#but i wanted to challenge myself to actually get more than one legacy done

[toriagamez]

my girls are aging up too quickly 😭 (p.s. this is my first time playing a legacy w the auto aging on and i’m flipping out lmao)

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[cdroloisms]

my personal interpretation of c!wilbur is someone who read a lot of left over (functionally) historical propaganda over the revolutionary war and became radicalized, not fully grasping how his position in the world changes what his own desire for revolution really means. hes like a white knight lib to me (simplification but i hope it gets across)

ehhh i see where you're coming from but i don't really agree

to be clear i'm not super c!wilbur brained he's a fascinating character but i haven't watched enough c!wilbur content recently (especially early c!wilbur content) to really consider myself particularly uh able to give like, a nuanced read of the guy. but c!wilbur is honestly a lot more self-aware than a lot of people give him credit for. he crafts these narratives not because he inherently 100% believes them, you know?

there's a lot about mmm the lmanburg revolution and all that's quite openly ig like, underhanded even in the way that he plays it early on. the whole "words, not weapons" moment where he reveals that that's actually a ploy to stab people who believe them in the back comes to mind. the content creator himself has always asserted that a significant part of the creation of lmanburg is meant to assert and keep power, and this is something we see reflected again in the elections, which--uh, pretty obvious power thing, imo.

this isn't to say that like, being a good person and all isn't important to c!wilbur. it is. it's very important to him, and part of what shatters him so much in pogtopia is looking at what he's done and realizing that it doesn't really make him the best guy. but i don't think c!wilbur buys what he's selling like, at all in early lmanburg era. mans knows that he can speak things into reality and he uses that. a lot. part of why c!quackity unsettles him so much even as early back as the elections is because c!quackity was someone he couldn't get a clear read of and someone that therefore left him on the back foot. but in terms of the revolution, delivering them from oppression, etc etc--the fact that he owns this whole "we aren't like the brutish, tyrannical americans and their barbarity" while himself being american as established in boundless sands reeeeeally hammers in the whole irony of his lmanburg sales pitch.

as far as i can tell, i usually operate on the assumptions that like. 1) c!wilbur wants to make an impact, be remembered, legacy is a whole thing yadayada my unfinished symphony yadayada ozymandius yadayada literally all of the hamilton references. self explanatory. 2) c!wilbur is a character that often navigates the world + relationships to power in terms of "either you're the one with power or you're the one having power used against you"--a lot of his interactions reflect a need to have control over a situation, his interactions with people that he perceives as having power or threatening his power/control tend to involve challenging them and their authority, stick it to the man, the whole thing of putting a block under himself while talking to people. this could've been put better but yeagh. 3) c!wilbur wants to be respected + wants to be, like, a good leader? and he can get wrapped up in a lot of that while you know not having the most accurate perception of his Actual strengths 4) c!wilbur is self-aware and intelligent and charismatic, and he's quite confident of all of these qualities. he's a hell of a manipulator and uses manipulation quite often to get the upper hand in social situations 5) a lot of the power/control issues have roots in very real fear--he's a guy that's quite ill and obviously as we get into elections and pogtopia especially (schlatt scares the bejeezus out of him) we see a lot of that. realizing that his actions makes him a bad person affects him greatly and he ends up struggling with this idea for Quite a long time--he tries to get control over this by trying to Own the whole "i'm evil" thing <- also not put the best but ehhhhh ehh. again, not a c!wilburian and 6) c!wilbur, in the role of the "lmanburg narrative", takes the role as its writer. he's the one that comes up with the story in order to validate his creation and make it into a Thing, and this succeeds--but the mythos also quickly snowballs beyond him. he creates the story as it exists but it becomes something More, yknow? i don't think he ever truly believed in it i don't think that c!wilbur actually buys any of his stuff about revolutions and oppression and all of that, i dont really think lmanburg was any more legitimate of a cause when he began it as the drug van breaking bad rp that he made the day before. but it's a story that took hold and grew to have very real, tangible power that affected the whole server and affected him as well. which obviously goes into the whole exiting the narrative thing.

anyway that's all a bit of a rant and i'm not exactly the person to ask for c!wilbur thoughts but yeahhhh 🤷. i tend to no-nuance him a little bit bc he's a complicated character and im a hater 😂

[auradoniandreams]

What are your honest thoughts on Lonnie and her family in Descendants?

Personally, I've always liked Lonnie, but I have to admit that at this point in time I feel like I'm more attached to the fanon version of her (who has actual motivations and a backstory), than the canon version whose personality changes every 5 seconds. I feel like she had real potential as an AK who likes the VK's, and who's also not afraid to challenge Auradon's status quo, but something got lost along the way.

I don't really have any thoughts about her family, tho (outside of the og Mulan movie, anyway - but we're talking Descendants now). They're barely mentioned, and when they are, we're reminded that Disney doesn't know what to do with ethnic characters (*cough* Lil' Shang *cough*). I'm not Asian/Chinese myself, so I can't rly speak on the representation aspect (if you're Asian, and would like to, feel free to share your opinion in the replies/reblogs! I'd love to hear them), but it's obvious that Lonnie is not a Chinese name, and from what I understand, naming a kid after their parents is a big no-no in Chinese culture.

So...yeah. I have a lot of thoughts on her characterization tho, so if you wanna hear me ramble about her character arc, click on the read more link.

Before D1: The first time we see her, in the School of Secrets webseries that was released before D1 as promo, she's spying on the other AK's, trying to expose the shady things that happen behind closed doors, and to challenge the idea that the upcoming arrival of the VK's signals an imminent doom for Auradonian society. Granted, they never confirmed the fact that it was her behind the shorts, but she was voiced by the same actress that played her in the movies and if I remember correctly she also had the same bracelets.

Based on this appearance, she sounds like an incredibly interesting character, as the only other AK besides Ben and Doug who wants to give the VK's a chance. Additionally, she's standing up for what she believes in like her mother did, without turning into a carbon copy of Mulan.

D1: Her attitude towards the VK's is kind of confusing; one minute, she's asking the girls for a haircut and showing the c4 sympathy for their shitty childhoods, having little to no problem with them. The next, she's screaming and running along with Audrey and her princesses. Peer pressure? Personality shift? Fear of Mal's dark magic? Go figure.

D2: She sneaks out to the Isle of the Lost, helps the c4 fight Uma's crew, and she uses a loophole to enter the R.O.A.R. team as its first female captain. I loved seeing them develop her character more and give her a plotline, but I also kind of wished they hadn't turned her into a full carbon copy of her mother. I think this is when the writers also started getting confused abt her character, because in the first movie she was a lot more girly, and not necessarily athletic. Obviously she can be both at the same time but it felt like a sudden change.

Wicked World: Her personality (??) mostly stays the same, but for reasons that I can't figure out, she forgets she likes fencing, and is suddenly into...music??? She has a side gig as a DJ??? Uhh ok

School of Secrets: Lonnie's Warrior Sword: We're reverting back to her D2 characterization: she's athletic, headstrong, and anxious about her mother's legacy, or whether she can fulfill it. The plot also borrows a lot of elements from the og Mulan movie. It's an enjoyable read, but it's pretty much what you'd expect from a daughter of Mulan, and I wish they'd done more with her.

I liked her relationship with Jay, tho. Their dynamic (esp in the books ) is fun and they make a good team. That was a highlight for sure.

All in all, I like her, but she suffers from the same problem that every side character in this franchise does: inconsistency.

[markantonys]

you play the sims?! 3 or 4? do you use mods at all, and if so, which one? do you keep sim autonomy on or off? sorry for the barrage of questions, it's just exciting to meet someone else who's into them :D

oh my god yes!! sims is one of my biggest obsessions and i don't know that many other people who play (or at least who are as into it as i am) so i'm thrilled to talk about it!!

i will start by saying that my WOT sims shenanigans tag may interest you haha although i forget if you've read the books or not, so be warned of potential book spoilers in my commentary on the behavior of my WOT sims!

anyway, nowadays i exclusively play sims 4. i loved sims 3 back in middle/high school, but i didn't play it for ages after 4 came out, and when i went back to try 3 again a couple years ago, i just couldn't do it haha i know some people like to hate on 4 and yearn for the glory days of 3, but as someone whose favorite aspect is building stuff and creating sims, i prefer 4 because it's MILES better in those respects. i do have fond memories of many hours spent playing 3 though!

then for mods, i try not to go too crazy because i play on my laptop which only has so much storage space, but by now i've acquired QUITE a stash of custom content despite myself (mostly clothes & hair, not as much build/buy stuff). i don't use too many actual gameplay mods though, the only big ones i have are mc command center, lumpinou's open love life mod to allow poly relationships, and pandasama's realistic childbirth mod to add some more depth to pregnancy. romance & family gameplay is my favorite type of gameplay, so those are the areas i'm most likely to download mods for! i also have a few other small mods such as a dating app mod and choosing your own university roommates, just kinda some quality-of-life improvements but nothing majorly game-changing. i've also been getting into pose mods in the past year so that i can stage nice photos of my sims to hang up around their houses!

i keep sim autonomy on, i like giving them the free will to be able to take care of themselves without me needing to specifically command them to do every single thing haha and it keeps things interesting when they're able to take it upon themselves to do something unexpected! (not that i won't go "nope you're not doing that" and cancel the action if i disapprove of it too much djkfgj)

oh i am also curious to know whether you're an aging on or aging off type of simmer? historically i've always been 100% aging off, i've always done rotational gameplay rather than legacy gameplay and so i prefer to keep aging off and just repeatedly make new households within the same world and have my new sims become friends with my sims from the previous households i dropped after getting bored with them, and everybody lives forever and ever until i eventually feel like the world is too crowded and start a brand-new save file. however, just recently i've been playing with aging on in a separate save file because i'm trying a legacy challenge for the first time! it's the whimsy stories challenge and i'm on generation 3 now and am having SO much fun. i definitely can't see myself switching to legacy gameplay forever now, i do still prefer rotational, but it's nice to have one save file where i'm changing it up!

to conclude, i will put in a few screenshots of some of my favorite sims from the past year or so just because i love them so much and want to show them off as if they were my children djkfg please do not feel obligated to read all my rambling about my children! but if you have any favorite sims or storylines that you've done i would love to hear about them!! it's always so interesting to hear what kinds of storylines other people like to go for, it's either "wow you're just like me fr!" or "wow you're playing a totally different game than i am (affectionate and impressed)"

i will preface this by saying that 1) i don't play on super high graphics because i don't want to kill my laptop, so pardon the screenshot quality if any of them don't look great, and 2) half the male sims i've made this year have been redheaded boytoys and i 100% blame rand al'thor for that. moving on!

first, my 3 whimsy stories heirs so far! eva (gen 1, eco nut), iris (gen 2, professor & super parent), and kiara (gen 3, disaster hoe). if/when i finish the whole challenge i'll probably do a post about all the generations because i'll be so proud of myself for getting through it all haha but for now i'll add pics of each of their families as well! for eva and iris it's the final family pic i took before moving on to the next generation, but i'm still halfway through kiara's generation so this is a mid-series pic from her big fat poly wedding.

in whimsy stories i waited all the way until gen 3 to introduce a redheaded boytoy into the mix, can you believe it? i did not exercise such restraint in the rest of the households in this post.

next, literally just discount rand and mat, i have no excuse. discount mat is named jamie (personality-wise he's not mat-like though, he's a writer) and discount rand i straight up named josha djkfgj to be fair i actually based him off of josha's character in a gay dutch romcom rather than off of rand because i was like "you know what? gay punk jock with a buzzcut is not a genre of sim i've done before." anyway, josha struggled in his life for a while due to having no job and no friends and being a hotheaded loner who is very bad at making new friends, but eventually he became a husband and a dad and a college grad and i was so proud of him!!

rich single mom natasha acquired a boytoy (eoin), as she should, and had a friends-with-benefits-to-lovers arc with him. yes i did make these sims immediately after watching the randfear storyline in wot s2, why do you ask? also, random picture of a family power walk because i thought it was adorable haha

her daughter anya had a kickass girlsquad in college and ended up marrying one of them. oh my god they were roommates!

and finally, possibly my favorite sims of all time, joanna and alex! i don't know what it is about them, maybe just my inner 12-year-old being weak for the "popular jock boy falls for shy nerdy girl" trope jkjfg but i just loved them so much. alex grew from a partyboy into the best and most devoted husband and dad in the world, and joanna from an awkward nerd into a kickass lawyer and novelist. they are also bi4bi which is important information! granted, almost all my sims are bi4bi

[lgcichika]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

nam here! after this interaction, i decided it’s within my best interest to re-introduce myself and my 3 children. i have been in lgc since 2020, though my “eldest” was actually my second muse and the fact she’s lasted this long still shocks me.

this turned out longer than i expected, but i hope it sort of works re-introduce myself to you, and work towards more plotting!! i used to loooove plotting but life... ANYWAY!

Yamashita Ichika ( fc; miyawaki sakura - le sserafim )

*sobs softly* i remember when i first brought her her fc was listed as iz*one. based off her fc, ichika was a japanese idol who decided to leave it all to come to s.korea to challenge herself and to capitalize on the growing popularity of k-pop worldwide. however, due to the toxic culture within her former group, what was a nice but introverted girl turned hard, and self-serving. over time, however, she not only managed to debut legacy’s crystallis, she’s started to open her heart to making friends and trusting others. though she can be a bit awkward but she’s trying. while she did manage to get a boyfriend despite hating him at first, her main goal for me has always been growing her trust in others and having friends. due to personal irl stuff this last year, i haven’t been as active with this and just been trying to get requirements done, but she has made some progress. in 2023 let’s plot more okay?

Okada Taiyou ( fc; adachi yuto - pentagon )

in all honesty, taiyou was made when lgc was having a model drought but i love my boy. taiyou never planned to be famous, but decided to come to korea as a way to break out of his shell. initially he wanted to be an idol but his own fears and problems with his confidence seemed to dilute whatever promise he held to debut. after he failed to join fd4, he sort of gave up on being an idol (he was aging out tbh), and decided to try modeling instead of packing his bags completely. as a model he’s gotten hosting opportunities and has started his own sunglasses brand called SOLA. he was also made to be a foil to ichika, who was blunt and standoffish but looked pretty and nice. taiyou looks like a cold emo boy but he’s very sweet, and kind. he especially has a soft spot for the japanese trainees.

Parker Su ( fc; xiao dejun/xiaojun - nct/wayv )

while ichika and taiyou are my introverts, parker is my extrovert. he’s friendly and outgoing, and has the ability to talk a wall— or perhaps sing to it. parker is from san francisco, california, usa, and just wants to sing day and night. he’s just a romantic who loves to sing love songs, and used to fall in love with a new girl every week because girls are a gift and he loved the idea of love. even if he’s short, he’s too confident in himself to care— though i wouldnt call him full of himself or egotistical. parker knows he’s playful and fun loving, and believes in the end his personality will always overshadow his shortcomings. that said, he did end up falling for a tsundere model but she left the company (aka was accidentally cleared) before he could tell her how he felt so he’s a bit in his sad boy era right now. which is hard since he just debuted as type zero’s new main vocalist and just finished up his debut promotion so he should be on the top of the world.

the mun;

you can call me nam. my pronouns are she/her, and my mood is typically tired. my timezone is usually pst (utc -8:00) or pdt (utc -7:00) depending on daylight savings. i would say i’m very friendly and laid back but insanely absentminded, so i apologize in advance. you can reach me on twt or dc.

[s4lepacy]

the sims 4 LEPacy challege: 5 gens in

i wanted to write a bit about how i'm feeling about this challenge ^_^

i started this because even tho i've been playing sims 4 since it came out (now 10 years!), i eventually stopped following the new packs. i always got them but i never played through new features because there is just SO much. i found myself always going back to what is comfortable -- i only enjoyed the first worlds and only knew the townies from those early packs. i wanted to play through more of what the game has to offer and be able to get more familiar with the worlds, townies & features.

well! i'm still in early sims days (current gen is spa day) aka what is mostly comfortable to me. but still, i've been able to do some gameplay i hadn't tried before, and revisit things i hadn't played in about 10 years.

i know some people that play this challenge keep all the packs but just focus on a certain one each gen. i wanted to have a more challenging experience by actually disabling everything. i soon learned that there's no use forcing myself to only use the awful base game clothes &c when assets in this game look so much nicer now, and by gen 2 i already had all the kits back LOL. so i guess not as challenging as it could be. STILL, besides kits everything else is disabled and i soon learned which features from certain packs i miss the most -- clubs being a major one, can't wait for gen 6...!

i've been trying out some mods as well. it's been interesting learning which packs have like nothing going for them, not even in cc world, while others require mods & fixes. i'm gonna make another post with mods that have helped for each gen so far, for future reference.

overall i've been really enjoying this! it's funny seeing new announcements every few months and getting excited about them while knowing i won't be playing with those features for a long long time. i'm the type of player that needs to stay focused on one save. before this it was my super sim save, that i abandoned around the time growing together came out LOL but i shall return to it someday. and the one that made me go back to the sims 4 was my not so berry save, that i stopped at gen 6 but i also want to return to at some point.

i've been so locked in on this lepacy challenge to the point that i saved backups of my other saves and 'deleted' them all from my sims 4 folder, so i only have the lepacy one there. a reason for that is that all my packs are disabled so i didn't want the clutter of older saves. but yeah, i'm all in for now and i've been having fun -- glitches & all!

another thing is that being a legacy player you eventually have no idea who is living in your world(s). some people are better at this, keeping up with families around them. i haven't really done that. with neighborhood stories & mccc townies have married each other and had kids. some familiar names are still around, but more often than not my save is populated with huge families of random sims. sometimes i try to clean things up by separating newlyweds & couples, but other times i just let them be since i'm focusing on my own family.

it is good only having a couple of worlds available though. i was never that good with using mccc to import sims from my gallery, but i think i have finally managed to do that! my world is less full of randoms, and newly generated townies are all from my tray files. sometimes i take a look at what's going on and i end up doing a quick makeover of random townies when i get a bit bored. so far i've been managing well a save that is already on generation 5.

another thing is that i'm NOT a builder. i wish i could also use this challenge to try and become one, but i'm truly not interested at all in building lol. maybe one day i will (idk). i rely on the gallery as usual. luckily the base game is a lot nicer these days and you can easily find bg builds on the gallery, but i found myself scrolling a LOT when looking for different community lots.

another issue is that, well, the gallery is shit so it's basically impossible to look for builds with the only packs you have. no matter which tags you uncheck, it's either base game or ALL packs, no in-between. incredibly annoying </3 so even tho i know have an expansion, a game pack and a few stuff packs installed i still mostly look up base game builds to save myself the headache. not only that but i always like playing with builds that only have one level bc i like being able to see my entire house at once and where my sims are. and i guess a lot of sims players are american/europeans and bigger houses are more common? idk, but they sure love two or more levels. so that makes me stay even longer on the gallery, looking for the one level house that fits my style. i'm aware things would be so much easier if i would just build, but i really don't want to x_x

one thing i've been liking so far is actually relearning all the bg worlds. i've lived in all of them before, but with less distractions (and some rules) i usually go on walks & runs in neighborhoods with my sims and i've been becoming more familiar with areas of the worlds i never paid attention to before. i could never be a sims 4 geoguesser player lol but it's still cool to check out the enviroments and how nice the worlds are -- even if a lot of it is set dressing. this IS a pretty game, especially when you have lighting mods installed.

so yeah. i do appreciate how much nicer the base game is now -- especially since it is now free to play. you can have a lot of fun with the bg + mods (and cc of course). i've been enjoying this challenge and becoming obsessed with ts4 again :-)

[alexaplaysgames]

Have Mercy on Me

Pairing: Felix Escellun x GN!MC

Fandom: Fictif (Last Legacy)

Rating: M (swearing, mild sexual content)

Words: ~ 1500

Description: Felix and his barista are a bit less than careful when it comes to concealing their midnight make out sess.

Notes: So Sage suspects that Felix and MC are a thing, but he doesn’t know that they are. Or he didn’t prior to this fic. The last of my Felix writing spree! I’m moving on to some Asra next.

Tags: @margitartist @demon-paradise @themohawkhelmet @cactus-hoodie @aomiyeon @piningmaybeanartist @another-confused-gay

When I imagined travelling with the legendary Starsworn, sitting in the parlour of a run-down inn and getting wasted wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.

Sage grabs a bottle from the table at his feet and takes a hearty swig.

“Even this is failing to entertain me now,” he says, cracking his back as he stands, “I’m going to go pass out.”

“Will you kill me if I call it a cat nap?” I singsong.

Safe glares at me in reply, ears pinned flat against his head. “Do you want to find out?”

I opt to stay quiet as he turns towards the stairs that lead to our rented rooms.

“I think I’m going to turn in for the night as well,” Anisa hums, her green eyes glittering in the firelight. “Goodnight, you two!”

Felix and I sit silently as the sound of creaking wood accompanying footsteps retreats up the stairs.

As soon as the parlour is silent, he turns to me, smirking.

“Ah, to be free of Sage’s incessant pestering.”

I too am rather glad to be alone with him. With all that’s gone on lately, I’ve barely had Felix to myself at all these last few days.

The cracking of the fire is soothing, the silence between us strangely comfortable. It’s rather odd, considering Felix isn’t one for quiet contemplation, and it’s very rare that any situation he’s involved in remains free of awkwardness.

I’m distracted from my thoughts as Felix glances down at our hands, still close together being that we have yet to seperate from our previously crowded position on the sofa.

Once again, I feel myself wishing that he would just ask for things when he wanted them, like he so obviously wants to hold my hand now. Am I doing something wrong? Is this some consequence of his relationship with Rime? I know almost nothing about that, I don’t really want to, but if that deer-man did anything to hurt Felix, I guarantee I’ll snap his antlers like Pixy Stix.

Then again, perhaps some of the hurting was consensual. He did have some choice comments about their sexual relationship that I’ve really been trying to forget. Yikes. I can’t imagine the Felix I know in a relationship anything like that.

He’s too precious... too soft. I feel like getting rough with him would break him, shattering his beauty to shards, like stained glass.

But I wouldn’t mind if he were a bit more forward with me.

“Do you want to hold my hand, Felix?”

He starts, then blushes as he meets my gaze. Felix nods, his expression turning resolute as he slowly reaches for my hand, then intertwines my fingers with his.

I reach to delicately tilt his chin up with the index finger of my free hand.

“I do like you, you know,” I tease, but the words still carry meaning. “You don’t have to be so hesitant.”

“O-okay. I know that, I do. It’s just... difficult,” he scoffs, a frustrated sound deep in his throat. His voice goes soft as he continues, “I haven’t- I haven’t done this since...”

“I know.” He doesn’t need to say Rime’s name for me to know who this is about.

I smile, sultry turning soft, then focus my attention back on the fireplace as Felix lays his head on my shoulder with a soft sigh. Progress. His hair tickles my chin, but I don’t really mind. He smells... nice. Like... well, he actually kind of smells like sage. Sage the plant, not the person. Felix would certainly take offence to the latter. I snicker under my breath just thinking of his reaction if I told him so.

I suddenly shiver as Felix turns his face into my neck, trying to stay still. He’s not a huge fan of casual physical contact, and I don’t want to scare him away. He’s kinda like a pet, a cat, in that any time he gets close I stay shock still in hopes that he won’t run off. He’s like a cat in many ways, actually. Grumpy, recluse, adorable. Another description he would despise, knowing his hatred for Stella. I purse my lips to keep from giggling. Man, if only everyone knew how hilarious I really am.

“You realize,” Felix hums, the vibrations creating goosebumps across my skin. “We are completely alone.”

My amusement fades in an instant, my features stretching into a seductive grin.

“Oh? And what, Felix, oh dignified and talented mage, are you suggesting?”

I can almost feel his face heat from where it’s pressed against the soft skin of my neck.

He sighs, then mumbles, “I beg you not to tease me so. We can’t all be as lascivious as Sage, my dear.”

“Felix,” I tease, despite his request, “are you asking for a kiss?”

He pulls away, face flushed red, biting his lip as he refuses to meet my gaze.

“No.” The answer is obviously yes, and although his pout is adorable, he sounds like a stubborn, petulant child.

I place my hands on both of his cheeks, forcing him to meet my gaze.

“Good. Because you don’t need to ask. If you want to kiss me Felix, go ahead.”

It’s a bold challenge. Never does Felix initiate such things, but I want him to. I want him to want to.

He blinks. Then, slowly, tentatively, he shifts closer to me, the sofa creaks beneath him, and I feel the cushions sink as he leans towards me. His breath fans across my face as he gets impossible closer, his eyelashes fluttering against my cheeks.

It’s in moments like these that it truly hits me: how incredibly intoxicating Felix is. I don’t think I could refuse him if I wanted to; my heart yearns to be swept up in the vortex of his stormy eyes, to drown in a sea as black as his fingernails or as red as his bitten lips.

I can just barely feel the brush of his lips against mine, leaving my breath stuttering in my throat. It’s nice- the closeness, the stillness. Intimate even, with our foreheads pressed together and our mouths just barely touching. I could stay like this with him forever.

Then our lips slide together in a familiar, passionate dance, slow and sensual and utterly delicious. I instinctively move my hands to tangle in his hair, pulling just the way I know he likes, while Felix surprises me by moving one hand to cup my face, the other to skim my thigh, and kissing me back hard, hard enough to make me feel like the breath that fills his lungs, and I struggle to refrain from smiling against the softness of his lips.

I pull away, trying not to notice his bereft, breathy little exhale, just long enough to quirk a brow before I place my hands on his chest and push him back into the sofa, chuckling at the noise of shock that he makes.

And while I love to have him near me, holding me, this is where I like Felix best. Pinned under me as I straddle his waist, wide, silvery eyes reflecting the dying firelight.

I lean over him, tantalizing, teasing, trace a path with my tongue from his collarbone to the shell of his ear, then finish by biting down on his earlobe, rolling the stud he wears in his ear with the tip of my tongue.

Felix gasps, hips involuntarily pressing upwards and against mine, a breathy whine building in his throat. I catch his wrists and pin them above his head, leaning back to admire the mess I’ve made of him.

“So pretty,” I murmur, twirling a strand of his hair with my free hand.

“You are quite,” his voice shakes with his ragged exhale, “resplendent yourself.”

I snort, hum, then lean forward to capture his mouth in a sinful, open-mouth kiss, grinding against him once more in a way that has us both panting into each other’s mouths. I’m not sure how long we stay tangled up like that, rocking together, never parting for longer than it takes to catch a breath.

His skin is surprisingly warm to the touch when my fingers flit under the fabric of his shirt, dipping over the soft give of his stomach, a gentle, exploratory touch I can feel mirrored by Felix’s hands on the bare skin of my arms.

I’m just about to suggest we take this somewhere more private when I’m interrupted by a choking noise. A sound not unlike that of a cat, yakking on a hairball.

Felix and I hastily spring apart, and my gaze is immediately drawn to a tall, white-haired figure standing at the base of the stairs.

“Holy fuck.” Sage whispers, his expression a mix of amusement, awe, and confusion. His eyes dart between the look of sheer mortification that paints my features and Felix’s disheveled appearance and half-open shirt.

Shit.

Felix flops back down, burying his burning red face in a pillow.

“Not now, Sage.”

Sage only smirks. “Interrupted something, did I? By all means, don’t stop on my accord. I’m all for watching, or joining. If you’re into that sorta thing.”

I can only manage to stare, slack-jawed. Is he really suggesting...?

“So,” Sage clears his throat, causing Felix to groan at the realization that he has not yet left. “You two really are-“

I nod.

“No,” he grimaces.

“Yes,” I deadpan.

“No,” he repeats, louder, frantic. “I cannot live in a world in which Felix has game. First Rime, now you? Are you sure you’re the one who got teleported to another dimension?”

“That’s not exactly what-“ Felix finally huffs as he raises his head, glaring.

“Whatever, man. This is some fucked up shit. Majorly fucked up, that’s what I say.” Sage crosses the room, retrieving a dagger from the nearby armchair and twirling it dangerously in his leather-clad grip (I assume this is the reason he came back into the parlour at all).

He makes to move up the stairs, but pauses, throwing me a grin over his shoulder, accompanied by a waggle of his eyebrows.

“But if you ever wanna get a taste of the wild side...”

“Sage!” Felix exclaims, eyes flashing a dangerous green, but the former only snickers.

“Goodnight, horny children. Try to keep the noise level to a minimum, if ya know what I mean.”

I have to slap my hand over Felix’s mouth to stifle his angry retort.

This is going to be a long few days.

[paenling]

no ones saying you cant enjoy daniil? people like him as a character but mostly Because he’s an asshole and he’s interesting. the racism and themes of colonization in patho are so blatant

nobody said “by order of Law you are forbidden from enjoying daniil dankovsky in any capacity”, but they did say “if you like daniil dankovsky you are abnormal, problematic, and you should be ashamed of yourself”, so i’d call that an implicit discouragement at the least. not very kind.

regardless, he is a very interesting asshole and we love to make fun of him! but i do not plan to stop seeing his character in an empathetic light when appropriate to do so. we’re all terribly human.

regarding “the racism and themes of colonization in patho”, we’ve gotta have a sit-down for this one because it’s long and difficult. tl;dr here.

i’ve written myself all back and forth and in every direction trying to properly pin down the way i feel about this in a way that is both logically coherent and emotionally honest, but it’s not really working. i debated even responding at all, but i do feel like there are some things worth saying so i’m just going to write a bunch of words, pick a god, and pray it makes some modicum of sense.

the short version: pathologic 2 is a flawed masterwork which i love deeply, but its attempts to be esoteric and challenging have in some ways backfired when it comes to topical discussions such as those surrounding race, which the first game didn’t give its due diligence, and the second game attempted with incomplete success despite its best efforts.

the issue is that when you have a game that is so niche and has these “elevated themes” and draws from all this kind of academic highbrow source material -- the fandom is small, but the fandom consists of people who want to analyze, pathologize, and dissect things as much as possible. so let’s do that.

first: what exactly is racist or colonialist in pathologic? i’m legitimately asking. people at home: by what mechanism does pathologic-the-game inflict racist harm on real people? the fact that the Kin are aesthetically and linguistically inspired by the real-world Buryat people (& adjacent groups) is a potential red flag, but as far as i can tell there’s never any value judgement made about either the fictionalized Kin or the real-world Buryat. the fictional culture is esoteric to the player -- intended to be that way, in fact -- but that’s not an inherently bad thing. it’s a closed practice and they’re minding their business.

does it run the risk of being insensitive with sufficiently aggressive readings? absolutely, but i don’t think that’s racist by itself. they’re just portrayed as a society of human beings (and some magical ones, if you like) that has flaws and incongruences just as the Town does. it’s not idealizing or infantilizing these people, but by no means does it go out of its way to villainize them either. there is no malice in this depiction of the Kin. 

is it the fact that characters within both pathologic 1 & 2 are racist? that the player can choose to say racist things when inhabiting those characters? no, because pathologic-the-game doesn’t endorse those things. they’re throwaway characterization lines for assholes. acknowledging that racism exists does not make a media racist. see more here.

however, i find it’s very important to take a moment and divorce the racial discussions in a game like pathologic 2 from the very specific experiences of irl western (particularly american) racism. it’s understandable for such a large chunk of the english-speaking audience to read it that way; it makes sense, but that doesn’t mean it’s correct. although it acknowledges the relevant history to some extent, on account of being set in 1915, pathologic 2 is not intended to be a commentary about race, and especially not current events, and especially especially not current events in america. it’s therefore unfair, in my opinion, to attempt to diagnose it with any concrete ideology or apply its messages to an american racial paradigm.

it definitely still deals with race, but it always, to me, seemed to come back around the exploitation of race as an ultimately arbitrary division of human beings, and the story always strove to be about human beings far more than it was ever about race. does it approach this topic perfectly? no, but it’s clearly making an effort. should we be aware of where it fails to do right by the topic? yes, definitely, but we should also be charitable in our interpretations of what the writers were actually aiming for, rather than reactionarily deeming them unacceptable and leaving it at that. do we really think the writers for pathologic 2 sat down and said “we’re going to go out of our way to be horrible racists today”? i don’t.

IPL’s writing team is a talented lot, and dybowski as lead writer has the kinds of big ideas that elevate a game to a work of art, particularly because he’s not afraid to get personal. on that front, some discussion is inescapable as pathologic 2 deals in a lot of racial and cultural strife, because it’s clearly something near to the his heart, but as i understand it was never really meant to be a narrative “about” race, at least not exclusively so, and especially not in the same sense as the issue is understood by the average American gamer. society isn't a monolith and the contexts are gonna change massively between different cultures who have had, historically, much different relationships with these concepts.

these themes are “so blatant” in pathologic 2 because clearly, on some level, IPL wanted to start a discussion. I think it’s obvious that they wanted to make the audience uncomfortable with the choices they were faced with and the characters they had to inhabit -- invoke a little ostranenie, as it were, and force an emotional breaking point. in the end the game started a conversation and i think that’s something that was done in earnest, despite its moments of obvious clumsiness. 

regarding colonialism, this is another thing that the game is just Not About. we see the effects and consequences of colonialism demonstrated in the world of pathologic, and it’s something we’re certainly asked to think about from time to time, but the actual plot/narrative of the game is not about overcoming or confronting explicitly colonialist constructs, etc. i personally regard this as a bit of a missed opportunity, but it’s just not what IPL was going for.

instead they have a huge focus, as discussed somewhat in response to this ask, on the broader idea of powerful people trying to create a “utopia” at the mortal cost of those they disempower, which is almost always topical as far as i’m concerned, and also very Russian.

i think there was some interview where it was said that the second game was much more about “a mechanism that transforms human nature” than the costs of utopia, but it’s still a persistent enough theme to be worth talking about both as an abstraction of colonialism as well as in its more-likely intended context through the lens of wealth inequality, environmental destruction & government corruption as universal human issues faced by the marginalized classes. i think both are important and intelligent readings of the text, and both are worth discussion.

both endings of pathologic 2 involve sacrifice in the name of an “ideal world” where it’s impossible to ever be fully satisfied. in the Diurnal Ending, Artemy is tormented over the fate of the Kin and the euthanasia of his dying god and all her miracles, but he needs to have faith that the children he’s protected will grow up better than their parents and create a world where he and his culture will be immortalized in love. in the Nocturnal Ending, he’s horrified because in preserving the miracle-bound legacy of his people as a collective, he’s un-personed himself to the individuals he loves, but he needs to have faith that the uniqueness and magic of the resurrected Earth was precious enough to be worth that sacrifice. neither ending is fair. it’s not fair that he can’t have both, but that’s the idea. because that “utopia” everyone’s been chasing is an idol that distracts from the important work of being a human being and doing your best in a flawed world. 

because pathologic’s themes as a series are so very “Russian turn-of-the-century” and draw a ton of stylistic and topical inspiration from the theatre and literature of that era, i don’t doubt that it’s also inherited some of its inspirational literature’s missteps. however, because the game’s intertextuality is so incredibly dense it’s difficult to construct a super cohesive picture of its actual messaging. a lot of its references and themes will absolutely go over your head if you enter unprepared -- this was true for me, and it ended up taking several passes and a bunch of research to even begin appreciating the breadth of its influences.

(i’d argue this is ultimately a good thing; i would never have gone and picked up Camus or Strugatsky, or even known who Antonin Artaud was at all if i hadn’t gone in with pathologic! my understanding is still woefully incomplete and it’s probably going to take me a lot more effort to get properly fluent in the ideology of the story, but that’s the joy of it, i think. :) i’m very lucky to be able to pursue it in this way.)

anyway yes, pathologic 2 is definitely very flawed in a lot of places, particularly when it tries to tackle race, but i’m happy to see it for better and for worse. the game attempts to discuss several adjacent issues and stumbles as it does so, but insinuating it to be in some way “pro-racist” or “pro-colonialist” or whatever else feels kind of disingenuous to me. they’re clearly trying, however imperfectly, to do something intriguing and meaningful and empathetic with their story.

even all this will probably amount to a very disjointed and incomplete explanation of how pathologic & its messaging makes me feel, but what i want -- as a broader approach, not just for pathologic -- is for people to be willing to interpret things charitably. 

sometimes things are made just to be cruel, and those things should be condemned, but not everything is like that. it’s not only possible but necessary to be able to acknowledge flaws or mistakes and still be kind. persecuting something straight away removes any opportunity to examine it and learn from it, and pathologic happens to be ripe with learning experiences. 

it’s all about being okay with ugliness, working through difficult nuances with grace, and the strength of the human spirit, and it’s a story about love first and foremost, and i guess we sort of need that right now. it gave me some of its love, so i’m giving it some of my patience.

[echoweaver]

Your thoughts on the Sims 1-4

Guess I’m in the mood to do these. Grabbing a tag from @mosneakers​.

Sims 1: The big thing I remember about this game is that it could take your sim hours to cross from one end of the house to the other. Thus, if the sim got up at the normal one-hour-before-work, they often wouldn’t have time to both pee and eat. I got obsessed with designing and efficient house, with the kitchen right outside the bedroom door, so that my sims could get to work with the best mood. 

Then I let the garden go bad, and it would destroy my sims’ mood on the way to the carpool, and it took me forever to figure out what was going on :-D

Sim 2: I remember being thrilled by how much easier it was for sims to get around their house. The introduction of lifespans intrigued me. However, I hadn’t really figured out what I wanted to DO with this sandbox game yet. Playing Sims gets boring if you don’t have some kind of a goal. I’d never heard of a generational challenge, much less rotational gameplay, and I hadn’t plugged into the fan community yet.

I did dabble in mods -- mostly the mod to drastically increase the chance of a sim being abducted when using the telescope so I could make alien babies. I built a household from two CAS-built sisters who were of different races. One of them married a man, and the other a woman, and then I got frustrated that the lesbian couple couldn’t make babies. They adopted, but I was annoyed by how genetically boring their adopted son was. Then I got obsessed with trying to get one of the lesbians to cheat on her spouse to make a baby without being discovered. Where is artificial insemination when you need it?

Later, I created a new sim who married into the Broke family. I got bored and tried to starve Dustin to death to make a ghost. when I removed the door to his bedroom and his needs got very low, he got down on his knees to beg the Watcher for his life. I felt so guilty that I actually turned off the game and never went back!

Sims 3:  This is where it happened for me. Open world and a town that aged with my active household just better matches the way I imagine playing. I even figured out generational play, at least somewhat, before really plugging into the fan community.

I didn’t realize until reading @mosneakers and @natolesims‘s memes that there was so much hate floating around for Sims 3 art style! I admit that I do dislike the child faces. I thought Sims 2 faces were too long and thin. Sims 3 faces seem to have overcompensated by being just a bit too round. Otherwise, I’m quite sure I don’t know what you guys are talking about. LOL.

I don’t think I’d still be playing if it weren’t for NRaas, though. Sims 3′s open world was pretty ambitious, and their data management was totally not up to the task. I spent years offering tech support on people’s blogs when they started to suffer data corruption in generation 2 or 3. You just can’t play without at least minimal mods to clean up save files. It’s unintuitive that a modded game is more stable than vanilla, but it’s just true. Sad, but true.

Sims 4: I have played this very little, not because I hate it but because I am stubbornly determined to finish my 10-generation legacy. A lot of folks just rebuilt their household in Sims 4 and continued to play. At the time Sims 4 came out, I was playing supernatural-heavy games with custom skintones, so I’d lose almost everything if I ported them over. It also turns out that it’s hard to face going from a heavily-modded, 11-expansion experience to a game with base or just one expansion. I have a lot more sympathy for Sims 2 players who skipped Sims 3 entirely.

I have a hard time facing the color presets and closed world, but the game in its current state really seems to have done great things with gameplay. If/when I get the Samples done, I’ll take a look at making the switch. Of course, by then Sims 5 will likely be out, so maybe I’ll skip....

What is your favorite Expansion pack

Generations and/or Seasons. But it’s really hard to choose.

Small pets or Horses?

I really,  really love Sims 3 horses. Since I’m modding pets, it can probably be guessed that I like the animals in general :).

What is your favorite active career?

Yes.

I have had a ton of fun with almost all active careers. If forced to choose, I might go for firefighter.

What is your favorite Lifetime Wish?

Buh. I really dug the Photography one I guess. I just like doing different ones.

Whims or Wants?

I’m sorry. I have no idea what this question even means (blush).

What is your favorite Occult?

I feel like all the occults in TS3 are kind of underdeveloped. That said, witches are pretty cool.

Cowplants, Bonehilda, or the Social Bunny?

Bonehilda

How do you pick your sims names?

I am absolutely OBSESSED with names. I’m sorry I only got to name one flesh-and-blood child, so I let it all out in naming my simmies. I get into the head of the parent(s) and come up with lists from whatever they would like. My saves are very gameplay-directed, and tend to randomize most traits, so I intentionally don’t build a sim to a name or try to make a sim’s name suit their personality at all. After all, when we name our children, we get no say over who they eventually become :).

Do you create a spouse for a sim, or do you go after a townie?

Townie! My gaming style is heavily gameplay-oriented. I want my sims to choose their partner using wishes and attraction and whatever else the game provides. However, I also am incredibly interested in genetic experimentation, so I do allow myself to change the physical appearance of some sims before making babies with them if they are too bland. I populated my Samples save from scratch, largely using downloaded simalikes of real people. I have NRaas set to use existing sims in the town or in my sim bin, to generate new ones. So basically I do my best to have the most interesting genetics pool I can so I don’t need to edit faces.

Do you prefer to follow storytelling Simblrs, or do your prefer gameplay Simblrs?

I’m not totally sure what this is asking either :-D. Are “storytelling” simblrs the ones that largely use the game as an artistic medium for screenshots using poses and whatnot? My play style is to play the game and build stories from it, so I’m not entirely sure what category I fall into myself.

I suppose it doesn’t matter because I follow both. I’m not terribly drawn to dressup challenges and lookbooks.

What year did you join Tumblr/Simblr?

I have absolutely no friggin idea. I tried to look back in my email archive to track notifications, and that failed. I came back after three years, so it has to be at least for years before I returned....?

[nexility-sims]

not another simblr tag 

tagged by the wonderful @vatorelilith !! thank you 💕 !! 

rate in order favorite to least favorite: i am a FRAUD who has only played sims 3 & sims 4 so ... at this point, sims 3 and sims 4 are kinda tied bc i miss the sims 3 world ... sims 2′s cc universe seems fabulous ... any image i see of sims 1 just feels cursed so :/ 

favorite expansion: seasons !!!!! it’s such a gamechanger imo. one of my favorites overall was probably sims 3′s late night ... i LOVED bridgeport sm, plus the blend of celebrities and nightclubs and vampires and bands was .................. chef kiss. world adventures was also VERY MUCH my jam at one point. it has it’s problems, but still. other sims 4 ones i really like are get together and island living.

small pets or horses: unpopular opinion is i kinda don’t care about pets sdkjfgds i think i do not have that pack installed rn because, in fact, i always ignore the pets dfkgjlga that being said, i have historically had the small pets more often than horses. i’d always give my sims a Family Dog and an Elderly Cat, mostly for the aesthetic :^)

favorite active career: i loved the stylist career in sims 3 bc it let me live my victoria beckham lifestyle dreams via sims ........ now, i don’t really use those careers, even when i’m doing gameplay ?? i’m pretty sure i’ve never even done the doctor one, and i went to work w/ a scientist sim one (1) time !!!!!! i like the retail stuff better. it’s how my bancrofts got rich in sims 4 !!!

favorite ltw / aspiration: for gameplay, i use the bestselling author, super parent, and master chef aspirations most often. that’s my answer !

whims, wishes or wants and fears: hm. i don’t have strong opinions but. wishes felt more arbitrary during gameplay so let’s go with that. 

favorite occult: VAMPIRES ! i almost never play with the occult features BUT i’m a vampire gal to the marrow, so ... i played with them a lot more with sims 3, but i like the sims 4 vampires as well. one day, i’ll do a proper play-through ! i actually have a few vampire edits in my drafts that are, lmao, years old. i do like the spellcasters, i must say. i had intended to do a whole legacy challenge with them as a side game for my main legacy BUT i kinda got bored after my main witch completed all of the spellcaster-related things. 

cowplants, bonehilda or social bunny: i truly could not care less about any of them but bonehilda feels the coolest.

favorite non-pc sims game: there was a mobile one i played a thousand years ago but i cannot, for the life of me, remember which it was 

favorite spin off game: on principle, i have to say medieval

how do you pick the names for your sims: answered this here ! 

create a spouse or find them in game (townies): WELL !!!! most of the time, i make spouses in cas, especially within the context of my story. however, for legacy gameplay, i’ve added folks from the game—mainly, vj alvi and mortimer goth from sims 3. elizabeth randomly went over to the alvi house and used their swing set (?) with vj, and then constance had a hilariously disastrous prom night with mortimer ... SO, i gave one of them an extensive makeover and added them to the story i was telling myself ! vj and elizabeth ran off to live by the seaside (in a house coleman built for them bc he’s a good papa) and mortimer ... became a civil war historian :/ 

do you prefer following storytelling simblrs or gameplay simblrs: BOTH ! admittedly, most of the simblrs i actively follow are storytellers, but i enjoy all types of content.

what year did you join simblr: 2018 ! march.

tagging: you, the person reading this !!!! i have undue anxiety about tagging y’all, lmao, so all of my mutuals can just consider themselves tagged. pls tag me so i can see your answers ! 

[dragonplumbobs]

Looking back at my Simblr Goals for 2021

Do more sim makeover exchanges. (I would love to do one with Vanilla and Glint.)

Done, though I did not send Vanilla and Glint to anyone. I did 4 makeover exchanges + 2 other makeovers.

Do more tag games, since I had a lot of fun doing a couple this month.

Yep, did a few tag and ask games this year.

The Cupcakes

Finish Playing Generation Three

That is the only thing from this I actually completed.

Host Cordial’s Bachelorette Challenge

I played 7/10 episodes, but only have posted the first two.

Play Generation Four

See above.

The Dreamcatchers

Finish Playing Generation Two

Nope, I did play some more of it though, and got a new heir that I love.

Play Generation Three

See above. I’m excited for when I eventually get to it though!

Wrapping up 2021

It does not look like I played that much of my legacies, but I played a decent amount, for the year I have had. I also started playing two new legacies, one of which I played the entire first generation.

Goals for 2022

I’m not going to make any, since it just stresses me out. Well, I am going to make the goal of sorting and queuing my backlog. I really wanted to get that done before the new year, but I have not been in the right mindset.

I plan on playing a new legacy which I have the founders for, but have not started. I’m not sure if they will be posted on tumblr or just updates on discord. I don’t want to force myself to post if I dont want to.

Also, in 2022 I’m going to start a booktube channel and try to post videos most Wednesdays. I’m not sure yet if it will be something I stick with, but it sounds really fun.

With that I want to wish you a Happy New Year! Hopefully 2022 will be happier and brighter than 2021. Thank you, for reading my messy wrap up. lol

[btsqualityy]

Scripted: Part 6

Namjoon x Reader; Jimin x Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, President!Namjoon, Head of Security!Jimin

Warnings: (Reluctant) open relationship, mentions of cheating

“I haven’t seen him in days Momo,” you huffed as the two of you walked through the banquet hall that the benefit for the children’s hospital was going to be held in. 

“Like at all?” Momo wondered and you shook your head. 

“I go to bed alone and I wake up alone. I call down to his office and Taehyung makes up some bullshit excuse about how Namjoon’s too busy to talk.”

“Maybe he is actually busy though Y/N-ah,” Momo chuckled. “He is President, remember?”

“You know that Taehyung can’t lie to save his life though,” you pointed out. “So I can tell that Namjoon’s making him cover for him.”

“Oh yeah, you’re right,” she nodded. “But still, you can’t really be surprised. I mean, you did tell the man that you didn’t want to have his babies.”

“He goaded me!” You whined loudly, making Momo chuckle at you.

“He’s your husband.”

“Legally,” you added. Momo opened her mouth to respond but Jimin walked up to the two of you then, a large grin spread onto his face.

“This place is amazing,” Jimin beamed with approval. “I think it’s a great place to have the benefit.”

“I’m happy that you like it,” you smiled softly before looking at Momo. “Can you call the owners and book this place for June 1st?”

“You think a little more than two months is enough time for us to plan this whole thing?” Momo questioned as she pulled her planner out of her bag, opening it up and writing a few things down inside. 

“It should be more than enough since there’s three of us behind this thing,” you said as you motioned to yourself, Momo and Jimin. “Plus, with my other commitments as First Lady, I’ll need the extra time and I wanna make sure that we do this right.”

“The kids deserve it,” Jimin added and you nodded. 

“Alright but speaking of Jimin’s help,” Momo smirked as she looked up at Jimin and you knew exactly what she was going to ask him. “Can we ask you something, to get a male’s perspective?”

“Sure,” Jimin shrugged.

“If you were married to a woman and she told you that she didn’t want to have your children, would you be upset?” Momo asked.

“I’d be pissed,” Jimin replied with no hesitation.

“Why?” you inquired.

“Well, as a man, there’s a lot of pride involved with being able to have children,” Jimin explained. “Children are the ones who carry on our legacies when we’re gone and for a lot of men, that carries a lot of weight.”

“But what if the marriage isn’t the best situation to bring a child into?” You challenged.

“Well, then I guess I would wonder why someone is even still in that marriage in the first place,” Jimin replied and Momo whistled lightly. 

“There’s some honesty for your ass,” Momo muttered.

“I’m sorry, did I miss something?” Jimin questioned.

“We were talking about Y/N-ah and Namjoon,” Momo answered and Jimin’s eyes widened.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Y/N,” Jimin apologized but you just smiled and shrugged.

“It’s ok, you didn’t know.”

“Still, it wasn’t my intention to seem judgmental,” he said.

“You were being honest, not judgmental,” you chuckled. “So I don’t mind.”

“You sure?”

“Hey, I’m best friends with this one, aren’t I?” You laughed as you pointed at Momo. “I’ve definitely been told worse.”

“I resent that,” Momo deadpanned without looking up from her planner. 

“Don’t you have lunch plans with Jungkook today Mo?” You checked and Momo nodded without looking up.

“Not until 12:30,” she said.

“Mo?”

“Hm?”

“It’s 12:45.”

“Shit, he’s gonna kill me for not calling!” Momo gasped as she lifted her arm and checked the wristwatch on her hand. She hastily stuffed her planner back into her bag before she started to speed walk away from you and Jimin. “I’ll call you later!”

“Bye!” You laughed and you waved at her as you and Jimin watched her run out of the banquet hall. 

“Is she always that scatter brained?” Jimin wondered with a chuckle.

“Yeah, but she’s also a genius so I let it slide,” you giggled as you and Jimin began to slowly walk around the grand ballroom. “She has a degree in theoretical physics, you know.”

“Really?” Jimin murmured in awe. “No offense, but why does she work for you?”

“As a woman in the field, she found it difficult to break down barriers and be taken as seriously as her male colleagues were so she quit her job a few weeks before Namjoon won the election and I offered to let her come work for me,” you explained. 

“That was nice of you,” Jimin smiled but you just shrugged.

“I kind of owed her,” you laughed. “I never would’ve passed the Bar exam if it weren’t for her and Namjoon helping me study.”

“You practice law,” Jimin said and you smiled.

“Used to,” you corrected him. “I had my own practice but I gave it up once Namjoon decided that he was going to run for President.”

“Why?”

“As progressive as Namjoon is, he never would’ve won the election if he had a wife that worked as a lawyer,” you explained. “It would’ve been too much for the more conservative voters.”

“That doesn’t seem very fair to you,” Jimin frowned. 

“It’s not,” you agreed. “Especially given how hard I worked to get through college and then law school and then the Bar exam but I did it because I believed in Namjoon and I didn’t want to be the reason that he lost the election, you know?”

“No, I get it,” Jimin said. “It just...seems like kind of a steep price to pay.”

“When you pay a lot of steep prices for someone, you get used to it,” you sighed. Jimin wanted to ask you what you meant by that, but he decided that he had done enough prying into your life for one day.

“Do you wanna go grab some lunch?” He asked instead and you nodded, suddenly aware of how hungry you were.

“Absolutely. Do you have any suggestions?” You wondered as the two of you started to walk towards the exit of the banquet hall. 

“I think I have a place that we could go,” Jimin smiled.

.............................

“Jimin hyung!” Jihyun exclaimed as he walked around the large counter that sat in the ramen restaurant and over to where you and Jimin were standing, throwing his arms around Jimin.

“Hi Jihyunie,” Jimin chuckled, hugging him back. Jihyun then pulled away from the hug and looked over to his left, his eyes widening considerably when he saw you. 

“Y-you’re the F-First Lady,” Jihyun stammered and you chuckled lightly as you nodded your head.

“I never get used to this reaction,” you joked as you looked over at Jimin and he just laughed before shaking his head.

“Excuse him,” Jimin laughed. “Y/N, this is my younger brother Jihyun. Jihyun, this is,-”

“First Lady Kim,” Jihyun rushed out, bowing to you respectfully. “It’s an honor to meet you.”

“I appreciate it but you don’t have to do that,” you told him as you bowed to him as well.

“A-are you sure?” Jihyun checked and you nodded with a smile.

“Jimin here told me that you have the best ramen in Seoul and I wanted to come try it out for myself,” you said and Jihyun nodded enthusiastically.

“Of course! Just have a seat and I’ll be right with you,” Jihyun stated before rushing back behind the counter and disappearing into the kitchen.

“Is he gonna be alright?” You asked Jimin as he led you over to a booth that sat in one of the corners of the restaurant, each of you taking a seat across from each other. 

“He’s probably back there freaking out,” Jimin replied honestly. “He couldn’t believe me when I said that I was taking this job working for you and Mr. Kim.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that this place is mostly empty then,” you murmured as you looked around the restaurant. 

“I figured that it would be, which is part of the reason that I brought you here,” Jimin replied. Just then, you heard a shrill voice and fast footsteps running in your direction.

“Uncle Jimin!” You looked up and saw a small girl, who looked like she wasn’t any older than 4, running over to your booth. Jimin slid out of the booth and kneeled down on the ground, opening his arms just in time for the little girl to crash into his chest.

“Hi Hana Banana,” Jimin giggled as he wrapped his arms around her and swung her from side to side. 

“I missed you,” Hana pouted as she pulled back and set her little hands on Jimin’s cheeks.

“I know, I missed you too. I’m sorry that I missed your call the other day,” Jimin apologized. “I was working.”

“You’re always working,” Hana huffed and you couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you from how adorable she looked. An older woman, who looked to be about the same age as Jihyun, suddenly ran out from behind the counter.

“I’m so sorry Jimin,” the woman apologized as she walked over to where Jimin and Hana were hugging. “She heard your name and lost it.”

“It’s fine,” Jimin assured her as he stood up straight, hoisting Hana up and setting her on his hip. “Eun Jung, this is First Lady Kim. First Lady Kim, this is my sister-in-law, Park Eun Jung.”

“It is such a pleasure to meet you,” Eun Jung smiled as she bowed and you quickly slid out of the booth in order to bow to her as well.

“Likewise,” you nodded as you looked over at Hana, who was whispering into Jimin’s ear. “You have a gorgeous daughter.”

“Thank you,” Eun Jung grinned as she reached over and fixed the end of Hana’s dress. “She’s amazing when she actually listens to me.”

“She’s just like Jihyun was a kid, adventurous and with a mind of her own,” Jimin teased as he reached down and tickled Hana’s stomach, making her squeal and plead for him to stop. Jihyun walked out from the kitchen then, two menus in his hands as he walked over to where all of you were talking. 

“Told the whole family that we were here, huh?” Jimin chuckled and Jihyun blushed lightly.

“I was panicking, ok?” He admitted with a huff as he set the menus down on the table. “Please, please, have a seat and take all the time you need.”

“Thank you,” you nodded at him before sitting back down in the booth and picking up one of the menus. 

“Hana, come with me so that your uncle and First Lady Kim can enjoy their lunch,” Eun Jung said, holding her hands out for Hana to fall into but Hana just shook her head and folded herself in towards Jimin.

“It’s alright Eun Jung, I’ll keep her with me,” Jimin told her before looking over at you. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Absolutely not,” you smiled and Jimin did the same before sitting down.

“Alright,” Eun Jung shrugged. “Jimin, I already know what your order is but are you ready to order ma’am?”

“Yes, I actually I am,” you replied. “Can I please have the kitakata style ramen?”

“Absolutely,” Eun Jung nodded, pulling out a small notepad and a pen from the apron that she had on, writing it down. 

“What kind of ramen do you want, Hana Banana?” Jimin asked his niece.

“Shio please Mommy,” Hana requested happily and Eun Jung chuckled before nodding.

“I’ll have them out to you guys soon,” she promised before walking away to go back into the kitchen. You closed the menu and placed it back onto the table, and you happened to notice that Hana was staring at you.

“You look like you want to ask me something,” you said as you looked down at her and she nodded slowly. “Go ahead, you can.”

“Are you the lady who takes my uncle Jimin away?” Hana wondered and you giggled as Jimin began to stammer nervously.

“She does not take me away Hana,” he told her.

“But I wanted you to take me to the movies and you said you couldn’t because you had to work,” Hana shot back.

“She has a point Jimin,” you shrugged with a smile. “But yes, your uncle Jimin works for me and for my husband too.”

“You’re married to the President?” Hana questioned.

“Yes, I am.”

“He looks mean,” Hana frowned. “He’s always frowning on the TV.”

“That’s only because he has to try very hard to be serious when he’s on TV,” you told her.

“Uncle Jimin said that he has to be serious at his job too,” Hana nodded thoughtfully before looking up at her uncle. “Is it hard for you?”

“Sometimes,” Jimin answered. “But I love my job so it’s not too hard.”

“Uncle Jiminie loves it more than me?” Hana asked fearfully and you watched with a smile as Jimin firmly shook his head and hugged Hana to his chest.

“There’s no one that I love more than you, Hana Banana,” he promised, which made the smile come back onto Hana’s face. Just then, Eun Jung came back out towards your booth, carrying a tray that held three bowls of ramen on top.

“Ramen!” Hana cried out and Eun Jung chuckled at her daughter as she set each bowl of ramen onto the table.

“That was quick,” you smiled, the smell of your own ramen making your mouth water.

“I’ve never seen my husband move this fast,” Eun Jung huffed with a chuckle. “Maybe you should come visit more often so that he’d get more done around here.”

“Thanks Eun Jung,” Jimin said.

“No problem,” Eun Jung nodded. “Enjoy, you guys.”

.............................

“Wait, are you serious?” You gasped and Jimin nodded as he took a spoonful of the last of his ramen. “You really joined the Navy right after high school?”

“How do you think I was able to move through the ranks and become Chief of Naval Operations by the age of 25?” Jimin chuckled. 

“I just figured that you must’ve been good at your job,” you shrugged.

“Well, I’m flattered,” Jimin grinned and you lowered your head to hide the heat that had risen to your cheeks. “But yeah, I shipped off to basic training two weeks after I graduated.”

“Wow,” you breathed. “What made you decide to do that?”

“I wasn’t really thinking about college because there was nothing that I found interesting enough to want to major in,” Jimin explained. “And since I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, I figured that the Navy could be a good starting point. Admittedly, I didn’t think that I’d be so good at it but I was and I just decided to run with it.”

“You ran right to the top too,” you joked, making Jimin laugh. 

“Yeah, but it wasn’t without it’s sacrifices. I barely saw my family or friends, and I didn’t even get to meet this one,” he paused to gesture to Hana, who was sitting next to him coloring. “Until she was almost a year old. It’s one of the main reasons why I took this job being head of security for you and Mr. Kim, so that I’d have a little bit more flexibility with my schedule.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, is that why you and your fiancee ended things?” You wondered and Jimin nodded.

“It’s more like why she ended things,” Jimin chuckled bitterly. “We were together for four years and one day, she just suddenly decided that she couldn’t handle the whole lifestyle anymore. I don’t blame her though. I mean, who wants to be married to a man who’s always gone and never has time for them?”

“I’m sorry Jimin,” you said softly.

“No, it’s ok,” he assured you. “It’s like you said, people change.” You opened your mouth to reply but just then, both Jihyun and Eun Jung walked over to your booth.

“How was your meal, First Lady Kim?” Jihyun wondered and you looked up at him with a smile. 

“It was amazing,” you nodded. “Jimin was right when he said that you had the best ramen in Seoul.”

“Thank you so much,” Jihyun replied as he bowed towards you.

“Oh shoot, it’s almost 2:30,” Jimin huffed as he looked down at the watch on his wrist before looking across the table at you. “Are you ready to head back to the Blue House?”

“Yes, I’m ready,” you nodded. You and Jimin both slid out of the booth then, standing up while Hana clung onto her uncle’s leg.

“I have to go back to work Hana Banana,” Jimin laughed as he looked down at her and she shook her head forcefully with a pout on her lips.

“Want you to stay here with me,” Hana huffed and Jimin bent down and picked her up, setting her on his hip.

“I’ll see you soon, ok?” He promised her and Hana nodded her head reluctantly. Jimin pressed a few kisses to her cheek before passing her off to Eun Jung, who was holding her hands out.

“Thank you so much for having me,” you said as you bowed to Jihyun and Eun Jung.

“No, thank you,” Eun Jung smiled.

“It was nice meeting you Hana,” you smiled and she returned a tiny smile to you as well.

“Bye. Tell your husband that he should smile more,” Hana told you and you couldn’t help but to laugh.

“I’ll make sure I will,” you assured her. After a few more goodbyes, you and Jimin walked out of the ramen shop and out to the waiting limousine. After opening the door for you and watching as you slid inside, Jimin slid in behind you and the driver swiftly pulled off towards the Blue House. 

.............................

“Thank you for taking me for lunch today,” you said to Jimin as he escorted you up the front steps of the Blue House.

“No problem. You kind of gave me the perfect excuse to go see them,” Jimin admitted sheepishly.

“I don’t mind,” you shrugged, finally making it to the front door. “It was nice.”

“So, we’re still on to do some more planning for the benefit in a few days?” Jimin checked and you nodded.

“Yeah, but it’ll just be you and I. Momo has a family thing,” you told him.

“Ah. Well, I’ll see you then. Have a nice rest of your day Y/N.”

“You too, Jimin,” you replied and after he flashed one more smile at you, he turned around and jogged back down the steps. You then turned back towards the door and pushed it open, stepping inside and shutting the door behind you.

After taking off your heels, you paced down the hallway to your and Namjoon’s private quarters and walked into your shared bedroom. However, your heart almost jumped through your throat at the sight of Namjoon sitting at the desk in your bedroom.

“God, you scared me!” You gasped, placing your hand on your chest over your heart in order to help calm it down. “I thought you’d still be in your office right now.” All Namjoon did was look at you and shrug, so you walked further into the room and stood in front of his desk.

“How was your day?” You asked and Namjoon just shrugged once again. “Alright. Is there any special reason why you’re working here and not in your office?” You wondered and Namjoon just looked at you with a blank stare on his face and suddenly, you understood why he was acting like that.

“Are you serious?” You laughed in disbelief. “Are you giving me the silent treatment?”

“If I were giving you the silent treatment, don’t you think I’d be in my office where it would be more effective?” Namjoon questioned. 

“Well, why weren’t you saying anything?”

“Because what do we have to talk about Y/N-ah?” Namjoon asked. “You made it very clear how you felt about me the other day.”

“Namjoon, I know this isn’t about the baby conversation,” you huffed and when he didn’t say anything, that gave you the answer that you were looking for. “Wow, you’re unbelievable.”

“Look Y/N-ah, I don’t want to argue with you,” Namjoon said as he abruptly stood up, grabbing his suit jacket from the back of his chair and shrugging it onto his shoulders. “I’m going out and I don’t think I’ll be back until late.”

“Where are you headed, to go fuck someone else?” You spit and Namjoon paused from buttoning up his jacket to look at you. 

“So what if I am?” He shrugged after a few seconds of silence. “You made it very clear how you feel about our marriage so why should’t I take advantage of the stipulations of the arrangement?”

“So just because I won’t have your baby, that means that you no longer respect me or care about me?”

“I’ll always care about you Y/N-ah,” he told you as he stepped around the desk and stood in front of you. “But respect is a two-way street, and you stopped respecting me a long time ago.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” You questioned and you swore that you could see something flash across Namjoon’s eyes, although you couldn’t decipher what.

“I have to go, I’m late,” he mumbled suddenly, stepping away from you and walking over to the door. “Don’t wait up.” You watched dumbfounded as he opened the bedroom door and stepped out into the hallway, slamming the door shut behind him; leaving you to wonder, “What the hell just happened?”

.............................

Tag List:  @toddsgirl27 @leftieaquarius @joyfulkmusicfan @jennyjq @xcharlottemikaelsonx @pop228 @belatona @babebri144 @dragonqueen01 @paolaa9700 @yiarsan @sunshinein17 @daydreambrliever @lyralefayc @weirdestpersoninearth @peachesandcreamsthings @missseoulite @ramengrace @minyoongi-infiresme @0minabean0 @korkanswers @dchimminie @mysr3 @emily2404xx @leilaakk @vonvi-blog @btsxdoll @heartfeltscribblings

[an0nymousghost]

simblr asks v2

here are my answers! find the questions here.

i wrote soo much ahaha. like however much you think i wrote, i wrote more than that. imo everything i write is gold though

1. are you going to buy the new pack (cottage living) when it comes out? no, it looks really nice but i legit never ever buy packs at launch, especially cause this one is a expansion and it will probably go on sale at some point

2. do you p*rate your dlc or buy it legitimately? buy it legitimately 👌

3. what’s your favorite world? brindleton bay, it gives like seaside cottage vibes. willow creek is good but it’s boring. 

4. if you use a queue, how many posts per day do you set it as? 3 or 4. i used to do like 12 lmaoo what even was wrong with me

5. do you watch sims on youtube? yes, i watch mainly malixa, oshinsims, and msgryphi

6. what are your thoughts on the most recent pack? (dream home decorator) those sectional couches look good! but honestly im kinda annoyed because now it’s even harder to have all the items filled in when i place lots from the gallery. like i’m just saying like a lot of builds will use that pack probably and if i don’t get it then i can’t really use builds/save files 

7. how many packs/kits do you own? lemme count

expansion: all - 10/10 game: 5/10 stuff: 9/18 kits: none xo

24/38 - 63%

8. what’s your origin id? is it the same as your url? 🤗 it’s in my title, it’s celeschul. it doesn’t look that nice in my title but i use celeschul in my package files and i’m guessing people search things like, “celeschul penny hair” or something like that in order to find my cc- so i keep it in there so the search results are easier. i do want to change it though..

but no it’s also not the same! well i mean it’s the username i use for cc. my origin id used to be an0nymousghost but i changed it. i wonder if anyone’s taken that one?

9. is your simblr your sideblog or main blog? main blog ✌️ my old blog @stardze​ is a main blog as well.

my old old simblr was a sideblog but it had like 1 follower and it literally a bot so i don’t think that counts. i have a multifandom sideblog though 

10. do you have a cc finds blog? i wish. i was thinking bout it earlier and that would be sooo neat but sometimes i download stuff that doesn’t have a tumblr post attached to it, and also it’s stressful to keep up with so nah

11. are you wcif friendly? yes sir. in fact i bring the trouble of wcifs onto myself but doing them even when nobody asked.

12. what’s your favorite sized household to play with? (ex. 1 sim, 4 sims) gonna have to think on this one, honestly 1 sim is really fun and stuff goes by so fast. doing stuff with astrid when she was on her own, it was much more efficient. 

for families, i haven’t done that in a while actually. 5, 2 parents and 3 kids is cute tho. why did i write this this is honestly such a hard question

13. if you have c&d, do you play with pets? i feel like i haven’t played with cats and dogs in forever. honestly i just have no paitence. noelle fae was supposed to get a cat (there’s a food bowl + cat bed in her house) but when summer vacation started, the amount of time i spent playing ts4 decreased a lot. (this doesn’t really make sense, i have a lot more time. honestly it just has to do with my recent obsession with a certain anime/manga and some other personal thing)

i did random nightmares in may though and i had pets frequently. g5 didn’t because sofia scarlett lived in an apartment, but g2/3/4 had cici, and g1 had all the cats. but that was back in march so it’s been a while.

14. what lifespan do you use? i really want to do aging off but then i feel like it drags on. but aging legit stresses me out, sometimes i just want to sit down and do some cas stuff but i only have 2 hours in real time and there’s like 4 days left till one of my sims’ birthdays. 

15. if you own a lot of packs, how many of them have you actually played through? just so everyone is aware this question was made for me

i feel like eps require a specific save made for testing them out, but the only save i’ve ever made for an ep is noelle fae’s get famous save. 

that is literally a lie - i made a save for island living with one of my 100bc kids, maisie acapella. i did actually post it on tumblr BUT then i deleted all the posts BUT i reblogged them on my alt account BUT i privated my alt account so i honestly forgot about it

i have never played through discover university or watched anyone do it on youtube, i’ve read gerbits’ story about it so i think i’m pretty qualified. i’ve always wanted to do one with periwinkle acapella but i never got around to it

another ep i know nothing about is get to work

i tried doing a eco life playthrough but i hadn’t watched any videos and i was like..what is going on. so i quit lolx d ;;;;; i mentioned it but the whimsy stories legacy was the first time i had played with the eco lifestyle features so technically i think i know what im doing

i got outdoor retreat literally on monday of this week so i haven’t played through it yet. 

jungle adventure i still don’t know what’s going on. i remember last year before i bought the pack i was brainstorming, and wanted to do a ja playthrough with luna and cedar, who are a couple who i did a random legacy with and it was all queued to post when i deleted everything (if you’re wondering why, it’s because my queue was literally 200+ posts). except this time i didn’t save them to my sideblog so i lost them. 

i still havent had a restaurant in dine out 

also never did the vet thing from cats and dogs

i have no idea what that rock climbing thing is from snowy escape but i did most of the other stuff because rn g5

city living i did through psc stage 5 and also it was the first pack i bought anyways

the rest of them are either stuff packs or i ended up playing them through casual gameplay (seasons, parenthood)

16. what do you do as you play sims? (ex. listen to music) i listen to music most of the time, or listen to commentary youtube videos because i am an alpha chad. i also used to talk with my friends on voice call but i don’t do that anymore 🥲

17. which sims challenges have you tried? random legacy, whimsy stories, perfect sim challenge, 100 baby, legacy (just the plain get-to-10-gens one), random nightmares, berry zodiac, astrology legacy, apocalypse

i feel like im forgetting some.. honestly most of the stuff i did before simblr was either 100 baby (i love that challenge) or random saves that lasted for 2 seconds. 

18. do you like the new(ish) hair swatches? nah. 

i do appreciate that most cc hairs have a true (ish) black, thank god! and the fact that the hair update is what inspired me to update and fix a bunch of hairs with different issues is pretty nice. but will i use them? no. 

plus it takes up like 5 gb? depending on how many packs you have.

19. post the latest screenshot you took 📸

i live in cas

20. what is the cc/ingame hair that looks the most like your own? i think that dream home decorator side part hair looks a lot like my hair. honestly i havent see much like my hair but that one is kinda-? close

21. who is your favorite sim of yours and what is their story? noelle and alari fae i think! 

link to post

noelle is blonde and has blue-grey eyes. she wears purple contacts pretty often though (because she wants to 😌)

alari has light brown hair that is kinda curly, and she’s got pretty vibrant blue eyes. 

they’re sisters, alari is 3 years older than noelle. noelle was 19 and alari was 22 when they got spotted

they worked as models when they were young adults. their jobs involved dyeing their hair blue/pink, and they would model like clothes and stuff. anyways, they were pretty successful. like not ultra famous but they had enough money to not work for the rest of their lives. 

their modeling group was made of 4 girls, the others were named paisley autumn and they were green and red, respectively. some things are: 

paisley and alari started dating during this 

autumn was a single mother to a little girl named destiny

noelle dated many people during this but never ended up finding the one <3

when their contract ended after like 6 years, paisley and alari went to go live together and noelle decided to get into acting. so thats when get famous playthrough started!

there’s more but basically they’re like oc’s with sims on the side. xoxo

22. if you use cc, are there any cc creators that you have like ALL of their items? this is such a good question! i hoard hair very heavily (my folder is 11gb) i so i have like 97% from most of the popular hair creators. 

i think i had legitimately EVERYTHING from simstrouble though, i went through multiple times to check and i also have all of her retired stuff. 

i have everything from ridgeport i think-? because of the fact that she uploaded all her stuff in one big zip. 

i think that’s it.. for a long time i also had everything by clumsyalienn, but then i ended up deleting it and only keeping my faves. 

and looking at my collection, maybe ah00b? i might be missing a couple but i at least have like 99%.

23. what’s one pack you think is underrated? dine out, it’s laggy af yes but it’s such a nice thing for my sims to do. 

24. what are your favorite sims stories/legacies? melons by gerbits always and forever

this question was inspired by this ask anyways so 

25. if you could change one small thing about ts4, what would it be? most of my suggestions are pretty complex but literally just - when you add tray files, they appear at the top. my life would be so much easier

this took me literal hours to answer

[littlestarlost]

what happened.

All this hunger is Always following us Out where we survive under poisonous skies They’re dreaming, but nobody’s sleeping Just coked hearts speeding See all the gold teeth gleaming See all the young, healthy free men Just move into nothing

(CW: discussion of mental health, trauma, PTSD)

A version of this post has been sitting in my drafts folder for ten months. I know this, because I originally began to write it around late January, just in time for the one-year mark to have passed since I’d last updated Setting Sun. When I posted that most recent update, I had just turned 30 years old, and I promised that it would not be another year before the next update. I wanted, so badly, for that to be true. In hindsight, it’s honestly better that I failed to keep that promise; I fear it might have exacerbated the damage that’s already been done, and made the healing process that much harder.

It’s been nearly two years. I want to talk about what happened.

I first began to write about Yuuri Katsuki and Victor Nikiforov because I recognized myself so keenly in them; Yuuri’s high-achieving anxiety and imposter syndrome, and Victor’s quietly functional depression. When I found YOI, I was in grad school; I was winning awards, the top of my class, and utterly terrified that it was all a sham. Being able to channel those emotions through these characters helped me realize my own greatness, to embody it and walk with confidence and bravado. It allowed me to go into my post-degree job search with my head held high, trusting that all the lessons I had learned would lead me to professional success. Yuuri and Victor walked through life with me, two shadows of my own psyche, two people who helped me understand myself.

The first few months of the job were fine. Then things became less than fine, and then continued to descend into the kind of mundane nightmare that only multinational corporate legal firms could manifest. Setting Sun, a story about love and self-acceptance and joy, began to twist around in on itself. I don’t want to go into detail, but suffice to say that I spent nearly two years being gaslit and abused, told I was worthless, constantly having panic attacks as I desperately tried to exert control over things that were way over my head. My body betrayed me; I was in so much pain I couldn’t walk, so stressed I couldn’t bring myself to eat unless I’d smoked weed to calm the nausea. I began to believe that I had peaked in grad school, that I was fooling myself, that I was going to be trapped in that cubicle for the rest of my life, doing grunt work without challenge or interest, in the kind of workplace where you get reported to HR for sighing too loudly. That is a thing that actually fucking happened to me; nobody asked why I might be sighing, and nobody stopped by to check in when I spent most days in tears. This was a place where less than half the people in the room put up their hands when asked if they had ever been creative as kids. This was a place where I almost never got to see the sun.

Because I was massively overqualified and even more massively underworked, I spent a lot of 2018 writing fanfic--my zine pieces, my zutara pieces, all sorts of creative things. I also began to write horror AUs; two stories, in particular, gained a fair amount of traction on this particular platform. When I look back now, I see them for the coping mechanisms that they were; in the case of the crossroads AU, where Yuuri is willing to sell his soul to the devil just to escape his commute, it wasn’t even particularly subtle. I poured all my energy into creative pursuits; it’s been my outlet my whole life, and for a while it helped. By the time I hit the SCP-9874 AU, I burned out so profoundly and utterly that it destroyed my relationship to YOI and cauterized the pieces. SCP-9874 was one of the most creative things I’ve ever done, but it also involved what is, in hindsight, a shocking level of violence and horror inflicted on these characters who were such a close part of me. I was doing this to them because I was hurting, all the time. I now recognize it as the cry for help that it was, and to this day I fantasize about taking down all the SCP-9874 posts and excising that portion of my legacy as much as possible.

I wrote Setting Sun’s 21st chapter in honour of my 30th birthday, in late January of 2019. Somehow, at the time, I didn’t realize how rough it was. How much it implied about me and how I was doing. How much it reflected the true extent of the damage I was suffering. I left Victor and Yuuri in an abandoned apartment with more questions than answers and more regrets than they or I had ever thought possible, and I thought, somehow, that this was a good turning point. Little did I know at the time that the worst was still to come.

I was able to finally escape that toxic office last October, when I found a new job that paid nearly double and was everything I wanted to do in life and more. But  Yuri on Ice hurt too much to think about, even as time marched forward and I began to heal. I had PTSD flashbacks to the old office; I dealt with echo upon echo of terror that everything would fall away to reveal I was trapped in the same old nightmare again. In January 2020, I actually took a few days off for my birthday and reread Setting Sun from the beginning, and I’d somehow forgotten how funny it is, how sweet it is, how hopeful. I had completely forgotten; it had been burned away by twenty months of agony. That realization hurt more than all the other ones put together, I think. I had a good long cry over that.

Fast forward to now, and people have started to find Setting Sun again. They’ve found it on and off in the months since I updated, and for a very long time I would read the truly lovely comments people wrote--thanking me for writing it, hoping I’d come back someday, wishing me well wherever I was--and I would dissolve into tears because I just...couldn’t. I couldn’t bear to go back to this story that I could no longer recognize myself in. And nowadays, when new commenters come, I will warn them about that last chapter I wrote, because I can recognize it as the outlier it is.

But something has very recently changed.

I couldn’t necessarily tell you exactly what. Maybe it’s that I passed the one-year mark at my new job, and the last of the poison has finally been excised. Maybe it’s because I’m looking at all my writing with new eyes as I prepare to try doing this for a living. Maybe it’s because it’s 2020, and the rules aren’t really relevant anymore. I don’t know. But I can say that, two weekends ago, I opened Setting Sun, and realized that it didn’t seem impossible anymore. I realized that the boys had been through more than enough. We’ve been through more than enough. We deserve the happy ending I always planned to give them, going back four whole years when I first planned out this massive weird tale.

It’s been a very long time. It’s been exactly long enough.

I can’t promise exactly when the final chapter of Setting Sun will arrive. I’m walking back onto previously thin ice, and my footsteps are more than a little hesitant, so as not to cause any undue cracks. But I can remember the joy and humour and fun again; I can conceive of jokes and silliness and sweetness again. My playlist is filling up again, with songs of hope and love instead of anguish and sorrow. The Yuuri and Victor who sit inside my heart are skating; the music is carrying them, the wind is rushing past their ears, their feet feel light again and they want to jump and take flight and make beautiful things.

I have bookended this post with lyrics from a song that’s been on the maybe list for Setting Sun for nearly as long as Setting Sun has existed. It’s a song I love quite profoundly, a song that means a lot to me personally, but I could never manage to make it fit. It’s a song about running away to the big bright city, about being broken on the world’s wheel, and about realizing you just want to go home. It’s a song that’s ostensibly about the tragedy of this process, but right now I’m sitting at my desk, listening to the line I, I, I wanna go back, back, back, back, with grateful tears running down my face, and I’m realizing that it’s not part of Yuuri’s story, nor Victor’s; it’s part of mine. Home may never be the same as when you left, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t waiting for you with open arms.

So that’s what happened.

Put my body on a wagon And carry me off to the ocean Let me float on into the eastern sun Out where tomorrow has just begun Where I used to be wild, back in my time Now I just fight to sleep at night So render me up into the elements Lay me in a light that I can trust Lay me in a light that I can trust Lay me in a light that I come from...

(Gold Teeth, by Hey Rosetta!)

[incarnation-of-victory]

“He doesn’t take himself into account...”

I was contemplating how Deku’s fatal flaw of “not taking himself into account” is going to be resolved, and, assuming that it’s going to be in the form of some kind of talk with his friends/family/peers/mentors, here are some of my ideas on the problem itself and how some characters might approach it (A.K.A. 80% of this is in regards to Bakugou and then there’s a paragraph at the end about how Shouto relates to Deku, because I haven’t thought enough about the other characters yet. There is no cure for “Head empty, just-Bakugou” syndrome):

*Manga spoilers up to ~295*

I've seen debate over whether or not Deku does indeed have a self-worth problem, and while I do agree that it is a factor, I also think it’s a little more complicated than that. The way I see it, Deku is a lot like Bakugou: he hinges his self-worth on whether or not he can save everyone, much like how Bakugou hinges his self-worth on whether or not he can achieve a perfect victory. They both have unstable egos which fluctuate depending on whether or not they can fulfill their ideals.

So I don’t think it’s quite as simple as Deku thinking: “Everyone says I’m worthless so they must be right,” but it's more that he’s constantly trying to challenge that label. He has the confidence/perseverance to think, “Everyone says I’m worthless so I have to constantly prove them wrong—and more importantly, I have to prove it to myself so I don’t actually succumb to the even deeper fear that maybe I actually am worthless after all.” So essentially, Deku’s constantly under the pressure of people’s expectations of him. And this pressure comes from more than just society once Deku is bestowed with OFA. Sound familiar?

Well, it’s a lot like how it was for Bakugou. Deku came into the world graceless and unskilled, even before being diagnosed as Quirkless, so the world formed that perception of him accordingly. Deku was deemed worthless, so he feels the need to surpass that designation out of fear that he will regress to it if he doesn’t meet his goals. Bakugou was a natural-born talent, even before getting his Quirk, so the world had high expectations of him to be good at everything, always strong, and never require help. So for Bakugou, if he fails to meet those standards, his self-esteem drops and he feels similarly weak (though he's now outgrown this to some extent).

More specifically, Deku now has one of the most powerful Quirks in the world, OFA, which comes with very high expectations—not unlike how Bakugou’s Quirk, Explosion, is very powerful and as such comes with a similar expectation that he must be the strongest and better than everyone else. In Deku’s case, however, it’s a little different because OFA is tied to a kind of legacy-driven destiny: it was created for the sole purpose of defeating AFO (the person, and the Quirk, I suppose—the two are so entangled, reasonably). Deku has gotten to the point that he feels the full weight of this expectation, and that he’s desperately afraid he won’t meet it. So in his mind, he has to fulfill the goal of OFA, even at the cost of his own life. Not just so All Might, who chose him, won’t regret his decision, or that others will be disappointed in him, but also because the fate of the world & people’s safety very much hang in the balance. Furthermore, as a OFA user, he feels that it’s his responsibility to deal with AFO and nobody else’s, which is probably part of why he’s reluctant to rely on others’ help.

Deku pledged to Bakugou that he would make OFA his own, and Bakugou often checks up on his progress for that reason, so I think it makes sense that Bakugou would be involved in trying to remind Deku that he is his own person outside of OFA’s own goals. It’s a bit like how AFO quite literally possesses Shigaraki to pursue his own goals: OFA (the person/the Quirk?) does the same by overriding Deku’s dreams and well-being, even if it’s for a noble cause. I think Bakugou very much recognizes how OFA is cursed in this manner too (though at the same time, he’s acknowledged that it’s done a lot of good too and has the potential to do even more).

Additionally, Bakugou also benefits from Deku making OFA his own: so they can finally settle once and for all, who the better the hero is (he also wants it for Deku’s own sake too, of course). A “Deku vs. Kacchan 3” is in order for that reason, but I don’t think it’s going to be in the conventional format of a brawl, because at this point, it’s clear that raw power alone is not enough to become the best hero. So we’ll see how that goes.

Despite all of this, would it still be valuable for people to remind Deku of his own inherent self-worth? Perhaps. I think Deku could benefit from relating to Bakugou most on how failing to meet your own expectations doesn’t automatically make you weak/worthless/a loser. 

Because I feel that there’s a fine line between feeling motivated to get back up again after failing vs. having your self-worth plummet if you fall just below the standards you’ve set for yourself. And Deku and Bakugou toe that line a lot. How would you reconcile this issue, you ask? Well, I wouldn’t personally know, because:

I still feel that Deku & Bakugou’s tendency to fall into that pit of self-negativity is a little unhealthy… but that could just me. I think Bakugou having a similar guilt complex, where he pins a lot of blame on himself for his mistakes (which is sometimes overly harsh/misplaced), is also not the best mentality. I’m still of the opinion that Bakugou’s continued sense of responsibility (read: guilt) over All Might’s end is somewhat misplaced/misguided, even if well-intentioned, but again, we have yet to see the narrative confirm this as a lasting issue or not.

Which brings me to Bakugou’s sequence of thoughts/recollections in 285: Bakugou Katsuki: Rising. Again, I think it’s important to keep in mind that Bakugou has a tendency to be a little harsh on himself, so his own perception of his culpability in influencing Deku may be a tad overblown (this also applies to any narrator when we see the story from their perspective: they’re always going to have their own biases).

I’ve read and re-read Bakugou’s flashback sequence as he begins to rise, and because Bakugou is such a visual thinker and less of a linguistic one, his flashbacks, without proper wording, can be vague. I think there’s multiple ways you can interpret this sequence, and while at first I was confused by it and found it disjointed, I then tried looking at it as a kind of thematic, three-act structure, where the images all sorta build on each other.

When Bakugou thinks of OFA as a “cursed power,” he flashes back to middle school when he mocked Deku’s desire to apply to U.A. in front of the class.

And then when he thinks about OFA in a positive light, as associated with All Might, he focuses on All Might’s face and then flashes back to Deku’s hero notebook that he blew up and tossed in the pond, which is again, another rejection of Deku.

And then he remembers Deku pushing back against him instead in Deku vs. Kacchan 1, when he tells Bakugou he won’t be his “worthless punching bag Deku forever,” pledging that he’ll from now on be “the Deku who always does his best.”

Except the next image we get of Deku in place of the past, positive one, is one of him destroying himself in real time, where he appears ominous, haunting, almost kind of mad or possessed. And Bakugou is not pleased by it.

So one way the pattern here could be read: Bakugou recalls all the times he put Deku down, only for him to get back up again, which parallels how Deku reacted against society’s "worthless" perception of him. This also kind of works in conjunction with another pattern: 1) Deku (while in possession of OFA) is conflated with AFO/OFA, 2) Deku (while in possession of OFA) is conflated with All Might, 3) Bakugou’s conclusion: Deku isn’t quite either of those and is instead, his own person. OFA is his own and exists to serve Deku’s goal of being “the Deku who always does his best.” The only problem is that the Deku here hasn’t quite realized that yet.

Either way, it seems like Bakugou feels he at least partly contributed to this marginalization of Deku. Maybe a part of him thinks, "If only I'd been supportive of him from the beginning… then maybe he wouldn't be like this now… that he wouldn't be in this position…" 

While, as compared to where he was at during DvK1, Bakugou does now accept the new meaning of “does his best” Deku, at the moment, this Deku isn't currently matching up to that version. The distinction here is that this current image of Deku isn’t a positive one, it’s negative.

It’s a picture of Deku destroying himself for a dream which isn’t his, perhaps out of a sense of obligation. Because as Deku puts it, he feels blessed for all he currently has: for being at U.A., having All Might as his mentor, and being able to have a normal-ish conversation with Bakugou.

But he still has this imposter syndrome way of thinking that he got this all through luck, that he’s undermining his own virtues and skills. Possibly because he does have low self-worth. I think of it like this: Deku is probably aware on some level that OFA comes with risks, that it has a lot of baggage and is probably kind of cursed, but Deku’s so grateful for the chance to become a hero, and desperately so, that he’s willing to accept even the worst of consequences to himself.

Here’s a good comic from a Japanese artist on Twitter that encompasses this idea of OFA taking advantage of Deku’s hero ambitions, before Bakugou stops him: https://twitter.com/j_nobu4/status/1344244583148863488?s=20 (rough translation in the replies, but you get the gist from the images). I think it’s a surprisingly accurate depiction of canon events, and partly inspired a lot of my ideas here!

Either way, it probably doesn’t help that All Might conveniently forgot to mention all the warning labels and side effects that come with OFA before giving it to Deku, but I digress.

And I think it’s also possible that, because he’s so grateful and feels like he’s been gifted with this new, privileged life, a part of him is afraid that he might lose it all—his friends, his life at U.A., All Might’s approval, OFA itself—if he fails to meet the expectations set out for him. That maybe he won’t deserve it anymore. I mean, hell, he already tried to give Mirio OFA once before—it’s probably no coincidence his “better” showed up to the Shigaraki fight to make him feel inadequate again. Not only that, Deku never expected to be able to speak to Bakugou again. And yet, in a sad kind of way, it was only after finally getting a Quirk, OFA, that the two are given a means to reconnect again.

I admit all of that is a bit convoluted, but either way, I feel like Bakugou does feel guilty for belittling Deku, and that it could be helpful for him to remind Deku of his own inherent worth outside of OFA, even more than just as a hero, but as a person. Because someone’s worth shouldn’t just be based solely on how many people they save or how many battles they win. Every human being has value simply for existing. And that’s mainly why Bakugou jumped in to save Deku at the end of 285. It wasn’t because he was consciously thinking about OFA getting lost/stolen, or reconciling with Deku, or Deku losing his dream, or his even own ambitions. At that moment, he simply had that instinct to save someone who was in trouble.

I think the person whose words would have the most effect on Deku in this case would be Bakugou. Firstly, Bakugou was one of the main people in his life who constantly belittled him and made him feel worthless (obviously not the ONLY cause, but one of the major ones). I think, in one sense, not only does Deku highly value Bakugou’s opinion, it would also be quite validating to have the person who used to think you were worthless tell you that you really aren’t. It’d mean a lot if Bakugou, who gave Deku his deprecating nickname in the first place, revealed to him that he now acknowledges the new, positive meaning of it. Of course, it’s still unclear, from Deku’s perspective, how much he holds Bakugou accountable for how he treated him, so whether or not this would mean much to him is still in the air.

Anyway, on the note of Deku making his Quirk his own, an abrupt segue: I feel that Todoroki can also quite relate to that dilemma. After all, Deku was the one who had to break Shouto out of the mentality that his fire was an extension of his father, rather than his own. So a similar “It’s your power, isn’t it?” moment would make sense here. Both Deku and Shouto have this legacy that’s thrust upon them, but they shouldn’t necessarily be beholden to upholding them. 

I think one of the main themes of BNHA is about legacy, and the trend, to me, is that the current generation can learn a lot from the previous generation, but ultimately, the heroes of now have to form a new, improved legacy, however that may be. After all, the current hero society is very flawed, and heroes like All Might and Endeavor contributed to its state (for better or worse), even if they also had merits at the same time. OFA and AFO, too, mimic that concept of legacy, in that the Quirks started as a feud between two brothers, and that it shouldn’t be Deku or Shigaraki’s responsibility to resolve it. Rather, their Quirks should be used to fulfill their own visions, regardless of what they are. So there’s something they could bond over, among other obvious things...

Obviously, there’s probably going to be more people and other various moving parts involved, but Bakugou and Todoroki were the ones I thought most about in regards to Deku’s development here (the former more than the latter, clearly). Maybe I’ll make a continuation later or probably not because I don’t care about the other characters nearly as much. Jokes aside, I do think the final battle is going to require more than Deku and Bakugou’s efforts, because I think this one showed that they certainly can’t do it on their own.

[twokinkybeans]

Stark On Ice Chapter 5: Glitter and Gold (Starker Figure Skating AU)

Read here on AO3!

-

Chapter 5: Glitter and Gold

Peter groans at the sound of his alarm. The loud, blaring tune is pulling him back into consciousness after a good night’s rest. He grabs his phone to turn the alarm off and ponders sneaking in an extra five minutes just because he’s so comfortable within these soft, thick sheets. However, the amount of notifications has him frowning. He only needs a few seconds of skimming through them to feel the blood drain from his face.

No.

No, no, no!

There are too many missed calls. Too many texts about him and Tony, and when he opens one of them, his heart sinks. Tony and he have been caught kissing. Peter sinks into the sheets a little more to trick his nerves into settling down. Obviously, they don’t. His fingers dial MJ’s number almost automatically. He knows he should call Tony too, but MJ is honest and objective, and she always knows what to do. She’ll tell him how bad the situation is. “Peter Benjamin Parker, what the fuck have you-”

Bad. The situation is bad. 

And right at that moment, Peter can see his career crumbling before his very own eyes. Everything he’s worked for. Everything his parents worked for. The legacy they left behind for him. None of that matters anymore. He’s done. “MJ,” he chokes out, tears threatening to blur his vision. His voice is small. It’s a wonder MJ even caught her name falling from his lips. She quickly catches on to Peter’s clear panicked state and quips a quick ‘stay right where you are; I’m coming over’ before she ends the call. Peter stares at his lock screen. He ignores the notifications that are still flowing in- wave after wave after wave.

Tony. He has to call Tony.

 -

Not much later, they’re all squeezed around Peter’s small dining table. MJ, Steve, Tony, and of course, Happy too. Though the latter has pulled his seat a little further back- clearly not wanting to be involved in the drama. Peter doesn’t blame him. Working for Tony Stark must be tiring. “I warned you, I-” “Steve, we didn’t do this on purpose!” “Still!” “My security system didn’t alarm me. I figured we were safe.” “Safe,” MJ deadpans “-god. Y’all gotta stop blaming each other. We know neither of you did this on purpose, so all we gotta do now is figure out a solution.” Peter sends her a grateful smile before turning to Tony.

“Have you dealt with something like this before? Do you know how to shut it down?” Tony nods slowly. Not a good sign. Tony can be stubborn. Frustrated. But he never displays a sign of powerlessness as he does now. “Media is too fast. Trying to stop the fire is a lost cause. We either confirm or deny.”

They’re quiet for a moment. Peter isn’t sure what to say next. Lying… He hates lying. Doesn’t think it’ll help solve issues in the long run. Lying will probably only make it worse. But if they admit the truth… He doesn’t even want to think about the possible consequences. Steve groans and leans forward on his elbows resting on the table. “I talked to the PR-team quickly. They recommended to try and keep this quiet until at least the end of the season. Three more weeks.” Tony shakes his head at that. “People aren’t going to wait that long. Celebrity Spin-Off is too commercial. People are too invested. They won’t let it slide, trust me. We ain't straight enough.” Peter lets the words sink in. He wonders if there’s an easy way out of this at all. Probably not. If there is, they would’ve known. “What if we…” he starts. Steve and Tony raise their heads at him. MJ only grins. “Keep going.” “Well, an official statement is way too heavy. I mean, of course, we’re two men, but we’re adults, and nothing about this kiss is illegal. If we make it too heavy for ourselves, people will think of it as a scandal too.” “So you’re saying to ignore it? I told you that won’t-” 

“No, Tony, hear me out.” Peter takes another breath. “We don’t say shit. We skate our routine. By the end, we kiss each other. Confirming what the public already knows anyway.”

MJ nods approvingly and wants to give him a high five, but Steve shakes his head. “You could eliminate yourselves like that if people don’t vote-” This time, it’s Tony who speaks up. “Y’know what, I agree with Peter. They already know what’s going on anyways. Heck, I got myself tangled up in this show by accident because I didn’t want to play along with the “everyone in the skating world is straight”-norm. I’d rather get eliminated over a kiss than rumors, and eh, it’s just a show anyway. I don’t mind if we don’t win.” Steve throws his arms up. “Alright, alright, you’re right. It’s not our TV show. Skating is what we do best. If this is what you want, I’ll play along with you.” Peter glows up. He has worked with both Steve and MJ from the very start of his actual skating career at the Midtown Ice Arena, and the fact that they both support him means the world.

“Hey Peter, shouldn’t you be at-” Ned’s mouth drops when he sees Tony Stark. The boy is standing in the doorway, still wearing his PJ’s, his laptop clutched to his chest. “H-Hi?”

-

Peter and Tony skate towards the middle of the rink. It’s time for their second choreo of the night. The music hasn’t started yet, so it’s simple, easy forward strokes until they come to a halt. Peter can tell Tony finally masters his skates outside their choreos too. The subtle movements are smooth and steady. Peter is proud of him. Of his hard work and dedication toward something he’d never done before.

I am flesh and I am bone Rise up, ting ting, like glitter and gold

Peter grins, their tight outfits shining in the spotlights. Blinding Lights. Peter huffs quietly, not showing it but having fun about his little inward joke. They’d performed the altered version of that choreo for that earlier this night. His arm aches a little now, but it’s doable. He’s skated with worse pains before. Like that time he broke his little toe. Or the time- No. Focus. 

Peter jumps swiftly into Tony’s arms for the stationary lift- careful to keep his blades away from Tony’s body. Tony catches him easily and supports his back with the warm, big, broad hands. Peter loves being held like this. It's almost bridal style, the way they're holding one another. God, Tony is so handsome from up close. The stubble on his cheeks. Little marks and spots are covering the skin and showing the man's many years of experience here on earth.

I've got fire in my soul Rise up, ting ting, like glitter

On the first ‘ting’, Peter throws his head back and lifts his right leg up straight. The next, he comes back in bridal style and easily slides down until his knees rest on Tony’s upper legs. From there, the music picks up, and Peter rolls his shoulders down sensually while Tony bends his knees further. Their foreheads press together, and Peter licks his lips as he resists the urge to kiss the man already. Peter then lowers his skates back onto the ice and lets go of Tony when he feels the grip. Lowering his body, coming back up with a sexy body roll. The audience whistles. Peter grins and reaches his arm out to grab Tony’s hand, wincing slightly at the sharp pain shooting through his deltoid. Fuck. He keeps smiling though and refocuses on the next part of the sequence. Twizzles. Then, skating their short eight-figure before both lifting a leg to slide forward in a paired spiral.

Do you ponder the manner of things In the dark The dark, the dark, the dark

Forward strokes. Peter quickly glances at Tony before he changes his hand position. The man looks so happy. So proud of himself. Peter smiles and nods at Tony as a sign he’s ready for the loop lift. It’s a challenging lift for Peter as he always has to keep himself from jumping too high- it’s not a loop jump. So instead, he pushes himself off the ice just enough for Tony to lift him, spin the both of them around and then put him back down. 

I am flesh and I am bone Arise, ting ting, like glitter and gold

Here comes the most challenging part. Peter grits his teeth together. He’s done the death spiral so often he isn’t scared of it. Tony is a bit, though.

I've got fire in my soul Rise up, ting ting, like glitter

Peter tries to give Tony the most encouraging smile he can muster up as they shift their hand positions. They start circling and spinning, and once they’ve got momentum, Peter takes a leap of faith and lowers himself into the death spiral.

'Cause everybody's in the backroom's Spinning up Don't know what you're asking for

Tony grips him tightly- the two-handed version still – and Peter feels so fucking free as the man spins him around and around. They’re going a tad too slow, so Peter squeezes Tony’s hand as a sign to pull him back up. Thank god the man catches on. To drag out time now that they're up early, Peter wraps his arms around Tony’s neck gently- both their bodies still spinning on the spot.

And everybody's in the front room's Tripping out You left your bottle at the door

They come to a halt, their chests falling and rising rapidly due to the exercise. Simultaneously, the song has the breathy part- thanks to Steve for the little detail. From there, they both know there’s only one bit left before the song comes to an end. “You got this,” Peter whispers quickly before they break away from one another. The turn, facing the same end of the rink as they start running. Actual running, on the ice. They go faster and faster until halfway through, they both drop onto one knee and lean into a deep backbend as they slide forward. The audience goes wild. Steve knows how much Peter loves Johnny Weir, a famous Olympic figure skater, for his unconventional costumes and choreos. When Steve told Peter they were going to use his signature move, Peter had been thrilled. They hadn’t been so sure about Tony being able to pull it off, but the man was way more flexible than he seemed, and here they are. Peter feels ecstatic.

Like glitter and gold Like glitter Like glitter and gold Like glitter

They slow down. Leaning back up. They moved into some sort of V-shape, closer and closer to the other, so now that their knees are almost touching, they pull each other in closer until Tony is fully kneeling and has Peter splayed out in his lap. The song ends. The audience almost starts to cheer, but not before Tony leans in and passionately crashes their lips together. Tony’s lips are salty from the exercise, yet so soft and firm and already contain a strange hint of familiarity. Peter moans slightly, deepening the kiss now that they still can. He’s reeling with the loud applause and cheers and confused noises coming from the crowd around them. He knows they made the right decision.

After a few seconds, he reluctantly pulls back. Turning around proudly and sticking his still good arm in the air. He doesn’t make eye contact with anyone. Not with the people seated in the first row, not with Beck, who made his way on the ice for the standard post-choreo interview. Peter simply stands there.

This is me. He thinks. Mom and dad, this one's for you. I’m taking back control of the ice.

-

Masterpost Next Chapter (to be uploaded)