#but i mean theres probably a poem thats already explained this feeling but better.
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modernpygmalion · 22 days ago
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Just a small sample of what i love
Not to sound like howls movingncastle or whatever but i fear that having a heart is often too much for someone like me to bear.
#i was thinking about it but if i died young and one of my family members had to gather my things#would they know? that i love them? even the ones i choose not to talk to would they understand that i love them?#would they think of me as someone who cared? would they know just how much i do?#i'm not a very...warm. person. i know that. especially as i become more of myself im starting to realize that im as warm as a lightbulb#everything about me is very manufactured and artificial. im not a kind person either. i want to be. and i want even more to be seen as such#im neither forgiving or willing at this point to be. i don't forget much either. for better or for worse i work in extremes#so i wonder if i died would they know? would anyone know? i might be angry or talk shit or whatever but i mean#its hard for me to hold a grudge from a distance. and its hard not to care#i guess its more like my heart is made of thread and everyone ive ever loved is a knot. and while i can cut the knot off#i still always keep the thread#i wonder if i died without being able to explain it would people know i carry them inside of me as if the love i had for them#was woven with their hair to make the fibers to make the thread to make the knot that i cut#but i mean theres probably a poem thats already explained this feeling but better.#ik im not seen as a loving person but i think i understand and can feel love better than any other of my emotions#and i think thats the reason i feel anything at all. its as if love is the root of all my sentiments and without it id be devoid of it all#ig thats why i associate the sun with love#anyways! i really oughta draw Todomatsu with his thingy out so i can be normal
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