#but i made a lot of progress with my genshin exploration so I'm happy there~

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <3

[mania-sama]

If you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top favorite fics that you've written (feel free how much that you want to list)? Why they're special to you? Is there a specific inspiration when you wrote them?

Thanks if you want to answer.....

Hello! Thank you so much for sending in an ask, this is so exciting!! I would LOVE to answer this question!!

I've grown and changed a lot over the years since I began writing fanfiction when I was like, ten years old. Some of the fics I'm going to list aren't objectively well-written or my best work thus far, but they still have a special place in my heart for whatever reason. This question is so fun and I actually think about this all of the time. A lot of my most popular fics are ones that I'm not particularly proud of myself, so I'll gladly take the opportunity to talk about the ones I do like!!

In no particular order:

rule #8 - otherside [Bungou Stray Dogs] -> I wrote this for my Whumptober prompt series (which currently makes up a HUGE chunk of my works right now lmao). The reason I like this so much is mainly because I really enjoyed writing it. I've always wanted to write a fic where a character's mouth gets stitched shut, but I never got / found the opportunity to do so. Then Whumptober came around. I think I executed it well enough, especially since I chose Akutagawa, who struggles with breathing on a good day. If I get to grind my favorite characters through the Whump Machine, then I'm always very happy. I guess I just like this specific trope leaps and bounds better than all of the other ones? X

with every line, a comedy [Genshin Impact] -> I had a lot of fun writing this one, too. I got to explore PTSD in a way I'd never had before, going through the eyes of someone entirely disconnected from the traumatic event but knows the person being affected by it. It's my longest completed work, too; I write mainly short one-shots, around 1-4k words on average. This was a bigger project for me, and the first long-fic I've ever finished. I also used one of my favorite albums for the fic and chapter titles, so every time I listen to the songs, I think of this fic. I just. Really love this fic. X

Dear Kaeya, Signed Diluc Ragnvindr [Genshin Impact] -> I like this fic a lot because it's stylized very differently from everything else I've written. While not being an x reader, it is technically in second person, like I, the narrator, am talking to the reader. It's written in that same "talking" way, too. So I don't use any dialogue tags or anything like that. That is all for the second portion of the fic, though. The first half is made up entirely of letters the Diluc is sending to his adopted brother. I don't write him writing the letters, it's just the letters themselves. You read it like he's talking to you, in a sense, but the reader knows it's directed at Kaeya. It was a very fun and cool way to explore a new writing convention. X

the difference between hurt and injured [Genshin Impact] -> Lots of Genshin, I know, but this was when I was starting to fully fledge as a writer. A lot of my gradual progress can be seen through these fics, and this is a really good one to use as a comparison. This is my first attempt at much more serious writing, I think. It's longer than anything I had written at the time, sitting at a nice 20k words I wrote in the span of a few days. In general, it has a lot of things I really wanted to write about: the failures of the foster care system, complex / failing relationships, and the consequences of failing to act. The title comes from something an old softball coach would say, and I hated it but I could never get it out of my head. So I used it to title the fic, and it relates very well to what happens in the fic. Diluc is the "hurt" portion; he's fine, really, but his stubbornness makes him think his wounds are still bleeding. Venti, twelve years old in this for the sake of the AU, is "injured"; he is not fine. His wounds are bleeding, and he's doing the best he can to patch it up before he bleeds out, but more keep opening and he doesn't know what to do. X

rule #13 - waterfall [Jujutsu Kaisen] -> I like this fic because of the idea, more than anything. I have a very specific image of Megumi falling into a coma after Itadori saves his soul from Sukuna. If I could write this fic a million different times, I would. I simply love this vision. I also got to talk about literature, because Itadori is reading books to Megumi. Another idea I love that I got to convey through this fic is the idea of souls being separated from their comatose bodies. It provides an interesting take on being caught between life and death. I won't lie, I was probably inspired by one of my favorite fics of all time, When I Awake. But I also think it comes from a series I read when I was younger, the Serafina series. In the last book, the main character's body gets split into three different parts: flesh, spirit, and animal. Very interesting, and I think it's stuck with me for all of these years. X

rule #17 - two sides [Genshin Impact] -> Another case of finding a new writing convention. I wanted to focus more on external and internal dialogue to be the main contributors to the story, though I'm not sure how well I achieved this goal. It's crime-focused, and I wanted to slowly reveal the information rather than it being outright known off the bat. I wanted to put these characters who obviously know and trust each other very well into a situation where all of that shatters, where one is at the complete mercy of the other's decision, where both of them are suffering from the same crime, but one of them is the suspect of that crime and the other is the main investigator. SO much fun!! X

rule #26 - gideon [Bungou Stray Dogs] -> This one I debated heavily on adding, but I'm going ahead with it anyway because I happened to realize I really, really love this one. It's just Atsushi and his backstory, but if there were no abilities. He escapes, and Chuuya and Dazai happen upon him on the road. It's simplistic in comparison to some of the others on this list I think, but I love Atsushi and I love his horribly messed-up backstory with all my heart. Along these veins, I'm going to put rule #31 - calamity [X] as an honorable mention. Another horribly messed up backstory where Atsushi stars as the tortured main character, and I happened to really enjoy writing and thinking about it. The final honorable mention is rule #15 - four aces [X] where I toy with Dazai's character, and what it would mean for him to have finally defeated Fyodor. X

Again, thank you so much for asking!! Most of my works are on Ao3, so if you're curious to read more, I have a lot there! Much love <3

[fungisteri]

today has probably been the normalest day I've lived for... months. perhaps even years.

by normal I mean, every day I'm plagued by multiple emotional turmoils, and they're so distressing most of the time that I'm unable to do things properly. In fact, most of the time they hold me back from doing things, because I can't do much other than just thinking.

This is why I have a pretty developed philosophy and connect dots with ease, because I'm constantly stuck in my own head, much so that I'm disconnected from reality most of the time. I attributed this incapacity to regulate, focus and function to undiagnosed adhd, which is still not out of the question, but my symptoms are greatly strengthened by the emotional trauma and my social media addiction.

I'm not confident in saying that I've truly been alive, at least during march 2020 to february 2022, because I didn't live reality as it was: I lived and perceived through the thick lens of lack of self esteem, depression, emotional abuse, and layers upon layers of trauma. Every day was torture because I was unable to free myself from thinking about things that made me deeply upset. I still live that way, to a certain extent, mostly due to new fresh traumas and emotional dilemmas that ferment in my already putrid brain. But then? I felt helpless. I felt like no matter how much I chose to act a certain way or do certain things, I was completely unable to do so. I was a spectator to my own life, over which I had little to no choice on: it was up to other people and my own mental illness to push it forward. My conscience was out of the equation.

Things are still that way, to a certain extent. But...

Today... I did things. I did a lot of things.

I went out for quite a long walk to get a specific brand of cream cheese for someone else, and bought some cookies with the leftover money.

I played genshin impact quite a lot. It didn't really satisfy me in the morning, so I juggled through other activities to find something that would scratch the constant itch in my brain. I picked back up an editing project which I had barely started, which made it all the more intimidating, but I... got to work? Granted, it's nowhere near finished, but I made more progress than I could've expected. I'm actually really happy with how it looks so far, which is an uncommon feeling nowadays towards my creative work.

I played more genshin impact, this time on the story mode instead of the daily grinding. It was actually fun! I explored the underground of the new area, The Chasm, and while it did kill my frames and was a bit of a pain to traverse, it still felt like an achievement to finally venture there.

When it got tedious again, I juggled through tasks. Of course, nothing really satisfied me. Throughout the day, I chatted with Fork, as I always do. We read through a couple of fanfics together, which was fun! Only two fanfics scratched the itch, but to my dismay, they were pretty short- one of them unfinished! Ah, quite unfortunate.

I then looked at the time and realized it was late enough, and that I had to start going over chemistry. I have my first science exam this monday, and that subject is ALWAYS a struggle because the tests are always unexpectedly hard. And you're not going to believe this- I actually studied! From the book! ...I know this may sound like the most mundane thing, but my undiagnosed adhd has made it impossible for me to sit down and read a textbook and actually have information enter my brain since ELEMENTARY. Not only that, it was still embarrassingly hard for me to concentrate, but I'm proud to say I've actually learned something and understood it! Woohoo! I'll continue to try tomorrow, of course.

When studying got too tedious, which was after about 15 minutes, I made myself some chocolate milk, opened the package of cookies I bought on the morning, and I put on some music and danced. I must clarify, I don't know how to dance, nor do I typically enjoy dancing, so it's something I almost never do, and only when I'm alone. And it's... nice? I just, moved around a bit to some Lovejoy music, and as much as I hate to admit this it actually helped me distress. I hate that they were right about physical exercise, especially dancing, helping destress!! ugh!! why wasn't it this way since elementary, I'd be leading a much healthier life if it had been the case!!!

I then studied for about 20-30 minutes more, with help from the sweet stuff I prepared for myself, and after that, it hit me.

This is how I want to live.

I want to do things, (healthy things, productive things, pleasant things) by myself, and truly enjoy them, without being held back by my neverending anxiety and dissatisfaction with life and thinking about all the things that make me miserable. To me, that's what it means to be a normal person.

I was still tortured by my thoughts on various emotional issues, of course. But... I did so, so much. And I even lived the moment, at times, without constantly thinking about what I was doing from the perspective of a spectator.

While not the happiest day, this was the normalest day I've ever had.

I can't wait for there to be more of these.