#but i think the mentality of i dont want attention for sake of attention i dont share things to ask for compliments

[elfelt-valentine]

I hope what im doing makes someone happy

[29121996]

for the record ibrlly never undersrood how someone watching u could like makw u feel naked or . like theyre fucking Really Peerjng ibto you. until recently and i Hate This !

[angelicsjn]

how'd your yanderes react if their darling is so stressed they become su!c!d@l (either because of them or something else, but please do 'because of them for jae coz i wanna see that todic little shit suffer)?

YOUR SEVEN YANDERES.

A N: I am trying to fly through these old requests, I have about 38 to complete — I deleted loads of requests that were similar to each other so I don't feel swamped and give up, lmao.

A B O U T: You have had enough of them and their ways, but at what cost?

W A R N I N G S: Mentions of suicide, angst, and heavy topics based around mental health such as depression. Read with caution, stay safe, and remember that you are not alone.

— ROMAN BEAUREGARD.

With Roman, it would derive from the fact that he has made you become dependant on him.

When given that space away, for how many weeks or months, you feel at a literal loss. And then that's when it sinks in.

You can't live without him.

You would miss that routine, miss him telling you what to do, who you can't go out with, clothes to wear that makes him look good or to match, you miss the stability of his control.

With him gone, you have nothing but your own mind. But your mind became his, even if you dont realise it.

"I'm struggling, Roman." You say down the phone, voice as shaky as your hands. "I need you."

His heart swells with a mixture of emotions. First, happiness. He likes that you need him. He feels important because of it. But he also feels upset because he wants you there, too. Deep down, he needs you just as much as you need him.

He will have you take over to him, where he will cover himself over you until you feel better — he's never been so attentive in his life.

— LATEN REED.

It would be his constant need of being there.

Everywhere you go, he follows. Everywhere he needs to go, so do you. Every game. Every practice. Every party. Everything.

You have no breathing space, no time to be yourself and alone.

One day, you crack. It drives you to literally insanity.

"Just leave me the fuck alone!" You scream, eyes red and streaming hot angry tears.

He stands there watching you with wide eyes. He doesn't get what he did wrong, he's just trying to be a good boyfriend?

"You're always there. Always. It makes me want to fucking kill myself!" You scream out in a fit of rage.

His heart drops.

He made you want to ... die?

Laten sucks it up and attempts to hold back the tears. He can't let it be known that it affected him that much.

"I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone." And he does.

He doesn't attend parties for a while, and when he does, he looks down. You don't go to practice, he doesnt wait outside of your class until you finish, he stops it all.

He only sees you when you initiate it. He withdraws, and though he doesn't want to end it, he believes that you're done with him.

He's waiting for you to drop the bomb break his heart.

— JAE 'NIKO' LEE.

I'm sorry. But with Jae. It's inevitable.

He's too much to handle, it's bound to happen at some point.

You withdraw socially, you look different, you don't eat, you have pretty much no life because of him.

You fall into a lull of the same shit every day, and at some point, you don't feel like you're even living at all.

You don't even cry anymore. He shouts, you're glazed over and you don't even hear him.

He thinks that he's won until he sees the destruction, and thank God that it wasn't too late.

After the incident, he tries so hard because he realises that you are fragile. You can't handle him. He attempts to be kinder, to keep in touch with his softer side for the sake of you.

But he watches you sometimes and sees nothing there.

— KAIDAN WOLFE.

"Why do you want to die?" He asks you, your diary in his hand.

You panic a little. That's your privacy in his hand. The only bit you had left.

Kaidan cries, so hard, "i can't lose you."

But he doesn't see that's it's him that pushes you towards that mentality.

The constant brain-fucking or his delusions drove you to just wanting to give up. What's the point when he doesnt listen anyway?

He keeps that up even after reading about it in your diary because he doesn't see that the problem lies between you both.

It's always something else. You two are too perfect.

— HAYDEN WEST.

Hayden wouldn't do anything to make you feel this way, so I doubt it applies to him. Anything you want, you have.

So, maybe it's your mental health.

He will Google ways to help. Use his own experiences to make you feel better.

He does all he can to help you be okay, to not feel the way that you have been.

— JOSHUA WHITE.

Just like Hayden, he wouldn't ever do anything to push you in that direction.

When he sees your struggles mentally, he takes extra time with you.

Take baths together, cuddle extra before bed, take more walks together, go to church together, and involve you in the community to belong somewhere kind.

He wants you happy and safe, so he treats you as such, keeping an eye on you and being there to listen when needed.

— BLAKE CROSS.

His life is hectic. Always something going on and that can become a lot, especially if you deal with bad mental health.

Blake may be as forward and vocal as the other yanderes, but he wouldnt ever push you towards doing and thinking of such things.

He cares deeply and knows when to back down with you, unlike others. He couldn't give a shit about others — but you? You're his world.

When he sees that everything is becoming too much, he takes a step back and puts himself into your shoes.

He's never been suicidal. Never wanted to do such things. So he doesnt get it. But he sees the pain that you feel and it kills him.

He will go on a trip with you, somewhere nice to refresh and escape a little. You can focus on each other and ignore the world.

When you're back, he's delicate and asks you what you want to do. Not tell you that you're going to join him.

[ericsprincess]

checkmate

You catch your brother's annoying best friend doing something in your room.

~~~

“....oh, and by the way, Sunwoo is coming over tonight to watch a movie,” 

You stop mid-folding a t-shirt and look at your brother in disbelief. He can’t be for real, you think. This is like the third time just this week. 

“This is like the third time just this week,” you frown at your brother that’s standing in the doorway to your bedroom. “Doesn’t he have his own place and his own roommates to annoy?” 

“Yeah, but his roommates are working on some school project, so he doesn’t want to distract and annoy them much, until they finish it,” your brother shrugs. 

“So, he’s just coming here all the time to annoy us?” you groan and throw the semi-folded t-shirt on the pile. 

“Well, he’s not annoying me. Come on, sis, he’s not that bad. He really likes you actually, you’re just so mean to him all the time,” pleads your brother. 

“Are we talking about the same Sunwoo?” you ask. “He literally just asks me the most dumb questions all the time and does things to spite me.” 

“Yeah but that’s how Sunwoo shows his affection,” your brother laughs. 

“By the greasiest overacted flirting?”

“Basically. If you saw beyond his overdone fuckboy persona you would see he’s actually really nice. He’s just playing it up in front of you, because he wants your reaction and attention,” smiles your brother. He seems to find this whole situation amusing, and this annoys you even more. 

“I find it really hard to believe it,” you frown. “But okay, he can come, but it’s your responsibility to keep him on the leash, understood?” 

“Sure thing, sis,” he shoots you finger guns. “Gotta run to school, see ya!”

“Bye..” you sigh. You really, really love your brother, but when you agreed for him to move into your spare bedroom to save up on his university costs, this is not how you imagined it. You did not expect to sign up for a 2 in 1 package, that is your brother and his annoying raccoon of a best friend, that is now the bane of your existence. The worst thing is, that Sunwoo is not even doing anything actually bad, he’s just being annoying and you never know how to react to his teasing. 

You hold up one last sock, and it’s without the pair. Seems like a deja vu, that something is missing. Great, lately it seems that the laundry machine is taking way too many sacrifices.

~~~

This is already a long day and it seems that it will never end. You left for work and now you’re sitting there, mindlessly typing on your computer and pretending to work. You want to go home so badly, but you’re not even looking forward to that much now, that you’ll have a visitor. 

I’ll just get food and stay in my bedroom, you think. But usually, that doesn’t deter Sunwoo from going to bother you under the pretense of “saying hi”. He’d just knock once and open the door without waiting for a reply, as if everything belonged to him. Maybe I should just lock the door.

DING! Your thoughts get interrupted by your phone announcing you just got a message. DING DING!

bro

>hey sis

>btw

>i need to stay late in school because something came up

>so i just told sunwoo the door code and he’ll let himself in

>just so that you’re not surprised he’s already there

>gotta go, love you byeee

>also dont kill him pls lol

you

>oh for fuck’s sake

You groan. This can’t be real. 

~~~

Ugh, finally home. You angrily punch the door code and wait for the door to unlock. Immediately you kick off your shoes, fling a laptop bag away and mentally brace for greeting the awaited intruder that should be already there. 

You march into the living room, already pre-pissed off but - there is no one there. No one laying on the couch in sneakers, spilling crumbs of your snacks between the seats. No one playing the console, yelling at the game. No one drinking a beer, putting it on the table without a coaster and loudly burping. Suspicious.

Maybe he bailed, you think and your mood is already getting brighter. So you just decide to go to your room to chill. You open the door and - 

“What the fuck are you doing?!” you shriek. You’re standing in the doorway, stunned, looking at Sunwoo, who’s frozen like a deer in the headlights. As he should be, since he’s absolutely not supposed to be in your room, the one single place in your apartment he’s banished from. 

And what he’s totally absolutely not supposed to be, is standing over your opened laundry hamper, with half of its content thrown outside of it. 

“N-nothing,” he stutters and awkwardly steps away from the little mess of clothes. Interesting. This is the first time you’ve seen Sunwoo without his confidence and cockiness. His face is getting red and he’s looking genuinely nervous. 

“Nothing my ass. What are you doing in my room?” you push. 

“Nothing, really, I was not doing anything,” he anxiously shakes his head and takes a step back. You suddenly catch a glimpse of something familiar. 

“What’s in your hand?” you ask, but before he can even try denying having anything, you step forward and snatch the item he’s squeezing in his sweaty palm. You immediately recognize it. 

“Kim Sunwoo.” you growl threateningly. 

“Y-yes?” 

“Kim Sunwoo. So not only you impose all the time, not only you steal my food and make a mess. You even dare to go to my room? And steal my fucking panties?? AND THEN LIE ABOUT IT?” you’re furious. 

“I-i am really sorry, Y/N, please don’t kill me! Or-, or, please don’t tell Y/B/N about it,” he pleads, with big eyes and face red from embarrassment. This is not how you usually see him and you’re finding out that you’re quite liking it. He’s actually kinda cute when he looks all helpless and caught off guard. Your anger is quickly getting replaced by mischief and you decide in a split second that you’re going to have fun with it. 

“Why shouldn’t I?” you raise your eyebrow. “Why shouldn’t I tell my brother that I caught his best friend stealing my panties? What are you even stealing them for?” You have a hunch, but it will be more fun to pry this out of him. 

“I…I just…I just wanted them..” he takes a step back. You take one step forward. 

“Why?” 

“Because…” Sunwoo looks like all he wants is for the ground to open and to swallow him whole so he doesn't have to be confronted. “...because they smell of you..” he whispers. He has nowhere to step back to, his back is touching your dresser.  

You’re so close to him your chest is barely touching him. You can feel his fast breathing and heart pounding. He’s much taller than you, but you are the one in charge in this situation and you’re almost drunk off the feeling. Especially, since it’s Kim Sunwoo, the bane of your existence, for the past few months. 

“So you’re really a pervert, aren’t you?” 

“N-no I swear I’m not!” he rushes to deny, but you can just somehow tell it’s not quite like that.

“I can feel your boner. Kim Sunwoo, you even like this, don’t you? Do you find it hot that you’ve been busted?” you accuse him. “Oh geez, my brother will be really devastated to hear that his best friend not only is a pervert, but also gets off on it.”

“Y/N, please, don’t tell him, I- I will do whatever you want! I will behave from now on, I swear!” he pleads. “I’ll return all of the other ones too, I promise!” 

“Other ones?” you’re in disbelief. You probably shouldn’t feel this way, but you’re finding it really hot that this pest which kept annoying you for a long time, is secretly so attracted to you that he resolved to steal your panties to sniff and masturbate to. It’s so disgusting and yet you’re getting wet at the mere mental image of Sunwoo holding your used panties to his face while jerking off frantically. 

“So here’s the deal,” you start. “In the exchange for my silence, you’ll do whatever I want for three months, okay?” 

“Okay, okay, deal, thank you,” he nods desperately. He’s looking all pathetic, with a red face, almost watering eyes and with a boner tenting his pants. You’re so wet and it gives you the worst idea.

“We can start now,” you step away from him and lie down on your bed, bending your legs at the knees, feet at the edge of the bed, your skirt falling back, exposing your legs and underwear. 

Sunwoo looks frozen.

“Come here,” you scoff and he snaps out of it and rushes to you. He kneels on the ground in front of your bed and hesitantly reaches out, but it’s like he’s not actually sure if he can touch you. 

You roll your eyes and pull off your panties yourself. “What are you waiting for? A written invitation?” 

“Sorry, sorry,” he hurries with an apology and puts his face between your legs immediately. He starts eating you out eagerly, whispering “Thank you, thank you”. 

He’s surprisingly not bad at it. He doesn’t seem to be too experienced, but what he lacks in experience, makes up for in enthusiasm. It’s almost like he’s making out with your pussy. 

He’s slowly licking over your folds, gently sucking on your clit, his tongue is hot, wet and feels so good. He’s slowly building up the intensity and it feels so good, you can’t help but moan a little, even though you’re really trying not to. 

Sunwoo looks like he’s enjoying himself too, with one of his hands rubbing over his clothed cock, and you have half a mind to mock him for it, if only making a coherent sentence wouldn't be so difficult right now. 

You’re getting close, with his tongue flicking over your clit, but you decide you don’t want to come like that. You grab him by his hair and tear his head away from your pussy. He whines about it and makes an attempt to get back to licking you, but you’re holding him too firmly. He must be in pain, but he doesn’t seem to care about that. 

“Come up and fuck me, before I kick you out,” you let his hair go. He seems surprised, but not wanting to anger you further, he quickly takes off his pants and underwear, while you move up higher on the bed. He joins you on the bed and you’re not wasting time, grabbing his hard cock and pulling him close to you. He whimpers in pain, but complies immediately and pushes inside your pussy. He’s hovering on top of you and it seems like he’s not daring to move yet. Actually, his face is getting closer and all of the alarms in your head start ringing. 

Oh shit, you wonder, he wants to kiss me. Your hand quickly flies up and you grab him by his jaw to stop him. You blindly pat with your other hand on the bed quickly, until you find what you’re looking for - your discarded panties. You ball them up and stuff them into his mouth. 

“Don’t get stupid ideas, Sunwoo,” you say. “If you want more of the taste, this is the only thing you’re going to get now.” you warn him and to get him to move you slightly kick him with your heel. 

He gets the hint and starts fucking you immediately, already with a fast tempo. It’s clear neither of you is going to last long. But you have to admit he feels really good. It’s just a passing thought, as you are staring at his blushed face, with your panties stuffed into his mouth and his eyes glossy, but you already know you’re going to make the most out of this “deal”. The thought of having Sunwoo as your plaything for three months is so arousing, that it’s what gets you to come, while he’s fucking into you.

Your squirming and moaning is so strong, you almost throw him off yourself, but he has enough presence of mind to hold you tightly, while he fucks into you fast and hard. Not before long he’s cumming into you, eyes close and whimpering. You can feel his cock pulsate in you and you squeeze him closer to you with your legs, so you can feel it even better. 

He spits out the panties and snuggles a little into your neck as he’s catching his breath and you graciously give him a few seconds of this before you’re kicking him off you. 

You’re both a mess - half-undressed, sweaty and disheveled. You throw him his clothes. “Put it back on.” He does and just awkwardly stands, obviously not sure what to do now. 

“We’re done here…for now. You should go to the living room to wait for my brother and I really hope I won’t see or hear you anymore tonight, so you better behave. And if I catch you in my room again, the deal is off and I’m telling everything, understood?” you threaten. 

He nods and hesitantly goes to leave. He’s actually really cute, when he’s all obedient, you wonder. It melts your heart a tiny bit. You probably shouldn’t like it so much. 

“Hey Sunwoo?” you call after him. He turns back. 

“Y-Yes?” 

“You forgot something,” you smirk and throw your panties at him. He catches them and looks at you, confused. 

“Put them into good use, until I see you next time, would you?” 

He looks completely embarrassed, but nonetheless he stuffs the panties into his pocket and literally runs out of your room, while you laugh at him. 

Best deal of my life, you think and head to the shower. 

[littlexscarletxwitch]

Hiiii i have a request, but dont know if you want to do it.

Flo X reader

Flo and reader have been dating for a while. They have a happy healthy relationship. Reader is getting more famous (dj, traveling the world) and thats hard on their relationship. Flo gets jealous because reader gets alot of female attention and don’t know how to tell reader this bothers her. Also because they dont gave the time for eachother. This takes a toll on their relationship. After some time they decide to break up because they feel like they don’t give each other the time they deserve.

Maybe a year after they “move on” but after seeing each other again, feelings resurface. You can decide the ending

── ༊*·˚⋆ 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸

paring: florence pugh x fem!reader

tag(s): a bit of fluff, mostly angst, flo and r break up, i almost made myself cry, a little bit of possessive flo but we love her

warning(s): grammatical errors, unedited, not proofread

word count: 2.9k

note: I looooove how this one turned out, I had so much writing this nonnie. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it and I hope you like it, I tried my best lol. Also, she's looong, I love that xd. Also just as I was finishing it I realised you said a year later, well oops, but sometimes 6 months can feel like a whole year. Lots of love M <3

requests are open! + check my rules + masterlist <3

“Guess what?” you popped your head into your and Florence’s shared bedroom.

“What’s up?” she asked, her eyes not leaving the script she was reading. 

“I’ve got you tickets for tonight’s show. VIP for you, Ashley, Toby, Theo, whoever you want,” you said, smiling. 

She finally looked up at you, she saw the brightness in your eyes that she just couldn’t say no nor she wanted to. “That’s great, baby! Thank you,” she said, blowing you a kiss. 

“Yeah, I thought you would like to come since it’s my last show here and then the tour starts,” you said, making your way to the bed and lying next to her.

Florence mentally cursed herself, she was so caught up with her work that she had totally forgotten that you would be touring for the next six months. She felt sick to her stomach knowing you would be that long away from her, but it was your job after all. Being the most recent popular DJ opened up more doors to you, and that included a full world tour. She couldn't be prouder for you, but she also hated to be so far away from you for so long. Still, she plastered a smile on her face for your sake.

“Yeah, I would love nothing more. We will be there, of course,” she said as she pecked your lips.

[...]

With a drink on her hand, Florence was swaying her hips to the rhythm, her eyes fixed on you even from the VIP sector. She had a smile on her face until a girl showed up next to you, and she couldn't help the smile turning into a frown. 

She was well aware of the attention sometimes you would get, especially from other girls, it was no news to her. But that brunette smiling at you was getting on her last nerve.

“Come on, Flo! You love this song,” Theo, Florence’s friend, tried to get her to dance again.

As she looked back at her friend she realised you had played her favourite song, well it was actually a remix of it, a remix you had made specifically for her. She smiled at the thought of you thinking of her, so her eyes settled back on you and much to her annoyance that brunette was still there, now practically grinding on you. She wasn’t having anymore of that

Florence drank the last bit of the glass before muttering ‘I’ll be right back’ to her friends. She made her way toward you, determination written all over her face. 

“Oh, hey!” you said as you watched her from the corner of your eyes. Florence could tell you were having fun playing your songs but she could also see how tense up your shoulders were, how awkward the brunette was making you. 

“Hi,” she said in a low voice as she grabbed your chin, making you face her and smashed her lips against yours. 

You smiled through the kiss as you heard the crowd in front of you cheering, but unaware that Florence sent a death glare to the brunette while roughly and possessively kissing you. She pushed her tongue inside of your mouth, her eyes glued to the brunette as she watched her face shift into awkwardness. 

You backed away from her, pecking her lips one more time before getting back to your console to keep the party going. Florence decided to not leave your side for the rest of the night, she had to make sure to keep what was her untouched from other people. So she spent the rest of the night grinding on you, stealing kisses from time to time and sending death glare to whoever girl got too close to you.

As she swayed her hips, the thought of you alone in different parts of the world unprotected from other prying eyes upset her, she tried her best to push those thoughts away. She had tonight to make sure everyone knew you were taken and she was going to make sure of it. 

[...]

You felt on the top of the highest mountain, three shows in a week, twice a month all over Europe, Asia, and America. You felt like it couldn't get any better, but night after night the people attending would prove you wrong, making each night unique and memorable.

One of the best parts of your job was that you got to party as much as the people in your shows, you had fun along with them, a dream come true really.

After every show you would call Florence and tell her all about it, the atmosphere, the loud cheering, the dancing, the people you met. The first few weeks she had a smile on her face as she listened to you over the phone, but her smile got bitter as she would see the pictures you would post the next day. 

At first she was happy that you were having the time of your life, but that happiness turned into a dark feeling once she saw all the girls all over you. She tried her best to ignore it, expecting you to ease her mind but you never brought the topic up, not even just to reassure her that those girls were nothing.

Truth be told, you didn’t even realise they were hanging out too close to you night after night as you were too caught in doing your job. It was nothing to you, they weren't Florence. You didn’t even look at them, just when your agent would show you the pictures that were going to be posted. 

But Florence couldn’t take it anymore as she saw the last picture you posted and a girl was kissing your cheek, that was the last straw.

“Hi, baby,” you yawned as you picked up her call, too tired after another successful show. “I was just about to call you.”

“Hey,” she could hear the smile on your face and she instantly felt guilty for having thought to scream at you. 

“I just wrapped up in Spain, Barcelona was epic really, we should come here sometime.”

“Yeah?” she sniffed, her emotions being all over the place. Not just jealousy and the anger toward those women, but missing you was taking a toll on her. “If you think so, then we must,” she felt tears burning her eyes. 

“Flor, are you okay?” she heard as you shifted on the other side of the phone, worried in your tone. “You sound upset.”

“I just—,” she sniffed again, she was about to tell you everything, how she felt, the doubt going through her mind. But she just couldn’t. “When are you coming back?” she cleared her throat. 

“Well, it’s been three months, so three months left,” you chuckled, trying to ease the tension. “We are wrapping up in Europe, five more shows I believe and then—.”

“Y/n, I don’t think I can do this,” she cut you off abruptly. 

Your heart dropped, she didn’t mean that, right?

“Do what, my love?” you played dumb, not wanting to hear her next words. 

“Whatever this is,” tears were rolling down her cheeks, but her voice didn’t tremble.

“‘Whatever this is?’ You think this is whatever?” you wanted to be angry at her, but really all you felt was sadness and rejection. You loved her, she loved you. This was not whatever. 

“Long distance just isn't doing it for me,” she just replied, as if you and her hadn’t been dating for almost two and a half years.

“Isn’t doing it for you,” you scoffed. “Really? I’m working, Florence. This is my job. I’m not on sabbatical, okay? I thought you were proud… I thought you were happy about me, world touring is a big thing.”

“I know, Y/n. I–.” 

What am I doing? Florence thought. 

“No,” you cut her off. “You’re not being fair, you are—.”

“I’m not being fair?” you could sense the anger in her voice now. “You left, okay? What did you expect me to do? That I was just going to wait for you at the front door like a puppy?” she finally snapped.

“Not like a puppy, but I thought I meant more… I thought you…” you sniffed. “I guess I was just wrong.”

“I guess we both were,” she said, then silence followed. 

You took a deep breath, pushing back the tears and swallowing the lump on your throat. 

“So this is it,” you waited for her to deny your words, you wanted her to. 

“Yeah, this is it,” she said instead, her angry and irrational self talking. 

You bit down your bottom lip as hard as you could to stop the whimper that threatened to escape your lips. 

“Okay, I… um,” you sniffed. “I’ll text someone to go pick up my things. Not that I have much there anyway…

“Y/n—” she tried, but the damage was already done. 

“Goodbye, Flor,” you said, the nickname finally shattering Florence’s heart into a million pieces.

“Y/n?” she tried again, sobbing, but all she heard was the dead line on the other side. 

[...]

Was it masochist of you to watch your ex’s new movie after having broken up six months ago? Yes, most likely yes.

You told yourself that it was just a coincidence, but you won’t lie to yourself, you knew exactly what you were doing when you decided to play that film.

You weren’t sure how you felt about her, you thought you had moved on from your relationship, that you grieved it and now you were at peace with it. But watching her on the screen, watching her smile, laugh, sure she was playing a character but the resemblance to the real Florence, the Florence you knew was there. 

You huffed in annoyance at yourself as the credits played on the screen. It was enough self pity for a day, you decided to go out and have a coffee, trying your best to get your mind off of your ex and her pretty smile. 

Your legs took you to your usual coffee place without much thought. It was a route you knew by heart, it was the coffee place that was closest to your apartment, and it was also the one you and Florence would usually go to. You dryly laughed at yourself as you opened up the door, could you be any more masochist?

You took your time looking at the menu, even though it was pointless since you always order the same thing. 

“Hello, what can I get for you?” the cute waitress smiled at you. 

“Hi, can I get a black coffee and an avocado toast to go please?” you returned the smile. 

“Sure thing!” Wendy, as it read on her tag name, said. 

You moved aside, waiting for your order as Wendy took new orders from the other clients. “Hi! Can I get a black tea with oat milk and two chocolate cookies to go, please?” you heard someone say to Wendy. 

A sad smile formed on your lips as you remembered that was Florence’s order. But it was silly really to think about her, most brits order tea and you were living in London after all.

“There you go,” the person said once again, probably handling Wendy the money. 

A shiver went up your spine as the stranger’s voice echoed in your mind. That raspy low voice, it sounded so similar to one you used to hear every morning, the one that sent shivers down your spine and caused butterflies in your stomach when it whispered in your ear. You shook your head, pushing away all thoughts related to Florence. 

It cannot be her, Y/n. You told yourself. She is not fucking here. Florence is…

“Y/n?” that sweet raspy low voice asked. 

Painfully slowly you turned around to face her, afraid and excited to meet her eyes. Those soft green eyes you so loved, those gentle green eyes that used to look at you with adoration, those green eyes whose owner broke your heart.

“Hi,” you almost whispered. 

“Hey,” you noticed the corner of her lips slightly pulling upwards.

You weren’t sure what to do next and neither did Florence since her lips gaped like a fish out of water. 

“I… I have to go,” you mumbled quickly, nodding to yourself. “Yeah, I have to—.”

“Y/n, you didn’t even get your order yet,” she sweetly muttered.

“Right,” you cursed yourself mentally. “Yeah, I’ll get my coffee and then I do have to go.”

As if on cue, you heard your name being called. Unlucky for you, so was Florence’s. 

“Sit with me,” she pleaded as you grabbed your coffee and avocado toast. Before you could deny her once again, she said, “Please, Y/n.”

She sounded so sweet, so gentle, so broken and wounded. She sounded nothing like the woman who broke up with you during a phone call. 

You made the mistake to look at her pickle green eyes and there was no way you could say no. 

“Five minutes,” you muttered, making your way to a free table, sure she was following behind you.

“Fifteen tops.”

“Ten,” you countered back.

She cleared her throat as the two of you took a seat opposite of eachother. “How… um.. How have you been?” she stared.

“Busy, really busy,” you took a sip of your coffee, buying yourself some time. A half lie, the tour ended 3 months ago so you weren’t that busy.

“I know it’s been a while and I just…” Florence couldn’t find the right words to say.

She had been waiting for this opportunity ever since you hung up the phone, she wanted to explain herself to you, she wanted to tell you what was going through her mind when she ended the most beautiful relationship she had ever had. She wanted to call you so many times after breaking up, but never found the courage to do so. She knew this was her only chance, she knew she couldn’t mess up. 

“That night…” you felt tears burning in the corner of your eyes, but you refused to let them roll down your cheeks.  “Before you called I was looking at some pictures you posted, and I just couldn’t stop myself from thinking how much fun you were having without me,” she cleared her throat. “And all I could see was all those women around you, touching you, smiling at you,” she humorlessly chuckled. “Fuck, I even remeber one was kissing your cheek or something.”

Your eyes winded as the memory came back, you wanted to tell her what happened: that the girl was beyond drunk, that you were just being polite, that your photographer took the picture without you noticing but you pushed off the girl as soon as her lips touched your cheek. You wanted to tell her when she called you, but she never let you explain it.

“And I just got so jealous and mad… and sad because I missed you,” she sniffed. “My emotions were all over the place and I just didn’t handle the situation how I would have wanted to.”

“That night I was going to tell you. I felt so guilty about that stupid kiss. Nothing happened, she was just really drunk and somehow they snapped a quick picture,” you explained to her nonetheless. “I didn’t want to post that picture, I wanted to delete it, but they thought it was a good picture so I couldn’t have a say in the matter,” you forced yourself to meet her gaze. “I want you to know that nothing ever happened.” 

A weight lifted off of both yours and Florence’s shoulders.

“I should have talked to you about my feelings.”

“I should have forced them out of you,” you chuckled.

“Yeah, maybe…” she said, lost in her own thoughts while a thin smile formed on her lips. “Are you… are you seeing someone?” she cofed, trying to act nonchalant.

You bite your bottom lip, trying to hold back the grin. “I am not,” you licked your lips, suddenly feeling them dry. “Are you?” you almost whispered. 

“No,” she quickly shook her head. “I am not.”

Silence embraced the two of you as yours and Florence’s heart started quickly and loudly beating. 

“So, I…”

“Maybe we…”

You both giggled as you both wanted to speak at the same time.

“You first,” you smiled at her.

“Have dinner with me,” she simply said. 

Once again you took your bottom lip in between your teeth. “Florence, I don’t know if…”

“Please, Billie misses you,” your stomach shrunk at her comment.

“Fuck,” you mumbled under your breath but she still heard you which made her smile. “Just Billie?” you asked teasingly and with a bit of hope. 

“No, not just Billie. I miss you too,” she slowly reached for your hand across the table, scared you were going to pull it away from hers. She let out the breath she was holding when you squeezed her hand, that was progress. “Just the three of us, dinner at mine, please?”

From the moment you saw her at the cafe you knew you were back at her mercy, who were you trying to fool? 

“Fine,” you pretend to sound annoyed, but she knew you were only messing with her since you flashed her a smile. 

You would always come back to her, you knew it and you were sure she knew it as well.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3

-M

[dreamyrat]

now that i’ve written about sappy functional middle aged labru i’m thinking about more realistic and sad scenarios…

kabru who gets married young and has children because HEAR ME OUT he believes it makes him more trustworthy than being a bachelor… not quite aware of why he feels the need to appear as normal as possible around others and encouraging laios to do the same… continuing to be unaware of his feelings for laios, writing it off as purely sexual and therefore easy to deny and ignore, despite the fact that he’s closer to laios than anyone.

laios never marrying because the idea of disrupting the status quo is uncomfortable, since he just got used to being king and kabru’s family. also fundamentally disagreeing with kabru’s opinion on needing to get married just for the sake of others, by extension never having to confront his attraction to kabru, even being afraid to get near it mentally. thinking that his jealousy and insecurity stems purely from the threat of losing his closest friend and confidant, DEFINITELY no other reason.

I think kabru would marry a working class woman rather than nobility because they can relate to each other better, the idea they both have to serve people in some capacity, and all the turmoil and triumph that comes with that. I imagine kabru performing the role of doting father and husband very well. his wife loves how attentive he is and how he notices things about her no one else ever has. he’s patient but stern with the kids and earnestly connects with them. until he ultimately burns out and his wife realizes he can’t be honest with her, despite years of trying to get him to open up. up until that point his romantic relationships had all been fun and non committal, and she took pride in the fact she made him want to settle. she never could fully explain what was off about their relationship, because he really was very kind and loving, until she realizes how deeply kabru has repressed his emotions and cant help but question everything and feel she fundamentally misunderstood kabru as a person…

maybe a near death experience with laios triggers it, and kabru’s unable to take care of himself completely, he can’t mask his fear and neurosis and rage anymore, he can’t eat or sleep until he’s okay. he throws himself into his work and refuses to acknowledge that he is struggling when she asks him about it. her realizing that despite kabru’s best efforts to love her and care for her, his relationship with laios is more emotionally intimate than theirs, will always be what drives him and centers him, and she shouldn’t have to compete with that… she obviously mourns what she thought their marriage was, and can’t help but feel betrayed, but overtime starts to feel a deep empathy for him.

I guess I want to explore how kabru’s social dexterity has the potential to be just as destructive as laios’ social ignorance… even though they both have the best intentions and care about others.

when his wife divorces him, he is forced to be honest with laios about why she left, and he has immense guilt over not being able to love her correctly, about being fundamentally flawed and strange, the child that was raised to be a perfect doll, the monster kid no one wanted to play with, how his efforts to compensate for his innate wrongness blew up in his face anyway, which obviously laios can relate to better than anyone.

I think they would dance around each other after that, both now fully aware of the attraction but being so practiced in the art of denial they dont know what to do. It just feels so good to have it out in the open, they forgot that they can actually do something about it. Also kabru feeling like he shouldn’t be allowed to indulge after causing so much pain.

when they finally do get together, it’s surprisingly shy and chaste at first, like they are scared to face the depth of their desire and the years they wasted. it’s slow until it’s not, and everything bubbles to the surface, and they have mind blowing autistic sex. lol.

as for his children i think laios always really liked them as their weird uncle and since he has no heirs, he’d leave his kingdom to them. I’m not sure if kabru’s ex wife would be able to have a relationship with kabru after they get together, but maybe… maybe they could be friends.

[catboymoments]

@/haupkmn is an abuser and predator jsyk, i dont think you should be following it especially bc its currently leading a harassment campaign against all the mutuals of the person its been actively abusing

ITS LITERALLY NOT!!!! GET OUT OF MY FUCKIN INBOX!!! YOU ARE LITERALLY DESCRIBING WHAT PEOPLE ARE CURRENTLY DOING TO IT!! YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH DRAMA!

DONT act like you gaf about me or my safety, I have no fucking clue why you think any of what you have been doing is remotely okay, and don’t link me the damn “callout” because I read it, and that sorry excuse of a document is littered with screenshots with blocked out urls, nonprovable information, blatant ableism towards systems, and self incriminating messages from ops side that anyone with two eyes and a brain could tell is antagonistic and done with intent to harass until it spiraled as a “gotcha.” Anything on that callout that is in truth and not right of it to say was said by Hau when it was a TEENAGER that was either among its peers in that same age range which is: surprise! Not problematic! Or in the middle of it having a mental breakdown for personal reasons that I know but will not disclose for the sake of its safety. Also said callout literally badly edited its skin white in a selfie to genuinely accuse them of racefaking so I don’t trust anyone who believes in anything from the callout.

You are obsessed with making a spectacle out of a black disabled system who has done nothing illegal, predatory, or abusive and just wants to live its life! for some twisted sense of clout!

What I find interesting is that you have not only sent the feds and the police to the home of a BIPOC victim of police brutality on the pretense of false information for your vendetta, and we all know that pigs are chomping at the bit to be heinous towards any “”””suspicious individual,”””” (read: poc and neurodivergents,) but you have now successfully drawn their attention away from a literal fucking documented pedophile/zoophile that associated individuals with hau were initially trying to bring to justice. So thanks! Now Ezra Toonimal can get away with abusing more irl children and animals because of you, because you did your job as a junior fed!!!! Did you get your internet points? Are you happy? Oh, need I remind you that your group posted its location of work and threatened to harass them in person with this knowledge?

Yeah. Fuck off and eat shit.

[roleplaypositivity]

At this point I am tired. I cannot make everyone happy and it’s taking a serious toll on my mental health.

I came into this blog wanting to counter act the other blogs. From day one I have gotten various hate anons, been told this is useless, all sorts of things. Was accused of being a dozen different people (none of which were true. Seems I kept myself more hidden than I thought till my reveal.) And I’ve had an influx of messages and concerns where I don’t see damaging things or pick up on subtle hints of hostility but others do.

I am, at my heart, a people pleaser. Ask any of my friends. I will take apart every single piece of me to make others happy and to make them feel better. I will destroy myself for the sake of others.

I wanted to give everyone a fair chance at love and support. I have even posted things here from people who dislike me. I have shared support that was sent in for people who have hurt me. Why? Because I want everyone to have a chance to see they are loved and appreciated and cared for.

I am doing my best. And in doing my best I am causing unintended harm to others. In doing my best I am struggling to listen to every point of view that comes in. I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I want to give everyone a chance.

Last night I had three separate drama related incidents that are being put on this blog under the guise of support and positivity come to my attention. None of them had anything to do with the other, it just all came flooding in at once. And it’s a lot, it’s a lot to handle and take on and be unbiased on. Maybe if it came one at a time I could handle it better. (Also please note — if you were one who brought something to my attention I am very grateful to you in so many ways, and this is not me angry or anything. Just a bit overwhelmed, overstimulated, and trying my best for everyone ❤️.)

I am struggling. I am struggling and I don’t want to stop the positivity. But, I also can’t pick up on everything or make everyone happy. I dont want this to turn into a subtle hate blog, where people drop shade in backhanded ways. I also don’t want to alienate people who maybe see things shared from those they do have issues with but find this to be a safe place otherwise.

I am not privy to all the drama. Despite being told multiple times I am a popular page — I don’t see it half the time. And I don’t see all the drama out there. It gets lost on me, and I don’t know 80% of the names that get brought up a lot. So many get thrown around, and it’s not my corner of the roleplay world. I apologize for not being sure on everything. Or for missing things.

I also know that if a new negative blog pops up I have opened myself up in a big way to receive an intense amount of hate. I took a risk in revealing myself. I took a risk that I do think was worth it. Even if the hate gets to me. Heaven knows the past few anons on those blogs about me have caused me immense anxiety and stress. (And they were a big reason I wanted to make this place. To ease those feelings in others.)

At the end of the day I don’t want to stop this. I came into this with good and well meaning intentions. I came into this wanting to do what I always do — people please. I am sorry to everyone that I can’t.

I will, however, be doing a clean out of posts here tomorrow. Just for a fresh start. If there is anything you want to save, please, screencap it ❤️❤️❤️

This will not stop the blog. I really don’t want to stop it. However, I am, for my own sake, going to take a mental health day today and tomorrow. Knowing my people pleaser ways, however, I will still be trying to post. I will still be trying to share what I get in when I can. But, to be honest? All I want to do right now is banter with my WP and play Dead By Daylight. And maybe take a nap. But, I also know if I keep getting upset at myself for all this, Louis is going to shake me until I do some self care and show some self love.

❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate all of you so very much. And for all the support I have received, thank you.

Lots of love,

Peachy — otherwise known as Armand (or Eds)

[wsknbfanaccnt]

Mental Disorders Headcanons

pls keep in mind that im not an expert on disorders or anything, i just thought this would be fun lmfao

TW!: suicide, depression, panic attack, self harm, self destructive thoughts, mentions of blood

Characters: Akashi, Kuroko, Midorima, Aomine, Kise, Kagami

PTSD

lots of disassociating and emotional detachment

and I can imagine that he experiences derealization a lot, especially during his mental breakdowns

for example in the middle of the Rakuzan vs Seirin match

disassociating

in fact, the entire time that Bokushi was in front, he had tunnel vision

i feel like there would be times that he would just stare at something for hours

that wouldnt stop him from completing the tasks that his dad makes him do, but in those times he forgets to take care of himself

Kuroko is usually the sensitive one, quickly seeing if Akashi's having trouble

he tries to talk to him and distract him and when the others catch up they do the same

Aomine would like give him a pat on the back in the middle of a game maybe, Kise would compliment something of his, Murasakibara sharing candy, stuff like that

the problem is, Akashi doesn't see their gestures

ive mentioned this before too, but i would think he self harms

he has scars on his thighs, both red and white ones

no one knows

Nijimura has a suspicion though

theres just a slight hesitation when Akashi runs, or sometimes he jolts when he forgets about it and fabric brushes against it

has attempted suicide twice

neither of which Masaomi knows about

Midorima knows about the second time but doesnt know about the first

Anxiety

also emotional detachment

he tries to avoid as much conflict as possible, which also leads to him prioritizing others instead of himself

a bad habit he has is helping others regardless of how it would affect him

he likes to sacrifice himself a lot for the sake of others

lots of overthinking

frequent panic attacks in the locker room when he's alone

but he also experiences them around people, so he learned to suppress them throughout the years

he experienced once, exactly once, that he was having an obvious panic attack in front of people (what people? idk)

so his chest was tightening, he couldnt breathe, he was shaking and all that

but no one noticed because of his lack of presence

he couldnt even ask for help, nor he would want to do that anyways

when the GOM learned about it, they make sure to pay extra attention if they feel that Kuroko is on edge about something

there was once he had a panic attack in the locker room and Aomine caught him and calmed him down

OCD

routines and rituals, as we've seen from our beloved Shin-kun

every morning Oha Asa, has to prepare everything exactly the way he wants it to be, and be finished at a specific time

if something goes wrong he outbursts, either a breakdown or doing something repeatedly to make sure that what his doing is correct

and the times that he somehow cant find or dont know his lucky item (this is canon btw lmfao) he hoards everything that he can find in relation to what small thing he knows about the potential lucky item

we also know that he takes very extensive care of his nails because of basketball to the point that he wraps bandages around him

now that i think about it maybe him having ocd might just be canon atp

when he accidentally fucks up, or the shape of his nail wasnt what he wants it to be, he continues filing down his nails until it bleeds

fuck ow lmfao

Akashi notices this and forbids him to practice when he sees blood on the tips of his bandages

sometimes when the rest notices that its really bad, they offer the some of their things in hopes that it would be effective as his lucky item

also, at times, they listen to oha asa just in case Midorima has trouble with his lucky item so that it wouldnt happen again

Depression

we see a lot of the symptoms in the anime actually

loss of interest in hobbies, self isolation, irritability, stuff like that

i think he would definitely engage in self destructive behaviors, but not quite like cutting

suicidal ideation

he doesnt practice, we know this, but instead of "theres no point" its more of "someone might be able to beat me if i stay in this level"

but i feel like he would train outside their practices, harder than a lot of people

running for hours regardless of how much he throws up, working out in gyms but not using equipment properly or pushes himself past his limit

stuff like that

he actively avoids people, and he struggles with doing basic functions like eating, brushing his teeth, taking a bath

self destructive thoughts:

"theres nothing left for me"

"nothing matters anymore"

"no one understands me"

"i dont need anyone"

its not often that the gang notices when its particularly bad, but Kise and Kuroko never miss it

they'd always make sure that hes with someone, and they'd watch over him so that he doesnt do anything that might harm him, especially after an incident

they were about to cross the road but Aomine wasnt looking

(he doesnt look when he crosses anymore and its just become a habit)

both of them pulled him back, and he was pissed at the two of them because he also landed on his ass

when they made eye contact, all three of them just immediately understood what Aomine was trying to do

NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder

in the manga, Kise's very rude to people he deems below him

or in general, people who he doesnt call "-cchi"

i would think that Kise actually has a very fragile self-esteem

most people in his life praise him anyways, and it doesnt help that he's a model thats often swarmed by girls wherever he goes

but when someone gives him critisizm, its like a switch

he doesnt get angry, but he does feel intense shame and he'll overthink about it for days on end, sometimes not being able to sleep at night

and he'll do everything to make sure that he himself knows that he isnt what that person says he is

when that doesnt happen, he questions his self worth and disassociates for days as well

often it gets self destructive

those he sees below him, he despises

as if they arent even worthy of breathing the same air as him

he treats them like shit only in private tho

he doesnt want his reputation to be tarnished after all

I think Aomine would be his number 1 supporter

Kise doesnt rely on others nor shows vulnerability, but you can count on Aomine to point out the things that he's good at when he's feeling down

Kuroko would try to distract him i think, like taking him to eat popsicles or karaoke

(some of the only times that Kuroko actually agrees to hang out with him)

has almost attempted self harm many times but never actually goes through with it

ADHD

we see traces of this too in the anime and in the manga

his hyperfixation is definitely and quite obviously basketball

he has difficulty with emotional regulation as we know, feeling hotheaded and sometimes explosive anger

we've seen him restless as well when he's looking forward to games too much, or he just cant help but practice when he needs to blow off some steam

and id also think hes just generally restless, he has to be doing something or fidgeting with something and he cant sit still

hes a bit of a perfectionist (just a bit)

i think hes also a little sensitive when taking critisism, and sometimes he takes it the wrong way and suddenly outbursts

something that's also shown in the anime is that hes impulsive, especially on the court but also off court

ADHD often comes with anxiety and depression, so sometimes the Seirin team can tell that he's down or he's more fidgety than usual

Hyuga is a tough love kind of person, so he doesnt hesitate to be blunt around Kagami

Sometimes he takes it wrong, but Kuroko and Izuki is always there to help Kagami understand that Hyuga just wants the best for him

when hes down, Seirin goes to Maji burger and they all split the bill to pay for the ridiculous amounts of burgers that Kagami loves so much

Kagami i think fidgets with himself if he's restless, biting his nails, peeling his lips, to the point of bleeding

Seirin notices every single time and just grabs kagami's arm and pulls it away from whatever he's doing

[this-hopeless-war]

vent post (just cropped cause it's kinda long {help why do I relate so hard to sodapop})

this is not important thoughts or anything just needed to brain my thoughts somewhere

idk how much longer I can do this whole "military kid with an adult sibling that can't learn how tf to take care of himself thing"

like I know you have a lot of issues but i've been handling this shit on my own since grade 2 so why does you having problems mean i'll never get to go home again

you're not even living with us, you have all the recourses you could get and another year to figure it out it's not fair that you "needing support" and fucking getting all that support is a main factor in this decision

"I had never payed much attention to Soda's problems. Darry and I just took it for granted that he didn't have any" (Ponyboy page 174)

one thing, this one thing, please. I cannot keep being the stable kid who takes care of all of you (without any of you realizing this) just because the first kid got fucked up

I got fucked up too I just know how to handle my own shit and guess what YOU DID NOT TEACH ME HOW

STOP TAKING CREDIT FOR HOW WELL I AM WHEN I DID THAT ALL WITHOUT YOU AND IM NOT EVEN OKAY LIKE YOU THINK I JUST HAVE TO KEEP THINGS TOGETHER FOR ALL OF YOU ALL THE TIME

I mean I like that all the resources and focus goes towards him because I can get away with more (like having shitty mental/physical health) but for gods sake why don't you try to take care of your other fucking kid

dont get me wrong I have really great parents and a really great sibling ig, i'm just really really fucking angry all the time and have never ever gotten to express it in any way

I was a shitty friend last month cause I couldn't handle my anger and if I directed it at anyone but myself idk how i'd carry on so I stopped talking to people and I was cold and just a shitty person but my friends are actually good so i'm trying to fix that

I was trying to figure out how hard i'd need to push people away (if I could actually gather the balls to do that) in the coming months but I guess I don't have to do that cause my fucking dad and my fucking brother absolutely matter more than my mom and I

it's not fair for me to be mad at my brother it's not his fault, it's so uncaring of me to want to hate him

I can't do this shit much longer

(to be clear i'm not sewslidal anymore just don't know how long I can keep this shit up)

[mosaliza]

Holy shit I have a lot to say today

Number one. Why do people immediately assume something when it's clearly not true or very vague? Just because someone does something once or mentions something a few times doesn't mean you have to jump to say that they mean what they say or you believe them everytime they say that, i hope I worded that correctly. Anyways, it's kinda annoying, imagine talking about a ship and then people are so immediate to ask if you ship it or if you don't. It's like you're not able to have an opinion or preference on anything, yeah people might agree with you but you know there's gonna be people who dont. It's kinda frustrating.. can we all just hold hands

Jingle jingle pay attention

NUMBER TWO

" I don't like one anymore because '___' and what Happened in tpot 13! " she was confirmed evil and or villainous, if you liked her for that then it would be a pretty stupid reason to dislike her. Just like Steve cobs but the opposite " I hate Steve cobs but I liek him now after act 1 " it makes me sigh. If you liked or disliked a character for their personality, and then suddenly started liking or disliking them for it aswell is just kinda confusing.. tweaks out you guys make me creyuwuwuwuwyuaayayaayayayaya

NUMBEE 33372$2$-

after act 1 people have been really over exaggerating everything. The discourse about mephones age is crazy, but my take on it is simple I think

Even though Steve cobs infantilizes mephone4, it doesn't mean me phone is a child or an adult, he's a device for goodness sake! My take is that he can be any age you want, even though he's immature at times and says "he's okay a few years old" doesn't mean he doesn't have the physique and mentality of a adult or something like that, I don't like how people downgrade mephone4 to be like.. " googoo gaga dada u liek my charct I mad for sh ooow 🚠😁😁 " it feels wrong in a way, but you do you

4

Can you just stop worrying about ships and talk about characters and lore

Begone

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

My mum would b thrilled that Kamala Harris is running for president, because she’s female. I like her not simply because she’s half Indian, but because she’s strong, she’s classy. She’s intelligent. She’s a mature woman - she doesn’t show off or seek attention. She shows great potential.

I also have to laugh at jd Vance’s comment.

"We are effectively run in this country via the Democrats, via our corporate oligarchs, by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable too," Vance said.

Oh for fecks sake. He acts as though ALL mothers are automatically happy being so. Even if u became a mum through rape or had kids n realised it wasn’t as great as u thought. Or whatever. Ok, me life does suck, but it’s NOT because I don’t have kids.

He wants you to think that ONLY childless cat people have mental health issues, and that tradwife lifestyles don’t. There’s a silent oppression and delusion thought process that goes with that lifestyle. It often feels cultish, and can easily entertain abuse. No thanks. Mothers can be just as miserable as what he assumes ALL childless women are. Some childless women do wish they had kids, n that’s valid. Many of us are quite happy that we don’t. We are equally valid. Sometimes, by NOT having kids, we r saving prospective offspring from more health concerns or possible abuse. It’s actually incredibly responsible, and that energy can be better spent elsewhere that’s more productive for the individual.

In fact, if I would have had kids, it would have been worse. I was never emotionally cut out for children, and they’d bring out the worst of me temper. I know this and accept this about me. I would be the best them/make the afraid of me to love me sort. I’m also extremely sensitive to stress, and get overstimulated easily. This leads to me getting rather bitchy. I’m also sensitive to pain. Pregnancy and especially labour often cause intense pain. Kids are loud, they smell, they are full of shite, piss, n puke. Frequently. I’m not worried about ruining the figure, lol. That’s already been gone, n there r far more serious concerns to worry about.

Besides, a lot of parents think they are doing well by their kids by spoiling them. They create entitle, privileged brats who are unable to properly acclimate to society’s challenges. Struggle is a natural part of life, and these folks can’t cope as easily. They also treat others as tho they can walk all over them. These parents teach their kids that they don’t need to move aside for others, it doesn’t matter if their kids run smock n knock into you. They don’t need to apologise. You are at THEIR mercy. They can’t mouth off to u, n that’s fine. Its selfish. Its delusional. It’s vile.

Also, mental and physical health issues run thick in the family. Aside from that, I’m just barely making it meself. I have tried to keep jobs, and ptsd n anxiety (as well as other issues) have led to me quitting or being fired. I’ve applied for well paying jobs, got me degrees, n don’t even get looked at - unless it’s a scam. I don’t even have my own place. The struggle is so real, i rebt a room.

In fact, the therapist and shrink seem to think that me ptsd doesbt affect it, just bdcause to them i can live in roomd. The thing they dont realise is that its either a room, or im homeless. I dont have a choice. Thus doesnt mean that its not without issue. I have to internalise a lot, since no one either acknowkedges the issues, or dont really care. Or both. And when youre in such a position, u put urself more at risk of neing kicked out. Its a battle of ‘whats the bigger evil?’ I often battle depression over frustration in private. The internalising also leads to depression. Tbe everyday stress of cohabitation add more triggers. It literally feeks like im at war, trying to durvive every day. N wbrn a hoysemate has a paramour over, the intense lsnic attacks strike. These r quickly exhuasting.

With all that being said, being childless, and being around cats makes things slightly better. Cats are soft, delicate. They allow me to experience a temporary patience I’m unable to have with people. They make sweet sounds, they cuddle with me, they look at me with soft, sweet faces. They don’t talk back, they don’t insult or abuse you.

Nah, I’ll never regret being a childless cat lady. I’m doing society a favour.

[redlollygag]

so im gonna be autistic in your inbox 😁😁😁 < face of someone mentally unwell

SO the biggest appeal of dabihawks is ofc the enemies to lovers trope, first lets look at canon:

theyre enemies plain and simple, they hate each other, its a beautiful show to watch of them absolutely disgusted by the other but forced to interact [ IF ONLY THEY GOT MORE FUCKING SCREENTIME TOGETHER JESUS CHRIST ] anyways its the angst potential, hawks dirtying his hands just to get into the league only to then betray the entire league </3 hawks dirtying his hands just for the sake of the mission for the sake of dabi letting him in because that WAS his only contact so hes the one hes "closest too" dabi the evil motherfuck toying with hawks, making him do all the things he hates and knowing what hawks is truely doing. they hate each other in canon plain and simple they dont care if neither one dies or not. hawks even STILL views endeavor as an equal even after all hes done (whether or not you think its valid is up to you i think that hawks needs a LITTLE MORE TIME AND SPACE to rethink the whole "yeah no enjis cool now hes alright :D" shtick.... personally i hate it i just want him to be a little more..... EYES OPEN to how fucked up endeavor did things even if hes trying to do better now like ?????) canon tropes that could fit are like their divorce, unhealthy co dependency, there was only one bed, acciental first kiss, drunk sex, fuck buddies, rarepair, the whole hero vs villain thing, height difference, flirty and the flustered, oh fuck theyre BOTH messed up, loud and quiet ETC ETC

now heres where the dots connect though through fandom genius. now when dabis first introduced hes blue and emo and firey and dramatic (theatre kid) mentally unwell, tired yet manic, daddy issues supreme, body horror circus party, the whole palooza. we ALL been known, his daddys a top hero who made him a top villain. and now hawks, who was an enigma at first, man too fast for his own good, red, arrogant, laidback, yet serious and calculating, heart of gold underneath all of that dirty work with a like for trashy preppy outfits. at first it was just the enemies to lovers, dabi hates endeavor and heroes, hawks admires him to the sun and is one of the best heros... AND THEN WE GET HAWKS BACK STORY. hawks. hero. raised by a villain. if the red and blue, sun and moon, emo/goth and jock, FLAME AND FEATHERS, if those parallels werent enough the father issues sure will! dabi, hero father made him a villain, hawks, villain father made him a hero. the amount of parallels these two have was fuel for the growing fire.

FIRE IN WHICH IT WAS FANON. fanon dabihawks is BEAUTIFUL. the best and probably only light dabihawks will ever shine in 😀😀😀 < gripping horikoshis neck even thought nothing will happen but angst for these two. slightly shifted canon compliant with some queer writing and spicing up the characters a SMIDGE, making them more fit to how they ACTAULLY ARE (in my very (not) humble opinion horikoshi you dont know your own characters like we do) all of that is the mountain of fanfic tropes. we already have enemies to lovers but add a little bit of that battle for dominance play and sexual tension, heavy flirting and fuck buddies OOO BOY. they play and they bite and hawks is number one pretty boy and charms his way past dabi "probably hasnt been flirted with in his life," OR dabi being the brat and attention seeker he is and pushing hawks buttons before dabi gets put in his place. hawks turned genuine lov member because then thats where he sees the TRUTH. or hawks still killing jin but REGRETS IT TO THE MAX and dabi finds him a little after and hawks begging for forgiveness. the league was his only true family but hes been a hero under the commission for so long that killing him was second nature until he realizes. rehabilitation after the war and dabi being captured and hawks still visiting him wherever dabis being held. if you make them even a LITTLE BIT GAY it literally makes things more tragic than just "lets hate each other even though we're walking parallels"

one very popular and loved aspect is red tailed hawks avian hawks and not just his fierce wings. THIS ADDS TO THE MOUNTAIN. youve got a multitude of bird facts like torpor, nesting, cloacas if youre into that, preening, MATING HABITS. hawks being a spy to the league only to see how open they are to their members quirks. spinner and his lizardness needing warmth and insects and shedding and togas fascination and need for blood ( not quirk reasons shes mentally ill but there are healthy ways to get blood so) hawks seeing the league being accepting open AND welcoming to when we dont see ANY OF THAT in his hero work??? especially with dabis inside knowledge of how shit the hero system is with quirk discrimination??? youve got so much to work with here JUST from the aspect of making hawks a hawk mutant. he likes how shiny dabi is with his staples and piercings, he loves the natural warmth coming from him (even if dabis skin is cold), hawks lowkey loving the smell of blood from dabis scars (bird of prey) dabi helping hawks be open to the more avian side of him, he imprints on him and dabi becomes mate in hawks mind, IN TURN hawks showing dabi that even the most shittiest of origins, you can still do good, hawks knowing full well that quirks sucks (molting season, talon clipping, wing care, the overstimulation of senses like sounds hawks has become numb to) and he coaxs that little burning fire thats still in dabi, that he can still do good (dabi said that killing innocent people drove him mad in a negative way so he doesnt enjoy it) two broken souls from quirk discrimination finding solace even with all the shit hero AND villain society treat them. this leads to, along with those above, hurt comfort, slow burn, mutual healing, mutual pining, sunshine x grump, girlboss and malewife, overly affectionate x touch adverse, old married couple, sacrifices too much x sacrifices too little, romantic virgin x romantic confident, annoyed x annoying, gets into fights x patches them up, OBLIVIOUSNESS TO THE MAX, idiots in love, domestic husbands ETC ETC (and the more kinky spicy aspects when it comes to bird genes and a fire quirk)

what makes them even JUCIER is if you make the commission EVIL. EXACTLY WHAT DABI HATES AND DESPISES. another common trope is to make hawks be lowkey abused by the commission hence the whole child soldier thing but hawks has been living with then his whole life so its like, fine for him. dabi being his savior, dabi showing him the league can be his true family, dabi, a villain, being hawkss hero. hawks, who would get his hands dirty just for the sake of justice, shows dabi true heroes are still alive. hawks being an avian mutant adds to the juice because if it was just hawks with fierce wings well you could paint it as just the child soldier BUT WITH THE HETEROMORPH youve got commission being absolute JERKS and forcing hawks to mask his avian-ness, forced to endure people touching his wings left and right, forced to not perch, forced to have them preen his feathers in the way that society views as "perfect," clipping his talons, making him live in a boring ass apartment because "hawks heroes dont care about sentiments, you have to be presentable and collecting 'shiny things' isnt herolike," the league being the EPITOME of quirk freedom, hawks finding solace in the league because hes actually able to be himself and being a heteromorph isnt SHOULDNT be bad, dabi being able to polish his old big brother instincts and take care of hawks nurse him back to help and free him from his bird cage.

SPEAKING OF BIRD CAGES, another beautiful fanon interpretation is DABI HIMSELF BEING A PART OF THE LEAGUE BEFORE HIS REBIRTH. OW. youve got friends to lovers and all the fluff that comes with it (as much as it is being in the commission) dabi and hawks growing up together in the commission only for endeavor to pull dabi out and hawks loses his one true best friend :[ dabi and hawks not knowing how to socialize with other kids but between dabis temper yet caringness and hawks being shy yet a determined bastard, they click LOVINGLY. they bond over shitty fathers (hawks not knowing the extent to his idol OR you can change it up and have hawks despise endeavor secretly but the commission knows hes adored endeavor so he has to suck up the urge to MAIM and KILL the flaming bag of shit because at the time endeavor aint "changing" and he acts EXACTLY like hawkss birth father.) hawks imprinting on dabi his first real friend, taking care of each other through the commissions pains and abuse, sacrificing themselves in order for the other to not be punished. MAJOR ANGST WHEN IT COMES TO DABIS DEATH and hawks loses his spark and throws himself into training to distract the howling pain of his bird side and instincts as he lost a flock member (and potential mate), ONLY TO FIND DABI ALIVE YEARS LATER. the angst of reconciliation to see your love turn yo the darkest sides (dabi being a villain and hawks being a hero both of who they respectively hate) the angst of dabi knowing that without him the commission successfully brainwashed hawks to the point of betrayal on their side and hawks knowing his old beloved is now on the side in which he has to take down and kill (his old beloved truely did die if this is the path dabi went to) THE FRIENDS TO LOVERS TO STRANGERS TO ENEMIES AND BACK TO LOVERS. IM GONE O-(-( ORZ. youve successfully wounded me.

the amount of aus/canon divergent situations you can put these two from those three things TOGETHER or SEPARATE/SOLO, soulmates, quirk accident, princess carry, found family, exes to lovers, role reversal, fantasy au, royal au, cyberpunk au, dystopian, apocalypse, sickfic, honeypot turned non sexual intimacy, highschool au, civilians au, quirk swap, body swap, arranged marriage, actual genuine married couple, kindergarten au, amnesia fics, time travel, time travel fix it fics, space au, star wars au, pirates and mermaids, and the wonderful beautiful amount of crack/crack treated seriously is UDGODLY. hawks pranking endeavor, the lov and hawks playing video games, trophy wife dabi, watching disney movies, coming out at the worse times, "HAWKS/DABI WDYM YOUR FUCKING A VILLAIN/HERO," one or more of the todorokis (minus endeavor) being in the league and dabi hating it but hawks loves it (adores shouto, loves and is terrified of fuyumi, gets along w natsuo, DABI YOUR MOM IS A FALLEN ANGEL), dabis mom being in the league and is a better mom in canon and dabis like what the shit or this is my mom fuckers touch her and your burnt and hawks is like but what about affectionate touching (hugs, headbumps etc), hawks learning to build a pillow fort and experience actual good childhoos activities, dabi walking in on hawks (and maybe spinner and toga) indulging in his avian-ness for the first time, dabi cooking for hawks, hawkss nesting habits, gift giving

am i autistic about dabihawks or am i AUTISTIC about DABIHAWKS

if you read this hold this (jesus /AFFECTIONATE I WROTE A LOT.) thank you and hoping to convert you :D

ANON you fucking FEASTED WITH THIS ONE OH MY GOD!!!! You delivered on your promise and brought over the whole damn MEAL!!

(I love the essay thank you so so much for taking time to pour out your thoughts on this ship!!! Ngl I don’t give Dabi enough credit as a character and maybe this ship is one way to kinda explore that and dammit if I am not more intrigued by them than anything else)

[fuckhouse2theelectricboogaloo]

i was going to send this to crispyrepellent but they have anon off and I really do not want to out myself as the person behind crystallinebulwark (not to mention I've had about enough and my mental health actually cannot take it anymore considering everyone wants to drag stols through the mud so ive deactivated knowing that the important stuff has been reblogged by others but that's not why im here)

i'm here because there's something i privately told soy that really upsets me and i think its time i said something regarding shep and the behavior they like to pull.

shep has been going about claiming that someone has been rping a minor muse in nsfw situations and said that they actually admitted to it without any proof. now i dont want to put their URL out there for the sake of not wanting to send attention towards that person, but id like to state that i did ask shep if they had proof if it was a minor character or if they were told directly and while they said yes, shep never provided actual screenshots when asked to do so.

in my year or so of knowing shep, they actively trash talked anyone they didn't like to such an extreme degree that they mocked them if they were no longer on tumblr, claiming "they won" and the like. they often spoke with much malice whenever upset, be it with me for simple mistakes I've made (forgetting tone indicators) or about others for this that and the other.

also i'd like to note while im not 100% sure on this, a lot of people I spoke to regarding it believe that shep may have been fetishizing trans people regarding their yandere oc. however, i am not sure if this is the case or not or its on the borderline of it, but very often did i see that oc get sexualized quite a bit to an uncomfortable degree.

when i read the documents and the screenshots on both ends, i was appalled to see that soy was targeted for their character being antagonistic, and i actually spoke with someone else whos very familiar with earthbound and they told me that character is just like that.

shep and co was not being bullied, soy had their character acting as he would and that's that. shep and co took that as personal attacks despite it being ic, and even when soy dialed it back for them it still wasn't enough.

they bullied a minor. simple as that. and that very minor handled the fact they ganged up on them way better than i would've if i was in their place.

Posting as is and I genuinely hope you find peace and things get easier for you! Please take care of yourself.

[jazzyblusnowflake]

Ive been thinking for a while to maybe make a small comic series about my personal journey in therapy and the ups and downs of my depression. not sure if ill be able to go through with it but....

//shrug.

tw// vent, mention of mental illness, abuse and suicide below

lately i havnt been doing so well, although its pretty normal and common during summer where i dont have much to do and my overthinking goes rampent...

but lately through therapy and my own research ive found out that not only am i suffering through clinical depression, general anxiety disorder and adhd, but i also suffer from the lack of emotional permanance, which is usually caused by a combo of the 3 other things i mentioned above, woohoo lucky me- buy 3 get one extra =_=...

this is... actively hurting everyone around me... i now understand that its not me being petty or bitchy, i...ACTIVELY cant... understand... or percieve other peoples affection for me. when im not recieving attention in real time i reason with myself that i am unloved and uncared for and this makes my brain shift the blame onto others for leaving me and thinking everyone is out to hurt me on purpose... so now i know why im... "too much" for other people to handle.. why im clingy, scared of isolation and in constant need of attention...

even my mother who is a textbook defenition of an abusive and emotionally negligent parent who verbally assaults me on the daily is now feeling worried about me and tries to take me out of the house more often.. i cry almost every night and my sleep is always with nightmares.

i wont get into too much detail but i do starve myself and force myself to stay awake til sunlight. i cant wash myself in showers and i cant change my clothes. the anxiety is too much. i cant even make myself to go through with it on the rooftop... especially now that i bottle myself up because i cant trust my mental stability to talk to anyone.

i want to be able to make this comic to be able to reach out and not feel alone... the people who care about me deserve more than dealing with my whiny ass on the daily. i need to be better.. for their sakes at LEAST.

im just sorry i let them down constantly.

anyway stay safe everyone, im still trying my best <3

[dandyshucks]

update on stuff (cw abuse i guess)

hi sorry for serious post but again things keep looking like they're going to get better and then they somehow get Worse instead.

tl;dr my brother will be moving in for a bit, and this disrupts the one space i have in the entire goddamn world where i can relax even a little bit, so I probably will not be around for. a while. unless i figure out how to cope enough to get out of survival mode so i can like... have fun.

brother will be moving in for an undetermined amount of time (hopefully just for a month, but it is hard to find places to rent in town so I feel like it may be longer than just one month). he'll be moving into my section of the basement, and I guess my stress is a little bit my fault because my parents have always told me I should be constantly ready for any siblings to move back home at any moment just in case, but unfortunately I kind of let my guard down on that one so this is hitting me badly.

as scary and unsafe as this hell house is, my section of the basement is literally the One place in the whole fucking world where i've been able to feel like I can just. rest. to some degree. because I do not have to be On and Masking and Hiding Myself from others (because nobody is around when i'm down here usually). so that "safe space" will be taken away from me (this sounds ungrateful and bratty, sorry, i do not know how to word it better and maybe i am being bratty and ungrateful idk) and i will ... have no space to just. let my guard down even a little bit. i can't even go for walks alone like I used to because of wildlife becoming a safety issue around our house.

anyways. sorry this is way more info than i need to give probably but i'm struggling to put any of this into words at all so... shrugs uncomfortably. i am going to step away from here for a bit bc i'm genuinely afraid I'm going to go into some kind of episode and I don't want to freak people out. also I literally cannot do anything Fun rn because i just feel so fucking scared and cut off from reality, so even though the stuff on this blog is literally a coping mechanism, i'm far below the mental ability to engage in that level of coping. the coping we're looking at rn is like... breathing and pacing and huddling and methodical cleaning for the sake of keeping myself from falling apart.

i want to end off with my usual "oh well! life goes on! just gotta keep trucking forward!" type of thing but to be entirely honest i just dont have it in me to do that rn. this also might sound really stupidly dramatic and I am sorry if it comes off that way - there is a lot of abuse and trauma that I do not talk about and will not talk about that is contributing to how this feels for me. i'll do my best to stay safe and all, and again I really do apologize for like. posting any of this. I think part of me wants to reach out somewhere for attention but also I do genuinely just want to sort of ... explain why I'll very likely be disappearing for a while. and as we know i am the rambling rambler and overexplainer :'''')))