#but i'm so tired my brain is empty
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#oh i like this one#i like this one a lot#wasn't planning on using this layout#but i end up liking it#i wish i was creative enough to write a nice description for this one#but i'm so tired my brain is empty#connor detroit become human#detroit become human connor#connor rk800#dbh connor#detroit become human#dbh#dbh rk800#detroit rk800#rk800#machine connor#detroit: become human#connor dbh#dbh screenshots
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her face body language and general demeanor in this scene make me feel such intensely sapphic emotions i want to bite off my own hand about it
#this scene lives in my brain RENT! FREE!#'nothing ever changes or gets better and i'm tired' name a sentence that summarizes her more succinctly i'll wait#the cigarette. her unfiltered disdain for hughie. the whole 'how /dare/ you ask more of me' of it all i'm gonna pass out#queen maeve#the boys#i love you maeve being incredibly rude and antagonistic to people for zero apparent reason. i love you maeve pulling no punches#this woman has done nothing wrong ever in her entire life your honor#the empty cig pack and the pill bottle on the table... the mood is so potent and it's mentally ill#i'm normal about her why do you ask
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got back into drawing :3 it's been a while, but I think this is one of my best digital pieces :D
ref and sketch under cut :)
god, the model was so pretty...
originally thought of doing Luis, but... he always gives me a bit of trouble, so I tried doing someone new :D
#my art#chris redfield#I'm so tired now#brain empty#still want to draw tho...#resident evil#resident evil 8
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lmao it is undeniably true that I am Depressi Spaghetti but you know. fuck it we continue.
#red said#i am hoping!!!! that this is January Brain speaking#it FEELS as if I've been in an extended depressive episode since like. may or June#but depression is a Filthy Fucking Liar so that may or may not be true#either way it's very tedious. there is no reason for this. i am very loved and cared for. i am doing well. it is just that my brain is soup#SAD AND SELF-LOATHING SOUP#we cannot resist the Soup we can only swim on through#idk it is like. i feel as if i don't exist beyond work i feel like I'm losing myself i feel like I'm very alone#this all FEELS very true even though actually i have many passions i do many things and i am booked to the gills with social engagements#so you know. what's it all about? The Soup. possibly also The Dark.#possibly also also that many people i care about are going through really rough times and I'm kinda. not?#and that's WEIRD both that I'm not and that I've developed like a level of boundaries where people i live going through it#doesn't mean I'm in a constant state of panic.#and slash or. where I'm too depressi spaghetti to have the energy to be there for them#i don't THINK it's that. that's never been a thing for me before really.#but idk i think it's like when i reach the end of my to do list i panic that I've forgotten something vital#i am not panicking and that makes me feel. strange and empty and immobile.#even though in actuality I'm in constant motion like. barely a free moment. but i FEEL static i FEEL inactive#because I'm not in 24/7 crisis mode#and then bc i feel inactive i don't understand why I'm so tired. I'm so tired because I'm ALWAYS DOING THINGS.#but also i do feel kind of. numb. everything is just running past me. except sometimes i feel spasms of grief cause like#I've ended or majorly changed a lot of relationships this past year#but yeah i think the numbness is PROBABLY the January of it all and will PROBABLY lift in March/April#and if it doesn't. well. fuck it. we continue. i am yet young.
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#GAGGGEDDDDDD#yay omg yay:)#guys i am going to die#oct 27 2024#no cosnlike. in dreams or whatever WHATEVER#sick to my stomach i've literally been hallucinating delusional etc#u don't understand i'm going to die#LIKE FAVORITE PERSON EVER SORRY#the way i cross my sevens and z's and don't leave a space for the smiley face :|#hope she never knows how obsessedddd :)#oct 28 2024#:| idk it's the only thing keeping me going but also i survived six months#oct 29 2024#giggling twirling my hair kicking my heels looking at my phone get a grip...#. no bc my brain#i am having a terrible day but i love her#being delusional works!#i am SO EXCITED lutkkenekenfksnfn i am so excited i've missed her so much#actually soooo sick and twisted the way my irl ummm what do you call... emotional support older white women are actually the best huggers in#the world like it's not my fault#lik i don't i don't i do not i donut even care !#no thoughts head empty#stoppp cos like building it up in my head based on the past etc etc ...... but it always lives up 2 it & more!#oct 30 2024#cointinuing to be insane 🙏#idk there is something so tender ............#waaaah ok waaaaaaaaaaah i cant#just want to go HOME#want to swim in prelude 4ever#girl who is so so tired and just wants it to be 7:30 east
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#trying to finish a thesis chapter this week#so the next few days really is going to be. Step 1: burn my brain out writing silly academia during the day#Step 2: burn my brain out writing silly fic in the evenings#Step 3: wonder why i'm head empty and tired lmao
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i usually can't do listening parties for some reason but the qt stream is the only thing that can make me excited for the taylor swift album through my anemic fatigue
#like my brain is just so empty i'm so tired all the time#i am feeling better than i was though since i started taking supplements + not drinking caffeine + consuming lots of orange juice
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You ever get so bored you wanna start chewing your skin off
#theres NOTHING TO DO my head is EMPTY my brain is TIRED all activities are UNAPPEALING and youtube is giving me NOTHING#so naturally I'm complaining on the internet about it#maybe I'll go pace in circles like an understimulated zoo animal#i make that comparison but i have to have pacing time daily or I become evil. its good for me
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My vacation is coming up and I need this so bad
#I'm so tired#I'm burnt out in like 5 ways#My brain is clogged and empty at the same time#I need to finish that therapy paperwork lmao
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Another reason not to let your cats free roam
TW: Animal injury (but hopefully the cat will be okay)
Well, I just had to rescue one of my neighbors' cats from dangling from a fence by her back leg :/ I don't know how long she had been stuck there, but hopefully not too long, and she's with her owners now so will be getting checked by a vet.
She was lucky that I seem to have an ear for crying cats, though, because no one else was out looking for her, not even the people in the houses on either side of the fence she was stuck in. I fear what would have happened if I wasn't one to go looking and she was stuck there until who knows when.
Just remember this when you let your cats free roam - it is very easy for them to get injured and for no one to find them until it's too late. So please don't let them if you can.
#I normally wouldn't blog about events in my day#but today has not been a good day mood wise#(unfortunately that is nothing new for me)#and now I'm feeling weird because I know I should be happy I saved a cat but I just feel anxious and empty#Like I'm more worried I injured her worse when I tried to lift her up#and I can't stop thinking about how I didn't grab her properly and how I'm lucky she let me carry her home without wiggling too much#because I am weak and my arms tire quickly so I was worried I was going to drop her the entire time#and the only reason I didn't get scratched up was because she is a very nice cat who lets people pick her up#and because I was able to borrow a towel from a neighbor that I could drape over my arm as I scooped her off the fence#and she let me use it as a platform under her instead of twisting abound and trying to latch onto me#and basically I hope if I write this down and someone tells me I did a good job or something it will trigger in my brain#and I will actually feel I did a good thing
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I watched the idwtbamg pilot (amazing btw, the creator's @kianamaiart go check them out) and I couldn't get the idea of Zira becoming a temporary magical guardian at some point, or even maybe an au with a similar concept (shhhh I'm scheming)
This is the concept my brain came up with.
Design breakdown:
Hair - very moon sailor inspired. How are the pendants floating? Magic. Moved the loops to the top of the head, (partially for MS look, partially for rabbit motif :3 ) It took me a while to figure out the ends of the braids, (was testing lily of the valley motif) but I like how it turned out, and they kinda look like bunny ears so yayyyy. The hair edges are to mimic MS fringe.
Outfit - very MS look, but more practical (longer skirt, pants underneath, platforms instead of heels, ect) Added the tail coat while trying to make the torso look less empty, same with middle band. The bow is a bit more of the rabbit look.
Accessories - gloves are thumbless for convenience (never know what you need to grip something) Shoes are basically just MS, same with earrings. I added the headband because the forehead looked really empty without it, and her reg outfit has a beanie so it's a bit strange to see them without it.
The pearls are just me noticing that they have one string of them on her outfit and going overboard from there. They were also a bitch to shade, but eh they look pretty, the headpiece is just Aikas but with pearls.
It's definitely not finished, and needs a few more passes to refine it, but my hand hurts and I'm tired as fuck so I'm going to binge Ginjaninja and pass out
#idwtbamg#pppidwtbamg#pretty pretty please i don't want to be a magical girl#digital art#fanart#art#sketch#my art#cyancactus
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Hi i woke up and have less pain
I mean, i did
I woke up and was like "ah, this is nice now actually, I'm very glad I got sleeps and like some of that pain has gone"
But now I'm just sitting in pain again, unable to sleep again, and lowkey hungry but like. I can't do anything about it. NO BODY/BRAIN THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO PREPARE TO GET UP AND GO OUTSIDE I'M ALSO COLD AND DO WANT TO SLEEP AGAIN
(It's 6am I could theoretically go to a restaurant and order smth but I also don't want to bc outside. But then I'd have to pick a soup to nom. And idk if I have the will to do what I need to for that)
#sepiasys.txt#omg brain no pls don't#<- thoughts of how both S and B are able to exist fine (sorta) but I'm left to deal with myself alone bc I also have to care for B but I#I'm sorry I'm legitimately rlly hungry and it's making me sad that he ate my leftovers and now if the dishes are all dirty I'm the only one#who's gonna wash them and I'd also need one to eat but I don't want to work on an empty stomach but I need to eat and I just.#I'm so tired and now I'm sad ;-; Maybe I should just go out to eat even though it cost money and walking 😞
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Being low grade tired all the time is getting on my nerves because I have whole days to myself and zero idea what to do about it
#nat chat#i literally get up and eat breakfast and then sleep until noon because i'm so tired#there are like 5 hours where i'm awake enough to do shit an then my brain is running on empty
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so umm????? I'm done with the first FULL COMPLETE CORRECTED version of my bachelor's thesis?????? huhhasdfgjaddjlsnanf what??
what am i supposed to do now?? relax???? reread the whole thing again and again until it spills out of my eyes and I've found so many things i don't like that i could basically just rewrite every sentence ??? exist like a normal human being???
#i did it#my brain is fried#bachelor thesis#no thoughts head empty#I'm lowkey proud but also so so tired now and I can't stand to see that thing anymore lmao#can't wait to hand it in#but also#I'm already so anxious about it because when it's gone I can't correct any mistakes anymore and then what??#oof#anyway I'm probably gonna just eat and watch youtube and maybe play Minecraft for the rest of the day lol
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I just need time to stop for one fucking minute. I'm being so serious.
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Ignored again today, going to start maiming the hostages until behavior improves
#Look at my bids for human connection LOOK AT THEM#''why don't you ever talk about yourself unprompted'' when I speak no one listens to me#I don't even have the energy to ask why they're ignoring me anymore#Tf am I going to get in response? 'o sorry lol my brain sux'? And then it'll just keep happening? Yeah I'm good#Stupid fucking moron can't discern fantasy from reality- actually believes friendship is a real thing that can happen IRL. More at 11.#Idiot#Should've learned from the last 15 people who ditched you as soon as they realized you were too fucking weird for them to handle#Why the FUCK would any other human on this stupid fucking mud ball be any different???#You've done it man. You've seen all there is to see. Let it fucking go already. Friendship is a lie sold by big cartoons to make you believe#In something more so you have enough hope to keep on living day to day so that you can be exploited for money#Give it a rest!!! There is no friendship and there is no fridge! They LIED!#For real though#I'm so fucking tired of being ignored all the time. I don't know why it always happens or what I'm doing wrong but I can't stand it anymore#And every time I bring it up I get hollow empty apologies or excuses and no matter what it will continue to happen#I really don't know what else to do. I've spoken to people. I've not spoken to people. I've reached out. I've stayed silent. Everything.#I can't fucking do this anymore I don't know what's wrong with me that makes people think it's fine to do this#People just get angry at me for things they don't tell me or assume I'm angry at them when I'm not and then the whole friendship falls apart#And I can't keep doing this#I don't know what it is about me that makes this so fucking difficult but I can't stand it anymore#My very fucking existence must be branded with something that makes people go 'this one isn't too important we can just ignore it to#Conserve energy' because it happens with *everyone*#Ffs my dad can't even be bothered to remember how old I am#There is something seriously wrong with me#There has to be#I don't think I'm going to be able to escape it
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