#but i'm definitely fucking suffering and genuinely afraid

[modernbutch]

Does anyone else ever think about how information about the long-term effects of COVID-19 gets scarier and scarier and no one gives a fuck

[muzsmocsing]

Reviewing tgcf characters because I have thoughts

I finished S2 recently and I need somewhere to put my not exactly hot but like warm (?) takes because it's taking up too much storage space in my brain.

🤍 Xie Lian 🤍

It's a good thing I'm not into guys because if I was I would be on my knees for this man in every sense of that expression and his pet menace to society would mince me up like garlic.

So I'll try to be brief about my overflowing feelings about him. Xie Lian is the best main character I have come across in a WHILE. He's the embodiment of compassion and kindness. And also a cold blooded murderer. A babygirl. A father figure. A terrifying martial god. A silly little guy. A pathological liar. The most genuine man you'll ever meet. He's everything, and Hua Cheng is 100% valid in his obsession. I'm right there with him.

Rating: 10/10

❤️ Hua Cheng ❤️

Idk if we ever figured out who wrote My Immortal but I'm pretty sure we have our culprit.

"Hi my name is Hua Cheng Crimson Rain Sought Flower Red-Robed Ghost King and this is my evil weapon of death E-ming. I've killed soooo many gods with it!! My dark power is I can summon storms of BLOOD and SUFFERING. I have my own scary city of DEMONS and they all love me and think I'm HOT but I only want my BOYFRIEND who's the only REAL GOD so STOP FLAMING HIM YOU POSERS-"

Needless to say I love him. Being the 8 time winner of the Loverboy of the Century Awards with unbeatable records in the yearning olympics is truly a remarkable feat.

Rating: 9/10

(Bonus: E-ming. Cute little guy. Likes his stepdad more than his real dad. Not afraid to show it's feelings even if it makes it look like a muppet, 10/10)

🧡 Feng Xin & Mu Qing 🧡

Tweedle dee and tweedle dum gets a shared rating because they would hate to be grouped together like that and that's funny to me. Their dynamic is great, they're good characters, I wasn't sure which one was which until midway through the second season. But then also I have a pair of 7yo twin cousins who I still can't tell apart despite them not looking even a slight bit similar so that might just be a character flaw on my end. Oops.

Rating: 7/10

🩵Shi Qingxuan🩵

I'm doubling the rating because she is best boy and best girl at the same time. I love that I can use any and all pronouns for him because he's literally a pride parade personified and therefore all of them are correct. You don't get that type of chaotic fun just anywhere.

He is truly living my dream, presenting as whatever gender they want depending on what's more convenient and/or funnier in the moment. Super useful, for things like gathering intel and terrorizing Feng Xin by being a woman.

And I personally think we should crown her the new emperor. She'd look significantly better on that throne, with her Barbie-like radiance and flourishing Kenergy.

Rating: 20/10

🖤 Ming Yi 🖤

Listen, I hate to say it because I like a sunshine x grump moment as much as the next gay but he's just... not giving what he thinks he's giving. Everyone is whispering ominously about him having some dark devastating secret but MY point is no matter how big his boobs are in his female form, Shi Qingxuan could do better. I'm sorry. She really could.

Rating: 4/10

💙 Lang Qianqiu 💙

Just an honest man with good intentions and a sickass fucking sword. He did NOT hesitate to attack the infamous Crimson Rain Sought Flower on SIGHT and I respect a quick decisionmaker, even if it shows some himbo tendencies. He also has the same distinct energy as Fred from Scooby Doo.

Rating: 6/10

💚 Qi Rong 💚

He's got some odd dietary and moral choices going on. Definitely. But he's just such a fun villain!!! Being Xie Lian's nr 1 source of migraines SHOULD make me like him less but I'm sorry, every time he was on screen I was LIVING. He would do numbers on reality TV. Someone put this guy on Kitchen Nightmares, I need to see him 1v1 Gordon Ramsay.

Rating: 7/10

🌚 Jun Wu 🌚

He has his emperor status & DILF card going for him but something about this man just ain't right. If he came to a party I was attending I would cover my drink is all I'm saying.

Rating: 2/10

🔥Pei Ming🔥

I don't know much about him besides he had that one shady empolyee or whatever (could not hear the plot over the deafening sound of Hua Cheng's yearning) but I'm partial to a good manwhore character. The thought of people praying to him like "Hugh Mungus, who art in heaven-" really tickles me.

I know he's probably straight but I headcanon him as at the very least bi-curious because you can't be that hot with that much game and not use it for evil. (That evil being causing large scale gay awakenings among his soldiers.)

Rating: 7/10

❓Pei Xiu❓

Unreliable, unimportant, unattractive, unemployed.

I remember not a singular thing about him besides fucking up Xie Lian's daughter's life and also being on my last nerve from the jump. If you're going to be evil at like least be memorable about it, you know? You can't be a bad person and a bad character at the same time. Pick a struggle.

Rating: 1/10

📚 Ling Wen 📚

I heard she committed some war crimes but honestly if I had to do an entire realm's tax returns by myself AND teach Pei Ming how to read (I refuse to believe that man is literate, just look at him) I would want to rage on occasion too. I hope she has a hot wife waiting for her at home to give her massages after carrying the whole system on her back all day. It's what she deserves.

Rating: 8/10

Thank you for reading!! Opinions might change once I read the books but as of now this is it. Remembering everyone's names has been a journey and a half so this post is sponsored by @kirstenly 's character cheat sheet go look at it! and everything else too!!!

[fleurywiththesave]

Hello! Mattdrai or Matthew/Sasha and sleep deprived please 💙

Ohhhh I love this one! You know I had to make it Mattdrai.

9. Sleep deprivation

Leon promised himself that he wasn't going to allow himself to look at any evidence of Cup celebrations. Nada, zip, zilch. No on-ice interviews, no celebratory photos, no coverage of the eventual parade. He swore, up and down, that he would have enough common sense not to torture himself.

But the thing is, as shitty as Leon feels right now...and make no mistake, he feels shitty. He and Connor cried on each other for what felt like hours, he still has no appetite, he's afraid to touch social media for fear that hearing everyone's disappointment and judgment will rip him apart all over. He is not having a good time and he would very much like never to be in this position again.

But he's still so. goddamn. proud. of Matthew. Of how hard he worked all season, of everything he does to bring his team together, of how incredibly happy he's made his family. And there's even a part of him, that he would never ever ever tell Connor about, that's even happier for Matthew than he would've been for himself. Seeing him get so close to the end last season, seeing him literally break his body doing everything he could to win and it still not being enough, hurt Leon almost as much as it hurt Matthew, and he's not sure that Matthew ever would have really recovered from suffering the same fate twice in a row.

So he lied. Sue him. He gets onto his stealth Instagram account, where he won't see any mention of his own failures, and watches from afar while Matthew and his teammates live it up at Eleven. That stupid WWE belt is going to be so gross by the end of all of this that Leon might have to burn it. Though Matthew's definitely going to want to frame it.

He's running through around the tenth cycle of wanting to smile and also kind of wanting to cry when his phone starts to vibrate and Matthew's name pops up. He accepts the call before he's had a chance to consider whether or not it's a good idea.

"Leo!" Matthew yells, as chipper as a children's TV host. Leon's amused in spite of himself.

"Are you drunk?"

"You'd think so," Matthew says agreeably, "but I mostly just haven't slept in two days."

"Yeah, I noticed," Leon answers.

"You've been watching?" Matthew's voice has gone considerably softer and he sounds genuinely surprised.

"I have," Leon tells him. Matthew sighs.

"Fuck, I miss you, baby."

"Matty—"

"I know, I know. But I already told you I'm kind of delirious and it's true, I fucking miss you, and I hate that me being so happy means that you have to be so miserable, and I just wish you were here with me, you know? And I know that's not fair, I know you should have your space and you needed to go back to Edmonton—"

"I didn't," Leon cuts in.

"You didn't what?"

"I didn't go back to Edmonton," he admits. "I'm still at the hotel in Florida."

There's a long pause.

"I can be home in half an hour," Matthew says, words tripping over each other. Leon's heart swells.

"I'll be there."

[lizzie-queenofmeigas]

I'm sorry, but if you genuinely still can't understand the reasons for why people hated Elena so much, after all these years, then I'm afraid you're a lost cause. All the hate, backlash, and criticism Elena received was 100% justified and deserved. She's by far the worst and most boring, bland, vapid, weakest, useless, and worthless excuse of a main protagonist I've ever seen in any movie, show, book, and media. Nothing remotely interesting or compelling about her in the slightest. She has no personality or agency, and she contributed nothing whatsoever to the show. Her only personality and the only thing she contributed was going back and forth between two brothers, constantly whining and crying and playing the victim, and being a selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed little twat that makes everything about her and thinks the world revolves around her. 

And before you use trauma as an excuse to defend her, I've seen plenty of other female characters from other shows and movies that have been through similar or worse things than Elena did, and they were a million times better and more likable than Elena could ever be. Stop using trauma and abuse as a weapon and to guilt people into changing their opinions about Elena. Don't pretend to give a shit about victims of abuse and trauma, when I don't see any of you extending that same grace to people like Caroline, Bonnie, Katherine, Rebekah, and Vicki, who have all been through shit too, and were far more interesting and better characters than Elena were. And you hate them for the exact same reasons, just like how a lot of you hate female characters in general for trauma and abuse they've been dealt. 

So, don't act so innocent when a lot of you villainize the hell out of Caroline for being the only character on the show that actually acted like an actual teenage girl, had believable flaws and imperfections, and was actually a lot more relatable than Elena was. And when you also villainize and victim blame/shame and slut shame her for the rape and abuse she suffered at the hands of Damon. You hate Caroline for rightfully hating her rapist and abuser, and not wanting Elena to be with him. But you don't hate Elena, who's supposed to be the best friend, and clearly has no shame sleeping with a rapist, knowing exactly what he did. Makes perfect sense. 

And I will most definitely always hate Elena for her decision to kill Kol, along with thousands and thousands of other vampires in his sireline. I don't care what Kol did, she will always be a straight piece of shit and a fucking cunt for that. And the audacity she had to be mad at Stefan for sleeping with Katherine and Rebekah, when she was flaunting the fact that she was sleeping with his abusive, rapist brother? Yeah, 100% FUCK HER! She has no say in who Stefan can and can't see. 

How Elena even has fans or people defending her is beyond me. If she wasn't such a bland bitch and had an actual personality and something to offer to the story and was just a decent person in general, then people would've actually liked her and rooted for her. But she was never leading lady material. That should've gone to Caroline or Katherine, mostly Katherine. But I'd do fine with Caroline too, she doesn't need a family legacy or nothing like that to lead the show. LITERALLY ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN ELENA!

Wow. Caroline stans are out of their minds.

No, Caroline doesn't act like a normal teenager. She acts like an entitled insensitive brat. I literally never met anyone who was like her, thank god for that.

Your hate for Elena seems irrational. I understand when people don't like her, but you take it a step further.

Good for you if you hate Elena and love Caroline, but you don't need to be interacting with someone who is the opposite.

[kteezy997]

The Other Man - Part Nine//t.c.

warnings: cursing, toxic ex behavior, mention of physical violence, mention of bruises and blood, gun violence ((mature 18+ readers only))

You didn't hear from Timmy for a couple of days. It felt like deja vu from the game night with Billy. Neither event had been your fault or Timmy's, but both of them had separated you.

You had returned to work and tried to focus on that, but Billy hadn't stopped trying to contact you. You completely ignored him, but he still didn't let up. You blocked his number and hoped that would be the ending of Billy's existence in your life. You did worry that he might find you or show up at the house. You didn't know what would happen if that occurred. You didn't know what he wanted to do or what he was capable of.

"y/n, you've got a phone call." your coworker called out to you.

"Oh," you said, terrified that it might be your ex-husband on the line, "is it a man?"

"No, it's some lady."

"Okay?" you took the work phone from them and put it to your ear, wondering who it could be. "Hello?"

"Y/n? This is Amelia."

"Amelia? Why are you calling my workplace?"

"I didn't have your cell number or any other way to contact you, sorry. I just...wanted to know if we could talk?"

You sat down at a desk, prepared to hear anything that this woman had to say. This conversation could alter your entire life. There was a possibility that you'd be a stepmother for the rest of your life. "Sure." you said.

"Oh, great." her voice sounded sad, but she came across as genuine, " I just wanna start out by saying that I'm so sorry for the other night: intruding like I did. Timmy was right, he made no promises to me, he never showed any romantic interest in me. It was all on my end. I feel so stupid about it all now."

"I understand. You seemed to really care for him. Our feelings can make us do some crazy things." you responded. You wanted to come out and say something along the lines of 'Bitch are you really pregnant? Is it even Timmy's?' But you didn't want to press the issue. You decided to let her give you information at her own pace so she wouldn't hold anything back.

"Yeah, it really does. About that: I have to admit something awful to you."

Your heart sank. She could say anything in the world, and it had the power to determine what your future would look like. You were so afraid that she would take Timmy away from you, whether he was willing or not.

"What is it?" you asked her, nearly trembling.

You heard her gulp through the phone. It was obvious that she was nervous. "I lied about the pregnancy. The ultrasound I showed Timothee was a copy of my sister's. She's having a baby, I'm not."

"Are you fucking crazy?" you blurted out, feeling the blood pumping through your veins. You didn't feel any relief, not yet.

"Yes, in that moment, I was." she admitted, "It doesn't make it right, but I was in love with him. I was out of my mind in love and all I could think about was getting him to love me back. I thought that if I told him I was going to have his baby, he'd want to be with me."

You sighed. This woman was mad. But that is what love can do to people. They can act out in ways that they normally would not. Hell, love had made you cheat on your husband. Perhaps Amelia suffered from this particular madness. She wasn't herself when she told her lie. Oh, your poor Timmy.

"Anyway, um, I won't go on about that anymore. I won't waste your time any longer than needed. So, Timmy has gone to talk to the PR teams. I told him we can just cancel the whole contract. I told him everything and he wants nothing to do with me, and I definitely don't blame him. So, I'm giving it all up, the whole fake relationship. I think he's in love with you anyways."

"Okay. Thank you for calling me."

"Yeah, of course. I just wanted you to know the truth. And I want Timmy to be happy. I'm such a bad person for what I just put him through." Amelia's voice broke.

"Hey, Amelia, you're not a bad person." You couldn't help but empathize with her. You yourself were no saint. Amelia deserved the hurt she was feeling, and she deserved to lose the friendship she had with Timmy, but she wasn't evil, you could tell. "Just...be better. Learn from your mistakes. And take care of yourself, okay?"

She sniffled, "Yeah, thank you, y/n. I can see why he loves you. Goodbye."

"Bye Amelia."

After work, you called Timmy, and it rang several times before it went to voicemail. You figured he was busy, so you left him a voicemail message, telling him to call you as soon as he could and that you missed him.

A couple of hours went by without any word from Timmy. You called him again, and still no answer. You started to worry. Yes, you wanted him to have space, but it still wasn't like him to not answer you after about an hour or so. Two days had gone by since you'd seen him and you now knew the truth about the Amelia situation, so you thought maybe he was ready to let you in.

You decided to go to his place. There was no answer when you knocked. Now you were scared. Did something happen? Did he pick up and leave for some reason? Was your love story over?

Your phone rang and you felt so incredibly relieved seeing Timmy's name flashing on the caller ID.

"Timmy?!" you answered, "Are you okay, baby?"

"Oh hey, baby." you knew that voice, and it was not the voice of the man you loved.

"Billy, what the fuck have you done to him?!"

"Oh, don't worry hon, your fuck buddy is just fine. A little beat up, but nothing too bad. His pretty little face might heal up okay." Billy's voice was chillingly calm when he talked about the harm he'd done.

"God damn it, tell me where the fuck you are right now, asshole!"

"Oh sweetheart, I'm at our happy home. Ya know, the place where you and your boyfriend committed adultery."

"Fuck!" you ran to your car, not even bothering with the seatbelt and sped off to your house. You called the police and told them there was an intruder in your home, and he had your boyfriend as a hostage.

"Timmy!" you yelled as you entered the house, not waiting for the police to get there. You had no idea what kind of shape he was really in, so you had to act fast before it was potentially too late.

"Upstairs, y/n." called out Billy.

You wanted to kill him.

You ran upstairs, finding them in your bedroom. Timmy was bound to a chair, duct tape covering his mouth. You could see bruises on his face and his nose was bleeding. "Billy you son of a bitch!" You could smell some strong body odor and alcohol. There was an empty bottle of whiskey on the floor. You could tell that Billy had been on a bender and hadn't showered or stopped drinking for awhile.

"Pretty talk for a whore." he spat the hateful words at you.

It was then that you noticed the gun in his hand. "Shit, Billy, don't do anything you're going to seriously regret. You've bitched me out, you beat him up, so just stop it there. You've gotten your revenge. No need to take it any further." you trembled, tears filling your eyes. You did your best to maintain a soothing voice in an attempt to calm Billy down.

"No, no. You two have sinned. And for that, you should die!" he screamed, breathing heavily.

The cops are coming, you kept thinking to yourself. The cops are coming. Just keep him talking. Just a little longer.

You looked over at Timmy, he was quiet, but groaning softly and it was muffled through the duct tape. Your heart broke seeing him worn down and completely defenseless. What had Billy put him through? And for how long?

Billy then raised the gun, pointing it straight at Timmy.

Timmy clenched his eyes shut.

You cried, "Billy! No! Please don't!"

"Yeah?" he cocked the gun, not moving, "And why not?"

"Billy, it was wrong: what we did." you tried to keep calm, but it didn't really work, your heart was racing, and tears were running down your face. "I know it was. And I'm sorry. But this...this isn't worth it. Timmy is innocent in this. It was all me. I seduced him, I... manipulated him. Please, let him go." You were desperate to keep Timmy alive.

Billy looked at you, and slowly, he started lowering the gun.

"Police!" a voice called, as you heard the front door being knocked down.

"You dumb fucking bitch." Billy's eyes turned lethal as he pointed the gun at you. You saw his finger pull the trigger. Timmy screamed from behind the tape. You dived to the floor, screaming and hearing the gun go off. Once on the floor, you kicked Billy's feet from underneath him, and he fell to the floor. The gun dropped to the floor as well.

The cops came in yelling and restraining Billy. You regained your breath as they took him away in handcuffs and got up frantically to get Timmy freed from his constraints. You ripped the tape off of his mouth.

"Are you alright?!" he asked you, panting, as you untied his hands.

"Yes, I'm good." you quickly freed his ankles, and moved up to hold his face in your hands. "What about you?"

"I've been better, but I'll be okay. I love you." he said, kissing you hard, pulling you into his arms.

"I love you too." you said in between kisses, wrapping your arms around him, feeling most grateful that you were able to do so.

@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @softhecreator @tchalamss @chalametbich

[chemical-killjoy]

OK, so here's the thing. I just watched the Fortnight video and listened to Who's Afraid of Little Old Me for the first time... I'm having thoughts.

First of all, while I DON'T like Taylor (as will become evident in this post) I can appreciate WAOLOM, because it do be a bop, and the lyrics in Fortnight are (while cringy) also pretty good. Just cause I don't like her doesn't mean she sucks at what she does, just like how some of her songs are good doesn't mean all are or that it's all because of her with no help in penning them.

Next. Fortnight. So first of all, it's incredibly fucked up to be talking about alcoholism from someone who hasn't struggled (and if she has, I retract that statement... but since she hasn't spoken about it, I think it's another one of her metaphors), and the psychward-chic?? What the actual FUCK??? Look, as someone who has been in psych wards multiple times... you cannot be making that shit glamorous. You don't get to show med times, you don't get to show ECT, without some kind of disclaimer, knowledge, understanding or experience. It's not all ballgowns and doctor saving you. It's horrible.

So she's glamourising mental illness. Fucking, fine. Everyone on TikTok seems to be, so fine. But going further with ECT?? For those who don't know, ECT stands for electroconvulsive therapy, and if you're thinking that sounds like electroshock therapy... it is. It's the same thing, rebranded and "tamed". And it's NOT A THING OF THE PAST. I know someone who got ECT done. And while it seems to have helped her, it's fucking horrendous. I'm not going into the side effects or the process, but it's a last resort. Even medically, it's a last resort, it's horrendous. I mean for fuck's sake, I know where people get it done, and I've been there (not to have it done, but for talk therapy). It's not fucking nice! It's not chic, it's not fun times, you don't get black and white film and lipstick. I can't even try to understand why you'd glamourise something so fucked up just for public attention. There's a difference between making things creepy, pushing boundaries in artistic senses, and making some of the worst times of people's lives into a break up song. What the actual fuck is wrong with her?? Also, to reiterate, I wouldn't call it ableism, as much as just fucking horrendous.

Then there's WAOLOM (I can't be bothered to keep typing it lol). Ngl, it's a banger, it's a vibe, and it's kinda relatable through both the trauma and female rage lense that I think she's going for. So, well done with that I guess. But the thing I have a problem with in this... Look man, if that's genuinely how she feels? I hope she gets help. Being caged is awful, and being twisted into a monster, also not fun. I know there was the whole snake fiasco that definitely would've been traumatic, and I hope she's OK and can heal from that. But in the song... it's so fucking self absorbed. Like no. Not everything is about you, as much as you try to make it that way (and unfortunately swifties are making that so). Ngl, the asylum where they raised me part, I mean her dad doesn't sound fun to grow up with if you think about it, but there's more psych ward imagery which pisses me off from someone who hasn't suffered that much!! Like sure, what she's been through is shit, I relate to some of it and so understand, but you can't go around like your pain is the worst in the world. It fucking isn't. At least you can afford the therapy for it Taylor, some of us can't. And the "I'll sue you" part? She literally has sued people for small shit!!

TL;DR: Fortnight video is FUCKING WRONG AND FUCKED UP and I wanna punch her for it and ECT is not a thing of the past, and Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me is a banger, but she's incredibly self-centred and if she actually feels what she wrote in that song I hope she gets the help she needs (/gen)

[takami-takami]

Trigger warning: restrictive eating (medical), calorie numbers, weight, emeto. LONG SRY

I will say though. Now that it's gastroparesis awareness month! My story with gastroparesis.

Today, I ate a meal with my family. I ate rice, chicken without oil, and baked empanadas with ground chicken in them. And even though my mom had to cook me a separate plate that wasn't deep fried like everyone else's, I feel so at peace.

Today when I was at the doctor's office getting a physical form signed for school, my doctor turned to me and smiled and said, "I'm not telling them about your gastroparesis for stomach issues. You know where you are. Stable!" And I genuinely lit up and nodded.

There was a good period of my life where I was only eating 600-800 calories a day. I slept propped up to aid motility, I woke up every morning with pain and would wake up in the middle of the night. I had shakes and tremors when I took my medicine. I was tired, cold, underweight. I developed agoraphobia because I was so terrified of getting sick outside and not having my room to go run and hide in.

I had anxiety attacks about my food getting contaminated, and I yelled at people who touched or moved my food like a starved animal. Like, I genuinely felt like one.

I remember when I found the first nutrition shake I could keep down. After drinking one per day, I noticed I didn't drag my feet down the steps anymore. I actually did a little skip. And I felt so much joy and told everybody I knew, I can skip again! I could dance to music for a short amount of time again!

I remember how devastated and scared I was when Orgain changed the recipe to appeal to diet culture instead of health. I went right back to that dark place.

But I pushed myself, and once I noticed my volume intake limit increasing, I knew I had to start varying my diet because my gp was improving. So I dealt with refeeding, and it was hard. But I did it!

Over the past three years, I have slowly gotten better and better, more able to tolerate more volume and more foods. I stopped my SSRI antidepressant at the advice of my GI, and that definitely helped over the past year and a half. I also healed more from my trauma, which I do genuinely think helped me as well.

Now I weigh enough to donate blood again! I went to Japan and ate at restaurants! I get crepes with my sibling and the blueberries make me a little sick but I eat them anyway because I'm not so afraid anymore! I can go out with people to eat! I can eat with my family!!!!!!

Now, I just avoid high fat, high fiber foods and don't eat raw, unblended veggies/fruit. And I'm genuinely fine. I can literally check the nutrition label and EAT THAT NEW FOOD? RIGHT THERE? AS LONG AS IT'S LOW FAT/FIBER? THAT'S CRAZY!!!!! THAT'S CRAZY.

I'm just so happy. I have no idea how I managed back then, because I'm so fucking happy now. I'm genuinely happy, and I'm not in pain every day. Now I only experience pain if I eat something I'm not supposed to. That's so crazy. Genuinely.

I am very grateful. I have never felt something more soul-crushing than gastroparesis. It's a terrible diagnosis, and no one wants to study it because it's rare and a cure isn't "profitable". But it is a very, very painful diagnosis, and the suffering is real.

I'm just happy to be okay again. We genuinely need to find a cure because no one should have to live like that.

[it-one-line-at-a-time]

ALSO hi sorry you're the only one that knows what im talking about when i rant about It

i think its really a thing that bevs fear is different. its not wearwolves or mummys its blood

and while that doesn't feel a lot different shes a girl right at the age of having a period for the first time

HAVING YOUR FIRST PERIOD IS FULCONG SCARY

coufh cpugh bev and carrie are literally both stephen king characters whos main arc is being scared of having a period?? he does this intentionally?? cough

they nod to this in the movie when the boys go into the store to get stuff to help ben and shes buying tampons and unsure of what to do. she hides the tampons to cause shes embarrassed

AND HER DAD i could go on for hourssssssss her dad literally says "are you not my little girl anymore?" LIKE whatttttttttt the fuck. and no one but her and the boys can see the blood. while yeah this is because the adults dont see it but do we know WHY the adults dont see it? ITS BECAUSE THIS ENTIRE STORY IS LITERALLY ABOUT KIDS WHO ARE AFRAID. AFRAID OF PEOPLE BRUSHING THEIR FEARS ASIDE AND AFRAID OF BECOMING SOMEONE WHO DOES THAT.

HER FEAR IS FUCKING GROWING UP AND THE MAIN VILLAIN AGAINST HER IS A CLOWN THAT ONLY KILLS PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT GROWN UP AND IM SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THAT

i love bev she needs a hug and a warm blanket and raspberry leaf tea and a good movie and to be loved

Don't you dare be sorry! I'm having the time of my life answering these things, I swear to God.

I think Bev's fear of blood has sooo many layers. It's more explicitly stated in the book, just because it's easier in terms of description of internal monologues, but the film does definitely, as you say, give a few nods. There's obviously the scene in the shop where she is struggling to pick out tampons (honestly same, girl, I hate sanitary shopping more than I can say), which shows how new to this she is, and then she hides it behind her back from the boys, because she's scared and embarrassed to let it be known that she's growing up.

Of course she's also scared of her dad, and fucking fair enough?? The man is awful. During the scene in the book after she's met and dealt with Mrs. Kersh and Pennywise approaches her in the guise of her father and says some shit that genuinely made me nearly cry both times I read it, it's confirmed that she was scared shitless of her father, and what he might do to her. Touched upon in the movie when she first stands up to him - in a scene that had me in a stressed-out, terrified chokehold when I watched it for the first time - this fear is definitely only enhanced when she starts her period, which is why she froze in fear when he first came across the tampons. Because in her eyes, she's now being forced to grow up at the speed of light, and her dad hits her with the "Tell me you're still my little girl", so she's forced between wanting to grow up and out of his reach, and wanting to stay a kid so she doesn't have to face the hellhole of adulthood.

Long story short, she should NOT EVER have been put through that shit, nor should anyone. Like, even the idea of being afraid of growing up whilst simultaneously having to in order to escape your predatory-ass father is so fucking awful and I'd never even thought about it too hard before this, so I appreciate this ask for making me consider how fucking awful it must've been for her.

Anyway Bev is my gorgeous girl who I would rather die for than have her suffer yay <3

[marshmallowprotection]

hey i’m the anon who asked ab the kink. completely agree w what you said. kinda shocks me how a game that’s been out for almost a decade still has ppl mischaracterizing a lot of characters.

like i had someone genuinely provide an explanation on how zen would body shame you, jumin would pressure you into being perfect and would overall be abusive, yoosung would deny you of your autonomy and force you to act like rika, seven would be very verbally abusive and neglectful and saeran would be emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. (all of their hcs take place post-after endings)

funny enough, they didn’t mention v which is surprising considering how much v slander i see

Can y'all even read the media you're consuming? Haha, I don't want to sound mean but there are definitely times when I've come across someone's perception of the Mystic Messenger characters where it's clear they want to present something as 100% canon to the Good Ending timelines—

When, in truth, it's just a byproduct of the Bad Endings where most of the choices you make are deliberately toxic and spurn the worst of the worst. You have to actively click toxic responses to get a lot of the Bad Endings like the ones you just described. Jumin's notorious Bad Ending? You are actively feeding into his paranoia and supporting the feelings he has, while also indulging in the toxicity as well.

That's not who Jumin is at his best and to put it in his Good Ending is an absolute disservice to his character. Listen, if you want an ending where Jumin indulges in BDSM, then you can have it. You can imagine it in the good ending where there is nothing but consent and respect to consent. You don't have to have it in a toxic ending where it is not indicative of a healthy relationship. It's one thing if you want to play around in a bad ending because sometimes that's interesting, but it's another thing to act like those qualities in the bad ending are canon to a good ending.

If you see someone utter the words: "Zen would body shame you" let me know where they're at because who the fuck do you think Hyun Ryu is?

That is a character who has struggled with body insecurities his entire life and he would never belittle another person. He knows what it feels like to be on the receiving end of people judging you just because of the way you look and he would never want to make another person feel that way.

Just because he likes to overcompensate from his insecurities by telling himself that he's beautiful doesn't mean that he's a narcissist who's full of himself. Language has power, and if you call yourself trash, you're eventually going to believe you’re trash. I'm not saying you have to call yourself beautiful everyday, but keep in mind that you can manifest what you feel just by repeating it over and over again.

Ah, yes, people who whine and cry about Seven being mean to them in the apartment. The people who want him to wear his jokester mask until the end of time. The people who cannot understand that he is having an existential crisis, and that doesn't excuse his actions mind you, but they don't want him to be who he truly is, they want him to continue to pretend.

I have seen so many people talk about the time in the apartment and the fact is simple. They don’t get it or even try to get it. Saeyoung was lied to. The promise he threw his life away to protect his baby brother was a lie, and his brother is suffering, and his sacrifice was for nothing.

Not only that, he is afraid that if you get close to him, you might suffer the same fate and he knows he can't stomach that twice. His actions in the apartment aren't healthy, that's right, but if you really look at him, you can tell but his actions are alive from the very beginning, and he can't even remain cruel to you because you make him want to live. If you treat him like a toy who only appeases you, then you're going to get the Bad Ending.

Don't get me started on Saeran.

Please don't get me started because I’ve talked about it a hundred times. I have to say this because some people lack media literacy these days, just because I can explain why Ray and Suit Saeran did what they did doesn’t mean it excuses those actions. There is no excuse for what Ray did or what Suit Saeran did. Suit Saeran tells you directly that even if he intended to hurt himself, he hurt you and Ray in the process, and he has to own that fact.

Ray realized he was wrong to lie to you, and he tried to right his wrong by making a fake elixir and lying to the Savior to protect you from what he brought you into. They carry those damn actions they committed like an anchor, and you don’t have to accept the apology GE Saeran gives you.

GE Saeran doesn’t forgive himself until the very end of his After Ending. Because, it doesn't matter if you forgive him for what he's done, he can't forgive himself for what he's done, and a part of the reason why he ends up for giving the people who hurt him has to do with forgiving himself.

In his heart, he knew that he no longer wanted to choose anger and pain, and to forgive himself, he knew he needed to forgive those who hurt him so that he could live his life without carrying that anger. He doesn't want to be angry anymore, he wants to live a life of happiness and peace.

Honestly, I think since most people don't like V or Rika, they don't bother to create stories that romanticize the unhealthy aspects of their characters, or the qualities that play into the Bad Endings. For V fans, it's hard enough to enjoy him when people want to tear him apart, but at least, they seem to be free from horrid mischaracterization in this regard.

Let's see, that "Act like Rika" Ending? You did that to him! You kept reinforcing the similarities with yourself and Rika until he started to believe the delusions! You're the one who prompted that situation. You choose those actions. The RFA wanted to stop you from doing that to Yoosung! That is a Bad Ending! It's a Bad Ending because Bad Things Happen!

That's the point! Those Bad Endings variables don't effect Good Ending because to achieve a Good Ending, you have to actively choose healthy options and help not only yourself but the character you love get to a point where they can open their eyes to the what they're going through and work to be better, not just for the people they love, but for themselves!

...You know what, I don't think I've ever seen someone do this Jaehee. The worst I've seen about Jaehee from the start is someone whining about her being passionate about Zen? I don't think I've seen anyone mischaracterize her romantically, she might actually be safe from this shit.

[dragondroid]

Christians can fuck off with their "but my version of Christianity is the real one, all those horrible people are fake Christians" shit.

The reasons I left religion entirely are at the core of Christianity, not artifacts of a single sect or church:

- There is no definite evidence of any kind of deity or spirit that stands up to any kind of scientific rigor. If I'm relying on something in my life, I'd prefer something that works. Besides, you'd think that something as allegedly powerful and important as the christian god would be obvious, something that would be independently discovered by all cultures, like gravity or math or death, but he's... Not.

- Christianity teaches original sin, that humans are fundamentally wretched and incomplete without god, but the people I've met outside of Christianity are often more genuine, pleasant, accepting, and accomplished than those within the church. It's obvious we can get along just fine without a god.

- Christianity teaches that God is always watching you, including your very thoughts, and judging you. That is not a healthy mindset to have.

- Christianity as a whole is just... Incredibly insecure. It restricts people from exploring other ideas. In the bible, god shows that he hates any kind of dissenting idea or opinion or chance that someone could be his equal or do well without him (See Lucifer, the Tower of Babel, the Golden Calf, the first commandment, etc). God straight-up tells us not to put him to the test (Why not? Afraid we'll be disappointed?). This is not the behavior of an all-powerful constant of the universe, or an organization that possesses ultimate, indisputable truth. This is the behavior of a narcissistic, insecure child.

- Speaking of all-powerful, god would be either a sadist or shockingly impotent for some all-powerful, universal deity. Like, y'all realize he supposedly made the rules, right? If he didn't want people to suffer, why make it possible at all? And before you pull the "no joy without suffering" card, even if that were true, why would god have made it that way? Why couldn't he just make it so joy was possible anyway? Why is suffering not as unfathomable to us as nonexistence?

The list goes on. And that's before we get into the problems I have with individual sects.

I don't know why I made this post; I suppose spending time with my religious family over the holidays made me want to get this kind of thing off my chest.

Oh, and for any Christians reading this who want to swoop in and save my poor, wretched apostate soul, the trick to get me to believe in your god is simple.

Show him to me.

[dumbblondesposts]

I'm sorry, but if you genuinely still can't understand the reasons for why people hated Elena so much, after all these years, then I'm afraid you're a lost cause. All the hate, backlash, and criticism Elena received was 100% justified and deserved. She's by far the worst and most boring, bland, vapid, weakest, useless, and worthless excuse of a main protagonist I've ever seen in any movie, show, book, and media. Nothing remotely interesting or compelling about her in the slightest. She has no personality or agency, and she contributed nothing whatsoever to the show. Her only personality and the only thing she contributed was going back and forth between two brothers, constantly whining and crying and playing the victim, and being a selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed little twat that makes everything about her and thinks the world revolves around her. 

And before you use trauma as an excuse to defend her, I've seen plenty of other female characters from other shows and movies that have been through similar or worse things than Elena did, and they were a million times better and more likable than Elena could ever be. Stop using trauma and abuse as a weapon and to guilt people into changing their opinions about Elena. Don't pretend to give a shit about victims of abuse and trauma, when I don't see any of you extending that same grace to people like Caroline, Bonnie, Katherine, Rebekah, and Vicki, who have all been through shit too, and were far more interesting and better characters than Elena were. And you hate them for the exact same reasons, just like how a lot of you hate female characters in general for trauma and abuse they've been dealt. 

So, don't act so innocent when a lot of you villainize the hell out of Caroline for being the only character on the show that actually acted like an actual teenage girl, had believable flaws and imperfections, and was actually a lot more relatable than Elena was. And when you also villainize and victim blame/shame and slut shame her for the rape and abuse she suffered at the hands of Damon. You hate Caroline for rightfully hating her rapist and abuser, and not wanting Elena to be with him. But you don't hate Elena, who's supposed to be the best friend, and clearly has no shame sleeping with a rapist, knowing exactly what he did. Makes perfect sense. 

And I will most definitely always hate Elena for her decision to kill Kol, along with thousands and thousands of other vampires in his sireline. I don't care what Kol did, she will always be a straight piece of shit and a fucking cunt for that. And the audacity she had to be mad at Stefan for sleeping with Katherine and Rebekah, when she was flaunting the fact that she was sleeping with his abusive, rapist brother? Yeah, 100% FUCK HER! She has no say in who Stefan can and can't see. 

How Elena even has fans or people defending her is beyond me. If she wasn't such a bland bitch and had an actual personality and something to offer to the story and was just a decent person in general, then people would've actually liked her and rooted for her. But she was never leading lady material. That should've gone to Caroline or Katherine, mostly Katherine. But I'd do fine with Caroline too, she doesn't need a family legacy or nothing like that to lead the show. LITERALLY ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN ELENA!

Jesus you hate her THIS MUCH 😭??

writing a whole article that only showcases you contradicting yourself is funny, Elena was not in fact any more of a morally corrupt character than the rest of them including bonnie and Rebekah whom you used as an example here who also befriended rapists/murderers so what's your point

Also how are you talking about the unnecessary hate female characters get for being rightfully traumatized after going through so much and then turn around to say Elena's trauma isn't justified

"she was whiny and self centered" so was every male character in that show

And what has Caroline done that's so much more impactful to deserve being the "leading lady" over Elena exactly?

[blueskittlesart]

In defense of the original, while I do agree the episodic vibes were a bit much at times, and it was something I kinda had to work my way through slowly rather than binging all in one...

I do kinda prefer the more gradual approach to laying out the information; getting to know both the setting and who Vash is as a person and the different facets of both, before getting the context that lets it all click into place. Plus the main quartet having ample time to grow together so that later developments have stronger emotional weight.

I will agree that Knives definitely suffered in focus, and I am interested in how Stampede handles him, but admittedly he wasn't really what I watched Trigun for in the first place. ^^;

yeah my gripe is less with the way the setting and characters were handled and more with the way the. actual plot was handled. it honest to god felt to me like they realized about halfway through their run that they didnt have enough episodes left to get the backstory in in a cohesive way so they just shoved it all into one episode and pretended that that explanation didn't create more questions than it answered. you spend 20 episodes teasing your audience like "ooooh what is vash?? clearly hes not human!! clearly there's something going on!!! don't you want to know whats going on?? keep watching and you'll totally understand whats going on!!" and then your big reveal is that. He Is Not Human. which is something that any idiot who has watched the last 20 episodes has already figured out. the question the audience ACTUALLY has at that point in the runtime is what, EXACTLY, is vash, and what the context is behind the conflict he and knives are in. the backstory episode explains that Knives Is Here, and it gives context to the setting and everything, but it pissed me off that it STILL didn't answer the actual mysteries i cared about, i.e. vash's real identity and the thing with the gun and his fucking arm and knives's motivations and everything. maybe that gets answered in the last episode that i neglected to watch but personally I prefer a story where i UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON by the time the final confrontation hits. with trigun it got to a point where vash was going out for the final battle with knives and i STILL didn't know who vash was, who knives was, where they came from, or what the hell their motivations were. that just made that final confrontation seem so wholly uninteresting to me that i didn't even feel like watching it. it was like "hey look vash is fighting a cardboard cutout that he is Afraid Of. Why? lmao idk man. probably has something to do with that weird spaceship that shows up in one whole episode before this point. not going to tell you how tho." I think some writers have this tendency to think that mystery = good writing and that not revealing anything to your audience will consistently draw them in for more, but that only works for so long. after 20 episodes of virtually net 0 information it got to feel like I was being strung along and like my questions were never going to be answered, so I gave up on the show in the final hour. Again, i'm not saying it was BAD necessarily and i understand the context in terms of writing and production that led to the show being produced that way but i think it really noticeably suffers due to the fact that it refuses to give the audience ANYTHING but crumbs of information for about 80% of it's runtime. that being said. i did genuinely like a lot of it. it has its moments. im not trying to discourage anyone from watching it or anything lol i just think stampede is a little more successful in keeping the viewer engaged in the story throughout by constantly feeding you bits of information and actually answering your questions as they become plot-relevant.

[magiefish]

OH GOD OH NO OH FUCK ME OH SHIT OH NO <- Just finished listening to Neverland

Further, more coherent, thoughts (and spoilers) beneath:

*Through gritted teeth* There is no alternative. There is no alternative. There is no alternative.

Anyway I really enjoyed that episode. I had forgotten what an enjoyable and satisfying conclusion to a story arc felt like. NuWho really sent that one through the Oubliette of Eternity.

I've never watched classic who romana but I *love* her dynamic with the doctor. The bit where they're under the console alternating between yelling technobabble and whispering plans? Effervescent.

The bit where Charley is like "Oh no! The Doctor!" and the co-ordinator says "Who?" mockingly. Brilliant.

The sound-effects were also really good. Charley's screams as she got "transfigured" were genuinely harrowing. And the moment of silence before the casket explodes? Gorgeous

The Never-People are really cool. Sentris' backstory was messed up and I like her character in general (also the doctor told her 'don't get your halo in a twist' or something? Much to consider design and symbolism wise)

The whole 'oh we're sorry the government did those terrible things to you, but don't worry, it's all a thing of the past now bit!' immediately followed by the reveal that no actually the horrors are ongoing you just didn't notice. Was certainly. Interesting. In the contemporary political climate.

TARDIS THAT HIDES AS A PLANET!! NuWho should really do more tardises disguised as unlikely objects. Work that chameleon circuit. Let's have a TARDIS necklace or something.

Rassilon seems a lot chiller here than he is generally depicted as in new who? Maybe that's just what the time war does to a motherfucker. Also he's dead? Didn't know that was a part of the canon.

Charley is honestly so delightful. She has so much wonder and curiosity but she's not afraid to assert herself, and she's frankly far more willing to put her own personal hang-ups aside for the greater good than the Doctor is.

Speaking of which, I find that a lot of New Who stories that try to do 'the darkness of the doctor' lean really hard into the potential ruthlessness and egotism and anger of the character (see Ten) but honestly I've never seen those as the Doctor's primary flaws? They're definitely angry with certain people and species (see Nine and the Daleks post-Time War) but their self-centeredness is not just being kind of controlling and ignoring the wishes of the people around them occasionally, it's also tossing their own health and safety aside at a moments notice. Sometimes being self-centered isn't just about being selfish or self-involved, it's also thinking of yourself as an isolated individual who's death or self-destruction won't affect the people around you who care about you, and that is definitely one of the Doctors major character flaws.

They also suffer from what I affectionately term "Best friend related object impermanence" in which they become incredibly attached to singular people and even when it's a them vs the universe situation if they're right in front of them they just kind of forget the universe exists and always put the companion first, usually at a detriment to themself. Like, if they can't see it it may as well not be there, laws of time be damned.

I think it's because The Doctor's so old and they already know almost everything about the universe so they need their companions in order to experience the wonder of it again but ultimately that just kind of leaves them in a bit of a co-dependent relationship with them. Which is a Yikes for them from me, but I also love relationships in which two people are entangled with one another in an deeply unhealthy way, so I will be both patting them on the back and pulling out the popcorn to see how it goes this time. (Can you tell I'm a Face the Raven-Heaven Sent-Hell Bent fan)

What Thirteen was really missing was a deeply messed up relationship with Yaz. Where's My Toxic Yuri Chibnall.

What I'm trying to say is: The Doctor is a merciful and compassionate character who tries to do what they think is right, and what they think is right is usually the option that ends with only him getting hurt -- this does not mean that they are good.

And The Doctor and Charley, ohhhh boooooyyyyyyy there's a lot to unpack there that smarter people than me already have but just. Charley accepting death and being grateful to the Doctor for giving her these adventures and actively telling him to shoot her to save the universe. The Doctor refusing to shoot her because he can't accept her dying and choosing to essentially kill himself instead of her. AGhhhhhhhhOuGGGhhhhhhOWwwwwwWWWWWW-

Platonic "I love you"s. Mwah.

The bit where The Doctor tries to send Charley away to a party and hide the truth of the situation from her and she puts her foot down and chooses to go and confront the Time Lords using an old trick he taught her. Queen. Assert your agency. Don't take shit from him.

GOD I LOVE THE ANTI-TIME CONCEPT. I'm just really into ideas about primordial chaos and dream logic and paradoxical identities like "I exist but I never was" or "I am this person but I am also not this person", nom nom nom, I was eating so well this episode.

I also love me an Ancient Horror and Messed Up Rhymes or Chants That Forewarn Their Coming (see Nowhere King from Centaur World) so, again, I was eating SO well this episode.

Love characters who have no identity so they take it from other sources like fiction or the external environment. Delicious.

Moffat, Flux-Chibnall, and RTD-2 wish they were Neverland so bad.

Wait hang on. Could The Frog from "It Takes You Away" be Zagreus? I know the Solitrax is a different thing but it's such a similar concept that I'm just going to make that my personal crack headcannon now. You can't change my mind. There is no alternative. It's just too funny.

Sentris, upon The Doctor running off into the TARDIS and dematerialisting: Agh, just ignore the silly bugger, what could he possibly do now?

The Doctor, rematerialising the TARDIS around the Time Station: WHAT'S UP BIITCHESSSS-

A few minutes later:

Romana: The paradox has been resolved, thank goodness! The Web of Time is fixed, the future continues, and now I shall return to look after Gallifrey! Is there any advice you can give me, Matrix!Rassilon?

Rassilon: No, Romana. You know I cannot speak of the future.

Romana: Yes, of course, that makes perfect sense. And even if there *were* an impending catastrophe, I'm sure you'd warn me of it. Well, goodbye Rassilon! Thank you!

Rassilon: .....Okay boys, she's gone. Drop the Zagreus mixtape.

Charley: Doctor, what's wrong? Have you been injured or something?

Eight: Injured? No. I've not been injured. This TARDIS contained all of the Time Station when it exploded. This ship was filled to bursting with a great mass of the fierciest, fizzing, energy!

Charley: What?! Anti-Time!?

Eight: A crude term for such a matter of life - and death. But now that the breach is resolved, now that the problem of you is resolved, well, all that remains of that stuff in this whole reality is held in here.

Charley: What? In the TARDIS?

Zagreus: *Laughter*, oh, no no no. In here.

Voice of girl whose favourite things include "Strange case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde", "Another Twist", "The Fly" and "Penumbra: Black Plague";

Anyway, girl if your man starts talking in nursery rhymes and his voice becomes distorted that ain't your man that's Zagreus.

In conclusion: They were right. That Doctor sure could Become Zagreus. Wonder what bearing this will have on Hades II. Go listen to the Eighth Doctor's Main Range audios, they're all available on Spotify :gun:

[feathersketchcreations]

so the glowing blitz silhouette from the look my way MV inspired me to draw Remi in the same pose because I.. see so much of myself in Blitz. I know I spend alot of my time doing silly goofy meme art as well as oc x Blitz polyamory shipart and while some see it as me being some Blitz fangirl or cringy simp, sure. I guess people can judge me for the gushy self insert characters x blitz shipart. but I don't do this because I'm a Blitz Fangirl. there is a reason I obsess and hyperfocus on Blitz so much and it's because I connect so deeply to him that it's kinda super personal. I know that seems silly.. but I also DO know I'm not the only one that feels the same way. I've seen other blitz fans who kin him and feel the same way I do.

I'm not gonna sugar coat this when I say blitz has a LOT to work on. thats fact. He deals with self hate, he genuinely thinks he doesn't even deserve love or affection, but he feels SO lonely. hes afraid hes going to DIE alone. and he also blames himself for things that were accident, showing he has a pretty bad guilt complex that has made him feel SUPER guilty about his childhood tent fire accident. he also has individuals who hate him as we've seen throughout the series (Verosika, Fizz, his own sister barbie, ect, though we already saw him and fizz make up. which is awesome! ^^) and well.. yea..

theres just.. SO much Blitz goes through as a character.. and me personally, I've been through each and EVERY Single thing he's going through. and yes. it HITS hard...

I know what it's like to self hate. I've been dealing with self hate my entire life. growing up I did a piss poor job building up the self love and seeing my worth. even to this day I still deal with self hate. yea, I know that I have people who tell me my arts good, or that im a good friend, or that I've inspired them, and truthfully yea I know my arts good, and I know I inspire others cause that's always been my goal is to inspire people, and if it works yay! but I am working on myself still. it's a rough road of getting out of the pit of self hate. self love is SUPER hard. my boyfriend even sees how hard it can be and how damaging self hate can be to me. but he still believes in me. just like I know all of my friends in this fandom believe in me. and I think that alone is what helps me try. and seeing Blitz go through this definitely makes me connect and idk. it speaks to me..

I know what it's like to feel like I'm unloveable.. before I met my boyfriend Christian, I had such a hard time with relationships. people used me. cheated on me, abused me. yknow the gist. back in 2015 I was SO close to giving up because I thought I was worthless and unlovable.. I was so fucking hopeless. I felt so unloved, and unwanted and blamed myself... anyone I'd have feelings for, I would get friendzoned, or shot down. I just felt super hopeless until I met christian. we.. admittedly had a rocky start and ups and downs.. but here we are 8 years later, moved in together, and still holding on to one another. I love him to death, and would do anything for him.. and obviously in Blitz's case in the show, after seeing the episode truth seekers, and ozzies, I felt so bad for him. truthfully this is why i made remi. I had MADE remi to ship with blitz to make comfort art of him in HAPPY art pieces because it pained me to see him go through all this stuff in the show. and I seriously can't wait to finally see him SUPER happy with Stolas when they finally get together canonically of course! <3 it's gonna be amazing <3

I know what it's like to suffer from a really bad guilt complex.. I've done and said things I didn't mean in the past.. I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I was AWFUL, but I'm learning from my mistakes.. and I'll be real, I still feel guilty over the things I've said and done because yea. I feel horrible. dispite people I've wronged, forgiving me, and me bettring meself, years later I still feel horrible and have my moments where I'll just sit at my table, stare off and then cry, having an emotional break down. so seeing blitz HATE himself AND beat himself up, and being guilty for the circus fire even though it was an accident.. man it hurts and hits me really hard cause that shit is so relatable...

so.. Idk.. I don't just "simp" or "fangirl" for blitz (I mean I wont deny it I do simp, and fangirl to the extreme lol) I just.. relate to him so much on a personal level it's insane..

so it makes me happy seeing him happy. cause all the poor dude seems to get is big fat F yous in the show left and right, and I draw him shipped with My ocs Remi and Tiziri because both Remi AND tiziri are representation of me somewhat, and because I used to go through what hes going through, It comforts me drawing shipart. dispite what the haters think, Even after stolas x blitz becomes canon, yes, I'm STILL gonna ship my ocs with blitz in my lil AU..

but know I also cannot wait to see stolas and blitz happy.

agh.. I know this is alot. sorry. <XD

I'm kinda emotional rn..

anyway. er. yea. this is my peice. hopefully people kinda understand a little bit of why I stick to oc x blitz ships so much.. and if not hey, thats okay. I get it.

thank you for reading.

artwork was inspired off of the blitz silhouette from the look my way music video

Art (c) me Remi (c) mine helluva boss (c) vivziepop

[spicedwatermel0n]

Look man I know this is probably the last thing you'd wanna hear and I say this with all due respect (which is a lot) but PLEASE be careful with what you are sharing out there. I am NOT saying don't vent at all (as that would be unhealthy and definitely do you no good) but please be careful with some of the things you're putting out there, such as your disabilities, mental health and trauma.

I am not saying this to be a meanie, (can't stress that enough as someone with trauma and ASD themself), while i think its totally great you're providing/shedding some light on certain and lesser known health issues, please be careful with what you're putting out there about yourself.

Think of it like "Do they really need to know what traumatic event happened to me?" "If someone malicious online wanted to hurt me, would this information help them proceed?" "What if someone takes this information to bully/harass me more?" While I personally have nothing against projecting as it helps some folks relate to their favorite characters more and can be a creative way to vent, I still want to stress the importance of being careful with this kind of vulnerable info on the internet. Believe me, I've been on the same page as you before (in terms of sharing and bad experiences), and it absolutely breaks my heart seeing you and others suffer, but it scares me more at the thought of someone with actual malicious intent finding those vulnerable. Not to mention, God forbid, this ends up leaking your irl life and worse.

If some of that makes no sense, I do apologize. But i stress, I am not trying to be mean by any stretch, all I ask is please please PLEASE be careful man. While you CAN find genuinely good and altruistic folks online, sadly won't mean you always will.

Just be careful out there.

//TW for anger through text because I kinda went off in this. I've had a bad day so I apologize

I assure you I am being careful. Most of this info about me is not on my record anyways because I don't want to suffer the consequences society and the government put on people diagnosed. And most that I post about are online occurrences, not a personal encounter.

I don't give a damn who sees this. Malicious people sharing my information (of which I don't share) can be easily banned for it. I refuse to silence myself after being silenced and shamed for my vent art countless times. I don't care if someone wants to shame my trauma, I don't care it they want to make me feel like it isn't valid. I seriously don't. Again, I will NOT silence myself like I did long ago because of people who thought my vent art was creepy/obsessive and weren't afraid to let me know. I'm not putting my personal information out there. You can't find me just because I explained an online experience - and if you do, policies for social media will slam the ban hammer on you for doing it.

I've received this exact type of message 5 times now, and I'm tired of it. I get it - be careful about what you post. But it gets annoying. If me helping people understand that they aren't alone through my art puts me in danger, so fucking be it. I didn't get to have that growing up because people were shamed out of it. I would've done anything to see art of characters I enjoy going through the same things as me, so I knew I wasn't alone. I didn't get it, so now I'll provide it. I won't be shamed out of it. Good day

Edit: I'd also like to add that warnings are put on the content if it's a vent so if no one wants to hear my trauma, they don't have to. It's your fault if you ignore the warnings and look at talk of my trauma when you don't want to know a random artist's trauma.

[vole-mon-amour]

Unpopular opinion apparently, but I genuinely have nowhere else to go other than tumblr. Tumblr is the only place for which I can make gifs and edits and get some sort of gratification and feedback for it. Everywhere else eats its quality even worse and gets stolen even quicker. Even the fact that people go on tumblr and steal gifs to other social media tells a lot.

I absolutely hate what staff is doing and how they're making it so much worse for content creators, artists and gif makers, but I literally have nowhere else to go. It's either tumblr or nothing. I'm not going back to twitter where gifs are a) basically become the sites property now, once you post them and it can be used for anything, including to make profit b) are fucking mp4! are you fucking kidding me?

And I'm definitely not going to some livejournal to post gifs and expect them to be reblogged or whatever. It's literally either tumblr or, if it collapses, some Google docs or (bc Google wants to feed it to ai) a word document to express my thoughts.

I understand that whatever the staff wants to do, they're probably gonna do. Even if you give them money, they can use it to roll out changes that we're against and get more users instead of paying off some debt. Still, I don't think that making them 30 billions in debt instead of 30 millions is a way to go, either.

Sorry if I want to keep the only tiny island of social media that I can still be myself on, interact with like minded people, and feel content and at home. When every other social media feels like a pool full of lava that's supposed to kill you instantly but for some reason it still keeps you alive, so you're bound to suffer the entire time you're using it while feeling absolutely miserable. I don't know about you, but I can't spend on Instagram or twitter more than 2-5 minutes. It makes me feel awful. Their algorithms are the worst.

I'd rather stay on and with tumblr at this point. I'm going down with this ship, I'm afraid.