#but i might have felt something now...... seeing those hanged children (???) and the film stuff... my mind is weak. igaf

[viscerealista]

pathologic quantos?

[bukojuiice]

ʚ  Midoriya, Bakugo, and Todoroki cramming school works with their S/O  ɞ *‧.₊˚*੭*ˊᵕˋ੭.*

izuku, katsuki, and shoto x gn! reader  ♡ 

｡⋆ʚ♡⃛ɞ These are some extremely self-indulgent hcs LMAO i’m currently consumed by a lot of school works and extracurricular activities, so i decided to take the time and write some of these up! this the first batch of hcs i’ve ever made so i hope you bear with some errors! i hope you enjoy!

hopefully i get to write more about the other bnha bois/girls soon so please also stay tuned for that!

if you like to see more from me, i have an ongoing bakugo x fem reader! smau called cuddle buddy! read it here!  ( ु•⌄• )  

✧ Izuku is very smart and hardworking so you’ve barely seen him cram any school work or tasks since the two of you started going out.

✧ Soft bby boi knows how to balance his workload from school whilst still being able to spend time with you.

✧ Now here were the two of you, partners for a huge science project that would serve as your midterms for the subject.

✧  Both of you were tasked to take care of two chicken eggs and treat them as your children. Draw faces on them, make them wear clothes, give them names and describe their personalities... literally treating them like actual babies.

✧ You were whining about it at first because it felt like an elementary project instead of something first year high school students (and those in the hero program for that matter) would do.

✧ Izuku remained positive however and reassured you that it was going to be a lot of fun.

✧ You were still salty and unimpressed by the project, but you couldn’t help but melt because of how cute Izuku was and how excited he was for this task. He really wanted to spend a lot of time with you and he was so so happy that you two were partnered for this project.

✧ Because it was midterms week, you were swarmed with tons and tons of stuff to do, so the two of you decided to finish everything else first then deal with the science project at the end of the week because it was the “easiest”. Boy.. were the both of you so so wrong.

✧ Izuku goes up to your room in the dorm so that the both of you can work on the project quietly, yet as he enters, he sees you panicking and running around the room, your camera hanging around your neck, holding two half-cracked eggs with weirdly sewn clothes and faces that looked like they were scribbled from sharpies.

✧ “Izu-kun... can you help me take pictures of our kids for the baby photobook? 

✧ He was about to faint on the spot from fantasizing about his future with you. 

✧ “Of course! hand me All Might Jr. first so you can take a picture of his cute little sister!” 

✧  Yes, your first born eggo is named after All Might. It was Izuku’s decision and you wanted to support him.

✧ You spent all day taking pictures, printing them, designing them and pasting them on the photo album. It was finally nighttime and the both of you are terribly exhausted and mentally drained.

✧ You and Izuku had creative minds so you were able to create the perfect photo album.

✧ Several hours have passed and Izuku still can’t stop thinking of the future he was going to have with you. What a cutie.

✧  After submitting and passing the photobook to the drop box Ilda left in the living room, Izuku goes up again to your room and is surprised by the sight of you sleeping soundly on your bed.

✧ He comes up to you, kisses your forehead and whispers these soft words to you:

✧ “I can’t wait to tell our future kids how I met you.” 

✧ Bakugo Katsuki has never crammed a school work or project in his entire life.

✧ You on the other hand, procrastinated a lot, yet could still pass tasks on time. Although, Katsuki still reprimands you for it. Calling you “dumb butt” instead of the usual name callings he uses whenever talking to your classmates which is “dumb ass” 

✧ He is your boyfriend so it’s not that much of a surprise, it’s just that you’re a bit shocked that he would be really really soft on you. It’s such a sweet gesture though.

✧ After binging a entire series on Netflix the other day, and because he couldn’t resist your pleas of begging him to watch this show with you, it completely slipped from the both of your minds that you had a dance project to work on for your Physical Education class.

✧  You immediately panicked, and Bakugo began to show his usual hot-headed side of him and scolded you for it. Despite him forgetting about it too.

✧ The two of you were going to film yourselves dancing to the Cha Cha dance style and you had a day to create the raw video without edits.

✧  You suggested that the two of you practice by uploading your videos to Tiktok and ask for advice from the professionals who posted their videos there too

✧ “Katsuki-kun do you think we should upload our videos to Tiktok?”

✧  “Absolutely fucking not.”  

✧ After watching a few beginner dance practice videos on Youtube, Katsuki immediately got the hang of it.

✧ Your man had the moves. He really was good at everything.

✧ You couldn’t help but stare at him as he continues to sway and follow the steps without missing a beat.

✧ Bakugo smirks at you, “Like what you see?”

✧ “Get your mind out of the gutter.” You threw a pillow at him as his tease came out of nowhere. 

✧  Since you were quite a slow-learner, it took a few hours before you got the hang of the first routine.

✧ In those few hours, you probably have stepped on Bakugo’s toes a few hundred times and a few hundred fucks were cursed out of his mouth every time it happened.

✧  He was still patient with you though in his own little way. Constantly scolding you every time you made a mistake, but never made you feel guilty for it. 

✧ You were able to finish recording the raw video by evening. A few hours to spare before the deadline. Either way,  the both of you were exhausted when the adrenaline finally died down. 

✧ “I can’t wait to dance with you again like this. Maybe Waltz or Ballroom next time?”

✧ “You’re a shitty dancer so don’t expect it to happen anytime soon.”

✧ “Then again, I’m dancing with you. So it doesn’t matter if you’re bad. The important thing is, it’s going to be special since I’m with you.”

✧ And at that moment, you could feel your heart explode from all these soft emotions.

✧ Shoto was naturally smart. He could finish a lot of tasks in a few hours without getting distracted. That was his strategy ever since he was in Elementary. Getting things done right away and getting flawless remarks and grades on them.

✧ But ever since the two of you got together, he insisted that the two of you would do your school works together. So, every night, whenever there was homework, you would immediately yeet over to Shoto’s room to answer the tasks with him.

✧ It’s really cute. Not only do the two of you get to bond together but, you were helping each other too. It was the ideal relationship.

✧ Shoto is very particular with a lot of fancy things, so he even has this humidifier in his room with your favorite scent so that the both of you can calmly continue your work.  He even has a comforter sprawled upon the floor so that you could sit comfortably. How sweet of him ;w; 

✧ This time around though, the two of you were partnered up for  to answer a elaborate math problem that you were going to present the next day. 

✧ You exceled in your subjects with Math being your weakest point, sometimes even getting unfavorable grades on the subject. Shoto was the exact opposite though. Which wasn’t surprising because he needed to be good for his quirk. How far his fire can go, the trajectory of his ice and all that jazz. 

✧  He wasn’t disappointed that he was partnered with you for this though, despite it being your weakness. In fact he couldn’t be happier. As long as he was spending time with you. 

✧ After reading through the problem and finding the formula, you were already stressed out. Todoroki took notice of this immediately and decided that the two of you should take a break first. He brings you to the convenience store near the dorm. Your hand holding his as he tells you that you could buy any snack you want.

✧ Using his father’s credit card of course.

✧ After coming back from the store, the two of you decided to head straight back to the math problem. It was very very complicated,  especially since the two of you had to divide the work because it was required for the project for the two of you to evenly contribute to it. It was a math problem your braincells couldn’t take anymore.

✧ “Shoto-kun, I can’t take this anymoreee.” You whined, resting your head on his shoulder.

✧ “Come on (Y/N), just a little bit more. We’re almost finished.”

✧  Shoto was finished with his part of the solution, while you were still struggling. It took the whole night to do so but you were able to answer it eventually.

✧  The next day, it was finally time for the presentation. Shoto was able to present his solution perfectly, while you had some slip-ups and mistakes here and there. The both of you didn’t get a good grade because of that... but to him, it didn’t matter.

✧ “I’m sorry for dragging you into this. It’s my fault we got a bad grade.”

✧ “It’s alright (Y/N). It doesn’t matter. As long as I get to experience something different with you and spend time with you every single day, I’m happy and contented. 

✧ You were so blessed to have someone like Todoroki Shoto in your life. What did you to deserve such a precious and kind boyfriend?

-End.  ♡‧₊˚

[pikablu410]

Christmas Gift

Apologies for a Christmas-themed story being a few weeks after the holidays. I hope you enjoy regardless

“I don’t care that it’s December 23rd! I’ll get them gifts eventually!” 

“You better before Christmas or your presents are going to Goodwill!” 

The Kolstit family wasn’t exactly your vision of a nuclear family. They had a mother, father and children, yes, but they didn’t behave like what you’d expect of a typical, american family. For one, they were an immigrant family from Ecuador. They had moved just about a decade ago, when Adam was 8. The family was hesitant at first, but with promises of a better life from relatives it was hard to pass up.

Now, the Kolstit family comprised of a mother, a father and three sons. The mother, Norma, was a kind woman, but strict on her children. She had deadlines for chores, high expectations for grades and above all wanted them prepared for the world on their own.

Her children didn’t really see that, especially the middle child, Adam. Adam was the child who got the most verbal smack from his mother, a result of his desire to “be one of the popular kids in school” as Norma put it. Adam tried to shirk off his responsibilities at home as much as possible in order to hang out with his friends or play football, better known as soccer amongst Adam’s peers. Norma had other ideas for her son, however, which usually involved him cleaning up around the house.

“I’m going out.” The dark-haired boy simply said as he walked out of the house with a ball in his hands, a blue soccer jersey and gray track pants on. 

“Put on a jacket at least! It has to be near freezing out there!” Norma shouted as her child abandoned her cries. She shook her head and went back to preparing dinner.

Adam furiously walked away from his home. “Why does she always put so much pressure on me? I’m just a high school kid!” Adam thought to himself as he walked to an empty field. 

The grass was stiff and cold, as if intimidated by the air. Two poles rested a few feet apart on one side of the field, the other side only having one pole. Dirt marked the playing field, the only place where there wasn’t a plentiful amount of grass. Rabbits scurried away as Adam approached, hiding back in their dens as a gust of wind blew the grass aside for them.

Adam sighed as he dropped the ball down and started to faintly tap it, slowly bouncing the sphere back and forth from each foot. He didn’t want his mother to hate him and he didn’t want to hate his mother. She was just so annoying sometimes. If he wanted to live his life one way why should she prevent that? Adam punted the ball down the field, hitting it right next to the singular pole. He imagined a crowd cheering as he scored a goal. He missed football season and wished it would return sooner. Unfortunately he had to wait another year for it, and Adam went back to weakly moving the ball across the field, moving slowly up and down as time passed by.

As the sky turned to a dim orange, Adam realized his time at the field was up and decided to head back home. As he went to leave the field, though, he felt incredibly tired and weak. He wasn’t sure why as he hadn’t really exerted himself. This was mostly to calm down and relax a bit. A huge gust of wind blew past Adam, causing his body to shiver from the chill. He saw a wooden bench and decided to sit down to regain his strength. When he sat down, though, Adam felt like he was going to pass out. He had fallen asleep at an airport before, and Adam figured sleeping on a park bench wouldn’t be much different, so he decided to lay down on the bench. “Maybe just a...quick nap…” Adam yawned before he crashed. Though before he closed his eyes Adam saw two figures approach him, as if they wanted something from him.

When Adam woke up he thought he was still asleep. It was so dark he couldn’t see his own nose. Plus, he was sitting up instead of lying down like he had been on the bench. Suddenly, a light turned on above him, though he still couldn’t really see farther than 5 feet away. Surrounded by darkness, Adam just decided to try to find his way out only to be stopped completely. He looked at his body and saw that he was tied down to a wooden chair, and tightly at that. Wriggling his wrists and legs, Adam tried to struggle against his restraints only to be met with no sign of them letting up. 

A few moments later, after Adam had given up trying to get up, he heard footsteps in the dark. Out of adrenaline-driven fear, Adam cried out, “Who’s there?” A figure in what looked like a space suit emerged shortly after, holding some kind of syringe in his hand. “Just sit still and this’ll go by quickly.” They said, with a voice muffled through their helmet. It was almost like they were directly out of a sci-fi film which gave Adam hope that this was just a dream. 

Adam decided to listen to the strangely suited figure, whether that be out of fear or his own will. He felt the syringe pierce his skin as whatever was inside flowed into his bloodstream and eventually the rest of his body. After that, the person walked away and left Adam alone in the dark once more. Adam wasn’t sure what was happening, but after a few minutes of being alone again he felt his tummy rumble. How long had he been out? Long enough to go without a meal, clearly, but how long was that? A few hours? Half of the day? An entire day? Adam was really worried now, especially since nobody knew where he was.

Eventually the grumbling of his stomach grounded Adam’s mind, bringing him back to reality. And reality smelled pretty good, almost like a feast prepared on Christmas Eve. Just as Adam thought it, the lights turned on and before him laid a table filled with food you’d see a family eat for a holiday celebration. Stuffing, mashed potatoes and slices of ham lay across the table on many plates. Fried chicken, french fries and spaghetti were even on the table, to Adam’s surprise. His family usually ate those things as a tradition so it was something pleasant he wasn’t expecting. Near his hands, a tall glass of milk was set, as a drink for the meal Adam assumed. In the middle, a giant, stuffed turkey laid ready to be cut. It took up twice as much space as other plates did, and just the smell of it nearly made Adam drool.

Then, to Adam’s further surprise, the restraints were undone around his hands. Immediately, Adam reached down to undo the ones on his legs, but a voice overhead said, “I wouldn’t try that if I were you.” Adam stopped, his body jumping in shock of hearing the booming voice. “W-what do you want with me?” Adam tried to ask. There was a pause before the voice responded with, “Just eat your feast and then we’ll talk.” Then, silence. Silence only to be broken by Adam’s stomach growling in hunger. 

Adam decided he might as well eat, if only to survive and find out why he’s here. He grabbed the large serving spoon that was dipped in the mashed potatoes, trying to find a plate to set it on to eat. Finding no such plate, Adam decided to eat the mushy meal right from the spoon. Setting it in his mouth, Adam could taste an explosion of flavor. Whether it be from his starving appetite or the taste of the dish, Adam didn’t decide to question it and went right back in for more. Though, as he ate the potatoes Adam couldn’t help but notice a strong, buttery flavor. He shrugged it off, though, as he was hungry and the stuff tasted too good to deny eating it.

The other dishes continued in a similar fashion. The stuffing melted right in Adam’s mouth, melding right along with all of the other dishes to not only enhance them, but revamp their tastes completely. The ham was sweet, but seasoned in just the right way so it wasn’t overpowering. The chicken was fried to perfection, with the chicken still being moist beneath its flaky skin. The fries were similarly prepared, though they were covered with a decent amount of salt. His milk was creamy and delicious, but it didn’t take away from any of the dishes Adam ate. And the spaghetti was divine, being covered with parmesan cheese and a tomato sauce that Adam swore was from the ripest tomatoes. 

After Adam finished all those dishes, he looked back to the table to see the giant turkey sitting, waiting for him. He decided now was as good a time as any, and decided to cut into the beast. Just like Adam expected, the turkey was phenomenal. The meat was still juicy and melted on his tongue. Adam kepting taking pieces off the turkey, not realizing how much of it he was eating. Only until the fork met the base of the plate did Adam notice his immense appetite. He had eaten the entire turkey without noticing. 

Letting out a slight burp, Adam decided to sit back in his seat, expecting his bloated belly to take up a lot of space. However, when Adam leaned back he noticed his belly wasn’t as large as he had expected. It wasn’t as bloated, either. In fact it didn’t look bloated at all. Adam lifted up his jersey to find a tan, chubby belly where his flat stomach used to be, much farther off than he had expected. Adam put his jersey down and noticed the outlines of small moobs beneath his shirt and shorts that had much less space because of his thicker legs. Now nervous and scared of what would happen next, Adam tried to untie the restraints on his legs only to be forcefully pushed to the back of his seat by one of those space suited people. They tied his arms down again, Adam now regretting trying to make a move.

“Now you see our goal for you. You’ll eat and grow until we decide you stop.” The voice came back to ring overhead. Adam was now angry, in addition to his fear from before. He wouldn’t be able to play football if he was too fat, plus, no one would recognize him as a tub of lard. He had always been the lean, football player, not some food addicted fat ass. “Why do you want me fatter?!” Adam shouted at the ceiling. “Oh, you’ll find out later. For now eat like you did before.” And once again, there was silence after that. 

Though Adam still did smell good food, the table was still empty. Out of the shadows to his left, a person dressed in the strange astronaut suit walked out, holding some kind of bowl. On the right, another person emerged, but they were holding a plate of ham. The one with the bowl lifted up a large serving spoon filled with mashed potatoes and held it to Adam’s mouth. “Eat.” The person bluntly demanded, nudging the spoon on Adam’s lips. The food smelled so good, but Adam didn’t want to grow any fatter. 

Despite eating tons just minutes prior, Adam’s stomach let out a growl. Upset his stomach betrayed him, Adam felt it wasn’t long before he snapped under the pressure. Sure enough, he was taking the spoon in his mouth, swallowing the entire spoonful of mash before eagerly opening his mouth for more. Adam didn’t want to eat, but he was just so hungry he didn’t feel like he had a choice. A second after he opened his mouth, Adam tasted the other person shoving a forkful of ham into his mouth. He alternated bites from both of the people in front of him, not even realizing when they switched to a different food. 

Eventually, the two people in suits stopped feeding Adam to let him drink some milk. Adam had been so enraptured with the food’s taste that he hadn’t been able to keep track of himself. He looked down to a terrifying view. His stomach had gotten so big it lifted his jersey up just above his belly button, the tan piece of flesh resting on his wider lap. Moobs were clearly outlined under his jersey, poking against the fabric. His shorts looked even more strained than before, basically stuck to the sides of his thighs. Adam couldn’t see behind him, but if he were able to he’d see that his shorts and undies had been pushed down from the added weight to his rear and they were close to revealing his crack. 

Adam freaked out as he finished the milk. He desperately tried to get out, but again to no avail. His added weight tired him out further, too, making him struggle less than before. “Still concerned about your weight, it appears.” The voice rang overhead. It was quiet for a few moments, but the two people in suits came back with more food. One had a tray of cookies and one had a platter of pie. As Adam resisted their demands to eat, a loud ‘thunk’, followed by a ‘click’ was heard before he saw a movie being played on a television in front of him. It was just beyond the dining table, but large enough that Adam didn’t have to strain his eyes to watch.

“How about you relax by watching something while you eat.” The voice suggested before disappearing again. As Adam’s gaze turned towards the TV, he let his guard down long enough that the person with the cookies was able to sneak one into his mouth. The taste was divine and Adam knew resisting now was futile as his bigger stomach took the lead, forcing him to eat whatever was placed in front of him.

What Adam didn’t realize was the film he was watching was designed to alter him. There were short flashes of guys putting on weight and growing fatter. Some images were of guys who were already fat, enjoying themselves in luxurious lives. Quiet, almost inaudible messages saying things like “Grow bigger,” and “Fat is hot,” played throughout the film. Though, Adam wasn’t really to blame for not noticing. The entire point of these things was so Adam would subliminally start to desire to be fat and grow fatter and so he didn’t notice his mind was being changed to do so.

Two films and a lot of eating later and Adam was being fed more milk as a break from all the food. The TV switched off, bringing Adam back to reality. He remembered his situation and looked down at his body one again. His jersey could barely hold his body, his belly completely on show. It was so big it was starting to become divided into two rolls. This left his jersey to only cover his moobs, which looked like they would burst out if Adam put on any more weight. His shorts had split on his thighs, slowing becoming more and more undone as Adam put on more weight. His pants and underwear had been moved further down because of his growing ass which now showed off his plump butt crack, though he wasn’t aware.

However, Adam didn’t seem as worried when he saw his body. He looked at it for a few seconds before looking back up and saying, “I wonder if Melissa would like me like this. Maybe she’ll even feed me good food too.” 

To his surprise, neither of the people in space suits responded, but the voice overhead replied with, “Who’s Melissa?” Adam, being more relaxed now, gave the voice an answer. “Melissa’s my girlfriend,” Adam started, “She’s really nice to me and I was hoping my body wouldn’t turn her off.” Adam told the voice. More quietly, he mumbled, “I hope she’s not worried about me.” 

A few seconds passed with Adam figuring whoever the voice was had just left again, but Adam was surprised by the voice saying, “That’s strange. I don’t remember you liking girls.” Adam was puzzled. He had never said anything about his relationship, nor his romantic life, before talking about Melissa. “What do you mean? I’ve liked women for as long as I can remember.” Adam replied, and after a few seconds the voice further replied with, “No you don’t, Adam. You like men.” 

Adam’s head was spinning. What were they talking about? What was even going on. “W-what are you talking about? I’m not gay.” Adam bluntly said. The voice replied more quickly now, saying, “It seems you’re flustered. Why don’t you watch some more movies and eat to calm down.” 

The people in space suits, not giving Adam much choice, shoved a spoon of chocolate pudding into Adam’s mouth as the TV turned back on. Adam admitted defeat early, habitually opening his mouth for the other person to feed him a piece of cake. 

Again, Adam didn’t realize that these movies were designed to manipulate his mind. All of the movies had incredibly attractive men cast as actors, with the actors becoming more important with each consecutive movie. And, once again, whispers of messages played in addition to the previous ones. Though this time the messages were saying things like “Men are sexy,” and “Don’t you just love when a hot guy takes off his shirt?” All the while, he was being fed by the two people in space suits, but Adam just ate like it was normal. He just habitually opened his mouth and chewed whenever something was placed in it, used to the process by now. 

As one of the movie’s credits rolled, and Adam was being fed a large glass of milk, Adam realized he had just watched quite a few movies and figured he had been distracted for a long while. He looked down at his body, finding it harder to do so now, to see what the hours of eating had done to him. Adam first noticed his belly, which was now pooling into his lap, covering basically all of it. The tan mass of flesh nearly reached Adam’s knees and was now dividing itself into multiple rolls. The legs his belly rested on were quite thick to be able to hold the large, jiggly piece of fat. Adam’s thighs were nearly twice as wide as his waist was before he started eating and his legs weren’t far behind. Because of their size, Adam’s shorts had torn off during the movie, but he was too busy having his face stuffed to notice. His shirt had torn off too, allowing his large moobs to be on display. They rested on top of his ginormous belly and were big enough to hold in your hand. Additionally, because Adam’s shorts tore off, his ass was completely out and the two globes of flesh could be seen clear as day. They looked to be as big as bowling balls and provided Adam with enough cushion so he wasn’t uncomfortable on the wooden chair.

And speaking of the chair, constant creaks were heard from the thing. Adam was too fat for the chair to contain. His belly looked squished between the arm rests and his ass was starting to get a bit cramped too. After Adam was fed another fudge cookie, the chair snapped and left Adam to fall on the ground. His entire body shook, jiggling for at least a minute from the force of the fall. 

Adam could’ve escaped then and there, but he was having a hard time getting up with his fat body. Giving up after trying to get up one time, Adam just decided to wait for help. With his arms free now, he decided to feel his grown body up for the first time. He grabbed his belly and let it fall back into his lap, feeling the jiggling sensation go throughout his body. Adam then cupped one of his moobs in his hand, then doing the same to the other one. “This isn’t half bad.” Adam said to himself.

Just then, the two people in strange suits had come back with a new chair. It looked pretty sturdy, being made out of metal and having a wide seat for Adam to grow into. The seat also looked like it retracted, which confused Adam, but he really wasn’t in a place to question them. The two people helped Adam sit in the chair, allowing the big boy to rest somewhere other than the ground. 

“It seems like you’re enjoying yourself more.” The voice said once Adam was comfortable in his chair. Adam agreed, so the voice asked, “Did those movies help jog your memory?” Adam was a bit confused at first, but remembered what the voice was referencing. “Yeah I have to admit, some guys are pretty cute.” Adam said, which pleased the voice. But then Adam also added, “But I still prefer girls, and it’s not like I’d want a guy to fuck me. I’d be the one on top.” 

The voice was quiet for a few minutes. Then, out of nowhere the voice said, “It appears your memory is still cloudy. We can help with that.” After that, one of the people in suits shoved a tube in Adam’s mouth. Shortly after Adam felt something flow through the tube, which he shortly after tasted in his mouth. It was incredibly delicious and Adam couldn’t help but suck the stuff down. He didn’t know he was eating an incredibly fattening combination of grease, lard, fat and sugar. Then, the TV screen came back on, but this time a movie wasn’t playing. This time there was a black and white, swirling spiral on the screen. Adam was confused and wanted to look away, but found it incredibly difficult to do so, strangely enough. Finally, Adam felt a part of the chair beneath him retract, which further confused Adam. He let out a yelp as the chair seat came back, only this time Adam felt the chair had stuck something in his butt. It was cylindrical, almost tubular. Then it started to move further into Adam’s rear and then slowly moved back to its original position, the entire motion causing Adam to let out a loud, muffled moan. This helped Adam confirm that some kind of dildo was in him, or something of the sorts. Each thrust caused Adam’s entire body to jiggle, the constant movement causing Adam’s mind to be even more thrown off.

“Hopefully a night with this will help bring you back to your true self. Goodnight, Adam.” The voice said. The two people in suits left Adam’s view, with Adam letting out confused moans that were muffled by the tube in his mouth. Adam was completely lost and his mind was starting to be clouded by immense pleasure. Shortly after the voice and people left him, Adam came all over his underbelly, making a mess from the pleasure. Adam was embarrassed but knew he couldn’t help it. The dildo object in his ass was hitting some kind of pleasure nerve and it was hard to resist it. 

Feeling like there was nothing else to do about his situation, Adam just stared at the TV and let his mind drift off. Adam was left in a daze, his eyes glazed over as he stared at the continuous spiral. He didn’t feel like he had much of a choice to do otherwise. All the boy felt like he could do was wait for tomorrow, and whatever came with it.

Luckily for Adam, it felt like the next morning came quickly for him. The TV shut off, causing Adam to come back to reality. Even though he had been wacked out of his mind for the entire night, he had still been drinking down whatever substance was constantly being pumped through the tube. Not only that, but the buttplug thing in his ass had been pushing into him the entire night. He eventually got used to the feeling, but it still brought him immense pleasure each time it thrusted into him.

“Good morning Adam. It seems your night was fruitful.” The voice said shortly after Adam came back to his senses. Adam was confused at first, but looked at his body to realize what the voice was referring to.

He had grown massive overnight. Adam’s feet had grown so fat that they had finally snapped his sneakers and socks off during the night. His feet looked like plump little marshmallows attached to a fat piece of meat. Adam’s legs were also much thicker, growing wider as they approached his thighs. His thighs were basically tree trunks now, maybe even wider than that. Adam’s belly rested on his thighs, well for the most part it did. It had grown so fat that it was starting to hang over the edges of his thick thighs, causing flab to hang from Adam even when he was sitting. This wasn’t to mention the numerous rolls that Adam’s belly had, and each looked sweatier than yesterday, most likely due to the treatment Adam’s rear was receiving. Pillow moobs sat atop his belly and they looked like they may start sagging off of it soon. Each moob was about the size of a beach ball and it made it difficult for Adam to look down at himself. As Adam tried to move his moobs to see himself, he realized how heavy his arms were. It was incredibly tiring to move either of them, and when he did move them tons of fat sagged and jiggled off of the appendages. Adam’s face was filled with fat too. He was working his way to a third chin, and his cheeks jiggled whenever he moved now too. 

It would be safe to be on Adam not moving a ton now. He looked like he was already overflowing the new seat he had been given. And Adam didn’t even look phased by this. In fact, as he looked over his body, one could’ve sworn that Adam came a few times.

“So,” the voice started, “how are you feeling today Adam?” 

The tube was removed by one of the people in suits, Adam not noticing them walk over to him. Just as the tube was removed, Adam let out a humongous belch. It caused his body to jiggle for a good minute and the person who removed his tube had to step back a bit from the surprise force.

“I’m hungry.” Adam bluntly said. Shortly after, he came and added, “And horny.” 

There was a pause once again, but after a few seconds the voice said, “Good! So it would be safe to assume you remember what your life is really like, yes?” 

Adam was puzzled, scrunching his face up to say, “Huh?” He let out a burp as he said this, not nearly as large as the last one. He also let out a fart, despite the dildo-like object still being in his ass.

Adam couldn’t see it, but the person behind the voice smirked before continuing. “Oh, you know.” The voice said in a friendly tone. “Things like your weight. You’ve always been a fatty. Too lazy to do physical stuff, like sports. Always hated gym and running, none of that.” 

As Adam listened to the voice, childhood photos of him appeared on the TV. There were pictures of him in gym class, his chubby face looked tired and, in a later image, exhausted. More images popped up, this time from a few years later. He was sitting on the couch, naked with his chubby belly out, eating a bag of chips and chocolate. This continued until more recent photos popped up, school yearbook photos of Adam as his fat ass self. 

“Yeah...I’ve always been huge…” Adam said as memories started manifesting in his mind. He started to forget about his love for football, it being replaced with food. Whenever he felt pressure from his parents or anyone else to succeed, Adam would always eat. It calmed him down and he quite liked being bigger. 

“Of course I remember that. I know I’ve always been big.” Adam said, almost as if he was offended.

“Oh? So then you remember your boyfriend, Jason?” The voice went on.

“Wh- huh?” Adam blundered again. 

This time, an image of a brown-haired boy with blue eyes appeared on the TV. 

“He asked you out in 9th grade. You’ve been together ever since. He’s helped fatten you up. I wouldn’t think you’d forget about him, you two are quite inseparable.” The voice added.

As Adam looked on at the images of the boy, more memories flooded back into his mind. He remembered when he first met Jason, in one of his English classes. When Jason asked him out, Adam was ecstatic, further so when Jason told Adam about how Jason wanted him fatter. He remembered nights of being stuffed to the brim, and some moments of Adam begging Jason to feed him. Any memories of being straight or liking girls had left Adam’s brain.

“He’s so hot…” Adam said in awe as he looked on at the pictures of his boyfriend.

The photos of Jason continued to come and with each photo it looked like Jason lost more and more clothing. Eventually Jason was completely naked, but Adam seemed happier about this than disturbed. He let another burp out before the voice continued to talk.

“And I’m sure you remember how...dominant...Jason is.” And Adam did. He remembered how coercive Jason was when feeding Adam, getting him to down an entire table in just under an hour. Jason made Adam feel like a fat pig, and this was no different in the bedroom. Adam couldn’t remember once being on top, always wanting to please Jason as much as he could.

After a few more minutes of naked Jason photos, the TV went pitch black before turning off. Adam had nearly cum 4 times throughout his “reminders” but he didn’t really seem to notice. He had ejaculated so much during the night because of the chair that he didn’t realize when he busted his load. 

“Now, it’s breakfast time. Eat up!” The voice finally said to break the silence. But Adam didn’t even realize the voice had spoken, his face full of bacon and donuts from the two people in space suits. The voice was then quiet as Adam ate. The boy continued to be pleasured from behind, feeling a constant state of hungry, horny and pleasurable relief. 

Just as fast as Adam was fed breakfast, he was fed lunch. “Hungry, mphf, need to eat…” Adam said as he was stuffed with burgers and fries, among other greasy junk. Grease dripped down his chins and onto his moobs, as well his chubby cheeks. Burps and farts continued to be released from the growing pig and he seemed to be sweating more too. He looked to be exhausted just from eating the food shoved in his face. Adam didn’t think anything was wrong and just wanted to eat.

Dinner soon came and Adam didn’t flinch at the sound of several carts being pulled up to him. He didn’t see them because of the dark room and his fat obscuring his vision, but he didn’t really care what the food looked like. Adam cared about it being in his gut, opening his mouth wide to be fed more. Greasy pork was shoved in his open maw, along with more fries, creamy potatoes and more juicy turkey. “Want...more...hungry…” Adam panted out before a belch erupted from him.

All the while Adam’s ass was still being toyed with by the chair. He couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t rock hard, his dick somehow still spurting out cum. Gluttony and lust clouded his mind, Adam being reduced to his base desires. He continued to be fed, sweat dripping in between his rolls and onto the chair.

As Adam finished a turkey, he opened his mouth expecting more food. Nothing came, however, which annoyed him a bit. The feeling in his rear stopped too, with a loud “plop!” sound being accompanied with the feeling of his ass being empty. No longer was there pleasure from behind or food from the front, so Adam was left with nothing to do but wait.

Adam tried to admire his body as he waited, seeing how big he had grown from all the eating he did. His belly drooped down in front of him, hanging nearly to his ankles. Each of his moobs looked to be the size of two pillows stacked in one pillow case, his nipples now as wide as a pepperoni slice on a pizza. Adam didn’t feel like he could move his arms, or at least move them very well. The same went for his legs, which were connected to thighs so wide they’d intimidate a redwood tree. Adam’s face was swaddled with 3 chins that were dangerously close to adding a fourth. His cheeks were as big as his face once was, jiggling whenever Adam made the slightest movements. And Adam’s ass, which had been constantly jiggling from the treatment from the chair, was holding him up about 3 or 4 feet in the air. Each butt cheek looked to be around the size of an exercise ball, all completely made out of adipose.

The sound of footsteps snapped Adam out of his admirable trance, figuring the two people were back to feed him some more. However, they appeared empty-handed and simply said, “Let’s go.” “No desert?!” Adam shouted, but realized that took a lot of energy out of him. “I...need to...eat…” He panted afterwards.

“Oh, you’ll get enough desert to last you until next year. Just get up so we can get you to where you need to go.” The person in the suit said. However, that’d be easier said than done. Adam looked like he was stuffed into the chair, his love handles over flowing from the arms of the chair and Adam’s ass and thighs were pouring out of the spaces under the chair arms. The two people in suits tried to lift the sweaty boy up, but it only resulted in creaking from the chair. Eventually, Adam felt the creaking grow more intense until it finally snapped under him. Adam jiggled for a good 5 minutes, his belly and rolls bouncing up and down along with his ass cheeks and moobs. 

Afterwards, the two people heaved the fatty up, struggling to keep hold with all the sweat pouring from Adam’s body. Adam tried to help by lifting his legs, but that did nothing but move his belly a bit. The fat boy let out a fart from all the movement before panting, “Where...are...we...going?”  

The people in suits didn’t even look at him, waiting a second before saying, “You’ll remember soon enough.” Remember? Were they taking him to a place he had been before? Did Adam actually know these people? What was even going on? Adam plagued himself with enough questions that he passed out from mental and physical exhaustion, not even being conscious to leave the room he had been trapped in for so long.

When Adam woke up, his eyes had to adjust to the sunlight. Was he outside? The more his eyes adjusted the more he realized he was just inside a well-lit room for the first time in a while. He was in front of a beautiful fireplace, the sides made out of well-crafted stone with a wooden finish on top. The walls were also beautiful stone, and Adam realized he was sitting on a very comfortable black leather couch. Looking to his left, Adam saw a very well decorated Christmas tree with numerous delicately wrapped presents underneath. Adam felt very out of place in this fine, luxurious room being the sweaty, fat pig of a slob he was.

However, Adam felt like he recognized this room. But, where exactly was it? As Adam tried to think, he got a massive spike of a headache thinking of his life. Luckily a loud, excited scream, one he recognized, put him in a good mood. He turned towards his right, where the scream came from, and gave an excited, “Babe!”

The brown haired, blue eyed boy ran over to the sweaty blob and gave him a big hug. “This is the best present ever!” He shouted, giving Adam a big kiss on the lips. “Well, we had to make it for the best son ever!” The father said, and the mother followed up with, “Merry Christmas Jason. You still have more presents to go through with Adam!” 

The family enjoyed their opening of Christmas gifts, Jason receiving seemingly everything he asked for and Adam getting some new clothing, most notably an incredibly large thong. Adam remembered he was visiting...no wait...he lived with his boyfriend, Jason. Adam couldn’t remember living otherwise, so he was puzzled as to how he got any other idea in his mind.

After unwrapping presents, everyone headed towards the dining room for Christmas lunch. Adam, of course, would be getting a Christmas dinner later, but Jason and his parents usually filled up on Christmas lunch so much they couldn’t spare a bite for dinner. Adam sat in his huge seat, almost like a throne, though it looked the same as all the other chairs. Jason sat on Adam’s sweaty lap, which was mostly just Adam’s belly at this point. Jason fed Adam nearly everything that wasn’t on his parents’ plates, nearly forgetting to eat himself. Adam graciously ate whatever Jason held in front of him, letting out a belch as he finished the food.

“Lunch was great Mrs. Trebuk!” Adam thanked Jason’s mother. She graciously thanked him for the compliment as Adam tried to stand up, with Jason’s help of course. Adam started to waddle towards the living room to relax, but Jason had other plans. “We’re not done just yet.” He whispered to his large boyfriend. Adam felt his tool poke into his fat at the sound, excited for what came next. 

Jason led Adam into his bedroom, which looked to be the size of a regular master bedroom. The bed was bigger than a king sized bed, which was necessary for Adam’s size. Jason heaved his boyfriend on the bed before he started stripping down. “This is my Christmas gift to you, fatty.” Jason said as he let go of his thong, revealing his sizable package. Jason then got on the bed with Adam, who was lying on his stomach, and then behind Adam. 

Adam braced for what came next and excitedly moaned as Jason entered him from behind. “I’m so glad I have my fat piggy to play with. You’ll love this too I bet, you sweaty blob.” Jason said as he rammed himself into Adam, having to because of Adam’s ginormous ass cheeks. Adam just moaned, everything just bringing him massive amounts of pleasure.

A few moments later, the bed was covered in Jason and Adam’s sweat, though it was mostly the latter’s. Adam could feel himself coming to a climax, as well as Jason. Jason moaned out Adam’s name as he released into the pig, shortly afterwards saying, “Merry Christmas fat boy.” Adam came himself shortly after, panting and mumbling to himself, “This...is the best...Christmas...ever…” Adam passed out shortly after, waiting for his Christmas dinner, which would be just as fulfilling.

Epilogue

The Trebuk family was a very well-off family. Mr. Trebuk had inherited his family’s programming company, among the other stocks his father had invested into other companies. Mrs. Trebuk was a famous psychologist, renowned for her study in psychoanalysis and suggestion. Having made several books and gone on many early morning talk shows, she brought in nearly as much money as her esteemed husband.

Their son, Jason, was also well-off, but more genetically than in regards to his success. Jason had inherited his father’s metabolism and body, but his mother’s eyes and hair. The combination made Jason a typical pretty boy, though Jason had a bit more muscle than the average ‘pretty boy’ archetype you’d expect.

Jason was also peculiar in the fact that he was gay. With his fame on social media apps like Instagram, TikTok and Twitter for his body, one would expect him to be straight, just like most other boys were. But that wasn’t the most interesting thing about Jason either. Jason liked bigger guys, and not guys who were just more muscled and had a bit of fat on them. No, Jason’s ideal boyfriend was one who was huge, fat and barely mobile. 

He had even expressed this to his parents, as the family was very open about their lives. So, when his parents asked Jason what he wanted for Christmas, it wasn’t surprising when he said, “I want a boyfriend who’s a fat pig, but I don’t want someone who’s already fat. I want a guy who’s thin and fit, like me, but make them fatter. And I want them to adore me. And I want them to be a slob. And…” Jason trailed on and on, his parents getting a little skeptical they could even fulfill his wish. Hell, they were concerned they could even get their son a boyfriend. 

They proposed saying something on social media about it, but Jason told them he didn’t want his online personality to invade his life. He’d rather his fans think of him as a typical, attractive guy who flaunts his body online. Jason had been hoping this would bring him modeling opportunities, which it did now that he had turned 18, but he would be lying if he didn’t say he appreciated the attention.

As Jason finished up with what he wanted, his mother asked, “Is there anyone at school you like? We could try to base our ideas from there.” Jason eagerly went to his room, but his parents weren’t sure what he was doing. He came back with his yearbook, flipped to a marked page and pointed to a photo of a boy in his same year. 

His father put on his reading glasses, while Jason’s mother tried to lean over for a view. “Adam Kolstit?” They both asked in unison. “Yup! He’s sooooo pretty! And I think he’d look even better as a fat pig!” Jason said, his parents afraid of him going on like he had earlier.

“Well, why don’t your mother and I talk about this for a bit and you’ll see what happens on Christmas.” Mr. Trebuk told his son. “Thank you thank you thank you!” Jason said, hugging both his parents tightly. The parents laughed and went back to their bedroom, locking the door so they weren’t disturbed.

“That boy is a handful.” Mr. Trebuk said. “And a half!” His wife added, then going on to say, “How are we gonna get a boy, another human, as a Christmas present?!” Her husband didn’t respond, busily typing away on his computer. “Are you even listening Dave?!” She yelled at him. “Quiet, Amanda, I think I’ve got our out.” Dave said, motioning his wife to his monitor.

Being the CEO of the programming company the town uses on a majority of their technology, Dave had access to nearly every computer in town, and this included security cameras. On screen, he had the camera right outside of a restaurant downtown. “That’s him!” Amanda said, pointing towards the boy. “I know it’s him that’s why I called you over here!” Dave yelled back. “Well follow him!” Amanda retorted. Dave kept switching to cameras until he saw an open field. 

“Great Dave, we lost him.” Amanda whined. Dave kept watching the screen though, and said, ���Don’t think so.” He pointed to a figure in a blue jersey with long, white pants on. They had a ball in their hands, which they dropped to the ground and kicked around. “So he likes soccer. Big deal.” Amanda said, walking away from the computer to sit on the bed. “It is a big deal! We know where he goes in the afternoon now!” Dave said 

“Well now what? It’s not like I can just psychologically make him what Jason wants.” Amanda muttered. Dave then sat up, “But what if you could?” “Huh? I swear you get more senile every-” Amanda was interrupted by her husband saying, “The old warehouse a few miles out. We could store him there.” “And then what? We fatten him up in under a month?” Amanda questioned. Dave smirked and said, “Don’t worry, I know people. With your cooking and their science, we can make him ten times the size he is now.” Amanda then perked up to the plan, “And with my suggestive techniques…” “Now you’re getting it!” Dave complimented his wife. The two had a plan and just needed to execute it. Jason would have his fat boyfriend by the time Christmas came around.

[purple-dahlias]

Birthdays

🎈 six

She remembers that one, clearly, even now. The last one her father was there for.

At six Sarah is considerably a lot more perceptive than other children her age. She notices her mother’s pinched expression, the fraught looks that pass between her parents. The way her father walks about in a silent rage and her mother purses her lips, as though trying to stop herself from saying something.

That’s how she ends up sitting quietly, trying her best to pretend she isn’t there, a new copy of The Secret Garden open in her lap, legs carefully crossed at the ankles. She’s trying to lose herself in the words. She imagines herself taken away to somewhere strange, somewhere new, just like Mary was.

It seems to be working for her, that is, until she hears Aunt Louise from across the room.

“Poor soul,” she remarks lowly, but loud enough that Sarah hears, and knows she means her. Looking up, curls half obscuring her face, Sarah is just in time to see Aunt Louise lean across and whisper something to Uncle Henry. Something that she knows is about her parents, who, she is sure are both somewhere at opposite ends of the house being mad at each other. That was always the way now.

And then It’s a few weeks later and suddenly, well, not so, if you thought about it like Sarah did, her father is gone. Not coming back, according to her mother. And maybe, Sarah thinks, maybe if she had been better, he would have stayed and things could have changed. 

🎈 thirteen

A birthday’s not about things. It’s not about presents or decorations or balloons. At least, that’s supposed to be the sentiment. But for Sarah’s mother, it’s a different story. 

Sarah comes home to banners and giant helium balloons, a huge expense, but empty. She knows her mother had no personal hand in the matter. It had just been a call to her assistant and an exchange of money. Empty Gestures, like it always was with her mother. 

A store bought cake, perfectly piped with lettering ‘happy thirteenth Sarah’. It is anything but. Maybe it’s selfish but she wishes for a homemade cake, one like she’d heard her classmates talk about. Complain about, even. What she would give for something like that, something that’s not just empty. That would take time and effort and care. Not just a phone call. Because these are all just things. Not the stuff that makes treasured memories. 

There aren’t even people to share it all with. That would require friends. And middle school was lonely. 

So it’s just Sarah, alone at home, her mother didn’t even have it in her to take the time off work for her only daughter. Instead she sits there, at the table in the spotless kitchen, reading and rereading the typed card left for her, hoping somewhere to discern something more from it. Some hidden feelings in the black and white. But there aren’t. 

Maybe one day, she thinks, though it’s probably wishful thinking. She’s not six anymore, holding onto hope for change.

🎈 fifteen

High school is a little different, a little brighter. She’s changed schools, there are girls who it seems actually like her. Ones she can count as friends. And that’s how she finds herself in the cinema with Harriett and Grace and Marya the evening of her fifteenth birthday. 

She’s sat on the end of the row, beside Grace, sharing her popcorn with her and a fizzy drink that’s just a little too sweet for her liking. But Sarah doesn’t care because Grace holds her hand practically throughout the whole of the film. Sarah doesn’t really think the film is that scary but she’s willing to pretend as Grace holds her hand tightly, leaning close to her in her seat so that Sarah can smell the floral scent of the perfume she’s started wearing, the one that smells of jasmine and bergamot, coincidently two of Sarah’s favourite scents, though she can’t quite remember if she ever told Grace that. 

Grace laughs quietly at something on screen beside her, and Sarah thinks it’s a wonderful sound, like music. She loves knowing when she makes her laugh like that. Wouldn’t mind being able to do that more often. 

But it’s all a little bittersweet, because Grace will be gone by September, by the time the new school term starts. She’s moving with her family to Seattle, so if something ever could have come of them, neither will ever know. 

🎈 nineteen

Sarah feels freer now. She’s in college, out in the world, never mind that her world mainly consists of campus, her dorm, the little cafe down on Elm and the library. 

People are still hard, and her circle of people is ridiculously small, but not for lack of trying. There isn’t much time for friends, anyhow she tells herself. Her goal here is to do well. She has to do well. She is, and that’s her consolation. 

But it’s her birthday and she’s tired and her heart is heavy and she just wants to not feel so alone. So it’s probably a poor decision but it’s summer and she’s alone in her dorm, most other people having left for the holidays; she just can’t stomach going back, and in any case doesn’t think her mum would even miss her presence. There are no calls or messages from the few friends she’d had in high school. Nothing. Which hurts, because she always remembers their birthdays. But maybe they didn’t feel the same way. They’d moved on, probably; she should too. 

It’s just her in her dorm, alone that Monday night.

It’s impulsive, and she’ll regret it later, she knows, but the bottle is right there in her cupboard and even if it’s for a little bit, she just wants to forget, to not think, to lose focus. Even if it’s only temporary. 

The one and only time she allows herself to do this, truly let go of herself like this. And it’s not one of those wild stories to be told later and made light of, it’s not a party or surrounded by friends. It’s just her, alone with the bottle, trying to rid herself of her thoughts. 

🎈 twenty-six 

Sarah is exhausted. Her rotation in the ED is taking its toll on her. The shifts, the long days and nights. But this is everything she had been working towards. What practically everything she had done since she was sixteen had been for. 

So that evening, all she wants to do is to go home, order some takeout from the ramen place she likes and maybe watch a movie. Just something quiet with herself. 

She’s just home and showered, hair still damp and hanging loose when her phone rings. Unusual. Hardly anyone ever called her. What’s even more unusual is that it’s Natalie from Med calling her, and Sarah wonders what on earth she could want at this time of the evening, especially when neither of them have a night shift that day. 

She picks up, to hear Natalie asking if she could come round and watch Owen because she needed to run out to the grocery store and there was no one else to. 

Sarah sighs inwardly. So much for her quiet night. But she goes. It’s not like she had any real plans tonight. If anything, watching Owen might be a help. She knows sitting in front of the TV, especially tonight, would lead her mind to wander. To places and thoughts she didn’t want it to go. It was probably for the best. So she pulls on jeans and a sweater and goes. 

Natalie answers the door, pulling Sarah inside. “Thank you so much for coming, honestly I don’t know what else I would have done,” she gushes.

“Don’t mention it—“ Sarah begins, but the words die on her lips as Natalie leads her into the kitchen. 

April is there, holding Owen, and Maggie is beside her with Noah and Ethan and Connor and Will and a few of the others. 

“Happy Birthday!” They all call out in unison, smiles on their faces and Owen waving his small fists, not quite understanding, but knowing something good is happening.  

Sarah is completely taken aback. She hadn’t been expecting anything, let alone this. She didn’t even think they all knew when her birthday was. 

“You didn’t think we were gonna leave you all on your one, did you?” Maggie asks, pulling her into a tight embrace. 

This, Sarah thinks, is what a family must feel like. 

🎈 twenty-seven

So much has changed. For one thing, Sarah’s a psych resident now. Something she never thought she would be, but she’s enjoying it. For another, and this is the biggest one, there’s Ava. And that is amazing and terrifying in equal parts all at the same time. 

Ava wouldn’t  tell her where they were going. Only that it required Sarah to dress up. It turned out to be a fancy Italian restaurant, one that apparently Ava had had her eyes on for months for this very occasion. Sarah had never really been one for grand gestures, considering her mother’s track record with them; they’d always felt empty. But with Ava, it is completely, entirely different. The way Ava is excited about it probably more than Sarah, because she loves surprising her, seeing her happy. And that, for Sarah, makes the day. Because it is so genuine and heartfelt. 

Sarah can’t think of a time where she’s felt lighter than she does now. 

But that’s not even everything. They get home, and Ava leads Sarah to the couch, telling her to sit, and disappears off into the kitchen. She’s only gone for a short time, and when she returns, she’s bearing a decadent chocolate cake on a platter, iced with ‘happy birthday Sarah,’ in Ava’s familiar, looping script, candles flickering in the dim light. Ava made this. For her. 

It’s perfect, and she tells her so as Ava sets the platter down on the coffee table in front of her. 

“Blow out the candles,” Ava says softly, and Sarah does, as her girlfriend snaps a photo of her, smiles etched on both their faces. 

“Thank you,” Sarah tells her quietly as Ava comes to sit beside her, placing a kiss to her lips.  

“Happy birthday, my love,” whispers Ava when they break apart. And it is. Completely. 

[peeterparkr]

perfidy;tom holland|3

chapter 3: the background music

enemies to lovers au/enemies with benefits 

story summary: Tom and you have been sworn enemies since you were young. However, you happened to be best friends with the twins. When one of your friends challenged you to break Tom’s heart, you immediately accepted to get back at him for all the times he’s hurt you. Old feelings might come back, while both of you try to go past your pride and your lies.

chapter summary: you get a chance to get closer to Tom, and you take it.  

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: swearing, alcohol, mentions of sex (? didn’t proof read

word count: 6k (whoops)

here’s a playlist

previous chapter next chapter series masterlist wanna be tagged?

Hi! I’ve been super busy I’m sorry! And I rewrote this like a thousand times but I like where this is going, so please! Tell me what you think, comments and reblogs are very welcome. (Btw it’d be cool if you listened to the songs) 

It’s been a while since you felt your heart halt with excitement. You hadn’t felt your stomach jolt with butterflies since your first date with Timmy. And you kind of missed it, that ever lasting and wonderful joy to experience on a first encounter. The smiles, the tingle and the hand shaking. The little hints of flirting that led to asking someone out. It’s like walking into a movie theatre, with a promise of joy, with the taste of popcorn,  and you find yourself walking in with excitement and getting transported into a whole new other world. 

Love, like any movie, can be good, can be bad. Like a good story, one that’s promising and you can’t stop watching, and you want to see yourself in the emotions, and feel the air and the breeze. 

Love is like movies, some of them you like, some of them you don’t. Movies make us cry, make us feel. Some of them make us laugh, some of them not so much. 

And love, it has its own background music. Like in films, there are songs that just transport you back to that moment, to that scene. With Timmy, it was a calm song, too calm for your own convenience. 

But Tom, not that you loved him, somehow had his own soundtrack. 80’s chaotic rock n’ roll. Rolling Stones vibes. Every time he walked into the room, it felt like one of those scenes in a movie, a bar with little lightning when the guy with blue jeans and white t-shirt walked in, cigarette in the edge of his mouth, walking in vainly, as if he thought everyone had their eyes on him. They probably did, if you were honest that made you hate him even more, but somehow it was interesting. A character that probably had no other personality trait than being an asshole. 

It wasn’t always like that. Not that notorious, at least. Tom had changed from a 60’s chaotic rock n roll. Always rock n roll. You could picture it, if you had to imagine a scene from your childhood with Tom, you’d probably play The Kinks. Picture Book. 

When Tom and you were younger, it was absolutely clear you didn’t get along. Constant hair pulling, insults, and pranks. A parade of hatred, yelling, fighting and very unnecessary arguments over very stupid stuff. And yes, Tom was still wrong, Robin Hood was not the superior Disney movie, just to clear that out. 

Everyone said it: Those two can’t hate each other more. They were right. 

At school, if you ever crossed paths, there’d be trouble. You’d often be at the principal’s office after having a heated argument with Tom or a prank, or…whatever you guys had come up with this time. 

It was quite clear. 

Your mother and Nikki, however, had a very different opinion on your relationship than anyone else, they were aware of your attitude and Tom’s, but they were still convinced they would fix it, and you didn’t blame them, you’d also be pissed if in the future your children didn’t get along with Harry’s or Sam’s, you’d try to force it as well. At a point, they stopped forcing the ‘future romantic relationship’ bullshit dream and settled with trying to get you guys getting along without fighting. They were sure that the fighting was probably because you had only a few things in common, so they pushed your activities together. 

Add in some Johnny B. Goode to remember the following. 

First, it was piano lessons. First class and you had already knocked down the piano while yelling at each other. You weren’t welcomed for a second class. Then it was baseball, and Tom had hit your nose with the ball, it had been an accident ‘allegedly’. It wasn’t. You weren’t welcome for that class either. Painting classes, you had painted Tom’s clothes all green and made his hair pink. The teacher had claimed she’d never seen two kids more unfit for art than you two. 

So, yeah, it didn’t work out. 

Eventually, Nikki and your mother decided to stop trying, or at least they gave up the extra classes. At least not together, Tom started ballet and you found joy in photography classes. You were getting along better since you didn’t have to actually spend time together. 

So they’d just ask how your relationship was going and whenever they wanted to have tea together they’d avoid bringing you two together unless you were cool with each other. It made it very difficult that you were very good friends with the twins. 

But you had had your secrets, even after everything, you still crushed on him from time to time. However, the last time you had had any kind of feelings like those had been when he had taken you to prom. Of course it had awakened something in you, but those feelings had never come back because he had broken your heart. What else could you expect from someone like him? After that, you’d promised yourself you’d never fall again for him. Not that you fell for him, but you promised that his smile would never make your stomach jolt with joy. 

It hadn’t. 

Let’s go 70’s music now, maybe. Come and Get Your Love-Redbone. 

Even on your 18th birthday, the last time you ackwloedged you had made out---kissed- with him hadn’t brought any feelings. Or maybe, they had surfaced but they had been very different feelings. They were mostly confused and disgusted. THere had been one more thing but... You decided to ignore it. But you hadn’t really felt anything for him, less when you realized how big of an asshole he was to you. 

You were sure he had never felt anything for you. He had made it very clear. ‘I’d rather eat a frog than kiss you’. Yet, he had kissed you. 

You had once bothered him about it: “Hey Holland, I know why your face looks like that, you said you’d rather eat a frog than kiss me, so you ended up never swallowing that frog!” 

However you were now facing a predicament. You had a month, a month to make him fall in love with you when he clearly had no interest in you. 

That’s all you could think about as you had arrived at his parents’ place. You had been quiet on the ride back home. You hadn’t even told him how it had gone. But he had let you choose the music. You’d love to change the soundtrack on your relationship with Tom, maybe an 80’s more type of funky music. 

You hadn’t told your friends about it, but you had told them you’d be going to a bar later to celebrate. But you had been quiet. You needed to think of something fast because you knew how your boss liked to work, and this was the opportunity of a lifetime. You’d be away for two months and if you didn’t come back with a script for her you’d be screwed. This was the worst timing, Tom was going to start filming in exactly three days, sure he’d start in London and then go to America, but you had to do something quick and come up with a lame excuse to hang out with him. Change the background music in your scenes with him. 

How does one make your enemy fall in love with you? You thought of the possibility of changing the script and sending in an idea to Alessandra, maybe you could talk about something that was actually happening to you. The story of your breakup with Timmy? That could work, although your breakup had been extremely boring. No one would like to watch something as calm and boring and that probably was playing the worst music in history. 

And if you thought about it, with Tom, it was like one of those sexy chaotic rock n’ roll songs. 

How would you make him fall in love with you? And why did you want him to? That’s all you had been thinking about on the way home. Because there was a part of you that wanted him to feel the way you felt back when you were younger. You wanted him to feel that agony of knowing that you liked someone who would rather go eat a frog than to ever like you back. Someone who constantly found ways to hurt you. Who could ever fall in love with such a beast like him? 

Tom led the way to the door. And you gave it a thought, all of this was now just a scene, something you were writing, but writing it along the way. And you pictured it on the script. How you could start and use some childhood scenes, and then, to this exact moment, with a little bit more of imagination. 

Ext. 1989 London Suburbs-Day. 

Y/N gets out of the car, an 86 blue porsche. Tom is playing with the keys and heading to the door. 

Y/N

Hey, Tom? 

You saw it, you could write it. 

“Hey, Tom?” You asked. And you had to take a look at him, and really stare. So he’d know. You knew him, that was your weapon. You knew what he liked, what he didn’t, you knew the girls he’d dated. You had that in your favor, and you knew that Tom loved being noticed. 

He noticed that you were staring and you saw him slightly concerned. 

“Oh, you’re talking, good,” he said as he cleared his throat and then you finally arrived at his face, arching your eyebrows as your eyes met his.. He’d grown up, but you could still see that kid you once knew. “Are you okay?” He asked. And you saw him, he was weirded out. He noticed you were staring. 

“Thanks for the ride, it meant a lot to me.” For starters, you could try to be nice. 

He gave you an awkward smile. “Sure.” 

You walked to the door now, but he stopped you. 

“How did it go?” He asked. And you only patted him on the shoulder. 

“Good, thanks for worrying,” and you placed a kiss on his cheek. And you thought of the camera, maybe a close up to the lipstick stain you’d left. 

He went red and paused, triumphantly you opened the door and there was his whole family. Of course Nikki  would do this. They knew how big this was and they loved making a big deal about it, especially since Tom had driven you. 

This was awkward, it wasn’t like you didn’t feel comfortable with the Hollands, au contraire, but there was that pinch of guilt holding you back, you knew what you were going to do and you felt like everyone knew about it. Especially since they saw Tom was trying to scratch the remaining lipstick on his cheek.

But you walked in, Nikki was on the phone, and she dedicated a big smile to you. 

“It’s your mum!” she mouthed.  Your parents were currently having a perfect vacation in Paris, and if you were honest with yourself, you’d rather be third wheeling your parents than trying to come up with ways to make your biggest enemy fall in love with you. It sounded so dramatic, an enemy. Calling him that seemed so immature and childish. But there was no other way to call him. He was your mortal enemy. 

Dom was the one to approach you and hugged you hello. 

You didn’t know if they sensed your tension. 

“Hey y/n, what’s with the long face?” Sam asked as he grinned looking at you, walking over. “Who died?” 

“Her hopes and dreams, probably,” Tom said behind you. “And her sex life,” he laughed, earning a glare by Nikki. 

“Tom,” Nikki turned stern. 

“What? Didn’t she just break up?” Tom pushed with a smirk. 

Nikki crossed her arms, “Thomas,” her voice was firm as she watched him leave for the kitchen, but then softened as she looked at you. “Y/N, long time no see! I see Tom drove you,” Nikki grinned. 

“Yeah, he did, didn’t leave me alone” you chuckled. “He was nice, that didn’t last” you chuckled. 

“Your brother is coming, too, by the way,” she informed you. Great. But how did it go?” She grinned. “Do you have a job now?” 

“I….” 

Harry tackled you from behind. “Yes,  idiot! How did it go?” 

You chuckled as you turned around to finally hug him. “Hi!” You wanted to tell Harry everything, everything, you hadn’t seen him in a while, he was too busy with his own things and his new girlfriend, Emma.

“Oh, you don’t know how much I missed you,” he said.  

“Me too,” you grinned. “How are things with Emma? How are you?” 

“Good, great, things are… great, I’ve got some news!” He chuckled. “But, okay, tell me everything about the interview, I’m so sorry I couldn’t-”

“Hey, it’s alright! It went amazing! I… Well, it’s complicated, but I kind of nailed it.” 

“Really?” Tom asked as he was opening up a bag of crisps. “Then why were you quiet all this time?” 

“I didn’t want to talk to you,” you snapped. “Never share good news with your enemy.” 

Tom rolled his eyes and forced a laugh.

You turned back to Harry. “But, hey, what is the news?” 

“Um… let’s just… Have lunch.” 

Before you knew it, you were sitting down listening to Harry and Sam, both of them making you laugh with their stories. Tom sat at the other edge of the table, far from you. This was how it usually went, him far away from you and avoiding any eye contact with you. Everyone understood it, and they didn’t try to push it that far anymore. There were times when you turned to eat, when things were bad, but right now it seemed like it was bothering Tom. You could see he wanted to join the conversation at times but he remained on his phone, or talking to his parents. 

Your brother arrived and he sat near Tom, they were friends, and they could talk to each other. And although your brother was aware of your relationship with Tom, he had grown up with him, too so there couldn’t be any hard feelings against them. Besides, everyone in the family was aware of it. This was between you and Tom only, nothing to drag them in.

You caught Tom’s eyes a few times, and you had, against your will, dedicated him a smile or two. He hadn’t smiled back. 

“Okay, so what’s the big deal, y/n?” James asked. “I mean, I love coming over for lunch here but, how did it go? Are you an official writer?” 

You chuckled as you saw them looking at you. “I well…” 

They frowned. 

“Well, they asked me to write a script, for a new series, pitch in an idea, they’re giving me two months to write it and if they like it, I am officially working for them.” 

“That’s nuts,” Harry frowned.

 “That sounds like the worst job offer,” Paddy pointed out. 

“Pads,” Sam frowned at him. 

“It’s a competition kind of thing, if they like it enough, they’ll produce it,” you explained. “That’s why I’m not as...excited.” 

“But it’s a chance,” Tom pointed out. “I… talked to your friend, he… Charlie, that’s his name?” He asked. “And he told me about that and how they’re only choosing between three people.” 

Your eyes widened. He had talked to Charlie and that made you feel uncomfortable. “Yes, well, it’s a shot, it’s better than having nothing.” 

“But wait, until then you have like… No job?” Sam asked.

You bit your lip. “Yup, but hey it’s… a good shot, I honestly thought Alessandra was going to fire me.” 

“That’s nonsense,” James pitched in. “But okay, I’m still proud of you, little one,” he grinned. 

You knew it wasn’t a big shot, but it was a chance. 

“Yes, it’s still good.” Harry pursed his lips.

Nikki and Dom watched you, and you saw it in their eyes the same pity your parents usually had. 

“But hey!” You tried to change the subject. “Harry’s got news too, right?” 

Harry popped his lips. “Yeah, uh… I got… Well, I actually, ...it got in, the screenplay, they’re producing it,” Harry explained, and he said it with the softest voice as if he was trying not to hurt you. But this was weird, you already knew that part. “But well, we’re starting the production in a week in… Scotland.” 

“That’s amazing!” You grinned. 

And his whole family started to cheer for him, and the tension in the room faded out. 

Except when Tom finally… realized something. “Wait, in a week?” Tom asked. “Then… you’re not...coming to help me out?” 

And the table went quiet. Harry was Tom’s assistant, he knew schedules, clothes, everything. Harry was basically Tom’s boss. 

“Yeah, I wanted to talk about that, too,” Harry bit his lip. “I can’t… I would’ve told you sooner so we could find another assistant but-” 

“No, no, don’t apologize,” Tom cleared his throat. “I’m super excited I just… I need to find an assistant.”

And then you saw it. A chance, as if you had just wished upon a star and it had granted you an opportunity. If this hadn’t been the situation you probably would’ve called him out on being so selfish and arrogant and vain as you usually did, but this was unexpected as if the universe was trying to help you with your plan. 

The family started to give him so options and they were trying to find a balance between finding somehting that could soothe stupid Tom and congratulate Harry

“What if… I’m your assistant?” You said, loud enough for all them to quiet down. 

Tom laughed. “What?” 

“Yeah, think about it,” you shrugged. “I don’t have a job right now, and it’ll be what? Two months filming? It’s a perfect time for me to help you out and write” 

Tom frowned, staring at you. “You can’t be serious?” 

“Why not?” You grinned. 

“Because you can’t stand each other,” this time your brother popped in. “And being his assistant would mean spending this entire two months with him.” 

“And he gets pretty annoying,” Sam said. 

“I’m used to that, I can handle that,” you said. 

“I can’t handle you,” Tom frowned. 

“Now, now, Tom it might be… a good idea,” Nikkie said, and of course she would agree. Of course she wanted you to be around him, with hopes of you getting along. And right now, you wanted more than getting along. 

“Yes, you’re both adults now, you can be decent, right?” Dom intruded.

“I can,” you smiled. 

“No, you can’t,” Tom clenched his jaw. 

“Oh, c’mon, Tom, help her out,” Harry said. “Besides, I’m sure she’ll be great, she'd be amazing at planning.” 

Tom looked away. “I’ll… think about it.” 

Lunch became quiet on Tom’s side of the table, while you kept talking to Harry and Sam. You weren’t quiet, and eventually ended up in the living room, having a laugh and waiting for it to get dark so you could go to the bar where you’d meet your friends. 

You borrowed a hoodie and then you were good to go, Sam, Harry and you were about to walk out when you bumped into Tom who had also stayed, talking to your brother, who had just left. 

Tom looked at the three of you and walked past you. 

“Have fun.” 

Usually, he wouldn’t be invited, but right now you were under very different circumstances. It felt different. And there was still that tinge in your ear telling you to back away, no one should play with fire unless you want to get burned. 

“You can come, too,” you said as you turned around. 

“What?” Tom frowned as he stopped. 

“You’re invited,” you cleared up, as he slightly turned to you. 

“Really?” 

“Sure,” you smiled. “C’mon it’s my way to pay you for the ride.” 

He clenched his jaw, but he quickly accepted it and joined you. 

Before you knew it, you had a beer in your hand and he was sitting right beside you. You didn’t understand how or why, but he had been the one to sit without a warning. You were in your favorite booth at the end of the pub where you had a little bit more privacy. And you watched Tom, and his cap. 

You didn’t stand him, why were you going to risk it all for this? And the idea of being his assistant was giving you a headache. 

But you thought about it, how stupid it was of Alessandra to ask for a script based on real life. It was probably one of her most stupid ideas, and you knew that she probably was doing it because she believed of herself as a teacher that was giving the key of art to the interns. When in reality she was only pushing everyone back. But maybe this would be a challenge for you, you’d never written anything remotely close to a love story, only when younger, maybe, but you didn’t like writing love because it didn’t feel like a challenge to you. Maybe it was now. 

Somehow, Charlie and Danielle had decided that the perfect way to get the evening going was to ask about your childhood. 

There was a live group playing music, and somehow you felt it was a sign. 70’s and 80’s rock n’ roll. It suited the vibe, as the light was dimmed out. 

“Man, I—If I’m honest, I think we probably have everything filmed,” Tom said, as he answered Danielle’s question of your childhood. “Y/N and Harry used to carry that camera everywhere.” 

The beer in your hand was bittersweet, you had stopped counting how many you had had, Tom kept ordering you both beer, something advised by Harry and Sam, who had pointed out you both needed to be a little bit tipsy to stand each other. 

“Really?” Charlie asked. 

“Yes, we should pick that up again, you know?” You nodded, as you let down your beer, you brushed your fingers against Tom’s. “It's good to have memories.” 

Harry grinned. “I mean we didn’t really stop.” 

“No, but you know, we used to literally film everything we’d be filming this!” You pointed out. 

Tom chuckled as he took out his phone. “Hey everyone, it’s Tom and I’m kind of drunk here,” he admitted to the camera. “On my side, you’ll be able to see a troll, one of a kind, viewer discretion is advised,” he pointed at you as you glared at him. 

“Oh, piss off.” 

“See? Oh maybe I’m wrong, are you a witch?” He smirked as he pointed the camera at you. 

“Change a letter there, sweetheart,” Charlie grinned. “It’s not a w it’s a b.” 

Harry snickered. “Oh, don’t give him ideas.”

Tom shook his head. “Nah, she’s more of a witch,” Tom said carefully as he turned to you. “The wicked witch of the east.” 

“It’s the west, dumbass,” you corrected him. 

“No, because the one who died is the one from the east,” he winked at you. “And I’m Glinda.” 

“You know she’s the real villain of the story right?” You frowned. 

“She is not.” 

“No, she’s not but—“you chuckled. “I’m drunk. I dunno.”

But the conversation was flowing and you were hinting some flirting at Tom sometimes, like casually touching his shoulder or batting your eyes a bit more, and he was catching up on it. But your nature would show up and you’d end up mocking each other and rolling your eyes. If anything, you could blame it on the alcohol. 

“You know, you know what you two need?” Charlie said between drunken giggles. Tom was recording again as he made silly faces to the camera but then started to record you.  

“A burger,” you answered, turning back to Charlie. 

“With chips, yes,” Tom agreed and you laughed and slightly leaned against him. You had significantly gotten closer to him through the night and you were sure his hand had landed several times on your waist. His hand was slightly now behind your shoulders, resting against the booth. 

“No, you guys need to bone,” Charlie snaked. You felt your heart falling down and you quickly shifted away from Tom. He retracted his hand to himself. 

Harry burst into laughter. “This dude is mental.” 

“These two?” Sam threw his head back. “oh gosh, if you told them to screw they would actually bring nails and screw,” Sam laughed. 

“Yes, I’d rather have grounds in my coffee than have to spend 5 minutes with him,” you said. 

“And I’d rather eat a frog,” Tom chuckled. 

“Just swallow the one in your mouth,” you giggled,  poking his cheeks then proceeded to make more faces at his camera. 

“I’m serious, all that hatred you’re showing it’s only a facade,” Charlie said. “All of it would be gone if you gave in to that sexual tension you’ve got going on.” 

“Gross,” you stated

“It’s simple psychology,” Charlie explained, “you’re both rude to each other because you can’t have the other.” 

Harry coughed, “That would never happen.” You saw Harry gulp down his beer, 

“Why can’t people just accept we don’t like each other?” You wondered as you watched them. 

“You’re like my soulmate but for hate,” Tom zoned out for a minute. “My soulhate.” 

“Besides it’d be weird,” Harry pointed out. “We grew up together.” 

“That would make it weird?” Tom raised his brow. 

Charlie took a long sip of his vodka. “I’m just saying.” 

“Well, don’t,” you rolled your eyes.

 But the night continued, Charlie and Danielle left eventually leaving you with the Holland’s. The twins left and, you hadn’t accepted their offer to drive you home. Surprisingly Tom hadn’t left either, it seemed like he had picked up on your little flirting game. This was a good start. 

“So, you really do want to be my new assistant?” He asked, as he snatched your drink out of your hand, taking a sip. 

“I actually do,” you sassed as you took it back, sipping it. “I need a job and might as well have something to kind of do with a big star, you know?”

He watched you. “You think we will last without fighting?”

“No.” 

“Then?” 

“Well, you’ve got a better idea? Have anyone else for the job? You start in three days” you pointed out. 

He rolled his eyes. “I know, I know.”

“Besides, I know you, Tom, for better or for worse,” you admitted. 

He clenched his jaw. “I guess. You do realize we’ll have to spend an awful lot of time together? And that you’ll have to travel with me?” He was condescending. 

“It’ll be strictly business, won’t it?”

“Yes but-“

“I’ll be as professional as I can be, Thomas Stanley Holland,” you grinned

“Don’t call me that.”

You giggled. “Little Stanley…” 

Tom frowned. LY/N, see? This. This is what I mean.” 

“Ah, c’mon Stan,” you laughed. “I won’t be showing all your embarrassing pictures and telling your stories to everybody.” 

Tom stood up, ready to leave. “That’s it.” 

You pulled him back down. “Tommy, I’m joking.”

He glared at you. “I don’t trust you.” 

“You think I trust you?” You laughed. “We both can lose a lot here, Tommy, I won’t be risking my career in spite of yours.”

He bit his lip, looking away. 

“Tommy, please.”

“I...fine. But I need you to understand… You’ll be spending time with me.” 

“I’m looking forward to it,” you said, but it came out very poisonous, earning a scoff from Tom. “Why are you scared?” 

“Because I honestly think this is the most time we’ve shared without tearing each other apart,” he shrugged. 

You stared down at the half full bottle that you’d been sharing. You took it into your hands. 

“Ah, it’s the beer, probably,” you grinned

He took it from your hands and sipped it. “Right, alcohol makes us nice to each other.” 

“You call this nice?” You took the beer back. 

“I’m not trying to ruin your life so yes,” he smirked, taking it back. 

“Am I ruining yours?”

“Kind of,” he admitted. 

You smirked as you finally took the beer back and downed it. “Good.”

“Shall I remain drunk all the time, then?” He laughed, his laughter was dragged. 

“Dunno, it’s up to you, you do tend to get a little nicer,” 

He laughed. “Me? You’re the one who hasn’t been able to keep her hands to herself,” he pointed out as your hand had brushed his. 

You clenched your jaw. “And you haven’t pushed me away,” you smirked, as you took his hand and pushed it away.

Tom licked his lips as he stared at you. “Well.” He shrugged, as he placed his arm back behind you, resting it back on the chair. 

“See? Alcohol.” 

He laughed. “I can’t be drunk all the time.”

“I can.” 

“Y/N.” 

“Tom, I’m joking, and I genuinely want to help you,” you said. “Besides, I’ll have time to write this script.” 

He rested his hand on his head, you could smell the alcohol even from that distance. “What will you write about?” 

“Dunno, I’ll see.” 

“You’re good, don’t worry.” 

You rolled your eyes. “You’ve never read me.” 

“I’ve read many of your scripts,” Tom scoffed. “Not only the ones when we were little, I...also the ones you’ve shown to Harry, they’re all good.”

You frowned. “Thanks.” 

“I don’t see why you’re so stressed about this.”

“Because… it’s complicated,” you shrugged. “It’s not...something I usually write.” 

“Hm. Is it a love story what you need to write?” He mocked. 

“I well, kind of, so shut up, you know I hate writing those,” you rolled your eyes.

“Hm, you do, now?”

“Yes, I don’t think I’ve ever written some true authentic love story,” you admitted. And you hadn’t, you really hadn’t. 

“Because you’re the villain of the stories, you said it when we were kids. The villains will never…”

“Never find love, I know. Maybe you’re right. But you’re the villain in my story so…” You wrinkled your nose. 

“We’re doomed.” He bit his lip. 

“Or…” You grinned. 

“Or?” He frowned. 

“Maybe the villains end up falling for each other,” you suggested, shooting your shot. 

He laughed to himself and turned away. A slight blush upon his. “Hm, hinting a crush again, y/n? I think I’ve been clear with you before, you’re not my type.” His voice had turned darker. 

“Oh, please, Tom, I’d never fall for some jerk like you,” you pushed. 

“You did once.” 

“I was 9 and stupid” 

“Oh, right you’re not 9 anymore, but you’re still stupid,” he grinned. 

You shrugged. “But not as stupid as to be one of those many who’d fall for you, you know?” “Ah, the I’m not like other girls cliché,” Tom laughed, rolling his eyes. 

“Yes, but it’s not really a cliché here,” you pointed out. “I mean if we’re honest, I know you enough to know you’re an asshole, and everyone else sees you through the cameras, you know?”

He raised his brows. “I guess… yet...You’ve always been different, y/n, you know? Like, I’m always on the edge with you.” 

You grinned. “Are you now?” 

“Yeah, one minute you’re flirting then the other you’re doing this,” he pointed at your glaring face, as you felt yourself blushing ignoring his gaze. “it’s weird. I never know if you’re flirting or not.”

“I’m not,” you crossed your arms. “Not with you.” 

“Then who were you flirting with all night? Harry? Sam?” Tom pushed. 

“No… Charlie.” 

“Charlie? The gay guy,” Tom laughed. 

You flipped him off. 

He smired. “See? Just two seconds ago you had your hand in my hair.”

“Alcohol.” 

The lights were dimmed. 

“We should… get out of here, I’ll get us an uber.” 

You walked out, tipsy enough to walk and just slightly cold. You knew that asking for his jacket would earn only a laugh from him. He had been just nice enough now, and you knew this could blow up. But you felt dizzy, and to keep yourself steady you grabbed his arm. He didn’t move as he stared at his phone. 

“You’re always like that, you know?” 

“Like what?” 

“You’re like polar opposites in one person,” he commented. 

You pushed him away. “Ah great, am I bipolar now?”

“No, no, that’s not…”He closed his eyes. “Not what I meant.” 

The car arrived and you both hopped into the backseat. 

“That’s not what I meant,” he continued. 

“Then what did you mean?” You crossed your arms. 

“I don’t know.” 

You glanced at him. “And you’re worse, you’ve been playing with me since kids.” 

“What does that---?” He frowned. “I never-” 

“You always gave me hope.”

“I didn’t. Maybe you were too busy dreaming with me and misread everything, I’ve never liked you.

“I’m not implying you liked me,” you snapped. 

“Then?”

“I’m implying you were an asshole.” 

The driver widened his eyes as he looked at you from the mirror, you saw he was trying to suppress a smile.

Tom clenched his jaw. “Ah, that I am, but, please, sweetheart but you and I could never be.” 

“I know, mainly because I despise you.” 

He scooted closer. “And because I’m cool and you’re you.”

“And I’m me?” You saw him getting extremely closer. 

He held your chin. “Look at us, y/n we come from different worlds.” He was leaning in. 

“As long as I remember we grew up in the same one, yet you still managed to become an asshole,” you pushed his face away from yours. 

“I think we’re getting a little bit mean again,” Tom rolled his eyes. 

You remained quiet. 

“I don’t know y/n, maybe they’re all right, I—”

“Who?”

“Everyone maybe we—have to I dunno,” He placed his hand on your leg and you raised your brows. 

“What?” 

He slowly wrapped his arm behind your shoulder and leaned closer. “I feel like we need to loosen up a little y/n.” 

You felt your heart racing, you were angry, you didn’t like this and you didn’t want him to believe that you actually still fancied him, but this was all working, this is exactly where you technically wanted to have him. So, you had to give in.

“And what do you suggest?” Your voice was low. 

“I don’t know, I’m giving in to all your flirting,” He laughed as he scooted closer.

You turned around, and laughed. “My flirting?

It felt like late 60’s, rock n roll

Tom, turned your head back to him. “Please you’ve been doing it since you came out of that interview.” 

“Hm,” you nodded. “I remember being quiet.” 

“And I remember those lips on my cheek,” he gently poked your lips, and maybe it was the alcohol speaking for itself but you wanted to kiss him, and kiss every single spot on his skin. 

You cleared your throat. “Ah, please Tom, I was being nice,” you rolled your eyes. 

But then you felt his lips against your neck, you instinctively closed your eyes. 

“Hm, maybe be nicer?” he kept kissing your neck. 

“Nicer?” 

“You know, lips on mine,” he whispered. 

You rolled your eyes. “You’re drunk, Tom”

“Maybe, but you are, too,” and with that he sealed the deal and closed the gap, combining your lips with yours. And maybe the driver had done it on purpose, or maybe it was faith or your imagination,, trying to get a perfect soundtrack for you, but ‘You Shook Me’ by Led Zeppelin was just the exact song you needed to listen to while kissing your enemy. But how far were you going to let yourself go? 

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[lingthusiasm]

Transcript Lingthusiasm Episode 53: Listen to the imperatives episode!

This is a transcript for Lingthusiasm Episode 53: Listen to the imperatives episode! It’s been lightly edited for readability. Listen to the episode here or wherever you get your podcasts. Links to studies mentioned and further reading can be found on the Episode 53 show notes page.

[Music]

Lauren: Welcome to Lingthusiasm, a podcast that’s enthusiastic about linguistics! I’m Lauren Gawne.

Gretchen: I’m Gretchen McCulloch. Today, we’re getting enthusiastic about imperatives. But first, we’re going to do a Lingthusiasm liveshow – a virtual liveshow in late April brought to you on an internet near you for everybody who’s a patron of Lingthusiasm, which there is still time to become. Keep an eye out in late April 2021. We’ll be announcing the dates on social media and the website a little bit closer to the time.

Lauren: This liveshow is our current Patreon goal. All tickets will be for patrons. That is available at lingthusiasm.com/patreon. If you’re listening to this in the future from beyond April 2021, patrons will also be able to listen to the recording of that liveshow event as a bonus episode – along with over 50 other bonus episodes.

Gretchen: The Lingthusiasm liveshow is also part of LingFest, which is a bunch of other fun linguistics events that are happening in late April. Stay tuned to our website for more information about that. Also, in late April, we’re doing a virtual conference for linguistics communicators called “LingComm.” That’s people who make linguistics communication materials online – modelled after SciComm for science communicators. This is gonna be happening online. You can find more details about LingComm on the website lingcomm.org. That’s “comm” with two Ms.

Lauren: Our most recent Patreon bonus episode was an Ask Us Anything episode in celebration of our 100th overall episode. It is our 48th bonus and, along with our over 50 main episodes, it means there is twice as much Lingthusiasm. If you’ve worked your way through all the main episodes, they are all available at lingthusiasm.com/patreon.

Gretchen: Thanks for asking us such great questions on the Lingthusiasm patron Discord. Go hang out in the Discord if you haven’t yet. It’s fun!

[Music]

Gretchen: Start the episode!

Lauren: Go on!

Gretchen: Be interesting!

Lauren: Do linguistics!

Gretchen: Stay lingthusiastic!

Lauren: All of these sentences are giving some kind of command.

Gretchen: These are all what’s known grammatically as “imperatives.” They have the function of giving commands, but they also have the imperative, which is this particular grammatical thing where, in English, an imperative may begin with the bare form of the verb – like “start” and “go” and “be” and “do” and “stay.” That’s a particular grammatical concept that we wanna talk about today.

Lauren: The function of giving a command means that now, Gretchen, I expect you for the next half hour to be very interesting and very linguistic – if you’re going to obey the command that’s been given.

Gretchen: No, I was telling you to be interesting, Lauren.

Lauren: Oh, okay. Well, now we’re in trouble. It is possible to do things that have the function of giving some kind of command that’s not an imperative – that doesn’t have the grammar of an imperative structure. So, “I order you to be interesting,” is not actually an imperative.

Gretchen: It is a command, but it is not an imperative. Sometimes, you have this – I wanna say – this very imperial Ancient Rome – [imitates imposing voice] the Imperator or the Emperor is saying, “Take this man away,” is sort of a command thing. But you can also use imperatives – the form of the imperative – to do things that are very polite. You can say something like, “Come in,” “Sit down,” “Make yourself at home!” All of these are also imperatives, but they’re polite imperatives.

Lauren: I hope that people don’t think we’re being imperious when we use the imperative to tell them to “Stay lingthusiastic” at the end of an episode.

Gretchen: Secretly, this episode, we’ve been building up to it since the very first one.

Lauren: “Emperor” and “imperative” are related etymologically, I assume.

Gretchen: Yeah. The “emperor” is somebody who has the authority to give commands, and it’s definitely the core function of the imperative is that commanding function. But when I think of imperatives, I think about a young adult novel that came out in 1997 called, Ella Enchanted.

Lauren: Did this also become, I remember, a movie?

Gretchen: No, don’t talk to me about the movie. The movie is bad.

Lauren: Okay. Well, I haven’t seen the film, so that’s fine. We can just talk about the book, which I also have not read. Enlighten us about Ella Enchanted.

Gretchen: Ella Enchanted is one of those fairy tale retellings. In this particular context, the main character has a blessing/curse put on her by a fairy at her birth where she has to be obedient.

Lauren: Is this one of those blessings that inadvertently become a curse?

Gretchen: Yeah. The fairy’s like, “I’m gonna give you this blessing. Ella will always be obedient. Now, stop crying, child!” And the baby has to stop crying because she’s been given this command to stop crying.

Lauren: Very useful.

Gretchen: I mean, like, who amongst us could not find this useful? Unfortunately, she grows up, and if people give her a command even inadvertently, she has to obey it. What’s interesting from a grammatical perspective – and I feel like why I always felt like I had a very solid grasp of what an imperative is – is because she only has to obey things when they’re imperative commands and not when they’re more indirect commands. If somebody says, “Stand up,” “Sit down,” she has to do it. But if someone says, “I wish you would stand up,” or “Why don’t you sit down,” she doesn’t have to do it at that point.

Lauren: Oh my gosh, she’s a walking grammaticality test. She’ll tell you if something’s grammatically an imperative. This is fabulous.

Gretchen: Right?

Lauren: It would be amazing to have someone like this while you’re trying to figure out the grammar of an imperative.

Gretchen: Well, because then you could try it in different languages. Every time I see a stop sign, I’m like, “Ella would just be stuck here. She’d just be stuck here until someone told her to go again.”

Lauren: I assume it’s a pre-technology world because –

Gretchen: It’s like a fairy tale world with horses and stuff. She didn’t have any stop signs.

Lauren: Thank goodness she doesn’t live on the internet because the amount of, like, “Subscribe,” “Click here” – you would be ruined.

Gretchen: Right? Every time she got told to “Like and subscribe,” she’d have to do it. It’s a fairy tale world, so she only has the usual problems with imperatives. But it really – if you ever want a book to just tell you which things are imperatives for 286 pages of a charming young adult fantasy novel, I would recommend it.

Lauren: I feel like if you have very small children in your life, you’re also quite sensitive to imperatives and using them. There’s a lot of having to be very direct at children. Even if you have a habit of maybe doing things more politely and indirectly while talking to adults, you just have to tell children to do and to not do things quite a lot. If you have small children or maybe cheeky pets in your life –

Gretchen: [Laughs] Pets. “No, get off that! Don’t run into traffic!”

Lauren: “Sit.” Perfectly efficient.

Gretchen: “Sit!” “Stay!” “Eat your breakfast!”

Lauren: Yeah, I was gonna say I can’t tell if you’re giving that example to a child or to a pet but, honestly, pretty much the same.

Gretchen: Does it matter?

Lauren: If you have small people in your life, you’re probably quite sensitive to imperatives.

Gretchen: Meanwhile, I’m just sitting here with my tomato plants being like, “Grow! Grow!” That’s one of the things that’s really interesting about a part in Ella Enchanted. At one point she gets a letter from her father, and then she’s like, “Wait, I gonna make this other person read it and summarize it to me” because if there are commands in it then she could summarize what they are in ways that aren’t actually commands. In another context, she’s interacting with a character who she doesn’t really like but because that character is only saying, “I wish you would do this,” or “Why can’t you stop doing that,” she doesn’t actually have to obey that person because that character is still trying to be polite. Imperatives have this interesting interaction with politeness and with how we relate to each other as people – who is it okay to give a direct imperative to, and what level of politeness does that have?

Lauren: It seems like giving direct imperatives to kids is something that occurs across a lot of different cultures. We don’t have the data to say with confidence that it happens across all languages. In some languages, it’s weirder to give direct imperatives to people who you’re not familiar with. Maybe if you’re more familiar with someone – you might give more direct imperatives to someone you live with and spend a lot of time with. It really can vary across cultures and across individual contexts. One particular example I like is Sara Ciesielski’s work on the acquisition of Sherpa by children. Sherpa is a Tibeto-Burman language. It’s in the same family of languages I work with. In Sara’s work – there’s a great three-minute thesis video summarizing it – what she found was that parents give a particular type of direct imperative to small children. As the children grow older, they give those imperatives less. Children stop doing particularly foolhardy things, and they start to become more socialized into behaving in a socially appropriate way. In her data she found that, as those children got older, they were given fewer imperatives, but if they were talking to younger children, they would give them in the way that the adults do. You could see them getting socialized into this process of, “If I’m talking to someone younger than me, and someone who’s very young, I have to give them lots of direct imperative commands.”

Gretchen: I feel like I remember something about children learning a lot of imperatives very early in Mayan languages as well. I’m not sure. Now, I’m trying to find the paper. Of course, I can’t find it again. But I remember reading a paper in grad school about Mayan children learning a lot of imperatives. I think it was Ki’che’, maybe, or some combination of Ki’che’, Yucatec, and possibly Mam. These are languages that do a fair number of things with the verbs, but the imperatives tend to be morphologically very short and very simple and not have a lot of prefixes and suffixes. They also make really good words for children to start learning more complicated verbal structures with.

Lauren: Right. So, they learn these structures, but they also learn who it’s socially appropriate to use them with. I mean, it’s one of those things – I have no real depth of knowledge about child language acquisition – but I’m always amazed by like, children are given so many imperatives, but they still manage to use verbs and acquire verbs in all their other forms even though, for some cases – and I know in Sara’s work – the number of verbs in the imperative form that children are exposed to is multiple times more than some other grammatical structures. But they manage to all grow up using more than just imperative forms of verbs.

Gretchen: Well, and kids also overhear speech of adults between each other even if they’re not addressed like that themselves.

Lauren: Absolutely.

Gretchen: You have a variety of things that you’re exposed to. But yeah, the imperative is this interesting – it’s like how linguists often observe that words that are for close family members have certain sounds that tend to be cross-linguistically easier. You know, “Mama,” “Baba,” “Dada,” “Nana,” “Tata,” “Papa.” There’s a small set of syllables that are pretty easy for kids. Often, the names for close family members are from some subset of those syllables. They’re not necessarily exactly the same from language to language, but they’re a bit more similar than you’d expect coincidentally. I think that imperatives often being a little bit easier, a little bit shorter, having a little bit less-complex verbal morphology on them – I don’t know if someone has done that official typological study, but it seems like there’s a general trend in that direction.

Lauren: Which you’d need when someone is dangerously going in the wrong direction and you need to tell them to stop, or someone is just being a little bit too hectic and you need to tell them to sit.

Gretchen: You can imagine early humans – like a kid putting their hand into fire or something – and you have to be like, “No, stop!” Kids can try to do very dangerous things in lots of contexts. It’s useful to have language that’s accessible to tell them how to not do that.

Lauren: Those short forms, we often talk about them as being bare because they don’t have any extra morphemes that we stick on. Some languages do have a specific grammatical suffix that they’ll stick on for an imperative. In Yolmo and other Tibetan languages, the politer form of the imperative has the suffix “-tong” or “-dong.” There are some that just are bare if you’re being very direct at someone.

Gretchen: English for the most part has a bare imperative as well. You have, “Sit,” “Stand,” and it’s not like “sitting,” or “stance,” or “walked,” which would be adding some sort of morpheme on there. I guess, in principle, you could add a prefix on there. I’m not aware of a language that does, but there probably is one somewhere.

Lauren: It’s always dangerous to say languages don’t do something because they’ll be some awesome language somewhere that does the thing.

Gretchen: There’s probably some somewhere that do a prefix. I wouldn’t put money on that not happening. Often imperatives are a bit on the short side, especially ones that are informal or singular – like the kinds you would use with a child – compared to polite imperatives. Oh, you could put lots of morphology on to be polite.

Lauren: There’s the suffix in Yolmo, and then there’s a whole different form if you’re being very polite in the honorific register. We’ve talked about honorifics in a bonus episode before, and I’ve talked about that vocabulary there. Again, that’s that thing about giving a command is not necessarily impolite, you just have to use the correct honorific verb form to be polite when you’re asking a visiting guru to come with you or to please sit down. There’s a way to do that politely.

Gretchen: I first, I think, encountered “imperative,” at least as a term, when I was studying Latin. They have a singular and a plural imperative, so if you’re giving a command to one person or if you’ve giving a command to multiple people, which many languages do something like this. The singular imperative is just the bare root of the verb with the theme vowel. You have something like, “Veni,” which means, “Come,” singular, and then “Venite,” is “Come,” plural, “All of you come.”

Lauren: Good for specific command giving.

Gretchen: Yeah. There’s this extra morpheme on the plural form, but the singular one, which is your “Am I giving this command to a child,” is the very simple form.

Lauren: I did say Yolmo had that suffix, but there are a couple of verbs where, instead of using a suffix for the regular, everyday imperative, there’s just a completely different word. The most common one is – Yolmo has the word, “sa,” for “eat.” If it was just a regular imperative based on the model of almost every other verb, it would be, “Sadong.” But for this verb specifically, you have a completely different form of the word. You just say, “So.”

Gretchen: And there’s no “-dong” at all?

Lauren: There’s no “-dong” at all there. There’s no suffix there. It’s just a very short form. It’s a word I heard a lot – people asking me to eat as a guest. It’s one I’m very familiar with.

Gretchen: This actually happens in a variety of contexts where you’d expect one specific thing with the prefixes and suffixes, and then you get a different form of the root entirely. In French, for example, most of the imperatives do a very similar thing. You have, “parler,” is “to talk,” and “parler” is also the imperative and the plural imperative. But then for a few words – and one of them is “be” – you have “je suis/tu es,” so “you are” – “es.” But the imperative, like “Be quiet,” which you would say to a child perhaps, is “sois” – “Sois tranquille.” Literally, “Be tranquil,” I guess, but it’s used for “Be quiet.” Or “soyez” if it’s plural. Like, “Children, soyez tranquille,” like, “All of you be quiet.” English actually also kind of does this.

Lauren: Right.

Gretchen: This is the one maybe true imperative that you can test like, “Is this verb being imperative right now?”

Lauren: You told me this the other day, and I was wracking my brain for ages trying to think about something where it changes completely in English.

Gretchen: Have you figured it out yet?

Lauren: I’ve not figured it out, but now you’ve given me that example, I be it’s something to do with the “is/be” copula. That verb is a mess in English.

Gretchen: Yeah, it is “be.” “Be” is just one of those really neat verbs because it’s historically three different verbs all with their different forms glommed onto each other. Like, the “is/are” one, and you have the “wesan” with “was” and “were,” and then they also have “be” and “being” and “been.” Those are all from three different roots that get glommed together to make one mega verb.

Lauren: Yay, language!

Gretchen: Yay, language! This is a process that actually happens fairly often in languages just for a small handful of very, very common words. So, “be,” or “have,” or maybe something like “eat” – very, very common words. Sometimes they get really irregular or they get made out of combinations of several different verbs. Because they’re so common, people can just remember this, whereas if it’s really rare verb that maybe you don’t encounter until you’re a bit older or you don’t encounter very often, it’d be hard to remember like, “Oh, this verb has completely different letters in it.”

Lauren: It would be very weird for English to have a completely different form of the word “to crochet” for an imperative because most people don’t talk about crocheting a lot, and if you do, you rarely tell people that they have to as a command. When you have this pattern that fits for every verb except maybe one or two for the imperative or for other things as well. English is great with this kind of thing in tense when you have, “I go/I went.” “Went” is absolutely a completely different word to “go,” but we use it in the past. This happens often enough in English that when we have these forms that don’t fit the pattern, we call it a “suppletive” form.

Gretchen: Sometimes the imperative is where a suppletive shows up. Sometimes it’s also a past or something else you could do with things. Sometimes you can have a suppletive imperative, which kind of defies the point about maybe them being easy for children to learn, but they are super common.

Lauren: You tend to hear suppletive forms with lots of frequency. That’s how they manage to stick around.

Gretchen: Sometimes you also get a negative imperative.

Lauren: Yes. As with the fact that some languages use particular morphemes and some languages don’t use any morphemes, which is a nice throwback to our zero morphemes in the “Nothing Means Something” episode, if you remember that sometimes the absence of something is still functional, there’s a whole range of different ways that negating can interact with imperatives. But the thing that I find most charming about the relationship between negating and imperatives is that a negative imperative, as a category, can sometimes be called a “prohibitive,” which is just one of those, “I get that. That does exactly what that label says.”

Gretchen: Yes, the “imperative” is you command someone to do something. The “prohibitive” is you prohibit them from doing something, which makes sense. I have definitely just encountered the terminology “negative imperative.” I hadn’t encountered “prohibitive.” I think maybe a little bit of the literature, or until you mentioned it, I was like, “Oh, I guess you could call it that. I dunno if I would though.”

Lauren: I think it’s the kind of thing where if your language does something interesting around negative imperatives, you’re more likely to come up with the name “prohibitive,” whereas, for example, in Yolmo, you don’t use that imperative suffix with the negative. You just use the negative and the verb. Because it acts a bit differently to the imperative, I’m more likely to think of it as a prohibitive because it’s a slightly different structure. I think this comes back to a larger conversation about whether you lump certain phenomena together because they’re all similar enough in the languages that you encounter or if you split them up because they behave very differently.

Gretchen: I think I’m maybe more of a lumper than a splitter, but it depends a lot on the context because what sort of thing you’re exposed to can lead you more into lumper-ish or splitter-ish directions for particular things. Some languages just throw in a negator. Some languages, the negative bit for imperatives is a different negative morpheme than the negative morpheme in other contexts. Some languages you use a different form of the verb. When I was learning a lot of romance languages, the thing that always used to really just kind of grind my gears and show my lumper-ish tendencies was they’d be like, “Okay, here are all the different ways of doing the imperative,” and there’d be two that would correspond to the Latin one of the singular and the plural one, and then there’d be the polite one, and there’d be the ”we” form for like, “Let’s this,” and there’d be the negative ones. Those would all be borrowed from the subjunctive.

Lauren: Which is an entirely different category with an entirely different set of functions but kind of borrowable.

Gretchen: We’re not gonna get into the subjunctive right now because the subjunctive is a whole other episode someday. But I’d be like, “These forms are not some weird, surprising thing that you actually have to memorize 17 different things.” What it is is, “Look over here in this table on Page 56 and just borrow the ones from the table on Page 56.” You only have to memorize one bit of information, which is the “Go to Page 56 for this form.” You don’t have to just suddenly memorize this whole other table as if it’s some sort of surprising thing that’s unconnected. It’s really just borrowing from a different part of the paradigm.

Lauren: Yeah, sometimes imperatives do share features or functions with other categories, which is a thing that crops up a lot in different categories of grammar. It’s part of the fun of human languages and how they evolve in different directions and borrow things from themselves and copy across from different parts.

Gretchen: It’s interesting to think, “Okay, what was the historical version of this?” What was the version of this language early on when they were like, “Oh, we don’t quite have an imperative for this particular context – where else can we get something from the set of verbs that we do have or something from the set of things we’re used to doing with verbs?”

Lauren: Another thing that makes imperatives particularly interesting to try and elicit from someone if you’re doing elicitation to figure out the grammar of a language as a linguist or if you just want to learn a language through politely interrogating native speakers is that it’s actually really difficult to ask someone to tell you how – that they should tell you to do something. It’s a socially complicated little situation.

Gretchen: Because if you say something like, “Tell me that I should sit down,” they’d be like, “Okay, you should sit down.” And you’re like, “No, wait! That’s not imperative. That’s a different statement.”

Lauren: Asking someone to tell you to do something directly, when they clearly don’t actually want you to eat, so it feels weird and unnatural to be like, “Eat!”

Gretchen: And some people find it more fun to join that play space about language like, “Let’s imagine that we have a dog, and we’re trying to get the dog to eat” or “Let’s imagine we’re trying to tell a child to eat,” or something like that. It’s trying to figure out, okay, what is the exact context that can create the scenario which it would be said even though it’s said a lot.

Lauren: That’s not even taking into account that you might be working with someone in a culture where it is just so rude to give someone a direct command and that you need to observe them hanging out with a child or a pet or a person they’re really close to to get actual uses of the imperative because you’re some outsider to whom it would be incredibly rude to do that.

Gretchen: Some places you can use imperatives politely as well. But there’s often this additional social context. I think that there’s also – we were talking about earlier about like, well, you have this polite imperative or you have this plural imperative or this honorific imperative, and in a lot of the European languages that have these polite second-person pronouns, “vous” or “sei” or “Usted” or something like that, they also figured out some sort of imperative there which is borrowed from some other bit of the verbal thing there because like, “Oh, we need an imperative, but this was actually originally a third-person” or a plural or something, and you have to grab it from somewhere else. Imperatives start you in into, “Okay, what do people do in this language and in this particular culture when they’re addressing somebody? What are the ways you address somebody? What are the ways you don’t address somebody? Which things are polite? Which things are impolite? What are all the things you can do?” There’s this word in French that I don’t actually know what it means so much as I know how it’s used, which is just the word you add to something to make it a polite imperative.

Lauren: Excellent.

Gretchen: It’s “veuillez.” It’s got a lot of Ls in it. That’s what French does. You’ll see it on a lot of official signage. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard someone say it out loud, but it’s on so much signage. You’d have like, “Veuillez sit down when the train is in motion,” or something like this.

Lauren: It’s where you’d use “please” in a polite English imperative.

Gretchen: But it’s not “please” because you can put “s'il vous plait” in there as well, which is “please.” It’s just the polite verb that you use for the polite things. I’m sure it has a literal meaning, but that literal meaning is not as relevant as the fact that it’s the polite verb you use for the polite things.

Lauren: The social function of giving a command is also why imperatives are discussed as a thing where you direct it toward someone else who’s also there – a second person, “You do this” – because in order for a command to be effective, it has to be a person delivering it to another person.

Gretchen: It sort of depends on how lumper and splitter-y you wanna get. If you wanna talk about first-person plural imperatives, if you wanna talk about something like, “let’s,” as an imperative or using other words like a hortative, it depends on what the grammar of a particular language is doing whether it makes sense to group it with the imperatives or not. Sometimes, like, “Let’s go,” or like, “Let him go,” “Let them eat cake” – sometimes those are treated with the imperatives and sometimes they’re not. But there’s also a core set of imperatives of like, okay, well, what do you do if you’re addressing one person, maybe a few people? And then there’s all of the ancillary stuff around imperatives which is still just not that big of a space. I think it’s one of those things where there’s something about how humans organize their societies and their culture and their notions of self-hood and –

Lauren: And how human brains are constructed.

Gretchen: How human brains are constructed. It’s kind of like how human societies have words for day and night cycles because we live on a planet that has a certain day and night cycle that’s really salient to everybody who’s here. That doesn’t mean, in theory, you couldn’t have humans who lived on a different planet that had drastically different day and night cycles that could have words for those sorts of things.

Lauren: This is why I love speculative science fiction because you get to build worlds where if you had people who could melt their consciousnesses together, then the distinction between giving a command as an imperative to a second person becomes less meaningful if you’re all the one consciousness.

Gretchen: Yeah, if you had neuro links or a society with magic or something where certain imperatives come with the force of commands where they’re magically enforced and certain ones are suggestions, maybe that ends up showing up in the grammar at some point. Or if you had, I don’t know, swarm consciousnesses or something, or diffused consciousnesses, maybe the first and second persons would work really differently because your notion of consciousness would be different.

Lauren: If you had multiple consciousnesses within one body, would you use a third-person imperative to talk to yourself?

Gretchen: I think there are people who have distributed consciousness or multiple consciousnesses, and they do various things – sometimes a “we,” sometimes, addressing other people.

Lauren: There’s so much scope for possibility, and humans occupy a tiny piece of that real estate, usually.

Gretchen: In Embassytown by China Mieville, there’s this thing where you have two brains that are occupying – they have to say all of the words together at the same time.

Lauren: Ah, yeah. It’s been a long time since I’ve read that book, and it is so full of fantasticness that I can’t even remember how those multiple-brain persons exist.

Gretchen: It’s been a long time since I read this book as well. I did not re-read it like Ella Enchanted, but I remember that in text, the words that they say simultaneously are written above and below a long line – like an em dash or a long em dash – and the words are written above and below. You have two mouths but one consciousness. It’s a surface-level treatment there because it’s not asking the question of, “What would that mean for first persons and second persons and third persons?” It’s just like, they say all of the words all at once even if it’s just a noun.

Lauren: Gonna write a grant application to do fieldwork with fictional aliens in a sci-fi fictional world.

Gretchen: I just think the space is really underdeveloped and some people should be working on it.

Lauren: There’s so much possibility for what an imperative could do in other consciousnesses, but in the human languages that we know about and have been discussed, in general, it’s doing something with the verb. That’s where it tends to hang out. That’s what we’ve been discussing so far. As always, I’m sure there are many caveats and complications, but it’s doing something to the verb that’s different from, say, something like tense, which is looking at time and where in time the verb is situated. It’s turning something that’s an action into a command.

Gretchen: There’s a distinction – I think the easiest one to notice is the distinction between something like, “I see,” “I look,” “I sit,” “I go,” versus, “See,” “Look,” “Sit,” “Go,” where one of them is describing something that’s going on, and the other one is giving a command which could have all the functions of polite command or impolite command in that range. It does change the vibe of the verb. The Romans, who did a lot of the descriptive grammatical tradition that we’ve inherited in the European language space, called this the “mood” of the verb. I think we should maybe rename it the “vibe” of the verb because it seems very intuitive to me. “Mood” in this context is not like, “Is the verb happy or sad,” it’s just a vowel shift from “mode.” Like, what “mode” is this verb in? It’s in the command mode. It’s in the declarative mode, the describing things mode. It’s kind of like, you know, set your gears to start or to reverse or to –

Lauren: And look, I’m not gonna lie. I think when these labels got added – around 500 years ago they became really consistent with grammar teaching – when they chose this word, I’m pretty sure they chose it for a really similar reason that you chose “vibe.” “Mode” is just this general word. It’s still a pretty general word. We use it for fashion or, as you said, a mode of a machine.

Gretchen: You’re mode of transportation.

Lauren: It’s just one of these wonderfully convenient labels that you don’t have to interrogate too deeply.

Gretchen: “Mode” seems to imply that you can have a given verb, and it can sometimes be in this mode and sometimes be in that mode, whereas “class” implies you have, you know, some verbs are in this class and some verbs are in that class, and they don’t correspond. But they’re all generic categorization words. They kind of just picked one. As far as I can tell, they just picked one and then that became the name for this distinction that they were trying to talk about of “Is the verb like this or is the verb like that?” Well, that’s it’s “mode.” Then we had an unfortunate vowel shift, and it seems like it corresponds to a mood like happy or sad. “Mode” is sort of the more intuitive way of thinking about what the difference is between these categories.

Lauren: People will sometimes use “mood,” and they’ll sometimes use “mode” and talk about “modality” If you see something that’s talking about “modality” in linguistics, it’s generally talking about, well, is it just a declarative sentence explaining how the world works or is it in one of these other modes like the imperative. There are a whole bunch of others in this category.

Gretchen: Well, and sometimes “modality” is also used for modals, like “can” and “must” and “should” and stuff like that.

Lauren: Oh, we should talk about modal verbs.

Gretchen: Yeah! We should do a whole episode about modals.

Lauren: With evidentiality, which is something we’ve done a whole episode on, there is a lot of discussion about –

Gretchen: Which is your favourite thing.

Lauren: Which is one of my favourite things. There’s a whole discussion about whether evidentiality is its own category separate from mode, or if it sits within a more lumper definition of “mode,” or whether we split it off as its own, or if it sits in a subcategory. It reminds me a lot about how I imagine the early discussions around biological classification must’ve happened.

Gretchen: Because at a certain point you’re like, okay, so we need to have all of these different sorts of levels of “Are these just different species of birds or are they all birds together? Here we’ve got the mammals. Here we’ve got” – I’m not a biologist; I’m not gonna torture this metaphor too far – but which of the things are more closely related? Which are the things that are more distantly related? There’s several levels here, but some of them you’re like, “Well, they just needed to come up with another name for this.” It’s useful to have a name as a handle so that we’re all talking about the same thing, but sometimes those names don’t always have a very good etymological reason for why they’re called that thing in particular. Sometimes it’s just like, “Well, we needed a name for this group.”

Lauren: And sometimes a level – because there are classes in biological animal kingdom hierarchies, right. So, the word “class” there has a really specific meaning, whereas we could just talk about a general class of objects or a particular class of students. It has all these different meanings. I think “mode” is one of those similar words that has lots of different meanings but in linguistics tends to have this specific meaning.

Gretchen: Yeah. And this is a thing that academic disciplines, especially, in the natural philosophy vibe of categorising the world and trying to figure out which things are more related to each other tends to go into common words and say, “Ah, we’re gonna come up with a technical definition for this one,” and be like, “Well, technically, this is what a reptile is now,” or like, “Technically, this is what a mood is now. This is what a mode is.” You end up with this situation where the technical definitions and the vernacular definitions co-exist. That can sometimes lead to almost more confusion where you’re like, “I need to figure out, first of all, is this person using the technical meaning right now or are they using the vernacular meaning. Which one am I trying to use? Which one is appropriate for this context?” In addition to “What is this word?” Whereas, sometimes, if there’s an entirely new word for something, it’s just like, “Oh, well, I’ve learned this new word and it refers to this specific thing and it always refers to that.” There isn’t this competing vernacular definition that also exists. The way that this often gets taught in classrooms is like, “Well, the vernacular version you learned is wrong. This is the real definition.” But I think we’re interested in describing language and saying, descriptively, people use “mode” in all sorts of different ways – people use “mood” in all sorts of different ways. It’s just that in certain contexts there’s this one very particular definition that it’s used with in this one case. Oh, “case,” that’s another one. Look, you can use “case” to mean a whole lot of things! There’s one technical linguistic meaning of it, but there’s also a lot of other ways you could use “case.” Sometimes the metaphor goes in the other direction. Sometimes a word gets borrowed from grammatical terminology into the more generic life circumstances as well. “Gender” initially referred to just a class, like a genre, and then it gets used in a vernacular sense as well.

Lauren: I have a sense that imperative – if something is very important, it’s “imperative” – came from the urgency of a command as well.

Gretchen: That’s possible. The idea of like, okay, well, this is this particular grammatical thing but also can get used metaphorically for the whole related set of ideas.

Lauren: In much the same way that the Linnaean biological classification system owes a lot to Latin terminology and that Western tradition of classification, I can’t help but feel that part of the reason we have a category of imperatives is because, as you mentioned earlier, Latin happens to have a very clear imperative form of the verb. I wonder what would’ve happened to a grammatical tradition and how we classify modality and mode and imperatives if we started with a language that didn’t have those structures.

Gretchen: I think it’s a difficult to answer question, but it’s a really valid question. I found Latin has a reputation of like, “Oh, I didn’t understand grammar until I studied Latin.” That’s not because other languages don’t have grammar. It’s because a lot of our grammatical terminology was invented specifically for Latin and to work really well with Latin. Then you end up learning about how English grammar works because you learn Latin in a very translate-y sort of way, and you learn what the reflexes are of particular English-y things in Latin or of things in another language in Latin. It feels like Latin grammar is easier because the grammar as we learn it was invented to fit Latin really well.

Lauren: As someone who didn’t study Latin, I’m very happy to say that I didn’t understand English grammar until I studied linguistics. It achieves similar ends but from a very different perspective.

Gretchen: I think, having studied both Latin and linguistics, there’s a sense in which the grammar of Latin is very catalogued in many cases, it’s very pinned down, because it’s not a language that’s actively being spoken by people. It has been finitely described. The thing that excites me about linguistics is you can approach grammar in this more experimental way where you can say things like, “Is the imperative really valid in this language?” Or “Does this language have a prohibitive?” “Is this useful categorization to make?” “Is this a useful distinction to make?” That’s something that’s less the case when you’re talking about one very well-described language and something that’s more the case when you’re trying to figure out, okay, how do languages compare with each other or what’s going on in language in general or what else is going on here or what’s going on in the language that isn’t as well described. It’s a more expansive look at how grammar can work than just like, okay, here’s a list of all the stuff you learned. You can be trying to figure out what’s going on with grammar.

Lauren: One of the joys of the imperative, as we said, it’s really relatively uncomplex grammatically across a lot of different languages and that it’s so interactively complicated and fascinating. I think that’s what keeps bringing me back to this category.

Gretchen: Which makes it a good introduction to the idea of, okay, how could we do these categories? What does it mean for a verb to have a “mood” or a “mode”? Whereas something like with the subjunctive, which is another mood, is harder to wrap your head around. If you’re trying to get a handle on both of things at the same time, it can be overwhelming. Whereas the imperative is a good slice to break off of “Here’s this thing that we know how to do the command thing. Someone wrote a YA novel about it in 1997.” But also, it’s this gateway into considering this broader question of like, yeah, what sort of vibes can the verbs have.

[Music]

Gretchen: For more Lingthusiasm and links to all the things mentioned in this episode, go to lingthusiasm.com. You can listen to us on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, SoundCloud, YouTube, or wherever else you get your podcasts. You can follow @Lingthusiasm on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. You can get IPA scarves, IPA greeting cards, and other Lingthusiasm merch at lingthusiasm.com/merch. I can be found as @GretchenAMcC on Twitter, my blog is AllThingsLinguistic.com, and my book about internet language is called Because Internet.

Lauren: I tweet and blog as Superlinguo. Have you listened to all the Lingthusiasm episodes and you wish there were more? You can get access to 48 bonus episodes to listen to right now at patreon.com/lingthusiasm or follow the links from our website. Patrons also get access to our Discord chatroom to talk with other linguistics fans and other rewards including an upcoming liveshow. They also help keep the show ad-free. Recent bonus topics include deleted anecdotes, an Ask Me Anything with a lexicographer, and a Q&A with the two of us. If you can’t afford to pledge, that’s okay, too. We really appreciate it if you can recommend Lingthusiasm to anyone who needs a little more linguistics in their lives.

Gretchen: Lingthusiasm is created and produced by Gretchen McCulloch and Lauren Gawne. Our Senior Producer is Claire Gawne, our Editorial Producer is Sarah Dopierala, and our music is “Ancient City” by the Triangles.

Lauren: Stay lingthusiastic!

[Music]

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

[songtoyou]

Epiphany - Part Two

Paring: Luke Crain x Female Reader

Chapter Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 2,001

Warnings: Talks of drug use and recovery, mention death of family members.

Description: Life has never been easy for Luke Crain. After the death of Nell, Luke realizes that he needs to make some changes. He decided to stay in Massachusetts and attend rehab. He was determined to remain on his path of sobriety. When you get assigned to be Luke’s sponsor, it opens a new door of possibilities that neither you nor Luke expected.  

A/N: I finally watched the Haunting of Hill House a while back. I found Luke to be very interesting. This is my take on how Luke would go on with life after Nell’s death and how his continued path to remain sober would look like.

Feedback is wonderful. It is nice knowing if people are actually liking this fic.

I do not permit my work to be posted on any other site without my permission.

“Hey,” he said to get your attention. “I promised that I’ll come to talk to you if I ever feel like I might…. Or if I just feel like I need someone to talk to.”

Sure enough, Luck kept his promise that if he ever needed to talk, he would call you. The two of you have talked almost every day since your first meeting two-weeks ago. For Luke, it was nice being able to talk with someone he could connect with. While Steve, Shirley, and Theo were more supportive of him than ever before, his siblings still could not fully relate to his ordeals.

Theo mentioned to Luke that he could be open and honest with her about his past experiences, his current feelings, and how he was coping with Nell’s death. “I appreciate it, Theo, I really do,” Luke told her over the phone. He just got back from class and was getting ready to head out to see you.

“I feel a ‘but’ coming along,” Theo lightly said.

“But…it is just hard talking about this stuff with someone who…”

“With someone who doesn’t necessarily share the same experience or feelings,” replied Theo and added, “Talking about Nell…and dad…is hard for all of us. However, I do understand that we all have our own ways of coping. I’m only glad that you aren’t…you know…”

“Me too. I told you guys, that I’m serious about remaining clean. It’s my last promise to Nell and I intend to keep it. Plus, my sponsor is…she’s awesome. Definitely been a nice help with having someone to talk to who understands.”

“Well, that is great, Luke. I’m glad you have someone who you are comfortable talking to about these things. So, your sponsor…what is she like? What’s her name?”

After telling Theo your first and last name, he went on talking about how you have been clean for the past three years, that your family lives in Wilmington, you work at a bakery part-time, and that you are a current art student at Middlesex Community College.

“Lowell campus or Bedford campus?” Theo continued to pry.

“Bedford.”

“What does she plan on doing with an art degree?” asked Theo.

“I don’t know! Probably because she likes art,” Luke replied. He was starting to get a tad annoyed at his older sister.

“Can I meet her?”

“You know what…wow…look at the time. In fact, I gotta start heading out,” Luke mentioned as he saw the time on the clock. “Talk to you later, Theo.”

Before Theo could try to pry more information about you, Luke hung up. Theo was intrigued about you but would not pry. At least for now.

You asked Luke if he had ever been to the Lexington Venue, an old theater seventeen minutes outside of Wilmington. He had not. You mentioned to him that you were planning to see the new Marvel movie, ‘Avengers’ Endgame, and if he wanted to join. Luke happily accepted your offer.

Since you had been to the Lexington Venue numerous times, Luke suggested that you drive. He heard a car pull up Shirley’s driveway and looked out the window to see that it was you. Luke grabbed his coat, checked to make sure he had his wallet, and headed out the door. Awkwardly, it was at the same time Shirley stepped out her front door.

“Oh…Luke…hey, where are you heading out to?” Shirley inquired as she strolled with her younger brother to your car.

“Uh, we’re just heading to the movies,” Luke replied. He waved and said ‘hi’ once he got closer to your car.

“We? Who’s we?” Shirley asked. When she saw you, she gave a wave herself and looked over at Luke, waiting to get introduced.

“Oh right. Sorry, my bad,” said Luke with an awkward chuckle and introduced you to Shirley and vice versa.

“It’s nice to meet you. Luke hasn’t told us much about you. From what he has mentioned is that you’re his sponsor…”

“Shirley,” Luke said in a warning tone. The last thing he wanted was his sister to embarrass you in any way.

“Yes, I graduated, you could say, from the same program Luke is currently in. and have been clean for three years,” you mentioned. You figured it would be best to help ease Shirley’s tension by being honest with how long you have been clean. “Luke, we better get going if we want to make the matinee show.”

Luke bid his sister goodbye and got in your car. “I’m sorry about Shirley. She’s…well…she’s Shirley. Very much a Type A personality.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I totally get it. My mom is the same way. She kept asking me questions about you. I told her she just needed to relax and that all we are doing is going to the movies. She sort of does that with everyone I hang out with. It’s like she is just waiting for something to happen, you know.”

“But you’ve been in recovering for a long time,” Luke pointed out. “Your mom should see that you have made a real effort in maintaining your sobriety.”

You let out an exasperated sigh. “Here’s the thing Luke, we are always going to be addicts. It isn’t going to go away. It is an incurable disease. It is no different than cancer. The only difference that the world doesn’t view addiction as a disease.”

Luke contemplated what you were saying. He never thought of his addiction as a disease but rather a symptom of Hill House. That house was never a home. It left a stain on his childhood that penetrated adulthood. While Luke no longer felt the presence of the “Tall Man” haunting him at every turn, he could never shake the feeling of the coldness in his limbs or the stiffness of his neck he felt that particular day at the rehab center in Los Angeles. He often wondered what his life would have turned out if his father never insisted on buying Hill House. His mother would still be alive, along with Nell and his dad. The Crain family would be whole rather than broken.

“What do you know about this so-called ‘sponsor’?” Theo asked Shirley over the phone.

“No more than you know. I actually got to meet her in person when she stopped by early to pick Luke up. Apparently, they were off to go to the movies over in Lexington. They were in a hurry, so I didn’t get to talk very much with her. She seems nice, though. Luke seems to have really bonded with her. That’s good, right? We should be happy that he has a friend he can confide in…you know…now that Nell is…. gone,” replied Shirley. It was still hard for her to say her baby sister was dead.

“Luke is coping better than any of us thought he would. It isn’t like the previous times. I see the commitment he has to stay clean. I don’t think he and his friend are doing anything they shouldn’t be doing. I don’t think Luke would lie to us,” Shirley added.

“No, I don’t think he is lying to us at all, “Theo immediately interjected. “Like you said Shirl, I think Luke is committed to his program. It is just…my protective instincts are on high alert…with all of you. I just want to know who this person Luke is hanging out with. Maybe we could get Luke to invite her over for dinner? Aren’t Kevin and the kids going to visit his mom over the weekend? We could do it this Saturday.”

“Okay. That could work with not having Kevin or the kids around. Please let me be the one to ask Luke about dinner. Theo? Theo, you’re not texting Luke, now are you?”

~Luke, bring your friend to dinner this Saturday at 7:00 p.m. – Theo~

“That movie was so long,” you said to Luke while walking out of the theater.

“Way too long and kind of boring, especially in the beginning,” Luke replied throwing out his trash.

“Definitely could have cut at least 35 minutes from the film. What time is it?” you asked exiting the building with Luke following behind.

Luke dug into his coat pocket to retrieve his phone. When he logged in, he saw a text from Theo.

“Fucking eh. You are not going to believe this?”

“What? Everything okay?”

“Everything is fine,” reassured Luke and let out a chuckle. “My sister, Theo, is asking me…well more like telling me to bring you over for dinner this Saturday. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

You stopped mid-walk to turn towards Luke. “Do you not want me to meet them?” you asked and continued when he gave you a skeptical look, “I can kind of sense that me meeting your family…well I can sense a rush of anxiety coming from you.”

Shuffling from one foot to the other, Luke contemplated how best to explain his family to you. “Let’s get in your car. I will tell you everything. You deserve to know the full truth.”

Boy, Luke laid on the truth. From the “Tall Man” to Abigail and how everyone thought she was imaginary because her parents never allowed her to leave their home, and how Theo struggles with heightened sensitivity. “It is one of those things that kind of runs in the family,” said Luke and continued, “Our mother and grandma were…they had similar abilities. Anything Theo touches, objects, or places, she can feel the emotions from people. The House killed our mother. It tricked her into believing that killing her children would wake us from this nightmare…that it would save us. Our dad got us away in time, but it was too late to save mom. She was dead by the time dad got back to the house. Then it got Nell. The way it Tricked her the same way it tricked mom. I tried burning it down, but nothing happened. The House would have gotten me, Steve, Shirley, and Theo if our dad hadn’t…he sacrificed himself to save us.”

After telling you everything, Luke let out a deep breath. He looked over at you and let out a laugh. “I don’t blame you for wanting to drop me as your mentee. I totally understand. My bag of crazy is hard to handle sometimes.”

In the past, it would have been a lot for you to handle someone like Luke. His issues far exceeded your capabilities when it came to helping someone maintain their sobriety. However, you were older and no longer ran or made yourself numb in fear of feeling peoples’ emotions. Instead of viewing your empath abilities as a curse, you saw them as a gift. As a way to help those in need. The thing about Luke was that he did not need saving. He did not want some to swoop in and save him from his problems. No. You were able to sense that the man before just wanted someone to believe in him. To know that he is telling the truth and that he was not making any of it up.

While Luke was telling you about his past, you saw everything. You saw the “Tall Man” as he haunted that little boy with glasses up until he reached adulthood, you saw him play with Abigail and drew pictures in his treehouse. You could see his mother as she poured the tea for him, Nell, and Abigail that last night at Hill House, and how as an adult he tried to set it ablaze. You saw it all. You felt it all.

“I believe you, Luke. I’m not going anywhere if you don’t want me to,” you told him earnestly.

He turned to look into your eyes to make sure you were telling the truth. “Are you sure?”  

“Yes,” you easily said and started your car. “You better text your sister back that I would love to come over for dinner this Saturday.”

[sambinnie]

1. Happy Mabon! Every autumn, I forget that the darkness comes clanging down in a great rush in the mornings. One day, I am greeted by a pinking sunrise. 48 hours later, it’s so dark on my run to the river that I have to stop a passing runner and check the time, in case my disturbed sleep sent me dressing and leaving the house at 2am. This summer may not have given us those mornings where it’s so hot I can barely get out of the water, where those early hours feel like full silent days carved out just for me to sit in the light and wait for everyone else to wake up, where the only extra thing I put on to run home is my trainers — I look at my waiting winter gear, neoprene socks and gloves, head torch, two more thickening jumpers, hat, thermal mittens — but every season, every day, is beautiful.

Today we go early for celebrations, and the water is silky, and Orion hangs over us with his phallic sword dangling and Betelgeuse winking on one shoulder. The near-full moon spotlights us and I feel almost ready for the shortening days.

2. Hilary Mantel continues to be a literary god. How does she write with that clarity? How can I ever speak with her calm good sense and wit? 

3. We have two main problems at the moment, as far as I can see. a) What we’re doing (“curating” our lives; twitter spats; purity spirals; division and isolation; wanting ‘debates’ that can only be won or lost; encouraging people to buy more things; trying to buy our happiness; letting marketers tell us how we feel about the world rather than encouraging major moral lessons from throughout the ages to challenge us on our weaknesses; refusing to accept that life is suffering; asking self-care to be a plaster for everything we don’t have) and b) what we’re not doing (joining together to stand against those with more money and power; protecting the people who have even less power and voice than we do as a matter of course; learning from history; protecting nature above all else; prioritising going for walks; learning to repair things and campaigning to make things repairable; having a basic belief in human dignity for all, not just those with whom we agree; accepting that truly, we are all different and no amount of shaming or disgust will change that; working to shape our societies, culture, economies, production, food supplies and communications around improving — not just sustaining — the air, water and land, and fighting to ensure all of those new shapes protect women and children).

Individualism has morphed into something so completely self-destructive that we’ve forgotten we need nature more than anything — literally, more than anything — and we need to unionise and unite and put aside differences and work together even with people we don’t like. 

Because when there are wicked people in power, when it’s genuinely exhausting to think about all the corrupt, venal, toxic, divisive, false, and cruel things they have done since coming to power, those people love to watch everyone below pointing their fingers at one another, saying, You, You’re The Enemy, You’re The Problem, while corrupt populist leaders rub their bellies and chuckle at another promise broken, another mass death on their hands, another building site on a protected forest. Do you understand the stakes here? Do you understand that it’s actual survival? It’s not about being right any more, it’s not about besting someone in the argument. It’s about having decision makers who can not only ensure there is still food to eat and air to breathe, but that relations both within a country and between countries are built on care, and support, and compassion, and believing in human dignity. And while it sounds wishy-washy and hands-clappy it’s the schmaltzy, sentimental truth. It’s the only one, really. 

If we instead continue to believe every single day that my feelings are the most important, that my beliefs are the right ones, that I’ve got to prove those baddies there are evil and awful and wrong, then honestly, what the fuck? If we’re happy to live in a country where hostile architecture is the starting point for all public builds, where we send refugee boats away from our shores, where affiliate links are a career goal, where we haven’t stormed the Daily Mail offices with accounts of all our lovely immigrant friends and family and had a huge feast together and compared our long and tangled family trees, then come on. It’s only a race to the bottom if we all keep running. 

Because, pressingly, whatever the spark of a major global conflict — assassination, fuel shortages, hyperinflation, invasion — the kindling is almost always a populace fed pure hatred for months, for years, until they can’t even taste it anymore but are ready to spew it out again, and are ready to use another populace as the receptacle. And hatred is brewed up in silence and isolation, and in the ashes of bridges burned between disparate groups. 

And on that note, I’m not a conspiracy theorist, mainly because I don’t believe governments are generally competent enough to manage Grand Plans, but it’s annoying that technology and social trends and culture have developed in such a way that no one knocks on anyone’s door for a chat as a matter of course now, that it’s a given that a ringing phone triggers anxiety, that it’s not the norm for cups of tea with your neighbours, that we don’t know each other’s neighbourhoods, that we don’t even talk on the phone, with live words and intonation and synchronised laughter, but in text, in WhatsApp chats, in tapped out words and symbols that we know can be screen-grabbed and misinterpreted, that we know are kept, filtered and sold by the tech companies. It’s not a conspiracy. It’s just a reality that every single one of us can choose to do differently. 

Sometimes exactly the right thing comes along at the right time. All of us here watched About a Boy at the weekend, a film which is so wonkily weighted and oddly rhythmed, but a perfect depiction of everything I’m banging on about here. Hugh Grant’s character likes being alone. He’s happy that way. It suits him. It’s his choice. Then, between one thing and another, he finds himself drawn into a world of a suicidal single mother, a duck-murdering young boy, more single mothers, more tricky teens, plus exes and mothers-in-law and awkward support groups. And it turns out that actually, being with people is better. Being uncomfortable often develops you as a person. Constantly prioritising only yourself produces a waxen, pointless baby. Making shared sacrifices might just be the point of being alive. Remember that to be human is to be flawed. That no one is ever completely right, and no one is ever completely wrong. That the boring stuff makes us feel good, and the glossy stuff, if all we strive for is gloss, doesn’t. 

If you want anything practical, here are the things that have really helped me over the last few years:

Writing a letter or email regularly to my MP, to CEOs of organisations, to anyone I want to communicate my strong feelings and how I’d like things to be done better. Tweeting eats your soul. It’s a horrible myth the media pretends is important. It really, really isn’t.

Inviting people to go in front of me in queues, in traffic, getting on to buses and trains. It lowers my stress levels right down.

Learning the names of my neighbours and people I meet regularly on walks and letting them learn mine. (I definitely haven’t just decided I loathe a neighbour because they cut a bird-hatching tree down in their garden on the last day of the year it was legal to do so. It’s fine.)

Joining a few political parties, and the closest thing I have to a union

Making something, anything — everything can be done with love, and learning to not get sucked into the capitalist conceit of having to make it perfect, sellable, exhibitable is a genuine gift to yourself; making a cake or a film or a coaster and not putting it on social media, letting it be ugly or serviceless and loving it anyway. I felt extremely overwhelmed the other evening, but instead of doom-scrolling I knitted a… I don’t know, something flat and woollen, and it helped to have my hands and eyes working on directionless introspective creation. 

Trying to stop hating. Every time I want to tell a negative story in my head about someone, I attempt to turn it into something positive: how unhappy that person must be, what they must be missing out on. It’s so nauseatingly Pollyanna-ish, and of course it isn’t always successful, and of course every single day brings a hundred thousand examples of cruelty and injustice and wickedness, but the alternative only makes my life feel worse, so why would I indulge that? 

Teaching myself the names of birds, trees, flowers, clouds and constellations. I’m still at the most basic levels on all of these, but the difference one feels in the world when you can name things  — let alone use them and know their stories — is a very real sort of magic. (For that reason I hope to read this book very soon.) This episode of The Cut is also good on the wonder and power of learning the names of the weeds that grow in your nearest pavement crack. 

4. Creating anything is always a gamble, isn’t it, but writing a book you actually like for once and seeing it slowly and beautifully sink to the bottom of a river never to be seen again is ever so slightly crushing. However, it turns out even Thom Yorke feels that way, so I am comforted. 

5. I’m sure I’ve mentioned plenty of these before, but if you want some suggestions of where to find joy, here are my favourites from the last year or so:

I was given Lucy Easthope’s book, When the Dust Settles, for work recently, and I was surprised and delighted to discover the most uplifting, hopeful, human and rightfully angry book I’ve read in a long time. Do yourself a favour and preorder it. I bought this other book for my own birthday, gave it to a housemate to give to me, forgot about it, and was delighted to later unwrap He Used Thought As A Wife. Laughed a lot, cried twice. Marvellous. 

Now even the youngest housemate here can recite John Finnemore sketches and sing the songs. Has also taught them various composers, gods, logical fallacies and gothic story tropes. Also v funny. Oh, Kate Beaton! Her two books (Hark! A Vagrant and Step Aside Pops) are a bit like a comic-book version of Finnemore, but swearier and sexier and utterly unsuitable for all the housemates who have read it and been educated about the Brontes, Katherine Sui Fun Cheung, Tom Longboat, Nancy Drew, Ida B. Wells, Sacagawea, and the Borgias. 

Had to give Inside a restraining order against me for the sake of us all, but Bo Burnham’s Eighth Grade is a masterpiece of writing, acting, sound design and optimism. Spy is dumb action comedy polished to perfection, and Yasujirō Ozu’s Good Morning seems like the inspiration for almost all US arthouse films since 1990, and is also beautiful, funny, thoughtful, and good. 

Taylor Swift’s Evermore, like all brilliant albums, isn’t completely perfect. But most of the songs are. And Hole’s classic Live Through This is still just ideal for turning up very, very loud after a tricky day, for the enjoyment of any neighbours who may have hacked down a bird-friendly tree on the last day of February. 

Watched both series of Liam Williams’ Ladhood when I had a week off this summer, and really relished the location, the intention, and the writing. More please. 

Miles Jupp and Justin Edwards continue to be my comforting bedtime listening in In and Out of the Kitchen. Has it ruined Nigel Slater for me? Well, a bit, but no more than any of us deserved. 

I thought this would be a book I’d mumble through the first chapter of, then let get buried in my To Read pile, never to re-open. Instead, I found Whatever Happened to Margo? laugh-out-loud funny, drily written, and full of humanity. Excellent Women has made me want to read everything written by Barbara Pym, a goal I am slowly but surely working towards. 

6. I’ve spent the last few years trying to find hazelnut trees, and finally found a copse between a car park and a play area, full of nuts the squirrels hadn’t noticed. Now I’ve found them, the spell has been cast and I see hazel trees everywhere, on walks and on pavements and running along motorway slip roads. A tray of green and brown frilled hazelnuts now dries with the laundry. They are so beautiful. 

[carlyserrano]

[ GEORGINA AMOROS, SHE/HER, CISFEMALE ]  —  [ CARLOTA “CARLY” SERRANO ]  is a child of  [ HYPNOS ]  with the power of  [ SLEEP MANIPULATION AND INDUCEMENT ] .  they were born in  [ 1998 ]  and have been in nemean lion since  [ 2016 ] .  with the change, they  [ ARE TRAINING IN ]  the  [ STANDARD ]  role which makes sense since they’re usually  [ HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS AND NAPPING ] .  if you’d like to meet them try the [ SUN ]  building .  —  kati / she & her / est / 18+

links: stats / pinterest . 

background

carly spent most of her life knowing this : her mother died of sadness. it must be a terrible thing, to be a mortal that loves a god that deeply. so much that not being able to be with them tears you apart. 

she doesn’t really remember her mother, she was only three years old when she took her own life, but carly still wishes she could have done something, that she could have been enough to make her happy – or at least to take away that overwhelming sadness. 

as a result, carly was raised by her mortal grandparents. this accounts for some of carly’s old-fashioned taste in film, music and even fashion, raised by guardians fifty years her senior. 

carly loved stories. whether her nose was stuck in a book or she was daydreaming herself, her mind was always exploring fantastical possibilities. sometimes daydreaming would take a step further into actual dreaming, which was something teachers started to struggle with in class. prone to fits of sleeping – which would be diagnosed as narcolepsy by her teachers – it became problematic. it was very difficult, pretty much impossible to wake her if she didn’t want to be woken up. as her powers grew, people around her would be prone to sleeping as well, but she didn’t understand how she was doing it or what exactly triggered it.

on carly’s thirteenth birthday, her grandparents sat her down to have “the talk” – they told her about her father’s identity and the true story behind what happened with her mother, finally thinking she was old enough to understand. it devastated her, how truly sad things had been for her mother and the circumstances surrounding her life. she honestly just wanted to be NORMAL. when her grandparents brought up nemean lion and suggested sending her there, carly refused. only thirteen, she didn’t want to travel to a new country and leave behind her grandparents. the changed scared her and she still held out hope of living a somewhere ‘normal’ life. she was legit just thirteen and scared to travel overseas and leave home...but with some new added trauma, too. 

but things started to get worse from her going forward. children of hypnos are extremely powerful and carly didn’t know how to control any of the things that she was going through. her sleep patterns as a teenager became erratic, insomnia for days on end and then the inverse. after carly slept for a week straight, her grandparents felt like they had no choice. they couldn’t care for her and weren’t properly equipped to handle what she was going through, and when carly was seventeen, she had no choice but to pack her things and move to america. 

despite missing her grandparents terribly, carly wanted to make the most of a bad situation. mentors at nemean lion taught her about her powers and more about how to use them – her ability to alter someone’s consciousness with a snap of her fingers. slowly, she started to become more confident in powers that she’d never thought she would be able to control. carly is the sort of person who tries desperately hard to make others happy, to look after them, and she considered switching to the hero track when she had a better handle on things, but she never got that far. 

all of these people telling her how gifted she was definitely added to her confidence, but maybe...overdid it a little for a girl who had never felt special before, for someone that felt like an outsider and now was very much an insider with a lot of friends and like, the ability to have a social life now that she could maintain a normal sleep schedule. she really started to envision herself as this bold hero. 

i’m having trouble putting this articulately and i keep rewriting this so i’ll just present this part. messily. naive, romantic carly falls for a fuckboy > loses her virginity then he totally ditches her like there was never anything between them > she’s pissed off and hurt so they get into a fight in the middle of the training room > she snaps her fingers to get him to shut up while her emotions are at an all time high and...he ends up in the infirmary in a coma. that was enough to teach her that her powers were not a good thing.

not only did she land the reputation of being the-person-most-butthurt-from-being-ghosted-ever but she also realized that her powers are STILL growing. she never thought she’d be capable of doing something like that, and she doesn’t know her own limits, and the realization scares her. she doesn’t feel like she’s capable of controlling her own emotions under pressure and she loses the confidence that she’s built – remaining in the standard track for the next two years or so. 

homeboy likely did wake up from the coma as a result of NL having the best healers in the world but it took like some months, like he got his shit ROCKED. 

so, that’s kind of in the past for her now, though it’s something she still struggles with, not knowing her own strength and being scared of letting her emotions get the best of her again. she now rarely uses her powers and is a bit scared of her own self, kind of just floating by in the standard track and only thinking of the hero track in like, her wildest daydreams. she just doesn’t really trust herself and doesn’t even know the full extent of her abilities, especially because it’s possible that as a child of hypnos she’s probably still developing more over time. 

personality

FAIR: carly tends to stick to her morals, a distinct sense of what’s right and wrong. this can have some gray areas on the godly world, but she sees good guys and bad guys. due to her diplomatic world view, she’s pretty good at looking at a situation objectively and treats people and situations with fairness, apt to try to be the peacemaker in a friend group or during a disagreement. she also thinks that everyone inherently wants to be good and do good, so she’s inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt and second chances going forward. 

SOCIABLE: extroverted and loves being around people, once you get started on a conversation with her, she could go for hours. definitely not one to isolate herself, she’s happiest when hanging out with friends or at social gatherings, doing things with other people. if she is awake, she is probably either reading or talking to someone and i’m sure her friends think she could learn to shut up sometimes but she can’t help but share her every thought, really lacks a filter. 

LOVING: carly will freely give her whole heart to people, i think ! she’s not afraid to put her heart on her sleeve for people and she honestly puts a lot of her own value in the happiness of others / needing to make others happy, so she’s pretty selfless about wanting to show great love and care for the people in her life. i think of carly as a pretty big-hearted person who is not afraid to put herself out there and say how she feels about someone or something and she will show great affection for her friends, who she considers family. 

i suppose some people could feel smothered by her at times but truly her heart is just so full

NAIVE: often thinks what you see is what you get with people, which...rarely the case. but she’s just so inclined to believe in the goodness of people and give second chances that she can sometimes get in over her head. the fact that she sees things in such black and white can be hard for her, because she’s seen her powers do bad things and she’s inclined to believe that she herself might be bad, or that those powers are bad, and she refrains from using them. essentially, she still has so much to learn. 

STUBBORN: once she gets an idea in her head, it is really hard to change carly’s mind or get her to waver on it. she can be a bit infuriating in an argument because of this, and this also tends to get her to believe that her very first judgement of people is correct. very firm in her ideas once she has her mind made up, to a fault. 

ANXIOUS: literally has anxiety but tends to get really nervous about being liked or doing things wrong, overthinking the small stuff. and the big stuff, like her powers. when she gets overwhelmed, however, her favorite escape mechanism is simply to go take a nap and then she’ll deal with it when she wakes up. essentially prone to nervousness, which is why she can sometimes overcompensate by talking a lot or going to great lengths to make sure someone likes her or to make sure that person knows she likes them. 

headcanons

honestly is so fulfilled by reading like, she’s the sort of person to get really attached to characters in books and feel like they are her best friends ! so, she gets a lot out of stories and spends a lot of her alone time a ) reading or b ) journaling/scrapbooking.

is a really meticulous record keeper ! she keeps track of her days and is probably the one snapping photos when hanging out and she keeps scrapbooks over the years at NL and beyond, has the most fun collection of colored paper on her shelf that you’ve ever seen. 

big angel energy ? i think. she doesn’t really partake in drinking or smoking ( though she’ll have like, a glass of wine during dinner or before bed, she really likes white wines bc she basic ) and do be wearing her heart on her sleeve, a very trustworthy person, i would call her dependable in situations though she’s too naive to be your mom friend because her advice definitely does not come from wisdom – she can be a bit of a ditz/airhead, actually. 

if she sees something shiny and pretty in nature, she will keep it. so, that means she’s got flowers pressed between books, pretty rocks lining her windowsill, and some colorful leaves probably crumpled up in the bottom of her backpack. just loves collecting STUFF. 

lots of her clothing is either vintage/thrifted or sweatpants/sweatsuits. generally she will go for comfort first when picking out something to wear. 

favorite ice cream is cookie dough and she could eat it all day.

takes a nap every day i feel like most of her friends know they probably can’t reach her between like 3pm-6pm because she is having her little nap. 

i might give her another power at some point idk i read on the hypnos wiki that his children are mad powerful and sometimes develop additional abilities later in life so who knows but prob something cute with dreams idk

wanted connections

gal pals, girl besties, girl squad ?? i just think that women, essentially, and i feel like the vibes of movie nights and sleepovers together and painting each others nails and gossiping late into the night would be super wholesome and would make me feel at peace in my soul and such. 

i also want like a brooke to her haley james !!! sort of. i want this vibe, where carly is 🌼👼🧸 and ur muse is kinda 💃🍷💋

also gal pals in the way that they kiss sometimes but it’s not serious or is it !!! show ur friends u love them by kissing them on the mouth !!!

that boy she put into a coma. idk if your character fits sort of that player archtype and would be kind of a dick / would ghost a girl after sex then maybe this is for you !! if you’d be down to have your character have been in a coma for like 2 months a couple years ago. she feels so so bad about it though.

an ex? probably on good terms so we can talk about why things didn’t work out but honestly break my heart and fuck me up because it probably would have been like, her first love and there’s still a bit of a soft spot even if it’s not the same i’m sure she just wants them to be so happy ! maybe she’s trying to like, set them up with one of her friends and it’s weird. 

married couple friends. you know, that best friend she has where they kind of bicker like a married couple and they’re both really stubborn but there’s a lot of love and mutual respect there. 

a mentor or something? maybe someone in the hero track that sees how much she’s struggling with her powers and puts in the extra work to help her train a little. she says she doesn’t care about being a hero but maybe they can see right through her a little bit. 

someone she can actually help. i’d love a way for her to realize she can use her powers for good a little bit! maybe if your char suffers from insomnia, bad dreams, something in their trauma makes it hard for them to have a regular sleep schedule...she feels inclined to help them a little bit? this would take time and some build up because she’s not really comfortable using her powers, but i’d love a storyline where she learns how she can use this power positively like that and she helps someone sleep a little better. 

yearning. i don’t know <3 carly can have a little crush on someone who doesn’t give a fuck about her. i feel like she’s the type to have little crushes on everyone she’s prob a little in love w all her friends. 

old friendships. maybe something that fizzled out after the incident a couple years ago, like maybe they were close before but they were really pissed at her for what she did and the two of them were just never able to make up afterwards, maybe they were pals with the guy that she hurt !! 

bad influence? she’s so LAWFUL and GOOD, i’d love for someone to help her see the grey areas a little bit and crack her out of her shell or something, just kind of soft. in a healthy way, maybe they bring out the best in each other but also maybe one day it gets taken too far ! 

[kariachi]

This is it y’all, a day literal months in the coming- here and now I shall liveblog Dragon’s Kin, by Anne and Todd McCaffrey. By which I mean I will read Dragon’s Kin and take note of anything interesting, valuable, or just that comes to my mind. I have never read this book, it’s still in the plastic packaging it came in, I have never read a Todd book.

We’ll see if I survive.

Before I even open the damn thing, I am looking at the image of the McCaffreys on the back and let me say they look like they should be villains in a comedy western.

A Pass brings with it increased earthquakes, tsunamis, and volcanic activity, due to the whole ‘other celestial body coming in hot’ thing. Which actually makes a lot of sense, certainly more than anything else relating to Threadfall. (“charred bone” is this a fungus or a wildfire)

“Under the leadership of the Lord Holders and Weyrleaders-” *screams into aether*

It took until 16 years prior to the 3rd Pass for the Northern Continent to run out of surface coal and have to start actually digging for the shit

Everybody: Whers? Bah, not much to them, not good for much. Journeyman Miner Natalon: But consider, they might be awesome MasterMiner Britell: Hmmm, I’m keeping an eye on this one...

Chapter 1: “In early morning light I see: A distant dragon come to me”

We meet our main character, Kindan. His sister is getting married, good for her. Shame about the plot that’s going to happen later.

Having a watchwher gets you private housing. Also aw, the wher took their name from Kindan’s father that’s so sweet.

This just in, two boys can’t hang with dragons, settle instead for the simple pleasure of watchwher washing

Zenor: Dragons look like they’re soft, not like watchwhers Kindan: Bitch-

So our biggest asshole so far is a Tarik and honestly I’d be sending him back to the Hall with a nice long report of exactly how much of a fuckwit he is. And I’ve only known him a few pages.

And we meet the other major character- Nuella- who is apparently Somebody though who we have no idea

Oh gods Kindan’s mother is dead, his sister is marrying and leaving, and his father and Dask’s fates are in the fucking summary. Boy is about to have a time.

He has brothers! Well thank fuck.

Whers have external ears

Also I have only known Dask for two paragraphs but I love him

“Then Dask gave a little happy chirp, flapped his wings once, and vanished.” Whers can between, alone and from the ground. Apparently Dask does it all the time go he can avoid the lights from the camp.

Dask is brown, I was figuring but nice to know

Kindan, assuming dragons are harder to wash because they’re fucking massive and need oiling and shit (whers, the dragonkin for the common working fucker)

Chapter 2: “It’s skin is bronze, it’s eyes are green; It’s the loveliest dragon I’ve ever seen”

Damn Kindan’s family is a mess, his brothers are all dicks, his sisters are supposeldy dicks but we haven’t seen them, and the only decent fuckers are leaving or dying

Kindan’s Sister: Kaylek, my brother who loves to sing but couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, you shall sing at my wedding Master Harper: Over my dead body he will!

Kindan’s siblings may be shit, but he’ll be damned if he allows them to talked bad about by some non-relative and he’s stubborn as a wher himself about it

Am I reading a fucking fairytale film? The new Harper is a dick until he realises ‘oh wait, this kid isn’t complete shit, I shouldn’t have said the seriously horrible things I did’

(Seriously “to think your mother died giving birth to you”, I want Dask to eat him too)

Well it’s nice to see that the ‘whers fly at night because the air is thicker’ thing is only speculation by people with no fucking teachings with regard to that shit. At least so far.

Kindan really just went on a paragraph long internal monologue about the value of miners to the function and survival of Pern and for all he doesn’t in his heart want to be one I kinda want to see him grow into it now. Stories of stepping away from what’s expected of you and forging your own path are great (I’ve been writing some) but stories of falling in love with what before looked like something to be avoided can also be nice.

And now we get a two paragraph internal monologue about how awesome whers are. Best miners ever.

“Traditionally, the marriage ceremony was performed in the morning, timed so that as the couple completed their marriage vows, the sun would rise, signifying the warmth of the new relationship and how it would lighten not only the bride and groom but also all those associated with them.” Awwww!!!!

“However, such a ceremony would mean Dask could not attend. So Jofri had come up with the idea of performing the ceremony with the setting sun, instead, and lighting a bonfire as the final vows were made.” Awwwwwww!!!!!!!

For all the shit you hear and see relating to whers in earlier and later periods (that they’re ugly, and disliked, and kept chained up)  it’s so nice to see Dask truly be part of the family, so much so that they changed the fucking wedding to accommodate him. I want this to be the tradition of handler families now. And then we have to remember that one of the other handlers for the camp straight up fucking left because Tarik was being a dick to his wher and he wasn’t having it. Yes, give me wher love.

Oh my gods Dask flying about with a glow in his claws to act as a spotlight as his handler’s daughter walks down the aisle this is so sweet!

And he’s singing along to the music!

He’s doing the groom too! Dask is a gift!

“For now that these two are one, we are all more,“ Master Zist intoned. He placed Silstra’s hand in Terregar’s and kissed each lightly on the cheek. “To Terregar and Silstra!”

The crowd stood up and roared back: “To Terregar and Silstra!”

“Long life and happiness!” Master Zist intoned.

“Long life and happiness!” the crowd roared back.

Kindan and Nuella officially meet.

Nuella, taking advantage of Kindan not wanting to get given chores on this the night of his sister’s wedding and her own presumed misbehavior to get him to keep her well away from any authority.

Nuella is sheltered as fuck, she hasn’t even seen a mashed potato before

Ah, she’s the twin of the big boss’s son. Don’t know why she’s being so fucking hidden I mean good fuck, but, at least we know who she is.

Aw, Zenor is her bestfriend. Not that she has many options but still

Seven fucking brothers! And an unknown number of sisters! No wonder their mother died having the last one, she birthed at least nine surviving children! Do you know how many she’d have had to have to get those numbers? Was she born pregnant, wtf?

Chapter 3: “Watch-wher, whatch-wher in the night; Guard our Hold, keep it right; When the morning sun does come; Watch-wher, then you job is done”

Aw, Kindan’s relationship with the his brothers is healing

Also Zist is a fucking taskmaster. He gets results but damn, man, chill.

The big boss’s son is apparently a sickly child

Dask has been in A Mood which is a never a good sign when you’re talking about your security critter

Miners’ children all just ‘it’s too quiet, something is wrong’ like they’re fucking birds. Not that they’re wrong, mind, but still

Welp, bad air was released and sparked before Dask could warn the miners (I assume a pocket got opened as somebody else struck some stone) and now we’ve got a cave-in. Dask got out and is now killing himself trying to rescue the miners.

Damn his father and his brothers in one day. And Dask fucking dying in his arms after managing to save the survivors despite bleeding out with his handler dead (which, even if whers can outlive their handlers he had to have felt, he’s dragonkin he’d have noticed the bond breaking, he was doing this despite knowing that he wouldn’t find Danil alive on the other side. Was he this dedicated to his work, was he hoping to save Danil’s boys, we’ll never know).

Pour one out for Danil, who did his damnedest to take care of his children, and for Dask, who was too damn good for us.

Zenor survived, but his father is also dead. He and Kaylek saved the poor boy’s life in exchange for their own. Gods the last thoughts that must’ve been going through that man’s head, as he realized that the mine was collapsing and he had brought his son in with him despite him not being near old enough...

Seriously y’all I’m crying

Chapter 4: “I am too big to cry; And my voice is too shy; To sing my sad, sad song; Or say the words I long; To say to you- good-bye, good-bye.”

The book says Kindan is the youngest of nine. It also says he has seven brothers and plural sisters. And the sisters at least lasted long enough to give him shit growing up. The book lies to me.

Okay so, Kindan’s got two siblings remaining- Jakris and Tofir- one of whom has been fostered to I think a sister of theirs? Kindan doesn’t note who ‘Terra and her husband’ are otherwise so I assume it’s another older sister and another of which has been fostered to Crom Hold where he’ll be learning art and maybe someday mapmaking. Kindan is still in the camp.

Zenor wants to take over his dad’s role of miner like boy you are ten stop

Ah, Kindan wants to stay.

If somebody would light Tarik on fire please? Especially given that he’s sitting here claiming the mining will be better without them when it’s already been stated that the shift with a wher gets more ore out of the ground per shift than the the others because the wher itself is a fantastic digger.

Zist: We need someone to raise Kindan Natalon: So good of you to volunteer Zist: o.o

Nobody likes Tarik, good, send the man back to Crom, let them deal with his ass.

And more confirmation that Kindan has sisters, I really need this book to make up it’s mind

Nuella is upset she’ll have to avoid the Harper’s cottage with Kindan living in it

Zist: If I’m going to raise this child then damnit I’m making him a harper

We’re getting much character stuff but not much actually interesting

Chimney got clogged at the big boss’s house, Kindan managed to save the lot by coming by and noticing, the existence of Nuella is now known to him.

Kindan can keep a secret, he is taking  to harpering well

Mine’s having a lot of minor accidents

And now big boss’s wife’s baby is coming early, these fuckers just cannot catch a break

Nuella and her brother switching places back and forth so she can be involved in shit. Also she has some mind for healing

Zist had a daughter at one point- Carissa. Nice name

Also the baby is fine, a month early but fine. She doesn’t have a name yet, I will keep y’all updated

Chapter 5: “A baby’s cry, a mother’s sigh; Sweet things make a day go by”

Zist, having Kindan run around the camp telling adults what they need to do: It’ll be an interesting challenge for you Kindan, Telling the big boss that Zist offered to do his administrative work: He said it would be an interesting challenge for him

Oh shit Nuella is blind! Honestly, fucking slow clap for not making a big deal of it so far

The Traders have women of rank. I know this is a second Interval story but still, worth noting. Shit hasn’t gone completely to shit for the women yet

Nuella is having a crisis because she has no information including on things like ‘women don’t have to bake or be mothers, there are in fact options’. All of this is not helped by her mother stressing out about whether little Larissa is going to go blind like her sister did. Apparently shit went downhill when she was three and now her life is stress and isolation.

Okay, so Natalon’s mother was blind, and now his daughter is blind, and he’s trying to hide it from everybody for fear people are going to think there’s something wrong with him and will stop working with them and that nobody will want to marry his son. He’s given up on Nuella marrying. I want to smack him and adopt his children out to good homes.

Kindan, age 11, starting to realize girls can in fact be cute

Also they’re disguising her so she can play at the ‘yay there’s finally some new company for a few days’ Gather

Even Tarik’s fucking cronies don’t like him!

Nuella’s parents and brother are aware she’s there. No scene will be made.

Nuella getting to dance while Zist chides Kindan about not setting up his also 11-yo friends. “They’re too young to match, and you’re too young to be a matchmaker.”

Ooo, the mysterious missing 8th apprentice was a wherhandler and decided fuck that noise. Can’t blame him, I wouldn’t want ot deal with Tarik either

The assumption is he’d rather face his master’s wrath than work there, which peeps nothign that they’d all rather die than face their own masters’ wraths, and the noting that he may well have been worried about losing his wher to all this shit. Which makes sense with how hostile Tarik has made the place for them

Chapter 6: “Cromcoal, Cromcoal, burning bright; Warm the cold of winter’s night; Cromcoal Cromcoal, underground; Where the best of all coal’s found”

They are calling a dragon to take them to someone called Aleesa for, presumably, a wher egg. We are nearly halfway through this book, by the way, which is a little fucking late to finally be bringing in the wher egg but sure, fine.

Aleesa is the handle or a gold wher. Apparently the title for that is Master. So you get Weyrwomen and Whermasters. That’s pretty cool.

Kindan sees a dragon take note of the ‘we need a dragon’ flag and “Zist listened appreciatively and guided him to crafting a better tale, so that by the end of a sevenday, Kindan’s story took a full fifteen minutes to tell and left all eyes peering up to the sky, hoping for a glimpse of their own.”

Zist has Timed It before. Apparently he accidentally spooked a dragon hatchling when he was younger and they Impressed his friend and at some point he timed it to go back and help himself fix the damage the panicked bronze did. A bronze whose rider is now a Weyrleader, by the by. He’s figuring if it seems like they’ll miss their meeting to get the egg then hopefully they can Time It to get there on time.

Telgar Weyrleader D’gan shows up a week late, bitches about it not being an emergency, talks shit about everybody and everything, is lucky to leave with his life (I’d have killed him). Zist is, I assume, about to call Benden to actually get shit done.

“So, Kindan, what did you think of your first look at a dragon?” “Oh, they’re pretty enough, but you’d never fit one in a mine.”

Benden Weyrleader M’tal, being a proper fucking dragonrider who understands what his fucking duties are, is going to get shit done

People out here respecting whers and their importance, you love to see it.

Chapter 7: “Watch-wher, watch-wher in the mine; Help save life, yours and mine; Guide us in the darkest night; With your keen unfailing sight”

Gaminth reassuring Kindan as they travel Between.

“-to keep the hatchling warm until it’s second, tougher coat came in” Do, do whers shed their skin like birds molt baby fluff? Start with soft wherlet skin and then shed that for tough wher skin? I am amazed and also that’s adorable.

So, you’ve gotta convince the gold to let you pick one of her eggs to take with you. I presume if she says no and you press the matter she eats you.

Oh gods wherhandlers blood their children to their whers! Oh my gods that’s adorable! Make the babies pack! Gods how strong is that did Dask now how many of them were dead dear gods now I’m sad again-

Talking to the queen wher, being polite, sending her mental images, Kindan is a Good Boy

Wher eggs glow! Dimly but they glow! Also good boy Kindan, compliment those eggs!

Also they are half the size of dragon eggs and have wrinkles. (I assume wher eggs are more like snake eggs at first...)

“Eeny, meeny, tipsy, teeny, ah vu bumberosha, nineteen hundred and two, I pick you.” And he gets one with a ring around it in wrinkle.

Aleesa is a fucking Queen, sending Kindan, Zist, a Weyrleader, and the big boss away with a simple “You bore me.” She does make sure to compliment Kindan on a job well done and to reinforce that she expects her payment (which she’d have gotten either way, by the way, wher eggs are pricey and you’re paying for a shot at being allowed to have one)

On the topic of feeding wherlets:

“We’ve been experimenting, actually, on the best post-hatching meal. Watch-whers are not as insatiable as dragons, but they will gulp down meat and sometimes choke, as you know.” She pinned Kindan with a fiery glare, and he nodded as if he knew exactly what she meant. “D’you have oats?”

Kindan nodded, glancing over at Natalon to be sure he was also listening to Aleesa.

“Then arrange to get fresh blood from whoever butchers at the camp. Make porridge of the oats, using water, and add the blood as the oats thicken in the pot. I’d say a half-pail a day should be sufficient. If you keep the blood cool, a pailful should last over a day or two, no trouble. Most camps or Holds slaughter every other day. Feed it was often as it wants, and some of the liver and lungs that might go to waste otherwise. Don’t start meat hunks until three months, when it has enough back teeth to chew with. You can continue with porridge feeds in the morning until the hatchling starts to coats out.”

So the fuckers don’t start with all their teeth on top of everything.

Chapter 8: “Watch-wher, watch-wher in the egg; Grant to me the boon I beg”

This delight of a child is making porridge constantly so that it’ll be ready when the bab hatches. And then when it starts hatching he immediately darts for the porridge.

Bab eats like a fucking garbage disposal

She is also currently assumed to be green and apparently whers have notable enough bits to tell sex even if you can’t be sure of color

Kindan do not call the bab ugly, she is doing her best

“Did it give you a name?” “I didn’t ask.” “It is enough like a dragon to know it’s own name?” “I don’t know.”

“She’s not as big as I thought she would be.“

“Big enough to have the appetite of nine dragons,“ Kindan, almost proudly.

This girl is adorable

The Harper followed him out to the shed and greeted Zenor, who hadn’t moved from the spot in which Kindan had left him. The hatchling had been trying to crawl up his legs, her hungry bleek more insistent.

She has been blooded but not named. Kindan is moving in with her.

Nuella you’re a doll but if you can not assume that a baby can eat whatever an adult can eat, especially when Kindan is working off the knowledge of someone who actually, ya know, has experience with this shit? It’d be great.

The bab is now named Kisk and it’s pretty apparent she named her own damn self, for all that she didn’t use words.

Kindan, in a very 11-yo moment, wonders whether the WherMaster actually knows anything about raising whers since weaning his early worked out fine

Wherlet playing, I repeat, wherlet playing, far too adorable

Kisk is going to be a good little guard, already rooting out people who are where they shouldn’t be

Tarik’s wife likes whers! And is teaching her children to like whers! As all good people should!

Cristov, son of Tarik the Dick, is trying to make up his own mind about whers and-

Kisk darted her tongue out and licked Cristov’s outstretched hand before he could pull it bac,k. She made a sad, don’t-you-like-me noise at Cristov

Tarik: *talks shit like he’s got anything going for him* His Wife: *is gonna fucking smack him if he doesn’t start with some basic decency*

Kisk keeping Kindan up all damn night

Chapter 9: “Walk, baby, walk, come to me; Soon, baby, soon, you’ll walk away from me”

And now they’re trying to say Zenor and Nuella were born and raised in the camp despite saying earlier in the book that they’d been there less than a year two years ago.

Also at 3 months Kisk is 12 hands high at the shoulder and 40 from nose to tail. Which is about 4 ft by 13 ft, and still growing.

Kindan, hit with the sudden realization that oh, yeah, being a wherhandler is going to mean not being a harper

Nuella if anything the fact Kindan can’t see in the dark and doesn’t know where he’s going is all the more reason it’d be better training for Kisk to lead him than you, who knows this tunnel like the back of her hand, blind or no

Ooo, Tarik the Dick had a camp the failed, so now he’s all sour because his nephew’s doing better than him.

M’tal is here, Telgar is still bitches (what is it with Telgar being assholes?) and whers apparently don’t have the same problems with oiling and shit dragons do despite growing far faster which makes no damn sense but sure

Whers and dragons can chat amongst themselves, to the surprise of noone, or at least not me.

Nuella’s sweet on Zenor and honestly, go for it kiddo

Kisk is starting to learn.

Chapter 10: Hot air rises, cold air falls; These are thermodynamic laws

(Fuckers expect me to believe the Pernese couldn’t keep the word ‘year’ but ‘thermodynamic’ survived)

Nuella theorizing that whers see heat because she can feel it. I want to say it’s because she’s twelve and, as kids do, thinks she knows everything, but the more I read the more I’m fairly sure it’s just that the McCaffrey’s want her to be Amazing and The Best (which, ugh) and so are just, doing this. It doesn’t work.

Dragonriders here looking for a potential goldrider (very clearly Nuella from the conversation) and lamenting that based on the dragon’s description she might be blind and therefor ‘unable to Impress’ and just- Shit that makes you wanna throw things

Ya know they did so good before they revealed Nuella is blind. She was just another kid then, it was nice, but now... I love her but my hackles are raising

Also can I just say that whers seeing heat is the stupidest thing I’ve heard yet, given everything we know about their anatomy leads to them seeing in the darkness like everything else with massive fucking eyes and a nocturnal disposition.

Operation: Teach Whers to Bespeak Dragons During Emergencies is a go

Nuella claiming that whers can’t be taught to Between because nobody can see heat like they (apparently) can and we’re to take this as gospel despite the like, second thing Dask ever did on-page being to Between on his lonesome. Did these people not have editors? It didn’t seem so bad at first but as time goes on and we get more shit that contradicts other shit (we got contradicting information within pages of each other for fuck’s sake) I am slowly losing my mind

Tarik continues to be a dick and refuses to shore up his tunnels correctly. And he wonders why he lost his fucking camp.

Kindan saw through Kisk’s eyes during hide-and-seek

Chapter 11: “Watch-wher, watch-wher, guard us all; With your dragon-summoning call”

Turns out wherhandlers don’t take well to some dragonrider coming by and trying to teach them about their whers.

Nuella is being offered the chance to go teach whers to chat with dragons.

Everyone is supportive even while she has a quick little existential breakdown that’s probably been building for a while

We skip forward to Nuella going via dragon to Lemos to start her work. Dragons like her and she takes well to Between

Wherhandlers really can’t do well learning from dragonriders because their critters are so different

Nuella is good at what she does.

There’s far too much of old men going ‘*gasp* this child suddenly reminds me of [blank] they are amazing’ though

Whers and their handlers are learning

Turns out, surprise surprise, whers are awesome

Chapter 12: “Harper, harper, sing me a song; Give me a tune that lasts all day long”

Feels like it’s trying too hard...

Tarik the Dick has caused a cave-in and now is refusing to do anything about it because he is, well, see above

There is a now a team of rescuers, mostly kids, out to save the day via secret passage and wher

Nuella: Lolanth, I need your rider to send word to the MasterMiner and also get the pumps pulling air out the mines Lolanth: I have told my rider, and called Gaminth, he and his are coming, and I’ve called Ista, they’re coming, and I’ve told the miners-

Lolanth is a Good Dragon who apparently does not go halfsies

Lolanth got everyone and their grandmother to this camp within thirty seconds

On the one hand, blind characters getting to be awesome, one the other, this is really leaning towards Magically Disabled. Nobody can hear things like Nuella can, nobody can work with whers like Nuella can, nobody is as smart as Nuella is, she’s 12 and better than the majority of the adults around her, just, if they could fucking chill for five minutes.

Also people are alive on the other side of the cave-in

Finally Kindan remembers that Dask could Between, and I promise you it’s going to turn out that he was a miracle and only Nuella (who has no idea what’s on the other side of the cave-in) can show Kisk where she needs to go

Wow, it’s like I’m magic

Chapter 13: “Watch-wher, watch-wher, do you know; All the places you can go?”

I’m glad everybody who survived the cave-in is saved but we just got a fucking paragraph “But it is I who have been blind” speech from Nuella’s father and just. Kill me, please.

And Kisk has decided to swap handlers and be Nuelsk now.

And Kindan is going off to become a Harper.

~~

Okay, not the worst book I’ve read. There were places that needed editing, there was a lot of shit that contradicted each other (Kindan’s everchanging number of siblings just being one example), it had plenty of the McCaffrey’s trademark Totally Accurate Science, and the longer I spent reading it the more it felt like one of those ‘see, disabled people can also do things and be capable’ stories complete with a fucking “But it is I who have been blind” (literal quote, kill me now). And this shit is from 2003. On the plus side though, there’s plenty of quality wher content and the kids are fun when the writers aren’t on their little Not A Soapbox.

Overall, a 6/10, if someone wrote an anosmiac character this way I’d want their head on a stick no matter how badass they were.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #465

“the old man then prepares to die regretfully  /  that old man here is me”

Did you have a boyfriend in kindergarten? No, but I had a guy who wouldn't leave me alone since pre-k. Did you ever read the Magic Treehouse series? OMG I forgot about those!! I loved them!!! Did you ever watch The Land Before Time movies? AHHHHHHHHH yes!!! :') Did you collect anything when you were a kid? Stickers. My dresser was COMPLETELY covered in them. Who did you look up to most as a child? Steve Irwin, 100%. He was my hero. Did your parents let you drink soda when you were little? Some, yes. I wish they hadn't, with the dependency I have now. Did you ever watch The Powerpuff Girls or Dexter’s Laboratory? Of course! I strongly preferred the former, though. Did you watch Blue's Clues? HOW TIMELY. :'''') I did! My little sister and I loved it. What was your favorite kind of cake as a kid? Just gimme a good 'ole double chocolate cake and I was one happy kiddo, ha ha. Did you ever want to grow up? Sure didn't. I was smart. How often do you listen to classic rock? It varies, really. Sometimes I'm in the mood for it and binge it, other times I want newer music. What about country? Just about never. What is the most amount of money you have ever lost? Not a whole lot. I'm very careful with money. Have you ever hurt yourself just to get attention? No. Whenever I did it in the past, it was always to relocate the pain I was experiencing, and because I felt like I deserved it. Last person to get on your nerves? I'd rather not give it the time of day. Are you in any pain right now? No. Last thing you ate? It was one of those chocolate chip Clif Thins things. I HATE every Clif product I've ever tried until these, so they're a good option if I really want something sweet that's actually decently healthy and doesn't taste like I'm eating pure fiber, like most of their products. Name three things apart from trust and loyalty that you need in a relationship. Open, honest communication, similar interests as well as morals, and pro-LGBTQ+, if I'm just naming three. How far away are you from the place that you were born? Like... not even ten minutes. Do you live near anybody who creeps you out? Nah. Then again though I know pretty much nobody in my neighborhood. Is there anywhere that you are too afraid to go to alone? Where? Hm. If for whatever strange reason I had to, I would absolutely not want to go into a men's restroom alone. Would you be upset if you had a child who decided to make “adult films?” Despite the fact I don't negatively judge porn stars if they are smart, cautious, an informed about what they do and how to stay safe... I think I'd be very, very scared if my child wanted that, especially if it was my daughter, because she can actually get pregnant. Yes, abortion's an option, but... still. I don't want her to have to be faced with that decision. I also would be terrified of my hypothetical son getting someone pregnant, especially because he's then not the one with say on what happens to that child. So ultimately, if I was ever in this situation, I feel like I'd need to be alone with my partner to just cry for a while and then talk with them and look at the situation factually and with regard for my child's happiness. What pizza topping would you never, ever, EVER eat? Sardines. /gag What annoys you most about your computer? The microphone is broken. Do you prefer to read blogs or watch vlogs? I'm not huge on either, but watch vlogs. Do you know anyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas? No. Do you own a snowglobe? I wish I did, they cute. What was the last thing that upset you? It was more disappointing than upsetting, but I was nevertheless super bummed that my bf had to scoot us hanging out a day back today when I was v excited for it. What is something you are behind on? It sounds unbelievable, I know, but I am IMMENSELY behind with Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. Like, I'm somewhere around four episodes in. It's so hard to explain: like, I want to watch it badly, but I don't want to set aside time to sit in front of the TV to actually do it? It makes very little sense. I'll catch up eventually, I just... haven't yet. Who DO you go to for advice when you need it? Mom, Sara, my therapist... Will you go caroling this year? God no. Never have, never will. Would you ever be friends with someone who was suicidal? Bro what the fuck, of course I would. Would you rather have a daughter or a son? Daughter. Did you get bullied more as a child, a teenager, or an adult? I'm very grateful that I was never truly bullied. If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist? FUCK YES. Are you allergic to your favorite animal? I wouldn't know; I've never been near one. :( What’s your favorite country besides the USA? Lol what a presumptuous question. Probably Africa. Did you get senior pictures taken? No, even though I wanted them. :/ I don't remember why I didn't? How often do you like to have sex? I don't care. Whenever it feels right. Are you any good at math? OH MY GOD NO Do you like Dairy Queen? I fucking love Dairy Queen. Ever had their Oreo Cupfection? *chef's kiss* If you had to get advice from someone of the opposite sex, who would you go to? Girt. Or my psychiatrist. Really depends. Does talking about sex make you feel uncomfortable? GODDAMN RIGHT IT DOES. Few things make me MORE uncomfortable. Are you more scared of going to the doctors or dentists? Doctors. Dentists are ezpz for me. At the doctor, meanwhile, I'm scared of them finding something seriously wrong. Do you get along with your significant other’s friends? I've only met one, and that was YEEEEAAARRRRSSS ago. He was chill, though. Do you enjoy the sound of crickets at night and birds in the morning? omfg YES Do you enjoy board games? Not really. Do you need a haircut? I actually just got one the other day. It's shorter than I would've liked, but it's whatever. Hair grows back, and mine does fast. Do you feel bad when you kill bugs? Yes. They've got the same right to be here as we do. What’s the longest stretch of time you’ve spent completely alone? A week or two when my mom and sis went to the beach (I think?) for a dance competition. Have you ever been in a situation where you needed a lawyer? Yes, when I presented my disability case. Do you know anyone who has been evicted? My mom, sister, and me because we couldn't keep up with rent. What’s your favorite macaron flavor? Never tried one. How often do you have friends over to your house? The only "friend" that comes over to my house is my boyfriend. Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? Front flips, yes; never back flips, because I was scared of breaking my neck. What about a flip off of a diving board? No. Does your country have free healthcare? No, but it fucking should. What is your sexuality? Bro I don't even know anymore lmao. I just say pansexual. "Queer" might fit me best, though. I really don't know, but it doesn't really matter. What’s the last show you watched? Attack on Titan w/ Girt! I'm actually keen to see more of it. The darkness and heartbreak of it is right up my alley. How is your road rage? I don't really experience road rage because I'm too engulfed by terror to focus on anything else, honestly. Do you have any facial piercings? Yeah; I have a vertical labret in my lip. Have you ever been to a rehab center? So this is dumb as shit, but all the psych hospitals I've been to doubled as rehab centers. Which made NO goddamn sense because those who are suffering with mental illnesses leading to suicidal thoughts/tendencies are unique from those dealing with addiction; both require individual treatments and should not be grouped, imo. How long did your shortest relationship last? Not even a day. What would your life be like if you had married your first love? That's... scary to imagine. Sometimes, that was all I wanted. But seeing as he left because of my depression... it probably would have been catastrophic. He was the only person I ever wanted kids with, so there probably would have been children involved in all that madness, which no little one deserves. Him leaving ultimately led to my healing, too, so I don't know where I would've been mental health-wise if he stayed. What is the most difficult or time-consuming thing you’ve ever cooked? Would you make it again? I don’t cook. I need to learn, though... Have you ever had a platonic friend that everyone insisted you should be in a relationship with? He's my boyfriend now, ha ha ha. Is there anything about a person’s sexual past that might stop you from wanting to date them? Yes. I'm too lazy to get into that stuff rn, though. If someone asked your closest friends/family members what career path might suit you best, what do you think they would say? I'm almost certain they would all say veterinarian. How did you and your significant other celebrate your last anniversary? Slow down buddy, we haven't even been together a month lmao. Who was the last person to make you a home-cooked meal? What did they make? Mom, but I don't recall the last thing she made from scratch. Girt is doing that tomorrow, though! :') He's making grilled chicken stuffed with jalapenos and spinach and something else I can't remember and it sounds BANGIN'. What’s the weirdest, rudest, or most ridiculous thing a guest has ever done in your home? Hmmm... I'll have to get back to ya on that. Has anyone ever told you you’re manipulative? I think someone has, yes. Do you know anyone who owns their own business? Yep. Who was the recipient of your very first kiss? Jason. Do you prefer shrimp or crab? SHRIMP. Crab is mushy and disgusting. Do you prefer fiction or non-fiction books/movies? I strongly prefer fiction. Have you ever seen an eclipse? Plenty of lunar eclipses, yes. Who is your favourite video game character? Pyramid Head, Spyro, Cynder... I have a lot, those three are just panning out as strong contenders. Are you the type of person who knows exactly what they want in life? lol Do you have commitment issues? Not at all. What was the last thing you felt nostalgic about? uhhh Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad. Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? OMG one time in his prime, Teddy got loose on a snowy night and went on a full-blown adventure. I was SOBBING. My dad had to chase him down. Do any of your exes know each other? Juan knows Jason, Jason knows Juan and Girt, and Sara knows Girt. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? "Vaccines cause autism." Fuck out my face. What was the very first election you voted in? This most recent presidential one.

[theyanderespecialist]

25 Days Of Christmas 12/25 Christmas Special 1 (One Shot) SCP 2030 X OC Marie (Yandere Christmas 2020) (SCP Foundation)

(Marie's pov)

I hum softly as I take out the cookies in the oven as my friend stood up. "Aight, I'm out."

"Okay, drive safe okay?" I said as they smiled and nodded as I looked into the living room and pick up the remote accidentally hitting play as I see that show they made me watch. Uh.. laugh love ..no uh.. Laugh is fun, that was it. Some really fucked up show. I didn't find it funny..and it was weird that the host never showed his face.

To be honest ever since I first watched it with them I've been feeling watched. I've also found flowers outside of my apartment, though I assume it must be a mix up with numbers.

I sigh as I grab the plate and wash it before putting it away before I hear something, the Television must have come back on. I went to turn it off when I hear a knock as I slowly open the door only to see a young kid.

"Donations for those in need?" They asked as I looked at them and smiled.

"Sure. One second." I said as I grabbed my wallet. I lived alone and my family was all over seas and Didn't really want gifts so that saved me a lot of money, might as well give it to someone who does need it. I dug out the money, giving them two fifties.

"Woah, thanks miss! The children's hospital thanks you!" They said as I smiled and waved. God children are adorable. I close the door before feeling a presence as I hear laughing from the tv.

I shake my head and go to my bedroom and on my bed was a gift box in laughing emoji Christmas paper. I look around confused. My memory may not be great but I don't think that was there.

"..uh.. is ..someone here?" I asked scared

I did not hear anything and slowly open the box and inside was a sexy Mrs. Clause dress and asescories with a note. "Try me on! ;3"

I felt my face turn red as I didn't know who left that. Did I forget I brought this in? Maybe my friend gave it to me and I forgot? I didn't really want to put it on..bit of my friend got it as a gag gift, they still spent money. I pick up the note before it unfolded. "Or else." That was rather ominous. They really were pushing it. I take it and slowly undress though I felt watched still, but I'm also a paranoid person. I managed to put it on as I felt so embarrassed. I never really showed my body..

I was even in fishnet stockings and stripper heels and black fake latex gloves. I looked at myself it seemed a bit over the top but it was still a bit cute. I mean.. yeah it was so far out of my comfort zone yet..i felt cute. It even matched my lipstick I already had However in the mirror, since it was closer to the floor since I just use it for my outfits, I saw shoes..

I screamed as I turned around and a man was there.

"w-who are you?!" I asked scared before I noticed the suit..it was the same suit as that host on that show.

"I am the host Laughy Mclaugherson." He says grinning. "And you are in my Holiday special!"

I'd seen what happens on his shows. How people are mutilated and die or go missing.

"N-No that's okay! I-I don't really want to be on a show" she said nervously

(oh girl he ain't gonna hurt or prank or use you. He is gonna make you feel good, you're gonna like it, and you're going to disappear with him and be with him forever with no possible escape. Sounds great. I mean the alternative is her harms or uses you and humiliates you before he kills you, so really option 1 is the best

(XD So true)

"No no, there will be no pranks, or humilation, or anything like that. Just me making you mine!" He says cheerfully.

I stared scared. "W-What do you mean?" I asked as I hear laughing.

"well I left flowers for you ever since you've watched my show, bit you never brought them inside. But that's okay because I do know you called down because you thought someone got the wrong room." He said smiling. "So I though I should be more direct. And frankly I've waited months. I can't keep waiting and it's Christmas. The time of giving."

I stared at him in shock oh no. I didn't know what to do when he suddenly walked closer. The cheerful smile turning to a more.. suggestive one. He had me backed against the wall either of his arms on either side of my head caging me in. Oh God he is also really taller than me. Like ..way taller. He wasn't unattractive..bit I don't know him..and I was scared. Not only that he said Christmas special meaning this could be filming..

He smiled at me and leaned down stealing my lips with his. I tensed up as he kissed me. I don't know what to do. I was shocked as he licked my lips but I wouldn't open my mouth. He pulled back and smirked and kissed me again while tickling my sides. That got me to open my mouth as I involuntarily laughed from the tickling trying to pull away.

(god I'm the worst when it comes to tickling.)

(Same and I do not like to be tickled XD I just hate it XD)

(No it's not that it's that pretty much all of me is ticklish)

(Oh no XD That is bad XD)

He shoved his tongue in and started to stroke my body and he was a really good kisser I could not help but moan. But I couldn't get it out of my mind what he said about the episode. But there was no camera crew so there's no way. Maybe this is just one weird dream. Probably fell asleep..so might as well enjoy it. I kissed back albeit nervously as he grips onto me.

(I mean xD if it were a dream then go for it. XD but it aint)

(XD)

I stroked down his body and felt his chest okay not to buff but not a string bean

(pfff xD I mean I am a girl who likes the middle like some mussel but also kinda scrawny like the middle

He pulled away giving a small laugh as I look at him shyly. Yeah this was some wired dream. I need to get out more.

But no harm of I want to enjoy it. I let my hand run down a little more as he suddenly yet only slightly tensed before looking at me that same smirk on his face as he pulled away as I gave a whine.

"You want this beautiful?" He asks kissing down my neck making me giggle a bit.

That's the one down side to being tickilish, everything would make me laugh. I nodded as he smiled, I could feel it in my neck.

(Finally! Get to the good stuff! >:3)

"Then lie down." He said smiling as I smiled and laid down as he looked at me before he looked at me with a smirk that showed he was definitely up to no good as he looked at a toe hanging on my wardrobe. I was going to give that to a friend but he didn't like ties. He suddenly walked over and put my hands above my head and tied them tight. Really tight.

"I hope you don't mind the cameras watching." He said suddenly as my eyes widen.

(Yeah there it is. The little bastard)

(she did agree she wanted it xD that's on her)

(XD)

He kisses me and I wiggles around it was to late now. There wasn't much I could do but kiss back before I feel him pull away as his hands rub my thigh getting closer to my inner thigh when I hear a rip of fabric as he has ripped the tights as his hand pushed down on my underwear right on my sensitive clit as I suddenly squirm biting my lip trying not to kick and let out a laugh.

He smirked at me. "Oh so your ticklish here too~~"

"o-oh come on not there!" I said knowing that tone as he simply smirked as he moved to be standing to the side bit still able to rub me right on that spot as I could feel the pain from biting as I finally let out a small laugh as I kicked with my leg.

He grins and does it more driving me crazy. I squirm as I could feel myself building up closer and closer as my breathing became uneven.

He tehn pulled away and I looked at him shocked.

"Really??" I demand.

"We are just getting started~ Think of this as a punishment for not accepting my flowers." He says with a laugh.

(XD Someone is a salty bitch XD)

-To Be Continued- 

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Fruits Basket HCs

If you haven’t been able to tell from my blog, I REALLY love Fruits Basket. I have this immense love for these characters and I want to share the different headcanons that I have for each of these fantastic characters. I’m going to cover a lot of ground so I apologize if this becomes really long. To make this easier for myself this first part is just going to be my six favorite characters (Momiji, Tohru, Kyo, Kakeru, Hatori and Hatsuharu).

Momiji: 

* The mental health side of things for Momiji is that in my non-professional medical opinion (to quote the original show) he has really high levels of ADHD. He learned to combat this by taking gymnastics lessons as a young boy while everyone else was doing karate he was learning to be bouncing ball. 

*This one is a pretty much canon one but I love this idea; Momiji is genderfluid. I love the idea of Momiji hanging around Ritsu and learning about fashion from them. I also just really love the idea of Momiji in a cute little skirt with shorts underneath (don’t judge me I just really love the idea of it.) 

*Number one touchy friend!! He’s constantly a ball of energy and will hug and cling to all of his friends if they indulge him. He loves affection both giving it and receiving it.  

*He is surprisingly a really good baker!! I love the idea of him making friendship cupcakes for Tohru after everything happened just to thank her for all her help (She wouldn’t accept them but offer to share them with him instead.) 

*He learned violin from Ayame. I like to think that out of all the Sohma’s he is the most musically inclined. If you want to learn how to play an instrument go to Aya he’ll help you out fam. 

*How he learned German and started using that as his main language was in elementary school right after what happened with his mom happened (I’m trying to keep this as non-spoilery as possible so that my friends can read this too). He wanted something that reminded him of her but wasn’t painful. So he decided to learn another language and Hatori helped him. 

*He is probably one of the most likely to spoil his future children. He’ll give them the childhood that he was never technically given. If those children wanted something they were going to get it whether or not it was their birthday they want it. Plus he has the money to get them whatever they want!! 

Tohru: 

*So space cadet Tohru is canon and I am of the personal belief that a little bit of ADD which is why she always needs Yuki’s help with school. Most of these HCs are going to be a little bit mental health related mostly because that’s how I see them. 

*If Tohru had the ability to go to college it would be to become a professional chef. She loves cooking for other people and making people happy. Professional chefs to me are the types of people that love to make others happy which is why she cooks for others. 

*She is definitely the hug friend. What is the hug friend you may ask? It is a person that can give the best hugs. She is constantly getting hugs from Uo-chan and Hana-chan and to me she just seems the type that would give the best hugs in the entire world. 

*She has always been interested in being in a relationship someday. When she was little she loved Disney movies and would fantasize about one day finding her own personal Prince Charming. 

*At first in dating Kyo, Tohru gets flustered by EVERYTHING. This poor girl is always blushing around the love of her life. 

*Her favorite subject in school will always be cooking but she is surprisingly good at history!! She loves learning about the past mostly because she is one of the few people that found it interesting. 

*As a mom she is the most doting parent, the type that kids get embarrassed by at sleepovers. 

Kyo: 

*My first HC for our favorite cat boi is that he has autism. Hear me out, when I was in middle school I struggled immensely when it came to relating to people and understanding how they felt. I had undiagnosed aspergers at the time and found that he was one of the few characters that wanted to be better at dealing with his emotions and people. Having that relatability now that I’m older has been a huge help. 

*The most surprising HC that I have about Kyo is that he loves to write. Usually it’s just little things that irritate him throughout the day. It’s how he learned to officially get his anger calmed down so that he wouldn’t yell anymore once Hajime and his kids were born. 

*As a kid Kyo never had ice cream. It’s the same thing with the pancakes where he had never had sweets that wasn’t fruit. Tohru is appalled by this and one of their first dates was to get him to try ice cream (his favorite is mint chocolate chip) 

*Growing up he was alone a lot but I think that he would find companionship in books and literature. I feel like he’d be really good at school like in the original where we see him pouring over books to study. (The best way to get him to do well is of course a little competition.) 

*Kyo is a hella overprotective dad once his kids are born. This is obvious but if he has any daughters those future boyfriends, run just run. 

*Once the curse is broken he is constantly trying to make up for the years where he wasn’t able to get physical affection. After he gets over his own flustered tsundere habits with Tohru they became easily the closest couple. He finds that he loves having his hair pet (if he purrs he’ll deny it until the end of time)  

*I think that out of all my favorites Kyo would be the best listener. You got a problem, no matter how stupid it is, Kyo will do his damndest to help you out. That’s just who he is especially when it comes to those he loves. 

Kakeru: 

*Kakeru’s mental health theory is that he has ADHD just like Momiji combined with dyslexia so he sometimes has a hard time reading things and needs help understanding what exactly he’s looking at for homework. 

*Him and Kimi always start prank wars that could go on FOREVER. If nobody stops them they can just go at each other for days. Eventually either Yuki or Machi will get too exhausted of their antics and force them to stop. These prank wars usually happen about once a month on the second week. They all fear this time of the month and whenever it happens it usually lasts for about three days. 

*Definite anime lover this boi!! He grew up watching the classics and it’s just something that stuck with him. 

*Before he became chaotic Kakeru TM he always hid this part of his personality but now that he’s older he is very open about his love for anime. 

*He wasn’t close to Machi until after she was kicked out of the family house. Before then he was almost indifferent towards her existence but when that happened he realized that he wanted to make her feel better whether she wanted it or not. 

*He is the best cuddler fight me on this. I feel like once you got him calmed down he would always be down for cuddling his S\O. 

*This one is pretty common amongst the fandom judging by how many people ship him with Yuki but I think that he’s not bisexual he’s pansexual he just loves people!! 

Hatori: 

*I don’t have a mental health HC for Hatori really other than PTSD (which let’s face it almost all of this cast of characters has.) 

*Before he met Kana he knew next to nothing about popular culture. His music taste was stuck in the 50′s and to her that was an absolute travesty!! Who hadn’t heard of Queen, Elton John or David Bowie?! She made it her goal to get him into modern things so that he could understand her. At the time he didn’t really understand a lot of the things that she liked. However, once she left him he learned to appreciate modern music and film. 

*Something that I really love about Hatori is the thought that he would be a fan of musical theater. It’s something that not a whole lot of people know mainly Shigure and Ayame and Aya always gets him tickets when a show he likes comes to town. 

*He can’t cook to save his life!! Literally the type of person that would somehow burn water and he doesn’t have the time to cook everyday but usually Momiji will bring him food that he makes. 

*Definitely a romantic at heart no matter how much the idea of love has hurt him in the past. He loves making Mayu happy at random intervals. From buying her random bouquets of flowers to planning things on a larger scale he just loves making her happy. 

*As a parent he’s the type to definitely be overprotective especially when they aren’t feeling well. His kid fainted at school? He’s already there trying to find out what went wrong and keep them at home with him for a few days until they get Dr. Tori’s clean bill of health. 

*As much as he bitches and moans about Ayame and Shigure’s annoying tendencies he couldn’t ask for two better best friends. \

Hatsuharu: 

*Mental health HC is that he’s bipolar thanks to the other dark personality even though most of the time he’s white it’s something that after everything happens Hatori insists he gets an official diagnosis of. 

*He loves grunge rock. The first time he discovered Nirvana Kurt Cobain became his instant hero. Not a way to live his life but someone that he was inspired by. His second favorite band is All Time Low (I’ve never heard any of their stuff this one is for my best friend who is an absolute Haru-stan) 

*He got his tattoo as his own way of rebelling against his family order. I think that his parents (we only really ever hear of his mom) being strict on him. That’s where the multiple piercings came from as well. Whenever he would hit a low point before middle school he would get a new one. 

*He is actually a really good cook and entirely capable of taking care of himself since his parents are often too busy for him. 

*He got into gaming by accidentally seeing Shigure playing a dating sim (Fight me on this one I dare you say that Shigure the pervy bastard doesn’t play these things) 

*He is definitely the romantic type as we see him bringing Rin flowers to cheer her up. He might be a little bit stiff at first and awkward but once he gets used to the person you bet your ass he’ll just cling to you as we see with Yuki much to his everlasting annoyance. 

*He’s an amazing artist!! He loves to draw just about anything that he can get his hands on. It’s something that he does now when he hits a low point instead of wrecking things he learned the proper way of coping with his problems. 

Whew!! Sorry about the length on this guy but I really wanted to do this while waiting for the dub to catch up. I will make more if people want more of them!! 

[fortheloveoffanfic]

The One That Stays

Keanu Reeves x reader  (A/n- Releases for this one will be on Sundays)

Chapter 1- Acquaintance 

“‘Cause baby when I heard you, For the first time I knew, We were meant to be as one.” -Kylie Minogue, Love At First Sight.

Parties had never really been her scene, they were loud, everyone always got sweaty and the general smell of perspiration mixing with alcohol was never one she had grown particularly fond of. This one was no different. If only she had found a way out of it in time. 

"Come on," a female voice said next to Y/n, and their arms linked at the elbows, "This is my work party, we're supposed to be having fun!"

"Julie....." Y/n groaned, frowning, "You know this isn't my scene."

"I never understood that," she giggled, "You like booze, you like music. Parties put those things together for you, what's not to like?"

"The people," Y/n stated plainly, offering a deadpan stare, "I don't like people."

Julie rolled her eyes, urging Y/n up, taking a long swing of her drink before continuing her arguement, "Well," she broke into another winning smile and Y/n was beginning to think that her friend was already drunk, "You love me, and I'm a person."

Y/n sighed, partly in exasperation, but mostly in humor, "That's different, you're....different." Juile was different, she had been Y/n's best friend since middle school. They were inseparable.

Julie finished her drink with a sigh of her own, "Look," she began, tone a little more even than before, "I know you don't like all of this," she gestured to the crowd on the dance floor, "And I know that I've been dragging you to parties since we were in high school, but I swear, this time I brought you here for a reason," when Y/n tilted her head to the side in question, Julie finished, "I want you to meet someone!"

"Who?"

"You'll see," she sang, beaming and Y/n couldn't help but smile in return, "But in the mean time, let's get you a stronger drink."

It was nearing ten pm and Julie was already drunk. Like ‘slurring her words’, ‘wobbling while she walked’ drunk. Y/n had had significantly less than she had, already realizing that she would have to chaperone before Julie did something that she might regret. “Where is this person anyway?” Y/n asked finally, almost having to shout over the music.

“Who?” Julie returned, scrunching her noise, still swaying in time with the beat.

“The person you wanted me to meet,” Y/n tired to ease the glass out of Julie’s hand, setting it on their table, urging her to sit, “Maybe you’ve had too many martinis. Stay here, I’ll get you some water.”

As Y/n stood, Julie grabbed her wrist, “Don’t be such a drag Y/n/n. We’re young and free!” She giggled, using her free hand to make exaggerated gestures, “Just.....” for a moment she trailed off, plump pink lips going agape and her glassy blue eyes went wide, presumably with recognition, “There he is!” She pointed to a figure sitting on a barstool at another table, half way across the room, talking to a group of people. 

“He?” Y/n probed incredulously, “This person is a ‘he’? Jules, I love you, but this better not be a set up. After that cop you set me up with-”

“Jason was a detective. A hot one that I met through a credible source,” she pouted, trying to tug her hand away from Y/n’s loose grip, “Besides you'll like him. I promise.”

“No.....just....no okay. I’m not dating right now and I have all this work stuff going on and.....I just...” Y/n huffed, she didn’t really have and explanation and Julie didn’t seem to be paying attention anyway.

“Just, shh,” Julie’s slender finger went to Y/n’s lips as she stood, almost stumbling forward, “I know you babe, you’re my sister. I love you. And this guy, he’s amazing. And really, you kind of already know him.” Before Y/n could object again, Julie hand taken her hand, lacing their fingers and pulling Y/n towards the man, whose face had yet to be revealed. 

They weaved through the guests, only bumping into a few who didn’t even seem to notice. As they drew closer, Julie’s arm went up, and she started waving as she called, “Keanu!”

At the sound of his name, the formerly mysterious figure turned around, giving away his identity. Sucking into a shocked breath, Y/n stopped abruptly, “Julie!” She whispered loudly into her friends ear, trying to make her stop too, “That’s Keanu fucking Reeves. That’s the friend you wanted me to meet?”

“Duh,” she laughed, hugging Y/n closer, “Please,” she whined, “You love him!”

“I love his movies,” Y/n corrected matter-of-factly, “How do you know him anyway?”

Julie rolled her eyes, which told Y/n that the reason should have been plainly obvious, “He’s the lead in the movie I was writing for.” Julie, for as long as they had known each other, had maintained big dreams of one day becoming a screen writer. As children she’d write plays, stories and everything else, and eventually, she had gotten the chance to peruse her goals in college, graduating at the top of her film class. 

“He’s in your movie? And you never said anything?” Y/n lightly punched her arm, “That’s the kind of thing you tell your best friend.”

“Nuh-uh,” she argued drunkenly, “I wanted it to be a surprise. We’ve been talking a lot, and I think he might really like you, if you know what I mean,” she elbowed Y/n, winking tragically, “Now, lets not keep the man waiting.”

”Keanu!” A familiar voice called from behind him, again. When he turned around that time, the source was closer, and he recognized her almost instantly as one of his friends from set; Julie Henderson. She had been one of the writers on his latest movie, and during filming, Keanu had grown to enjoy her bubbly personality. So, when she had mentioned that she might have a friend he might be interested in, he didn’t turn it down the way he had other blind dates. 

Finally, they approached and he said a quick goodbye to the group he had been hanging with, “Julie,” he greeted, letting her pull him into a short, one handed hug; her other was hooked to a young girl, about her age, “I wasn’t sure if I’d see you tonight,” Keanu commented casually.

“Yeah, I’ve been busy babysitting this one,” she teased, gesturing to Y/n, who rolled her eyes, “Speaking of, this is my sister; Y/n!”

Nervously chewing on her lower burgundy stained lip, Y/n offered her hand, “We’re not actually sisters,” she corrected, clearing up any confusion, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Keanu couldn’t help but let his smile widen. Her hand felt so small and fragile in his. And maybe it was weird, but he couldn’t stop staring at her, she was just so beautiful. Short brunette bob, one side tucked sweetly behind her ear, showing of the little jewels that ran up the side of her ear. Her silk, black, mini dress hugged her slender curves loosely, and was complimented perfectly by a lone teardrop diamond that hung in the hollow of her throat, “I’ve heard good things.”

“I can’t say the same,” Y/n joked, only realizing after a minute that they had yet to release each other, “I think I forgot that Julie’s way too good at keeping secrets.”

Keanu chuckled quietly, but before he could speak, Julie interrupted, “Since you two have hit it off so well,” she discreetly glanced at their still joined hands, “I’m gonna get myself another drink.”

They watched her go and Keanu was next to speak, “I guess that’s her way of telling us that we should get to know each other.”

“As someone who’s known her for over twenty years, I can tell you that it is,” taking a deep breath, Y/n cleared her throat, reclaiming her hand, “So.....”

“So, do you want to get a drink?” Keanu suggested tentatively.

Y/n chortled quietly, shaking her head, “I probably shouldn’t, I have to drive us home and I’ve already had two.”

“Well, how about some fresh air?” He gestured to the open balcony doors near by.

The night air was chilly against Y/n’s exposed skin, though it was a welcome change from the cluster inside. She stood next to Keanu, leaning forward on the brass guard rail, for a while in awkward silence. “Jules, told me you’re a fan,” he smiled, trying to break the ice, soon realizing that there may have been significantly better ways.

“God,” she groaned, cheeks going red as Y/n buried her face in her hands, “Why would she tell you something like that?”

“It’s okay,” Keanu laughed quietly, “It’s actually a little.....flattering, it was true when I said that Julie speaks highly of you. Kind of like you are her sister.”

Y/n exhaled audibly, “Yeah, I know I said that she’s not, but Jules, she really is family. We've known each other for twenty-five years, and now I can’t imagine my life without her.” When Keanu laughed a little louder, Y/n couldn’t seem to find to joke, “What?”

“Nothing,” he waved his hand dismissively, “You two just seem like complete opposites. She’s always talking about how shy and serious you are, how she’s always trying to get you to loosen up. And Julie’s so....”

“Loud? It's okay, you can say it, the woman is loud.”

“I was gonna say social,“ he interjected.

Y/n giggled, “That works too. But it doesn’t matter,” she shook her head, dark hair brushing against her skin in slow, distracting motions, “She’s one of the best people in my life, the ying to my yang,” Y/n mused with a faint hum. 

“That’s good,” Keanu nodded, “It’s always special when two people can find missing parts in each other. One thing that compliments the other because of stark differences.”

“So you are as wise as they say,” Y/n teased with a quiet giggle.

“I try,” Keanu put his large hand on the chest of his black dress shirt, right over his heart, slightly bowing. After their laughter died down, Y/n and Keanu stood in another bout of silence, that one just a tad more comfortable than the first. The space between them had been cut in half, with about six inches of cold air between them as they looked on at the rolling hills in the distance. The trees that barely shrouded the famous Hollywood sign looked like mere shadows and the lights around was the only indication that they were still in a city that throbbed with life; they were too far up to hear much of it. 

When the silence became almost unbearable, Keanu was the one to break it, almost startling Y/n with his words, “Jules said you work in finance.”

“Yupp, I’m a Financial Manager,” she went on to explain how she worked for a cosmetics company, but didn’t really give a lot of details, “It’s not as glamorous as.....” She gestured to Keanu.

In return, he laughed quietly, “Glamor is overrated, besides if you love it, then it doesn’t matter if there are cameras in your face or a pen in you hand.”

Y/n smiled softly, biting her lip, “I guess you’re right,” Keanu could have sworn she was blushing.

Keanu chuckled quietly and then turned to her, an idea turning in his head. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and he leaned on the banister, “Tell me something about yourself.”

“What?” She laughed, maybe a little louder than she should have, “Anything?”

“Anything. I’m not good at all this ice breaker stuff. So just hit me with a random fact about whatever makes you ‘you’.” 

“Okay,” she hummed, looking as if she was thinking hard, “I scrape the frosting off cake and save it for last.”

Y/n’s bright eyes, hooded only by her dark make-up stared up at Keanu, as if challenging him to come up with something stranger, “That is.....very random. And really weird.”

“It is. Your turn,” she encouraged.

“I turn on reruns just so the house doesn't feel lonely,” at first, Y/n’s smile continued, but after a beat, her face faltered, her eyes dimmed and Keanu thought he recognized pity in her eyes. “Well that’s just sad, isn’t it?” He tried to joke lightly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No,” she hummed, turning back towards the awning view. The lights from surrounding buildings made the lamps mounted to the wall almost mute and the balcony doors had long been pulled in by some party goer or the other, leaving the two alone. It was if they had been granted the opportunity to have their own little bubble for a while; a self contained half hour that would determine if they ever saw each other again.

“It’s just,” Y/n continued, searching for the right words, glancing at Keanu. He really was handsome, it wasn’t just some kind of camera trick, the kind that her mother always talked about. Instead, age had been kind to him, and he appeared far more youthful than many of the men her age, the only tells being the flecks of grey hidden in his neatly trimmed beard and long hair. “It’s.....human.”

For some reason, the urge to put her hand on his shoulder tickled her palm, but instead of touching him, Y/n took a chance at stepping a little closer, a little surprised when Keanu did the same.

“Human things can be sad,” he commented absently.

Y/n smiled sadly, turning to find that he had been looking at her; eyes squinted in concentration as if she were some kind of complex art, something to be studied, memorized, and she didn’t know that Keanu was thinking it but, appreciated. “They can be,” Y/n returned wistfully, “But only if we make them.”

“You seem different,” Keanu eventually said, and Y/n tilted her head in silent question.

“You can’t know that, we just met,” her little laugh was a musical one, and Keanu wondered if he’d ever be fortunate enough to hear it again. He wanted to know her, outside of those thirty minutes spent of a chilly balcony. He wanted to see if he could be the reason for more light breathy laughs, find out if she could be as close to someone else as she was to Julie, what made her smile and what she absolutely hated. Keanu wasn’t sure if he wanted to date her, but he did want to know her.

“You’re right,” he agreed, “I can’t, but I’d like too.” When was the last time he had been that forward? He couldn’t remember, but maybe, just maybe, Y/n would be worth it.

“Oh?” Y/n’s smile widened despite herself. The last thing she wanted to come off as was eager, but she was beginning to get the feeling that Keanu wasn’t one to mind, “What are you suggesting?”

“Nothing yet,” in a bout of nervousness, he quickly cast his gaze to the distance, licking his lips, quickly refocusing on Y/n before the minute was up, “Go out with me.”

“Like a date?” She raised her arched eyebrows.

“Like a date,” Keanu determined, “This Friday, if its good for you.”

“It’s good for me,” she nodded, “So Friday,” Y/n bite her lower lip, “It’s a date.”

“It is, I’ll look forward to it,” he giggled, feeling like a teenager high on infatuation.

Y/n giggled too, casting her head down, and for the first time, Keanu noticed that even in her dangerous looking heels, she was only tall enough to reach just above the center of his chest. “I will-” Just like that, Y/n was cut off, her phone shrieking loudly in her hand, “It’s Jules,” she explained hurriedly, already answering the call, “Hey hun,” she turned away, taking a few steps to the furthest corner of the balcony, “Yeah.......okay.......well just sit tight.”

With a shuddering breath, Y/n hung up, a little disappointed that her moment with Keanu would have to be cut short that soon, “I have to go. Jules is.......” she trailed off, trying to find the most pleasant way to say that her best friend was throwing up and possibly causing a scene in the ladies room, “She’s......drunk.”

Getting the message by her obvious grimace, Keanu nodded, trying to hide his cringe, “Got it,” he waved as Y/n walked backwards to the door, hand closing in on the knob, “Hope she feels better.”

“Thanks,” Y/n was still smiling, the excitement of knowing that she had a date still brand new, “I’ll see you Friday.”

“You definitely will,” Exhaling giddily, Keanu stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets, leaning against the guard rail.

“I look forward to it,” and then deciding that she sounded a little to excited, Y/n awkwardly and hastily added, “In a non-weird way. I should go.” With that, she pushed the door open, disappearing inside, leaving Keanu alone, and in just as much anticipation. 

[quackeroos]

ONE WEEK || Day Four

Pairing: tom holland x dying ex!reader

Summary: you were dying, and tom still loves you. now he plans on loving you ‘til your last breath, and maybe get you to say those three words back to him.

Warnings: swearing, angst

Words: 4.9k

*gif is not mine!

General Masterlist | Series Masterlist

EYES SQUINTING, Y/N WOKE UP with the sun shining on her face. The blinds were open, and she groaned at the blinding rays of light. She never really was a fan of the morning sun. Well, when it came to waking her up, of course. She very much preferred watching it set rather than blinding her eyes.

Her body decided to wake up, a little early than her usual wake up time. Stretching her muscles felt good, she could feel her joints pop and give her that relaxing feeling. Blinking, her eyes wandered around her surroundings. It was weird, nobody was with her. She expected to see Tom laying down on the couch and her sister on the little spare bed beside hers, but instead, she was all alone. Her hand reached for her phone and rang their contact numbers. It immediately went to voicemail.

She tried ringing Tom's phone for the fourth time, still no answer. "Where could he have gone?" she hears the door open, her head turns at the source, expecting a curly haired brunette walk out of the shadows. "Tom?" she called out. But instead of Tom, it was someone else.

"Bold of you to assume I'm a guy, N/n." a giggle escapes her mouth, it was only Jamie.

"You look disappointed, what's wrong?" her sister approaches her bed bringing along some of the stuff she got. Y/n shakes her head. "Never mind that. So, where have you been? And what's with all the paper bags?"

"Just thought of buying a few outfits for us. I even sneaked this pass your nurses." Jamie opens the lid of the takeout she bought. Pancakes and Waffles. A grin makes it way up to her mouth, but falters at the sudden realization. "You know I can't." sadness in the tone of her voice was evident.

"Oh nonsense! I say that today is your cheat day, and that my sister should have a bit of freedom. Now here, eat." She pushes the breakfast plate towards her and gave her the maple syrup. Y/n ponders for a moment. Should she or should she not? It looked so good, but it could risk her health even more. One sweet breakfast couldn't hurt, right?

Still having second thoughts, she reluctantly takes the fork and knife, digging into the maple syrup covered carb meal. The sweet taste melted in her mouth, and she loved it. She missed the flavour of every dessert, sugar, and fast food she ate. She hated her diet, oh how much she missed living normal. "Good, right? Tom told me you'd like it." This caught her attention. Her face looked up from the plate, a little drop of maple syrup on her lips.

"What?"

"What?" her sister parroted. Y/n wasn't at all phased. Her eyes squinted at her while Jamie still pretended to not say anything. "Just go and eat your breakfast, I'm taking you to a trip around the hospital after."

***

"Can't we just stay in the room? I really wanna finish my sit-com marathon."

"Oh, quit you're whining! You should get out of that room more. It's suffocating in there." Y/n rolled her eyes at her sister. She sounded a lot like their Mum, and Y/n could already picture it out in her head. Jamie did take after their mother's looks and a bit of her mannerisms, and on their Dad's side, she got more of his personality. She stifled a laugh while looking at her sister. Jamie gives her a confused look. "What are you laughing at?" she asked.

"Nothing. You just sounded like Mum." Jamie gives her a sarcastic laugh and continues pushing. Y/n hadn't taken this route before though. The siblings pass through a skybridge leading towards the other building of the hospital. Her head craned and looked up at her sister, "Where are we even going?" She asked.

A smirk appears on her face. "You'll see."

The once transparent walls were changed into colorful walls painted with rainbows, flowers, butterflies and stars. This must be the children's ward. Y/n thought. The two pushed through two doors, leading to what seems "An activity center?" The girl spoke aloud. The venue was filled with a mix of teens and children, sick children. "Why in the world did you bring me to an activity center filled with children?" Jamie only looked at her with a hint of excitement in her eyes. Music blasted through the speakers and two familiar faces walked out from the makeshift stage.

"What's up guys! /Hello everyone!" the two greeted, waving to the crowd of children who also seemed to be hyped up. "I'm Jacob and this is my good friend Zendaya." The kids reply in chorus, waving at them saying 'Hi'

"So today we have a very special surprise for you guys! Do you like surprises?" Another enthusiastic reply from the young crowd, which brings a smile to Zendaya and Jacob's faces. At a far distance, Y/n could see a mop of curly ginger-brown hair holding a camera. It was Harry. Y/n could smell something fishy. The smirk her sister gave, Jacob and Zendaya's sudden appearance, Harry filming. She didn't want to go with her gut feeling. Y/n wanted to leave but at the same time, she wanted to stay and see where this was headed. "So, do you guys like heroes?" Jacob directed the mic towards the crowd and everyone in the room replied with another 'Yes'

"You know what Z? I'm not gonna delay this any longer. Everyone please welcome, our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!" the doors burst open and music played as the figure made an entrance. He momentarily glances at Y/n. Although the person was masked, she could feel his smile radiating. She knew exactly who it was behind it. Spider-Man did a flip, making the children around him wow and cheer at awe. "Hey! What's up everybody?" more cheers from the audience. He removes the red mask and his long brown curls flopped on his forehead, making him bring his hand up and brush through it. It was a signature move he did that Y/n loved, she still does, she's not gonna deny that. The Kingsleigh Sisters stayed all throughout the little meet and greet. Some stories and laughs were shared between Tom and his fans. She could tell he loved it, his job, his fans, everything. And when it was time for him to go, Tom lifts his mic.

"But before that, I'm gonna sing a song for you guys. Some of you might know this, so go ahead and sing along if you'd like." Sam takes out a mic stand while Tuwaine hands him a caramel colored guitar. Y/n recognizes the familiar instrument. She could feel her heart clench. Thousands of songs were played with it, and so many memories held in that guitar, both good and bad ones. She then started to wonder, did Tom ever stopped playing after everything that had happened?

The man positioned himself behind the mic, his guitar hanging around him with a strap to keep it's hold. He played a few chords to see if it was in tune, before he talks through the microphone. "This song is called, Introducing Me." Y/n hears a few of them gasp, most of it coming from the teenagers.

Tom starts strumming the intro, biting his lip a bit and smiling as he does. A few of the audience starts to sing along with him, their phones raised up, ready to record everything.

"I'm good at wasting time I think lyrics need to rhyme And you're not asking But I'm trying to grow a mustache I eat cheese, but only on pizza please Sometimes, on a homemade quesadilla Otherwise it smells like feet to me,"

She remembers one time, when they went out on a date, Tom insisted not to order anything that has a lot of cheese. It didn't sit well with his stomach and he heavily dislike the smell. And like the song, he only accepts it on pizzas.

"And I, I really like it when the moon looks like a toenail And I love you when you say my name"

Tom looks up from the crowd and finds the pair of e/c he loved looking into. Although she was far, he caught her staring back. Y/n didn't know what to feel. At the exact moment he said those three words, he looked at her. Her heart starts beating to the same beat to the song.

"If you wanna know Here it goes Gonna tell you this The part of me that shows if you're close Gonna let you see everything But remember that you asked for it I'll try to do my best to impress"

The song takes her way back to high school. It was lunch time, and hundreds of students were there to witness it. In the middle of the cafeteria, he stood there on the table, facing her, serenading her in front of everyone. And here they are now, nine years later, in front of a crowd, doing the exact same thing that made her see what could be if she said yes to him.

"But it's easier to let you take a guess at the rest But you wanna hear what lives in my brain My heart, will you ask for it For your perusing At times confusing, slightly amusing Introducing me"

His little humming to the tune made her giggle, Y/n found it very cute, with his head moving to it, it was double the times better. When it came to the second verse, he strummed faster, the lyrics also matching with his pace.

"I never trust a dog to watch my food And I like to use to the word "dude" As a noun, or an adverb, or an adjective And I've never really been into cars I like really cool guitars and superheroes And checks with lots of zeros on 'em"

Tom walks towards the audience area, serving his fans with a few smiles for them and for the cameras on their phones. Harry followed behind his brother, documenting everything with his camera.

"I love the sounds of violins And making someone smile"

His goofy face made her smile. A sweet and genuine smile. It was more than enough for Tom to send him to the seventh heaven. The corners of her eyes crinkled, cheeks blushed and face fully glowing. How he wished he could see her like this every day. He continues with the chorus, circling the fans, and from time to time, he would glance at Harry's camera. The bridge part of the song came, and little by little, y/n notices Tom coming towards her. Jamie moved back to give the two their limelight, her giddy smile evident on her face.

"So, if you wanna know, here it goes Gonna tell ya there's a part of me that shows If were close gonna let you see everything But remember that you asked for it I'm trying to do my best to impress

But it's easier to let you take a guess at the rest But you wanna hear what lives in my brain, in my heart Well, you asked for it."

At this point, y/n was already melting in her seat. Tom continued strumming, his left hand skillfully moving from one chord to the other on the neck of the guitar, all the while his gaze was focused on her. The crowd of children, teenagers, nurses and guardians all directed their attention towards the two, not only them but their group of friends too, and Harry at the side still holding his camera with a grin on his face.

"For your perusing At times confusing Hopefully amusing Introducing me" He slowly kneels on one knee, a cheeky grin plastered on his face. The brown locks on top of his head flopped on his forehead and droplets of sweat glimmered in the fluorescent lights. Being a habit of hers, her hands lift up and brush through his hair. The brown locks slicked back and stayed with the few waxes left in its hold.

"Introducing me."

Heavy breaths came out of him, his hands were a bit sore, and his head felt a little fuzzy. But it was fine for him, because the butterflies he felt in his stomach and the immense pounding of his heart both in exhaustion and adoration made it alright. Tom heard claps in the background, but he never turned. He just wanted to be with her and the moment that they have right then and there.

"You're shaking, Tom." She spoke softly. He couldn't feel it himself, but Y/n could see him trembling a bit. Probably because of the exhaustion his body had intake. Tom only smiled and dismissed the fact. "It's alright. I'm not gonna pass out I promise." A soft giggle escapes her lips. "Is this the reason why I haven't seen and heard of you all morning?"

"Yeah. But that was only the opening act." A smirk formed on his lips and pushed back the stray hair on her face. He quickly left and went back to the stage, thanking everyone who came and the hospital for having them. Y/n was left dumbfounded and confused. What did he mean 'that was only the opening act' ?

***

Tom quickly went to go to a nearby restroom and change back into his casual clothes, hurrying as he fixes his pants and combs through his hair. Sam was outside, waiting with a bouquet of Yarrows, and Harry waited with his twin, holding his brother's guitar. "So, now what do you do?" He asked his sibling from the door, and it opened to reveal a fresh-faced Tom. His hand runs through his hair, grabbing the bouquet in the other.

"Phase One: Nostalgia"

***

Jamie helped her change into the clothes she bought her. Y/n shivered at the cold air that was hitting her skin. She wasn't used exposing her skin that much, unlike a few years ago. Now, it felt like she was living in the Arctic Ocean. The air in her hospital room combined with the cold London air was not helping her condition at all. "Why do I have to wear a dress?" she questioned her sister, irritation visible in her tone.

"Because...."

She waited for her to continue, but Jamie only kept silent and fixed her hair. "Because what?" she urged on. "Oh, you'll find out soon." Her eyebrow perked up. She had a gut feeling this had something to do with Tom. It had only been a few hours since she had last seen him. And with the last sentence he had told her, made her mind run in circles and her gut clench that maybe what Jamie was doing was all part of it.

It all connected, but she had to find out if it really was true. So she let Jamie do her hair while she sat comfortably in her wheelchair, watching the telly in her hospital room. The younger Kingsleigh was already half through when her phone beeped from her pocket. She skillfully holds all three strands in one hand while using the other to open her phone and read the text message Harry had sent her.

Curlz™ Tom's done changing. We're heading to the car.  Is everything set? 

Jamie Jamz 🍯🍓 She's almost done.  You got her exit permits?

Curlz™ Yup. Gtg.  We still need to set up everything before she comes.

Jamie Jamz 🍯🍓 See ya later curlios read 12:28 pm 

Jamie tucked away her phone and continued braiding the small section of her sister's hair. Y/n wasn't really a fan of her hair being tied up, she preferred it free from bands and bobby pins. But Jamie loved doing her hair, so on rare occasions, she lets her do hers. Once Jamie was done, she let Y/n look of her final look in the mirror. the sides of her hair were braided but it was loose, just as she requested. The remaining locks trailed down her shoulders felt free to her liking. "It's perfect. Thank you Jams."

"Glad you like it. Now come on, we gotta go. the car's waiting."

She blinks in confusion. "Wait, a car? I thought I wasn't supposed to leave before my surgery?"

"Nothing's impossible, darling. We've made a little arrangement. And besides, you have 48 hours before your surgery. Let's make the most of it, yeah?" Jamie excitedly pushes her wheelchair and they left the room.

***

Y/n couldn't see anything. After boarding the car, her eyes were immediately covered with a blindfold. She could feel Jamie at her side and another person beside her. She assumed it was the nurse that usually takes care of her, the one before Daisy. Harriet, she thinks her names was.

"Jamie, where the hell are you taking me right now?" She was getting impatient. They had been in the car for almost thirty minutes and they still haven't arrived at their destination, wherever it was. "Having some trouble with the directions. Don't worry, we'll be there in ten minutes tops." and in ten minutes, they did.

Y/n was carried down and placed on her wheelchair, Jamie pushing her to who knows where. She took in a deep breath. Oxygen, fresh oxygen. Not the air from the hospital or from the tanks, this one was pure oxygen. She had a guess, that they were in a park, maybe? The sounds of birds chirping, the smell of flowers, and the feeling of grass slightly hitting her skin made her think so. The next thing she knew, the cloth was removed from her eyes, and now she could see everything.

Her hunch was right, she was in a park. The park where Tom took her on their first date. "Surprise!" A deep voice said behind her. She turned her head around and found a pair of blue eyes looking back at her with a charming smile. "Harrison? I thought you had a photoshoot today?"

"We ended earlier than expected. And besides, I wouldn't miss this one for the whole world. Let's take a walk, yeah?" He grabs the handlebars and pushes her wheelchair, moving slowly to appreciate the view more. She inhaled a deep breath, nostalgia filled it. Memories flooded back in from their first date to their last one. Those were the only things that ran inside her head for the past few days. The smell of his hair, his cute laughs, dates, fights, kisses and everything they did together. Ever since Tom unexpectedly came to her room and back in her life, it was nothing but pure nostalgia and memories.

Now, she finally understood it. She really did miss him after all these years.

"Feels great to be finally out huh?" Harrison spoke. She hums in reply.

"Even if it's just for today, this is even better than the rooftop garden."

"And it's about to get even better." Harrison leaned down to whisper in her ear and his head nods forward. Her line of sight followed the direction and there she saw Tom, inside a big white playpen filled with dogs, there were at least ten or more of them in different breeds. Harrison can see the sparkle in her eyes, and he smiled when he saw the old Y/n at that moment.

The blonde pushed her towards the gate of the playpen, and when she was already near, dogs start to come up to her and their tails wagged in excitement. Tom notices her at the gate, cooing at the little ones while her hand reached out to them. He stands up, dusts himself off and jogs towards her. "Wanna come and meet them?" he asks her. Tom smiled when she nodded. He stuck his foot at the other side of the playpen and slid his arms under her legs and her small back. He carried her gently and placed her on one of the small cushions.

Dogs of different breeds and sizes came running up to her, smothering her with licks and pouncing on her. Y/n's giggles were the only things he could hear at the moment. Those beautiful giggles he loved to hear. It sounded so melodic; he couldn't get enough of it.

He couldn't get enough of her.

"Tom?" he was pulled back from his thoughts. Y/n was staring up at him, a golden retriever sat on her lap while a few other dogs laid under her hand as she scratched their heads. She patted the other cushion beside her, inviting him to sit down. As soon as he sat down a certain dog came up to him, running with a smile, tongue out. Y/n's face beamed up as soon as she saw her. "You brought Tessa!" The staffy's ears perked up upon hearing her name, she pounced on Y/n and licked her, tail wagging a mile per minute.

"Aww I've missed you sweet angel!" She cooed. Tessa barked; happiness etched on her adorable face.

"I figured I'd bring Tessa. She's been playing with that toy you brought her, never wanted to let go of if." Tom said from the said as he leaned in and scratches his dog's head. So close, her mind warned. His scent filled her nose. That familiar scent that was unique that reminded her that this was her Tom. "Would've been nice though if Haz brought Monty along."

"I'll ask him next time. In the meantime, let's eat." He pulls out a picnic basket from behind and opens it, revealing various snacks that she could eat without having to break her diet.

Her eyebrow quirked up, "You planned this out, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I just happen to find this hiding behind my back."

"Whatever you say. Hey, do me a favour though, pass me that..." she points to the opened basket and one particular pastry was in view. The croissant.

His eyes squinted at Y/n, who was trying to contain her laughter. "Going for the old jokes huh? You pronounce it like that to you know!"

"Yeah. But it's not as lame as yours, Quackson." Tom rolled his eyes and lets out a sigh. Still as childish as ever. Tom took out a pack of dog treats and whistles. Dogs around the playpen immediately run towards Tom and it then are became a food frenzy. "I honestly still can't believe this. Where in the world did you get so many dogs? You didn't kidnap them, did you?"

"I asked a dog shelter I was sponsoring to lend them for a bit. They needed to go out and have a walk anyway, so I thought I might just let them play around. Honestly y/n, you think I'm that bad? And here I thought you knew me better than anyone else."

"Alright, alright, no need to get sappy on me Movie Star."

The corners of his mouth curls and he bites his lip to try and suppress the forming smile. Y/n could see this from her peripheral vision, and she turns around to face him. "What?" Tom just shakes his head and chuckles softly. "Nothing." She had still remembered that darn nickname. He hated being called like that, Movie Star, Big shot, most specially by his father. But with y/n, he didn't mind it. Well, just a little.

"You did great earlier, by the way. I'm glad you never stopped playing."

"Yeah, I'm glad I didn't too." he breathed out.

Y/n puts both hands on her lap. "I have a special request though, if you don't mind playing right now."

Tom waves his hand and moments later, Harrison jogs towards them with Tom's guitar in hand. "Wow, you really prepared for this."

Tom lets out a dry laugh. "Not gonna lie about this one. I was actually gonna do a concert for the kids earlier, But I figured I'd might as well do it for you instead." He puts the strap on and strums the strings, just in the right tune. "So, what song?"

"You choose. You know I'd enjoy anything you play."

And so, Tom positioned himself, sitting crisscrossed and facing her. She silently waits for him while he was choosing a song in his head. His face lit up and he starts strumming, humming the intro. Y/n immediately remembers the song and a grin makes it way up to her face. The song was her favourite, and Tom played it often, so it wasn't hard for her to recognize it. Tom matched her grin and continued playing.

"I'll hold the door Please come in and just sit here for a while. This is my way of telling you I need you in my life."

The next thing y/n did surprised Tom, in a good way. He never thought he'd be hearing her sing along with him again.

"It's so cold without your touch. I've been dreaming way too much Can we just turn this into reality.

And the two sang, hearts beating as one.

"Cause I've been thinking 'bout you lately. Maybe you could save me from this crazy world we live in. And I know we could happen cause you know that I've been feeling you."

A giggle escapes her lips as Tom repeats his humming.

From a far distance, Jamie, Harrison, and the others watched the two. They've never seen the two look so happy together. "It's as if they've never broken up in the first place." Sam commented. The others agreed with him. The two had been grinning, both obviously lovesick and comfortable with each other's presence.

Jacob nudged Harrison's side, asking him, "Do you think she's falling for Tom again?"

"No." All their heads turned to Jamie. "Because, even after my sister broke it off, she never really stopped loving Tom." Her head turns back again to the two. "She always had."

"There's no other love That I'd rather have you know."

And just like what he had done earlier, Tom never broke eye contact.

"There ain't no one there ain't no one else. I want you for myself"

He purposely made y/n feel like the song he was singing was meant for her. Honestly, it was for her. Every word that contained it was the message he wanted to tell her.

"I've been thinking 'bout you lately. Maybe you can save me from this crazy world we live in. And I know we could happen cause you know that I've been feeling you. I know you want me,"

She sang again.

"I've been thinking 'bout you lately. Maybe you can save me from this crazy world we live in. And I know we could happen cause you know that I've been feeling you."

"I know you want me too." The strumming continues and he moved closer to her.

"I know you want me too." Her reply came out more as a statement, but Tom continued strumming and humming.

He ended the song with one last strum. A half-smile was still etched on his face. "I'm glad you never stopped singing, Y/n."

"Yeah, well, I couldn't exactly dance, now can I?" She joked. "I might as well keep the next thing I love most before I lose it."

Tom puts his guitar to the side and offered some food from the picnic basket. Their time together continued, with more duets and playing with the dogs. When the sun was setting, Harrison texted Tom and informed him that it was time to take Y/n back to the hospital. Jamie came with her wheelchair and from that, Y/n knew that the day was over.

"I wish this never ends." Y/n says.

"Don't worry. As soon as you're done with your surgery and you get out of that hospital, we'll be doing this every day." Tom scooped her up and walked towards her wheelchair. He couldn't help but look at Y/n while he was carrying her. She looked like a bride, and he could hear the bells ringing inside his head.

At that moment, Tom had imagined everything. Him standing at the altar with Harrison by his side. His parents and Y/n's parents sitting at the front. Jamie walking down the aisle with her. Dressed in a white gown with beautiful laces that decorated it. Her veil covered her face, but he could still see the face of the love of his life.

It felt like Tom was looking into his future.

He sets her down and the grip around his neck removed once she sat. Jamie turns her wheelchair, "I'll see you at the room, Tom." she said before pushing her sister. Y/n looked back for a moment and waves at Tom. He waves back.

"Can't wipe that smile off can yaw?" Harrison teased, patting his friend's back.

"Nah. Not goanna come off any time soon."

"So, what's your plan now? You made Y/n the happiest she had been ever since she was admitted to the hospital." Tom quiets for a moment and stares off into the distance. He watched Y/n's car drive off before he spoke again. "Haz?"

"Yeah?"

"I've made up my mind. I'm gonna do it again."

"Again? What do you mean-" Harrison slowly realizes what he meant as his voice falters, blue eyes wide in shock. "Tom, are you sure? This is kinda big y'know."

He sighs. "I know." Tom turns to him, a sad look mixed with love and determination on his face. "But Y/n's time is running out, Haz. Her operation is in two days, her chance of survivability may not even make the cut. I'm not gonna take that chance."

Tom felt through his back pocket and took out a tiny velvet box.

-

day five of One Week

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Birthday Surprise

Tom surprising y/n’s daughter for her birthday

Request: Hey doll :D Could I request something where Tom is dating the reader who has a 3 yr old daughter who is in love with Marvel, specifically Spiderman?? So they throw her a 4th birthday party & he comes dressed up as Spiderman or something? :) I love you & your writing so much, thank you if you do write this!!

A/n: This is going to melt my heart. I love kids so much and Tom is so precious, it’s a great combination. I’ve never been so pumped to write a request.

Dating as a teen mom was difficult- what guy wanted to be with a girl that has a kid? Not many. But that was okay with you. You didn’t need a boyfriend if he wasn’t going to love your daughter as well. You had just decided to give up looking for a boyfriend when you finally found him.

Tom was the kindest guy you had ever met. When you told him about your daughter, he didn’t bat an eye. He wanted to know more. He wanted to talk about her, meet her, play with her. It meant so much that he was willing to love not just you, but your little girl as well.

Tom met Alexis when she was just under two years old. She grew up with Tom and soon started to call him Dad. Fast forward and now she’s three, turning four in a few weeks. You were working on planning a birthday party for her, wanting it to be extra fun since it will probably be one of the first birthday parties she’ll actually remember.

“What kind of party do you want to have?” You asked her as you sat at your kitchen table. She was coloring as you watched her.

“Superhero!” She said excitedly as she looked up at you.

“Superhero?” You repeated, making her give you a quiet ‘yeah’. “Who are your favorite superhero’s?” You asked, knowing the answer. Having you as a mom and Tom as a father figure, she was practically being raised on Marvel films.

“I like Spider-Man the mostest. He’s really funny,” she told you, continuing to color. It made your heart so happy knowing how much she loved Spider-Man. She always commented on how her dad looked just like him, not yet realizing that it really was him.

“He is really funny, isn’t he? Do you like anyone else?”

“Starlord. And Drax!” She said with a little jump. “And Iron Man. I like the green lady too, she’s really pretty.”

“She is really pretty,” you said as you began to think about what you would need to get. “What kind of cake do you want?” Alexis gasped as she heard the question, sitting up really tall and beginning to explain what she wanted.

“Can I have one of those cakes that has the cakes on top of it? And one cake be Iron Man and one be Spider-Man?” She asked you. “But Spider-Man on top because he’s better.”

“I’ll see if we can do that,” you said with a little laugh.

“Can you see if Spider-Man and Iron Man Can come to my party too?” She asked looking up to you. You’re heart melted as she looked at you.

“I’ll give them a call and ask,” you promised her. “But they’re usually really busy saving the world, so I don’t want you to be upset if they can’t come, okay?” She nodded hearing your words.

You asked her a few more questions before she had to go to her dance class. You drove her to the studio and then drove to a restaurant to meet Tom for lunch. You were sat in your car waiting for him to arrive, texting your mom to see if she could pick Alexis up from dance so you could go shopping for party stuff.

“Hey, pretty girl,” You heard Tom say as he walked up to your car, placing his arms on the door where the window was down.

“Hey, sorry I was texting my mom real quick,” you told him as you finished up your last text, grabbing your bag and stepping out of the car. You both walked inside, a hostess sitting you at a table.

“How’s your day been so far?” Tom asked you as you sat down.

“It’s been good. I was asking Lex about her birthday party, what she wanted to do. I’ll give you one guess as to what she asked for,” you told him.

“A Marvel theme?” He guessed excitedly.

“Specifically Spider-Man and Iron Man and Guardians,” you told him with a nod. “In that order.”

“Teaching her right,” Tom said with a proud smile on his face.

“She also asked if Spider-Man and Iron Man could come to her party,” you let him know. “I told her I’d ask but that they might be busy.”

“I can get the suit and wear it for a while if you want me too,” he offered. “And I can give Robert a call, see if he’s available.”

“I’d love that, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to. I mean, she wants Spider-Man there, but she also wants you there, and as far as she knows right now, yall are two different people.”

“I’ll get something worked out. I want to do that for her,” Tom told you. You nodded your head with a small smile on your face.

“Are you busy the rest of the day?” You asked him as the waitress brought your check.

“I have to call my manager about something, but that’s it.”

“Will you go with me to get decorations and stuff? I wanted to go after I leave here so I can have it done and available.”

“Yeah, definitely,” He said.

. . .

Three weeks later, it was the day of Alexis’s birthday party and you were making the finishing touches before the guests arrived. You had dressed your girl in the cutest dress you found on Etsy- it had a white top with her initial in the middle and the skirt had all the different marvel characters on it. It was perfect, Alexis was so excited when she saw it.

You were placing the food on the table when you got a call from Tom.

“Hey, are you all suited up?” You asked him. He told you what he decided to do a few days ago, and it was a great plan.

“Just about,” he told you. “What time do you want me to come?”

“Um,” you said as you thought. “Maybe five or ten minutes after it starts. Give the kids time to show up and start playing.”

“Alright, I’ll see you then, love.”

You hung up the phone and went back inside.

“Mommy! Eva’s here!” Alexis ran to you, letting you know people were arriving. “And Sam!”

“Let’s go get them,” you told her. She grabbed your hand and skip beside you as you made your way to the door, the doorbell ringing as you began walking.

“Happy birthday, Alexis!” The kids yelled as you opened the door. You watched as she hugged all of her friends before they immediately ran to the backyard to play. It wasn’t long before most everyone had shown up- your backyard littered with children. You were talking to your mom and Nikki as you felt your phone vibrate. 

Thomas❤️: We’re heading back right now

You bit your lip as you tried to hide your smile, excited to see the exchange.

“Woah!” You heard Tom’s American accent from behind you, entering your yard. “Did anyone see that huge dog? I think it was trying to steal my shoes.”

“Spider-Man!” Alexis yelled, running to meet him. He immediately crouched down to be face to face with her.

“That’s me,” He said pointing to himself. “What’s your name?”

“Alexis,” she said with a jump. “And that’s my mommy,” she pointed to you as she noticed you standing to the side. Tom turned to face you.

“Hey, mommy,” he said waving at you. “You’re really pretty.” You smiled as he turned back to Alexis, taking his mask off. “How did you get so many people here?” He asked her looked at all her friends and family.

“It’s my birthday party,” she told him.

“It’s your birthday?” He asked excitedly making her nod. “Happy birthday, Alexis.”

“Thank you,” She said shyly. “You look a lot like my dad.”

“Do I? He must be one lucky guy to have a daughter as great as you,” he said, your heart melting at his words. You loved that they loved each other so much. “Well, Alexis, I’m sorry I don’t have a real present for you. But I can give you this,” he said as his reached into the neck of his suit, pulling out a necklace with an Avengers pendent.

“Mr. Stark gave this to me when I became an Avenger- you know Mr. Stark?”

“Iron man!” Alexis yelled.

“Yes, Iron Man. He gave this to me, but I want you to have it, as long as you promise to keep it safe. Can you do that for me?” He asked her, putting the necklace in her hands.

“I can do that!” She said sounding super excited.

“Perfect,” Tom said before glancing back towards you. “Mr. Stark wanted me to tell you happy birthday. He’s really upset he couldn’t be here.”

“That’s okay,” Alexis told him, still looking at her new necklace.

“Why don’t you ask Mr. Spider-Man if you can have a picture?” You told Alexis. She nodded before turning back to Tom.

“Can I have a picture?” She shyly asked Tom, swaying from side to side.

“Of course! Where should we take it, mom?” He stood up to ask you. You pointed to where would be best, Tom doing his Spider-Man pose with Alexis, showing her how to do the web hand pose. You watched as he began to talk and take pictures with the rest of the kids, hanging out for a little longer before he pressed a hand to his ear, acting like he was getting a call.

“That was Iron Man! He needs me right now, so I gotta go. It was so nice to meet everyone,” he said to the crowd of kids before bending down to Alexis again. “Happy birthday,” he said one more time, opening his arms and giving her a hug. “I hope I’ll see you soon! Bye!” He yelled as he ran away. You watched as Alexis ran up to you looking so excited. She told you about everything he told her, showing off her new necklace and doing the web shooter pose some more.

While she was talking to you, Tom rushed to get his suit off and slipped on his normal clothes before going back outside.

“Hey, love! Happy birthday!” He said as he reached Alexis, picking her up to talk to her.

“Dad! You missed Spider-Man!” She told him.

“Spider-Man? What?” He asked. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, he gave me this,” she said holding up the necklace.

“That’s so cool, darling,” he told her. He put her down and she ran to plan with her friends some more. Tom walked over to you, placing an arm around your shoulders. “Went well, I guess?”

“Went perfect,” you told him. “Thank you for doing that.”

“It was no problem,” he said, pulling on your shoulders to kiss your head.