#but i'm having a tough time health-wise and it's a rough week

[decaflondonfog]

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[knights-of-the-glittery-table]

I wrote a very long email to an organisation that is there to help fight on behalf of people who want to complain about their medical treatment both physical and mental heath wise.

I was given the website in Jan by someone from a charity who used to be helping me out but I've only just decided to write to them as I'm so tired emotionally.

Hello,

My name is Jenny and I live in -. I'm - with severe depression, anxiety and agoraphobia. I was given the name of your organisation in Jan by someone at - but found it tough to be able to put into words how neglected and failed I was feeling. Unfortunately I ended up having a year just as rough as all proceeding it and I'm at the point where I feel so abandoned and without support I think I can talk about it.

I lost my dad at 16 and then mum at 20, I was severely mentally ill and unmedicated at the time (failed by my family GP the entire time who diagnosed me at 14 with depression but never prescribed any medications or counselling/therapy) and it was only around 24 years old I started to be medicated. 

The last 13 years have been absolute hell and I've been let down by not only the small amount of family I have (brothers of my mum who all live far away/out of country) but so very much by the medical field as well as organisations I've reached out to.

I've reached the point where all the fight is gone out of me and I just don't have any trust or hope left. I'm so desperate to feel supported and cared about but as I said tearfully to my friend not long ago, I feel that all these places supposed to help actually have made my quality of life worse and eroded my will to live.

I have 13 years of pain and hurt with an endless amount of it put at the feet of not being given the support and treatment a person deserves. The stress and effect on my mental health as well as physical health over time has genuinely put me into such a place of not being able to trust or hope when all I want it to be able to do both of those things.

To give just very brief idea of things, here are a few things off the top of my head from the last month or so:

Being in severe mental health crisis and told to call my GP surgery back if I felt worse. I rang back two days later only to be told it was a half day so the doctor had left but would receive a call the next day. Five minutes after the call ended I receive a text message to tell me I'd receive a call 5 days from then as already prearranged. Five days is a terribly long time when you are in crisis. The phonecall I then received was very brief and told me we'd go from the appointment set in place for the next week with a nurse.

This appointment that the doctor prearranged was to speak to a nurse who is the 'go between' between the GP and psychiatric and  it ended up being cancelled three times. By the third time the text no longer told me to get in touch to rearrange so I gave up. The days leading up to each appointment before they were cancelled (the last time it was actually cancelled an hour before I was due to go, by text) were filled with awful anxiety because my previous experiences with 'mental health 'liaisons/connectors'  were truly awful. The first one made me cry and when I tried to explain that to her she got aggressive and lacked any sort of empathy for mental illness, bringing her religion into it. I asked the GP to please never put me in contact with that person again. The other time I was sat in a room with a young woman who genuinely sat in silence and just stared at me. I felt rather baffled by the silence and so just kept talking about how I was feeling and finally after near 10 minutes she spoke up only to ask me what my caffeine intake was like and had I tried screaming into a pillow and playing loud music. I left pretty soon after. These two incidents were only this year, not even that long ago.

I tried to get in touch with my surgery late last month about arranging some support by having monthly mental health wellbeing calls the same way I arranged before the surgery changed hands this time last year. I've not heard back and I don't have the fight in me anymore to try and enforce it.

After being on the waiting list for 8 months or so with Talking Together Wirral they wanted to start some counselling the same time a brief 6 sessions with Cruise bereavement started. I spoke to them and they said they'd sort it out and get back to me. Instead on the first session with this new counsellor I was informed it wasn't possible to do both at once and that it'd have to be pushed back.(They were supposed to be in touch again by mid November, never were.) I was then deeply upset by this counsellor who informed me that depression and anxiety were manageable by counselling and meds and I didn't need a higher level of care. I spent all of this year being encouraged by the GP and the nurses I was speaking to from the mental health crisis line that I was doing the right thing trying to push for a higher level of medical psychiatric care so it just confused and upset me greatly.

I apologise for the length of the email but there has been so much, I mean the whole reason I was given your name in the first place is because the lady who gave it to me was deeply unhappy with the way I was being treated and the last 11 months have only added more to that list of ways I've been failed and deeply upset. (This connector I mention I haven't spoke to since Jan as in her words I was too poorly for what third sector can offer. I tried getting in touch during a mental crisis beginning of October to ask if the next time the dwp send me spiralling into a mental heath crisis I could ask for their help but she never replied. That had an effect on me too as you can imagine.)

There's a lot I could make complaints about, just the absolute lack of care from everywhere from the GP to the access team to the times I was an outpatient with dermatology and a hundred other places and people. I've been failed on every front, for 13 years and I can't do it anymore.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[loverdlx]

🦔🐧

Guess what I did last week? I bought socks with HEDGEHOGS ROASTING MARSHMALLOWS on them AND socks of PENGUINS SKIING. HOW AMAZING IS THAT!!!     

Anyway, well that's the last time I tell anyone anything about animal anons plans, otherwise they will be spoiled and ruined by my friends! Oh well, it's all in good fun (and also forced me to keep my commitment of posting tonight despite being depressed that Jurgen got sent home...#gbbospoilers)!

Well as many people have predicted correctly, I passed the Bar! Hallelujah! I was sworn in as an attorney this week so I am officially an esq! I also am scheduled to received my dolly booster shot next week and earlier this month I started a new (not 80 hours a week) job! So I have had a fabulous month and have many things to be thankful for including my epic sock purchase! Which is perfect timing for the holiday ahead! So I wanna know what you are thankful for this year? I know it's been a tough year for so many so it can be as small or as large as you can think!

I'm so excited to learn more about everyone's year and what you're thankful for! Remember to tag animal anon (if you so desire) because I love scrolling through all your amazing responses! And since it was requested of course I LOVE atwtmvtv and the short film! My favorite vault song is IBYTAM because I love LOVE LOVE CS (please everyone go watch his performance with Jhud from the CMAs, it is mind-blowing)!

And remember, animal anon thinks you are all beautiful talented gorgeous people who are all killing it at life! ❤

oh! hi animal anon! so nice to meet you!

THOSE SOCKS SOUND INCREDIBLE! i loooove buying funny socks. i have these socks i pull out every holiday season that have dying snowmen on them!! kinda morbid lmao 💀 but i found a pic of them on google images lkdfnb

i have them in black ;)

and omg! congrats on passing the bar!! that's epic!!!! and yay for a better job!! i'm glad you had a fantastic november!

my november's been kinda rough mental health wise, but it's been better the past few days! plus having red tv now plus a remake of my favorite pokemon game from childhood has made everything better :D

my family's had a rough year health-wise bc of my grandma, so i am thankful that she's made so much progress in her recovery in the past few months! she had a stroke back in may so my whole family life has changed to center around her and her care, but she's been making a lot of improvements! it's still pretty stressful and challenging every day but the fact that she's come as far as she has is something to be tremendously grateful for ✨

happy holidays, animal anon! <3