#but i literally picked the one person i knew wouldnt reapond bc im a self sabatoure (however thats spelled) and its too scary to reach out
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#dude ive reached a point where i just want to fade out of perception#like live but not be seen or heard by anyone#i had the worst shit happen to me last night and i feel like ive really lost my shit this time#idk its weird im not in danger from myself or others i just#dont want to do anything dont want to be perceived just want to exist on my own#alas#i’ll shut up now#vent///#addendum also i was like ‘i should reach out to someone my friends love me and theyll be more sympathetic than ur mom to this’#and like i literally#i knew she wouldnt reapond and not like in a mean way i just feel like she cant rn#but i literally picked the one person i knew wouldnt reapond bc im a self sabatoure (however thats spelled) and its too scary to reach out#to who i wanna bc like even though i feel close enough to her for it we’ve never really done that? like once early last year but that#was p spontanious#and i think shes also having a shitty day so i dont wanna burden her#bc shes so nice and i know shed probably try to be there regardless bc of the novelty of it being my first time asking to talk srs out of#the blue#are tags shorter than i remember or can i not shut up#anyways#shot myself on the foot by asking to talk to the one person i knew couldnt#now feel too burdensome to ask someone else aha
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