planning on being the creative producer and am excited about the concept of working in person with the musicians which is surprisingly hard to find I guess. I'll have to talk to the studio. I want to collaborate with musicians. I want to direct. I want to be in the control room talking shop with the engineer. I want to trust in myself and my vision. I had a songwriting professor who told me if I ever got to this point that I needed to trust myself and not let anyone change my vision because he said I had a gift. It was so meaningful to me to hear that. Because now that I'm almost out of debt I can put that money into saving for my dreams.

Also hey if nothing happens from this I can at least say I wrote, executed and produced and funded a huge multi-layer, multi-musician project with all the bells and whistles that I played a majority of the parts on, send it out to labels with a cover letter and some pictures and go back to work the next day. I dont know what will happen. Maybe nothing will happen. But it would be cool to at least try. More than just the write, record, post online and never touch again.

Then i can spend the *next* year making the music videos I see in my head when I listen to the songs. Because fuck it. I'm gonna have fun with this money and support my dreams for a couple years before I worry about savings and family shit. And my sister's dream because she's going to film school and wants to film music videos and I want her to be a part of the videography team.

Im so hype.

[surveysand]

eight.

Will you answer these questions as personally as you can? sure.

Why are you happy? i actually don't think i'm in a very happy place right now in general. things that make me happy all the time though are my dog and listening to music.

Who’s the last person you hugged? my partner.

Would you pay someone to kill the person who hurt you a lot? no, even though the person that came to mind deserves every ounce of horrible things coming to him.

Do you like the song ‘Sick Little Games’ by All Time Low? haven't heard it but i hate all time low so i probably wouldn't like it even if i did.

Last night you felt? restless. my partner was taking up a lot of the bed, lol, and my dog was really anxious for some reason.

How are you feeling right now? sleepy.

Are you drifting away from someone you were close with? no.

Is there someone you’d like to fix things with? no, i think anyone i no longer associate with is a relationship that is better not being reconciled. some things are for the better.

Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap? no. i'm very strong-willed and don't put up with being treated poorly.

What are you listening to? the episode of impractical jokers i'm watching on the side while doing this.

Have you ever stayed in a hotel? many times.

What is in your pocket? i currently am not wearing something with pockets.

What was the worst feeling you last felt? anxiety.

Have a best friend? yes.

Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? no.

Do you keep any secrets from your best friend? not intentionally, unless it's a surprise for her.

What were you doing 60 minutes ago? surveys.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? many.

What’s something that can always make you feel better? listening to music and falling asleep.

What do you want right now? a job.

What would you name your future son? noah.

If you had to eat 1 thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? sushi. there's enough variation that i wouldn't get bored.

How’s your life lately? tough. i'm dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions and am at a pretty significant turning point. i feel really overwhelmed and just want all of the craziness to die down and go away.

Last person to send you a text? my partner.

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? waking up to feed my dog.

Did you have a good birthday this year? my birthday hasn't happened yet.

Have you done anything embarrassing lately? not that i can think of.

Do you trust easily? no. i've been burned one too many times to be so easily willing to give someone my trust.

Do you like cookies n’ cream ice cream? yes, one of my favorite flavors.

How often do you raise your hand in class and answer a question? when i was in class, it depended on many things: the professor, the subject, etc.

Ever been mistaken for someone else, and took it as an insult? no.

Would you get a mega bag of skittles, or three regular ones? three regular ones. i feel like candies taste better when they're in smaller quantities.

What color shirt are you wearing? navy blue.

Is there a boy that would do absolutely everything for you? yes.

Did you ever think you had the Swine flu? no.

Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? no idea. the only people i know who smoke are my partner's parents and they always do it away from people.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? my partner.

Are you a mean person? i've been told i can be.

Does anyone hate you? probably.

Do you usually tell people when you’re mad at them? yes. i can't stand when someone is upset with you and just gives you the silent treatment or acts like everything is fine.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked? yes.

Will this weekend be a good one? hopefully.

Have you ever liked someone older than you? yes.

Are you mad at someone right now? no.

[reginaofdoctorwho]

ok so first off only two of my classes for next semester are going to be covered by financial aid, w a total of 6 credit hours, and i need 12 to be considered full time and get any financial aid or my scholarship. there are only TWO classes in the ENTIRE FUCKING COLLEGE RIGHT NOW THAT WILL BE AID ELIGIBLE. i have to either double major and pray to fucking god that it evens out and that i can take whatever classes the other program would need in time to graduate. it will probably be psychology or english since my class issue is mainly to do w my high school classes (took college bio, music theory, math and english in high school) and psychologywould use up my statistics class and the humanities electives could maybe cover spanish. i would still need about 15-18 credits in either, so i'd need to take at least two classes over winter break when i'm (hopefully) getting the stabby botox done. i was supposed to get a call back today about it and NOTHING

SECOND my writing professor decided to cancel an essay he was giving us but i forgot to take the deadline alarm out of my phone, so i ALSO had to panic tonight about not having the paper with instructions for it, texted the only person i know in that class in a full panic. i have to see her and act like a normal person tomorrow so she doesn't think i'm weird AHHHH

[atlasmoonshine]

How I almost died on a camping trip (Long story, tl;dr at bottom)

Ok so my geology class has an end-of-semester field trip to the Appalachian Mountains for extra credit. Naturally, I take it because I have never gone camping before and it was a great opportunity to do so. The first day was a lot of fun, we went rock climbing with no harnesses, almost fell 50+ feet, went into a cave with only one opening as wide as my body, almost got stuck, fun times!

But those, while dangerous, were not the near-death experience.

So before the field trip started, my professor talks about it in the syllabus. HOWEVER, there was NO MENTION OF A SUPPLY LIST. It LITERALLY only said "just bring money for food." My assumption was that they would provide supplies or something.

They did not.

I had NO sleeping bag, NO blanket, NOTHING. I only had a tent because I buddied up with someone. It was just me and the cold, hard ground, just completely raw-dogging nature. But I didn't realize she'd be the one raw-dogging me. And she didn't bring lube.

So what DID I bring, you may ask? Just enough clothes to last the weekend, the shittiest keychain flashlight known to man, a multitool knife, and snacks for the van. That's it.

It was cold. It was in the 20s that night, and me NOT HAVING A SLEEPING BAG OR BLANKET, I layered up on clothes so I'd at least be a LITTLE warmer. I had like 2 hoodies, 3 shirts, 2 pants, and 3 pairs of socks on.

So this is where the trouble starts. It was 1 AM and I had to pee. I stumbled out of my tent with my shitty flashlight. This flashlight, turns out, was only good at telling the general shapes of things, nothing else. So I saw a dip in the land and assumed it was just a ledge.

It was not.

I slipped and fell on my ass directly into a creek. My pants were SOAKED from the ass down, my socks were soaked, my shoes were soaked. And although I had the self-preservation skills of a lemming, even I knew that wearing wet clothes in 20F weather was BAD NEWS. And I had no clothes to switch into, as all the clothes I had were currently clinging to my freezing body.

I make it back to my tent and I start shaking like I have never shaked before in my life. Have you ever held an ice cube for so long it started to burn? My ass down to my toes were BURNING. My feet no longer had feeling in them except for the icy hellfire that punished me for having bodily functions. I couldn't even lay down because I had to sit on my feet with the hopes my body heat would at least ease the pain a little. After a couple hours, my torso started feeling REALLY warm, despite nothing really changing. I may not be a survivalist, but I've heard that's generally a bad sign.

4 am hits. After THREE HOURS of accepting death, being in the most pain I have been in in a hot minute, my tentmate, who has been peacefully sleeping next to me unaware of me fighting for my life, wakes up. I'm assuming from me vibrating so much I was rubbing against the tent floor making noise. She asks me "How are you doing?" I say "Miserable, I think I'm dying, thanks! :D" I tell her the terrible situation I was in and she asked the question I'm sure every reader has asked at this point:

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

And at this moment: I learned something VERY interesting about myself. The reason I didn't wake her up was because I didn't want to disturb her. I didn't want to disturb her with me LITERALLY dying. In an ACTUAL LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION, when given the choice between POTENTIALLY bothering someone or just straight up dying, I CHOSE DYING. For some reason, my brain put bothering someone and LITERALLY DYING on the EXACT SAME TIER.

So that's how bad my social anxiety is.

Anyways, she lent me some pants so I'd stop wearing my soaked jeans and gave me some socks and let me use her sleeping bag for a couple hours before everyone else had to wake up. Somehow, I made out of it alive while still keeping all my toes. But I came out of it with some new knowledge about myself:

My social anxiety is SO BAD that I would LITERALLY rather die than potentially bother someone.

Tl;dr: I almost died of hypothermia because of social anxiety