#but i just can't :( my perfectionist ass doesn't allow me

[laugtherhyena]

Ayame doesn't have any crying sprites but i think she'd be the type whose face gets red when she does it

[evilwriter37]

How did you get so good at writing? Was it just practice, any special methods, something else...? As a fellow writer who loves your style I've always been curious about it

Lots and lots of practice, and lots and lots of reading. Lots of playing around too though! Don't be afraid to "be bad" at writing. I know for me I had to kick some perfectionistic tendencies in the ass to get where I am now. If I hadn't allowed myself to play around, then I wouldn't have learned what I liked and didn't like in writing and my writing process. So, allow yourself room to experiment with it!

Other than that, I can't say I've done anything special. Reading a lot definitely helps, because it's another way to figure out what you do and don't like, and what works and what doesn't. (I used to read a lot more than I do now, before the depression and fatigue got really bad.)

[the-stove-is-divorced]

OHHHH Congratulations for 100 subscribers!!! That's awesome!!❤❤❤

If it's allowed to ask about any of your fics, then what are your plans for all the time in the world or do you already have drafts for future chapters? I'm always fascinated by de-aged!Bruce fics and your foundation for the plot is something I've never seen before!! Would you like to share a quick peek into the future of that storyline?👀👀

Oh yay tysm, genuinely. (´꒳`)♡ And yes ofc!!! I'm happy to!!!

I will preface and admit literally anything I plan for any fic is 110% subject to change, especially if it doesn't feel right anymore or doesn't fit with how the story's progressing since I only write stories as I go. But with that being said, YEAH I OFC I WILL.

So as of this moment, the big plan is to jump around at different points in Bruce's life, around 4-7 different stages so it's not gonna stay stuck to his current rlly young age! (´꒳`)ゞ Bruce should jump in age in about 1-2 chapters, but entirely dependent on how the next chapter goes and that hasn't been finalized yet, much to my own internal agony, bleh. It's been such a pain in the ass to get right and the inner perfectionist in me is not helping, so it's taking longer than I want to. At the same time, I can also admit haven't decided if the next jump should be around 11-13 years old or more compellingly around 17 years old. I also wanna be careful not to make Alfred too perfect? He has the bias of hindsight in his favor, and is the main (and so far only) narrator, so I wanna get some clear contradictions in here.

Oh, and for the story's logic, the magic that de-aged him is unwinding in big ol' chunks, and won't come undone all at once, hence skipping forward! It will be 17 years old, either 18-19, either 20-21, and either 21-22 years old, with maybe an extra 13 years old so the switch from 9 to 17 isn't too jarring, if that makes sense. Plus, debating a bonus point around his late 20's/early 30's. And while I don't have a big ol' plot, as I write as I go, but there are moments I want to include if I'm able!

For example, 21 year old Bruce looks just like how old Bruce was when he took in Dick (but Dick misunderstands, Bruce was 23 when he took in 13 year old Dick), so I want to include a scene where Dick is so relieved there's finally a Bruce he understands is here, but he's still wrong. Dick might go in for a much needed hug, a beaming smile, but Bruce gives Dick a Brucie smile. Dick still a complete and utter stranger to him. The crushing plummet of hope after the first real sign of relief, being teased with the first fleeting glimpse of Bruce he knew to work around, how to behave around, only for him to treat him like a complete stranger and pull out Brucie mask on him? Horrible. I can't wait to write it.

If I'm feeling really angsty (which I probably will be), that late 20's/early 30's is Bruce before Jason died, and he's so much happier. There's a tension not found within him, a kind of wariness that hasn't been ingrained just yet, a joking, lighter tone he's more willing to display so openly. He's excited to see how his sons have grown, he wants to know what college Jason went to, what careers, he wants to know what Dick ended up doing, he's so hopeful he didn't fuck them up trying to raise them like he was so scared he would. They don't have it in their hearts to tell them what happened, I think they lie, or Alfred pointedly won't them say anything. He saw his son grieving once and he wants to savor this joy, this hope, this happiness that was buried when Jason died. He'd be furious if they revealed a damn thing right now.

But I do have chart to keep my idea for my personal understanding of Bruce's development, which I'll share below! It's not complete, and like anything, subject to change, especially at the 7-8, 9-10, and 11-13 yr old marks. But it's a general idea to keep my thoughts in order.

I hope that was satisfactory! Unfortunately, I don't have a finalized version of the next chapter done, so I can't share a sneaky peak of it (currently debating between a POV switch or continuing with Alfred) but I hope all my yapping makes up for it. TYSM for asking and showing interest. Still amazes me people like my stuff. (//▽//)

[blorbologist]

26 and 37

26. You must swap one nat 1 die roll with one nat 20 die roll. They must both be from the main campaigns, but can be cross-campaign. Which are they, and why?

Ooooof, how dare you make me have to do research for this? :vvv

See, I'm torn between making them both of similar magnitude or pulling a cheap shot and taking a nat 20 that didn't matter much to swap for a nat 1 that did matter.

Okay, let's take two important ones and make them both WORSE, because I'm a bastard

For the 1 -> 20, hmmm let's say Caleb trying to persuade Essek to pretty please let him invite mages that want to kill them both onto this expedition. Gives Liam his bisexual maelstrom early, and it would so badly fuck with their dynamics. Would Caleb backshift into bad coping mechanisms? Would Essek call him out? Would Trent or Astrid or Wulf try to kill either of them? What the fuck! Just about one of the few times I think a high roll would actually be worse for everyone involved. Another that came to mind was Kaylie's initial confrontation with Scanlan. (A good one to turn into a 20 would be the Sunken Tomb 'Sam immediately jokes it's instant death and SIKE IT IS', because it would change SO MUCH of the campaign.)

For the 20 -> 1 :) well since you got me in an angsty mood :) True Love's Nat 20 made into True Love's Nat 1. Even if the roll had succeeded over-all thanks to the other contributions, I can't see Percy coming back if he didn't hear Vex specifically. We'd have Molly in Campaign 1. Vex might do something reckless and Briarwoods-esque to bring him back (winks loudly at Nova). Completely derail everything. (Of course, there's any number of villain Nat 20s turning into Nat 1s would likely be huge net positives, but I don't feel like researching any more than I already have :V)

37. You have to take a 16 hour road trip with one NPC from each campaign (all at once, ie, three other people). The NPCs cannot shorten the road trip in any way and the road trip must be via driving but you can do it in two 8 hour days and share a motel room if you'd like. Who do you pick?

... I read this as PC at first FUCK ME. Including the two I'd written for PCs + why I didnt pick my fav under the cut as a lil bonus.

a) Essek. Okay, hear me out: yes he is a war criminal, but he's also dealt with trying to get grant money and as someone procrastinating on two deadlines rn? mood. I'd poke his brain for hours about blasphemous magic if I could. Also, soup is cheap for when we're done for the day and an easy meal. I think he'd either be a perfectionist backseat driver or a panicky one and either way the research talk is worth it to me ok. I'll survive.

b) Vesper - never said specials were excluded, and she IS in her 30s by this point in the timeline! We have no clue about her personality, but I think, given her family, she's likely very smart and good conversation. Has money to throw at any problems we run into. Also allows me to get De Blorbo lore without wanting to throttle her dad. If she doesn't count because she's a Baby in the oneshot she's in, I guess Cass? Look I adore her but I worry she's never driven a day in her life + trauma + is a noble would make her a pain in the ass to be stuck in a car with, BUT I love her enough I'd take it in stride For Her.

c) Imahara Joe. Look! He's a vibe! If anything goes wrong he can fix it! He can keep conversation going! I have huge Mythbusters nostalgia!

a) Caleb! I think we could talk about our respective cats for hours, or I'd hope we could, and talk magic-science, and Keen Mind would make keeping rest stops/the time/maps/etc. in mind a breeze. And if he isn't up to talk he would just! be quiet! and read a book! which is good for my stress brain! And if both of us are overstimmed that's a 50% vote on getting people to turn the music fucking down so we can relax.

b) Fjord, actually? He's captn' Tusktooth, he knows how to organize a voyage and what goes into sharing cramped quarters with other people for hours on end and how to keep distracted and not kill eachother. Plus, Star Razor is a convenient flashlight if ever. His music selection would also likely be fun to sing as a whole car together - shanties or good roadtrip songs.

c) oufff this one's hard.

(I'm Not saying Percy because so help me I'd want to throttle him within the hour. Beau would bully me I think. Both are also so hot and my favs I think I'd die and be incapable of driving. Laudna would also make Noises with her Existing and I think I'd lose my marbles, sorry babe :c)

[hey-lethallan]

Out of all your characters (from games or otherwise), which one do you think is the most like you? In what ways? Was it intentional, or was it an accident you only noticed after the fact?

(Feel free to delete if it feels too personal 🙈)

been thinking about this foooor a while, mostly because I knew the answer immediately but I had to let it sit for a bit in case I was wrong. turns out I wasn't wrong lol imagine that haha

anyway it's Ianry. for those who don't know (I've been active on this blog for maybe a year and don't have a lot of followers from my old one afaik), Ianry Eirselvin was one of the first D&D characters I ever made in 2017 and he's been a permanent fixture in my brain ever since. he's a high elf and a draconic sorcerer born into a family of wizards, his parents are neglectful and emotionally abusive, and he's a giant-ass nerd with 182.4 hyperfixations running laps in his brain at any given point in time.

so the way I make OCs, usually they all end up with something from me, so while it's not really intentional I definitely do lean into it so it's not quite unintentional either? it just kinda happens and I let it, with glee. I'm a huge roleplayer and I've played a lot of D&D so it's easier if my character can at least in part be played by instinct, it makes improv easier.

but back to Ianry. I'm not gonna go like super into it because that would be too personal, but emotionally and idk, historically? he ended up very similar to me. he's a perfectionist who just can't crack it which makes him anxious and stressed 24/7, he has RSD and struggles with connections to other people for a variety of reasons, and I didn't intend for this to happen or even realise it for a long time but I for sure used the whole "sorcerer in a family of wizards" as an outlet for how I feel being the only visibly/openly queer person in my family. Ianry never finishes anything (because of the perfectionism) and doesn't think he's good enough for anything or anyone, but he's also a narcissist (I'm allowed to use this word trust me) who doesn't understand why people don't love him, because honestly they should. also, like me, he has a very terse, strained relationship with his family, though the details are different (he's an affair baby with middle child syndrome, I'm the first draft that didn't come out quite right, for example). I could go on honestly but I think I made my point xD

[collectorcookie]

Ok so some things about izumi. This is in no specific order, please forgive me

He's a perfectionist to the core. He will finish any job given to him and will see it through to the end no matter what. In his mind, this is what professionalism is. To be fair, he was literally raised with parents who were like "we are going to put everything into you and you will be perfect😊" so i can't blame him for being like this

loves modeling and fashion and being pretty and being loved (duh) but also being a model since he was a child definitely messed him up in a way (self esteem issues, hinted at eating disorders, need for validation etc)

good at cooking! Because he cannot stand the idea of eating something that might be unhealthy, he makes all his meals by himself

used to SUCK at singing but leo taught him

modeled in the same agency as naru and makoto when they were kids. Childhood friends with makoto. Childhood rivals with naru lmao

dotes on makoto a Lot. Just generally got really attached to makoto when they were kids and declared himself makoto's honorary older brother but then shit went down at the agency and him and makoto got separated. Ouch.

In the road to show movie he was all like "Don't worry! I'll protect you!" towards makoto when they got surrounded by strangers attacking them but. Immediately he lost and makoto ended up being the one kicking ass. Cringefail guy but he won't stop trying to be other people's shields.

has both tsundere and yandere tendencies though I dislike using either terms strictly for him cause he isn't actually either of those things

The tsundere tendency is "i cannot actually open up about my feelings ever, nor can i allow myself to feel them, actually" which kinda ties back to his perfectionism. He is so hard headed and stupid when it comes to emotions and it's frustrating.

Huge ass and bullies people on purpose. This is because he's actually a huge softie and hates himself for hurting so many people during the yumenosaki war so he doesn't want people to get closer to him because he doesn't want to accidentally hurt someone again (don't worry he eventually realizes that it's kinda stupid and that coming into contact with people will always carry some risk of hurting someone so like, whatever)

Cannot stop and won't stop complaining about everything all the time. It's his way of making small talk, i guess.

Back to the huge softie thing, he tried SO HARD to look cool in front of his juniors at the tennis club when he was graduating but then they gave him gifts and then he started crying his heart out immediately

gives out nicknames sometimes (Kuma-kun for ritsu, momo-kun for tori, kasa-kun for tsukasa)

Once when talking to naru, he said something like "yeah makoto is like a brother to me but you...you're like my own kid" and she was like "what about leo?" and he answered with "That one's a pet". Izumi number one leo caretaker so real

Knows how to crochet! He made kasa a lil dino plushie. Also made makoto a scarf once

Co established knights with leo but then leo left and he had to be a fill in leader for knights all by himself and then the others left too and he had to be knights all on his own for a while. He took so much responsibility that was never supposed to be his in the first place. Literally the reason and the pillar why knights still exists sniffles

Loves italy in the same way shu loves france. Okay maybe not as much as shu loves france but kinda the same way. Like a weeabo but for europe.

Modeling career not going well for him overseas and this is a huge hit to his self esteem

Like sourdough bread, he has a hard exterior but soft interior. He's good with animals and kids and actually cares about his juniors a lot

Like he looked after sora in next door and he looked after little john (cat) while leo was gone and he looked after a random kid who got lost at the beach in the beach scout story and also look at him looking at his juniors (makoto and tsukasa) sleeping. Just look at the fondness in his eyes omg. He will never be this nice to them when they are awake though

Once asked makoto "me or trickstar?" and makoto was like "trickstar" and. you guessed it. He started crying.

is it okay if i'm only a knightsP not specifically an izumiP? and also like. How much do you wanna know?

That's totally fine! And honestly just whatever you feel like telling me. I know the basics about his character (about as much as I can gleam from reading main story, a few minor event stories, and checkmate) but tbh I'll take whatever insight I can get.

I don't produce any of Knights so I'm all ears.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi! How do you tell apart 1's need to be perfect and just perfectionism that can be found in all types (or at least, I assume that all types can be perfectionistic)?

All can be, but not everyone is a perfectionist, no. If they were, we wouldn't have misspelled signs, overgrown bushes at street corners, and trash blowing around the highway. If we were all perfectionists, the movies and television shows would be a lot better. Ahem.

On a somewhat related note, do you think that people tend to confuse perfectionism and a fear of failure? What even is perfectionism at this point?

Perfectionism in an Enneagram sense, specific to 1-ness, is being Right and not being caught being Wrong. Over-thinking in terms of how to make things Correct and Properly Done. It is refusing to allow someone else to load your dishwasher, because they do it WRONG. It's rigidity in body and sometimes in mind. Anger being the automatic reaction to a world/situation/person that is Imperfect, has room for improvement, and it's the 1s job to nudge them to fix themselves. And yes, I think perfectionist is used too liberally, though it can also be used as an excuse to procrastinate since the person using it will feel a need to make it Perfect.

I noticed that the majority of people I know describe themselves as perfectionists but what they really mean is "I don't dare to start thing X because the outcome won't be perfect on the first try, therefore I won't ever start". To me it almost has a 3-ish element because when I picture perfectionism, it's more of a matter of perfecting yourself through blood and tears to come closer the "the vision".

Yeah, that does sound like 3 in the sense that they want to do it right (and impress everyone) on the first try; but 3s are also incredibly hard-working toward their goals and so they may not want to bother with anything they aren't good at quickly since it would take time and effort away from the things they already are naturally gifted at.

And also, it's interesting to see that those so-called perfectionists are so sensitive to the harsh reality, and are unable to swallow the reality of a situation they are in. They prefer to wallow in self-pity and delusions that they world is mean towards them, and that the world has wronged them.

I think this is a victim of "everyone is a winner" society more than type-related; by over-protecting kids, previous generations have lead them to expect life to be a lot easier than it is, so they go into it vastly unprepared and are shocked by the harsh reality that the people who apply themselves the most, are smarter than other people, and work harder (and who know people) are going to succeed more than those who don't. But it's easier to blame others/the world for being a rough place than it is to try harder.

It's also sad that you can't really straight up tell people that the reason they failed is that they are not good enough yet at thing X and that they need to try harder. I know it sounds really harsh and heartless (I often wonder why can't I just feel sorry for my friends instead of dissecting their failures and coming up with a strategy to improve their mess) but I just don't get this whole "feeling sorry" for themselves thing. Wouldn't a perfectionist even allow such emotion with a first place? I would assume it would rather be anger or agitation directed at themselves rather than the outside/pity towards themselves. 

A true perfectionist -- a 1 being a competency type -- would indeed get angry at themselves for not putting in more effort, or studying harder, or knowing more as to avoid this failure. And a 3 would try hard, study hard, work hard, all while insisting it was a piece of cake (because I can't be LOOKING like this subject kicks my ass!).

I have a feeling you are a tough go-getter who doesn't like excuses and believes in hard work getting you places (high Te?). Wanting to fix the mess instead of endlessly wallowing in it isn't "bad." It's often a TJ's way of coping with a problem -- let's not be moaning about this again in six months, let's have gotten you on a better trajectory. It's also how a TJ shows affection to other people -- I care, so I am going to help you figure out a solution.

So you have never felt sorry for yourself? If so, that's wonderful! I envy that kind of commitment to not letting life get you down. But some people -- particularly emotional people -- have to dwell in self pity awhile before they dig themselves out of the hole; unfortunately, self-pity can become a habit, especially if it gains you attention and sympathy from others. Sometimes we need held while we cry and sometimes we need someone to kick us in the pants and say, "Do better." The key is to know which one to do -- when someone is at their absolute lowest isn't the time to push them, but when they are just making excuses would be an appropriate time to say, "Look, you said it's not your fault that you didn't ace this exam, but you were up all night partying six hours before the test. That's why you failed, not because the questions are hard, because you didn't try."

I think friendships/relationships are both for our enjoyment, and to make us grow as people. Sometimes we need to hear, "You didn't try hard enough. You CAN do better. Stop making excuses." But it has to be done in a loving way -- and the only way to know how that is is dependent on the individual. Some people you can never say that to, it would crush them; others can take it.

This question came out not that much really related to enneagram but I really, really want to hear what your think. Also, maybe it was asked before, but do you have a personal/unrelated to typology blog where I can read your thoughts/entries on various things? Have a great day! :) 

I blog about movies and/or writing at charitysplace.wordpress.com, and there are hundreds of my original movie reviews and links to my fiction novels at www.charitysplace.com. Thanks for asking. :)