#but i'm rambling too much sorry sorry! im just kinda excited i never expected to get this big this quickly man

[marclef]

i dunno how this happened but eeeEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAA I LOVE YOU THANK YOU ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[animentality]

slogging through everyone unlocking meta vision rn 💀 idk if because im not enjoying it that much so i missed something but i also dont understand how this is different from isagis other vision power ups

it's essentially not different at all.

how many ways can you really say, yes, he has spatial awareness?

we GET it. He can see behind his head.

the main problem for me is that meta vision and analyzing the field end up being VERY long and pointless dialogue explaining Isagi's every muscle twitch.

which we already got too much of. so it's just heaping on extra.

it's really boring, plus, here's the other dirty secret.

Barcha was fine, because it was 9 chapters, and it was mostly just Bachira and Otoya and Lavinho getting to shine. These are fairly likable characters (quirky, you know?), even if they get brushed over.

Manshine was really good, because while it was long-ish, it was exciting because Nagi is always fun to see, since his goals are insane, PLUS he and Reo "fixed" their beef during the match, which was something to get you emotionally invested in Nagi's success.

Plus, Chigiri vs. Kaiser was epic, since we all love Chigiri, and can root for him to beat this smarmy little prick.

Chigiri, Nagi, and Reo have had the most development, since they've been with us from first selection, and are in general, very relatable/interesting people. They have emotional depth. They kept us very invested.

But then you get to Ubers, and it's like...

I like Barou, ok? I think he's great. I didn't like him originally, but being humbled by Isagi made him a pretty good character in my book...

But he can't carry that match alone.

Look at the cast, man.

I'm sorry, but Aryu? A shallow character who can be funny here and there, but has largely lost relevance? Niko, a guy with no backstory, who has always been just a pale imitation of Isagi AND who can't stop yapping too?

Aiku, who was interesting originally, but barely gets to do anything in this match which was SUPPOSED TO BE about how good Ubers is at defense?

I also personally don't like Sendou, although I know some people do (he's too het for me). Not really sure what his character traits are, besides him wanting to date a Hollywood actress.

These are like, the surface level characters.

They don't have the rich history of Nagi and Reo. They don't have the character depth of Bachira or the realism of Chigiri, nor the sympathy that those two characters evoke.

These are like, just opponents Isagi has to surpass.

Like the other characters technically are too, but, at least they felt more personal. These guys, nah.

Now I did like Lorenzo, the ace eater. He's a very interesting idea... but he does lose his relevance, and become nonexistent, the way every character does in these matches.

And Barou, I mean... I like the guy, but something was just missing for me...him changing the plan was...kinda whatever to me. It somehow felt like it went on too long, while also happening way too fast... and that's been all of NEL for me.

And that's the other issue, besides the characters.

The pacing of NEL is pretty bad.

Barcha was super short, and Manshine wasn't so bad until the end... but Ubers is where the drag happens.

Just so much dialogue. No emotional investment, just rambling about where isagi's foot was five minutes ago.

That's the biggest issue, ok?

It always is. You can't expect an audience to care, if you don't give them characters to root for.

Isagi was such a prick during Manshine, that I was starting to dislike him. But Ubers was where he started to feel like he was never going to lose again.

So that's where he became really unlikable to me during this arc...and then we get to Ubers, where he's like a god, and it's like ok... a god who can do no wrong, against characters we don't care about?

great.

why should i care

so you have my condolences, anon.

all i can really say is, get through it.

speed read it if you must. god knows i did.

the only emotional moment in that match is related to Hiori, but it unfortunately is dragged out way too long, and it makes no fucking sense.

plus it's nothing we haven't already seen before?

And it sucks, because I LIKE Hiori. I WISH he had better development...but as he is, he feels kind of flat.

He's just a guy who passes to Isagi, same as Kurona.

so yeah.

i can at least promise that the next match is slightly better. there's more emotional moments, at least.

but it's too fucking long (it's still ongoing) AND worse -

it crams SO MUCH into the match, that you WILL be hoping to die by the halfway mark...so...yeah.

I love Blue Lock, but... this arc, man.

It's been awful.

Anyone who says differently is just an Isagi glazer who wants him to win every game he's in.

[marcusdoodlesalot]

Really sorry I keep bothering you with asks about Good Enough and the au surrounding that (the positive brainworms are persistent and I read that fic for comfort)

But in one of the final chapters of the fic, when the gays visit Ordon, Ilia mentions that she plans on moving to Castle Town and hints at bisexuality. Do you plan on her joining the main group? Is she gonna be shipped with anyone in the group? Because a pairing of her and maybe Ashei might be funny, like they're both fairly assertive and blunt people so even just talking it'd be interesting to see how they interact.

And also, she'd be seeing Twi open up and probably be more comfortable and open than he'd been in Ordon, and maybe she'd feel guilty and feel like she should've been able to provide that safe space? And also, there's the question of how she'd act in a place where she doesn't have the reputation of 'Major's daughter', whether she'd take pride in that or feel freed.

Idk, I'm just tired rambling, please don't feel forced to actually write all these ideas, I'm just in love with your fic and think too much-

Listen, I NEVER mind answering Good Enough questions, you think you have brain worms for that AU? I think about it all the time, so I will rant about it forever.

Also, yes! Ilia has some unrealized feelings about girls she doesn't realize is Not Straight. As for her and Ashei, that is, in fact, the plan! I love pairing those two up, especially in a relationship of like "Are they best friends? Enemies? Or in love with each other?" I plan on writing a short little fic of Ilia moving to Castle Town and realizing many things as she tries to not to get a crush on all the hot women that her gay best friend hangs out with.

Honestly, when it comes to Ilia not being the Mayor's daughter, its kinda weird. Like, shes a bit unsure of her place in the place she lives now and who she meets to be her friends, but that uncertainty is what makes her excited. She's nervous, yes, when she gets added into the group (what, you think Twi, much less SHAD will let her be isolated in the same city they live in? Fat chance.) but she also doesn't have the expectation of being "perfect".

And, yeah, she does feel kinda guilty but also a little salty. She's his supposed best friend (or at least, he's hers) and he didn't feel comfortable being himself around her? It hurts. She's salty but she also kinda gets it, so she doesn't mention it or let it control her emotions.

But, yeah! I have big plans or this AU, and im still having a lot of fun writing it! Right now I'm writing a fic where Shad tries to control two kittens and is, ultimently, failing. Have a little sneak peak:

“I am-” “MEOW!” “Just give me-” “MEOW!” “Would you calm down? I am-” “MEOW!” “-trying to get you-” “MEEEOOOOWWWW!!!” “-your food!” But Banjo listened not, circling around and around, screaming louder than Shad thought a cat could, getting up on her hind legs and trying to reach for them. Baby spade was not behaving much better, jumping up on the counter and getting a huge chomp of food before being dropped off of it over and over again, forcing Shad to hold the cat in one hand as he tried to portion out their food in the other. It didn’t help that Link insisted on only getting the best food with supplements and organs and toppers. Shad had agreed, after listening to the twenty three minute (he had timed it) lecture about house cat nutrition in the pet food aisle while shopping after Shad had asked why they couldn’t just do one big bowl of kibble that they would only have to refill every other day. Apparently, he was wrong and he did not know enough about cats to call the shots on this one.  But right now? Trying to rangle two hyper and wiggly cats as he tried to make their dinner? Shad was a little upset he didn’t try to push harder for the bowl and kibble. They could have just gotten high quality kibble but noooooooo, cats do better on wet food diets and don’t get enough hydration and all that.  “Ow, fuck!” He jerked his leg, glancing down to see the orange menace clawing her way up his leg. Clearly, her patience for his fumbling with both the food and her sister has run dry, now taking matters into her own hands to get her claws on some good chow.  He reached down, trying to gently extract her from his leg, hissing a bit to  himself as the claws dug deeper past the pant’s material and into his legs. He felt Baby Spade wiggle free onto the counter from his arm, getting in one, two, three big chomps before he picked her up. He picked them both up from their scruffs, cradling them in his arms with a sigh, trying hard to keep them from wiggling out, both now yelling in a chorus of meows.  He turned and headed to the bedroom, plopping them both down before hastily shutting the door, standing there for a moment to gather his thoughts and cool himself down. The sister protested, screaming and clawing at the door, little fluffy paws poking out from under it.  Right, okay, just keep them in there and finish getting the food ready. Goddesses, why didn’t he think of that before?  He walked back to the counter, finishing portioning and topping, even taking time to make them look nice as the two kitties screamed from under the door.  He set the bowls down and swifty walked down the hallway to release the problem children to their dinners.  Banjo hopped down the hallway as Baby Spade sprinted out, her paws sliding on the floor for a minute before she found her traction and shooting off to her dinner.  He blinked in shock for a moment before bursting out laughing.

Hell yeah, cats! Again, ask me about anything any time, I love answering questions about this and just talking in general, I'm quite the yapper, you see.

[projectjasper]

hiiii how are uuuu ????

I finally had time to watch ep 7 and none of my friends give a shit about bb but i neeed someone to talk to so i’m just gonna dump my thoughts on u IM SORRY

honestly im feeling a little underwhelmed with this ep :(( judging by the trailers leading up to the release, the concept of the bet seemed like it was going to be a pretty big part of the plot and i was super excited bc it had the potential to give us so much fluff and angst and tension, but they wrapped the whole thing up in a single episode, the entire thing just felt so rushed and played down I mean the last episode literally ended with pran licking chip dust off pats finger IN PUBLIC. idk maybe they gave us too much too soon with that scene because aside from the part when they meet in the library everything else that happened in ep 7 just paled in comparison :(((( i feel kinda robbed !!!

I’m at the point now where i literally hate wai, there is absolutely nothing redeemable about him whatsoever i’m sorry hes just progressively becoming more and more unlikeable as the show goes on

inkpa is canon. that’s all i have to say on that.

can we talk about how beautiful pats confession was!!!!!! the way he orchestrated the whole thing so that he could be the one to confess first so wholesome so on brand for pat, he really is the sweetest most, thoughtful boy in the world!! he’s always so careful not to push pran, who always acts so cool and collected but i think secretly loves being chased ((remember last week when he was gloating about pat following him from bangkok all the way to some camp out in the middle of nowhere)) i just love their love so much i can’t even explain in words, I’m pretty sure it’s the same in thai culture, but where i’m from sharing food and feeding the ones you love is one of the softest, most purest forms of intimacy so in the final scene when pran feeds pat without saying anything i think i melted, him giving pat the (albeit non-verbal) confirmation he has been longing for literally had be sliding down the wall, the way he wiped the food from his mouth and pulled him in, the way they sniffed each other and stole kisses AHHJKAHSGGSSHBAVAFAC I WANT TO SCREAM im just so glad they’re finally on the same page like they’re actually boyfriends now i have a feeling this weeks episode is actually gonna be a lot fluffier and sweeter than most people expect, but the ending will probably destroy us SORRY THIS WAS SO RAMBLY IM SO ANNOYING IM SORRY BYYYEYEEE

heeey!! feel free to talk to me about bb any time babes <3

you do you boo - obviously, but i actually loved what they did this episode. i never thought the bet would be a big part of the plot in the first place, and i don't think it should have been. especially after the time jump, it was very clear that it went on for WAY too long, and it was more important to finally get it over with rather than figure out who won or who lost at that point. i also thought all the moments were super on point. the moment in the library was great, of course, but it's far from the only amazing moment this episode to me.

the first scene was very adorable (if we ignore the parents), like pran literally choking on his food because of pat's flirting? immaculate! the whole back-and-forth in the first part, with pran knowing that he has pat wrapped around his little finger, asking him to pretty please fix the printer and batting his eyelashes, pat referencing a freaking porn video, and eventually freaking out afterwards? incredible! all the fucking tension in the scene with the bottle? i'm sweating here my dudes! pran being so confident that he knows every little thing about pat, and pat just hitting him with his ranat ek skills out of nowhere, and pat basically confessing his feelings through his little improvised speech? unparalleled! the fucking make up remover scene, where pat notices the sad sign on pran's door, manages to cheer him up in five seconds, with them being all lovey-dovey and pran drawing a literal heart on pat's face? adorable! even the fucking scene where pat has to hide and experiences such a range of emotions towards wai? chef's kiss!! pat basically being a fucking knight in shining armor, coming to save the love of his life? made me cry! and then the final scene with the metaphorical confessions and all the cute lil adorable kisses? the perfect ending to this whirlwind of events!

so yeah, needless to say - i fucking loved this episode fjglkdfjglkfdjgkfdjg

i am quite mad at wai atm and you will certainly find no wai apologist agenda on this blog, but i think he will be redeemed eventually, and we'll all get over it pretty quickly.

INKPA IS DEFINITELY CANON.

pat and pran are literally the best boys and they are so perfect for each other, i am so glad we have finally gotten here with them! 🥺

and after every single "ARCHER PREPARE TO DIE OF ANGST" i am actually quite happy with your idea of the next episode.

[tootyfruities]

answering earlier than expected bc of a random burst of energy? couldn’t be me 🤭 nah but i actually feel kinda sad™️ rn and u make me feel better so here i am 🤞but OMGKEJFJWBFHE WHERE DO I EVEN BEGINNNNN

youcore fr bc you’re so smart and cool bae ugh your mind is everything OMGMGMGMM you got me wanting to jump through the screen to gently hold shin but also gently hold you bc KDNSJDDKDN the storyline fits so well and like,,,, suits him if that makes sense???? i’m absolutely HERE for this letter writing arc and im so fuckin excited you have no idea <3 <3 <3 (might inspire to make more playlists too, just for u <3) even despite all this, I can still feel his dorky and soft self and I JUST

there’s this cute comic from @/loweater of toshi using asl w bakugou and eri and if i can find it i’ll tag you :) OH and his dad being his therapist and all the other details about his family wE LOVE TO SEE IT 🗣🗣🗣 (this moreso relates back to the blog which we’re gonna get into- but i remember you writing abt his (3?)pet cats so just a little idea there for u :>)

last thing darling!! please please please don’t feel pressured to reopen that blog or talk to me constantly. getting a little more personal in 3, 2, 1~ for the longest time when u took your hiatus, i felt so bad and guilty bc I thought I was the reason and I took so much of your time and energy and I admit and apologize for being way more emotionally dependent than I should’ve been. things have changed now and im doing a lot better! i love and care for u vv much so pls don’t beat yourself up over it ok <3

wait no sorry THIS is the last thing I swear 😭 i was actually gonna msg u a couple days ago bc i actually had a dream abt the voicemail thing- long story short,,,,, i think i called shin back the next day, we said hello and i unexpectedly (to him anyway) asked him a question abt his new pet fish…??? OK before u think i’m crazy;;; i think it was smth that he had rambled abt in the voicemail and i was asking abt it just to talk and exist freely before getting into the Other Much Needed To Be Discussed Topics.

okay i went like way overboard im sorry 💀 ily forever my darling mwah <3

I NEVER GOT THE NOTIFICATION FOR THIS IM SO SAD :(

UHM 1) i hope you're ok w me answering this publicly w the more personal info shared, if not lemme know and i will, idk delete this post? that being said! between my own terrible unmotivation and personal issues, plus yes maybe a little bit with the emotional dependence, it just felt hard to keep up with the blog. but you were never, ever ever ever, a Big Bad in my life, never. overwhelming sometimes, yeah(BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR IT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW, OUR FLAWS MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP STRONGER). but when i made the decision to close the blog it was not "riri makes things hard :(" it was, "things are hard and i gotta focus on myself :(". i appreciate and abs accept your apology though you are so cool and i am so so happy knowing that you're doing better <3

a bit of an extension on that;; i'm still deciding whether i wanna reopen the blog tbh. i've got a couple wips on there that i meant to finish but never did, plus small storylines i wanted to pursue thru shin's blogs that i can't exactly emulate thru I Am An Author Writing a Thing when it should be This Is A Guy Writing Stuff On His Tumblr Blog. plus publicly posting my writing is so rewarding to me :}

2) PLEASE DO JUMP THRU THE SCREEN and gently hold me n shin - woahoah we would both love that methinks. grrrr. i love you so much riri. no amount of poetic words can convey how much i love and adore you TRULY. you are a light in my life, i am happy and ready to have room in my life for you again :) <3

3) YOU DREAMED ABT IT AJFNNE. shin getting a fish... that would def clash with his, yes, 3 kitty cats. but also a calm pet that doesn't require love and affection? holy crap i shoulda considered it, that'd be way fitting for them,,, if not for the fact that fish are Slimy and shin likes Fluffy. in an alternate world where cats hadn't already stolen their heart, i can easily imagine shin getting into fish and maybe even lizards. he's got the range~

idk if i'm exactly gonna write what was said in the voicemail cos i wanted to leave that up to your interpretation, and tbh i'm GLAD for that cos your interpretation is great. muahaha

ilyilyily going to check out the mecore link now muah <3

[castiel-barnes]

Domesticity.

Pairing: Javier Peña x fem! Y/N Peña. (Reader is married to Javier).

Summary: After the events of Escobar and the Cali cartel, the one thing Javier expected least was to settle down.

Warnings: Fluff. Slight angst. Pregnancy. Medical inaccuracies. Mentions of throwing up. Swearing. Soft Javi. Like extra soft.

Word count: 2.7k

A/N: Yet another early morning thought that I got.

Tags: @phoenixhalliwell @scribbledghost

Picture from Pedro pascals Instagram at pascalispunk.Taken in 2013.

After years of running around Colombia and the amount of informants slept with. The last thing people expected who knew Javier Peña, was to settle down.

He had found you and fell hard in love. And the same thing happened to you. After being with you, Javier had no need to go have a one night stand with any of the girls from the brothels or any informants. Because he had you.

It was quite unheard of within the DEA, Javier Peña and the domesticity of having a family.

*********************

Javier had been out for most of the day, which you were kinda glad for. You had been feeling sick since you woke up and when Javi finally left the apartment, you finally rushed to the bathroom to throw up your breakfast.

Then it hit you. Your time of the month has been far more late than normal. After throwing up, you digged out the spare pregnancy test you had at the back of the cupboard for emergencies.

"Oh fuck." You said quietly to yourself. It was positive. Neither of you had discussed the topic of kids. It was something that you wanted, but not sure if Javi wanted it.

"Hi cariño, I'm home." Javier called out,

"H-hey, I'll be out in a moment." You replied from the bathroom, quickly wiping your tears away. Walking out the bathroom, you smiled like you usually did and kissed.

"What's up honey?" He asked frowning a little,

"Oh nothing much, why'd you ask?" You replied.

"Cause I can tell you've been crying." Javier said looking at you. Sighing you placed your head against his shoulder.

"I hate how easily you read me sometimes." You pouted, and pulled him to the couch and sat him down. Letting out a shaky breath you held his hands gently in yours.

"I really need to tell you something. B-but I don't know how to say it, and I- I know we haven't discussed anything about this." You continued starting to ramble from being anxious.

"Honey, honey calm down what do you need to tell me?" He said frowning even more, stroking your hair back.

"Javi... I'm pregnant." You stated. There was a stunned silence that blanketed the apartment.

"Really?" Javier asked. You nodded and looked away tears springing back to your eyes. Javi wiped your tears away and smiled pulling you into a hug.

"I'm so happy mi amor." Javier stated,

"You are?" You asked looking up at him.

"I am cariño, we can have a little Peña running around the place." Javier responded smiling. The two of you hugged for a while and had dinner, then decided to lay in bed and relax. At some point you must have fallen asleep on top of Javi, and stayed asleep until early morning.

Your not sure what woke you up, but you could feel Javier's hand on your stomach his hand stroking his hand back and forth.

"Cariño? You ok?" You asked quietly,

"What if the kid doesn't like me? What if I do something wrong?" Javier replied.

"What do you mean?" You said frowning,

"I mean, I'm not a good person cariño. I've done things and seen things that shouldn't be seen. I've never been the best with children, I don't know how to look after something so small and innocent." Javi stated.

"Javier Peña you listen to me. You are not a bad man, yes you've seen bad shit and maybe shot a couple of people but those people were the bad guys. Not you. You will be a good father Javi, I just know it. Plus you're not the only one who hasn't had much experience with children." You explained firmly. In truth you were the youngest sibling, and the only experience you had with children was when your cousin had her baby. But you lost contact with them a while ago.

"Thank you. For putting up with me Y/N." Javier responded, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck. You stroked his hair back out of his face, but it was evident that he had been tossing around for a while.

You started drifting off again until you felt like throwing up again. Gently rolling Javi off of you, you rushed to the bathroom to throw your dinner up. You groaned as you hunched over the toilet, then felt a pair of large hands rubbing your back.

"You ok cariño?" Javier asked worriedly,

"Morning sickness." You responded throwing up again.

"You need me to get anything for you? Water?" He said still rubbing your back gently,

"Please." You said "thank you." You continued. Javier bought you a glass of water, and let you clean yourself up before carrying you back to bed.

"Try get some sleep mi amor, neither of us have work tomorrow dont worry." Javier stated,

"M'kay love you Javi." You said drifting off to sleep.

"Te amo mucho cariño, y nuestro pequeño bebé." Javier whispered kissing the top of your head.

********************

2 months pregnant:

You were at home today and Javier was at work. And today you noticed something slightly different about your appearance. Realising what it was, you smiled and you got excited about telling Javi.

Opening the door Javi was immediately greeted by your smile and hugging him.

"Well hi there cariño, what you so happy about?" Javier asked smiling and kissing you,

"Come look." You replied dragging him to the room. When you got to the bedroom you sat him down on the bed and took your top off. Turning to the side you smiled and run your hand over your small bump.

You looked at Javi and saw his jaw drop.

"That’s your little kid in there mi amor." You said looking at your bump. Javi smiled and pulled you gently in front of him.

"Oye chico, soy yo tu papá. Estoy muy emocionado de conocerte dentro de unos meses." Javier stated quietly then kissing your stomach. He looked up at you with slightly watering eyes and smiled,

"We're going to have a kid cariño." He continued.

"Yeah we are. I love you so much Javier Peña." You stated kissing the top of his head,

"I love you too baby. I'm so excited." Javier replied. Out of nowhere you just got really emotional and started crying, which confused the hell out of Javi.

"Woah, woah baby what's wrong?" He said quickly standing up hugging you,

"I-im just so fucking happy. I have you and now we have our little kid. Oh im a mess, fucking hormones." You replied crying into his arms. And that what made it clear for Javi, your hormones were heightend due to the pregnancy. Javi chuckled and kissed the top of your head.

"Don't laugh." You stated quietly sniffing,

"Ok, I'm sorry baby I won't laugh I promise. Im happy to cariño." Javi replied smiling.

"But I like when you laugh its cute." You said looking at him.

You were glad to have Javi, yes he could be a bit stubborn and hard headed sometimes. But around you, he was gentle, understanding and everything you could wish for in a man. Although he had doubts about being a good father, you knew that no matter if you had a little girl or a little boy they would have him wrapped around their little finger.

**********************

4 months pregnant:

"Baby? Wake up, we need to get ready to go to the doctors." Javi said gently, trying to wake you up,

"Mhm..." you groaned and closed your eyes again.

"Come on honey, don't wanna be late to the appointment. I promise when we get home I'll run out and grab anything you're craving and we can nap." Javier stated stroking your hair back out of your face.

"Promise?" You asked leaning into his touch,

"Yeah cariño I promise. We'll go to the appointment, come home and then anything you want I'll get ok?" He replied smiling as you leaned into him.

"Ok." You smiled getting up slowly. The two of you got changed and got in the car. Arriving at the doctors, Javier could feel some anxiety radiating off of you.

"You ready baby?" He asked holding your hand,

"Yeah, im ready." You smiled at him and gave the back of his hand a kiss.

"Come on then baby." Javi said getting out the car, walking round to your side to open the door for you. The two of you sat in the waiting room for a while before getting called in. Laying there on the bed, you gasped at how cold the gel was on your stomach. Looking at the screen the doctor told you that you were going to have a little girl.

"We're having a baby girl?" Javier asked is disbelief,

"Yeah cariño, we're gonna have a baby girl to look after and love." You smiled with tears rolling down your cheeks. Getting home you cried from happiness and this was one of the only times you saw Javier cry.

"Baby can you get me pickles and ice cream please? Maybe some chocolate too." You asked him,

"Of course I can cariño. Anything else you want?" Javier replied.

"Maybe get 2 of each just incase, you never know." You said,

"Okie dokie." He responded. Javier left the apartment and came back about 20 minutes later with pickles, ice cream and chocolate.

"Here you go mi amor, got what you wanted." Javier stated coming through the door with a shopping bag,

"Thank you love." You replied smiling and getting some ice cream and pickles. The two of you sat there, with you snacking on your pickles and ice cream and Javier with his arm around you.

"We need to think of some names for our little girl." Javier stated,

"We do." You responded eating another pickle.

"Maria?" Javier started out,

"Hmm that's a bit overused I think, Isabella?" You replied.

"True, true. Isabella is a nice name. Isabella Peña. That's nice. Rosa?" Javier responded. The two of you sat there writing down names and slowly but surely got it down to the name you both liked.

"I think Isabella." You stated,

"Yeah perfect. Isabella Peña, it's beautiful." Javier replied quietly smiling. Javi slid down the bed a little so his head was by your bump, and lifted up your shirt a little bit.

"Hola Isabella, soy papá de nuevo. Solo quiero que sepas que te amo mucho a ti y a tu mamá y que siempre los protegeré a los dos." Javier whispered to the bump and kissed it. About 4 months ago at the start of your pregnancy, Javier had his doubts about being a father and how what he did would affect your daughter. But now here you were 4 months pregnant eating ice cream and pickles, and he was being so gentle with you and looking after you and your baby girl so well.

"You're going to be such a great dad Javi." You smiled running your hand through his hair,

"You think so cariño?" He looked up at you with those doe eyes of his.

"Yeah... I do. You've been looking after me so well baby, and I just know that little Isabella will absolutely adore you." You responded,

"Thank you cariño." Javier said rubbing his hand over the bump.

*********************

9 months pregnant/ due date week:

It was the week that you were due to give birth to Isabella. Javier decided that he'd take the week off before his maternity leave was due to start.

It was about 2 in the morning, when you woke up. And that's when you felt it, your water had just broken.

"O-oh no oh shit why now? Javi wake up, baby please wake up." You said pushing his shoulder,

"Carino what's wrong?" He asked you groggily, his eyes barely open.

"The baby is coming." You stated. And that one statement there got him up and awake.

"You serious right now?" He asked looking at you finding your face quite serious,

"Ohhhhhh shit. Yes I'm fucking serious." You replied having your first contraction. You looked at Javier and one of the only things he saw in your eyes was fear.

"Ok, ok I've got your bag honey. It's going to be ok I promise." Javi stated chucking jeans and a shirt on with shoes, and then helping you with some shoes.

"Javi im scared." You stated,

"I know cariño, I know but im going be right next to you the entire time. I promise." Javi replied holding your hand. Squeezing his hand as you went through another contraction, he held you up as he walked you to the car.

In the car, javi was going as fast as he could to the hospital whilst letting you hold his hand.

"Just breathe baby, you've got it." Javier said reassuring you. Getting to the hospital you were immediately given a room and pain killers to help.

"We're gonna meet our baby girl soon javi." You stated looking at him,

"Yeah cariño, any minute now we'll be holding our girl." Javi responded. You two were somewhat relaxing when you weren't having any contractions. It had been about an hour and half since your water had broke. It all seemed to by in a blur, one minute you were sleeping, the next your water had broke and now you need to push.

"J-javi go get a nurse. I really need to push." You exclaimed squeezing your eyes shut and letting your head fall back,

"Ok cariño ok, I'll be right back." Javier replied kissing the top of your head. Javi rushes out the room and finds a nurse. He came back into the room with a nurse, who were both by your side. The nurse told you to start pushing and so you did.

"Ahh fuck! J-javi I don't know if I.... if I can do it." You stated squeezing his hand as hard as you could,

"Yes you can cariño, come on you can do it. Just breathe with me, you're so strong." Javier replied stroking your hair back.

A few minutes later, and hard pushing you heard the cries of your beautiful little girl. You let your head fall back on the pillow and caught your breath.

"I told you that you could do it cariño. She's so beautiful." Javier said smiling at you and kissing you gently. The nurse bought Isabella over to you, so that you could hold her. Pulling down your gown a little bit you laid Isabella on your chest so you could have some skin to skin contact.

"Hey baby girl, welcome to the world. Oh you're so beautiful, she has your eyes miel. Big brown eyes." You smiled gently stroking your hand over Isabella's back,

"Do you wanna hold her?" You continue looking at Javi.

"Really?" Javier looked at Isabella,

"Yeah baby, she is your daughter after all." You responded giggling a little. Javier looked between you and Isabella then back to you and saw you nod. Standing up from his chair he took the shirt off that he threw on before leaving, and gently took Isabella from you.

People had told you to look out for Javier Peña when you first joined the DEA. The stubborn, hard headed DEA agent who had one hell of a reputation. But now as you saw your husband hold your little girl barely an hour old. All of that stubbornness, hard headedness and reputation had dissipated.

"Hola, cariño, es un placer conocerte finalmente. Eres tan hermosa como tu mamá." Javier speaked to Isabella quietly as he say down in the chair. You smiled and laid your head back again, eyes drooping a little bit.

"You wanna sleep for a little while? You just pushed a fucking human out." Javier asked,

"Language we have tiny human now. Yes I wanna sleep." You replied somewhat out of it, already drifting off to sleep.

"Haha ok baby, you get some sleep now." Javier chuckled.

*********************

Home:

When you were finally discharged from the hospital, you and your husband with your baby finally went back home. You got home and Javi changed the sheets on your bed from where your water broke.

Picking Isabella up, you showed her round the apartment although you knew she was in a milk coma from her feeding.

"Do you wanna put her down for her nap cariño?" You asked Javi,

"Yeah ok." Javier replied with a wide grin as he took Isabella from you. Gently Javier bounced Isabella as he made his way to her cot. Standing next to him as the two of you looked over your daughter. You smiled and placed your head on his shoulder.

"Our baby is so beautiful cariño, we did good." Javier said quietly,

"That we did. See I told you, that you'd make a good father. I have a feeling we might have a hard time saying 'no' to that cutie." You replied kissing his cheek.

"Agreed." Javier said smiling giving you a proper kiss.

Safe to say that the only people who really get to see Agent Javier Peña soft side is you his wife Y/N Peña, and his daughter Isabella Peña.

[ratsoh-writes]

I have a feeling I'm either going to get Honey or a Horrortale skele, so here we go for Matchups! -🍊

Personality

-introverted

-nervous/jumpy/sensitive

-artistic/creative

-very sleepy. I stay up till 5am and sleep till 2pm.

-helpful! I like feeling needed lol.

-sensitive. I have an abusive mother im in therapy for, so I need someone soft :(

Hobbies

-im very artistic! I love drawing, painting, listening to music, even making it, anything that keeps my hands busy and my ADHD at bay.

-minecraft! I've just downloaded the game, I've had it for a year now, and I love the building in it lol. The mobs scare me tho.

-rps!!! I LOVE roleplaying!!!! Rpg games, DnD, hell, I even have a few oc based text rps on discord I'm into. It gets me SO excited when I make up little stories with my friends, the gremblin in my enjoys shiny new universes

Dislikes

-Snarky/teasing/snappy jokes, or being teased in general. I'm a sensitive person who takes a bit too much to heart. Mal and Red scare me.

-loud noises/crowded areas. Another trama trigger for me, I feel trapped in a situation and it makes me paranoid. I'd rather sit outside and watch a thunderstorm than go to a local fair.

-being pushed out of my comfort zone and/or being forced to get in contact with family I've kicked out of my life, the whole 'well family is family!' saying means jack shit to me. I've put my demons at bay, I don't want someone to push me out of my comfort zone, or else I feel sick with nerves. I don't like traveling or being around a lot of people, I'd rather just text someone than see them face to face, words come easier then. Brain weird.

Deal breakers

-anyone who forces me to be social. I have anxiety, leave me be dammit. If someone kept pushing and complaining about it, it would make me feel guilty and blegh. Let's not go down that rabbit hole.

-cheating, I have a low image of myself, I don't need someone flirting with others or being all handy with them. Once the wound it made, I'm not letting the knife near me again.

-someone who yells a lot. Loud voices, especially male ones, make me panicked and scared. If Edge ever lectured me I would simply. Cry.

-someone violent, which is a given. Sorry mafia men, but blood scares me. I'm a wheeny.

-someone forcing me to change. I'm chonky, so being forced into a diet or something would make me think low of myself, I couldn't stay with someone like that. Or someone pushing me to get anxiety meds or giving me a bedtime. I like my independence and I'm working on myself, I don't need to be pressured to do it faster.

-passive aggressiveness, it makes me confused on what to say in an argument and that junk.

Flaws

-most of these have already been said, but I'm introverted with low energy, I don't like going to big events or traveling away from home.

-sensitive. Any jokes aimed at me can and will be obsessed over to oblivion, I'm not the teasing type.

-awkward. I was kinda isolated as a kid, so social skills are hard. Don't expect me to pop up on conversations all the time, I mostly listen to what my friends say and nod along.

-hygene. This is also something I'm working on. I've had depression episodes that sometimes still surface, sometimes it's hard to even leave my bed, let along brush my teeth, hair, etc. Some days I'm just not feeling it. I also come from a neglectful house, so I wasn't even raised with those habits. But I'm trying, and that's what I'm focusing on. Don't be like 'ewEwW yOu HaVeNt BrUsHeD yOuR TeEtH tOdAy?!' That's both hurtful and annoying, life sucks man

-god aweful at spelling, sorry rat

Attraction

-someone who's soft and caring. I never had a motherly figure, and I'm too old now for my dad to watch me like a toddler, so I want to feel the love I mostly missed out on. Not babied or anything, just loved and cared for. Hug me, please. Alternatively: aha mommy kink go brr

-cuddly/affectionate. I need to feel wanted, since I was raised in a house that I wasn't, so words of reassurance are really nice, especially if that person wants to be around me close enough to cuddle

I tried making this as neat as I could, since I tend to ramble a lot, so I hope this layout is easy to read! Tell me if I need to add any physics stuff, thank you for the matchup! -🍊

Alright, you were right on probably getting a horror lol. I think the best fit for you is……..BASIL (horrorswap papyrus)!

Here’s the tricky bit. Getting to know basil is here. He’s also extremely anxious, to the point where he’s practically non-verbal to anyone he doesn’t know. But once you do get close enough for him to crush and even confess, you’ll get to see a butch more protective and attentive side to him. Basil is a protector at his core and actually prefers a timid SO unlike honey who likes confident and organized characters.

Basil would be great at balancing between encouraging you to be your best self and not being too pushy. Gentle is basically his main personality trait. And considering who it is here, it’s hard to feel nagged with him being the one giving you those gentle reminders.

You like cuddles? You’re getting your cuddles. Basil is shy about touch so it’s up to you to initiate, but when you do, you’ll find that he’s pretty much touch starved. He likes having you in his lap the most. Basil has mild insomnia so cuddling with a SO is the best way to help him doze off

Basil hasn’t been introduced to the wonderful world of video games yet. Minecraft would be a great starter! If you manage to get him into it, he’ll wind up getting addicted to sims most likely. Or FarmVille. He likes chill games

One important thing about dating basil is that your basically going to have to go vegetarian. You can eat meat outside the house when he’s not around, but the sight and taste of raw meat is a trigger for him. Luckily he’s a wonderful cook and makes up for it in his baking and pasta ;)

I was also thinking of rust and possibly slim for you. (Yes I know slim is a mafia but he’s great at keeping his work hidden)

[bigskydreaming]

Continuing on that observation because I forgot to add this part, as a gen z I'm glad you understand that we or young people don't invent new ways to be evil, but it's not completely true. You aren't seeing new forms of online abuse in every platform, I doubt second hand information is going into details as well. Also the fact that you are a white man, there are things being said and done to poc in various online communities that I don't expect you to be privy to. Harassing fans of color and poc media has become a lot more common and normalized which parts of the fandom at large will never see. I don't know if anon did all of the thinking before saying "gen z bad" but they're not completely wrong looking at the kind of mass bullying behavior literal kids are exhibiting. They are learning from or being encouraged by older people but that shouldn't take the focus away from them to blame only the older people.

And my ask regarding Barbara, you assumed I hadn't thought about if my disdain for the character could have come from ableism. I had tho, granted you couldn't have known that and it was surely a possibility, so I'm not saying I'm mad about it, I was at that time a little bit. But you could perhaps give your anons a little more credit sometimes. Sometimes people know what they're talking about, you don't need to explain other possibilities to them each time.

Once again, sorry if this came off as very rude I just needed to share that observation and among many other instances these two were really highlights and kept bothering me. My issue with Barbara goes in a different direction than anything to do with her appearance and I've personally faced online abuse from people younger than me in ways that technologically, even politically, wasn't possible or as easy a few years ago, so you can maybe see why...

Please keep in mind that whatever context you have for yourself or your ask when you come into my inbox on anon......I have none of that. You have an awareness of yourself relative to whatever you asked me. I literally only know an anon by the words they put into my inbox and nothing else.

Also please keep in mind that every anon I answer, I do so in the larger context of my own interactions with tumblr overall. I have a lot of precedent with things I say being taken out of context, misrepresented or even just me not conveying myself as well as I like.

So the combination of those two things is that a) I literally just don't KNOW what any anon does or doesn't know and b) If I'm going to answer an anon, I tend to want to answer as fully and clearly as possible.

I can understand it coming across as being talked down to, so I'll work on that, but I would ask people to remember the above and keep that in context too when weighing my responses.....am I actually being condescending in every case, or does it simply feel that way because I'm including stuff you already know in my response? And if its the latter, is THAT something I COULD know about you without knowing who you are or you as a person and not just a paragraph sent in anonymously?

I'd rather be safe than sorry, and so from my POV since there's no harm in somebody seeing someone cover information they already know as PART of their overall answer or response, like, there's no reason for me not to include whatever I think is relevant and just expect readers to decide for themselves what about my response, if anything, is helpful, and like....just ignore the rest, y'know?

Also, just for the record, I am ADHD and I save my medication for when I'm working or writing or have stuff I absolutely need to get done, which doesn't include my usual blogging. So I'm usually posting while not on my ADHD meds at all, hence the rambling tendencies and the length. Another aspect of ADHD that doesn't get talked about much ime is we tend to over-explain, part out of just excitement/interest in whatever it is that has our attention, and also in part because we're used to people not necessarily following the leaps our minds take when jumping around rather than proceeding in an orderly thought pattern.....so, part of why I break things down so incrementally is I literally just don't know where my way of looking at things diverges from the way neurotypical thinking views things, so I want to draw as detailed a map as possible in order to ensure the most people possible can follow my thought process, just in case.

(And again see, this is something you might already know, and hell, you could have ADHD yourself, I just literally have no way of knowing that so rather than just mention it and be like "oh and also I have ADHD and so that's something to keep in mind" I'd rather explain WHY I feel that's particularly relevant to your question, since I'm kinda like, why not answer as fully as I have the spoons for? People can stop reading at any time if I go on too long. Its fine).

As for the specific asks you're referencing - my response to the gen z anon was not meant to convey that the sort of things you're describing don't occur among gen z, so sorry for giving that impression. Its actually the opposite of my point, which was simply that I don't think its a generational thing, or that anything is gained by treating it as a generational thing. This kind of behavior exists in gen z, yes, but it also existed before gen z. Its not gen z SPECIFIC, or limited to just that generation. That's all.

And the other ask, the one you made about Barbara - to be honest, I don't have anyway of knowing for sure which one you meant, and there are a couple it could have been, but if its the one I THINK you're referencing, I believe you asked how to stop people from assuming you dislike Barbara for reasons rooted in ableism when its because of other things? If that's the one, then I mean, the thing is....I DID answer your question, in as much as anyone could. I addressed the perceptions other people might have of your stance there, but basically - there IS no way to ever ensure people take you at your word or any kind of guarantee you can present your POV in a way that won't be misrepresented or misunderstood. So ultimately, I just had no real useful advice for that?

And so I expanded into the only thing I think anyone CAN control, aka their own thoughts and words, and suggested that you just double check to be sure of your own possible biases that others might read into your words without you being aware you were putting them in there. That wasn't meant as an insult or to suggest you hadn't already examined yourself for possible ableism - it was simply saying it never hurts to check again, y'know? We don't always catch everything every time we do a self-review, and internal biases are inherently tricky to pick up on ourselves. And it just loops back into the fact that I really had no way to know what you had and hadn't already considered, you're essentially a blank cipher to me....and in my experience, a lot of people are a lot more ableist than they realize.

And this isn't an insult either! It applies to me and I'M physically disabled! I'm constantly to this day unpacking new realizations about how I still have more ableist views and opinions than even I realize, even after about five years of living with chronic pain, vertigo, nerve issues and associated problems stemming from only half a working mouth lol. I'm not trying to insult people by asking them to just do what I do every day and just like....make sure I'm not the problem when other people have a problem with me. Because sometimes, even after reflecting as fully and genuinely as I can, I think they're still wrong! I don't have to agree with their conclusions! But that doesn't mean that they're never right.

And for the record, I do think its still worth examining on your end, because I don't love that you said your issues with Barbara have nothing to do with her appearance, when we're talking about ableism specifically. It very well could be just a poor word choice on your part and not a reflection of your actual views, but it could also be a suggestion that you tend to think of physical disability as something that's limited to there being a visual sign of, and there's a lot of invisible symptoms and changes to the ways a disabled person interacts with society and society with them that don't alter a disabled person's appearance in anyway...and many of these things are the exact stuff a lot of unacknowledged ableism revolves around.

So I'd like to give you and other anons more credit and the benefit of the doubt and assume you know what you're talking about and don't need things broken down as much as I tend to break them down to - but keep in mind I don't OWE you that, and its a lot to ask someone to take you on faith when you've already made the conscious choice to present yourself to them anonymously, and deliberately limit how much a person even CAN know about you before answering, when you have an equal opportunity to present yourself by name, allowing someone the full context afforded by your blog, that they can use to familiarize themselves with you and what you likely do or don't know before answering. I don't think its entirely reasonable to anonymize YOURSELF and then expect people to still give you the benefit of the doubt.

Especially when not giving you the benefit of the doubt only really results in me over-explaining something you don't think you need explained in certain ways or in as much depth. Its not hurting anyone, and you're not going to be the only one reading this response and maybe that over-explanation ISN'T something other people know and it could still be of use to someone else, y'know?

But lastly, please keep in mind that you came to me, and I just answered in the way that made the most sense to me. If that didn't work for you or wasn't what you're looking for, that's fine, but like. You knew way more about me going into this interaction than I could possibly know about you, and assuming good faith of you and your interest in my response and giving you as much of a response as I did in the first place, let alone now, IS giving you the benefit of the doubt in the sense that I'm assuming you can find some way in which these responses are of use to you.

And if not, like....just don't send me more asks? LOL. I kinda feel like you just didn't expect the answer you got, and that's sitting weirdly with you. Which I get, to be honest, but I don't particularly think that's a me problem, because that has nothing to do with anything I can control.

I can only give the answer that occurs to me when I read and think about an ask. I can't guarantee it'll ever be the answer the asker actually WANTS.

[jarchieriverdale]

I'm writing a Riverdale fanfic (Jarchie mainly, with Beronica on the side) which is one of my first proper fanfics ever. Any general tips or maybe even just tips for being brave enough to actually, you know, share it? I'm feeling so awkward about this entire thing!

Can I first start of with saying: so much kudos to you for wanting to put your fic up! Fandoms getting new fics and writers is always a huge YES because we always need more & definitely welcome it ^_^(This definitely ended up being really long, but I made a list further down if you don’t wanna read all my rambling. I’m not sure what specifically you’re feeling awkward about, but I covered a bunch of stuff :))

Reading this I was like, I’m probably not the best person to ask because I have really bad anxiety ?? but then I was like, actually, you know, that’s why I’m probably one of the best people to ask because HOW the HELL do I manage to do this despite that? And honestly it involves a lot of self-talk + bravery + a fuck-it-I’m-gonna-do-it-who-cares mood. And I have a feeling this post is going to be rather long, but I’ll just talk through my own experience and what I’ve told myself, and maybe it’ll help you (or someone else) as well. :D

(I decided to put this under cut IT’S SO LONG IM SORRY (& if you’re on mobile I’m even more sorry t_t) 

I’ve actually been writing stuff for YEARS. I started fanfics in middle school, before that I was writing my own little stories. Little me in primary school and early middle school, so badly wanting to be a writer (I RP’d a lot between 07-10 as well). But I never shared my writing. SOMETIMES with close friends, if I bought up an original story and they were interested I would send it to them. Otherwise, I wasn’t about to share it with anyone. ESPECIALLY not my fanfics when I started. A lot of my earliest have gone unseen by the world (and myself for years). I’m sure this may apply to a lot of people if you’ve written stuff for years, regardless what type of writing it is. I don’t know if you’ve written other stuff before anon, but if you haven’t that’s okay because we all gotta start somewhere & if you want to share it right away that’s one hell of an achievement and damned awesome. On the other hand, if it’s taken a while, that’s great too. Either way, sharing can be one hell of an anxiety inducing situation.

Okay, so when it came to finally posting stuff up, I’d definitely been writing a while, but at this point I knew I really wanted feedback on my writing, and to see if people enjoyed it, so that was a huge factor in me sharing it online. I’d never find out what people thought if I kept it to myself forever. Critique can sometimes be tough (just before my ImperialRemnant account on AO3 I wrote fanfic elsewhere and definitely had “this sucks” reviews - which isn’t so much a critique, but actually being a dick because they weren’t helpful - and definitely had fics that did rather terribly - still do - but it’s all a learning process & you eventually get used to it).

It’s also important where you post it, AO3 would be best of jarchie and beronica, as well as tumblr. Fanfic.net usually does better with gen fics. They’re the only ones I use, although I have accounts on some other sites I still gotta go on.

So I’ll go through things you should remember if you’re nervous about putting up fics (and things I have to remind/tell myself constantly):: 

1. I’ll start with the fact you’ll definitely get reviews/comments/critique like I said previously. But most people are REALLY REALLY nice, so don’t freak out (I tell myself, as I’m trying to rationalise), and I haven’t had anything terrible since making my ImperialRemnant account on AO3 or fanfic.net. And there are always times your fics won’t get any comments at all– and that’s fine too! I’ve had that happen to me, and in the long run, it doesn’t feel like a huge biggy??Also, sometimes people aren’t gonna like what you do and they’ll say that, but that takes me to a second point–

2. It’s not your problem if somebody doesn’t like something. This is really important to know. You wrote the fic because it’s a concept you wanted to write, and something you really wanted to share and that’s amazing. You put tags on everything in your fic, so the person will go in and know what to expect, so if somebody does say something, then it’s like… “it was in the tags/summary? Why did you read this then? Wtf?” then 0% your fault. (Tagging’s important guys! I do find it hard so if you do too then try! You’ll usually be fine). 

3. In regards to quality of fic, there’s definitely is a lot of amazing stuff out there, and that’s overwhelming. But you gotta know, there’s a lot of bad stuff too. I hate to say it, because it’s the nice thing to say all fic is good, but the reality is that’s not true. Your fic may not be the best (hey it may be damn amazing I haven’t seen it xD), but there’s a damn good chance it’s not going to be the worst either. Say to yourself this fic isn’t terrible, it’s fine. Your quality will improve over time anyway when you grow as a writer (Lord forbid there’s stuff from a year ago I published and I’m like… why did I do that…but that brings me to the next point).

4. SOMEBODY WILL LOVE YOUR FIC, I GUARANTEE THIS. I didn’t know this at first but learnt it quickly and have to remind myself EVERY TIME. Even if, later, you’re going “oh god that fic was a dumb idea”, there will be someone, at some point, who will have loved it and enjoyed it and wished there was more. It may just be one or two people but goddammit your audience is always gonna start small, and if it stays that way it will always be worth it for someone (that someone can be yourself too!). The best feeling is when somebody gets excited from your updates (HUGE reason why people should leave comments if they love a fic, because there’s a lot of people who are passive readers even when they love love LOVE a fic & just leave a kudos, definite issue. But I hope as a fandom we can not be like that?).

5. Your writing is not going to be perfect to you, it’ll never be perfect, you’ll be sure there’s a way something could be written better, but maybe you don’t know how to make it better (especially if you don’t have a beta!). I never expect fics, when I go in to read them, to be perfect. No writer is perfect, even properly published writers. You’re going to have to tell yourself it’s the best you can do RIGHT NOW for THIS fic. Put it through an editing program maybe if it’ll make you feel better (I use prowritingaid sometimes?) or leave the fic and go through it later. It’s gonna be fine.

6. Don’t expect much at first. Sometimes first fics can be very successful for people, but there’s a shit-ton of people where this doesn’t happen and it takes a while. When I first put fics up on AO3 they only got less than 10 kudos or something? You will eventually write something that a lot of people may love, but it can take a while. I think… well I’ll give you an example with the Star Wars fandom– I first wrote TFA & Kylux on AO3 before The Force Awakens had even come out, so obviously I didn’t get a lot of attention. When the movie came out, there was few fanfics but I was already there so a lot of people would read my fics (dunno if they liked them, but since they were some of the ONLY ones that existed they didn’t have much choice ;P). If you’re writing fics in a growing fandom you might be more likely get more attention later on your fics, if only because there’s few choices. Some of my fics still have barely any kudos, but I have nearly 60 fics and they’re gonna be a hit or a miss (& they eventually gather more kudos overtime, so even the worst fics have at least a few). With Jarchie, I was actually surprised I got as many as I did, but this fandom’s in the process of growing and I assume a lot of people are reading all the new fics?? It’s probably good for you actually, to right now put a fic when people are reading it and into it. 

6. It gets easier. Man, I ain’t even kidding, the first time I was putting up a fic I was freaking out like mad, going back and forth between the tag, mouse hovering over the publish button, re-reading a billion and ten times. It was ~kinda~ easier in a fandom where nobody was reading the fics because you definitely don’t expect much, but there were a couple of people who definitely enjoyed the series I was writing once I’d put some stuff up. And as time went on, it got much more easier. There’s a huge gap of time I didn’t put any fics up and it was hard to update again, but now that I did it, it’s once again easier to do it. I still have internal battles with myself over it, but it’s quicker to get over it and much easier to win. 

7. I forgot a note so I’m just gonna add it quickly. But if you’re really weird about it, you can first send it to a friend to look over, or a mutual or something. Or, since I myself never could do that, just tell someone about the idea– and I suggest telling someone you know won’t make a negative comment about it. Sometimes a “that sounds interesting” or “that sounds cool” can be even a little helpful. If you’re lucky, might even go a long way.

Honestly, my mind goes through a whole lot of panic, and sometimes it just takes a good mental day, and some excitement about the concept of my fic, to be able to be brave enough to finally put something up. I usually have low expectations when I share it (being a pessimistic person by nature, so as not to disappoint myself), but I’m like… somebody’s gonna like it at some point, it’s not the worst fic I’ve ever seen, it’ll be okay. And if a fic doesn’t do well, then you just need to put it behind and move on (repress memories haha). Leave it up, don’t take it down, somebody may eventually come across it and love it, but there’s no harm done having fics that don’t do well. It might just be that it’s not gonna appeal to most people, and that’s okay.

At the end of the day your fic’s gonna be okay. There’s a bunch of amazing, unique, horrendously weird, terrible, awful fics out there and the last thing you need to feel is awkward. I know this ended up being a monster of an essay but I hope it’s helped, even a little.

tl;dr? No need to feel awkward, sit yo ass down and just fuckin’ do it. Shit’s crazy.