#but i might have felt something now...... seeing those hanged children (???) and the film stuff... my mind is weak. igaf

[viscerealista]

pathologic quantos?

[bukojuiice]

ʚ  Midoriya, Bakugo, and Todoroki cramming school works with their S/O  ɞ *‧.₊˚*੭*ˊᵕˋ੭.*

izuku, katsuki, and shoto x gn! reader  ♡ 

｡⋆ʚ♡⃛ɞ These are some extremely self-indulgent hcs LMAO i’m currently consumed by a lot of school works and extracurricular activities, so i decided to take the time and write some of these up! this the first batch of hcs i’ve ever made so i hope you bear with some errors! i hope you enjoy!

hopefully i get to write more about the other bnha bois/girls soon so please also stay tuned for that!

if you like to see more from me, i have an ongoing bakugo x fem reader! smau called cuddle buddy! read it here!  ( ु•⌄• )  

✧ Izuku is very smart and hardworking so you’ve barely seen him cram any school work or tasks since the two of you started going out.

✧ Soft bby boi knows how to balance his workload from school whilst still being able to spend time with you.

✧ Now here were the two of you, partners for a huge science project that would serve as your midterms for the subject.

✧  Both of you were tasked to take care of two chicken eggs and treat them as your children. Draw faces on them, make them wear clothes, give them names and describe their personalities... literally treating them like actual babies.

✧ You were whining about it at first because it felt like an elementary project instead of something first year high school students (and those in the hero program for that matter) would do.

✧ Izuku remained positive however and reassured you that it was going to be a lot of fun.

✧ You were still salty and unimpressed by the project, but you couldn’t help but melt because of how cute Izuku was and how excited he was for this task. He really wanted to spend a lot of time with you and he was so so happy that you two were partnered for this project.

✧ Because it was midterms week, you were swarmed with tons and tons of stuff to do, so the two of you decided to finish everything else first then deal with the science project at the end of the week because it was the “easiest”. Boy.. were the both of you so so wrong.

✧ Izuku goes up to your room in the dorm so that the both of you can work on the project quietly, yet as he enters, he sees you panicking and running around the room, your camera hanging around your neck, holding two half-cracked eggs with weirdly sewn clothes and faces that looked like they were scribbled from sharpies.

✧ “Izu-kun... can you help me take pictures of our kids for the baby photobook? 

✧ He was about to faint on the spot from fantasizing about his future with you. 

✧ “Of course! hand me All Might Jr. first so you can take a picture of his cute little sister!” 

✧  Yes, your first born eggo is named after All Might. It was Izuku’s decision and you wanted to support him.

✧ You spent all day taking pictures, printing them, designing them and pasting them on the photo album. It was finally nighttime and the both of you are terribly exhausted and mentally drained.

✧ You and Izuku had creative minds so you were able to create the perfect photo album.

✧ Several hours have passed and Izuku still can’t stop thinking of the future he was going to have with you. What a cutie.

✧  After submitting and passing the photobook to the drop box Ilda left in the living room, Izuku goes up again to your room and is surprised by the sight of you sleeping soundly on your bed.

✧ He comes up to you, kisses your forehead and whispers these soft words to you:

✧ “I can’t wait to tell our future kids how I met you.” 

✧ Bakugo Katsuki has never crammed a school work or project in his entire life.

✧ You on the other hand, procrastinated a lot, yet could still pass tasks on time. Although, Katsuki still reprimands you for it. Calling you “dumb butt” instead of the usual name callings he uses whenever talking to your classmates which is “dumb ass” 

✧ He is your boyfriend so it’s not that much of a surprise, it’s just that you’re a bit shocked that he would be really really soft on you. It’s such a sweet gesture though.

✧ After binging a entire series on Netflix the other day, and because he couldn’t resist your pleas of begging him to watch this show with you, it completely slipped from the both of your minds that you had a dance project to work on for your Physical Education class.

✧  You immediately panicked, and Bakugo began to show his usual hot-headed side of him and scolded you for it. Despite him forgetting about it too.

✧ The two of you were going to film yourselves dancing to the Cha Cha dance style and you had a day to create the raw video without edits.

✧  You suggested that the two of you practice by uploading your videos to Tiktok and ask for advice from the professionals who posted their videos there too

✧ “Katsuki-kun do you think we should upload our videos to Tiktok?”

✧  “Absolutely fucking not.”  

✧ After watching a few beginner dance practice videos on Youtube, Katsuki immediately got the hang of it.

✧ Your man had the moves. He really was good at everything.

✧ You couldn’t help but stare at him as he continues to sway and follow the steps without missing a beat.

✧ Bakugo smirks at you, “Like what you see?”

✧ “Get your mind out of the gutter.” You threw a pillow at him as his tease came out of nowhere. 

✧  Since you were quite a slow-learner, it took a few hours before you got the hang of the first routine.

✧ In those few hours, you probably have stepped on Bakugo’s toes a few hundred times and a few hundred fucks were cursed out of his mouth every time it happened.

✧  He was still patient with you though in his own little way. Constantly scolding you every time you made a mistake, but never made you feel guilty for it. 

✧ You were able to finish recording the raw video by evening. A few hours to spare before the deadline. Either way,  the both of you were exhausted when the adrenaline finally died down. 

✧ “I can’t wait to dance with you again like this. Maybe Waltz or Ballroom next time?”

✧ “You’re a shitty dancer so don’t expect it to happen anytime soon.”

✧ “Then again, I’m dancing with you. So it doesn’t matter if you’re bad. The important thing is, it’s going to be special since I’m with you.”

✧ And at that moment, you could feel your heart explode from all these soft emotions.

✧ Shoto was naturally smart. He could finish a lot of tasks in a few hours without getting distracted. That was his strategy ever since he was in Elementary. Getting things done right away and getting flawless remarks and grades on them.

✧ But ever since the two of you got together, he insisted that the two of you would do your school works together. So, every night, whenever there was homework, you would immediately yeet over to Shoto’s room to answer the tasks with him.

✧ It’s really cute. Not only do the two of you get to bond together but, you were helping each other too. It was the ideal relationship.

✧ Shoto is very particular with a lot of fancy things, so he even has this humidifier in his room with your favorite scent so that the both of you can calmly continue your work.  He even has a comforter sprawled upon the floor so that you could sit comfortably. How sweet of him ;w; 

✧ This time around though, the two of you were partnered up for  to answer a elaborate math problem that you were going to present the next day. 

✧ You exceled in your subjects with Math being your weakest point, sometimes even getting unfavorable grades on the subject. Shoto was the exact opposite though. Which wasn’t surprising because he needed to be good for his quirk. How far his fire can go, the trajectory of his ice and all that jazz. 

✧  He wasn’t disappointed that he was partnered with you for this though, despite it being your weakness. In fact he couldn’t be happier. As long as he was spending time with you. 

✧ After reading through the problem and finding the formula, you were already stressed out. Todoroki took notice of this immediately and decided that the two of you should take a break first. He brings you to the convenience store near the dorm. Your hand holding his as he tells you that you could buy any snack you want.

✧ Using his father’s credit card of course.

✧ After coming back from the store, the two of you decided to head straight back to the math problem. It was very very complicated,  especially since the two of you had to divide the work because it was required for the project for the two of you to evenly contribute to it. It was a math problem your braincells couldn’t take anymore.

✧ “Shoto-kun, I can’t take this anymoreee.” You whined, resting your head on his shoulder.

✧ “Come on (Y/N), just a little bit more. We’re almost finished.”

✧  Shoto was finished with his part of the solution, while you were still struggling. It took the whole night to do so but you were able to answer it eventually.

✧  The next day, it was finally time for the presentation. Shoto was able to present his solution perfectly, while you had some slip-ups and mistakes here and there. The both of you didn’t get a good grade because of that... but to him, it didn’t matter.

✧ “I’m sorry for dragging you into this. It’s my fault we got a bad grade.”

✧ “It’s alright (Y/N). It doesn’t matter. As long as I get to experience something different with you and spend time with you every single day, I’m happy and contented. 

✧ You were so blessed to have someone like Todoroki Shoto in your life. What did you to deserve such a precious and kind boyfriend?

-End.  ♡‧₊˚

[purple-dahlias]

Birthdays

🎈 six

She remembers that one, clearly, even now. The last one her father was there for.

At six Sarah is considerably a lot more perceptive than other children her age. She notices her mother’s pinched expression, the fraught looks that pass between her parents. The way her father walks about in a silent rage and her mother purses her lips, as though trying to stop herself from saying something.

That’s how she ends up sitting quietly, trying her best to pretend she isn’t there, a new copy of The Secret Garden open in her lap, legs carefully crossed at the ankles. She’s trying to lose herself in the words. She imagines herself taken away to somewhere strange, somewhere new, just like Mary was.

It seems to be working for her, that is, until she hears Aunt Louise from across the room.

“Poor soul,” she remarks lowly, but loud enough that Sarah hears, and knows she means her. Looking up, curls half obscuring her face, Sarah is just in time to see Aunt Louise lean across and whisper something to Uncle Henry. Something that she knows is about her parents, who, she is sure are both somewhere at opposite ends of the house being mad at each other. That was always the way now.

And then It’s a few weeks later and suddenly, well, not so, if you thought about it like Sarah did, her father is gone. Not coming back, according to her mother. And maybe, Sarah thinks, maybe if she had been better, he would have stayed and things could have changed. 

🎈 thirteen

A birthday’s not about things. It’s not about presents or decorations or balloons. At least, that’s supposed to be the sentiment. But for Sarah’s mother, it’s a different story. 

Sarah comes home to banners and giant helium balloons, a huge expense, but empty. She knows her mother had no personal hand in the matter. It had just been a call to her assistant and an exchange of money. Empty Gestures, like it always was with her mother. 

A store bought cake, perfectly piped with lettering ‘happy thirteenth Sarah’. It is anything but. Maybe it’s selfish but she wishes for a homemade cake, one like she’d heard her classmates talk about. Complain about, even. What she would give for something like that, something that’s not just empty. That would take time and effort and care. Not just a phone call. Because these are all just things. Not the stuff that makes treasured memories. 

There aren’t even people to share it all with. That would require friends. And middle school was lonely. 

So it’s just Sarah, alone at home, her mother didn’t even have it in her to take the time off work for her only daughter. Instead she sits there, at the table in the spotless kitchen, reading and rereading the typed card left for her, hoping somewhere to discern something more from it. Some hidden feelings in the black and white. But there aren’t. 

Maybe one day, she thinks, though it’s probably wishful thinking. She’s not six anymore, holding onto hope for change.

🎈 fifteen

High school is a little different, a little brighter. She’s changed schools, there are girls who it seems actually like her. Ones she can count as friends. And that’s how she finds herself in the cinema with Harriett and Grace and Marya the evening of her fifteenth birthday. 

She’s sat on the end of the row, beside Grace, sharing her popcorn with her and a fizzy drink that’s just a little too sweet for her liking. But Sarah doesn’t care because Grace holds her hand practically throughout the whole of the film. Sarah doesn’t really think the film is that scary but she’s willing to pretend as Grace holds her hand tightly, leaning close to her in her seat so that Sarah can smell the floral scent of the perfume she’s started wearing, the one that smells of jasmine and bergamot, coincidently two of Sarah’s favourite scents, though she can’t quite remember if she ever told Grace that. 

Grace laughs quietly at something on screen beside her, and Sarah thinks it’s a wonderful sound, like music. She loves knowing when she makes her laugh like that. Wouldn’t mind being able to do that more often. 

But it’s all a little bittersweet, because Grace will be gone by September, by the time the new school term starts. She’s moving with her family to Seattle, so if something ever could have come of them, neither will ever know. 

🎈 nineteen

Sarah feels freer now. She’s in college, out in the world, never mind that her world mainly consists of campus, her dorm, the little cafe down on Elm and the library. 

People are still hard, and her circle of people is ridiculously small, but not for lack of trying. There isn’t much time for friends, anyhow she tells herself. Her goal here is to do well. She has to do well. She is, and that’s her consolation. 

But it’s her birthday and she’s tired and her heart is heavy and she just wants to not feel so alone. So it’s probably a poor decision but it’s summer and she’s alone in her dorm, most other people having left for the holidays; she just can’t stomach going back, and in any case doesn’t think her mum would even miss her presence. There are no calls or messages from the few friends she’d had in high school. Nothing. Which hurts, because she always remembers their birthdays. But maybe they didn’t feel the same way. They’d moved on, probably; she should too. 

It’s just her in her dorm, alone that Monday night.

It’s impulsive, and she’ll regret it later, she knows, but the bottle is right there in her cupboard and even if it’s for a little bit, she just wants to forget, to not think, to lose focus. Even if it’s only temporary. 

The one and only time she allows herself to do this, truly let go of herself like this. And it’s not one of those wild stories to be told later and made light of, it’s not a party or surrounded by friends. It’s just her, alone with the bottle, trying to rid herself of her thoughts. 

🎈 twenty-six 

Sarah is exhausted. Her rotation in the ED is taking its toll on her. The shifts, the long days and nights. But this is everything she had been working towards. What practically everything she had done since she was sixteen had been for. 

So that evening, all she wants to do is to go home, order some takeout from the ramen place she likes and maybe watch a movie. Just something quiet with herself. 

She’s just home and showered, hair still damp and hanging loose when her phone rings. Unusual. Hardly anyone ever called her. What’s even more unusual is that it’s Natalie from Med calling her, and Sarah wonders what on earth she could want at this time of the evening, especially when neither of them have a night shift that day. 

She picks up, to hear Natalie asking if she could come round and watch Owen because she needed to run out to the grocery store and there was no one else to. 

Sarah sighs inwardly. So much for her quiet night. But she goes. It’s not like she had any real plans tonight. If anything, watching Owen might be a help. She knows sitting in front of the TV, especially tonight, would lead her mind to wander. To places and thoughts she didn’t want it to go. It was probably for the best. So she pulls on jeans and a sweater and goes. 

Natalie answers the door, pulling Sarah inside. “Thank you so much for coming, honestly I don’t know what else I would have done,” she gushes.

“Don’t mention it—“ Sarah begins, but the words die on her lips as Natalie leads her into the kitchen. 

April is there, holding Owen, and Maggie is beside her with Noah and Ethan and Connor and Will and a few of the others. 

“Happy Birthday!” They all call out in unison, smiles on their faces and Owen waving his small fists, not quite understanding, but knowing something good is happening.  

Sarah is completely taken aback. She hadn’t been expecting anything, let alone this. She didn’t even think they all knew when her birthday was. 

“You didn’t think we were gonna leave you all on your one, did you?” Maggie asks, pulling her into a tight embrace. 

This, Sarah thinks, is what a family must feel like. 

🎈 twenty-seven

So much has changed. For one thing, Sarah’s a psych resident now. Something she never thought she would be, but she’s enjoying it. For another, and this is the biggest one, there’s Ava. And that is amazing and terrifying in equal parts all at the same time. 

Ava wouldn’t  tell her where they were going. Only that it required Sarah to dress up. It turned out to be a fancy Italian restaurant, one that apparently Ava had had her eyes on for months for this very occasion. Sarah had never really been one for grand gestures, considering her mother’s track record with them; they’d always felt empty. But with Ava, it is completely, entirely different. The way Ava is excited about it probably more than Sarah, because she loves surprising her, seeing her happy. And that, for Sarah, makes the day. Because it is so genuine and heartfelt. 

Sarah can’t think of a time where she’s felt lighter than she does now. 

But that’s not even everything. They get home, and Ava leads Sarah to the couch, telling her to sit, and disappears off into the kitchen. She’s only gone for a short time, and when she returns, she’s bearing a decadent chocolate cake on a platter, iced with ‘happy birthday Sarah,’ in Ava’s familiar, looping script, candles flickering in the dim light. Ava made this. For her. 

It’s perfect, and she tells her so as Ava sets the platter down on the coffee table in front of her. 

“Blow out the candles,” Ava says softly, and Sarah does, as her girlfriend snaps a photo of her, smiles etched on both their faces. 

“Thank you,” Sarah tells her quietly as Ava comes to sit beside her, placing a kiss to her lips.  

“Happy birthday, my love,” whispers Ava when they break apart. And it is. Completely. 

[peeterparkr]

perfidy;tom holland|3

chapter 3: the background music

enemies to lovers au/enemies with benefits 

story summary: Tom and you have been sworn enemies since you were young. However, you happened to be best friends with the twins. When one of your friends challenged you to break Tom’s heart, you immediately accepted to get back at him for all the times he’s hurt you. Old feelings might come back, while both of you try to go past your pride and your lies.

chapter summary: you get a chance to get closer to Tom, and you take it.  

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: swearing, alcohol, mentions of sex (? didn’t proof read

word count: 6k (whoops)

here’s a playlist

previous chapter next chapter series masterlist wanna be tagged?

Hi! I’ve been super busy I’m sorry! And I rewrote this like a thousand times but I like where this is going, so please! Tell me what you think, comments and reblogs are very welcome. (Btw it’d be cool if you listened to the songs) 

It’s been a while since you felt your heart halt with excitement. You hadn’t felt your stomach jolt with butterflies since your first date with Timmy. And you kind of missed it, that ever lasting and wonderful joy to experience on a first encounter. The smiles, the tingle and the hand shaking. The little hints of flirting that led to asking someone out. It’s like walking into a movie theatre, with a promise of joy, with the taste of popcorn,  and you find yourself walking in with excitement and getting transported into a whole new other world. 

Love, like any movie, can be good, can be bad. Like a good story, one that’s promising and you can’t stop watching, and you want to see yourself in the emotions, and feel the air and the breeze. 

Love is like movies, some of them you like, some of them you don’t. Movies make us cry, make us feel. Some of them make us laugh, some of them not so much. 

And love, it has its own background music. Like in films, there are songs that just transport you back to that moment, to that scene. With Timmy, it was a calm song, too calm for your own convenience. 

But Tom, not that you loved him, somehow had his own soundtrack. 80���s chaotic rock n’ roll. Rolling Stones vibes. Every time he walked into the room, it felt like one of those scenes in a movie, a bar with little lightning when the guy with blue jeans and white t-shirt walked in, cigarette in the edge of his mouth, walking in vainly, as if he thought everyone had their eyes on him. They probably did, if you were honest that made you hate him even more, but somehow it was interesting. A character that probably had no other personality trait than being an asshole. 

It wasn’t always like that. Not that notorious, at least. Tom had changed from a 60’s chaotic rock n roll. Always rock n roll. You could picture it, if you had to imagine a scene from your childhood with Tom, you’d probably play The Kinks. Picture Book. 

When Tom and you were younger, it was absolutely clear you didn’t get along. Constant hair pulling, insults, and pranks. A parade of hatred, yelling, fighting and very unnecessary arguments over very stupid stuff. And yes, Tom was still wrong, Robin Hood was not the superior Disney movie, just to clear that out. 

Everyone said it: Those two can’t hate each other more. They were right. 

At school, if you ever crossed paths, there’d be trouble. You’d often be at the principal’s office after having a heated argument with Tom or a prank, or…whatever you guys had come up with this time. 

It was quite clear. 

Your mother and Nikki, however, had a very different opinion on your relationship than anyone else, they were aware of your attitude and Tom’s, but they were still convinced they would fix it, and you didn’t blame them, you’d also be pissed if in the future your children didn’t get along with Harry’s or Sam’s, you’d try to force it as well. At a point, they stopped forcing the ‘future romantic relationship’ bullshit dream and settled with trying to get you guys getting along without fighting. They were sure that the fighting was probably because you had only a few things in common, so they pushed your activities together. 

Add in some Johnny B. Goode to remember the following. 

First, it was piano lessons. First class and you had already knocked down the piano while yelling at each other. You weren’t welcomed for a second class. Then it was baseball, and Tom had hit your nose with the ball, it had been an accident ‘allegedly’. It wasn’t. You weren’t welcome for that class either. Painting classes, you had painted Tom’s clothes all green and made his hair pink. The teacher had claimed she’d never seen two kids more unfit for art than you two. 

So, yeah, it didn’t work out. 

Eventually, Nikki and your mother decided to stop trying, or at least they gave up the extra classes. At least not together, Tom started ballet and you found joy in photography classes. You were getting along better since you didn’t have to actually spend time together. 

So they’d just ask how your relationship was going and whenever they wanted to have tea together they’d avoid bringing you two together unless you were cool with each other. It made it very difficult that you were very good friends with the twins. 

But you had had your secrets, even after everything, you still crushed on him from time to time. However, the last time you had had any kind of feelings like those had been when he had taken you to prom. Of course it had awakened something in you, but those feelings had never come back because he had broken your heart. What else could you expect from someone like him? After that, you’d promised yourself you’d never fall again for him. Not that you fell for him, but you promised that his smile would never make your stomach jolt with joy. 

It hadn’t. 

Let’s go 70’s music now, maybe. Come and Get Your Love-Redbone. 

Even on your 18th birthday, the last time you ackwloedged you had made out---kissed- with him hadn’t brought any feelings. Or maybe, they had surfaced but they had been very different feelings. They were mostly confused and disgusted. THere had been one more thing but... You decided to ignore it. But you hadn’t really felt anything for him, less when you realized how big of an asshole he was to you. 

You were sure he had never felt anything for you. He had made it very clear. ‘I’d rather eat a frog than kiss you’. Yet, he had kissed you. 

You had once bothered him about it: “Hey Holland, I know why your face looks like that, you said you’d rather eat a frog than kiss me, so you ended up never swallowing that frog!” 

However you were now facing a predicament. You had a month, a month to make him fall in love with you when he clearly had no interest in you. 

That’s all you could think about as you had arrived at his parents’ place. You had been quiet on the ride back home. You hadn’t even told him how it had gone. But he had let you choose the music. You’d love to change the soundtrack on your relationship with Tom, maybe an 80’s more type of funky music. 

You hadn’t told your friends about it, but you had told them you’d be going to a bar later to celebrate. But you had been quiet. You needed to think of something fast because you knew how your boss liked to work, and this was the opportunity of a lifetime. You’d be away for two months and if you didn’t come back with a script for her you’d be screwed. This was the worst timing, Tom was going to start filming in exactly three days, sure he’d start in London and then go to America, but you had to do something quick and come up with a lame excuse to hang out with him. Change the background music in your scenes with him. 

How does one make your enemy fall in love with you? You thought of the possibility of changing the script and sending in an idea to Alessandra, maybe you could talk about something that was actually happening to you. The story of your breakup with Timmy? That could work, although your breakup had been extremely boring. No one would like to watch something as calm and boring and that probably was playing the worst music in history. 

And if you thought about it, with Tom, it was like one of those sexy chaotic rock n’ roll songs. 

How would you make him fall in love with you? And why did you want him to? That’s all you had been thinking about on the way home. Because there was a part of you that wanted him to feel the way you felt back when you were younger. You wanted him to feel that agony of knowing that you liked someone who would rather go eat a frog than to ever like you back. Someone who constantly found ways to hurt you. Who could ever fall in love with such a beast like him? 

Tom led the way to the door. And you gave it a thought, all of this was now just a scene, something you were writing, but writing it along the way. And you pictured it on the script. How you could start and use some childhood scenes, and then, to this exact moment, with a little bit more of imagination. 

Ext. 1989 London Suburbs-Day. 

Y/N gets out of the car, an 86 blue porsche. Tom is playing with the keys and heading to the door. 

Y/N

Hey, Tom? 

You saw it, you could write it. 

“Hey, Tom?” You asked. And you had to take a look at him, and really stare. So he’d know. You knew him, that was your weapon. You knew what he liked, what he didn’t, you knew the girls he’d dated. You had that in your favor, and you knew that Tom loved being noticed. 

He noticed that you were staring and you saw him slightly concerned. 

“Oh, you’re talking, good,” he said as he cleared his throat and then you finally arrived at his face, arching your eyebrows as your eyes met his.. He’d grown up, but you could still see that kid you once knew. “Are you okay?” He asked. And you saw him, he was weirded out. He noticed you were staring. 

“Thanks for the ride, it meant a lot to me.” For starters, you could try to be nice. 

He gave you an awkward smile. “Sure.” 

You walked to the door now, but he stopped you. 

“How did it go?” He asked. And you only patted him on the shoulder. 

“Good, thanks for worrying,” and you placed a kiss on his cheek. And you thought of the camera, maybe a close up to the lipstick stain you’d left. 

He went red and paused, triumphantly you opened the door and there was his whole family. Of course Nikki  would do this. They knew how big this was and they loved making a big deal about it, especially since Tom had driven you. 

This was awkward, it wasn’t like you didn’t feel comfortable with the Hollands, au contraire, but there was that pinch of guilt holding you back, you knew what you were going to do and you felt like everyone knew about it. Especially since they saw Tom was trying to scratch the remaining lipstick on his cheek.

But you walked in, Nikki was on the phone, and she dedicated a big smile to you. 

“It’s your mum!” she mouthed.  Your parents were currently having a perfect vacation in Paris, and if you were honest with yourself, you’d rather be third wheeling your parents than trying to come up with ways to make your biggest enemy fall in love with you. It sounded so dramatic, an enemy. Calling him that seemed so immature and childish. But there was no other way to call him. He was your mortal enemy. 

Dom was the one to approach you and hugged you hello. 

You didn’t know if they sensed your tension. 

“Hey y/n, what’s with the long face?” Sam asked as he grinned looking at you, walking over. “Who died?” 

“Her hopes and dreams, probably,” Tom said behind you. “And her sex life,” he laughed, earning a glare by Nikki. 

“Tom,” Nikki turned stern. 

“What? Didn’t she just break up?” Tom pushed with a smirk. 

Nikki crossed her arms, “Thomas,” her voice was firm as she watched him leave for the kitchen, but then softened as she looked at you. “Y/N, long time no see! I see Tom drove you,” Nikki grinned. 

“Yeah, he did, didn’t leave me alone” you chuckled. “He was nice, that didn’t last” you chuckled. 

“Your brother is coming, too, by the way,” she informed you. Great. But how did it go?” She grinned. “Do you have a job now?” 

“I….” 

Harry tackled you from behind. “Yes,  idiot! How did it go?” 

You chuckled as you turned around to finally hug him. “Hi!” You wanted to tell Harry everything, everything, you hadn’t seen him in a while, he was too busy with his own things and his new girlfriend, Emma.

“Oh, you don’t know how much I missed you,” he said.  

“Me too,” you grinned. “How are things with Emma? How are you?” 

“Good, great, things are… great, I’ve got some news!” He chuckled. “But, okay, tell me everything about the interview, I’m so sorry I couldn’t-”

“Hey, it’s alright! It went amazing! I… Well, it’s complicated, but I kind of nailed it.” 

“Really?” Tom asked as he was opening up a bag of crisps. “Then why were you quiet all this time?” 

“I didn’t want to talk to you,” you snapped. “Never share good news with your enemy.” 

Tom rolled his eyes and forced a laugh.

You turned back to Harry. “But, hey, what is the news?” 

“Um… let’s just… Have lunch.” 

Before you knew it, you were sitting down listening to Harry and Sam, both of them making you laugh with their stories. Tom sat at the other edge of the table, far from you. This was how it usually went, him far away from you and avoiding any eye contact with you. Everyone understood it, and they didn’t try to push it that far anymore. There were times when you turned to eat, when things were bad, but right now it seemed like it was bothering Tom. You could see he wanted to join the conversation at times but he remained on his phone, or talking to his parents. 

Your brother arrived and he sat near Tom, they were friends, and they could talk to each other. And although your brother was aware of your relationship with Tom, he had grown up with him, too so there couldn’t be any hard feelings against them. Besides, everyone in the family was aware of it. This was between you and Tom only, nothing to drag them in.

You caught Tom’s eyes a few times, and you had, against your will, dedicated him a smile or two. He hadn’t smiled back. 

“Okay, so what’s the big deal, y/n?” James asked. “I mean, I love coming over for lunch here but, how did it go? Are you an official writer?” 

You chuckled as you saw them looking at you. “I well…” 

They frowned. 

“Well, they asked me to write a script, for a new series, pitch in an idea, they’re giving me two months to write it and if they like it, I am officially working for them.” 

“That’s nuts,” Harry frowned.

 “That sounds like the worst job offer,” Paddy pointed out. 

“Pads,” Sam frowned at him. 

“It’s a competition kind of thing, if they like it enough, they’ll produce it,” you explained. “That’s why I’m not as...excited.” 

“But it’s a chance,” Tom pointed out. “I… talked to your friend, he… Charlie, that’s his name?” He asked. “And he told me about that and how they’re only choosing between three people.” 

Your eyes widened. He had talked to Charlie and that made you feel uncomfortable. “Yes, well, it’s a shot, it’s better than having nothing.” 

“But wait, until then you have like… No job?” Sam asked.

You bit your lip. “Yup, but hey it’s… a good shot, I honestly thought Alessandra was going to fire me.” 

“That’s nonsense,” James pitched in. “But okay, I’m still proud of you, little one,” he grinned. 

You knew it wasn’t a big shot, but it was a chance. 

“Yes, it’s still good.” Harry pursed his lips.

Nikki and Dom watched you, and you saw it in their eyes the same pity your parents usually had. 

“But hey!” You tried to change the subject. “Harry’s got news too, right?” 

Harry popped his lips. “Yeah, uh… I got… Well, I actually, ...it got in, the screenplay, they’re producing it,” Harry explained, and he said it with the softest voice as if he was trying not to hurt you. But this was weird, you already knew that part. “But well, we’re starting the production in a week in… Scotland.” 

“That’s amazing!” You grinned. 

And his whole family started to cheer for him, and the tension in the room faded out. 

Except when Tom finally… realized something. “Wait, in a week?” Tom asked. “Then… you’re not...coming to help me out?” 

And the table went quiet. Harry was Tom’s assistant, he knew schedules, clothes, everything. Harry was basically Tom’s boss. 

“Yeah, I wanted to talk about that, too,” Harry bit his lip. “I can’t… I would’ve told you sooner so we could find another assistant but-” 

“No, no, don’t apologize,” Tom cleared his throat. “I’m super excited I just… I need to find an assistant.”

And then you saw it. A chance, as if you had just wished upon a star and it had granted you an opportunity. If this hadn’t been the situation you probably would’ve called him out on being so selfish and arrogant and vain as you usually did, but this was unexpected as if the universe was trying to help you with your plan. 

The family started to give him so options and they were trying to find a balance between finding somehting that could soothe stupid Tom and congratulate Harry

“What if… I’m your assistant?” You said, loud enough for all them to quiet down. 

Tom laughed. “What?” 

“Yeah, think about it,” you shrugged. “I don’t have a job right now, and it’ll be what? Two months filming? It’s a perfect time for me to help you out and write” 

Tom frowned, staring at you. “You can’t be serious?” 

“Why not?” You grinned. 

“Because you can’t stand each other,” this time your brother popped in. “And being his assistant would mean spending this entire two months with him.” 

“And he gets pretty annoying,” Sam said. 

“I’m used to that, I can handle that,” you said. 

“I can’t handle you,” Tom frowned. 

“Now, now, Tom it might be… a good idea,” Nikkie said, and of course she would agree. Of course she wanted you to be around him, with hopes of you getting along. And right now, you wanted more than getting along. 

“Yes, you’re both adults now, you can be decent, right?” Dom intruded.

“I can,” you smiled. 

“No, you can’t,” Tom clenched his jaw. 

“Oh, c’mon, Tom, help her out,” Harry said. “Besides, I’m sure she’ll be great, she'd be amazing at planning.” 

Tom looked away. “I’ll… think about it.” 

Lunch became quiet on Tom’s side of the table, while you kept talking to Harry and Sam. You weren’t quiet, and eventually ended up in the living room, having a laugh and waiting for it to get dark so you could go to the bar where you’d meet your friends. 

You borrowed a hoodie and then you were good to go, Sam, Harry and you were about to walk out when you bumped into Tom who had also stayed, talking to your brother, who had just left. 

Tom looked at the three of you and walked past you. 

“Have fun.” 

Usually, he wouldn’t be invited, but right now you were under very different circumstances. It felt different. And there was still that tinge in your ear telling you to back away, no one should play with fire unless you want to get burned. 

“You can come, too,” you said as you turned around. 

“What?” Tom frowned as he stopped. 

“You’re invited,” you cleared up, as he slightly turned to you. 

“Really?” 

“Sure,” you smiled. “C’mon it’s my way to pay you for the ride.” 

He clenched his jaw, but he quickly accepted it and joined you. 

Before you knew it, you had a beer in your hand and he was sitting right beside you. You didn’t understand how or why, but he had been the one to sit without a warning. You were in your favorite booth at the end of the pub where you had a little bit more privacy. And you watched Tom, and his cap. 

You didn’t stand him, why were you going to risk it all for this? And the idea of being his assistant was giving you a headache. 

But you thought about it, how stupid it was of Alessandra to ask for a script based on real life. It was probably one of her most stupid ideas, and you knew that she probably was doing it because she believed of herself as a teacher that was giving the key of art to the interns. When in reality she was only pushing everyone back. But maybe this would be a challenge for you, you’d never written anything remotely close to a love story, only when younger, maybe, but you didn’t like writing love because it didn’t feel like a challenge to you. Maybe it was now. 

Somehow, Charlie and Danielle had decided that the perfect way to get the evening going was to ask about your childhood. 

There was a live group playing music, and somehow you felt it was a sign. 70’s and 80’s rock n’ roll. It suited the vibe, as the light was dimmed out. 

“Man, I—If I’m honest, I think we probably have everything filmed,” Tom said, as he answered Danielle’s question of your childhood. “Y/N and Harry used to carry that camera everywhere.” 

The beer in your hand was bittersweet, you had stopped counting how many you had had, Tom kept ordering you both beer, something advised by Harry and Sam, who had pointed out you both needed to be a little bit tipsy to stand each other. 

“Really?” Charlie asked. 

“Yes, we should pick that up again, you know?” You nodded, as you let down your beer, you brushed your fingers against Tom’s. “It's good to have memories.” 

Harry grinned. “I mean we didn’t really stop.” 

“No, but you know, we used to literally film everything we’d be filming this!” You pointed out. 

Tom chuckled as he took out his phone. “Hey everyone, it’s Tom and I’m kind of drunk here,” he admitted to the camera. “On my side, you’ll be able to see a troll, one of a kind, viewer discretion is advised,” he pointed at you as you glared at him. 

“Oh, piss off.” 

“See? Oh maybe I’m wrong, are you a witch?” He smirked as he pointed the camera at you. 

“Change a letter there, sweetheart,” Charlie grinned. “It’s not a w it’s a b.” 

Harry snickered. “Oh, don’t give him ideas.”

Tom shook his head. “Nah, she’s more of a witch,” Tom said carefully as he turned to you. “The wicked witch of the east.” 

“It’s the west, dumbass,” you corrected him. 

“No, because the one who died is the one from the east,” he winked at you. “And I’m Glinda.” 

“You know she’s the real villain of the story right?” You frowned. 

“She is not.” 

“No, she’s not but—“you chuckled. “I’m drunk. I dunno.”

But the conversation was flowing and you were hinting some flirting at Tom sometimes, like casually touching his shoulder or batting your eyes a bit more, and he was catching up on it. But your nature would show up and you’d end up mocking each other and rolling your eyes. If anything, you could blame it on the alcohol. 

“You know, you know what you two need?” Charlie said between drunken giggles. Tom was recording again as he made silly faces to the camera but then started to record you.  

“A burger,” you answered, turning back to Charlie. 

“With chips, yes,” Tom agreed and you laughed and slightly leaned against him. You had significantly gotten closer to him through the night and you were sure his hand had landed several times on your waist. His hand was slightly now behind your shoulders, resting against the booth. 

“No, you guys need to bone,” Charlie snaked. You felt your heart falling down and you quickly shifted away from Tom. He retracted his hand to himself. 

Harry burst into laughter. “This dude is mental.” 

“These two?” Sam threw his head back. “oh gosh, if you told them to screw they would actually bring nails and screw,” Sam laughed. 

“Yes, I’d rather have grounds in my coffee than have to spend 5 minutes with him,” you said. 

“And I’d rather eat a frog,” Tom chuckled. 

“Just swallow the one in your mouth,” you giggled,  poking his cheeks then proceeded to make more faces at his camera. 

“I’m serious, all that hatred you’re showing it’s only a facade,” Charlie said. “All of it would be gone if you gave in to that sexual tension you’ve got going on.” 

“Gross,” you stated

“It’s simple psychology,” Charlie explained, “you’re both rude to each other because you can’t have the other.” 

Harry coughed, “That would never happen.” You saw Harry gulp down his beer, 

“Why can’t people just accept we don’t like each other?” You wondered as you watched them. 

“You’re like my soulmate but for hate,” Tom zoned out for a minute. “My soulhate.” 

“Besides it’d be weird,” Harry pointed out. “We grew up together.” 

“That would make it weird?” Tom raised his brow. 

Charlie took a long sip of his vodka. “I’m just saying.” 

“Well, don’t,” you rolled your eyes.

 But the night continued, Charlie and Danielle left eventually leaving you with the Holland’s. The twins left and, you hadn’t accepted their offer to drive you home. Surprisingly Tom hadn’t left either, it seemed like he had picked up on your little flirting game. This was a good start. 

“So, you really do want to be my new assistant?” He asked, as he snatched your drink out of your hand, taking a sip. 

“I actually do,” you sassed as you took it back, sipping it. “I need a job and might as well have something to kind of do with a big star, you know?”

He watched you. “You think we will last without fighting?”

“No.” 

“Then?” 

“Well, you’ve got a better idea? Have anyone else for the job? You start in three days” you pointed out. 

He rolled his eyes. “I know, I know.”

“Besides, I know you, Tom, for better or for worse,” you admitted. 

He clenched his jaw. “I guess. You do realize we’ll have to spend an awful lot of time together? And that you’ll have to travel with me?” He was condescending. 

“It’ll be strictly business, won’t it?”

“Yes but-“

“I’ll be as professional as I can be, Thomas Stanley Holland,” you grinned

“Don’t call me that.”

You giggled. “Little Stanley…” 

Tom frowned. LY/N, see? This. This is what I mean.” 

“Ah, c’mon Stan,” you laughed. “I won’t be showing all your embarrassing pictures and telling your stories to everybody.” 

Tom stood up, ready to leave. “That’s it.” 

You pulled him back down. “Tommy, I’m joking.”

He glared at you. “I don’t trust you.” 

“You think I trust you?” You laughed. “We both can lose a lot here, Tommy, I won’t be risking my career in spite of yours.”

He bit his lip, looking away. 

“Tommy, please.”

“I...fine. But I need you to understand… You’ll be spending time with me.” 

“I’m looking forward to it,” you said, but it came out very poisonous, earning a scoff from Tom. “Why are you scared?” 

“Because I honestly think this is the most time we’ve shared without tearing each other apart,” he shrugged. 

You stared down at the half full bottle that you’d been sharing. You took it into your hands. 

“Ah, it’s the beer, probably,” you grinned

He took it from your hands and sipped it. “Right, alcohol makes us nice to each other.” 

“You call this nice?” You took the beer back. 

“I’m not trying to ruin your life so yes,” he smirked, taking it back. 

“Am I ruining yours?”

“Kind of,” he admitted. 

You smirked as you finally took the beer back and downed it. “Good.”

“Shall I remain drunk all the time, then?” He laughed, his laughter was dragged. 

“Dunno, it’s up to you, you do tend to get a little nicer,” 

He laughed. “Me? You’re the one who hasn’t been able to keep her hands to herself,” he pointed out as your hand had brushed his. 

You clenched your jaw. “And you haven’t pushed me away,” you smirked, as you took his hand and pushed it away.

Tom licked his lips as he stared at you. “Well.” He shrugged, as he placed his arm back behind you, resting it back on the chair. 

“See? Alcohol.” 

He laughed. “I can’t be drunk all the time.”

“I can.” 

“Y/N.” 

“Tom, I’m joking, and I genuinely want to help you,” you said. “Besides, I’ll have time to write this script.” 

He rested his hand on his head, you could smell the alcohol even from that distance. “What will you write about?” 

“Dunno, I’ll see.” 

“You’re good, don’t worry.” 

You rolled your eyes. “You’ve never read me.” 

“I’ve read many of your scripts,” Tom scoffed. “Not only the ones when we were little, I...also the ones you’ve shown to Harry, they’re all good.”

You frowned. “Thanks.” 

“I don’t see why you’re so stressed about this.”

“Because… it’s complicated,” you shrugged. “It’s not...something I usually write.” 

“Hm. Is it a love story what you need to write?” He mocked. 

“I well, kind of, so shut up, you know I hate writing those,” you rolled your eyes.

“Hm, you do, now?”

“Yes, I don’t think I’ve ever written some true authentic love story,” you admitted. And you hadn’t, you really hadn’t. 

“Because you’re the villain of the stories, you said it when we were kids. The villains will never…”

“Never find love, I know. Maybe you’re right. But you’re the villain in my story so…” You wrinkled your nose. 

“We’re doomed.” He bit his lip. 

“Or…” You grinned. 

“Or?” He frowned. 

“Maybe the villains end up falling for each other,” you suggested, shooting your shot. 

He laughed to himself and turned away. A slight blush upon his. “Hm, hinting a crush again, y/n? I think I’ve been clear with you before, you’re not my type.” His voice had turned darker. 

“Oh, please, Tom, I’d never fall for some jerk like you,” you pushed. 

“You did once.” 

“I was 9 and stupid” 

“Oh, right you’re not 9 anymore, but you’re still stupid,” he grinned. 

You shrugged. “But not as stupid as to be one of those many who’d fall for you, you know?” “Ah, the I’m not like other girls cliché,” Tom laughed, rolling his eyes. 

“Yes, but it’s not really a cliché here,” you pointed out. “I mean if we’re honest, I know you enough to know you’re an asshole, and everyone else sees you through the cameras, you know?”

He raised his brows. “I guess… yet...You’ve always been different, y/n, you know? Like, I’m always on the edge with you.” 

You grinned. “Are you now?” 

“Yeah, one minute you’re flirting then the other you’re doing this,” he pointed at your glaring face, as you felt yourself blushing ignoring his gaze. “it’s weird. I never know if you’re flirting or not.”

“I’m not,” you crossed your arms. “Not with you.” 

“Then who were you flirting with all night? Harry? Sam?” Tom pushed. 

“No… Charlie.” 

“Charlie? The gay guy,” Tom laughed. 

You flipped him off. 

He smired. “See? Just two seconds ago you had your hand in my hair.”

“Alcohol.” 

The lights were dimmed. 

“We should… get out of here, I’ll get us an uber.” 

You walked out, tipsy enough to walk and just slightly cold. You knew that asking for his jacket would earn only a laugh from him. He had been just nice enough now, and you knew this could blow up. But you felt dizzy, and to keep yourself steady you grabbed his arm. He didn’t move as he stared at his phone. 

“You’re always like that, you know?” 

“Like what?” 

“You’re like polar opposites in one person,” he commented. 

You pushed him away. “Ah great, am I bipolar now?”

“No, no, that’s not…”He closed his eyes. “Not what I meant.” 

The car arrived and you both hopped into the backseat. 

“That’s not what I meant,” he continued. 

“Then what did you mean?” You crossed your arms. 

“I don’t know.” 

You glanced at him. “And you’re worse, you’ve been playing with me since kids.” 

“What does that---?” He frowned. “I never-” 

“You always gave me hope.”

“I didn’t. Maybe you were too busy dreaming with me and misread everything, I’ve never liked you.

“I’m not implying you liked me,” you snapped. 

“Then?”

“I’m implying you were an asshole.” 

The driver widened his eyes as he looked at you from the mirror, you saw he was trying to suppress a smile.

Tom clenched his jaw. “Ah, that I am, but, please, sweetheart but you and I could never be.” 

“I know, mainly because I despise you.” 

He scooted closer. “And because I’m cool and you’re you.”

“And I’m me?” You saw him getting extremely closer. 

He held your chin. “Look at us, y/n we come from different worlds.” He was leaning in. 

“As long as I remember we grew up in the same one, yet you still managed to become an asshole,” you pushed his face away from yours. 

“I think we’re getting a little bit mean again,” Tom rolled his eyes. 

You remained quiet. 

“I don’t know y/n, maybe they’re all right, I—”

“Who?”

“Everyone maybe we—have to I dunno,” He placed his hand on your leg and you raised your brows. 

“What?” 

He slowly wrapped his arm behind your shoulder and leaned closer. “I feel like we need to loosen up a little y/n.” 

You felt your heart racing, you were angry, you didn’t like this and you didn’t want him to believe that you actually still fancied him, but this was all working, this is exactly where you technically wanted to have him. So, you had to give in.

“And what do you suggest?” Your voice was low. 

“I don’t know, I’m giving in to all your flirting,” He laughed as he scooted closer.

You turned around, and laughed. “My flirting?

It felt like late 60’s, rock n roll

Tom, turned your head back to him. “Please you’ve been doing it since you came out of that interview.” 

“Hm,” you nodded. “I remember being quiet.” 

“And I remember those lips on my cheek,” he gently poked your lips, and maybe it was the alcohol speaking for itself but you wanted to kiss him, and kiss every single spot on his skin. 

You cleared your throat. “Ah, please Tom, I was being nice,” you rolled your eyes. 

But then you felt his lips against your neck, you instinctively closed your eyes. 

“Hm, maybe be nicer?” he kept kissing your neck. 

“Nicer?” 

“You know, lips on mine,” he whispered. 

You rolled your eyes. “You’re drunk, Tom”

“Maybe, but you are, too,” and with that he sealed the deal and closed the gap, combining your lips with yours. And maybe the driver had done it on purpose, or maybe it was faith or your imagination,, trying to get a perfect soundtrack for you, but ‘You Shook Me’ by Led Zeppelin was just the exact song you needed to listen to while kissing your enemy. But how far were you going to let yourself go? 

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[songtoyou]

Epiphany - Part Two

Paring: Luke Crain x Female Reader

Chapter Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 2,001

Warnings: Talks of drug use and recovery, mention death of family members.

Description: Life has never been easy for Luke Crain. After the death of Nell, Luke realizes that he needs to make some changes. He decided to stay in Massachusetts and attend rehab. He was determined to remain on his path of sobriety. When you get assigned to be Luke’s sponsor, it opens a new door of possibilities that neither you nor Luke expected.  

A/N: I finally watched the Haunting of Hill House a while back. I found Luke to be very interesting. This is my take on how Luke would go on with life after Nell’s death and how his continued path to remain sober would look like.

Feedback is wonderful. It is nice knowing if people are actually liking this fic.

I do not permit my work to be posted on any other site without my permission.

“Hey,” he said to get your attention. “I promised that I’ll come to talk to you if I ever feel like I might…. Or if I just feel like I need someone to talk to.”

Sure enough, Luck kept his promise that if he ever needed to talk, he would call you. The two of you have talked almost every day since your first meeting two-weeks ago. For Luke, it was nice being able to talk with someone he could connect with. While Steve, Shirley, and Theo were more supportive of him than ever before, his siblings still could not fully relate to his ordeals.

Theo mentioned to Luke that he could be open and honest with her about his past experiences, his current feelings, and how he was coping with Nell’s death. “I appreciate it, Theo, I really do,” Luke told her over the phone. He just got back from class and was getting ready to head out to see you.

“I feel a ‘but’ coming along,” Theo lightly said.

“But…it is just hard talking about this stuff with someone who…”

“With someone who doesn’t necessarily share the same experience or feelings,” replied Theo and added, “Talking about Nell…and dad…is hard for all of us. However, I do understand that we all have our own ways of coping. I’m only glad that you aren’t…you know…”

“Me too. I told you guys, that I’m serious about remaining clean. It’s my last promise to Nell and I intend to keep it. Plus, my sponsor is…she’s awesome. Definitely been a nice help with having someone to talk to who understands.”

“Well, that is great, Luke. I’m glad you have someone who you are comfortable talking to about these things. So, your sponsor…what is she like? What’s her name?”

After telling Theo your first and last name, he went on talking about how you have been clean for the past three years, that your family lives in Wilmington, you work at a bakery part-time, and that you are a current art student at Middlesex Community College.

“Lowell campus or Bedford campus?” Theo continued to pry.

“Bedford.”

“What does she plan on doing with an art degree?” asked Theo.

“I don’t know! Probably because she likes art,” Luke replied. He was starting to get a tad annoyed at his older sister.

“Can I meet her?”

“You know what…wow…look at the time. In fact, I gotta start heading out,” Luke mentioned as he saw the time on the clock. “Talk to you later, Theo.”

Before Theo could try to pry more information about you, Luke hung up. Theo was intrigued about you but would not pry. At least for now.

You asked Luke if he had ever been to the Lexington Venue, an old theater seventeen minutes outside of Wilmington. He had not. You mentioned to him that you were planning to see the new Marvel movie, ‘Avengers’ Endgame, and if he wanted to join. Luke happily accepted your offer.

Since you had been to the Lexington Venue numerous times, Luke suggested that you drive. He heard a car pull up Shirley’s driveway and looked out the window to see that it was you. Luke grabbed his coat, checked to make sure he had his wallet, and headed out the door. Awkwardly, it was at the same time Shirley stepped out her front door.

“Oh…Luke…hey, where are you heading out to?” Shirley inquired as she strolled with her younger brother to your car.

“Uh, we’re just heading to the movies,” Luke replied. He waved and said ‘hi’ once he got closer to your car.

“We? Who’s we?” Shirley asked. When she saw you, she gave a wave herself and looked over at Luke, waiting to get introduced.

“Oh right. Sorry, my bad,” said Luke with an awkward chuckle and introduced you to Shirley and vice versa.

“It’s nice to meet you. Luke hasn’t told us much about you. From what he has mentioned is that you’re his sponsor…”

“Shirley,” Luke said in a warning tone. The last thing he wanted was his sister to embarrass you in any way.

“Yes, I graduated, you could say, from the same program Luke is currently in. and have been clean for three years,” you mentioned. You figured it would be best to help ease Shirley’s tension by being honest with how long you have been clean. “Luke, we better get going if we want to make the matinee show.”

Luke bid his sister goodbye and got in your car. “I’m sorry about Shirley. She’s…well…she’s Shirley. Very much a Type A personality.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I totally get it. My mom is the same way. She kept asking me questions about you. I told her she just needed to relax and that all we are doing is going to the movies. She sort of does that with everyone I hang out with. It’s like she is just waiting for something to happen, you know.”

“But you’ve been in recovering for a long time,” Luke pointed out. “Your mom should see that you have made a real effort in maintaining your sobriety.”

You let out an exasperated sigh. “Here’s the thing Luke, we are always going to be addicts. It isn’t going to go away. It is an incurable disease. It is no different than cancer. The only difference that the world doesn’t view addiction as a disease.”

Luke contemplated what you were saying. He never thought of his addiction as a disease but rather a symptom of Hill House. That house was never a home. It left a stain on his childhood that penetrated adulthood. While Luke no longer felt the presence of the “Tall Man” haunting him at every turn, he could never shake the feeling of the coldness in his limbs or the stiffness of his neck he felt that particular day at the rehab center in Los Angeles. He often wondered what his life would have turned out if his father never insisted on buying Hill House. His mother would still be alive, along with Nell and his dad. The Crain family would be whole rather than broken.

“What do you know about this so-called ‘sponsor’?” Theo asked Shirley over the phone.

“No more than you know. I actually got to meet her in person when she stopped by early to pick Luke up. Apparently, they were off to go to the movies over in Lexington. They were in a hurry, so I didn’t get to talk very much with her. She seems nice, though. Luke seems to have really bonded with her. That’s good, right? We should be happy that he has a friend he can confide in…you know…now that Nell is…. gone,” replied Shirley. It was still hard for her to say her baby sister was dead.

“Luke is coping better than any of us thought he would. It isn’t like the previous times. I see the commitment he has to stay clean. I don’t think he and his friend are doing anything they shouldn’t be doing. I don’t think Luke would lie to us,” Shirley added.

“No, I don’t think he is lying to us at all, “Theo immediately interjected. “Like you said Shirl, I think Luke is committed to his program. It is just…my protective instincts are on high alert…with all of you. I just want to know who this person Luke is hanging out with. Maybe we could get Luke to invite her over for dinner? Aren’t Kevin and the kids going to visit his mom over the weekend? We could do it this Saturday.”

“Okay. That could work with not having Kevin or the kids around. Please let me be the one to ask Luke about dinner. Theo? Theo, you’re not texting Luke, now are you?”

~Luke, bring your friend to dinner this Saturday at 7:00 p.m. – Theo~

“That movie was so long,” you said to Luke while walking out of the theater.

“Way too long and kind of boring, especially in the beginning,” Luke replied throwing out his trash.

“Definitely could have cut at least 35 minutes from the film. What time is it?” you asked exiting the building with Luke following behind.

Luke dug into his coat pocket to retrieve his phone. When he logged in, he saw a text from Theo.

“Fucking eh. You are not going to believe this?”

“What? Everything okay?”

“Everything is fine,” reassured Luke and let out a chuckle. “My sister, Theo, is asking me…well more like telling me to bring you over for dinner this Saturday. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

You stopped mid-walk to turn towards Luke. “Do you not want me to meet them?” you asked and continued when he gave you a skeptical look, “I can kind of sense that me meeting your family…well I can sense a rush of anxiety coming from you.”

Shuffling from one foot to the other, Luke contemplated how best to explain his family to you. “Let’s get in your car. I will tell you everything. You deserve to know the full truth.”

Boy, Luke laid on the truth. From the “Tall Man” to Abigail and how everyone thought she was imaginary because her parents never allowed her to leave their home, and how Theo struggles with heightened sensitivity. “It is one of those things that kind of runs in the family,” said Luke and continued, “Our mother and grandma were…they had similar abilities. Anything Theo touches, objects, or places, she can feel the emotions from people. The House killed our mother. It tricked her into believing that killing her children would wake us from this nightmare…that it would save us. Our dad got us away in time, but it was too late to save mom. She was dead by the time dad got back to the house. Then it got Nell. The way it Tricked her the same way it tricked mom. I tried burning it down, but nothing happened. The House would have gotten me, Steve, Shirley, and Theo if our dad hadn’t…he sacrificed himself to save us.”

After telling you everything, Luke let out a deep breath. He looked over at you and let out a laugh. ��I don’t blame you for wanting to drop me as your mentee. I totally understand. My bag of crazy is hard to handle sometimes.”

In the past, it would have been a lot for you to handle someone like Luke. His issues far exceeded your capabilities when it came to helping someone maintain their sobriety. However, you were older and no longer ran or made yourself numb in fear of feeling peoples’ emotions. Instead of viewing your empath abilities as a curse, you saw them as a gift. As a way to help those in need. The thing about Luke was that he did not need saving. He did not want some to swoop in and save him from his problems. No. You were able to sense that the man before just wanted someone to believe in him. To know that he is telling the truth and that he was not making any of it up.

While Luke was telling you about his past, you saw everything. You saw the “Tall Man” as he haunted that little boy with glasses up until he reached adulthood, you saw him play with Abigail and drew pictures in his treehouse. You could see his mother as she poured the tea for him, Nell, and Abigail that last night at Hill House, and how as an adult he tried to set it ablaze. You saw it all. You felt it all.

“I believe you, Luke. I’m not going anywhere if you don’t want me to,” you told him earnestly.

He turned to look into your eyes to make sure you were telling the truth. “Are you sure?”  

“Yes,” you easily said and started your car. “You better text your sister back that I would love to come over for dinner this Saturday.”

[sambinnie]

1. Happy Mabon! Every autumn, I forget that the darkness comes clanging down in a great rush in the mornings. One day, I am greeted by a pinking sunrise. 48 hours later, it’s so dark on my run to the river that I have to stop a passing runner and check the time, in case my disturbed sleep sent me dressing and leaving the house at 2am. This summer may not have given us those mornings where it’s so hot I can barely get out of the water, where those early hours feel like full silent days carved out just for me to sit in the light and wait for everyone else to wake up, where the only extra thing I put on to run home is my trainers — I look at my waiting winter gear, neoprene socks and gloves, head torch, two more thickening jumpers, hat, thermal mittens — but every season, every day, is beautiful.

Today we go early for celebrations, and the water is silky, and Orion hangs over us with his phallic sword dangling and Betelgeuse winking on one shoulder. The near-full moon spotlights us and I feel almost ready for the shortening days.

2. Hilary Mantel continues to be a literary god. How does she write with that clarity? How can I ever speak with her calm good sense and wit? 

3. We have two main problems at the moment, as far as I can see. a) What we’re doing (“curating” our lives; twitter spats; purity spirals; division and isolation; wanting ‘debates’ that can only be won or lost; encouraging people to buy more things; trying to buy our happiness; letting marketers tell us how we feel about the world rather than encouraging major moral lessons from throughout the ages to challenge us on our weaknesses; refusing to accept that life is suffering; asking self-care to be a plaster for everything we don’t have) and b) what we’re not doing (joining together to stand against those with more money and power; protecting the people who have even less power and voice than we do as a matter of course; learning from history; protecting nature above all else; prioritising going for walks; learning to repair things and campaigning to make things repairable; having a basic belief in human dignity for all, not just those with whom we agree; accepting that truly, we are all different and no amount of shaming or disgust will change that; working to shape our societies, culture, economies, production, food supplies and communications around improving — not just sustaining — the air, water and land, and fighting to ensure all of those new shapes protect women and children).

Individualism has morphed into something so completely self-destructive that we’ve forgotten we need nature more than anything — literally, more than anything — and we need to unionise and unite and put aside differences and work together even with people we don’t like. 

Because when there are wicked people in power, when it’s genuinely exhausting to think about all the corrupt, venal, toxic, divisive, false, and cruel things they have done since coming to power, those people love to watch everyone below pointing their fingers at one another, saying, You, You’re The Enemy, You’re The Problem, while corrupt populist leaders rub their bellies and chuckle at another promise broken, another mass death on their hands, another building site on a protected forest. Do you understand the stakes here? Do you understand that it’s actual survival? It’s not about being right any more, it’s not about besting someone in the argument. It’s about having decision makers who can not only ensure there is still food to eat and air to breathe, but that relations both within a country and between countries are built on care, and support, and compassion, and believing in human dignity. And while it sounds wishy-washy and hands-clappy it’s the schmaltzy, sentimental truth. It’s the only one, really. 

If we instead continue to believe every single day that my feelings are the most important, that my beliefs are the right ones, that I’ve got to prove those baddies there are evil and awful and wrong, then honestly, what the fuck? If we’re happy to live in a country where hostile architecture is the starting point for all public builds, where we send refugee boats away from our shores, where affiliate links are a career goal, where we haven’t stormed the Daily Mail offices with accounts of all our lovely immigrant friends and family and had a huge feast together and compared our long and tangled family trees, then come on. It’s only a race to the bottom if we all keep running. 

Because, pressingly, whatever the spark of a major global conflict — assassination, fuel shortages, hyperinflation, invasion — the kindling is almost always a populace fed pure hatred for months, for years, until they can’t even taste it anymore but are ready to spew it out again, and are ready to use another populace as the receptacle. And hatred is brewed up in silence and isolation, and in the ashes of bridges burned between disparate groups. 

And on that note, I’m not a conspiracy theorist, mainly because I don’t believe governments are generally competent enough to manage Grand Plans, but it’s annoying that technology and social trends and culture have developed in such a way that no one knocks on anyone’s door for a chat as a matter of course now, that it’s a given that a ringing phone triggers anxiety, that it’s not the norm for cups of tea with your neighbours, that we don’t know each other’s neighbourhoods, that we don’t even talk on the phone, with live words and intonation and synchronised laughter, but in text, in WhatsApp chats, in tapped out words and symbols that we know can be screen-grabbed and misinterpreted, that we know are kept, filtered and sold by the tech companies. It’s not a conspiracy. It’s just a reality that every single one of us can choose to do differently. 

Sometimes exactly the right thing comes along at the right time. All of us here watched About a Boy at the weekend, a film which is so wonkily weighted and oddly rhythmed, but a perfect depiction of everything I’m banging on about here. Hugh Grant’s character likes being alone. He’s happy that way. It suits him. It’s his choice. Then, between one thing and another, he finds himself drawn into a world of a suicidal single mother, a duck-murdering young boy, more single mothers, more tricky teens, plus exes and mothers-in-law and awkward support groups. And it turns out that actually, being with people is better. Being uncomfortable often develops you as a person. Constantly prioritising only yourself produces a waxen, pointless baby. Making shared sacrifices might just be the point of being alive. Remember that to be human is to be flawed. That no one is ever completely right, and no one is ever completely wrong. That the boring stuff makes us feel good, and the glossy stuff, if all we strive for is gloss, doesn’t. 

If you want anything practical, here are the things that have really helped me over the last few years:

Writing a letter or email regularly to my MP, to CEOs of organisations, to anyone I want to communicate my strong feelings and how I’d like things to be done better. Tweeting eats your soul. It’s a horrible myth the media pretends is important. It really, really isn’t.

Inviting people to go in front of me in queues, in traffic, getting on to buses and trains. It lowers my stress levels right down.

Learning the names of my neighbours and people I meet regularly on walks and letting them learn mine. (I definitely haven’t just decided I loathe a neighbour because they cut a bird-hatching tree down in their garden on the last day of the year it was legal to do so. It’s fine.)

Joining a few political parties, and the closest thing I have to a union

Making something, anything — everything can be done with love, and learning to not get sucked into the capitalist conceit of having to make it perfect, sellable, exhibitable is a genuine gift to yourself; making a cake or a film or a coaster and not putting it on social media, letting it be ugly or serviceless and loving it anyway. I felt extremely overwhelmed the other evening, but instead of doom-scrolling I knitted a… I don’t know, something flat and woollen, and it helped to have my hands and eyes working on directionless introspective creation. 

Trying to stop hating. Every time I want to tell a negative story in my head about someone, I attempt to turn it into something positive: how unhappy that person must be, what they must be missing out on. It’s so nauseatingly Pollyanna-ish, and of course it isn’t always successful, and of course every single day brings a hundred thousand examples of cruelty and injustice and wickedness, but the alternative only makes my life feel worse, so why would I indulge that? 

Teaching myself the names of birds, trees, flowers, clouds and constellations. I’m still at the most basic levels on all of these, but the difference one feels in the world when you can name things  — let alone use them and know their stories — is a very real sort of magic. (For that reason I hope to read this book very soon.) This episode of The Cut is also good on the wonder and power of learning the names of the weeds that grow in your nearest pavement crack. 

4. Creating anything is always a gamble, isn’t it, but writing a book you actually like for once and seeing it slowly and beautifully sink to the bottom of a river never to be seen again is ever so slightly crushing. However, it turns out even Thom Yorke feels that way, so I am comforted. 

5. I’m sure I’ve mentioned plenty of these before, but if you want some suggestions of where to find joy, here are my favourites from the last year or so:

I was given Lucy Easthope’s book, When the Dust Settles, for work recently, and I was surprised and delighted to discover the most uplifting, hopeful, human and rightfully angry book I’ve read in a long time. Do yourself a favour and preorder it. I bought this other book for my own birthday, gave it to a housemate to give to me, forgot about it, and was delighted to later unwrap He Used Thought As A Wife. Laughed a lot, cried twice. Marvellous. 

Now even the youngest housemate here can recite John Finnemore sketches and sing the songs. Has also taught them various composers, gods, logical fallacies and gothic story tropes. Also v funny. Oh, Kate Beaton! Her two books (Hark! A Vagrant and Step Aside Pops) are a bit like a comic-book version of Finnemore, but swearier and sexier and utterly unsuitable for all the housemates who have read it and been educated about the Brontes, Katherine Sui Fun Cheung, Tom Longboat, Nancy Drew, Ida B. Wells, Sacagawea, and the Borgias. 

Had to give Inside a restraining order against me for the sake of us all, but Bo Burnham’s Eighth Grade is a masterpiece of writing, acting, sound design and optimism. Spy is dumb action comedy polished to perfection, and Yasujirō Ozu’s Good Morning seems like the inspiration for almost all US arthouse films since 1990, and is also beautiful, funny, thoughtful, and good. 

Taylor Swift’s Evermore, like all brilliant albums, isn’t completely perfect. But most of the songs are. And Hole’s classic Live Through This is still just ideal for turning up very, very loud after a tricky day, for the enjoyment of any neighbours who may have hacked down a bird-friendly tree on the last day of February. 

Watched both series of Liam Williams’ Ladhood when I had a week off this summer, and really relished the location, the intention, and the writing. More please. 

Miles Jupp and Justin Edwards continue to be my comforting bedtime listening in In and Out of the Kitchen. Has it ruined Nigel Slater for me? Well, a bit, but no more than any of us deserved. 

I thought this would be a book I’d mumble through the first chapter of, then let get buried in my To Read pile, never to re-open. Instead, I found Whatever Happened to Margo? laugh-out-loud funny, drily written, and full of humanity. Excellent Women has made me want to read everything written by Barbara Pym, a goal I am slowly but surely working towards. 

6. I’ve spent the last few years trying to find hazelnut trees, and finally found a copse between a car park and a play area, full of nuts the squirrels hadn’t noticed. Now I’ve found them, the spell has been cast and I see hazel trees everywhere, on walks and on pavements and running along motorway slip roads. A tray of green and brown frilled hazelnuts now dries with the laundry. They are so beautiful. 

[kariachi]

This is it y’all, a day literal months in the coming- here and now I shall liveblog Dragon’s Kin, by Anne and Todd McCaffrey. By which I mean I will read Dragon’s Kin and take note of anything interesting, valuable, or just that comes to my mind. I have never read this book, it’s still in the plastic packaging it came in, I have never read a Todd book.

We’ll see if I survive.

Before I even open the damn thing, I am looking at the image of the McCaffreys on the back and let me say they look like they should be villains in a comedy western.

A Pass brings with it increased earthquakes, tsunamis, and volcanic activity, due to the whole ‘other celestial body coming in hot’ thing. Which actually makes a lot of sense, certainly more than anything else relating to Threadfall. (“charred bone” is this a fungus or a wildfire)

“Under the leadership of the Lord Holders and Weyrleaders-” *screams into aether*

It took until 16 years prior to the 3rd Pass for the Northern Continent to run out of surface coal and have to start actually digging for the shit

Everybody: Whers? Bah, not much to them, not good for much. Journeyman Miner Natalon: But consider, they might be awesome MasterMiner Britell: Hmmm, I’m keeping an eye on this one...

Chapter 1: “In early morning light I see: A distant dragon come to me”

We meet our main character, Kindan. His sister is getting married, good for her. Shame about the plot that’s going to happen later.

Having a watchwher gets you private housing. Also aw, the wher took their name from Kindan’s father that’s so sweet.

This just in, two boys can’t hang with dragons, settle instead for the simple pleasure of watchwher washing

Zenor: Dragons look like they’re soft, not like watchwhers Kindan: Bitch-

So our biggest asshole so far is a Tarik and honestly I’d be sending him back to the Hall with a nice long report of exactly how much of a fuckwit he is. And I’ve only known him a few pages.

And we meet the other major character- Nuella- who is apparently Somebody though who we have no idea

Oh gods Kindan’s mother is dead, his sister is marrying and leaving, and his father and Dask’s fates are in the fucking summary. Boy is about to have a time.

He has brothers! Well thank fuck.

Whers have external ears

Also I have only known Dask for two paragraphs but I love him

“Then Dask gave a little happy chirp, flapped his wings once, and vanished.” Whers can between, alone and from the ground. Apparently Dask does it all the time go he can avoid the lights from the camp.

Dask is brown, I was figuring but nice to know

Kindan, assuming dragons are harder to wash because they’re fucking massive and need oiling and shit (whers, the dragonkin for the common working fucker)

Chapter 2: “It’s skin is bronze, it’s eyes are green; It’s the loveliest dragon I’ve ever seen”

Damn Kindan’s family is a mess, his brothers are all dicks, his sisters are supposeldy dicks but we haven’t seen them, and the only decent fuckers are leaving or dying

Kindan’s Sister: Kaylek, my brother who loves to sing but couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, you shall sing at my wedding Master Harper: Over my dead body he will!

Kindan’s siblings may be shit, but he’ll be damned if he allows them to talked bad about by some non-relative and he’s stubborn as a wher himself about it

Am I reading a fucking fairytale film? The new Harper is a dick until he realises ‘oh wait, this kid isn’t complete shit, I shouldn’t have said the seriously horrible things I did’

(Seriously “to think your mother died giving birth to you”, I want Dask to eat him too)

Well it’s nice to see that the ‘whers fly at night because the air is thicker’ thing is only speculation by people with no fucking teachings with regard to that shit. At least so far.

Kindan really just went on a paragraph long internal monologue about the value of miners to the function and survival of Pern and for all he doesn’t in his heart want to be one I kinda want to see him grow into it now. Stories of stepping away from what’s expected of you and forging your own path are great (I’ve been writing some) but stories of falling in love with what before looked like something to be avoided can also be nice.

And now we get a two paragraph internal monologue about how awesome whers are. Best miners ever.

“Traditionally, the marriage ceremony was performed in the morning, timed so that as the couple completed their marriage vows, the sun would rise, signifying the warmth of the new relationship and how it would lighten not only the bride and groom but also all those associated with them.” Awwww!!!!

“However, such a ceremony would mean Dask could not attend. So Jofri had come up with the idea of performing the ceremony with the setting sun, instead, and lighting a bonfire as the final vows were made.” Awwwwwww!!!!!!!

For all the shit you hear and see relating to whers in earlier and later periods (that they’re ugly, and disliked, and kept chained up)  it’s so nice to see Dask truly be part of the family, so much so that they changed the fucking wedding to accommodate him. I want this to be the tradition of handler families now. And then we have to remember that one of the other handlers for the camp straight up fucking left because Tarik was being a dick to his wher and he wasn’t having it. Yes, give me wher love.

Oh my gods Dask flying about with a glow in his claws to act as a spotlight as his handler’s daughter walks down the aisle this is so sweet!

And he’s singing along to the music!

He’s doing the groom too! Dask is a gift!

“For now that these two are one, we are all more,“ Master Zist intoned. He placed Silstra’s hand in Terregar’s and kissed each lightly on the cheek. “To Terregar and Silstra!”

The crowd stood up and roared back: “To Terregar and Silstra!”

“Long life and happiness!” Master Zist intoned.

“Long life and happiness!” the crowd roared back.

Kindan and Nuella officially meet.

Nuella, taking advantage of Kindan not wanting to get given chores on this the night of his sister’s wedding and her own presumed misbehavior to get him to keep her well away from any authority.

Nuella is sheltered as fuck, she hasn’t even seen a mashed potato before

Ah, she’s the twin of the big boss’s son. Don’t know why she’s being so fucking hidden I mean good fuck, but, at least we know who she is.

Aw, Zenor is her bestfriend. Not that she has many options but still

Seven fucking brothers! And an unknown number of sisters! No wonder their mother died having the last one, she birthed at least nine surviving children! Do you know how many she’d have had to have to get those numbers? Was she born pregnant, wtf?

Chapter 3: “Watch-wher, whatch-wher in the night; Guard our Hold, keep it right; When the morning sun does come; Watch-wher, then you job is done”

Aw, Kindan’s relationship with the his brothers is healing

Also Zist is a fucking taskmaster. He gets results but damn, man, chill.

The big boss’s son is apparently a sickly child

Dask has been in A Mood which is a never a good sign when you’re talking about your security critter

Miners’ children all just ‘it’s too quiet, something is wrong’ like they’re fucking birds. Not that they’re wrong, mind, but still

Welp, bad air was released and sparked before Dask could warn the miners (I assume a pocket got opened as somebody else struck some stone) and now we’ve got a cave-in. Dask got out and is now killing himself trying to rescue the miners.

Damn his father and his brothers in one day. And Dask fucking dying in his arms after managing to save the survivors despite bleeding out with his handler dead (which, even if whers can outlive their handlers he had to have felt, he’s dragonkin he’d have noticed the bond breaking, he was doing this despite knowing that he wouldn’t find Danil alive on the other side. Was he this dedicated to his work, was he hoping to save Danil’s boys, we’ll never know).

Pour one out for Danil, who did his damnedest to take care of his children, and for Dask, who was too damn good for us.

Zenor survived, but his father is also dead. He and Kaylek saved the poor boy’s life in exchange for their own. Gods the last thoughts that must’ve been going through that man’s head, as he realized that the mine was collapsing and he had brought his son in with him despite him not being near old enough...

Seriously y’all I’m crying

Chapter 4: “I am too big to cry; And my voice is too shy; To sing my sad, sad song; Or say the words I long; To say to you- good-bye, good-bye.”

The book says Kindan is the youngest of nine. It also says he has seven brothers and plural sisters. And the sisters at least lasted long enough to give him shit growing up. The book lies to me.

Okay so, Kindan’s got two siblings remaining- Jakris and Tofir- one of whom has been fostered to I think a sister of theirs? Kindan doesn’t note who ‘Terra and her husband’ are otherwise so I assume it’s another older sister and another of which has been fostered to Crom Hold where he’ll be learning art and maybe someday mapmaking. Kindan is still in the camp.

Zenor wants to take over his dad’s role of miner like boy you are ten stop

Ah, Kindan wants to stay.

If somebody would light Tarik on fire please? Especially given that he’s sitting here claiming the mining will be better without them when it’s already been stated that the shift with a wher gets more ore out of the ground per shift than the the others because the wher itself is a fantastic digger.

Zist: We need someone to raise Kindan Natalon: So good of you to volunteer Zist: o.o

Nobody likes Tarik, good, send the man back to Crom, let them deal with his ass.

And more confirmation that Kindan has sisters, I really need this book to make up it’s mind

Nuella is upset she’ll have to avoid the Harper’s cottage with Kindan living in it

Zist: If I’m going to raise this child then damnit I’m making him a harper

We’re getting much character stuff but not much actually interesting

Chimney got clogged at the big boss’s house, Kindan managed to save the lot by coming by and noticing, the existence of Nuella is now known to him.

Kindan can keep a secret, he is taking  to harpering well

Mine’s having a lot of minor accidents

And now big boss’s wife’s baby is coming early, these fuckers just cannot catch a break

Nuella and her brother switching places back and forth so she can be involved in shit. Also she has some mind for healing

Zist had a daughter at one point- Carissa. Nice name

Also the baby is fine, a month early but fine. She doesn’t have a name yet, I will keep y’all updated

Chapter 5: “A baby’s cry, a mother’s sigh; Sweet things make a day go by”

Zist, having Kindan run around the camp telling adults what they need to do: It’ll be an interesting challenge for you Kindan, Telling the big boss that Zist offered to do his administrative work: He said it would be an interesting challenge for him

Oh shit Nuella is blind! Honestly, fucking slow clap for not making a big deal of it so far

The Traders have women of rank. I know this is a second Interval story but still, worth noting. Shit hasn’t gone completely to shit for the women yet

Nuella is having a crisis because she has no information including on things like ‘women don’t have to bake or be mothers, there are in fact options’. All of this is not helped by her mother stressing out about whether little Larissa is going to go blind like her sister did. Apparently shit went downhill when she was three and now her life is stress and isolation.

Okay, so Natalon’s mother was blind, and now his daughter is blind, and he’s trying to hide it from everybody for fear people are going to think there’s something wrong with him and will stop working with them and that nobody will want to marry his son. He’s given up on Nuella marrying. I want to smack him and adopt his children out to good homes.

Kindan, age 11, starting to realize girls can in fact be cute

Also they’re disguising her so she can play at the ‘yay there’s finally some new company for a few days’ Gather

Even Tarik’s fucking cronies don’t like him!

Nuella’s parents and brother are aware she’s there. No scene will be made.

Nuella getting to dance while Zist chides Kindan about not setting up his also 11-yo friends. “They’re too young to match, and you’re too young to be a matchmaker.”

Ooo, the mysterious missing 8th apprentice was a wherhandler and decided fuck that noise. Can’t blame him, I wouldn’t want ot deal with Tarik either

The assumption is he’d rather face his master’s wrath than work there, which peeps nothign that they’d all rather die than face their own masters’ wraths, and the noting that he may well have been worried about losing his wher to all this shit. Which makes sense with how hostile Tarik has made the place for them

Chapter 6: “Cromcoal, Cromcoal, burning bright; Warm the cold of winter’s night; Cromcoal Cromcoal, underground; Where the best of all coal’s found”

They are calling a dragon to take them to someone called Aleesa for, presumably, a wher egg. We are nearly halfway through this book, by the way, which is a little fucking late to finally be bringing in the wher egg but sure, fine.

Aleesa is the handle or a gold wher. Apparently the title for that is Master. So you get Weyrwomen and Whermasters. That’s pretty cool.

Kindan sees a dragon take note of the ‘we need a dragon’ flag and “Zist listened appreciatively and guided him to crafting a better tale, so that by the end of a sevenday, Kindan’s story took a full fifteen minutes to tell and left all eyes peering up to the sky, hoping for a glimpse of their own.”

Zist has Timed It before. Apparently he accidentally spooked a dragon hatchling when he was younger and they Impressed his friend and at some point he timed it to go back and help himself fix the damage the panicked bronze did. A bronze whose rider is now a Weyrleader, by the by. He’s figuring if it seems like they’ll miss their meeting to get the egg then hopefully they can Time It to get there on time.

Telgar Weyrleader D’gan shows up a week late, bitches about it not being an emergency, talks shit about everybody and everything, is lucky to leave with his life (I’d have killed him). Zist is, I assume, about to call Benden to actually get shit done.

“So, Kindan, what did you think of your first look at a dragon?” “Oh, they’re pretty enough, but you’d never fit one in a mine.”

Benden Weyrleader M’tal, being a proper fucking dragonrider who understands what his fucking duties are, is going to get shit done

People out here respecting whers and their importance, you love to see it.

Chapter 7: “Watch-wher, watch-wher in the mine; Help save life, yours and mine; Guide us in the darkest night; With your keen unfailing sight”

Gaminth reassuring Kindan as they travel Between.

“-to keep the hatchling warm until it’s second, tougher coat came in” Do, do whers shed their skin like birds molt baby fluff? Start with soft wherlet skin and then shed that for tough wher skin? I am amazed and also that’s adorable.

So, you’ve gotta convince the gold to let you pick one of her eggs to take with you. I presume if she says no and you press the matter she eats you.

Oh gods wherhandlers blood their children to their whers! Oh my gods that’s adorable! Make the babies pack! Gods how strong is that did Dask now how many of them were dead dear gods now I’m sad again-

Talking to the queen wher, being polite, sending her mental images, Kindan is a Good Boy

Wher eggs glow! Dimly but they glow! Also good boy Kindan, compliment those eggs!

Also they are half the size of dragon eggs and have wrinkles. (I assume wher eggs are more like snake eggs at first...)

“Eeny, meeny, tipsy, teeny, ah vu bumberosha, nineteen hundred and two, I pick you.” And he gets one with a ring around it in wrinkle.

Aleesa is a fucking Queen, sending Kindan, Zist, a Weyrleader, and the big boss away with a simple “You bore me.” She does make sure to compliment Kindan on a job well done and to reinforce that she expects her payment (which she’d have gotten either way, by the way, wher eggs are pricey and you’re paying for a shot at being allowed to have one)

On the topic of feeding wherlets:

“We’ve been experimenting, actually, on the best post-hatching meal. Watch-whers are not as insatiable as dragons, but they will gulp down meat and sometimes choke, as you know.” She pinned Kindan with a fiery glare, and he nodded as if he knew exactly what she meant. “D’you have oats?”

Kindan nodded, glancing over at Natalon to be sure he was also listening to Aleesa.

“Then arrange to get fresh blood from whoever butchers at the camp. Make porridge of the oats, using water, and add the blood as the oats thicken in the pot. I’d say a half-pail a day should be sufficient. If you keep the blood cool, a pailful should last over a day or two, no trouble. Most camps or Holds slaughter every other day. Feed it was often as it wants, and some of the liver and lungs that might go to waste otherwise. Don’t start meat hunks until three months, when it has enough back teeth to chew with. You can continue with porridge feeds in the morning until the hatchling starts to coats out.”

So the fuckers don’t start with all their teeth on top of everything.

Chapter 8: “Watch-wher, watch-wher in the egg; Grant to me the boon I beg”

This delight of a child is making porridge constantly so that it’ll be ready when the bab hatches. And then when it starts hatching he immediately darts for the porridge.

Bab eats like a fucking garbage disposal

She is also currently assumed to be green and apparently whers have notable enough bits to tell sex even if you can’t be sure of color

Kindan do not call the bab ugly, she is doing her best

“Did it give you a name?” “I didn’t ask.” “It is enough like a dragon to know it’s own name?” “I don’t know.”

“She’s not as big as I thought she would be.“

“Big enough to have the appetite of nine dragons,“ Kindan, almost proudly.

This girl is adorable

The Harper followed him out to the shed and greeted Zenor, who hadn’t moved from the spot in which Kindan had left him. The hatchling had been trying to crawl up his legs, her hungry bleek more insistent.

She has been blooded but not named. Kindan is moving in with her.

Nuella you’re a doll but if you can not assume that a baby can eat whatever an adult can eat, especially when Kindan is working off the knowledge of someone who actually, ya know, has experience with this shit? It’d be great.

The bab is now named Kisk and it’s pretty apparent she named her own damn self, for all that she didn’t use words.

Kindan, in a very 11-yo moment, wonders whether the WherMaster actually knows anything about raising whers since weaning his early worked out fine

Wherlet playing, I repeat, wherlet playing, far too adorable

Kisk is going to be a good little guard, already rooting out people who are where they shouldn’t be

Tarik’s wife likes whers! And is teaching her children to like whers! As all good people should!

Cristov, son of Tarik the Dick, is trying to make up his own mind about whers and-

Kisk darted her tongue out and licked Cristov’s outstretched hand before he could pull it bac,k. She made a sad, don’t-you-like-me noise at Cristov

Tarik: *talks shit like he’s got anything going for him* His Wife: *is gonna fucking smack him if he doesn’t start with some basic decency*

Kisk keeping Kindan up all damn night

Chapter 9: “Walk, baby, walk, come to me; Soon, baby, soon, you’ll walk away from me”

And now they’re trying to say Zenor and Nuella were born and raised in the camp despite saying earlier in the book that they’d been there less than a year two years ago.

Also at 3 months Kisk is 12 hands high at the shoulder and 40 from nose to tail. Which is about 4 ft by 13 ft, and still growing.

Kindan, hit with the sudden realization that oh, yeah, being a wherhandler is going to mean not being a harper

Nuella if anything the fact Kindan can’t see in the dark and doesn’t know where he’s going is all the more reason it’d be better training for Kisk to lead him than you, who knows this tunnel like the back of her hand, blind or no

Ooo, Tarik the Dick had a camp the failed, so now he’s all sour because his nephew’s doing better than him.

M’tal is here, Telgar is still bitches (what is it with Telgar being assholes?) and whers apparently don’t have the same problems with oiling and shit dragons do despite growing far faster which makes no damn sense but sure

Whers and dragons can chat amongst themselves, to the surprise of noone, or at least not me.

Nuella’s sweet on Zenor and honestly, go for it kiddo

Kisk is starting to learn.

Chapter 10: Hot air rises, cold air falls; These are thermodynamic laws

(Fuckers expect me to believe the Pernese couldn’t keep the word ‘year’ but ‘thermodynamic’ survived)

Nuella theorizing that whers see heat because she can feel it. I want to say it’s because she’s twelve and, as kids do, thinks she knows everything, but the more I read the more I’m fairly sure it’s just that the McCaffrey’s want her to be Amazing and The Best (which, ugh) and so are just, doing this. It doesn’t work.

Dragonriders here looking for a potential goldrider (very clearly Nuella from the conversation) and lamenting that based on the dragon’s description she might be blind and therefor ‘unable to Impress’ and just- Shit that makes you wanna throw things

Ya know they did so good before they revealed Nuella is blind. She was just another kid then, it was nice, but now... I love her but my hackles are raising

Also can I just say that whers seeing heat is the stupidest thing I’ve heard yet, given everything we know about their anatomy leads to them seeing in the darkness like everything else with massive fucking eyes and a nocturnal disposition.

Operation: Teach Whers to Bespeak Dragons During Emergencies is a go

Nuella claiming that whers can’t be taught to Between because nobody can see heat like they (apparently) can and we’re to take this as gospel despite the like, second thing Dask ever did on-page being to Between on his lonesome. Did these people not have editors? It didn’t seem so bad at first but as time goes on and we get more shit that contradicts other shit (we got contradicting information within pages of each other for fuck’s sake) I am slowly losing my mind

Tarik continues to be a dick and refuses to shore up his tunnels correctly. And he wonders why he lost his fucking camp.

Kindan saw through Kisk’s eyes during hide-and-seek

Chapter 11: “Watch-wher, watch-wher, guard us all; With your dragon-summoning call”

Turns out wherhandlers don’t take well to some dragonrider coming by and trying to teach them about their whers.

Nuella is being offered the chance to go teach whers to chat with dragons.

Everyone is supportive even while she has a quick little existential breakdown that’s probably been building for a while

We skip forward to Nuella going via dragon to Lemos to start her work. Dragons like her and she takes well to Between

Wherhandlers really can’t do well learning from dragonriders because their critters are so different

Nuella is good at what she does.

There’s far too much of old men going ‘*gasp* this child suddenly reminds me of [blank] they are amazing’ though

Whers and their handlers are learning

Turns out, surprise surprise, whers are awesome

Chapter 12: “Harper, harper, sing me a song; Give me a tune that lasts all day long”

Feels like it’s trying too hard...

Tarik the Dick has caused a cave-in and now is refusing to do anything about it because he is, well, see above

There is a now a team of rescuers, mostly kids, out to save the day via secret passage and wher

Nuella: Lolanth, I need your rider to send word to the MasterMiner and also get the pumps pulling air out the mines Lolanth: I have told my rider, and called Gaminth, he and his are coming, and I’ve called Ista, they’re coming, and I’ve told the miners-

Lolanth is a Good Dragon who apparently does not go halfsies

Lolanth got everyone and their grandmother to this camp within thirty seconds

On the one hand, blind characters getting to be awesome, one the other, this is really leaning towards Magically Disabled. Nobody can hear things like Nuella can, nobody can work with whers like Nuella can, nobody is as smart as Nuella is, she’s 12 and better than the majority of the adults around her, just, if they could fucking chill for five minutes.

Also people are alive on the other side of the cave-in

Finally Kindan remembers that Dask could Between, and I promise you it’s going to turn out that he was a miracle and only Nuella (who has no idea what’s on the other side of the cave-in) can show Kisk where she needs to go

Wow, it’s like I’m magic

Chapter 13: “Watch-wher, watch-wher, do you know; All the places you can go?”

I’m glad everybody who survived the cave-in is saved but we just got a fucking paragraph “But it is I who have been blind” speech from Nuella’s father and just. Kill me, please.

And Kisk has decided to swap handlers and be Nuelsk now.

And Kindan is going off to become a Harper.

~~

Okay, not the worst book I’ve read. There were places that needed editing, there was a lot of shit that contradicted each other (Kindan’s everchanging number of siblings just being one example), it had plenty of the McCaffrey’s trademark Totally Accurate Science, and the longer I spent reading it the more it felt like one of those ‘see, disabled people can also do things and be capable’ stories complete with a fucking “But it is I who have been blind” (literal quote, kill me now). And this shit is from 2003. On the plus side though, there’s plenty of quality wher content and the kids are fun when the writers aren’t on their little Not A Soapbox.

Overall, a 6/10, if someone wrote an anosmiac character this way I’d want their head on a stick no matter how badass they were.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #465

“the old man then prepares to die regretfully  /  that old man here is me”

Did you have a boyfriend in kindergarten? No, but I had a guy who wouldn't leave me alone since pre-k. Did you ever read the Magic Treehouse series? OMG I forgot about those!! I loved them!!! Did you ever watch The Land Before Time movies? AHHHHHHHHH yes!!! :') Did you collect anything when you were a kid? Stickers. My dresser was COMPLETELY covered in them. Who did you look up to most as a child? Steve Irwin, 100%. He was my hero. Did your parents let you drink soda when you were little? Some, yes. I wish they hadn't, with the dependency I have now. Did you ever watch The Powerpuff Girls or Dexter’s Laboratory? Of course! I strongly preferred the former, though. Did you watch Blue's Clues? HOW TIMELY. :'''') I did! My little sister and I loved it. What was your favorite kind of cake as a kid? Just gimme a good 'ole double chocolate cake and I was one happy kiddo, ha ha. Did you ever want to grow up? Sure didn't. I was smart. How often do you listen to classic rock? It varies, really. Sometimes I'm in the mood for it and binge it, other times I want newer music. What about country? Just about never. What is the most amount of money you have ever lost? Not a whole lot. I'm very careful with money. Have you ever hurt yourself just to get attention? No. Whenever I did it in the past, it was always to relocate the pain I was experiencing, and because I felt like I deserved it. Last person to get on your nerves? I'd rather not give it the time of day. Are you in any pain right now? No. Last thing you ate? It was one of those chocolate chip Clif Thins things. I HATE every Clif product I've ever tried until these, so they're a good option if I really want something sweet that's actually decently healthy and doesn't taste like I'm eating pure fiber, like most of their products. Name three things apart from trust and loyalty that you need in a relationship. Open, honest communication, similar interests as well as morals, and pro-LGBTQ+, if I'm just naming three. How far away are you from the place that you were born? Like... not even ten minutes. Do you live near anybody who creeps you out? Nah. Then again though I know pretty much nobody in my neighborhood. Is there anywhere that you are too afraid to go to alone? Where? Hm. If for whatever strange reason I had to, I would absolutely not want to go into a men's restroom alone. Would you be upset if you had a child who decided to make “adult films?” Despite the fact I don't negatively judge porn stars if they are smart, cautious, an informed about what they do and how to stay safe... I think I'd be very, very scared if my child wanted that, especially if it was my daughter, because she can actually get pregnant. Yes, abortion's an option, but... still. I don't want her to have to be faced with that decision. I also would be terrified of my hypothetical son getting someone pregnant, especially because he's then not the one with say on what happens to that child. So ultimately, if I was ever in this situation, I feel like I'd need to be alone with my partner to just cry for a while and then talk with them and look at the situation factually and with regard for my child's happiness. What pizza topping would you never, ever, EVER eat? Sardines. /gag What annoys you most about your computer? The microphone is broken. Do you prefer to read blogs or watch vlogs? I'm not huge on either, but watch vlogs. Do you know anyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas? No. Do you own a snowglobe? I wish I did, they cute. What was the last thing that upset you? It was more disappointing than upsetting, but I was nevertheless super bummed that my bf had to scoot us hanging out a day back today when I was v excited for it. What is something you are behind on? It sounds unbelievable, I know, but I am IMMENSELY behind with Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. Like, I'm somewhere around four episodes in. It's so hard to explain: like, I want to watch it badly, but I don't want to set aside time to sit in front of the TV to actually do it? It makes very little sense. I'll catch up eventually, I just... haven't yet. Who DO you go to for advice when you need it? Mom, Sara, my therapist... Will you go caroling this year? God no. Never have, never will. Would you ever be friends with someone who was suicidal? Bro what the fuck, of course I would. Would you rather have a daughter or a son? Daughter. Did you get bullied more as a child, a teenager, or an adult? I'm very grateful that I was never truly bullied. If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist? FUCK YES. Are you allergic to your favorite animal? I wouldn't know; I've never been near one. :( What’s your favorite country besides the USA? Lol what a presumptuous question. Probably Africa. Did you get senior pictures taken? No, even though I wanted them. :/ I don't remember why I didn't? How often do you like to have sex? I don't care. Whenever it feels right. Are you any good at math? OH MY GOD NO Do you like Dairy Queen? I fucking love Dairy Queen. Ever had their Oreo Cupfection? *chef's kiss* If you had to get advice from someone of the opposite sex, who would you go to? Girt. Or my psychiatrist. Really depends. Does talking about sex make you feel uncomfortable? GODDAMN RIGHT IT DOES. Few things make me MORE uncomfortable. Are you more scared of going to the doctors or dentists? Doctors. Dentists are ezpz for me. At the doctor, meanwhile, I'm scared of them finding something seriously wrong. Do you get along with your significant other’s friends? I've only met one, and that was YEEEEAAARRRRSSS ago. He was chill, though. Do you enjoy the sound of crickets at night and birds in the morning? omfg YES Do you enjoy board games? Not really. Do you need a haircut? I actually just got one the other day. It's shorter than I would've liked, but it's whatever. Hair grows back, and mine does fast. Do you feel bad when you kill bugs? Yes. They've got the same right to be here as we do. What’s the longest stretch of time you’ve spent completely alone? A week or two when my mom and sis went to the beach (I think?) for a dance competition. Have you ever been in a situation where you needed a lawyer? Yes, when I presented my disability case. Do you know anyone who has been evicted? My mom, sister, and me because we couldn't keep up with rent. What’s your favorite macaron flavor? Never tried one. How often do you have friends over to your house? The only "friend" that comes over to my house is my boyfriend. Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? Front flips, yes; never back flips, because I was scared of breaking my neck. What about a flip off of a diving board? No. Does your country have free healthcare? No, but it fucking should. What is your sexuality? Bro I don't even know anymore lmao. I just say pansexual. "Queer" might fit me best, though. I really don't know, but it doesn't really matter. What’s the last show you watched? Attack on Titan w/ Girt! I'm actually keen to see more of it. The darkness and heartbreak of it is right up my alley. How is your road rage? I don't really experience road rage because I'm too engulfed by terror to focus on anything else, honestly. Do you have any facial piercings? Yeah; I have a vertical labret in my lip. Have you ever been to a rehab center? So this is dumb as shit, but all the psych hospitals I've been to doubled as rehab centers. Which made NO goddamn sense because those who are suffering with mental illnesses leading to suicidal thoughts/tendencies are unique from those dealing with addiction; both require individual treatments and should not be grouped, imo. How long did your shortest relationship last? Not even a day. What would your life be like if you had married your first love? That's... scary to imagine. Sometimes, that was all I wanted. But seeing as he left because of my depression... it probably would have been catastrophic. He was the only person I ever wanted kids with, so there probably would have been children involved in all that madness, which no little one deserves. Him leaving ultimately led to my healing, too, so I don't know where I would've been mental health-wise if he stayed. What is the most difficult or time-consuming thing you’ve ever cooked? Would you make it again? I don’t cook. I need to learn, though... Have you ever had a platonic friend that everyone insisted you should be in a relationship with? He's my boyfriend now, ha ha ha. Is there anything about a person’s sexual past that might stop you from wanting to date them? Yes. I'm too lazy to get into that stuff rn, though. If someone asked your closest friends/family members what career path might suit you best, what do you think they would say? I'm almost certain they would all say veterinarian. How did you and your significant other celebrate your last anniversary? Slow down buddy, we haven't even been together a month lmao. Who was the last person to make you a home-cooked meal? What did they make? Mom, but I don't recall the last thing she made from scratch. Girt is doing that tomorrow, though! :') He's making grilled chicken stuffed with jalapenos and spinach and something else I can't remember and it sounds BANGIN'. What’s the weirdest, rudest, or most ridiculous thing a guest has ever done in your home? Hmmm... I'll have to get back to ya on that. Has anyone ever told you you’re manipulative? I think someone has, yes. Do you know anyone who owns their own business? Yep. Who was the recipient of your very first kiss? Jason. Do you prefer shrimp or crab? SHRIMP. Crab is mushy and disgusting. Do you prefer fiction or non-fiction books/movies? I strongly prefer fiction. Have you ever seen an eclipse? Plenty of lunar eclipses, yes. Who is your favourite video game character? Pyramid Head, Spyro, Cynder... I have a lot, those three are just panning out as strong contenders. Are you the type of person who knows exactly what they want in life? lol Do you have commitment issues? Not at all. What was the last thing you felt nostalgic about? uhhh Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad. Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? OMG one time in his prime, Teddy got loose on a snowy night and went on a full-blown adventure. I was SOBBING. My dad had to chase him down. Do any of your exes know each other? Juan knows Jason, Jason knows Juan and Girt, and Sara knows Girt. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? "Vaccines cause autism." Fuck out my face. What was the very first election you voted in? This most recent presidential one.

[theyanderespecialist]

25 Days Of Christmas 12/25 Christmas Special 1 (One Shot) SCP 2030 X OC Marie (Yandere Christmas 2020) (SCP Foundation)

(Marie's pov)

I hum softly as I take out the cookies in the oven as my friend stood up. "Aight, I'm out."

"Okay, drive safe okay?" I said as they smiled and nodded as I looked into the living room and pick up the remote accidentally hitting play as I see that show they made me watch. Uh.. laugh love ..no uh.. Laugh is fun, that was it. Some really fucked up show. I didn't find it funny..and it was weird that the host never showed his face.

To be honest ever since I first watched it with them I've been feeling watched. I've also found flowers outside of my apartment, though I assume it must be a mix up with numbers.

I sigh as I grab the plate and wash it before putting it away before I hear something, the Television must have come back on. I went to turn it off when I hear a knock as I slowly open the door only to see a young kid.

"Donations for those in need?" They asked as I looked at them and smiled.

"Sure. One second." I said as I grabbed my wallet. I lived alone and my family was all over seas and Didn't really want gifts so that saved me a lot of money, might as well give it to someone who does need it. I dug out the money, giving them two fifties.

"Woah, thanks miss! The children's hospital thanks you!" They said as I smiled and waved. God children are adorable. I close the door before feeling a presence as I hear laughing from the tv.

I shake my head and go to my bedroom and on my bed was a gift box in laughing emoji Christmas paper. I look around confused. My memory may not be great but I don't think that was there.

"..uh.. is ..someone here?" I asked scared

I did not hear anything and slowly open the box and inside was a sexy Mrs. Clause dress and asescories with a note. "Try me on! ;3"

I felt my face turn red as I didn't know who left that. Did I forget I brought this in? Maybe my friend gave it to me and I forgot? I didn't really want to put it on..bit of my friend got it as a gag gift, they still spent money. I pick up the note before it unfolded. "Or else." That was rather ominous. They really were pushing it. I take it and slowly undress though I felt watched still, but I'm also a paranoid person. I managed to put it on as I felt so embarrassed. I never really showed my body..

I was even in fishnet stockings and stripper heels and black fake latex gloves. I looked at myself it seemed a bit over the top but it was still a bit cute. I mean.. yeah it was so far out of my comfort zone yet..i felt cute. It even matched my lipstick I already had However in the mirror, since it was closer to the floor since I just use it for my outfits, I saw shoes..

I screamed as I turned around and a man was there.

"w-who are you?!" I asked scared before I noticed the suit..it was the same suit as that host on that show.

"I am the host Laughy Mclaugherson." He says grinning. "And you are in my Holiday special!"

I'd seen what happens on his shows. How people are mutilated and die or go missing.

"N-No that's okay! I-I don't really want to be on a show" she said nervously

(oh girl he ain't gonna hurt or prank or use you. He is gonna make you feel good, you're gonna like it, and you're going to disappear with him and be with him forever with no possible escape. Sounds great. I mean the alternative is her harms or uses you and humiliates you before he kills you, so really option 1 is the best

(XD So true)

"No no, there will be no pranks, or humilation, or anything like that. Just me making you mine!" He says cheerfully.

I stared scared. "W-What do you mean?" I asked as I hear laughing.

"well I left flowers for you ever since you've watched my show, bit you never brought them inside. But that's okay because I do know you called down because you thought someone got the wrong room." He said smiling. "So I though I should be more direct. And frankly I've waited months. I can't keep waiting and it's Christmas. The time of giving."

I stared at him in shock oh no. I didn't know what to do when he suddenly walked closer. The cheerful smile turning to a more.. suggestive one. He had me backed against the wall either of his arms on either side of my head caging me in. Oh God he is also really taller than me. Like ..way taller. He wasn't unattractive..bit I don't know him..and I was scared. Not only that he said Christmas special meaning this could be filming..

He smiled at me and leaned down stealing my lips with his. I tensed up as he kissed me. I don't know what to do. I was shocked as he licked my lips but I wouldn't open my mouth. He pulled back and smirked and kissed me again while tickling my sides. That got me to open my mouth as I involuntarily laughed from the tickling trying to pull away.

(god I'm the worst when it comes to tickling.)

(Same and I do not like to be tickled XD I just hate it XD)

(No it's not that it's that pretty much all of me is ticklish)

(Oh no XD That is bad XD)

He shoved his tongue in and started to stroke my body and he was a really good kisser I could not help but moan. But I couldn't get it out of my mind what he said about the episode. But there was no camera crew so there's no way. Maybe this is just one weird dream. Probably fell asleep..so might as well enjoy it. I kissed back albeit nervously as he grips onto me.

(I mean xD if it were a dream then go for it. XD but it aint)

(XD)

I stroked down his body and felt his chest okay not to buff but not a string bean

(pfff xD I mean I am a girl who likes the middle like some mussel but also kinda scrawny like the middle

He pulled away giving a small laugh as I look at him shyly. Yeah this was some wired dream. I need to get out more.

But no harm of I want to enjoy it. I let my hand run down a little more as he suddenly yet only slightly tensed before looking at me that same smirk on his face as he pulled away as I gave a whine.

"You want this beautiful?" He asks kissing down my neck making me giggle a bit.

That's the one down side to being tickilish, everything would make me laugh. I nodded as he smiled, I could feel it in my neck.

(Finally! Get to the good stuff! >:3)

"Then lie down." He said smiling as I smiled and laid down as he looked at me before he looked at me with a smirk that showed he was definitely up to no good as he looked at a toe hanging on my wardrobe. I was going to give that to a friend but he didn't like ties. He suddenly walked over and put my hands above my head and tied them tight. Really tight.

"I hope you don't mind the cameras watching." He said suddenly as my eyes widen.

(Yeah there it is. The little bastard)

(she did agree she wanted it xD that's on her)

(XD)

He kisses me and I wiggles around it was to late now. There wasn't much I could do but kiss back before I feel him pull away as his hands rub my thigh getting closer to my inner thigh when I hear a rip of fabric as he has ripped the tights as his hand pushed down on my underwear right on my sensitive clit as I suddenly squirm biting my lip trying not to kick and let out a laugh.

He smirked at me. "Oh so your ticklish here too~~"

"o-oh come on not there!" I said knowing that tone as he simply smirked as he moved to be standing to the side bit still able to rub me right on that spot as I could feel the pain from biting as I finally let out a small laugh as I kicked with my leg.

He grins and does it more driving me crazy. I squirm as I could feel myself building up closer and closer as my breathing became uneven.

He tehn pulled away and I looked at him shocked.

"Really??" I demand.

"We are just getting started~ Think of this as a punishment for not accepting my flowers." He says with a laugh.

(XD Someone is a salty bitch XD)

-To Be Continued- 

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Fruits Basket HCs

If you haven’t been able to tell from my blog, I REALLY love Fruits Basket. I have this immense love for these characters and I want to share the different headcanons that I have for each of these fantastic characters. I’m going to cover a lot of ground so I apologize if this becomes really long. To make this easier for myself this first part is just going to be my six favorite characters (Momiji, Tohru, Kyo, Kakeru, Hatori and Hatsuharu).

Momiji: 

* The mental health side of things for Momiji is that in my non-professional medical opinion (to quote the original show) he has really high levels of ADHD. He learned to combat this by taking gymnastics lessons as a young boy while everyone else was doing karate he was learning to be bouncing ball. 

*This one is a pretty much canon one but I love this idea; Momiji is genderfluid. I love the idea of Momiji hanging around Ritsu and learning about fashion from them. I also just really love the idea of Momiji in a cute little skirt with shorts underneath (don’t judge me I just really love the idea of it.) 

*Number one touchy friend!! He’s constantly a ball of energy and will hug and cling to all of his friends if they indulge him. He loves affection both giving it and receiving it.  

*He is surprisingly a really good baker!! I love the idea of him making friendship cupcakes for Tohru after everything happened just to thank her for all her help (She wouldn’t accept them but offer to share them with him instead.) 

*He learned violin from Ayame. I like to think that out of all the Sohma’s he is the most musically inclined. If you want to learn how to play an instrument go to Aya he’ll help you out fam. 

*How he learned German and started using that as his main language was in elementary school right after what happened with his mom happened (I’m trying to keep this as non-spoilery as possible so that my friends can read this too). He wanted something that reminded him of her but wasn’t painful. So he decided to learn another language and Hatori helped him. 

*He is probably one of the most likely to spoil his future children. He’ll give them the childhood that he was never technically given. If those children wanted something they were going to get it whether or not it was their birthday they want it. Plus he has the money to get them whatever they want!! 

Tohru: 

*So space cadet Tohru is canon and I am of the personal belief that a little bit of ADD which is why she always needs Yuki’s help with school. Most of these HCs are going to be a little bit mental health related mostly because that’s how I see them. 

*If Tohru had the ability to go to college it would be to become a professional chef. She loves cooking for other people and making people happy. Professional chefs to me are the types of people that love to make others happy which is why she cooks for others. 

*She is definitely the hug friend. What is the hug friend you may ask? It is a person that can give the best hugs. She is constantly getting hugs from Uo-chan and Hana-chan and to me she just seems the type that would give the best hugs in the entire world. 

*She has always been interested in being in a relationship someday. When she was little she loved Disney movies and would fantasize about one day finding her own personal Prince Charming. 

*At first in dating Kyo, Tohru gets flustered by EVERYTHING. This poor girl is always blushing around the love of her life. 

*Her favorite subject in school will always be cooking but she is surprisingly good at history!! She loves learning about the past mostly because she is one of the few people that found it interesting. 

*As a mom she is the most doting parent, the type that kids get embarrassed by at sleepovers. 

Kyo: 

*My first HC for our favorite cat boi is that he has autism. Hear me out, when I was in middle school I struggled immensely when it came to relating to people and understanding how they felt. I had undiagnosed aspergers at the time and found that he was one of the few characters that wanted to be better at dealing with his emotions and people. Having that relatability now that I’m older has been a huge help. 

*The most surprising HC that I have about Kyo is that he loves to write. Usually it’s just little things that irritate him throughout the day. It’s how he learned to officially get his anger calmed down so that he wouldn’t yell anymore once Hajime and his kids were born. 

*As a kid Kyo never had ice cream. It’s the same thing with the pancakes where he had never had sweets that wasn’t fruit. Tohru is appalled by this and one of their first dates was to get him to try ice cream (his favorite is mint chocolate chip) 

*Growing up he was alone a lot but I think that he would find companionship in books and literature. I feel like he’d be really good at school like in the original where we see him pouring over books to study. (The best way to get him to do well is of course a little competition.) 

*Kyo is a hella overprotective dad once his kids are born. This is obvious but if he has any daughters those future boyfriends, run just run. 

*Once the curse is broken he is constantly trying to make up for the years where he wasn’t able to get physical affection. After he gets over his own flustered tsundere habits with Tohru they became easily the closest couple. He finds that he loves having his hair pet (if he purrs he’ll deny it until the end of time)  

*I think that out of all my favorites Kyo would be the best listener. You got a problem, no matter how stupid it is, Kyo will do his damndest to help you out. That’s just who he is especially when it comes to those he loves. 

Kakeru: 

*Kakeru’s mental health theory is that he has ADHD just like Momiji combined with dyslexia so he sometimes has a hard time reading things and needs help understanding what exactly he’s looking at for homework. 

*Him and Kimi always start prank wars that could go on FOREVER. If nobody stops them they can just go at each other for days. Eventually either Yuki or Machi will get too exhausted of their antics and force them to stop. These prank wars usually happen about once a month on the second week. They all fear this time of the month and whenever it happens it usually lasts for about three days. 

*Definite anime lover this boi!! He grew up watching the classics and it’s just something that stuck with him. 

*Before he became chaotic Kakeru TM he always hid this part of his personality but now that he’s older he is very open about his love for anime. 

*He wasn’t close to Machi until after she was kicked out of the family house. Before then he was almost indifferent towards her existence but when that happened he realized that he wanted to make her feel better whether she wanted it or not. 

*He is the best cuddler fight me on this. I feel like once you got him calmed down he would always be down for cuddling his S\O. 

*This one is pretty common amongst the fandom judging by how many people ship him with Yuki but I think that he’s not bisexual he’s pansexual he just loves people!! 

Hatori: 

*I don’t have a mental health HC for Hatori really other than PTSD (which let’s face it almost all of this cast of characters has.) 

*Before he met Kana he knew next to nothing about popular culture. His music taste was stuck in the 50′s and to her that was an absolute travesty!! Who hadn’t heard of Queen, Elton John or David Bowie?! She made it her goal to get him into modern things so that he could understand her. At the time he didn’t really understand a lot of the things that she liked. However, once she left him he learned to appreciate modern music and film. 

*Something that I really love about Hatori is the thought that he would be a fan of musical theater. It’s something that not a whole lot of people know mainly Shigure and Ayame and Aya always gets him tickets when a show he likes comes to town. 

*He can’t cook to save his life!! Literally the type of person that would somehow burn water and he doesn’t have the time to cook everyday but usually Momiji will bring him food that he makes. 

*Definitely a romantic at heart no matter how much the idea of love has hurt him in the past. He loves making Mayu happy at random intervals. From buying her random bouquets of flowers to planning things on a larger scale he just loves making her happy. 

*As a parent he’s the type to definitely be overprotective especially when they aren’t feeling well. His kid fainted at school? He’s already there trying to find out what went wrong and keep them at home with him for a few days until they get Dr. Tori’s clean bill of health. 

*As much as he bitches and moans about Ayame and Shigure’s annoying tendencies he couldn’t ask for two better best friends. \

Hatsuharu: 

*Mental health HC is that he’s bipolar thanks to the other dark personality even though most of the time he’s white it’s something that after everything happens Hatori insists he gets an official diagnosis of. 

*He loves grunge rock. The first time he discovered Nirvana Kurt Cobain became his instant hero. Not a way to live his life but someone that he was inspired by. His second favorite band is All Time Low (I’ve never heard any of their stuff this one is for my best friend who is an absolute Haru-stan) 

*He got his tattoo as his own way of rebelling against his family order. I think that his parents (we only really ever hear of his mom) being strict on him. That’s where the multiple piercings came from as well. Whenever he would hit a low point before middle school he would get a new one. 

*He is actually a really good cook and entirely capable of taking care of himself since his parents are often too busy for him. 

*He got into gaming by accidentally seeing Shigure playing a dating sim (Fight me on this one I dare you say that Shigure the pervy bastard doesn’t play these things) 

*He is definitely the romantic type as we see him bringing Rin flowers to cheer her up. He might be a little bit stiff at first and awkward but once he gets used to the person you bet your ass he’ll just cling to you as we see with Yuki much to his everlasting annoyance. 

*He’s an amazing artist!! He loves to draw just about anything that he can get his hands on. It’s something that he does now when he hits a low point instead of wrecking things he learned the proper way of coping with his problems. 

Whew!! Sorry about the length on this guy but I really wanted to do this while waiting for the dub to catch up. I will make more if people want more of them!! 

[fortheloveoffanfic]

The One That Stays

Keanu Reeves x reader  (A/n- Releases for this one will be on Sundays)

Chapter 1- Acquaintance 

“‘Cause baby when I heard you, For the first time I knew, We were meant to be as one.” -Kylie Minogue, Love At First Sight.

Parties had never really been her scene, they were loud, everyone always got sweaty and the general smell of perspiration mixing with alcohol was never one she had grown particularly fond of. This one was no different. If only she had found a way out of it in time. 

"Come on," a female voice said next to Y/n, and their arms linked at the elbows, "This is my work party, we're supposed to be having fun!"

"Julie....." Y/n groaned, frowning, "You know this isn't my scene."

"I never understood that," she giggled, "You like booze, you like music. Parties put those things together for you, what's not to like?"

"The people," Y/n stated plainly, offering a deadpan stare, "I don't like people."

Julie rolled her eyes, urging Y/n up, taking a long swing of her drink before continuing her arguement, "Well," she broke into another winning smile and Y/n was beginning to think that her friend was already drunk, "You love me, and I'm a person."

Y/n sighed, partly in exasperation, but mostly in humor, "That's different, you're....different." Juile was different, she had been Y/n's best friend since middle school. They were inseparable.

Julie finished her drink with a sigh of her own, "Look," she began, tone a little more even than before, "I know you don't like all of this," she gestured to the crowd on the dance floor, "And I know that I've been dragging you to parties since we were in high school, but I swear, this time I brought you here for a reason," when Y/n tilted her head to the side in question, Julie finished, "I want you to meet someone!"

"Who?"

"You'll see," she sang, beaming and Y/n couldn't help but smile in return, "But in the mean time, let's get you a stronger drink."

It was nearing ten pm and Julie was already drunk. Like ‘slurring her words’, ‘wobbling while she walked’ drunk. Y/n had had significantly less than she had, already realizing that she would have to chaperone before Julie did something that she might regret. “Where is this person anyway?” Y/n asked finally, almost having to shout over the music.

“Who?” Julie returned, scrunching her noise, still swaying in time with the beat.

“The person you wanted me to meet,” Y/n tired to ease the glass out of Julie’s hand, setting it on their table, urging her to sit, “Maybe you’ve had too many martinis. Stay here, I’ll get you some water.”

As Y/n stood, Julie grabbed her wrist, “Don’t be such a drag Y/n/n. We’re young and free!” She giggled, using her free hand to make exaggerated gestures, “Just.....” for a moment she trailed off, plump pink lips going agape and her glassy blue eyes went wide, presumably with recognition, “There he is!” She pointed to a figure sitting on a barstool at another table, half way across the room, talking to a group of people. 

“He?” Y/n probed incredulously, “This person is a ‘he’? Jules, I love you, but this better not be a set up. After that cop you set me up with-”

“Jason was a detective. A hot one that I met through a credible source,” she pouted, trying to tug her hand away from Y/n’s loose grip, “Besides you'll like him. I promise.”

“No.....just....no okay. I’m not dating right now and I have all this work stuff going on and.....I just...” Y/n huffed, she didn’t really have and explanation and Julie didn’t seem to be paying attention anyway.

“Just, shh,” Julie’s slender finger went to Y/n’s lips as she stood, almost stumbling forward, “I know you babe, you’re my sister. I love you. And this guy, he’s amazing. And really, you kind of already know him.” Before Y/n could object again, Julie hand taken her hand, lacing their fingers and pulling Y/n towards the man, whose face had yet to be revealed. 

They weaved through the guests, only bumping into a few who didn’t even seem to notice. As they drew closer, Julie’s arm went up, and she started waving as she called, “Keanu!”

At the sound of his name, the formerly mysterious figure turned around, giving away his identity. Sucking into a shocked breath, Y/n stopped abruptly, “Julie!” She whispered loudly into her friends ear, trying to make her stop too, “That’s Keanu fucking Reeves. That’s the friend you wanted me to meet?”

“Duh,” she laughed, hugging Y/n closer, “Please,” she whined, “You love him!”

“I love his movies,” Y/n corrected matter-of-factly, “How do you know him anyway?”

Julie rolled her eyes, which told Y/n that the reason should have been plainly obvious, “He’s the lead in the movie I was writing for.” Julie, for as long as they had known each other, had maintained big dreams of one day becoming a screen writer. As children she’d write plays, stories and everything else, and eventually, she had gotten the chance to peruse her goals in college, graduating at the top of her film class. 

“He’s in your movie? And you never said anything?” Y/n lightly punched her arm, “That’s the kind of thing you tell your best friend.”

“Nuh-uh,” she argued drunkenly, “I wanted it to be a surprise. We’ve been talking a lot, and I think he might really like you, if you know what I mean,” she elbowed Y/n, winking tragically, “Now, lets not keep the man waiting.”

”Keanu!” A familiar voice called from behind him, again. When he turned around that time, the source was closer, and he recognized her almost instantly as one of his friends from set; Julie Henderson. She had been one of the writers on his latest movie, and during filming, Keanu had grown to enjoy her bubbly personality. So, when she had mentioned that she might have a friend he might be interested in, he didn’t turn it down the way he had other blind dates. 

Finally, they approached and he said a quick goodbye to the group he had been hanging with, “Julie,” he greeted, letting her pull him into a short, one handed hug; her other was hooked to a young girl, about her age, “I wasn’t sure if I’d see you tonight,” Keanu commented casually.

“Yeah, I’ve been busy babysitting this one,” she teased, gesturing to Y/n, who rolled her eyes, “Speaking of, this is my sister; Y/n!”

Nervously chewing on her lower burgundy stained lip, Y/n offered her hand, “We’re not actually sisters,” she corrected, clearing up any confusion, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Keanu couldn’t help but let his smile widen. Her hand felt so small and fragile in his. And maybe it was weird, but he couldn’t stop staring at her, she was just so beautiful. Short brunette bob, one side tucked sweetly behind her ear, showing of the little jewels that ran up the side of her ear. Her silk, black, mini dress hugged her slender curves loosely, and was complimented perfectly by a lone teardrop diamond that hung in the hollow of her throat, “I’ve heard good things.”

“I can’t say the same,” Y/n joked, only realizing after a minute that they had yet to release each other, “I think I forgot that Julie’s way too good at keeping secrets.”

Keanu chuckled quietly, but before he could speak, Julie interrupted, “Since you two have hit it off so well,” she discreetly glanced at their still joined hands, “I’m gonna get myself another drink.”

They watched her go and Keanu was next to speak, “I guess that’s her way of telling us that we should get to know each other.”

“As someone who’s known her for over twenty years, I can tell you that it is,” taking a deep breath, Y/n cleared her throat, reclaiming her hand, “So.....”

“So, do you want to get a drink?” Keanu suggested tentatively.

Y/n chortled quietly, shaking her head, “I probably shouldn’t, I have to drive us home and I’ve already had two.”

“Well, how about some fresh air?” He gestured to the open balcony doors near by.

The night air was chilly against Y/n’s exposed skin, though it was a welcome change from the cluster inside. She stood next to Keanu, leaning forward on the brass guard rail, for a while in awkward silence. “Jules, told me you’re a fan,” he smiled, trying to break the ice, soon realizing that there may have been significantly better ways.

“God,” she groaned, cheeks going red as Y/n buried her face in her hands, “Why would she tell you something like that?”

“It’s okay,” Keanu laughed quietly, “It’s actually a little.....flattering, it was true when I said that Julie speaks highly of you. Kind of like you are her sister.”

Y/n exhaled audibly, “Yeah, I know I said that she’s not, but Jules, she really is family. We've known each other for twenty-five years, and now I can’t imagine my life without her.” When Keanu laughed a little louder, Y/n couldn’t seem to find to joke, “What?”

“Nothing,” he waved his hand dismissively, “You two just seem like complete opposites. She’s always talking about how shy and serious you are, how she’s always trying to get you to loosen up. And Julie’s so....”

“Loud? It's okay, you can say it, the woman is loud.”

“I was gonna say social,“ he interjected.

Y/n giggled, “That works too. But it doesn’t matter,” she shook her head, dark hair brushing against her skin in slow, distracting motions, “She’s one of the best people in my life, the ying to my yang,” Y/n mused with a faint hum. 

“That’s good,” Keanu nodded, “It’s always special when two people can find missing parts in each other. One thing that compliments the other because of stark differences.”

“So you are as wise as they say,” Y/n teased with a quiet giggle.

“I try,” Keanu put his large hand on the chest of his black dress shirt, right over his heart, slightly bowing. After their laughter died down, Y/n and Keanu stood in another bout of silence, that one just a tad more comfortable than the first. The space between them had been cut in half, with about six inches of cold air between them as they looked on at the rolling hills in the distance. The trees that barely shrouded the famous Hollywood sign looked like mere shadows and the lights around was the only indication that they were still in a city that throbbed with life; they were too far up to hear much of it. 

When the silence became almost unbearable, Keanu was the one to break it, almost startling Y/n with his words, “Jules said you work in finance.”

“Yupp, I’m a Financial Manager,” she went on to explain how she worked for a cosmetics company, but didn’t really give a lot of details, “It’s not as glamorous as.....” She gestured to Keanu.

In return, he laughed quietly, “Glamor is overrated, besides if you love it, then it doesn’t matter if there are cameras in your face or a pen in you hand.”

Y/n smiled softly, biting her lip, “I guess you’re right,” Keanu could have sworn she was blushing.

Keanu chuckled quietly and then turned to her, an idea turning in his head. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and he leaned on the banister, “Tell me something about yourself.”

“What?” She laughed, maybe a little louder than she should have, “Anything?”

“Anything. I’m not good at all this ice breaker stuff. So just hit me with a random fact about whatever makes you ‘you’.” 

“Okay,” she hummed, looking as if she was thinking hard, “I scrape the frosting off cake and save it for last.”

Y/n’s bright eyes, hooded only by her dark make-up stared up at Keanu, as if challenging him to come up with something stranger, “That is.....very random. And really weird.”

“It is. Your turn,” she encouraged.

“I turn on reruns just so the house doesn't feel lonely,” at first, Y/n’s smile continued, but after a beat, her face faltered, her eyes dimmed and Keanu thought he recognized pity in her eyes. “Well that’s just sad, isn’t it?” He tried to joke lightly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No,” she hummed, turning back towards the awning view. The lights from surrounding buildings made the lamps mounted to the wall almost mute and the balcony doors had long been pulled in by some party goer or the other, leaving the two alone. It was if they had been granted the opportunity to have their own little bubble for a while; a self contained half hour that would determine if they ever saw each other again.

“It’s just,” Y/n continued, searching for the right words, glancing at Keanu. He really was handsome, it wasn’t just some kind of camera trick, the kind that her mother always talked about. Instead, age had been kind to him, and he appeared far more youthful than many of the men her age, the only tells being the flecks of grey hidden in his neatly trimmed beard and long hair. “It’s.....human.”

For some reason, the urge to put her hand on his shoulder tickled her palm, but instead of touching him, Y/n took a chance at stepping a little closer, a little surprised when Keanu did the same.

“Human things can be sad,” he commented absently.

Y/n smiled sadly, turning to find that he had been looking at her; eyes squinted in concentration as if she were some kind of complex art, something to be studied, memorized, and she didn’t know that Keanu was thinking it but, appreciated. “They can be,” Y/n returned wistfully, “But only if we make them.”

“You seem different,” Keanu eventually said, and Y/n tilted her head in silent question.

“You can’t know that, we just met,” her little laugh was a musical one, and Keanu wondered if he’d ever be fortunate enough to hear it again. He wanted to know her, outside of those thirty minutes spent of a chilly balcony. He wanted to see if he could be the reason for more light breathy laughs, find out if she could be as close to someone else as she was to Julie, what made her smile and what she absolutely hated. Keanu wasn’t sure if he wanted to date her, but he did want to know her.

“You’re right,” he agreed, “I can’t, but I’d like too.” When was the last time he had been that forward? He couldn’t remember, but maybe, just maybe, Y/n would be worth it.

“Oh?” Y/n’s smile widened despite herself. The last thing she wanted to come off as was eager, but she was beginning to get the feeling that Keanu wasn’t one to mind, “What are you suggesting?”

“Nothing yet,” in a bout of nervousness, he quickly cast his gaze to the distance, licking his lips, quickly refocusing on Y/n before the minute was up, “Go out with me.”

“Like a date?” She raised her arched eyebrows.

“Like a date,” Keanu determined, “This Friday, if its good for you.”

“It’s good for me,” she nodded, “So Friday,” Y/n bite her lower lip, “It’s a date.”

“It is, I’ll look forward to it,” he giggled, feeling like a teenager high on infatuation.

Y/n giggled too, casting her head down, and for the first time, Keanu noticed that even in her dangerous looking heels, she was only tall enough to reach just above the center of his chest. “I will-” Just like that, Y/n was cut off, her phone shrieking loudly in her hand, “It’s Jules,” she explained hurriedly, already answering the call, “Hey hun,” she turned away, taking a few steps to the furthest corner of the balcony, “Yeah.......okay.......well just sit tight.”

With a shuddering breath, Y/n hung up, a little disappointed that her moment with Keanu would have to be cut short that soon, “I have to go. Jules is.......” she trailed off, trying to find the most pleasant way to say that her best friend was throwing up and possibly causing a scene in the ladies room, “She’s......drunk.”

Getting the message by her obvious grimace, Keanu nodded, trying to hide his cringe, “Got it,” he waved as Y/n walked backwards to the door, hand closing in on the knob, “Hope she feels better.”

“Thanks,” Y/n was still smiling, the excitement of knowing that she had a date still brand new, “I’ll see you Friday.”

“You definitely will,” Exhaling giddily, Keanu stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets, leaning against the guard rail.

“I look forward to it,” and then deciding that she sounded a little to excited, Y/n awkwardly and hastily added, “In a non-weird way. I should go.” With that, she pushed the door open, disappearing inside, leaving Keanu alone, and in just as much anticipation. 

[quackeroos]

ONE WEEK || Day Four

Pairing: tom holland x dying ex!reader

Summary: you were dying, and tom still loves you. now he plans on loving you ‘til your last breath, and maybe get you to say those three words back to him.

Warnings: swearing, angst

Words: 4.9k

*gif is not mine!

General Masterlist | Series Masterlist

EYES SQUINTING, Y/N WOKE UP with the sun shining on her face. The blinds were open, and she groaned at the blinding rays of light. She never really was a fan of the morning sun. Well, when it came to waking her up, of course. She very much preferred watching it set rather than blinding her eyes.

Her body decided to wake up, a little early than her usual wake up time. Stretching her muscles felt good, she could feel her joints pop and give her that relaxing feeling. Blinking, her eyes wandered around her surroundings. It was weird, nobody was with her. She expected to see Tom laying down on the couch and her sister on the little spare bed beside hers, but instead, she was all alone. Her hand reached for her phone and rang their contact numbers. It immediately went to voicemail.

She tried ringing Tom's phone for the fourth time, still no answer. "Where could he have gone?" she hears the door open, her head turns at the source, expecting a curly haired brunette walk out of the shadows. "Tom?" she called out. But instead of Tom, it was someone else.

"Bold of you to assume I'm a guy, N/n." a giggle escapes her mouth, it was only Jamie.

"You look disappointed, what's wrong?" her sister approaches her bed bringing along some of the stuff she got. Y/n shakes her head. "Never mind that. So, where have you been? And what's with all the paper bags?"

"Just thought of buying a few outfits for us. I even sneaked this pass your nurses." Jamie opens the lid of the takeout she bought. Pancakes and Waffles. A grin makes it way up to her mouth, but falters at the sudden realization. "You know I can't." sadness in the tone of her voice was evident.

"Oh nonsense! I say that today is your cheat day, and that my sister should have a bit of freedom. Now here, eat." She pushes the breakfast plate towards her and gave her the maple syrup. Y/n ponders for a moment. Should she or should she not? It looked so good, but it could risk her health even more. One sweet breakfast couldn't hurt, right?

Still having second thoughts, she reluctantly takes the fork and knife, digging into the maple syrup covered carb meal. The sweet taste melted in her mouth, and she loved it. She missed the flavour of every dessert, sugar, and fast food she ate. She hated her diet, oh how much she missed living normal. "Good, right? Tom told me you'd like it." This caught her attention. Her face looked up from the plate, a little drop of maple syrup on her lips.

"What?"

"What?" her sister parroted. Y/n wasn't at all phased. Her eyes squinted at her while Jamie still pretended to not say anything. "Just go and eat your breakfast, I'm taking you to a trip around the hospital after."

***

"Can't we just stay in the room? I really wanna finish my sit-com marathon."

"Oh, quit you're whining! You should get out of that room more. It's suffocating in there." Y/n rolled her eyes at her sister. She sounded a lot like their Mum, and Y/n could already picture it out in her head. Jamie did take after their mother's looks and a bit of her mannerisms, and on their Dad's side, she got more of his personality. She stifled a laugh while looking at her sister. Jamie gives her a confused look. "What are you laughing at?" she asked.

"Nothing. You just sounded like Mum." Jamie gives her a sarcastic laugh and continues pushing. Y/n hadn't taken this route before though. The siblings pass through a skybridge leading towards the other building of the hospital. Her head craned and looked up at her sister, "Where are we even going?" She asked.

A smirk appears on her face. "You'll see."

The once transparent walls were changed into colorful walls painted with rainbows, flowers, butterflies and stars. This must be the children's ward. Y/n thought. The two pushed through two doors, leading to what seems "An activity center?" The girl spoke aloud. The venue was filled with a mix of teens and children, sick children. "Why in the world did you bring me to an activity center filled with children?" Jamie only looked at her with a hint of excitement in her eyes. Music blasted through the speakers and two familiar faces walked out from the makeshift stage.

"What's up guys! /Hello everyone!" the two greeted, waving to the crowd of children who also seemed to be hyped up. "I'm Jacob and this is my good friend Zendaya." The kids reply in chorus, waving at them saying 'Hi'

"So today we have a very special surprise for you guys! Do you like surprises?" Another enthusiastic reply from the young crowd, which brings a smile to Zendaya and Jacob's faces. At a far distance, Y/n could see a mop of curly ginger-brown hair holding a camera. It was Harry. Y/n could smell something fishy. The smirk her sister gave, Jacob and Zendaya's sudden appearance, Harry filming. She didn't want to go with her gut feeling. Y/n wanted to leave but at the same time, she wanted to stay and see where this was headed. "So, do you guys like heroes?" Jacob directed the mic towards the crowd and everyone in the room replied with another 'Yes'

"You know what Z? I'm not gonna delay this any longer. Everyone please welcome, our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!" the doors burst open and music played as the figure made an entrance. He momentarily glances at Y/n. Although the person was masked, she could feel his smile radiating. She knew exactly who it was behind it. Spider-Man did a flip, making the children around him wow and cheer at awe. "Hey! What's up everybody?" more cheers from the audience. He removes the red mask and his long brown curls flopped on his forehead, making him bring his hand up and brush through it. It was a signature move he did that Y/n loved, she still does, she's not gonna deny that. The Kingsleigh Sisters stayed all throughout the little meet and greet. Some stories and laughs were shared between Tom and his fans. She could tell he loved it, his job, his fans, everything. And when it was time for him to go, Tom lifts his mic.

"But before that, I'm gonna sing a song for you guys. Some of you might know this, so go ahead and sing along if you'd like." Sam takes out a mic stand while Tuwaine hands him a caramel colored guitar. Y/n recognizes the familiar instrument. She could feel her heart clench. Thousands of songs were played with it, and so many memories held in that guitar, both good and bad ones. She then started to wonder, did Tom ever stopped playing after everything that had happened?

The man positioned himself behind the mic, his guitar hanging around him with a strap to keep it's hold. He played a few chords to see if it was in tune, before he talks through the microphone. "This song is called, Introducing Me." Y/n hears a few of them gasp, most of it coming from the teenagers.

Tom starts strumming the intro, biting his lip a bit and smiling as he does. A few of the audience starts to sing along with him, their phones raised up, ready to record everything.

"I'm good at wasting time I think lyrics need to rhyme And you're not asking But I'm trying to grow a mustache I eat cheese, but only on pizza please Sometimes, on a homemade quesadilla Otherwise it smells like feet to me,"

She remembers one time, when they went out on a date, Tom insisted not to order anything that has a lot of cheese. It didn't sit well with his stomach and he heavily dislike the smell. And like the song, he only accepts it on pizzas.

"And I, I really like it when the moon looks like a toenail And I love you when you say my name"

Tom looks up from the crowd and finds the pair of e/c he loved looking into. Although she was far, he caught her staring back. Y/n didn't know what to feel. At the exact moment he said those three words, he looked at her. Her heart starts beating to the same beat to the song.

"If you wanna know Here it goes Gonna tell you this The part of me that shows if you're close Gonna let you see everything But remember that you asked for it I'll try to do my best to impress"

The song takes her way back to high school. It was lunch time, and hundreds of students were there to witness it. In the middle of the cafeteria, he stood there on the table, facing her, serenading her in front of everyone. And here they are now, nine years later, in front of a crowd, doing the exact same thing that made her see what could be if she said yes to him.

"But it's easier to let you take a guess at the rest But you wanna hear what lives in my brain My heart, will you ask for it For your perusing At times confusing, slightly amusing Introducing me"

His little humming to the tune made her giggle, Y/n found it very cute, with his head moving to it, it was double the times better. When it came to the second verse, he strummed faster, the lyrics also matching with his pace.

"I never trust a dog to watch my food And I like to use to the word "dude" As a noun, or an adverb, or an adjective And I've never really been into cars I like really cool guitars and superheroes And checks with lots of zeros on 'em"

Tom walks towards the audience area, serving his fans with a few smiles for them and for the cameras on their phones. Harry followed behind his brother, documenting everything with his camera.

"I love the sounds of violins And making someone smile"

His goofy face made her smile. A sweet and genuine smile. It was more than enough for Tom to send him to the seventh heaven. The corners of her eyes crinkled, cheeks blushed and face fully glowing. How he wished he could see her like this every day. He continues with the chorus, circling the fans, and from time to time, he would glance at Harry's camera. The bridge part of the song came, and little by little, y/n notices Tom coming towards her. Jamie moved back to give the two their limelight, her giddy smile evident on her face.

"So, if you wanna know, here it goes Gonna tell ya there's a part of me that shows If were close gonna let you see everything But remember that you asked for it I'm trying to do my best to impress

But it's easier to let you take a guess at the rest But you wanna hear what lives in my brain, in my heart Well, you asked for it."

At this point, y/n was already melting in her seat. Tom continued strumming, his left hand skillfully moving from one chord to the other on the neck of the guitar, all the while his gaze was focused on her. The crowd of children, teenagers, nurses and guardians all directed their attention towards the two, not only them but their group of friends too, and Harry at the side still holding his camera with a grin on his face.

"For your perusing At times confusing Hopefully amusing Introducing me" He slowly kneels on one knee, a cheeky grin plastered on his face. The brown locks on top of his head flopped on his forehead and droplets of sweat glimmered in the fluorescent lights. Being a habit of hers, her hands lift up and brush through his hair. The brown locks slicked back and stayed with the few waxes left in its hold.

"Introducing me."

Heavy breaths came out of him, his hands were a bit sore, and his head felt a little fuzzy. But it was fine for him, because the butterflies he felt in his stomach and the immense pounding of his heart both in exhaustion and adoration made it alright. Tom heard claps in the background, but he never turned. He just wanted to be with her and the moment that they have right then and there.

"You're shaking, Tom." She spoke softly. He couldn't feel it himself, but Y/n could see him trembling a bit. Probably because of the exhaustion his body had intake. Tom only smiled and dismissed the fact. "It's alright. I'm not gonna pass out I promise." A soft giggle escapes her lips. "Is this the reason why I haven't seen and heard of you all morning?"

"Yeah. But that was only the opening act." A smirk formed on his lips and pushed back the stray hair on her face. He quickly left and went back to the stage, thanking everyone who came and the hospital for having them. Y/n was left dumbfounded and confused. What did he mean 'that was only the opening act' ?

***

Tom quickly went to go to a nearby restroom and change back into his casual clothes, hurrying as he fixes his pants and combs through his hair. Sam was outside, waiting with a bouquet of Yarrows, and Harry waited with his twin, holding his brother's guitar. "So, now what do you do?" He asked his sibling from the door, and it opened to reveal a fresh-faced Tom. His hand runs through his hair, grabbing the bouquet in the other.

"Phase One: Nostalgia"

***

Jamie helped her change into the clothes she bought her. Y/n shivered at the cold air that was hitting her skin. She wasn't used exposing her skin that much, unlike a few years ago. Now, it felt like she was living in the Arctic Ocean. The air in her hospital room combined with the cold London air was not helping her condition at all. "Why do I have to wear a dress?" she questioned her sister, irritation visible in her tone.

"Because...."

She waited for her to continue, but Jamie only kept silent and fixed her hair. "Because what?" she urged on. "Oh, you'll find out soon." Her eyebrow perked up. She had a gut feeling this had something to do with Tom. It had only been a few hours since she had last seen him. And with the last sentence he had told her, made her mind run in circles and her gut clench that maybe what Jamie was doing was all part of it.

It all connected, but she had to find out if it really was true. So she let Jamie do her hair while she sat comfortably in her wheelchair, watching the telly in her hospital room. The younger Kingsleigh was already half through when her phone beeped from her pocket. She skillfully holds all three strands in one hand while using the other to open her phone and read the text message Harry had sent her.

Curlz™ Tom's done changing. We're heading to the car.  Is everything set? 

Jamie Jamz 🍯🍓 She's almost done.  You got her exit permits?

Curlz™ Yup. Gtg.  We still need to set up everything before she comes.

Jamie Jamz 🍯🍓 See ya later curlios read 12:28 pm 

Jamie tucked away her phone and continued braiding the small section of her sister's hair. Y/n wasn't really a fan of her hair being tied up, she preferred it free from bands and bobby pins. But Jamie loved doing her hair, so on rare occasions, she lets her do hers. Once Jamie was done, she let Y/n look of her final look in the mirror. the sides of her hair were braided but it was loose, just as she requested. The remaining locks trailed down her shoulders felt free to her liking. "It's perfect. Thank you Jams."

"Glad you like it. Now come on, we gotta go. the car's waiting."

She blinks in confusion. "Wait, a car? I thought I wasn't supposed to leave before my surgery?"

"Nothing's impossible, darling. We've made a little arrangement. And besides, you have 48 hours before your surgery. Let's make the most of it, yeah?" Jamie excitedly pushes her wheelchair and they left the room.

***

Y/n couldn't see anything. After boarding the car, her eyes were immediately covered with a blindfold. She could feel Jamie at her side and another person beside her. She assumed it was the nurse that usually takes care of her, the one before Daisy. Harriet, she thinks her names was.

"Jamie, where the hell are you taking me right now?" She was getting impatient. They had been in the car for almost thirty minutes and they still haven't arrived at their destination, wherever it was. "Having some trouble with the directions. Don't worry, we'll be there in ten minutes tops." and in ten minutes, they did.

Y/n was carried down and placed on her wheelchair, Jamie pushing her to who knows where. She took in a deep breath. Oxygen, fresh oxygen. Not the air from the hospital or from the tanks, this one was pure oxygen. She had a guess, that they were in a park, maybe? The sounds of birds chirping, the smell of flowers, and the feeling of grass slightly hitting her skin made her think so. The next thing she knew, the cloth was removed from her eyes, and now she could see everything.

Her hunch was right, she was in a park. The park where Tom took her on their first date. "Surprise!" A deep voice said behind her. She turned her head around and found a pair of blue eyes looking back at her with a charming smile. "Harrison? I thought you had a photoshoot today?"

"We ended earlier than expected. And besides, I wouldn't miss this one for the whole world. Let's take a walk, yeah?" He grabs the handlebars and pushes her wheelchair, moving slowly to appreciate the view more. She inhaled a deep breath, nostalgia filled it. Memories flooded back in from their first date to their last one. Those were the only things that ran inside her head for the past few days. The smell of his hair, his cute laughs, dates, fights, kisses and everything they did together. Ever since Tom unexpectedly came to her room and back in her life, it was nothing but pure nostalgia and memories.

Now, she finally understood it. She really did miss him after all these years.

"Feels great to be finally out huh?" Harrison spoke. She hums in reply.

"Even if it's just for today, this is even better than the rooftop garden."

"And it's about to get even better." Harrison leaned down to whisper in her ear and his head nods forward. Her line of sight followed the direction and there she saw Tom, inside a big white playpen filled with dogs, there were at least ten or more of them in different breeds. Harrison can see the sparkle in her eyes, and he smiled when he saw the old Y/n at that moment.

The blonde pushed her towards the gate of the playpen, and when she was already near, dogs start to come up to her and their tails wagged in excitement. Tom notices her at the gate, cooing at the little ones while her hand reached out to them. He stands up, dusts himself off and jogs towards her. "Wanna come and meet them?" he asks her. Tom smiled when she nodded. He stuck his foot at the other side of the playpen and slid his arms under her legs and her small back. He carried her gently and placed her on one of the small cushions.

Dogs of different breeds and sizes came running up to her, smothering her with licks and pouncing on her. Y/n's giggles were the only things he could hear at the moment. Those beautiful giggles he loved to hear. It sounded so melodic; he couldn't get enough of it.

He couldn't get enough of her.

"Tom?" he was pulled back from his thoughts. Y/n was staring up at him, a golden retriever sat on her lap while a few other dogs laid under her hand as she scratched their heads. She patted the other cushion beside her, inviting him to sit down. As soon as he sat down a certain dog came up to him, running with a smile, tongue out. Y/n's face beamed up as soon as she saw her. "You brought Tessa!" The staffy's ears perked up upon hearing her name, she pounced on Y/n and licked her, tail wagging a mile per minute.

"Aww I've missed you sweet angel!" She cooed. Tessa barked; happiness etched on her adorable face.

"I figured I'd bring Tessa. She's been playing with that toy you brought her, never wanted to let go of if." Tom said from the said as he leaned in and scratches his dog's head. So close, her mind warned. His scent filled her nose. That familiar scent that was unique that reminded her that this was her Tom. "Would've been nice though if Haz brought Monty along."

"I'll ask him next time. In the meantime, let's eat." He pulls out a picnic basket from behind and opens it, revealing various snacks that she could eat without having to break her diet.

Her eyebrow quirked up, "You planned this out, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I just happen to find this hiding behind my back."

"Whatever you say. Hey, do me a favour though, pass me that..." she points to the opened basket and one particular pastry was in view. The croissant.

His eyes squinted at Y/n, who was trying to contain her laughter. "Going for the old jokes huh? You pronounce it like that to you know!"

"Yeah. But it's not as lame as yours, Quackson." Tom rolled his eyes and lets out a sigh. Still as childish as ever. Tom took out a pack of dog treats and whistles. Dogs around the playpen immediately run towards Tom and it then are became a food frenzy. "I honestly still can't believe this. Where in the world did you get so many dogs? You didn't kidnap them, did you?"

"I asked a dog shelter I was sponsoring to lend them for a bit. They needed to go out and have a walk anyway, so I thought I might just let them play around. Honestly y/n, you think I'm that bad? And here I thought you knew me better than anyone else."

"Alright, alright, no need to get sappy on me Movie Star."

The corners of his mouth curls and he bites his lip to try and suppress the forming smile. Y/n could see this from her peripheral vision, and she turns around to face him. "What?" Tom just shakes his head and chuckles softly. "Nothing." She had still remembered that darn nickname. He hated being called like that, Movie Star, Big shot, most specially by his father. But with y/n, he didn't mind it. Well, just a little.

"You did great earlier, by the way. I'm glad you never stopped playing."

"Yeah, I'm glad I didn't too." he breathed out.

Y/n puts both hands on her lap. "I have a special request though, if you don't mind playing right now."

Tom waves his hand and moments later, Harrison jogs towards them with Tom's guitar in hand. "Wow, you really prepared for this."

Tom lets out a dry laugh. "Not gonna lie about this one. I was actually gonna do a concert for the kids earlier, But I figured I'd might as well do it for you instead." He puts the strap on and strums the strings, just in the right tune. "So, what song?"

"You choose. You know I'd enjoy anything you play."

And so, Tom positioned himself, sitting crisscrossed and facing her. She silently waits for him while he was choosing a song in his head. His face lit up and he starts strumming, humming the intro. Y/n immediately remembers the song and a grin makes it way up to her face. The song was her favourite, and Tom played it often, so it wasn't hard for her to recognize it. Tom matched her grin and continued playing.

"I'll hold the door Please come in and just sit here for a while. This is my way of telling you I need you in my life."

The next thing y/n did surprised Tom, in a good way. He never thought he'd be hearing her sing along with him again.

"It's so cold without your touch. I've been dreaming way too much Can we just turn this into reality.

And the two sang, hearts beating as one.

"Cause I've been thinking 'bout you lately. Maybe you could save me from this crazy world we live in. And I know we could happen cause you know that I've been feeling you."

A giggle escapes her lips as Tom repeats his humming.

From a far distance, Jamie, Harrison, and the others watched the two. They've never seen the two look so happy together. "It's as if they've never broken up in the first place." Sam commented. The others agreed with him. The two had been grinning, both obviously lovesick and comfortable with each other's presence.

Jacob nudged Harrison's side, asking him, "Do you think she's falling for Tom again?"

"No." All their heads turned to Jamie. "Because, even after my sister broke it off, she never really stopped loving Tom." Her head turns back again to the two. "She always had."

"There's no other love That I'd rather have you know."

And just like what he had done earlier, Tom never broke eye contact.

"There ain't no one there ain't no one else. I want you for myself"

He purposely made y/n feel like the song he was singing was meant for her. Honestly, it was for her. Every word that contained it was the message he wanted to tell her.

"I've been thinking 'bout you lately. Maybe you can save me from this crazy world we live in. And I know we could happen cause you know that I've been feeling you. I know you want me,"

She sang again.

"I've been thinking 'bout you lately. Maybe you can save me from this crazy world we live in. And I know we could happen cause you know that I've been feeling you."

"I know you want me too." The strumming continues and he moved closer to her.

"I know you want me too." Her reply came out more as a statement, but Tom continued strumming and humming.

He ended the song with one last strum. A half-smile was still etched on his face. "I'm glad you never stopped singing, Y/n."

"Yeah, well, I couldn't exactly dance, now can I?" She joked. "I might as well keep the next thing I love most before I lose it."

Tom puts his guitar to the side and offered some food from the picnic basket. Their time together continued, with more duets and playing with the dogs. When the sun was setting, Harrison texted Tom and informed him that it was time to take Y/n back to the hospital. Jamie came with her wheelchair and from that, Y/n knew that the day was over.

"I wish this never ends." Y/n says.

"Don't worry. As soon as you're done with your surgery and you get out of that hospital, we'll be doing this every day." Tom scooped her up and walked towards her wheelchair. He couldn't help but look at Y/n while he was carrying her. She looked like a bride, and he could hear the bells ringing inside his head.

At that moment, Tom had imagined everything. Him standing at the altar with Harrison by his side. His parents and Y/n's parents sitting at the front. Jamie walking down the aisle with her. Dressed in a white gown with beautiful laces that decorated it. Her veil covered her face, but he could still see the face of the love of his life.

It felt like Tom was looking into his future.

He sets her down and the grip around his neck removed once she sat. Jamie turns her wheelchair, "I'll see you at the room, Tom." she said before pushing her sister. Y/n looked back for a moment and waves at Tom. He waves back.

"Can't wipe that smile off can yaw?" Harrison teased, patting his friend's back.

"Nah. Not goanna come off any time soon."

"So, what's your plan now? You made Y/n the happiest she had been ever since she was admitted to the hospital." Tom quiets for a moment and stares off into the distance. He watched Y/n's car drive off before he spoke again. "Haz?"

"Yeah?"

"I've made up my mind. I'm gonna do it again."

"Again? What do you mean-" Harrison slowly realizes what he meant as his voice falters, blue eyes wide in shock. "Tom, are you sure? This is kinda big y'know."

He sighs. "I know." Tom turns to him, a sad look mixed with love and determination on his face. "But Y/n's time is running out, Haz. Her operation is in two days, her chance of survivability may not even make the cut. I'm not gonna take that chance."

Tom felt through his back pocket and took out a tiny velvet box.

-

day five of One Week

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Birthday Surprise

Tom surprising y/n’s daughter for her birthday

Request: Hey doll :D Could I request something where Tom is dating the reader who has a 3 yr old daughter who is in love with Marvel, specifically Spiderman?? So they throw her a 4th birthday party & he comes dressed up as Spiderman or something? :) I love you & your writing so much, thank you if you do write this!!

A/n: This is going to melt my heart. I love kids so much and Tom is so precious, it’s a great combination. I’ve never been so pumped to write a request.

Dating as a teen mom was difficult- what guy wanted to be with a girl that has a kid? Not many. But that was okay with you. You didn’t need a boyfriend if he wasn’t going to love your daughter as well. You had just decided to give up looking for a boyfriend when you finally found him.

Tom was the kindest guy you had ever met. When you told him about your daughter, he didn’t bat an eye. He wanted to know more. He wanted to talk about her, meet her, play with her. It meant so much that he was willing to love not just you, but your little girl as well.

Tom met Alexis when she was just under two years old. She grew up with Tom and soon started to call him Dad. Fast forward and now she’s three, turning four in a few weeks. You were working on planning a birthday party for her, wanting it to be extra fun since it will probably be one of the first birthday parties she’ll actually remember.

“What kind of party do you want to have?” You asked her as you sat at your kitchen table. She was coloring as you watched her.

“Superhero!” She said excitedly as she looked up at you.

“Superhero?” You repeated, making her give you a quiet ‘yeah’. “Who are your favorite superhero’s?” You asked, knowing the answer. Having you as a mom and Tom as a father figure, she was practically being raised on Marvel films.

“I like Spider-Man the mostest. He’s really funny,” she told you, continuing to color. It made your heart so happy knowing how much she loved Spider-Man. She always commented on how her dad looked just like him, not yet realizing that it really was him.

“He is really funny, isn’t he? Do you like anyone else?”

“Starlord. And Drax!” She said with a little jump. “And Iron Man. I like the green lady too, she’s really pretty.”

“She is really pretty,” you said as you began to think about what you would need to get. “What kind of cake do you want?” Alexis gasped as she heard the question, sitting up really tall and beginning to explain what she wanted.

“Can I have one of those cakes that has the cakes on top of it? And one cake be Iron Man and one be Spider-Man?” She asked you. “But Spider-Man on top because he’s better.”

“I’ll see if we can do that,” you said with a little laugh.

“Can you see if Spider-Man and Iron Man Can come to my party too?” She asked looking up to you. You’re heart melted as she looked at you.

“I’ll give them a call and ask,” you promised her. “But they’re usually really busy saving the world, so I don’t want you to be upset if they can’t come, okay?” She nodded hearing your words.

You asked her a few more questions before she had to go to her dance class. You drove her to the studio and then drove to a restaurant to meet Tom for lunch. You were sat in your car waiting for him to arrive, texting your mom to see if she could pick Alexis up from dance so you could go shopping for party stuff.

“Hey, pretty girl,” You heard Tom say as he walked up to your car, placing his arms on the door where the window was down.

“Hey, sorry I was texting my mom real quick,” you told him as you finished up your last text, grabbing your bag and stepping out of the car. You both walked inside, a hostess sitting you at a table.

“How’s your day been so far?” Tom asked you as you sat down.

“It’s been good. I was asking Lex about her birthday party, what she wanted to do. I’ll give you one guess as to what she asked for,” you told him.

“A Marvel theme?” He guessed excitedly.

“Specifically Spider-Man and Iron Man and Guardians,” you told him with a nod. “In that order.”

“Teaching her right,” Tom said with a proud smile on his face.

“She also asked if Spider-Man and Iron Man could come to her party,” you let him know. “I told her I’d ask but that they might be busy.”

“I can get the suit and wear it for a while if you want me too,” he offered. “And I can give Robert a call, see if he’s available.”

“I’d love that, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to. I mean, she wants Spider-Man there, but she also wants you there, and as far as she knows right now, yall are two different people.”

“I’ll get something worked out. I want to do that for her,” Tom told you. You nodded your head with a small smile on your face.

“Are you busy the rest of the day?” You asked him as the waitress brought your check.

“I have to call my manager about something, but that’s it.”

“Will you go with me to get decorations and stuff? I wanted to go after I leave here so I can have it done and available.”

“Yeah, definitely,” He said.

. . .

Three weeks later, it was the day of Alexis’s birthday party and you were making the finishing touches before the guests arrived. You had dressed your girl in the cutest dress you found on Etsy- it had a white top with her initial in the middle and the skirt had all the different marvel characters on it. It was perfect, Alexis was so excited when she saw it.

You were placing the food on the table when you got a call from Tom.

“Hey, are you all suited up?” You asked him. He told you what he decided to do a few days ago, and it was a great plan.

“Just about,” he told you. “What time do you want me to come?”

“Um,” you said as you thought. “Maybe five or ten minutes after it starts. Give the kids time to show up and start playing.”

“Alright, I’ll see you then, love.”

You hung up the phone and went back inside.

“Mommy! Eva’s here!” Alexis ran to you, letting you know people were arriving. “And Sam!”

“Let’s go get them,” you told her. She grabbed your hand and skip beside you as you made your way to the door, the doorbell ringing as you began walking.

“Happy birthday, Alexis!” The kids yelled as you opened the door. You watched as she hugged all of her friends before they immediately ran to the backyard to play. It wasn’t long before most everyone had shown up- your backyard littered with children. You were talking to your mom and Nikki as you felt your phone vibrate. 

Thomas❤️: We’re heading back right now

You bit your lip as you tried to hide your smile, excited to see the exchange.

“Woah!” You heard Tom’s American accent from behind you, entering your yard. “Did anyone see that huge dog? I think it was trying to steal my shoes.”

“Spider-Man!” Alexis yelled, running to meet him. He immediately crouched down to be face to face with her.

“That’s me,” He said pointing to himself. “What’s your name?”

“Alexis,” she said with a jump. “And that’s my mommy,” she pointed to you as she noticed you standing to the side. Tom turned to face you.

“Hey, mommy,” he said waving at you. “You’re really pretty.” You smiled as he turned back to Alexis, taking his mask off. “How did you get so many people here?” He asked her looked at all her friends and family.

“It’s my birthday party,” she told him.

“It’s your birthday?” He asked excitedly making her nod. “Happy birthday, Alexis.”

“Thank you,” She said shyly. “You look a lot like my dad.”

“Do I? He must be one lucky guy to have a daughter as great as you,” he said, your heart melting at his words. You loved that they loved each other so much. “Well, Alexis, I’m sorry I don’t have a real present for you. But I can give you this,” he said as his reached into the neck of his suit, pulling out a necklace with an Avengers pendent.

“Mr. Stark gave this to me when I became an Avenger- you know Mr. Stark?”

“Iron man!” Alexis yelled.

“Yes, Iron Man. He gave this to me, but I want you to have it, as long as you promise to keep it safe. Can you do that for me?” He asked her, putting the necklace in her hands.

“I can do that!” She said sounding super excited.

“Perfect,” Tom said before glancing back towards you. “Mr. Stark wanted me to tell you happy birthday. He’s really upset he couldn’t be here.”

“That’s okay,” Alexis told him, still looking at her new necklace.

“Why don’t you ask Mr. Spider-Man if you can have a picture?” You told Alexis. She nodded before turning back to Tom.

“Can I have a picture?” She shyly asked Tom, swaying from side to side.

“Of course! Where should we take it, mom?” He stood up to ask you. You pointed to where would be best, Tom doing his Spider-Man pose with Alexis, showing her how to do the web hand pose. You watched as he began to talk and take pictures with the rest of the kids, hanging out for a little longer before he pressed a hand to his ear, acting like he was getting a call.

“That was Iron Man! He needs me right now, so I gotta go. It was so nice to meet everyone,” he said to the crowd of kids before bending down to Alexis again. “Happy birthday,” he said one more time, opening his arms and giving her a hug. “I hope I’ll see you soon! Bye!” He yelled as he ran away. You watched as Alexis ran up to you looking so excited. She told you about everything he told her, showing off her new necklace and doing the web shooter pose some more.

While she was talking to you, Tom rushed to get his suit off and slipped on his normal clothes before going back outside.

“Hey, love! Happy birthday!” He said as he reached Alexis, picking her up to talk to her.

“Dad! You missed Spider-Man!” She told him.

“Spider-Man? What?” He asked. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, he gave me this,” she said holding up the necklace.

“That’s so cool, darling,” he told her. He put her down and she ran to plan with her friends some more. Tom walked over to you, placing an arm around your shoulders. “Went well, I guess?”

“Went perfect,” you told him. “Thank you for doing that.”

“It was no problem,” he said, pulling on your shoulders to kiss your head.

[mollymauk-teafleak]

Decaf Coffee

Something very self indulgent I wrote basically for myself and @spiky-lesbian

Part of my modern AU Percildan series, Black Coffee

Warning: discussions of trans male pregnancy

-----------

It started as a series of small realisations. Alone, they were just moments passing by, it was only when Vax thought about them all at once that things made sense.

It was the way Percy would only cry over a film if it included a family, particularly if there was an emotional reunion at the end. It was how he’d linger in the clothes sections of stores, finding an excuse to hang back amongst the children’s clothes, smiling at racks of mini dungarees and shoes that looked impossibly tiny for any feet. It was how he’d eagerly make plans with Molly and Caleb, only to spend the whole time hunkered down on the floor with their son and daughter, happily playing any role they gave him in their imaginary games.

And it dawned on Vax at the most random time, when he was stood in the doorway that lead to the en suite, watching as Percy stretched out across the bed. He just looked so peaceful in that moment, lying on his stomach, hair sticking up from the shower.

Vax just stood there and let it sink in that he had his whole life ahead of him with this man. He’d signed for him and everything; he had the ring to prove it.

And maybe it was that thought, that idea of the future they had together, that knitted those dispirate moments together in a way that made sense.

Still tasting peppermint toothpaste on his tongue, Vax padded over and curled up next to Percy, wrapping his arms around him.

Percy laughed softly as he turned to embrace him, hand slipping down and resting lightly where his oversize college rugby jersey ended and Vax’s thigh began, “Finally come to join me, darling?”

Vax nodded, “I was just thinking.”

“Oh?” Percy’s lips softly met the crown of his head. Vax was notoriously clingy, the way he immediately anchored onto him like a drowning swimmer to a life preserver wasn’t worrying but there was something in his voice, “Would you like to share what you were thinking about?”

His husband seemed to pause, exhaling softly before he murmured, “You want a kid, don’t you, Freddy?”

Percy stopped, his mind running through the long list of things he’d been expecting before that question. And it wasn’t even a question really, it was a statement, a question mark only put at the end for grammatical correctness.  

He opened his mouth to say that he’d never thought about having children before, that it wasn’t something that had entered his mind. An oversight, maybe, given that they were approaching their first anniversary but not something that he’d considered.

But the words wouldn’t come. Because it was in that moment that he realised they weren’t true.

“I...I suppose I do,” Percy murmured, after he realised he hadn’t said anything for a very long time, “Though I haven’t given it a lot of thought. Does it... bother you? You seem bothered?”

“I’m not bothered,” Vax didn’t pull away from him, staying tucked up against him like he was a little embarrassed, “I mean, I’m confused. But more about how I feel about it, not about you wanting it.”

Percy’s fingers worked through his hair, enjoying its smoothness after just being brushed, “It’s okay to feel confused. I mean, I didn’t even know I wanted to be a father until now.”

“Really?” Vax looked up then, eyes wide and dark like some nocturnal animal, “I realised before you did?”

“Have you tried to be in my mind, Vax? It’s all blueprints and circuit diagrams up here, I don’t understand emotions,” he rather hoped the joke would undercut the realisation that they were talking about quite serious adult stuff now.

Vax did manage a smile and kissed Percy’s bare shoulder, “I just...I know you and me had shaky relationships with the whole idea of family…”

“Something of an understatement,” Percy said quietly, feeling a very familiar unpleasantness open up in his stomach, the one that followed having emotionally distant parents and difficult siblings for the biggest part of your childhood, only to have them violently ripped away from you and having preserving their legacy be the only thing able to keep you going through your grief. And once that was done, being unsure why you even did it.

Vax had his own trauma. He’d talked about it in the same fits and starts, punctuated by nightmares and sobbing fits, that Percy used talked about his own. Their common language.

He knew he and his twin sister had been taken away from their mother to live with their emotionally abusive father, only to then lose their only source of parental love when their mother passed away. Such a simple way to talk about an event that had shaken Vax so totally, left him unsure of himself, terrified to love anyone for fear they’d be taken away.

Of course the idea of being a father would terrify Vax. As it should terrify Percy.

But it didn’t.

Percy stroked his hand down Vax’s nack, fingers making soothing circles in the tighter curls there, “I know we’ve had some… less than ideal role models. But I think that just makes me want to do it more? I think I want the chance to make some things right. Like it might be a way to heal.”

Vax was quiet for a moment, absorbing that, before he murmured, “I think I want that. Or I want to want that. But I don’t know how to be that brave, I mean I have no idea how to even be a good dad. All I know is… mine. And I couldn’t bear to make someone else go through that?”

Percy shifted down so he and Vax were eye to eye. So close that Vax could see the little indents on his nose where his glasses sat.

“Vax’ildan,” he murmured softly, “You are not your father. You’d never act the way he did because you’re a genuinely good person and you’re kind and brave and brilliant. You’re so good to those around you and you’ve already proven that the things he did haven’t got to you. Part of the reason I’m so sure I want to have a family with you is because I know they’d be getting you for a parent.”

“Oh,” Vax seemed unable to say anything else, doing what he always did when he was confronted with emotions, particularly positive ones about himself, and hiding against Percy.

Percy had to giggle fondly, his own throat a little thick. He rocked his husband gently, waiting until he was ready to unfurl himself and keep talking. Getting through to him when he was curled up so tight like a woodlouse would be impossible.

Eventually he felt him relax a little and Percy immediately took the opportunity to kiss both his cheeks, his nose, his eyelids as delicate as a feather. Soon Vax was grinning in spite of the large red spots of blush on his cheeks.

“Now,” Percy rested his forehead against his husband’s, “I know my words won’t fix everything. And, I do mean this honestly, we absolutely do not have to have a family if you aren’t ready for it. I love what we have right now and if this is what the rest of my life looks like, I’m already the luckiest guy in the world.”

Vax looked tempted to dive again but he managed to just smile thinly and stroke his hand up under Percy’s pyjama shirt, “I… I kind of guess it’s been in the back of my mind when I’ve been watching you brood so much you can see it from space-”

“Kind of an exaggeration…”

“And I guess it’s been...um...what’s that word for the thing coffee does when you leave it a long time?”

“Percolating?”

“Yeah, that’s it. It’s been doing that. And I think I’ve realised I would like to have a kid, even if I’m kind of terrified of the idea. Does that make sense?”  he looked at Percy nervously, like he’d just confessed to something horrible.

Percy smiled tenderly, feeling like he really was going to cry before they reached the end of this conversation, “I think that’s exactly how parenthood is supposed to go, actually.”

That seemed to cheer Vax up, he leaned in and kissed Percy happily, a kiss that had a promise held within it.

“And I mean,” Percy hummed, holding Vax close, unwilling to have those lips too far away from his own, “The adoption process can take a really long time. Plenty of time to feel more comfortable with it.”

Vax blinked, “I mean, yeah, that would be nice, I like the idea of giving a kid a home. But… I have all the kit inside me right? I assumed when you were thinking about it you meant… you know, home grown?”

Percy’s eyebrows shot up, “Oh, really? I didn’t know if that was an avenue you’d want to go down?”

Vax shifted, biting his lip, “I don’t know, it’s just… it’s the first thing I pictured? It would be a pretty big change though…”

Percy nodded slowly, getting the sense that this was a time to stay quiet and listen. He was getting better at spotting those rather than jumping in with a million solutions, desperate to help rather than just sharing the weight of problems. Kiki had pointed that out to him.

“I… I want to think I can do it,” Vax’s fingers traced anxious patterns up and down his husband’s spine, “But there’s so many voices in my head saying different things about it and I don’t know how to sort them out.”

“Well…” Percy brightened, realising he could say something useful now, “We could make a list?”

Vax looked at him steadily for a moment before bursting into helpless laughter, “Of course. Of course that’s your answer…”

“Hey!” Percy grinned, cheeks darkening a little but delighted to see his husband laughing, “Don’t knock it until we’ve tried it!”

“Fine, you adorable nerd…”

Five minutes later and Vax was curled up in his duvet on the overstuffed, cracked leather sofa Percy kept in his workshop for those nights before he met Vax when he’d just give into exhaustion and collapse there, ready to rise like a zombie and keep working the next day.

Percy brought his chair over, glasses perched at the end of his prominent nose. He put his legs up beside Vax, resting a pad of paper on his knees. It was meant for sketching design ideas but it would do.

“Okay, so we’ll start with the cons,” Percy drew a line down the middle of the page, “What would be bad about carrying this baby? No wrong answers, just say what’s on your mind.”

Vax sighed and pulled a face, “The dysphoria is the main thing. I’d pretty much be at the mercy of it for nine whole months.”

Percy nodded, adding it to the list.

Once he’d gotten the first one out and realised the sky hadn’t fallen in on him, Vax picked up speed, “I’d be passing on my dad’s genes which is just ugh…childbirth doesn’t look like a whole lot of fun… it would affect my career, I wouldn’t be able to dance for a while and then I’d have to work really hard to get my fitness levels back up… I’d have to come off T for a while, right?”

Percy nodded, tongue poking out a little as he concentrated, pencil flying across the paper, “Anything else?”

Vax looked like he was trying to get more words out but they were fighting him, “I mean...would it, um...gods, this sounds stupid but would it affect how attractive you found me?”

“Oh Vax…” Percy’s eyes softened.

“I know, I know,” the half elf hunched further into his mass of blanket, “I just need to hear it?”

Percy nudged Vax gently with one foot, “Vax’ildan, you are the most gorgeous person I know, you’re beautiful inside and out. Nothing will ever change that.”

The tips of those slightly curved ears went cherry red, “Thanks, babe.”

“Is that all of the cons?” Percy smiles, thinking how badly he wanted to kiss those ears and see if they were as hot to the touch as they looked.

“Yeah,” Vax nodded, “That’s all the ones I could think of.”

“Righty ho,” Percy turned back to the paper, getting very into this now, “Pros. What would be good?”

Vax seemed to relax, eyes drifting far away, “It would be faster than adopting...and adopting would still be a good option in the future. I haven’t had a real bad period of dysphoria in ages and… well, even if I did, you’d be there to help, right?”

Percy smiled gently, “Every step of the way.”

“And that’s another thing, I really like the idea of doing this with you, making a baby with you...oh, the sex! We’d be obligated to have sex every day, that would be cool.”

“We have sex pretty much every day anyway,” Percy grins but he didn’t disagree.

Vax softened, “I’d be holding onto a piece of my mama. That would be special. And…the amount she loved me and Vex’ahlia, feeling a love like that would be incredible...and Vex, of course, she’d love to be an auntie and she’d be an amazing one.”

Percy nodded slowly, thinking the same of Keyleth, who was his sister in all but blood, and Cassandra, how this would bring some light into her life and maybe make the city their family died in less of a nightmare for her.

“And...well…” Vax bit his lip, looking suddenly uncomfortable, “I’m...I’m going to live a lot longer than you, Freddy. If I had a child, they’d...they’d still be with me even after…”

The pencil suddenly slipped on the paper, leaving a streak of grey across the divide between their columns. Percy felt a hollow open up inside him. It was true, as a half elf, Vax’s lifespan far outstripped his but they both hated being reminded of that. It was a darkness that lurked in the back of their minds, able to be beaten back on a daily basis, but every so often it would lurch to the forefront just to remind them it was, and always would be there.

He managed a brave smile, looking up at Vax, “That’s a really good point, darling.”

Vax nodded, sighing softly, “And I mean...we’d have a baby. A beautiful little baby who looked a little like me and a little like you and entirely themselves. And every time I looked at them, I’d know… I’d know I could do anything. I could make something as amazing as that.”

The tears were falling down his face before Percy really realised it, landing on the page and blurring the words a little.

“Don’t cry on our list,” Vax laughed, teary eyed himself, “We worked hard on that!”

Percy gave a damp laugh, wiping under his glasses, “Sorry...is that everything you want to put on the list?”

Vax thought, fingers twisting gently in his hair, “Well...Caduceus makes a really nice decaf coffee.”

Percy’s face split into a wide smile, “That he does.” On the list it went.

“So…” Vax smiled shyly, “I think that means we’re doing this? We’re going to have a baby?”

“Looks that way,” Percy murmured, emotion welling up in his chest. He had the sense that it was going to be a teary year ahead of them.

The list was left on the floor as Vax opened his arms for Percy to move into, crashing together into tear-stained kisses. But it would be picked up later, carefully folded and kept in the drawer by their bed. It would be taken out and reread many times over the next year, mostly the pros column, even added to a few times until it far outweighed the cons. It was badly needed a few times, a lifeline when Vax stopped his hormones, when they struggled to conceive for the first few months, the hectic day when they went to the first scan and realised it was twins, the two of them having forgotten somewhere along the way that this particular genetic quirk ran in both of their families.

And the day Elaina and Johanna de Rolo finally entered their lives.

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: I Am Proud Of My Fanfiction

The other day, I met with an aspiring creative who wanted to pick my brain about my experiences as a writer. I told her about the plays I worked on in school, the shows I helped bring to life in the Disney Parks, and my novel-in-progress, Tali’s Flowers.

“I haven’t worked on it in a while,” I said. “I love that story, but I keep working on other things instead.”

“Do you not love the other things you’re working on?” she asked me.

The question caught me by surprise, and I laughed a bit – partly because I laugh when I’m surprised, but mostly because the “other things” I keep working on instead of my novel are fanfiction.

You are currently reading this post on my professional writing blog. If you’ve been following me for a while, then you know that I often post links to my fanfiction here. When I first created this blog, I was hesitant to do so. Fanfiction has a reputation of being unprofessional. It’s considered a “lesser” art form to original fiction. I have another Tumblr account for reblogging gifsets and videos and other nerdy, less-than-professional social media things. I considered keeping my fanfiction over there, if I posted it at all.

Ultimately, I decided that this blog is for my writing – all of my writing that I love, that I am proud of, and that I want to share with the world. And that writing includes fanfiction.

Why?

I could say that writing and posting fanfiction is a vital part of my professional development. I spent five incredible months as the Disney Parks Live Entertainment Show Writer Intern, and all the shows I helped bring to life as a part of that internship were, arguably, “official” fanfiction. I was not only assigned but also paid to write new adventures for characters from movies I fell in love with as a child. I put words into the mouths of the Toy Story gang and explored the fan club culture of the world of The Incredibles. Being able to do that again, to make a living writing new stories for characters the world already loves, is one of my career goals.

But that isn’t the whole story. Not everyone who writes fanfiction will ever do so for money, or even wants to. And even if I knew without a doubt that I would never have the chance to write for Disney or any entertainment company ever again, I would still write and post fanfiction.

Because not only do I love writing fanfiction, but I am also proud of my fanfiction.

I am proud of the quality of my fanfiction.

I’m afflicted by the same curse that many writers have: once a story of mine is out in the world, I usually can’t read it again without cringing.

It is a rare delight to write something, return to it a month later, and still like it. This is a natural consequence of improving my craft as a writer, combined with dubiously-healthy doses of anxiety and imposter syndrome.

But there are times, blessed times, when I enjoy rereading my own writing, when I know without a doubt that what I penned was good. I’ve had a lot of those moments while writing fanfiction. Sure, humility is a virtue and putting yourself down is “cool” these days, but I’ve spent years working and learning and improving my craft – I have a Bachelor’s Degree in this, for crying out loud – and it shows!

Lena closed her fingers around the keys, and she put the closed fist to her chest. And all at once it hit her that she was here to stay, and she began to cry. And then Webby was back in front of her, kissing her first on the forehead and then on the beak, and then she threw her arms around Lena’s neck, and Scrooge had a hand on each of their shoulders, and their limbs were good, strong roots that reached so deep into the earth that nothing could ever pull them away, and Lena knew that she was home at last.

The previous paragraph is the final lines of The Sunchaser Grill, a crossover fanfic of Disney’s DuckTales TV show, the 1996 film The Spitfire Grill, and the 2001 Off-Broadway musical adaptation of the same name. And yes, I know how bizarre that sounds. Bizarre stuff happens in this story. But that paragraph is one of my favorite things that I’ve ever written. I am proud to say that whenever I reread it, it makes me smile.

I am proud that my fanfiction comes from a spirit of joy and fun.

There’s a place in the world for sad stories. Sometimes I even write them. But overwhelmingly, my writing steers towards the positive. I write the fics that I write because I know I’ll have a good time writing them.

I wrote Sunchaser Grill because it delighted me how well the characters from one work fit the character roles of the other. I wrote Hang In There because I wanted to imagine the Thirteenth Doctor going back to give a young River Song a bit of hope, in a moment that Doctor Who canon might never give us. I wrote so, so many fics for this last Weblena Month because that little lesbian couple makes me so, so happy. And once, way back in high school, I wrote a 600-word fic about Shere Khan from The Jungle Book meeting Tigger from Winnie the Pooh, just because I thought it would be funny.

I’m proud of the spirit of joy that powers my writing, and I’m proud of the stories that have grown from that joy.

It’s not just about me, though.

I am proud that my fanfiction brings joy to and has meaning for other people.

During my internship with Disney Parks Live Entertainment, I saw children laugh, dance, and play along with the shows I wrote. As that internship neared its end, I naturally felt sad at the thought of not making children laugh with my stories anymore.

Almost on cue, I received an email notification from one of my old accounts. Someone had just left a comment on that “Shere Khan meets Tigger” story I mentioned before. This was in 2018. I wrote that story in 2011.

This is such a perfect crossover! And both tigers are completely in character. Shere Khan is trying to hunt, but gets interrupted by an excited, bouncy Tigger. As a result, Shere Khan is annoyed and Tigger doesn’t let anything bother him.

P.S. My eight-year-old daughter liked it, too.

It hit me then that I had already been creating stories that made children laugh even before Disney hired me, and there was no reason why I had to stop.

I want to tell stories that mean something to other people. Fanfiction has given me the opportunity for that desire to be not just a dream for someday, but something that I can do right here, right now. It’s allowed me to see the impact my writing can have, the impact that I want it to have, on other people’s lives.

Here are a few of the comments that people have left on my fanfiction over the years:

thank you. Just - thank you. And good night; I will finally go to bed, now. – on a Hunger Games fanfic in 2011

An adorable ending to a magical story. I got tears in my eyes, you know, and I almost never cry. :) – on one of my Alice in Wonderland fanfics in 2012

Thank you for giving more depth to an already-amazing character. – on one of my Rune Factory 3 fanfics in 2016

I've been wanting to comment since Chapter One but I couldn't think of something to say. Seeing this story updated just makes my day better and it's so well written and I'm invested in the plot. Just...good job <3. – on that Spitfire Grill fic in 2018

I really love this, it's amazing how you showed the piano and music as something that makes sense in the middle of all confusion and it's amazing to see it as something that can help so much. To me personally piano has been incredibly important so reading this fic just... I have tears in my eyes right now and I don't know how to express how amazing this fic is for me to read. – on one of my Ducktales fics in 2018

This part hit me tbh, this is something I’ve said nearly verbatim when talking about my own fear that no one would ever want to be in a relationship with me… I just want to say how much I love this entire series. – on one of my 2019 Weblena Week fics

People read fanfiction because they want to spend more time with the characters they love, because they want to laugh or cry, because they want to see themselves and their experiences reflected in media. I am proud to create those experiences for other people.

Of course I love the “other things” I keep working on. Of course I love my fanfiction. Someday I’ll finish Tali’s Flowers, or a different novel, or a movie, or a play, and people will call it my “debut” and ask me how it feels to have finally “made it.” And I’ll be proud, of course I’ll be proud. But I’m already proud. I have every reason to be.

[lightsandlostbells]

so, overall, what did you think of season 3 of stranger things?

It took me a while to answer this question because I had to sort out how I felt about this season! I guess if I had to narrow it down to an overall opinion: enjoyable, but very messy. Had some of the series’ best moments but also, while I was watching, I had far more grumbles and gripes than the previous two seasons.

I’ve never really been hung up on whether this show is derivative or plays too into nostalgia or w/e. Plenty of media does that. And despite all the time I’ve spent dissecting micro-expressions and weighty silences in European teen dramas that are filmed for the cost of a candy bar … I am way into genre films and TV shows. I love monsters and superheroes and spectacle! I watched Stranger Things the weekend it premiered because I love ‘80s movies about kids on bikes having adventures, I eat that shit up. So I don’t expect this show to be a hardcore deconstruction and re-imagining of those tropes (though that sounds like a pretty great show), I’m fine with it being what it is: a solid, spooky sci-fi/horror throwback series. What matters most is whether the story and characters work. Personally, I would say whatever criticisms you can make of S1 and S2, they had heart, and unfortunately I think some of that heart was missing from S3. Much of that, IMO, comes from sidelining some of the familial relationships that were at the center of the narrative in S1 and S2, like the Byers family and Hopper & Eleven, and to some degree the important friendships like the party, although there were other friendships introduced in this season so that wasn’t as glaring. It’s not a surprise that one of the best-received parts about this season, Steve and Robin’s friendship, is also responsible for one of the most heartfelt scenes Stranger Things has ever done. 

There was also a way larger emphasis on comedy in S3. Comedy is probably my favorite genre, and I did laugh at a lot of humorous moments in this season. But I also felt like there was more comedy for comedy’s sake, like long sequences created intentionally to make the audience laugh. Whereas in S1 and S2, I can’t remember any scenes like that? The comedy was more understated and came from character personalities and relationship moments rather than joke set pieces. That’s perhaps another reason why S3 felt like it had less heart.

My hope for season 4 - and I am assuming there is a season 4, because apparently this show did mega ratings for S3 - is that they don’t add more major new characters (except love interests for the gay characters, go ahead with those, lol) and instead focus on the existing cast,  which is already a very strong ensemble, yet many of the characters have gotten pushed to the sides. I would love if they added to the episode count: a lot of Netflix series drag out their seasons, like they have enough story for 10 episodes but have to stretch it out to 13, but Stranger Things has the opposite problem. I feel like if they had 10 (or 11, ha) episodes they could have more time for breather moments and more space for character arcs. This season was really fast-paced in my opinion, and although that’s a positive in many respects, I missed a lot of the down time.

Also, I think every season has taken place over like a week maximum, not including the epilogues, and like … you can make the story last longer than a week! Not everything has to go to hell in like a day or two.

Some more specific opinions underneath, obviously lots of spoilers.

First of all, I gotta say, I feel like a weirdo, because so many of the reviews for this season are like A RETURN TO FORM AFTER A DISAPPOINTING SECOND SEASON and UP THERE WITH SEASON 1 NOT THAT CRAPPY SEASON 2 THAT NO ONE LIKED and uhhhh … I liked season 2 just fine? It’s probably my favorite. There are things I don’t like about it, but the stuff I love is stuff I really, really love. Hopper and Eleven’s relationship, for instance. Steve and Dustin teaming up and Steve Harrington becoming a guardian to four children. Those are not just great elements to the series, but directions that I think only a second season could have taken - Hopper and Eleven’s bond wouldn’t have had half the weight if they weren’t established as traumatized, broken people in S1. Steve Harrington becoming a babysitter would not be nearly so delightful if we had not known him as the popular douchebag stereotype from S1 - if he were just a cool dude hanging out with kids from the get-go, the impact wouldn’t be as great. After S1 used Will Byers as a MacGuffin in S1, S2 gave Will a much larger role and that little actor acted his ass off. His performance generated a lot of genuine suspense and chills. There was Sean Astin being lovable! Paul Reiser’s character being a surprisingly good guy! Yeah, there are big flaws in the season, and you can argue it’s too much of a repeat of S1, but to me it was a version of S1 that made the characters more specific and interesting. I’m just … genuinely baffled by how it’s supposed to be demonstrably worse than the others. Because of the Kali episode? I didn’t think that one was terrible, either. I think it broke up the momentum of the chaos at Hawkins Lab, and Kali’s friends were obnoxious, it’s certainly not the greatest writing of the series, but as a whole the episode is like. Fine. It’s fine. It’s mediocre, not atrocious. It’s not the worst thing ever. It doesn’t ruin anything about the story or direction or the series. Most importantly it’s easy to ignore or skip on a rewatch if you don’t like it. The backlash was way overblown.

My biggest disappointment with season 3 was Hopper. Whaaaaaaat. Whaaaat did they dooooo. 

Hopper in previous seasons is a flawed, messed-up human being, but I always knew where he was coming from. When he yelled at Eleven in S2, I still got why he did it. In this season he felt cartoonish. The overprotective paternalistic dad trope is annoying BUT I might have been less bothered had they connected it more to Eleven’s lack of experience with the world, less RAWRRRR KEEP BOYS AWAY FROM MY GIRL. Or if Hopper had not demonstrated like, actual rage toward Mike and we just saw him fuming about it to himself or venting to Joyce, if he was trying to keep that shit under control. (I did laugh at him singing “You Don’t Mess Around With Jim” in the car, I gotta admit.)

But his attitude toward Joyce was what really bummed me out. I’m not into this show for shipping reasons, but I low-key enjoyed the possibility of Joyce and Hopper hooking up based on previous seasons. This season felt like they were writing a completely different dynamic for them, one that was much more aggressively obnoxious. I think their intentions were clear - they were going for a Sam-and-Diane relationship, something that was referenced early on in the Bob flashback - but the problem is that their relationship was not like that at all in S1 and S2. When I think of Joyce and Hopper from those seasons, I think about him supporting her after Bob died, or listening to her concerns about her son, or working together to find Will. They didn’t have this combative dynamic! Frankly watching giant-ass Hopper yell at tiny Joyce was viscerally unpleasant. (Side note but in the first trailer there was a shot of Hopper running at the Fun Fair with someone else who I assumed was Eleven, but no, turned out to be Joyce, Winona Ryder is just that tiny next to David Harbour.)

Also, considering this season ended with his death (and we all know he’s not really dead but OK) it’s such a waste that there were few Hopper&Eleven moments! Only the finale brought some quality content on that front. But otherwise their relationship was out of sight, out of mind for almost the whole season, which wasn’t a great choice, both to maximize the emotional impact of the ending, and to expand upon their situation post-S2. I mean, it’s been months since then, how has their relationship changed now? Hopper’s letter talked about the stuff he enjoyed doing with his daughter - why didn’t we see any of that on screen this season? It could’ve helped with the Mike angle, too, like show Hopper and Eleven watching TV together and laughing and having a good time, and then the phone rings and it’s Mike and suddenly Hopper’s watching TV alone as Eleven’s now focused on her boyfriend, we see his disappointment, etc. 

Scoops Troop - Now they were a delight. They had such a ludicrous story but for the most part it worked due to the characters playing off each other and because the writing/acting/directing embraced the silliness. 

Steve Harrington is easily one of the best characters on this show. I fucking love that guy. He’s consistently entertaining, he’s had possibly the best character growth out of anyone in the series, he’s evolved from a stock ‘80s asshole stereotype into someone who’s funny and sympathetic and likable. He’s this amazing blend of the ridiculous with the heroic. Steve and Dustin were great together, as they were last season, and I’m cackling that Steve acquired YET ANOTHER CHILD under his supervision without even trying. But the MVP of the season was the Steve & Robin friendship. Holy shit do I love that relationship. Holy SHIT.

Robin herself is a terrific new character, smart and funny and once you know she’s half-Uma, you can’t unsee it. I was loving her already and then the bathroom scene happened and I YELLED. I was so utterly overjoyed. If they had made Steve and Robin hook up, honestly … I would’ve been fine with it, like this show doesn’t need more heterosexual romance but at least they had a fun dynamic, but man, the friendship angle was so so superior. It’s a type of relationship that media is lacking, and the specific circumstances of this friendship made it genuinely moving to me. I keep wanting to write like a meta post devoted to just this relationship because I just have so many emotions about it! But they play well off each other as a comedic duo and as an odd couple friendship, and they’re really what each other needs, IMO. Steve needed this close friendship more than he needed a girlfriend; in this season he’s clearly adrift and we’ve seen the kind of shitty friends he had in like season one, is Dustin the best pal he had at this point? And I love Steve & Dustin but Steve needed a good friend his own age. Robin is a lesbian in small-town Indiana in the ‘80s, and she was clearly full of fear that Steve would hate her if he knew, and for him to accept her so easily, not even making a big deal about it? That’s kind of life-saving, really. I can’t wait to see more of them, if Netflix wants to make the half-hour Clerks-esque spinoff about them working in a video store and shooting the shit, I would be 100% down for that.

I have some mixed feelings about Erica because I think she could have benefited from getting the same humanization as the other kids (and I’m going to leave the discussion of racial tropes gently by the side at the moment but … yeah). The other child characters are played more like actual people with vulnerabilities, which has been part of the show’s appeal since the first season, and Erica was more like the sitcom kid who always has a snarky quip ready; however, she did make me laugh and I like that they tapped into her being a nerd, I wish they’d explore that in future seasons with the character. “I’m ten, you bald bastard” was one of my favorite lines of the season, I lost my goddamn mind. 

Billy - Lmao, so Billy in S2 was the woooorst. This dude had ZERO redeeming qualities. His abusive dad creates a smidgen of sympathy, I guess, but Billy goes so far beyond normal teenage assholery that it didn’t make a dent in my opinion of him. You can redeem someone like Steve Harrington, first of all because Steve actually feels regret and works to correct his mistakes, but Steve also didn’t go to a point of no return in the first place. Billy did, for me. Physically and verbally abusing his younger sister? Attacking a black middle-schooler for the crime of being in the same room as his white sister? What a piece of shit.

With that in mind - I have no problem focusing on him as a villain this season, I really don’t. It justifies his inclusion in S2 other than as a human antagonist who’s ultimately not really connected to the main plot, as it retrospectively establishes him as an even greater threat in this season. I also think the actor did a good job with the material he was given. However, ultimately this dude’s arc was underwhelming. The thing is … I can tell they were trying to show Billy struggling with the Mind Flayer, but Billy is so lacking in any positive qualities that it’s kind of like, where does that struggle even come from? Yeah, even the worst people aren’t going to be wild about having a monster from another dimension hijack your body and use it to collect people for spare parts, but this is the same dude who was about to run over Mike, Lucas, and Dustin on their bikes last season for absolutely no reason. He beat Steve to point of unconsciousness and could’ve put him in the hospital. He assaulted Lucas. So I really need some evidence of Billy’s moral compass because it is not inherent and there’s in fact plenty of evidence that it doesn’t exist. I’m not very enthusiastic about redeeming a racist, abusive creep, but I also think if you’re going to go for him helping Eleven at the end … you have to show some current potential for goodness, not just “used to be a nice kid.”

A really glaring omission: the lack of any family/home scenes with him, Max, and their parents this season. We left off last season with Max telling him to leave her and her friends alone. How is their relationship since then? Is there still a lot of friction? Is there a tense peace? Has their relationship improved in any way? We really needed to see that follow-up. I get that Max crying over Billy this season makes sense in that he’s still her family and we can still have love for those who hurt us … but I also feel that we needed something between them to justify her pain, like even just the potential of their relationship being a fraction better, or the suggestion that Billy used to be OK to Max before he went full asshole. And I think we really needed to see Billy’s dad being currently abusive in this season - tbh, missed opportunity that the dad didn’t get flayed like, out of revenge (which would have been both satisfying and horrifying), missed opportunities for suspense when we think Billy might serve up Max and her mom to the Mind Flayer, etc.

Another missed opportunity: drawing parallels between Billy and Will. Both are possessed by the Mind Flayer. Both had shitty dads calling them homophobic slurs. Both could be read as gay (I’m not hungry to claim Billy as LGBT representation or invested in this interpretation but his scenes with Steve in S2 admittedly have that sweaty homoerotic dick-measuring vibe, if you want to take it there). Their names are both William, FFS. The difference is that Will is a sweet and gentle kid surrounded by loving family and friends who fought to save him, and Billy is a violent, cruel dude who probably doesn’t have any real friends, just shallow connections. You could show how the Mind Flayer could more easily possess and manipulate someone like Billy, but that wasn’t really explored.

Also, is anyone going to dwell on the fact that like … Max is living with an abusive man as her stepfather? He’s shown hurting Billy’s mom. Does that not concern anyone that he is very likely to attack either Max or her mom? 

Oh, and thank God they didn’t take the Billy/Karen thing all the way. In retrospect, even weirder considering Billy’s mommy issues. 

Joyce - I get that it’s a big leap downward in emotional investment to go from “must save my son” to “fucking magnets, how do they work” but I liked that she had her own investigation that wasn’t full of emotional turmoil. Winona forever. 

Mike - Everyone is ragging on him but I think he was less terrible than people are making him out to be. He was bratty in a teenage way, but he wasn’t the worst kid ever. I didn’t take his now notorious line to Will (“It’s not my fault you don’t like girls”) as something intentionally cruel or homophobic, just something that came out wrong and that he instantly regretted, and he and Lucas did seem genuinely apologetic over the D&D game and went over to Will’s in the rain out of concern. And the reason he lied to Eleven was because SCARY ASS HOPPER threatened him??? Also, his concern over Eleven overexerting herself was not misplaced, lmao! It really took that long for anyone to go, “Hey, should we be worried about the amount of blood coming out of her nose? Should we be concerned about the effects on her brain?” Sure, Eleven has the final say in whether or not she uses her powers, but tbh… she didn’t have a normal upbringing and her view of her powers is probably skewed. Like, would Eleven have enough basic medical knowledge to be worried about brain damage or nosebleeds, or would that just be the norm to her? Is she making these decisions with a full grasp of the potential consequences? Anyway, I don’t have a more negative opinion of Mike after this season. 

Eleven - I loved Eleven a lot in this season. I don’t know if it did a ton for her character arc, but it’s nice to see her slowly develop into more of a normal girl. And the season was rough for her in terms of getting her ass kicked, she goes through so much mental and physical pain! In the end she loses her dad and her powers!

Of course one of the bright spots was her and Max becoming friends! Not gonna lie, there was something a little … simplistic about some of that depiction of friendship for me - just that so much of it was SHOPPING and GIGGLING and BOY TALK, girls being GIRLS, when Max has been portrayed as a tomboy and Eleven is a telekinetic kid raised in a lab, that maybe their interactions shouldn’t have fit the mold quite so much - but it doesn’t truly bother me because they were so sweet and fun. I loved them tracking down Billy together and I appreciate that their friendship carried throughout the season, that Max was the person shown carrying an injured Eleven along with Mike, Eleven comforted Max after Billy died, etc. That was a definite sore spot of S2, the girl-on-girl jealousy and Eleven flat-out rejecting Max’s friendly introduction, and I do think they took that feedback into account for the better here. I also like that Eleven was clearly taking cues from Max, the more “worldly” of the two about boys and clothes and teenage attitudes in general - it gave their friendship a more specific shape.

I cannot WAIT to see her living with the Byers family next season. Like if they don’t spend significant time on that dynamic, it will be the biggest disappointment. There could be 8 episodes of just boring mundane Byers domestic scenes and I would love it, please inject it into my eyeballs, Duffer bros. I want to see her bonding with all of them, trying to fit in at school, attempting the most normal life she’s ever had. Also lmao, she and Will can finally have a goddamn conversation??? I hope they’ve been withholding that relationship because they were planning to go all out with those new sibling vibes in S4. They are the two characters who have been most traumatized by the Upside Down, we deserve to see them connect.

On that note, I have a lot of thoughts about Will in this season! Mainly - underused as FUCK. After all that trauma of being possessed by the Mind Flayer last season, they barely utilize this connection in the second half of S3. Even his Spidey sense hardly came in handy??? Now that was really weird, IMO, because the least they could do was have that feeling alert the others or be useful, but lmao it was practically pointless. 

It’s weird because I’m not sure if they just don’t know what to do with Will if he’s not being a victim (which is stupid because there’s plenty you could do with him), but at the same time, he has one of the most poignant subplots of the season. From the reactions I’ve seen, Will feeling rejected and left out as his friends move on really resonated with a lot of viewers. But then this thread is abandoned after episode 3, for the most part. Will cries and destroys the place that represents his childhood, a place that was created specifically in response to trauma (mentioned in S2 that he and Jonathan built it after their dad left), this is very rich emotional territory … and then the show’s just like ehhhhhh moving on. He’s just hanging out in the background and touching his neck for the rest of the season. 

And now I gotta talk about that other thing with Will.

I am so confused by what the Duffer brothers are trying to accomplish with Will’s sexuality, because on the one hand it seems like they have a really clear idea about it and on the other hand they’re just like¯\_(ツ)_/¯  The thing is … it seems very obvious they have always thought of Will as gay. This is blatant from the original pitch from the show as well as one of the S2 scripts (the only one that’s available publicly, so who knows what else they’ve written). I accept that people have different interpretations, but The Line this season is far from the only textual support for Will being gay, and I think it makes for a much, much stronger narrative if you read Will as gay in addition to not wanting to grow up as fast as his friends and being stunted from trauma - that is an entire meta post in itself, though. 

What gets me about the ~ambiguity is that the Duffer brothers planted the gay hints in the first place! They are absolutely not there by accident! Like I’m not speaking for the teenage actors but lmao, the adults involved in the writing and directing of this series absolutely fucking knew how that “not my fault you don’t like girls” scene would be interpreted, especially considering fans were debating Will’s sexuality from the beginning, based off the many homophobic comments leveled at him in S1. There have been TV shows where fans latched onto gay “subtext” that was likely unintentional, but this isn’t one of them. 

IDK, man, it’d just be nice to have some confidence in where this is going. I loved Robin and the bathroom scene made me think that yeah, they might do a decent job with Will’s sexuality, something I might have doubted before. Under no circumstances do I expect a Skam S3-style coming out arc for Will, but I’m also uncertain if I should expect anything from the show on this front at all or if they’ll play it coy to the bitter end. Though I guess I’d still take the ambiguity over giving him a female love interest after everything. Lol, that would be a giant oh-fuck-no.

Real talk, though, let’s discuss what an utter waste it would be to not write a scene where Joyce tenderly accepts her son when he comes out to her. You really aren’t going to bring that instantly iconic moment to life, assholes? You’re not going to provide that for Winona Ryder’s and Noah Schnapp’s Emmy reels? MAKE IT HAPPEN, BASTARDS.

Nancy and Jonathan have a reputation for the most boring plots but they’re fine, w/e. I’m not deeply invested in their romance but I don’t want to fast forward their scenes or anything. Nancy is an underrated character; she’s extremely proactive and always has been, and I enjoy watching her shoot things. I think the best thing they could do for both characters, though, is to separate them next season, not just physically but storyline-wise. Jonathan would be best in a subplot involving his family, because he’s at his most likable as a son and brother, and Nancy should either go off with Mike (a sibling relationship that is VASTLY undeveloped), or she should team up with Robin. I mean it, Nancy and Robin would be a power pairing, let me show you my manifesto. Both are smart young women who are good at solving mysteries. Would Robin think Nancy is a priss after Nancy unloads several rounds into the latest demogorgon chasing them? Would Nancy find Robin a refreshing alternative to the crushing suburban conformity that she claims to want to avoid? Oh, the possibilities. Meanwhile, Steve tags along in the background, all like OH SHIT, my lesbian BFF and my ex-girlfriend are in cahoots! 

Lucas and Max were playing relationship counselors to Mike and Eleven through much of the season. Max still had a fair amount to do, but Lucas needs a meatier subplot next time. I feel like they’re not sure what to do with him? I would like to see him and Erica interact more since their dynamic so far is one-note. 

There is one hell of a conversation to be had about the Evil Russians of this season, but I’m really not the person to do it. 

Also about the depiction of capitalism this season. That’s more thinkpiece-y than I am equipped to do right now. 

The product placement is something that should bother me more but I’m just like … shrug. Except that New Coke bit because that was an actual mood-breaker. 

Could have done without Russian Terminator guy. That was a blatant ‘80s homage so I get why he was there, he just wasn’t all that interesting. And was that guy supposed to be superpowered or something? Was he getting jacked on Upside Down steroids???  What was his deal???

Alexei/Murray was the true OTP of the season, let’s be real.

The trend of lovable, doomed minor characters continued with Alexei. Props to that actor for making you root for the guy. He even made me kind of love Murray? I was very WTF over that guy encouraging two teenagers to fuck in S2, and I’m still not into his habit of telling people to bang even when they’re adults, but I guess he just needed a sympathetic Russian buddy to win me over. 

There were a ton of moments where I felt like the characters made stupid choices as opposed to earlier seasons. Will getting dragged into the Upside Down in the first 10 minutes of the series is an impressive example of a horror movie character doing everything right and making good decisions - a 12-year-old, no less. And he was still overpowered by the demogorgon so it’s not like making good decisions will always save you! Whereas this season I was like LORD some of these characters are drinking dumbass juice. 

There was also so much silly stuff happening, like things that are even more far-fetched than previous seasons, but I just kind of went with it. Yeah, of course there’s a secret Russian base under a shopping mall. Sure.

This season is objectively disgusting in terms of gore and yet I was fine with it? And I’m someone who was repulsed by Barb’s corpse in S1. The Mind Flayer being made of people was some nasty shit but effective horror. I felt bad for the poor little rats :( Oh, and the flayed humans, too. Some of them. Was sad to see Mrs. Driscoll bite it but FUCK those cartoon misogynists from the newspaper. 

Visually beautiful! Starcourt Mall is an amazing set and I’m rather sad that the mall was destroyed, although that was basically a foregone conclusion. Some great cinematography, too. On a purely aesthetic level I had a great time just blasting this season into my retinas.

I have had the motherfucking NeverEnding Story theme song in my head for almost two weeks and I’m suffering.