#but i'm truly such a snob it's the worst

[my5hiningstars]

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[phantomrose96]

Hey not to go all "tumblr is a professional networking site" on you, but how did you get to work for Microsoft??? I'm a recent grad and I'm being eviscerated out here trying to apply for industry jobs & your liveblogging about your job sounds so much less evil than Data Entry IT Job #43461

This place is basically LinkedIn to me.

I'm gonna start by saying I am so so very sorry you're a recent grad in the year 2024... Tech job market is complete ass right now and it is not just you. I started fulltime in 2018, and for 2018-2022 it was completely normal to see a yearly outflow of people hopping to new jobs and a yearly inflow of new hires. Then sometime around late-spring/early-summer of 2022 Wallstreet sneezed the word "recession" and every tech company simultaneously shit themselves.

Tons of layoffs happened, meaning you're competing not just with new grads but with thousands of experienced workers who got shafted by their company. My org squeaked by with a small amount of layoffs (3 people among ~100), but it also means we have not hired anyone new since mid-2022. And where I used to see maybe 4-8 people yearly leave in order to hop to a new job, I think I've seen 1 person do that in the whole last year and a half.

All this to say it's rough and I can't just say "send applications and believe in yourself :)".

I have done interviews though. (I'm not involved in resume screening though, just the interviews of candidates who made it past the screening phase.) So I have at least some relevant advice, as well as second-hand knowledge from other people I know who've had to hop jobs or get hired recently.

If you have friends already in industry who you feel comfortable asking, reach out to them. Most companies have a recommendation process where a current employee fills out a little form that says "yeah I'd recommend such-and-such for this job." These do seem to carry weight, since it's coming from a trusted internal person and isn't just one of the hundreds of cold-call applications they've received.

A lot of tech companies--whether for truly well-intentioned reasons or to just check a checkbox--are on the lookout for increasing employee diversity. If you happen to have anything like, for example, "member of my college Latino society", it's worth including on your resume among your technical skills and technical projects.

I would add "you're probably gonna have to send a lot of applications" as a bullet point but I'm sure you're already doing that. But here it is as a bullet point anyway.

(This is kind of a guess, since it's part of the resume screening) but if you can dedicate some time to getting at least passingly familiar with popular tech/stacks for the positions you're looking into, try doing that in your free time so you can list it on your resume. Even better if you make a project you can point to. Like if you're aiming for webdev, get familiar with React and probably NodeJS. On top of being comfortable in one of the all-purpose languages like C(++) or Java or Python.

If you get to the interview phase - a company that is good to work for WILL care that you're someone who's good to work with. A tech-genius who's a coworker-hating egotistical snob is a nuisance at best and a liability at worst for companies with even a half-decent culture. When I do interviews, "Is this someone who's a good culture fit?" is as important as the technical skills. You'll want to show you'll be a perfectly pleasant, helpful, collaborative coworker. If the company DOESN'T care about that... bullet dodged.

For the technical questions, I care more about the thought process than I do the right answer, especially for entry-level. If you show a capacity for asking good, insightful clarifying questions, an ability to break down the problem, explain your thought process, and backtrack&alter your approach upon realizing something won't work, that's all more important than just being able to spit out a memorized leetcode answer. (I kinda hate leetcode for this reason, and therefore I only ask homebrewed questions, because I don't want the technical portion to hinge at all on whether someone managed to memorize the first 47 pages of leetcode problems). For a new hire, the most important impression you can give me is that you have a technical grasp and that you're capable of learning. Because a new hire isn't going to be an expert in anything, but they're someone who's capable of learning the ropes.

That's everything I have off the top of my head. Good luck anon. I'm very sorry you were born during a specific range of years that made you a new grad in 2024 and I hope it gets better.

[m00nlight-ramblings]

BG3 Companion Modern AU Headcanons

These random thoughts popped into my mind and I had to write them down. I love these little weirdos, and some of them probably don't make sense but OH WELL.

Should I do a Part 2 with more companions?? Let me know - my inbox and requests are open!

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Astarion

This dude's got iPad kid energy - he loves to scroll Tiktok for hours.

He gets bi-weekly pedicures. And not the basic kind - the full on 1.5 hour long with the massage and the mask and the exfoliation.

His favorite holiday is Halloween. He plans his costume starting in August.

He'd be the type of person to be walking through a mall, see a Claire's, and spontaneously decide to get his ears pierced idk.

Is really into metal. Like, you'll come home and Metallica will be blasting and you walk into the bedroom and he's folding laundry and just like, "Oh, HELLO, Darling!" but will have to scream it over the volume in which he's listening to music

Will truly take an hour picking out the perfect wine to pair with your dinner...he's definitely a wine snob.

The cheapest article of clothing Astarion owns is from Banana Republic and it's an undershirt...everything else is ~*very fancy*~

Loves watching all types of vampire movies/TV shows. He can often be heard saying, "Oh no, they got that all wrong" under his breath.

He definitely reads like 1-2 books a week. He's recently really gotten in spicy smut books (he definitely got recommendations from BookTok).

For sure falls asleep to ASMR videos.

Gale

This man loves HGTV *queue Home Depot commercial music*

Has the most absolutely beautiful, clean home you've ever seen with about 30 bookcases CRAMMED with books. The books are the only disorganized thing in his home because he constantly is reading them, so alphabetizing them is useless.

Pinterest is his most used phone app. His boards are carefully curated. That man has a recipe/inspiration pic/quote for EVERYTHING.

Definitely volunteers at the animal shelter once a month. Often times has to talk himself out of bringing a cat home.

LUSH is his favorite store at the mall. He loves them bath bombs.

He THROWS DOWN at holiday parties...Christmas? Thanksgiving? The table is SET. The decorations are UP. He's wearing an APRON because he's been cooking ALL day. The playlist is PERFECT.

Speaking of holidays, he has matching pajama sets for everyone in the household. For every. Holiday.

Fall is absolutely his favorite season. "Sweetheart...have you ever watched 'When Harry Met Sally'? Perfect autumn movie...also I bought a new scarf today to go with my new peacoat. And mittens. And a new hat...it's getting cold outside."

He definitely has a Live. Laugh. Love. adjacent sign somewhere in his home

He definitely needs glasses to read. And he for sure has those librarian chains so that he can just take them off and they hang, instead of losing them.

Karlach

Absolutely loves to eat meals watching Youtube videos.

Imagine her in Times Square? She tears the M&M's store UP.

Is obsessed with documentaries. She often says things like "I can't believe there's so much stuff to LEARN out there!"

Definitely has a Squishmallow collection. And she rotates which one she sleeps with every night so they all get a chance.

Is absolutely the worst cook of all time but tries really really hard...however, she can make a mean boxed mac n' cheese.

Has an obsession with sugary cereal. There's always Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Fruity Pebbles in her cabinets.

Certified Switie for SURE.

Is really into astrology. Definitely has said, "Oh, you're just saying that because you're a SCORPIO" or the like many, many times.

Absolute Starbucks addiction (venti iced caramel macchiato, extra caramel).

Has monthly "girl's nights" (but everyone is invited) at her place. The rules are: pajamas only, junk food, romcoms, and a playlist of the best pop songs in the past 20 years.

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How'd y'all like it...should I make a part two with other companions?! Remember my inbox is open and I'm accepting requests!! I'd love to write some stuff so send it in!

[hanafubukki]

I'm snobbing for 4 days at the fact that what made Lilia's "dream" a dream is the Senate reaction after Malleus birth.

They were praising him. They congratulated him for hatching this baby. They were as happy as him for his birth.

And his spirit immediatly understood something was wrong. Making the dream's world shake and turning the Senate reaction on what they were in truth.

That's how deep this flying spirits words hurted him. But worst, they took Malleus away from him. This new born baby was about to die 10 minutes before. The child of his decreased friends. A baby he waited and tried to hatch for 200 years. Nearly half of his life at that time !

Lilia dream could have been about everything. Meleanor and Levan alive. Malleus hatching and living happily with his parents. Silver and him in the cottage. The present. But no. His dream was his painful memories, just until the happiest and relief moment of Malleus birth - with the only change being the Senate reaction.

Deep down, Lilia wanted to keep that kid. He wanted to cuddle him again and again and again. He wanted to show him the world. To raise him. Instead, the child was taken from him, and he received horrible insults.

This Book will give me a need for an hundred years of THERAPY ! And murderous feeling against flying dead spirits.

Also. Love how Overblot Malleus is such a cute kid with Lilia. Boi is in the middle of a desesperate magical crisis making him a bit crazy and emotionaly unstable. But when the occassion comes where he can play catch with his father he is just so happy ! Well. A bit crazy too. But his face beaming with "Now my inner child is out and we're going to live our best life".

- 🦋 Anon, returning to her incoherent thought going everywhere, swaping to any emotional state possible

Hello 🦋 Anon 🌷🌻💚

All of this!! All of this!!

With all the emotions I have been feeling and all the posts, wow, has it really just been five days? I'm so shocked. It always feels as if each update leaves us reeling more and more, and with more questions than answers.

The fact that the senate insulting him is what led him to give in to the blot and then it was them complimenting him during a time when he was happiest that shook him out really says something doesn't it?

How it was the happiest moment and he received complements. He's so relieved. He's overjoyed, but no, this didn't happen.

In fact, it was the exact opposite. And do you know what this implies, something terrible happened right after and he remembers it vividly. Because if he was truly happy and received these compliments, then surely, what happened next wouldn’t have happened.

Surely they wouldn't have taken Malleus away? And that's what breaks my heart. We didn't see it, but we know the next scene would have something that would break all our hearts.

The fact that we know what's going to happen is what hurts the most. We don't see it, but we know it will happen. and during such a sensitive time? My heart aches for all of them. Lilia and Malleus, the way they have been so hurt.

No wonder Silver was so protected and kept a secret until he was older 😭, can you imagine what the senate would have said if they knew?

The fact that his happiest moment was Malleus' hatching despite all the obstacles he went through 😭😭😭, just can you see all the love?? I'm in tears and they have been done so dirty 😭😭

Let's all just go into the game and make them pay, what we could have had. What Malleus and Lilia could have had 😭😭

All the Baby Malleus and Baby Silver fanart people have been drawing even shows others think the same way. The father and his sons 😭😭😭

YES!! That Scene with hide and seek with Malleus and Lilia; then the scene where they are fighting as if they are battling in Bean's day again 😭😭😭 ahhhhh Malleus just wants to have fun and play with his dad.

He just wants to spend time with him, despite his inner emotional state, he just wants to be with his family. He doesn't want to be alone anymore and I can't. I'll join you in that therapy.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

I'm in a nice little discord for a local bjd group and it's nice but I just have to vent about how one person in it acts. We all love to share our photos and most of us have some flavor of cheap DSLR, but theirs is one of the super expensive high end ones. They take really good pics and have a good sense of composition and general photo ideas and I like seeing their pics and what a high end camera can do for dolls.

But man. I wish they weren't such a snob. The way they talk about their own photos is demoralising at best and obnoxious at worst. 'Ugh the colours in this look disgusting, it's completely unuseable' 'the lighting was unsalvageable so I only have this hideous mess.' 'Didn't save any of these because they look like shit so I just deleted them all. Every last one of those photos was something way better than me or probably anyone else in the group could do. For the life of me I can't even pick up the differences in the photos they're proud of vs the ones that are 'shitty and unuseable'. I think most people probably can't. There are also photos they're proud of and put up on their Instagram that I think look 'worse' than ones they complained and complained about and said can't see the light of day, (not that any of them are truly bad) so I can't even grasp their own criteria of good vs bad.I know being a perfectionist turns you into your own worst enemy, but it's really uncomfortable.

When they're trashing and insulting these amazing photos for not being Pulitzer Prize worthy it just makes me feel like they must think mine and everyone else's are even shittier and not worth sharing whatsoever. It almost makes me not even want to post photos where they can see so I don't have to worry about how they might feel about whatever minuscule error is in the picture barely perceivable to the naked eye but I also cant bring myself to care that much when I'm taking photos of my dolls for fun because I enjoy it.

Honestly if you're being this hard on yourself over doll photos of all things maybe you need to reevaluate what you actually want out of this hobby. It's meant to be fun. Photographing dolls is meant to be fun. If you're constantly beating yourself up over perfectly fine, regular photos then I really don't think you're having as much fun as you say you are, not to even mention how your constant negativity brings others down.

~Anonymous

[happi-tree]

🍫💝👻 for.. herman(??)

Hiiiiiii, Lemon Drop!!! Hope you're doing well 💛💛💛 Thanks for the ask!

Herman T. Unworthy my beloved <3 I'm exploding him for his crimes 🥰🥰🥰

🍫 A headcanon about food

This man DEFINITELY has some form of caffeine addiction. Personally, I peg him as a matcha sort of guy (he would be a fucking gayass tea snob. I know this in my heart), but when tech week rolls around, he becomes a whole different beast. We're talking as many blonde shots as the Starbucks employees will legally allow in his venti almond milk iced caramel latte. That kid is not sleeping for days <3

💝 A headcanon about their love language

Hmmm. Hermie's giving love language most definitely seems like it would be words of affirmation - dropping one liners is, like, his entire thing. HOWEVER, I think it's actually quality time! He's a very, very busy guy - between theater practices and chasing after his date to the school dance and also pulling off the longest, most dramatic con in podcast history, I can imagine that he doesn't have a lot of time to himself! So if he carves out a bit of space for someone - to just be around them and nothing else - well, that means he cares about them a whole lot.

His receiving love language, however, is words of affirmation to me, perhaps with a side of physical touch! I think a lot of his character so far points to him desperately wanting to seek praise, some sort of confirmation and reassurance that he's an okay guy. As Anthony (the DM) has alluded to, he's clearly compensating for something! He just wants to be noticed soooo bad, I think - not some extra cast to the wayside, but someone worthy (heh) of connection and perhaps even affection. I also think I can make a case for physical touch here, since I feel like it might be grounding to him, especially with all of the. Dissociation business ("this is who I am" okay, boy currently operating under at least 2 levels of fake names, keep telling yourself that). Also I just think it would be sweet <3

👻 A headcanon about what scares them

Easy peasy. Being ignored, truly a theater kid's worst nightmare </3 Ksbfhasfahgfhis ok jokes aside I think that this guy is more than a little bit afraid of himself because like. Imagine you grew up subtly morphing your features to fit whatever role you needed to play and then all of a sudden you find out that most people can't do that??? You have no idea what you're Supposed to look like??? Who ARE you. You don't know. You don't know. You don't know. You look in the mirror, and you wonder how much of your face is your own. What mannerisms are truly yours? What identity do you have left, when you're stripped down to your core? Did you even have one in the first place? You just don't know. And that's horrifying.

[msookyspooky]

Hi Spooky !! So I’ve been getting through some of the recs you gave me for my Halloween marathon :33 AND i saw Child’s Play — which i liked way more than I thought i would, like it’s genuinely pretty funny And i cant wait to watch the sequels, leTS FUCKING GOOO — Yesterday was Idle Hands which sksksks wanna a silly little movie, ‘twas truly delightful, all the characters are fun/cool except for Anton most of the movie so it took a while for me to feel bad for him, BUT i did eventually, i really enjoyed it so it’s definitely up there for the rewatchbility of it !! — I CANT REMEMBER IF YOU RECOMMENDED POLTERGEIST OR NOT ??? I think you did but anyways I really liked it !!! The supernatural stuff is pretty mild + the 80s special effects make it not that scary to me, also i felt really bad for that fucking family ? What the hell ?!?! The dad was the fucking mvp he did The Most and he looked great doing it (10/10 - could watch again)

NOW for movies that ik you didn’t recommend but have been mentioned here at some point: Black Telephone and Butcher Baker Nightmare Maker. I saw someone recommended BT for you a whole ago and if you haven’t had the time yet to watch it please know it’s super worth it !!!! The main characters are really good and interesting and the acting is just phenomenal, specIALLY THE KIDS WTH, AND theres a bit of a supernatural thing to it but it was just fun/good for the plot and not so much trying to get you to shit ur pants, ya know?

AND for BBNM, i was very excited for this movie, to me it was a classic like 80s slasher, the tENSION, the creative like weapon choices, the like twist/break the killer goes through (like after its clear to us/other characters they did it) and THE ACTORS ARE JUST PHENOMENAL — like the aunt is/has been basically grooming her nephew since he was 3 and god does it show, some scenes are so creepy, and moments were someone would you know question her/ her actions, he doesn’t even Think to doubt her, it was terrible (but in a good way, story wise) OH AND BILL PAXTON, he doesn’t show up a lot (i think with dialogue for 2 or 3 scenes maybe) and he plays classic homophobic with daddy issues so 😐 but he did look good tho so theres that

STAR THIS IS LIKE WEEKS UPON WEEKS LATE FORGIVE ME 🥲

Idle hands is such a dark humor dumbass slap stick but I love it 🤣 Listen, I just thought he had the worst asthma of his life I didn't even know what weed was till I was like 11 but as a kid seeing that hand terrified me and child me remembered it being so scary and adult me rewatched it and I was like....What? This is the movie that terrified me??? afjsafkjs

POLTERGEIST! That completely slipped my mind, I didn't watch it often but I do remember parts of it and it's really good. And I did see the black phone!!! It was so good I mean the protagonist was so smart and using the ghost of the children was a haunting aspect I didn't expect but so glad they did it. Gwen was my favorite character she reminded me of how I was as a kid and I also have prophetic dreams like her. So does my one grandmother. We both dream of family deaths and major events going to happen and it almost always comes true so it was so different to see them utilize that in the movie. I went in expecting a kidnapping survival and got so much more!!

And bro I have GOT to watch it!! I couldn't find it under Butcher Baker Nightmare Maker so I saw someone recommend searching Night Warning and there it is (Idk why they picked these titles bc it makes it so much harder to find bro ong) and yeeaahhh I kind of expect the homophobia and sexism in 80s movies I just try to take it with a grain of salt I think that's why I like Lost Boys and Near Dark sm bc...Wow...An 80s movie with an 80s aesthetic...and no homophobia or sexism or racism? OMFG FINALLY!!

Another one with Bill I watched but was HORRIBLE was Boxing Helena. I'm usually not a snob with movies but it was like bad cheesy softcore porn for someone with weird fetishes. The guy/doctor is basically an incest mommy issues guy bc of his vapid mother who just 'died' out of nowhere and he inherited her home and he's engaged to a wonderful woman that is also a doctor and too good for him but the kicker is he is OBSESSED with a woman that he had a one night stand with years ago and wants nothing to do with him but he's a toxic fucking weirdo that does everything he can (Including cutting her limbs off....You heard me.) in order to make her dependent on him bc...Shocker; she reminds him of his shitty Mom. You are filthy rich go to therapy you freak. I felt zero remorse for him and the movie tries to make you sympathize with him and it's like...Why?

THE ONLY part, I do mean, THE ONLY FUCKING PART worth watching is the explict Bill Paxton sex scene the first 15 minutes he has the woman's entire boob in his mouth while he's grinding her hips on his uh...And MOANING while he does it...I'd scream w/o the s on the spot if I was her istg 💦 Like I was so flustered bc I DID NOT expect it to be that explict 😳😳😳

He plays an asshole rockstar lover to the woman but compared to the guy we're supposed to sympathize with at least he's not wackadoo nuts tbh. I will take cheating asshole over whatever the fuck is wrong with the doctor if I had to pick....And I mean...Lolk at him-

Like I can't show any scenes from his part in the movie but if you want to watch like the first 15 minutes then skip to the end where Bill's character pistol whips the guy holding her hostage and mutilating her. I mean, Bill's character beats the shit out of him (Again, so hot of Bill's character to do that🥵😤) understandable bc I regret wasting almost 2hrs of my life watching it

WHY IS THE HOTTEST BILL PAXTON SCENE I'VE EVER SEEN IN THE SHITTIEST MOVIE??? WHY 😭😭😭

If ppl like it good for them but I deadass couldn't hardly focus on it at all it was just a hot mess and the ending had me fuming lmfao

I also watched The Watcher and Nope and those were so so good!!!! Especially Nope!

[ladyfenring]

What is the worst movie you've watched because it starred an actor you like??

I downloaded this awful terrible horrible no good very bad film version of Macbeth that Mark Rowley was in and. my god. it was so bad. so many awful choices all around I truly don't understand what the production company was attempting to do besides make the ugliest movie alive. I'm not even saying this as a Shakespeare snob, like, on a technical level the movie is just ugly and bad and boring and I understand why it's so hard to find anywhere because who in good conscience is distributing this?

but Mark did get his ass out for Shakespeare so it was not a total waste of time I suppose

[tonyschiavonesearring]

I truly hate WWE with a passion. I thought it would change after Vince left. I liked the Triple H's first few months as booker but when Vince returned and Sami's angle was sacrificed for Cody Rhodes of all people, I lost interest for what I thought would be forever.

I watch the clips because I can't escape the youtube and twitter clickbait forcing WWE news on me (none on AEW tho). So you can say I'm been worked and buying into the angle. It won't translate into me watching WM at all or WWE TV. Years ago, I swore I would never give one cent to that racist company that still profits a sick evil founder. But I do love wrestling and root for other companies to feed off the unfortunate dominance of WWE.

But I have to rant. I hate WWE's core super fans. The WWE marks. The ones who don't love wrestling - only WWE. For them, its not genre or company of wrestling. Its the only company and that means its always good and anything non-WWE is always bad. Notice these are the absolute worst common denominator people.

On Twitter, its always faceless nerds using dated Ebonics to seem trendy and cool and play off the fact that 99.9999% of the WWE crowd are sickly, very MAGA looking white trash. I miss when wrestling heels like Scott Steiner and The Rock would point that out.

AEW? I guess I root for them, but I've really never been a fan of their "product" besides one match people wouldn't expect. It was Swerve Strickland and Keith Lee winning the belts from the Young Bucks in a 3 way tag with someone else. That match was the only 5 star classic I've seen from AEW and I've watched Danielson/Omega and Moxley/Omega, Punk's stuff, etc.

It was the only thing that felt unique to AEW. Almost everything they do is a poor imitation of 200s and 2010s indie wrestling which I actually saw unlike most AEW fans. AEW need to be progressive and innovative instead of just mashing all these older, obscure forms of wrestling that the WWE/TV wrestling fan has never seen.

Sasha Banks, Will Ospreay and Okada coming to AEW is a great sign, even if they are definitely past their primes. Those 3 are still better than the people currently pushed in WWE. What AEW lacks and I doubt will change is good dramatic and episodic storytelling. Tony Khan is a indie snob who sees angles as background filler to set up matches. But angles are EQUAL to matches. Until he understands that, AEW will never be a rival to WWE. WWE sucks but they know the build up is just as important to the match.

[imcaso]

Review: Bodies, Bodies, Bodies (2022)

I have to admit, first and foremost, that this movie humbled the pretentious film snob in me. I am far too often going into films assuming the worst in them, and this one in particular swept the rug from under my legs because WOW was I entertained. 

I’m not sure what it was…The promotion of the movie appeared like any other teen slasher - and not the classic type with the first kill, masked killer, and a shower scene, but the much-more-modern, Gen Z, meme-infused slasher flick that will probably leave you confused if you don’t know what Tik Tok or body dysmorphia are - it was on par with every other film for young adults with a Twitter account. And while I always support the points at heart, these new tropes can easily seem obnoxious, belabored, and a bit too intentional. This is what I was expecting in Bodies, Bodies, Bodies.

Alas, such as I said, I have once again been proven wrong. Even more to the fact that this movie did employ the same tropes I was just criticizing. But hey, good writing is good writing. 

The film follows a group of college students sheltering from a storm in their friend’s unsupervised mansion. We’re introduced to the black sheep of the group, accompanied by her stranger girlfriend, as she reconnects with her old friends following her latest stint in rehab. We quickly learn about the toxic dynamic between them all, who truly have a deep-seeded hatred towards each other fueled by insecurity and addiction. Their plan for the night is to drink, smoke, and sniff until the storm passes, until one of them suggests they play a murder mystery game, “Bodies, Bodies, Bodies” (ooo they said it!). 

So the story goes, the storm gets worse, the lights go out, and one of the friends ends up dead. The rest is a string of gruesomely unserious events as the group tries to stay alive long enough to find out who’s killing them.

The action is bloody, jokes are pulpy, and we are given all around great performances from the entire cast. My personal vote for MVP goes to Rachel Sennott, who I had not yet seen in a movie, and whew! that girl is going places. In between the lines of her performance you can see her natural whit and perfect comedic timing. I'm calling it now she'll be in a movie with Timothée Chalamet by 2025.

<spoilers>

Ultimately, there was one moment that tied the entire movie together for me, the moment that made realize what a great film it was, which was the final scene that revealed the killer, or "killer." What I did not expect from this seemingly simple whodunnit was to discover that nobodyreallydidditt. The first victim accidentally killed himself making a Tik Tok, three of them were subsequently killed in very arguable forms of self defense, and then there was that one girl who literally just tripped and died - the dumbest most genius plot twist that I can't personally say has been done yet (fact check this).

</spoilers>

Well, the credit is due and the flowers are owed. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie and would recommend it to my younger, more online friends, which is why, in my complete and subjective opinion, I rate this film a 3.5/5.

[belphegorbillickin]

May I please request some general yandere Satan headcannons with a GN! MC? Your characterization is perfect!!

I was surprised by how easy it was to write this, thanks for pushing me to branch out. I'm glad I got to flesh Satan out a bit more in my head, I even went into history a bit. Thanks again for all the support! I hope you enjoy my essay lol.

(TW!): General yandere themes, mentions of violence, abuse (more so to Satan than MC,) potential victim blaming (but no s*xual content)

This also written with Satan's point of view in mind, especially regarding his "childhood." So keep in mind that just because Satan believes something doesn't necessarily mean that it's true or that it was their intention. (I love Lucifer, but Satan is still pretty salty.)

More yandere HCs here! & More early Devildom history with Levi here!

Satan tends to show his affections in a slightly... unique way compared to humans. It's not that he doesn't love you, but it's precisely because he loves you that he wants the best for you. A few cultural differences are to be expected when interacting with the only pure demon out of the brothers, right? This is just the worst of it and it'll only get better from here, right? For example, while the other brothers might try their hardest to keep your human "purity" and "innocent" ignorance intact, Satan just loves you more and more as you become corrupted and "demonic." It's not like there's anything wrong with that right? Just different. If anything it's a bit comforting knowing that you don't have stay at a certain state to be loved, isn't it?

It's hard to spot the signs at first, as he's not all that possessive or controlling. (Unless Lucifer is involved of course.) He's actually very confident in your loyalty so long as you stay true, second only to Lucifer. He's also fairly trusting in your increasingly strong pact bond and all the various protection jewelries he's gifted you with. The feeling of Satan's magic within you and the carefully crafted displays of affection are more than enough to keep most demons from you. (Not just because of Satan's wrath, but because Satan's incredibly few favored humans tend to fight back till their dying breath with the knowledge he taught them, consequences be dammed so long as their attacker suffers.) Satan enjoys spending time with you even if you're just silently reading separate books, but he doesn't need to be with you 24/7. It's fine if you need some alone time, he needs his as well. If anything he might get annoyed at you for not giving him a space of his own if he tried to keep you locked away in his room. Above all Satan tries his hardest to be rational around you, and part of that rationality is that "surely someone as intelligent as you are would know what getting entangled with a full demon would entail." The scariest part about Satan is that this is love to him. No one else is treated as kindly as you are, no one else has been given as much effort and protection in his very long life. There's truly no sadism in his actions, not towards you, and he carefully avoids some seemingly random boundaries in order to avoid triggering his instincts. He always walks the fine line of corrupting you and permanently "breaking" you almost perfectly, never pushing too fast. You can't help but feel you're in way over your head, but is he really just going to let you leave now? You're not so sure.

While Satan might seem like the kind of snob who refuses to give away information and makes you research it yourself, he's actually very generous with it. Rather he gets offended for you when the others refuse to fill you in. There's very few greater insults to Satan than leaving himself or his love purposefully ignorant. (One would almost think part of that was from the burning curiosity as to how he was made, why he was made only to live miserable and treated like a feral, snarling beast "unworthy" of having such things explained to him by such "holy" beings. Least of all by Lucifer, his "creator.") He'll gladly fill you in on every gory, traumatizing detail and become even happier when insulting Lucifer along with you for withholding information.

Even if you don't like knowing, isn't it safer to know what to avoid than expecting someone to come save you every time? You're meant to be a citizen of this realm, are you not? How you can truly be prepared for it and make an informed decision if you don't know all the facts? Don't get him wrong, Satan's sure you'll stay with him regardless if you find out now or later, but no love of his is going to stay ignorant.

He's not going to punish your ignorance when even the prince is desperately hiding anything too unsavory from you. He may be a demon, but he's not a pathetically unfair sadist like Lucifer. Any and all punishments he doles out are simply learning experiences for you. (Or at least, that's what he believes.) He does however expect you to have some sense, he won't baby you if you do something stupid.

If he lends you a book before you both go out saying not to touch a certain species and you do it the only thing he's going to save you from is death or something like the permeant loss of a hand. The rest you'll be healing the slow way as he lectures you and gives you a disappointed frown.

He knows you're talented and intelligent, he never would have fallen for you otherwise, but Satan also knows you haven't yet reached your full potential. It's nothing to be ashamed of, he knows humans live such dreadfully short and ignorant lives, he rather likes being part of your growth anyway. If he needs to give your brain needs a little external stimulation, like believing a powerful demon has captured you and that you'll need to outsmart him to survive, well he's happy to provide it. And if you come running into his arms afterwards, well he's even happier that you appreciate the trouble he went through. He knew you were observant enough to figure out who was behind it. Satan's also very pleased you paid enough attention to his mannerisms and tactics to notice. (What do you mean you were coming to him for comfort and not because you were thanking him? It's not like you to be so slow witted and ungrateful.) It's also exactly because he knows how fragile humans are that he's pushing you until you collapse. Satan would always do his best to protect what's his of course, but he very much values self sufficiency. Besides, being able to put up a fight for just a few seconds longer could be the difference between life and death before he arrives.

To be completely honest Satan’s not even fully aware of how this may affect your psyche. He knows humans are fragile, but he’s never really known kindness or of being sheltered the same way the former angels did. They were all much too busy dealing with their own grief and new, cursed bodies to protect the “lowly, unintelligent, and shockingly vile” demon from anything but deadly physical harm. Not that they needed to do much of that to begin with, as Satan came out a fully fledged adult more powerful than most of his “brothers,” and he didn’t hesitate to let them know exactly where they fell in the new pecking order.

(General spoilers for later lessons START)

Satan is even more encouraging than Solomon when you're finally able to learn magic. He misses having you by his side of course, but he knows how necessary it is to get rid of distractions when learning something as complicated as this. He also has a certain amount of trust in Solomon, he knows it's unlikely for him give up on a chance to influence you into becoming another protector of humanity, even if you are rather "corrupted" by now. Whatever he does Satan is confident his influence is something he can erase, if it even gets to you in the first place. Satan takes the time to gather all of his easiest, yet most useful spells for you to learn when you arrive. He's practically bouncing off the walls at the thought of it, leaving some more ignorant demons blindsided when he takes it out on them like a badly trained dog. Of course he's excited to have more to learn and discuss with you, but most of all he's happy for you to have the chance to protect yourself. Not just for general safety, but because it opens up so many places and activities for you in Devildom to experience with each other.

(General spoilers for later lessons END)

While most of the brothers are conflicted about influencing you with their sin Satan sees it as an act of love. To him it's way to gain mutual understanding as well as strengthen you. He's careful not to push it too far, it wouldn't do to have you angry at him, but everyone else is fair game so long as you aren't stupid about it. Satan is powerful and has many connections, but there's nothing he can do if you try to decapitate the prince for dragging you into one of his schemes. As much as he loves you he's still The Avatar of Wrath and seeing his love take their anger out on him is something that actually hurts him a bit, especially because he tries so hard to shelter you from his. Whatever you do do not stop him as he leaves the room to calm himself down, when he leaves it's for your own protection. It means he's this close to doing something he'll regret. Satan's especially fond of seeing you take it out on other humans, he's glad you understand how beneath you they are now. He's longed for the day that you appreciated his efforts of maiming anyone that annoys or hurts you. It was such a pleasant surprise to see you taking matters into your own hands. He probably has a scrapbook where he puts the pictures, captioned with "MC's first kill!!" and surrounded by hearts and cute kitty stickers. He's so proud of you it's hard to admit to feeling any guilt, if you even had any that is.

Now, normally Satan is much too controlled and self-aware to believe everything will just stay the same if he tries to keep you locked up, and he doesn't even feel much of an urge to even during your worst arguments, but if you start getting too close to Lucifer... He doesn't like hurting the one he loves, but if that's what it takes he will. And if you decide to leave him for Lucifer? Yeah, you're not making out of this alive. Even if it takes centuries, Satan's not one to let something like that go. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever cause Satan as much pain as leaving him for Lucifer or calling out Lucifer's name instead of his. He can't give you the same exact feeling, but that won't stop him from putting you through as much pain as your body can take only to start it all over again.

[catgrassplantdad]

Do I accept pizza?? (idk send me a pizza and we'll find out 😏)

Ok questions!

1) Would you ever go on a cruise?

2) What is an interesting thing that you know that a lot of people wouldn't?

3) Is deep-dish pizza? State your reasons why or why not.

Everything is weird because I copied and pasted from an ask to your main because I am almost but not quite, a dummy. 😘

Hey, my love! 💜 I'm sorry it's taken me two days to get to these, but as you know I've been out in the world doing things for the last few days. Touching grass, as they say. But I have been thinking about these, and here are my answers:

1. No I would not. The unfortunate addition to this answer which I must provide is that I have been on five cruises. FIVE. I liked the first one, given that I was 11 and just ate free ice cream the whole time. By the second one I was over it. The last one I went on was 12 years ago. I was old enough to resist, and yet. I went. Thinking it might be different, perhaps. But no. I hated it. The absolute worst way to travel. My family tried a couple different cruise lines, and really there was no difference between them. Once you get to where you're going, you only get to spend a few hours there. Then you get back on the ship and you're like, ah. Well. I'm back on the ship. Guess we're heading for the next destination! And you dick around on the ship for like a day or however long it takes to get to where you're going next, and then you get to the next destination and again you barely get to explore anything because you're only there for a few hours. Pointless. Pointless. Plus, like, you're trapped on a cruise with people who like to go on cruises? And there's cheesy entertainment and karaoke and a casino and pools I wouldn't dip a toe in let alone my whole body. And there are children everywhere and I have never liked children, even as a teenager, and you can't escape them. It's nearly impossible. So no I would never in my life ever go on another cruise ever again.

2. An interesting thing that I know that a lot of other people may not know is all 22 bones in the human skull. A fun party trick that I picked up from undergrad is having the names of every bone and all their landmarks drilled into my brain and now I can just. Name them all. The skull was a unit we spent a lot of time on. One of my professors would give us skull quizzes periodically, just images of skull bones and we'd have to label them all, and by the end of the semester the lab would erupt in chaos when she handed them out. It was fucking awesome. It may not be interesting to some, but it is to me! I like knowing things about bones! The other thing which I know a lot about is primates. I can tell you a lot about monkeys. And I think people are generally interested in wildlife, so this one might be a more fun answer.

3. Deep-dish is pizza. I wanted to say that it is not pizza, because the region where I live and grew up has a very different standard for pizza and I am a bit of a pizza snob. But there is another region in this country where deep dish is very much pizza. And who am I to say that it is not pizza? I can't imagine someone coming into my state from Illinois and seeing the pizza that I enjoy and being like "that's not pizza!" It would be absurd to me. So I'd feel weird doing it to someone else. It has all the same ingredients anyway. Just configured differently. Also, I've never had deep dish because it doesn't really exist around here, but I always thought it looked really fucking good. Like, I'd eat the hell out of that. Now there are other forms of pizza that I would consider farther from real pizza than deep dish, anyway. Like truly some abominations out there trying to pass themselves off as pizza and I for one will not stand for it.

[toomanyfandoms02]

Family Reunion // Luke Alvez x Reader

Blurb request for @hotchocolateandpillowforts but turned into a long one.

Summary - Reader is so tired of her family patronizing her for not having a boyfriend. So she begs her best friend Luke Alvez to fake date her for a day at her family reunion.

Word Count - 2.6k

Prompt - "These heels are peeling off my **skin**. But yes, keep complaing about your tie you whine ass."

Luke and I did everything together, this included shopping, like we were doing right now.

"What do you need a dress for anyway? Don't you have enough dresses." Lyke commented, sitting out in the sitting area of the changing rooms.

"I have a family reunion tomorrow, and since we always go to my rich aunts lake house, I have to have something extra nice. I would look dumb if I wore the same dress." My voice bounced back at me in the small fitting room. I cringed at the sound of it.

"Is it like some chardonnay party?" He questioned.

"Is that even a thing?" I stepped out, adjusting the dress in the full size mirror.

"It looks great on you." Luke pointed to the flowery and poofy dress.

"I would agree, if I was going to prom." I sighed. "But alas, my teen days are over." I made a fake swoon, causing him to laugh. "I have one more to try on, and if it doesn't work out, I'm not going." I stated, dramatically walking back into the small space. I began to slip on the last dress.

This dress was a light tan color. It was short and poofed out towards the bottom. Dark blue embroidered flowers bloomed every which way starting at the middle. I waltzed out again, not having to adjust anything on the mirror this time.

"Now *that* one is smokin'." Luke looked me up and down, causing my cheeks to heat up and an undeniable smile to appear on my face. Just as he said that, a younger girl, I would assume a teen, came from the room adjacent to mine.

"You guys are such a cute couple!" She gushed. "I need to find me a man who compliments like you do." She said, pointing to Luke.

"We actually-" we said at the same time.

"We aren't-" We were now pointing at eachother decoded to give in.

"Thank you!" I smiled at her, smoothing the dress down.

"Of course!" She left the area with a few dresses in hand, leaving us alone.

"I don't want to go to this party anyway." I let out a groan, remembering my hardass family.

"Why not? Don't like your family or something?"

"They are always passive aggressively calling me a prude for not having a boyfriend. They think I'm incapable of holding a relationship and constantly patronize me for it. It's complete bullshit!" I threw my hands in the air in frustration. "Now the worst part is, I've been lying and telling my mom that I have a boyfriend for like 2 months now. I figured 'how hard could it be to fund a temporary boyfriend in two months?' Prettt damn hard for me apperantly." I vented, now sitting next to him on the small leather couch.

"How about I help you out. I'll be your fake boyfriend for your little reunion." I looke dup at him with what I could only assume was puppy dog eyes.

"You would do that for me?" I was silently cursing myself for how desperate I was sounding. But I really needed this to be completely honest.

"Yeah of course!" His hand sat between my shoulder blades. "I have one question though. This isn't a dealbreaker, but I really want it."

"Oh no." I chucked.

"Would I be able to bring Roxy? Lately she's been having separation anxiety." This wa absolutely perfect.

"Actually that is probably doable. My whole family brings their dogs to these things. My aunt may be rich and kind of a snob, but *boy* does she love dogs. I'll text her right now." I pulled my phone out, feeling excitement bubble up inside me. Finally, my family will shut the hell up about my relationship life, and it was going ti feel so good.

Even if it was fake.

*Hey Auntie! I'm bringing my boyfriend tomorrow and he wanted to know if he could bring his dog? Shes a well trained German Shepard, Roxy.* I eagerly awaited a reply, surprised to see her immediate text back.

**You're bringing a boyfriend this year! Hell, he could bring an elephant and I wouldn't say no to a boyfriend! Absolutely. Bring 10 dogs!** I could feel her enthusiasm through the phone, she was a very excitable lady.

"Alright, Roxy is all clear for entry. And if you have 9 more dogs on hand, you can bring those too... Apperantly." I shook my head ta my phone. Luke looked at me quizzically and I shook him off too. "Okay first of all, I'm buying this dress." I stood swiftly, gesturing to the beautiful piece of clothing. "Second of all, after we check out, I need to tell you about my family so you don't walk into the line of fire blindly!" I changed from the dress into my regular shirt and pants again. I slung it over my arm and headed back out to Luke.

I paid for my dress, heading out to his car.

"So, first things first, auntie Jess, the womans house we are going to, has been waiting for me to have a boyfriend for quite a while now." He nodded with an amused smile. "My mom can be a little overbearing, but I'm sure she will love you so don't stress. Bring a bathing suit with you just in case my family so graciously suggests that we play a giant game of Marco Polo. I think that's it!"

"I'm honestly excited." He rubbed his hands together mischievously. "What should I wear?"

"Kind of specific, but can you just wear a white button up with rolled sleeves, a blue tie to match my dress. I know you have one. And just some slacks. Don't forget to wear your swim trunks under it though!"

"I dig these specifics. I'm gonna live *completely* up to your fantasy." He winked. I rolled my eyes at the silly man.

"Thanks Luke. You're sure you're okay with acting like my boyfriend? We have to be all lovey, and believable." His hand was placed on my shoulder.

"Of course, anything to get your family off your back. I get it." I'm so thankful for this man.

-

I fluffed my dress at the end, twirling around in the mirror. My hair was tied up in a simple ponytail that continued to bounce as I spun around the room. I didn't bother putting on any makeup because I knew we would be swimming today. I ran down the stairs at the sound of a knock on my door.

The other side showed Luke. He was pulling at his rolled sleeves to perfect them. He came looking just as ai imagined, we were truly going to look like a power couple.

"Alright, let's go." He looped his arm through mine and led us to his car. He opened the passenger door for me once we got there.

"Keep acting like such a gentleman and my moms probably gonna like you more than I do." I snickered as he started the car.

"I'm just playing the part!" He grinned. I turned to the back of the car, petting Roxys head as she panted.

"Are you excited to see other dogs prettt girl!" She made a soft bark in response. I I forward and kissed her snout, then sitting properly and buckling up.

It was a short drive from my house to the lake house, once we got there we sat for a minute.

"I'm a little nervous." Luke confessed, facing me with a concerned look.

"I would comfort you, but I'm nervous too." I patted his arm and exited the vehicle, looking back to see Luke giving me an 'unbelievable' look. My hand pulled open the back door to let Roxy out.

"Roxy come." I pointed to my side. She lightly hopped out and placed herself beside me. As Luke came from the other side of the car, he held his hand out to me. I grabbed it and headed into the house.

"Should we bring Roxy with?" He asked.

"Absolutely."

Right as we came in the door, my auntie saw us.

"Hi sweetie! How are you?" She peered down at our joined hands.

"I'm good. This is Luke." I looked over at him, he was giving a charming smile.

"You must be the man she keeps talling about!" She was practically bouncing with excitement at the mention of me having a boyfriend. She was quick to crouch down to a lower level. "And you must be Roxy!" She was using her typical baby voice. Roxy sat quietly by Luke's side. "You are quite obedient."

"She's a trained military dog." He commented, petting her ears.

"How cool!" Jess stood from her previous position and began walking farther into the house. "Come meet the rest if the family Luke."

We were dragged into the livingrook as he gave me a worried look. Before I could comfort him slightly, we were already standing in front of my family. I started introducing everyone.

"That's my mom, uncle Jeff, my brother Mike, and my cousin Nick. These are the only people I will know here." I laughed, pointing to the large amount of people that were outside. "I will not know anyone outside. So we will be experiencing the same thing." This earned a chuckle from everyone.

"It's nice to finally meet you Luke." My mom came up and hugged him. He accepted and hugged back tightly. Everyone else just sat and waved and I could feel an awkward silence coming on so I interjected.

"Luke and I are gonna head outside with Roxy so she can meet the other dogs." I rushed us out the door and huffed. "I don't know if I can do this." A sigh slipped from my lips.

"What do you mean? Did I do something wrong?" He looked like a sad puppy, one that had just chewed up a pillow.

"No! No, I don't know, I feel bad that you have to lie."

"I really don't mind, I promise hermosa." He used the Spanish word for me a few times. *Beautiful*.

His hand grabbed mine and dragged us into the yard.

"Let's get Roxy to meet some new pups." As we entered the yard, I could see 2 dalmatians, 1 chihuahua, 1 pitbull, 2 Rottweilers , and a Husky. Roxy calmly walked to the other dogs, soon prancing around them. I looked over at Luke to see him pulling at his tie.

"This tie is tight."

"These heels are peeling off my **skin**. But yes, keep complaing about your tie you whine ass." I giggled, reaching up and loosening it for him. Time to go into a swarm of people I don't recognize.

-

I guess I was wrong, I *did* recognize some of these people. One of which was my distant great aunt who was a little nosy but meant well. We had all been talking for a few minutes before she dropped a question that Luke and I had not prepared for.

"How did you two meet?" My face paled, I sure as hell was not going to tell her the truth, which was that we met on a crime scene when my college roommate was murdered. I squeezed his hand, signaling that I would answer this. I'm going to have to wing it.

"I was dog sitting actually. When I was taking the girls dog for a walk, I stumbled upon a dog park and she got really excited. She ran straight into Roxy." I pointed to the happy German Shepard who was laying in the grass next to the other dogs. "They tumbled over eachother and I came over to apologize to him, and her."

"I saw her and I thought, 'wow, beautiful and a dog lover? Sounds like an angel to me.'" He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer, kissing my forehead.

"How sweet!" She squealed. "I'm so happy for you dear. He's a keeper." She whispered loudly to me, walking towards her husband now. I elbowed his arm and gave him a playful smile.

"Well aren't you a master improviser!"

"*And* I'm a keeper." He teased, pulling me towards Roxy. Then we heard shouting.

"Alright everyone! If youbroght your swimsuits you are legally obligated to do the annual giant game of Marco Polo!" My mom shouted from the porch. I bounced a bit while dragging Luke to the lake.

"Take off your clothes!" I egged him on.

"This isnt the circumstance that I thought I would hear you saying that in." He replied, pulling his tie off. The tips of my ears were burning at this.

"Was there a circumstance that you imagined me asking you to take off your clothes." I wiggled my eyebrows at him and he just rolled his eyes.

"The world may never know." He was rid of his shirt now. His toned chest shone in the sun.

*Damn he is actually ripped.*

I could feel myself ogling but I couldn't stop myself. I was still fully clothed.

"Why do I have on less clothing than you." He complained. "Turn around." He commanded, I did so with confusion. He pulled the zipper of my dress down and pulled at the straps. Now I was the one thinking not-so-clean things.

*What did you get yourself into Y/n?*

I let the dress slide from my shoulders to show my bikini. It had a yellow sunflower top and plain white bottoms.

"No way." He deadpanned, not hiding how he was looking at my body.

"What?" He pulled his pants down to show sunflower swim trunks with a white background.

"Oh my god we look like a cringy couple." I held my hand over my mouth, trying not to laugh like an insane person. Sooner we were in the cold lake, beginning the game.

"Alright, newest family member is it." Jess pointed to Luke and I shrugged. Everyone shifted around the area and the game began.

"Marco!" He shouted. A chorus of voices responded with Polo. "Oh God." I could hear him mutter with a snicker.

I swam silently beside him, hoping he wouldn't yell Marco.

But we know what kind of luck I have.

"Marco!"

"Shit." I whispered right next to him, attempting to go under to avoid being tagged. But his reflexes were too fast. He grabbed me with both arms, pulling me to him and opening his eyes.

"You're it." That's when I felt it, I knew I would remember this feeling for a long time.

The spark.

And before I knew it, he kissed my lips quickly. He pulled away and let go of me.

"Don't cheat! Close your eyes." He left me completely in the dark on the situation that just ensued.

I'm gonna kill this man.

-

The game ended after 45 minutes. I was it twice because I'm kind of a slow swimmer.

I jogged up to Luke, who was coming out of the lake. I pulled him aside, bringing him down to my level.

"What was that." I whispered exasperatedly.

"Well you said you felt bad that I had to fake this. To be truthful, not much of this is faking for me. Is it for you? Do you wanna keep this a fake thing?" His finger gestured between us. My brows furrowed at the question.

*Of course not.*

"Are you sure?"

"How many times are you gonna ask me that." He laughed, bringing me into another kiss.

*This is going to be quite the story to tell people.*

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Grace: UGH Grace: tell me your secrets Grace: this boy will NOT take a hint 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: My secrets on repelling lads? Charming 😏 Grace: OMG I meant on getting people to leave you alone Grace: but if you do have any obvs Grace: 😂 Janis: Being real mean and telling 'em to fuck off usually works Janis: but not always case in point ☝ Grace: It's like he thinks it's a challenge now Grace: Like NO Janis: Love a challenge Janis: don't tell Mia Janis: do you not rate him at all or what? Grace: idk it's not that Grace: there's just TOO MUCH build up at this point Grace: he's highkey Janis: You reckon you ain't gonna meet expectation then, I get it Janis: just 'cos he wants it don't mean you gotta, you know Janis: can still get what you want out of it though Grace: if he tells everyone that I can't I'll have to kms Grace: boys talk too, remember? Janis: Yeah but who cares Grace: UM ME OBVS Grace: now he thinks I'm like playing hard to get Grace: not hard to want Janis: Just bite the bullet and do it then Janis: if it's shit you can blame him Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: oh please! who do I have in my corner rn? Grace: can't work the narrative on my own Grace: just tell me what to say so he'll FINALLY get the message Grace: like I'm too good for him or something Grace: you always do that Janis: Why not? Her word ain't law no matter what she reckons, you know Janis: Assumedly unless he's so un-you-type that he's a decent lad Janis: Who is he, does he go to our School Grace: he's from some posh school that Mia didn't get into Grace: but she knows him Grace: FOCUS Janis Janis: ew Janis: he's probably a snob anyway Janis: and it don't matter what he's chatting to his mates Janis: you're sure Mia isn't like Janis: setting you up here or Grace: OMG Grace: what if she is Grace: he's like WAY persistent Grace: 😱😱😱 Janis: Didn't wanna be that bitch but Janis: she is Janis: all the more reason to a. not fuck him b. have a good time and leave him wishing you would Grace: DUH Grace: but like I said expectations are soooooooooooooo OTT Grace: idk Janis: so? Janis: you can do it Janis: boys are easily impressed Janis: lbr Grace: what if he IS a snob tho!? Grace: 🤔🤔🤔 Janis: We're rich Janis: he don't need to know the specifics Janis: know how to behave, have to deal with Ri and Buster so Grace: true he's soooo Grace: ugh Grace: still, NEED to shop if this is happening Grace: this is what I mean, such an EVENT Grace: & if I'm not even gonna shag him LIKE 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: The amount of clothes you have Janis: really Grace: don't start Grace: do I have clothes to snare a posh boy?! Think not Grace: If I've worn it before I LITERALLY CAN'T Grace: I'm telling you he's EXTRA Grace: trying to impress here Janis: 🙄 Janis: Well let's not act like it's a hardship, any excuse to shop with you Janis: so go for it Grace: UM rude Janis: 😂 Come on Janis: you should have a share in Topshop at this point Grace: If I did I wouldn't need to impress any lads 💸💸💸 Janis: 'Course Janis: forgot you were in it for the 💰 Grace: Excuse you, not Ri Grace: wish she was here tho Janis: Sure she can spare time to facetime you if nowt else Grace: you'd think Grace: ugh Grace: this family, only around when you don't want them Grace: so typical Janis: Preaching to the choir Grace: did mum & dad catch barista boy the other night?? Grace: assuming not as you haven't died of shame Grace: sooooooooo cringe Janis: Don't think so Janis: Not that I was trying to sneak, just don't want them to chat to him Janis: or me, for that matter Grace: OMG dad would try & feed him Grace: LET IT GO Janis: Don't Janis: I have to have dinner with his family, and his Dad's girlfriend Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: next level cringe Janis: Yeah Janis: idc about the kids they're cool but Grace: his little brother is sooooooooooo cute 😍😍 Grace: & not to be a bitch but better at art than your bf Janis: 😂 Janis: alright go on a date with him Grace: if I was 6 I would Janis: You weirdo Janis: 😏 Grace: whatever he's adorable shhh Grace: Asia's little brother is 👾 like actually soooooooo mean Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: Know the feeling, babe Grace: bitch don't be calling me out Grace: I'm so nice Janis: 😏 Janis: so self-centred, you know there's 10 of us Janis: could be talking about any one of yous Janis: talking 'bout you all, as it goes but Grace: you're the mean one 👌👌👌 Grace: are you still gonna help me with my OOTD or not? Janis: Never Janis: so shocking you would suggest that Janis: yeah, go on then Grace: don't be a bitch when I spam you with dressing room selfies Grace: the lighting is literally designed to make us wanna kill ourselves Janis: 🐸🍵 Janis: hot take Grace: 🐸 to 👸 🤞 Janis: Don't be tryna lips the sales assistant Janis: she don't get paid enough for that Grace: if I'm not getting any from my date Janis: 🙄 called that in the air Janis: no need to have that many sleepovers Grace: 😂 Grace: Mia obvs would have invited you babes if that was true Janis: 🤢 it's gross 'cos it's true Grace: should we throw her a coming out party or?? Grace: It is pride month Grace: before you know it Janis: 😂 Bitch I wish you would Grace: if I knew that was all it would take for you to like me Grace: 💔💔💔 Janis: What, dragging that bitch? No duh Janis: You been knew Grace: she's the only one who thinks being gay is a drag Grace: idk why even Grace: I'd love that, boys are the WORST Janis: 💔 Janis: The tragedy that is hetrosexuality Grace: I know, right? Grace: so unfair Grace: but like I'd just be worried that the girl is hotter than me the whole time anyway so Janis: 😂 Janis: Looks like you can't win, babe Grace: Truly Grace: [sends first potential outfit] Grace: 😱😱😱 LOOK at this! UGH I wanna die Janis: It isn't that bad, calm down Janis: the colour is a bit Janis: though, so yeah, keep looking Grace: No way this assistant is getting 💋 now thank you Grace: you're more help & that's Grace: just weird Janis: not working on commission Janis: though I should charge Grace: IOU Grace: whenever Janis: Whatever Janis: nbd Grace: I'm serious, not THAT much of a bitch Grace: [sends outfit option 2] Grace: OMG!! HOW ARE THEY GETTING WORSE! Grace: 🤢🤢🤢 Janis: Nah, don't even bother to hang that back up Janis: why are they selling that Grace: gonna have to be ✂ out & buy it anyway Grace: 😭😭😭 Grace: who it is for? cos I DON'T know her? Janis: Don't be stupid Janis: you're just flapping Janis: get your woman to help Grace: sure cos she's been sooooo helpful so far Grace: this is the worst day of my actual life Janis: 🙄 Janis: get your arse outta that and into something decent 'fore I have time to address that please Grace: [outfit 3 cos we know you ain't stuck bitch calm down] Janis: That's better Janis: it's a decent fit Janis: not slag short but you don't look like a nun either Grace: yeah but it needs to be 🔥 not just better than the worst this shop has to offer Grace: so what's bad about it? Grace: Gotta improve Janis: Not crazy about that Janis: idk what you'd call it Janis: but the frilly hem Janis: bit cutesy Grace: 👌👌👌 Grace: same Grace: not a mood Janis: Will they ever stop bringing the 90s back Janis: the real question Grace: IKR Grace: over it Grace: never was about it but like go off Grace: OMG he's sent me the place we're going, search it for me to check I won't get thrown out for looking like a slag Grace: [sends deets] Janis: Bit fancy for a usual teenage lad but nothing too pretentious you gonna get kicked out Janis: You can deal Grace: so like???!! Grace: [outfit 4] Janis: Grace, that isn't the right size Janis: it's 10x too big for you Grace: Are you even looking at the same picture as me?! Janis: Yes bitch Janis: it has potential but you need the size down at least Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: 👌 wait Grace: [take 2] Janis: Way better Janis: can actually see you have a body Grace: I s2g if you're trolling me rn Grace: I will kill you Janis: I ain't, that's how it's meant to look Janis: not 2 foot of extra material Grace: I don't wanna do this Grace: no offense Grace: not this specifically Grace: just ugh Janis: Why not Grace: idk I haven't been to the gym in FOREVER Grace: & none of this is working either Janis: so you feel shit Janis: what's a better way to feel better about yourself than having a boy all 😍 and Mia all 😡 Grace: but what if it goes wrong Grace: I haven't been on a date date for ages either Grace: & not to like Grace: wherever this is Grace: like excuse me while I load up a tutorial about which fork to use when 🙄🙄 Janis: It won't Janis: you're chatty, you're the nice one Janis: unless he's really boring or a dick then like Janis: that's on him Janis: if anyone is suited to dates, it's you Grace: Oh please Grace: anyone can be chatty & nice when they want a boy to get off with them at a party Grace: even you Janis: Yeah? Why didn't I then Janis: Massive virgin you reckon Grace: duh cos you don't want to Grace: waiting on your rom-com moment with barista boy obvs Janis: 😑 piss off Grace: it's not shade babes Grace: it's like the opposite Janis: It's you that likes rom-coms, not me Grace: everyone's jealous for a reason tho Grace: not saying I am cos EW Grace: kms Janis: Nice save Grace: OMG shut up Grace: you know what I mean Janis: Whatever Janis: not trying to make you jealous Grace: I'm just saying Grace: he's actually a decent boy & he likes you & knows how to treat you Grace: how often is that happening around here? Janis: not with the lads you like Janis: not all of 'em are cunts Grace: CAN YOU NOT Grace: so rude to me Janis: it's not, it's your taste Grace: OMG didn't open my mouth to be attacked Grace: thank you Janis: 🙄 calm down Grace: you first Grace: you're so mean literally ALL the time Janis: Not telling you exactly what you wanna hear isn't mean, Mia Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: whatever Grace: this was a bad idea Janis: You're so dramatic Grace: and? Grace: we've established you want me to change my entire personality Grace: get over it Janis: I don't give a shit Janis: I said you should Janis: then you wouldn't be 😭 all the time Grace: you have no idea Janis: Mhmm Janis: your struggle is so unique and complex Grace: no, but it's mine & you don't want any part in it so don't comment Janis: Nah Janis: I can do what I want Grace: yeah exactly Grace: it's so easy for you Janis: 🙄 Janis: sure Grace: I am Grace: I'd love not to care, babes Grace: such a mood Janis: then grow a pair and do it Grace: I can't Grace: I'm not you Janis: Not a requirement Grace: isn't it? Grace: if I put in as much effort or lack of as you, no boys would be falling in love with me Grace: trust Grace: they don't now Janis: you can't control other people, that's why Grace: I can't control what I look like either Janis: well you do so Janis: lie Grace: no I don't Grace: I have to be so extra to get anyone to pay attention to me Grace: you don't, you never would Janis: It's not a comparison to be made Janis: look at where you're looking to get attention from, like I said Grace: THAT'S the lie Grace: I'm compared to every sister we've got Grace: especially you Janis: and I'm not? Janis: People are dicks Grace: it just matters Grace: like it or not Grace: so I have to care about it Janis: Why Janis: you think you're gonna suddenly be hotter than Ri or a model like Billie 'cos you try Janis: that won't happen and people are still gonna chat Grace: so what I let myself be a 2 cos I can't be a 10? Grace: Like I wanna be alone forever Janis: People like what they like, you can't control it Janis: if you felt like a 10, it'd be irrelevant Grace: well I don't so it's not Janis: aren't you bored Grace: do you care? Janis: asked didn't I Grace: Like that means anything Grace: I asked you for help it doesn't mean it'll save my date disaster Janis: 🙄 Sod you then Grace: sure Janis: 👌 Grace: thanks for the help Grace: wasn't like a totally tragic attempt Janis: Like I care Janis: you try so hard you should have it figured out by now Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: Bye then Janis: have fun on your date Grace: I'll try Grace: obvs Janis: Got to stay true to type Grace: exactly Janis: go with the last one you tried on Janis: welcome Grace: The search continues Grace: stopping at like 4 lacklustre outfits? UM NO Janis: yeah how crazy not to waste another 4 hours having emotional breakdowns in a changing room Grace: how crazy to bother going on this date at all if I'm not bringing it Grace: bitch please Janis: so pick 4 Grace: it's not good enough Grace: need a jaw dropping moment duh Janis: 🙄 Grace: I don't need anymore help don't do yourself an injury Janis: yeah you do Janis: call one of your friend Grace: No I don't Grace: rude bitch Janis: found an outfit then? no Grace: I can do it Grace: I'm not that tragic Janis: 👌 Grace: such 🔥 advice from you, babes Grace: that's the secret Janis: You said it yourself, I don't need to try Janis: boohoo Grace: duh why I asked Grace: if I was gonna ask my friends I could just ask myself Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: Well you ain't listening and apparently can't 'cos you ain't me so how did you think it'd work Grace: I am listening I'm just choosing to ignore you Grace: cos I don't trust you Janis: well then why waste both our time asking Grace: IDK Grace: I thought maybe you'd hold off being a judgey bitch for long enough Janis: Oh fuck off Janis: You're literally asking for judgment Janis: and I gave it you Grace: of the clothes not EVERYTHING else Grace: I feel bad enough thank you Janis: I haven't said shit Janis: it's you Grace: you're always shading me Grace: check back in with yourself & this convo Grace: not even passive aggressive just aggressive Janis: I said you had shit taste in men and friends, which is true Janis: and that's all I've said so jog on Grace: no, you're making fun of me for trying when I literally told you I have to Janis: No, I'm not Janis: you're saying how hard it is so I'm telling you to not Janis: ask why that bothers you so much Grace: if it wasn't hard I wouldn't have to, would I? Grace: I'd just be walking around #effortless like you Grace: you acting like crying in a dressing room is such a big joke bothers me Janis: You can, literally you are the only person stopping yourself Janis: If being you is harder than all this effort then you've got bigger problems than what dress to wear on this date Grace: I'm aware Grace: but one thing at a time, hun Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: Priorities, Grace Grace: oh excuse me Grace: I'll just put everything on hold while I address being me 👌👌 Janis: well bitch Janis: what is your excuse Janis: just do it before you're 40 your midlife crisis would be tragic Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: best advice yet obvs Grace: maybe you should charge, babes Janis: That's the plan Janis: you owe me, remember Grace: & you're taking it in 💸 yeah? weird flex but sure Janis: what else have you got Janis: don't look enough alike I can force you to go to this dinner so Grace: You could literally make me do ANYTHING & that's what you're going with? Grace: Having a bf has obvs changed you Grace: real tragedy Janis: Clearly not as mean as you reckon Janis: gutted Grace: for you, you had being a savage going for you at least Janis: Mhmm Janis: one moment I'm #effortless the next I've got nowt Janis: give it up, kid Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: didn't say that Grace: also am literally older than you, bitch Janis: what are you saying Janis: you don't make no sense, babe Grace: your looks are effortless, your personality needs work Grace: but nothing is going too far Grace: you're got an IOU Grace: & the barista whose speech you're stealing now like Janis: Go me Janis: 👏 Grace: mhmmm Janis: Poor Gracie Janis: enough cafes about, do a crawl, get you your own Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: & I'm not listening to you, sure Grace: that'll solve all my problems rn thanks so much Grace: I don't wanna go on the date I agreed to Janis: Only 'cos you're nervous Janis: you aren't sworn off of dick are you Grace: you told me not to shag him Grace: so not the point Janis: You aren't on a ban Janis: just not him in case Mia is scheming Grace: you don't know what self imposed rules I'm living by Janis: 😂 Really Grace: Better story than nobody being interested Grace: schemes aside Janis: 🙄 come off it Grace: Oh sorry are you not living for my honesty Janis: you said it, anyone can get lads to get off with them Janis: so that ain't what you want either Grace: I also told you it's been ages Grace: & never said that's what I want anyway Janis: well you ain't forgot, like Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: what it's like to have an actual boyfriend maybe Janis: maybe Janis: like he's maybe several squirrels in a boy suit Grace: You're so weird Grace: what am I meant to do with that Janis: Says you Janis: You've had boyfriends, ain't you, like, what do you mean Grace: not really Janis: ? Grace: I've had boys Grace: sometimes they wanna get off with me more than once Grace: I'm not going to family dinners Grace: I'm not even #official Janis: Oh Janis: Okay Janis: well I'm just going to this dinner to piss off his Dad so like Janis: but I don't know Janis: it's Janis: nice Grace: Well you'll be amazing at that Grace: what's his dad's thing? Grace: why he so idk Janis: 👍🖕 cheers, bitch Janis: He don't like me but he's just a moody twat in general Grace: you should play the race card at dinner Grace: that'll really get to him Janis: 😂 Janis: Probably ain't looked at me long enough to notice Grace: it'll make him uncomfortable anyway Grace: I get comments on my vids all the time Janis: Idk why you keep doing it Grace: obvs Grace: you don't know anything about me Janis: 🙄 Janis: it wasn't a read Janis: I'm just saying Janis: all the trolling you get Grace: I'm just saying Grace: It's a fact Grace: we don't know each other Grace: another reason I asked for your help before, duh Janis: How's that make sense Grace: what do you even mean? Janis: How'd you reckon I could help you if I don't know you, is what I mean Grace: cos I'm not trying to be myself Grace: so you don't need to Grace: get in, make him want me, get out Grace: but not the real me, just whoever he wants me to be Grace: or thinks I am already whatever Janis: It would help if I knew him, or you did Janis: not all boys like one look Janis: contrary to what you might think Grace: I know enough Grace: & I know the kind of boys Mia is 'friends' with Grace: I'm not as stupid as you think Janis: then why do you need my help Janis: Jesus Grace: I didn't need it Grace: I just wanted it Grace: like I said, I've got no backup Janis: have you tried on any more or what Janis: what are you even doing Grace: I'm in a different shop Grace: excuse you Janis: Oh God Janis: Are you gonna be this unbearable if I come find you? Grace: I can go harder, bitch Grace: Is this a test? Grace: this one's got more potential Grace: so not sorry Janis: Shut up, do you want me to come or nah Grace: not really Grace: can't mute you in person Janis: Fuck you then Grace: Like you said, I feel shit Grace: do I need you adding to it? 🤔 Janis: I was coming to help 'cos I felt sorry for you but literally get to fuck Grace: yeah your pity is really gonna help Grace: I'd rather die Janis: FYI then, you're coming on strong with the sobstory Janis: not a mood Grace: thanks Janis: 👋 Grace: 💋 Grace: [later] Grace: my phone's dying tell mum & dad where I am so they don't get extra Janis: Alright Janis: another IOU though Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: whatever Grace: I've got money so Grace: haven't shopped THAT hard Janis: Nah Janis: like I ain't gonna rise to the challenge Janis: HATE to disappoint Grace: awkward considering how often you do it Grace: but sure Janis: Whatever you say 😏 Grace: Mia's still walking around being THAT bitch so yeah Grace: disappointed™️ Janis: sounds a bit like you want me to murder her...? Grace: 😂 Grace: better idea Grace: come with me Janis: Twin murder Janis: someone's got to have beat us to that 👯 Grace: UM HELLO!? I'm being serious Grace: come on the date with me & she'll die Janis: 🤔 Janis: Hmm Grace: you know I'm right Grace: you don't even have to have a good time as long as the #s say you do Grace: not like I'm seeing this boy again you can literally leave after pics Janis: Yeah, alright Janis: I'll ask Jim, as long as he ain't busy then why not Grace: yay! Grace: 👌👌👌 Grace: persuade him babes Janis: Sometimes he has to look after his sibs it's not that easy but I'm asking Grace: tell him I'll take a shift Grace: I'm an amazing babysitter Janis: dope, you gotta come on your own date 😂 Grace: I mean as an IOU like Grace: so you two can go on one that you actually wanna Grace: 💖💖 Janis: I'll throw that out too Janis: Yeah, he'll do it Grace: OMG Grace: yay Grace: wear something she'll hate Janis: Know I said it weren't that posh but reckon trackies are a no-go Janis: but she hates everything I do so not hard still Grace: duh just look 🔥🔥🔥 Grace: she thinks you can't Janis: Yeah right Janis: 👌🍆 Janis: established Grace: don't be borrowing any of my clothes to do it bitch, I saw that! Janis: Don't worry, I won't 😂 Grace: HOW DARE Grace: that dress was in reach of you for a reason Grace: not like it's my fave Janis: Should hope not Janis: it got the job done Grace: I'm not wearing it on the date so chill Grace: or like EVER now you have Janis: 🙄 Janis: I'm not diseased Grace: bitch you 'grammed it Grace: do you wanna share clothes with me? I think not Janis: Technically I didn't Janis: 🤷 Grace: It's still there Grace: we aren't 6, not a mood Janis: 💔 Janis: Turn it into curtains then Janis: switch it up Grace: You're so weird Grace: not that kind of youtuber thanks Janis: like you've not seen the sound of music Grace: Indie & Ri made me Grace: 🙄 Janis: 👌 you loved it Grace: shut up Grace: I did not Grace: soooooooooo cringe Janis: you loved any time they'd let you hang Grace: glad my phone's about to die if you're going back to being a bitch Janis: oh hush Janis: got the place, give us the time then Grace: be there at 8 Grace: we don't need to go together Janis: would feel a bit ganged up on Janis: poor lad Janis: you can have drinks first, I know to be fashionably late Grace: thank god Grace: I'll need them Grace: he's so Janis: so? Grace: ugh idk so MUCH Grace: the ego is like Grace: I can't Janis: sounds like a keeper Janis: whatever Janis: had worse night's out for less, yeah? Grace: IKR Grace: 🙄 whatever I'm focused Grace: he thinks I'm gonna be all 😍😍😍 that'll be you boy Janis: 👍 Janis: exactly Grace: OMG what should I drink? Drunk is not the mood Janis: Yeah, go easy Janis: just like rose or some shit Grace: champagne 'cause he's rich Grace: it doesn't taste nice so Grace: not gonna be wild Janis: as long as there's water at the table Janis: so dry Grace: & as long as he's paying Grace: no way I am Grace: sorry about it ladies but this isn't a typical date night Janis: 😶 Janis: secret's safe with me Grace: tell the barista Grace: if anything's on the 'gram that ruins me I'm gonna murder him Janis: 😂 Janis: don't get your bad side, got it Grace: girl please, for that night only I don't have one Janis: That's the attitude Janis: if he's paying got more funds to go all out Grace: I hope it's not actually too expensive if you have to Grace: Mia's not worth THAT much Janis: Nah, I checked Janis: he's not going that hard Grace: Phew Grace: last thing I need is his entitlement 🙄 Janis: Obvs Daddy's spends aren't going that far Grace: how embarrassing Janis: all sorted then? Grace: sure Janis: in a bit then Grace: 😘